Self-Inflicted Achromatic (English Cover)【JubyPhonic】自傷無色

▶▶ Help choose my next song by donating! / jubyphonic
A life uncolored.
Hi again, so I disappeared for a month recently and I feel like I’m ready to give proper explanation. You see, over the years I’ve written a lot of things in these description boxes as if it were some sort of public diary so it feels natural to talk about it here.
More than it seems, I struggle a lot to keep up appearances and restrain myself from talking too honestly. The reality is that I fight depression every day but do my best to keep the breakdowns quiet. Honestly, I feel like I spend most of my time trying to go unnoticed just to avoid unnecessary worrying. Because the reality of depression is that it gets old. Nobody wants to be around a person who gets sad all the time. There's too much blaming and trying to find a reason when their is none. Being depressed and also being loved has a complicated relationship too. You suffer so they suffer but then that just adds to your own suffering again. I really hated causing so much trouble all the time, but I realize now that it's necessary. People who truly care for you want to share that pain. They need to or else you deny them that closeness and love.
As much as you hate yourself, your loved ones still want to be there for you. Allow them that.
Anyway, it's just an important lesson I'm trying to learn. I'm back after a month of troubles to sing a Nekobolo song that I feel isn't always understood fully. It's not just about suicide but it's up to you to interpret it beyond that point.
ORIGINAL CREDITS:
✦ Original: www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm19870840
✦ Music/Lyrics: Nekobolo
✦ Fan PV: Mari www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm21661024
COVER CREDITS:
✦ Vocals/Mix/Subs: Juby
✦ Translation Ref: zcatcracker
ⓐⓛⓛ ⓜⓨ ⓛⓨⓡⓘⓒⓢ ⓐⓡⓔ ⓕⓡⓔⓔ ⓣⓞ ⓤⓢⓔ
---Contact Me---
✧ ғᴀᴄᴇʙᴏᴏᴋ
/ jubyphonicp
✧ ᴛᴡɪᴛᴛᴇʀ
@JubyPhonic_P
✧ ᴇᴍᴀɪʟ
[e-mail]
----Mp3 Links----
✧ ᴅᴏᴡɴʟᴏᴀᴅ ɪᴛ
bit.ly/2nJGpam
--------LYRICS----
I wanna be like you, I wanna say that I can
I wanna be the person that you think that I am
But even if I had it all come true like a dream
Is the person I came to be the really real me?
So young and simple, wishing like things would come true
Now as I am, I understand it’s best I die and soon
Just by living I’m hurting them another day
Hundreds cry, all I do is ruin everything
Nobody wanted me, no one there to need
If only I could live in that kind of world I dreamed
Just by leaving I’m helping them another day
Hundreds smile, all they do is laugh at everything
Nobody there to scream, no more being mean but see
Things like that would never happen for me
Day after day I found my way, sleepwalking through
Like this I’ll fade without a trace, it’s for the best I do
Just by living I’m nothing for another day
Hundred lives, never knowing me or anything
Nobody wanted me, no one there to need
Why would I wanna live in the kind of world I see?
Just by leaving I’m no one for another day
Hundred lives, never changing them or anything
Nobody there to scream, no more being mean to me
Then could I have it all back in one piece?
In the end, we’ll fall to the ground again
Over and over and never get up
In the end, the person they made in me
Breaking and breaking and never pick up
In the end, we’re leaving it all again
Over and over and never wake up
Just by living I’m bringing you another day
Why, just for me, can you smile after everything?
In the end, the smile you give to me
Right when I wanted to give it all up
And I really do wish that I didn’t
And all of the moments I tried
Just to die said goodbye
Just by leaving I’m no one for another day
Hundred lives, never changing them or anything
Somebody here to scream, someone here is stopping me
Why can’t I laugh it off the way that I’d dreamed?

[@cresstfu7665]

I know this the last lyric but it really struck me hard. "Why can't I laugh it off the way that I dreamed?" I can't hide my feelings well so I could relate.

[@Creatorsan]

I so wish I could be happy forever and never feel sadness, guilt, or aggression..

[@defender9200]

I've gotten to good at hiding mine, I want to fix other people's problems, people shouldn't worry about me, I'm here to fix others. But recently one person I really care for has decided they no longer want to talk to me and it has resulted in a mental break down and I finally broke and rambled it all to someone and almost broke down a second time but didn't. I have no problems showing my flaws, I have problems with showing my problems, with talking to.people because I want to be the strong wall to defend others. I'm the soldiers in the trench that will never surrender, defending those I care for till my last breath. But when you hurt those people it's a war on to fronts. I still defend them tooth and nail but I also hurt them and so I take damage from the other side cause I failed them and didn't do my job to protect them. I failed and when I don't know what I did wrong I just think of everything I've done to them and over analys everything I did to them and try to find out what I did wrong and how I would fix it and when you snap at them then immediately regret it knowing you might be hurt them you wanna just disappear but I'm to stubborn so I kept trying and trying and I can't do anything about it and so I sit and think for hours trying to figure it out but no one will tell me what I did! So I've failed them, I hurt them and I can't fix it, I couldn't protect them and so I'm a failure. I hurt who I cared for, who I fought to protect. I failed my only job, my own purpose..... I failed

[@Wolf-of-the-Century]

@@defender9200 I can relate my best friend has depression i try and try to help them but they just laugh it off so i join them just so their happy but since she moved we couldn't stay in contact i barely ever talk to her now. I also have been hiding my depression its become easier over time.

[@glixrio6359]

@@defender9200 This is the most relatable comment I've ever read in my entire life

[@defender9200]

@@glixrio6359 I don't now if that's a good or bad thing

[@shylyheroic7872]

"Somebody here to scream, someone here is stopping me" And that's when i started crying

[@lurarider6638]

Benny Pass I understand this line perfectly. I would die, I wish I could. But I'm the person everyone comes to with their problems. If I left who would save them. My own life is agony to me but I can't let anyone else suffer because I didn't care enough to stay. It hurts so much

[@nasiaeatsglitter1002]

miku stopped him

[@ecstaticpanic7532]

that line makes me think of someone is about to die - drowning or hanging or blood loss - and then someone passing by screams to get help for you...

[@kyleneckar3415]

The "just by living I'm hurting them another day" hit me the hardest

[@qualitycontent3824]

Yeah and i lost all emotions when my dad died i became a gray person i just blend in as a *Bright color* but really i just love to put a noose around my neck

[@_angelkawaii_x]

its MY mental breakdown and I get to choose the music!!

[@OkamiLyra]

pfp checks out

[@Cantbeerased7893]

Real

[@anaidajohn4372]

pfp makes it normal

[@normanclatcher]

​@@anaidajohn4372 *BET.*

[@Official_Neneko]

MAFUYU PFP

[@Lolbitfan345]

“All I do is ruin everything” Ouch, I felt that

[@sadpenguin8616]

Though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i will fear no evil for you are with me psalm 23:4

[@Existencialtoph]

I felt every lyric hit hard. because the songs good

[@smd_dtheman]

​@@sadpenguin8616I take a look at my life and realise therez nothing left

[@---AIM404]

Yep

[@demonswordsmancrona6589]

I feel like this song doesnt just repersent suicide, but also the expectations and premiscanseptions that people put upon others, forcing them to be something their not, becoming achromatic (without color) as they come to relie on those expectations to define themselves in essence loosing their true color and killing ones sense of true self. This continues untill they forget who the real them was and eventually they long for escape from the painful existence that comes with stripping yourself of all color so that others can paint theirs onto you. In the end by loosing your true self you begin to feel that you are lying to those dear to you, about who you really are. You no longer want to see them in pain for your failings at being something they thought you were, and that endless self loathing comes to a peak when you feel you ruin everything with your pressence.

[@crimson_red3765]

Ok, so you just explained all my life q-q I'm scared now

[@user-fm9yi6tn2o]

Woah... That's deep...

[@me_irlg2413]

I'm in this picture and I don't like it.

[@cyfigames2540]

100% relatable, like, completely, I'm autistic so it's a little different in comparison, but being in public and being told my hyperfixation is stupid, stunning to relieve stress, so I stop stimming, so now I can't think what I want or do what I want without immediate stress, and criticism, so I stifle myself slowly surrendering hyperfixation to nothing, dropping motivation, no stress relief,and yeah

[@demonswordsmancrona6589]

@@cyfigames2540 im also autistic as well, so i understand to a degree

[@tiredangel3040]

"I wish I could live in the kind of world I dreamed" As someone who's way of escapism is daydreaming this hits so close to home. I wish I could escape this world n live in the world that I have made up for my ocs, you could even go as far as to say I live my life through them instead of experiencing it for myself. I only recently found this song again after a long while n I'm in love with it again good job juby!!

[@cuzwhynot9082]

Tired Angel Me too.

[@fragileheart7650]

Hello maladaptive daydreamer fellows, I related ;)

[@RadiantSharaShaymin]

Daydreaming is literally why I'm still alive. It carried me until I could find little sparks of inspiration from the good people in this world... and when their inspiration couldn't spark, I still had my own world to visit. For 8 years at least, it was the only place that I wasn't ignored or looked down on. "Repeated advice that still doesn't work doesn't help" is all I learned from reality...

[@cbruxx]

yeah, I developed de-realization disorder (if you don't know what it's like, basically you view the world in 3rd person, and sometimes feel although your behind yourself just watching as you go throughout life, and it's weird, when this happens I can see my back (or at least i think i do))... but it's hard, it'd be rlly damn nice if we could though ;-; Random side note: when paranoia sets the emotion of fear in ya and you're in a 3rd person state, it feels weird XD... like, you're terrified, but rlly calm at the same time.

[@liam_angel_x5355]

I wish I could put into words how much I love and hate these fantasies at the same time because I express things through them and they kinda protect me from the real world but at the same time it hurts to know that I can never really have what I dream of

[@nschannel826]

_"Somebody here to scream,_ _Someone here is stopping me"_ That line hit me hard for some reason

[@epicmoments2049]

omg fake depression 🥱

[@Crows256]

Yeah, same here.

[@nonong1096]

@@epicmoments2049 uhh

[@sadpenguin8616]

God is an ever present help in distress psalm 46:2

[@ChrisJones-gq9gt]

​@@sadpenguin8616 please stop

[@yamihatarou7850]

Remember when this song was just nice to listen to and didn't represent your entire mood?

[@phoenixsweet1697]

Hopefully it will be one day

[@phoenixsweet1697]

To be fair, it is sometimes, but most times it is a mood.

[@HarmonyEdge]

I felt the same for Kom Susser Tod

[@charadreemurr9256]

already got to the first page of my memories book and that never happened/nm

[@thelamp091]

after so many years even if its for just a moment yeah...

[@justaguy2182]

I love how certain people think depression is SO easy to just get rid of. “It’s all in your mind!” Says internet influencer who likely hasn’t experienced a single form of mental illness before in their life. Depression doesn’t just go away. It sticks with people, and happens due to a mix of things. Edit: The whole “Rich influencer” comment from before was pretty short sighted of me, didn’t realize it at the time. It is totally possible to be rich and depressed. Money doesn’t buy happiness. Remember that.

[@RinRin-pp6oy]

Exactly. It's literally an illness, thats just like saying "stop having cancer, it's all your imagination"

[@birchy_paw]

Exactly, even if it stops, it’s still gonna be in the back of your mind. It might even come back later on, so I’m glad someone else understands this.

[@asdfghjkzxcbnm]

"It’s all in your mind!" WHERE ELSE WOULD IT BE KAREN IN MY LEGS?!

[@neroquin]

They aren't wrong by saying that it's in your mind, but that doesn't make it any less real or terrible.

[@asdfghjkzxcbnm]

@@neroquin yeah ik but i try to make light if things

[@jillianawillis8072]

"Why cant I laugh it off the way that I dreamed?" As a person that struggles to hold their emotions in, and is easily affected by the words of people I care about, I can relate to this so much...

[@flowerperson8704]

....

[@aussiethecat7532]

I dont laugh easy, even if I find something really funny to me, it looks like have no emotions

[@user-xw6gw6rr9b]

PSST! yea you! shh.. i gotta tell you somethin' no one asked

[@rtchara618]

And nobody asked for your opinion either. Gotta apply your logic to yourself ;)

[@moonhall]

And me as a person with social anxiety i wish i could just laugh with people

[@itsgachakitty3655]

I'm worried how much I relate to this song, and a lot of the comments. "No one being mean to me" No one bullies me or anything, I have a good life, I just feel so empty. Anyone else relate? Also, I kind of drown my emotions in my music and daydreams, so this song hits hard. Edit: Tf is going on in the comments

[@user-by7bn5jn9p]

I feel the exactly same way

[@jmking4943]

I feel the same way. Just, empty. Like there is nothing there.

[@genericsinger6498]

For me its a little different. It's all there like the emotions and stuff I guess but it's in a locked safe in different room. And there's no reason for it so it's a little annoying

[@sadpenguin8616]

Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened and i will give you rest (matthew 11:28)

[@_-laly-481-_]

I feel the exaxt same way. I have a great life, yet sometime I just wished I was never born because it's just... Boring ? It's not really the word but that's the closer I found

[@shoimi]

Adult: *Pressuring a child* Child: *Commits unalive* Also adult: *Why would they do this ? I gave them "everything"*

[@MrBaranygabor]

This is exactly what my father said.

[@chelseananiluwanimamaniya3855]

@ฅMitzu_Chuฅ JASDKHASDJK WTF

[@chelseananiluwanimamaniya3855]

@ฅMitzu_Chuฅ U JUST DID NOT-

[@cellobobbys9513]

@ฅMitzu_Chuฅ LMFAO😭✋🏽

[@she-they6046]

@ฅMitzu_Chuฅ YOU DIDN'T-

[@KitopiankingdomMagic]

Everyone's leaving long comments but I know that can feel tiring to read so have a short one; i really, really admire you, and nothing can change that.

[@lastdayonearth3028]

KitopianKingdom you rad bro she's my cousin!... I'm serious..I:-I

[@Ilovethisgame12123]

i wish what you said was true

[@fleurishhanie6642]

KitopianKingdom .

[@kituki5178]

You are awesome

[@ethancole-missen3894]

Even if she put chocolate in the freezer?

[@gabriellealyssa04]

I remember the time when my friends would always say, “Are you depressed? You act like it.” Even though I’m... not. I don’t like being call depressed, just because I “act” like it. It’s as if I’m disrespecting those who really _are_ depressed. But this song is something I really relate to. I thought, “Don’t call me. I’m a burden. Leave me alone and forget my existence, that way you can live happily and freely.” I always feel useless (it’s because I am) and I can’t really do anything, there’s this something that holds me back, says I can’t do it because I’ll fail, and even if I’m the only one who’s there to see whatever I do, it feels as if everyone’s watching me. I hesitate a lot, and I guess it somewhat developed to laziness. I thought about running in the middle of the streets, and I remember the time when I almost got run over by a car. Things like, “I wonder if I’ll ever get to meet my friends online?” And “I wonder if me and my friends can have a sleepover?” Flashed through my mind. I guess, that made me realize that I really wanna stay. But even if somebody claimed they’d be there to stop me... Would they really? I was never able to accept that someone would be devastated for me.

[@lemxntart6362]

Gabrielle Alyssa Rivera- I can relate with you so much! I feel the same way actually. All of my friends joke around and say “Oh are you ok you look like you’re depressed” and they do this all the time when I really am depressed.

[@samelastiven5300]

I can relate to it all that It's kind of creepy 😂 countless of times bikes and cars almost used to crash onto me and I have the same thoughts. About something holding you back which resulted to laziness. About passing the sadness and grief to people I will left behind if I ever die. And my friends and whole family think I'm depressed when I am not..

[@beatrisefranzhearts4649]

Gabrielle Alyssa Rivera Same... People think I fake everything that I'm feeling. They think I'm just being dramatic. That I just act like I'm depressed even though I'm really not. But I really am depressed. Even my own parents don't believe me. It's sad when they don't take me seriously. I remember when I was ready to die. I almost jumped off the 3rd floor but the same thoughts entered my mind. At the same time, negativity still entered and so my will to die became even more resolute. And when I was about to jump, they came and pulled me away. After that, I cried everything. And I understood that they care about me and that if I die, the world will still run.

[@jeremylin4874]

It's similar for me..... I'm depressed the majority of the time, but not many people believe me. I've only ever met one person who knows and realizes that I'm depressed. And I've thought about hurting myself plenty, but the only thing that ever held me back was the knowledge that nobody would care, and that some people would actually be happier. 'Cause if nobody's going to miss you, and nobody minds you here, then you might as well exist in limbo, doing things on instinct and out of habit.

[@juliak.8775]

your not useless, you have a purpose in this world, you just haven't found it yet, and if I could, I would give you the biggest hug through the screen!

[@Slayerofsaints]

Growing up I've been a "crybaby" and take things too seriously. But noone said "Hey lets toughen you up!" or "Hey you okay? It's alright to be a crybaby! I'll be with you forever!" I felt like without me everyone would have an easier life until I figured it out that if I died some people might've needed me and if I didn't meet them they'd be dead

[@Camilo-ey3cm]

You are my long lost twin.

[@micah4661]

My dad always called me sensitive and my mom always said she is toughing me up for the real world, I just want to be held and loved for who I am

[@Slayerofsaints]

@@micah4661 I know, we all want that, but some parents/guardians are just shit like that, and that's why it's important to find people who accept you for who you are

[@cutiemark3009]

To the world you are one person. To one person you are the world

[@gachatana9656]

Being a CryBaby, I've found, just shows we are in tune with our feelings. We have the empathy that other people lack. If you take a personality test (the 48 personalities one), we are probably similar, if not the same. I'm a mediator, mediators are emotional and very hard on themselves. They hold themselves to ridiculous standards, and love with everything they have but it leads to that weakness of things hurting them more. All in all, please hold your head high. And if you haven't, check out Melanie Martinez's song CryBaby! It seriously describes me, so it might be something you can also relate to! And remember, you don't need to "toughen up", because emotions aren't the enemy. Apathy is truly our enemy. ❤

[@solacee4558]

dear anyone who is going through a tough time, i'm proud of you for waking up today. i'm proud of you for drinking water. i'm proud of you for eating. i'm proud of you for doing something you love. i'm proud of you for going to school/work. i'm proud of you for talking to friends. i'm proud of you for expressing yourself. i'm so goddamn proud of you for getting out of bed and being you. being you is enough for everyone else in the world. you living is a gift. don't be scared to speak up about your emotions; tell your friends, family, anyone who has ears to listen and empathy in their heart. call a hotline. nothing is bad forever, and life will continue to move forward. you living contributes to the world. you are special. you're enough. edit; thank you to everyone. ive been on a nostalgia kick and have been revisiting a lot of music from old playlists, and i completely forgot i ever did comment this lol. im still a child who has no idea what im doing, but even the small outreach that this has brought is overwhelming. ive grown for sure, and i hope you have, too. im well aware that this comment isnt going to solve all your problems, but if it helped you for even a moment, then i am grateful to my younger self lmao. i wish i could hug you all. im still proud :,)

[@TheRealRandomDoggo]

AWWWWWWWW YOU JUST CHEERED MY CRYING UPSET SELF UP THANK YOU SO MUCH

[@rosanocte7713]

congrats for being the first yt comment to make me cry :"

[@soulcollector2664]

Thank you but unfortunately if I were to speak to anyone about how I feel I would be sent to a mental institution again and 8 times being is already to much for me.

[@Shaddowed_Flora]

fuck ima cry. thank you so much for this

[@arlenecorros4158]

So dats how i waste our money on me.

[@geekypines3997]

I didn't relate to this song at all before. Now I'm relating to it and I'm scared.

[@Yuesketches]

please, let us help you. I feel the same way as you. Hopefully you can find your light again.

[@ThatOneRubeGuy]

same here m8

[@PARTYCON]

I know this is late but. Don't be afraid. All of us feel the same way for different reasons.

[@StrawberrySpamCake]

Don't be scared! { *_Cute Giggle_* } Embrace it, because these times of suffering are something that our future selves can look back on, learn from, and feel *happy to have passed!* That is if you have a future self... (Please don't die!)

[@toxicstarbot6701]

Same for me.

[@popsocket6885]

My family: "Sing a song that fits you!" Me:

[@blitzyblook3315]

OOF

[@terrencekamisato3854]

..........

[@hotdogg86]

Idk if this was meant only as a joke, but are you okay? Just asking

[@she-they6046]

You ok? I'm mean , nobody here is but are you?

[@azr3ii]

*And then you end up picking a cheesy love song about being heartbroken because you don't want your family to judge you*

[@dark_lighterexe5874]

I showed this song to older sibling and told her that it puts me at ease. After she listened to it she looked at me and told me that I gave her depression in a funny way...but right after that she hugged me and said "we want you dude" (she doesn't hug me that much cuz she doesn't like to get close to ppl)

[@anobody2755]

That is very cute. I'm glad you have someone as supportive as them! I hope you can through whatever you are getting through as you seem to be an important person to the people around you! I wish you the best of luck!

[@dark_lighterexe5874]

@@anobody2755 thanks and good luck for you too! < 3

[@VishttpZ]

Do we have the same sister bro 😂

[@dark_lighterexe5874]

@@VishttpZ welp, I guess all big sisters are so sweet

[@RealRExPlayer]

I don’t have an older sister:(

[@cutiemark3009]

"to the world, you are one person. To one person, you are the world" Hang in there yall, it'll get better

[@NovaX-wb8rq]

i love this so much omgggg

[@MikaelaTufts]

Thank you… same to you, wonderful person.❤️

[@2brite4uw32]

Me, an emotional person: *cries a little while playing this song on repeat*

[@outer1329]

mood

[@Ascensionisms]

felt that

[@sonicdatalkingball465]

This Song Is Giving Sad Vibes, I’m Sad Now

[@pinkremus961]

Same

[@dinodino9154]

I do that with every sad song QwQ

[@justarandomgryffindor3901]

My friend sent this to our group chat. She’d been acting kind of weird, and me and another friend were talking about it a little bit after she sent it to us. We were a bit worried; she’d dropped out of a musical that she had really wanted to do, she’d been into darker stuff than usual, and she just wasn’t acting like herself. Then she sent us this. I didn’t pay much attention to it, the words kind of just went over my head. My other friend and I were talking about it again, because she’d been like this for about a month. Later that night, I had this song in my head, so I pulled it up, this time paying attention to the lyrics. About halfway through, I got really scared and immediately texted my other friend. She was annoyed that I’d woken her up, but as soon as I told her my suspicion, she was concerned also. I asked her if she had listened to the song our friend sent us. She hadn’t. I told her it was about someone trying to commit suicide, so she looked up the words, and now we both think our friend is suicidal. We haven’t heard from her since the other night, and were trying to see if she’s ok.

[@Random-dk1ke]

Oh no... How is she, now? I hope you got back in contact with her..

[@justarandomgryffindor3901]

@Richard Brigance I have talked to her; she seems about the same. I haven’t seen her in a while, but me and my other friend are supposed to see a movie with her later this month. I’ll update you after I see her

[@Random-dk1ke]

@@justarandomgryffindor3901 alright, Thanks.

[@luna1327]

Is everything okay now?

[@virgil6290]

I hope it end up ok I know what's It's like to loose a friend and it's not fun

[@sylvi--5517]

What lyric hits the hardest for you? For me it’s “Day after day I found my way, sleepwalking through” because that’s what every day has felt like for me. Like I am just going through the motions until I am able to feel happiness again

[@starletsystem4036]

For me, it's 3 lyrics. 1- "Just by living, I'm hurting them another day. Hundreds cry, all I do is ruin everything." 2- "Just by living I’m bringing you another day. Why, just for me, can you smile after everything?" 3- "Somebody here to scream, someone here is stopping me. Why can’t I laugh it off the way that I’d dreamed?" these I relate to because I have BPD and with that comes intense and unstable relationships. I'm constantly scared I'm hurting xem and that I don't deserve it.

[@kelnukephilosopher]

the whole part of "Just by living I’m nothing for another day Hundred lives, never knowing me or anything Nobody wanted me, no one there to need Why would I wanna live in the kind of world I see?" it's pretty simple. i can feel three logical things if I die, everyone will be SAD if I die, everyone will be HAPPY if I die, everyone will be UNPHASED because i dont want to hurt the people that i love but if everyone is happy then that means I deserve to die, right? but then, if nobody ends up caring, i'd be worthless and infinitely forgotten. so these are the contradictory thoughts of a depressed/suicidal person's mind. also, "Why can’t I laugh it off the way that I’d dreamed?" hits really hard because i constantly dream or daydream or imagine a situation that happens to me and when it happens irl it goes way differently, way worse even. i expect myself to hit the imaginary standard i had for myself, but in real life all it is is awkwardness and self-exposure. also, im very sensitive, so its hard to just brush everything off even though in some imaginary world i bet i could. "Nobody there to scream, no more being mean but see Things like that would never happen for me" it's because i feel like nobody's there for me, but at the same time, nobody's hurting me either so i feel like i dont have a right to complain. and in the end, no matter which logic route my brain takes "if i die, they'll be sad/happy/unphased" it always feels like there's some toxic positivity side that im "supposed" to be focusing on and i cant have that positivity because im not lucky or blessed enough to have it. yes, im 6 months late, but idc. i miss this song.

[@piggsie]

"Now as I am, i understand it's best that I die and soon"

[@gachatana9656]

"In the end the smile that you give to me right when I wanted to give it all up and I really do wish that I didn't and all of the moments I just tried to die said goodbye" I've never attempted but, honestly I've thought and thought about it in the most recent year..

[@shuharahotline7381]

"Just by living I'm bringing you another day. Why just for me can you smile after everything?" Honestly this hurt for me. I have so many friends that care for me and love me, but i find it so hard to believe they actually do because of my low self esteem and it breaks my heart that they have to remind me that they do. Sometimes i wish that they didnt care about me, so that i didnt have to be a burden to them.

[@chloez1813]

I can kinda relate to you I'm young tho ♡

[@MOPS-jl6od]

Same here.

[@MikaelaTufts]

Oh my gosh… I’m exactly the same. I want you to know you are NOT a burden. You deserve to be loved and cared about. I’m proud of you.❤️🫂

[@alexbeuke5784]

Hay you are not a burden you lift overs❤

[@MegaJadzia123]

To Juby... I just don't know how to put my thoughts in words, but let's try... When you feel it for the very first time, 'these feelings might just go away on their own with time', 'I don't want to bother anyone', 'I'll wait until it gets better'. But it doesn't go away, it doesn't gets better, and you notice that those dark, rainy clouds making everything seem so empty and heavy are not floating under the skyline; they are attached to your head. But you don't want the others to soak, right? Choking on the rain feels better than telling anyone. But they notice eventually that something is off, they keep asking questions... maybe they just don't want to get wet in their own? Maybe they're really willing to help you, maybe it'll be even helpful, like a raincoat or catching a bit of a sunshine to light everything up. And those are first confessions, first supportive words, first 'always here for you'. But here comes the guilt, the game of pretending. Because how many times; how much are they able to endure? It's not a seasonal problem; it's not something to get over with and move on within a month. It is a hard, daily fight with your own head. Exhausting. 'You're only a problem', 'you'll make them upset', 'you don't ever make them smile, only cry', 'you're making things up', 'you're better on your own', 'they don't need you in their lives', 'if you keep this up, they may get rid of you'. And you don't want to be a bother; so you fake that everything's okay now. Keeping it quiet; they don't want to really listen, right? And you're to tired to even try. Your head is killing you, after all, those dark clouds are screaming that no-one is ever gonna understand. That you're not needed here... But that's not the truth. You are not a problem, nor a bother. Loving you is not a bother. Love always hurts, it's painful to see someone important to you suffer, but what isn't painful? It is worth it. People that really love you will fight- not only for you, but with you- no matter how losing the battle might seem with a passing time. And those colours are still out there waiting, even if with years you have forgotten how they looked like. And you're going to see those colours. You will. So keep fighting, even if your brain tells you that there's no reason anymore, that all you need to is to rest forever. We are here for you and we understand :< Greetings from my old depression, eating disorder and me myself. Thank you for your beautiful music that helped me out so many times and all those songs that mean so much. You're important, remember :

[@clury9477]

[@Fearthechamp]

That's really beautiful, what you had said, if anything it made my tears stroll down on my cheeks knowing well how truthful that is.

[@laica4119]

Megz these kind of feelings are almost like "Hope of Morning" from Icon for Hire. Maybe it's because you understand how It is, but man, that feels (even for me that have a perfect life and beber suffered anything like it).

[@killrbladz7989]

I'm not trying to be mean, but is there a reason why when someone tells the public about something personal, I can always find that one 1 comment that is 1 chapter long in the comments

[@MegaJadzia123]

Killer Bladz whatever, I didn't mean this to be so long or personal I'm just drunk and sad hah you don't have to read, comment or reply and the reason might be that the people have feelings

[@meppersjr6298]

it's fine to feel depressed. I'm sure everyone does at one time. and yes, it's sometimes it hard to control, and if it does get to you, then at least try not to think that "just by living" your not helping anybody. you help make these songs for us to enjoy. if nobody knows what I'm talking about, read the description for once. so, try to enjoy your life Juby

[@Sebastian-jx8il]

Meppers JR Yes someone else who reads her description instead of complaining on how she didnt upload for a long time i hope juby gets better though i also feel useless for not being able to help...

[@meppersjr6298]

XxTHEONIONxX Sanchez me too, but it's not like we personaly know her or her address to send anything, so just gotta hope she sees the actually caring comments😅

[@WolfDog-sx3wp]

Meppers JR thank you. I almost never read any descriptions unless im looking for a link or something but now that i know that she writes stuff like that in the description imma go back and watch it all again and read the description. Thank you for pointing it out😊✌

[@binaryblackhole8666]

Just by living you make 429,230 subscribers happier. We hope you improve soon.

[@aniuploader6085]

Binary Blackhole so true

[@rosebrand1728]

"Someone here is stopping me" That line,, that line hurts- i hate and love the fact that im only staying alive for one person.. not even myself- but i cant bare knowing that my death / dissapearance would tear him apart,,

[@epicmoments2049]

omg fake depression 🥱

[@No-ok8or]

@@epicmoments2049 how so?

[@Al_-cf1dj]

I hope you're doing better, just keep holding on and know that life is worth living, you have intrinsic value, simply by existing, you are valuable

[@-celiaaa]

I sometimes listen to this song to think to myself, I want to die but my fear of death keeps me from doing anything. I want to hurt myself but I fear getting hurt. My fears are literally the only things keeping me alive right now.

[@akasuriv2]

Hey! Im so sorry to hear that but remember that there are people that care about you!! So please, if you feel sad find someone to talk to! If you want im for example here for you, but there probably are people you know in real life that want to help you! I hope i could be any help and even if not, please remember this though!

[@ezikod3566]

@@akasuriv2 aww you're so sweet and kind :D

[@ezikod3566]

Damn bro, though luck. I relate to half of this statement. I want to die but on one hand I'm scared of dying and on the other hand I don't want my family and friends sad, so I'm not dead yet. But if everyone hated me, then I would've probably happily killed myself about 3 to 4 years back But bro pls don't die bro

[@akasuriv2]

Most of the people here are depressed or struggling, but no one should forget that no life is a waste!! There are still people who care and love them, who would be sad if they dissapeared.

[@akasuriv2]

@@ezikod3566 please try not to die though. I know is easy for me to say this since i dont know what your going through, but everyone deserveses life and love.

[@pokexchespin012302]

I wish I had the right words, but I just want you to know that we all care about you. Feel free to put how you feel in the description, we read, we would rather you get your feelings out than worry about keeping appearances. Depression sucks, but I'm sure you can get through it, you're strong

[@ClumsyJellyfishy]

Pokexchespin 100% agree!

[@lll_ime]

Pokexchespin you're right

[@percher4824]

Does hating yourself count as depression?

[@evilted]

Pokexchespin so deep I love it

[@pokexchespin012302]

Nightmare Cookie I'm not a doctor or psychologist, so if you feel that it's hindering your life, I suggest you see one of those people

[@Tawagoto-subs]

To anybody who finds this song painfully relatable - You are not alone. In a world this big, it's impossible to say that nobody will ever love you, that nobody will ever understand you. There will always be people who care about you, always someone here to pick you up again - even if they find a long time to find, you will find them. You are so much more than depression, and you're capable of doing so many great things, even if you yourself don't believe it. It's so easy to feel crushed by depression - to feel so empty and dead, and worthless. But there is a point in trying. Just by being here, you can help so many people who are struggling like you. And you will heal someday, I promise.

[@living_glutten8634]

Tawagoto-subs no one ever did that to me im a burden to every one,every one hates me,i feel pain inside.

[@StrawberrySpamCake]

People tell me it's a phase. Is 7 years a phase? (P.S I am 12...) [Edit]: I have a girlfriend now, life's looking up... But it'll all fall again in September so... Yeah...

[@nikooo1794]

People who say it's a phase, or that it isn't serious, are normally those who don't understand it, who never felt such pain before. That is why we have to relay on those of us who understand it. You may think you're alone, but there are hundreds of thousands of us, feeling the same pain, and we simply can't all give up

[@ghostea0051]

Thanks..

[@bittersweetti3351]

Tawagoto-subs I’ve tried to kill myself various times because I felt pressure to achieve something I couldn’t do. I just couldn’t kill myself I was too hesitant. If I did kill myself maybe my cousin wouldn’t have depression. But now I have too much to hold onto, if I die I know my cousin will too. But depression is a family trait, my father had it and my grandmother had it.

[@slicedonion]

"Just by living im hurting them another day, hundreds cry all i do is ruin everything" And "Just by living im nothing for another day, hundred lives never knowing me or anything" Hits hard after thinking that nobody cares or you ruined something and never get used to the thought of it

[@sadpenguin8616]

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and i will give you rest

[@hunnilola]

@@sadpenguin8616 thank you

[@mykamoon-nv4oc]

Those lines hit too close to home

[@depressed_coffee1458]

“I wanna be the person that you think I am” “Is the person I came to be the really real me?” “Nobody wanted me, no one there to need, if only I could live in the kind of world I dreamed” All of these hit me hard, this song is something I can relate to. I wish I could be something to someone, yet every time I am, I’m discarded

[@LyndseyStar]

It's funny... when you struggle with crippling anxiety, you care too much about everything... When you have depression, you care about nothing anymore... But to have both, it's hell...

[@dragonboimmdvideos]

Exactly, I know what you feel :") I don't even know which one should I take care of first...

[@LyndseyStar]

Woof Woof Yeah, I can't tell which I want gone first either... If my anxiety is gone, then I'll just be even more of a mess. If all I have is anxiety, then I'll be TOO MUCH Remember the days when you had no worries? When the world was nothing but happiness and joy? I do...

[@kibumemultifandoms8354]

If i get rid of my Anxiety my depression will become way stronger but if i get rid of my depression my Anxiety will consume me

[@hannahy.1129]

Ah....things suddenly make a lot more sense now.....huh....not sure whether I should be more or less concerned about that...

[@brennaskye3490]

Oh god fucking same. In all honesty, I keep believing that I have a bipolar disorder because I keep having these frequent depressive mood swings that constantly break me down.

[@miyagithequeen1874]

"Just by leaving I'm no one for another day, Hundreds lives never changing them or anything, Somebody here, someone here is stopping me, Why can't I laugh it off the way that I dreamed?" As if this couldn't be more relatable. Anyone else feel that way too?

[@osomeday4621]

Yup

[@lucylocket2179]

Y-yeah..........

[@lucylocket2179]

Same........sorry for wasting your time!!!....................

[@birchy_paw]

If I didn’t feel that way, why else would I listen to this song everyday.

[@Naomi-qi5qt]

Defienetifuliiii

[@alatasksksk2805]

there was once a period of time where i would listen to this song on loop as i cry myself to sleep. Now im back here because i saw this back on my recommendation, and i just cried. i cried because of how my past self resonated so much with this song. cried with how wrong my past self was. cried with actual sadness that my past self would even think/relate to this song. so yeah, itll get better one day. trust me. please hold on❤

[@VesperThePlanet]

that's really hard to believe, but i'll try.

[@nyxisbestboi]

"I wanna be the person that you think that I am." "Is the person I cam to be the really real me?" This is basically my main problem, the conflicting between wanting to be something my friends and family can look at and be happy and proud of, but also be myself and do what I want, which they won't like... It all hurts...

[@n8.h8]

I knew someone depressed. They were always saying how they are a bad person, how their life is meaningless, and how they're nothing. It never really made any sense. I always told them I was there for them, yet they pushed me away. Even though I desperately wanted to help, they didn't think I actually cared about them, so I decided it was time to let myself be pushed away. To this day, I wonder what it would be like if that person was still in my life.

[@Chiller-pc1dv]

I've been in that same place before, and I also have issues with depression, I suppose I just tend to cling to friends, as part of the reason I want to keep going is to try and be there for others, even though I feel like a burden to others and often feel guilty and have a seriously hard time speaking up about my own issues. I just want to say, you don't have to be the hero if your friend is pushing you away, or hurting you, just because they have their issues. You cannot be expected to stick along if someone is persistently pushing you away and refusing your help, even if they try to tell you that they need you and need your help....if you are dealing with that, and nothing you do seems to be doing anything, then just leave....because as someone who has dealt with people like that, it isn't worth the suffering it causes to you. It's stressful and confusing and it makes you feel useless and unwanted....when my recent ex friend did that to me, I was actually suicidal for a few weeks, till I managed to break out of that with the help of another friend and started ignoring the ex friend so I could actually live my life and focus on myself. Do not beat yourself up for leaving someone who does this to you, you are doing the right thing, as while it is good to care for others and be selfless to a point...when it starts to negatively affect you, then it stops being healthy....just remember this. Don't be afraid to take care of yourself, and while you don't always need to break off a relationship just because you tend to hurt yourself by focusing on others more than yourself....you should if that person makes you feel like you have to, if they manipulate you, if they never listen to you when you try to help, if they never give any kindness back in return, they don't have to be the best with comforting or best with words or a therapist, but if they don't put any effort into being there for you, or don't even act like they care, then they aren't worth it

[@nataliasawicka633]

I know people that are depressed but every time i try to help them or be there for them they don't believe me and think im joking when im not also when i told them that i understand their pain and i have depresion they thought i was joking or at least that's what it seemed like

[@50B3R]

Im actually crying cuz my bff is doing the same thing to me and she knows that everytime she does that she just feeds my own depression and anxiety..

[@othersideofthescreen6245]

I've been the person to push others away and, in some ways, I still am. When you hate yourself, you stop seeing anything good about yourself and anything worth liking in yourself so when others say they care, you become cynical and refuse to believe it.

[@ary3490]

You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped.

[@mollywinter1602]

it seems like a lot of the anime community has depression... :(

[@spookyketchup6413]

molly Winter I know right I don't know why 😕

[@StupidArtOnlineGaming]

Maybe that's why we all come together through the medium. It's relatable in a way that no other medium has really brought to light. People aren't afraid to speak out here. People, like you and I, want to be apart of something. Seeing others talk about their feelings that can be related to helps others in a way that's hard to explain, no matter how depressing the implications may be.

[@nightowlkyon4405]

This is an old comment but I just had to say it. True.. a lot of people in the anime community is dealing with depression and ALSO beyond the community. It's a matter of people's feelings, not just a community. I just feel like you're assuming everyone there has it. (Maybe not everyone but people in the community, do you assume so?) Not really.. it's just a coincidental that people there are dealing with the same things and so they are able to connect with each other.

[@arterialfirerose4659]

molly Winter it’s because people like me get judged over it on a daily basis and even my own family and people I’ve known my entire life will judge me over the fact that I like anime and KPop that’s why I wouldn’t doubt it if I had depression I feel like i do a lot of the time

[@TheWilderCat]

none of us have friends...

[@HiddenSiren]

To anyone who needs to hear this Keep going and stay strong. Your story is just beginning.

[@yunimo1847]

"Why just for me , you can smile after thing.." and "nobody being mean to me" really stuck to me

[@clowneryyy]

damn. sobbing rn. I always put on a really happy, joking cover for my friends, as nobody wants to be around me when I'm miserable. When I talk about my anxiety or (slight) depression, I'm usually joking, like "oh the video is depressing? pffftt I'm already depressed enough!". As the song talks about, I feel like I'm a burden to everyone. The only things I'm fairly good at are writing and drawing. If I ever died, I know my family would care, but my friends? No, probably not. I'm known at my school as "the weird kid who likes anime and has no friends", and when people talk about my drawings like "oh that looks like a cow. Its a cat?" it really hurts me to the point of tears. Today our teacher talked about empathy, and how we walk by people every day who need help. When she asked "how do you think they feel?" I raised my hand and said "depressed, most likely has some form of anxiety, lonely. Kind of like how I feel." Everyone but a few kids laughed. But theres someone holding me back from suicide. Someone who actually gives a shit about my well-being. I know I'm just being a spoiled petty brat who thinks she has it terrible, when really, theres some people that have actual problems. So I should stop complaining.

[@onlyme1773]

"Real problems?" Don't be so hard on yourself. I know it's hard to love yourself, especially when you think that no one else does. Try to see yourself how that one person sees you. They obviously love you enough to go out of their way to attempt to ensure your safety, so try to see why it is that you are worth saving. I promise that you are. I know how you feel, about six months ago I was sent off because the only thing I wanted to do was kill myself. That was the only thing on my mind. Crazy how a few months can change everything. Please hang in there, I don't want to see you hurt, even if I don't know you. I'm here if you ever need to talk to anyone.

[@clowneryyy]

this really a lot to me. especially when its from a stranger and not someone I personally know. thanks a lot for this, it made feel a lot less empty inside

[@onlyme1773]

You're welcome. I'm glad to help you, and I meant every word.

[@mayawilliams4429]

xWYVRYNx i asure you you are loved very much...i know this doesnt mean much from a random person on the internet but i wish nothing but the best for you...hit me up if you wanna chat a bit more id be more thsn happy to listen❤❤ much love

[@joselynmartinez4562]

I guess it's good your not alone.On both your pain and having someone who reminds you to continue.I hope if you ever truly feel alone without that one person then remember you can put a smile on other's faces as well,and know while your not feeling ok you made someone else feel ok and hopefully that reminds you to keep going.

[@beingweirdisnormal1404]

"I wanna be like you, I wanna say that I can I wanna be the person that you think that I am But even if I had it all come true like a dream Is the person I came to be the really real me?" This is one way to describe how I feel and the questions I have.

[@leerlams6745]

I've never related to anything as much as this 😞😞😞

[@Xana_nana]

Relatable-

[@epicmoments2049]

omg fake depression 🥱🥱

[@beingweirdisnormal1404]

@@epicmoments2049 lmao okay bud, you don't know me but keep on keeping on

[@shuharahotline7381]

Its kinda true for me as someone who feels so 'empty' on a regular basis. If i was to become the way people expect me to be, it wouldnt be the true and real me at all.

[@Inkenstarr]

The fact that I dissociated in the middle of this song thinking about how relatable it was scares me

[@athy_04]

I found out earlier that every time I open up to my friend, she found it 'OA' or exaggerated. Just found an screenshot of our conversation when she types something like 'you're so exaggerating', but she didn't sent that message to me when we were talking. I have a feeling that she only took a screenshot of it to send it to her other friends. It makes me sad, and the fact that I believed that I can trust her, that's why I opened up to her, and she only found it exaggerated. It makes me want to cry even more now, looks like it's really hard to find a real friend now. Seems like I can only vent to myself now. This song comforts me.

[@-beelzebub]

Kid if you’re going through it there are people can talk to may they be professional or a brother or sister and sometimes it’s better to let go of a friend instead of holding onto that rope and getting rope burn from holding on

[@athy_04]

​@@-beelzebub sadly, I'm an only child. And I don't wanna open up to my mother, as she's also thinking a lot of things right now. I don't want to add my problems, to hers.

[@mabelpines1533]

I remember when my depression was at its worst, I would feel completely numb. Completely detached from reality and unable to feel anything. That's when I wanted to hurt myself the most... Just to feel something, anything...

[@Malakai__WeLoveYouMafumafu]

finally someone put it into words

[@sadpenguin8616]

cast all your cares on Him for he cares for you

[@tri1508]

Boi, the comments here are really long but even I have something to say. And I wished I was here when it was active but oh well. I had this one friend who called me "bestie". There are some days they get moody and mutter really demeaning words. As a person, I wanted to help them. So one day, they just sat at the edge of an overcrowded bench and stared at the ground with a gloomy aura. We had an activity that time so the place was really packed with people. Since they were the only person alone instead of paired up like most and I knew them, I decided approaching them would be the best option. They were really upset so I sat down beside them and asked, "How's it going?" They stared at me and said, "I'm really upset. I have no one to talk to and I feel like my life is meaningless." Note: they have a stuttering issue and kinda problematic in personality. They even went on a rant about how sad they are. I only stood back and listened, giving occasional motivating words or my own opinion while feeling awkward all the while. In the end, me being me, I answered mutually. I tried making them feel a bit better though I knew nothing about what they're actually going through and was kinda awkward. All I could answer was something between the lines of "I know how you feel," and "Life's hard but we can push through," though I, myself, was not in the best mood either. I knew what they had and I knew how it felt (and still do) but I don't really know their level. As a try, I asked her, "Do you want me to keep you company?" Because I heard I should ask someone if they need someone instead of isolating them completely. Plus, I always wanted someone to talk to, even if it's just meaningless talk. At least someone to be there. They shrugged. So I stuck by their side for the whole day. They admitted, it was nice to have someone. By the end if the day, we had other company after the activity was done. They were back to being a bit more happier and that was enough to make me feel better. Because at least, I knew, my attempt was successful. I'm not sure though, since I was kinda closed up when we talked. But I listened carefully, and still stuck by her side unlike everyone else. The moral of the story: Ask someone. Anyone who's moody and staring off into space or something. Sometimes even a joyful person has their demons and put on the happy-go-lucky facade to hide it. Some people just don't know who to approach them and need someone to help them. I had no one and I had been silently pleading but listening to people's problems without giving an advice is also good enough already to make me happy. Just sticking by their side, making them not feel alone can brighten their day. So if you see that one loner sitting in a corner with lots of stupid rumors, ask them. Maybe, somehow, I might be one of them. And you can be the hero instead of feeling there's no meaning. Trust me, you should try. If you fail, try and try again. Hope it helps! -Tri

[@grayv9165]

That's excellent advice

[@ocean_lilive7982]

As a person with a bitchy resting face, I get this a lot and it's nice knowing some cared to ask, even if I'm actually fine

[@weebyplays515]

you a good person...i wish i had a friend like you

[@velvet_slice]

This is beautiful and deserves more likes!

[@moonhall]

True, when people does this to me it brightens my whole day, its a beautiful thing to do

[@whoami405]

I found this song 6 years ago, when I was 8. I didn’t know why at the time, but I kept listening to it because I felt attached to it. Now I’m 14, and I’m diagnosed with Depression, Autism, ADHD, and more. I daydream a lot and it hinders my ability to work ad socialize, along with the fact that I avoid sleep because I want to stall the next day from coming as much as possible. I also self-harm and have attempted suicide a few times now. I’m Trans (FTM) and Gay, and I’m a burnout. I tend to care more about others than myself, and sometimes it ends up in me neglecting my health more so in order to help others. I’m a victim of emotional and mental abuse and bullying, along with sexual assault. I’ve watched my family fall apart; even if it isn’t visible to anybody outside of my family. If I could tell my younger self one thing, it’s he was attached to this song because it reflected what he felt on the inside.

[@MajorGlory79]

Oh man, you really went through a lot, I hope you're better now. Sending wishes and fat chinchillas (chonkzilla) ❤❤❤

[@NkN-]

I hope everything goes alright for you, friend. It's nice to know someone your age understands your feelings, even if they're not great. Stay strong!

[@kurisurisuku]

ah…

[@angeldevilwolfy]

Hello I know it has been a month since you posted this but I hope you are currently doing well, trust me there is always a person who cares about you!

[@raindrop6942]

gods i wish i could get diagnosed itd help so much internal conflict n shit nearly 18 and have been trying to convince my mom to let me get in a waiting list for years since ive been recommended by tons of professionals that i should but she always refuses and now the wait is like 3 years not even counting the time the actual testing takes and no shot ill be alive by then lol anyways basically all the same except im mtf 17 and not autistic (wellnot diagnosed obv might be) nd didnt find this when i was 8 only found it like 3ish years ago plus started a bunch of the issues i have when i was like 5/6 so even if i did find it then it wouldnt have been before it all happened

[@zukdragonic5192]

Is it weird I come back to this song/comment section every time I feel sad or depressed? I feel comforted knowing that other people are going through the same thing I am, but I'm kinda disgusted at myself for this. I feel wrong to take comfort in other people's suffering, but I don't know any other way to comfort the way myself.

[@StriderStarfall]

Don't be disgusted by yourself, you aren't taking comfort in other people's suffering, you're taking comfort in knowing that you aren't alone. It makes everyone feel better knowing they aren't alone, it's human nature to seek out people who are in similar circumstances or headspaces. :)

[@Ash-cu1wg]

I hate depression, its become a thing that people think WE have a choice. NO! I DONT WANT TO HAVE MENTAL BREAKDOWNS! I DONT WANT TO HAVE MY DEMONS ALWAYS LURKING! I started to not use my mask as much and a group of girls in my class said 'Why are you so depressing? Ugg your ruining my mood.' So I said sorry and I put my mask back on. I remember in one of my old schools I stopped wearing my mask, and I became a ghost. No one talked to me or even acknowledged my presence. My best friend asked me why I keep on my mask, my answer to that is.. I dont want to be forgotten, it hurts so fucking much. When I told people how I REALLY felt they put their nose up at me 'you have a boyfriend, why are you such a depressing bitch?' They dont realise that there is so much more to it, I hate it I despise it. But what can I do? Die? Yea but.. I'm scared of dying, Im scared of finally finding out how worthless I am... so I torture myself every day

[@happkirb9903]

I relate everyday. My class thinks I’m just a smart person and nothing else to it. I just moved from my home state to somewhere farther and that hurt me a lot because I lost the only friend who understood me deeply and supported me. in this new school everyone only cares about what’s on the outside, so when I say something sad they’ll say “You’re lucky though, you’re born a genius (which isn’t actually true) why would you be sad?” And then it discourages me from talking. I have to put on so many different masks to cover myself in all the schools I’ve been in that I don’t even know who I am to be honest. it just sucks when nobody, not even your parents bother to see what’s inside and settle with what you show them.

[@jrsweater9929]

Dame

[@BarneyEg]

You can't get any more relatable

[@birchy_paw]

The reason I hate it even more is because people think that it’s something to be toyed with and use it to their own advantage, so they can gain attention, but they aren’t actually depressed.

[@Ash-cu1wg]

@@birchy_paw That happens so much its so annoying!! Girls on insta will be like (someone actually said this) "I didn't get to get my nails done, omg I'm so depressed" another girl said shes 'depressed' when I asked her if she knew what depression was she said 'Its when your sad somtimes' THAT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT WHAT DEPRESSION IS! Thats just being sad!! Another girl said I wasn't depressed because a few hours ago I was laughing, its literally like saying 'Oh you have asthma? You cant have asthma because you were breathing a minute ago'

[@laurenthomas7777]

I just wrote this! "The loneliness creeps in, The anxiety hits, The fears and hypotheticals surround, So I clear my head and climb, I stare and listen, I cling and pull, I feel the grainy texture of the bark under my feet as my terrors sink into the sturdy roots, And my loneliness is swept away by the air, And I feel grounded there in the reliable branches of the tree, Until my feet hit the ground and the shadow of depression comes looming back in." -Lauren Thomas

[@josiahsimpson7715]

thats a good poem dude, good job:)

[@laurenthomas7777]

@@josiahsimpson7715 Thank you!

[@Malakai__WeLoveYouMafumafu]

this is really good, I enjoyed reading it! :D

[@laurenthomas7777]

@@Malakai__WeLoveYouMafumafu thank you! i m glad u like it

[@jmking4943]

I love it.

[@Riinxan]

2:55 don't mind me, it's just... My personal favorite line...

[@anklebiter420]

samee

[@MikaelaTufts]

A good favourite line to have❤️

[@vynnlke]

I NEED THIS ON SPOTIFY SO BADDD

[@asahinafan]

real

[@lorrane6983]

same!

[@AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-xw3pt]

AGREEED

[@animationtrash6609]

Dear reader, If you are reading this and you have depression like me just remember someone is out there who cares about you you might not think so but someone does. You don't have to agree with me but just remember someone thinks of you each and every day. Thank you for reading this and I hope this makes you feel better about yourself.

[@wearevenom4121]

Xboxdog 5000 ...

[@flarenova6286]

Thanks. Um, hugs? No? *shuffles off awkwardly to hate myself more

[@chiary.is.not.amazing5760]

Flare Nova *hugs* I needed one.

[@flarenova6286]

Chiary [*TMPandah AmorosoTM*] thanks. :)

[@chiary.is.not.amazing5760]

Flare Nova no problem :D

[@mossycave3865]

It's funny... Listening to this song, even when I'm sad, just fills me with the determination not to die.

[@bia9510]

Katie Guinn oooh undertale o3o

[@chiary.is.not.amazing5760]

Begüm Erkan yup. That game saved my life.

[@Creatorsan]

That's ironic, if you listen to sad music while being sad it has a chance of making you more sad. Glad to see you happy cause if this song :)

[@_ioana_9602]

Katie Guinn can't relate

[@seaglxss.sakura7439]

There's a study that said sad music makes people happier

[@eswan8900]

I used to listen to this all the time as a depressed, socially anxious 17-year-old…The past five years have been tough and I’m still not quite where I want to be but listening to this is a reminder of how far I’ve come.

[@tea-3412]

Why does this song make me smile, make me feel calm and happy when nothing else does…?

[@user-me7xy5ml7b]

Because you feel you can describe it. Because for you, this is ironic. Because it just "clicks" I do not wish to call out and not do anything. I have more than enough time, patience, and determination for this, so my help is yours to take.

[@thu-had5249]

I hear the song for the first time but I also think that it isn't about suicide. It sounds to me like someone who thinks that he or she has no reason or a function in society and that's why there are suicidal thoughts but in truth the person wants to live as you can see in the last vers.

[@cripplinganxiety1941]

The person found a person to live for the last verse is referring to is another person

[@toxicstarbot6701]

I'm considering taking my life. However, a part of me still wants to live; one of the reasons why I haven't committed suicide, is due to a promise that I made to my friend. I see where you're coming from, but I choose to use this song as a way to cope.

[@nikooo1794]

It *is* about suicide thoughts and depression. Feeling that you are worthless and that everyday you live you're making the world a worse place is a way of feeling depressed. Depression doesn't mean that you *want* to die, almost nobody really wants that. This character wanted to have a happy life, but didn't find a way to achieve that and they felt like they were making things worse by wanting something impossible. However, in the end, they realize that someone cares enough to stop them from taking their life, so they decide to give this world another go...

[@nikooo1794]

@Lauren Howard Well, yeah. It's a very big part of the song

[@nikooo1794]

@Lauren Howard Probably because it isn't just about suicide, but more

[@sinby9116]

I love listening to such gloomy songs. Knowing someone actually sat down and came up with the idea of such a dark subject. It kind of makes me feel better? I'm a young teen who struggles with re-ocurring depression and severe Social Anxiety Disorder; school even makes these matters much worse. I never speak out about these due to how everyone around me treats such a strange and foreign subject. Often times when I've had panic attacks around my family they brush it off and just tell me "You're overreacting" ; "You're too fearful." ; Even telling me to 'get over it.' Listening to songs about this when I have my occasional, vaguely 'I don't really want to exist, but I want to live' moment, which is quite often, it makes me feel a bit better knowing there are people that care, know this is an issue, and that I'm not utterly alone. Although, it doesn't help this emptiness, it numbs me...I guess.

[@flarenova6286]

unimportantnobody wow. You are summarizing me. However I have ADD rather than social anxiety disorder. School makes me freak out, being extremely introverted, but I bottle it up until nighttime so little can cry without annoying people. What fun!

[@aizawasensei9976]

unimportantnobody Hey! I struggle with pretty much the same thing. And I recently lost most of my friends due to stuff like this. If you’d like to talk, I’m here. My Instagram is emsxoxo_21 (only if you want to+only if you have instagram)

[@spiritshadowphoenix417]

I understand and even though I don't know you. If you ever want to rant or need someone to confide in. You can always email me, at [e-mail]. This is for anyone else to use if they wish for a someone to confide in without any threat of it being leaked or found strange.

[@mizex_7175]

Importantperson,I kinda want to slap your family

[@sadpenguin8616]

Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted matthew 5:4

[@drew-un3os]

"I want to be the person that you think I am" That really hit home, I often feel that others perception of me is so different from who I am and who I want to be seen as.

[@elliotp243]

There was a time in my life that this song perfectly described me. I felt like nothing, like I was always daydreaming. I thought that was how I was going to die. I’m thankful that I’m better, even if I have nights where I come back to these songs and cry. It was a hard road, and I almost died multiple times, but I’m alive. Some day I’ll know that it was all worth it. Keep fighting everyone!

[@mavisseafoam]

you and me both. I heard this song in a dark place when i related to it, but im alive. And im proud of both of us. There’s a difference between not wanting to live anymore, and not wanting to “live like this” anymore.

[@MikaelaTufts]

Oh my gosh… I’m so proud of you. You are amazing. You are so strong. People like you give the rest of us hope. Keep going, warrior.❤️

[@egglet535]

I'd leave a long comment detailing my depression, and my anxiety, and how I feel alone, but I don't want to repeat the same story. So thank you. Whoever is reading this, I care and appreciate you and I hope that you'll be okay. I want you to listen to the song "You Will be Found" from Dear Evan Hansen. It's beautiful and it's helped me a lot. Thanks for bothering to read this.

[@Ellielulu_Ellielu]

Ah, this comment made me cry, thank you both for being very kind people ;-;

[@exilley2134]

Dear Evan Hansen is a great musical. We’ll make it through this hell one day.

[@number1toyafan]

I'm not bothered at all. And I will

[@actuallylimbo9514]

😔💕

[@deemsekow]

Dear Evan Hansen is a beautiful musical and I love that song. I hope you are alive and well today, stay strong everyone ❤️

[@sleepyy1462]

My friends always say “I’m depressed” or “I’m gonna kill myself” it always angers me when they say that because I *know* they aren’t. Maybe they could be, but one of them said “I wish I had cancer to end it all.” What the actual fu-

[@Lonley_Location]

One of my classmates said they 'cut' themself, and send a picture of there 'cuts' in the class chat (the cuts weren't even deep, the cuts were like scratches from cats that don't bleed) . They also said that they wish the could just jump from the roof when like 15 people were around

[@---ed6mm]

I find it disrespectful how people act like they have depression then you have the people who actually have depression who dont get help because others think they're faking it.I dont have depression but I still find it rude and you should also get some new friends- ;w;

[@Fablink]

Sleepyy I had friend who was like that. She always used her “depression” and “anxiety” as an excuse to get out of something. I stopped being friends with her after this sentence and I QOUTE! “ I tried hanging myself with a hanger.” After the school found out she got the attention she wanted and blamed me for her problems leading me be sad and bullying.

[@neroquin]

Please don't just brush off any potential problems your friends might have.. Even if it's said in a joking way, there could still be a bit of truth in there. While I think that treating depression like it's nothing is terrible, every person struggles with something. I'm also sorry if this comes off as rude or pretentious, but I really had to say this.

[@anadiaz7284]

Same here I hate it when my friend lies to me or when everyone lies to me

[@HyperNovaAstro]

Three songs are hitting me hard since quite a few time: this, shinitai chan and the one dedicated to Rorochan I’m kinda scared

[@paranoi_a]

ruru is not rorochan..

[@NonOblige]

He said the one dedicated to Rorochan, shes a real person and Rurus suicide show on live stream is a song about Roro.@@paranoi_a

[@MicrocarpaRutaceae]

Getting therapy, it's wild thinking that you have actual reason to live, while also thinking the imagery in the lyrics is all true.

[@Leaffyleaff]

I know no one asked for this, but what you said reminded me of something I think about often. About the meaning of life, it doesn't have one. We're just passing, nothing we make is permanent, but that isn't a reason to end it. Life doesn't have a meaning, we have the freedom to give it one Edit: typo

[@MicrocarpaRutaceae]

@@Leaffyleaff pretty much exactly what I'm thinking of nowadays. I appreciate your comment!

[@Antriciatto]

This is how I felt when my mother said "your a failure why can't you do it right". After that I still remembered when I was little my mother didn't have patience for my behavior like a trouble maker devil my parents had turns taking care of me my mother in the morning and then my father day till night. It repeats every single day. One day my mom was cleaning the house with a vacuum but I don't remember what I did to make her so mad that she screamed at me like almost to the top if her lungs. Then she locked me outside of the house and I started to cry on the stairs of the porch. Then hours later the sun was setting then my father came back that is when I started to stop crying. My father asked me why was I outside and not home with my mother. I didn't answer because I was scared when he mentioned about mother so I made up that I was playing outside and then waited for him on the porch. Then he thought she left the door open so I could go in. Then he was surprised the door was locked and I was outside and I made an excuse that I went out of the bedroom window and my mother didn't know and checked on me on the living room window. He said ok. When we went in I couldn't stare at my mother because she screamed at me. This is when she starts whipping my butt with a rubber flip flop, cables, hangers, and a leather belt. Then later till this day it caused me to have emotional problems and that my face expressed depression which was caused when I was little and people got confused if i'm mad...serious or sad. This happened a few weeks ago when everyone in my family saw the T.V new that scientists proved that whipping your children can cause emotional problems. Then my mom said sorry for whipping me and hugged me and in my head I thought to late mom I already have emotional problems. For example my wish of not existing. If there are parents reading this there is 99.99% chance that your child won't want to tell you anything about them and have great fear of you . STOP whipping your children with things or it will be to late to change your child's wish or decision of dying and to not exist and there is also a chance they will try to suicide themselves. Buying them things won't help them speak up if they fear you 100%. Also support your children on what they like just accept who they are and have patience or your children's future will be turned around into darkness. ~Share my tip and story to everyone so they don't make this mistake~

[@sadpenguin8616]

your not a failure, come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and i will give you rest (matthew 11:28)

[@ph0ax]

( WARNING: LONG.) "Just by living I’m hurting them another day Hundreds cry, all I do is ruin everything Nobody wanted me, no one there to need If only I could live in that kind of world I dreamed Just by leaving I’m helping them another day Hundreds smile, all they do is laugh at everything Nobody there to scream, no more being mean but see Things like that would never happen for me " This is EXACTLY my thought process. In my mind I believe that all I do is hurt people and ruin things like relationships/friendships. Nobody wants me or needs me, and it isn't the best feeling. Everyday I cry and beg for help, but nobody ever hears my screams and cries. My friends never listen to me and it hurts. I have nobody to turn to besides my cousin but they don't try and help. Sometimes they do, but most of the time, I just get an "Oof" or "Oop" or I'm just straight up ignored. I've started hurting myself again and I've tried so hard to stop but it's so damn hard. It hurts. I've tried to get help, but NOBODY ever listens. It's like getting stabbing repeatedly and asking for help and just being told to suck it up and stop being overdramatic. I know my friends care, but I always feel like a bother and never vent to anyone...and I'd feel bad about venting since my mental health issues are partially because of someone who broke up with me and I'm jealous of who they're in a relationship with, but I don't wanna seem rude or come off as jealous and toxic...I really don't wanna ruin our friendship. (2-19-2020) (10-3-2020 Edit; It hasn't gotten any better. In June a close friend committed suicide and I loved him so much. It hurts so bad. I might get to meet the love of my life in December or April but I don't think I'll make it to January, or even March. I made a friend about a month ago and they like me romantically but they're 3 years younger then me and I don't like them the same way they like me, and they said the reason they'd kill themself is because they like me. It makes me feel like shit and they threaten to kill themself pretty much every single week and it's stressful having to talk them out of it. I care for them, but it feels like they're manipulating me and gaslighting me. I can't even seem happy while talking to them anymore because I'm not even happy anymore. Talking to them used to make me so happy but now it makes me feel like shit. I just don't know much much more I can take.

[@me_irlg2413]

I'm here to listen, I'm always here to listen and help.

[@stormytehcat]

@Gemini Seeing how recent this is... I would be happy to talk and listen. I’m personally going through much of the same things and today has been especially hard for me. I’m in a relationship with someone but feel like I’m making their life terrible and hurting them because of everything I’m telling them. Everyone else I talk to ignores me and I feel like I’m slowly being more and more crushed until one day I’ll be gone. I’m open for us to talk to each other, here or anywhere. Here’s my email if you want confidentiality: [e-mail]

[@axeolotl88]

hey ranger, you should hmu and you can rant to me. I'll listen to anything you're going through. discord:♥ʸᵒᵘʳ ᴾᵃˢᵗᵉˡ ᵂᵉᵉᵇ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ♥#2683

[@reedeatscanon2303]

Hey it’s okay it will get better. Don’t worry you will meet them again in another life. But not yet. Surround yourself look and find yourself someone to help you. But if I’m being honest with you I just vented to myself became my own therapist (this is a temporary option when you are comfortable and one day around a nice person who will listen SPEAK TO THEM.). To myself and my friends they never ask about me but that’s okay as long as I know they are well. Try that but without my mindset of I don’t need help. If it’s hard to talk about it in person text your friend online speak to them. Surround yourself by people you trust, and it gradually gets easier to open up. It gets better your life isn’t supposed to end yet. You’ve come this far, don’t look back now. I bet your friend will be looking over you and I think they would be sad to see you go. How are you currently are you okay? I know this is from a while back, you don’t need to respond just take what I’ve said into consideration though I am horrible at giving advice. Try it and it might work

[@user-qo5kt9bt9x]

im so sorry about all of this, things will get better. it takes time, at the moment it might not seem like it will get better, but it will get better. im here for you, im here to listen, maybe im some stranger on the internet, but i care so so much about you. i need you on this earth, please stay, okay ? its not worth it taking your own life so please try you best to block any thoughts of that. stay strong, im here for you

[@KiwiMMD]

I remember myself few years ago listening to this song. The small and broken me. The me who wanted to simply smile and live like everyone else. The sweet and naive child who suffered from bullying, parents issues and toxic relationship. The young girl who wanted her suffering to end and finally have some peace and true happiness. And now, as i listen to this song today, I sense this weak, yet sweet girl's presence nearby. And the only thing I want to do is to hug her and let her cry everything she feels. "There's always light in the complete darkness" That's what I'd say to her. This girl's sufferings has ended. Now, she has great life with the best people around her. The life where she finally can be happy. The life with the best partner ever. The life with the coolest people around her. Her sweet dream came true. She finally found her place in the world and can feel being needed and loved. And I'll do my best to protect this dream no matter what

[@sadpenguin8616]

God is an ever present help in distress psalm 46:2

[@Al_-cf1dj]

I'm glad you got out of that dark place and are doing okay :)

[@MikaelaTufts]

Wow… that made me tear up. That’s so inspiring and beautiful. I’m so proud of you. You are amazing.❤️🫂

[@AsyhTheArtist]

Honestly as sad as this is its even scarier being able to relate to over thousands of people here. Because just when. You thought you were alone, everyone is screaming as silent as you.

[@shiteyanyo1111]

The real problem with depression is that it doesn't go away with a perscription or a blade. The awful reality of this mental illness is that it affects each person differently but it makes all of us struggle to function. I just want you to know that you are terrifically strong, because you've made it so far. You are loved by someone; whether it's your dog, family, or a friend. It's hard but reach out for help, because you really can't do this alone and believe it or not, the people that love you want to help. I'm not good with words, but I feel the need to try to send reassurances. Fight on!

[@-notactive-8775]

Slightly Sleep Deprived how does this comment only have 3 likes

[@shaecassidy336]

Ok..I've listened about a hundred times now. Yeah it's a little late to comment but I think this song is about someone who attempted suicide. Attempted suicide, someone stopped them. Someone prevented the person from dying, but what pushed them to suicide was them feeling emptiness and because of that it lead them to being gloomy and affecting the people that surrounded him/her. The song then ends with the person trying one more time and being stopped again, the person tried to shrug it off but that didn't work. The song is about being broken and I think possibly being saved. Most likely that's not the case, but here's to hoping. Though in the end I still love all this depressing music. okaay. Comment end.

[@kaitsune2262]

THANK YOU FOR STATING THIS AND HOW I SOMETIMES FEEL. SONGS LIKE THIS ARE THE REASON WHY I AM ABLE TO REGISTER THAT EMPTINESS AND NOT CUT OR TRY TO DIE

[@riverhooker3330]

I wish someone could stop ME from suicide. I don’t have anyone for that.

[@kaylinelemental]

This is too relatable .-.

[@helen2378]

jungkookies well, you have one now :)

[@flarenova6286]

jungkookies hey. Um. I wanna help, I don't know how, I wanna give you cookies and warm milk and fluffy blankets and root beer floats and peace, and music and happiness. But I can't. The best I can do is offer to be there. To try to support you. I want to help. Hugs? Please don't give up. I'm such a hypocrite.

[@PixelBeReal]

“Why would I want to live in the kind of world I see?” This hurts a lot to me. Just seeing everything around me being usually destroyed, something is always my fault, I always did something wrong, Everything seems horrible. , it feels like I feel trapped in the reality I don’t wish to be in. I love this song, it is such a comfort for me

[@pcong498]

The fact I relate to this song on a spiritual level physically hurts me 😭

[@epicmoments2049]

omg fake depression 🥱p

[@sadpenguin8616]

God is an ever present help in distress psalm 46:2

[@sitrustrash8440]

The part that makes me tear up every time I hear is "Why, just for me, can you smile after everything"

[@epicmoments2049]

omg fake depression 🥱p

[@Crows256]

Same. Ignore the idiot who also replied to this, they're commenting on all the vent comments and they need go get a life instead of invalidating random peoples feelings.

[@dakotacoleirl7740]

"Why just for me can you smile after everything?" That really hit close to home for me because I feel like I don't deserve support. Honestly this is the most relatable song I have ever heard

[@epicmoments2049]

omg fake depression 🥱🥱

[@dakotacoleirl7740]

@@epicmoments2049 dude this was like two years ago. also i have clinically diagnosed depression so uh yeah

[@AnachronisticAstronaut]

_This_ song. The first time I listened to a song when I was feeling down. First time I cried hearing music of my own choice in my ears. A few years have passed since that time, I’ve matured a bit, and listening to this again made me realise how _much_ it sounds like the thoughts and words my own mind says. I was only ten. I remember sitting on my bed playing this on loop when my parents were out. I remember when it finally dawned on me _why_ I kept coming back to this one song. The one that made me realise why the days were blurring into one and why time slipped through my fingers like sand. One bad day was all it took.

[@qwertzi2.099]

This song has been out for already 4 years now I've found it a few weeks ago and i still listen and relate to this so much Everyday, I feel like an empty vessel Everyday, I feel more and more how I lose myself Everyday, the masks I've weared more and more become like a different part of me Who am I? What am I? I don't know and I never will Talking to people about my problems It doesn't really help either I know they're trying to help me, but All I can muster to say are my "normal" problems Those that many people have, like failing at a subject, being constantly tired, etc I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for how long now, 2 years? It's not much compared to others, but it still hurts so much More and more, I realize, all the emotions I've felt, all thoughts I've had, all of them I've stored away deep inside my memory because I don't, or rather can't, remember They're coming back, but more and more it feels like those memories, emotions and thoughts I've stored up and forgotten , have become a "personality", a "mask", in of its own Everyday, I just feel like I'm more and more losing my "true" self Sorry for this long vent, talking to my parents won't work cuz they don't listen anything I say anyways nor would they believe me if they did or say things like "It's just in your head"

[@sadpenguin8616]

i know that feeling, do you want to talk? (the Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (psalm 34:18)

[@akliano608]

Few days ago, I started therapy cause I felt like a lot of people, sadly. Unwanted, unloved, unneeded, I remember yesterday, they just said "What do you like about yourself?" I stayed silent, I tried thinking, nothing, it kinda sucks, to be honest, I hate what I've turned into, I know that people would care if I disappeared, mostly family, obviously. All I do is draw, write, other things, trying to escape? I know that I have problem with social life, and kind of depression, I know how it's like to feel that way, this song honestly represents me, so it made me cry, once my teacher commented on me using bases for a referenced art piece. I broke in tears at the end of class. It hurt my heart, it's something that makes you think "What did I do wrong?" if I even TALK about how I feel ill just go straight emotionless. It's something that I've had enough of, but it's hard, once on class we had a talk about this type of argument, bullying, depression, etc. And when the professor asked a question I raised my hand and told how I felt, but in other words, of course. I saw a few smiling in silence, thinking it was all a joke. It really hurt, its so easy to feel unloved, I see the comments, and I see you, the person that I admire A LOT, and, it's so easy to feel like this for something you have no fault of, just know that you're not alone, no one's alone. I'm not suicidal cause I know that life has more to it than this endless suffering... We were born. We have a purpose, so, just, don't think of killing, running away is gonna cause more suffering. I sure have a good life tho, my family loves me and I'm asking why I feel this way even tho almost all the bullying stopped, I understand people have real problems so I should probably stop thinking this way.

[@Yuesketches]

It's okay to think this way, there's nothing wrong with you. I hope you find your happiness soon!

[@sylveoncovers4603]

YOU! YOU! I need to bring something to your -and my- attention! Every problem is valid! Feeling guilty because you just can't seem to get that drawing right? That's valid! Not knowing how to confront someone? Valid! Every problem has a valid side, no matter how petty, or pointless, or anything it might seem! You just have to look at it less like "there are worse problems out there I'm stupid" and more like "even if this feels stupid, its not because theres a reason for this problem"

[@thegreendorito9095]

I'm sending all of the love I can. Hang in there.

[@irl1966]

We all have 1 chance so don't have regrets about yourself.

[@osomeday4621]

I try not raising my hand in class cuz I feel like I will get It wrong and embarrass myself in front of the class and Stay quiet too🤭😶🤭

[@danicaalmonina493]

I wanna be like you, I wanna say that I can I wanna be the person that you think that I am But even if I had it all come true like a dream Is the person I came to be the really real me? So young and simple, wishing like things would come true Now as I am, I understand it’s best I die and soon Just by living I’m hurting them another day Hundreds cry, all I do is ruin everything Nobody wanted me, no one there to need If only I could live in that kind of world I dreamed Just by leaving I’m helping them another day Hundreds smile, all they do is laugh at everything Nobody there to scream, no more being mean but see Things like that would never happen for me Day after day I found my way, sleepwalking through Like this I’ll fade without a trace, it’s for the best I do Just by living I’m nothing for another day Hundred lives, never knowing me or anything Nobody wanted me, no one there to need Why would I wanna live in the kind of world I see? Just by leaving I’m no one for another day Hundred lives, never changing them or anything Nobody there to scream, no more being mean to me Then could I have it all back in one piece? In the end, we’ll fall to the ground again Over and over and never get up In the end, the person they made in me Breaking and breaking and never pick up In the end, we’re leaving it all again Over and over and never wake up Just by living I’m bringing you another day Why, just for me, can you smile after everything? In the end, the smile you give to me Right when I wanted to give it all up And I really do wish that I didn’t And all of the moments I tried Just to die said goodbye Just by leaving I’m no one for another day Hundred lives, never changing them or anything Somebody here to scream, someone here is stopping me Why can’t I laugh it off the way that I’d dreamed?

[@queenhayura2933]

Thank you

[@airenvellarine4918]

Thanks for the lyrics....

[@shiorimizuki7460]

Thx i just search for it

[@epicmoments2049]

omg fake depression 🥱p

[@bonjour570]

‘if only i could live in the kind of world i dreamed, and ‘why would i wanna live in the kind of world i see?’ rlly hit hard. i often deal with fantasising, daydreaming during studying, reading novels to insert myself in.

[@K3nny-]

“This song is so sad. Alexa, play this on repeat” :’)

[@3heads0thoughts]

The most important thing to remember in life is that there is no inherent meaning to anything. We give our lives meaning. We are the source. The time you spend translating, transcribing to beats, and singing these songs for everyone's enjoyment is a joy for many of us, and we'd hope you feel the same. Depression is a horrible beast, and it can be painful. It often has no reason, and it works hard to diminish everything you've ever done. But you can do it, Juby. The people who truly love you will always want to take your pain away and help you. As just bystanders who appreciate your music, we can't do very much, and I know that. But even if it's pointless, even if you already know it, I have to remind you that we don't just like your music; most of us who care about you want you to be happy. Take all the time you need to focus on yourself, Juby. If you need to step away for a while, that's okay. Don't feel guilty. If you kept going like this, it sounds like you'd be hurting yourself - and none of us want that. Good luck!

[@deadishael8332]

Beautifully said.

[@Quincy_Morris]

Pembe Sevim nonsense amoral philosophies like this lead to incalculably evil acts as people create their own morality.

[@3heads0thoughts]

But all morality is a construct, and convincing yourself that any one morality trumps others leads to people self-confidently committing just as incalculably evil acts. The Bible says not to kill, for example, but then look at the Crusades. We as humans are obligated to sit down and examine our lives for its meaning and seek our own answers. We cannot just ascribe mindlessly to any moral system. People who would perform incalculably evil acts will warp preexisting philosophies *anyway*; Islamic and Christian terrorists show us this. Both Islam and Christianity do not promote wanton murder, but yet, here we are. Meaning is subjective. There is no such thing as "absolute" morality. But even so, my personal belief system is that the founding fathers writing the American constitution came from the right place. All humans deserve life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. So in my own moral sense, I believe that anyone has the right to any belief, as long as it does not infringe on others' health, freedom, or capacity to pursue happiness. (I don't mean "ur bein mean to me [lipwibble]" i mean creating situations where someone is unhappy without any purpose or otherwise deliberately cork their ability to pursue their goals) I understand where you're coming from, but claiming that morality is absolute does not stop amoral people from creating their own morality. What it does is tell normal people to stop considering morality and take what they're given as an unchangeable truth, which only creates situations where normal people can commit heinously amoral acts based on someone else deciding their morality for them.

[@Quincy_Morris]

Pembe Sevim Pembe Sevim oh gosh. So many things. Morality has to be absolute, and cannot be a construct by definition. Rape is wrong. Period, no exceptions, and anyone who says otherwise is wrong and evil. I'm afraid that is how morality works. Sure we can debate on what is right and what is wrong (and should) but the presence of a debate doesn't make the debate relative and meaningless. Saying a moral code is wrong because people will break that moral code is possibly the most confusing argument I've seen. Sure, human understandings of God are flawed. That's why it's vital we have a personal relationship with God. The closer we are to God the better our understanding of morality is. Truth is not relative. God does not change (by definition) thus discovering that truth and getting close to God are beyond important. Getting truth and morality from your own meaning and own emotions is dangerous and wrong because humans are ever changing. And morality by definition cannot change. Granted true morality is more complicated. Theft and killing have their places like in war. That doesn't make morality relative. Just complicated.

[@3heads0thoughts]

To be fair, absolute morality theoretically exists, just like God theoretically exists. The problem is that it is impossible to identify what they are in this life. Rape *Is* wrong. Murder *is* wrong. We can identify these things because we believe, morally, that humans have a right to protect their bodies and should have full agency, as a part of empathy. I'm not saying "moral codes are wrong because moral codes will be broken". I'm saying "Amoral codes that encourage thought are not inherently more dangerous than moral codes." People who want to be amoral will do so - humans have reactive systems to self-justify behavior we want to do, even if we know it's wrong. The problem is that a moral code, especially a religious one like Christianity, encourages is people to *not think* about their morality, which is a problem. The Pope, for example, is a "singular source" of moral updates, which means that there's a single point of moral failure, as we saw with the Crusades. Human understanding of ALL THINGS is a construct. Humans are blank slates. Most of our innate knowledge and understanding blossoms from empathy. Focusing our morality on empathy and trying to create a moral situation where we try and protect others' rights at every opportunity. Just based on how the Christian god is written, he desires people follow him on belief alone; according to the testaments of Jesus, he does not desire to force people to follow him, or to entice them. Having a "personal relationship" with God is a construct in nature because it's not only impossible to truly verify, but it's also contradictory: God would not reveal himself in this life, because he wants to be honestly followed out of pure belief, not because you saw a glimpse of him and were like "Well I guess he's the *real* God fuck the haters". I'm not trying to say moral or amoral beliefs are inherently right or wrong. It's just important for us to understand that every part of human thought and belief in this life is a construct. It's just *how things are*. But just because there is no inherent meaning does not mean people should be free to fuck over others just because lol no real morality. Just because human morality is a construct does not mean we should stop striving to be moral people. We just need to better understand that morality cannot be dictated to us. It must be something we find on our own through actual thought and experience. ( And that's part of why laws exist. Laws are our attempts to enforce absolute civil morality, and while they've got a lot of points of error (cough cough rape apologist judges cough cough), they're still trying. That's also why I personally believe in a separation of church and state; Religions are not absolutely moral, and believing they are is dangerous and fallacious. They're subjectively moral, and that's why many religiously held beliefs shouldn't enter law. )

[@king4nothing611]

I listened to this song for two hours straight ._.

[@eeveelutionlover7301]

Carter Hopkins really?

[@kismaash1689]

same ._.

[@summerwolf7197]

Oh same ha ha

[@dailywalksaregoodforyou186]

Carter Hopkins same

[@Oltrya]

same

[@eira6844]

I have been carrying this song in my phone since the day Juby released this cover and this is also a nice comfort song that I have been lisening for years.

[@dawn9546]

The more I hear this cover, the happier the lyrics become. There is so much hope in here. To anyone reading this, just know there are people out there willing to help, especially the ones who went through hell too.

[@TRT1917]

自傷-Feel sorrow for ones self 無色-Colorless

[@ktfinnsthegamer3117]

and then a girl walked up and despite herself she seid "Hay Don't Do It Please"

[@rosebud577]

F

[@minarishell]

@Kasumi thats the joke

[@miriam5051]

my r

[@LoverOfStuff]

*cue the music*

[@teethdotjpeg]

*my r*

[@pokeparkwiipikachusadventure]

throwback to when i was 12 and listened to this song on repeat

[@wheezymell]

“pretty pog though” i apologize for laughing im glad you’re doing better

[@pokeparkwiipikachusadventure]

@@wheezymell yes!!!! i made someone laugh lets go boys also thank you

[@Jasthe_ghost]

Glad you're doing better now but also hello there fellow mcyt fan

[@pokeparkwiipikachusadventure]

@@Jasthe_ghost finding other mcyt fans in here is. wild

[@hollyleaf143productions8]

I found this song today, after getting my first F on an assignment. I'm in college, and an all A student. This song made me realize the life I've been living isn't even what I want, I want to be myself. I'm just doing things for the sake of doing them, never doing anything cause I truly enjoy it. I think I'll drop out of college, cause I don't even have a major, I'm just biding my time at this point.

[@sadpenguin8616]

come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened and i will give you rest (matthew 11:28)

[@APerson-ei4tx]

1:00 anyone else notice the suicidal teddy bear? ; _ ;

[@brick_8833]

Oh sh!t

[@Joebama87]

They're in a better place now ;-;

[@emily_cjw]

Thanks for the song... I don't know how to explain it, but it's always good to hear "I'll be there for you" or " we need you here" when everything's crumbling down... I've never ever express my feelings in front of family or friends, because I don't want to be a bother... but sometimes I can't help but to breakdown and cry... and when people ask me about it, I stay quiet and brush it off as if it was nothing... I don't know how to convey what's in my heart, and sometimes, it's like I'm having an internal argument in my own head... it's gets really tiring sometimes and it seems so much better to just throw everything away... But that's not an answer to anything. No matter how much it hurts, we have to keep fighting... and if someone cares about you enough, they'll fight with you and protect you... I don't really know what you're going through exactly, but stay strong.... I know i have to... and we'll support you all the way... I've always loved your songs and I really do hope to hear more from you... you don't have to keep up an appearance, just write your heart out in the description... take good care of yourself!

[@asteroidshower]

My friend is actually going through the same thing.. I've helped him so many times, along with my other friends. He can't talk with family, (not saying why) and he wants to die. Its hard seeing someone suffer, but sometimes it really time that heals a problem. If not, tell a friend you trust. Stay strong and I hope u find a person to support u :)

[@kaitsune2262]

I agree

[@cosmicrefractions2834]

The first three lines I read and I started to cry

[@cosmicrefractions2834]

When I read them

[@randomizedfishnuggets1214]

@@cosmicrefractions2834 same

[@aki-vn1yr]

people in the comments talking about the line “if only i could live in the kind of world i dreamed” and the worlds they created in their heads that they use to escape for reality hurts when even the inside of your head isn't safe for you, when you don't even have an imaginary place to escape to, when you know you will never have a happy ending even if it's not even real

[@Lemonne-]

"In the end, the smile you gave to me, right when I wanted to give it all up, and I really do wish that I didn't and all of the moments I tried to just die, said goodbye," These lines hit me like a fucking bullet train, HOLY SHIT. 3:03

[@c4tfsh8]

For me its not just depression and suicide... For me its being trapped in your own head For me... Its being haunted by the only permanent ghost...myself

[@JustAKomiFan]

Being trapped in an endless maze with your worst demons that whisper to you that it’s always your fault Judging every small detail And hating every breath you take You can never run fast enough to get away And the light seems so close but when you face the light the problems block it back up Further blinding you

[@ohno8524]

@@JustAKomiFan of course its a lore olympus fan commenting about depression

[@epicmoments2049]

omg fake depression 🥱

[@licoricephobic1085]

@@epicmoments2049 what do you mean.

[@flowey1145]

@@epicmoments2049 boi if u don't-

[@phoebehayes7221]

I don’t want to exist or live, but I know that there are people who do love me. Sometimes I doubt that and have insecurities but I know that they genuinely care about me. It sort of hurts you more, when you are ready to let go and you hear that someone lives you more than they ever have. You don’t want to disappoint them and leave everything they did for you behind, but you’re scared that by staying you’re wasting their time and making them as scared as you. It’s painful being stuck in a loop of ‘I love you’s and doubting, but I’m sure that I will get better, everyone does. We need to stop reminding ourselves of our pain, whatever it may be. Think of it like a open wound. If it is too bad, we’d need to accept that we need help and let people treat it. If we keep reminding ourselves of it or if we overwork it, it won’t have chance to heal and will open back up again and get infected. Let your wounds heal before it’s too late, or you’ll end up with a nasty scar that will never go away.

[@epicmoments2049]

omg fake depression 🥱🥱

[@phoebehayes7221]

@@epicmoments2049 dude I wrote this two years ago idek what I was sad about

[@--Bo--]

(TW) I'm gonna be vague as I can so KZbin doesn't take down my comment but in June of this year I attempted. I wasnt ok and I didn't see a future or life for myself and I came to the conclusion it was what was best for everyone. I didnt think anyone other than my mum would give a shit, I knew it would hurt her and the thought of that actually made me throw up twice but I was seeing tunnel vision I was in so much pain I didnt care anymore. Someone else did end up caring, someone was screaming, someone stopped me. I didnt know them that well just some one I had said hi to in passing but they still cared. I always loved this song but I've re understood alot of the lyrics recently. Even if someone saves you it doesn't just get better. You still feel numb, your still hopeless and miserable and for awhile your gonna feel worse because now you have someone to disappoint and you did disappoint everyone for even trying and things aren't perfect they never will be, you might even get back to that low point eventually but for now your gonna have to try because it's not the end. As over used as it is things are gonna get better maybe not in the way you dreamed about or wanted but thing are gonna keep changing you'll make it out of that place, try and stay strong and I will too.

[@diamerewheeling3607]

I hope your doing ok at honey

[@Al_-cf1dj]

I hope you're at least closer to okay now, keep holding on, you'll get through this

[@joyflameball]

The fact that I've been listening to this song in repeat is concerning

[@maxaroni39]

Juby, I completely understand! As someone who struggles with anxiety, OCD, and autism, I can say that I have been through similar situations. I know how it is to fight a war in your head. It's a struggle, but remember: We care about you! Take all the time you need. And thank you for sharing your story. It makes me look up to you even more, and super happy I've met you (twice! you are a total sweetheart ♡) Dang I'm writing a lot. Maybe I'll just send to your PO box. Lots of love!

[@CReeseMLP_OW]

Roni Finn im Autistic too thanks for understanding me i also am OCD ....I'll..brb *goes to use my sleep dart*

[@crystaltheskeleton8897]

I'm depressed, autistic (I can't recognise facial expressions) and have anxiety. I love this comment you put ^^ have an lovely day

[@CReeseMLP_OW]

Thanks

[@sadpenguin8616]

The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit psalm 34:18

[@yeolivman6987]

I use to listen to this song all the time when I was in a really dark place but nowadays I'm doing a lot better even though I thought it was impossible for things to get better. To anyone hurting whos scrolling through this comment section know things will get better. If you need someone to talk to I'm here for you. Please stay. The world is better with you in it.

[@epicmoments2049]

omg fake depression 🥱🥱

[@molybdenum20]

@@epicmoments2049 what good does spamming this everywhere do? get a life lmao

[@cloverjungwon]

I really need to talk lol

[@AldinRamic]

​@@cloverjungwon hi so What do you want to talk about?

[@randompersonontheinternet9336]

I’ve listened to this cover for years, truly my absolute favorite of yours. I love the way the meaning is conveyed and how your voice suits this song so perfectly, the arrangement, it’s all so perfectly fit together!! I adore this work so much and I really wish it were on Spotify, but it’s the main song that brings me back to my playlists on KZbin every now and then. Thank you so much for this masterpiece, Juby! ❤

[@N0R1AK1_KAKY01N]

im sorry you feel like this, Judyphonic. i feel the same way as you do honestly, but i never really told anyone. im glad you made a video like this and explained everything in the description. i love the English cover you made and i hope you feel happier soon and get everything you want.