Say Exactly THIS When Your Ex Says Let's Be Friends

When Your Ex Says Let's Be Friends
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Have you been trying to get back together with your ex and they told you that you can just be friends? In this episode, expert Clay Andrews talks about what to do when your ex wants to be friends and gives some sound relationship advice on how you can get your ex back when the situation becomes that.
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"My ex dumped me and wants to be friends" sounds like a really terrible experience. You try so hard to get your ex back but the whole feeling of "my ex wants to be friends" kinda ruins the vibe.
"why would an ex want to be friends?," it's probably because you two had such a wonderful connection with each other and they don't want to risk losing you completely. Clay talks about the whole process of gauging your emotional connection, working on how to make it better and how to stand your ground if your ex still not sure about everything.
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices.

[@chupalia]

Men and women cannot be just friends after a relationship. When a partner "friends" you, they are just putting you on a backup option. Move on and never take them back.

[@jopisano67]

I agree. The only reason they want to be friends is to lessen the breakup for themselves. It's a way to slowly disconnect without the cold turkey feeling.. I believe if you want your ex back, the best way is to tell them you can not just be friends and completely go no contact for several weeks or more. Flip the power on your side, you will have a chance for them to start missing you and think back that their decision may have been the wrong one, . . And you can perhaps gain another opportunity for their return.

[@chupalia]

@@jopisano67 That's good advice. I personally could never take someone back after they leave and try to connect with someone else. I don't think it's right to have a gf/bf compare you to another person.

[@FoldBlox]

Fax’s it’s awkward

[@ashlynneal3486]

I asked my ex to be my friend because we go to different schools and it’s just awkward when we see each other

[@disgruntledgoatiam]

You're absolutely right and the quicker you move on the better your healing will be. A lot of therapists would disagree with being friends when strong emotions were evolved.

[@alfe608]

Bad idea. Do not disrespect yourself by letting them use you. Move on forever.

[@tankthearc9875]

this is just temporary , not to stay in some friend zone, then you hit them with the im going to date other ppl if you just want to stay friends. and we may loss any contact out of respect for my new relationship

[@charliebucket7436]

If they try and demote you to the friend zone just tell them to EAD and enjoy the freedom they're giving you. Never waste love on someone that doesn't love you back.

[@MB-xv7er]

It’s a horrible idea. I never got over mine, and having him just be so cordial with me is becoming more and more of a trigger and it upsets me heavily. He’s said so many times that he doesn’t want to be together and it really hurts me a lot. Being friends with an ex leads to terrible things if you still care deeply for them

[@dankline9162]

Thats exactly what happened to me. I was doing great, playing it cool, but day after day having to suppress my feelings was painful. It takes me years to get over someone, but seeing or talking with her, and it just comes back, since I'm so attracted to her. I wanted to be strong, but she casually brought up friendship, not even talking about us and i was triggered. Said we cant be friends, even though I know youd make a great friend, it's not what I want, and if you want a good strong man let me know. Either way is painful, but at least I can move on better. But the worst is after a month i tried to explain why, bringing up the past, and even though I said im not talking if she wasn't comfortable, she felt forced to and blocked me. I tried so hard, but at least I know where we went wrong now. She probably wont trust me again to even try being friends again AFTER im over her, this being the 2nd attempt, and neither the hard or soft approach has worked, so I'm just going to finish reading some books to be better with anyone else, and start dating.

[@nephtalijimenez3005]

Well you’re supposed to go into no contact to at least be ok with losing them. Because getting back with your ex is never 100%…. And it allows you to at least try to rebuild the relationship.

[@gabrieldipietro6096]

Learning how to let someone go but still caring about them is the only way to make friendship possible.

[@lak1294]

Not worth it. Better to spend your energy on finding someone new and learning to be comfortable on your own. Pain-free singledom is far better than a crappy, painful, angst-ridden "friendship." Sometimes exes can be friends, when they mutually and amicably decide to separate. But I'd say that's the exception, not the norm.

[@benhartart9487]

She Risked letting it all go when she dumped me, I’m living my life 🤙🏻😅 I have an Abundance mindset and am currently dating 🙌🏻🙈

[@ClayAndrews]

It's always good to focus on the positives :)

[@tompeterson4628]

This should be called "how to be a simp". Because a man would only want to remain friends for the hope of sleeping with them again in the future.

[@tankthearc9875]

his is just temporary , not to stay in some friend zone, then you hit them with the im going to date other ppl if you just want to stay friends. and we may loss any contact out of respect for my new relationship

[@deborahburrell2005]

Exactly what I believe

[@dwocelot6913]

Staying 'friends' is ok, so long as you're ok with your ex telling you that she's with some other guy. Because that's almost inevitable.

[@donjuandonjuan]

Exactly.... But have more respect for yourself, cause some are not worth the friendship.

[@jopisano67]

Exactly.

[@DarriusADetenamo]

Nope. Fkn delusional.

[@gabrieldipietro6096]

@@donjuandonjuantrue. It’s hard to tell right after a breakup when both people are hurting and really emotionally charged. Sometimes it’s worth it just depends on the people involved

[@Dolphinsz]

i had a good expsiernce with being friends. we was friendly for months after none of us moved on. just speaking each day and the more we spoke the more we reinforced this friendship so it was an easy break for me. i did end up losing feelings and that need.

[@mindythorn6607]

Being friends with an ex is the absolute worst advice anyone could give. This brings only pain. Rarely works. Go off radar and let them know what they lost. Never let anyone use you as a security blanket or anything else. Don't listen to this dude.

[@DAN-lo5db]

Exactly especially when the ex is in a committed relationship now

[@sifugurusensei]

My ex wanted us to be friends. I read between the lines and exposed her true intention. Her thought was: I feel guily beyond words and oh I feel sorry for this man. Let me stop feeling guilty first of all and make him my bitch. It's just pity talk. And why would I go back to be in the pit of the hell hole called the friendzone. I refuse to be demoted.

[@FoldBlox]

Same. I’d just ignore her Advice: if you ignore her she’ll start regretting breaking up with you. Backup advice: but if she tries to move on and get rejected and beg u back. Don’t say yes since ur her plan B. If she cries in her pillow probably try and take her back Good luck

[@nsohsunday8931]

Agreed

[@LorenzoMasterConnector]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jopisano67]

If you still want this person back, I don't agree with being friends because it still puts her or him in the driver's seat and it will make this person you were with disconnect with you with less pain over time. You will be left with an empty bag eventually. My beliefs is to totally go off radar for some time. That would make this person miss you again and perhaps realize they made a mistake. It's that cold turkey that does the trick. Just my opinion

[@nsohsunday8931]

Agreed

[@wanonbondye9676]

You’re absolutely correct

[@johnnysand6676]

I would say I have enough friends , bye

[@rebecasobhanapalli8886]

😂

[@Farmboy1966]

That's what I told my ex after 10 yrs no contact..

[@josezerpa8177]

I understand your point , but I totally disagree with it. Every time I agreed to be friendzoned I ended up paying a higher price than if I had just walked away with my dignity intact. It costed me my precious time, sanity, self-esteem, and my self trust. Because guess what, women had another dude lined up.. and there I was playing that sad little part because I didnt have the balls to stand up for myself. In all honesty, worst advice ever in my opinion. But if works for anyone else, then I'm glad for them.

[@thereisnopandemic]

Had that happen to me, she asked to stay friends, I just replied: no and literally just walked away. A friend is not disloyal, breaking up is disloyalty. And I’m lived on and was fine after a couple months. That was in my 20’s, then at 33 I met a hotter much younger woman (19 year old), we ended up getting married and still together 11 years later. Don’t waste your time with those who are willing to be disloyal

[@deborahburrell2005]

Very helpful

[@yishihara55527]

Clay...sometimes they just dump you because they want to and don't care about you at all. They want to keep some sort of connection to enjoy the pain that you experience when they start telling you about their new person. There are sociopaths and narcissists out there that people MUST avoid. This is why it's smart to go through a long monitoring period.

[@maxgametmaxgamer2454]

Being alone this days is a smart move

[@DandyDuh]

​@@maxgametmaxgamer2454😔

[@hurricane_laura]

I have never nor will I ever be friends with an ex. Many have tried, all have failed. After everything with the process is done (moving out, giving back things, etc.), they are officially a stranger and I go 100% no contact. I saw mine at a bar like 8 months after. I pretended not to see him while cheerfully suggesting to my friend that we find another bar. Always move forward, never look back.

[@diegogallegos3192]

The simple decision I made was to block her 🙂.

[@spideymen1544]

Update?

[@BookofNote]

My ex tried that and it gave me the freedom to finally say - "I agree that we need to let go and start seeing other people and moving on". Eleven years later, I finally met another man who has become my husband and father of my children. ^_^

[@BookofNote]

@glory Ella Go away troll.

[@pyxl666]

If my ex contacts me at this point and wants to be friends, after absolutely crushing me in multiple ways, she best be prepared for a "go fuck yourself" as a response.

[@FLVCTVAT_NEC_MERGITVR]

This is horrendous advice. Respect yourself and stand your ground.

[@Kartan1969]

My ex was a narcissist said she wanted to be friends recently after a year and a half after I broke of the relationship but she has no other friends to be narcissistic at so being friends can keep that narcissistic behaviour going a narcissist needs somebody to be narcissistic at and an ex is the perfect choice so be aware I saw her for one day recently and she was exactly the same within minutes of meeting.

[@brendadean9291]

Creates a problem being friends if your ex is moving on and getting into a relationship with another woman.

[@xtinavergara]

That's a mature way of handling it if you really like the person. I like how you approach things and not too conventional.

[@charlottebuck6907]

No, no, no, no, no! Never be friends with your ex in my opinion, he will just play with your emotions and keep you hanging on, if you want any chance of getting him back as a boyfriend then tell him no, and that you can't just be friends with him so you have to walk away, but if you change your mind and I'm single, we'll see....well that's what "ask Craig"says

[@tattoodfreeek]

Ain't just men saying it

[@yatyas]

I could never be down with someone banging who I potentially want to be with or “wanted “ rather. I would just move on I’m selfish and I could never sleep next to someone who just has there fun then “settles” . Just my opinion.

[@mrantone916]

This is exactly why you can’t be friends!

[@growingwithmissk9801]

My ex just told me he wants to be friends,I said yes to that coz I don't even care who they date and I don't want them back

[@growingwithmissk9801]

Update a month later he's talking about marriage and children with me,I don't know how we got here,but time will tell where we're actually going

[@BlueAngel2397]

@@growingwithmissk9801what is the update?

[@blairbailey6199]

What happened now 5 more months later 😅

[@Ghettochild.2600]

What has happened since then? I basically told my ex yes too, but I am letting them do 100% of the contact now.

[@kristenfuller9168]

​@@Ghettochild.2600I just told my ex yes I'll I'm going to be your friend I accepted his friendship. I spoke to my ex for the first time after a few years. He saw that I was being picked on online he standed up for me 😮 me and him are officially friends. And I'm okay with that I don't even care if he's dating anyone. I'm happy I'm his friend. He said this weekend me and him can hang out I am nervous of course. Because I haven't spoken to him in a long time.

[@gtwxrld5010]

is it crazy that i already knew what he was going to say just by looking at him

[@Nowitsmeira]

Can’t even think any of this trick. I had too much trauma too tell what I want with the new guy I met

[@grigorirasputin425]

Clay is the guy who would hold a candle when some dude bangs his ex 😂😂😂😂

[@spideymen1544]

Been in no contact with me ex for 2 months. Yesterday i contacted her and we talked alot. But then today she just friendzoned me. She's currently talking with lot of guys said it's better to be friends with me. I thought all this time that she is just waiting for me to talk to her (she dumped me for another dude last may 13). Guess it's time for me to take care of myself and go in with life. I still have stuff to do in college. Graduating student and i want to have my first job soon. I just hope that this will not affect my studies again. I just don't want to be friends with her and it will not work for the both of us.

[@francesca186]

Hi Clay, my ex broke with me some days ago but he asked me to stay friends bc he couldn't find a similar connection to someone else. I said no bc i was afraid to keep deceveing myself of a different ending and he said that it would not happened bc i knew from the start there was no possibility to end together again. Now i'm starting to regret my answer bc i miss him but at the same time i think i did the right choice to protect me and my feelings.

[@ericaroundtheworld]

If there is such great Connection then why it didn't work ?if u don't mind me asking

[@francesca186]

@@ericaroundtheworld bc according to what he says we're in different stages of life (we have 6 years of difference) and he doesn't want to join a relationship where he can't mature but makes only the other one (me) maturate. i dont agree with this but that's what he says it doesn't work.

[@joncarbone]

You made the correct decision. Let him go. If he wants you back then he'll come back in due time. Time and distance will work their magic. Stick to no contact.

[@crazyworld8166]

If a man wants you, he won't care about age difference, he will pursue you at all costs, let him be, there's billions of men in this world, wait for one who pursues you and respects you and loves you

[@aizensosuke6031]

True if people have low self-esteem they don't have to be friends

[@tankthearc9875]

ppl are not getting it, its a tactic to get a little closer to them by letting them not feel that pressure and then after a some time and some positive interactions then you hit them with the im going to date other ppl if you just want to stay friends. and we may loss any contact out of respect for my new relationship. this is just a power play to get them to drop their guard and see this new attractive you

[@ristegorgiev5114]

Nah i don't agree with you Clay i was in situation like this i chatted with a girl 2 and a half years i find her attractive liked her and started loving her but as the time goes by she said to me "lets just be friends" i declined moved on find new girlfriend and believe me or not i am the happiest person ever

[@leyiwang3863]

I felt like I watched this video too late and did a lot of stuff wrong.

[@Deee1672]

What did you do wrong?

[@ishansharma7774]

straight fact. These guys want to make money from you and give these complex answers to make your life feel more complicated. Just move on. He/she was not special. You made them special. Welcome others who will choose you rather than playing games in your mind to win somebody. If you are old enough and think you lost your chance to have any relationship now, my friend, it is ok to live truthfully rather than being someone's fake partner.

[@nuztyme675]

I broke up with a guy and felt bad so I offered friendship out of guilt. In fairness to self, he was someone I considered a good friend. I just wasn’t attracted to him romantically. But friendship didn’t work. he really wanted more deep down inside. it was awkward. So the friendship ended and that was for the best. I do miss him.. his friendship, but reaching out would be selfish of me so I don’t except to wish him happy birthday

[@lizzomso8816]

I don’t want no ex back my ex has an obsession thinking he lost his soul shit or whatever he doesn’t understand it’s abusive and I don’t like being stalked,I’m not his asset

[@realmsofthespiritarts8557]

6 months later I finally talked to him. He said “I can’t make promises I need to figure a lot out in my life but we can be friends.” I am not giving up yet but I am giving him space.

[@zoltankoncz8514]

Move on.

[@spideymen1544]

What happen now

[@nomanaksamia]

R u guys back together?

[@realmsofthespiritarts8557]

@@nomanaksamia he came back! Not back together but he moved back close to me and wants to work on things slowly. Focusing on me and entirely detaching and just staying neutral and moving on helped me. The immense love was always still there but I learned a lot through videos and growing spiritually. You send them love when you think of them and get out of ego and the mind. You let go. If it’s meant to be it’ll be. But there’s a lot we have to work on within while their away. Let them go for now. It was a year and a half. He came back. Only now I have him the twin flame and a soul mate in the mix. Lol I have really grown to love the soul mate and caught feelings. But nothing is close to my twin flame. He will truly have to show me things would be different. I’m not settling.

[@tamtrac2926]

@@realmsofthespiritarts8557 any update?

[@mirqcleclips]

My ex saids that he wants to be friends , but also because he likes another girl.

[@TheBigSargeShow01]

So mine is currently engaged and now is sending me text messages wanting to go to dinner and "wanting to be friends now". Such confusing signals IMO. All this after 15 years of marriage and only be seperated for 5 months. I have lost a ton of weight and am back in shape so there is that.

[@Wbe1000]

Yeah, that is extremely weird! And ya'll were married too? That's even weirder...

[@DD-ry4mm]

Be friends with them and ruin every other relationship you intend to have.A valuable person not gonna buy this shit. You either break a cycle or you let an old cycle break all your new ones.If you seek drama drama will seek you.

[@SNEAKVS]

Girl told me this last night it’s killing me i don’t see a way out I want her back :(

[@DandyDuh]

Stupid Dude told me this a few days ago, after trying to get me pregnant for the last few months & wasting time for the last 2 years... Then telling me he loved me 1st time through a text after I no contacted him🫠🙃

[@robertmorgan2642]

Me and my ex girlfriend split up nearly 6 weeks ago. She said she wants us to be friends. We’ve seen each other a couple of times and she’s invited me to the cinema on Sunday 15/1/23. Same cinema we had out first date almost 4 years ago. Think I will try and be flirty this time and hold her hand and see how it goes. I want a relationship with her again.

[@ClayAndrews]

@robertmorgan2642 it sounds like there's a potential still for both of you to grow things organically. Just remember that it is a process that you and your ex will have to go through. So enjoy the moment and create that strong connection between the two of you. Sending more positive energies on your end.

[@robertmorgan2642]

@@ClayAndrews thank you Clay. It’s appreciated.

[@ClayAndrews]

You're welcome. :-)

[@manupasta]

Any update?

[@Nonlifting_breezy]

My gf left me a couple months ago finally moved her stuff out. She wanted to be friends after a 7 year relationship and I couldn’t do it. 2 months after she left me she already had a new boyfriend. I’m not keeping in arms length.

[@kaylalarson2550]

My ex and I have been broken up for 2 months now he told he wanted be just friends with so I can focus on myself and focus on the stuff going on my life right now. But at work he is constantly flirting with me he probably doesn’t notice but I definitely do. We still talk every day at work and still text. But I have a feeling even tho we are friends he still has feelings for me still.

[@spideymen1544]

Update?

[@moodey_gnomeymoosic]

Why you aren't you together then? What's the issue? Any updates? :o

[@kaylalarson2550]

@@moodey_gnomeymoosic we aren’t together still because we decided being friends was better. Feelings went away the moment he broke up with me. He didn’t notice he was still flirting. But we haven’t seen each other in almost a year. He works all the times and I don’t work with him anymore. We still talk and check up on each Each other but that’s it.

[@Tea-Pain]

My man, great overall content BUT don't take this the wrong way. But YOU'RE WRONG in this regard, you should never accept just being friends with your ex. It will only lead you down a road of pain and with crossd fingers of....oh please, please, please. You should be their first choice in their eyes and if they can't see that then bye!. To the person reading this, know you deserve somone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with then. And if you got any balls, you'll see that. Accept nothing than less than the best and never look back to a life of regret. It's their loss, not yours. Sorry man. You're wrong on this one.

[@PierceNiro]

Well to explain my story i actually got back together with an ex (which i screwed up back in h.s. by breaking her heart) but years later she came back to me and we hit it off. Mind you during this time i I gotten out of a bad break up from a narcissistic ex but long story short my lovely ex and I started hanging out like it was fresh but the only thing that was killing me was that the woman i was dating before hurted me in such horrid ways. I didnt know how to move on and hanging with an old love felt great just trying to fall in love again was the tough part. Long story short i wasn't as available only cause i was in pain from a narcissistic ex who just lied to me and used me. In the end the ex from h.s. broke up with me but 4 years later reached out just to be friends and well you know the rest. I didnt accept back her friendship only cause i wasnt in the right head space and i knew what i lost. After dealing with woman who just used me and making it harder for me to love someone new really takes a toll on me

[@kcfinesse]

I think you have to basically hyper-analyze how the conversation goes between your ex. You usually can tell really easily within the first few days if they are going through a lot and just need space and really didn't want to ruin the relationship. Or if they are just stringing you along as a backup. People are very obvious when their heart isn't involved.

[@LordDirus007]

Going through right now with my Ex Girlfriend. We had an extreme connection. I am currently going through a Divorce. So she blocked me as I stated that I might try and reconcile which was a mistake. I finally got my Ex Girlfriend to talk to me and I told her. I can only offer her friendship which she was on the same page. However the Love is still there. I am simply going to focus on becoming the best Man I can be. To give her my best version and I know in time. We will be in a relationship again

[@kristenfuller9168]

Me and my old ex-boyfriend broke up few years ago. And today I spoke to my ex-boyfriend for the first time. I'm actually officially friends with my ex now. And I'm actually going to hang out with him this weekend soon. I feel a bit nervous. I accept his friendship 🤝 though. Besides it's been a few years anyways. I moved on. Since I'm dating somebody else and been with my current boyfriend for long time already.

[@kerryGunvaldsen]

I’d probably need a psych evaluation if I hear anything from my ex or I’d be joining him due to a heart attack..

[@williamdolan7189]

My ex said she has no romantic feelings anymore for me and let’s be friends so isn’t that friend zone?

[@ninjamy9866]

mean she have 3rd party she cheated not loyalty

[@chilloften]

Right, I don’t wannu be friends yet hate to lose contact. Wish I didn’t care, AT ALL.

[@angelamatthews8912]

Hi Clay! I was broken up with over a week ago. He said he wanted to be friends with me at the moment but said that if the timing was right and considering what had happened we may be able to get back together. I agreed to friendship and there is low emotional connection and I’m stuck. We’ve had some basic surface conversations

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Angela, There are two phases that you need to understand about being friends. #1. You can't be friends with your Ex --- when you haven't fully healed from the breakup because if you do not do active no contact and continue to reach out to your ex as a friend, you wouldn't be able to help for you to have an ulterior motive in getting your Ex back. Your Ex will notice this and might eventually go to reactance because your ex will see that you are still not over him. When you have done ANC and have regained emotional balance: #2. Being friends (AT THIS STAGE) with your Ex will help because it will help you to reach out with your Ex and be able to show your Ex how much you have changed.

[@angelamatthews8912]

@@ClayAndrews I've done the active no contact for the most part. We've had small text conversations, but the fact that he said maybe to a relationship kind of lit a fire in me to say okay, through friendship maybe this will work but then again I must live in the present moment building the emotional connection because he lost trust. (not from cheating or anything of that matter) but is it possible to get back together?

[@ClayAndrews]

Personally, we can't tell what the future might bring for both of you. That is something that we cannot foresee. But what we can do for you is to teach you the life skills that you may use to inspire his affection back. At the end of the day, the actions that you will take and refuse to do will define your chances of getting back together.

[@SwissFlightInsight]

How long we need the no contact ? Just got damped two weeks ago for a six months relationship. She said I am not the men for her but she likes me a lot and would like to be friends. I am hesitating as what to do here.

[@sejalchintal8427]

@@ClayAndrews what should I do you know after brkup he stills says lets be frnds .let's meet .but for me its hard to be frnd if I ll be frnd I'll easily get hurt that I don't want.i miss him

[@Jo-gf6ii]

This might sound like a silly question, but how do you know if you’ve built the emotional connection? My ex and I are friends, sometimes with benefits, although I don’t think this is where he wants to be. I think he’s only “playing sometimes boyfriend” because he thinks I can’t do friendship (and he’s right, I still love him deeply and struggle not being in a relationship with him) but he does want me in his life, by his own pleading and admission. He’s a single father who got custody of his children only a couple of years ago. We were already living together but he had to move out when he got custody due to various circumstances. We’d planned on moving back in together and blending our two sets of teenage daughters but it never eventuated. He now feels that during the 2 years we had been trying to blend, he was under too much pressure trying to split his time between his children, and me. The two sets of children are all teenage girls, so not as easy a task to blend as if they were under 10 years old. Anyway, I don’t know how to recognise whether to apply the pressure and do the “dating other people” spiel, or whether to reduce the pressure and just be friends without the intimate connection we have at the moment as I don’t feel it’s actually mutual. I’m not sure how to recognise whether the connection is high enough, or if it even exists. He calls me a couple of times a week and we see each other at least once. He kisses and hugs me hello and goodbye, and will reach out to hold my hand at the movies or cuddle up to me on the couch at home, but he seems to be actively avoiding anything sexual unless (I think) he feels he has to. I’ve also just purchased your RR course.

[@JaklynnRivero]

This is the first comment I’ve read that is actually similar to my actual story! I feel you! So much! I’m also stuck!

[@Jo-gf6ii]

@@JaklynnRivero yep, unfortunately I think we’re pretty much done now. After over a year of trying I’ve decided life’s too short. I love him and I’m pretty sure he knows that. He does care for me but his circumstances have become worse and we have now only spoken once in the last 9 weeks, as I’d asked him if we could talk to work out what was happening. I’d lived in limbo the whole time, not being sure where I stood. He agreed to talk and I’ve not heard from him since, with the exception of when it was his daughters birthdays at the start of the month. At that point he reached out after 6 weeks of silence to see if I wanted to catch up with them. I maintained my boundary of wanting to have a face to face discussion and I’ve not heard from him since, even though the phone call went without incident. I’m planning on agreeing to be friends but telling him I’m moving on, if he does ever front up for the talk. My heart is broken but I must continue on. If and when he’s in a place to reconnect I hope he does, but I’m not holding my breath at this point.

[@JaklynnRivero]

@@Jo-gf6ii I totally understand! You’re probably making the right decision. I’m so sorry! I know it hurts. I’m hurting too. I really hope it works out in the future for the both of you

[@Jo-gf6ii]

@@JaklynnRivero me too, thanks 💗

[@samanthalee2748]

me too because i also miss being a step mom and we have cat 🐈‍⬛.

[@mrhallman64]

They can also be the one that has dramatic shifts

[@Chris-rw2tq]

Yeah this is crapola...my ex offered this up and I called her out on stealing money from her son. A few weeks later she found me on dating websites and put on the act that she was shattered that I was moving on without a care for her. Once someone violates the trust, that is it...they are gone.

[@Shadez1986]

I am in a happy relationship. I never believed men and women could be friends but I do have a guy best friend. I'm only saying that so I'm not out of line with anything. I feel very drawn to people with similar beliefs right now. So that's why I've enjoyed our conversations 🙂😊

[@Shadez1986]

she just sent me this

[@Shadez1986]

she has known this guy for 10 years

[@Shadez1986]

only went on 5 dates. made out twice

[@noaharmendariz14]

How they all are

[@SPCBRAWLERZ]

So...I wanna share peace. a gal that rejected me over 3 years ago and hasn't seen me since, I decided to attend her graduation ceremony and make peace with her. She accepted and I feel incredible. All I'll do is wait. That's what one must do.

[@dwightschrute8141]

Update?

[@zoltankoncz8514]

So - you basically reached out for her, after she dumped you - 3 years(!!!) ago. And she "accepted" your apology. Well played sir :D

[@joshuakellylyngdoh]

If a Couple still talk like friends even after break up is that they don't even really love each other when they're dating.

[@rebeccahughes2772]

No I won't be his friend. He's got lots of female friends. I could feel there was someone else

[@sebfunkymalo1144]

Ok but what about sex ? There is one factor...if during the moment we are friend...she's having sex with someone else !? It become more diffucult to make her come back ! 😔

[@ClayAndrews]

Here's something that you can reflect on, is that something that you can understand and accept or a dealbreaker for you?

[@frankiegaliffa3850]

From the ex: Ok so here it is…I really like you. I think you are such a sweet guy. You deserve someone that will give you all that you give in return. I’m so so sorry but I’m not that person for you. I think of you as a friend more than anything else. I didn’t think age would be a problem but i think it is for me. I’m so sorry for doing this a second time. You don’t deserve that and I promise it will not happen. I hope this doesn’t change our friendship bc I really do think of you as a good friend. I have your laundry and gifts so lmk how you want to get it. I hope you have a good New Year’s Eve. She said she likes being alone and can't have anymore kids and know I want kids and I'll be a very good dad

[@Mostverdeg]

What if it was early stages and there was an emotional connection beginning but he got pulled back into his on again off again relationship? My response was: “thanks for letting me know! I respect your decision but I’m not looking for someone to just see around, I wish you the best!” Was that putting too much pressure on wanting to see him as more than friends who see each other around occasionally?

[@Luja2024]

There is a clear no

[@JaklynnRivero]

Please help! It’s been nearly a year and a half for me in this back and forth with my ex. I’m a mess. I love and miss him, but he won’t commit to me. He says he loves me. He says he values and appreciates our friendship, and that he has feelings but not enough to be in a relationship. I’m feel like such an idiot. There is so much shame, guilt and embarrassment for me. I know I don’t deserve to be just someone’s friends with benefits. I am more than that. I just wish he would see that.

[@passerby6168]

It's been many moons since your comment. You said you didn't deserve to just be someone's friend with benefits and that you are more than that and that you wish he would see that. Did you SHOW him? Because if not you are still showing him the opposite.

[@JaklynnRivero]

@@passerby6168 We’re no longer friends. He has reached out recently to congratulate me on a milestone in my life. I was torn for a few days, and finally responded something totally bland. It sucks. This sucks. But this is my reality rather I like it or not.

[@passerby6168]

@@JaklynnRivero Have faith. Have courage. One day you'll think wow how things have changed. You will attract someone more right for you. God bless.

[@rebeccahughes2772]

I don't agree

[@devinaxtman6171]

What if my ex just moved in with another man. She did this withing 9 months of separation. She wants to be friends and says I need to find my own woman, keeps telling me to move on, we aren't getting back together. I do, but to me this just doesn't sound like there is any hope.

[@kbmarines9989]

I’ve been friends with my ex wife for over 20 years and no issues whatsoever or my other exes lol ! I think It’s just about the person and it’s honestly not that hard to do..

[@ness-lu6pl]

My ex said let’s just be friends , i was like no thanks I’ve got enough friends already I don’t need any more thank you !! Heard his asking MY friends how I’m doing my ex see me talking to a guy outside a bar who was just a friend a car drove past an beeped I paid no attention to who was in the car, but days later the same guy said I know who your ex is I said how do you know he said the guy in the car who beeped was your ex he said he came to see him and ask who’s that girl you were talking to and guy said my name a stated I was a friend and my ex replied I use to see her why did he feel the need as he already knows who I am .

[@yrndollar]

My ex ask we are friends right?....that's quite different from let's be friends....so this doesn't really help me ...

[@PB-md3nt]

This is an awful idea Clay. You cannot give your ex the comfort in knowing that you are still around, IF you want to have a relationship with them. They have to feel your absence in order to for them to re-evaluate if they really made the right decision of putting you in the "friend-zone".

[@Dreamgirl224]

what if he wants the friendship but we actually live 8h apart from each other? should I ask how he imagines this friendship? or is that too much ?? @clay

[@LynneLester-p6s]

Well to me friends can become lovers but lovers can’t be friends… my ex years ago said let’s stay friends I said not a chance, have not seen him since, I’m one of these people I’m all in or all out…

[@Ria_PleiadesHIME]

Hi ....im indonesian... Just be friend why not... Im Happy... Enjoy ur life all We are all connect

[@MrSomebodyStrange]

Ok, I'll tel her that you're Indonesian

[@ursulareed3743]

Very informative.

[@ClayAndrews]

Glad you think so!

[@rfletcher4286]

Being friends with an ex is awesome! You can get all the "benefits" without any of the bullshit. What you really wanted in the first place.

[@telleylazar6721]

Aint that the truth lol

[@rideoutlondon]

Me and my ex meet up occasionally and text each other. It's only started picking up recently and having banter and a laugh over text as we have broken up as friends a few times due to me being too pushy and emotional. It's been a year since we broke up , and have met up about 5 times in the last month. She has been seeing someone for 9 months or so. She has told me she doesn't want a relationship with me and that I don't have a chance. We never went no contact longer than 3 weeks in the past year. My question is she obviously cares about me and wants me in her life, but why would I have no chance if she is still meeting me???

[@nathanclarke2164]

Hey Clay, I was just wondering if I could get some quick advice, I'm 20 and she is 19 and we have been going out with each other for just over two and a half years and we split up over a week ago now, because she said she wasn't sure she was in love with me anymore, but we still work with each other and we still get on really well, but she also said she just wanted to be single and be alone but then said 'never say never', she didn't discourage us ever getting back together.

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Nathan, how do you feel about contacting us on modernlove so we can help you out better?

[@ogarb1629]

my ex asked if we could still be friends and i said yes, but she did me wrong, she got back with her abusive ex sayin he changed and honestly i don’t think i want to be friends but part of me really can’t cut her off completely, like since it was recent i want to her to come back to me but i don’t think i can, mentally and emotionally, but then i had a dream where we started talkin like friends again which made me happy but then i think of reality and it’s just messing with my head, also couple days later and my friend told me they all went to a movie and my ex and the abusive mf were making out, tuff luck🤷‍♂️

[@SS-in1ts]

Thanks clay

[@imgoingtobealright6897]

my ex girlfriend wanted to be friends and she cheated on me 6 times man its sucks but apparently she wanted to be friends after the fact that she cheated on me and now i need advice

[@vivianatorrez5945]

Hi clay, my boyfriend left me, because of us getting into arguments, also putting myself down, he told me can’t do this relationship for rest of my life, that he doesn’t want relationship right now need focus ourselves, he tells my friend that he done with me and seem happy, last time we spoke he said wanted to be friends, it’s been a month since we broke up. My family and friends say he not coming back. He really didn’t fought the relationship, it felt like I did the work. Others say he play the victim and manipulator what can I do?

[@lena.x1853]

I don’t agree with that. What’s the point to be friends ??? Real friend stay in Your life doesn’t matter if you are in relationship or not! So that’s mean you want the person to keep all benefits without beeing in relationship . That means it’s not friendship but situatnioship And that are 2 diffrent things .

[@yishihara55527]

4:36 No, Clay. Some honestly do. You are making the dangerous assumption that everyone is normal.

[@stanastrophal8165]

Best advice ever!!!!

[@thediso4a4t56]

Hi CLay, im in your channel for almostt 2-3 months and you helped me alot, my ex was in rebound relationship which they broke 2-3 week ago , but right now where she is at is very confused and she says she doesnt wanna give me some hope or anything that it would be better if we can just be friends that she sees me as friend or brother, i agreed and tried to decrease expectations for her and myself, but inner self i think what if it is right , how can i cope with all these Ps:we talk everyday by text and sometimes call and sometimes she is hot but othertimes cold as i mentioned

[@ClayAndrews]

Going through another breakup can truly be tough. this can be a moment where we can use empathy and understanding so our ex will be able to heal from another breakup.

[@g20.charlie]

My ex is like the same. Went on dates with two guys a week after she cut me off. She unblocked me a month after and started talking to me again. We’ve been talking for the past two months. Frequently. Calls too. But she is also hot and cold. So either she’s hesitant to commit again and wants to work up to it. Or they’re just using us for attention since they don’t have a partner rn

[@dyllanburg9096]

Hey Mr.Clay my ex just connected with me, we had some good dates, she said that she still has feelings for me but now she wants to be alone and dont want to have contact in this moment, what should I do ?

[@SPCBRAWLERZ]

Im not clay but there is a saying...It's not what you want, it's what she wants.

[@ClayAndrews]

If she feels she isnt ready to maintain contact, the most loving and kind thing you can do for her is to give her the space you need. You can force love, you can only inspire it.

[@dyllanburg9096]

Thank you so much , she went off for only a day and now she wants to meet me at the gym 😅and I‘m not forcing anything. I began to make my own thing and told her That my hand stays outreached idk if this was good or not, but she nows what I want and she didn‘t flew away sooo

[@mtbridingog9083]

That’s not how it works bro

[@lilerevishvili5446]

Clay please help he told me that he wants to be friends I told him i never had friendship with my ex and i said yes lets try. Than he wanted my 100% agreement that my feelings wont come up I said I can't guarantee anyone but I will try to be good friend also he knows that I still have some feelings for him and he also said he is over our breakup after two month, he sent a lot of mixed signals and I asked him and he said that he is treating me like he is treating any friend (which is not true) what should I do ? Please answer

[@araybray6657]

Clay no

[@cocoluv0835]

Thanks Clay

[@saranshmishra7862]

Hello Clay !! i just wanna ask u tht , past 3 years ago we both were in strong relationship and afterwards broke uped and after break up we used to just talk and meet as a frnd but now we both confessed that we both understand the place in each's life and she told me to be her best frnd rather to Come again in relationship for now.. and I asked her that, u are saying this to me has someone came btwn us ?she told no one and no one can come u are the special person for me and I want u to be in my life forever whether as a frnd or partner so for now let's be frnds and if anything happens further will tell each other..but I told her wht I feel about her and she told I respect it but I want u to be with me forever and I don't wana losse u again so wht I have to do pls tell...

[@ASPAseethrough]

Funny enough I’ve been friends with all my ex-es but when my last ex came into my life I had to cut ties with all of them because of her insecurities and jealousy…imagine she comes back asking if we can be friends…🤣🤣🤣 ultimate hypocrisy…no thank you I’ll pass…

[@ChaseVase7]

Men and women are two different creatures

[@jimmyhlatun]

Me and my ex-girfriend were together for 12 years and I have planned a surprise next year to propose her and to get married. This is the thing that she has been asking for quite sometime. I am a married guy going through a divorce and I do have a son age 24 who is almost completing his degree. I don't wish to disrupt his studies so I hold back till he completes and will finalise our divorce and to be with the woman I have been with for a long time. I was given a surprise by my ex-gf that she has met someone and decided to get married to him. I am so much in pain and just don't know what to do. I have given her my blessings and accepted to move on but it's so difficult when she kept contacting my to see how I am doing. what should I do?

[@theonly6187]

Focus on you son and your self only contact them if it’s convenient to you and more than likely no contact is better when moving forward

[@sandraluder3004]

You gave her your blessings and accepted her decision without drama, that's good, it shows strenght and dignity. Qualities one doesn't want to toss away in a partner. You've decided to go NC but she's the one contacting you ? It could be a sign that's she's in doubt about her new relationship. You were together for 12 years, that's not something you can erase just like that, impossible! . Who's that guy popping out of nowhere who wants to marry her ?! Maybe She got tired of waiting for your comittment, she wants to be a wife, feel that she's her man's priority .. If she offers friendship to you, that's not an offer you should accept, that's much too low for 12 year old lovers, you dont want crumbs, you want marriage, true love and you think you 2 belong together. She should know that. Go on with showing strenght, never beg, never show how much you hurt or try to manipulate her by guilt, no, you accept her decision even if you dont agree. She's a free woman, a free woman you love... Regarding your son, trust me, at 24 , the best for him is a happy Dad, that makes him feel safe in life, not a depressed one, so take care of yourself first if you want to be there for him when life gets tough, cause life always does. Stay strong. I cant believe your woman doesn't love you anymore. Her feeling may be tired because of the waiting but... still there, I'm sure. I pray for you 2 and send you my best ❤‍🩹

[@jimmyhlatun]

@@sandraluder3004 hi Sandra, thank you so much for your advice. You wouldn’t know how much it means to me. The guy she is with lost his wife to cancer with 3 teen kids and the youngest is about 11 years old. He is very well off. So I guess there must be some sort of material competition is going on in her head. Yesterday, we accidentally met and he tried to hold her hand to show me that he is fully in control but she swing her hands away worrying that I might step in. I walked away, feeling so much pain on my chest that I could hardly breath. I also realised that since she is not well to do, I am sure the wealth he has plays a big role. I supported her all the way till she graduated 6 years ago. Financially and mentally. I am sad that, the tree I planted starts to bear the fruits and someone just stole it away. Anyways, I have totally blocked all her contacts and not because I don’t want her to contact me but I don’t want to accidentally contact her.

[@jimmyhlatun]

@@theonly6187 thank you so much. I will go contactless. Working to be carefree, but till now, she hasn’t step out of my head as yet.

[@m.nizharaboobaker7033]

he looks like he should be in the lorax

[@lesliemae2987]

hello Mr. Clay Andrews!

[@Snehal7908]

Hi

[@ClayAndrews]

Sign Up For The Interest List For A Free Coaching Workshop At: www.modernlove.life/coaching-interest Please Share Your Thoughts So That We Can Make Something That You Truly Want - docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSemW2BXSk4-FcjLh2ma3vQ3XGbjIcVGkFMB3XkyREVx7LzsrQ/viewform

[@linanegron2772]

I’m saying no to being friends w an ex cause if he broke up w u why does he still want to be in your life but not in a relationship so I see it has the past is the past and move on w my life cause I don’t got time to spend on someone who’s not wanting the same as me

[@justintrades7851]

7:20 sounds so manipulative

[@michaeljonas7604]

Absolutely not she didn't want to be friends when she monkey branched into a new,while she was still with me,wouldn't respond go my text or phones calls,I was dead to her, so I'll just stay dead,if she has the balls to come back and ask me to be friends I'll laugh in her face