Sharing finances with a narcissist

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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[@deb_diaries]

The narcissist's motto: What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine.

[@parishah7494]

Sounds like my brother

[@parishah7494]

Everything is mine mine mine

[@jeanblythe1595]

Best advice on sharing finances with a narcissist: don't do it. Just don't do it.

[@johndoe-ek1qs]

Step one: KNOW what a narcissist is. I didn't even hear the word for the first time till it was WAY TOO LATE.

[@jeanblythe1595]

@@johndoe-ek1qs That's how I found about mine :-\ They consider your money their money, and while you think you are helping them out, they are really fleecing you. Once you learn that there are horrible people like narcissists out there, you never make the mistake again. But ohhhh it takes awhile to get over the damage they do. I had PTSD and other emotional problems for 5 years.

[@Adrianafaith123]

Absolutely!!! I was so naive!! I accepted what I thought was a financial "gift" from a narcissist and he lorded it over me. It wasn't much, but you'd think he'd handed me over the keys to the kingdom. I was worried that he may come after me, even my narcissistic mother was worried about me (she usually just worries about herself). I ended up paying it back and then some (in the form of becoming his slave, giving him rides (he's disabled and can't drive) at all hours of the day or night, running over to his house when he told me to, dealing with his anger when I wouldn't stay the night with him (which he definitely expected). Basically he'd thought he'd bought me and I felt guilty. Money is still very shameful for me to deal with. Yes, it is dancing on the third rail. Thank you Dr. Ramani, I'm not crazy after all!

[@tarantiae]

This video is so important! If you have your own money you are much, much less vulnerable. My grandmother blossomed like a rose when she finally got her own money as a pensioner. My grandfather's power over her was over. He couldn't put her down anymore. She was free.

[@tarantiae]

@@LSMH528Hz Are you serious or are you trolling? Nor did my grandmother "just walk away" neither did I write she did. Please remember to communicate in a respectful way and to follow the guidelines of the community.

[@joseenoel8093]

Everything they want to spend time and money on makes total sense, anything you want to do gets scrutinized, criticized and vetoed! Your happiness is not on their radar, what can we expect when they want a tug of war?!

[@melacord7279]

So true, I am in the same position. I builded my status by being financial independent, even if he was the one to be very secretive about his own money, in the beginning. I ve catched it and never shared with him. There are years now since I make more and that is good for me, I don t have to ask permission for anything.

[@KitKat-gw4rh]

It's so nice to see people blossom with a little freedom.

[@JJ-dd6gp]

Worse is me I a marriage with one and not working and is being supported by one. Just make a one bad spending and he have as someone who mismanages money and forget and disregards All the rest of times you were budgeting and managing the money right...you can never come back in right standing with the narcissist ...

[@dontbeadick132]

Not only did he take my money, he also got me to pay off his bills. The worst part is when you are trying to leave the relationship, you have to make drastic decisions on what is important: your freedom or your possessions? I made the decision that my freedom was above all. I lost my dog in the process because he saw how much it meant to me and felt it was one way to keep control over me. I resigned myself to the loss because I knew I wouldn't get out unscathed. I haven't seen that dog in 7 years. I miss her but I was dying being with him.

[@SueP-D]

Oh man I feel your pain 😞 My ex, who made lots of money as an airline pilot, kept blasting me over and over, trying to bankrupt me so I couldn’t fight him. Even after the divorce was final, he took me to court over bullshit things, 7 times in 9 months. And I had our three kids! The court made us get a lawyer for the children, too, because of the ridiculousness of the custody battle. This was over twenty years ago and I still hate him for that. He’s just a really bad person.

[@janeene24]

I completely understand this. I was willing to give up everything for my peace and sanity. I would’ve lived in a cardboard box to be free, if necessary. It would’ve been better than the alternative.

[@bradleysmith3963]

@@janeene24 it’s funny to hear you say that, I’ve said many of times I’d live in my car before I’d live under the same roof with her, and if it wasn’t for some help of some people I would have been in my car, but it would have been worth it

[@nchl5340]

God... the games with pets and kids. Always the same.

[@ledreferetguildorgson1362]

Your story sounds just like mine I left with only my clothes and my kids . He wouldn't let us have the dog and then sold the dog a few months later ! Everything in our house furniture dishes everything was mine I am worse off financially now then when I met him but I keep telling myself it's got to get better and I will recover I do have a lawyer working on this so hopefully everything works out !

[@cindyv4000]

My ex got so mad at me when I said I wouldn’t want to join finances 100% if we got married. I’m good with money and he is constantly in debt.

[@mapsandstuff2923]

I take it that's an ex-fiancé and it didn't even get to marriage?

[@cindyv4000]

@@mapsandstuff2923 ex bf didn’t make it to marriage.

[@brimstone33]

He just doesn't respect you as an individual. I wish more women felt like you do, every marriage should start with a solid pre-nup.

[@mapsandstuff2923]

Well done with setting strong boundaries. That's how you find out how someone really feels about you. Wish I was better at it.

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

His excuse for denying everything: “time and money”. He had no issue spending time and money secretly on his addictions and deceits.

[@Jachimma]

Yes. There's never enough to take care of the kids but more than enough available for substances, designer shoes and cover everyone else's bill for drinks 🤷‍♀️

[@twinklehussain1011]

So apt.. Never enough to be a good provider.. But always enough for Marijuana..!!

[@scoobygirl576]

My ex-narc accumulated $50000+ in debts when I parted on him for six months. Drugs: cocaine and fentanyl. When I returned we put the debts onto mortgage. Fast forward eight months, sold our cottage, and he inevitably relapsed. Started getting $1000 of cocaine on ‘front’ from drug dealer before money even came into bank. 🤦‍♀️ parted from him almost 90 days now. Staying strong 💪 sadly it hurts my boy ( 4 yr old)

[@hoopervan]

Curious what addictions? I know Ramani has one video on narcs and substance abuse -- mine had several what-his-enabler-would-call "compulsions" but I always considered addictions: alcohol, gambling, spending, tobacco, and his phone to name the most obvious. I'd love for Ramani to take a deeper dive into their impulsive / numbing behaviors because there seems to be a lot.

[@hoopervan]

@@scoobygirl576 I have three boys (5,9,10). I heard this recently and it helped me with that same hurt / guilt -- Name three adjectives that describe how you want your son to be when he's older. Mine are wise, confident, emotionally mature. It was pointed out to me that to achieve these things, our kids have to struggle. Pain and discomfort precede growth and expansion. No one grows if they're always smooth sailing. It helped me reframe our situation to realize that what I'm giving them is a necessary evil -- I'm walking them through a challenge and the fact they're going to struggle is a blessing in disguise. Challenges can be opportunities. Hope that helps you like it's helped me.

[@stephanie5471]

There is no sharing - period. And they quickly forget your contributions…while they spend frivolously on addictions and to show off in front of others…

[@ankicazander3464]

So true.

[@hoopervan]

Yes! I've been seeing a few here mention the addictions... I want Ramani to dive deeper into this because my experience was the same. Do you mind sharing what addictions yours had? My EX had what-his-enabling-mother-would-refer-to-as-"compulsions de jour"... alcohol, porn, tobacco, gambling, spending, his phone... he didn't do anything that he didn't do to the extent of it being obsessive. And he could never get out of his own way!

[@stephanie5471]

@@hoopervan For my ex it was porn…at roughly $400/month for over 10 years (behind my back of course and then I wondered why my marriage was sexless!). Then the incessant use of the laptop, hours after hours searching for stuff on the internet (personally I get tired after 20 minutes!), and the endless purchasing of electronic gadgets (nothing was good enough, fast enough; he always needed the next best thing and when he had the choice between something more expensive or something that cost less, he would always buy the more expensive item). The compulsive lying about everything and anything was a biggie as well…he was addicted to that too!

[@brimstone33]

@@hoopervan Shopping: jewelry, expensive clothes, housewares, makeup, cosmetic dentistry, hairdos, sportscars. Also exercise: running to the point of injury, multiple Pilates classes a day. Chick porn: Outlander, The Witcher etc.

[@joysimmons446]

Right they love showing off I don't like showing off at all

[@unconversantcallowincandes1540]

Finances are literally the ONE stipulation that should NEVER be negotiated!!! If you are in a relationship with a narcissist now, with joint account; start putting money aside, small inconsistent amounts that they won't care about. Have some cash and a separate account in a different bank in a different town that has shops you like. ALWAYS have a way out. Even in healthy relationship you should know your entrances and exits

[@nchl5340]

My cousin who's working for 20 years does not have a single penny in her name. And she herself is a reasonably thrifty person.

[@unconversantcallowincandes1540]

@@nchl5340 this is awful, I have an amazing friend who battles these kind of "interaction" regularly, she has no job, no one who checks in on her, calls or texts, and comes from a narcissistic background. All she had when she left was one person she could ask for help financially speaking. Just that one person could afford to help her out, and get out. She only knows 2 people who responded to her whenever she texts, she has 2 people she can call for minor assistance in things. And she has no assets to speak pf and has never had enough money to even learn how to budget. She only had one person she could say out LOUD" I'm in an unhealthy place and I need to get out" between the 2 of them conversing regularly and their 2 heads and the ones financial help, she got out. Ish. But she got free. Now she's trying to build her own business, she has a partner to speak of, and I check in regularly now as well, I used to be MIA, luckily I out grew that!

[@louisianalady7105]

And get the banking statements emailed to YOU only! Don't let the bank mail documents to the address you share with a narcissist. The narc WILL open that information up and keep a copy of it! Don't give any passwords to the narc, don't share any social media or other accounts with them either. Their number 1 play is POWER-- especially over your access to money!

[@danikeebler1662]

I want my own stash of cash so I know being there is a choice rather than a sitation.

[@unconversantcallowincandes1540]

@@danikeebler1662 my girl friend is heading in the same direction, getting an emergency fund built up. It's hard when you are paycheck to paycheck and still behind. She manages to put away a little bit here and there. She even got her own bank account. I'll keep your efforts and safety in my prayers, Best of luck and keep moving ahead. I believe in you!

[@purvamandlik4696]

This is needed as a course in school. How to date / break-up What to do with money How to find out who is trustworthy

[@hariclia]

Agree

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

Money is an obsession with them. My former spouse was/is obsessed with being a millionaire. He uses money to control. It is also his Achilles’ heel.

[@joseenoel8093]

The more you make the more you'll spend the more you'll pollute! We need to get on board with saving something for future generations, the earth 🌎 is on the same path as humans are, unfortunately for all of us!

[@innerpeaceandselflove]

Yes,you can manipulate a narc very easily by promising money.

[@Jachimma]

The comment section here is amazing. Literally feels like everyone is describing the same one person. Thank you for this video Dr Ramani ❤

[@Picca65]

@@LSMH528Hz for a reason: it's more about validation in here. People have struggled for a while or for (many) years and finally find out what's been going on. Some finally find their voice and find words. That's a big relief. Of course they also need to selfreflect, but they don't need to do that here. They can look for therapy to do it. And by the way: a lot will have done a lot or even too much already because they always blamed themselves. Let this just be a safe space to vent and validate.

[@mickib1592]

My narc ex's philosophy on our (legally) joint finances: My money is my money; your money is our money; our money is my money.

[@karenmattice3820]

Sharing finances was my biggest mistake. His money was his money AND my money was his money. He controlled everything for what only he wanted. However I always made sure I knew how much we really had. We had a hugh fightf; I separated our joint money & also separated the bills. Do not mistake my silence for stupidty; my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness as weakness.

[@davidhinkson8856]

Your comment, "his money was his money and my money was his money" is something I heard a pastor say regarding his wife some years ago. He said it as a joke, but there's nothing amusing about that!

[@karenmattice3820]

@@davidhinkson8856 - no it's not amusing

[@brimstone33]

Exactly the same thing happened to me, I kicked her off the account I shared with her for years after too much abuse. Only I insisted we keep a joint account to pay the bills from and contribute equally to it. I think that is a good blueprint for any relationship.

[@Picca65]

Well done!!

[@AB-or1yo]

She lived the following mantra: what’s mine is mine what’s yours is ours.

[@Chahlie]

I was briefly married to one and when I tried to leave he cleaned out the joint bank account. Financial abuse is a thing with these people. My parents were masters of this.

[@darlingyoyo5200]

Yep, he made sure he washed the blood off his hands and took the last cent.

[@michelleburchett9762]

So sorry. 💔

[@shenisenicole103]

Whew I’m so sorry 😞

[@KitKat-gw4rh]

Ouch 😳

[@rayarena879]

I used to have a narcisistic friend who makes twice as much money as I do. We used to go to professional conferences together: out of state and in foreign countries. Our rocky friendship [love bombing, devaluation, breadcrumbing discarding, etc...repeat] spilled over and we used to meet on weekends for dinner. While we were at conferences, I would always invite her to the many dinners that my vendors would treat me to. I didn't have to do that but I stupidly did, because I didn't understand that she was a sick narcissist and I used to gaslight myself. Thanks to me, the glutton ate at many 5 star restaurants for free. Back home, however, she never once said, you've invited me to dinner so many times, allow me to treat you to dinner at lease once NEVER! We used to go to eat and everything was carefully divided down to the last cent. Narcs are cheap as hell and don't appreciate anything you do for them.

[@amarnamizelle8432]

@Rayarena - Narcissists are only cheap with other people. When it’s something they want they don’t have a problem spending money.

[@rayarena879]

@@ArtistIrinaSharie No. Let me explain. I buy thousands of dollars worth of books for a major institution in a large city. The book dealers treat me and other buyers to dinners when we go to conferences. These are not boring business dinners. No one discusses business. We go to these restaurants that often have live entertainment and get to select whatever we want. It's a social event. I used to invite my narc ex-friend because, she did not buy from any dealers and was never invited to any of these dinners. She used to ask me if she could come along and I used to kind of impose on the dealers, but since I am such an important client, they would let me get away with anything including inviting the narc. I never invited her in order to get favors in return, I used to invite her because I genuinely enjoyed seeing her happy, but as the years went by and the devaluating, ghosting, gaslighting, narc rages, etc... got worst and worst and when I started seeing Dr. Ramani's videos, I realized that I was deep in a narcissistic friendship and I started evaluating all of the bull I put up from her and how little she valued me. If you invited me to 5 star restaurants repeatedly, I would at least show my appreciation to you and invite you every once in a while, maybe for your birthday or Christmas, etc... The narc never invited me anywhere and never gave me anything, which I repeat, I wasn't expecting anything in return, but it would have been nice if she would have once in a while invited me somewhere and did something to show appreciation. On the contrary, it got to the point that I felt like I was walking on eggshells around this toxic malignant narc. In return for my generosity, I would be insulted in front of other people, devalued constantly, ghosted and triangulated. She even waited for me to go to the bathroom once and asked my boyfriend out! Can you believe that? Then when I confronted her, she totally gaslighted me and accused me of being a horrible friend for believing that she would do such a thing. I know for a fact that she did.

[@Em_dlg]

@@rayarena879 don’t even bother justifying your experience to someone on KZbin sis. Please. You’ve already endured enough. No need to prove someone on a keyboard in another time zone away your perspective. You know your experience, and no one on KZbin can police what you’ve gone through. Be blessed, up lifted and encouraged that her story in that chapter of your life is done. Go on my friend.. go on

[@rayarena879]

@@Em_dlg Thank you. You are 100% correct. I had to deal with enough enablers and flying monkeys in person, let alone deal with one online!

[@ArtistIrinaSharie]

@@Em_dlg ppl, I’m genuinely just trying to understand this.

[@peterknyk1942]

Narcissists insatiable need for control, in all areas of a relationship, is appalling to say the least. They try to control everything....sharing finances with them is a nightmare....it goes like this...."My money is mine and your money is mine".... establishing separate accounts and separate access to your accounts is imperative with a narcissist....they will take whatever they can whenever they can.....DON'T EVER EVER EVER DO IT!

[@jhalley95]

i learnt the hard way, endes up single parent, gosh knows how much debt and losing my business, will be paying off debts for years yet and been 15 now, was always told no point in being a couple if I didnt trust them etc..

[@HollySmith419]

For the last 6 years I have given all to a man who has never given anything but empty promises. The mistake I made was thinking that to be a narcissist meant he has to be super intelligent and somewhat in control of his life. I have learned however that this isn't true. Unfortunately I learned the hard way after YEARS of being faithful and believing all the promises. ALL because I needed to feel like I wasn't alone. I ended up being more alone than ever. And hurt more than any words can describe. I held on even longer because I needed closure. But he'd never validated my feelings so why I thought I would ever find closure is beyond me. I think it's that hope that maybe he'll change because it's so foreign to us that a person can be so selfish and cruel and NOT feel bad and eventually change. But they don't. Don't fool yourself into believing that you are the one who can change them because NOBODY can.

[@mariamartinez5618]

Unfortunately, I haven’t learned my lesson, and continue to fall into their trap. With the exception of never again commingling finances ever again! However, I think I’m able to recover from financial loss easier than from a broken heart.

[@LOKI77able]

If you don't mind me asking was he more of a grandiose or of a vulnerable narcissist?

[@laurasolomon4372]

This really hit home with me. My ex- narcissist love bombed me by saying he trusted me with his income. He is retried military. We got accounts together but he stopped depositing funds. He made more than me but required me to pay 50% of the bills ( I’m a single mom and had to work 2 jobs to pay 50%). He hoarded money to pay off his credit cards and went as far as going on a cruse without me cause I couldn’t afford the expense. He would never pay his half and ultimately left all the bills for me to pay. When I would point this fact out, the gaslighting was so cruel, it became easier just to work every day and pay them myself. I finally left with my daughter who saw who he was very early in our relationship. She saved me

[@cynthiaroper3127]

This describes my 44+ year marriage. I divorced 4 years ago. NEVER allow anyone to control your finances. That goes for males & females! Thank you for all this help in educating us on these very disordered individuals!

[@avacrisa]

Becoming financially independent first before getting into a relationship is a good idea. Being codependent and having conversation over finances can be very exhausting.

[@sherylgoolsbee6770]

Money, OMfG... Trying to have a sincere, logical conversation with a narcissist is impossible. They pellet you with double talk and self serving bs. You will never win with these selfish empty vessels. To keep your sanity it takes distance and possibly help to get on your feet. Thanks Dr. Ramani for sharing year's of your expertise about personality disorders.

[@sonya3711]

Oh yes yes yes a gazillion times yes! They simply will not engage in an amicable calm resolution regarding THEIR own relationship!!! It’s like watching a child sitting there resolute in not even pretending to be part of the solution. I have a lazy narc so finances aren’t his thing or taxes or housework or child raring or driving or anything else normal people do but he holds everything I do against me. Dumps everything in my lap but tells others I’m controlling. (Eye roll). But in saying that, the bulk of ‘our’ money is spent on trips overseas to see how narc family every year but I take full advantage of that let me tell you.

[@kwigley5215]

The narcissist in my life made me believe we were broke while draining it all. He blamed me for all shortfalls and it's shocking that the court system doesn't seem these behaviors as stealing. I went back and discovered months where he made $10-$50,000 disappear in debits. When I discovered it I was distraught, I was married to a stranger.

[@dianedegree3615]

Similar to my life. This is a supportive community here and a lot of us share your story. I pray for healing and restoration for all of us.

[@hoopervan]

Yes! Married to a stranger and the finances, for me too, was the key to unlocking that truth.

[@brimstone33]

Classic 'Gas Lighting'. Strategy: Keep meticulous records and send detailed emails voicing your concerns. If you can find the money trail so can a forensic accountant. Even biased courts operate on evidence.

[@angelab5357]

When I first got married I didn’t have a debit card to our joint account. I was so distracted taking care of our twin babies at home I barely took notice. It was the beginning of many red flags to come. He was impulsive with money so no matter how much he made, it wasn’t enough. Money was always “tight” (as he would say) when it came to things like groceries. All the kids medical bills went unpaid in my name. My family could never understand it seeing he made a good income. He would always get so enraged when he felt like he didn’t have enough. Always trying to show off. We have been divorced for some time. I will never be blind/distracted again.

[@glenndeacon5196]

It was all about the money with the narc. The day the narc inherited money, they said, "I have all the money I want now and I am going to have sex with anyone I want. If you want to stick around, you'll just have to accept that." The narc was only staying with me because of my income. As many have said, I wish we were taught in school about how evil and manipulative some people can be in relationships. Growing up we are bombarded with the romance/love thing in popular culture, but never taught anything about the other side of people.

[@MouthyPrincess]

Stay at home mommy of 3, disabled babies mind u and i had to get creative on how i could create another income bc he CONTROLLED every cent. Can't tell u how many times he would get his drinks and food from work and then forget to bring home basics for us. I cried, i wiped my tears and i started a few side hustles to ensure we dont have this happen again. It's sickening but it taught me much.

[@jessmci2742]

How ? How did you create an income he didnt know about?

[@buenosdiasrayodesol6843]

You are a warrior !! Please keep hope , practice self care, many blessings for you and kids.

[@MouthyPrincess]

@@jessmci2742 , ohhh he knew abt it but i just got so desperate i didnt care what he thought ot how he felt. I had to let go of him reigning over me. It was never easy bc he would try to get me to spend down to my last dollar and then his nasty side would come out. I stayed true to me and the babies bc he wasn't gonna get better and/or do better. I reminded him gently that child care for 3 babies(let alone special needs babies) could easily run him close to a grand. Since he doesn't want to split with his money, he has backed 1 notch off my wallet/income. (* I looked to help wanted ads, pinterest and asked friends and fam if they needed help. *)

[@sparkygump]

My ex narc and I shared finances, or at least that's what I thought, when we went through the discard phase, I discovered she had a secret credit card and a stash of cash. I, on the other hand, had been open with her and had to go into debt when we split up. Good times.

[@amberdiaz6366]

“Prepare for it all going wrong.” What a great line.

[@hedaron3787]

I recently paid off $14,500 left from the narcissist I left last year and my credit report just recovered from the one who took a $19000 line of credit in my name 7 years ago.

[@Me-bd9iz]

Not able to leave because nothing is in my name. Sahm for over 20 years. Three decades before learning what I was dealing with. Gave everything to be broken in pieces. BUT, my faith NOW is in knowing God has me. No matter the outcome, He has got me! My faith used to lie in a human being I married. That was mistake number one

[@knatural7754]

it’s like they spend all their money on themselves and friends and want you to spend yours on him/her

[@aglez9266]

This is when your mom takes half of the money your house is worth because she was the one who made the transaction. And you are so full of her that you don’t recognize it, it hurts so much to accept the fact your own mother was able to do that to you. Yeah!

[@jane-721]

Here is another twist on finances: He says: I'm not so good with money, therefore my wife is responsible for our expenses, taxes, bank account,... Meanwhile he spends all the money lavishly on his hobbies. His wife is responsible to make ends meet. Ergo she could only buy something she wants if there was some money left.

[@cmrb312]

I am in this situation now (but not married thankfully) and trying to get them out of my house! they are broke and rent is outrageous. I'm sure there's a video coming on this topic 🤞

[@brimstone33]

The fix for that is to have a joint account for expenses, each contributing equally or equitably, and individual accounts to spend as each likes. If married keep very good records to show the divorce judge why you have money in a savings account and she claims to be penniless, with a huge closet full of clothes and shoes.

[@jane-721]

@@brimstone33 This should be the standard procedure when relationship comes to the point of joining accounts.👍

[@MetaGarden]

Sometimes even that isn’t enough. We had a joint account (as well as our own accounts) and both agreed to deposit the same amount each month to cover shared expenses. He deposited his share when it was convenient for him, he took money out for personal expenses when he felt entitled to that and flew into a rage if I didn’t want to pay his personal credit card bill out of my own account. I know, red flags, but he convinced me I owed him because I was so difficult to live with.

[@jane-721]

@@MetaGarden OMG! Now I'm speechless!

[@timothygenaw2199]

Ex wife was frugal to an extreme. Couldn't flush just pee to save on water bill. She monitored how long I took a shower, how many coffee grounds I used, how much lotion I put on my skin.

[@crissieasmr7765]

Sounds like a control freak.

[@0xXNamineXx0]

Sounds exhausting. Glad that you are no longer with her.

[@kaligator224]

I like to imagine that the cuts in Dr. Ramani's videos are when she starts ranting. I love the rants!

[@alexxx4434]

In the beginning Dr. Ramani couldn't hold a chuckle at the absurdity of the proposition of sharing the finances with a narcissist. Can't say I blame her.

[@brimstone33]

Well since no one can recognize a narcissist until well into a relationship, it follows that it's absurd to share finances with anyone.

[@alexxx4434]

@@brimstone33 Only if you didn't have any experience with narcissists prior to know how to spot one.

[@LSMH528Hz]

Yes, it's very funny to those who are stuck being financially tied to a narcissist, very funny... let's all have a laugh at their expense 🤢🤮

[@alexxx4434]

@@LSMH528Hz I'm sure Dr. is well aware that the experience is terrible. Yet it was an ironic rhetorical question.

[@petrairene]

Two words: JUST DON`T. The narc will find it a way to make you entangled and dependent and then can abuse you without having to fear that you will leave easily.

[@Musiclover-uo2oi]

For the 25 years of my marriage we had separate finances, because I felt I should protect myself, and I value my independence.. He still managed to get into huge trouble with his gambling and we had to pay off these debts by adding them to our mortgage. We’re talking over 40k. How sad is that? The best part is, I found out about this by our bank manager while in his office, because my ex was too ashamed to tell me. I left him 5 years ago, and even though COVID has hit me hard, I’m managing and have peace in my life.

[@sheryl7837]

I begged my ex to join me in our financial decision making and bill paying. He flat out refused, in a passive-aggressive manner, THEN he would complain if a problem ever surfaced. Ugh. Life is so much better now.

[@anaphylaxis2548]

Absolutely accurate Dr. Ramani! My narcissist sister wanted to rent out our parents’ house after they died. Since she lived 200 miles away, she wanted me to be the property manager. Oh, hell no! I knew what she really wanted was to treat me like her employee. I forced the sale of the house.

[@Kelly-oe8kr]

Beware of the narcissist spending your money in the form of unwanted gifts or purchases then demanding payment. I was surprised that the narc, without any consultation with me, bought a fridge and freezer from a neighbour and I was expected to pay half but when I moved out he kept both items for himself. Another time the narc came home with two tablets, handed one to me saying he got a good deal for buying two and that I owed him $110.

[@user-id9on6pp1g]

My NEX demanded my personal financial statement while not offering hers. They are NUTS!!!

[@AafkeArt]

My sister stole a very large part of the inheritance when my parents died.

[@ShotsOfInsight]

How do they do this? How can one prevent this?

[@davisayodeleable]

They are entitled to everything including your soul. If you give them the ultimate prize they have won. No one will ever know their evil deeds. So please run when you see a red flag, dont delay. It might probably leads to your demise.

[@JEHOVAH485]

God knows, Dave.

[@davisayodeleable]

@@JEHOVAH485 true, I believe that but we are all born with intuitions. If you were sent a messenger like Dr. Ramani. Thank your stars. People like this that gives out wealth of information for free are very rear.

[@kates8183]

This is such a contentious subject with me. My ex took everything. I had inheritances that he stole and swindled me out of. He spent all of our savings that I worked hard to build up. He made terrible stock decisions. I was so worn down at that point that I didn't have the energy to deal with it. Money runs through his fingers like a sieve. Some people say, "Yeah but everything in a marriage is shared right?" However, those inheritances were meant to be for our future and retirement, not for some idiotic investment in penny stocks, love bomb me, or to woo his side chicks. My biggest mistake was not listening to my own advice about money that I used to tell everyone. Set some aside every month for yourself in a hidden location just in case, no matter how good you think your relationship is. Mine wasn't hidden well enough and I didn't add to it regularly. I had to fight hard to get the settlement I did from him. My reality now is that I will be working until I'm 80. I have nothing to fall back onto. Narcissistic family members are also always sooooo interested in what your finances are like. I only hear from one member when she is in financial trouble.

[@jhalley95]

your situation is in many ways bang on to what mine is by ex partner and vindictive sibling, same issues and yep I worked out will take me till at least 75 and my health not great at all right now and 50 ish, taken a toll on me for sure

[@kates8183]

@@jhalley95 I'm sorry you've had it that way also. I'm in my 50's as well. The constant stress and anxiety has damaged my health too, of course in addition to the birth defects from my mother's alcoholism and narcissism.

[@danieladeutsch1708]

No matter in what kind of relationship you are (a narcissistic or not), you always have to have your finances split. That is the only freedom you have.

[@80islandia]

On the business side, I would also add to be cautious of people who offer well-paying “subcontractor” roles that should really be employment opportunities.

[@terryvest5589]

My ex and I committed to use all our exemptions throughout the year. Then when tax time comes we were supposed to split them. We did this for YEARS, I finally realized he changed his so he wouldn't have to pay as much taxes but still got half the money when I paid way more throughout the year. Please, please, please listen to her. She is correct!

[@brimstone33]

This is exactly what my wife did. We'd always file jointly and I regularly had much less taxable income than she did but somehow every year I'd be paying more withholding. I complained and complained until one year as tax time approached I told her she was on her own and I'd be filing separately and even though it was going to cost both of us, it was a lesson well worth the pain. At the last minute she capitulated and I made her sign a notarized promissory note saying she would repay me for the excess tax contributions I'd made and she lowered her exemptions.

[@terryvest5589]

@@brimstone33 its sad there are people who are okay with stuff like that. Healthly relationships are more valuable than money.

[@jenniferbenavidez2341]

I am still fighting in court to get money back from my ex-fiancée. I finally admitted to myself that he was narcissistic but too late. He informed me I needed to double my billable work hours to make up for him semi retiring. He also said I needed to fund repairs to his home. I had given him a large sum of money to add to an investment account that was supposed to be for OUR retirement. The empty promises of marriage, adding my name to the accounts and home never happened. Always document everything like Dr Ramani says! She is so right in all of this!!!

[@Donja.z]

I really needed this video. Just yesterday I was thinking about coming together with my narc ex about child support without going to court or getting a lawyer. I will regret not getting a lawyer so much. He keeps on giving empty promises while thinking I will just keep on buying them. The future faking doesn't work, I'm not blind anymore.

[@hikerhobby1204]

Please get the lawyer. It will pay off in the end!

[@dakoderii4221]

I let my dad move in with me and he began telling the family that he paid all the bills. I showed my family the billing statements and the withdrawals from my account but they couldn't be bothered to look at such "conspiracy theories" such as facts before they judge me in error and then squawk "judge not" if I dare present facts to counter their shared delusions.

[@brimstone33]

Classic 'Flying Monkeys'. Strategy: Pick one of them at a time to convince and focus on. Then another and another, slowly building a coalition to confront your dad

[@dakoderii4221]

@@brimstone33 I convinced a few of the flying monkeys to not talk to my dad and give him any information. That way he would expose his lies for them all to see. He went ahead making up lies but it was harder to make those lies appear as truth since his intelligence sources were cut off. He has reaped what he has sown and I give glory to Jesus for helping me out of the situation. My escape seemed too perfect looking back. I couldn't have orchestrated it all myself, especially under the brain fog from adrenal fatigue caused by the narc abuse. Now I'm just trying to put the pieces of my life back together.

[@skyeisbell2733]

I was married to a who I believe is a narcissist. Our relationship was abusive when he couldn’t form my opinion or win otherwise. I started a business during the pandemic and saved a good chunk of money. He started to perceive that I was going to leave him, he put me in the hospital trying to take my cards and money. I’m terrified now that he will come back, he’s made other women message me to hurt me. It’s so confusing and I don’t have anyone to talk to, no one really gets it.

[@vanessakukoa]

In the beginning I was financially independent, had my own apartment, car, traveled a lot! Sometimes I helped him out with money, I thought it is not a big deal and he always paid back! After giving birth to our son I was financially dependent on him and then the nightmare began! He left then when I was back to work so he didn’t have to pay alimony for me, just for our son! Now I know that he cheated and betrayed me in so many ways! He pays alimony for our son when he wants, cause his life is much more important! First he needs a new television, iPad, flys to Croatia to spend time on a yacht with the new supply, and then… almost every month later, he pays the littlest he has to for his son! His new girlfriend doesn’t care or know, she pays half of his big apartment! And still thinks she won a price 🙈😂

[@jhalley95]

i can relate to this too

[@Ayurva11]

You videos is my therapy to overcome what I have gone through being in a narcissist relationship... 🧿❤️ Well I realise it soon I am glad because I was in a relationship and was not married to the guy... I have been exhausted financially, emotional and physically too being with a malignant narcissist but am surviving and soon thrive 🔥 I hope all who are or has been suffering from this abuse keeps growing & glowing 💗

[@krisharvey772]

Can’t EVEN begin to explain in a way that would begin to make sense now that I have a brain injury. Truly beyond EVIL. 💚💜

[@paulasussman6414]

This is so true in my experience. After 33 years of marriage I realized during my divorce I didn’t know my husband at all. Everything was fake and years of marriage counseling was useless. Starting over but at least not living in fear of what I didn’t understand.

[@leesmith3505]

My ex (with high covert vulnerable tendencies) disappeared after she drained me financially to the point of homelessness. I remember working hard to pay the loans she took on my name while she's doing "it" with someone else behind my back. I'm still angry about it but your videos are really helping me heal. Thank you.

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

I was financially abused for 20 years without my knowledge. I just didn’t see it. Of course, the financial abuse continues post divorce via court ordered support and litigation costs (result of his litigation abuse).

[@stephanie6501]

i'm scared for this part as my future

[@dani323]

@ Gigi unfortunately, the court/judicial system supposedly designed for ‘justice’ when it come to the matter of divorce, it seems to be designed on a need-to-know basis. Unless exactly going through it, it is not known. The laws, are designed by those who manipulate and control so are not affected by them. It IS time for radical change to take place.

[@joseenoel8093]

The courts are into making work for themselves which is expensive for us!

[@dani323]

@@stephanie6501 don’t be scared. Be prepared. Research. Educate yourself. Do first. Do not share your plans with anyone. A Chinese saying: Do not alert/awake the 🐍 in the grass. Simple. When you arm yourself with knowledge, you are a step ahead and move forward. Sometimes, though we stay for a while in the same place. It’s okay. Do not rush. Nor allow others to rush you. You are the one to decide. Even in the turmoil. Stop 🛑 you call the shots. Remember this. Only you can know what is best for you. Listen but don’t agree to anything. I learned to say: “I will get back to you on that.” Even when I thought I knew. The next time, I saw something I could have missed.

[@dani323]

@@stephanie6501 KZbin has everything you could possibly need. But above all, pray, and trust your instincts/yourself. If you are not a praying person, it’s okay, still trusting in YOU, will guide you in the right direction. Listen to people that will encourage and nourish your being, your mind. Marisa Peer here teaches on how to speak to our minds that it listens. I also like sister BK Shivani. She has been a great source of help with thoughts and expectations to deal with others. Mindfulness meditation helps quiet down the anxiety of the mess and emotions. Shawn Fargo here has short meditation very useful. Quality not quantity taught by an array of teachers from many walks of life. Surely you will find one would fit your needs. I know you didn’t ask for this information…I hope this helps.🙏☮️

[@amarnamizelle8432]

This video is 💯% accurate and on point (as usual). Thank you Dr. Ramani!

[@KitKat-gw4rh]

When I asked to be more involved he reminded me of all the hard work he put into finances in our early marriage (seven or eight years previous). He said he didn't want me to mess up what he built. When I asked if he'd show me his system he said no, he shouldn't have to train me. I asked if he'd let me watch when he did taxes, three years in a row. He said yes but then did it on his own, with the excuse that he wanted to just get it done. I realized he wasn't going to let me in. I started putting money away in my own bank account. I was lucky enough to get out. We divorced. And guess what? I manage money, and do my taxes, just fine.

[@stephaniecatsout3503]

Bruhhhhhhhh I've been giving my mom money since elementary school. she always needs. she works and makes more than me rn but she always needs gifts i got her a $70 dollar bag (she used to require me to give her $500 everytime i got a pay check ,) but im still a piece of shit....my 2020 manic episode helped me stop her financial abuse. the mania led to rage i was a "monster" my mom made me feel so ashamed of this manic episode i felt terrible for my actions and for hurting people (with my angry words) i was stuck in a depression for 56 months i almost took my life i planned it oiut and had everything there just ready for me to take the leap. But G od whispered to me "not now" im so happy to be here im happy i never let my mother influence my track in life. i majored in social work and am now a therapist. I WONNNNN!!!!!

[@ashleyb.8217]

You are not a monster,

[@bumblebee803]

The only smart thing I did was keep everything separate (money, bank accounts, properties, cars).

[@shyannlatimore9747]

Never live together!

[@judithjohnson7653]

My sister and I share a vacation house that she and her husband decided to take care of. They hired someone who doesn’t respond to my texts or calls to do the repairs. My brother-in-law took over, and acted as if it was coming from my sister, but it was from his phone. They didn’t ask for my opinion, or include me in the decisions. I never signed anything, so they are acting on their own. Since I told them I wouldn’t pay them, but the repair people directly. They refuse to now talk to me at all about the house. Everything that you are saying is so right, and makes me feel less crazy, because you are reflecting my experience. Thank you so much for doing this. It means so much to me.

[@rgbsax]

Mine refused to be involved! "You make the decision." Then when shit hit the fan, I was accused of being selfish and abusive, after letting her max out credit cards!

[@joerickman2965]

When you've had to borrow money just to eat, when there should have been plenty; there's a problem.

[@Nogoingback424]

You nailed it. We were always broke, and when we got divorced I found out my credit had been destroyed. I was lucky to find a place to live. If your partner is a narc just run. You will not change them. You will not fix them. Run. That's your only choice.

[@dianecarmichael1517]

Too late for me! When I retire, or if I retire, I have nothing. I keep telling my kids they’ll need to have a granny suite for me. He doesn’t like taking me away on a regular vacation, go to the movies, etc. Because it costs more with me. But he’s ok with paying for everyone else like vacations, golfing, beers, elaborate gifts

[@inkhoneypub2683]

I got conned and then, burned. Bad. It took years to recover. Important topic! Sharing.

[@briardan9226]

Finances with a narcissist: Your money is our money. My money is my money.

[@TheAngelaoddone]

Great way to lose your house and, potentially, your financial security. Their ignoring boundaries and alternative reality will take you both down.

[@TheAngelaoddone]

@@ramanidurvasula4287 thank you for your response. I know how to comment but don' t know how to chat via KZbin. :(

[@gracelourenco5472]

He took all the money.

[@paulavalles8180]

I gave up and walked away with nothing but his debt.

[@joseenoel8093]

Hope you find peace and health, something he can't take away... Least you no longer have him in your face!

[@paulavalles8180]

@@joseenoel8093 I consider it a lesson learned the hard way and on the positive small price to pay for peace, peace of mind and freedom. 💗

[@libbyneves5457]

Sweet Ladies, if you are staying at home raising his children and maintaining his home, you should be on the deeds and titles of everything he has, and you should be getting a regular salary. You should open, read and understand all the financial mail that comes into the house. The “household allowance” is not your salary. If he can’t afford the arrangement, you need a job. Even if your job just covers childcare and a housekeeper, or occasional maid service, you keep working. When you no longer need childcare, you will have a leg up on your career. Stick up for yourself. Don’t end up like my nice friend who literally died because she could not pay for her meds in her later years. She had given all her money to her son. Where was he when she needed to have prescriptions filled? Still broke, still drinking, still in legal trouble. Remember, too, you are teaching your growing sons and daughters, by example, how to respect other people, and how to respect yourself.

[@brimstone33]

I don't think it's nearly that cut-and-dry. Maybe, if that's the uncoerced agreement you both made BEFORE you have the kids and buy the house. Do you really believe you're entitled to a house he bought before he even met you? How so? And what if HE wants to be the one staying home enjoying long afternoon naps after sending Jr. off to preschool and getting in a Pilates session or two? While YOU go put in another 12 hour day on the plumbing van unclogging other people's toilets? Is that allowed? And what do you mean by 'maintaining his house'? You mean cleaning the gutters and cutting the grass and reroofing it every ten years? Or do you mean going to the mall to buy new curtains every time you read an article about shabby-chic decor on GOOP? And what if you are a "Sweet Lady" married to ANOTHER "Sweet Lady"? Who gets to stay home and play Martha Stewart? And you absolutely CAN NOT read another person's mail (or texts, or emails, or eavesdrop on their phone conversations) without their consent. No, not even your spouse's. This is illegal and immoral. You are their spouse, NOT their owner. Everyone is entitled to their privacy. If you don't like the way your husband is sharing the money he makes with you then have a grown-up discussion about it and resolve it. If you can't resolve it to your satisfaction then dissolve the relationship or get over it. I don't want to be divisive. But the way you targeted your comment to the "Sweet Ladies" just sounds bigoted and sexist to me, and frankly pretty damned hurtful to the males on this forum who have endured abuse from female narcissists, including financial abuse.

[@brimstone33]

@Mark Yes but - what about the women who have children just to avoid work? There are a LOT of women out there looking for a 'baby-daddy' to support them. Are they genuinely looking for a 50-50 relationship, giving as much as they take?

[@libbyneves5457]

@Mark Agree

[@libbyneves5457]

@@brimstone33 I absolutely understand the need for men to protect themselves too. There are also mostly Sweet Gentlemen, and thank the Lord for you. Much respect here for Fathers and Mothers who give their all for their children and pull together for the good of the family. Two women, two men, the mutual commitment should be the same. And yes, I have unclogged drains and cleaned out gutters. 🥰

[@brimstone33]

@@libbyneves5457 Thank you LIbby.

[@vickydittfield9822]

It’s been 37 years… and he’s got control!

[@SIP612]

Mine kept losing jobs on purpose and then called me controlling. I wanted to scream, "It's called budgeting you lunatic!"🤦🏿‍♀️

[@joseenoel8093]

Mine kept hidden assets, lied about needing to pay bills which never occurred, I try not to take it personally, I'm glad my kids are ok! I think he did it 'cause he thinks I'm out to screw him over like he did me! Oh well! 🤷 🐈

[@nancyzehr3679]

yup.

[@joseenoel8093]

So devious like I was out to get him, no need for Afghanistan 🇦🇫 to have rights and sanity taken away! He complicates everything, so wound up he sleep walks, I've got to shut stuff off, tell him the time; they use your ability to relax against you 😵 and fear it as they might learn to like it!

[@melgm761]

I watch this and think... OMG, this was my relationship with a covert narcissist. SO SCARY. I am thankful I am out and thankful for these videos to remind me of why I am out and to stay out of Narc relationships.

[@mrsh810]

So agree with this. Never shared finances until now.25 yrs with true soulmate really shows how dysfunctional those previous relationships were. So happy now

[@suzannedawson4120]

I got screwed and it was my fault. Yeah, it took me years to realize I just had to escape! He was NEVER going to be reasonable. Not EVER. In fact, I just recently realized he was physically damaging my possessions on purpose. It wasn't just because he was clutsy. He was doing it deliberately. Insane bastard!

[@ttrainor70]

Mine stole $29,000 from the joint account while I was in jail after false allegations. I was the only contributor and she had her own account that I couldn't access. I was left homeless, penniless, and $15,000 in debt. I literally only had the clothes on my back.

[@joseenoel8093]

Wow aye! Geez, sounds like a con artist, poor you! It's incredible what these persons do to us! It truly makes no sense!

[@ttrainor70]

When I caught her cheating (the second time) she claimed I assaulted her. The law is biased towards women

[@erockfreedom6399]

Happening with parent. Disguised as "help" , now I feel completely worthless even though I always supported myself. He revealed himself to be very, very malignant. So. Lots of trying to use the will over my head. I texted him I don't care, I needed a parent. So angry. This scary man who calls himself my father pops up in my nightmares. My mother is malignant as well, but he controls finances. I've entertained the idea of homelessness, but I need to start saving and making a plan first -- not tell them of course. It's exhausting to think I am just stuck, it could take years to get unhooked, and more years to heal from such atrocious abuse (now remembering my childhood abuse, after I accepted "help" from him), and spending time with my parents after my dear sister died a few years ago. They annihilated her. So, what to do with the enormity and freeze response, this internalized trauma around money and the gap on my resume. I was both being infantilized and parentified at the same time, with the 2 of them. Now, they're getting Intel on me through a neighbor and shared family phone plan. I will move forward. Maybe just do one thing at a time and practice radical acceptance for now. I've grown complacent, but my gut feels it's time to take action. Anyway, thank you for a video that really speaks to what I'm going through. It's with elderly narcissistic parents, though, not inside of a marriage or relationship. I have an older brother who is definitely a malignant narcissist. Im sure they're deafying him now and trash talking me. Especially after putting up boundaries and saying no.

[@Paula-qd2wy]

Dr Ramani literally saving our sanity

[@pettylabelle7944]

I love the cold open style of this video! Also everything you said was bang on. You have to watch your own back, especially with money.

[@melindariggsby1053]

When I was married to my ex-narcissist, I had sold my vehicle from before the marriage, which I owned free and clear, used that money to place a down payment on a newer more reliable vehicle shortly after the birth of our daughter, and he opted to put the car in his name only, proceeded to threaten to call it in stolen if I left ther house with his permission, even though it was still legally community property. During the divorce, I opted to give the car up without requesting the down payment back, because it was still being financed, and since he wanted to control the whole situation, he got stuck with the debt. 🤣 he still owes me 2500 dollars from our shared credit card, three years later, citing the cost of his child support payments being the reason why. 🤦‍♀️

[@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876]

You are so right about all the situations you mention, and even you may found out that there is a great amount of debt at the end of the relationship that you had no idea of. Thank you for this crucial advice💖

[@sonjawilliams989]

100% .There was credit card debts and it was all in my name. I had no idea until debt collectors started phoning me.

[@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876]

@@sonjawilliams989 Very frustrating, I can relate to that. Thank you for the reply💜

[@ainemeagher4830]

Yep this was my marriage to a narc. He never let me have anything to do with the money. He spent all of the money in our children’s savings account on cocaine and there were months he spent so much on weed, eating out, and absolute crap there were times there wasn’t enough money for groceries or diapers. THANK YOU DOC!

[@anniejuan1817]

Dr. Ramani, please look into the connection between narcissism and elder abuse. You did the video about narcissistic adult children, but please take that one more step and reveal how ugly that can get when the parent is elderly, physically weakened, and/or financially dependent.

[@rdaniel4810]

How does Dr. Ramani always have the right message at the right time. I just dealt with this last night.

[@DrogoBaggins987]

Some of my earliest memories are of my parents screeching at each other when the overdraft notices started coming in. My mothers ability to get rid of any amount of money as soon as she knew she was going to get it was the only thing about her that was as consistent as her dishonesty. My father burned through fortunes with nothing to show for it. Neither of them were stupid or in possession of impulse control or had an emotional age greater than a spoiled brat nine year old. Good memories.

[@joannelebrasse3609]

Divorcing and going through property settlement with my narcissistic ex was one of the most stressful situations I have ever had to endure. He was all about the money, the only savings we had were from my dad’s inheritance. Anything we owned was from purchases made from my inheritance. He acted like an entitled victim. Not once did he fight for shared time with his kids, he left me to raise our children. He cheated child support payments for the next 8 years owing me about $40,000. I will never see it. I am so thankful to be out of his control and never ending debts as he chased his fantasy dreams of running a business using investors so when he failed he could walk away.

[@raccoondon488]

My wife threw $100,000 of our $ away. During those decades while she was throwing all that $ away….we lived in poverty because of all the $ she was throwing away. Life with a narcissist is hell. We had a lower income during that time. My wife had three credit accounts that she kept charged to the max all the time…..at 27% interest. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 … Because of her we now live in a small cabin with a mortgage when at our age we should have the house paid for in full. I’m 70 years old . Life for me is hell. I don’t want to live !!!!

[@alcorricelli3800]

She never put any money into the account and when we filed for divorce her attorney demanded everything She also refused to sign tax returns I barely got out of the divorce with anything

[@blackgirlonmars_]

All of my savings were gone within 4 months … everything was somehow put in my name, but I was always blamed for some problem and for greed when he spent even as much as $3. A lesson learned.

[@Linward]

I hope this series includes discussion on Inheritances, Estate Wills, and Healthcare POA because my aunt and uncle are being torn apart trying to care for their 96 old Narc mother who plans to take it all with her or stand on all our graves. Even the Grim Reaper doesn't want to take on this job.

[@robynphd]

I was really careful not to merge funds with either narcissist I was with other than having a shared account for household expenses. But my money was my money...her money was hers and we shared common expenses. I will NEVER ever ever cede control over my money with another person ever again!

[@SigMaQuint]

I think it was narcissism that accused me of being suspicious when I was about to take over as the treasurer in an organization.

[@carlitah74]

Wow! The truth. My husband and I had separate accounts, but when we decided to get a joint bank account he started taking money out without telling me and he saw it as no big deal. I quickly let that account close and stopped putting money in that account. When I would ask him for money he would never help me and since leaving him back in January I'm having to get back on my feet financially. He's messed me up financially big time. He would constantly spend money on things he didn't need. Everytime I would want to save he would tell me this isn't the time to save. Any dreams I had he would dismantle the. I wish I knew about your videos before I married him almost 7 years ago.

[@Niles-Guy]

If a narcissist can’t be responsible in a relationship, it’s even worse when it comes to money . They are reckless , over spend , compulsive when it comes to money . And as for their bills ? They’ll pay it when they feel like it or expect you to help them financially as if you are their piggybank. Never co-sign anything with a narcissist because they will walk away from their financial obligations, leaving you holding the bag. Keep your finances 100% separate and draw a line in the sand that they are responsible for their own mess. But be prepared to be gas lighted , manipulated as to what kind of man are you to not support their spouse or partner . They’ll even hold intimacy as hostage or kindness until you help them. Basically your relationship with a narcissist is a manipulationship that’s based upon transactions. Give me this , and the narcissist will be nice to you until they want something else. This isn’t normal behavior but conditional . Eventually, they will ruin your credit , leave you in debt and when you know longer can help them …be prepared to be discarded for someone who can .

[@alexandrajones4991]

No truer words were ever spoken! Spent 7 years in probate court because my malignant narcissistic father was manipulated by his equally narcissistic, thieving nephew to appoint him as executor of the estate.