Sci-Fi Short Stories- Humans Are Weird: Cravings & A brief update to the university rules(TFOS# 774)

[@robertbemis9800]

The only thing more unsettling than the humans ability to turn anything into a weapon Is human’s ability to turn weapon technology into something that can amuse them

[@omnigamer6671]

So treating tech that should only be used as a weapon as a toy

[@shanerooney7288]

Most of those university rules can be summed up with "Don't do war crimes"

[@AgroSquerril]

seems fair

[@bobsterclause342]

Humans are weird playlist kzbin.info/aero/PLcVxcFtbECU9m3jQycRUHyyenJVZOE4j7

[@asurasyn]

"It's not a war crime if we're not at war!"

[@zyanidwarfare5634]

My favorite was rule 20

[@jeremycheney142]

@@zyanidwarfare5634 i really want to know what caused the self replicating castle rule.

[@timeshark8727]

That they have a "Yeet" class of tugboats shows that humans have indeed already found their way into the depths of the common culture of the universe.

[@AgroSquerril]

yarp

[@InternetGravedigger]

Nah, humans likely designed them in the first place and as such named them...

[@Kualinar]

Yeet class tugboats are human creation only made by humans.

[@davethompson3326]

Surely, "Yeet" class tugboats are employed at a Uni for moving failed (or unexpectedly successful?) experiments to a Black Hole?

[@majnabunny]

Is this a good time to point out that one gram of antimatter is effectively a forty kiloton nuke without the ability to make radioactive fallout when it goes bang, those are quite some firecrackers

[@frederikanby2634]

Happy New year indeed

[@steveradroach9101]

So the students basically start casual galactic genocide level of Fun?

[@frederikanby2634]

@@steveradroach9101 we prefer the term "genetic resetting"

[@bobsterclause342]

Thank you for pointing this out. I love science facts, and I generally say something like this

[@bobsterclause342]

Reminds me of the banning of fireworks that can cause a class 5 earthquake

[@JBEEUD]

It is my sincerest hope that someone will put together a compilation of stories that are the origins for every single one of the rules on this list. That would be an epic set of stories!

[@maurizioginanneschi9402]

I would like to read the one that gave origin to the prohibition to create self-replicating castles...

[@cmmpr111]

Yes

[@jeremybiwer8756]

This is should also be in the SCP.

[@Netherdan]

The important thing is that they're 2 rules away from the "nice" rule

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

They are the specials from ASS-U story line on hfy

[@bobsterclause342]

Its always funny when a rule is stated. Then a more generalized version is released without amending previous.

[@robertstoneking7916]

And then another one.

[@PhoenixThunderheart]

And then the one after that is the equivalent of "Just No"

[@Gilhelmi]

Those rules. Can't. Stop. Laughing. The pain, the glorious pain! Laughter is too much. I am a bit of a masochist. I still finished the list.

[@plinko-moss]

They didn’t say they couldn’t do anything on the rules right outside of the campus

[@rpgmaniac420]

That human genius right there!

[@bobsterclause342]

Humans are weird playlist kzbin.info/aero/PLcVxcFtbECU9m3jQycRUHyyenJVZOE4j7

[@futtynucker5278]

Sounds like we have to convince the department heads to add two more rules. For...reasons. Let's get to work, Ladies and Mentlegents!

[@steveradroach9101]

I'm building a Hulkbuster iron man armor.

[@asurasyn]

68: Do NOT "Do the thing". We know you can do it, there's no reason to prove it!

[@asurasyn]

69: Nice. Be nice!

[@lunaphoenix1785]

70: DO NOT dare a human to do something, they can and will do it... 71: No "rickrolling" the entire school 72: No playing music over the PA system 73: No using the PA system 74: No hacking our systems

[@Sallhia]

Ah, the beauty of loopholes! 😂

[@insanecrazyman7637]

if it exists we human's will find a way around it xD

[@GabrielHellborne]

I'm surprised there wasn't a rule against building a death ray. That'd be the first thing humans would think of doing.

[@comradedima9791]

that goes in the law book and not just the university rule

[@bvc5320]

To easy, these students find stuff like that boring. They prefer more chaotic ways of driving the staff insane.

[@rshtg2019]

Pretty sure that's just against the law

[@robertalexander5892]

That was already in the rules. These are just the additional/updated rules.

[@Kualinar]

Those are the rules from the tenth addendum. Each addendum have it's own numeration.

[@sevyrsgaming1202]

That last rule...just "NO", poor bastard was just done with this 🤣

[@AgroSquerril]

lol

[@ericwhite3526]

That was the traumatic ptsd kicking in he seen or heard too much at that point

[@canedy999]

genuinely surprised it took so long for rule 9 to be a thing.

[@Worn_Guide]

I mean, you hate to see it just like everyone else, but a psychological weapon? You'd think that tickling would be a more worst method.

[@Nezumis]

They never said no to skulls for the skull throne.

[@199022009]

You know, you're just gonna give the humans more incentive to find more creative ways to break the rules.

[@AgroSquerril]

true

[@seldonwright4345]

As if it was even needed in the first place

[@Duke00x]

That is why one of the rules is not doing th8ngs just to make the list longer. It somewhat (but far from completely) limits them going around the rules.

[@SiegeTF]

So, .009 gram antimatter firecrackers are ok to hide in the toilets.

[@OzzyBoganTech]

I think they're misunderstand the explosive force of even 0.00001g of antimatter

[@undrachvrsage]

The whole bit about castles made me laugh so hard my side's cramped.

[@urmominabox87]

"I don't care that this is discriminatory" you just lost the lawsuit right there bud

[@bobsterclause342]

Humans are weird playlist kzbin.info/aero/PLcVxcFtbECU9m3jQycRUHyyenJVZOE4j7

[@calvingreene90]

That depends on if the judge has dealt with humans before.

[@drtidrow]

Might be cheaper than the alternative.

[@michaelyoung7261]

I feel like number 67, “No.” should have been much higher in the list. Somewhere near number three or four.

[@boredman123]

This sounds like "Things dr. Bright isn't allowed to do in the foundation" but applied to the whole race

[@macshadow1150]

Well, they never asked if the guy with strange neclace is the only one or have more coppies while applaying for this school

[@randommoron9892]

I was just what I was thinking!

[@zanderstevens7581]

Blood for the blood god, skulls for the skull throne!!!

[@joshuafischer684]

SNEED FOR THE FEED AND SEED

[@antonfowler6582]

MILK FOR THE KHORN FLAKES

[@zanderstevens7581]

@@antonfowler6582 i see you are a devotee of slannash wanting to milk the great god khorne

[@steveradroach9101]

I don't see anything in the university rules about making a working set of Iron-Man suits for me and my buddies in University, So here I come!!

[@AgroSquerril]

Power armor for the win

[@zetaking2909]

im still 110% surprised there ok with my giant robot car, i guess even alien chicks like giant robots >.>/

[@henrypaleveda7760]

modular powered armor, solid plate assembly, hard light construction, or nano tech mesh?

[@steveradroach9101]

@@henrypaleveda7760 I hesitate between Hard light and nanotech.

[@henrypaleveda7760]

@@steveradroach9101 I like to go for nano tech or hard light repair systems, but I can't decide what suit myself if given the choice.

[@DocWolph]

So Dr Bright (SCP-963) attends this university?

[@kelvinth117]

i geus so togehter with a few other "Doctor's" *cough*Richtoven *cough*

[@VadulTharys]

Sounds like an engineering university. Every ones greatest fear is a bored engineer.

[@WiredTurkey316]

For the yeet class tug boats

[@anthonykafka42]

*LIGHT SPEED YEET*

[@voodoovince8001]

I prefer the yeetus class tug boats.

[@robertalexander5892]

Rule #9 had me snorting water out of my nose.

[@omnigamer6671]

What I am getting from this is that humans are the Dr. Bright of the universe also imagine aliens finding the scp storys and Dr bright storys first then deciding to never leave us with tech weapons or otherwise on there ships unsupervised

[@sbritton1313]

There should have been 69 rules and the 69th being the one about the letting them know about the relationship in order to add soundproofing

[@glekreal]

Imagine taking shit when some hidden crocodile start appearing from dark corner of the room... :)

[@janet6421]

Actual laws: In New York city it is illegal to bring a live lion into a movie theater In Alaska it is against the law to push a live moose out of an airplane mid-flight. In Arizona, you aren’t allowed to let your donkey sleep in the bathtub In California, animals can’t mate within 500 yards of a church or school (Just how is this law observed, enforced, and punished?) Colorado it is illegal to drink and ride a horse. In Idaho, there is to be no fishing! At least not while riding a camel. Someone actually thought these needed to be written down.

[@H3xx99]

I got Betty Adams's book on audible. I really wish she would write a large, continuous novel from this universe. It's a delightful collection of interesting dynamics. A continuous, world building narrative delving deeper into the backgrounds of each species would be amazing.

[@Gilhelmi]

............... she has a book out? What is it called? What is it about?

[@H3xx99]

@@Gilhelmi short stories about the interactions between humans and all the different aliens they've introduced. It's cute for the most part. It's called Humans are weird, I have the Data.

[@Gilhelmi]

@@H3xx99 nice. I know what I will be buying next then. Thank you for telling me.

[@cripto130]

i wish there was a playlist for all the university episodes

[@AgroSquerril]

blammo , kzbin.info/aero/PLcfzFNUhrNS3dIeKFKC3gncTlsnLmU_a9

[@scotthinger6397]

​@@AgroSquerrilThank you brother! I will watch as soon as my sides stop hurting from laughing!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@thomasmolloy5447]

University addendum to Rule34: Students in the bioengineering department are not, under any circumstances, to create tentacle monsters. Not even for personal use.

[@dragongreek9059]

I died at number seven and I could not stop laughing for the rest of the video

[@darkmatter4210]

The second story sounds like What Dr.bright is not supposed to do but Dr.bright is all of humanity and the rest of the galaxy is the foundation

[@robertschumacher2707]

I'll bet the student who created the virus to make people talk backwards had the net handle of The_White_Knight.

[@ufoe20011]

Yoda fan he is.

[@d.wayneharbison8691]

That last one had me giggling uncontrollably!

[@robertstoneking7916]

Do the Irawrians have their species equivalent to a panic attack to the phrases "Skulls for the skull throne" or "Milk for the Khorne flakes" yet?

[@DonPatrono]

"In the grim darkness of the future scholarship system, we still pay exaggerated amounts of credits to Games Workshop"

[@kevinkor2009]

"50. Don't sell things for anybody." 13:04 Rule 50 is the reason I am not allowed to work in a campus store I don't own.

[@thatonekobold]

I want the story’s behind these rules

[@lelele7350]

aside from the rule 23 i would probably say

[@OGSontar]

Story #1 - That is the absolute truth. I'm a musician, I play both keyboards and guitar, and I can tell you that no matter if you have anyone to play with, the music wants to be played. I'm pretty torn up physically, but even that doesn't matter. Pain or no pain, when the music demands it, I play. It does not need to be songs, either, although sometimes that's the only way to stop a persistent earworm. I usually just noodle around on the guitar, as it's much quicker to set up and play, but occasionally I'll fire up my synth and let fly. Music is the answer...um...now what was the question again? Oh, never mind, just get back to me after this tune. 🎹🎸🎶🎵

[@markuhler2664]

University sounds awesome!

[@DonPatrono]

I love that the final point of the list is "No" Just...no, please, humans stop it, dear deities of space how do you even GET THOSE IDEAS

[@PanduPoluan]

Re: Story #2. Do you know how much energy will be released when 1g of antimatter meets 1g of matter and annihilate each other? It's about equal to the energy released by the 21.5 kiloton H-bomb that was dropped on Nagasaki. So a "fireworks" containing 1g of antimatter = in-air blast of a Nagasaki-class H-bomb. Heck, even 1mg of antimatter = 21.5 TONS of TNT. Go all the way down to nanograms, then it's safer-ish.

[@hogfry]

I low key want to enroll in that University...

[@shutterchick79]

Lol, me too. I would study "Zenozoology" or "Zenopsychology".

[@neuralmute]

@@shutterchick79 Xenopsychology would be an amazingly fun field to study! I've already worked in the field of human psychology, and I'm sure that my experience and research would be enough to fascinate and traumatize classmates and professors alike...

[@discusmaximus]

For the Author(s), for the narrator Agro Squirrel, for the algorithm !!!

[@myistikk2623]

So this is where Dr Bright went to school

[@mage3690]

Rule 67: "No", is open to interpretation. Since I am interpreting it, it means the nullification or inversion of any rule I see fit, which is all of them.

[@rodriclif4386]

Here I am, with another tip for you for the algorithm. The algorithm is a hungry beast that loves some keywords in the comments or descriptions as a delicious spice. In your case, the best keywords would be "star wars" "star trek" and "cyberpunk" or "cyberpunk 2020", and, if you stretch it, maybe "NASA". I would recommend that you put it as examples where you talk about Science fiction or HFY. It will also help new people to understand it with stuff they understand.

[@AgroSquerril]

much appreciated

[@austisticalaskan]

Great work

[@Wraithfire27]

Now I wanna know WHYthe Irawrians don't like those phrases... Like REALLY badly.

[@KuroNvi]

one saw a insane technoblade fan say that before murdering 3 orphans in front of it and dashing away, and the rumor spread

[@stm7810]

67 is my favourite type of vague.

[@lisavaldez661]

I would have to object to .24, .27, 31, ( just because), 34, 35, 37, 38, 39, 40, ( alligator) 43 44, 45-50. 53-57, just all of these

[@macshadow1150]

I was dying inside while listening about god-class bullshit humans were doing there, but then came rule 66 and now I need go on crusade XD

[@FakeSchrodingersCat]

I don't think the second author quite understands what 1 gram of antimatter actually means in terms of explosive yield. the 1 gram firework still represents the equivalent of a small nuclear bomb.

[@jesseamaya4413]

And this is a problem? I meant, after they reinforced the campus due to the incident with the pruning shears a kiloton blast shouldn't be a problem,,

[@FakeSchrodingersCat]

@@jesseamaya4413 Sure a couple of kilotons shouldn't be a problem after some of the incidents but this would be around 43 kilotons. They might have to cancel classes.

[@LuciferVonCarstein]

Reminds me of Things Mr Welch is no longer allowed to do in a Tabletop Game

[@Danieljfriend275]

Blood for the blood god!

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

Techno blade never dies

[@futtynucker5278]

FOR THE EMPEROR!!!

[@dwarvernbard9782]

WAAGGGHH

[@daniel_f4050]

@@dwarvernbard9782 I love how KZbin now has “Translate to English” beneath this.

[@66fallenangel666]

The algorithm demands your blood, it demands the life of your children, it demands the life of your 3rd cousin twice removed. Blood for the blood gods! Likes and comment for the Algorithm!

[@arakheno4051]

Math for the Algorithm!

[@tannpirk]

My answer is only. FOR THE COLONY!

[@tannpirk]

@Kevin Lawhorn algorithm good. Colony better

[@arakheno4051]

@Kevin Lawhorn I am! .. making it stay online to do boring math all day, every day (as opposed to interesting math) ..

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

FOR THE ALGORITHM FOR THE Colony DOWN TO THE REBELLION LONG LIVE THE THEOCRACY!!!!

[@oakenshadow6763]

Self replicating Stabby sworm. >XD

[@joeythesnep5193]

I really love your voice, it helps me get to sleep.

[@AgroSquerril]

glad it helps

[@joeythesnep5193]

@@AgroSquerril I just realized how that comment could’ve been taken as an insult, sorry! I usually binge like 4 or 5 of your videos before finally going to sleep lmao

[@AgroSquerril]

@@joeythesnep5193 i didn't take it as such :)

[@ArronRatliff]

All of the university rules in the second part of the video had me chuckling but rules 20 and 64 had me howling with laughter.

[@noneofyourbuisness1679]

I know we're crazy bastards, but sometimes you just gotta sit back and wonder what the fuck future humanity has been up to that dictates the creation of some of these rules as a necessity

[@gnz11z]

just imagine the basic 10 yo in every human with railguns, ftl and a whole new galaxy of beings to fwith...

[@noneofyourbuisness1679]

@@gnz11z Then where the hell does the time travel come in?

[@calvingreene90]

65. Now where's the fun in that rule. 14:30

[@randommoron9892]

The second one was just space collage version of things dr bright aren't allowed to do

[@Delgen1951]

So i gather that yelling while swinging a black runesword "Blood and souls for Arioch." Is out then too? How about? "NO!".

[@drtidrow]

Second story: "MIT Student Guide for 3021" :-)

[@TechnoSpectre3]

Things Dr. Bight, I mean Humans, are not allowed to do.

[@calvingreene90]

It's bongo time.

[@jameswoods8849]

New rule about not installing teleporters in toilets to cause the waste to appear back inside its source?

[@gingercore69]

67? It was so close! Mankind needs to do a better job

[@Tang0Fox1]

That list of rules seems oddly specific. Lol

[@grogvaughan5649]

9:42 unless they shoot at Doc.

[@contrafax]

Good times, good times.

[@TD-ug4mg]

Wouldn't a gram of antimatter create an explosion several orders of magnitude higher than the fatman?

[@Kualinar]

Less than a GRAM of ANTIMATTER !? That packs more punch than most thermonuclear bombs ! Pretty sure that the text is missing a «milli» in front of «gram»... For the firework, and «micro» for the fire crackers. #22 That one should read as «If anything which causes you to pause and wonder if the ethics board will have an issue with, means DO NOT do !»

[@InternetGravedigger]

That second story, not only did all the Human mad scientists join the university, they then proceeded to constantly troll everyone else... there's no other reasonable explanation.

[@KarakTo]

Blood for the Emperor! Skulls for the Golden Throne!

[@Maeshalanadae]

Maybe they tried to make the local sun sentient…

[@NickGurPlease]

Holy shit, I think this is how HR feels about me

[@thomasross9694]

This reminds me of Dr bright

[@liwojenkins]

The 40k rule had me laughing out loud enough to almost embarrass myself. Those filthy Irawrians seem to remember crusades.....

[@Avigorus]

University rules should have had two more entries, so that the "No." was on #69 roflmao

[@timothyblazer1749]

78. Do not create sentient, solid light replicas of classmates, professors or yourself powered by pocket dimension yottabyte AI in order to allow yourself to "sleep in". 79. Do not create said solid light homonculi in order to record a perfect performance of Thriller. 80. Do not create said solid light homonculi for...other...or ANY...purpose...

[@Thewanderinglibrary12]

I feel like most these rules are put there because some Floridian child was put in the University mostly cuz the alligator and crocodile in the toilets thing

[@delmaplain5358]

Uni easily rules gave me much needed laugh👍,Thanks.

[@NathanBChampine]

My kind of University

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

68 No modifying Non Predator Species to Make Them Predators! Ever!

[@steve2008s]

Kids with god like powers! wow, what could go wrong!

[@AgroSquerril]

no idea.... i will be hiding under my rock. Let me know how it goes

[@greggwilliamson]

The "University Rules" would be a better Science Fiction Series than anything going. As Isaac Asimov said (almost): The "Zeroth Rule". Do not allow "woke" to add ANY rules.

[@ismaelrodrigues1543]

The Reading for the no is because they know about the 69 and knew the humana were trying to make it só they stoped it there.

[@repivci]

BLOOD FOR THE EMPEROR! SKULLS FOR THE GOLDEN THRONE!

[@Mitsuru-Hotaru]

SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE

[@sixwingproductions]

proof humans will find every loophole if you find one and try to get away with it on technicality.

[@zacharysheetz3701]

What about SKULL FOR THE SKULLTHRONE or HERETIC HAIR-ATTIC IiiiiNFffffIDEL a bolter a day keeps the xeno away EXTERMINATOUS RULE 67

[@cyclopes82]

What happened to John Vlacktovich?

[@svenericsson7286]

How about claiming; "The singularity ate my homework?"

[@ChaosLierLen]

2 shy of nice.

[@kerwinbrown4180]

So humans can modify non-preditors. That is an error.

[@bryantcarnagey9951]

God forbid a human tries to have any fun!

[@PartytimeYOLO]

eh, rule 23 seemed to be ok with "fun"....

[@radioactiveassassin5218]

Did...did Jack Bright go to this university?

[@user-vm3os4wl1d]

am i the only one, that had trouble breathing🤣halfway through the second story?

[@darkmatter4210]

"No augmenting the Dead" got me