Sex & Porn Addiction | A Man's Lived Experience

Austin Hamilton discovered porn as a child and was secretly addicted until he was faced with a painful truth later in life: porn was a way for him to fill the hole in his heart from his mom dying in a plane crash when he was just five years old. He saw how much his behavior negatively impacted his marriage and decided to tell his wife. From there, his healing journey began. Through the love and support of his family Austin has experienced freedom from porn addiction and today he helps other men to get rid of this unwanted pattern.
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00:00 Intro
00:59 This week's guest
02:16 Being exposed to porn as a child & realizing I had a problem
05:36 Opening up about his addiction & seeking help
08:27 How porn addiction impacted his marriage & relationships
19:28 Understanding what drove Austin's addiction
27:17 Sexual & porn addiction recovery programs
34:37 Gaining support after sharing his story
39:31 Learning more about his mom & the childhood trauma from her death
44:24 Austin's life today during his recovery
49:12 Encouraging Words for Anyone Battling Porn Addiction
55:57 Jackie's recap
#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #livedexperience #addiction #grief #psychology #podcast

[@slumber.prince937]

What I really took away from this interview was this guy's pursuit in finding more information to cultivate a healthy understanding of negative behavior. My heart goes out to you I'm secular and am interested in combating this problem

[@starrlea8291]

My daughter's father had a severe addiction to porn. I had my own addiction but this addiction really took a toll on our relationship. Any addiction especially if they don't want to acknowledge it can be so detrimental.

[@le_th_]

All I can think about is the poor children growing up in your home must have been horribly emotionally neglected and abused. smh No child should ever have to have addicts as parents (or narcissists masquerading as addicts). Sickening and sad to think of an infant, toddler, or young child...with a developing brain...growing up with pathologically self-absorbed people who care more about sex and drugs then they do about a tiny human who is entirely dependent on them. smh Infuriating!

[@cancerJEDI]

Hope you both got help.

[@starrlea8291]

@leth2753 I have been addiction free for about 8 years now. And no; my kids have not been neglected. Just because someone has an addiction does not mean that they can't get better. I am a single parent who works 2 jobs and goes to college and took the kids to Universal Studios like they asked for Christmas. I am quite proud of how far I have come.

[@emx111]

My daughter's father? That's a weird way to phrase that.

[@starrlea8291]

@@emx111 We have not been together for upwards of 8 years and never married (thank goodness!). Hence why I use that phrase.

[@TomboyAnaya2002]

I had a porn addiction when I was 15 and but the truth is I don’t want my porn addiction to take over my life because I have goals to achieve and a better future to look forward to. It also has been my mental health struggle nowadays

[@jadaworthy9706]

So I have not had

[@tessacyclone6329]

A better future to look forward to sounds like wishful thinking .my porn addicted friend commited suicide so I've been scarred to watch porn

[@michaelanthony386]

​@@tessacyclone6329Sorry about your friend and I'm glad you don't watch it, but the wishful thinking comment was not necessary.

[@BelleRose11000]

Respect and appreciation for Austin coming forward to tell his story.

[@mohamedhamza3039]

Thank you for providing a safe space for people to talk about their problems and actually be heard without being judged.

[@adorable_anarchy2]

I split with someone about a year ago who I had lived with for 10 years who I feel was definitely addicted to porn. The sad part was all I wanted to do was love him but he never had time for me because he was always on the computer either fooling around with some other girl or watching porn. I tried everything. it made me feel about an inch tall and what little self-esteem I had disappeared and I hated myself as a person because I felt that I must be so undesirable that he had to do porn. Now of course I know better. I don’t know why I stayed so long with somebody who treated me like that. It is no way to live for anyone. Partners of people with porn addictions do not get enough love or credit. That is a hard line to walk.

[@paulacasey7185]

Completely agree. 💔

[@tnyeh]

it’s feeds off your soul, and dehumanizes you. It’s not worth it

[@jameslovejoy1804]

Porn addiction is not real.

[@tnyeh]

@@jameslovejoy1804 yea it is, addiction to anything is real.

[@Crimzon_Nova]

@@jameslovejoy1804 if you got it figured out, then plz don’t bother giving your 2 cents to those who both see it and feel it as a problem. It’s a problem. You disagree, so what, get use to others getting informed and the pro porn population becoming less attractive and depopulating.

[@tommac21]

Quitter I know there's nothing a therapist could help you with. They're using pleasure a lot

[@tommac21]

​@@jameslovejoy1804100 % cottect

[@davewiedis7794]

Thank you for this. Very helpful and important

[@cvealjr3811]

Great discussion and exposition 🙏🏾

[@pxrncoach]

Thanks!

[@amandawainwright9061]

Those videos broke my heart!

[@rubin-healmysocialanxiety702]

Such an important topic pervading our society. Thanks for the video ❤

[@tyler1020]

Thank you so much ! I've just today had that moment were I realized I'm an addict been watching videos all day thank you !

[@austin.hamilton]

No better day to start a journey towards freedom then today!!!

[@raulsanch30]

This was an amazing podcast. I almost cried knowing that all we yearn as human beings is love. God bless

[@austin.hamilton]

Thank you. Yes we all have that core longing, many times buried beneath the surface of unhealthy behaviors.

[@timleo6478]

Thank you for sharing this very helpful to making the world we all live in a better place

[@pxrncoach]

Thanks Tim!

[@tommac21]

Why who cares . It's not a real thing

[@fjordfjesta]

I appreciate Austin's story of his situation, trauma, response, and recovery process. It was inspiring and compelling. To those saying "his wife should leave him" etc, I would say that his relationship and the dynamics of it are between him and his wife, and it certainly sounds like something they are working on together. Personally, I salute his vulnerability in opening up to 1M+ subscribers online about this incredibly personal thing for him and trying to validate the struggles of other people. That said, I'd like to see this from a few different angles, maybe as a follow-up. The story we see here was framed very much in a hetero- and mono- normative lens that was highly influenced by traditional Christian religious thought, because that sounds like it was Austin's lived experience. It would be easy to take from that that the "only" way towards growth or recovery from something like this would involve the exact same steps. What would it (and recovery) look like in LGBT+ circles? How about for non-Christians? Or people who have religious trauma? Poly or ENM partnerships? How about for people in sex work? While I think Austin's experience is valid and helpful for other men in his position and situation, it isn't the whole story for everyone in my opinion. There's undoubtedly many intersections of fidelity, trauma, and addiction (both of the sex and porn variety) that come into play when addressing a topic like this, and there will also be many operational definitions of what fidelity/infidelity looks like to each couple. Additionally, one would imagine that finding individuals with the bravery and willingness to come forward with Austin's vulnerability would be a tall order. Still, I feel like it would be a disservice not to follow-up with more information from someone like a licensed and accredited sex therapist or couples counselor on what this looks like for a (potentially) wider audience.

[@themaple_dove]

I love this comment THANK YOU!

[@enatp6448]

Important comment..

[@Darren-sn4ki]

I still struggle with porn addiction I’m 33 been addicted since childhood broken narcissistic dysfunctional family home and religious abuse and loss of my narcissistic mom and have PTSD I believe in Jesus I just really struggle with this and emotional abuse spiritual abuse and trauma

[@le_th_]

If you have fantasies about golden showers the underlying problem is an undiagnosed personality disorder (Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Covert Narcissism, which is common in religious families who believe they are god's "chosen" people and therefore special and unique). This was revealed to me by a psychologist in San Francisco who only treats people with sex and porn addictions, and he stated the narcissists always fantasize about golden showers (aka the shower of gold).

[@salmonie]

Holyyy

[@k.f.9875]

You can overcome it. Takes time and is very difficult, but possible. I could, you can too.

[@TomeRodrigo]

I am sorry to hear that. If Jesus loves you he should have protected you from such a bad upbringing. Imagine Jesus having your family and abuse, that would be just fair, don't you think? Maybe Jesus would be addicted to porn from such abuse.

[@barakasamuel]

Thanks for this.

[@pxrncoach]

You’re welcome Baraka. What part stood out to you?

[@jmw402]

boy does this resonate! 27 years in hell as the spouse! if he isn’t willing to heal, leave

[@fetishmagic2419]

Also, what he do??? 😩😩😩

[@user-tg3qp4eu8x]

Porn = depression

[@Crimzon_Nova]

Ain’t that the truth!

[@M0101EP]

Yeah sure. From 11th year till almost 30, people are depressed? No people are PORN ADDICTED. Voyeuristic

[@lavitorroja2632]

Porn =/= addiction =/= depression.

[@potapotapotapotapotapota]

I love that the first step to healing is admitting you are powerless

[@JeremiahLOsborne]

I believe it has less to do with loving the other person and more to do with respect for them and oneself. It's the marriage vows that are the kickers in this situation. Till death do us part, and all those promises. When we break those, it is a sign that we do not respect our promises, nor do we respect the feelings and the commitments of the other person in the marriage. We don't respect the sacrifice that those others have made in order to allow us to have our needs met in the marriage. I can love anybody in the world, but I don't have to respect them. There's a difference. I don't respect those who don't respect me. That doesn't mean I go out to intentionally disrespect them. I do wish the best for them, but I'm not going to go out of my way to sacrifice for them. They don't respect me enough to do the same, so why should I go out of my way for them? They won't appreciate it, and more than likely they will expect more. But how do you balance addiction and The heartfelt desire to have integrity? Especially when it comes to this type of addiction where marriage vows are completely irrelevant because the addiction existed before the wedding.

[@fetishmagic2419]

Why is it that all sex addiction focused therapy has a Christian worldview? Interesting…….

[@greylynnjr]

Because we are so guilty knowing that after death we will be judged. We dont want to burn in hell in purgatory. We need higher power to help us

[@xCupressocyparis]

Because they always interview Americans probably.

[@earnhar768]

I would think talking about porn addiction as your job for someone with a history of serious porn addiction and possibly still struggling with it would be a bad idea bc it is a constant invitation to have temptation tiger at the table. And you can resist anything except temptation tiger. If i were him I would probably find a different job.

[@enatp6448]

I completely disagree that this is not an issue that the "secular" world is addressing. Have a look at the research. I wish him and his family well and I hope he doesn't betray that loyalty of his spouse in the future - ever again.

[@JordanFreshour]

There’s something about Jackie’s intonation that makes me cringe.

[@Nahemii]

I also get a very uneasy feeling when listening to him. I constantly have the feeling he's trying to hide something, somwtimes with a kinda narcisisstic tone to it. Really weird.

[@TomeRodrigo]

@@Nahemii Person with such fucked up opinions won't just change. So your intuition is very much perhaps on point.

[@Jarlzdotorg]

2/3 means normal... ugh... I'm out!

[@mefranmefran7133]

His wife needs to wake up. He is still as selfish as he was. There were several things he said that really got my attention that he's not changed. Despite the numbers he quoted, at least 11% of the population has the addiction and even after intense rehab and 5 years of therapy, the recovery rate is only 5%.

[@theforensicbadass]

Yes I understand that what you're saying. It's quite frightening actually. They might cure the addiction to alcohol, Drugs, porn... But they still have the behavior problems. The entitlement. The selfishness. The lack of empathy. The lack of connection on an intimate level. The lock of compromise. The need of control. The excuse-making. Etc.... In those 12-step programs, you will encounter more narcissist and borderline personality disorders then you will the actual addictive codependent. Dangerous dangerous stuff. Because a person without their porn or alcohol or drugs that has a personality disorder, is an enormously dangerous individual. They classify as what's called secondary psychopathy or full-blown psychopath. And they will never even get a diagnosis because they believe it's all about porn drugs or alcohol, and they'll deny its not a personality disorder.

[@mefranmefran7133]

@@theforensicbadass Yes, spot on. These people are capable of living a double life. The amount of deception they are capable of is truly pathological, and absolutely correct, most have a personality disorder or at minimum, quite a few traits of one. As deceptive as they are with the addiction, is just exactly how deceptive they are in their pretend recovery. It's the spouses and children I feel sorry for.

[@DanielH3342]

Yeah I got that vibe too. It sounds like porn should be at the bottom of the list of problems this guy has. His issues go way beyond porn. He sounds like a narcissist or a guy with Borderline Personality Disorder.

[@dizzystar.]

You have not lived either of their story. There may have been things that got your attention but maybe try instead of coming from a place of seemingly trauma response or lashing out against another human beings revovery try coming from a place of listening, openness and understanding. Its better to hope the best for ones recovery rather than condemning him and his wife over your own bias.

[@jefffrodermann5348]

Wow, are you for real? He's being vulnerable and willing to keep improving.

[@tommac21]

How can you even compare alcoholism to porn. 2 completely different things. And no therapy can help either. And why did his wife stay with himafter cheating

[@BlackDeath920]

He lost me at christ. Good story though

[@elviaxmemee]

What kind of narcissist is she ?

[@psydrone8]

It seems like the problem here is christian guilt more than anything else

[@TomeRodrigo]

Sounds right.

[@tommac21]

Once again why is it always men. Women watch it just as much.

[@BryanDoesCinema]

Porn was powerful enough to convince 1 out of every 3 angels to forsake their heavenly assignments and sleep with woman. We must turn away as humans are just not strong enough to avoid it without holy spirit.

[@TomeRodrigo]

Religious lobotomy.

[@lavitorroja2632]

I thought the channel was lead by psychologists and psychiatrists and not just whoever wanted to come in... Doesn't research suggest it may not even be a proper addiction ? Or at least not what's insinuated here that watching any porn at all is cheating or an issue.

[@emmavictoria4743]

the studies they have done show that it is a behavioral addiction like gambling and the same neural processes happen. it is very real

[@TomeRodrigo]

@@emmavictoria4743 Gambling is not something you are wired to naturally. Sex is.

[@emmavictoria4743]

@@TomeRodrigo pornography is not something you're naturally wired for. real sex is, but you can't tell me its the same as having an intimate moment with someone

[@TomeRodrigo]

@@emmavictoria4743 Pornography comes from sexual desire. Sexual desire is very natural and is one of the strongest desires in humans. Therefore it makes sense that humans can be very attracted to pornography. But we are not naturally wired for alcohol, weed, smoking, drugs. So I wouldn't compare it to it.

[@emmavictoria4743]

@@TomeRodrigo all addictions involve the rewards system of the brain which is linked to dopamine. food, sex, competition are all things that are normal but can become addictive if trying to fill a void. and for gambling not being a natural human act, it is the act of the competition and the reward of the dopamine and prizes that make it addictive. behaviors are 100% addictive and it is very clear to me that you know nothing about the neural processes involved with pornography usage

[@thebeigesheep6132]

Is it really an addiction tho? If u lived with someone where u had no privacy u wouldn't engage in it. Not saying it's not damaging but idk if addiction is right word

[@CravensBen]

It’s absolutely the right word- you should research the definition of addiction and porn’s relation to dopamine release. It’s definitely super addictive (similarly to social media/phone use)- it’s just taboo to discuss thanks to porn’s domination of internet profitability and normalized shame surrounding the topic.

[@austin.hamilton]

@@CravensBen This.

[@jameslovejoy1804]

@@CravensBen The American Psychological Association and the DSM strongly disagree with you.

[@CravensBen]

@@jameslovejoy1804 Just because porn addiction specifically hasn’t been recognized by the APA yet doesn’t mean it’s not real. The DSM is a routinely updated manual that’s *always* under revision. Doctors were using previous editions of that same book to diagnose Asperger syndrome, which was removed from the handbook as a viable diagnosis in 2013. Does that mean it was never/stopped being real? Of course not- it means clinicians are calling it something else. The DSM is still adding studies on behavioral addiction to this day because of the impact all of this brand new technology we’ve invented in the last two decades has had on worldwide mental health. The last DSM edition was published in 2013, by the way- giving the academic community practically no time to raise funding/research the way porn is used through modern technology. The only two they’ve tackled so far are gambling and gaming addiction, and those only made it in because they were able to secure *funding* for that research. It’s no conspiracy theory that political lobbying plays a MASSIVE role in what research gets funded, and if you think that the porn industry doesn’t have a massive hand in lobbying against the funding of that kind of research, you’d be mistaken. As soon as porn is recognized as a potentially addictive/unhealthy activity rather than a harmless recreational one, it gets a lot less profitable for the big boys. Another easy logic thread to follow is the fact that porn is the only product America has a legal age restriction on that isn’t a drug, drug paraphernalia, or otherwise potentially addictive/abusable mind-altering substance. That’s not an accident. At the end of the day, unless you’re a doctor deciding how to diagnose/treat a patient, the inclusion of porn addiction in the DSM really isn’t relevant to the argument for whether or not it’s “real.” In reality, many people who watch porn regularly do so compulsively- not voluntarily- to a degree that negatively affects their lives. People who desire nothing more than to quit pornography forever find themselves failing and begrudgingly returning again and again, only feeling hatred and disappointment toward themselves afterward. If it’s not addictive, why can’t they stop when they want to so badly? At that point, whether we call it an addiction or a harmful habit is semantics- there’s a problem there that’s worth addressing. I just don’t see the productivity in notifying people who are dealing with an issue that their specific struggle doesn’t have a name in the current DSM edition, and is therefore not real. Empathy is important, whether you can relate or not.

[@thebeigesheep6132]

@@jameslovejoy1804 what do they say?

[@sewerface]

Why is this channel promoting the idea that porn addiction is a real thing? Have you just lost interest in your own credibility?

[@nightmare8162]

It's real dude I dint think so either but try not to watch it that's when you know cause you always come back to watching it. I've quit drinking and chewing easier than porn

[@starrlea8291]

It is very much a real thing.

[@le_th_]

They like to tell the narcissists that it's an addiction so they don't have to take responsibility and can shift the blame on someone/something else besides themselves. We all know that no one is going to get withdrawals or the DTs from quitting porn, but they need to play the victim because they're narcissists. A more appropriate term might be porn dependency. Also, the dirtier it is, the more it arouses them because they're narcissists. The vast majority of them won't be honest enough to admit that. They like it dirty dirty dirty and preferably covered in urine. I only wish I were kidding about this. (the irony being that your name is sewerface?) Narcissists can't stand to think of themselves as "dependent" on anything, they rather call themselves an addict, and they'd rather be known as an "addict" than take a long, hard look at their lack of moral character in the mirror.

[@saddleheadson1]

its real to a lot of people but its a somewhat shameful topic to address so it stays in the shadows.

[@CravensBen]

Yeah it’s very researched (there are multiple peer-reviewed papers on it) and very real. Many people struggle with it.

[@jadaworthy9706]

Who would marry him and stay married no shade

[@pxrncoach]

His wife. She’s pretty cool.