Top 5 Problems Created By Narcissists

[@Greenwings701]

You don't miss them when they're gone. Not one minute.

[@jonnuanez2843]

"They can pull anger out of you with their frustrating behavior, and then they turn around and blame you for having anger". A truer sentence was never uttered. Throw in gaslighting as well.

[@mdee860]

Agree 100%. Wish they wore warning signs 😁

[@jonnuanez2843]

@@mdee860 I've seen some people wear face masks, shirts, etc that say "toxic" or something similar. In my mind I thank them. They may think they're being cute or hip. But why would you choose to display something like that if you didn't mean it?

[@jonnuanez2843]

@@Hi-Phi We all wish we understood this sooner. The aggressor knows exactly what is going on. We're the boiling frogs. And they don't care.

[@SC-zw2uy]

I now know first hand why they say “all my ex’s are crazy!” I had to go on anti-anxiety meds during the relationship while enduring the psychopathology. Just over a year later I hired movers and left him with his mouth hanging open….like “your leaving me?” Ya, ya got that part right!

[@the_tons]

He had me fooled for a long time. But now I see it I can't unsee it and it is so sad. He keeps going saying awefull things to me until I react and then it's Gotcha! So sad and sick.

[@rubensmacedo377]

They drive you crazy and, when you explode in anger they say: "You think i deserve that?!! Look at how you treat me!!"

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's their "Gotcha" game. Dr. C

[@Ski7440]

Having baited and baited you , they then walk into the other room and tell ur parents that you’re a very angry person, and impossible ....

[@Notmytoe]

We had a big holiday last month that I prepared everything for, hours of cooking. My narcissistic mother kept trying to poke at me to get me to explode, but I didn't bite. ...then it turns out she had been poking at my little sister the whole time too. And sure enough, at dinner time when my sister got a little angry, my mother had her excuse to lock herself in her room and make a huge scene about what a victim she is to everyone. Hours of yelling and crying. It hurts extra when children are involved for sure. It took me this whole month to get back to normal after that but I think with each incident like this, it's easier and easier to really see the truth of them and feel like you don't need to care.

[@MavSpic]

DARVO DENY ATTACK REVERSE the role of VICTIM and OFFENDER

[@dazhatz]

Yes!... Absolutely this. 👍

[@matilda1505]

Don’t count on them for any emotional support ! Ever !

[@bereal6590]

Truth... this bit is killing me 😡

[@msmellowd7970]

They have no emotions and your have no peace..Its sad they really think your the problem 😕.

[@matildasfarm9450]

I fall for this one as I think maybe if I talk to she will understand and be nice..... Nope gotcha now I feel 1000 times worst

[@matilda1505]

@@matildasfarm9450 I know right ! At the end of the discussion you feel weak for having a desire to have them to understand.

[@matildasfarm9450]

@@matilda1505 I am going through this and it's causing depression. It was only yesterday I tried to get understanding, I now know, when lies were told in front of my face in front of the owner that they have been told twisted unreal stories about me. I'm so upset about it all. I wish I was stronger

[@Nina-w7m8q]

They will constantly tell you "you're angry" when it's them who's angry. The projection never ends.

[@tommyparkerparker]

They will also tell you that you are the evil one when they are projecting their evil behavior on you.

[@markcain9380]

WOW! SPOT ON !

[@metalfacemartinez]

Mine bought me a book on how to control anger

[@janetstonerook4552]

Living with narcissists is like having someone give you a thousand pin pricks daily but you never know exactly when they are coming!

[@tarajh]

Literal torture.

[@AmberWavesOfSane]

I call it the death of a thousand cuts

[@ashandwit]

Or WHY.

[@chrishill3159]

So true

[@AmberWavesOfSane]

@@ashandwit I feel ya, I've just learned to resolve it as they are very mentally & emotionally unwell. That's the Why. ☮️ and 💜

[@lovemrj4ever]

“Walk with.a psychological limp”. Yes that is me but I will run again and be whole. I pray for strength and grace for all narc victims. May we all run victoriously together!

[@famousstar796]

Thank you.

[@shari247peace]

Amen Greta! I wholeheartedly agree! You will be whole as will I. Dr. Carter’s videos have been so insightful, healing. It’s the medicine, along with what we do with what we learn, that will help bring us back to wholeness. ☮️

[@tootienottoofruitie1726]

Greta... May we educate and support each other... those who have something to give ❗🕊️

[@Susileedean]

Stay strong, dear

[@ComedianWillRodriguez]

It’s amazing. All these people who have never met each other whose dealt with a narcissist have the same stories. Narcs are disgusting human beings.

[@triscuit4000]

Narcissists are very adept at twisting someone else's words into something completely different and horrible. They then use the twisted words against their target. Even worse is when they get other people to team up against their target when the target is not at fault. Experiencing this is so unpleasant.

[@jeffcastetter6122]

Spot on!!!

[@brettneuberger6466]

Parental alienation is probably the cruelest, sickest, and most damaging behavior a narcissist can inflict. The court system is soooo far behind the curve in understanding this dynamic.

[@Niles-Guy]

Nominated for best comment ever. The courts don’t care about parental alienation. But by mental health experts it’s deemed as child abuse .

[@inkystarz]

Boy you said it. We need all guardians and judges trained in it.

[@michelleburchett9762]

Agreed.

[@tracydanneo]

Yes, so far behind.

[@loribuonamici1398]

And yet, I'm sure these lost souls have NO IDEA what damage they're doing to their children. Surely, they need to be pitied?

[@l.k.2337]

If you start putting yourself first, not in a greedy, mean, selfish way, but with moderation, these narcissists won't even want to be around you.

[@nanannyse]

Exactly!

[@bodaciousbethany0]

I was groomed to be a chauffeur for my narc mother 1st. She passed away her narc sister took over. I started putting my foot down & said no. I have such pleasant drives now.🚗 she would get drunk & yell at me for no reason. Try guilting and shaming me into giving her parasitic leech friends rides. They tried turning me into a complete doormat. The $ I've saved on ⛽ gas is unbelievable.

[@RobAnthonyDire]

Many of them will try to convince you that you’re being selfish the second you set a boundary. If you don’t allow them to affect your view of yourself, then you are absolutely right. Knowing is 1/2 the battle

[@gstoil]

well simple if you are talking about a friend but if you are married to one (or even a boss or co-worker) they will use all these against you to abuse you, call you selfish, that you do nothing all day, you don't help them, you don't care about them, you don't love them, you are lazy, you are a bad person, you you.

[@bodaciousbethany0]

@@dcg31free especially a drunken 1. My mother wasn't a big drinker, but she wanted to start fights every time I got behind the wheel. & That is so dangerous!🥺

[@ceebee1704]

Where do I even start? They can manufacture problems out of thin air and create drama when there is none.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'll bet you're sitting on a bucket-full of examples. Dr. C

[@drppr76]

Very true!!!

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

Mine was always creating drama and then would tell me that there was too much drama. 🙄

[@lynnfincham6839]

I was told I was negative … only because I did not conform 😞

[@ceebee1704]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Sadly so. Thank you for your videos and work in educating others about narcissism.

[@zenwolf1046]

The narcissist deliberately sows chaos in your life. They keep you running from brush fire to brush fire of their own creation. This is to keep you so focused on "fixing the problems" that you don't have time to actually take a deep breath and realize THEY are the reason your life is sliding into the garbage pit. Remember when your mom tried to explain why classmates were jerks by saying "well, they think bad attention is better than no attention." This is the core of a narcissist .

[@victoriasage7]

They can start a fight over anything… it validates them and confirms their view that they are the victim

[@mdee860]

@ zen wolf - Bingo! Exactly my situation. However, when we we finally DO start learning about Narcassism - whoa! The gig's up! Time to take the trash out.

[@matilda1505]

@@mdee860 I love that ! “ The gig’s up ! Time to take the trash out ! “ !

[@mdee860]

@@matilda1505 - 😘 Right? There is no changing or 'fixing them. I do not have the ability nor do I care to help him. It is a decades long pattern with him & he quite enjoys the way he is. His issues are his own problems to deal with. I am not responsible for him. The only thing I feel sorry for is the future Victim #5.

[@heatherhamilton9940]

True freaking story 😡

[@thebullwhisperer916]

Life is absolutely HELL with these people run far away while you still can.

[@andicastro1203]

Got my husbands two kids from his foreign country. He has never lived with us and while they were young they were “your kids” now that they are raised and on their own they are “ my daughter/ son”

[@Picca65]

Cognitive dissonance, low selfesteem, bad finances, broken marriages, damaged children?

[@user-of9bx1uk3u]

Sounds about right..👍🏽

[@yodo6414]

Narcissist should be held accountable legally.

[@heidiuridge1584]

@@yodo6414 agreed!

[@JamilaJibril-e8h]

​@@heidiuridge1584mental hospital 🏥💊.... Really nothing else can fix these people

[@juliadean9590]

It's not only teaching them, child, to hate other parent, the clever sneaky narcissistic parent teaches child to patronise, disregard and disrespect the other parent.

[@She_McGee]

Just for fun, going to take a prescient stab at this one! 1) CONFUSION/brain fog/low energy/fatigue - as a result of their gas-lighting and lies (to themselves and/or others) and trying to figure out what the truth is 2) MISTRUST - because of the tangled web of lies, their self-deception and resulting deception of others 3) Wasted time and life 4) lost friendships & opportunities 5) health problems due to stress

[@victoriavitoroulis3273]

That reactive abuse .. when they antagonize you till you flip out .. and with a straight face , calm & innocent look at you how your yelling and being abusive . . I wish they'd teach this in high-schools this NPD bc this is the real pandemic

[@She_McGee]

@@victoriavitoroulis3273 my mother even concocted a lie just to taunt me, telling me I'd left my "snaps" at their place. Like sewing button snaps. just to apparently let me know they were pushing me to the point I'd snap. I haven't really though...I've told some blunt truths....like that she is a sadist and a psychopath....but all she did was deny it, haughtily. Just the way you'd expect a psychopath to.

[@obscurum6]

You have a very strange idea of "fun".

[@obscurum6]

@@She_McGee Sounds like you're still at the "engaging with the narcs" stage. Ever heard of the saying, "don't wrestle with a pig, you'll only get covered in .... and the pig will enjoy it". You don't live with them so just go no contact!

[@She_McGee]

@@obscurum6 the "snap" thing was 4-5 years ago, however, I am pretty damn sure I saw my mother in the town I live in yesterday, with some older man I don't know driving her car (she's sick and had cataract surgery recently, so I don't think she's driving anymore). they happened to be going the same way I was, I was behind them, I realized the car was identical to my mother's and then they pulled right into the parking lot of the dog park, which is where I was going and where I am often stalked and fked with. Why I didn't walk up to them and see if it was her/make up a dumb question in case it wasn't, I don't know. My brother has also been stalking me where I live, despite living 40 minutes away from me, driving past my house wearing disguises, in my mom's car once with my nephew and I believe my dad stole my keys and made a copy of my house key last year, and that my brother has been in my house when I wasn't home, probably also has a key now...I have no idea why or wtf other than that they are delusional and psychotic, which they accused me of being. I confronted my brother with that smear last week (after no contact since 2018) and he denied it....I have it in quotes from my doctor, in my medical records. So its now 100% confirmed he is a liar as well. I'm in total isolation because of long-term stalking & harassment, since 2014, so "fun" for me these days is using my mind, hiding in the house. I've had 2 set-up, insurance fraud "accidents", one in 2017 and one in 2018, then had my first "at fault" parking lot ding a couple months ago, trying to avoid anyone setting me up again, ironically, so my insurance has doubled and they won't insure me for collision even, so I am afraid to drive anywhere and last summer I was stalked and tripped and broke a piece off my hip at my favourite beach close to my house, so now I no longer even want to go there. I'm a prisoner in my own house. Someone even poisoned my sushi 2 years ago, with a laxative. 3 tires ruined by intentional sabotage, one of which was a 4" flat-head bolt!!! Like you'd need a sledgehammer to get that thru a tire. While I was at another of my favourite places, that I don't go to anymore. Another time it was 2 screws less than 1" apart, so the tire couldn't be repaired and I had to buy a whole new set because Costco won't let you replace just 1 tire. I need legal help, as in police and a lawyer. Like yesterday....which might be part of the motive for some of the harassment, trying to distract me. I have the means to off myself at any moment but I am sure as hell not going to do that until I file a lengthy and thorough police report with a cop who isn't retarded or corrupt. 5 women in a group I used to be a part of, have killed themselves. I was supposed to be one of them. Mental and psychological torture by proxy with messed up crap being said to me for 5 years, mostly by strangers. and my family.

[@OGJones69]

They feel justified in creating misery in other people! Absolutely spot on!

[@christianpulisic7784]

Stephanie Wall,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷

[@lynnfincham6839]

Narcs , very jealous people like to spoil/ ruin your happiness 😣

[@TWILLIE639]

Ruin your life is more accurate.

[@DennisNowland]

For what it is worth all I can say is there are decent people out there. Escape the narcissist and start finding these people.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes! Dr. C

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My dad expects to be respected but shows me no respect: his authority is alleged! I don't deal with him now. Yesterday was the first day I did not think about him. What a relief! A major win for me!

[@karenkushla3975]

My ex-husband acted exactly like you described, especially with the gaslighting and blaming. I finally divorced him 3 years ago.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

At some point you have to move on! Dr. C

[@jeanettecook1088]

Good for you! 👏

[@fourboys1gr]

In my Marriage 27 years just last year discoverd he is for sure a Covert Narc. I was oringinally researching my parents. My dad ud 10 out if 10 a grandiose Narc. Wondering if I get an attorney will he/she be fooled!

[@karenkushla3975]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I did, but it was only after 30 years of marriage that we divorced. Better late than never.

[@michelleburchett9762]

I didn't know what I didn't know. My covert narcissist also checks every box (toss in aspects of the communal an toxic narc). Those of you who left ... was the divorce a worse battle than expected or is life better now?

[@susanfox-mx3nv]

If you're reading this, you are a kind person. It is even likely that you're an empath. Narcissists are also adept at self protection. They won't choose another asshole for a partner. They'll find a person that can nurture them and tolerate their bullshit. Empaths are like catnip to narcissists. There is no way you are the monster they gaslight you to be.

[@Tomm9y]

1. 2:44 Alienating Children from you 2. 5:00 Create an atmosphere of rage, anger, abuse 3. 6:30 Discovering a Narcissist’s long held secrets 4. 7:40 Creating a groupthink atmosphere 5. 8:45 Passive aggressive punishment

[@youtubeaccount-yr6hb]

The grief of emotional neglect/abuse. Knowing that they're not completely safe or won't ever truly be in your corner.

[@cathytilford388]

Extremely accurate. Very painful reality.

[@erinmorrow5001]

Not to mention the terror of realizing they are the enemy.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

@@erinmorrow5001 yep

[@s.carter4087]

I no longer play the self-blame game - “why didn’t I see that coming? How could I sleep with someone so deplorable?” - anymore and I literally just realized it as I watched this video. Thank you so much, Dr. Les!

[@collie8]

Sometimes Les is more

[@s.carter4087]

@@collie8 I’m sitting outside in public and just shouted, “YES!” so you damn mfn right amen 🙏🏾

[@janinealexander2037]

Dr. Carter, confronts the tough issues… I’ve experienced this level of alienation, gaslighting And still resolving a legal matter birthed out of a narcissistic relationship…. I love his philosophy about respect and decency… The good stuff!

[@ambergreen6359]

@@collie8 😆👍

[@dianevanderlinden3480]

@@s.carter4087 I heard a saying somewhere- maybe it was a meme someone posted on Quora. "There's nothing worse than being played by someone you lowered your standards for." AAAAHHHHH.....love..not! In my case, I was being understanding of the fact that he was going through a rough time; lost his job and car...Fortunately he never asked me for anything materially, but man he was abusive psychologically.

[@elainedillon2600]

They should teach this subject in high school. These videos are excellent!

[@mandycote5662]

That would be dangerous! To be self aware instead of going with the flow going no where but down Remember the bully in the school ground? It’s gone from that to murderous rages! This is an exact correlation of taking the Lord’s Prayer out and in its stead- a dead conscience of protecting children!!!

[@sandyprinz59]

That’s happening to me NOW. My own daughter took away my grandchildren! I’ve lost them for saying no . My heart is shattered!!!!

[@jackpetersen7545]

Sandy Prinz,You are beautiful 🌷,I think you deserve better 🙏

[@bagobeans]

An adult narcissistic adult child is the most painful to let go of. I beat myself up asking myself where did I go wrong. But there comes a time when enough is enough. When I have no more tears, it's time to move on. When I found out and was shown that I was secretly taped, found out others were told what a horrible person I was, had my own adult child tell me I was an unfit parent, told I would never see my grandchild ever again, paid for a cellphone that he then sold to get a better cellphone, lost friends at work, got written up for lost work days because I was dragged into court over his refusal to go to school, and he didn't care about the other siblings...that was enough. And yeah, I still love him and I miss him, but when the stakes are too high, when the abuse it out of control..I had to make the painful choice to move on. It killed me to do it. The grief is so painful. What hurts worse is the support and snide remarks I receive from the idiot flying monkeys...who have no idea what I went through. Family is not a Hallmark card. It is real, dirty, and hearts bleed. No one leaves unscathed. Thank you for this video.

[@DiamondGirl333]

I understand what you are saying. My oldest son destroyed my life. I love him so much still. But I refuse to see him. He's dangerous now. It hurts more than words can express.

[@kimnewis6882]

My adult child, was a lier and disloyal, it took years 4 me to see what she really was, there were many signs even from a young age, but u try so hard to help them become a nicer person my oh my do they pull the wool over yr eyes. Especially if u have not heard of Narcissistic behaviour.. Her father was one. I am free now 4 yrs. Glad to be rid.

[@JAYNEmM1962]

BIG HUGS, I know how lonely and gut wrenching it is to love someone like this.i was married st 14, oh I could write a book on being beaten threatened with taking my kids who I lived for so once they got older he worked them good and all three hate me now. It kills me to even think about it. I'm 59 now still with him ,I didn't even know what narc was till my therapist said you need to study it.I wish I could put my memories into words and help other young people think before falling for someone t h at only brings doubt and pain. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR FUTURE

[@JAYNEmM1962]

@@DiamondGirl333 I'm so sorry I know your pain first hand. Its more than the death of your dreams its the death of your soul.

[@dawnemile4974]

Yes, the flying monkeys should be called idiot monkeys as one KZbinr said.

[@lewishenderson438]

dont ever take their money, it isn't about helping you it is about controlling you

[@jessicadrake652]

I found that out the hard way.

[@Enlightened77777]

Don't let them do you a favor either. You can do 100 favors for them and they only one for you and they will hold it over you like they bought you they are so good to you and now anything bad they do they will throw in your face that ONE good thing and how horrible you are for not appreciating them, and when you whip out the receipts of the 100 GOOD you have done for them they treat you like your crazy, they NEVER REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD YOU ARE

[@HotSeat17]

I'm moving in a few days. After a lifetime of abuse and trauma bonding I cannot wrap my head around the new sensations of freedom, joy, new friends, etc.

[@laurenneloms7953]

2:25 "These are demented people who try to make your life miserable and then want to turnaround and blame it on you." That message really impacted me.

[@jeanettecook1088]

Children should not be exposed to narcissists, because the children will end up being abused. I hope someday there's a test for parenthood, which depends on the presence or absence of narcissism. Narcs are dangerous and should be identified as such in a formal way.

[@jsf8145]

This test is repentance of sin (pride/narcissism) and following Jesus (being humble/grateful = Isaiah 53). You will know the true followers of Christ by their actions... John 16:33

[@jeanettecook1088]

@@jsf8145 ... please read another book, which you may like equally well....Who Wrote the New Testament? The Development of the Christian Myth, by scholar Burton Mack. The story is quite fascinating, is derived from historical elements, and told with sensitivity and great care. The concluding chapter is most appropro for people living today.

[@jsf8145]

@@jeanettecook1088 Thanks for the recommendation and I will check it out! If interested in a book I've found to be helpful as extra food for thought, please consider checking out a book called "The Case for Christ" written by a former atheist Lee Strobel. Also, I've enjoyed reviewing the science & geological evidence presented in a documentary on KZbin called "Is Genesis History - Full documentary". Very interesting perspectives given by scientists with Phd's in geology. I've always felt it's good to be open minded to other people's perspectives for a deeper understanding.

[@mikediamond353]

Touché

[@annemurphy8074]

Yes and also a vetting process to keep malignant narcissist's/sociopath's/psychopath's out of positions of power.

[@Freefolkcreate]

Setting boundaries will put you almost immediately in the discard phase, but it's a blessing in disguise.

[@TheCynic-qv1vj]

The horrible grief of realizing I have spent most of my life sacrificing myself trying to make my narcissistic spouse happy is overwhelming at the moment. I’ve been watching these videos for a couple of years and it’s been a learning process but the full impact of living in this messed up situation finally hit me right between my eyes. Now I have to figure out who I am and where I go from here.

[@YSPDJapan]

Yep. I've realized that it also primes you for being susceptible to other narcissists to come in and gang up in ruining your happiness. I would suggest a few things that are almost guaranteed to turn things around. They all boil down to "learning to love yourself" by putting effort into improving you. 1) Start exercising. Just go for walks, join a gym, do "anything" because getting out of the house and being mobile will eliminate that anxiety and frustration. 2) Buy some relationship/self help books and read them. I liked "the verbally abusive relationship" and "maybe you should talk to someone." Both on amazon and great reads. "The road less traveled" is a good one too, along with "how people change." 3) Absolutely no contact with these people if they're out of your life, or as minimal contact as possible. They are really good at tricking you into thinking things are ok; don't believe it. Gray rock these people. 4) Pick up an old hobby, or any hobby, that you can do in your downtime. Sometimes you'll have to force yourself to do it but once you get started it's much easier to keep it going. The idea is you have to force yourself into things that are good for you; narcissists work by keeping us from doing these things, slowly making us miserable over time.

[@prophet1782]

That makes two of us. Imagine if there was no Internet ?? I thot only Hitler and Adi Amin type were Narcissists. While I was a scape goat in the narc family. 8 narcs out of 11.

[@angelawade1445]

I feel your pain.

[@MrMiroto]

The hardest thing is, that there is rarely just one narcissistic person in your life. How to find the healthy people out there?

[@donna-colorado8443]

Misery loves company!

[@Donita1213]

I was trying to explain that to someone. They get some kind of sick satisfaction out of making you feel uncomfortable, or just plain bad.

[@cindyann4474]

Yes, I believe you"

[@cindyann4474]

@@Donita1213 Yes, I believe you" ...

[@Canaday291]

I just divorced a malignant narcissist alcoholic. It was already traumatic enough going through the unexplainable insidious abuse , serial cheating, neglect, …his secret double life, …but he would then double the abuse by gaslighting,blaming me ,smear campaigning , triangulating everyone including my children against me

[@dirtysanchez941]

Congratulations!! I'm sorry you have suffered.. I hope you have a new happiness and freedom. Much love to you. ❤️✌️💕

[@susanmunoz7688]

God bless you. May you have true peace and go on detached from all your past unkindness, into God glorious light and love.

[@Canaday291]

@@dirtysanchez941 love and blessings to you ❤️

[@Canaday291]

@@susanmunoz7688 Blessings and love to you as well ❤️

[@dianedeclare8541]

I am a 70 yr. old mixed race, senior native woman who loves my solitude. As a post single parent I am stingy with my time cuz i cannot, will not bend (in the chorus of so-called "compassion") to those who behave like adolescents. Hence; it is most difficult to find mature people who do not behave as self centered pre-teens. There r so many adults (both male & female) who cannot be trusted - even those who pontificate about "community" yet remain stuck in their little malicious cliques. Adrienne Rich's book title keeps replaying in my head: Lies, Secrets & Silence. QUESTION: Why/how do so many people become "useful idiots/flying monkeys" to the Narcissist's mind games?

[@julianterris]

Parental alienation is a favorite of narcissists -because it's crime that leaves no trail of evidence -but it inflicts serious damage. If they actually loved their children -they couldn't do it.

[@garybills8683]

You are a wonderful human being. I just want a peaceful life. I need to stop putting myself last. Start loving myself and forgiving myself. I would feel so much better away from this person. Staying positive

[@deborraholiveri6202]

Me too Gary. These people are despicable. They try and destroy us. Good wishes to you . I'm done. It's just a financial thing for me right now with affording my own place or I'd be gone yesterday. Just remember how empty they are and be proud to be you !!! Good luck !

[@garybills8683]

Thank you Deborah for your kindness and support. I’m here if you need someone to listen and help in any way

[@janetpattison8474]

If freedom is what you want, I hope that you can create a plan to escape. I know it’s not easy. In my experience, narcs are usually miserable and they like to keep others miserable as well.

[@annehynynen8153]

Dr. C. is truly a wonderful person in a very sick world full of a miserable, harmful people.. He's like a fresh breath of normalcy. I wish you all the best! I pray that we all get to live a life of freedom and peace 🙏🏻🌷

[@mikeseitz2792]

Showing any sign of compromise, they will eat you alive!!! Nailed it Doc. Thank You again!!

[@janetcaruana8525]

We have a former narc friend who has lost so many friends! His attitude of entitlement, anger, impatience was getting worse. He would cheat at our local sports bar trivia night! He's very well off, doesn't need the money, nor does he even use the gift cards. You'd think he won the Nobel Prize! He has intimidated and verbally abused waitstaff there and the trivia host (all younger women in 20's, 30's) He was asked not to come back last month. Happiest day of everyone's life there. He is a 64 year old man and he was kicked out of a sports bar. Unbelievable.

[@susankeith326]

Bars are often chock full of narcissistic people.

[@barbarat5729]

For some of my family and "friends," I say shame on them for believing my sister's lies. They knew she was a liar. They just didn't understand the DEPTH of her selfishness until she had to sell the home my mother gave her 37 years ago because she borrowed against it to fund a lifestyle she couldn't afford. Then it came to light how far in debt she really was. She also got sued. Don't know by whom, but she tried to tell people it was me. It was not. So glad I'm free now.

[@NickBatinaComposer]

Holy hell, that sounds like my aunt. I recently saw all the court filings against her, she never lost, not even once. It’s a weird circle of like 8 narcs who all sorta hate eachother (but weirdly respect eachother for their narc tendencies, it’s strange af), and they take it out on all the normal folk around. Now, half have bought into the QAnon funkiness, which, dont get me wrong I love a good conspiracy, leads to even more reality shattering capacity, it’s quite odd. My piano performance friend deals with a similar thing, and recently had to cut ties with everyone in the family. One of them convinced the entire family to sell everything and build an underground bunker for the “apocalyptic event on the horizon”. The best thing anyone can do is avoid putting gas on the fire, but there’s a lot of gas lying around atm. I’m glad you’re out of the mess, it is extremely taxing on everything. Gl out there buddy 🤟🦔🦝🌙

[@amorxlntwa8]

i have a sister just like yours.

[@vhayashi7369]

That is horrible! So sorry! Sending you love and hugs 💜

[@apeargrove]

Damn

[@mervyngreene6687]

First, it should be no surprise to anyone that narcissistic parents do this to their children. We see this in every parts of life. Almost all bigots learned their bigotry from their parents. There have been lots of studies showing that most domestic abusers came from abusive childhood. This is the same problem with extended families and communities. When I went no contact with my siblings, it affected my relationship with everyone. They used every opportunity to cast me as the cold, cruel villain. The majority of my relatives didn't want to get involved, so they would exclude me. The funny thing about my nieces and nephews was that they would nod along with them. Then as they became adults away from home, they would start making contact. It was usually little things, but they spoke volumes. They started including me in their group emails and announcements, etc. I started getting happy birthday and congratulations from them. And invitations to their big events.

[@sum1has2]

I wonder if narcissists subconsciously realize how lucky they are that their victims are usually truly good people. (Of course they probably don’t). Knowing these creeps will never change means death is the only permanent end to the sadistic behavior they inflict. If we all were as soulless as the narcs, there’d be a lot of bodies. Thank God the people who come here for advice aren’t evil. Blessings to you sir. You’re a lifesaver on many levels.

[@rhondaalbrecht]

Both of my daughters' have done this to me, I'm not allowed access to the grandchildren. My oldest is the narcissist. My youngest has become a victim of her manipulation, that she has cut me off, believes that I'm the abuser, when it's my oldest who is the abuser.

[@raissaledoux1659]

I hate that I feel like there will never be justice.. the legal system already failed me. I went from an abused stay at home parent to an alienated one.. 😔

[@wildhorses6817]

Oh, Dr Carter, the Covert Narcissist who secretly destroys their spouse and all financial security at an advanced age. There need to be Laws. There is no point in a legal battle, they always win. The response I get after 35 years of Marriage is, You are not my responsibility. The Stress of dealing with what remains is a challange. Yes, found a history of Affairs. All Secret. I never imagined this is my Life. I am a Decent, Caring person. So Sad these Disordered people enjoy the Abuse.

[@susanbissell6319]

I was married 35 years too. I left an empty shell of myself. Slowly finding out who I am. Money sucks at this point.

[@She_McGee]

they win because they have no issue with lying their asses off, unless you can catch them in a provable lie, that's really the only way you might get them.

[@davidl9232]

A problem is with narcs and creating laws is the ability to prove from outside the relationship who is doing the lying and drama generating and who is baring the burden Especially among teens and young adults. While the minds are so quick and there's so much creativity. How do you stop a sick child from hearing from the narc, it's going to be alright, to its your fault you know.. They're both lies. One. is a lie to generally jump start security And the other is to say, I ain't taking blame for this, even though your a kid and have never experienced a repeated good example of responsibility from your parent. You can't pass a law against all lies. Because some lies are meant to help. Like, you can't make a law preventing all liberty. That's worse than slavery. We could eliminate marriage based in mutual attraction to love and create all marriage as pre_arranged. But we wouldn't have the American system anymore. We might have India, or China, or Muslimbook but it wouldn't be the America people born before 1970 know/knew. people have to learn to handle it as Dr Led says, in their own way, even if it means changing their lives. You know in your head you'll be thinking.. you frigging ruined my life. But it's also I have live what jerks, life, the government thru at me... at least it somehow balances, manages, perfect storms it way out. I agree in the Laws thing to say, but can not see how we will maintain America as AMERICA(I'm over 60), any. I'm still dealing with creeps BS, but... Good luck

[@emmaleechase613]

I believe I saw a news story that the UK is considering bringing out a criminal charge for “coercive control”.

[@sararichardson737]

He made sure to have me homeless or live and be dependent on him. No way. Left the country to live cheaply but it’s heaven however all the ground and security I lost through his sabotage has left me vulnerable economically. That’s the hardest part.

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

Someone in this world needs to be healthy and maybe it has to be me.

[@NoFoodFromNoOne]

When me & my kids are happy, laughing & enjoying each other's company, the Narc always interrupts that with lame excuses of needing help, ask a question, etc. Just tries to stop our togetherness without him!

[@pjpj3416]

I know about that, they can't stand to see happiness or positivity. They're straight trash!!!

[@e.conboy4286]

Yes the are experts in ‘Happiness Prevention’. Every time my family planned a get together and each of brought our specialties, we were the last ones there cause mr narc would have sabotaged my efforts in making my contribution, and then drive either like a maniac or a snail. I’d be in tears along the way, but try to compose myself in front of the family. Not going through that again. I’ll just stay home.

[@anntrout7550]

Oh my… all of the above! “The problem that keeps on giving.”

[@JM-vj7we]

Took years to totally turn my children around after the damage my ex husband inflicted against them and me. LOVE Love love towards them and Open communication won out. It wasn’t easy. I just never gave up.

[@brettneuberger6466]

Congratulations! I’m certain it was incredibly tough. So good hearing you remained committed to love....and it paid off.

[@tracydanneo]

Congrats!

[@JM-vj7we]

@@brettneuberger6466 ❤️

[@JM-vj7we]

@@tracydanneo ❤️

[@michelepascoe6068]

Glad it worked out for you, Sticks & Stones. I loved my daughter and kept trying for 25 years to reconcile, but she wouldn't talk to me, only treat me with hatred and contempt. She believed all the lies and forgot who I was. As you say, love and open communication. It's hard for children when they're being encouraged to distrust and suspect a parent who loves them. They're abused psychologically and emotionally and confused and learn to deceive, gossip, be secretive, entitled, contemptuous, judgemental and angry. They miss out on their loving family. Finally I learnt about NPD and gave up my false hopes, let go and stopped begging. She'd been telling me to f... off for decades and says I'm a crazy f...... bitch. It's been torture.

[@flowergirl2day]

Evil at their core - leave them alone!

[@dm3144]

This was one of the most powerful videos you have made! “Or physically collapse, “ ( I did) hospitalized and near death…. I can’t see my grandchildren, six out of seven! I’m devastated. Thank you Dr. C and🎉 team healthy 🙃🦋SURVIVOR🦋

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, D M. #TeamHealthy

[@sherrywendt8900]

I cried watching this video. From the opening statement to "I know you're not making this up" to "sometimes the effects have been so strong that you have a long mountain to have to climb just to get back up to a place of normal" to the last word, this video is a salve for my wounds. Sometimes, I think I lost my life to my narcissistic family system (and tertiary narcissists who sensed my vulnerability). Other times, I see how miraculous my climb up the mountain has been. Thank you, Dr. Carter, for these validating words.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased the video resonated, Sherry. My heart is with you. Dr. C

[@marknolan2799]

Remarkable video. When you try to explain to someone your tribulations with the narcissist you can come off as being hyper-sensitive or not in control of your emotions. The calm cool narcissist easily deflects any wrongdoing on their part. Now that you understand narcissism and have experienced it firsthand, you won't fall in that trap again. Now you just have to heal your wounds. I'm still working on it.

[@e.conboy4286]

I believe the appearance of being calm and cool is a total sham. They are seething inside like a dormant volcano and God help you when they explode. At least that’s been my experience for 57 years with mine. 57 years, Mark is a lifetime ….wasted. There is no healing, just lick the wounds you received today and brace yourself for more sh++ to come! I wish you best of outcomes..

[@rachelb4235]

Alienating children is the hardest thing to deal with. My sister withholds my nephew to punish me. When he was younger, she let him visit because it was free babysitting for her but he's almost 15 now and she hasn't let him visit in over two years. It is the absolute hardest thing to deal with. Out of all of her tactics, this one breaks my heart.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's why I made it point #1. It's an impossible conundrum. Dr. C

[@elainesmith5313]

My husband was taught by his mother at an early age to hate his father. When I would ask why he hated him, he could not give me a ballad reason. I suggested that he go back on his memory and find the reason. Of course I got the deer in the headlights look. His father died 1 month after we married and actually never talked to him, so it was hard for me to understand. It was almost as he..the father was hidden from me. I know why now....he knew to much. I look back now and most people spoke very highly of him. But my husbands mother is definately the Narcissist and remains so at the age of 91yrs old. My life in this family was very damaging and toxic. Have made my EXIT since the husband has died. Moved away and started a new life filled with good thoughts and deeds Thanks Dr. C you ate a life saver. Healing much faster away from the choas.

[@reptilianbro3615]

Dr. Carter is always spot on with his assessments of these narcissistic situations from both points of view. My favorite KZbin personality, he makes crystal clear sense but when you're in these situations with these types of people it's very hard to regulate your emotions and behaviors. We try though

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you for these words of encouragement. Dr. C

[@stev838]

I agree. Different levels of course. But even a little is very toxic. It compounds

[@e.conboy4286]

@@hebertjerome Sad but true. I have been forced to isolate myself from family and friends because of his unsocial behavior. His tantrums have become increasingly problematic. His “will do better.” has never happened. How would he know how to do better? Regrettably he has declined personal counseling. Though I received so much guidance and wisdom from family therapist, but he, wait for it folks, he “didn’t need it.” Thankfully we had no children, so innocent folks haven’t been impacted. He shows no empathy or concern regarding anything. Gray rock? It’s like two strangers on a bus to no where, we’ve been married 57 years, I just wish for one good day.No need to ask why we remained married, call me Stupid.

[@kiyokowilkinson158]

The narcissist doesn't thi k of it as teaching hate , they see it more as teaching them loyalty towards them instead has been my experience anyway. .you know the family that hates together has a( stronger bond )ACCUALLY A TRAUMA BOND THO !( which the narcissist needs to create )together stays together , that type of thing. As I'm typing this I'm realizing just how exhausting narcissist actually are to other people , this is why Journaling has been so helpful for my life. I've learned so many things about myself I didn't know about me , which sounds crazy intill you start writing it , I encourage everyone to try doing it for themselves it has been a great positive tool installing my new life narcissist free . Best of luck to everyone who still living with theirs , tomorrow will be better if you take a step today towards leaving .one step at a time gets you out the door. To everyone reading this May God bless you and keep you safe . You are worthy of a happy and healthy life again even if you don't believe it right now , that's the abuse talking in the back of your head it's not true. .you got this !😁🤝🏼🙏🏼💪

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it. Thanks for this perspective. Dr. C

[@kiyokowilkinson158]

@@SurvivingNarcissism , thank you for being here for a safe place for me and other people like myself can express and discuss the things like I just typed above , because nobody else wants to hear it at all . What family and friends we end up left with are totally sick of hearing about it at this point in our journeys . I feel sure I'm not the 9nly person who goes through that part . It's consuming when dealing with a narcissist and literally controls ever aspect of your life so it gets played 9ut to everyone else around you in a normal healthy relationship . They don't understand why we behave like we do. That's where this channel comes in. Thanks , again 😁👊🏼🏆🍻

[@irenemcnamara9699]

My sisters have caused me a lot of pain in my life. They are both supreme narcissists. One of them even committed elder abuse, which is a crime in Michigan. We couldn't do anything about it, because we didn't have the money to prosecute her. Our satisfaction is knowing that the judge pronounced her guilty of a crime!

[@tulanzuya]

Recently my daughter hosted a family dinner at her house where I was meeting her in-laws for the first time, as I had just moved to the area. There were not enough chairs at the table for everyone so my daughter exited, came back with a chair for herself and sat down with her back to me as I was standing at the kitchen counter with my plate. I stood there for 15 minutes picking at my food and no one - not a single person, child or adult - even looked my way. That was the moment of truth when I finally had to admit the fact that the narc (her dad, who had recently passed away) would be living in her forever. My young grandson was sitting at that table as well. My daughter was teaching him to have no respect or care for me just as her dad had taught her to have none for me - let alone the message my daughter was sending to the in-laws. It really does not matter how caring, helpful, devoted or present I am for my daughter and grandson - the narc will always take control when it matters. The evil influence of narcissism and the way it divides families and sets hearts apart forever is the most cruel and terrible thing.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm so sorry. Hold onto your good character. Dr. C

[@dawnjones7303]

My father has done the same thing with my sister and her son. I don’t like going home anymore.

[@tulanzuya]

To the person who said "You raised her" - actually the narc and I raised her. Anyone who's been in a situation like that will understand the kind of subversion and behind-the-scene undermining that goes on in such a relationship, often totally unbeknownst to the parent who is not the narc. I only see what he did in retrospect. It never occurred to me that anyone would purposefully try to place a divide between their child and the other parent, particularly during a time when the parental relationship seemed stable. So yes a lot of me is in her - but a lot of the narc is in her too, and it comes out in unexpected ways and times.

[@grandmajane2593]

@@tulanzuya - That was an awful thing that happened to you. Even more shocking than the things that were done to me. I'm sorry. While I was reading your post, I thought back to when I was nursing the baby. Is it possible these games would start that early.? He started before the baby was 4 mos. checking on us nursing in the bedroom. Kept saying "done yet?" Soon he took the baby, sat him up in the high chair and started feeding him the early baby food, rice cereal, fruit. So every day he took the baby and fed him breakfast. 4mos the baby didn't want anything to do with me any more. I felt like my baby had been stolen from me. But I told myself that was a good thing that he wanted to take care of the baby. Now I'm not so sure.

[@lil--mo2025]

My biggest issue is the constant lies that completely go against all the so called “promises” by these toxic people. Every time I try to have conversations with them about any of this behavior, they pull out all the cards of manipulation and then completely invalidate any and everything no matter how obvious the fact.

[@pigeonhawk4832]

Number four describes how my family behaved. I never went along with their hate, constant criticism of other people, especially total strangers , and my family members toxic negativity, and I was therefore, the Black Sheep.

[@DiamondGirl333]

" Sometimes you have to climb a mountain just to get back to normal" I can so relate to that. I've climbed that mountain one too many times in my life. If only I had the insight I do now.....But at least I can wake up, hold my head up, and understand I have choices today to live in my own peace.

[@micheleshively8557]

Amen! I'm standing beside you ❤️

[@DiamondGirl333]

@@micheleshively8557 Thank you Sis! 🥰

[@Nerdyone50]

If someone in your family is narcissistic, then warning your child about that person seems logical to me.

[@ebonytriumph3816]

The after effect....choose health.

[@susanmumper8334]

Just learned this quote “Even a lion, can’t take down a herd!” So uplifting to know there is a support community that reflects this. Thank you and Laura👼

[@psychologicalsigma9917]

I've seen a child end up being nothing but a messenger n spy for sick parents. Little weapons n pawns. Very sad.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Good way to describe how it devolves. Dr. C

[@edwardperez7183]

I wish I would have heard this years ago. It would have explained a lot of the abuse I have been subjected to.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Understatement of the century

[@scousemouse9715]

The ex Narc would shout at me for turning the lights off, saying 'We can afford it'. Then when the electric bill came in, he'd wave it in my face and have a go at me over the amount.

[@taylorthomas8869]

They are batshit!!

[@sharonjones5173]

And after he threw his toddler tantrum he then insisted YOU apologize.

[@derekporter7651]

I am heavily berated for spending a few pounds on an essential spare part for my classic car which helps to maintain its value, whereas my narc will happily spend over £100 on a pair of shoes which are worthless after the first time they are worn.

[@oxigenarian9763]

I'm most familiar with #5 - it's a continual grinding process that slowly eats away at your sense of self worth... Thank you for the "...could of, should of or would of..." advice. That is liberating from the anxiety...

[@lovearttherapyalways]

I have experienced all of these with the narcissists in my life... I have gone no contact since 2 years now and have never had more peace in my life. I know they smear campaigned me and I no longer care! God bless you and thanks for all you do for us viewers as validation goes a long way in healing from all the narcissist abuse.

[@debbiehardy40]

Happily, I have an old school moral code!! Always myself!!

[@michelepascoe6068]

Damage control: 1. Be assertive where necessary - establish boundaries - speak your truth where helpful 2. Acknowledge your limitations - accept damage already done, grieve, may walk with a psychological limp - maintain least interaction with them - drop the coulda, woulda, shoulda within yourself - remember others have gone through the same - can't afford to take on the blame and shame they put on you 3. Above all, believe in yourself. Live in to self-respect, self-trust and what you know is tight and appropriate. "I'm not buying into their games any more." Have a sense of honesty about what we're dealing with, know who they are and choose to think and act in a healthy way; dignity, respect, civility. Thank you, Dr C

[@kazeeevaughan3380]

The ex narcissist use to repeat most conversations I had with him about any of our children directly to our children with his manipulative twists included. My youngest child when in primary school use to say to me "I know everything, dad tells me everything". Its absolutely disgusting & evil what these narcs do & are capable of.

[@usernameluis305]

Parents shouldnt be telling their kids "everything" anyway, it goes to show how messed up they are, they dont have anyone else to talk to. Really they need a therapist of their own

[@TheGrmany69]

These are the worst, they know what they are doing is wrong.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

⁵sept:kazë: glad to see 'Ex-narc...' sharing from other 📫 post. my three children have suffered emotional violence and psychological violence under the care of my spouse their father. I got to endure the physical violence, my middle child tried to call me a martyr for staying, because i mentioned i was sort of a deflection for them from the abuse. I said nope, not a martyr because i chose to put my career goals and personal goals aside temporary, as i raised a 'FAMILY', what? was i suppose to just walk out on my family the first time he insulted me, devalued me or physically abuse me (because he often threatened to take my/our children away). Told my child there was nothing that was going to take me away from 'MY FAMILY', not while i was still standing. Sure, currently separated due to assualt family violence case against him (no contact order), my children are pissed at me and blame me for him being taken into custody. My therapist says they are going through the 'Stockholm Syndrome'. I make sure when they are around me, i do not speak of their dad (no bad mouthing) , what he's done or is doing to me, don't use them to gather information on my spouse or send messages through them, try my very best not to include them in what my spouse and i are currently dealing with. Was suggested to me to break all physical ties temporarily with my children while we (spouse and i) are in the midst of the storm (talk of divorce and 2 year protective order against him). Because like some on this post are going through, the children are currently siding with my spouse and for now i am ok with that (brain wash...), at least they are no longer in the toxic household with two people who could no longer stand each other, no 'RESPECT' either way . Perhaps now our children will see and realize how different each parent really is, me for example started healing by not living in chronic hypervigilant survival mode, no more mania from constant threats of being taken to the mental hospital when he was triggered. Your children need to see the hope, see that you stood up for yourself and for them and said 'this ends here and now'. See that you do have purpose, have meaning, and command respect not demand it. We as parents are 'an OBLIGATION' to our kids 'NOT AN OPTION'.

[@istateyourname4710]

My former Narc spouse talks smack about me to our adult children, but thinks it's 'weird' that I don't want to communicate w/ him.😑 His live in gf joins in too~I surmise it's a 'bonding' experience for them.

[@istateyourname4710]

@Gemma Dann Yes. I've embraced the grey rock method for many years. My daughter is getting married in 2022 & his insecurities are getting triggered that people will note us not speaking @ her event. Nobody cares! It's her day, not his.

[@istateyourname4710]

@Gemma Dann 👍😊

[@carolhiland9197]

This is hard to hear. BUT, I appreciate the honesty. I needed to hear that I'm not the only one today. I needed to hear that I'm not over reacting to the problems they create. I needed to hear that walking with a "limp" is to be expected. I ALSO needed to hear that I CAN walk in my own dignity, integrity, respect, and civility; and be a member of team healthy with a lot of other wonderful people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Dr. C

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're right, it really can be hard to come to terms with this, given the fact that some are going to come against you no matter what. Stay steady and keep learning, Carol. Dr. C

[@billyrayvalentine7972]

Team healthy.... Not always easy to get to but it is the only choice..

[@wendymoran6759]

My father hated me and he spent my entire childhood trying to get my mother to hate me too.

[@tranquility9325]

Dr C you are an angel on earth.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're kind, thank you.

[@teripacini5611]

How I wish you could be my personal therapist, but having your videos has helped me immensely. Thank you for all of your knowledge and guidance. I will continue to watch every one, until I make my way out of a Narcissist marriage. Again thank you....💓

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for the good words, Teri, and keep leaning forward! Dr. C

[@allaboutherterritory]

Very true… they definitely teach their children to hate the same way they do. It’s sad… Making their child their crutch…

[@keariewashburn4680]

Ok. I have all 5. Family and BF. Also, experienced at work setting. I have been assertive and it gets nowhere with them. But I do stand for myself. It's still a mess. Thank you Dr Carter😊 I want to stay being my self with decency and dignity in spite of what is around me.

[@michelepascoe6068]

1. alienating children My mother alienated children from her three husbands, and from me, her scapegoat daughter. Result is I'm blocked from my grandchildren and contempt is passed down to the next generation. 2. Creating an angry environment My stepfather used to rage, but now I understand that my mother was provoking him and pitting us against each other. She didn't yell herself but gloated in others' distress. 3. Long held secrets I was lied to about who my father was and how it happened, and she concealed my grandmother's claim that my grandfather had illegitimate sons 4. Group think Yes, the flying monkeys and other more passive enablers believed her smear campaign without question. Nothing she said was beyond belief for them. They think and speak alike because they keep gossiping together and the narcissist sets people up to appear to confirm what's been said. 5. Passive aggressive punishment Continually gaslighted, slandered, blamed, stonewalled, treated contemptuously, etc. Stirring up drama and inflicting pain while acting innocent is who my mother was.

[@TWILLIE639]

They don’t have to get their hands dirty. It can be very confusing to figure out who is the main narc. Unless you happen upon a nasty letter or Facebook comments written by a flying monkey like I did.

[@michelepascoe6068]

@@TWILLIE639 Yes, very confusing. But now Dr C is helping us understand at last. May every broken heart be comforted.

[@ThePowerAndControlWheel]

I was under pressure to deal with my kids' behaviour. "I cant do anything with them, you sort them out". I learned very quickly that sorting them out when they were misbehaving by doing it in a calm and non confrontational way was not allowed because she would accuse me of undermining her. So I'd be stressed to make sure the kids were 'sorted', and I became more and more unloving and correcting them in unhealthy ways. The kids suffered. And I was deemed the aggressive unloving parent with childhood issues, and that was all used to reinforce the parent alienation. My kids are grown now .. and there is no relationship with them. It's the worst thing ever. I view these people as thieves .. she stole my own children's view of me and I do believe it will never be resolved. There are times I still hate her because of that .. every now and then. I'm making a life with peace .. but there is something in me that's died, it had to .. and as much as I've grieved over it I've had to reach a point of acceptance .. but nothing can fill what that hateful person stole.

[@AzazelsWings]

My partner is going through this, now. Sad thing is, his Mother is the narcissist that has used the kids as tools. (Along with their mother's help) it's hard to explain, this woman literally has everyone she comes in contact with become her supporters. Family, extended family, friends, colleagues.... it truly blows my mind.

[@ThePowerAndControlWheel]

@@AzazelsWings I'm very sorry this is happening. Yes, my mum and her husband too .. everybody. It's not right, or fair, didnt deserve it .. we know what's happening/happened.. and sadly this is not a situation we can hope for the best with is it. The betrayal .. its soul destroying. Its good you're there. It's just me now .. I left them all, bit by bit. It's been sooooo hard. We dont deserve it. And we realize, they never loved us .. so £u@€ them. I'm never letting anybody do this to me ever again, and I'm gonna enjoy my life. Mum died Christmas Day just gone. I'm just glad I saw it all and have worked through it. They're miserable thieves. I'm so sorry. You both don't need them, none of them. Keep well and praise God for showing you

[@summerrose4286]

The thief comes to steal kill and destroy but I have come so that you may have life and have it to the full. ~ Jesus Lord, in Jesus name please return to us every thing that has been stolen from us by the enemy. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

[@truthseeker1871]

They are thieves, Jack, you made no mistake in that assessment. The worst kind of thieves in my opinion. For that the price needs to be paid.

[@JAYNEmM1962]

@@AzazelsWings yes its like they posses people.

[@dawnemile4974]

This is what makes people think that these narcissists are demonic. Thank you for the comfort you offer.

[@amelittaberretta9109]

I live alone, no Family, very few honest friends., for decades I have been subjected to emotional and psychological abuse. It is devastating, with lingering effects for the rest of my life.

[@301joey1]

Living with the reality of being used for so long by people who were suppose to be your closet allies is hard to overcome, I fight the battle daily, the thing that helps more than anything is realizing they are still in control if I allow them in my mind, I survived them, I won, they lost in the end...Live in the now.

[@sharontalley2155]

That's what happened to me. My daughter-in-law won't let my grandchildren or my son speak to me or have anything to do with me. She has lied to them and they chose to believe her and not me. So I have their family (2 adults, 3 grown grandchildren and 2 elementary school grandchildren living in my home. She has isolated me so guess she's satisfied. I am doing ok just being me inspite of them. I am a music lover, love to read and am interested in so many things that I keep busy and just ignore them. I pray that there are not that many people who are reading these posts who are having to live with a housefull of narcissists and their lackeys. God bless you. aAnd God bless Dr Carter for making me see the light.

[@karenlisenby2661]

The subject is not difficult … after 34 years of being married to a covert narcissist … it all boils down to choices … good v evil …. and being educated throughly on narcissistic traits. I had a very evil one and it took about 5 years for me to put the puzzle parts together … without Gods help … I’d be sick and helpless. Thanks for educating on this very sinister subject.

[@SC-zw2uy]

Putting the puzzle pieces together is exactly it..it is so confusing and they are expert at keeping us confused and feeling guilty. I left 1.5 years ago I can see clearly now that he can’t mess with my brain anymore.

[@cindyreeves5048]

Amen‼️

[@rascallyrabbit]

This is so true. The narcs choose evil and try to block our access to the light . Walking away takes courage and determination and loving support.

[@Liberace66]

I can't believe I survived my family narcisim. I lived it for 52 years. Which also includes 2 ex partners. My daughter & I were thrown out on the street. 3 years on, we have rebuilt our lives after been emotionally & financially bankrupt. I am so glad I found your channel.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

Thank you so much, Dr. Carter for saying you know we’re not making this up. That’s exactly what it feels like when I’ve tried to share with people with whom i thought i could trust the information concerning the relationship i have with the narcissist in my life. I know most people just don’t know what to say. But most also believe the covert when he paints a pretty picture held by a person playing the victim and acting like “she’s crazy.” Thank you for validation and for help/guidance.

[@dirtysanchez941]

💯 percent

[@SC-zw2uy]

He has the perfect “nice guy” image, always the victim….. I am the crazy one for not sticking around to “work” on the relationship…he told me I need Double the meds! for anxiety (he created). So glad I left.

[@henrik4417]

I had same experience, talking with friends about what I been through - they often come to the wrong conclusion and saying "call them", "talk with them". We know its the oposit we need to do, it just doesnt make sence for others (which ofcourse is understandable). So its very difficult to talk about and we all need to talk about things which is preventing us for moving forward, like this. I found that not using the N-word and just describe what happened in the situations gave better results. We can use the word to make us understandable to each other because we have been through it. Beside of that, be carefull only to talk about this subject to people you know would do the same things for you, that you anytime would do for them. And remember if you and the N know the same people, the N probably already have secured he/she looks better in their eyes - long time before you had a chance. That way, people you thought you know before, now suddenly have changed their position in favour of the N. That is the worst part.

[@glgardener4972]

Yes, thank you. Nacrs are very good at making themselves look good and you are the bad person. Oh, the stories I could tell...you would not believe.

[@cindyreeves5048]

Priceless. I so love the validation & sanity.

[@auntihooha]

They also enjoy being the center of attention and being told how wonderful and beautiful and perfect they are; they are happiest when they are being admired. They LOVE sycophants.

[@sarahcampbell7929]

16yrs since I've seen my grandchildren bc my daughter hates me, her shunning has had far reaching dismal consequences on my entire family.

[@elaineproffitt1032]

I haven't seen my 6 yo grandson in 18 months. My children are afraid to speak to me for fear she will cut them off too.

[@sarahcampbell7929]

@@elaineproffitt1032 Sorry for you hun, yep flying monkeys all over the place. Sending virtual hugs.

[@debradecent5445]

Yes , Elaine I haven’t seen my 6 year old grandson for 18 months and my daughter told me that he thinks I’m dead. Broke my heart. I can’t take her to court as she a solicitor and is so good with words that I would lose. Miss my grandson. 😌

[@MichNative01]

21 since I have seen my son.

[@e.conboy4286]

@@MichNative01 I completely understand how painful it is for you not being able to enjoy your family. Those young children we cherished have also grown older tho not necessarily wiser, and many have become complete strangers, to our regret. They disavow our spiritual values, patriotism, political views, educational institutions, military service to our country, and in many cases, employment. We had dreams for our children’s future success, but our dreams are not always their dreams, are they?

[@geoffshred]

It takes a lot of effort to try to learn everything abut narcissists so I can avoid them forevermore.

[@MariaSantana-ul5wd]

God bless you, Dr. Carter. This work is essential for Christians to know as well. Eph 6:11-13 ...that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

[@harryfurlong8494]

the worst thing about these people is their spirit and energy

[@Bawkr]

Definitely happened to me and quickly. Forming a way out.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

This has happened to me and to others I have met, the grandchildren have been isolated from their grandparents. The grandparents do not know why and the adult children will not discuss why they refuse to allow the grandparents to see the grandchildren. The refusal to have a discussion is a clue that they have nothing in particular but perhaps became angry when the grandparents have boundaries that the adult children do not like.

[@Christian_1980]

My situation was excactly the other way around. Grandparents that didn't know any boundaries. We, as adult children, did the excact same thing as the children mentioned in your comment. It's a difficult situation.😞