Should I Have Sex With My Spouse After They Cheated On Me?

One of the most common questions we get here at Marriage Helper is, "We're having marital problems, but my spouse still wants to sleep with me." Now, sometimes that just means sleep. Maybe they want to be in the same bed.
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But more often, that question means, "My spouse wants to have sex with me. What do you think? Should I have sex with my spouse after they cheated on me?"
There are definitely pros and cons to this decision, and it should not be made lightly. We discuss that and how you can choose a path forward on this episode of Relationship Radio.
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[@tomn5880]

Infidelity is a symptom of a deeper problem. You do not know what your spouse may share with you. Your spouse will not give up the behavior with out some counselling and if they won't go, go your separate ways.

[@tyecooper4536]

21:30 i disagree, my husband has used the excuse "i don't know" for 2 yrs and he is the 1 with the infidelity issue. If you cant tell me by now whether you want to work thru it then that means you want it both ways. You want my services (cooking for you, cleaning after you, taking care of house stuff, plus i work full-time as an accountant so i contribute more on a daily basis than him)

[@Clay_333]

You missed one of the biggest reasons not to. In some states like Georgia you end up completely screwing up your divorce case because it is considered condonation. That one encounter can leave you paying years of alimony and having to give up more of your assets to someone who obviously doesn't love and respect you.

[@wallyboo2]

Very helpful. Very timely.

[@stuartpierce121]

Better make sure they don't have a STD. As we know some incurable. Jennifer

[@WifeMadeThaStew]

Leave them immediately if they are literally sleeping with someone behind your back. If it’s an open relationship, swingers, etc. that’s a different story.

[@ivahelf4077]

Why would you let anyone use you in such a way...???? & This does not even cover the VD that they might be bringing home!

[@SheWhoTechs]

My husband is emotionally negative alcoholic. He loves me, but he is unhappy with our kids and finances. So he wants something new. He found my replacement. Another woman similar to me, similar way of meeting her as he did with me(since he loves our love story he repeated with someone else), but she doesn’t have kids. I hate that he did that. He refuses to see any kind of therapist. I know he won’t go to any kind of workshop. He wants me to be his counselor, but he has also replaced me and I am sure he is talking to her about his feelings to. I don’t know what to do. I can’t get him to stop drinking. When he drinks, he get negative and runs to her. The kids love their dad, but he rejects them often to. Out of the three kids, our youngest is his. The other two is from my first marriage. But all my kids see him as their dad. So it hurts them to keep getting rejected by him. He now only wants his blood related son. So both my kids and I are getting rejected by him. But when he is sober, he is a completely different person. He is wonderful when he is sober. He love me and the kids. But the stress from the kids often have driven him to drink. So his sober time doesn’t last long.

[@MarriageHelper]

Heidi Jay, Thank you for your comment. The first thing we try to teach people is how to have healthy communication with their spouse to avoid making the situation any worse. One of the main tips is to stop PUSH Behaviors. This is anything you do (or don't do) that tends to push your spouse away from you. We teach you 4 other rules you need to follow to help with this situation in our free e-book! You can download it here if interested! We would also love to speak with you directly since your situation is unique and involves your children. Would you be willing to call us? We'd love to talk. 1 866 903 0990 Free Ebook here: bit.ly/3BSuzRo We hope this helps!

[@mikesecor6074]

the answer should ALWAYS BE NO. next

[@sergiocamacho8879]

So I been married for five years with my wife a week ago. She will have a bit of her clothes and left at first. She told me she wanted a divorce now she wants three months to think things through. I have found her proof of her cheating on me, but how do I go past that? How do I go past that and move on she no longer wanted me to touch her or anything like that or hug her when she left she was cold not even a hug. She was just standing there like a statue how do I go past her cheating on me occasionally and still I know the people that she cheating on me and she just wants me to be like if everything‘s OK how do I go pass that or do I ask somebody to get her some some help or something like that. She thinks it’s OK to be cheating on me all the time I love her I want to make this work I’m getting marriage counselor therapist what can I do? Please help

[@melstarr1864]

My heart breaks for you. Counseling is the best bet, but that assumes you both want to save the marriage.

[@NavyDave219]

Dude just divorce her, you'll be much happier.

[@jaredshowers1]

OK my friend. First thing is what do you want? Your choice. Here's my opinion whether you want it or not. Do not just run away from her. She is obviously the one that's struggling. Run to her. Unconditional loving her is the thing she needs most. And sure you probably say when reading this. We'll she cheated on me. Yeah OK. I get that. What does that have to do with your love for her? Is there conditions?

[@dt67577]

My situation is my husband has been cheating and I have standing for 6yrs. He has moved in and out but has been home now for more than year but sleeping in a separate bedroom. He has not wanted to be intimate with me for a year. He is sleeping with the other woman. I miss the intimacy. We have been married for 28 years so this is souk destroying. I have asked him if we could be intimate and he bluntly says no.

[@amc3964]

Run

[@nancysmith9487]

Maybe should go out cheat on him/ her see how it makes you feel afterwards... Then better understanding. Especially if love them relationship is good otherwise... Or move on Life's short always in the moment

[@1Skeptik1]

How many husbands are unwelcome in their own bedrooms? Let us be honest, many women are not cut out to be life partners and mates. They don't want a man they want a lifestyle.

[@phillipjones611]

I have a question: In my eyes my wife and I don't have any physical intimacy in our marriage, which is 20 years in October 2022, in fact we don't spend a great deal of time together, let alone sleep together in any form, sexually or otherwise. I feel rejected and want to be able to touch my wife, it doesn't matter if she doesn't want to touch me. There is Mental Health issues in this situation which is why we don't spend time together or have any intimacy, my wife is frightened in certain rooms in our flat. Neither of us have had or are having an affair although I am my wife's 2nd husband. My hormones are raging at 48, and I as a physically disabled man have other paid carers (mostly female), as well as my wife being a main carer but not doing the intimate tasks, helping me to bathe etc. What can I do? Sorry that was a long question, I needed to give context

[@randbmovies1]

@@phillipjones611 I need someone that will love me like u love her. Some women are ungrateful

[@jeannadsanders]

Nope 👎 and nope. Thank you….NEXT.

[@billcarney829]

NEXT, maybe might be my favorite four letter word.