sometimes, i think about dying | Sundance Short Film About Depression

Fran is thinking about dying, but a man in the office might want to date her.
Stefanie Abel Horowitz's "sometimes, i think about dying" is a short film which premiered at Sundance 2019, and won awards at Aspen and Palm Springs. A masterful exercise in tone, and a refreshingly honest examination of depression and social isolation, the short walks a fine line in examining its protagonist's dark malaise, but also weaving in humor, as Fran must decide whether to open herself up to connection.
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"The film begins with narration by its protagonist Fran: “My world is in a universe, my country is in a world. My state is in a country, my city is in a state…” Fran’s nesting classifications continue to shrink down in scale until she arrives at herself-in a bed, in a room, in a house. Her taxonomical impulse is an attempt to instill order and clarify her place the universe, a place she struggles to understand. Yet the cosmic scale of her ordering reveals her deepest truth about the overall insignificance of that existence. Living is something of a burden to Fran, and she ultimately is ambivalent towards it.
sometimes, i think about dying is masterful exercise in tone, and a refreshingly honest examination of depression and social isolation. Horowitz’s film walks a fine line between the punishingly dark malaise of Fran’s condition and relatable humor. Fran is funny after all, with a quick wit, but her social awkwardness and disparaging inner monologue are debilitating. She floats through life by going through the motions, absent friends or hobbies, until a co-worker takes an interest in her.
Robert (Jim Sarbh) is gentle and sensitive too on first blush, yet with an assuredness that is captivating to Fran. He strikes up gentle flirtations around the office and trades texts that she agonizes over responding to, until he asks her out on a date. Fran is perplexed-what does he see in her? This is a mystery to the viewer as well, and tension is built throughout the film as we fear the potential affect of a clumsy or ill-intentioned remark or deed by Robert upon Fran’s fragile psyche.
Fran is meek, and the film reflects this quality. From the purposeful lack of capitalization of its title that reads like a whisper, to the visual grammar of the cinematography. The shots are languid, full of slow, subtle pushes. Utilizing an ultra-wide aspect, this extra space is often used to isolate Fran, minimizing her presence as she is pushed to the corner of frames.
To the immense credit of Horowitz and Wright-Mead, this meekness is fundamental to Fran’s character and to the arc of the film. It is not disguised as a quirk, there is no vivaciousness hinted at under the surface. Robert is not a hero that swoops in to rescue her from “the blues” and there is no triumphant note to the film where Fran “snaps out of it”. The duo appear to intimately understand depression and the way it is commonly misunderstood. It is not often merely a layer on top of a personality, the metaphorical “dark cloud”, but something deeply ingrained. It is not the dampening of mood, but the negation of it, and Fran, more clearly than any depiction I’ve seen in film exemplifies this.
The film’s fidelity to depicting depression does not mean the film is without catharsis however, in fact it makes the conclusion of the film that much more powerful. Fran is able to finally articulate her fundamental reservations to Robert-why? Why take an interest in worthless me? With this breakthrough she might also be able to finally share that one true thing about herself that she carries throughout the film." - S/W Curator, Jason Sondhi
CREDITS
Directed by: Stefanie Abel Horowitz
Starring: Katy Wright-Mead, Jim Sarbh
Screenplay by: Stefanie Abel Horowitz & Katy Wright-Mead and Kevin Armento
Based on the play killers by: Kevin Armento
Director of Photography: Matthew Pothier
Edited by: Stephanie Kaznocha
Producers: Stefanie Abel Horowitz, Katy Wright-Mead
Executive Producers: Patrick James Lunch, Ryan Gielen
Co-/Line Producer: Jessica Lauren Richmond
Music Composed by: Savannah Wheeler
Sound Design: Michael Capuano
Colorist: Arianna Shining Star Pane
Visual Effects: Jane Parisi
Visual Effects: Navid Sanati
Assistant Director: Craig Newman
Gaffer: Adam Belanger
Assistant Camera: Ant Wheeler
Production Sound: David Beede
Grip: Benjamin Moniz
Script Supervisor: Emma Yarbrough
DIT: Caitlin Reeves
Hair & Makeup: Agustina Sosa
Production Design: Pete Hansen
Wardrobe: Annie Gamber
Production Coordinator: Cody Dugan
Production Assistant: Jarrod Lynch Anderson
Locations Manager: Andrew Simon
Intuitive Cook: Isaac Fosl-Van Wyke
Made Possible With: Entertainment To Affect Change + Believe Limited + More Media
Reproduced on this channel with the permission of the filmmakers

[@shortoftheweek]

Re-uploaded from this morning due to an audio issue! Thanks for the patience 💕

[@Liuhuayue]

The sound is a lot more clear now! :)

[@dustinsmith8341]

Is the ending messed up? It cuts her off mid sentence.

[@Liuhuayue]

@@dustinsmith8341 I think that was intentional since the original video also had that. I'm guessing it's supposed to make you think about the title and also leave you to wonder about his reaction and if things will change for her after she finally confided in someone.

[@tanrose8645]

@@dustinsmith8341 Intentional... She's going to tell him about her 'death thoughts', I think~

[@nadnnares]

thankyou for re-uploading short film. this is so great

[@pabiwabi08]

I love how patient robert is to her. Present but not insistent and not rushing her, giving her space to breathe. Seeing through her. Some of us need a Robert.

[@shortoftheweek]

100% and yet we were on pins and needles the whole time worrying that Robert would prove to be none of these things

[@pabiwabi08]

@@shortoftheweek I guess we should start trusting through the pain then. 🌼

[@tania_siebzehn]

yes

[@ahmeduzair9999]

you will definitely friendzone robert

[@pabiwabi08]

@@ahmeduzair9999 Def No, but aren't you a ball of happiness. Who hurt you?

[@rebeccagreen7241]

I forgot that she was an actor playing lines written for her by someone else. The writing and acting is that good! Hair, costumes, camerawork, editing... everything so good. Wish I could watch another hour and a half

[@katywm]

Well... it might've helped that she was a writer on the film! Thanks for the kind words! We had a heck of a team, from Matthew Pothier (DP) to Stephanie Kaznocha (editor) and everyone in between. PS - The feature is in the works so you'll get your wish!

[@anny5536]

@@katywm Amazing piece! Really, thanks for that.

[@rebeccagreen7241]

@@katywm I imagine that DID help but it's proof of more talent, not less :-). I'm excited to hear a feature film is in the works!! My wishes don't normally come true that fast!

[@katywm]

@@rebeccagreen7241

[@katywm]

@@anny5536 thank you :)

[@rabekkijeanate8774]

If someone told me that they wanted to spend their birthday (or any day honestly) with me I'd cry too...

[@fvs3189]

People dont want me around when im that quiet. She is lucky

[@umm--__--]

FV S I want to find a woman I can be quiet with. I dream about sitting and reading in each other’s presence. I want to listen to the world with her. I want to become invisible with her. I just want her. Her. Her. Okay, it’s time for me to go to sleep now. I hope Morpheus brings her to me tonight, unencumbered by his brothers Phobetor and Phantasos.

[@fvs3189]

umm • _ oh wow your words made me feel very hopeful.that maybe one day i will find someone like you. Thats nice. Habaha im sure Morpheus will bring her to you .

[@evanantonola4935]

Sometimes people dont really want you. When you are quiet people just find it hard to know what is going on inside you. Sometimes they feel you dont want them to talk with you. Sometimes they have other problems to deal with themselves. It is not really about you. I like being alone and quiet. But sometimes you need to break that silence from time to time. Just find things that interest you, like art or sports, and meet people with the same interest. Be happy being you. Embrace it. With all your imperfections. Love yourself. At the end of the day, the most important talk is the one you do with yourself. :)

[@atpcliff]

Most introverts are with an extrovert. I think that is the most common type of couple. My parents were BOTH introverts, which NEVER happens (1 out of 2000 families in the US have two adult introverts heading the family).

[@ellapok1357]

Being introverted is a life of thinking about how much easier it would be to be extroverted

[@spastikps4916]

Sadly, I really relate to her. I don't think other people understand how lonely one can be, even while surrounded by others. I feel like I am simply biding time until I die and that nothing that happens between now and that moment will matter. So, I wait. Depression is like a drug you're addicted to and can't quit. Only with depression, the drug is in your head and there is no treatment...there is no escape.

[@emilyspy9938]

Spastik PS4 😔

[@maggiestg]

OMG same here!!!!! I just can’t figure out what’s the point….

[@angelicacruz5971]

There’s escape in Jesus!

[@spastikps4916]

@@angelicacruz5971 Yea...I don't believe in fairy tales sweetie. There is no god. Not like the ones anyone on this planet follows.

[@tillytill07]

You are important. You are amazing and you belong. Just breath.

[@MeghaTRONProductions]

The way she interacts with the world around her is so painfully awkward and relatable at the same time. I giggled, I was stressed, I cried, I felt so many other emotions all at once like holy crap this is really good stuff right here. Not to mention the ending was both abrupt, but satisfying because we knew what we needed to know and it felt complete

[@adamchisum2150]

Exactly. It is the story of someone getting close enough to someone to share that thought.

[@Oshin_Life]

In the end, she decides to open up. I'm so happy she is not isolating herself.

[@SLR_96]

When she said "say something" it got me so bad... I truly felt that part

[@star-_]

Yes, where is the sequel, I want to know what she said😤

[@ChelseaLupkin]

This is one of those painfully awkward films that both give me anxiety and joy! I loved how this story unfolded and I couldn't help but laugh at the attempt at love!

[@Nekr0n35]

"Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind withering my intuition leaving opportunities behind" Songtext: Tool - Lateralus

[@charlottegrace6656]

One of my favourite songs of all time

[@52down]

@@charlottegrace6656 It's one of the best songs of all time

[@mariea82]

“What do you do apart from work?” “I don’t really do anything” this is me 😭

[@za761]

yup me too. so me

[@jessiequinton9974]

Lmaoo I truly despise that question

[@nikkixo6334]

I hope there’s people out there as understanding and patient as Robert with mental health

[@e_kychkina9170]

Oh no, that girl, she is so ruined inside... brilliant play, an actress made it feel so true, that her depression is almost tangible. The way she moves, the way she looks, the way she cries, everything.

[@katywm]

[@kincaiddebell2827]

“I can’t believe I’m think about thread count” I loved that line so incredibly much

[@katywm]

That line is from the play it's based on. "killers' by Kevin Armento.

[@ellemariea2620]

sorry, but what does the thread count mean?

[@beverleywithane]

@@ellemariea2620 It's the number of threads sown (both horizontal and vertically) into a bedsheet. The higher the number, the softer the sheets tend to be.

[@BrownsdragonStudios]

@@ellemariea2620 It's the number of threads in a sheet, probably measured in a square inch.

[@atpcliff]

@@ellemariea2620 Unless it's flannel sheets, the higher the thread count, the softer the fabric, and the more expensive, generally...

[@sickvision2717]

This hit me right in my system's feelings department.

[@nedimgarip]

When the movie was over I felt lonely as if I was in space.

[@katywm]

We're all floating together.

[@dddila]

@@katywm we all floating down here

[@jime.5435]

Me too.

[@mariztle]

This is beautiful but borderline creepy and cozy. I love it

[@katywm]

"creepy and cozy" is my actual favorite review.

[@Bobby1998]

How is it creepy?

[@earthavi]

i love everything about this honestly. the actress is fantastic, the minimal facial expressions and tense muscles are such great depictions for what depression and social anxiety feels and looks like. her inner monologue as well, unsettlingly accurate. and i love that the ending isn’t necessarily a happy one but still hopeful. very cool seeing judy’s as well! :) 💞

[@applesewer2684]

So interesting watching this after seeing the feature length film. I can see the true heart behind it now. So touching. I feel so much love for Katy Wright-Mead. I must've watched this short before because I found a comment of mine from 3 years ago that said, "I hate movies that cut from 4 lines of dialogue straight to sex. Is that normal in most people's world?" I feel bad now. I must not have connected as much back then.

This is incredible. Truly incredible. Thanks for this piece of art, i dont exagerate saying im going to remember all of my life. The editting, the dialog, de monolog, the expectation, the changes of the tone, the actress, the actress that looks to be incredible at voice acting this short, the PERFECT planes, the tempo.... Everything. Stefanie Abel Horowitz, thanks for bring this to the world and please, please keep in this world. I mean in the filmmaking world, for god sakes jaja. Fuck i hope you have more work, im going to search it now. Ill take this short as reference, its really.... beautifull. Thanks again.

[@katywm]

This was only Stef's second film! She had just transitioned from theater the year it was made. But there will be more to come! She's a natural!

[@yourenotallrightspider]

It's so hard to attain genuine human emotion in a short. This one exceeds. So well done. "I wanted to spend it with you." "Why?" Crushing!

[@AutieTeleDexBaBrBo]

I'm unsure about rewatching this again, because I watched this at Drunken Film Festival in Bradford, but I enjoyed the film. It felt absolutely awful to watch, as it feels like watching the same mood I often have.

[@user-sw4qd2up2s]

I understand what's it's like to be shy and socially awkward. This film captures that brilliantly. It also shows that sometimes there IS a person out there for us that sees what others overlook. Robert was very sweet and kind. I was so happy they found eachother.

[@ellemariea2620]

the asmr of this video is unreal i love it

[@plutonis6562]

Only now am I discovering this film, but it's quite relatable. Having battled depression myself, what Fran thinks about, and how she thinks about them, are similar to how I've felt in the past. The overall awkwardness is also familiar. I applaud the team for showing depression in such a candid and raw manner, as it's not often that I see films tackle this subject with the kind of honesty displayed here, particularly the part where she breaks down into tears at the end at the realization that, yes, someone actually cares about her and wants to be with her despite how she sees herself. This hits close to home and is so well acted, staged, and presented. My compliments to all of the crew and cast.

[@patrician8822]

Every detail of this was great, even the way she talks and how shy she sounds. Thank you for thiss

[@jukx5892]

I love it so much! Have watched it 5 times already since the first upload.

[@argtv100]

oh boy ...

[@shortoftheweek]

Wow! Only 4 times for us

[@djokerdevil]

Jim Sarbh is phenomenal here. Proud Indian Moment.

[@wierd_fishez]

god. i wish everyone was just like robert. may we all find our roberts

[@ooLevityoo]

I wish this was made into a feature-length film

[@katywm]

working on it ;)

[@AndradeFacu]

@@katywm

[@gizzy20001]

I just found out the feature length adaptation has finished shooting recently, different cast but hopefully Daisy can pull off the same broken Fran

[@victoriarabanal]

I can relate to this so much, it's really good. Real anxiety sounds exactly her thoughts.

[@aknee3042]

I love her voice so much- it reminds me of the narration in What Remains Of Edith Finch

[@Pandaboomina]

The song in the background goes , “I’m alone, I’m alone, just like you”

[@tracy1765]

Both of them are a lot alike, a touching and real story both are amazing actors

[@Mr_Xzanders]

This short is Oscar worthy....i'm writting it NOW, this short will win the Academy Award for Best Live Action Short Film!

[@reginacaldwell1300]

This was a good film. Relatable with people with depression and anxiety who often times overthink on another level.

[@megxx4699]

I saw it just once but I think in a really brief amount of time it can well represent how depression can affect a person's life. With very little dialogue but great use of photography and light the director does a very good job, representing depression in young people in a delicate way. Defenetely worth seeing.

[@EggnogonthebogProductions]

We have all had that feeling of wanting to die...but sometimes...

[@sarahw103]

What I *LOVE* is, even though I started by thinking I personally do not like this portrayal of depression since I did not feel like it was accurate, I WAS THEN able to see and read that so many people are resonating with it!! Which is fantastic! So to me, this is a great example of how we all can experience depression/anxiety differently, and that art/cinema/film/storytelling can be such a great look into a world we don’t know or a great way to view an experience/emotion/illness/symptom/and more with different eyes. Congrats on being a shortlist nominee for the Oscars too!! 😊😊

[@Liuhuayue]

Head canon: Fran Bow, all grown up into a morbid, depressed adult after her traumatizing childhood.

[@shortoftheweek]

🤔

[@deleahperry2284]

I love this theory

[@imagineer99]

Such a deftly constructed short. Hard to pull off this sort of subtle filmmaking in such a compelling way."

[@goutamsarkar5288]

It's so great to see Jim Sarbh shine in these roles that are subtle yet he gets to bring so much of himself sadly in Bollywood he is not appreciated enough.

[@northernhighlandmist1478]

Wow that was really PAINFUL to watch - in a good way! Great acting on both actors!

[@flavorlens]

Amazing acting, writing and directing. As a filmmaker myself this gives me a lot of inspiration 👍

[@morgansalzburg3934]

agreed

[@sassynana5201]

Wow! Great acting. I want to hug Fran until she relaxes into herself.

[@elnavandermerwe5098]

oh, this is such a clever and tender film. thank you

[@HeavenlySunset24]

I think about it everyday, every other thought, sometimes one right after the other. All I need is one person to show me this kind of care.

[@avigaile2243]

Great shot film, really good depiction of depression and anxiety. It's slightly comforting to know that I don't have it as bad as it can get

[@linedpaper5374]

this is truly beautiful - in form and substance. cheers to everyone involved in making it. thank you for sharing.

[@KelvinWKiger]

What an actress!..

[@JazWho-hg2zh]

The ending is genius. True human connections are the most beautiful and healing thing. And it's becoming more and more rare because everyone is depressed.

[@sshhayne]

Thank you for this, lovely

[@Sjalabais]

Equal parts depressing and uplifting. Weird one that will be hard to forget...well done!

[@wooderdsaunders6801]

Very good . An insight to depresson. Maybe make a companion movie, within his mind in most of the same scenes.

[@katywm]

Oooh I don't hate that idea :)

[@madyodell.9542]

@@katywm puli u yo yuyohh huh p

[@carolinar.a.7425]

Just WOW! The interpretations are amazing, at some point in my adolescence I was her. Very impressive how translates this kind of state of mind and feelings in a film.

[@ektameshram2369]

Jim Sarbh is pure bliss. ❤️

[@mudassirahmedi5617]

I can relate to the girl's character because I was very much like her , I got into depression and became an introvert I did find a girl I really loved after that but the awkwardness in me led to the failure of our relationship. I never found someone who could understand what I was going through

[@GeneRuthDayawon]

I felt like Im watching my own story. Weird

[@andreiangel8345]

Me too

[@davidortiz3094]

Interesting how so many can relate. Including I.

[@drgamerstat66]

Apart from the death ideas...she is me,,her thoughts , awkwardness everything..goshh!!

[@srishti408]

i like how jim is not doing an accent. great job done man!

[@mohdrahat9417]

There's a lot more things to admire about him.He's a gem.

[@vision1visuals983]

WOW! So dope! I love it. I love how she allowed herself to let go just a little bit to live in the now and not her detrimental comfort.

[@berkeskaya]

The made-up movie they see, Little Luxuries, is significant. The name refers to precious things that make life worth to live, but go unseen as they're little. Their size also pails in comparison to Fran's cosmic despair when she thinks of the universe, the world, her house and her self. Fran doesn't like Little Luxuries. In fact, "she didn't really think anything about that movie", because all these so-called little luxuries mean nothing to Fran in her current suicidal mindset. She apologizes for not liking it, and Robert reacts like it's unnecessary. That foreshadows how Robert will be understanding of Fran's dark thoughts and feelings. Then Robert thanks Fran for "not walking out", metaphorically for not walking out of life by suicide. Of course characters aren't aware of these, it's the writer's marks. Then, after sleeping with Robert, Fran starts thinking more about little things: His fingers, his lips, his smell, his sheets. She's even curious about his sheets' thread count, something as little as possible, and something that makes her feel alive and cheerful. Then during their vacation, she says she came to like the movie more and more, while Robert says he didn't think much about it. Robert and Fran are in a similar place. He understands her, even if he doesn't think about dying. When they first meet, Fran feels nervous with Robert, but at the end, she's comfortable enough to open up about

[@enzosvera]

in this version, not only is she broken, Robert is broken too. In Rachel Lambert's version, everything is more diluted, more "stylized". I like this version, which is a bit more intimate.

[@veerchasm1]

The Office without the documentary crew…

[@ash155]

This movie is just beautiful ✨

[@nirsh1000]

Thank you for showing to world, the people like us , I guess...!🥺

[@noelpaganotti]

Amazing film! I had the chance of seeing it play in sundance! And I remember it made me want to go out and make a film! I am still inspired until today about this short film, and remember seeing the two main actors and the director standing right there at the front. If I'm not wrong they said this is a proof of concept for a bigger film. I hope they got it, but all I know is that this film taught me and showed me what an amazing short film is, and I now got short film going around in festivals!

[@camilamr]

such a gentle hug

[@dguceleste]

Wonderful direction. Perfectly remember me a very bad period of my life

[@Ines-cf6tb]

I wanted to watch this short film for a while but I was afraid I would relate to the main character too much and that made me anxious. Sometimes it's hard for me to beat anxiety, but I'm glad that I pushed back that feeling and decided to watch it because it made me feel understood and not alone. Fighting depression is not easy, but we have to believe that is worth at the end of the day, and this short film made me believe, it gave me hope that life can be beautiful again. Damn, now I'm crying again but for now it's happy tears. Thank you so much for this.

[@piyushsagar2970]

How r u , now?

[@earthgrazer5511]

This is one of my favorite shirts now. Everything was so good.

[@zachjansen4112]

Congrats on making the Oscar shortlist!

[@noctumnocturnal]

I adore that hes more open over texting and that they both are. Im the same way. Its always easier to be up front through a device ig

[@saf7876]

this movie feels like how the last 3 months have felt like. ive been in a terrible depressive episode and i find it so difficult to engage w others and even reply to them whenever they talk to me. but at the same time there was this girl that was interested in me which i kept pushing away thinking that id deal w her after i got a little btter from my episode, which of course never happened cuz things only keep getting worse. theres no point to this story. it just goes to show that things dont really happen like in this short unfortunately. when you have depression its easy to ruin a lot of good things for yourself without even realising. then the bad things just keep piling up and its like youre buried underneath all of the things you hate abt yourself and cant seem to get on the surface. ppl dont really care fore you when you have depression especially if your depression makes you kinda quiet. they take ur unwillingness to talk and engage w them so personally like im over here trying not to kill myself chill lol👹

[@annyeongdramaloversfromNE3]

I have felt that "say something...." a lot of time in my life.

[@exxology1]

This is giving me “I’m thinking about ending things” vibes!!

[@devyanishinde3749]

i feel you girl.. i feel you..

[@shivanisathish1994]

The actor who plays Robert is Jim Sarbh, an Indian actor :)

[@MrJanos]

So good movie, this topic is good to show and make people think about relating to others.

[@hippytrippy1254]

Being anxious and depressed ➕ introverted . I always think about dying

[@AnkitYadav-xq2pj]

Thank u so much for your channel I think myself as lucky that i found your channel

[@korvusmangata9007]

I've lost all my pride I've been to paradise and out the other side With no one to guide me Torn apart by a fire wheel inside me An untouched diamond that's golden and brilliant without illumination Your mouth is constellation the stars are in your eyes I'll take a spaceship and try and go and find you Strike me with you lightning bring me down and burry me with ashes I won't hurt you

[@tanrose8645]

Well done!👏👏👏🌹 (I MISSED this one as it was uploaded just after my late mother's birthday (1st one after her passing last year) and I battle depression (& anxiety), sooo...) Very well made short did a great job expressing this 'depression'~ Stay 'safe' & be well, everyone! Blessed be~🌙

[@iks9120]

Very, very good. Great actors.

[@TrueCharecter]

So happy to see Michigan made films on here!!!

[@veerchasm1]

Putting periods at the ends of texts…that’s like a movie using a 555 phone number

[@jeniffermichael00]

If you can't find a Robert, be a Robert to others

[@lenore.delore]

Thank you for making this film. You don't know what it means to me

[@isabelle2094]

jim sarbh is simply amazing

[@maggiesmith7665]

incredible

[@benjaminshealey7451]

Outstanding!

[@dikichomu]

Jim Sarbh!❤

[@arig5783]

the only thing I can think is gosh dang that was harsh.

[@TrinoxAdam1026]

In love with this story❤

[@atpcliff]

If it's not flannel, thread count is THE most important thing.

[@dadman2969]

amazing!

[@mariahanczewska8109]

Her thoughts "does he want to kill me?", "does he know how much I want to be killed?" hit me. I want someone to kill me too, because I don't have the guts to do it myself. Yeah, I know- I'm attention w*ore, coward, hysteric... I know, I know...

[@See-if_I_care]

AT least the life policies pays out if you don't do it yourself 🤷

[@isabelaoliveira9270]

Love this short! Well acted

[@pipopipo6477]

Every shy, lonely and depressed person should have a Robert in their life.

[@MFK1967]

This was a very beautiful film