Self-Compassion: How to Make it Work for You | Dr. Chris Germer, Being Well

[@robertmoskal5345]

The inability to be kind to ourselves is a major indicator of past trauma. Trauma robs us of kindness and self love, not just emotional and social regulation and functionality.

[@Morale_Booster]

"what do I need" is always my go-to... Usually I need to hide under some blankets and have a good meal when I get home ❤️

[@michellemonet4358]

Hide under blankets..yes! Especually super soft ones.😂

[@cindytheodosis1370]

Yes! I like to say “Welcome to compassion - how can I help me?” 😅

[@cindytheodosis1370]

@@michellemonet4358and weighted!!

[@EricaSwitzer]

With so many obligations, due dates and other adulting challenges, this message is so on time for me. Peace to everyone looking to heal

[@MegSwitzer-s1b]

“You’re a brilliant interviewer “❤

[@kero6388]

So true!

[@daman7129]

I find self compassion is useful in overcoming the inner critic.

[@sherryssb]

Interesting comment; would you care to expand on that a little; I'd love to learn more, thank you 🙏

[@jafloferja]

How important is as a parent realize that the future inner voice of our children is our voice in their first years which has been internalized. Let's be that compassionate voice so they can build a good mental health.

[@Golgibaby]

Timestamp: 23:09... quintessential question: what do I need? .... tender behavioral compassion: a) comforting, b) soothing, c) validating 🎯

[@michellemonet4358]

Yes! "What do I neeed?" So often its getting under a blanket, petting a cat or playing piano

[@kmerrill4444]

Listening right now and it’s already so enriching to my morning. Thanks for doing these awesome interviews, Forrest.

[@gfyourself688]

Thank you Forrest. You asked many of the "negative" questions I've been thinking about self compassion and the answers landed.

[@rachellaird6667]

Loved this. Mindfulness with warmth. Put down the whip. Hold ourselves before we hold our experience. Really practical suggestions. Thank you both

[@MaryLe-lf6hx]

This is such a heart-warming conversation. You both are so generous and kind.

[@rebecca_stone]

I LOVE the nuance you go into in this episode. Too often we're bludgeoned with self compassion messages in therapy and online from well intentioned folk (not to mention 'law of attraction' stuff - ie more evidence of our failure trajectory plus that it won't end!). If you're in the severely traumatised 'high functioning' category, it's an avalanche of confusing extra shame. And that's before the "backdraft" flows in. It's made therapy and self work retraumatising for me, over the years. I'm 5yrs+ in remission from BPD and in a better place now, the points you raise need to be tackled in the mental health profession.

[@catherinecarter4934]

I loved this. Need to listen over and over.

[@lalni1]

I love you Forest!! You are absolutely working from your gifts!! This podcast in hand with my healing journey work has been such a powerful source!!!

[@nancyhutchings2748]

This talk is very well articulated and brilliant, cutting edge. I wish all people would listen to this talk. Incredibly useful. Thank you!❤

[@meriksen_]

One of THE BEST Self compassion explanations I have heard EVER!!

[@iriszee129]

This is such a timely interview for me! Thanks Forrest for another great video 👏

[@fatima3pk]

I needed this so much right now. Thank you 😭❤

[@Golgibaby]

Timestamp: 32:26 when the relentless striving/type A/perfectionism "solution" contributes to the problem, the model of burn out, and the root of the problem is shame....needing to reexamine our sense of self worth....🎯🎯🎯

[@solange653]

Amazing episode. Thank you!

[@jimconrads9515]

Thank you both, this we incredibly well timed for me as I've been starting to struggle with burnout just as I have been making some solid forward progress in self-compassion and acceptance. Dr. Germer...yes, I imagine many more than I will be getting a lot from this conversation, thank you. Also, your realisitic, optimistic and joyous state of being is really uplifting and encouraging while considering these difficult topics and how to self-actualize.

[@Chucanelli]

Really helpful discussion! The shame is so deep-seated, and something that helped me get a foot in the door was IFS. It was easier for me to recognize and take care of the part of me that’s 5 years old than my current adult self, and I can’t believe how much of a difference that made. There are other parts that are more guarded or shame-bound, so the work is ongoing. It takes some creativity and patience to work with those parts. The behavioral compassion has been huge as well. I just finished doing my weekend reset/prep work, and sitting in my clean room with good food made for the week, I feel like a queen. ☺️

[@sherryssb]

Thanks for your comment; I found it very interesting and encouraging; I would love to hear more about your experiences with IFS therapy as I've only briefly heard of it in passing and keep coming across mentions of it. I wondered how you came across it yourself and whether there is anything specific that is more appealing for you than other therapies !? Also, I really loved your comment about self care at the end and could imagine the feeling of both achievement and joy at reaping the rewards of your efforts ☺🙏. Well done 😁👍

[@Ad-nu4tk]

did you work with an ifs therapist or coach?

[@CreativeArtandEnergy]

I love the topic of self-compassion. I would like to restart my career from the self compassion perspective.

[@mariabuckley1749]

Thank you both so much ❤

[@dublingirl1691]

I love the phrase “the mind is a cave of bats” Forrest. So true! Great discussion.

[@Golgibaby]

Mahalo for this valuable and substantive conversation, as evidenced by my enthusiastic and multiple comments. 😅❤👍

[@carpools5434]

wow not even all the way through yet but i felt the need to say this is one of ur best yet! thank u chris and forrest!

[@Justin-vr4rw]

I agree, a brilliant interviewer. And a brilliant interviewee too!

[@andiedutton1880]

Thank you so much Chris and Forrest

[@ianmcnally8501]

Great job, you are amazing interview.

[@traceysheneman8652]

Wonderful conversation. Thank you. ❤

[@joshandkaramorton4261]

Love this!! Thank you both so much!! 🎉🎉❤

[@iw9338]

Thanks very much 👍👍

[@peacefulisland67]

Conditional love (compassion) is so ingrained now in our culture it's hard to imagine that most of us even know that it is a misapprehension.

[@candaceheidenrich6278]

Agree! Forrest is an absolutely brilliant interviewer. So many of us, me included, think you have doctoral level capabilities. Dr. Forrest Hanson in the future?

[@angelacunyairosales7616]

thank you very much

[@spiralmother]

Incredibly poignant and perfectly timed. Thank you.

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

32:00 --- beautiful, Forest. yes yes yes. Totally yes.

[@woodspriteful]

I've always been drawn to depth psychology, but recently I've been thinking about its conflicting relationship to Eastern religious practices like meditation, which aim to transcend all the content and complexes, and I was reminded of this when the guest spoke about loving ourselves out of shame. Sometimes the solution is to step into a whole different way of being and feeling. Maybe we don't have to hold it all. Maybe that's part of the problem.

[@sharonwerner7949]

And maybe part of the problem is the natural misunderstanding that all forms of meditation have a goal of transcendence. As a 25-year mindfulness meditator (Chris Germer's focus), I have learned to get in touch with and embrace my challenges rather than floating past or over them. Loving-kindness embraces the shame, the guilt, the self-blame. It gets right down into the mud with these challenges. The warmth and kindness then begin to gradually transform these feelings. /\

[@Golgibaby]

Timestamp: 49:06 overzealousness...man, the double down, yes...intention of the struggle and "pushing through"...wisdom versus compassion...if it's hurting, it's self harm...bro stop it! 🎯

[@traceysheneman8652]

Fierce self-compassion? How about internal and external self-compassion. I exercise fierce self-compassion for myself first, in response to trauma and self-bullying. As fierce self-compassion (internal) puts to rest the old internal dialogue, I am enabled to extend the same fierce self-compassion to a suffering world (external). Maybe it seems like nitpicking, but my life experience demands fierce self-compassion for myself and those I care about. ❤️

[@AMBSAB1944]

💜💜💜

[@denisegiammusso4331]

Grazie per il video, mi sono iscritta al canale 😊 La self-compassion mi sta cambiando la vita in meglio. Sarebbe meraviglioso partecipare a un seminario condotto dal Dottor Germer e dalla Dottoressa Neff ❤ Fate un salto in Italia per favore, abbiamo bisogno di voi 😂💛 grazie!

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

have you had any nurse clients with child abuse who was 'the best' nurse before crashed and burned and ....died?

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

Geeee, it's a HUMAN thing 30:00 -- aren't we meant and made for holding each other, others? it's sad that we have to learn to self soothe, honestly. It's easy to give...hard to find, due to anti-social media and 'smart' tech which is so unwise. Not how we were wired and I'm innately attuned to natural. This era is unnatural. Great episode, as always though and otherwise.

[@patrick4253]

I like this guy. But meditating IS behavioral self compassion. It is taking an action to calm ourselves, being mindful, slow our neurotic minds, practice conscious breathing, use mantras, figure out what else we need, etc.. it's scientifically proven to help. I'm surprised he said this, but he's certainly entitled to not like meditating for himself.