Scapegoat Abuse and Pathological Projection Processes

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

1) Join my new FSA Education online community for adult survivors on SUBSTACK at familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/. Subscribe for free to receive my FSA-related articles or become a paid subscriber to access Community features where you can engage with other FSA adult survivors via Group Chats and Discussion Threads. 2) Purchase my introductory book on Family Scapegoating Abuse (Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed) via this Universal Buy Link, which includes links to Amazon: books2read.com/intro2fsa.

[@raven4090]

The worst thing about it is other people outside the family can unconsciously detect those invisible feathers that are struck onto us, and they will also abuse us or ostracize us.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I did a couple of videos on this, I think they are on my Dysfunctional family scapegoating playlist.

[@natatattful]

How can they tell?

[@taraarrington2285]

It is very strange when it seems like you're the only one who can recognize and acknowledge the dysfunction when they're in denial so they call you crazy when you know that they have a shared psychosis

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Hi Tara, clinically, the Family Projective Identification Process is similar to a shared psychosis, but technically wouldn't be recognized as one. However, given the dynamics are so similar, it is an analogy that can help FSA adult survivors / family Identified Patients better understand what they are dealing with.

[@smustipher]

If being "crazy" is the price of admission to exit the DYSFUNCTION, I will gladly pay it.

[@christinalw19]

We have normal perceptions, Dear One. Comments such as yours make me proud, yet hurt like crazy. Because. ❤️🙏🏼🕊

[@jayneweaver8695]

Thank you, Rebecca. The Scapegoat is affected for LIFE. Looking up to their parent for guidance, only to receive child abuse. Often from the entire family, aunts, uncles, cousins. Even after being extremely successful, 4 business licenses in the financial industry, 6+ figure income, mill worker dad, & secondary narc, my sibling, a waitress, still call me a "loser" "crook" at gatherings, w/neighbors, my guests, there. NO Contact has brought me farther in 2.5 years than 6 years of counseling, I had zero idea a narc therapist was/is vital.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I believe you would strongly relate (and possibly get a kick out of) my 'dramedy'-filled 'Bizarre Reality' video series - first one is here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gGjSeaaIn6d7iKc

[@jayneweaver8695]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse okay, I'll definitely watch

[@lisamareeaccary5132]

My mother was a chronic alcoholic and I was the eldest only daughter of 5 I was the scapegoat I felt that she was projecting her self hatred onto me I don’t know how conscious or unconscious her abuse was but someone told me my mother said “I’m no good for Lisa” so she must have been aware but did it anyway My experience of her was like a covert narcissist that acted so completely different in front of others it was a completely different person and so no one believed me but instead believed I was treating my mother badly because unknown to me she was telling everyone that It’s like my very existence triggered her hatred of me while telling everyone about her beautiful daughter So talk about being confused for me One moment I’m the devil behind closed doors the next a wonderful beautiful talented person in public

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I think many will relate to your experiences that you describe here, myself included.

[@nicselectronics81]

They got their work cut out, i did and am doing the long grueling healing work, none of their attacks can take that away from me 💪

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Absolutely correct. Here's a link to some resources I put together in case you want additional support: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/

[@jennifervierstraete7987]

Its very overwhelming to wake up and realize. Im still in shock. I'd still rather wake up and see it than still be unaware and yet always feeling depressed and oppressed.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Yes. Once awakened, there is hope of breaking all the way through into the light of awareness, hope, and healing.

[@YvonneMobley-uq1tl]

Jen, it is truly devastating when you discover this evil. I already know . What I can tell you is that first you will experience the stages of grief. Trudging through the muck you will find yourself healing baby step by baby step. You have already walked through 500 miles of desert, the rest of your journey will be cool,cool water and a never ending supply of lemons.😂

[@taraarrington2285]

Sometimes I think there's nothing more heartbreaking and seeing your child go through the same scapegoating abuse that you went through I feel like more psychologist and therapist really need to be educated that this is child abuse that these people are child abusers

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Yes, and this is one of the reasons I started this channel - to reach even more people - including health professionals - about what I named family scapegoating abuse (FSA).

[@vc7770]

😮 Another moment of clarity to explain my experience. Thank you!!! Each time a light bulb goes on, it heals me and validates my feelings a little more. Thank you!!!!!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thanks for sharing - and you're welcome! This was my intention and hope when I started this channel a few months ago, btw...

[@astrarai-thesobercoder]

Same

[@diannetimpson6885]

As a 69 yr. old adult scapegoated child, I have looked back and can easily identify 4 generations of narcissists and malignant narcissists on my maternal side. The lying, smear campaigning and eventual rejection of family members has been going for well over 100 years. I went No Contact with All of the surviving ones 17 years ago and my life, although I have no family ( as if I ever did), has never been more stable and satisfying. Now for my question: There have been recent studies of 175 twins displaying narcissistic traits. The study suggests narcissism is an inherited personality disorder. What is your opinion on the study's conclusions?

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Hi Dianne, I'd love to take a look at that study (methodologies used, controls, etc) and share my thoughts. Do you have a link to it? I have a family system filled with twins for generations upon generations and so I find this extra interesting!

[@fightswithspirits915]

only 1 sib of 6 told me "we're not brave like you to look at ourselves!" it was in that moment i knew she was the covert.

[@Helena-tw7pj]

I am glad I found your channel!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Welcome! Linking you to a list of resources I put together for FSA adult survivors for additional support: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/

[@elizabethd.2398]

I’m curious to know if the narcissistic family will finally realize what they were doing to the scapegoat once s/he finally goes no-contact? I’m 9 years no-contact with my narcissistic family, and I’m wondering if any one of them has finally had an epiphany about how much they abused me as the family scapegoat. My brother tried to lure me back in about 3 years ago, but I wouldn’t budge. He led me to believe that he wanted a relationship with me. But since I refused to go back to the family rabbit hole, I don’t hear from him anymore.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Hi Elizabeth - Great question, I added it to my list of questions I want to cover in a future video. My short answer is: I see plenty of videos and articles on what happens when the family scapegoat leaves, and I can tell you with certainty that nobody can possibly know the answer to this, as each family system is unique, and responses will vary according to the level of dysfunction or narcissism in the family. My FSA research suggests that a dysfunctional family system caught in the family projective identification process may feel genuinely confused and hurt by the ending of contact, whereas a narcissistic family system will only amp up the scapegoating and smear campaigns further. AND, some traumatized, highly defended family systems also have narcissists in them, so you can get a mix of both of these primary responses. Easy, black-and-white answers may feel reassuring at first, but they are generally not sound or accurate clinically - particularly when it comes to this form of abuse (what I named FSA, based on my family systems research). I'll say more in a dedicated video. Thanks for your question and hope you subscribe!

[@taraarrington2285]

What I found is that narcissists find a new scapegoat before they discard the old scapegoat probably for not complying so they probably found a new scapegoat about the time that you went no contact

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

@@taraarrington2285 My experience with clients, and my research on FSA, suggests that sometimes the scapegoating continues 'long distance' - Via the ongoing smear campaign; the parent getting sympathy for having such a 'difficult' or 'selfish' child, etc, etc. In a dysfunctional family without narcissism, there is evidence suggesting that family members may develop progressive health conditions. It is as if, without the scapegoat there to discharge the 'disowned' 'shadow' parts onto, the body starts to attack itself. Fascinating to consider.

[@taraarrington2285]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse I can see why this is makes total sense unfortunately my 6-year-old is taking a lot of the brunt of scapegoating and I don't know what to do about it because it seems like therapists and other so-called experts don't know what they're doing

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

@@taraarrington2285 I've had people write me to let me know that they gave their child's therapist (or their own therapist) my book and it was very helpful. Quite a few people now find my work on FSA via their own therapist who recommended my book. A family systems-trained therapist would understand that your son may be scapegoated or made the family "IP" by relatives; looking for a licensed Marriage Family Therapist (LMFT or MFT) ensures that you have a therapist who understands family systems, as we have to take extra training in this specialty in grad school. If they don't know about family roles, then they were asleep in class!

[@rhondahernandez9983]

sharing! Im always waiting on your new videos... so so helpful!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you, Rhonda. I thought perhaps you and I could look at doing an interview sometime for my channel - let's discuss!

[@janegreen5301]

Thanks Rebecca! Surprised to see another video so soon and grateful. I know there are generational issues in my family of origin. Malignant narcissism is there too. The more I learn as I seek to know and understand the MORE I WANT TO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND. It's painfully fascinating. Listened to a video of Janine Fisher today because you suggested her book, thank you I gained insight to my own trauma. THANK YOU for sharing your expertise I so appreciate you. Jane

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're welcome, Jane. Janina is a wonderful (and wonderfully knowledgeable and compassionate) speaker - I trained with her for my certification as a complex trauma professional. Glad you now have her work as a resource as well.

[@DosBear]

Makes sense to me. The reason it's so difficult is that it happens over such a long period of years that you can't specifically point a finger at one particular instance. I'm sure they all had their own issues with me that just got swept under the carpet as opposed to dealing with them at the time. So things just tend to not get dealt with, especially if they are emotional in nature. It's much easier to just let things go rather than face a physical or verbal attack. At least that the case in my covert family situation.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

One of the reasons I emphasize the insidious and subtle dynamics at play in regard to FSA.

[@jesperandersson889]

greatest ever description of invisible strangeness (FSA)

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Invisible systemic abuse...(!)

[@phyllisjackson4322]

Bingo! Aha moment. Validation of my own assessment. thank you. "I love you, but I see you".

[@lindalou4858]

That speaks to them or others anyone who does not speak your "language"! They know not what they do, what u say, hating the truthsayer.....I don't or try to call people names or labels, and take lightly being called narcissist, bipolar etc etc whatever take lightly research and you know it takes one to know one. I am honest when doing introspection faithfully holding on to my identifying myself, humbly, hopefully and remaining kind always, come from Love never fear. I am a work in progress, learning is my fuel to evolving. I can discern, bull shit on any subject. Speakers ten out of ten don't have same opinions! Thank you again, I focus on healing, getting beyond getting thru the experience rather than run or masking denial? Understanding is primary need/want

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you for being here, Linda, and for your insightful comment. Love expands us; fear contracts us. The more we expand our awareness, the more compassion for self (and others) we will tend to have - even while doing whatever we need to do to protect ourselves from harm and abuse. A good message for all.

[@taraarrington2285]

If you look into research it says that the family scapegoat actually tends to be the strongest and the most emotionally healthy and usually intuitive and empathic

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

@@taraarrington2285 Yes, I stress this in my book in my chapter on the family Empath. My own research on what I named 'family scapegoating abuse' (FSA) also suggests the same - I had well over 1000 research participants, by the way.

[@Hihellosamm]

I can’t thank you enough for these videos. It’s seems the past few months I’ve been wrestling with a lot of things mentally both for me and now my family and how I am scapegoat. My question is.. what type of therapist should I seek out or if any? I find it extremely hard to find therapy beneficial so I want to be in the right direction when looking and not do so much trial and error

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Hi Sam, I discuss how to find a therapist trained in family systems in my book, 'Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed', and also mention it in an article. You can access the book in this video's description. Scroll down and you will also see an article called '10 Self-Care Tips for Adult Survivors of Family Scapegoating'. I hope you find these resources helpful.

[@mercyshaver5264]

Thank you for pointing out this insightful abuse within the family.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're welcome!

[@lindalindstadt6436]

Hi Rebecca. So good to see your video! ❤ Hope you had a blessed Christmas and that you have a very blessed new year.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Hi Linda, great to hear from you! Unfortunately, I need to have surgery this Wednesday. Your prayers are appreciated, as always. We hope this will get me on the right track for healing.

[@lindalindstadt6436]

Oh, Rebecca, I will be praying for you as you approach Wednesday's surgery. @@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse

[@Heyokasireniei468sxso]

I agree 99.9 % i have seen it to be unconscious but there is that point .1 % when it doesn't start of intentional nevertheless there is a point in it where they are conscious of what they are doing and they enjoy it , with that smirk , especially when there is a pattern but i never thought that my parents ever sat in a dark corner and plotted on me , i have heard conversations of them trying to pass the guilt shame and blame , but never schemes against me , my father just took advantage of whatever opportunities that presented itself , my mom only does it when she anxious or feels less than in some way, and which can be as simple as me refusing her patronage or advise (to which i know comes from her childhood she values being useful and generous as one of her benevolent traits but with it comes emotional blackmail, projective identification and stonewalling, we literally just almost got into it 2 hours ago, because i was trying to help her, but she flipped it , because i refused money from her , but she only wanted me to take it because she wanted to feel good about herself to calm her anxiety because shes in the shelter right now and she just signed the lease for an apt (supposed to be for dec 1st)and is waiting for the key and i guess the checks to clear but shes been in there 3 years and is fearful of being disappointed even thought everything went thru and was approved nevertheless she wanted me to take the money, so she doesn't go drink (she quit drinking since the edema and fatty liver almost cirrhosis ) so i asked for 50 dollars and now shes fine my brother and i spoke on it hes the lost child/ mascot and we really just accepted wow they literally do have these issues, its not just abstract theory or out there everyone else , or we are the problem, Like no they really do have these issues and we need to accept this on a concrete level beyond emotional intellectual or spiritual but concreate instinctual, because they refuse to relate on a consciousness level (my sister too my brother is opening and growing ) they only wish to interact in instinctual ways anyway, thank you for another great video and right on time too

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Hi Rex, I agree this can happen when family scapegoating is going on (the knowing, the smirking, etc). This 'knowing' behavior, however, would be distinct from discussions of the confirmed reality of (and qualities associated with) the family projective identification process defense mechanism - the focus of this video. With that said, this would make for a good video topic, all you describe here in the first part of your message. Stay tuned!

[@Heyokasireniei468sxso]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse indeed in regard to the premise being that of a defense mechanism thank you for the correction

[@carolyngartner6865]

Thanks for another enlightening video. It's really hard to accept that the abuse is unconscious and that I am stuck with it forever. Are there things I can do to try to minimize the dynamic?

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Excellent question, Carolyn. I just added this to my list of Subscriber Questions and will do one or more dedicated videos on this. Deciding what level of contact will serve you at the HIGHEST level in regard to your healing and recovery (and this may change over time) is a necessary first step. If you choose to engage, some of the things I list here in these two self-care articles on seeing family may give you some ideas as to how to best take care of yourself if you choose to remain in contact, even if only for holidays, etc. Link to articles here: 1) www.scapegoatrecovery.com/2021/11/16/holiday-self-care-for-adults-in-the-family-scapegoat-role/ 2) www.scapegoatrecovery.com/2021/09/08/10-self-care-tips-for-adult-survivors-of-family-scapegoating/

[@PrettyWhiteLady]

Thank you so much 😊

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're welcome!

[@Nell-yh9og]

Hi, I think your analysis are amazing however I have a bit of a différent opinion on this one : I think they know they are abusing the scapegoat at some level. I was surprised to realize that many family members would participate in, and mention the family dynamic but refuse to adress its reasons at the same time : they will basically freeze or panic during the conversation when I suggest them to "ask" other family members why they act this way ("No no no ! I did not and will not ask them why!) to the point it recently amused me to observe how both puzzled and avoidant some of them chose to remain for decades. I feel like the projection saves the group self image as a whole, but as for most bullies they are not individually in capacity to undertake the violence they inflict, witnesss or tolerate. They know at some level they are participating in something dirty, they can smell the irrational of the situation and will avoid any questions, being aware there are no substiancial answers. From there, I agree most people use projection as a defense mechanism to avoid acknowledging what they do, are, or makes them uncomfortable. And I agree this is most of the time an unconscious tool. I hope I was not off topic, and thank you for the great work you are doing.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Not off topic at all, and I appreciate your comment. This can definitely be the case at times. However, there is research going back over a half century in the field of Family Systems (my specialty), that supports what I share here in this video (and in my book, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed). Defense mechanisms can be profoundly protective, and the Family Projective Identification Process is one such (systemic) defense mechanism. So no. Family members caught up in the pathological Family Projective Identification Process do not always know they are being abusive - in fact, often they believe they are the victim of the one they are abusing and will often see the scapegoat as the "problem" or even see them as "the narcissist." This is generally the case if the family is highly traumatized as a system with inter / transgenerational trauma. However, I would say that in a narcissistic (versus dysfunctional) family system, the abuse is conscious and intentional in most cases and I have spoken about this in videos here - I have a playlist specifically on narcissistic family systems and there are articles on my website where I address this as well.

[@yournotthatimportant1032]

I was left alone at 10. I had 1 pair of pants for a year i wasnt taught hygeiene, I didn't bathe, i smelled. I got large blackheafs all over my face. I was neglected. I was emotionally abused. I was physically abused . I lived in a srig addicted...alcoholic...violent...dysfunctional...misogyny household.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

That is not only scapegoating - That is profound parental neglect, and should never happen to any child. Ever.

[@yournotthatimportant1032]

Resentments to my sister who at the time was 25 and didn't get me out of there but I guess it wasnt her responsibility I called her about my lack of clothes she told my dad to buy me clothes and take me to a dermatologist. She would do things like that if I reached out

[@angelcity007]

I’m so sorry you were so neglected.

[@chewbaccassecretlovechild2607]

It's even worse if it's subconscious anyway 😪 . What you are saying is that their behaviour is pathological? ( I'm sorry for the many comments on various videos. I love your channel ❤️ 💕

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

'Pathological' means when someone behaves in an extreme and unacceptable way, and has very powerful feelings that they cannot control. I would say that scapegoating a family member qualifies, particularly when the beliefs and thoughts about the scapegoated family member have no basis in reality, and are driven by either the Family Projective Identification Process OR a narcissistic, dominant, power-holding family member. Problem is, the family finds these behaviors not only acceptable - often they agree with them, as what I call family scapegoating abuse (FSA) is driven by systemic processes. Good questions and glad you like the channel.

[@brendaholiday]

I guess I'm confused how they can knowingly, purposely exploit my weaknesses, weaponize my insecurities, and otherwise know EXACTLY how to hit me where it hurts if it's not intentional and malicious, you know? Is that entire process of cataloging insecurities and faults and using them against you also unconscious?

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Hi Brenda, great question. If you read the video description, I am specifically addressing DYSFUNCTIONAL family systems and scapegoating, not narcissistic family systems. A week from this Saturday I will be discussing NARCISSISTIC family systems and scapegoating. There is a difference, and this is supported by research.

[@brendaholiday]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Whew! Thank you, I get it now.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

@@brendaholiday I think I'll change the title also to make it even more clear! You sound like someone who might appreciate my videos on narcissistic families and scapegoating; I hope you will consider subscribing.

[@brendaholiday]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Already subscribed weeks ago! Your cult metaphor did so much for my healing from family estrangement. My younger sister’s abandonment hurts the most. But at least I have a framework to understand it without making it about my worth. I can’t thank you enough.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

@@brendaholiday Wonderful to hear, thank you for letting me know. New video out tomorrow at 10 am PT - on injustice and righteous rage!

[@onshiplessoceans1675]

I can't find the other video you mention at 0:50 ("Does your family know that they are scapegoating you?"). Any chance you can point me to it? I'm very curious.

[@TWILLIE639]

Can it be that one has a mother that projects upon the scapegoat and a narcissistic brother that is intentional in his abuse of the scapegoat?

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Excellent question, and yes, this can definitely happen. This is why I wrote in my article about family projection that it can be one, or the other, or a mix of both (scapegoating fueled by the Family Projective Identification Process AND also there can be one or more family members with narcissistic traits or full-blown narcissism contributing to the scapegoating abuse). I plan to discuss this in more detail in a video soon. Narcissistic family systems are always dysfunctional, but a dysfunctional family system is not always a narcissistic one; yet, I do not see this distinction being made often enough (if ever). It seems that any and all dysfunctional families are being labelled 'narcissistic families' and family members are all 'narcs'. I'm thinking that many people talking and writing about this are not actually family systems-trained therapists and haven't worked with families in clinical settings or in a private practice, nor do they seem to be familiar with family systems research and the many types of dysfunctional families that have been studied in the past. Surprising!

[@TWILLIE639]

I think I understand it - narcissism has symptoms, if you will, of actual pathology. Defensiveness is a primitive mechanism that is used to counter anxiety. Projection is another primitive defense. I believe the word for that and the other defenses of Rationalization, Justification, etc. is “Maladaptive.” Maladaptive family members leads to dysfunction in the family on an unconscious basis. While full scale narcissism is a mental disorder (pathology). Correct me if I’m wrong.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

@@TWILLIE639 Brilliantly summarized. I couldn't have said it better myself! I see Mental Health professionals confusing dysfunctional family systems with narcissistic ones; I see them also say that narcissistic families are always caught in a family projective identification process when this may or may not be the case. In a highly traumatized dysfunctional family system, however, it is nearly always the case that the family projective identification process is behind the scapegoating - typically directed toward the family Empath, but not always. This has been supported via my years of research on what I named 'Family Scapegoating Abuse' (FSA).

[@TWILLIE639]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse thanks Rebecca. Don’t know how I came up with this so late at night haha 4 am in Atlanta! Obviously seeking to understand. You be well.

[@fabiobarbieri2213]

Hi Rebecca!! in the case that the process of scapetegoating is fueled by a narcissistic father, why the rest of the family does't face up to him?? Are they afraid of him?? Thanks!!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Hi Fabio, the narcissistic family system is very similar to a cult system. This has been studied on and there is evidence supporting this statement (the same can also be true for the dysfunctional family system, particularly one that suffers from unrecognized intergenerational trauma). Family members must align with the power-holder(s) in the system to survive and be accepted by the narcissist/power-holder. Therefore, family members typically will not "speak truth to power" for fear of retribution/retaliation. Siblings of scapegoated children may also lack empathy as they learn to 'tune out' the pain of the scapegoat child to survive - their silence protects them from the anger of the narcissist, in the example you are asking about. They fear that by speaking up or defending the 'scapegoat child', they too will be rejected and ostracized by the narcissistic parent.

[@fabiobarbieri2213]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Thanks Rebecca!! As always you've been so helpful !!!

[@christar9527]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse These siblings that join in with the parental scapegoating don’t seem like they were born with much empathy to begin with. Do you find that to be true at least sometimes? Or most of the time? I don’t understand how my sisters could have been so cruel.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

@@christar9527 I was reading some research about this. The hypothesis is that siblings see what is happening to the scapegoat target and they don't want to end up the same way, so they 'tune out' and fail to develop empathy; the researchers theorize it is a survival / defense mechanism in such scenarios. I agree this could be possible, but as I often say, with families that scapegoat, there is no 'always' or 'never' - each family system's dysfunction (and/or pathology) is unique, depending on 'the players'.

[@alexismerrilldragonqueen]

​@@christar9527I also am scapegoated by my siblings. It's sad because I remember standing up for them, but I guess maybe they don't remember that, so now all they do is fawn to my narc dad and codependent mom, keeping silent about how I was abused, and continue to do so. It feels like my siblings didn't even experience my narc dad's rage. They did, it just was never really directed at them, and they are too cowardly to stand up him EVER, even now as a feeble old man. Well this last Father's Day, I decided to NOT celebrate my dad. They can all have each other. I'm out ✌️

[@fabiobarbieri2213]

Hi!! I get that Projective Identification is an unconscious process, but does it (unconsciouness) make them less responsable for their behaviors??

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Hi Fabio! No, it does not make them less responsible - however, it is doubtful they will ever take responsibility, whether it is unconscious and part of a family projective identification process, or driven consciously by a narcissistic family power-holder. Therefore, we must take the responsibility for our own healing, and do whatever we need to do to ensure our own well-being.

[@fabiobarbieri2213]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Hi Rebecca!! I agree!! By all means we are responsable for our healing!! Thank you!

[@eulaliamassague8226]

Then we can't do nothing, because it is an unconcious process and they are not aware of the big damage they do to the scapegoated

[@eulaliamassague8226]

family member, I had no contact for 7 years, and then they hoover me. I am 62 yeras old, single mum of 2 grown daughters and I am living with my 30 years old son who has cerebral palsy, quadriplejic and non verbal. Helping him 24 hours x 365 days a year. In my opinion it has been too hard, now I know my both parents are narcisistics, even my sisters, they isolate me. This is a mental illness that never will heal....I must protect myself. Sorry my english is not good enought, thankyou very much Rebecca...I am understanding my life is better late than never.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Hi Eulalia - When a narcissist is involved, the abuse can indeed be conscious - and intentional! I do emphasize this in my videos. In general, if you know there is trauma in your family - and especially if there is intergenerational trauma - there may be abuse going on that is unconscious due to the family projective identification process, and there may be abuse going on that is conscious - and intentional. Nothing in life is 'black' and 'white' - dysfunctional families are complex. No matter what the cause, you will always want to protect yourself.from any form of abuse, whether it is consciously intended or not. Glad you're here, and I hope you will subscribe!

[@taraarrington2285]

The thing is I think that most narcissists are not self-aware and they will fight everyone who tries to tell them that they're a narcissist or even suggest that they should get some kind of mental help so people that are willing to get help for their issues just get gas lit by the narcissist

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

@@taraarrington2285 Yep.

[@norxgirl1]

Too much intergenerational stuff on both sides to list it all here going back several lifetimes. I thought Bowen wrote about a scenario of a stillborn baby or a pediatric death. If parents don't include the deceased child into the family unit, like never discuss the baby, or don't process the loss, it can set the family up for targeting another child - and there is danger of suicidal ideations, attempts, completions as in my family. I thought Bowen also said something about the remaining family members who evict the scapegoat may have a tendency to progressively poorer health, which also happened in my FOO. Got your book....looking forward to reading.....

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I'll have to look into that, I was in grad school sooo long ago and watched so many videos of all the 'greats' in family systems working with clients - as well as reading papers and research. I will say that in my own work with families, the 'replacement baby' following the loss of a baby via still birth or pediatric death can indeed be the target of FSA - at times from birth. Part of this is due to the unconscious - or even conscious - fear and anxiety held by the parents (and possibly older siblings who went through the first infant death) regarding whether this 'new' infant will live or die. This is the type of deep anxiety that can fuel the family projective identification process, so you are providing readers here with an excellent example and I plan now to do a video on this. Regarding family members possibly having their health progressively fail when the 'scapegoat' is r/ejected from the family system (or they choose to end contact to escape the abuse): This would also tie into intergenerational and individual trauma, as trauma is held in the body. Without a means of discharging it onto the scapegoat child / adult child, somatic symptoms and physical impairments may increase. It is tragic and fascinating at the same time, I find...We cannot underestimate the role intergenerational trauma plays in family scapegoating - whether the family is dysfunctional or narcissistic (given that many adults who are NPD suffered trauma as children and/or came from highly traumatized family systems). Thank you for this comment - I have even more video ideas now!

[@jessicaardoin5462]

Mine Was Intentional. My Mother Made Me The Scapegoat Intentionally. I Know This Because I've Heard How I Was Her 1st Greatest Disappointment & Just Continued To Be A Disappointment. From Birth- Now. My Sperm Donors' Family Intentionally Chose Me As The Scapegoat Because I Broke The Code Of Silence. I've Suffered 2 Smear Campaigns-Amongst Other Things-So It's Very Much Intentional. They Started That Crap When I Was 13. So, Yes, Very Intentional.

[@jessicaardoin5462]

Also: I Was Seen As A Threat By Both

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

HI Jessica, not sure if you read the video description, but when clients have evidence that the scapegoating was absolutely conscious and intentional, we may be looking at a narcissistic family system, versus a dysfunctional one. In a narcissistic family system, the scapegoating is driven and fueled by one or more narcissistic family members who are empowered to deal out false narratives and distort reality. So it is a combination of what I call FSA and narcissistic abuse. I'll do a video on this soon. Thank you for your comment.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

@@jessicaardoin5462 Being a threat can happen in both a dysfunctional or narcissistic family system that scapegoats, particularly if you are a truth-telling Empath. My video on the Empath and scapegoating may be of interest to you, although the focus in this one is also more on the dysfunctional family system and the Family Projective Identification Process versus scapegoating in a narcissistic family system.

[@christar9527]

I broke the sperm donors code of silence too and he had a lifelong vendetta against me. He worked very hard to continue it and got everyone to go along with him. I think my egg donor has to be a narcissist too but I’m not sure why she scapegoated and smear campaigned me. I’m a little confused about how much was intentional and how much wasn’t. Btw, I’ve called them “sperm donor “and “egg donor “ too because they certainly don’t deserve the title of “parents “.

[@jayneweaver8695]

I agree with you wholeheartedly Jessica!

[@fifilafleur5555]

Can we come from a family that is doing both... narcissists & the family projective identification? I’m pretty sure my dad’s wife & half sister along with my dad know they are abusing me. Are all parents/family members who project their shame/issues onto the scapegoat & ostracize that child **malignant** narcissists?

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Yes, a family can be traumatized, dysfunctional, and also have one or more narcissists present. It may also be an alcoholic family system (or similar). Scapegoating can occur in any of these types of families.

[@papapeaceful8713]

6:22

[@olentangyriver1191]

I no longer can trust people and I gave up my belief in God. I'd rather be an aethiest than believe a God would allow this to happen😢

[@davesiegal3592]

Completely understood that this is an "unconscious process" in the family system. Although, I can't help but think that the "abusers" understand deep down that committing "assault and battery" (physical abuse, although I think this phrase minimizes a crime which otherwise perpetrated on child by a stranger might warrant) on a child is wrong. Because it's kind of hard not to see uncontrollable fury which manifests in physical violence that your perpetrating on another child or person. It's not "hidden" or clandestine like the other abnormal psychological behaviours that manifest it's right in your hands beating someone. Maybe they think this is "normal" behaviour because they were "brought up" in that environment but I can't see anywhere in history where society is accepting of violent beatings on children. That has been sort of shunned in the past and right out there in society informing people to refrain from such behaviour. If you can't control your physical violence against others regardless of what psychological "wounds" you may or may not have, you still need to be locked up in prison or a mental asylum and away from all other people and by the same token not to be forgiven either. You knew that beating children was wrong regardless whether you are "suffering" from mental problems or not. So it's understood but does not rate up to forgiveness and "understanding", quite the contrary, it rates prosecution and punishment of the most severe kind.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Often unconscious in highly traumatized family systems (individual and intergenerational); in narcissistic family systems, the narcissistic family member may indeed by consciously and intentionally harming / abusing the scapegoated family member. More information here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/d3WQo6qNeseWjac

[@davesiegal3592]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Thank you!!

[@bobbieriales8764]

Beatings were common when I was a child and accepted by many.