Should I Give Up on My Ex? 5 Signs You're Wasting Your Time

Clay Andrews answers the question “Should I give up on my ex?” What this question is really about is whether or not your are wasting your time on your ex.
If you’d like more advice to help you get the love life you want without the mind games, check out relationshipinnergame.com
To learn more about the signs to look out for on the road to getting back together with your ex, be sure to check out this playlist: • 5 Signs that Your Ex D...
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You may be wondering if you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back. You might be wondering should you give up on your ex?
And the truth is that getting back together with your ex is going to be a challenging process.
It’s not as simply as just whipping up a quick text message or two and sending them off and hoping for the best.
Your ex probably took some time to come to the conclusion that breaking up with you was a good idea (if the the breakup can out of the blue, the emotional foundation of the relationship was probably rotting for quite a while).
So if your ex came to the conclusion to break up with you over time, why should they get back together with you quickly?
I know that there are a lot of things online that promise you to get your ex back in 24 hours or some nonsense like that.
But the truth is that those things are all marketing hype. Real relationships take time and effort and work.
It is no different with getting back together with your ex.
In this video I will share 5 signs you are wasting your time with your ex. Most of these signs have to do with missing the point and focusing on the wrong things or on being impatient.
You probably can get back together with your ex. Yes, even you.
But you have to have the right mindset when it comes to all of this and you have to make sure that you are focusing on the right things.
If you can’t do that, then you are probably better off giving up.
Because to try to do something without being willing to put in the work is only an exercise in frustration and futility.
Should you give up on your ex?
That’s really only a choice that you can make and that’s something you’re going to have to check in with yourself on. I can’t tell you how much you want to get back together. I can’t tell you how easily you’ll give up.
Only you can answer the question “Should I give up on my ex?"

[@capricris7672]

Yeah waste of time, especially if he thinks he can pick up where he left off like nothing bad happened. Forget it.

[@ClayAndrews]

True. If a relationship is going to work, both people need to be willing to make changes when necessary.

[@benhartart9487]

You sound salty still

[@capricris7672]

@@benhartart9487It's ok, it's fine, do you. My comment was 2 years ago lol.

[@tiphanieren8666]

I really liked it. I was expecting the context to be “if ex do this then it’s wasting time”, but actually it’s focusing on “what’s in you”. It’s really useful

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks Tiphanie Ren, Because what we mostly advocate are life skills. That is why our approach is holistic in nature. :-) . All the best.

[@michelleg7360]

Just what I needed to hear! I'm in the phase of "Riding the Dragon" and I almost gave up today.

[@CarbonInstinct0]

Michelle Grenier I read your comment too early haha

[@michelleg7360]

I gave up. I'm dating a new guy! It was easier to start fresh!

[@CarbonInstinct0]

Michelle Grenier Good for you Michelle

[@monsieurdoutreval]

You are REALLY good, Clay. I've heard and read a lot, but the things you say are really clever, true and different from the typical stuff one reads. THANK YOU!

[@a.d.b535]

I LOVE your emphasis on self-work, common sense. Many other videos seem to push games.

[@ClayAndrews]

Thank you for your positive feedback. :-)

[@robertramirez6002]

Thank you Clay! At first I was terrified of this video, but I fell in love with it! So thank you for the tough love and making me look in the mirror to help me decide what I really want!

[@laniathereal]

You’re so honest which is what I needed. Now I realize that if I really want him back it’s going to take a lot of effort and I absolutely cannot give up

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Lania, You are truly right. The process of getting back together may not be a walk in the park. It will take time, commitment and patience. As long as your take care of yourself and emotions during the process, it will help you to keep emotionally healthy as you go along in your journey. All the best.

[@jasontuxedoitalian8864]

I noticed that a lot of the time, if you break up there is a miscommunication and someone been turned off! If you improve your self and let them hear it and see it. Well and one of them need a rebound. I knew my situation she wants too see if the grass is greener on the other side.

[@A2Kaid]

Any update?

[@SomethingEtc10]

A2Kaid that’s what I’m wondering man, have you been doing better?

[@malorirose]

I like how you give advice more rather than do the whole marketing trap a lot of “relationship gurus” on KZbin do. Haven’t found a channel I liked in so long. Thanks!!

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks. I do this for a living, so I do charge money for some services and courses, but I try to stay connected to the people who watch my videos as much as possible.

[@lucianestor5425]

great advice and full of good sense. You are totally right.

[@chrissmith167]

Great advice about improving emotional connection with your ex

[@qamarzia6720]

you are a top man yours best quality is to explain things in simple way

[@BerzerkWiz]

Really helpful and fill me good energy to attempt in this marathon race ❤

[@tara__chobighor]

Good day! Does the Law of Attraction really work to absolutely get my ex back? Thanks.

[@DIYDomTheBuilder]

Hey Clay! Great video… it really hits home for anyone (like myself) whose journey to get their ex back has been a long, winding path; with lots of hills and valleys. Feel free to admonish or correct me; but I believe there are 2 main points to take away from your advice in this video. 1. You highlight on a very important fact that can be overlooked or is deliberately ignored, because it is our biggest fear... You might be wasting your time trying to get your ex back! They simply may not be the right person for you or they really do not want you back, regardless the reason. And... 2. As you mentioned in the video, there are the other five stages when you’re on the right track to getting your ex back (i.e. “Riding the Dragon” etc. ). In that video, you stress the point that those stages are fluid and not finite. Meaning, you can go back-and-forth between the stages. Especially while Riding the Dragon… there are going to be a lot of highs and lows. I have seen that for myself many times. It takes a good amount of effort to not only learn, but maintain what you’ve learned; when it comes to building a solid emotional connection with the other person. For example, just because my ex and I are now comfortable sleeping in the same bed together, if we start to cuddle, it does not necessarily mean it will lead to more than that. Don’t push the issue. Just enjoy each and every encounter for what it is so you both can enjoy it in the moment and let those moments collectively grow into the bond or connection you’re looking for.

[@ClayAndrews]

Hey Dom, Of course, we won't admonish you. :-) Actually your understanding of the video is truly great. You were able to have a good grasp of the concept. to add up on the things you said, the journey to getting back together should be an enjoyable process to you and your ex. The more we enjoy the journey the more we reach the "destination" with less effort.

[@SomethingEtc10]

DIY Dom The Builder I really loved you perspective on the matter. Thank you

[@krystina3530]

And how about when he doesn't want "space" but isn't available emotionally to work out any problems. The interactions are just superficial until or if he is ever ready. What do I do then?

[@stephb5169]

What if he is the one that needs to change? I improved myself while in the relationship as I wanted to make it last. He broke up with me and kept it up which caused a majority of our problems. But yet pointed fingers at me for his behavior!

[@K6MM18]

Clay, You are wonderful ... and it's quite obvious how intelligent you are and how much natural passion you have for this service of helping people in this manner. It seems to me you truly care. ❤ You're funny at times as well. 😄 By the way, y'all's daughter is adorable. Your wife & family are so fortunate to have you. Thank you so much. God bless y'all. 🍀

[@tspencer8489]

What if she agreed to tlak about it in counseling but then forgot and then agreed to go next week. it'll be three weeks since she suddenly broke off the engagement.

[@meetarpita]

I have learned meditation and I changed a lot and became a spiritual person. I dint give up till. Emotional connection..crying.. No contact

[@SheydubaiHuda]

really... i guess..im wasting my time cause 3months i did.. and tried to win his back again.. but now im tired so its ok. no need

[@akhonamashigo639]

Hi Clay been watching your videos and they have been helpful, my ex broke up with me 3 months ago, a month after I got a miscarriage, based most of his decision to end the relationship was because of our lost. We have went from no contact to talking again, arguing to finally connecting again lately we went on dates twice, he told me he loves however he just told me today that he is seeing someone else, should I give up on him please help

[@domrocker67]

This video was very helpful. The riding the dragon part really put it in prospective. That is where I'm at right now. That and the keeping score thing. I never really realized I did that until I heard it mentioned here.

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks for supporting our channel and watching our videos. Happy to know that what we do resonates with you. :-)

[@crownedmelaninqueen]

How to emotionally connect when he is scared 😱 ????... I feel like I want him but he just isn’t interested.

[@mg2764]

I hope I get a response back. My ex has a new girlfriend and he isn't talking to me even though we still live together until the end of January 2019. His girlfriend comes and gets and he leaves for the weekend. So Clay how am I suppose to use your advise to get my ex back when he won't even talk to me. We haven't spoken in over a month.

[@_mango9034]

Hey clay I have a question, my ex and I have been broken up since August. October is when he came back saying he wants to get back together but about 3 weeks into the process he tells me that he has been talking to this girl that he really likes which cause him to ghost me. Well last night we we’re talking and he basically in so many ways said that she’s does things for him that I didn’t do and that I should move on , but then he says that it’s not a good time to get back together but In the future . We were together for almost 2 years so I’m emotionally invested in this and I honestly want him back they have been talking for 1 month and some weeks please help !!!!! I’ve identified my faults and I want him back please !!!!

[@samdesaiii7050]

if we deleted each other off social media should I write a letter to her acknowledging and understanding why she feels the way she does?

[@damientheomentrites6463]

I broke up with my ex 3 months ago I did everything I could to get her back begged pleaded everything ! Except no contact is it too late for no contact? I don’t know what to do anymore? She tells me she’s in love with me but she can’t be together with me right now I’m so confused

[@kolyah22]

Break ups happen for a reason, yet rarely are people willing/able to introspect sufficiently to figure out their part in the relationship breaking down. This is why getting back with your ex more often than not, does not work out. Furthermore, if you get back with your ex, you will have an added hurdle to overcome, which is the break up itself, which will cast a negative shadow over your future interactions with your partner, which often causes issues. It is possible to get back with your ex, however, for this to happen, the problems in your first attempt at the relationship e.g. physical distance, neediness, emotional baggage from previous relationships, bad habits etc must change. If you aren't willing to identify these problems and fix them, then it won't work out.

[@georgespangler1517]

Shouldn't them leaving be enough of a sign you was wasting your time...

[@agee7777]

it think its time to hang up the gloves, im not even sure if i really want her back but more that im struggling to deal with the rejection.

[@buddybud-bud3828]

I'm starting to think it's a waste of time because she's in a rebound but I also was a rebound from the previous guy to me and we lasted nearly 2 years and were planning to move in together and get married. She's also very cold towards me and if I ask her to meet up she'll say no. It's been 2 months since the break up and I'm a stronger better person but I love this girl so much. I can't shake the feeling of knowing that something's wrong. I want to get her back, please help?

[@krystina3530]

What if the reasons for him breaking up is because he think you two are just too different. What if he's been indecisive about moving forward and when you try to have the emotional connection you get stonewalled because he "doesn't know how to talk about his feelings?"

[@mikaelabugwa2129]

Same

[@realmsofthespiritarts8557]

Same!

[@Jmitez]

I can’t sleep! My Ex and I have been keeping in touch as “friends” and just when I thought things were going well... I find out she was saying some other guy was cute and talking to him, KNOWING VERY WELL I WAS ALSO THERE!!! I don’t know if this is some sort of trick to make me jealous or if she has truly moved on, which is weird, considering we were on the phone for over an hour two days prior to all this!!!!

[@oldstyledrinker100]

Everything in my life that I have committed to I've been on fire. Same thing with this situation I'm on fire. I'm going to do what I can in all the right ways

[@aramisaramis7784]

I don’t know if I want to get back with him so I keep doing things to get him back and I hope to understand what I want in the process. Or maybe I juste want to keep the door open. If he is the right one maybe we can be back together even with years appart? Maybe We are both ridding the dragon 🐉

[@Luckelux]

But.... how???? If she's not speaking to me, shutting me out and ignoring me for days? She refuse to see me as well. She said we can try again right before ghosting me.

[@sharonleane]

I’ve been in the friend zone for a month now and I’m getting mixed signals...so riding the dragon. I’ve told him I’m not giving up on us ...and he’s not run away hahahaha. so I guess only time will tell as we are still,great for each other xx

[@cbshin9483]

Excellent analysis!

[@ClayAndrews]

Thank you, CB. :-)

[@phouathao1853]

I don't know anymore Clay. My heart really wants him, but my mind says no. I want him in my life, but he is not putting effort at all. It has been almost a year since we broke up and no word from him. I want to be able to move on and start anew, but half of me is sad to think of him also moving on and having another relationship. I know the best for me is to move on, but I still can't. I believe I have tried everything in getting him back, but I guess he just doesn't want to, doesn't love me. I'm just waiting for the day I am able to forget, let go, and start again! I can't wait! 😔 Thank you for your amazing content! 💛

[@ClayAndrews]

You're welcome, Phoua Thao. How do you feel about doing the 5x5 list? That might help you as well assess the quality of relationship and further identify what type of relationship that you might want in your life.

[@ashutoshtewari9319]

Its been 1.5 year still hung up on an idea of reconnecting any advice ??

[@somyasingh929]

what should i do? pls help me

[@demarcusfaulkner7411]

The emotional things are the hardest for me. I am not sure how to deal with them at times. I have a hard time figuring out how it feels to be with them.

[@mattmoore6443]

Hey Clay, me and my ex started dating after maybe a month of talking (I know, it was quick but we agreed it felt right) anyway, after 3 weeks of dating and utter happiness (no bad signs, in fact, I'd spent the week up at her house meeting her family), she turns around and says we just aren't compatible.... it took her two days to make her decision. One of the reasons was maturity but I'm not immature, fair enough some of the things I did may have been silly but we were fresh into a relationship so I was still getting used to boundaries. Also, she's Italian and one of her reasons is that she believes that she's more toned towards being with an Italian. I guess I'm just wondering how can I change her mind, or, if it's possible to change her mind and eventually get me back? I can't stop thinking about her

[@brendanmcpike184]

you use very good analogies

[@realmsofthespiritarts8557]

He don’t have social media but I do reach out more :( I also need to keep no contact. I feel put on a back burner. .(

[@DozIT]

I almost gave up after I had a conversation with her that included “should I just give up and move on?” Her answer would make any sane person believe they had no chance. Over the next day I had a choice: use my brain and numb myself, isolate myself from the world. Or keep going with my gut. I chose the ladder. Sure enough 4 days after that conversation we slept together. Haven’t asked her out yet but we are getting there. I also should have died in a car accident last Thursday, kind of helped open my eyes and let me know what I really want, her :)

[@ClayAndrews]

@RTG, glad to hear that you survived the car accident. I hope you are doing well.

[@kf8552]

Good points>_

[@johnlacon6974]

It’s not all one sided if they won’t change what can you do

[@Strawberrysunset23]

trueee. and on that last one my ex would give up easily from time to time

[@latriciachapman8292]

I am on disability and that seems to be the only time my x husband has any thing to do with me ,so I am going to give him a dose of his own actions

[@BasedGodEmperorTrump]

You spend so much time on the negative and you see where that's gotten you. Try looking at the positive.

[@Bosco_HK]

It’s that mean if I’m only changing and improving myself but not my ex right now. That’s still a good sign?

[@YuFuz]

Thats where it starts my friend im in the same process

[@KriderEternal]

Dated for almost 3 years. I messed up alot in the beginning and betrayed her trust in multiple ways. Broke up once before but when we got nack together, i hit the ground running trying to show her i loved her and made alot of memories...but i never did anything to help rebuild trust the way i should have. Past few months i got neglectful from stress and obligations ..broke up with me saying she couldn't trust me and was afraid I'd screw up again. Its been 2 weeks since we broke up, first few days after we still hangout like normal. Even hooked up on for a quick sec...but it wasn't intimate. I never baggered her and only reached out to her twice. Every contact otherwise was from her. She's been pulling away slowly and when i tried checkin in on her through FB chat we had a short convo. simplw casual friendly, no red flags...then she blocked me...unblocked me and unfriended me instead...purposefully keeping distance. Saw her the day after at th gym, took all i had to keep things casual and she didnt say anything...major hit...but i still want to keep trying. I love her and she's worth every inch of suffering i go through. I know I'm wasting my time but any thoughts?

[@jcherestal]

What if a girl says( in the context of getting back together) I know you're trying but I can't promise where we will end up?

[@lexxikammerer5956]

Can you help me

[@MrCryptler69]

I'm wasting my time trying to satisfy all 12 of my Ex's emotional states! It's not riding the dragon anymore but a nose dive from 30,000 feet!

[@theborieotero6183]

Hey clay I really need help on getting my ex back to me. Can u help.

[@ClayAndrews]

I try my best to help as many as I can. Sorry it took so long to reply. I needed to switch off for the Thanksgiving holiday.

[@houdacookies]

can i say i learned from the break up that i need time for myself and not west all my time on any relationship ? and can i say that if im in a relationship i should talk less with boys so that my boyfriend wont get jealous? now with this im really lost

[@beckyprawn1837]

My ex was the same always talking to boys

[@ranimerckx9063]

Should i give up after 10 months? A week ago we had a meetup which he wanted... i think he sees me as a 'friend'. We still connect, laugh,... he even stayed for 5 hours... we were together for 8 years and he still says we werent a good match... whybdoes he still wants to talk and often tomes seeing me

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Rani, It depends if it is something that you truly wanted to do. Remember that moving on or giving up is a personal choice. In the end, you would know better if the person that you are trying to get back do fit on your 5 x 5 list. All the best.

[@12345678abracadabra]

3 months since the breakup, 2 months ago we last spoke, two weeks ago he blocked me. is that too long? waste of time?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi 12345678abracadabra , I understand that what you are going through is not easy and we totally feel you. We have to understand that getting back together is a process at the timeframe may vary. Some got back with their ex in months, while some in years. It all depends on how we grow as a person and how we become a better version of our selves after the breakup, that would matter the most. :-)

[@frafrafrafrafra]

Hi Clay! Should I contact her if she is in a rebound relationship or should I wait the end of the rebound relationship?

[@garychartier8365]

Frank, check out more of Clay's videos. There's no need in principle to ignore your ex while she's in a rebound. You can work on deepening your emotional connection with her now.

[@bingcrosby1378]

I dont get why people want to take back their ex especially after she fuck some loser, man dude there are plenty of better option on the market, i know nothing about you but i'm sure you can find better.

[@sandyrose1890]

To write directly is not addicted to validation, it is good attention, he never wrote me directly😢

[@prakharbhidola116]

Clay what if ex wants to talk as a best friend after breakup. What should I do. Help me... As I have gone through no contact rule...

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Prakhar, will you be emotionally ready to talk to your ex and will you be in full acceptance in any form outcome after the talk? These will be your starting point in making a decision.

[@prakharbhidola116]

@@ClayAndrews.. I want her back in my life.. Plz help what should I do to get her.. 😖😖

[@Beers-and-Babes]

Prakhar Bhidola Just be yourself but don’t bring up the relationship into topic. Live in the moment and enjoy it

[@77aggiem]

Break UP! Not down. That is cool way of thinking about it!... :)

[@isabellem7679]

How to get out of riding the dragon phase? I cant find the links for that phase and the phase after. Please help

[@ClayAndrews]

You can check our video playlist over here >> kzbin.info/aero/PLBHfQVp_OsaWyaUvEIvKgJNCj6VbVeDia

[@candywillard6452]

My ex never told me anything was wrong! How can u fix something if u dont know what u need to fix?! Within one week we were looking for a house and then it was over! After the first month I apologized for what I THOUGHT I may have done and gave resolutions for it just to get no response! We never even had an argument in almost 2 years!

[@ClayAndrews]

So you never noticed ANYTHING change in the weeks or months leading up to the breakup? It's not impossible, but usually the emotional connection will deteriorate first, even if the other person tries to hide it.

[@candywillard6452]

@@ClayAndrews I've thought long and hard and no, nothing. The week before the breakup he was on staycation (we work together) and I mean there we 2 days he ignored my texts.. I reached out to him on a sat. And he was telling me he would do anything to have me in his arms every night and monday it was over. I could've been more affectionate...I could have hung out with him and his friends more... and I've said this to him to just get no responses. At work he ignores me.. he tells ppl it wasnt anything I did just a lot of personal stuff (he lost his 18 year old 2 weeks after we started dating)... But now my friend of more than 25 years (no friend now) is hanging out with him.. I know shes trying to get with him...so I just ignore the both of them now. Idk what to do or think but just give up

[@bryanunion5110]

I did #3 she told me she loved me and wanted to be together a month into our split but since she did not come back or start acting like she used to when we were together my anxiety kicked in and I told her I don’t know if I could do it anymore and I just wanted closure. She had clothes at my place and a key. I had her clothes returned to her and got my key back. I haven’t spoken to her since the 7th of April although I tried calling her on the 20th and went by her place on the 27th. She did not respond to either. I think me giving her clothes back was the nail and she probably thinks I moved on but my anxiety thought she was moving on because she didn’t come Back even though I believe she left her clothes there for a reason

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Bryan, I'm sorry to hear about what happened but it seems like what happens here is that you both may have possibly perceived the situation differently. That is why how you both thought of the situation wasn't aligned with each other. What you can do is to work on ho you would communicate things in a way that it can be fully understood by the other person thus setting the proper expectations for them. All the best.

[@bryanunion5110]

Clay Andrews not sure if she ever wanted to get back together. She’s disappeared blocked my calls and deactivated her page

[@mariadilmore4779]

Hi clay, I haven't heard from my ex in six months, this is the longest we've been apart, I love him so much and my feelings are strong, I I know he was in a relationship and this is the first time he had been this distant, he doesn't ever text me or me him, he changed his phone number, and I did too, but something tells me he is single again, and I don't want to lose what he and I could have. Any suggestions? There is more to this

[@TrueVolgrim]

How do you focus on emotional connection in no contact kinda hard 🤔

[@ClayAndrews]

You have to make sure that you have reached the Effortless connection Stage as well just to be sure that you are not in the Attachment mode. :-)

[@crownedmelaninqueen]

Clay Andrews This is too hard !!! He barely talks to me and I have no clue how to re attract him I think he just sees me as who he left. I am asking God to show me what to do. The human way is just a lot...

[@josephhamassian3106]

I really need some advice. I didn't cheat or hit her. 7 years together and we've been broken up for 7 weeks. The first 4 weeks, she never said she didn't love me and was never mean. These last 3 weeks, everytime i reach out to her, she replies with mean comments. Our love was deep and I know her. Her pride won't let her come back. I kicked her out cuz I thought she was cheating. She has 12 year old son too, fyi. What does all this mean?

[@ClayAndrews]

There are reasons to end a relationship aside from cheating and hitting. If you can understand her emotional reasons for leaving, you'll understand where to start when it comes to rebuilding a connection with her.

[@josephhamassian3106]

@@ClayAndrews but what I'm asking is what does her behavior mean?

[@sowpaw9764]

I think I should to give up cause he got new girlfriend

[@takotako3750]

soo true

[@zachb7836]

My girlfriend broke up with me because she said she didn't want a relationship but she said she still loves me. I'm hurt but should I wait for her?

[@Intelli-gent01]

Seriously, do you really think that is true if she really loved you? I am yet to see anyone on the face of the earth that is in a relationship where they love their partner leave because they didn't want to be in a relationship. The not wanting to be in a relationship part is true to an extent, she simply left the words "with you" out of the sentence because girls never want to hurt your feelings any more than they already have. The only way you will get her back is by moving on and not contacting her for any reason. If she reaches out to you, assume she wants you and set up a date. Other than that you have to walk away and never look back. Why would you want to give a girl that unilaterally decided to end the relationship any more of your precious time? You have to have an abundance mentality and convey that you are the prize my friend or she is never coming back..

[@ryanfasching961]

Dave Ward sounds like you have been reading another coaches book......

[@Strawberrysunset23]

ePAFF ur fkin gross

[@saraallison9469]

Zach B no

[@BasedGodEmperorTrump]

I'm not aware of the context prior to her decision but you probably came off as a beta and she's not a complete narcissist, having the heart to tell you first but she wants to get used by assholes before setting down with a "yes man". Go no contact, don't beg or chase. If the opportunity happens, pump and dump. No heartbreak or guilt. Never settle early. Use her strategy, play the field. Have some fun. All things in due time. Put yourself first. Good luck.

[@vibehutcoach.wellbeingandf5772]

Been 6 weeks know and we text morning ...how's your day ...good night .....few kisses back and fourth .....but it's me doing it all but she replyes back .....after doing this I finally text her to see if she wanted to go out for a meal and all I get is I'm not sure of her ......all this texting as been going on for 2 weeks know but we don't talk on phone or don't meet .......but last 2 weeks all by text as been nice but very confusing why we are not really getting Amy were apart from before this 2 weeks she wouldn't talk at all .

[@ClayAndrews]

Are you connecting on an emotional level or is it all just surface level conversation? That's the first possibility. Second possibility is that she feels too much attraction toward you and is worried that this is going to take a romantic tone before she feels prepared to make a decision on how she feels about you.

[@vibehutcoach.wellbeingandf5772]

Clay Andrews it's just by text nothing else just basic ones back and fourth ...I have told her I still love her and miss her ...but I have not pushed anything or called her ...2 weeks know the texts have gone on ....before this she was just mad and blocking me ...I'm just confused in how she's going along with texting know but before she wouldn't even speak ...she's acting calm ...but want give me a yes or no on going out for a meal

[@vibehutcoach.wellbeingandf5772]

Clay Andrews thanku for replying very kind.

[@jacobelkins5180]

Maybe I should stop keeping score I was for a while I was keeping score how often she text me without me trying to text her but maybe that's not the point

[@ClayAndrews]

It is bes tto avoid keeping the score, Jacob. Because if we focus on keeping the score, it removes us from Present Moment Awareness. But if we focus on the quality of the interaction, irregardless of who initiates the contact, we focus on the experience that is achieved in the interaction. :-) All the best.

[@jacobelkins5180]

@@ClayAndrews ok what if it's long-distance and ex might be dating someone else?

[@ClayAndrews]

Having the word "might" is coming from a place of assumption. Plus if there's a valid evidence that she is dating someone else, how would you convince her that you are the best choice among the other guys that she is seeing with?

[@jacobelkins5180]

@@ClayAndrews I'm not even going to try to compete with him if she don't ever reach out to me then that means they are happy I'm hoping she reaches out to me so I can accept polish communication and see if she still likes me and want to date

[@alexandre9328]

For my case, it’s not a couple of months but a couple of years or rather a couple of decades :(. Is it still possible?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Alexandre, Anything can still be possible. But if it has been years or even decades, it is best that we have to be realistic. Just don't close your doors to other opportunities that life could possibly present to you.

[@alexandre9328]

Clay Andrews thank you. But I have 3 children, 2 divorces, 44 years old, I won’t get married nor have children with me another one now. I will try again this year. Would you accept to coach me this year to try a last time? I wait an inheritance soon so that I will be able to pay what it costs.

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Alexandre, you can fill out the application on this link if ever you would decide to consider our coaching. >> modernlove.life/application

[@koreawonderskim5597]

Smart

[@laharl63]

So what if you can't do step 4 cuz of a college restraining order basically we can't talk to each other at all?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hey laharl63, If you have a college restraining order, we have to observe that. The last thing that we wanted to happen is for you to have a problem with the authorities. All the best.

[@laharl63]

@@ClayAndrews is there anything I can do? Besides just asking them if I can talk to her because I can ask to reconnect a bond I want to reconnect

[@ClayAndrews]

Hey laharl63 , I understand that you are wanting to talk to your ex but you have to wait for the restraining order to be lifted before you can make further actions. For now, it is best that you focus on working with the Advanced Relational Skills and turn your energies towards your own self.

[@laharl63]

@@ClayAndrews thank you and I just feel like those feeling on her are just going to be interpreted as bad and she may feel like hating me and I really don't want that I want to make her fall in love with the new and improved me but it's just really hard for this to lift up and every time I see I just fall in love even more its complicated the way I am but I see her as my family and home I know I have to suppress these emotions and focus on myself

[@awolfadventureawildconnect5311]

I got my ex common law back he left our first home after and four months and then I saw him outside the home trying to get him back it was hard I listened religiously to you and after 8 months I got him back he moved back in and we were together the past three years when he discarded me again two months ago this time he has blocked me on everything the first time we continued to see each other sleep together etc..this time . I failed I didnt continue to do the work I needed and I lost him the second time around and let me tell you my life and heart was DEVASTATED the first time round but I REFUSED to let him go no matter what it took I kept after it. But this time because in his mind it took 8 months to get his trust back and move back in with me and I didnt keep to changes its waaaay more devastating 5 years and I lost my spouse after working SOOOO hard I thought I would die trying to get him back the first time. NOW he HATES my guts and I truly truly want to die. You have to commit yourself to keeping to changes and honoring those changes and keeping check of yourself so you dont fall back into old patterns of why you lost them to begin with..everything was SOOO much made worse this second time because I didnt' and my entire life after all these years is utterly shattered. I should have continued to work daily on my issues and not stopped listening to good advice after getting him back and working so hard to get him home everyday and night with me again. I broke my own heart into a billion pieces the love of my life , hates me with a passio now. :'( so dont do what I did

[@MrCryptler69]

You need to bring your emotional intensity from a 12 to a 2 because freaking out and blaming yourself isn't doing yourself any good! My wife left me last week after 13 years of marriage. She told me she didn't love me anymore but considered me her best friend. I was faithful to her, never cheated, never controlling and gave her the freedom to spend time with her friends and family. I bought her a house, car and we never argued. We fought occasionally. She began to start working out and lose weight, go on social media and bam! Guys started texting her, calling her, giving her alot of attention that I haven't been! She started coming home at 5 in the morning almost 3 days straight. I was really upset, but blamed me for getting angry. She moved out! We'll yes I miss her but I don't deserve to be treated that way. I have self respect and dignity. She said I needed to work on improving myself while she's banging some other guy! Forget it! Its time to move on! You don't need to be treated that way either! He didn't necessarily leave you because of what you have or haven't done, but left because of what he has become! Same as my Ex, she became selfish, self loving attention seeking fiend who knows nothing about loyalty, trust and instead threw all that we built down the drain. She wanted the instant gratification of attention which she will learn to regret one day hopefully soon!

[@awolfadventureawildconnect5311]

@@MrCryptler69 Thank you for sharing your words and story with me and everyone, I appreciate it. Im sorry your having to go through this. Yes I blame myself for everything

[@sampiazza7483]

6:42 😂

[@robertcadieux9365]

Clay you're assuming a lot, what if all was done right, but she's done nothing to improve??

[@ttxx4955]

my ex and i broke up 5 months ago. he went with another girl after one month(after the break up) even tho he was having different girls before he met her. they are together 3 months 4 in days . and there were a lot of stuff during this 5 months between me and him but he didn't broke up with her .. month ago he told my best friend that he never wanted to break up(i broke up with him btw) and that i mean a lot to him etc. i did a lot of things but i can't win him back hahaha i still love him tho. He was a little bit of selfish and me too. but i learned a lot of things after the break up but not so sure about him tho. His best friends are my friends also.(i know that that's not the best thing) and they started saying that he fell in love with her .. maybe its true but i don't know.. I've been through ups and downs and everything this months grow a little bit,try to understand myself and everything. I feel fine now like i have everything in my life . I accepted the break up i accepted that if he doesn't come back its okay i don't cry for him. But i feel like that this is wrong like it's not supposed to be like this, like im in the right place but like a missing puzzle . im not complete ..And i would love to be with him and i don't know what to do buttt if he don't want to (it seems like he dont) then okay.

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Taylin, try to assess further if the feeling of having a "missing piece of the puzzle" is more of needing the person in life or you felt incomplete because you are not in a relationship?

[@preciousGpottery]

From being passive about the situation, i listen to clay's emotional connection, by being vulnerable. And i did. I ask personal things like is he angry to me, which he reply no, and he asking why, then i said im curious, and i think i am ready to ask this questions, because i think i am ok because there is nothing to lose. And he just seen zone me.

[@ClayAndrews]

It's totally fine if your ex had not responded immediately. At times, they also need to process what they feel or assess their own emotions regarding the conversation.

[@preciousGpottery]

@@ClayAndrews he reply after 24hours. He told me he it is nice for us to talk again and he hope that it will continue. He even told me he didnt want it (i dont know if it is us or the chatting) to change which i said, i am loving the changes im doing right now with myself. I also watch your video about having genuine connection, so i know i have to approach him by not walking on egg shells.

[@emilyscott311]

What if my ex made a mistake to break up and regretting it? Frankly, I feel I didn't do anything wrong,

[@ClayAndrews]

HI Emily, I am not sure what the real concern may be but if your ex admitted the mistake, will you welcome him back in your life?

[@emilyscott311]

Hi Clay, my ex broke up with me 3 months ago. At first, I felt bad and wanted to get back with him, but more I think about it, he was in the wrong and I don't feel I need to change. So, yes he can contact me and apologize for what he did, but I will probably not welcome him in my life. I have become strong and I will never contact him from my end.

[@somyasingh929]

hey my ex told me he left me because he dont have time for relationship he is busy with career

[@9822042487]

Somya Singh : same here somya

[@jamesishere8734]

He told you some bullshit, he'll sleep with the very next girl and try to be in a "relationship". He lost interest with you and thus is not motivated to be with you.

[@saraallison9469]

Somya Singh he lied

[@francogonzalez8240]

What does it mean to connect emotionally?

[@jackbravo2172]

When two people share the same mutual feelings.

[@ClayAndrews]

When you have an interaction with someone and it feels good because you can be 100% real with them. Emotional connection is the ability to practice vulnerability, authenticity, compassion without fear of being anything or anyone else around someone else. Emotional connection is what makes 2 people feel less alone in this big world. Emotional connection is what makes the world go round. :)

[@rob3rtg98]

+Clay Andrews 👍👍 thank you. I struggling with the understanding of emotional connection as well.

[@naziamk6]

I wasted time but he has no feelings .

[@mandihall1986]

I have not given up on my ex husband. I am still in love with him after 19 yrs. he had an affair and we divorced last year. They have broke up. We have been seeing each other and now he says 2 weeks ago to leave him alone and give him space. What else can I do to get him back besides giving him space?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Mandi, It is best to focus on working on the Advanced Relational Skills, building self-love and reconnecting to who you are as a person what made your husband fell in love with you the first time.

[@jonathanjarquin9832]

I am wasting my time with my ex because they don't care if I have changed, they don't even want to give me a chance. Won't answer their phone, making it difficult or even impossible trying to show them anything. Blames me for everything and uses me as a punching bag every time they get angry. Is very mean to me when I am trying too be nice which results in me reaching my breaking points faster and than I end up exploding because they are being an asshole to me and I am calling them out on it and all of a sudden I am the dramatic one. I fucking hate him sometimes.

[@bingcrosby1378]

Hey Clay, make some vid on how to transform you ex in your sex-friend, i promise you will get many new subscribers

[@ClayAndrews]

Not really my style as I help people transform a broken relationship into the most successful relationship they've ever had. And I don't just want ANY subscriber. I want subscribers who want loving and healthy strong relationships with the people they love most in their life. Thanks for the suggestion though. Cheers.

[@bingcrosby1378]

Some of my ex has become sex friend over the time (even if now they are in a "relation"). I guess we were not compatible for stay together, but we're still very compatible for sex, i don't know about other people experience but i think is something very common, and you should discuss about, lot's of guys miss their ex but not for the emotional part of the relation if you understand what i mean.

[@amaramorrighan8357]

Not trying to get them back at all !

[@swagsukeuchiha7599]

Why are you here?

[@RR-cv9gp]

do you do sessions where i can discuss my situation?

[@ClayAndrews]

As of the moment, we don't do personal coaching. But we have an exclusive community for our members where our team and members interact to talk about their questions and journey. :-)

[@nicholasfrey3648]

Wish I could get another chance I wanted to be everything she wanted me I could never be good enough. She believes everything her parents say.

[@nicholasfrey3648]

I miss her innocence

[@estebanirizarry7370]

Short answer, no. If you are a G.. she will come back more than likely and you can spoon feed. Eventually getting the best thing nature has to offer!

[@afiabici]

How do you keep the emotional connection?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi afiabici, To be successful in creating an emotional connection, we have to make sure that we have locked in solid our Advanced Relational Skills. Emotional connection is not just about saying the right words or doing positive things. but it is about how we would bring our self, both internal and external, in the different interactions and situations. All the best.

[@afiabici]

@@ClayAndrews but how do you do it when you don't see that person?

[@ClayAndrews]

Communication is a two-way process. Obviously, we cannot create a connection with someone if there's no interaction. so the question is, how would you prepare yourself to become a better individual when the connection is not possible yet?

[@maanmustafe9088]

what's "riding Dragon"

[@joejoe5673]

When your ex is having sex with the rebound. Riding = Sexual Act, Dragon = Rebound

[@jeffjacob5479]

You don't even need to watch the video. The answer is always yes. They're an ex for a reason.

[@ClayAndrews]

If that's what creates a happy life for you, then follow that rule.

[@sffrost3175]

But you are watching this. 🤣

[@jeffjacob5479]

@@sffrost3175 lol no I didn't even watch the video. Just opened it & went straight for the comment section.

[@ENIGMAXII2112]

@@jeffjacob5479 Can you tell us of your relationship successes?

[@jeffjacob5479]

@@ENIGMAXII2112 what an odd question. Wtf do you care? Weirdo.

[@spider-keithasmr38]

Should you give up on your ex? Answer: NO

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Madelyne, That's totally fine if you feel like not giving up on an ex. As long as you feel that both of you are in a healthy dynamics with him and it brings out the best in you as a person. So we really have to assess the quality of the relationship before we can make a definite choice. All the best. :-)

[@spider-keithasmr38]

I'm actually a guy, btw. And a straight one at that.

[@spider-keithasmr38]

@@ClayAndrews Anyway, Thanks so much for replying! I hope you do comment again as I share to you my situation: last april 5 me & my gf got into a figh when she joked about not having sex in the next 2 weeks, as we visit my parents during Holy Week. I got angry about it by letting go of her hand & storming off to the restaurant as we took off the cab that we rode. I thought she would follow but she didn't. After about several weeks, she broke it off... It's been 3 months since the incident now & since then she's made subtle signs that she's dating someone else. When I checked her cousin's fb just 2 days back, I saw that apparently, the day after we broke up, the guy who used to court her was also there. How do you suggest I go on about & fix this? Thank you.

[@Zildjian-gj6gf]

When she marries the guy she replaced u with, so yeah probably not happening lol

[@ClayAndrews]

Definitely, if the person is getting married, it's time to reorganize our priorities. :-)