Three ways to tame your self-criticism | Ronnie Grandell | TEDxOtaniemi

How are you talking to yourself today?
Ronnie Grandell is a clinical psychologist, coach and non-fiction author who specializes in compassion focused therapy. His expertise is helping people who struggle with the toils of stress and burnout, anxiety, shame or self-criticism. He has also worked extensively with leaders, experts in various fields, athletes and artists, with a focus on enhancing people’s performance and enjoying life while doing so.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@Rosalie-yn1bt]

I want to cry, this made me feel so validated. He really described exactly what I do to myself constantly. Why I meet resistance when I try to block out the criticism. I’ve been stuck for so long and I’m so glad I found this video. If you’re reading this I wish you good luck on your mental health journey 🖤

[@Rosalie-yn1bt]

I named my inner critic Baba Yaga lmaoo

[@prajwalwarhade7273]

Have you recovered by now? If yes then do you have any advice for me?

[@garciaerick898]

1. Try to understand the Critic's intent 2. Take a step back and depersonalize the criticism 3. Be compassionate to the you that gets in your way because that version loves you too and is just afraid of getting you hurt

[@sshappy96]

Questions to understand the Critic's intent: 1. What do you fear might happen if you didn't criticize yourself? 2. What kind of values might your self-criticism be linked to?

[@antoniobecker9627]

This deserves more view

[@iamroyalty1658]

It does!!

[@thewayneschannel1]

I believe that the 28k people that discovered it are probably having a great time for finding it.

[@mohmmadjammoul7399]

I'm a medical student and my self-criticism is overwhelming this year, this has helped me alott, thankss

[@blindsurgeonc]

life of a medical student...completely destroyed me....now 10 years later I am starting to recover

[@ST-yc7uj]

@@blindsurgeonc because there is not much external validation to rely on

[@dinamita2870]

I feel like studying makes people hard on themselves. I'm not a medical student but this year is by far the hardest and I'm constantly being hard on myself for not studying hard enough or not being as good as my expectations on myself are

[@anushilamukerji2478]

I have been going through excessive self criticism since childhood but this makes so much sense. I feel better about the way I perceive myself in the first place.

[@nyesacano7890]

It’s so bad that my critic is saying “his steps won’t work” “even if they did, they don’t work all the time” “you’ll never get rid of me” “I’m always here no matter how hard you push me away”

[@gongripp5207]

Since the end of 2019, my self criticism has made me suffer a lot. When my “sucky Johny” takes over, sometimes I get to the point of having difficulty to speak because I’m judging every word I say, or even every movement I make. It’s so frustrating and it blocks me from doing the things I like. This video was extremely helpful, and I hope other people who are going through the same problem have the opportunity to watch it. Thank you! ;)

[@jasonevans2800]

I read this and could relate to that feeling, it's made me feel better to know there is someone else out there who suffers with that too, and you articulated it well too. Good luck to you my friend on your journey

[@gongripp5207]

@@jasonevans2800 Good luck to you as well! Things have gotten better for me since then, so stay strong and be hopeful. 💪

[@jasonevans2800]

@@gongripp5207 Can I ask, what was it for you that made a difference, what helped? Did you do anything differently? Any changes? Any help would be appreciated

[@gongripp5207]

@@jasonevans2800 Well, It’s hard to pinpoint exactly, but one thing that certainly helped me was to build confidence in myself. Even though it sounds a bit cliché, it’s a way to overcome those negative thoughts, ‘cause you gradually stop believing them. The stories you tell yourself define a lot of what happens in your life. For example, if you believe you are a weird person, you’ll probably end up acting as such (that was my case). So try to be more gentle with your “critical side” (it tries to help you, but actually has the opposite effect) and believe you are capable of improving your situation. I really hope that was helpful to you, man.

[@dinamita2870]

I relate to this a lot right now

[@Ryx777]

LOVE this talk. The first point has been so clear to me for a while. I know that my critic can be useful so I dare not shut them off. Thanks for so clearly outlining steps on how to get distance and be kind to ourselves. So helpful! Thank you @Ronnie

[@n.hhaziqah9950]

I named my inner critic as Becky. She intends to keep me in stagnant progress in life. She refuses to grow. She doesn't want to take any responsibility. She kept me safe at times but she's been tryna brainwash me. She's a coward but a brilliant one. Perfectionist and go-getter (at things that she's certain that she won't fail). Becky: I don't want to grow She didn't want to because she was scared. Growing up means that she has to take full responsibility and commitment. She's afraid of rejection, failing at a task, not liking by others and not being useful. She's a perfectionist, so when things not going the way that she wanted, she stopped doing it. The voice was getting louder and louder in my head saying that "I don't want to grow" I tried to use the method of distancing and calling out the names. I said, "Becky, stop it". It didn't work. The voice sounds so desperate. In response, I was yelling at her saying that I wanted to grow. Countering this voice ain't easy. She keeps repeating the word to me and instead of the simple yelling back that I wanted to grow, I told her the reason that I wanted to do it. I told her that I wanted to grow because I wanted to earn more money, not limiting myself, able to stand up for myself and not chasing others approval. Becky went quiet. Reasoning, self-compassion and understand where Becky coming from is a must. I understand what she wants and the reason behind it but I have to ask her to believe in me. "No one believes in me. Not even you, Becky. So, I need you to believe in me because your approval matters to me. You're me and I am you. It sucks if I can't even depend on myself. You're not an enemy but a friend. Trust me that I'm going to be fine". I need to do more of these.

[@shaunrussell4558]

Thanks for letting us in on your process of the inner critic (yours being Becky)... I really appreciate you’re explaining it to us! And I really like the way they have to understand and respect each other’s opinion to come to the growth stage! Really cool insights 🙏🏻

[@dipload8066]

My dont have a name ;-; i call him sueso

[@mirzkaloshi3235]

This made me cry, thank you for sharing

[@janesturgeon4404]

Thank you, Ronnie. 🩷

[@nahmepin]

Make that critical voice a good compassionate couch inside of you 💖 Thanks! That's a new perspective

[@rubyochoa5251]

Great talk! Very clear explanation of how the inner critic works and steps to address it, thank you Ronnie :)

[@jbmason000]

I like these concepts and I have used distancing and curious compassion with my criticism but never considered the critic was perhaps trying to help me be better or actually protect me. Thank you this actually feels right and I will try to understand how to be a compassionate coach to my critic.

[@Jayjay_creations05]

Best Ted talk I've seen so far ...thank you!

[@loopa7563]

DEEP voice

[@jamlaw]

That moment connecting how he had made a choice to never trust again says it all for me. I hadn't quite connected a conscious choice to the rising/power of my self critic. Of course then it would be there, like a guard I called in. It had all felt so nebulous and hurtful and crazy (like my dad growing up) that I assumed I was a total victim and unable to help myself. But I see them as two different things; cause and effect. Now it feels helpful to have these ideas and realize it's also my choice to work on developing trust and deciding what is important for me now, vs. cultivating hiding away from bad experiences.

[@Missako92]

I love this! Thank you ❤️

[@arlinegeorge6967]

Great great talk. Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true.

[@shaunrussell4558]

That was SO helpful!! I wish every human could practice this!! Or at least see this video!

[@zhing836]

My inner Critic, his talk is like “you are so talented, you have so many potentials and do not waste them all, do not do that”, he keep push me like that, back then I’d never thought that expectation is too much for me,but I wanted it… because I thought if I don’t reach that I would just a failure to my family

[@zhing836]

I have always been a very unique person, so people always say to me I have a unique talent, but it has become very unbalanced, I am not superhuman but I kept pushing it…but deep down I always like to be a regular mundane person, I suppose I need to balance my uniqueness and mundaneness

[@antoniak.2909]

Thank you for a brilliant talk!

[@josephnguma3386]

Thanks alot for this, I need to execute the second and third level of understanding and working my way beyond the inner critic. Thank You

[@kasturibiradar7597]

That’s best thing I came across on self criticism!!

[@joannagospodarczyk3547]

What a great voice!!!

[@UriValdez]

This is powerful!

[@anitadebnam1850]

This is perfect, thankyou

[@LOSERWHOGOTCONFIDENT]

this was really good, thank you

[@erdemkebude]

Great advices

[@sakshambari5369]

Can relate to every word of the conversation with John

[@tiktoktitan6089]

This was wonderful.

[@thewayneschannel1]

Thank you.

[@sonofgodsdad3227]

Very good speaker!

[@rodannnkekw2866]

This is so helpful!!!

[@deborahferguson1163]

Really good advice!

[@sandravillecco3268]

I `ve found this video really insightful, diidactic and so so inspirational!! Thank you so much, Ronnie!!:)

[@msariana_adams]

I don't comment often and I know was in 2017, but this opened my eyes so much and made me feel so seen. I need to see this.

[@masum1731]

Great!

[@oscarkong3200]

you sound like a audio book

[@cezartb]

I feel myself in everything he said.

[@mentalhelp8474]

Ive been doing some of my own videos on this and you are right. :)

[@jasond626]

Good video.. Sounds like act therapy

[@neematm8266]

Some of it it's devil's whispering. God helps us.Amen💪🏻

[@neematm8266]

In the Quran it's called Al Nafs Al Lawwama (self-reproaching soul) (Chapter The Resurrection verse 2)

[@grigorabgaryan169]

I like this video. Shame it has a little amount of views. It seems the title is not click-bate enough :)

[@animedreams1336]

Interesting

[@stephenstout4273]

Sucky Johnny seems to like hovering around me at all times waiting for any and all moments where I let my guard down.

[@ibuprofenPill]

I stopped not even halfway through because I can’t relate to this story. When I actually have a relationship, maybe then I’ll revisit. Thanks for playing!

[@Carlee923]

You must be an ACT therapist :-)

[@Ricardo_io]

It’s not that easy It’s like saying to an anxious person “Just don’t Think about it” Great, genius, didn’t think of that.

[@Tamarahope77]

We should never tell anyone to try not to think or feel. Thoughts and feelings are there for a purpose (like this speaker said). Instead of trying to push thoughts away, we can acknowledge their presence, compassionately accept them, but decide whether or not to buy into the thought. There are many things people or the media tells me that I don't accept are true - no different from my mind. I don't have to push the TV away, I just let it be and go about doing what I want to do.

[@konradlinde]

Three ways, none of them work.

[@grungil7570]

Good speech, dead audience.

[@swanningabout]

This just sounds like telling yourself a lot of lies. If you know you're telling lies then what's the point

[@gamingwithCONZOUL]

Un helpful helper omg