Should I Stay Or Should I Leave? 8 Signs A Narcissist Is Unsafe

Over time, your exposure to a narcissist can leave you wondering if staying with that person will prove to be too burdensome or debilitating. Sometimes the relationship is so unsafe that it is toxic to your personal well-being. Dr. Les Carter has identified 8 signs that can indicate if the dysfunction has become too much to manage.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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[@harleyfsbo3027]

It’s time to go when you find more PEACE in their absence than you do in their presence.

[@csalazar2283]

Amen!!

[@amyrayboun5652]

now isn't that the truth...i recently REALized this fact! months of abuse, control, emotional suffocation, negativity, lies, condescending words, neglect, s3xu4l extortion, etc....there is not ever any peace unconditional love and true happiness so as long as i DO stay.

[@allysiren]

😢 i still love him very much

[@marcellabennett3354]

So true

[@amyrayboun5652]

@@allysiren you are WORTH so much more than a narcissist and so am I!

[@meghang2599]

Overview 1. They have nasty anger 2. You are made to feel responsible for the narcissist's mistakes 3. Hyper control 4. Easy jealousy / Control coupled with fear 5. Overemphasizing your accountability to them 6. Isolation from those who care about you 7. Willingness to humiliate you 8. Stonewalling. A thick impenetrable wall

[@IYoungHuang]

Meghan G Thank you.

[@sharoncorrell3819]

I was humiliated 7 months ago in front of about 200 people by my exnarc bf. He is a frontman in a local band, and he decided to comment on the chilli cookoff that was being held at the outdoor venue. He pointed me out then said that I WOULD NOT BE EATING THE CHILLI BECAUSE IT MIGHT MAKE ME SH*T FOR 3 DAYS. That did it for me...funny part is that HE ate the chilli and got very sick that night. LOL I called him out and he discarded me two days later and was in a new relationship two weeks later.

[@meghang2599]

@@sharoncorrell3819 sounds like he did you a huge favor by letting you go! Now he's someone else's problem. Cheers! 🥂😄

[@sharoncorrell3819]

@@meghang2599 I am still dealing with the trauma bond but it is getting better.

[@sylviaking8866]

It seems covert narcissists don't really lose their temper they push your buttons to make you lose your temper. I think this is why many people don't realize they're dealing with covert narcissists when they are.

[@catherinewholey3630]

Every narcissist is unsafe. Leave (quietly) as soon as you know you are dealing with a toxic person. You deserve better

[@StankFernatra]

Thank you

[@naomis3141]

Wish I understood sooner

[@EphemeralProductions]

What if you deem that you’ll lose a lot if you do?

[@naomis3141]

@@EphemeralProductions when you think about it nothing is more important or valuable than your life and sanity !! Get out as soon as you can safely do so !!

[@blackdiamond4983]

@@EphemeralProductions you'll gain more. There is nothing comparable to peace of mind and being free from toxic people. Being in a toxic relationship adds nothing to your life, it only takes.

[@Lauren-gs1eh]

Narcissists are very volatile people and they can be very scary to be around

[@TheNinnyfee]

The scariest thing for me is the isolation of their victims and that other people enable and support it. Like bullying at school, one person is picked on and the rest is watching, either in glee or in fear. It starts young and there still isn't enough awareness. I lost my trust in people because most IMO would rather hide behind abusers than defend victims. I've seen/experienced it too many times. Protect yourself, of course, but don't be an enabler and make excuses for an abuser. Enabling is the worst part for me because narcissistically disordered people have a disorder, they cannot act differently without treatment. But what is the excuse of the so-called "normal/healthy" rest to defend/ignore/enable abusers? There is none, enablers are a vital part of the abuse epidemic, and IMO are not mentally healthy if they don't take a stand against abuse.

[@chioma2477]

My EXACT thoughts. Narcs are neurologically disordered. Enablers are just dangerous fools

[@sharoncorrell3819]

Narcissistic Rage is demonic.

[@gionagrace6279]

Total truth!!! 👹💩😈☠

[@cindyann4474]

@@sharoncorrell3819 "Yes, I believe you" ...

[@joeschmoe442]

When you get nausea every time he comes home...

[@shaunpdaly]

Or she ….

[@gtharo]

@@shaunpdaly That’s exactly where I’m at! ☹️

[@stephl.r.6721]

AMEN..My stomach knotted up every time I heard his truck pull into the driveway!

[@margochanning6868]

Imagine being a child that feels that way every time the father comes home... and not an adult that can escape.

[@artistelaine1061]

And now he's retired and ALWAYS here-I'm not doing well at all!

[@camuyana]

I already made my decision to leave so the reason I'm going to be watching this video is just as a reminder of why I decided to do so. May God bless you all in your new life of happiness and peace.

[@janedoex1398]

Please stay safe ! Don't risk a temper tantrum or and your health!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, and best wishes to you as you move forward! Dr. C

[@raccuia1]

Good luck moving forward and never go back.

[@professoraregbesola3490]

Good luck with your decision. I too have found myself in a toxic situation with a narcissist and its draining.

[@DecibelDr]

You made the right decision: always leave the narc. I did so too 7 years ago. It was messy and no fun, difficult at times, but people who truly cared about me helped me and it was all soooooo incredibly worth it! Nowadays I have a new relationship with a lovely man; what a difference. I hope you can make a change for the better like I did. Stay strong and good luck! And when you feel down or have difficult times, watch this video again to remind you why leaving is the best for you.

[@danielk293]

Another sign a narcissist is unsafe is when they manipulate others to go against you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm going to post an entire video about that topic very soon. Dr. C

[@RovvyWade]

My wife’s kids are turning into her, I started getting cruel/offensive texts from her 14yo, blocked her and asked the mom to address it, mom said “you’re afraid of a child harassing you?” Any competent parent would be ashamed of their child acting like that.

[@wildhorses6817]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you. You are Saving Many Lives .

[@karriesaunders8597]

They already did loads of groundwork with lies so it's easy for them to get others to attack you just by you standing up for yourself and calling out the truth. The whole thing is demonic and dangerous although I think most of the people the one I knew gossips to are small fry compared to him,they are all stupid or crazy or both.

[@katydid594]

Standard operating procedure for them.

[@vanhaze2000]

Time to leave and never look back when your narc partner says things to you and does things to you and you are just: "WTF is going on here". Total Confusion is a very RED FLAG.

[@kamicrum4408]

I found myself soa gry 24/7 basucally biteing off the heads of a yone aroubd me once I demanded separation, after a few months I stopped being so angry all the time, much more healung happened after my afult daughter trabsfered to a different university, she lives on campus now!I get to be alone,just me & the dogs, with her fsthers i instruction she was constantly gaslight lighting me, like I needed that! Once I realused WHAT was going in,I put a stop to that I started setting furm bou dries with every one in my life. My father was an alcoholic, mother the biggest enabler ever. I do remember around age 12 or so trying to set some basuc boundries and being told I was bad. That I was mean.! Mother inly remembers her own verssion if reality, told me I must be mistaken! If course, nitning in my screwed up family life could be because shes messed up, it must be me, thats the song shes been singing my whole life. Now im like what ever, her reality,is hers & mine is mine, ive realized shes nit going to see things the way I remember. Because she cant. So I remember & tell the dogs, they listen & Dont contradict me. Or tell me that didnt happen! Im trying to heal me & move forward after 30 years with a narc.I dont always remenber ir know what .i want, going slowly whike I redusciver me. Furst rhung .i duscivered1. Nsrc akwsys unsisted im awful with money, im very goid with it! Ges the i e whi spends,soends,sends!

[@Grimenoughtomaketherobotcry]

@@kamicrum4408 My dog has kept me sane, too. Thanks for your comment.

[@joanb8489]

You are soooooooooo right!

[@mdee860]

You know it's time to go when your ♥️ starts pounding... simply because you hear their garage door go up. When you are not happy, waaay more than you're happy with that person - again, it's time to go. When they constantly rage at you for no reason - yep, time to go.

[@officerfarva3666]

Perfectly said! I just knew the moment he was home the joy and fun was completely over.

[@PcCAvioN]

When you have to fight off a panic attack just to go to the bathroom 🤬

[@vanhaze2000]

Wellsaid, thank you.

[@jennyl7422]

The day my narc ex raged over not wanting to put the garbage bin at the road early in the morning, it was done for me... I had already figured out what he was (a narc) and was like, nope, no more of this ridiculous behaviour..

[@AdairCty]

It was time to go when he was raging at me one night, yelling profanity, I was shaking, and the word DANGER suddenly popped into my mind. God was telling me something. I left one week later. Never returned.

[@kirabarsmith9353]

Run, these creatures are pure evil.

[@luv1000]

YES! SO EVIL! I just call them Satan! I unfortunately had 10 in my life & they ALL MADE ME WANNA DIE! God's blood took ALL MY PAIN AWAY that they caused but what happens when you talk to them at all? They'll make you feel so bad & make you so confused that you can't think! I think earth is hell because of the majority people being narcissist's! Satan damned to hell sin cursed earth is filled with Delusional Denying Demonized Death Diseased Insane Narcissist's!!!!

[@kirabarsmith9353]

@@luv1000 I agree that the population is mostly narcissists, and it's not by accident IMHO. I don't believe we're in hell though, because then everything would be awful, and there's still a lot of wonderful experiences to be had. I just keep a bond with God, pursue what brings me joy, and set firm boundaries or cut ties with narcs. Wishing you the best.

[@luv1000]

@@kirabarsmith9353 Thank you I have grown children who are atheists & they can't burn in hell forever.... . . . Unfortunately my narcissist's parent's have them & their dad was one. I've had no one to support me for the wrong they've done but God's blood has kept me sane😀😃😄😁

[@RachelPenningtonHull]

Leave and don’t look back. My mom stayed and when she got cancer my dad threw all her stuff in the garbage while she was still alive. They were married over 60 years. She kept holding on, getting the strength to love and forgive him but it was like she was loving a piece of gravel. Heartless. Unbelievably heartless. Leave, yesterday. 💔

[@user-wi9hv2pb2q]

That is terribly sad, but she did have love in her life she had you.

[@tidycoat]

How sad is that and I mean the fact that she got cancer and not him! I knew a very good person whose husband cheated on her many times over and she got cancer instead of him and died, that makes me sick!!

[@sharonhilliard8825]

@@RachelPenningtonHull oh how I can feel the pain I have felt with this person for 11 years then had the nerve to marry this beast I want out of this but I want out but afraid to leave

[@RachelPenningtonHull]

@@user-wi9hv2pb2q She should have had my brother’s love too! But my mom said after my brother “changed his email address he didn’t talk to her anymore. He was just cold.” So when Mom passed I told my brother that and he told me he has never changed his email address since email was invented. My dad created an email address and emailed my mom so she would think it was my brother. Then he blocked my brother’s real account. Who is that crappy a person?

[@emilymcmillan5964]

It took me almost 30 years to give up on my marriage to the type of person you describe so well - stayed till our children were grown and married. I had high BP, vertigo, and total body pain constantly seemingly from the stress. I left when he was on a business trip, took his guns, and stayed away for several months.....got pulled back in and was able to finally make a permanent break. After 5 years of healing, connecting with healthy people and no dating, I met a peaceful and tender hearted man and dated for 7 years before getting married again. It's been 8 wonderful years without all that stress trying to live in peace with the narcissist. Dr C, your videos continue to give me the assurance that I did the right thing! God Bless You for helping many people!

[@ndgirl584]

Just divorced last year. Your story gives me hope

[@Booboonancy]

What a story and it ends well. Indeed you did the right thing.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

emily, how long did it take you after his mask cracked and did the 180° to reveal true self. Sounds like you did the discarding 🗑, good on you. So inspiring to read that you found love and healing by putting in the work. Mine revealed true self after the death of our matriarch. All of a sudden i was not good enough, a waste of time, a bad wife and parent, devout of personality, lacked drive, heh! the list goes on. Figure i've been in the discard phase for several years now, but he won't go, he has told me numerous times how unhappy he is in the relationship (i show him the door, nothing holding you here), i've asked him to get out leave, told me "oh no you're not getting rid of me that easily", since he revealed himself, he has painted a negative "crazy" picture of me to my family, since he fits the covert passive aggressive narc traits, he tries to come off subtlety as the victim, makes everything about him. I would love to make our marriage and relationship work but he puts no effort, just complaints, does not paint a positive future with himself, for himself or with us. But does claim he can pick-up the ☎️ telephone at any time and replace me, says he won't feel a thing for me. Not sure why he hasn't done so, i can not become what he wants me to or meet his expectations (seem unrealistic). I have bended to his will long enough, for a few years there did not even recognize myself (sure you can relate, 30 years wow!), contemplated suicide, let go of my saviors 🤚, engaged in anti-social behavior and felt no accountability. However, like you healing has begun and in full swing, found support groups, sought treatment, looking after my physical, emotional and spiritual health all while under the same roof. Hard to see beyond tomorrow, especially the distant future. Sure i will not tolerate this misery, abuse, loving and not being loved in return, i am starved for affection. Cruel way to live. Anyhow, emily your post 📫 gives hope where there once was none. Blessings 🇨🇷elvia🇨🇷

[@lifewithapurpose237]

emily, thought? why are you watching videos on weather to leave or stay 🤔, by your post 20 years have past since you left and in a good marriage 8 years in...

[@wendychavez5348]

I have a friend who has 2 or 3 children with her narcissist husband. When her father who lived with them passed away, her husband finally agreed to move to a bigger city closer to where he works, and for a while she was on the verge of leaving him entirely, but last I heard she had committed to stay married to him until their daughter is 18 (she's not yet 5 now). A few days ago I heard that she's exploring other options, and I sincerely hope she finds a workable solution, because this situation is toxic for her kids as well as her.

[@TheDjcobra2001]

Ex wife was narcissistic. She has also very aggressive. I had brain surgery and she started hitting me once I got out of the hospital. Then she would deny she did anything. Calling the police was pointless, she would tell them I hit her. I filed for divorce. She tried manipulating the judge, he got mad and made her leave my home. (I had filed to get her out). Now years later I am so much happier. She still tried to message me, but I completely cut her off. I found a good church and I'm still healing mentally.

[@Donita1213]

Good for you. I knew an older man who had a younger woman and her three daughters living with him. She physically abused him, she stole from him, she and her kids trashed his house. I lost contact with him for several reasons. But the main one was because my marc ex-boyfriend demanded that I delete all his information. I'm just saying it can happen to men.

[@lifeandhomewithmeredith9050]

So sorry that happened to you! So happy you are free from her now and that you are healing. Much Love

[@joywebster2678]

Glad you prevailed. I did call the police who chose to believe his story despite my bleeding mouth and black eye. They said it's he said she said. No help at all. Sonwhen things got worse never called them back, who needs them rolling their eyes while the narc laughs.

[@TheDjcobra2001]

@@joywebster2678 thank you and I'm sorry as well that happened to you. Police need better training on how narcs work.

[@HealingMelodies]

I'm glad that the judge made her leave and that you were able to get out of that situation! Always remember that no matter how you're feeling in a given moment, you are worth it. You are worthy of being yourself and being who you want and need to be. Sending you my best wishes and good thoughts :-)

[@ceebee1704]

Go. When you know, you go. It can take you a long time to leave if you try to withdraw gradually. Just go and don't look back, don't feel bad for them or be drawn back into the toxicity. Your emotional health is a priority. They are adults and you are not responsible for them.

[@treelover1050]

ALSO YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY IS AT STAKE.

[@RovvyWade]

I kept calling my dad asking where is the line between saving my sanity and abandoning my family, he said take a break for two weeks and help my grandmother. No surprise that those two weeks my wife was the sweetest person in the world to me, until I drove 20hours back home-she left to see her parents less than an hour after I got home and I cleaned the house, did the laundry, and waited for her to come home, she came home and spent the night glued to her phone. The next two weeks were complete hell because I had the audacity to say “we’re falling into the same routine “ then the she let the rage loose and threw me out, drove 20hours back to my grandmothers before she could change her mind, it was the nicest thing she’s ever done for me. Im just really lucky that I came from a good caring family and had a safe place to go.

[@darlawarmann8623]

And they know exactly what they are doing,it's a choice they are choosing

[@asseyez-vous6492]

Narc ‘behaviour’ is ALWAYS criminal. As soon as you figure out whoever your dealing with is a narc, run. RUN FAR, RUN FAST and NEVER go back!

[@user-of9bx1uk3u]

Best advice!!💖

[@wildhorses6817]

NEVER !

[@lafredahendricks1232]

Amen

[@VikingSpirit942]

They make sure you lose your self pride, joy, friendships, creativity, body confidence, creativity, career opportunities, happy demeanour, family relationships, sense of trust, robust health, energy…the list goes on. I have just emerged and finally got all this out of my life after 21 years and moved to a new home and feel like the sun has just come up in my life. Life seems full of possibilities again🙏🏼

[@oyumisan9356]

When I saw the word "body confidence," the memory of my mother criticizing my physical appearance since my childhood flooded my mind. She would criticize my height, weight, skin tone, the size of my nostrils, my facial expressions, even the way I kept my eyes open ("You'd actually be pretty if you open your eyes wider!"). When I was in my early twenties and introduced to her the guy I dated a couple of times, one of the first things she said to him, while making a "pig nose" with her own nose, was, "She's ugly." Oh, she also did that to my husband when she met him for the first time.

[@oyumisan9356]

@VikingSpirit942 I am so happy for you for leaving your narcissist and enjoying your new life! 🥰 I'm preparing to go no contact with my mother and my (enabling) father. I've suffered from her abuse for 50 years; I think that's long enough.

[@lulucolby8882]

One of the things that comes through with Dr. C, even in a video, is he cares. I can see it in his eyes. He helps me with these videos because of his words AND because I feel his concern.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased, Lulu Colby. Dr. C

[@YupIknowthatfeeling]

Yes, you can't fake that

[@lulucolby8882]

That is very true.

[@robbirobin9657]

I find his voice very soothing, like the Barney dinosaur character.

[@loveshine7819]

I agree… I feel that he’s also healing with the energy of a warm, compassionate father (something I never experienced).

[@melodienaber3238]

He explodes. The drywall holes, the dented oven, broken screens etc....

[@saratemp790]

Yes narcs ALWAYS command you, don't tell other people about our problems. Don't listen to them. Tell a lot of people.

[@EphemeralProductions]

Yeah and catch living hell from them in the process. I would suggest NOT saying anything until you’ve gone no contact or are right about to. Because the narc will make it hell for you so you best make sure you can escape after you start talkin

[@Donita1213]

Now this is my difficulty. My ex of 4 months and that ended last year in March, was a friend of a friend. And I don't think they're friends anymore. but she never says anything about him except she hasn't talked to him in a long time. So I kind of want to send her this video, and say this is all the things that he did to me. But she never asked about why we broke up or anything. So it's probably pointless to talk about it unless she asks.

[@saratemp790]

@@Donita1213 Prob don't ask me, cause I always tell. And sometimes people don't like it. Maybe say a few vague negative things, so she knows there was a problem at least.

[@lawrencefeldman7744]

Their #1 fear is exposure or being found out. Once you know that.......welp,you know a narc largely because of the furtive nature of their carriage. You don't see who they are but rather what they want to represent. Then you see the face drop and the rage and fear for that split second before the painted smile/smirk goes back up. The only thing that changes really is their supply chains. When you realize you are merely supply,and the gaslighting is just a control mechanism for maintaining it then you go.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

@@EphemeralProductions and silvia j. : nope, respectfully disagree. Why would anyone in their right mind not report the ABUSE, ha ha 🤣😆. Tell your therapist, support group, clergy, family, friends (even if they've been turned into flying monkeys) keep a log what was told to you "threats made", a journal, take pictures of your bruises, cuts, bleeding lips, broken bones, keep hospital visit records, illnesses that came upon you based on your insomnia (for having to sleep with one eye open), hyper-vigilance, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, your ptsd (your medical team will explain your symptoms to you and their best educated guess of their cause). Record 🎤 🎙 📹 🎥 📸 📷 video, photograph you name it. WHAT? your really think it'll let you escape with anything but the clothes on your back, allow you to try to tell your true story ( not the fairy tale he 🎨paints ) to anyone whose already been convinced he is the victim, flying monkeys got your back? WHATEVER, no doubt if you've ever dialed ⁹¹¹ that you were made out to be an exaggerater, mental, crazy , unstable, etc. Ok! We could agree to disagree, this is still my Stand.

[@harleyfsbo3027]

The ‘anger’ of a Covert Narcissist is erratic, volatile and disruptive but it focuses on blaming YOU rather than expressing true feelings and actually having a meaningful conversation.

[@bereal6590]

Listening to this again today. Your point is excellent. Any interaction with them either blames the victim or they aren't even listening or interested. One or the other. That is it completely in a nut shell, there is no in between unless you agree with everything they say and do and go along with it all ✌

[@ebonytriumph3816]

Dont stop making these videos. it is literally saving our mental health and helping us move forward.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Ebony. I'm not planning on stopping any time soon. You're why I make the videos! Dr. C

[@capenativeofficialmusic8258]

I think the hardest part of deciding is when you talk to then and they put on the lovey dovey act like you're the bad person not wanting to try anymore...

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Exactly. It's gaslighting at its best. Dr. C

[@WakeyWakey1111]

I’ve been fully enmeshed in a highly toxic narcissistic marriage for many years. The past 3 years have been the worst. I’m working to get out because it’s no longer safe for me to be here. What keeps me safe is keeping my mouth shut at all times, agreeing with everything he says and does and literally not standing up for myself in any way. What a way to live 😢 Thank you Dr. Carter for this and all your other great videos that have opened my eyes and taught me so much and have given me Hope. By Saturday, I hope to have news about a new place to move to. Wish me luck please, Everyone. Peace, Love & Joy to you all 🕊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Best wishes to you, Lisa! Dr. C

[@karinberonius8799]

Wishing you good luck and a bright future Lisa!🌼

[@WakeyWakey1111]

@@karinberonius8799 Thank you so very much. Wishing you the best too! 🕊

[@WakeyWakey1111]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for caring so much, Dr C! I wouldn’t still be on this planet if it weren’t for your videos & your awesome community of supporters. 🕊💖

[@danielazubcic8356]

Dear Lisa you are already a winner-just do it and you Will make it and be happy🍀🙋🌞

[@Vates104]

The narc who was in my life checks every single one of these boxes. I am glad that I finally cut him out of my life.

[@lyndabrown1626]

And please be very careful when leaving...it is the most dangerous time when leaving an abuser/narcissist. 🙏

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

True words. Dr. C

[@marlamartenson5312]

Micro management, criticism, gruff rude talking, scolding, raised voice, cutting off in mid sentence, bringing up insignificant things from the past that they deem horrible,

[@robertisham5279]

True most of those things had happened to me before

[@juliesandler4794]

If you're more unhappy than when you entered the relationship, time to leave. Don't search for reasons or resolutions, they'll never last, go and stay away.

[@free_will4913]

Absolutely! Such a great indicator! I reminded myself every time I thought about a situation.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Julie Sandler,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!

[@edgreen8140]

282 likes in 38 minutes. Dignity and respect.

[@joannesmith7443]

…and civility :)

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

DRC

[@lifewithapurpose237]

is it... Dignity : Respect : Civility

[@texaspatty458]

If you want ANY life at all , you will LEAVE 🏃🏃🏃

[@user-wi9hv2pb2q]

It is Never too late to leave. Never.

[@zimbabs]

Leaving is easier said than done. For some, leaving may be near impossible. Others in victim's life can be so judgemental; victim can actually make so may attempts to leave with nowhere to go, no one to help, health probs or old age, lack of financial independence. Narc can also overwhelm victim's own family to such an extend that victim's family alienates victim, so victim ends up back with narc. Narc will literally micro-manage & dominate every waking moment of victim. Trying to break away can be extremely dangerous. Its no casual thing.

[@cindyann4474]

"Yes, I believe you" ...

[@CH-in8dm]

Living it......well said

[@Kathleen5429]

Totally agree. To leave, it’s best to plan your departure, especially financially. Make copies of everything and if you need to start ‘saving’ money, then do so. Hide the money and leave when you feel that you are ready to leave.

[@cieloazul378]

@@ColeManny so sad that you left the child with him😞

[@theresefournier3269]

Aww, do i remember!

[@JJ-dk1lr]

I had a loaded weapon facing me when I caught the ex narcissist cheating. He acted like I was a threat against him! It was time to run!!!

[@speedskater5613]

They don’t want you to have male friend but those rules don’t apply to them they have lots of females hanging around

[@sophiaelizabethausten8152]

Yes i hear you.

[@jamirodreams2233]

Yea

[@cindyann4474]

"I believe you ...

[@echase416]

It’s called a ‘narcissist’s Harem’. They can have online ones.

[@wendychavez5348]

Once he went out of town with some friends, and I was patently not invited. When I discovered that one of them was female and asked him about it he got mad because "she's just one of the guys!" but I wasn't supposed to hang out with my friends as "one of the guys." He finally released his grip a little when I started hanging out with Steve--and let me know how disappointed I made him. Steve, on the other hand, doesn't try to dictate my friends, though he lets me know about the few that he doesn't like and why.

[@4bearsi678]

I feel like if you continue to have to ask yourself (should I stay or go) or ask someone else then that’s a answer in itself that it’s time to go 🤷🏼‍♂️

[@YupIknowthatfeeling]

Yes, I have learned this too. If you have to ask yourself the question then that's probably already your answer

[@free_will4913]

Absolutely!

[@jeanninehill6009]

"I'm not saying that you're wrong, I'm just saying that I'm blaming you" --every narcissist ever.

[@Joelswinger34]

The answer is that you should always leave a narcissist!

[@wendysayers3080]

I was treated this way by my husband and his adult children. I nearly took my own life.

[@june-mariehamilton5455]

I hope you have made a full recovery, new friends and new occupations in life, whether professional or hobbies.

[@katalincatchpolenefister8954]

I hope are much better now. God bless you.

[@lyndabrown1626]

Leaving is the only option. This is not a "relationship". This is a "transaction" or "arrangement"...as Dr. C said in another great video. Time for a "real relationship". 💕

[@treelover1050]

THANKS FOR ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO LOVE AND RESPECT THEMSELVES BY CONSIDERING THE HARMFUL EFFECTS THAT NARCISSISTS BRING TO PERSONAL INTERACTIONS.

[@YupIknowthatfeeling]

Sometimes I like to watch Dr C's videos just to be reassured of a kind benign presence in the world. His face and voice and everything about him is so gentle but strong at the same time, and calm and good. Nice to see some of his home - I like the bear picture! Thank you Dr C for being there

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Victoria. That means a lot. Dr. C

[@YupIknowthatfeeling]

Surviving Narcissism ☺️☺️☺️

[@lifewithapurpose237]

@@SurvivingNarcissism i agree with victoria doc.c. i have watched many videos by you doc.c, doc ramani, life coach lisa a romano and taken countless 📝notes. Unfortunately a lot of those notes were directly on cell phone which my covert passive aggressive spouse had reset to factory 🏭settings. i see it as spilled 🥛🍼milk. However i watched one with you giving a talk at a place of worship, the one about your tiny friend who asked you if God was like you. Wow 👏 good message. Stay Blessed 🙏 PᴀBᴀTᴀɪ (my mantra)

[@karenstanislaw8912]

Victoria, I empathize. This doc is lovely, wise,humane, etc. Love my KZbin subscriptions, generally, for similar reason. I've created a "neighborhood" of my own choosing. Much light to you, Victoria, and to great allys in the process, even through pixels.

[@diamondgreenchoreoqueen]

And I love Gus 🐕

[@evadedenbach1226]

It's time to leave a narcissist, or any abusive personality when you're theme song is Should I Stay or Should I Go by the Clash.

[@YupIknowthatfeeling]

Lol, and also great song!

[@js6546]

I wish I’d left when my narc husband said to me, “I knew you’d use your mum’s comatose state in a palliative care hospital as an excuse for not having my (narc) family for lunch.” When you are only just coping with your beloved mum’s terminal illness as well as looking after 3 little children - to be told you are acting selfishly - just feels so overwhelming. I cooked the lunch, visited my mum, and stayed in the toxic relationship for another 14 years.

[@leighatkins22]

Ugh... I hear that regret very deeply too hey...

[@bradmcewen]

That's incredible. And unfortunately so selfish to the point of toxic. Been there in similar way. The narc will always want top attention despite a dire need elsewhere. Typical Toxic B.

[@vanhaze2000]

Horrible story...

[@steviecrow914]

You can never do enough for them. Your welfare and sanity are of no consequence. So glad you’re out.

[@crivsmum4820]

I wish I'd left when my husband told people "it's alright for her she's just been on holiday and left me with the kids" when I had just been back home for my sister's funeral and spent time looking after my nephew and nieces while my brother-in-law tried to deal with everything, including finding a nanny. I spent the next 2 years wondering why I didn't just move back and look after my sister's children myself but I kept being told it was my duty to stay with my husband ... that was 30 years ago and somehow I'm still there!

[@prettysmile6869]

The fuel gauge that indicates the level of life energy that is currently left in my body is dangerously low.

[@kathymagnus5681]

Please try to find help and support.

[@dancer49lives6]

I understand completely. Get out of that relationship and your energy level will come back to you when you do you!

[@prettysmile6869]

I'm aware of this is happening. To me it feels like a magic spell that is hanging over me. Preventing to escape, get out of the toxic situation. nd keeps hanging over me

[@dancer49lives6]

That same spell hung over me for four years. My energy began to build the very day I left that narcissist and it built stronger when I went NO CONTACT with him.

[@whoanelly7444]

U should always leave the narcissist! Nobody should ever be in a toxic relationship or be abused! Some are psychopaths and others are sociopaths either way run for your life!

[@tracymitchell9399]

Mine hits 6 of the 7. Good thing I've figured it out and am currently working on my exit strategy.

[@treelover1050]

GOOD FOR.YOU. GET OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Best wishes to you Tracy as you move forward! Dr. C

[@marlamartenson5312]

Best of luck 🙏

[@drich9164]

God wil provide support as needed. He wil see you through. 🙏

[@Catherine-vn1do]

All the best✨💫

[@tinacathey8241]

You should go! You don't realize how much damage he/she has done until you leave. Its tough and you will second guess yourself but just say to yourself I can do it, I can make my own decisions, I can have a great life without walking on eggs. Do it for yourself, you can do it. You are worth it!! Start enjoying life, be happy, start smiling again😊

[@sage9836]

I am glad about this topic. Sometimes their behavior crosses over into criminality, or they keep a violent flying monkey as an enforcer whom they can easily provoke, or have friends who are involved in illegal dealings. It's possible to be in over one's head. (Edited in: I realized that sounds scary. I am not in danger.)

[@daisyedberg6658]

We know a bunch of them in work we run into all types 😅😃

[@TheNinnyfee]

It always crosses into criminal behaviour, mostly people just don't bother to report it. It can be more unnoticed crimes like smaller theft, cheating at major exams (there are usually forms you have to sign re cheating), insult/verbal attacks/verbal violence, coercive control. Boundary violation as such is definitely part of the experience as they lack the understanding of the importance of rules and boundaries. And the worst thing about it: people resp. enablers/bystanders often admire them for it and don't do anything about it. Or hide behind them so they don't have to take responsibility themselves. Enabling narcissists corrodes communities/societies.

[@catherinewholey3630]

They have NO scruples. They will try to get what they think they deserve whatever it takes

[@HeatherDMorris]

Yes it can be criminal. My ex husband stole 485k thru home improvement fraud as a business owner and is on his 6th wife . He is a felon. A criminal in many aspects I think.

[@lisamarieromeo6122]

Yes I've been there. My twin sister met a nark and cause she didn't want to be with him he petrol bombed my mother home 3 women and a baby. We became homeless. She only knew him 12weeks.

[@donciseau]

I will try to stay away from these people!

[@EphemeralProductions]

I can be VERY tough. They are everywhere. And if you have certain personality proclivities that attract then or make you a target for them you draw em to you like moths to bug lights

[@donciseau]

@@EphemeralProductions you're right!

[@tinagribben1165]

It was so Brutally Painful to grow up with 2 Toxic Sadistic Narcissist as Parents! Isolation/Abuse and Entrapment!!!! I was well into my 20s and I FINALLY GAVE UP!...THEY AREN'T HUMAN BURN IN HELL....NO CONTACT, NO REACTUON NO ABUSE!!!

[@helenadamson5542]

I can totally relate to that feeling of erosion, slow corrosive feeling, uncomfortable, an unsafe awareness that you are not the only woman in their life. Withholding love an affection, that was the final straw for me… I escaped.

[@asmallbitchybanana]

This is what he started doing to me on month 1. I am leaving tomorrow and my friend is picking me up in a Uhaul. Im done.

[@bellaluv4890]

My husband is easily upset when I interrupt him, not laugh at his jokes, and offended if I get offended by being the "butt" of his jokes

[@karlagatto9789]

Thank you for your compassion- it is not easy for others to understand what it is like to deal with narcissism, so experiencing validation from a tender and intelligent source is invaluable!!! 🥰

[@jamesarmstrong4179]

Karla Gatto,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....

[@longstoryshort8657]

everything the narc is he or she wants you to believe you are all the ugly bad evil things .. and that is overwhelming

[@denisehamblin2132]

My husband ticks every narcissistic box but my situation is different. He is 90 years old but I'm only 53 I've been with him for 20 hellish years and he's got worse with age . The way I see it is he's not going to live forever I've on the home straight to the end , peace is in sight .

[@professoraregbesola3490]

I knew it was bad when the narcissist got jealous when the kids gave me or my family more attention than her.

[@aaronfischer9885]

Female narcissists don't want to be loved. They want attention. Your full attention and the attention of every person they pass on the street. All eyes on them. It's a sad state of affairs.

[@MsJackieJack]

Bring my own best friend saved me. It works. 💯

[@marcuslong9761]

So i just got a job as a General Manager, which i put a lot of work into getting. My parents, who feel like achievement is the only thing that should be supported, responded by saying "Hey, we would like to go 50/50 on a house w you as a motivation for doing well in this job." No, i dont want you to have equity (real or figuratively) in my house! I want to buy a house, and i will. Amazing. It's like they're so insecure they have to feed and profit emotionally off my accomplishments. Go get your own.

[@tarasapone7887]

Eating away at your insides! Powerplays! Entitlement!

[@darlenejackson8499]

I am so THANKFUL that I LEFT the Narcissist that I was with...and that GOD showed me that he was unfaithful behind my back seeing someone else...It was like here's your sign, time to leave...I told good bye to the people that I had become friends with, and told them why I was leaving...had my car packed with all my stuff, then when he came home that night, I told him I was leaving, didn't give a reason, he just threw it up in my face that I was jealous...I ignored him, and my final words were "I AM OUT OF HERE"!!! And I left...Have been gone several months...I am PRAYING that he doesn't return, nor that I ever see him again for the rest of my life....

[@karinberonius8799]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@darlenejackson8499]

@@karinberonius8799 THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I had to leave not only because he was seeing someone else behind my back, but I also had to protect my home (which he wanted me to sell), as well as he wanted me to fork out my savings so he could retire to live in Montana and live the good life on me....

[@karinberonius8799]

@@darlenejackson8499 ☺️ What a jem!

[@BrianFrederick-fx2bd]

The liars will have all eternity to regret the deception they refused to renounce as they hear their lies echo in their memory!!!

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

I know lots of people like this, sometimes it is subtle because they try to hide what they are but it comes out in covert ways.

[@IAmPamPoovey]

A narcissist showed this video to me in an effort to convince me that I'm a narcissist. It is really eye-opening and gave me the extra boost I needed to let him go for good. Thank you!!!

[@catbishop206]

Anytime you feel confusion in a relationship, get OUT. It's emotional abuse, just under the surface. That's what happened to me.

[@IAmPamPoovey]

@@catbishop206 True. I tried so hard for YEARS to better myself, to change myself so he'd be happy with me. I finally realized that he was determined to be miserable and if I was going to change myself for the better, the first change I needed to make was to get him out of my life.

[@catbishop206]

@jsmith4343 wow, it's like seeing my own reflection in your comment. I also spent years trying to become more perfect. My body. How I spoke, what I wore, ate, read, listened to, watched, thought, did and on and on. It's a black hole! Dr. Phil has a new series called "Phil in the blanks"and recently has several episodes on KZbin about narcs of all types. It was very validating, and I highly recommend!

[@iMeatbag]

The 3 dislikes are the narcissists people sent this video to in the hopes of trying to get through to them one last time.

[@EASTSIDESEE]

Pay attention to the signs, it will save you your sanity, quite possibly your job, your home, money & retirement. You will also then have an opportunity to fix the trauma and form healthy relationships with others. Its very important to remove toxic people as soon as possible as the longer you allow that behavior in your life, the less likely you are to be able to form healthy relationships.

[@Vezmus1337]

You gotta know when to walk away... ...And know when to run!

[@funlovinbloke6266]

Should I stay or should I go now. If I go there will be in trouble, but if I stay it will be double. So you gotta let me know, should I stay or should I go - The Clash. I left my covert narcissist ex partner and moved on. We all deserve so much better.

[@brendakrause5639]

I think there is a book titled Should I stay or Should I Go

[@jeanlaubenthal698]

Lying is a huge red flag. That could be seen as the early warning sign to discontinue relationship and not get involved with full blown narc behavior.

[@elizasmith5201]

It is time to leave when they are accusatory about everything. When they try to isolate you. They worry about what you say and who you say it to. They worry about where you go without them. They want to know everything that is going on. They insult you to keep you feeling like you are not worth anything. They try to make you feel like you can't live without them. It is time to leave and not look back

[@Queen-of-Swords]

I left a narcissist 13 years ago. He still makes me suffer as much as he can. Its quite ridiculous really.

[@SusanBame]

Iʻd say a sign the narcissist is unsafe is when they threaten to do bodily harm, as in "I could just hit you right now." From what I learned as a court reporter taking testimony from experts in the cycle of domestic violence, first an abuser thinks it, then they speak it, and they will always, always, always eventually DO it. My husband had never said anything like that in our over 20 years of marriage, and when he did, I knew it was my time to leave. I started making plans that day. It was his jealousy over my professional career -- just about ready to complete the masterʻs degree -- that sent him over the edge. As long as he was the breadwinner, as long as he made more money than me, as long as I was dependent on him, everything was fine. Once it looked like I might make as much money as he did, or that I would be able to live on my own just fine without him, that threatened him.

[@jamesarmstrong4179]

Susan Bame,Hope you are not with a narcissist....

[@dianerose7631]

Narc does have nasty anger these days because things are turning sour for him. He is ill an wife cheated. I’m not His wife. He is mad because his adult child (me) has power to leave of her own decision

[@Taylor-nz4nf]

Left 5 yrs ago and he still won’t leave me alone. Keeps asking my kids if I’m dating anyone. Sent an Reo Speed wagon love song to my daughter to play for me. Asked her what I said. She said I was happier and he flew into a rage. Took me 36 years to get out of this toxic marriage.

[@RovvyWade]

Sorry you have to endure that, I’m so happy I don’t have kids with my ex but I’m just a few weeks free and scared of what she’s capable of.

[@shellimhenry]

I have been in this marriage for 17 years. The last 2 years have been enlightening and ai opening to all the signs I never put together until now. We have 3 kids together. How do I get out?

[@RovvyWade]

@@shellimhenry do you have a job? If not get one and start making a plan. Look for a divorce attorney and prepare for things to get ugly but never give any hints or clues to what you’re doing, lean on family/friends for support of you can trust them. I was fortunate that my wife threw me out and my family is at least a thousand miles from her so I had enough gas money to drive to them. I’m preparing for an extremely ugly divorce-even though I left everything and left her with more money in the bank than she’s ever had-still get texts saying I put them in financial ruin for my selfish needs(who knew staying sane/safe was selfish). I made the mistake of telling her I was leaving end of April if things didn’t change, we worked things out and almost had a nice two weeks together, then it got ugly, she threw me out and “I had this planned all along” bc of course she rewrote the narrative. She canceled my credit cards, blocked access to all finances, and her and her kids have told her family outlandish lies about me. If she thinks I’m moving on she’ll be nice and suck me back in, if I fall for it and plan on going back she rages or makes ridiculous demands. It’s all games and mind tricks, it’s going to be one of the most difficult choices you make in life, if you get free you’ll go through hell to get there but it’s worth it. I stayed for the dogs, I lost the dogs, if I stayed the dogs were going to lose me anyway. Staying with her was just waiting for death, after being gone for a month I feel better everyday bc the stress of always screwing everything up no matter what I did or said did serious damage to my mind and body. I’m starting life over at 45 with no job (yet) very few clothes that I could take and nothing else-but my sanity/life and I’m so lucky I have a great family. I wish you the best and hope you find peace in your life.

[@shellimhenry]

@@RovvyWade I have been sleeping upstairs on a twin mattress on the floor for over a month. I was an idiot and let it slip that I called to get advice on divorce. Now he says I was unkind to call the lawyer because I hurt his feelings. :( We are going to counseling but in his mind just to show how I'm overreacting. Yes, I have a job. I'm a teacher. I also tutor. All tutoring money is going into a separate account.

[@RovvyWade]

@@shellimhenry sorry, it’s tough and the games fool us all for awhile. I’ve been free two months and things just started getting better two days ago, two weeks ago I just wanted to go back home. Your time will come and only you know when it’s best, stay strong and when I gets lonely remember-lots of people here understand and your not alone.

[@BoundariesNOW]

Time to go when: The list you make of the good memories they gave you are only taking up a few lines *BUT* the bad memories take up pages and pages... RUN!!!!!

[@judithprins7132]

Hi Dr. C.. I finally did it today...good bye after yet again finding his text messages to countless women....you're so beautiful...whilst taking me out to dinner ?!...I found many and know how to p trust and verify....so he went into a rage after he realized he was truly busted ....I was a horrible disgusting person for somehow finding out he was cheating and being deceptive. I told him his behaviour was shameful, despicable and totally disrespectful and uncaring to me....rage, kicked me out, demsnded my keys.I moved out a month ago and still went back for more....Thank you to you and Laura..her video this week on how Narcs flip the script was brilliant..when I came home from being raged on for daring to talk to him about his cheating....ever grateful to you both..now that hard part of healing ...

[@donnawoodham868]

Crazy !!! Tired !!! This should be thought in highschool.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Donna Woodham,You look gorgeous 🌹🌹🥀🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈 in your life!!

[@eileengibson712]

“...if I go there will be trouble, if I stay it will be double...” There’s a song for that. 😊

[@ep4341]

It’s unbelievable to really consider how many narcissists that are out there. Here I thought I was alone and without help… Thank you Dr. C

[@patriciapaulineguevara4123]

Thank you. I have been listening to you for 2 years and that’s how long it took me to understand it was time to dissolve a 30+ year marriage. I am taking care of me.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes! Dr. C

[@ericadickard9869]

This is my life to a Tee!! I'm smothered

[@HeatherDMorris]

It's a real eye opener when you realize there are people like this in the world that you believe really care for you but they really don't and you drive your self crazy trying to please them wondering what is wrong with you and why are you so bad in their eyes ! You cant explain this to someone who has never been on the receiving side of a narcisist. If someone tries to makes me doubt my feeling and reality I catch on real quick! Thanks ex husband and thanks new wifey that had an affair with him. .cant blame you for falling for him but ya knew he was married so .ugggg You kinda deserve it a little ..poor you right about NOW ! Haa thanks Dr. C. Always love your videos !

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks again, Heather! Dr. C

[@rorybarrow4558]

Well said thank you. I could not understand why am I driving myself crazy and why don’t I deserve to feel affection

[@sharoncorrell3819]

If I heard my exnarc bf say *I'm the boss" once I heard it a million times. Toxicity overflowed from this creature in how they tried to control everything and the anger that spewed from them when they didn't get their way. Vengeful, jealous, isolating, criticizing and undermining everything in me that was different from him. The humiliation that was over the top and expressing my hurt and pain concerning the last incident before the grand discard. Seven months No Contact.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

When someone has to say that over and over, it smacks of deep insecurity covered by genuinely stupid arrogance. Dr. C

[@sharoncorrell3819]

@@SurvivingNarcissism thanks to his mother this is one messed up 54 yr old man that has the emotional makeup of a 5 year old.

[@obscurum6]

They will say that you can't end a conversation, argument or anything you are doing with them without them allowing you to. Seriously, I heard a narcissist 'friend' say "no one tells me when a conversation is over, you leave when I allow you to".

[@Sojourner927]

Very helpful. If you are living in this type of situation please leave. Save your soul. You are not safe. Believe that voice deep within yourself that is telling you that this is a bad situation.

[@michelemurphy3541]

The devastation when it is your parent is almost unrecoverable.

[@jkol8781]

Dr Les Carter, these danger signs prompted me to walk away from a very toxic, constantly being accused , thankfully before i became drained.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased you're at a better place! Dr. C

[@caterjunes3426]

When I'm having difficulty deciding what to do in a toxic relationship, I often have to ask myself, "If you had a friend who was going through what you're going through, what would you tell them?" It helps me get past the excusing and rationalizing that I'm so prone to.

[@sturobertson6791]

Thank you thank you thank you I can't say it enough. I'm a guy (in the UK) who has spent the last 4 years bei g confused, baffled, hurt, including physically, scared, home and possessions destroyed, severe verbal, emotional and physical abuse at the hands of a woman I adored. How do you know these things? How could you describe my experiences so accurately? I thought my (10 month ex) partnerwas uniquely difficult, and I constantly tried to love , encourage, nurture, build, listen, understand.. All nice things I thought were right and I can see now after discovering your vids I was a grade A supplier the entire time. OMG the names and words I got called for utterly innocent situations like helping a neighbour check their oil, accepting a cup of tea from a female customer... While my partner would be instantly sitting on a bench sharing a spliff with a male customer we'd just met...i thought my situation was unique... The rules are for ME, while she could do whatever she liked. Had to call police twice in the end. 10 months into heing, recently discovered your vids... You have given me the utter joy of seeing and feeling my friends, family and my life goodness coming back to me. Thank you...

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Stay strong, Stu! Dr. C

[@skymeadow7762]

I ask this question everyday. I don't even have the energy for friends anymore, I'm just tired 😩 I'm a gifted psychic and he mocks what I do as useless. I am so Trauma Bonded that I need therapy to get away. Name what's going on, I'm scared I'm losing myself. Thank you for caring, I hope to do this kind of work after I Heal.

[@PENGUINS66]

If you had never put out these down to earth videos, I would have never have left the succubus. You are a special person. Thank you for your compassion.

[@bradmcewen]

Who would have ever thought you need to take a course in interpersonal relations before you try something new. What else don't I know ? Tons.....

[@staceytaylor8226]

I know a person that I was close to is going through this right now all I can do is pray for him that he sees and walk completely away soon very soon

[@oceanqueen3781]

To many fish in the sea. Must be something better out there right?

[@kesmarn]

Even nothing is better than a narcissist.

[@oceanqueen3781]

@@kesmarn so true. I am single and loving it. I don't miss the screaming in my ear,the insults,and lies.

[@mariasartzis-pellicier1723]

Mother nature--All the "fish" put there are narcs☹️😆☹️😆☹️😆.

[@goldheartminer7069]

@@mariasartzis-pellicier1723 there are very many of them for sure. Look at the poor people that end up murdered. We are lucky we got out.

[@stevenparras6174]

Thank you, Dr. Les Carter. I haven’t viewed the entire video but I would say follow God’s will and leave. Of course for me it’s easy to say that because it was just extended family that I left YEARS AGO. So it wasn’t actually someone I “loved”, per say. My prayers go for those who suffer the abuse from a narcissist in their own homes. I pray they are safe and their self respect and boundaries stand firm. I pray they are with those who bring out the best in them, not the stress in them.

[@laurenbatson5918]

I love that-bring out the best, not the stressed. That is such a succinct way to describe the one question you should ask in order to find out if it is time to go. And you are correct, when the person in question is someone you have a covenant relationship with, it makes it more complicated. (I know the difference, because I had to go no contact with my alcoholic mother a few years ago. Not that that isn't also difficult and painful.) Add 2 children in the mix-2 kids that are being groomed for triangulation-and you get a very complicated situation. The bare bones of it-the "do I stay?" part, is not complicated. It is the details that are complicated. Especially when you consider that I lost my career because of this. I almost lost my mind, which would have been catastrophic. But not having financial independence means it is going to take longer to get free. But I am so NOT living like this anymore. I put myself through school once and could make it on my own. I can do it again!

[@nancymurphy6483]

It was rage. Calling me names, threatening me, etc. “You do that again and you’ll be sorry”, “If you don’t do what I just told you to do, you’ll be sorry.” “You owe it to me.” “You need to be taught a lesson.” “No, I won’t do what you asked me to do-because that would benefit you.” “What do you want for your birthday, Christmas, so I can be sure not to get it for you, because if I did, then you would be controlling me.” I once spent 2 hours at the kitchen table because my checking account was off by a penny! “You think you say things you don’t.” Two of my GF’s encouraged me to get therapy, and also to leave. The marriage counselor said I would never have the kind of marriage I wanted and deserved. Leaving was so freeing. Leave if you can.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You deserve so much better, Nancy. Glad you got out! Dr. C

[@michelepascoe6068]

You aren't disloyal if you leave a parent, adult child or spouse who treats you this way. Believe what you see, detach emotionally, establish boundaries, find people who return your loving kindness. Let go and move on to a new life.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Spot on. Dr. C

[@dutch__mermaid602]

They're very unpredictable, I was always walking on eggshells.

[@susannay.3437]

Although my narc gets angry very easily, he's a "writer offer," so he doesn't seem to care where I've been.

[@DavidBaronStevensPersonal]

I left when my life was in more danger in staying that what could happen if I left. I wouldn't be alive today had things gone differently. In the end, only we choose our fate. I'm not gonna lie and say there wasn't consequences and scars to both me and my child, some of which may never heal. But I can do MUCH more to protect my child as a live dog than a dead lion. For that reason, I will never regret my decision to leave.

[@anyways661]

Amen🙏

[@sturobertson6791]

Thanks for your comments. I'm a guy too, I was actually scared for my life and didn't realise / react until the police asked me " are you scared if her?".

[@brettweary8491]

Absolutely David as soon as I Can Fly to Vietnam with My Vietnamese Wife to Get away from My 92 year Old Narcissist Mum I Will

[@juanjosesanchez4095]

Hope you could have taken your child with you, but laws are really unfair with men

[@beatakiziak7307]

Good for you and your child! I'm glad you have managed to find strength in yourself and created a plan to live. That's my next step as well.

[@deborahcollins1100]

Yes my narcissistic husband of 36 yrs has all 8 traits that have definitely just about broken me of course. I keep praying for Gods guidance as to what to do. I am 72 yrs old now and sure not ready to start all over again losing finances and his health insurance etc. lots to consider.

[@melanieknowles7002]

Dear Deborah...follow as many videos on the covert narc as you can. Learn not to be his supply anymore. Same here with an old narc but i wont take his crap. Do things you like, hobby, walks etc. Stay out of his space. Trust me, the old narc falls apart. Prayers for you

[@greenstrawberry6014]

I tune mine out, enjoy my hobbies and continue to pray for strength. I am talking, in my head to God, while my narc is talking to me like dirt.

[@melanieknowles7002]

@@greenstrawberry6014 Sorry about what you have to endure. I fully relate. However, one day of his nonsense was too many. I told him if he ever speaks to me again...i will destroy him when he sleeps. After that i called my dad, the homicide detective and told him. The narc dont utter a word. Never. He is shit scared. Dont care. We deserve a life. Not prison. That is just me. I dont do well with lies and disrespect. Considering who raised me.

[@greenstrawberry6014]

@@melanieknowles7002 I am just realizing what I am dealing with, for 5 years I believed him,thinking less of myself. I was depressed, dealing with his drama/ mouth! Now I am working on my self esteem and self care. You sound like a strong woman with great dad! Thanks for your words of encouragement.

[@melanieknowles7002]

@@greenstrawberry6014 My dad used to say...if you want to kill something...dont feed it. Dont react to his bullshit. Dint do stuff for him, he can do himself. Dont engage in any talks. Cut his supply. Starve him. The problen is the narc. Not you. Deal with it. They sick people and you need to be healthy to live the life God gave you. The soul has a way to heal itself. It is a matter in your mind to settle. Narcs are like iron bars. You cant break them but their own rust will one day at a time. Be bold. Be loud. Be brave. You are a survivor. I salute you. My prayers and peace. Love from Africa.

[@sylviaw3793]

They seem to be upset most of the time and act like it's your fault

[@mariasartzis-pellicier1723]

There was NO question about me staying or going. I WENT... and did NOT go back to this toxic marriage and malignant toxic narc