"She Doesn't Get The Dream She Didn't Prepare For!"

[@Mavryck_Tha_Myghty]

I love that George told her straight up that her Mom did poorly at preparing, so she doesn’t get to live her dream lifestyle.

[@Sizukun1]

You can tell she was hoping social security would elevate her lifestyle or at least continue it. What a disaster thats been.

[@joycejudd5109]

as an older person, I will not place all the blame on mom for not having a savings...or other prep for 'old age'. We don't know....did hubby empty the account when the decision to leave was made? was he a spender not a saver? They said he was the worker...he had the job... we don't know near enough to blame the lady. Yes, her life is changing on literally every level, and it may - or not - be because of her behavior. (probably not...or she wouldn't want the home).

[@reyrecks]

Having a baby made George summon his inner Dave

[@kd1g130]

All these suppositions about who divorced whom. We have the ability to recognize the midlife crisis of the husband ditching his wife and going for the younger woman at work or whoever adores him at the time. There are a lot of hungry women out there who don’t care if he’s married and they don’t mind being a home wrecker. A story as old as time. So stop blaming the wife . Wives leave their husbands at a younger age. It’s foolishness for her to do it as a senior and she knows it.

[@Joce123]

​@@joycejudd5109The woman may have been the hag from hell

[@miketracy9256]

Mom may find a low-income senior place but needs to get on the waiting list now.

[@dougprentice1363]

Why should tax payers pay for her lack of planning?

[@jumpiam8477]

The rent still goes up every year tho.

[@silviaquesada2499]

with two dogs?

[@bookbag6432]

@@jumpiam8477 There are senior low income homes you can buy also.

[@Daveyboy28]

Grew up in NY, spent the first 35 years of my life there. I’m now 41 and so thankful my wife and I decided to leave. Best decision ever made

[@NM-wd7pl]

I'm getting a job in North Jersey and will be moving out of bklyn. I hear you.

[@karmakomodia]

The Title of this Video is a Stand alone motivational statement! "You don't get the Dream that you don't PLAN for."

[@machutson5493]

The kids really can't afford this.

[@aolvaar8792]

How much is the current mortgage?

[@miketheyunggod2534]

Oh OK. You know. Sheesh.

[@summerforever6736]

HOW YOU KNOW THAT ITS ONLY A 150K HOUSE ARE THEY BROKE TOO???

[@bcusaaus4749]

I’ve been in this situation, I have 4 siblings and one by one they dropped out of giving and now it’s just me😡taking care of my mom. It literally never stops with giving my money to her. I’ve now built up so much anger to this situation and have no way out

[@katiejon17]

Parents are not supposed to treat their adult children like cash cows.

[@AmukaAkuma]

What do you mean, no way out? Your siblings certainly did, they hung the responsibility on you. You are choosing living like this.

[@bcusaaus4749]

@@AmukaAkuma my siblings are not responsible and my mom has no one else, it breaks my heart to see her suffer so, I sacrifice. I know I can stop but it’s just a hard call.

[@Elizabeth_lowkeyluxuries]

"Choose guilt over resentment" is what John Deloney would say. Get social services involved so you can keep your head above water.

[@_____________888]

Perhaps then it's time to have a gentle conversation with your mother about changing her will. If you are holding her up financially, then her entire estate should be willed to you for the ongoing contributions you are making. If she refuses you this long term assistance, then it's your duty to refuse her any further short term assistance.

[@JasonGroom]

To be fair, her mother did prepare by supporting their father for decades to get to the point of having a pension. That is why she is getting half of that. It sucks, but it isn't fair to say she didn't prepare.

[@timchow924]

Beggars can’t be choosers even if it’s your parents and George is right. It’s a hard pill to swallow. If they didn’t set themselves up for their “dream”, you don’t get to live your dream life. That’s not how life works. Best of luck to that family

[@Mr_Gabbles]

Well, they did and went and ruined those plans with divorce (and/or whatever led to the divorce).

[@jasondueck9130]

So I noticed the caller isn’t worried about her Dad. He just lost the home that he paid for, lost half of his pension, and has to start over.

[@lonestarrk9308]

Nobody cares about what happens to us (men) after a divorce.

[@jodylarson4697]

But we don't know why the divorce is happening. Perhaps he wants it because he has a new woman. Besides, both of them contributed to the family---it's wrong to think the home and pension only belong to him.

[@DBS472]

Noticed that she got the entire house, half his retirement and then they want to know how much spousal support she’s getting 😅

[@richprokop5155]

​@@jodylarson4697DUMB OF U TO ASSUME HE HAS A SIDE WOMAN... SEXIST...

[@Smokey187um1]

This alone is a message to all men don’t get married once you do all leverage is gone and you will work like a dog for rest of life or else. The vast majority of divorces are due to women being bored and ill advised. Everything you worked for is taken from you and kids turn against you, then having to start again when you’re close to retirement no thank you. Next time you gf talks about marriage you take her to the court house and leave her there.

[@Mr.Boring_Man]

This Divorce then plan afterwards is a pretty immature and selfish approach. Now, she makes this her kid's problem. She fought for a home she can't afford. Relocate to cheaper area possibly out of state. I hate when parents do this crap to their children. I wouldn't dare burden my kid like this. Nevertheless, I wish them all the best.

[@jodylarson4697]

I think the kids were trying to make it their problem. I don't remember hearing that their mother asked them to bail her out.

[@patriciagazey4693]

Maybe the husband has a new squeeze

[@nick21501]

What property is worth 150k in 2023?! Not buying it

[@jasonleatherwood2172]

Single wide trailer

[@nodsib]

@@jasonleatherwood2172those start at like $300k in my area 😂😢

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

Wrong area of the country. She can get a nice 2bed/2bath/1car condo with in unit laundry room for that price where I live and $30k more will get a newly remodeled. There are stairs though.

[@katiejon17]

@@blackworldtraveler3711 where are you? This was the reality where I lived 5 years ago, but covid had all the work-from-home people flooding our are and driving up the prices. We now have bloated real estate prices.

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

@@katiejon17 I’m in Tulsa.

[@shenaedawkins7839]

Westchester is really too expensive for most in retirement to live there. I grew up there. The mom can apply for income based housing. Unfortunate situation.

[@littlesongbird1]

Agreeed even North Jersey is outrageous (I used to live there). Mom will have to apply for affordable housing.

[@djpuplex]

Too expensive for anyone.

[@MsSwann]

Definitely. I grew up in Rockland and it's also outrageous. My siblings and I all left. We finally convinced our mom to sell the house and join us in the Midwest.

[@AvalonMisty]

Last idea was excellent. I know a number of people who can't afford the historically high apartment rent. They rent a room in a house with shared amenities. It's working out very well.

[@nathangallagher5112]

Or since she is retired anyway, the mom could look at houses an hour away from this supposedly very expensive place.

[@joyhope9486]

@@nathangallagher5112for real. This doesn’t sound like a REAL problem. It’s not like “I have no clothes” it’s more like “I don’t have designer clothes”.

[@MT-sb2oe]

The mom can rent out rooms and keep her house. If the rents are high in her area, that will benefit her.

[@windsongshf]

It would be a good idea, but if the house is in really bad shape, she might not get renters and the renters who'd be okay with paying extremely low rent in a dilapidated house are the renters you don't want! Lol! Trust me on this, my older relative rented out an old trailer on his property for cheap cheap rent and the person ended up a squatter! I had to help him get a lawyer to get her drug addicted whoring butt outta there!

[@alittlepieceofearth]

Way to think outside the box. We need more of that in the world.

[@alittlepieceofearth]

So many possibilities here. One commenter suggested mom get roommates to help her keep the house. Not the worst idea. Here are a few more: 1. If mom is physically/mentally capable, can she work for a few years? This might give her a few more options like paying off the house or selling the house and putting the proceeds into mutual funds and letting those grow for a few years before she begins withdrawing money. 2. If she just sold the property now, and invested the money, at an average of around 10% that would give her an extra $1000 or so a month. What would that do for her? 3. If she sold the house, could she use some of the proceeds to build an ADU or tiny house and live in one of the kids' back yard? 4. Could she find some place cheaper if she just moved say 30 or 45 minutes up the road? Kids are still close, but maybe cost of living is a little easier. Some combination of the above?

[@user-mv9tt4st9k]

Wait... Why are these decisions made FOR mom? Mom is not her childrens' responsibility. This is not a fair situation for any of these children, who need to acknowledge that their parents' marriage did not survive and mom will have to accept the reality that she must leave the life she was living because she simply cannot afford it as a divorced woman. Does it suck? Yes. Does she need to move into a "lesser than" community or lifestyle? Most likely. The fact is that the parents did not pay off their home and mom cannot afford to keep it. It is not okay to ask grown children to put their own financial goals on slow down or delay to keep mom in the life she is accustomed to having had when she was married. Divorce changes everything, including lifestyle.

[@aolvaar8792]

Filial responsibility laws: Typically, these laws obligate adult children (or depending on the state, other family members) to pay for their indigent parents’/relatives' food, clothing, shelter and medical needs. Should the children fail to provide adequately, they allow nursing homes and government agencies to bring legal action to recover the cost of caring for the parents. Adult children can even go to jail in some states if they fail to provide filial support.

[@katiejon17]

@@aolvaar8792 what country are you in? Because this is not the case in the US. I’ve worked in nursing homes as a nurse for years... unless the resident’s personal property is sold, the government can’t go asking family to pay 🙄 It’s different if someone’s in the nursing home and the kids sell the home and car, but otherwise, not a US thing.

[@aolvaar8792]

@@katiejon17 THE STATE GOOGLE>> Filial responsibility laws From Wikipedia: Filial responsibility laws (filial support laws, filial piety laws) are laws in the United States that impose a duty, usually upon adult children, for the support of their impoverished parents or other relatives. In some cases, the duty is extended to other relatives. Such laws may be enforced by governmental or private entities and may be at the state or national level. While most filial responsibility laws contemplate civil enforcement, some include criminal penalties for adult children or close relatives who fail to provide for family members when challenged to do so. The key concept is impoverished, as there is no requirement that the parent be aged. For non-Western societies, the term "filial piety" has been applied to family responsibilities toward elders. Is your State, A good religious based State? Also in my State: The State will pursue you across state lines and drag you back in chains for the Crime of abandoning a spouse, GOD help you if children are involved. Adultery is a Sex crime offense.

[@jodylarson4697]

I don't remember the mother ASKING the children to pay. It's more like the kids got the idea of how they could fix things. This is one reason I wonder whether the father was cheating and that's how the divorce came about.

[@AmukaAkuma]

@@jodylarson4697 You are pulling that straight out of your rectum. You have no idea. It may well be that mom is putting on a full show of "woe is me" even though it was her that detonated the marriage by cheating. We don't know. The truth is that the lifestyle she knows is over, and she will have to sacrifice her children's futures to maintain it. She either 1: is guilting them into it which makes her the bad person, or 2: is accepting the arrangement which also makes her the bad person. Only way she is the god guy is if she refuses her kids money and handles her situation by herself as any adult is supposed to.

[@carlaritchie331]

How healthy is the mother? If she's able to garden, is she able to work to earn extra income for herself? Some jobs only require talking on the phone while sitting in one place. She can contribute in new ways and financially benefit herself. No need to be a dependent burden on children if she isn't an invalid. For example, ask friends if they may know of opportunities or inquire at her favorite shopping places, medical offices, libraries, senior centers or retirement facilities. I know older handicapped individuals who roll silverware at a busy restaurant. The gift shop at my nearby hospital is often closed because they lack workers. The indepent retirement apartments my grandmother lived in after she turned 90 had a receptionist to take incoming calls and welcome guests. Surely she has some skills to leverage that are valuable to transfer into a workplace so she can keep socially active while earning some income. She may want to coast during her early retirement years but she's not financially prepared to support herself in order to make that possible. Who knows, if she gets out of the house she may meet her next wealthy husband while working or even a lover that has experience with fixing up homes who will bring unexpected joy to her next chapter. 😉😀

[@allisona6482]

I’m very surprised neither Jade nor George suggested the mom work if she’s healthy enough

[@kat-oe7gb]

I don't think this caller has a clue about the Whiteplains area! She can get a condo for $150k in Whiteplains and the maintenance is about $700! I know the area very well.

[@zanakaysag3839]

I decided to look up real estate in that area and there are places going for more or less than $150K. But the mom may hate those places but that is what her budget can afford

[@gaylathrom]

You can sense the family is reeling from this right now. Mom is likely my age in her 60s, get a job. It will make you feel better with the proper mindset. I’m making a huge assumption that she has no limitations. She can work at a garden center and help customers…share her knowledge and get discounted plants for her new place. Kids don’t do this…encourage mom to be independent as long as possible.

[@katherinesmith235]

​@@gaylathromor if she likes animals she can start a pet sitting business, from out of her home if she wants to stay there. She could easily pull in a 1000 a month from that. The mom needs to show a bit of initiative as the kids are treating her like she's helpless

[@pdxmusl1510]

Why would they all need to move if mom moved? Mom can move to smallville Midwest. Shed be fine. Theres ridiculous amouts of safe 800-1200/mo apartments outside of ny. Or less for seniors. She wouldn't have any problems being self sufficient. I mean shes getting a divorce. The expectation of her and all the kids being in walking distance was gone the moment papers were filled.

[@hollyb6885]

Going into retirement before the house is paid off is stupid.

[@aolvaar8792]

$214/mo + $150/mo Escrow Bought in 2011 for $50K, now ~$500K I'm retired on a large government pension.

[@wendybryan6071]

It depends.

[@littlesongbird1]

Mom can volunteer to do a community garden (my church had one and most of the volunteers were people who lived in a place where they couldn't grow a garden and enjoyed it) dogs can live with one of the siblings and mom if they own their own home.

[@jeannemcmillintwinlakeses3767]

This call just shows you how compassionate these folks at Ramsey really are. They had so many suggestions delivered kindly to this woman. I read comments down below about the family not being at all worried about dad. Maybe Daddy is a pain in the butt and never deserved Mom in the first place. I don't think it's true at all that "no one thinks about the man in a divorce".

[@alvinsmith5686]

They don’t care. They rarely do. He’s the one that lost everything.

[@d_all_in]

Delusional female take 😂

[@miketracy9256]

Sad story about a mom who raised caring kids. Selling now and getting the tax-free gain makes sense. Refinancing now at 8% makes no sense. If they are broke now after someone working for 35 years means she and her ex never learned to save. I do like Jade's plan for mom living with her kids.

[@aolvaar8792]

Why refi, remove Ex from mortgage, keep the 3% interest rate. This is if, she can qualify on her own.

[@Mr.Boring_Man]

​@aolvaar8792 - "Qualify on her own" = refi. Removing him from the Deed doesn't change the current loan agreement. Probably is, she can't afford the current loan agreement. She needs to downsize and relocate to another cheaper location or move in with one of her kids as George originally suggested.

[@aolvaar8792]

@@Mr.Boring_Man the DEED is the physical paper that transferred ownership (when first bought). The TITLE is how the property is held. $30, change the TITLE from Joint Tenancy to Unmarried woman, sole and separate property. If she can qualify, remove him from the mortgage. I had a wife removed from a loan. My mortgage is $214/mo at 3% interest rate. We don't know what the mortgage is. If the mortgage was $100/mo, Jade would not want the children to pay it.

[@Joce123]

​@@aolvaar8792She can't qualify for anything. She has been living up of her husband after her kids have been adults for over a decade.

[@katiejon17]

With the mothers entitled mindset, I wouldn’t let her love with me. You’d never get her out in a peaceful manner. And I’m a 44 year old married woman with two small children, where my 71 year old father lives with us. We bought the house after my mother passed. We cost-share and it is a blessing to all of us, and we know that my father will have help if he ever needs anything as he ages. But he’s not a “taker”, and he doesn’t have that entitlement mentality. This woman’s mother does.

[@leanderrowe2800]

The house needs renovation and that takes money which can keep going up as renovation goes on. In the meantime, your Mom has little income. Sell the house and rent a small apartment away from the city.

[@cutehumor]

Tell the mom to get a damn job. easy answer

[@cherylbroadenax1006]

I so feel ya. I tried to help my mom for yrs. Finally I said I can’t help u. I had two small kids and was scraping the bottom to help her. It was a strain. She was out of control with money and u could not tell her anything. When she passed, she left a house upside down from 40 yrs of refi over and over. She paid 20k for it and owed 67k when she died back in 2004. 10’yrs into her house payments someone introduced her to refi and she went crazy. She had money issues and would start yelling when u made suggests. Her motto was shut up and just give me the money. After yrs of helping I shut up and kept my money. She did come live with me at the tail end grudgingly. Then she passed away. Then it made sense why my dad and her divorced. He was not going to work for yrs and she throw it all away. And she was not going to be disciplined in spending so she left / divorced him. When he passed my brother and I got 160k a piece. So dad was right. Dad was a saver. Mom had money issues. He didn’t have to tell us we could see the proof in the pudding.

[@terriesmith2616]

​@@cherylbroadenax1006 There are many women like your mom. I've met so many who just spend and spend and then guilt trip their husband and children into giving her more money. It's a bottomless pit, no amount of money given is ever enough.

[@bettysmith4527]

How old is her mom? Can she work? My mom is 72 and works 24 hours a week for extra money. I cannot believe they are worried about poor mommy not being able to garden when she can barely afford to live!

[@tdgdbs1]

My co worker is 74 and still working as a nurse.

[@Digger1971]

I'm 52 and happily retired. Working is a Mugs game. 😊😊

[@bucknut9475]

I was thinking the same thing. She said her and her siblings are in their 30s. That would most likely put mom in 50s or 60s. Not ideal but plenty of people that age work.

[@bucknut9475]

@@Digger1971 congratulations on retiring early. In her situation though I would rather work to support myself than have it put off my children being able to secure their future for their families.

[@dyates6380]

I agree. I have no idea about this woman's expenses, but I just recently retired and receive $2419 in SS before taxes and medicare premiums, which brings it down to a bit over two thousand a month. I simply supplement that with a thousand dollars a month from my retirement, and at that rate with my 401k and pension and savings accounts and money market, it'll easily last me well into my upper nineties which I'll NEVER see. I did this to "feel out" how it would work for me and I literally found I can live QUITE comfortably on this amount, and frankly, I could make due with about $2600 if need be. This woman gets about $2800. It's all about priorities and spending less than you bring in. I have a feeling mom and dad were living above their means and I totally agree with the advice of selling the house and getting a condo or small apartment for her. I applaud the children's desire to help the mom, but in reality this is something the parents need to handle and not expect the kids to step in to take care of.

[@BrianW211]

Just because mom is currently retired doesn't mean she can't get a job to support herself. If the kids are all in their 30's then the mother is likely in her 60's. Why wasn't that brought up? Even minimum wage in New York would add another $2.5K/month.

[@jessicaskankey1964]

So true. If she can garden, she can work!

[@cg-1973]

She might be able to take on roommates in her house. That would still give her the yard to putz in, and depending on the rental market, might be more than enough to cover the mortgage. There are Facebook groups for elderly people who want roommates.

[@maximusdecimusmeridius5438]

2800 a month she can get in one of those 55+ communities with low rent

[@CarlaQuattlebaum]

There are waiting lists for a lot of those communities. A community here in west central Florida was built, and all the apartments were leased in no time, way before it was time to even move in. Then these people renew their leases, and that makes it difficult for anyone to get an apartment for a while.

[@ZackEhlers]

She makes $2800 with SSI but can’t survive? Now we know why she ain’t got a retirement. Terrible with money.

[@summerforever6736]

TRUE 2800 IS OK

[@isay207]

Exactly move to a small city

[@christinebutler7630]

It's not SSI, it's social security retirement. SSI (supplemental security income) is disability for those who didn't have enough work record to get SSDI.

[@mle011]

I agree, she’s got to change the picture she had in her mind of living out her retirement years with her two big dogs, a giant grassy backyard, with a beautiful garden. If she can only afford a small apartment 1-2 hours away from her kids, (in a cheaper area) then that’s what she has to do.

[@joycejudd5109]

what a hard spot for mom, and for the kids. 2 big dogs. and mentally, that all of this is because of the divorce...whether it's "his fault" or hers, the mental grieving is heavy and awful.

[@Fred1294]

Here's an idea, how about mom takes a break from gardening and go's to work. Poor dad lost half of his house and pension.

[@intuitive_duck]

It’s horrible to look at your children and think they’re your walking ATMs to fund your lifestyle! I cannot imagine putting that burden on my children. If anything, I want to make my children’s lives better by making good choices today.

[@lauren4078]

Agreed. It's sickening how often parents/family members do this to their loved ones!

[@nakeyagore8356]

George is bringing the reality......

[@screwdriver_bandit]

1: Why is an elderly woman getting divorced. At that point in life? Really? Suck it up and sleep on the couch till you die. 2: So who’s helping Dad? Gotta love only hearing one side of the story.

[@StephanieJoRountree]

What about an ADU or tiny home in the backyard of one of the children's homes?

[@alittlepieceofearth]

I thought the same thing.

[@greg_216]

It's much better to help your parents with gifts as opposed to ongoing obligations. Pay off that car note, go to their bank and pay down some of their mortgage, but don't commit to ongoing support. That's because few people in their 30s or 40s have the extra resources to guarantee they will always meet that obligation.

[@memedavis4228]

Parents should never burden their children, unless they are destitute. This lady needs to cut her loses and create a new life of her own.

[@BaconMountainMan]

There is no way the kids should be refinancing this house and taking on a mortgage. This will destroy the kid's dreams and create resentment. I love the Golden Girls scenario. That and going to an area that's cheaper. Mom, unfortunately, doesn't get to dictate that anymore.

[@Myraisins1]

Well how much is the mortgage? And how many years left? She can more than live on 1k or even less. She can contribute $1800 towards the mortgage and if there is more you can split it depending on how many yrs is left on the mortgage. Do not get rid of that house!

[@AnnaWitte-f8f]

She could get part time job, roommate at apartment and other options.

[@txcook1421]

It's obvioius the children have sympathy for their mother and would like to see her be able to stay in surroundings that are comfortable and familiar. But that's not realistic. Sell the house! She can live on $2,800 a month plus withdrawing a fixed amount each year from the proceeds of the house (perhaps $5,000). That totals $38,600 a year. Temporarily, she could move in with one of her kids, for emotional support and to ease the transition. Then I would be looking for an inexpensive apartment (fyi, some towns have subsidized housing for seniors). She would pay her housing/basic expenses, and the children could treat her to extras that would make her life more comfortable. "Gray divorce" can be financially devastating. At least this mother has loving children to back her up and cushion the blow.

[@gmorris2891]

I am the baby of six and have all the responsibilities that comes along with taking care of my mom she lives with me I pay her insurance and phone bill and give her $400 a month spending money and my sibling help with nothing they don’t even take her for a few weeks so I have have to the house to myself with my kids. I am starting to resent them for not offering to help me out sometimes not money wise just to get a break because she can be overbearing at times. She’s my mom and it’s not a problem but they can offer to help too. That is the reason why I work so hard because I do not want to be a burden on my kids when I get older. I have been investing since I started working as an LPN at 19 I think I will be ready for retirement and be comfortable and not depend on anyone.

[@jumpiam8477]

You did the right thing. We've only a mom in this world. You'll never regret anything when her time comes. You do your best. Mom can take care of 6 kids, but only 1 kid can take care of mom. Your kid will be there for you when you need them because you are a good example and they see it. Believe in a good karma. 😊

[@d_all_in]

You put that on yourself. Doesn't your mom have income she can live on at her own apartment or something? Or else she can get a job.

[@Ria24Ria]

If I was in their position I would have my mom move in with me and since she is renting she can buy a house for herself and her family and have the mom contribute a certain amount. It’s a win win for both parties.

[@marshamcmullen7845]

How old is the mother? She could be young enough to get a part time job. What about a town house where she could have a garden and space for her dogs?

[@summerforever6736]

98 EXACTLY

[@Stephan2P]

Golden Girls 😂. Love Dorothy's sarcasm 😂.

[@UtiliconFunProducts]

Accessory Dwelling Units (ADUs) grants program is offered in New York state, can build a dwelling unit on your property. Mom can sell her house and live there on daughter's property while paying low rent to her.

[@FA-pw1yg]

“You don’t get the dream you don’t plan for.” I have mixed feeling about this statement. Many families make the decision that the mom will stay home and raise the kids. This family seem to have more than 3 kids! Kids leave home, mom and dad have nothing in common so they divorce! Mom spent her formative years working in the home, taking care of the home, not earning a salary, pension, or being able to save for her retirement! There is a reason her kids feel responsible to take care of her! I don’t know, this situations sucks! I wish them all the best🙏🏾❤️

[@chuckokoye2410]

What is the point of a woman not working when the kids reach school age? I understand the use of a SAHM but what good does that do when your kids are going to school?

[@FA-pw1yg]

@@chuckokoye2410 there is a lil thing called home schooling!

[@d_all_in]

Did you miss the part where she gets half her husband's income for the rest of her life?

[@bookbag6432]

This is what happens to the "Stay at home moms". Once you get divorced, be lucky that you get anything.

[@TammyWalker-n2f]

Maybe mom should check into a senior co-op. I have a good friend who did that recently and she paid $12,000 for the condo with a maintenance fee of $500.00. She got a small 2 bed 2 bath but it's something she can afford.

[@TheDoggmom]

Also, the mom could look into subsidized senior living places.

[@boston312]

Americans and their divorces. You would think with decades of failure and an over 50 percent divorce rate that they would just call it a day and let the institution die. Leads me to believe that its all about showing off for the wedding with no intentions of working hard to have a successful marriage.

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

It’s also a cash cow for the government,courts,attorneys,etc..

[@gamecock_1960]

You’re both right

[@tommartin3045]

My parents, and my in-laws, remained married past their 60th anniversaries, until the husband of each couple passed away at age 90+

[@boston312]

@ so did the institution of slavery last for thousands of years. Sometimes we need to let go of failing institutions as we evolve as human beings

[@katherinesmith235]

I think what's scary is that the mom has high expectations of how she wants to live and expects the kids to fund that lifestyle. Otherwise why would the caller be so distressed about Mom's situation? The mother can't be more than 67 or so given her children's ages. With 2800 and a part time job plus a smaller living space she should be fine. The dogs will adapt especially if she finds an apartment near a dog park and a community garden. So many areas have these. My own does. They're also great places to socialize and meet people.

[@reyh89]

I’ve been no contact with my mother after she was put in a position where she has to sell and move and asked what I can help with for her new home. Like I don’t have my own wife, kid, and debts I need to tend to. This is hard but necessary. They make it sound like the obvious choice is so easy to make. I wish everyone the best and strength

[@zsuzsuspetals]

I'm starting to notice you could play MGTOW bingo with Dave's comment section 😂

[@creolelady182]

This is why never have a mortgage when you are elderly

[@aolvaar8792]

?????? I'm 66 on a $100K/yr Pension, $214/mo mortgage and $150/mo Escrow. Home has gone from $50K in 2011, now ~$500K

[@amireallythatgrumpy6508]

So you're saying you bought 20 years too late. What a clown.@@aolvaar8792

[@lonestarrk9308]

My first question is, who initiated the divorce?

[@terriesmith2616]

My money is on the wife. Mom most likely initiated the divorce.

[@johngallo4159]

Leave mom in the house don't even talk about renting apartment for 2300 leave mom in the house and everybody chipped in the end.

[@jaghad]

Wtf!? They only care about mom? What about their dad?

[@lagarde2011]

Since Linda doesn't already own a home of her own, she could consider moving in with mom and helping to pay the mortgage. Over time mom could add her to the deed. This way Linda is investing in her future with home ownership and mom still has a place to live with the garden and space for her dogs.

[@katiejon17]

I don’t think this would work out for Linda, at all. Her mother is a “taker”, and has that entitlement mindset. I don’t know *any* parents in my entire family that would expect their kids to pay their mortgage for them! But Linda’s mother is not only willing, but expecting them to pay her mortgage. I’m coming from the perspective of being in the position that you suggested. My mother passed away unexpectedly a decade ago, and after five years my husband and I sold our home and moved into my parent’s home. It wasn’t because he couldn’t afford it (his yearly income was less than what this woman is making off of half her husband’s retirement, yet he and my mother paid off their mortgage in 1992), it was because there was a low-level depression. We had a 2 year old and I was pregnant with our second. Initially the plan was to help him empty the house and sell it, but we ended-up buying it from him. We all live here happily together. But my father ism thing like this woman’s mother. If she and her family move into her mother’s house, they will likely get screwed over.

[@dfya3294]

I think this is a better option due to the fact that NY is expensive & the house was probably bought way before these inflated prices. One or multiple siblings live in the house & make payments & renovations. Since they got roots in the area, the house can be the family safety net & they don't know how long she will be living, but it maybe best to eventually age in place & when she past away they will inherit the house. They still have the ability to come and go & have a place to return if anyone fall into hard times. But of course, we don't know the back story of this family & this would only work if all involved are willing to work w/ each other & are on the same plan.

[@stevenporter863]

5:59 Agree with Jade but based on experience the mom isn't going to be thrilled (ie she may cause problems) about being tossed around to different sibling's homes.

[@frednunn5596]

Till death do us part, The vows said. There are consequences for this

[@dannymartial7997]

All this drama all because "she likes gardening", well sorry, grandma, but you don't get to live the American Dream when who've been slacking off for 60 years. And who the heck divorces in retirement? That's just weird.

[@mhodge0890]

150 Grand in White Plains,NY is unheard off

[@summerforever6736]

150K in NY NO WAY AT LEAST 400k

[@JoeBlunt]

No thought for the father but the whole family is banding together to pay for her to live in a whole house by herself 😅

[@donaldo7656]

Tell mama to go back to work. If she can garden and care for dogs, she can deliver pizzas.

[@CarlaQuattlebaum]

@donaldo7656 -- Maybe she can earn money WALKING other people's dogs . . .

[@christinebutler7630]

She did what all of society told her to do- got married. Marriage is a crock.

[@siegfriedbraun5447]

How about you all just keep the hell out of this?! Both of your parents are adults, and can deal with their own crap!!

[@vashtibascombe701]

This is an unfortunate situation for the mother. I would have asked the balance on the house or when it would be paid off. That would have been good to know. There are various ways that the children could help out, instead of paying her bills. One or two of them could move back in and help financially to get the home up to standard while they are saving for themselves. Another option would be if one of the children is OK, with living with the mother, she could sell the home and they could team up to purchase another home together or be a co-owner with the mother.

[@elizabethashton9590]

That house will most definitely sell for more than $150k. She is WAY underestimating it. I know because I live in the vicinity of White Plains and my co-op apartment is selling for just over $100K.

[@Big-Government-Is-The-Problem]

these hosts are pretty out of touch thinking someone can live a comfortable life in NY on less than $35k a year. its a tough life in Arkansas making 35k a year and thats one of the cheapest states.

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

That $35k is fine in a middle to upper class zip code where I live when debt free and home paid off. I retired in my 40s. Actually half that will cover my total household living expenses including property taxes and home/car insurance in my case.

[@jakecastillo9515]

Assuming the husband isn't beating her or there's no infidelity, has she considered not getting divorced and resolving their issues?

[@user-tq8jo7oh2n]

Abuse takes on other forms aside from physical. Additionally, what makes you so certain she filed for divorce? Perhaps he filed and isn't interested in reconciliation. Trading personal well-being and happiness for a roof over one's head, sucks. I know, I am living that nightmare.

[@nly4607]

​@@user-tq8jo7oh2nIs eighty percent of the time it's the woman who files lol If she went to colleges it's even higher at ninety percent

[@nly4607]

​@@user-tq8jo7oh2nThe most common form of abuse I have seen is financial abuse of the wife on the husband

[@jasonleatherwood2172]

Its a woman they leave just for fun its like a game to them see how muxh they can get divorce is like playing a 30$ scratch off no remorse for thier sins

[@sminthian]

Failure to plan, is planning to fail...

[@suen5006]

She may qualify for a lower income senior apartment if incomes are high in her area, and her income is relatively low.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

Her mortgage is most likely cheaper then rent. Who say's it needs a reno? Is it because it's not open concept? Is it because it have an 80's style kitchen? Does it have wood paneling? Maybe she likes an out dated look. Not all reno's are for major repairs. 150k house, her mortgage, including tax and insurance, is probably under $1,500 . They should have asked what the mortgage was.

[@tdgdbs1]

Houses were built with real wood in the 80's; my house was built in 1962 and I wouldn't trade it for the house built today.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

@@tdgdbs1 Houses are built with real wood today too. I got an 1860 house. I'll bet the kids are just projecting their own tastes onto the house.

[@Tank-vi2dv]

​@@jimmymcgill6778you do not have an 1860 house.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

@@Tank-vi2dv Yes it is. Acceding to my mortgage papers, that is when it was built.

[@JustinCase780]

Keep it simple...get her a nice apartment.

[@summerforever6736]

OR AN UGLY ONE

[@andraconstantin9459]

something in her numbers is not mathing. How is the house worth so little in such an expensive city. I get it needs renovations but it doesn't make sense and you can definitley get somthig under 2800 to rent in White Plains, and if not then move to another city in the county.

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

Needs work.

[@karenwalters1211]

I can clearly see the obvious as soon as she called. I never understand why the obvious isn’t obvious to people who call and I’m not a financial expert by far. Common sense isn’t so common

[@johannesswillery7855]

Sadly, most people are incapable of making good choices.

[@stewbugz5213]

That house and mom sounds like a nightmare. Financial incest as Dave has said!

[@thehungrywolf69]

Move mom in with you or your siblings… That’s the best option…

[@Ria24Ria]

I agree

[@JanetFrisby-wl6zb]

150,000 in New York? No way

[@user-tq8jo7oh2n]

Wow, I'm stunned. I don't normally disagree with Dave or any of the personalities, but the comment, "she doesn't get the dream she didn't prepare for", is just cruel and mean. She did prepare, based on the social norms of the day. The caller's mom is of an age where the main role of the wife was to stay home and raise the kids. "Having it all" was in it's infancy and even if a woman was working, she was expected to quit to raise kids. And in return, the non-working spouse received SS and retirement benefits from the working spouse. My God, she took care of a home and raised 3 decent children. She did her part, now the attitude is too bad, so sad, go live under a bridge or in some slumlord tenement apartment that she can afford. God bless her kids for wanting to help her stay in the family home. Clearly, the kids paying the mortgage isn't a good plan however, perhaps they can help her find a quality room mate or two? I bet for the price of a crappy apartment, folks would jump at the chance to live in a real home. Alternately, it sounds like all of her kids are still renting. Maybe one would like to move back home and pay rent there instead? If mom is physically capable of working, she could find a job to supplement retirement. Or, find something work from home. I would also suggest she look into selling stuff online. That can be really lucrative. There's a little bit of a learning curve, but there are great facebook pages dedicated to helping new sellers and NY has some great meet ups for sellers. She could tap into the reseller community and also benefit from the social interactions.

[@BrianW211]

Wait, this mom isn't some housewife from the 50's or even 60's. According to the caller, the kids are all in their 30's so she was bearing children from the mid-80's to the mid-90's and is very likely in her early 60's, now. I just don't see the argument for "social norms of the day" or the "main role of the wife was to stay home and raise the kids".

[@katiejon17]

It sounds like your dream of playing this woman’s scam just got shattered by everyone’s reactions. I’m a SAHM, and our family of four (including 2 small children) live off of *less* than this woman’s retirement. I don’t feel badly for her all. Most SAHM’s take control of the finances, we live below our means, we pay off all debt, we save, and we invest. This woman, clearly, did none of that. And now that she’s taken a home paid for by her husband’s salary, she doesn’t even want to live within her means. She won’t move. But she *is* accessing her children - whom have just been revealed as her cash-cows. Shame on her. And you...

[@user-tq8jo7oh2n]

@@katiejon17 I certainly hope you weren't referring to me regarding "playing this woman's scam". If you were, my dreams weren't "shattered". My 3 children are grown with families of their own. I both worked outside the home and as a SAHM mom when my kids were young, when I could. My home is fully paid for and I have no debt. While I'm not rolling in dough, I'm not going to go hungry either. Not every SAHM gets to take control of the finances and even less so for older women. We know nothing about the husband. Was he abusive? Did he let her have access to the checkbook? It's a different world now than even back in the70's or 80's. Maybe they did live below their means and had investments, who knows? We don't know anything regarding the parent's finances or drains on those finances. Consider yourself blessed to have access at such a young age to the info that Dave so generously shares. I know for myself, I didn't and would be in a totally different place personally if I had. Some of us were raising families before the internet was a thing and were not so fortunate to have all this information at our fingertips. As for cash cows, how do you know the mom wants the kids to do this? I didn't hear anything within the caller's comments suggesting her mom was on board with this. The convo may have very well been between the siblings and mom may not know anything about it.

[@katiejon17]

@@user-tq8jo7oh2n lady, I’m going to get right to the point, as a SAHM myself - if this woman didn’t want her kids to do this, she would not allow them to even consider it, never mind stress about how they’re going to figure it out, and call Dave Ramsey! She refuses to move. She refuses to sell. She expects her kids to now be burdened with her. They are fools if they do this.

[@katiejon17]

@@user-tq8jo7oh2n and one more thing - by mother was born in 1954 and had her children in 1977 and 1979 (I’m 1979, and had my babies when I was 37 and 40). My mother, armed with only a high school diploma and raised in a family who spent every cent they ever had - also wasn’t fortunate enough to “have access” in the how-to’s. But it turns out she had a BRAIN, and a knew that a basic budget only required 5th grade math skills. And I was drowning in debt untiI was 36 and pregnant in 2015. The simple choice to change what you are doing isn’t beyond you, ma’am. And in general, women (especially SAHM’s) have done significantly better in divorces than the men.

[@XennialGuy]

Again, taxes and life in general doesn't apply on this show. She just said her mom gets $2,800 and you guys are suggesting she could find an apartment in New York that she could afford. She wouldn't be able to even find a one-bedroom for less than $2,500 in White Plains, NY. She would get a 500 ft² studio on the third floor of something without an elevator for $2300. What about food? What about taxes? What about medical? She doesn't have anything. Ship her to Mexico, she could live like a queen there.

[@Dan16673]

Very dumb. She will worry on healthcare and safety. Nevermind no spanish or friends

[@anunez3450]

moving to a smaller home or unit would be helpful, to shame her for not seeing the divorce coming isn´t the route i would take.

[@USMCAllTheWay]

How about mom gets a part-time job and gets a studio apartment?

[@jackiekjono]

I'll bet where she ends up that there are local parks and a local park board who would love to have an experienced gardener volunteer to help.

[@ninajey6572]

*You do not get the life you didn't prepare for * is that what said 😮

[@Chele-nm4qx]

Apparently Dad did something that has these kids trying to take care of mom. Sad situation but I agree- she didn’t do the right things to prepare for her retirement, these children shouldn’t have to fill that gap!

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

What gives you that idea ?

[@user-mv9tt4st9k]

​@@rebeccaoprea9917There was no talk of dad's place in any of this? Mom and dad divorced and it seems that mom's part of the settlement was a house that is still mortgaged. Dad may not have done "something" more than going on with the divorce. Parents are supposed to leave an inheritance for their children; mom may have to face reality because her adult children might not actually have money in their budgets to accommodate whatever lifestyle mom was living when she was married. Best to sell the house as is and downsize in a way that allows for a managable budget--that might mean that gardening is potted plants on a porch or deck.

[@chuckokoye2410]

Talking out of your butt, you have no idea what dad’s role in this was lol

[@arthrodea]

Per Ramsey guidelines- rent should be 1/4 of income. One fourth of $2800 is $700 a month- it’s extremely difficult to find an apartment at that price. The national average for a single bed apartment is $2000 right now. Not to mention finding place in New York! It seems sad to tell mom to move to - say rural Arkansas - when her whole family and kids live in New York.

[@amireallythatgrumpy6508]

People should not be rentiing apartments at all. An apartment is not fit for human habitation. It's fit only for cockroaches, bedbugs and maybe the occasional spider.

[@DBS472]

It’s white plains, 20 mins from where I live; not NYC. Plenty of affordable spots. Don’t get the kitchen island, full backyard, and pool though

[@CarlaQuattlebaum]

@@amireallythatgrumpy6508 What the heck are you talking about? Tell that to homeless people living in tents!

[@amireallythatgrumpy6508]

You really expect me to believe homeless people live in tents? Nope. Not plausible. I call BS on that one.@@CarlaQuattlebaum

[@lovethemflowers]

@@amireallythatgrumpy6508 Ok, you're just trying to be funny now. All it takes is a little research to see which cities have homeless encampments -- like Phoenix (or DID until they were closed down), Houston, Washington, D.C. Maybe they're not where you're at, I don't see them in my area of Florida, but they're out there, maybe in other parts of Florida, I'm sure.

[@taurusthebull76]

This situation sucks.

[@dnah02]

White plains NY is a high property tax area

[@stephengamber7000]

Mom may have to get rid of the "2 big dogs" if she can't afford a place that allows 2 big dogs

[@dannymorris2139]

What is wrong with the house; I just keep hearing her say it's old...

[@dannymorris2139]

Also, how much mortage?

[@CarlaQuattlebaum]

The caller said the house needed renovating -- I don't believe she meant for cosmetic reasons.

[@garrett21]

There’s also this thing called a job. She must be early 60’s. Plenty of time to make some $$$

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

Grocery stores, home improvement centers, and garden centers seem to be the place of work for women in 60s where I live.

[@jimv77]

I am surprised once the kids are mucher independent that most housewives do not want at least a part time job themselves..... simply to have more activities..... additional spending money is nice too..

[@coolaunt516]

Sell the house, buy a condo with low maintenance. They will maintain the outside and all she has to do is worry about the inside.

[@dyates6380]

Yep. It's really too bad the kids feel responsible for the parents' non planning for the golden years. The parents should not encourage this, divorce or no divorce. Just make do with what you can afford. I've done it many times in my life. Too bad.

[@user-mv9tt4st9k]

​@@dyates6380I was thinking the same thing. When my father died, my mother had to really consider her options in terms of budgeting. Their house was paid for and they had a little in savings and my father's pension. Mom had several months to plan. After daddy died, it turned out that he had squirreled away cash and insurance policies. Mom kept the house and is doing fine.

[@Chet_24]

The kids have zero responsibility for anything. The mom is an adult and chose this. Anything they decide to do bettet be appreciated by the mom.

[@joeriveracomedy]

Get married & combine finances but let's go to line 2 with a call about divorce...EVERY DAY!

[@imveryhungry112]

I live in an apartment. We all have to be realistic in life sometimes

[@user-mv9tt4st9k]

I like apartments, the ones I have lived in had s nice sense of community. The mom in this call may need a wakeup call dose of reality because it sounds like her adult children are not in a position to put up as much money as it might take to keep mom in the married lifestyle she was accustomed to.