Shomer Negiah: Appropriate Interaction Between Men & Women

Interview with the head of Machon Shilo, Rabbi David Bar-Hayim
לצפות בראיון בעברית:
• שומר נגיעה: התנהגות הו...

[@margarita8416]

it limits an ability to get a job & often complicates the business. however on personal interaction, I find it liberating not to shake hands with men on the social occasions. thank you for this exploration

[@silverkitty2503]

Takes a lot of courage not to shake hands.

[@tehufn]

Just bow like the Japanese.

[@reuventeller6344]

@@tehufn that might be considered idol worship to bow

[@TheBlackHermit]

Great video. Having this standard helps avoid illicit relationships while single and married.

[@batyaseguin3810]

Thank you so much Rabbi. I am new to being Shomer Negiah and did not know how to phrase it when the situation presents itself. I will use your tip on what to say.

[@LisaLiel]

There are two things that were unclear to me. The first is why ערווה is understood as any member of the opposite sex, rather than one of the עריות. The second is why shaking hands is comparable to hugging and kissing. While it's true that hugging and kissing were at one time, and in some places, a casual greeting, similar to hand shaking today, there is still a major difference. Hugging is full body contact, and kissing is inherently intimate. Lips are a very sensitive part of the body. Shaking hands doesn't seem to be in the same realm as hugging and kissing.

[@LisaLiel]

@@CrawlingAxle ?

[@zepafra]

I clearly understand that Jewish people want to get back a national identity after centuries of exile but I do really hope that these extreme religious views will not pass. Maybe in the west the vast majority of "first date interactions" have become very inappropriate but it is not a good reason to go too far in the opposite direction.

[@sigmanocopyrightmusic8737]

How is this too far in the opposite direction. Hugging and kissing someone of the opposite sex is in appropriate. It's not extreme. It's basic modesty

[@kenpukandojo7292]

Very clear and logical. Those that complain just need to work more on their middot and not let their yetser hara control them.

[@lourak613]

And if a non-Jew or irreligious Jew offered one a ride on Shabbos, is the Rabbi saying that in this case as well, one should accept the rider so as not to offend the person offering the ride? Where does one draw the line? For that matter, Rabbi Auerbach did not give a heter - but only mentioned that he saw such a psak in a book (the author of which he had forgotten). It is unlikely that the author was a gadol b'Yisroel, or his name would surely have been remembered by Rabbi Auerbach.

[@The_Temple]

how about simply respecting adults as such - no need for such archaic thinking

[@faisalalshaibi415]

This is almost like what we have in Islam, but is there any sort of punishment for those who have sex with each other without being married to each other ...?

[@davidroberts3262]

There used to be severe consequences, but they haven't been practiced for some time. The Rabbi in the video really wants to bring them back though including giving people lashes for disobedience, otherwise people think their behaviour is ok and acceptable.

[@dmsalomon]

There is no biblical punishment for extramarital sex (assuming that the women is pure, and other technicalities), but I believe it still prohibited. The rabbis had the power in the past to give punishment for such an action, but that hasnt been practiced in a very long time. Regardless, this behavior is not considered acceptable in any orthodox community that I know of

[@michaelb.2018]

Rav Auerbach never said it's muttar. he said he saw in a sefer that the unknown author says it's muttar.

[@FlinnGaidin]

Maybe so...but why would you even bring it up, if not as an example for a situation where it was permitted? "I read somewhere, that someone said it was okay in such a circumstance. But actually it's not." _That_ seems very odd. He could have much easier said a plain "No, it's never permissible." What _does_ make sense is him using this as corroboration to an opinion that it _is_ okay under such circumstances. He could have said a plain "Yes, it is acceptable to shake hands in order to avoid insult". But saying "Yes, it is acceptable to shake hands in order to avoid insult, and I read a rabbi's opinion elsewhere that supports this." makes more sense than the former senario.

[@GatheringJacob]

You say this is regarding a “Torah Jew” and then the whole video mentions not 1 passage of Torah. I am not saying I disagree but it would have been more advantageous to prove your view from Torah specifically.

[@Keter-royalerestorations]

Actually he does mention a pasuk in the Torah, but not by chapter and verse, as the phrase appears in many verses. *Do not approach...to uncover their ervah/nakedness".

[@middlemanscaggs]

I once asked a rabbi about divorce, and he said many people get divorced for monetary reasons:)))

[@user-ih1om5vm9j]

A top cause statistically. The other two? Infidelity. Lack of “intimacy”. Therefore in theory Shomer negiah keeps marriages more strong and satisfying building strength maintaining sensitivity to intimacy and proven steady loyalty.

[@MrPickledede]

Unfortunately my generation of young men unless you are rich find it impossible to get a date let alone marry

[@americanbobtail1]

You are right on that one. You need to make at least 250K a year and at the same time they want you to be shomer shabbos and take off for all the holidays as well. There is no way you can win.

[@thiernobalde7325]

Very very interesting! But where these actual Jew expect to be in hearafther ? Maybe to the stocks market? Anyone who denies. Any messenger ..heaving will be a difficult place to get

[@akivatalansky]

Who denies what? Be more specific.

[@middlemanscaggs]

Maybe the rabbi is compensating for his open thinking articles, decrying rabbinic fallacies, by talking monasticism filth of the rabbis.

[@middlemanscaggs]

And you wonder why ther eis so much child abuse and homosexuality in the yeshiva and frum world.

[@ephjaymusic]

middlemanscaggs I think you're confusing poor education/closed mindedness with basic halalchot.

[@ephjaymusic]

Generations of people brainwashed with extreme chumra type mentality almost always leads to weird behaviours and total disconnect from the real world.