Shan Boodram This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex

Shan Boodram guides us through how often you should be having sex on this week's episode. As a certified sex educator and intimacy expert, Shan Boodram joins us for a no-holds-barred conversation about relationships, sex, and everything in between. From the truth about open relationships and why they can thrive to whether scheduling sex actually kills the vibe, Shan doesn’t hold back. Her answers to these questions didn’t just stir the pot-it's caused an online meltdown. Stick around till the end when she reveals one of the biggest mysteries about sex that even sex experts are still trying to figure out. Plus, she hit us with a question that had us stumbling over our words. Trust us, this is one episode you won't want to miss.
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[@RisingKing1024]

Married man of 8 years, together for 11, high-school sweet hearts. Been doing a lot of homework to better connect with my best friend. I needed to hear this.. thank you 🙏🏾.

[@Dr.LeilaniScott]

As a fangirl of all three of these ladies and a “wanna be” journalist, I appreciated that Shan invited them into the conversation. It made it more personable and less like an interview. Great job ladies!

[@tcollick6504]

How often should you be having sex? I believe it’s what is agreed upon by the couple! As our needs change, we talk about our needs, communicate with one another, and work together, patiently, to make adjustments…one for the other. Oh, and, I will admit that I learned a lot from my husband about sex and its purpose…It's a healthy part of life. Many times, one’s traumas, misunderstandings, and wrong ideas about sex have formed the mindset, and, instead of sex being a healthy part of a relationship, sex becomes this huge taboo when it is one of the most amazing elements of life!!!

[@AwfTheRecord]

Love to hear you learning from your partner. Something we all need to remember to do more of.

[@Sophiamor-b7n]

Exactly

[@allison7even]

I feel like the comfortable body language in this episode from Mona & JR really set the tone. The flipping of questions by Shan was great too, cause it pulls the viewer in to be introspective. Great episode ladies.

[@jahjah1769]

Shan is a truth teller and I love her. The truth is polarizing so I understand right away when people didn’t like her that there was something great about her.

[@sydonnierobinson5688]

This is the one. Great conversation. I’m 53 and still get shy when it comes to talking about sex.

[@juliawhetstone5768]

I ABSOLUTELY Loved This..Had Not Heard Of Shan.. The Comfort In The Room Was AMAZING..That Is How I Love To Talk..Open..I Am A Caregiver For Seniors So For Me Nothing Is Embarrassing Especially When It Is Natural And That Was How This Was..I Was Nodding On Several Issues..You Ladies Are Doing Your Thing..I Am Excited And Ready To Watch More..Thank You..

[@krbourne]

Had to keep relistening to 2:38. It's inspiring to hear about how things were when Shan was grinding and no one was paying attention and to see where she is now.

[@prodbyed4549]

In my early twenties I heard a quote by James Baldwin saying: " If I'm you teacher, I have to teach you how to think... to teach you how to think, I have to teach you that there's a reason for everything you do, and you must find that reason." Outside of the fact that I went to school for mechanical engineering and physics, that quote sent me on a path to independently study, psychology, philosophy, behavioral biology and The brain. That being said, I think the universe wasn't created for humanity; Humanity came out of the universe. In reality, things are happening as is. Cause and effect. There's no "good" or "bad". "Right or "wrong". We(Humans) interpret or perceive things as "good" and "bad". We come from an environment where we didn't know anything. We made things up as we went, because of our ignorance's. The brain is trying to understand the world and itself, so it eventually created Religion, Philosophy, Science, Societies, etc. The interactions between our brains and our bodies and the environment makes us behave the way we do. The human experience becomes very complicated. Sex is not only the fundamental way we create more of ourselves, but it is also a way we express ourselves. It is now just as complicated as everything else we do. From "good" sexual behavior to "bad" sexual behavior, it's all a part of the human experience. We just need to educated ourselves and maybe our behaviors and attitudes towards it will change, positively. To shan Boodrams point around 10:34 we are programmed. I don't believe in freewill, so I believe everything we do "good" or "bad" has a cause. No individual person is responsible for anything, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't go to jail though for the "bad" stuff. Allegedly, Humanity is about 200,000-300,000 years old. Science is around 5,000 years old. Philosophy is around 2,000 years old. There's still 295,000 years of human experience/evolution that has to be "re" programed. At one point humans were killing other humans because they thought they were witches, today we know what schizophrenia is, etc. we found that out in 1887. Image all those years of not know why this person was acting that way and what they did to them. And so on. As complicated as the human experience is, we have to try and understand(in theory) why people do what they do, say what the say, and why its going to take a very long time to change. At some point in the future, hopefully, we will have more understanding as a species about our behaviors and we will have more compassion, empathy, sympathy, love and respect for everyone's behaviors and experiences. "good" or "bad".

[@AwfTheRecord]

Love the fact that the conversations are stimulating thought and conversation! Some interesting points here. Thanks for tuning in!

[@t.y.2724]

*Taking a Mental Note*

[@ThaMidwestBrutha]

I subscribed bcuz this is the caliber of women I like to vibe with, listen to them talk & just fan out over real down to earth Black Women. They are gorgeous & carry themselves very well and articulate themselves well.

[@ashleyminor-rr3og]

I tell every woman in my life… following Shan on KZbin changed my life. As an assault victim my relationship with sex was soo negative & she gave me the tools to explore myself & eventually create safe spaces to rediscover and rebuild my sex life! She’s doing amazing work!!

[@SaipherWells]

I love Shan! She’s been a favorite for years ❤ great episode!

[@janicehull8017]

Thank you for having Shan on. I love her and you are great interviews

[@AwfTheRecord]

Thanks for listening 💕

[@ericaford1454]

Out of the entire interview, I love her ending answer for "what's next?" "I don't have an answer for that. I'm enjoying the now." ❤❤❤❤ The what's next question is so irritating to me.

[@downwiththeclique7239]

I don’t appreciate Shan talking about open relationships as if they are the pinnacle of success. If I am in a monogamous relationship, then that is a successful relationship. We don’t have to work our way up to being comfortable with the idea of sharing ourselves with other people. EDIT: I actually believe that if God demands us to be faithful to Him, then being faithful to one person is the highest level of commitment. If that’s God’s standard, then it should be ours.

[@SanniSILVER925]

That’s definitely not what she said. I encourage you to listen again. She said it was possibly an orientation. meaning it’s an active discussion that someone or couple makes that’s best for them or the most honest version of themselves. So if it’s not for you.. don’t engage in it! It’s not for me and that’s okay.

[@downwiththeclique7239]

I said “As if.” She also said “People who have not gotten to that stage of commitment,” and the proceeded to talk about the “overwhelming success,” of open relationships; she’s biased, and I don’t agree with her advocating for something that’s contradictory to my beliefs.

[@LEXercise]

This was actually really good. 👍🏾

[@JaelynSterling]

THE COLLAB I NEEDED

[@kaylanicole3859]

This was good!!! It didn't even feel like an hour went by.

[@Mmvhnnbccf]

How do you raise kids and have a secure family in a polygamous society. How do you protect partners and children from trauma when pursuing polygamy. Who takes care of you on your death bed when sex is old and no longer possible or desirable. What life long relationships work and are still present when no one has been worth rejecting others for. I’m Nigerian. My grand parents on both sides were polygamous and it only led to trauma. Wives hating eachother. Children hating eachother. Children with one parent missing because sex became casual. The Bible is old but nothing is new under the Sun. We aren’t discovering something new, it’s just an attempt to bring up things we’ve graduated from.

[@bridgettejohnson9085]

This is the one I was waiting for…grabbing my popcorn now! Loving the content & guests ladies ❤!

[@AwfTheRecord]

Thanks for tuning in!

[@johannafernandez6879]

Best conversation, yet. Bravo!!

[@AwfTheRecord]

We're glad you think so! More to come!

[@Poohsister8]

We want Mrs. CeCe Winans on your podcast!

[@geraldapetit-homme7238]

Yeeeeeeeeeees

[@francisw3456]

This was amazing! Great questions and answers. Shan is an absolute goddess! ❤❤

[@drkayj6371]

Awesome conversation! Sexual intimacy can be uncomfortable conversation and topic. As a Pysciological and Psychological expert related to science and the human behavior which affects the body, the conversation with clients are often filled with lack of sexual knowledge and self-awareness even as older adults. This was a great session!🙌🏾🤞🏾✨️

[@spw0003]

Awesome show!!! Keep 'em coming 🥰🥰🥰

[@AwfTheRecord]

We will!

[@brittanynelson3608]

This is fantastic. She explained so many things im feeling

[@dewdan11dnd46]

💞💞✨✨Just waiting for the adverts to pass, then, I'm all ears. Thanks for sharing, ladies💕💕🌟🌟

[@AwfTheRecord]

You're the best!

[@EileenNgete]

Great conversations 😊

[@eyeah4511]

Wow, 3 intelligent Black women. I loved this episode!

[@Pal3sa]

I love Shannon. Love this!

[@cletang88]

Loved this episode ❤

[@AwfTheRecord]

We are happy to hear!

[@marlowemorris752]

This was very good and helpful

[@laurenroberts1404]

I notice women over 50 are ashamed to talk about sex publicly or just in general. When I’ve tried talking to them they cringe! Generation X women started talking about it without feeling shamed. It allowed us to be uninhibited and take safety precautions because we knew what to expect.

[@saphahmelkisedek9762]

That's because it's a modesty issue ... Something that is very lacking today. Sex is a very private matter and so the conversation would only be had with an intimate, trusted person. People these days have no loyalty and tell your business as they wish. So they feel they have to protect their privacy ... Can't blame them.

[@laurenroberts1404]

@@saphahmelkisedek9762I appreciate your response but times have changed for both men and women. In general, men don’t open up in private to have conversations about sex. They teach each other the game to get what they want from women. But women don’t pass down info to educate the younger generation. So we learn the hard way now. I’m going to teach my daughter game before the streets has a chance to!!!

[@saphahmelkisedek9762]

@@laurenroberts1404 not my experience with trusted older women ... BUT it's gr8 that you won't allow the "taboo" 😉 in your home.

[@niki1736]

Great conversation so many will enjoy this 💥💥

[@tashtalksfilm]

Shan is highly intelligent which makes for such a great podcast episode. Love her.

[@sheryltibbs7166]

Awesome conversation

[@carmie-LynnsCharles]

Personally, I think there should be a schedule for the sex part. Like you know when you dealing with a lot of activities: kids, jobs, families. We often leaving this part for later and later and later and we just forget it’s an important part. So, for me I need it to be programmed, to be sure it’s going to happen and not making my man begging for it. Well all of that is for when I’m going to get married.

[@rosabelis]

Amazing conversation!

[@AwfTheRecord]

Thanks!

[@Opulence94]

Fellas : if a woman says Im not interested in sex, we have a kid, she tired with work etc. to the fact she dont bring it up. This has been going on for months and you acknowledge that you want more sex… Wouldn’t it be fair for her to offer you another option as sex with another woman??? ( long as you not bringing in no other babies, no diseases, no romantic dates & not putting that side chick before your family where the other woman is disrespecting your wife)

[@kodeh7931]

Bruh, this has happened to me. I just cheated. Plain simple.

[@levelup2014]

@@kodeh7931 yup sex is not a just something "you do" to get it out the way its one of the bacbones in a relationship

[@orange.blossom1144]

Please consider bringing, Kamie Crawford and Danielle Bayard Jackson onto the podcast! 🥳

[@AwfTheRecord]

We will!

[@michaelw6193]

“As often as the person who wants it the least” ☠️☠️☠️

[@c.christmas]

That’s wicked 😂😅!!!

[@MannyLin-pj6zz]

You guys need to get voters

[@saphahmelkisedek9762]

I'mLets add Mrs. soon-to-be Dr. Joyice Robinson Myers from the Match Marry Mate podcast to S2! She too is somewhere in the DC area.

[@saphahmelkisedek9762]

Awesome!

[@melissaharris521]

Invite Angela Bassett, please. Maybe a little later, try for Mrs. Obama. And now Gabrielle Union. Love y'all! 💜💜💜

[@AwfTheRecord]

Love these recommendations. Adding to our S2 list. Thank you for the support!

[@melissaharris521]

@@AwfTheRecord I was hooked from day one!! 💜💜💜

[@guyyscotty]

Anything with Jeanette Reyes im watching lol PUURRR

[@tiffanysmith986]

It does and thats why I never get to see my side guy😂 planned is urgh

[@nixonfleming893]

It depend how much couples like have sex and how often it doesn't have be marathon type sex in 1 day .just be open minded .like my last relationship with my ex we had sex 2 times a day then if we worn out from work and tired we didn't have sex at all .plus when she had her petiod those days no sex take place .unless there couple that don't mind having period sex which i think is only few couples that do that .sex between couple not be chores people have do like cleaning place up other things that not how it works if it was .sex life will get boring no need set up routine. Let sex happen when both couple are in mood for it .if they want have sex every day more then 1 time a day that their choice because they enjoy sex thatcmuch .but there not wrong taking break go find something else to do as couple go movie go clubs go beach fishing camping that normal couple do .that all .

[@BintaKitagi]

After watching this show, you have lost me as a fan. This episode was DISGUSTING to say the least. "Sex with fruits, vegetables and objects"?! really? GROSS

[@Passion84GodAlways]

SHANn oOoOoooOooooh!!! 👀🍿🍿🍿

[@JayKennedy101]

30:12 This. All of it

[@2dpang]

U cant have a conversation with a self proclaimed relationship expert & 'barely' discuss open relationships that she herself practiced with her partner🤷🏾‍♂️....thats crazy, y'all was scared to ask the real questions👀🤔🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️

[@gerryaime9472]

This girl is no sex expert

[@thomas.r.wilson2867]

❤️ excellent, 👏👏💝💝💯

[@AwfTheRecord]

Thank you! Cheers!

[@mdooms76]

I feel that sex is unnecessary (aside from kids) and is overrated. People go crazy and obsess over it to the point of uncontrollable lust, criminal acts, and diddying. I will always be celibate.

[@michaelw6193]

No affirmations on your comment I see,.hmm..all the best🧐

[@keniabernard]

This is sad to hear 😢. Sex can be so many beautiful wonderful things. I hope someone enters your life and turns your opinion away 😊

[@Fi-hunnid]

Got a lil dust on it huh

[@nickjones3860]

You haven’t had good intimacy.. that’s different from sex

[@RisingKing1024]

I'm glad that you have elevated yourself past intimacy. Most of us, however, still feel it to be a part of life, which it is (its how we all got here) and don't wish to cut such out of their lives. Because it is a part of life, people want it to be good/fulfilling. Nothing wrong with that.

[@read85Soldierebook]

Mentally all day long🎉

[@jsaintphard]

It all made sense up until the poly part. Then we realize sex expert or not, she can lead you right down to hell.

[@88niteowl88]

Jesus loves you and is the only way to heaven. ❤❤❤

[@Poohsister8]

Sex should be spontaneous and not scheduled!

[@carmie-LynnsCharles]

But when you get busy with life. You don’t have time anymore to just let it happen. At a moment, you’re going to have to schedule because you can’t just be let it happen, cause you’re always going to be tired, you’re always going to wait to be in the mood, you can plan it there is nothing wrong with that. You just say to yourself on Monday it’s the moment for us to be together and you know this your time with the person and you are going to prepare everything to enjoy this moment .

[@allisonhinds8384]

I think it's over rated as well

[@michaelw6193]

Scheduling sex Absolutely 💯 kills the vibe…

[@jdogswifty4372]

Except when dating aren't you scheduling it? Also, when you are busy with your mission and they are busy with theirs, you simply do not have free time to waste. Scheduling is a must if you are a totally busy person who is with another totally busy person. But the first point is 100% true for all dating couples if you are scheduling a date you are shceduling sex unless you are simply a booty call person(s).

[@cherllowe-johnson7630]

L