Secure People Do THIS When They’re Ghosted

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In today's video, Thais Gibson discusses what secure people do when they're ghosted. Watch now to learn more about how to depersonalize this situation so you can be empowered moving forward in your relationships as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "How To Master The Dating Stage of Relationships", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:30 - Accept This Experience is Not Their Fault
00:02:19 - Don’t Make It About Themselves
00:04:24 - Examples of Making it About Oneself
00:06:37 - Depersonalize This Ghosting Experience
00:07:21 - Learning Love Book Promo
00:08:01 - Vet More Deeply in the Future
00:09:06 - 7 Day Free Trial: How to Master The Dating Stage
00:10:15 - Conclusion
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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
I created the Personal Development School, an online learning platform that gives users the ability to create true and long-lasting change in their lives through personal development courses that are designed to give you a breakthrough in every area of your life, with a 99.7% satisfaction rate.
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#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #SecureAttachment #SecureAttachmentStyle #WhatIsGhosting #UnderstandGhosting #WhyTheyGhostedYou #Ghosted #Ghosting

[@Mileys_choice]

You should be ashamed of yourself if you take the route of ghosting someone because it shows extreme emotional immaturity. On a good note, though... the trash took itself out.

[@user-cu7so2zs2b]

I agree. It causes extreme pain. I think even if you are secure it's still painful. It's pathetic of the other person too though. That thought ultimately helps.

[@DG-eu8mj]

I would like to ask: why do you call people who clearly have insecure attachment style trash? Is this mature? Do you think people do this to cause hurt intentionally? Or rather they play out their own trauma?

[@Mileys_choice]

@@DG-eu8mj Either way, it's an immature and awful thing to do. Regardless of how you're wired, everyone knows better, but they do it anyway. I'd rather be told I'm not wanted than to just be left hanging like that.

[@DG-eu8mj]

Of course, it would be much better if everyone had the guts to say what they mean and what they want in the relationship and what does not work for them, but I have learned to accept their silence as a decision. Decision to leave. It gives so much freedom to take it as a no and move on.

[@coltenkelso5764]

@@Mileys_choice Not everyone actually is aware of their attachment issues or that these attachment styles even exist. I had no clue attachment styles were even a thing until learning about them these last couple years through resources and KZbin channels like this. Not everyone is doing this stuff on purpose though. That’s the point she is making in this video. Yes it does hurt. But it more than likely has nothing to do with you.

[@DobermanDanK9]

As someone who came from an insecure background and has built a solid secure foundation.. the experience of being ghosted by an avoidant i could only describe as confusing. When I found attachment theory, it gave me answers. My original response was one of 'ok, she's made her decision'. Emotions then followed with the grief of the loss. Overall, looking back, i dealt with it extremely well and I'm proud of that

[@garyforbes8711]

IDK which is worse, being ghosted or the busy signal, bread crumbing followed by the slow fade to the point we just stopped talking to each other. I've been on the receiving end of both.

[@derwoodhamburger]

If she's busy she's not interested. It's best to just move on as soon as possible

[@garyforbes8711]

@@derwoodhamburger Thing is the busy signal started after 6 months of dating ...

[@user-od1fm3hs9c]

Bread crumbing is worse. I would rather be ghosted. It is a lot better than someone giving you the bread crumbs of hope and is harder to walk away from.

[@garyforbes8711]

@@user-od1fm3hs9c It's like taking a bandaid off, do it quick and the pain doesn't last as long.

[@Moe90ies]

And it’s just a never ending thing now. Every person I have dated since last year has done this

[@SkyePhoenix]

I think I know why it happened. He got spooked. He didn't stop responding to me entirely, he just went cold... so I pulled back my energy and stopped texting first. I think he'll come back around... eventually, but most likely it will be too late. Edit: We triggered eachother a lot. He really brought out my anxious side, until he brought out my avoidant side. Lol. Maybe he did it on purpose, to make it easy on himself... because he never really wanted to continue seeing me... It hurts, but I'll get over it. I always do.

[@crumplycowboy]

Kind of funny as a DA I had someone ghost me as a kind of a test and I guess I totally failed because I didn’t even notice. I thought she was just giving me some space and leaving me alone.

[@deboraharies6983]

Hahahahaha!😂

[@Adriana.Gabriela]

hilarious 😂 also, if they tested you, I would see that as a red flag. But this may be personal preference

[@sabi3052]

Detached from reality. I guess its like you have a mental illness.

[@lisasunshine7654]

😢

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

My DA calls it my "disappearing thing". Lol He gets it. I don't purposely go quiet. I go quiet if I'm going through something and need to self-sooth to figure it out. That doesn't just go for my partner but friends as well. I have an anxious, now ex friend, who couldn't handle me taking space regardless of how many times I told her I need time to focus on myself. Friends that have known me for 20 plus years know me well and have never judged me for how I go quiet to cope. That's why it's easier being friends with and dating secure or avoidants. They're just like "Okay...come back when you're good!" Lol ❤

[@alexandramaria7754]

I'm so glad you are recording more videos about secure attachment style. Feels so good to hear and see this validation, as secure myself. :) Thank you, so much. Love, Alexandra

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for your beautiful comment Alexandra :) We're so glad that you've found great value out of the content !

[@gtzrunnaz]

I feel like you always post these at the perfect times. Thankful for your content.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for your kind comment :) We're so glad to hear that you've found great value out of the content !

[@rvlng7265]

the timing is crazy 🥺🥺

[@Ariane-wi3ng]

Once you grew up ,you must realize you dont want to be crazy in love ,you want to be calm in Love ,Stabel in Love ,Patient in Love ,Understood in Love ,Safe IN Love Youre parner should give you peace of mind ,NOT contant little Heart attacks And high Ancienety . Thank you for your content ,Greetings from Belgium . 🇧🇪

[@sifublack192]

I'm glad these concepts are making waves again. The redpill/manosphere has polluted the airwaves so much I feared the original concepts of navigating the dating world would be lost for good. This is much deeper than I would go after being ghosted, but at least we're bringing back the old school stuff that the younger generations need to know. I remember reading this dating/relationship book early in college (which I still have AND read) where it said never take rejection personally. The author said you never know what a woman is going through (or who may be in the background) when dating her, so it's best to walk away. In essence, the author said to deal with women from a LOGICAL standpoint as opposed to an EGOTISTICAL standpoint. Of course, later I learned to continue to seeing and dating other women if you aren't committed, which made walking away after being ghosted even easier.

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

Perfectly said. I agree. The positive thing about the red pill nonsense is that men call themselves out quicker.

[@sifublack192]

@@SunshineAndSnowflakes exactly. The redpill took a lot of the original good stuff and remixed it so they could appeal to incels who never got over the girl who turned them down at prom.

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

​@@sifublack192 hahahaha 😂😂 we must share the same brain because that's exactly what I refer to them as...incels.

[@gatorssbm]

After finding about this channel and finally understanding so much its made me realize just how garbage all the other advice is with needing to aquire superficial stuff. Not that I entirely believed it before but now I know its all bs who are trying to capitalize on insecure people and its nasty instead of actually genuinely helping them be their proper best selfs while also being a very caring human being not resorting to putting on a mask.

[@sifublack192]

@@gatorssbm yeah, these manosphere guys just polluted the original reason for doing all of those things. Going to the gym was about looking and feeling better and acquiring wealth was meant to give you a purpose to pursue. In addition, dating multiple women when you weren't committed was about keeping you in the abundance mindset so you wouldn't be putting all of your eggs in one basket. All of these things would in turn make you more confident, interesting, and attractive to women which meant you only had to work on your social skills. Unfortunately, the red pill made all that about inflating your ego, comparing yourself to others, and treating women like sex objects. I know all of this because I read the FIRST book that was known to talk about these things. Before the red pill. Before the pick up artists. And before the manosphere. I pursued my passions, smashed my goals, and raised my confidence which made me one of the most popular people in town (not trying to brag here, just stating facts). I'm just glad I was around before the manosphere became mainstream because if I didn't know what I learned then, I could've been captured by that redpill nonsense that's being pushed today.

[@nancyparra5741]

Once I am ghosted. I move along. 14 yr of marriage and my own husband ghosted me for three weeks. Then said ot was his phone. With in another month he up and left his family. I learned if someone ghosted they have their eye on someone else. I was heartbroken because we was married w children. Now, I was dating a guy 10 months in we has a date planned. He ghosted me. Did not text me til 235am. He said he waz sorry. But our relationship was not the same after that. Because I was skittish and I decided later I could not date if I could not trust him . Boy was I correct. He was talking to another lady. Now they are together. But he did not say his status..she did. I am actually happy for them. But I will not compete. I hope he will not use her. Because she seems kind and sweet.

[@zacpdx]

He is…and will.

[@gatorssbm]

Its never worth "competing" with people like that, theyll discard pretty much anyone at any point. But my condolences to your experience, hope you actually find someone that actually values you.

[@Jae-by3hf]

I really like your message towards the end where you mention vetting and learning not to people please! It has validated my thoughts!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

We're so glad to hear that you've found great value out of the content !

[@Svjx]

Apparently im fearful avoidant and for around the last 5 years or so i have always been honest if im not into someone instead of ghosting them. Theres no need for ghosting, it just causes pain and i dont like hurting people.

[@anyaroz8619]

Thais, thank you so much for this video. I've recently been ghosted by someone I've considered a friend. It is an extremely painful experience. So glad you addressed it, explained it so well. Truly helpful

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for your kind comment :) We're so glad to hear that you've found great value out of the content !

[@pizzanachos101]

I got an ad for other content of yours before this video, and I blanked for a second, thinking, "Why does she look so familiar?"

[@chrivera07]

I’m dealing with a separation with my wife of 17 years known her with 2 children than I love with broken heart. I listen your videos to have connection to my problem. She’s telling me I have DA

[@Kavilion]

I’m worried I’m not going to recover. It’s been three months since she ghosted me. My birthday was yesterday and I realized I had been telling myself all along that she would use it as a reason to reach out. Now that that cushion of delusion is gone I’m feeling it as hard as day one.

[@joyjoyz46]

Happy belated birthday! I've been through this and I want you to know you WILL survive. It just takes time. Remember you ARE worthy of great love and a relationship with good communication. You certainly did not deserve this kind of treatment. It only looks bad on her.

[@Kavilion]

@@joyjoyz46 I appreciate that. I honestly thought I was doing a great job and well on my way to recovery. It wasn’t until today I realized I had been using my birthday as this perfect opportunity for her to break the silence, so I don’t think I was really dealing with it.

[@mimij4341]

Happy bday. And remember, it has nothing to do with you. Xoxoxo

[@Kavilion]

@@mimij4341 thank you ❤️

[@CeeP211]

Happy belated birthday 🎉

[@changingwoman1494]

People who ghost are incondiderate cowards. It's dishonorable. Own up to your choices. No ghosting. If you've been ghosted, let it go. Do something that brings you joy. Fill your cup. Eat amazing food. Drink water in something beautiful. Put your face in the sun. Take every moment they ignore you to make yourself better. Get your hair cut. Do your nails. Lift some weights. Get a massage. Write down your boundaries and non-negotiable needs.

[@johnabreu1782]

I don’t know it’s my destiny but the video just shows up on my channel , for some reason and it’s weird but just at the point of my life I’m glad I am watching this ❤

[@nancyparra5741]

Your right. I was horrible to myself for about a yr plus. But it was his unwillingness to talk and to allow me the knowledge of who he felt. Then once I released he had cheated. Cause I actually kept contacting him try to figure out why we was separated. Once I saw he wS with another person. A switch in my mind was like ok. What he said was not the truth. And he was seeking her yrs in our marriage. He said he didn't want to to hurt my feelings. But leaving without a word or seeing his kids was horrible.

[@6bt_str864]

Your a true gem in this craycray world Ms Thais. I guess she and i BOTH have abandonment issues, shes Definitely Fearful/dismissive i the more clingy / anxious.. wow this strikes close. (& She's completely oblivious to my "MORE recipricol communication" then i see opposite side of part of it's me" )

[@Tam_X]

How timely ❤

[@luketimewalker]

Thank you Thais. 🙏

[@user-cu7so2zs2b]

I do think there is an assumption that if someone ghosts you it's because you weren't paying attention. People pretend. They lie. It's not your fault. It's theirs. I've got some really quick ways of identifying people who you shouldn't connect with on a deep level, but I've still been ghosted. Some people will turn up for a year capable of having a relationship, then suddenly ghost. The self help industry is a bit one note here. I think it needs to focus on telling us how to identify people who are likely to ghost. I did this with people who air a bit narcissistic, and I have some really solid ways of talking to people are high on this spectrum without putting myself in any danger of accidently connecting on a level that is too deep for them to handle. Narcissism is about how you use language but I have to say I think DA's ghost and I can't work out what their pattern is. Thais tells us why they act how they act and she tells us how they react to certain situations which is all super helpful, but there is a bit at the beginning of a relationship where the DA shows up like a person who can have a relationship. We need to know the signs of a possible ghoster much earlier. It's not helpful to say you should've vetted properly. How do we vet?

[@gatorssbm]

There will usually be enough info to see if someone is emotionally unavailable or is an FA who can be available at times but pushes and pulls. If you can recognize these early on you can both mentally prepare yourself and as well if needed properly establish acceptable boundaries before about 3 to 4 months or more go by which is when theyll most likely be tempted to run. If they run despite the warnings without trying to self reflect and do nothing to change at least then youll have better closure than getting blindsighted with it suddenly happening. Plus youll know if theyre not ready for a relationship earlier than just waiting in ghost or breadcrumb limbo where they refuse to make a move just when you want to ask the important questions now that its too late to set things right.

[@christinacottrell6505]

Your videos have helped me so much!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for your kind comment Christina :) We wish you all the best on your healing journey!

[@LittleBlackBook91]

She’s right! As A DA I ghost because usually I don’t want more conflict and it’s because I feel like I may receive rejection of my emotions.

[@bbrittanyy1]

Not an excuse. Fix your shit. Stop dating until you heal.

[@user-bm8sn5ml9j]

Ghosting is for folks still paddling pool age.

[@Jackmcars12]

Ghosting is awful, a few guys I dated & wasn’t into, but I felt the decent thing was to tell them in a nice way.

[@derwoodhamburger]

You should be in jail

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

​@@derwoodhamburger jail? 😂 A little dramatic there..

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

Im secure but this makes me see how my avoidant might be feeling right now. We haven’t spoken in weeks. 😢

[@Medietos]

A number of presumptions that make the video less useful to me (DA) It may well be things in him as well as me, and I might have told things that he didn't take in/seriously. In burnout chaos I'm unable to think + know clearly enough to say it in good ways to the stranger. He may have less reasonable expectations on me and our acquaintance before we even met. Good advice for self-inquiry though, thank you.

[@raeamnell2842]

The fact that ghosting triggers looking internally is only half of the story of why the other's behavior hurts so badly. The first and main reason is that we all hold expectations of others. For example, someone asks me out on a second or third date and suddenly does not show, does not call, no text, no anything anymore. We of course fear for their safety and well being, but might hear from a mutual friend they are alive and well. The expectation was there. They would show up. If not, they would call. These events, I consider like a Schrodinger's cat experiment. Any time someone makes plans with me, those plans go into a mental box. Inside the box is poison. Only until the moment in time when events unfold (the box is opened) do I find the outcome. With the knowing that the event could easily be dead when the time comes, I don't invest in it. It both exists and does not at the same time. Should they show up, I would be in the moment and enjoy fully, however, should they not show up, my feelings are not entangled. I move on to enjoy my time alone which usually results in someone approaching me to say they are drawn to my happy nature. Letting go of expectations is not easy, but once mastered, makes the rest of this process in life so much easier and enjoyable.

[@TracyNewcomb-rq8nq]

Yes I still love you

[@SkyePhoenix]

What is the book called? I looked in description box, but didn't see a link?

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

Thais we know it’s not us!! But what do we do about it?

[@teresavalenza9609]

Not to be combative, but I still have a lot of trouble seeing / accepting how their reasons for ghosting had nothing to do with me. One person's ghoster is another person's long term relationship, and I've had someone who ghosted me start up with someone right after and stick with them. So how can that possibly not have anything to do with negative things I said, did, embodied - to burn them out? Scare them? Harden them?

[@whiggygirl]

8 months in with a DA and after a lovely evening on Weds, and feeling really close recently, he told me Weds night that Thurs would have been his wedding anniversary with his ex (I didn't think anything of it as he's told me many times they are well and truly over and said the connection he and I have (had??) meant everything to him and that he could never be himself with his ex) and then Thurs he barely spoke two words to me all day long, and then has ghosted me ever since. I honestly am so confused and hurt. It's so out of character as he usually is so considerate of my feelings, and so thoughtful and protective of me. I just have no idea what to think. IS he pining over the ex wife after all?? They were together 23 years (she walked out on him but he says he'd emotionally checked out 2 years prior and they were living like strangers) and this was the first wedding anniversary they weren't together. He told me how ungrateful and rude she was last anniversary and said she totally forgot all about it. I just wish I'd had answers 😢

[@marymcquillan6417]

That’s a really shitty and immature thing to do to you. No-one on here will ever know for sure, only he will but it does sound like he was confused in his feelings. Was he seperated only 4 months when you met? Sorry you’re going through this xx

[@whiggygirl]

@marymcquillan6417 thanks very much. I met him on a dating site, and apparently he and the wife had only split 2 months prior!!! He should NEVER have been on there. I'm just shocked, as I honestly thought he was done with her. She's a covert narcissist and he struggles with reading and writing so often sends me screenshot of her messages to help him respond

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

​@@whiggygirl yeah he probably won't be over this last relationship for years. Trauma bonding can be tough and that might be what's happening here. He should have waited much longer to put himself back out there.

[@whiggygirl]

@SunshineAndSnowflakes I never thought about trauma bonding TBH. I guess I was just a rebound, and collateral damage 💔 😢 I'm so upset as I feel like I've lost my best friend, and I really fell for him. He was everything I wanted 😭😭😭

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

​@@whiggygirl I'm so sorry. 😢 He probably saw you and thought you were a breath of fresh air compared to what he had before and wanted to give it an honest try. The thing is, we can't just get rid of old feelings. They can only go away with time and he definitely should have given it at least a year and an official divorce, not separation. As for you (I've been here 💔) let yourself cry as much as you need to, heal and then become even more amazing. I swear heartbreak is like fuel to me. It hurts so much at the time, but I always come out better on the other side of it. Focus on yourself.

[@Medietos]

HAppy Midsummer! Could you kindly activate my fiúll course now, please? HAve been asking and waiting for long and it ihas been straining at me. Grateful for this, or soem communication. I expect you got my emails via the secretary.. Thank you.

[@user-np8br9go9d]

Help, I've been watching and following your teaching for quite a while, yesterday, i ended my no contact with my FA ex, and she responded quite well and fast. I try to be calm and cool and take things slow but she wants me to come to the point directly so I tell her, about reconnecting and going forward What i am looking for and wanted to take things slow and quiet politely. She says she really appreciates that I reached out and told her about my thoughts. And today, which is day 2, we text for 2/3 times she said she is getting ready for office/work. And i told her to have a wonderful time. And when I ask about where is she working or what kind of jobs she is doing now. She kept me on seen. Why is that and how to move forward

[@holybritches]

I just went through a relationship with an FA / DA, not sure which. It boiled down to they really didn't give a crap about a relationship partner's feelings. They are extremely selfish in relationships and want things done on their timeframe.and do not care about yours. They are not cut out for relationships.

[@Kynamagic90]

Does it matter of the why? Do you like it? Is it what you want for your life? The rest, what she does, are details, her businesses

[@luciehawaii]

Let them 👻 you. We cannot control and make othres stay anyways. Nobody owns us anything.