Scraps: Jordan Schlansky's Masterpiece | CONAN on TBS

Jordan Schlansky explains why "Star Wars" is superior to "Star Trek" for far far too long.
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ABOUT CONAN ON TBS
Airing weeknights since 2010, CONAN on TBS is home to topical monologues, remote segments, celebrity interviews, musical performances and stand-up from the top comedians in the world. Watch highlights, outtakes and behind the scenes footage of Conan palling around with sidekick Andy Richter, tormenting Associate Producer Jordan Schlansky and playing the latest video games on Clueless Gamer.
ABOUT TEAM COCO
Team Coco is the KZbin home for all things Conan O’Brien and the Team Coco Podcast Network. Team Coco features over 25 years of comedy sketches, celebrity interviews and stand-up comedy sets from CONAN on TBS and Late Night with Conan O’Brien, as well as exclusive videos from podcasts like Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend, Literally! with Rob Lowe, Why Won’t You Date Me? with Nicole Byer, The Three Questions with Andy Richter, May I Elaborate? with JB Smoove and Scam Goddess with Laci Mosley.
Scraps: Jordan Schlansky's Masterpiece | CONAN on TBS
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[@sigmagaming1234]

I think this is the longest time Conan has ever gone without speaking

[@ifalone]

what about all those other times when conan had to listen to jordan?

[@kbrock9146]

@@ifalone he has NEVER let Jordan talk this long before without incident

[@cammeelia2815]

Elias Beachman Really? Have you seen ‘Jordan Schlanskys Long-Winded Tour of Italy’ ?

[@julius3868]

@@cammeelia2815 however that video consisted of different scenes. This video consist of just one scene where Jordan talks for the entire time

[@christopherleveck6835]

He looks like hes been hypnotized.

[@mitchbalkaran5655]

This is what Jordan meant by "I have various duties and responsibilities"

[@elvinowe]

lol brilliant

[@juliewynn2093]

ROFLMAO! 😂

[@SansAziza]

Wonderfully said.

[@JoseSanchez0795]

Yes 😂😂😂😂😂

[@ob15027]

Special Forces!

[@jakekamahele5538]

I know Conan and Jordan are friends and Jordan has been with Conan for a long time. I know this was meant to be a gag, but the fact that Conan didn’t cut him off and kept it going and also complimented him for his words was actually very heartfelt. I hope Conan and Jordan stay friends forever. They’ve brought me a lot of happiness in my life.

[@Boomshakalaga]

They will stay friends forever because for some reason I can sense from their conversations they are really really good friends

[@ishtisikder539]

How old are you guys ?

[@GopherManlet]

So what urr saying is u coot

[@paulsteen7641]

@@ishtisikder539😂

[@mrkoala2824]

I wonder how Jimmy Fallon would act in that situation…

[@Obi-Wan_Kenobi]

It's clear that Jordan understands Star Wars way more than anyone at Disney does.

[@mr.o8539]

I think Star Wars is doing good now with the Mandolorian and Andor

[@Shrieqer]

Seriously! I’d love to know his thoughts on Disney Star Wars. It must be killing him inside like the rest of us to see it turned into smooth brain soup.

[@Snoop_Dugg]

@@mr.o8539 Nah those were a few lucky diamonds. The execs just want the conveyor belt of sludge to keep coming.

[@DirtyDeedsDoneDirtCheapD4C]

​@@Snoop_DuggYeah and truth be told Mandalorian kinda went on a "meh" road if you know what I mean

[@DissociatedWomenIncorporated]

And yet his understanding of Star Trek is surprisingly lacking.

[@Redeemer216]

I like how Jordan basically comes out and presents his graduate thesis.

[@ironmantis25]

His argument sounds very similar to Jordan Peterson's analysis on the Lion King.

[@TheVansar]

@@ironmantis25 Too bad only one Jordan learned the importance of cleaning his bloody room.

[@silverfritzreah5598]

i hope i could borrow him to write mine

[@dadrian]

Actually his speech is pretty close to my master thesis

[@dadrian]

@taher tufenkeji This is closer to a summary of the thesis: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oYSYiYWpfc1prLc

[@IsaacsCOOLwhenitsHOT]

Proof that Jordan Schlansky is an improvisational genius

[@hbfjkxjnfnf9032]

He is an alien or robot

[@TazTalksYouListen]

@@probablynotabigtoe9407 - I want to know what a videosy is.

[@jarensonger2501]

I believe it's a part of why he was hired for his position

[@probablynotabigtoe9407]

@@jarensonger2501 He is a producer... Not 1 part of his job description explains that.

[@hexus9198]

Pat, i'd like an "N"

[@nayeebG]

Laugh all you want, Jordan is a genius. A man of various knowledge. A walking encyclopedia.

[@Bubba603]

Man a really he let of a rant like I’ve never seen

[@user-of1iq8lc3i]

I like the guy in the background is the only one laughing lol

[@bgill7475]

Various knowledge and responsibilities.

[@RobRuiz805]

First time I've seen Conan break character and give Jordan a sincere compliment for going 6 minutes straight improv

[@CowboysCastlesandIndians]

Conan's not that gfood of an actor

[@isaiahkelly8161]

This is all jordan has ever wanted. To be heard without interruption

[@wump9066]

@Cynthia May superiority complex much?

[@TheOnlyRealGamerOnEarth]

@Cynthia May lol nerd

[@AM-ry8is]

finally the recognition he deserves

[@saurabhjain9785]

You have a very good name..... Isaiah

[@stopmotionpro233]

@Cynthia May so than by logic greater than humanity itself it is proven that star wars> star trek

[@ekynokzyo]

Imagine being his wife and getting into an argument

[@scottbrooklyn2995]

Imagine being my wife and being way to satisfied to argue

[@MrSonicmjc]

@@scottbrooklyn2995 what are you on about?

[@scottbrooklyn2995]

@@MrSonicmjc It's a joke. But I'm saying my wife is to sexually satisfied to argue with me

[@jcmick8430]

@@scottbrooklyn2995 don't feel bad, he could never please Lenore

[@nadiashireensiddiqi]

He has brief conversations with his wife, tells her he’s going to Italy to romance himself.

[@sanctifiedandsaved5298]

What's so scary is that Jordan is actually being very articulate - even though none of us care what he's talking about, he actually does and that's what makes this so much more funny.

[@iAnasazi]

scary = funny, got it

[@nickberkawitz6451]

I think Jordan is a high functioning person with autism. He is insanely passionate and knowledgeable about very specific things like Italy, Japan, Star Wars etc. and gets offended when Conan doesn't take it seriously. He is probably a very good producer because he is so detail oriented and focused. He seems to have trouble with social cues and eye contact.

[@harrasika]

​@@nickberkawitz6451 maybe he has autism, maybe he doesn't. But it is obviously an exaggerated caricature of himself that he's playing in most of the show. To me, he always seems to understand social cues perfectly fine to create the funniest situation possible by ignoring them completely. Perhaps you have autism for not being able to realize this? So many mysteries!

[@zakaria2664]

I care.

[@user-jm9gt4kt9d]

Its funny you say that "none of us care".......

[@spaghettioverlord3247]

The fact that he was able to wrap it back on topic each time was insane. I thought he was fucked when he started talking about paintings but he brought it back flawlessly.

[@ya__basic]

And he's NOT reading from a teleprompter! That's Jordan Schlansky for you.

[@wisdomleader85]

We should see him as a living robot.

[@OllihuAkbar]

his mind is a teleprompter

[@folarinosibodu]

He is magnificent. improvising?

[@Alex_1729]

Shruti Singh still hasn't said much.

[@BuakawPorAdi]

that's talent!

[@wildsmiley]

The best part is where he pronounced Van Gogh correctly in Dutch.

[@jeremywellbaum5819]

Thanks to QI, I too was impressed!

[@jeannytse2654]

4:08

[@FrshChees91]

Expect nothing less from Jordan Schlanskey

[@barb7124]

I thought he cleared his throat

[@MrORZ1000]

video doesn't match voice, it looks edited. 3:55

[@jakeb6703]

This is absolutely incredible and has single handedly convinced me that Jordan deserves whatever theyr paying him for whatever he does at this show

[@kieran.grant_]

I have it on good authority that he performs various tasks and/or duties.

[@AlexColberg]

Even if he doesn't do anything, I say still pay him the big money because he's a treasure anyway.

[@justwondering1967]

@@AlexColberg Philosopher in residence.

[@TranquilAssassin]

He basically verbally dictated an essay about film as an art form on the fly. I wish I had that ability for my sociology essay due this week

[@saucylittlenumber3575]

word.

[@SniffyPoo]

True. But I think he has been mentally rehearsing this SW analysis for decades.

[@madrussian5955]

Teacher: "Prepare a 2000 word essay due next class" Jordan: "Hold my latte"

[@akapo98]

Mad Russian He doesn't drink "lattes", the closest he can do is a cappuccino from Gambrinus, in Piazza del plebiscito in Naples

[@1moe1]

hold my espresso

[@VScott-uq1pj]

Mad Russian I think he would just say I can get that to you after lunch teacher.

[@VScott-uq1pj]

Giovanni Barozzi hold my biscotti oh sorry biscotto (singular)

[@peggydvj_]

He drinks espresso.

[@cammanca23]

putting this through MLA format, Jordan just improvised the equivalent of a four page essay on why star wars is better than star trek on the spot

[@hlakbrlighthouse1835]

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

[@chukwudiilozue9171]

And he did it really well.

[@brentaleman9701]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/qJ61oKh7mdiSaKM

[@almerindaromeira8352]

I don't know, in some parts he is rephrasing the same argument. Let's say those were 5 solid minutes of unique writable argumentation of which at least other 2 were tangents on painting and sport center names

[@LemonToGo]

@Scuffed Paul Denino kzbin.info/www/bejne/fX6QlmdsrcmWi9E

[@AustinMichaelDearing]

Incredible, he touched on all artistic mediums, from the Romantic era of music history to early mythology to Van HCHHOGHGH, he is truly a man of culture

[@robbiedubbelman3024]

Yeah, THAT'S HOW YOU ACTUALLY SAY VAN GOGH! It's a Dutch name, and we say that HARSH GGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. We actually chuckle at the way Americans tend to pronounce it...

[@breakfastplan4518]

Schlansky improvised this. And this is the only improvised speech ive ever heard that was 100% correct in everything it is conveying. Jordan is a genius. I wish all the best for his family and bloodline.

[@RebelleGameOfficial]

Im wondering if Jordan does this, when his wife asks what he wants for dinner

[@nurlindafsihotang49]

....who said that jordan's wife was not a fellow nerd?

[@bernlin2000]

"Well to be precise..."

[@gheebuttersnaps2011]

Nah just when she's trying to bone...

[@jerrylipezcarrillo4400]

What's up Rebelle? Long time no see 🙋

[@bentleyboy72]

Im wondering why you use commas, without purpose

[@jrbisc99]

This is funny but it also shows that Jordan Schlansky is borderline genius. He has a wealth of knowledge and is able to expound on it at length. That's pretty impressive.

[@KhanhNguyen-rf2nf]

I think he is a genius in terms of his knowledge about various cultures and traditions, not to mention his vast knowledge about science. He really is a well rounded genius. Either that or he practices off screen a lot 😂

[@bf5655]

It’s crazy how he just keeps going and he doesn’t stutter or anything

[@scotsman6712]

Sheldon Cooper in real life.

[@drewmandan]

@Josh Hannon No he's not.

[@ricarleite]

I would watch an interview show with Jordan and intelligent guests.

[@bearthezooescapee2439]

This is actually beautiful. I love seeing people express love of their passion no matter if I share the passion or not its just a thing I appreciate. On top of all that Jordan is a very articulate speaker and what he's saying actually has meaning which is very impressive especially to someone like me who can't even form an entire sentence at almost 20 years of age. Genuinely fascinating.

[@shawnphillips1612]

Jordan is the only person who can settle down Conan with words. You can tell he respects him and could chat with him for hours while only saying a few words.

[@TheZuhaabtemuri]

The INSTANT I see Jordan Schlansky, I click.

[@eveg5535]

Same!

[@mosabswiah8023]

Zuhaab Temuri same

[@prltqdf9]

The INSTANT I see Jordan's Schlansky, I click.

[@siddharthsingh4095]

Exactly

[@alalemu5532]

Am I the only one who actually felt informed?

[@Shazoo1997]

I'm always up for Jordan's speeches

[@joeykarate3148]

You should because he was talking about the theories of Joseph Campbell of the greatest minds of the 20th century. He wrote the book Hero With A Thousand Faces. Introduced the Monomyth as well as the Hero's Journey. Any super freak Star Wars fan knows this stuff by heart.

[@emiilyshe]

For me, it was all in one ear and out the other. I recognized all of the words and could tell that someone was talking, but it was all just white noise.

[@ltlwatcher]

He lost me after one second.

[@randy7068]

Yes, .....yes you are.

[@billyeveryteen7328]

I like that even Jordan was waiting for Conan to comedically interrupt him. There's a few pauses that Jordan makes, almost like he's trying to cue Conan to stop the bit. He even obviously runs out of steam, which is why he goes on a wild tangent about stadiums. And I also love that when the crew are giggling at how long this has been going on, Conan occasionally gives them a side-eye, like he's actually invested in what Jordan is saying.

[@kristintripp967]

Jordan is brilliant. I love that Conan acknowledged his amazing performance.

[@whatevs00]

I think Conan accidentally started listening, realized he’d listened too long to interrupt in a way that made sense comedically, and figured, well, let’s see how far he can take this.

[@arnonroyna4420]

No. He was waiting for Jordan to finish his lines so he could say his. That's literally what Conan tells us in the video. The queue card didn't say for Conan to interrupt Jordan's speech, so he just waited. It's all in the video. Conan told us exactly what he thought.

[@bfg3890]

I think Conan had a stroke

[@Polydueces]

@@arnonroyna4420 yeah, that was his defense, but what if? Let people have an imagination, man!

[@arnonroyna4420]

@@Polydueces Can't. It's our duty as adults to stomp the imagination out of young people. Mine was crushed long ago. Now, I spend my days crushing the imagination of others. Have you heard the truth about Santa Claus? How about the tooth fairy? If you got a minute I can tell you all about them. 😃

[@Polydueces]

@@arnonroyna4420 Well, not to be a grammar nazi or anything but as long as we're being adults, it's cue card, not queue.

[@corinachen4954]

this guy wrote a 10 pages essay on the spot

[@bayocapac]

Keyue Chen more like on the spock

[@rocknroland1]

Keyue Chen in first person sadly

[@gustavogutierrez2709]

Corina Chen more like 2 pages.

[@oblivionzzzmike]

writers of the show more likely

[@d3tach3d]

@OblivionMike This was Improv. If anything he just had a small list of choice subjects to help him riff on to keep going. If he didnt than its even more impressive

[@whitesimurgh6363]

Amazing... Just superb... Jordan is so eloquent, smart, interesting and has great command over the language.. it's beautiful to watch it over and over again.. even if it were a script, it's still very impressive to memorize it all and if it isn't then he's just a genius of a man! 🔥♥️

[@ericortega1745]

I like how Conan keeps looking annoyed with Jordan the whole time 😂

[@troyking464]

This went from Conan trying to goof on Jordan again, to him accidentally listening and becoming genuinely interested in what Jordan was talking about. We can make fun of him all we want, but Jordan definitely knows his stuff. It's fascinating.

[@mikays7059]

how do you know Conan was genuinely listening to him lmao

[@redakdal]

@@mikays7059 because he let him go on for 7 minutes

[@DarknessIsThePath]

Conan died.

[@UndedDisfunction]

The length he went on for without an "eh" or "uh" is astounding. A real gem they have there.

[@DeathBringer769]

I caught an "um" at around 6:02, and then an "uh" at around 6:05 shortly after, but yea, he barely used any of those fillers words/sounds at all. Pretty impressive.

[@InnerDness]

He said "in fact" and "I'll tell you" and "however" and "now". My guess is that he went to a public speaking or motivational speaking course because one of the things they tell you is to never say "uh" or "like" because it sounds unauthoritative. Saying things like "I'll tell you" sounds like a definitive and dynamic when really it means nothing and achieves the same purpose of filling the silence between brain and mouth as "um"

[@victorseaweed]

He actually says it alot. Maybe 10+ times but it is buried within alot of words.

[@fadedgabe791]

2 minutes isn't that impressive

[@celesbianmegastar]

He said uh at 6:05

[@daxoze]

Further proof that Jordan is a real person and not playing a character

[@DivingHusky]

daxoze he is real...he is real...

[@adePRS]

now i'm convinced, he is real

[@rozeqrtz3096]

actually i think this proves the opposite it proves hes just a great actor and everything with him and conan is scripted.

[@wardeni9603]

Well, it was revealed a long time ago that even though he's acting, he's basically playing a magnified version of himself.

[@raine-time]

But he smiles and brakes character in the couples counselling video.

[@NoName-vm1wf]

This is the clip that introduced me to Conan and his show. 3 years ago I had no idea who these guys were and somehow this clip was recommended to me. It was love at first sight and 3 years later I can say I've seen every single bit of Conan, Andy and Jordan. All legends! Thank you guys! Thank you!

[@dianeee1992x]

You definitely need to listen to Conan’s podcast if you haven’t

[@drunkensailor112]

As a Dutchman I love how he tried to pronounce Van Gogh at 3:56

[@vick7848]

Again at 4:08 lol so good

[@timbroski4487]

It's better than most Americans though lol

[@spornge]

one of my favorite parts of Jordan and I can not figure out if its planned or not is the way he miss pronounces things and often is close to right but just off enough to be wrong about things he talks about.

[@moiznahmad]

I'm now convinced that Jordan's "various tasks" mainly consist of having a monologue prepared for every conceivable topic. It's the on-going herculean effort to be so well-prepared for "various" subjects.

[@jojob.9689]

Lol he always does. Like he could have did the exact same that he did for this, but for coffee, and it would of actually gone on for hours instead. That must be why his Office is so discombobulated, because he has no time to organize it, but every second of his time is dedicated to studying the most mundane thing(s) lol.

[@user-nv9nz7iu2c]

He's like a battle rapper

[@DankSi]

@burteriksson lol rap is not all about rhymes, it's about presenting knowledge and relevance in a relatable way. In that way he was very much like a battle rapper

[@user-xk7ev5bb2k]

He is a smart dude witn a great memory.

[@iriang.a.9209]

@burteriksson r/iamverysmart

[@carlf7307]

Here's Jordan's speech transcribed, and boy, is it long… Well, Star Trek is grand in our own frame of reference, and as such suffers from the limits of our own trite reality. In fact, Star Wars delves more into the world of fantasy and mythology, and touches on some universal mythological themes that have been present across humanity since the beginning of time, you'll find that most cultures on Earth share a common mythology, in fact the Greek Odysseus was known as Ulysses in Rome, the Greek Zeus was known as Jupiter in Rome, the Greek Poseidon was known as Neptune in Rome, and you're talking about of a young farm-boy from the middle of nowhere that goes up against a great oppressor, and this story is common a lot in mythology, such as Davey and Goliath, and you'll find again that this touches the core human emotion that we all need to explore through a fantasy world those constants which we cannot achieve in our own reality world. Now, on another note, I find that the, uh, universal worldwide acceptance of Star Wars is grounded in this commonality that we all share instead of being limited through one frame of reference, through one focal point, we can see things in a cross-cultural manner, if you will, and in fact, to expand on that a little bit, I think that you’ll find that the Star Wars Universe is relatable for any culture on Earth, any economic standing, any financial standing on Earth, because again, we’re talking about themes that are core to the concept of humanity in general and emotional. Furthermore, I can tell you that the types of themes that you’re talking about in Star Trek are limited towards a certain set of circumstances that exist in, almost a two-dimensional plane, where in Star Wars you’re really exploring different feelings about humanity, happiness, sadness, all of the various spectrum of the human existence, and I find that even though you are talking about characters that are often not human, we as human beings can identify through their struggles, and you’ll find that most great storytelling has to deal with a protagonist, an ordinary person up against extraordinary odds, and I think that if you look at the literature across the history of recorded time, you’ll find that a lot of the greatest stories have followed that same theme. The storyline is almost unimportant, because you’re talking about grand themes here, about human achievement when faced with unlikely odds, and furthermore I can tell you that beyond that, it’s something that we can all agree upon, it is all something we can all identify with, and relatability, I’m sure you know, as someone that works in the storytelling world, is a concept that is necessary to have an audience invest themselves into the story that you’re telling. I’ll also tell you that the Star Wars Universe, while on some level is very exotic, had a musical soundtrack grounded in nineteenth century romantic music, and in fact, I can relate Star Wars, the appeal of it, towards some of the great impressionist paintings like Dutch Van Gogh, because his paintings, although not photographic if you will, or photorealistic, inspired our own imagination to latch onto the concepts present in the painting, and for example, if you look at Van Gogh’s Starry Night, you’ll see that again, while it doesn’t necessarily look exactly like a city and stars, and the wind blowing through the trees, you can feel the feeling of what it was like to be in that situation. You know, unlike looking at a photograph, which again gives you that two-dimensional representation; a split second, a microsecond in time, if you will, and if anyone knows that’s had a bad photograph taken in a split second in time, doesn’t often represent the whole picture. However, when you’re talking about the idea of a painting, and certainly an oil painting, an impressionist oil painting, you’re not necessarily capturing all of the minute details, you’re capturing a feeling. Now, how do you put a feeling down on canvas? How do you put a feeling down on the screen? Well, that’s the job of the artistic storytelling, and in fact the storyteller in this case took his own human emotions, his own human struggles, and that of others, and put them into a fantastic circumstance, which none of us could have possibly experienced, yet, can all take pride in, relate to, again, the young, struggling farm-boy wanting to be part of a- now these are the things that were touched upon in 1976’s Rocky, I’m talking about the original Rocky; it wasn’t about winning the fight, that movie’s not a boxing movie, that movie is about an ordinary guy (Producers laugh) placed in extraordinary circumstances; a guy… he was the underdog, you know, another common concept you find in a lot of literature. He was the underdog that wanted to make a- -all he wanted to do was go the distance. He wanted to make it to the Philadelphia Spectrum. It probably has some corporate branded name now, but at the time in 1976, shot in 1975, it was called the Philadelphia Spectrum because theatres and arenas, amphitheaters, had real names back then, uhh, I think Fenway Park is still named as such Candlestick park, I’m sure it’s been renamed, I don’t really follow sports myself, but I’ve heard these terms said, and I know that a lot of the original, like Shea Stadium was like Citi Bank Field, or something, but (clears throat) that’s not really relevant to what I’m talking about here, but uuhhhh… interesting nevertheless. However, umm, what I’m saying is that for an artist to accurately portray a feeling on film or canvas, or whatever the medium; I mean, you could be talking about a mound of clay, really the artistic medium is irrelevant, and when a singer gets up and sings, you don’t care about the vocal cords vibrating at certain frequencies, you’re trying to take part in or relate to a certain feeling that that artist is trying to convey. When a sculptor takes a look at a hunk of mud and clears away certain sections to make this great monolith of art, again, it’s not about the minerals that are present in the mud, it’s about the feeling that you’re trying to convey. (Applause and laughter) Conan- You’re fired. Get the f*** out of here and never come back.

[@humbertozavala353]

Carl F great job!

[@victorphang2135]

Carl F i

[@HrHjaelp]

Jesus Christ Youre insane. In a good way😉

[@damnmuggle]

My God I got so angry reading this

[@bradyarmstrong811]

“Mound” of clay

[@kitkat2702]

"I don't really follow sports but I've heard these terms said..." is the quote I relate to most from the entirety of this video lol

[@onamemmet]

I love the fact that they play it out, almost to exasperation, without wrapping it up for a quick laugh. That's what makes it brilliant.

[@smartereveryday]

Um. This was incredible.

[@phoenixnair]

FYI, Turbulent flow is better!

[@daniedandaniel5493]

How do u have 8million subs and only get 84likes

[@AmolShiro]

DaniedanDaniel because it was not a very interesting comment

[@IIlIIlIIlII]

Didn't know you were a fan of Conan! Sweet!

[@CosminNeagu]

Proof that everybody enjoys their chemistry. Even SmarterEveryDay.

[@BenGras]

As a Dutch person - I'm impressed with Jordan's dedication to pronouncing Van Gogh's name in a Dutch way.

[@OrisStories]

Jeetje, wat heb jij een korte naam. I'm also impressed, Ben!

[@admiralackbar6490]

Next time you dutch people could try to pull the potatoe out of your mouths and speak normally, would make it easier to understand for the rest of us.

[@OrisStories]

Don't respond to that comment, Ben. It's probably a trap...

[@julesmo323]

I on the other hand I'm consistantly impressed by Dutch people, for their high level of education, command of so many languages and beautiful people. Not so much for their colonial past, but then again no country was perfect.

[@OrisStories]

I agree, it's a great country! I'm an immigrant and I couldn't ask for a better life here!

[@Yuriosity]

I love how you can see the moment Conan begins to become legitimately interested. He's nodding along and enjoying the dissertation

[@rachelcookie321]

This is definitely stuff he has wanted to talk about for a long time. He has had all that in the back burner for a long time and is finally getting the opportunity to share it all.

[@SniffyPoo]

yeah ive seen his collection of vader helmets. has to justify those purchases somehow

[@roygabay1906]

He must have killed communication class

[@mr.chipwhitley8770]

Yeah, literally killed with boredom lol

[@bigben6564]

To be honest i was thoroughly engrossed in what he was talking about

[@Arcticwhir]

Wasnt boring at all, although he repeated similar statements several times, his whole speech was kinda hypnotic.

[@nojamz200]

ArcticPoise its all about repetition and repeating a key idea or phrase

[@Prof_Z_PhD]

+Mr. Chip Whitley ...Well not everyone can understand him I guess.

[@DrivenDoor]

He just kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no one had a chance to interrupt, it was really quite hypnotic.

[@DarthRushy]

Great quote

[@Pearlmania500]

I know that reference.

[@Locomamonk]

* CUE THE MUSIC!! U S S...

[@DLZ2000]

And that is why Star Trek is better than Star Wars.

[@redlion909]

I understand this reference and im happy

[@LilithGrey...FromHell]

That look on Conan's face throughout Jordan's monologue was the look of a man who realizes that he has created a monster. 😂

[@TC-pq3xv]

I also think Jordan is a freaking genius. I also just discovered the two of them.....last night. And I fell down a 4 hour Conan/Jordan wormhole. I laughed so hard I cried.

[@CornyOfficial]

Seriously, you can never have too much of Jordan Schlansky!

[@adamz5193]

Corrni O

[@joelpulkkinen281]

Or gravy

[@ankitsaharan7424]

Corrni he's just so smart

[@treyjohnson9787]

idk about that

[@Quinn8529]

That’s how you know this isn’t scripted. Nobody could remember so much bullsh*t.

[@niktis115]

Its Jordan wer're talking about here...

[@negligentWarren]

In the end conan points out it doesnt say to cut him off, he is referring to a script, obviously some of it wasnt but most of it was. Jordan said on a q&a on reddit that he does act like that but its exaggerated for conans show

[@vai_-cn9br]

Remember. Jordan was assembled in a freaking laboratory.

[@sazcxieo]

Those weren't bullshit.

[@abelpi3934]

Jordan's part was improvised.. just this time.. it usually is scripted.. that's why it was a master piece

[@ferntella]

I wish they let him talk for at least 5 times as long. I learned so much about earth and history and art just from him talking about his space-franchise preferences.

[@anonymous-yk9sz]

that was such a good speech lmao, it was so technically sound and intelligent. It was so easy to understand and no subjects or ideas were missed or forgotten in the speech.

[@TheTopicHole]

The more I listen to Jordan the more he makes sense

[@quito85869]

That goes for just about any human bean

[@LWT1331]

He makes perfect sense. It's not about what is said but its context.

[@aa11ct9]

@@LWT1331 Exactly!

[@draculawolfman1502]

@@LWT1331 Nailed it.

[@scsi_joe]

And if you watch Jordan, the longer he's allowed to talk the more he gets into what he's talking about and he uses his hands and body more

[@tomdavis9122]

Jordan would have been so good in school if he forgot to do his PowerPoint presentation

[@erikadavila6574]

Tom Davis lol yes he would

[@tomdavis9122]

hI co Yh of course, they were doing rehearsals at the time but still doesn't take away the fact at how good it was

[@starlitshadows]

😂 he could completely fake his way through school by talking like that if he wanted.

[@SweRaider1993]

Even if rehearsed it's pretty damn impressive :P

[@Eldergodconsultant]

He's the master of bullshitting

[@rorycarter6948]

What I love about Jordan is that you know he doesn’t try to be funny for these bits, he really just acts exactly the way he would in such a circumstance. He’d clearly thought this through before attentively, I believe it’s the same for every other trait he’s shown on the show. And yet he has the self awareness to act exactly the way he normally acts on stage and poke fun at it at the same time. It’s very clever

[@RandyRelish99]

He wasn't wrong about the spectrum, now its the wells fargo center. (my favorite band, pearl jam, played the last show at the spectrum)

[@christopheroleary1452]

I know the whole Jordan Schlansky character is a satire, but even if he wouldn't be so deadpan in real life, for him to come up with that essay on art off the cuff, they've got to be real thoughts swirling inside his head somewhere. He must be really intelligent to pull that off, especially considering he didn't expect to continue for nearly as long.

[@justmax1834]

well he said himself that this character is just an exaggerated version of his true self

[@jonschell]

JustMax do you have a source of where he said this?

[@lukilooser1]

@@jonschell i guess his reddit

[@TheStoffl96]

To me it is just sad that everyone is so baffled about his words even though he didn't say anything special. Shows how the public cares less and less about the world and more and more about the individual.

[@twojaStara698]

@@lukilooser1 he have reddit account? Src?

[@pravakarpatra5132]

I loved how no one, not even Andy, tried to intervene or interrupt Jordan's speech...They all knew this was pure magic to be enjoyed up to its full extent...This nerve-wracking moment of television brought to you by Mr. Jordan Schlansky...

[@rwilson7197]

I loved how he could make sense that long

[@Ashbash-kf5xd]

Conan looks like he just woke up through this whole thing. Lmao

[@Trevor_M_F]

Poor guy

[@brosifstalin415]

@@Ashbash-kf5xd I bet he absorbed most of it honestly.

[@rildank5557]

You are so right !

[@CoverBydAn]

Conan giving him a genuine compliment in the end is so awwwwww. Not surprising, because it’s obvious they like and respect each other, but still, awwwww

[@johnstewart6065]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻He’s not even finished yet and I’m already so impressed with this. 😂 Never seen it before. 😂 The way he keeps it going and it all feels plausible and not too much of a stretch. I love Jordan. 😂😂

[@DenTodtsDo]

Lyrics: Well Star Trek is gounded in our own frame of reference, and as such suffers from the limits of our own trite reality. In fact Star Wars delves more into the worlds of fantasy and mythology and such as on some universal mythological s-themes that have been present across humanity f-since the beginning of time, you'll find that most cultures on earth share a common mythology in fact (uh) the Greek Odysseus was known as Ulysses in Rome (uh), the Greek Zeus was known as Jupiter in Rome, the Greek Poseidon was known as Neptune in Rome. And you're talking about a story of a young farm boy from the middle of nowhere that goes up against a great oppressor. And this story is common in a lot of mythologies such as Davy and Goliath, and you'll find again that this touches a core human emotion that we all need to explore through a fantasy world those concepts which we can-n-not achieve in our own reality world. Now on another note I find that the (uh) universal world wide acceptance of Star Wars is also grounded in this commonality that we all share, instead of being limited through one frame of reference, through one focal point, we can see things f-in a cross-cultural manner if you will. And in fact, to expand on that a little bit, I think that (uh) you'll find that (uhh) the Star Wars universe is relatable for any culture on earth, any economic standing, any financial standing on earth, because again we're talking about themes that are core to the concept of humanity in general and emotional. Furthermore, I can tell you that the types of things that you're talking about in Star Trek are limited towards a certain set of circumstances that it exists in, almost a two-dimensional plane. Where in Star Wars you're really exploring different feelings about humanity; (uh) happiness, sadness, all the (uh) various spectrum of the human existence. And I find that even though you're talking about characters that are often not human, we as human beings can identify through their struggles and you'll find that g-most great storytelling has to deal with a protagonist, an ordinary person up against extraordinary odds. And I think that if you look at the literature across the history of recorded time, you'll find that a lot of the greatest stories have followed that same theme. The storyline is almost unimportant because you're talking about grand themes here about human achievement when faced with unlikely odds. And furthermore, I can tell you that (uh) beyond that, it's something that we can all agree upon, it is all (uh) something we can all identify with. And relatability, I'm sure you know as (uh) someone that works in the storytelling world, is a concept that (uh) is necessary to i-have an audience invest themselves in the story that you're telling. (uhm) I'll also tell you that the (uh) Star Wars universe (gulp) while on some level is very exotic had (uh) a musical soundtrack grounded in 19th century romantic music. And in fact, I can relate Star Wars, the appeal of it, toward some of the great impressionist paintings like the (uh) Dutch Van Gogh, because (uh) his paintings although not (uh) photographic if you will or photorealistic, (uh) inspired our own imagination to latch on to the concepts present in the painting. And for example if you look at (uh) Van Gogh's (uh) Starry Night you'll see that (uh) again, while it doesn't necessarily look exactly like a city and stars and the wind blowing through the trees, you can feel the feeling of what it was like to be in that situation. You know, unlike looking at a photograph which, again, gives you that two-dimensional representation, a split-second, micro-second, in time if we will and-and-and as y-anyone knows that's had a bad photograph taken of them a split second in time doesn't often represent the whole picture. However, when (uh) when you're talking about the idea of a painting and certainly an oil painting, an impressionist oil painting, you're not necessarily capturing all the minute details, you're capturing a feeling. Now how do you put a feeling down on canvas, how do you put a feeling down on the screen? Well that's the job of the artistic storyteller and in fact (uh) the storyteller in this case took his own human emotions, his own-m human struggles and that of others and put them into a fantastic circumstance which none of us could have possibly experienced yet can all take pride in, relate to. Again, the young struggling farm boy wanting to be a part of (unintelligible). Now these are things that were touched upon in 1976's Rocky, I'm talking about the original Rocky. It wasn't about winning the fight, that movie is not a boxing movie, that movie is about an ordinary guy placed in extraordinary circumstances. A guy- he was the underdog you know, and other common concepts you find in a lot of literature, he was the underdog that wanted to make good. All he wanted to do was go the distance. He wanted to make it to the Philadelphia Spectrum, it probably has some corporate branded name now, but at the time, 1976, w-shot 1975, it was called a Philadelphia Spectrum. T-these theaters and arenas, amphitheaters, had real names back then (uh) you know. I think Fenway Park is still named as such, Candlestick Park I'm sure has been renamed. I don't really follow sports myself but I've heard these terms said and I know that a lot of the (uh) original, like Shea Stadium I think it's like Citibank Field or something. But (ahem) that's not really relevant to what I'm talking about here but (uuh) interesting nevertheless. (ah-uh) However (uhm) what I'm saying is that (uh) for an artist to accurately portray a feeling (uh) on film or s-a canvas or whatever the medium, I mean you could be talking about a mound of clay, really the artistic medium is irrelevant. When a singer gets up and sings y-you don't care about the vocal cords vibrating at certain frequencies, you're trying to take part in or relate to a certain feeling that that artist is trying to convey. When a sculptor takes a look at a hunk of mud and clears away certain sections to make this great monolith of art, again it's not about the (uh) minerals that are present in the mud, it's about the feeling that you're trying to convey.

[@hindenburg2006]

*standing ovation*

[@politicide]

Lmao

[@chaunceyloveshack9530]

there's no way adderall had no part in this

[@craigcode7103]

Cocaine is a hell of a drug!

[@Brainbuster]

Break it up into paragraphs for crying out loud.

[@jefferi78]

Jordan just ted talk conan 😄

[@mihainita5171]

LOL!

[@dragon53777]

HAHA

[@voteZDLR]

LOL here have this W

[@ClarkKasheta]

So he basically improvised a university thesis.

[@maxjax1417]

There is no doubt about it, there are so many truly great moments between these two people, both of whom simply must be themselves for humor to arrive.

[@FacheChanteDeux]

Jordan should be a trial lawyer. He would wear any opponent down with his monologues.

[@cadet526]

This is something he’s been practicing in the shower for years. He just needed an opportunity

[@TheMaster375]

"FFS IM GUILTY, OKAY? JUST MAKE HIM STOP"

[@ZachofPotatoes732]

Or he could pull one nice filibuster as a politician. Then again people may mistake him with Ben Shapiro while in politics

[@PandaNFriends23]

He'd bore and disinterest a jury with the irrelevant drifts. Nahhhhh However if I were on that jury, I'd be living.

[@timtags]

Defendant: ok I'm guilty just please stop talking.

[@muhdmatin]

Conan looked like he turned on his harvard mind and was genuinely invested and listening

[@DavidGomez-bf2ry]

To me he just looked like he wanted to kill himself

[@cupofjoe.88]

Conan was flashing back to all the essays he bullshitted on cause Jordan sounds like hes reading one lol

[@moshimanju7576]

that’s what I thought, he wanted to act as if he was annoying him for the show but he was genuinely interested

[@69funnystuff69]

No he didn’t

[@tylerpage2426]

Looks like he’s being raped and just waiting for Jordan to stop

[@jugglaassassin]

My favorite is when he showed up to the Star Wars premier in that outfit and walked by the line, flipping everyone off with a straight face. Made me proud to grow up in the 90’s

[@kaiserhamid2495]

I just saw this clip for second time after 5years, and I clapped...again! incredible delivery by Jordan.

[@Joseph-hc1nx]

Word count was never a problem for Jordan..

[@boffifis1]

Ofcourse it was his master was 15 pages too long

[@zengara11]

was a problem for me tho

[@dailyyydangles8094]

I wish i had this power

[@yashwinning]

Making friends was.

[@bheatricegreene03]

Yea he's repeating same phrase with different wording. I need him for my essays...

[@kevindreenk6214]

I forgot he was talking about Star Wars half way through

[@atheris1641]

didnt we all

[@musement7446]

Narcous star trek

[@eternitysafro1083]

Watching this again, this was really beautiful and I love how Conan said it was great because it was. Funny how he kept going on and on, but I loved it!

[@OLegendStudios]

Extremely impressive and extremely well educated. I like that Conan compliments him

[@megadestroyer454]

Conan: I didn't know I was supposed to cut you off. Also Conan: I wanna see how long he can keep this up.

[@Not_So_Slim_Shady]

This commonly happens in improv

[@EvoQC]

He just had a 6 minute monologue of nonstop talking, that’s impressive

[@viktorianas]

It could look impressive if you are not married, or have never made your wife mad - 6 minutes are rookie numbers.

[@TransoceanicOutreach]

If he wasn't talking it wouldn't be a monologue.

[@andrewwhite1305]

I think he can just go like that for an hour straight.

[@thetwistedsamurai]

Am I the only one that was legitimately enthralled and invested in what Jordan was saying? He actually made such a good point on the whole comparison of art and paintings and all that.

[@SQUIRTGANG]

Conan knew that he was witnessing a truly legendary performance. Whether it was 100% scripted, pure imrpov, or a mixture of scripted and improv, this is incredible. He doesnt even pause!

[@gravityhypernova]

I think everyone who sees this as bullshitting or scripted has never attended a post secondary lecture before, or even sat through a damned TED Talk.

[@cornoc]

@@gravityhypernova i hope you realize lectures and TED talks (especially) are largely scripted speaking events... not to mention they don't usually match the pace at which Jordan threw words out of his mouth. skepticism is understandable, even though i believe Jordan can sling words like a boss.

[@Drewvyy]

You ask anyone to talk about what they are most passionate about and I garuntee they can talk for ten minutes about it without stopping no problem.

[@cornoc]

@@Drewvyy a careful thinker wouldn't necessarily want to ramble on without a theme or thesis in mind, sure they could talk for 10 minutes but might not have a prepared string of sentences on random aspects of whatever topic you asked them about

[@anthonybethel1452]

burteriksson Wow you're arrogant.

[@Sethos_I]

Never seen Conan remain silent for so long

[@inathescem]

scripts and editing

[@PracticalMinimalist]

It was interesting hearing what Jordan had to say

[@demonvxv7668]

@@inathescem no script or editing

[@generalcoomer]

He does that when he is on his bed *wink*

[@popnotsoda839]

He went brain dead

[@keshavtomar7417]

This is actually damn impressive.

[@LordSummerIsle73]

Jokes aside his ability to present a thesis like that on the spot is amazing

[@koolkeith8993]

Actually really appreciated that Conan recognised the performance of Schlansky and "kind of" gave him props. Schlansky segments are the BEST!!!!

[@EstebanLeGruyerier]

This guy's an actor, it's a role, he deserves a raise and won't ever get fired ! :)

[@Samo762]

I mean he friggin ad-libbed all of that, so yeah, he does deserve a compliment :D

[@iVironment]

no, he's a producer on the show and he's actually like that.

[@theabcab7539]

There should be a show "keeping up with Jordan schlansky"

[@elaineanderson4891]

the silly panda army There should be.

[@firstnamelastname6016]

I don't know if anyone could keep up with Jordan Schlansky 🙃

[@Folknation10]

Nobody would watch it

[@alexb7172]

That show would be awesome

[@CarlJohnson-pr5bx]

Keeping up with the Schlanskys

[@CLSGL]

The fact that Jordan could keep that up for 6 minutes straight tells me he’s absolutely not faking, and is actually like that.

[@morethan3756]

Barista: To go or for here? Jordan: Talks about mythology, 19th century romantic music, impressionists and mud for 6 minutes.

[@August-kn6oe]

Conan is sitting there trying to remember if he shut the garage door.

[@jagplaha9959]

LooooooL!!!!!!!!

[@TheFirstAmendment]

This dude needs his own Podcast. ..

[@AttilatheThrilla]

People would confuse it by thinking it was an actual transmission with an alien from another universe

[@TheFirstAmendment]

AttilatheThrilla 😂

[@boulshyte8932]

The podcast would be 2 years long

[@JoexJoestar]

That really resonated with me and I agree with Jordan Schlansky it’s all about the feelings being transferred to the audience

[@id_reem]

Jordan is the first American who pronounces Van Gogh correctly. R E S P E C T

[@jasmin337]

I think Conan's hair grew longer during this

[@NotDayWalker]

the best comment

[@bluecocacola]

J. Ashkani his non existential beard grew

[@Rizkii_-]

J. Ashkani Yeah, I think that's part of life

[@Jedicake]

Was this seriously all improvised? Because that's unbelievably impressive.

[@vividhkothari1]

I think Jordan is a genuine Star Wars fan and has the confidence to be on camera. And that's all they needed. Probably a few lines memorized, but most of it, Jordan just said what he feels. I am passionated about modern virtual reality tech, and I could do the same, if I didn't have the stage phobia and was confident in front of the people, etc.

[@chrisgeorges1906]

jordan has clearly spent much of his adult life pondering Star Wars

[@lilile3942]

50% script, 50% jordan being jordan

[@Tykenolm]

MrMouse This is like rehearsal though isn't it? There's no audience

[@GenJuhru]

...and yet I remember Han Solo trashing Jordan's lego Millenium Falcon.

[@Cutsman562]

Beautifully put. This is peak Jordan schlansky.

[@miladbarikani3591]

I don't like star wars at all but seeing him talking about it made me have more respect to the movie cause if there is a genuine guy like him loving it this much it deserves respect

[@errorerror3133]

Jordan is the greatest guest in Conan history

[@hmmmhmmm6917]

He's Conan Executive Producer.

[@ReinierS]

Simo Hyvarinen associate*

[@SuperJohn12354]

No that title goes to Timothy Olyphant

[@calvints3]

SuperJohn12354 no that title goes to Norm

[@DevonChampion]

Roland Bat lets expand on that. I declare it a thing.

[@majicraven]

Jordan waited his entire life for someone to ask him why Star Wars is better than Star Trek. Jordan is rainman. Beyond awesome the way his brain works. Very deep empath.

[@kenthomson9562]

Rainman was autistic. Jordan shows few real asd symptoms.

[@lukilooser1]

@@kenthomson9562 i think he might actually be on the lower end of the spectrum - scripted or not

[@santerisalmivuori3872]

@@lukilooser1 Yeah, it's obvious his brain works on a higher ''round-per-minute'' than that of an average joe.

[@rexringtail471]

This is the good version of the Parks and Req fillibuster. Conan shows good leadership letting his subordinate go off on a topic personal to him without interrupting him or cutting him down after he finished.

[@paulusvii97]

I really liked his description and example about impressionist painting--that will stick in my mind now. I also agree with him about StarWars.

[@donebeingbullied]

I love that Conan commended him on his performance. Positive feedback is so nice to experience. ❤️

[@Triattt]

Even when being fired.

[@santerisalmivuori3872]

@Miguel Deer Dude, cringe. No. Please.

[@ultralinguistics3083]

@@uku4171 Dude, cringe. No. Please.

[@Cheese_Meister]

But it wasn’t a performance, he was just talking... Albeit there was probably some minimal prep or retouch on ideas involved.

[@nikgokuhil]

He had to..its kind of situation in Karate Kid where it doesnt matter if you win or loose, its that you earn respect of your opponents

[@TiTiTiTiT]

he clearly prepares his brain in various ways.

[@Dizzydawne]

I was looking for a comment like this! 😂

[@thedeepthinker5669]

Very much so

[@05jorgeruiz]

😂😂😂😂

[@mustofanuruzzamanneaz7856]

Lmao, this is the best one among the various jokes people are commenting 😂

[@guillaumecote6901]

NOW we finally know what Jordan does on the show! They kept him around for this one epic performance.

[@lance134679]

I've never seen Conan NOT interrupt Jordan. I think this is what unedited Schlansky is really like.