Should You Leave Your Marriage? 7 Things To Consider Before You Separate

You're contemplating separating from your spouse. May I give you some things to consider before you decide?
Whatever the situation might be, you'll almost immediately feel some relief when the other person leaves or you leave. However, several research projects have indicated that people who do not argue or who don't face the conflict are people who will, in all likelihood, divorce each other. And so, while you might get some degree of peace, you decrease the possibility of putting the marriage back together.
Are you going to do it because you think somehow it lets the other person down easier? If you do that, you're just elongating the pain for your spouse and you because they'll still have some hope, thinking we'll figure this reconciliation out, or we'll put it back together. And if that's not your intent, may I suggest that you have the integrity not to see the other person. If your goal is to leave, then make it clear that you're going to leave, not just for separation but also to end the marriage with a divorce.
By being separated, you increase the likelihood that one or both of you might be involved with someone else. We hear it all the time at Marriage Helper. You've escaped some of the conflicts, and maybe you're now out kicking up your heels a little bit, and there are always other people in the world.
If you separate, you will increase the likelihood that you're going to divorce. A significant percentage of people who had separated for a while and then got back together, wound up divorced anyway. So rather than running from your problems, if you still think there might be a chance, why not see if you can work through those problems?Get our FREE Mini Course "How To Get Your Spouse Back"
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[@MarriageHelper]

If you'd like help with your marriage, schedule a free marriage strategy call with one of our team members here: marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/ We look forward to talking with you! ❤️ -Marriage Helper

[@lyndarobertson6118]

I will tell you the ultimate way that you know when it’s time to end your marriage, when you are so unhappy that you feel like taking your own life

[@MarriageHelper]

Lynda, are you thinking about suicide? If so, we know that this thought crosses peoples minds often when in difficult marital distress. We would love to provide some resources that could help you. Would you be willing to let us do that? If so, there are many free resources. The easiest thing you can do right now is to simply call 988. We are here for you Lynda!

[@MarriageHelper]

Lynda, would you be willing to watch this short testimonial video? Ren and Adele share a powerful journey of how they saved their marriage. Ren was even contemplating taking his own life. We think you might find some hope in this. We love you and are here for you. Ren and Adele's Story: kzbin.info/www/bejne/d4Oxm3iAh5xmiqM

[@rarediamondblackqueen2253]

That's me

[@sunshinemackay3907]

I'm sooo close 😢 but I want to fix

[@thatguy7085]

Yikes… that doesn’t sound like divorce time… that sounds like serious mental health issues that person needs to deal with in a hospital setting.

[@livethatlife1830]

Never stay in any relationship that don't nuture you or make you feel safe. When a relationship isn't built on a solid foundation it isn't going to last. Never ever stay in a relationship where there is no love or respect.

[@helenjoanna6767]

I’m watching this video as i sit here crying realizing my marriage is over.😢

[@MarriageHelper]

Hey Helen Joanna, thank you for your comment. However, we disagree. We believe there is ALWAYS hope for a marriage no matter what. If you have had a bad experience in the past that has caused you to feel this way, we understand wholeheartedly. But there is always hope. If you change your mind and decide you would like to seek help for your marriage, we would love to talk to you and will always remain a safe place for you. You can call us directly at 1 866 903 0990 if you'd like to chat. Blessings,

[@LisbethPena22]

A year later, how are you?

[@marlenevasquez8868]

How are you ? I am going though one of the darkest times right now.

[@TheAdvanced94]

@@marlenevasquez8868 me too

[@daisyjimenez2586]

What if my partner doesn’t even think there’s a problem. Doesn’t see there careless behavior as anything to worry about

[@ntmn8444]

This.

[@eyekandy3000]

Therapy

[@incognitoriaanonymousita]

This definitely makes you think twice or even three or four times before seriously getting a divorce or separating.

[@aeneid3690]

I just want to get out but don't have enough courage

[@Nathan-oo2ik]

You’re not alone. Don’t want to hurt my wife, but I fantasize daily about being single. It’s a rough way to live. Sending you courage my friend, may we find our happiness.

[@sarahikponmwosa9273]

Same here. I am scared and I don't know why.

[@hamnoaskary2651]

I have been scared for two years, not anymore I have made the first step into regaining my life again

[@speedtriprr537]

@@hamnoaskary2651 how are you doing? I just asked my wife last night 😢

[@TheForeverLoveKD]

DR Joe.. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I dozed off listening to your video. Don't get me wrong. It's a compliment. You have a nice calm voice.

[@carolerbph.d3567]

Great video info, hope everyone understands how sacred marriage is. Thanks for sharing this amazing topic.!

[@m.o.s.h.1836]

ABUSIVE relationship is a BIG NO NO NO to continue or be together in a lifetime..

[@ellaborowska8216]

goodday, i have to thank you for your clear explanation and advise. You video is much of help. :)

[@eileenfuentes6975]

I just love your voice, it's very comforting Joe. I feel like you're talking to me and my favorite part of these videos that just have you talking, one of my favorite parts is when you finally say "Hi, I'm Dr. Joe Beam." That's when I know some good information is on its way 😊

[@annawimpey5307]

You must learn to resolve conflict or all your relationships will be difficult. There is a movie quote, When people divorce; " If they would have put as much passion into saving their marriage as they did destroying it, they would still be married".

[@castellinij4893]

Are you having problems with your marriage?

[@annawimpey5307]

I am a widow. I would be very happy if my husband were still alive. Rhe movie quote is one of our many we would refer to to remind us of the importance of good communication.

[@lovemire8761]

Can I connect you to someone who will help me attract my ex in two days?❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@castellinij4893]

@@lovemire8761 yes if you have the faith

[@castellinij4893]

@@lovemire8761 yes if you have the faith

[@gr8trgoodsimpatico310]

I think that it’s hard not to leave when one spouse doesn’t see anything wrong with their behavior. Or they promise to modify their behavior but in the end it’s more of the same. How long should you go feeling like your unloved? How long should you go without companionship? You might be right about all the things you’ve said. But you can’t drive the train from the caboose. And when something has to change you’d be better off changing for something to benefit a little clarity. For you and them. When people separate it may end the marriage that’s for sure. I’d guess a lot of those they realize the only reason they stayed was for that one thing or they were afraid of being alone.

[@OlgaSmirnova1]

Concentrate in your behavior and not in your spouse’s.

[@gr8trgoodsimpatico310]

@@OlgaSmirnova1 I think it’s easy say that. You should just worry about yourself. And they’ll come around. But they’re not coming around. It’s called burying your head in the sand. The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

[@OlgaSmirnova1]

@@gr8trgoodsimpatico310 if they don’t come back, oh well… one still has to concentrate on their own behavior.

[@preciouspearl781]

Some states require a period of seperation before you can file for divorce. It's state mandating prolonging of pain.

[@colleenfavorites2153]

Well this just blew my hope away

[@bordawg111]

Love you! I appreciate that so much right now!

[@MarriageHelper]

Thank you so much Re-Markable Rewards and More!. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on KZbin. Please, don't hesitate to reach out to us if there's anything else we can do for you. Blessings,

[@jamesmckeon9139]

Great broadcasting voice!

[@brothadee5057]

I agree with everything you said

[@lpsglitterpaws8536]

I am leaving because my husband has filed for divorce. I don’t want to be with someone who says that he doesn’t love me and doesn’t want to grow old with me

[@mattrocchietti4228]

My wife said yesterday she got an attorney and she wants a divorce. Love has never been our issue. We fight because we both think we are right. She won’t even talk. I told her I will fight for this marriage all the way to the end.

[@christinaalexaaa]

Same here,

[@castellinij4893]

I really feel sorry for you, I will love to recommend you to someone who can help you.

[@alexrcanez]

I admire you and I am going through the same. My wife asked me to move out of my own house. Afterwards, I found out she had been unfaithful before I left and kept dating that scumbag. I forgave and went back, am still in pain and she would avoid addressing the issue. I am depressed and our little daughter needs her parents. I am dead within.

[@petekdemircioglu]

Doesnt Look promising to me: Maybe better to let go.

[@user-be3kx6fj6n]

@@alexrcanez i feel ya dude

[@DOC-Jake-]

Just another thing to be addressed. Sent it to my wife to help her cause she said she feels 0 over the past few years over which I have been diagnosed & in treatment for severe ptsd from 34 yrs of fire /Ems scenes that I caused me to be in crisis. So this caused her to feel alone. 🙏🏻. Both of us have done this job as well as loosing a child after birth.

[@ib5580]

There is hope. Marriage Helper teaches how to renew love. Keep listening to them. It saved our marrage

[@DOC-Jake-]

@@ib5580 only if my wife commits 100%. She won’t give up her friend who is the source of the “emotional affair “ so to say. I am doing my part our son isn’t happy he’s a Usmc Capt aviator & moms reasonable voice ! Thanks for the support im going to use it !👨🏻‍🚒

[@shannonhoffman7873]

We're in couples therapy. I'm exhausted. It's been years of me asking for changes and he finally agreed to therapy when i threatened to leave. That doesn't seem like a great starting point...

[@kimberlyjennings618]

Thanks for the video 🙏🏼

[@madsness7]

Thank you for not just easily recommending to give up.

[@MarriageHelper]

We truly believe there is ALWAYS hope

[@psychicmediumtree8743]

I agree with everything he has said

[@shawnmckenzie1786]

Thank you. Needed to see this.

[@highsoci1673]

Well I was feeling very hopeful that we could still work this out even though she moved out and doesn't seem to want to. Now I lost some of that hope after watching this because of the odds of divorce now. :-(

[@gillianlouw7172]

My husband always puts his friends first, always going out with them, always delays the time frame when he promised to be home, leaving me at home with the kids, I am done

[@eyekandy3000]

That sounds fixable

[@TheAdvanced94]

@@eyekandy3000sometimes it’s not

[@piccolafamiglia3063]

Such wise words

[@aliciamcintosh4471]

Me and my husband been separated for 11months I really need my marriage to get back on track

[@Jetsetfastfood]

I still haven’t decided what to do yet.

[@JamesJackson-dy3tu]

Dr. Joe. My wife wants a divorce and agreed to an home separation for the sake of our children and considering irretrievable assets. We’ve done the intensive weekend with marriage helper about to years ago. I thought we were going forward on the love path. After a major conflict which led to me letting my anger take control and lead to a traumatic event ( I didn’t do anything to physically harm or even threaten to but instead did harm to myself) has caused a major setback. I want to make positive changes within myself and save my marriage. I’m trying to do a better job at SMART contact and my question to you is this. If I send her this video would it be considered a push and possibly seem controlling?

[@lons5472]

What if your spouse has a job that makes you separate and at the same time it's what they want to happen so they can do the divorce easier.

[@marthamasden7573]

My husband just told me he's moving out because he's unhappy and I watch politics too much and he wants ME to find him a new place

[@annette4444]

Yes my mom was mad I thought about going back, now he's with his cheater love they married & I'm glad I didn't go back.

[@lisaotruba8974]

How do you leave your marriage when you are so attached to each other and yes there is some love still?

[@shannonhoffman7873]

That's where I am. I'm miserable, but there's still love...

[@Mypickss]

7:12 this part totally broke my heart and made me burst into tears 😔

[@alexrcanez]

I feel you. If you read y story in the comments above, that continues to be the most devastating part and really hits my heart and shatters it. I pray to have the courage and peace to continue guiding my daughter with love and understanding.

[@christinawilliams3444]

Me too!! 😭😭😭😭 My sweet baby boys😭😭

[@livethatlife1830]

Abuse is abuse even if not physical

[@lilianetv1482]

How about severe mental health in a relationship and marriage

[@christophersalvatoreraimun8578]

Dr. Joe B. Your information it’s very good and truly professional. You probably have, and if you have not, please consider on the list of consequences, what Katy Faust explain on her book “Them Before us”. The short and long term consequences on the children also. Thank you for your work.

[@caseypromise]

There can also be emotional abuse, not just physical….and it can be just as detrimental. So do you separate when there’s intense toxicity in the marriage?

[@shawnawolf907]

Right! I am in a very emotionally abusive marriage where he is also into much adulterous behavior and refuses to stop. We have spent thousands of dollars on counseling, therapy, resources, and recovery groups. I’ve done everything. But this abuse is taking a toll on my heath. I hate how physical abuse is viewed as worse.

[@alejandrashort5441]

@@shawnawolf907 how are y’all doing now. I am in the same boat

[@alejandrashort5441]

@@shawnawolf907 my husband is a narcissist. 100% affirmed

[@Elibelle]

@@shawnawolf907 please leave him. It seems like he cannot change and you are just prolonging your suffering. I am in the same boat. I’ve suffered in a toxic marriage that has affected my physical and mental health. Only if that person is willing to work on things and true improvement is found don’t let yourself continue to suffer. Imagine a good, beloved friend of yours tells you they are in your exact situation. Would you tell a friend to leave their spouse? If so, why do you not hold that standard to yourself?

[@tresfielder3148]

@@shawnawolf907 It is worse.

[@anniewenger-nabigon4982]

What if your spouse has cognitive impairments and the same old issues can never be resolved? They just go over and over on the same issues and nothing is ever resolved. Is living half a life necessary just to save a marriage? Do you have a right to leave to be happier?

[@hemenwayhaulingllc1783]

My hardest day was yesterday my wife for 26 years told me she wants a divorce!! I feel like a complete failure as a friend and husband!! Also i feel like i let my kids down!! I can say that i gave it 125%percent effort. My wife has a issue telling me her feelings she never does and i have tried to get her to talk she wont!!

[@steveborkowski4330]

Don't blame yourself!

[@gt3702]

My husband wants to move out, he said he is unhappy and has insomnia months and cannot perform his business well. He needs to isolate himself and think what to do next. We don’t fight and he said there is no more love just care for me as a family member. There is nothing wrong with me but the problem is him. He claimed there is no other woman. Should I let him move out? I have watched many videos of MH and it’s not recommended to separate.

[@suretvdmerwe1703]

I’m hopeless

[@jc_global]

What if one of the partner leave the home, send you divorce paper, children involved, it there any hope for them to reconcile?

[@MarriageHelper]

There is still hope! Just listen to this video and hear how Jordan & Priscilla went through the difficulties of an affair and even divorced! But they still saved their marriage using the tools that we teach. Don't give up! kzbin.info/www/bejne/iai7ZId3a86fm5o Also, you can get a free marriage strategy call with one of our team members by visiting this link for more immediate help: marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/

[@JasminePeteetArocha-ug5bm]

Am separate in my marriage and want to save my marriage

[@nidzainfante6022]

I will as going to married 25 sep He never wants to help me pay Rent is that love he loves living apart so I Lefted 45 days ago

[@Victoria-qk3mu]

Long suffering is a fruit of the Spirit

[@michalbajer136]

Ok Soo. My wife is narcissistic and she had very bad affair. She doesn't want to tell me even name of AP. She is lying about practically everything. So my question is if I'm safe living with mentally and psychically abusive wife. Gaslighting, manipulation, disrespectful. Now she is hoovering love bombing. What is your advice about narcissistic personality should I try stay or this people going to back to their pattern?

[@ashishtiwari1912]

Just get out of the marriage. Unfaithful partners are a big no no. I know it is easier said than done but you need to respect yourself and walk away. I have been at your position. It was mentally and emotionally draining for a long time. I had anxiety issues because of my partner. The moment I came to know that she was looking out for someone else which she admitted, I decided that it is enough. I can’t take it anymore. So take a step ahead. Times will be hard for you but you will get over it in maybe few months

[@StrongBodyandMind33]

Leave

[@Livingg.Medicine]

Leave… I stayed after he cheated and he did it again… he was also narcissistic… the chances of them actually changing is a miracle from God

[@ceciliaperez7103]

Hello I need help to get a divorce my husband as a very abuse person me and my daughters not feel safe with having him anymore what are my rights I’m overwhelmed and at the moment his out of our home but we still married and his name is on the list rent agreement

[@safinaXitachi]

So what if you're in danger emotionally?

[@MarriageHelper]

Our first rule is to GET SAFE. If you are being physically or emotionally abused, then please get safe. Please call the domestic abuse hotline if you need immediate: 800.799.SAFE (7233) We advise if someone has addiction problems, mental issues or is violent, to wait till they fix those areas before you start trying to work on the marriage together. If they are willing to work on the marriage and have shown that they can be a safe place, we may be able to help you.

[@921ster]

I’m very unhappy, confused, frustrated, and angry. My wife and I cannot communicate. I’ve tried to address our issues, and she doesn’t want to talk about them. I really don’t know what to do? I don’t want a divorce, but know I can’t go on like this anymore either. I just want her to at least acknowledge when she hurts me. She gaslights me into believing it doesn’t happen. I have resentment, but I want to forgive. Can I fix this?

[@novianaconvery6431]

Should you stay if there is nothing there ?

[@sandybryan533]

I wouldn

[@perpetuakadzo1347]

My husband won't care about bills and goes round telling people i am cheating with several men.i want to go

[@joederocco9321]

leave it if it aint working cause it never will ,just make sure the kids ,if any and money is all worked out but never stay if it aint going cause sooner or later it will end or you will just be miserable every day you wake up

[@marcowagner3930]

Yes. Normally a seperation is Not the best. But my wife has a affair, is totally in Limerence and she wanted a seperation. I tried to stay, but she cant handle With this. So i didnt know a other way than seperation and try to Work on myself and have smart-Contact With her.

[@OlgaSmirnova1]

Divorce her! Immediately.

[@user-mj1ht1tw2w]

Comme vous voulez je suis sans pressions dans ma vie moi je suis indépendant de moi mêmes et sans regret merci

[@shirleyray8905]

My spouse told me to get out after he repeatedly broke my bones. I gladly left!

[@MarriageHelper]

We stand behind you on that decision. Our first rule is always GET SAFE FIRST. So very sorry to hear about this though. We strongly recommend you contact the Domestic Abuse Hotline if this ever happens again. And we are here for you if you need us. ❤️

[@user-yh6np9ez8z]

Am planning to leave him,we have kid 5years baby boy.he doesn't want us to get another kid.

[@nancygarcia2866]

My husband continues to cheat on me repeatedly, he’s verbally abusive, we have a very toxic relationship because of his infidelity, I want to leave him but don’t want to have to sell my house

[@MarriageHelper]

Hey @nancygarcia2866, so sorry to hear you are going through this. Because of the complexity of this situation, we would strongly advise you reach out to us directly! You can call us at 1 [phone] and be connected with one of our Client Representatives who will guide you to the best resources we have available for your situation. You can also schedule the call yourself for a time that works best for you by following this link: marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/ We look forward to speaking with you directly if you will allow it!

[@abigaledavis1223]

I made a statement in your channel and you ask me back what I did . Really ? So from a Christian man I’m being blamed and shamed ? I get that from my husband. Just saying as helpful as I find your messages. I found that hurtful since you don’t know my marriage . I’m Loving with an emotionally and verbally abusive man.

[@OlgaSmirnova1]

You don’t divorce, you separate, move out and work on reconciliation and change of behavior.

[@ev3goddess]

✨🌙

[@annette4444]

I was called names while his cheater girl friend slept around on her husband.

[@umarabdulazeez6500]

I am from Nigeria , I need a divorced

[@bryanreeder9428]

I already pay for all the bills

[@lovemire8761]

Can I connect you to someone who will help me attract my ex in two days?❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@4742joseph]

What If you don't like your spouse sex. And you find someone else that has better sex then your spouse. And you could groom the mistress into being your wife?

[@MarriageHelper]

Hey 4742joseph, so sorry to hear you are going through this. Because of the complexity of this situation, we would strongly advise you reach out to us directly! You can call us at 1 [phone] and be connected with one of our Client Representatives who will guide you to the best resources we have available for your situation. You can also schedule the call yourself for a time that works best for you by following this link: marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/ We look forward to speaking with you directly if you will allow it!

[@stefanleslie2908]

Are you married

[@Smellydoug]

If women didn't get complacent after marriage, things would be easier for every man. I walk on egg shells hourly.

[@incognitoriaanonymousita]

How can the conflict be resolved if one spouse avoids the topic of conflict altogether?

[@user-ec8fu8yv3r]

My exact sentiments

[@ayselewandowska]

+1 to that. He is giving me the silent treatment and can leave me alone for days. He says it is because he is too afraid to face the consequences of our conflict. I don't know what to do.

[@eyaalem7990]

I tell people ask Jesus guidance then we will talk. Looks like it’s a complex world so far. And it’s not new, “no such thing new under the sun ☀️” I know your situation is hard and you are exhausted. Right there you need God. And you gonna learn the truth from the beginning. Love, forgives, repentance, joy, vision, sacrificing for others. Remember you created by gods image so worry, anxiety, depression, cheating, lie, jealousy, envy, anger, shame, pride, hate,manipulation etc will washed out by Jesus Christ if you let him to work with you. Pray 🙏 and fasting reading Bible. Otherwise very little things could be complicated.

[@joannhandsford7579]

Divorce is so sad and troublesome, I’ve done it. Now I’m married again and really trying to keep my promise to God, even if it means mourning what I thought it would be and making the best of it.