She Said She Needs More Baddie Friends...And She's Not Wrong (Hear Me Out!)

[@certifiedlovergirl6759]

She doesn't want baddie friends, she wants women who can attract men bcs male validation has brainwashed her to believe that the way men view you determine your value.

[@cheesehill]

This, this, and all of this.

[@DanDan-z7e]

This is a READ 😳 a very accurate read

[@Bgbloom]

This! I was like this in high school I only wanted to be friends with pretty girls because I knew they are more likely to be invited to places/parties and people are nicer to them. Not because they had better personalities but because they received more male attention.

[@melianen6613]

Thanks for the summary 🙏🏾

[@veautyfull]

🎯 on point!

[@raqui174]

The hold that male validation has on her has even affected how she views friendships

[@wildewildestrawberries]

Good point.

[@WayfindinWanderlust]

Yeah everything she said was cringe

[@raqui174]

@@WayfindinWanderlust it absolutely was.. I’m there to help my friend out in any situation she finds herself in not to just compare myself to her and think how much better I am because I have this or that. It almost feel as though her friends are disposable entities whose value are based on the guy they date. As if they have no worth outside of that. A persons reality can change at any moment you could be up today and down tomorrow.

[@WayfindinWanderlust]

@@raqui174 Exactly!

[@tessy28]

She is so deeply desperate for male validation.

[@BMHBW1950]

She’s that one friend that tells an embarrassing story in front of the guy you like because he is giving you attention instead of her.

[@SimplyaLady92]

If she's so bad, why is she hanging out with women that she thinks are less than? Makes her look like she needs to for her ego

[@Boahemaa]

you took the words out of my mouth. She's lying. She's just a bad friend.

[@brib6046]

@@Justonevideoplease but why are these her main friends and why can’t she find more friends who relate to her reality?

[@SimplyaLady92]

@@Justonevideoplease it's very unusual to be talking about your "friends" on a public platform in this manner, like they won't see it... It's passive aggressive and mean, that's not friend-like. It's almost like she wants them to know that she feels this way, but she's too afraid to say it in their face. I've done mean things like this in the past and I'm paying for it now. Thinking I'm all that, meanwhile I had my own issues

[@ToriOfTheNile]

See until I heard what she meant, I didn’t see the big problem. Cause I feel like there are beautiful women who aren’t really “baddies”. I thought baddies were just the girls that overdress all the time, stay beat faced, never catch them looking a mess, just on point all the time and confident. But I guess my definition is different, cause many “baddies” subject themselves to shitty men, and shitty relationships, just like other women. She’s self absorbed af.

[@KoKo-ig3dj]

While i do agree, I will also say that friendships are way more complex than some of yall are making it out to be. We have no information other than the fact that she tired of her friends lol we don't know how long they've been friends, their dynamic, what the other circumstances of the friendships are none of that. Cutting your friends off over their choices in men/them not matching up to what you think you are is not the same as ending a friendship cause one of your homegirls f'd your man or something lol this may be people she grew up with or have a long history with which makes it a little different. At the same time, she wouldn't be a match to these people if they didn't share a common quality. While it may not be men it's definitely something else otherwise she would've been found the baddies she looking for

[@madamepaka]

I agree. We can't act like there aren't standards for friendships either. I dress like a librarian or Hilary Clinton, and I have an old soul. Definitely too different to hang with "baddies" lol. And that's okay!

[@jeanblack1250]

agree

[@shortbreadgirlscout3463]

There are baddie librarians so that does not narrow it down. Don't you know people have the "hot" librarian fantasy?

[@angieang26]

Same here. I'm a plain Jane with an old soul. Definitely don't hang out with baddies. Just my husband and daughters

[@potofgoldseeker4248]

I'm a modest soul, so I definitely understand 😌

[@madamepaka]

@@shortbreadgirlscout3463 LMAO! Did you miss the part where I compared my wardrobe to Hilary Clinton? Trust me, ain't nothing "baddie" about that. Also, I have never heard of a "hot librarian" fantasy, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't apply to me anyway. Again, I'm 100% okay with that🧘🏿‍♀️

[@tipp8076]

I know some baddies. I can’t relate to them bc I’m just average, BUT bayybee, please believe, the gorgeous ones have been dogged too. Bc they’ve had more experiences they usually have more stories of heartbreak. The only difference is, they cry in a Bentley instead of a Sonata.

[@i.l.746]

Scrrreeeaaammmiinnngggg 🤣

[@nilsasalgado2777]

this is what I was looking for lol. Halle Berry, Beyonce, Kim K the list goes on.. all women that have dealt with weirdo stuff and getting played ..

[@kimmy2684]

Facts!!

[@TheLicktysplitz]

🏆👏

[@Brandy3319]

You’re the baddie, Tipp ~~

[@ncokeke1958]

I think that it is really weird to pick your friends based on their appearance.

[@yourfavpersuasion9385]

but that's what bw do. been done that.

[@ericaphinixx]

Not all black women, but I agree certain type of black women do this. I’m “friends” with people like this and their friends are exactly like the same. They have a particular thing in common. I’m not their first choice to hang with. I’m the friend they call when they’re going through it and they need advice or when they don’t have anyone else to hang out with that day. I know my role so I don’t prioritize any of them.

[@tessy28]

It's quite pathetic and shallow tbh

[@tessy28]

@@ericaphinixx So essentially the people that call you for advice don't have any real friends and only have surface value relationships. Sounds like a fulfilling life.

[@XxMercuriiXx]

Girl, where you been? It’s been like this since we were kids

[@wairimum]

Is she a baddie? no. but if you saw her insta posts before she went private or on twitter she is the lightest and the thinnest. The way that people at a point of privilege are so deluded is exhausting. We know that if you put an average lightskin girl next to a gorgeous darkskin girl even if they are 10 across-the-board with the way that colorism has a group on our community the lightskin is usually gonna be picked. But flexing these privileges and put down your “friends” is just obnoxious and weird.

[@wairimum]

commented this under another one but I’m gonna say it again the options they get might be better in certain categories but these colorist men are usually also misogynistic, abusive, cheaters, emotionally unavailable, etc. But because they seem good on paper and because a lot of these lightskin girls who entertain them are also colorist or are okay with being complicit (which is worse because don’t pretend like you care about me or my struggles when your man is colorist) they ignore the colorism.

[@newnimprovesT3]

🎯

[@newnimprovesT3]

I didn’t see her post beforehand but I already knew smh same colorist 💩 . The women was very average. Looks just like any other person. It’s the anti-black privilege primarily

[@sarahkayumba4202]

THIS!

[@ToriUptown]

exactly.

[@modeljaisimone]

Empathy fatigue is a thing. The sob stories can get tiring, baddie or not.

[@anneb6262]

Whew I dealt with this with a friend and boy can this be true.

[@queenmisanthrope]

Especially when they complain about the same thing time after time again & won’t change anything

[@thickthickly]

If only she had said that instead of simply saying "I wish my friends were pretty like me so they would get attention from a lot of men instead of being hung up on one dusty." Like...there were so many ways she could have said that. It was on her mind for so long and she still couldn't articulate it properly? I'm so blessed for my friends. I swear.

[@jazdj04]

Empathy fatigue.... yes.... this is relatable to me

[@traetrae11]

This is why I don’t hang out with many people. Can’t relate and too many times other women will unload every time I see them on me but when I try to unload…crickets or they aren’t listening. Solution: find friends who are more like you and depending on severity get rid of a few of the old friends. I’m not even upset with her wanting friends with closer experiences to hers.

[@therealmarieallen]

Having friends is just HARD. Honor, respect and abiding by boundaries just doesn’t seem to be what people are into these days🤷🏽‍♀️

[@TravelingOnStardust]

You nailed it on this comment! It's easier to just get a dog than to find loyal, loving friends, lol. Pets don't gossip and badmouth their owners to other pets.

[@jazdj04]

I'm not a baddie but the only way I can relate is having friends that keep dating "losers", "bad boys", "play boys", unlicensed street pharmacists, etc and complain when he ends up being a dog, etc. It's annoying and I would no longer talk to them because their situations are unnecessary for me. It's negative for my energy.

[@orangemoon9634]

Totally agree but it's ironic the woman doesn't understand that gorgeous women can end up with the play boy just as much as the non-baddie.

[@mimim3758]

Unlicensed street pharmacist 😭💀

[@bigsisterology]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@carrington2949]

@@orangemoon9634 I know plenty of "baddies" back home who are single mothers abandoned by the fathers of their children. Many of them wanted the excitement of a bad boy, and they got it. A couple of them also got the type of "post excitement" side effects that required antibiotics.

[@jazdj04]

@@mimim3758 the censoring of comments leave me to have some word play going on 😂😂

[@bonitapandora]

She is allowed to be friends with people who think like her. However, to get online and trash the ones you do have and claim “friendship” is wild to me. Honestly, I agree with the comments that say sis is mad her friends are either settling down or choosing to be with one dude and she is bitter about it. No shade, but even if she was with other baddies the girl screams insecure as hell and would talk shit about them too and come back and say I need a “super” baddie lol.

[@SirDave]

THIS

[@babygyal5097]

Amen sis !

[@melianen6613]

Cuz she kept going on and on about having options and not being worried about keeping the same nigga cuz another one is in his way, so I think she’s jealous and deeply insecure

[@rachellerockel]

You just keep getting more beautiful sis. Keep glowing ✨

[@nancykerrigan]

Yup. Stunning.

[@jeanp1323]

She's turning into a baddie 😁

[@TM-kh7el]

Right?!

[@qreationzwithqia9843]

I agree. She’s glowing in the eyes.

[@firandcurly84]

From day one I felt she was a baddie and just trolling us for a come up. She has a backside and a natural thicker than a pan of biscuits figure. She's down right gorgeous!! I wouldn't be surprised if she had a hidden committed relationship.

[@100Stratusfiedx]

It’s important that your friends have good partners. That part makes sense, but throwing your friends under the bus is ridiculous. The baddies get treated badly by men too. If she was hanging around a Saweetie or Meg she’d feel even worse by the attention that they get. Btw I saw the pics of the friends. They’re average attractive looking women like her. The only difference was that she was the lightest out of all of them.

[@Mizanthrobe]

Exactly! “Baddies” actually get treated worse because the men that go after them are only about the physical (shallow) and the problem with that is that baddies are a dime a dozen. Anyone can make themselves into one. So she would be easily replaceable.

[@zipporahshouse]

I figured she was the lightest one out of her friends lol

[@TheLicktysplitz]

Dang I didn't even know that she showed pictures of her friends on top of it she's so disrespectful

[@dreeeambaby]

Right like meg literally got shot

[@MusedMedia]

I think the take was fine for someone trying to navigate in their 20’s….but sis is 33, looking for “friends” based on vapid and superficial foundations. I hope she finds what she’s looking for

[@ShanoiSoSpecial]

These type of girls are exhausting to be around when you're non superficial

[@texasbelle333]

33?!?! That’s sad.

[@tuesdays_child85]

I can get her point. I want more friends that read, desire to do more than club, drink or smoke. That will save money to travel. Unlike her I’m not posting about it but I definitely roll my eyes when the conversation fails to raise even half a vibration.

[@TravelingOnStardust]

I'm way too old for that kind of activity so I alreaady know right off the bat that I won't develop a friendship with anyone my age who is into those things. If the conversation is not about personal growth and deeper life/spiritual topics, it's not for me!

[@izahra1997]

I think part of the problem and reason why some people dragged her, is women putting too much value in male attention. She thinks she's better than her friends, because more men favor her. Some people didn't like her video, because no one likes when someone brags about what they wish they had (more male attention), and thinks they're above other people. And her friends need higher standards for friends, because she is not a good friend

[@sweetpeaj1952]

Good point. I'm sure she's friends with those women because of qualities she likes that has nothing to do with the male gaze. Also, being a baddie and having baddie friends doesn't mean she won't or her friends won't run into trash men.

[@Morenita570]

Also she’s an unmarried single mother. She’s getting b males that want to pump and dump. None of them wifed her, so she’s delusional.

[@user-ny8hl8iv8r]

I have baddie friends and before my weight gain I was too at one point lol. Some of my “baddie friends” have horrible experiences with men they just don’t share the “bad” - like myself.. even when I was a “baddie” I attracted really good looking success Narc men. I just never shared the horrible situationships I was ashamed ( good looking girl being played ) I only shared the highlights the gifts, random men giving me attention.. athletes and “ big baller” unfortunately I still ended up single.. I wasted my 20’s investing in my image I’ve lived a fun life of attention and fun experiences, but I was just admired for my looks, once that went away and gained weight I solely relied on my personality .. now 34 And wiser the “baddie” thing is so overrated and dumb - I envy women who can be themselves the “regular degular girls “get wifed up the baddies get used and abused and refused for the next baddie .. my self worth was tied to others validations of me. No one really liked me for me. No one wants to talk about it. I do think we all should have friends who are investing in their self esteem ( healthy ) .. I would much rather be around women who are confident and secure .. no one wants to be around a sob story all the time - I get it , I have my share but I just talk to God instead. Ladies your inner beauty is longevity your outer beauty is temporary. X

[@stargirl5881]

Such an insightful and self reflective comment. Thank you for sharing!

[@ea7109]

Thank you for being so open. Real food for thought👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@mmaya772]

As a regular degular women I truly appreciate the transparency. Thank you! I wish you the best!* 💕

[@cristina-8327]

Thankyou for this comment ❤️, I get asked on dates a lot and my friends see me as the pretty girl who gets so much attention, in the meantime I have had my heart broken terribly and have been ghosted by multiple men, some men think I don't have feelings because I seem to be so secure of myself and I get my feelings hurt, I used to be so ashamed of telling those stories because I thought I needed to preserve an image, this comment is so insightful and gives me feelings of relief, so thanks from a 21 year old woman ❤️

[@mmaya772]

Wow I can relate to this comment so much. I’ve been through the same things as well. I’ll forever continue to learn and grow from my experiences and I’m 28. You do the same. So don’t let it break your spirits down!* 💕@@cristina-8327

[@winterishere440]

Baddies don't flock together. They can't stand each other to the point of being friends. If your life revolves around your physical appearance, you can't stand competition in that area. She lacks a lot of perception to the point of insulting (indirectly) her friends and I can assure that she only has friends because her friends are very patient with her.... and maybe a little bedazzled by her beauty privilege.

[@SunRayBabyJ]

Good friends are precious and can be hard to come by. She probably lost them with that post but she sounds so male identified that she probably doesn't care. To post her friend's private convo on Tik Tok is cold.

[@carrington2949]

That's it. This is her way using the "choose better " trope but she's espousing it from the female perspective.

[@harlinnp9213]

I watched the video. She's mad aggressive. Based off her attitude alone I wouldn't wanna be her friend. Let her be bad by herself.

[@shedreamsofgalaxies5364]

I can’t relate to this entire conversation because baddie or not, women have the same type of problems with men. No, I’m not saying every woman dates trash men. I do believe good men exist. But I am saying being pretty doesn’t keep the trash men away. “Baddie” women are just as likely to be crying over men doing trifling stuff. These men might, and I mean might, be better looking than the men her friends are dating but I’d wager that’s the only thing she has up on them. I’m old enough to have seen a lot of beautiful acquaintances move on to second marriages. A lot of them have “settled” in the looks department thinking that the problem was they went for looks the first time around….and a lot of times there’s no difference in how they’re treated by men. So I listen to these same beautiful women cray about men and also think….over that? At the end of the day, everyone is out here just trying to survive in the ways that they can. If you can’t treat your friend with kindness than just say that and move on.

[@sweetpeaj1952]

Well said

[@UrbanDecayLova247]

That’s what doesn’t make sense - it lowkey sounded like she was mad her friends were getting in relationships. If they are partnered WHY would it matter the men they attract, they wouldn’t even be looking 🤣 I have yet to hear anyone make sense of that part.

[@coaluck]

Yes! Exactly. I just said in another comment this alllllll falls on how men act. That’s why this “baddie” conversation is for the birds to me. They don’t treat them better in the long run.

[@msjrene05]

Best comment ever! Maturity and life experience has shown me that where a woman falls on the beauty spectrum really has no bearing on how she is treated by men. Even if she has more options or is entitled to more luxury than an “average” looking woman, she is not in a bubble from poor behavior from men.

[@Telletell]

It sounds like both her and her friends need to move on and that is okay. I was off put that she measures her friendships by the male gaze. Yeah. Not for me. But like you said, not my experience at the moment.

[@Model_Roe]

I'll say this like attracts like "baddies" technically hang out with other "baddies" fat girls hang out with other fat girls average looking women hang out with other average looking women rich girls hang out with other rich girls if this woman is not a baddie herself then no she's not gonna draw other baddies as friends it might be who her friends however average looking she thinks they are technically are on her level

[@KoKo-ig3dj]

Facts

[@faebalina7786]

sometimes you are average growing up then you glow up and society sees you as a baddie and for some they realise they wanna lean into that but the reality is it shouldn't be a whole persona that too can be a phase

[@divatashi]

Honestly the people I know in my life who post these kinds of things to social media, don’t actually have this so called “fun” life. Most of the time they’re just pretending and rly insecure

[@sunnc]

lol that's interesting

[@kiarathompson8030]

I think she expressed herself poorly, but I can understand the *root* of what she was trying to say. Steph you are so right when you talk about "relatability"!

[@SpaztasticSheep]

Yepp

[@tmitchem81]

But her rant wasn't about reliability, it was purely superficial. Her rationale was that "equally pretty" friends with equate reliability. But beauty is subjective. It was dumb commentary that folks are trying to find deep meaning in. 😂

[@taylor7326]

@@tmitchem81 oooor you just can't relate

[@shopwithleslie]

"Baddie" is certainly not classy.

[@veautyfull]

Most of the time, these “baddie” friends are mean girls and toxic as hell. Appreciate the friends you have who love you for you. This is ridiculous.

[@msmarcia8972]

When The “Baddie Friends” Get More Attention Then Her Then What 🤔She’s Gonna Replace Them. Surround Yourself With True Friendships.

[@Marie-ed9vj]

I feel like.. being conventionally attractive has tainted her ego and that distracted her from the point. It seemed like she wanted to brag, more than anything. Which is a shame, because i think Steph is right. Yes, she said it in a terrible way and i highly doubt those friendships are genuine, BUT having people around you who can relate to your experience is a good thing. And her friends would benefit from not bemoaning their love lives to her, cus clearly she can't relate. Also wanna say, disturbing how many people in that twitter thread wanna judge her for being single. There's nothing wrong with that, and her age alone does not mean she's due to 'settle down' and is therefore envious of her friends.

[@Tamiaxoxo11]

I get why it's important to have friends that relate to your experience, but I feel like people's need to be with similar people is one of the reasons so many are unempathic to experiences outside of their own. Which I feel hiders our growth as a society.

[@thirdeyeopen2606]

Good point

[@thefashionextraordinaire]

I agree

[@habeshasister11]

Maybe she used the wrong term bc I wouldn’t consider myself a “baddie” BUT I can relate to having friends that constantly dealt with men who weren’t worth the time. I wished so badly that I had friends that had standards. Not that they needed to look better bc honestly my friends were more attractive to society than me (most were light skin or mixed & I’m dark skinned).

[@letyoufindme]

This is exactly what I think she was trying to get at. She was clumsy in describing it, but I think she was just saying "I want friends who have my same mindset, standards and options" All the "baddie" this "baddie" that ruined it, though.

[@Nyny.1000]

@@letyoufindme I agreeee, it’s more the mindset. Like mediocre looks but a strong and assured mindset can go a long way to cut out men who aren’t worth it. If one and has it but another doesn’t, it can becoming taxing to the friend who knows better. The original girl poorly articulated that sadly

[@Dee_Dee216]

I guess but if she feels her friends aren't dealing with men in a way she approves of why doesn't she just stop having conversations about men with those friends. She could also make the choice to expand the ways in which she interacts with her friendships. I find it a bit boring how alot of women always feel the need to talk about men all the time, there is more to life and we don't all have to agree on how we approach the dating aspect of things

[@habeshasister11]

@@Dee_Dee216 me personally I found those friends tend to bring up the topic of guys & would unload on me. They wouldn’t even let me talk about my experiences w/ guys bc it made them feel bad since their experiences were less fulfilling than mine. I’ve since had to cut those “friends” off 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@Dee_Dee216]

@@habeshasister11 Good for you, those aren't friends. They are energy vampires. I have had a slightly different experience where I have friend who always bring up the topic of men and want to know about my dating life all the time. I don't mind talking about it but it's just not an interesting topic to me and I would rather talk about more engaging things. I don't know why we as women are so hooked on it.

[@Nat0528]

Lol! Sis is not even a baddie though 🥴 But worst yet, she exudes such poor friendship qualities and capabilities‼️ She’s hella gassed up for no damn reason 😩‼️She actually did her “non-baddie” friends the biggest favor🎉 Now they know who they’re dealing with‼️😉

[@chefmarianrene5251]

💯

[@theminoritynyc]

Love to see when black women remove each other crowns. Being a baddie is a mindset. Just like you ladies often think your queens and yada yada. She's allowed to run in her delusion / reality. If she get baddie outcomes she's a baddie. focus on your crown.

[@Letsjustagreeee1]

@@theminoritynyc no it’s an aesthetic and a life style, we have to stop trying lie to our selves it ok to be a regular black girl, educated girl and so on. “ Baddie” is look and she does not have that look.

[@JanJan4Infinity]

Yes lol 😆

[@ToriOfTheNile]

Okay that Baddie definition from the urban dictionary did not have to call me out like that 😭. I was so badly bullied, it still baffles me that people find me so attractive these days

[@Marvelous_M]

Same 😂 “back then they didn’t want me, now I’m hot they all on me”

[@m.southern9113]

me too omg 😭

[@WilliamsPinch]

I have a variety of friends, but I want the damn near opposite of her. I want a friend who is settled and classy, prioritizes health and esthetic, but is family oriented. I don’t keep friends who like to club & rotate men.

[@chumbanga]

What happens when she is the lowest baddie on the Totem pole. 🙂 There will always be bigger and better, humility is something everyone needs to try and get in touch with.

[@EverHopeful555]

So now she lost her ‘good’ friends over ‘loser’ men…smh! I hope she treats her newfound baddie friends better ✌🏾

[@tialwright]

I don’t think anyone is gonna wanna be her friend tho after she recorded and put her good friends on blast on social media

[@astraoliver5831]

You should be on tv. If you need to be officially validated for your psychological analysis’, maybe get a psychology degree or certificate to back you up from the neh sayers. You’re on point as usual!

[@tisam5042]

The “baddies” are the ones that are the most insecure.

[@wildewildestrawberries]

Not true. So many average women perpetuate body positive love thy self and that confidence flies out the window when they're around a beautiful or pretty woman. I see it all the time.

[@tcg1972]

@@wildewildestrawberries Two things can be true at the same time. I've seen examples of both.

[@wildewildestrawberries]

@@tcg1972 Exactly and I just told you the other truth.

[@ndidindekwu4574]

@@wildewildestrawberries yup!

[@hannahbamwerinde9629]

I have met insanely beautiful women who are insecure with have poor quality relationships and what society may call average women that are very confident with high quality relationships . So being a baddie true does not necessarily mean confidence.

[@somebody2474]

She wants friends to accessorize with and brag about. Seems to be all she cares about which just means she's shallow. She looks down on her current friends and lowkey resents them for not being more on her "level."

[@SonOfDenis]

If she actually was living that lifestyle, I could empathize more with her. However she’s a baby mama who was not too long ago complaining about barely being able to pay her bills…. “Baddies” don’t have to do that. Also aesthetically she’s not that good looking quite average (opinions may vary) her stuck up attitude doesn’t help either.

[@tessy28]

Damm! You said it all.😂😂😂

[@BMHBW1950]

Dam lmao

[@eon001]

Tyson McKie Exactly. It's a life style she WANT's to live. It's not her reality. It's a fantasy.

[@aureliacopeland7893]

Does anyone find it strange the the self proclaimed “baddie” has admitted to having access to a plethora of men, but has yet to find one worthy of being with long term? Does she really have better options or just more options? I hope she corrects her flawed way of thinking prior to her beauty fading because atp it seems like she hides behind her looks.

[@bluerobot3806]

I don't find it strange. Did she say she was trying to get a man? Get married?

[@Cwade14]

No…most of them are always single…all those OF girls are always passed around…rarely do you see IG baddies wifed up.

[@godsfavor6939]

Man oh man I’m so glad I’m not one of her “friends” 😳😳😒

[@LoveAndSnapple]

Is kind of like when you move into a new tax bracket where you can afford to go in expensive trips but your friends are still broke. And not like adult broke I mean, they share the same spending habits with teenagers who just got brier first job. We might put up with them for a while but after a while you just wanna say, “Damn, get your money up!” If you look at it from this perspective then we kind of all do this with the people closest to us. And you know what? I’ve honestly stopped hanging out with certain people that still wanted my company but I didn’t feel like I measured up with them. Not TO them, but with them.

[@theetherealshaye]

I took a look at the comments on that Twitter thread, and the way people have considered this woman “not attractive enough” to call herself a “baddie” (whatever that means to you) doesn’t help the situation, nor does it justify the hate. That does nothing but belittle this woman, which is just as bad as her own actions, and focuses the situation purely on appearances when we need to be looking deeper. Yes, what she said was horrendous, and it could have been worded differently, but what does treating her the same way achieve?

[@carrington2949]

She chose her friendship circle. She's chosen to be a big fish in a small pond. Maybe the world is telling her: this is the ocean - so sit tf down somewhere.

[@ghutchin33]

This reminds me of the Kim Kardashian comment that rubbed people the wrong way. A woman who has privilege ( in her case perhaps “Pretty Privilege “ ) who is out of touch with other women’s struggle . I understand what both her and Kim said but they both may lack empathy in their comment. She just need to follow the Rule of 33% when deciding with whom she’s spending her time ( 33% on your level , 33% below your level ( people you can mentor ), 33% above your level ( they can mentor you) . Just like Khloe said in the aforementioned Kim K video …. If you are the smartest one in the room … it’s time to change rooms every now and then so that you can grow.

[@lucyarnum6476]

You're a natural born psychologist. You are so good at analyzing both sides of the situation. Great commentary. Keep up the good work!

[@2023NoThanks]

I'm not sure I can have sympathy or empathy for this girl. It's one with to want someone with the same experience, it's other thing when you say you want more "baddie (pretty) friends that have your same aesthetic", essential say your friends aren't baddies (pretty) because they don't have similar features. I don't get that mindset, and avoid woman like her.

[@KoKo-ig3dj]

Is that really all she said in the video though? or was that one of the few things she mentioned? Not to cape for her but I think a lot of people have reduced what she said down to her wanting pretty friends, but the majority of it was her speaking on their bad choices in men and them not having options of quality. Again, not caping or excusing her disrespectful comments, but the term baddie is not just physical appearance. Being a baddie includes having access and privilege of some sort that will get you in certain spaces that being "regular" won't. Perhaps that's what she meant, but her delivery was off for sure.

[@raisaa1537]

I think she mentioned the same aesthetic because she thinks the reason why her friends don't have the same options as her is due to their looks. So the women who have similar features as her would presumably have the same experience as her. You can love your friends and still recognize that not all of them are conventionally attractive

[@KoKo-ig3dj]

@@raisaa1537 moreover, women who have the baddie-look (whatever that is lol when you see it you know) tend to have more access in general. It's not the looks itself, it's what the looks get you. I don't know sis but I can't just reduce it down to her wanting friends with her same features cause she wasn't really giving that in the video or the video she did after that.

[@pmerancier]

Me too I can't stand conceded people

[@2023NoThanks]

@@KoKo-ig3dj she said more, and it was also the way she was saying it, and how she was putting her so called friends business out. I think all of it combined, just left a bad taste for people. She started to delete all of it though when she started getting back lash for it. I saw most of it on another content creator live. Wanting more baddie friends and having friends that choose better of course isn't or shouldn't be a big deal, but I think people was coming for her because they didn't feel what she was saying even align with what she thought she brought. Nonetheless, I just know I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like her.

[@amethyststone1678]

She must of been light skin.

[@jessicaneeley77]

I am having this issue with my best friend of 14 years. We have both always struggled with our weight. After my experience with domestic violence, I got myself out of my depression and lost the weight. I finally took care of myself. She got married, has a loving relationship but does not invest in herself. I have gotten comments like “where are you going so dressed up?” “I have a husband, I don’t need to dress up”. I have decided to take a step back. I never thought my self improvement and happiness would be an issue in our friendship. Goes to show that misery loves company. Some people resent you doing better because they feel stuck.

[@rosedalinevaletine6931]

I say mention it. You’re an adult, you have nothing to fear but what ifs. Let her know you don’t like what she says and how she says it. If you love her and want this relationship to work, I’d mention it and see how she takes it. If she doesn’t take it well, move on and find new friends. It’s hard and sad, but sometimes it needs to be done.

[@joeannchaney1219]

I totally agree with you. This young lady sounds young and those surface level friends she is seeking may lead to her own demise.Might become women that she will compete with for her baddie lifestyle.When it all falls down who will she be able to have a real conversation with? I hope she finds her way..

[@missjones8123]

she is over 30! Time for her to grow up!

[@definingdarlene]

I watched the videos in the thread, and the approach was VERY wrong, the message, not so much. It sucks to see friends choose mediocre men, whether you are a self-proclaimed “baddie” or not. Relatability in friendships is needed in all aspects, including dating/relationship life. Create boundaries/ state expectations so you don't get to a breaking point where you ruin a friendship by sharing your friend's business on the internet.

[@queenbbeaute2654]

Facts💯

[@ginsu_pd]

Yeah

[@coughdrop650]

Two videos in one day!! We love a consistent queen☺❤

[@Richard-lh3te]

Can we discuss how the woman is average? I think the real issue is that she doesn’t like her “friends”.

[@Justonevideoplease]

Im not going to lie…as someone who doesn’t feel insecure with men, or isn’t subjected to the same negative feelings that some women speak of I get it. She was awful to post it but it’s human to feel tired about people doing things you wouldn’t do/ tolerate things / cry over things yet accept it etc…it’s tiring. I know it’s awful but everyone eventually experiences sympathy fatigue it’s a real thing. I wish I could snap my friends out of it sometimes. It’s not fair on them that they go through this but I do wish they would have more of a backbone and put more effort on themselves and just feel like the baddies that they could be!

[@KoKo-ig3dj]

Also we have no clue how long she's been friends with these people. I can't imagine how she could say something like this about people she JUST met lol it's giving i've know yall for 5-10+ years and yall are still on the same stuff lol. Ending friendships with people over their own decisions is much harder than ending one due to betrayal.

[@Justonevideoplease]

@@KoKo-ig3dj exactly!!! You watch people let themselves go or lose themselves in awful relationships. I got the impression She’s young enough to still be having fun and I sensed her friends are not acting as if they are…it’s not right but I understood her point

[@Mommasun_]

& we also have no clue about her love life. She probably doesn’t have great choice in men herself, just more options. The way she spoke about moving on to the next man sounded like she doesn’t have the skills to be in a real relationship. Yeah people get tired of other people complaining that’s why I think relationship issues are something to be discussed with a partner or a professional mostly. Nobody should be in our personal business like that friend or not. I don’t want my man talking about our business to his friends for advice so why should I

[@Justonevideoplease]

@@Mommasun_ Yeah don’t know her issues but from what she said she wants to have fun and doesn’t obsess over men. Nothing wrong with that either as she’s young too. People want to hate what she said as the truth often makes us uncomfortable.

[@AMMA83]

@@Justonevideoplease Not sure if either of these details are accurate but I read on the twitter thread that's she's in her mid 30s and is a single mother. It doesn't sound like she's having much luck with holding down a relationship.

[@aworte3266]

Reminds me of my sister, she's sweet to me but we always had different dating experiences. She's had guys buy her stuff all the time and stalk her, I've never had a relationship in my life.

[@unlovebreather]

The point about having a similar view on reality is very important. I had friends who seemed to find comfort when I was struggling and they were not. They would offer some sort of support but ultimately would always assess how they were not in this situation or subtly say stuff about how they wouldn't know what to do if they were in a similar situation as me. Made me feel really uncomfortable.

[@rosedalinevaletine6931]

I have a friend like that. I say one thing, she tells me I should still want this thing. I’m awkwardly private and I can tell she wants me to open up about things I tell NO ONE. Honestly, I love her, and she’s a great person, but it does add to that constant loneliness I feel. It’s weird how you can be surrounded by people and still be lonely.

[@yeahthatsher]

I wouldn't have had a problem with what the girl said if she was friendless and/or had pretty friends and wanted more. However, she basically dissed the regular friends she already had saying they weren't good enough.

[@ItsDaeMarie]

She’s allowed to want friends that replicate or raise the standard of the sort of life she wants to live, whatever life or standard that is. It’s even ok to grow out of friendships no matter who thinks your reasons are positive or negative. What is wrong, is her behavior. Getting online and exposing your friends and their matters and your ill feelings toward them and their situations is tacky and disrespectful. Cool you don’t know exactly who her friends are pero her friends know and if you’ve been around them I’m sure it’s not hard to piece together. So ppl may say whatever bc its not their truth pero labeling ppl bc of your own beliefs ain’t it either.

[@newnimprovesT3]

The internet (esp TWITTER) will humble ppl VERY quickly. 🤔 hmmm I get what she’s saying. She wanted better for her friends. I think what she’s speaking on is more of a mindset and yes she said aesthetic….but that too can be acquired by the average women. I won’t numerically rate her looks. But she appears to be the average looking women. Only difference is her skin is preference among society at large. So she may have had the confidence to go online and say this….but again the internet will humble ppl VERY quickly.

[@saraha1392]

I had a group of friends who enjoyed drinking and hooking up with random men. Nothing wrong with that but i had just moved to the area and was wanting to get to know people and realized quickly that hey their lifestyle and mine are very different. Some other situations where they put me in uncomfortable spots so that was another reason to end it

[@nla5307]

Whooooo caaaaaares about friends who can pull dudes. Give me a friend who is loyal, whose got morals, whose out here with a purpose in life. Thats why people in toxic relationships cus they don't know what you need in a friendship, everything is "aesthetic". She talking about options and talking down on her friends dudes but boo boo you gone get older and the same "options" gone be looking for something newer.

[@shantitakemoto1058]

It’s so necessary to be able to relate!!! I’m going through this right now, and trying to find more of a variety of friends to be able to reflect parts of my personality, interests, and what I’m going through. Our world is a little more complicated than it used to be, and my life needs some specific things-I have nerdy parts, I have needs at work, I enjoy the night life once in awhile, I love to laugh..I’m branching out a little and it’s ok! Good video, and I agree with almost everything you said!❤❤❤

[@N.Z99.]

You can create substance through your perspective about anything because this topic (initial tic toc) is so trivial.

[@kidawesomeness123]

Same with the will smith slap. A youtuber i watch made a whole deepdive into will’s life reflecting on how/why his behavior now could be influenced by his childhood. He even admitted “ yes the slap was stupid, but its one of the most complex and layered stupid things that happened in a while”

[@kari547]

I’m just fascinated by how intensely people are lashing out. I think many were so triggered by her poor choices of words that they didn’t care to hear the message. You’d think she’s directly talking about them or their men personally by the way some people are reacting lol.. feeling offended by something like this is an indication of other issues in my opinion.

[@k.alvarado6237]

I relate to her. This is why your friends need to be equally yoked to you. Usually people run with similarly attractive people.

[@WhoCares3001]

Yeah but IG revealed she is no "baddie". Charlotte Ross couture and beauty supply hair and bad 90s makeup. IT'S A NO!

[@ninaaden8338]

@@WhoCares3001 yawn.

[@WhoCares3001]

@@ninaaden8338 what's "yawn" is you all over the comment section angry af and defending yourself. 🤣

[@k.alvarado6237]

@@WhoCares3001 - being a baddie has levels to it, the prettiest girl in high school is a baddie in that environment. So if she’s the baddest in her environment then hey. She doesnt have to look like Kim K.

[@k.alvarado6237]

@@WhoCares3001 - something your not aware of, because your not a baddie

[@cynthianichole2732]

I know this might be a little bit on topic. But I think that some of it has to do with cognitive function. Based on my personality type I'm actually very bad at small talk but and more comfortable in deeper conversations. Someone with a different personality type would find me find me torturous to talk to. I lead with with interverted intutition. Somone leads with extroverted sensing would fit the baddie life style better.

[@misanthropicleo]

I just watched the reference video, and as someone who has NEVER been a baddie, I completely agree with the woman. I can imagine how frustrating it would be to see the friends you love, choosing a "worse" path than you.

[@SirDave]

I wanna say you look GEWD. I also was a part of that Twitter thread too.

[@runawayshay6409]

She should do bad all by herself then 😂 For reals, we’re so heavily socialized to prioritize romantic partnerships that we take for granted how important and essential platonic friendships are. When we’re young most of us base our relationships on fun, accessibility etc, as you get older it’s not what is important. Real healthy platonic and romantic relationships are based on trust, empathy, kindness, respect, support… qualities that make you want to build family and community. I hope this young woman learns this lesson well.

[@JohannahArrington1908]

@ Oh! Stephco … your self awareness is uncanny. It is obvious you are doing the difficult mental and emotional work. Kudos to you!

[@Justonevideoplease]

If I’m honest I struggled with so many of your story times because of this lol I found them sooooo frustrating lol like girlll wtf!! “Stand up”…. But then slowly I’ve learnt that yeah there’s a crowd for this. It’s not uncommon. I’m glad I’ve heard this side too. We all learn from each other

[@letyoufindme]

Oh man, I'm glad someone finally said it. I kept quiet because I didn't want to end up like her. 😭 It's just like when there's only 1 person in the friend group with a child. Yes, you can love everything about everyone. But, if you have a kid at home, you can't be going out all the time, having the same relationship/sexual exploits, no one understands your experiences and changes with your body, etc. You just want to surround yourself with like people. It's why new moms flock to blogs and facebook groups. She wants friends who are down to party, who aren't tying themselves to ain't shit men and then complaining over and over again (we've all had/been that friend. Either staying with the same dude, or moving from one to the next, but is ALWAYS COMPLAINING). I also don't think it's wrong to acknowledge she possibly has more/different options than her friends and that could be because of colorism/featurism, body size and shape, etc. I don't think she was coming from a place of malice. Instead, I think she was just venting (which venting on the internet is.......but we've all done it) HOWEVER, she was wrong. She wasn't able to express what she meant in an articulate way and she didn't understand that the way she worded it was going to rub people the wrong way. I also think she wasn't expecting the backlash. Random things always go viral. She really could have thought it was going to reach only the people who follow her.

[@Morenita570]

She’s unmarried with a kid. She’s not a baddie.

[@itslonda4157]

Please, she has tiktoks about men asking her for money… she’s dealing with the same trash men her friends are. She just thinks she’s better than them.

[@letyoufindme]

@@itslonda4157 I did not delve into her social media and I don't care to. Her wants are legitimate. We all have them in some form or fashion. Her venting just shouldn't have been public.

[@nycrawgirl]

Yes, it was the fact that she was so inarticulate that I cringed through the whole thing. I kept thinking of the men she is getting--she's not getting someone like Obama or another intelligent Black man. She should stop bragging when I can't imagine her with a quality man. They just wouldn't be interested in her. It takes more than looks.

[@Deettamonique]

What she said was completely foul. Smh its a mess .

[@brib6046]

You are sooooo intelligent, insightful, and empathetic! I loved this video (and at the risk of sounding cringy and parasocial) I felt like I was listening to a big sister doling out some wisdom! When I read the title I was wondering what was this about and my messy self kinda wanted to see the video but I appreciate you not posting it. Also I love your necklace!

[@deborahmoussa]

I was friends with a baddie and it did not work, we literally didn't have anything in common, it was always awkward and weird.

[@heyitsayo815]

Boundaries are very important. Ppl tend to neglect them in friendships. You have to be very clear what is needed and expected in every relationship.

[@MiraMira0ntheWall]

100% agree. Her delivery was wrong. However, I'm closer to ppl I can relate to. It's hard to respond to Constant foolery from friends. I'll just distant myself. I need the energy to be at a similar frequency. Overly Negative or mean girls are quickly removed.

[@samanthacruz5587]

I just want to say that you look great. You’re glowing. You always have great unbiased feedback and I love how you carry yourself!

[@nycrawgirl]

As much as she bragged about getting the men, I know the men who would date her I wouldn't give a second look. I love intelligence and I can't imagine a man who also values intelligence valuing her. She doesn't seem like someone I would even want to bring to a nice function.

[@jalondradavis2473]

You always have an interesting nuanced take on these things. That girl was a mess but it’s true we all can’t relate on everything. I have different deferent kinds of conversations with different groups of friends and get different things from those relationships. Some friendships have changed or dissipated because we were in such different places in our lives. And that’s ok.

[@iamsh0t0]

Yes! I’m 21 I have my own car and a good paying job and I’m moving for school/to be on my own this august out of state … I have a friend who’s the same age as me been friends for 10 years but she has no car, no driver license, no job. I tell her she should get these things and she make excuses and procrastinate… I’m more vibrant and energetic and my clothes reflect that…she’s the opposite…I enjoy my co workers more than her lately because we’re on the same level ish compared to my friend and it makes me sad that it’s that way Thank you for this video!! I agree!!

[@asiakhan5314]

When you read the definition for baddie and it said “grew up being bullied and lacking confidence” and you said we’re not gonna focus on that part 🤣🤣🤣

[@Marvelous_M]

I love your analogy at 7:37 - I prefer to share my experiences with people who understand and can relate. I don’t even think it’s fair to share our burden or problems with people we find “more successful” sometimes they aren’t helpful. I’m referring to working out, or getting a job. Love you content Steph!💙

[@KoKo-ig3dj]

Just looking at the twitter comments under the video posted is insane. People have taken one or two of her videos and created a whole narrative of her life based on 2 minutes of video footage, and because she put it online they're well within their right. This is one of those thoughts that you have to really just keep to yourself, not that it's wrong (necessarily) but because it could be easily misconstrued. She said what i'm sure a lot of women have thought before, but her saying it is what made her look like a villian, Who knows, she and her friends may have the type of relationship where brutal honesty is okay which is what led her to feel comfortable posting it, but after seeing how quickly random people on the internet have blown it up, I know her friends gotta feel some type of way.

[@suoutubez19]

Agreed. Very weird that she recorded her friend and uploaded it to the internet for the world to mock said friend.

[@ayemiksenoj5254]

As messed up as this may sound I bet she's going to be just fine. She's young and conventionally beautiful from what I can gather. She'll be offered grace and room to grow. An the women who agree with her will want to be her friends. At the end of the day she was at least, "being honest". If she was older, unattractive, fat, ect. ect it would be very different. Even though I don't know everything she said I agree with the jist of it. I've never met or been around anyone like me and it's been extremely hard my entire life in friendships and relationships because I always had to be the one to change and adapt. Yes, I know that's people pleasing and there's more to it. However, the facts still remain to this day. Right now, I'm not even looking for friends because it's just become too much and I enjoy getting to know and being with myself. An I'm not interested in settling for being around people that are very different. Been there, done that. It's exhausting!

[@infinitespiral6758]

A very wise comment.

[@ayemiksenoj5254]

@@infinitespiral6758, thank you. However, I wish it weren't true, in both situations.

[@tikdoe7563]

Well said. Although it sounds like this situation isn't simply about wanting to be around similar people (I haven't watched the video & probably won't lol, I'm just reading the comments to get the jist of what's going on). It can be exhausting to constantly accommodate everyone else & not knowing what it's like to be around people like you, there are just certain types of people that seem to have tons of people who are just like them, similar ethnic backgrounds, similar family backgrounds, economical status, education, interests, goals, personality types. for example the WW that everyone calls "basic" there are just SO MANY OF THEM, it's like they're all the same, & thats not an insult, just an example of the types that have tons of people to relate to.

[@ayemiksenoj5254]

@@tikdoe7563, for the young lady Stephanie is talking about it may not be. However, for me it is. Looking back over my life that's what would've really made the biggest difference. It would have let me know it was okay to be different and be my authentic self. Young people are learning that now off rip. I didn't get that message from ANYONE. I got the message that I was off, bad, wrong, ect, and to hide myself at all cost to basically survive, even from the most well intentioned people. It stunted my growth as a person. I'm still stunted in my 40's. It's not something you can just shake off, even though I have the head knowledge. I'm still alone so it still feels like I'm made wrong somehow. An most of the time when I tell people I've never met anyone like me they get offended like it's a personal attack to them. Or they want to list all the ways we're alike. I just shake my head, say you missed the point. An either stop talking or leave/move because I'm not going to waste my time trying to further explain.

[@tikdoe7563]

@@ayemiksenoj5254 Sometimes even being told it's okay to be different isn't enough, it's not the same as being around people who are just like you, it's not the same as seeing actual representations of people like you in the media & in your peers, you're totally right in that it can stunt a person's growth becuase usually it's during the formative years (childhood & adolescence) that these peers & representations matter most.

[@cassc7669]

I think friends always want the best for each other. However I agree that we all need some people in our lives who share similar life experiences and points of view. It keeps us sane to know we are not alone.

[@victoriabanks7701]

This turtleneck looks nice on youuu!

[@giselgoesrawr]

no because when you said “i’ll link it back to astrology if you let me” i was like YES PLEASE😅. seriously Steph, i love your perspective and take on astrology, it’s refreshing and VERY interesting (so please know if you ever want to make astrology based videos you will always have my view lol).

[@amazingdoublea]

Every tv show about friends who grew up together has an episode where some of the friend group is rich and some of them are struggling. It's always a point of conflict to be friends with people out of comfortability rather than compatibility but sometimes we'll find the grass is always greener. You could get those baddie friends/rich friends and then feel a sense of imposter syndrome or inferiority.

[@realgena1]

She seems to be making a false equivalence between being a baddie and having good romantic relationships. We've all seen this is not true. I haven't seen her content, but based on what I gather here she also seems to be conflating men treating her well and spending money on her. Or maybe I just have different perspectives on these things. While I try not to be judgmental about different perspectives, I do fear that these narrow boxes for both men and women eventually end up leaving everyone (or at least 90% of us) dissatisfied and disillusioned.

[@tessy28]

Does she not understand that a man can still spend tons of money on a woman and act like an asshole. It's not a big deal for men to spend money on a woman if he has it. It's how he treats you emotionally and mentally that's the most important.

[@lucyarnum6476]

i wish you had a kids version of your youtube channel because this discussion is not just for adults. The foundation of our personality is formed in our childhood years. I hope one day you will take on the challenge of returning to educating children, but on your own terms.

[@infinitespiral6758]

That's a great idea!

[@wheeltolive1117]

I love how you think! You went beyond the surface level of this woman's video and thought about how you can extrapolate one issue and make it relatable for others.

[@maryhannah9685]

This video was on point. You saw the assignment and understood it. I don't think she's exactly the villain, it's always the delivery.

[@writeousrhema]

I'll be honest. I wish I had more spiritual/prophetic friends and smarter friends. It does get lonely when you have to experience so much of your life alone. I get what she meant but she dismissed the quality of her true basic-looking friends.

[@aaliyaha.1285]

You think your friends aren’t smart?

[@writeousrhema]

@@aaliyaha.1285 think or know?

[@nikaferro]

My husband just bought me a boat!! Hilarious. Yep... cannot relate.

[@ChrissyAnn85]

I think what she was trying to say she wants a group of friends who attract top tier men. Because a group of “baddies” will attract confident, attractive, accomplished men. Whereas when your the only baddie amongst average women you attract average men who you don’t really want. Most Baddies want the top 10% of men not regular degular guys.

[@UrbanDecayLova247]

A group of “baddies” won’t always attract “top-tier” men though 😂😂 that’s what’s funny. I’m not a stereotypical “baddie” and I don’t deal with men who financially don’t have their shit together, so sure they could attract men like that but being a confident, attractive, accomplished man doesn’t mean you won’t be dealing with a narcissist, a man who is rude, a pathological liar or cheater, or even a love-bomber. Like a woman’s beauty doesn’t mean she’ll only be dealing with great men - that’s laughable - some of the most beautiful women I know have dealt with the worst of the worst men in terms of character.

[@sashaedwards3745]

This is an interesting topic, I definitely can understand to some extent. I've been in the position where I've cried and complained about some of these no good men to some of my friends who are considered "the standard" and they have looked at me like I'm crazy. They just didn't understand so I can see why it's better to be around people who have similar experiences.

[@eryabolonha]

I actually believe relatability is sort of dangerous when put like that. People in general like to be around people they relate to based on appearance. Our lack of understanding and accepting things, people and ideas different than ours make us very one-sided, which in my opinion, can be harmful. But I also understand what you're saying

[@belleramaisa6568]

I agree that she didn't need to mock her friends online, but your take on her situation is really eye-opening for me. I never really understood why I can't relate to some of my friends, especially those I have had since high school (I'm in my mid-30s now). I realise that we don't have the same reality any longer. Thanks for the video.