SIDE EFFECTS OF NICE GUYS

[@justdc3517]

I feel like men & women could learn something from this video. Being nice alone isn’t the only quality that makes a good partner. Character, common interests, moral compass, chemistry, life goals, mutual desires, etc etc matters. Be more than just nice.

[@ladyk7317]

Very well said thank you👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💋

[@RogerStaysCreative]

As a recovering nice guy, I realize it is just a gateway for me being a codependant...wanting everyone to have a good perception of me

[@TheAmandaSeales]

Ooohhhh! Good one!!! Introspective!

[@luvthisway]

Yes!!

[@devinr.5409]

Amanda is so articulate and always hits the nail on the head.

[@yungijefferson7584]

Any time someone describes themselves as "nice", that's a NO for me. Be kind. Be a good Being. 🖤

[@chikFromMTL]

Yes, be decent

[@snijanafleur8442]

Thank you

[@k.alvarado6237]

Being Kind and Nice are two different things. People are nice because they know what they bring to the table is not enough. Being " Nice" is a default way of being when you know many people do not want you around. Kindness is a constant state of being, its almost a personality trait, either your kind hearted or you are not.

[@ladyk7317]

Thank you👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💋

[@RNBsingersarehiphopheadstoo]

I’m a good guy and winning. A nice guy has an other side of him that’s not so nice. It’s a put on. Genuineness wins all the time.

[@TheAmandaSeales]

🗣️SPEAK ON IT

[@RNBsingersarehiphopheadstoo]

@@TheAmandaSeales 🫡🌹

[@nikky2705]

Preach it, Amanda. The same rhetoric that is put on women for not dating good guys is dismissed when guys date only city girls. Even the not-so-attractive guys are looking down on women who are not shaped like an Instagram model, not high-maintenance, or who don't act so helpless. Let's face it. We are all shallow and selfish. We are in our own way and that is why a lot of people are not married.

[@cocomaire]

Having been in a committed relationship for over 20 years, my experience is that attraction and arousal waxes and wanes. Everyone has flaws. When initially attracted to a person, those flaws aren’t apparent, so the grass can look greener at times. Being emotionally available and vulnerable is the most important thing imo.

[@keepsit100atalltime9]

People can fake niceness. It's all about a person's character.

[@chellefin]

Right! I prefer kindness.

[@virgoforever1love41]

My first ever tweet on twitter was to Amanda Seales who then was formerly known as Amanda Diva, the reason I sent it out, was to basically give her her flowers, if people truly truly truly understood, her passion and love for people, they would appreciate the person SHE WAS and the person SHE HAS BECOME! Amanda thank you! God Bless!!🤎

[@jessicapatrickjessicataylo5285]

Love this woman!!

[@Babycakesj]

I dated someone who was outwardly a “nice guy”. When things went sour, people swore it was me because I have a bad track record but I swear this “nice guy” was worse than the outwardly ain’t shit dudes.

[@ChelleInTheCity]

SAME. SAME. OMG. Yes.

[@ladyk7317]

The nice guy will smile in ya face ,kiss your lips ,tell you he loves you, put a ring on ya finger with plans of marriage, then you find out he's licking another women's cat box to grow his nasty beard...all this shit @ 53 years grown 🤷🏿💋and with dat I was gone 😄

[@oleeshanorris5343]

I have had two "nice guys" in my life and they both turned out to be narcissist. They both had a emotional wall they never would let down and the rejection of that was hurtful.

[@sarahjackson1897]

Being "nice", "kindhearted", or a "good person" doesn't automatically equate to being ready for a relationship. A person is not obligated to let us into their personal lives if they believe we don't have certain qualities in place in order to sustain a relationship beyond being nice like being emotionally available, whole, and mature. A person also has a right to ask us our perspective on raising children, handling money, and other beliefs to see if they're compatible with us. When l was in my 20's l took rejection so personally as if it was an attack on me but when l got older l understood the importance of being ready for those things we say we want. Truth is l wasn't ready for a relationship in my 20's so l wouldn't have been good for any guy. Being honest about that is important whether man or woman otherwise we just are forever the victim in a vicious cycle we continually find ourselves in. This was just something l was thinking about and l just wanted to share.

[@ra_bi_ah]

Thank you for sharing. I think as more of us are choosing to do the work and to be honest with ourselves that we each tend to come to the same or similar conclusions. All the best to you in your life and journey 🧡

[@sarahjackson1897]

@@ra_bi_ah Absolutely. Thank you sis. ❤

[@Clau-chauNicol]

I agree. I think people often make the mistake of conflating romantic interest for the ability to be loved. There are many perfectly lovely people out there who would drive me up the wall if I married them. I'd probably drive them up the wall too. Heck, there are many people who are perfectly lovely who it would be a bad idea for me to even be friends with. There are a lot of people who can only sustainably care for each other from a distance, and that's ok.

[@sarahjackson1897]

@@Clau-chauNicol Great perspective

[@snijanafleur8442]

Thank you

[@dionysus9876]

Amanda, chile, that last part was a word! So many women, grow up not being seen. And for black women we spend our adulthood not being seen because society tells us that our character qualities don't fit standards of beauty. So we are ignored, overlooked, unheard, not taking seriously, disrespected, intentionally misunderstood, etc. So when someone "sees" us it can feel like the gates of Heaven have opened up, but unfortunately, that can also make us vulnerable to being used. Dating under an anti-black patriarchy is exhausting!😮‍💨

[@theklr]

No crumbs were left. So glad this was just covering all the bases and explaining how the system has created this problem where both sides are left unhappy.

[@Ladylocs30617]

This video was EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you.

[@charles5272]

Thank you so much for your Great gift ❤

[@FairyHada310]

Thank you thank you Amanda my love preach girl❤❤❤❤❤❤.

[@maseboog72]

Sheesh!!! Amanda stay and I mean since day one, stay keeping it 💯 💐💐 Thank You.

[@preciousdaniels6247]

I love me some Amanda, Big Sis gives the best gems✨✨

[@olurinatti]

this outfit you have on is so cute!

[@victoriahines2125]

I feel like a lot of "nice" guys are nice out of manipulation and they think because they are nice you owe them something. I've also ran into the nice guy being nice because they know they are lacking in some areas. Sometimes somebody could just not be your match and it has nothing to do with you being nice or not.

[@rcc3music]

I like your style Amanda. Your a natural.

[@QueenInCursive]

GIIIRRRLLL!!! Speak on it! A lot of women, including myself, used to think Drake was a nice guy! That. 👏🏽 Drake. 👏🏽 Was. 👏🏽 A. 👏🏽 Nice. 👏🏽 Guy. 👏🏽

[@dawb86]

lol we tried to tell y'all, that fool the biggest player out of all of us.... 😂

[@liljay0687]

Y’all don’t even know him, you sound crazy

[@gracielaberkovich4970]

This was so on! Addressing the structural issues is so important Thank you ❤🎉🙌🏽🎤☺️

[@dennisjuicewoods5588]

I started therapy last year, and my therapist had me read the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. It’s really hard to unlearn those behaviors and I now see how toxic it can truly be. At the same time, I wish more women understood how it feels to be in this dating world as a guy with good intentions. I’m also neuro divergent which makes all of this even harder lol. It’s so frustrating. And I’m not taking away from any of what you said. But yeah. Thanks for the video!

[@Mr.LloydMarksHoodoo45]

"All Nice Guys. Don't finish last." - Grandma Melbia. Rest in peace and I know you Rest in my Atmosphere. ❤ James Cleveland!

[@iamkflo.k]

Yesss Amanda!!! People try to make me feel guilty for dropping the nice guy like he's my only option! There was no chemistry!!! And no physical attraction...geeze

[@rubynovel]

You broke that the F down. Bravo Ms. SEALS ❤😂🎉

[@vegeterryan4243]

Im always tuned in. And this was a great topic 🔥🙌🏾💪🏾✊🏾😎. I hope a lot of brothers tap in and listen

[@Caitrionacake]

you are so real!

[@rjrross]

This is the episode I didn’t know I needed.

[@KarismaD]

Great episode,so many gems✨

[@gingerwilliams8449]

Very insightful. Being yourself is alway the best advice. And men need to understand that the “bad” guys know how to act nice. It has to genuine and ongoing for it to mean anything.

[@TheAmandaSeales]

🗣️🗣️🗣️

[@meibelyn100]

Thank you for this

[@DonBrownII]

I think this is a good convo! Being a nice guy doesn't guarantee you anything - ive learned this myself.

[@taylortucker17]

Wowwww this was such a great episode!!! So many gems and quotables! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@karencanan2701]

Thank you

[@ananda-b3u]

I notice a lot of these “nice guys” are also not looking for women they are actually compatible with but they are basing their entire attraction on physical appearance. They are objectifying women instead of attempting an actual relationship and bond.

[@jhux1515]

This!!!!

[@74JGrant]

RE: on liking bad guys - if someone is raised around drama and trauma - seeking what they think is "excitement" is a toxic thing because we tend to (if you haven't worked on yourself) gravitate toward "home" drama, fights, no trust etc can comfort people who know nothing else. I used to have the "savior" complex thing - trying to save everyone I had the slightest feelings for and got burned over and over until I learned not to touch the stove because it came from always having to help my mom my entire life until age 32. Being an empath on top of that, I saw many dark days from age 13-33, then I started to LEARN and started to work on myself, I still have some work on trust and my own hang up on "I'm not loveable/ I don't deserve love" thing at 49, as life is constant learning, growing, changing with new information. I'm happy in my solitude for now and have been for a decade lol. Will I ever find another to share life with? I don't know, I'm not looking for it and am content - if it happens it happens.

[@Carolina-zo9io]

You got me as a new sub lil mama. Hearing someone speak from their truth is refreshing.

[@TheAmandaSeales]

❤❤❤❤

[@DonBrownII]

this was a good talk, I enjoyed the breakdown!

[@DonBrownII]

"ain't nothing wrong with being a good guy, but who are you trying to be good to?" That was a bar. 100%

[@MelissaDeLaRosaLVDM]

Such a great episode!! 🎉🎉🎉

[@imchanging2992]

Hi Amanda! You went in, thank you for this. Can you please do Ghosting? 🙏🏽

[@stocksandslots1556]

My “nice guy” was so kind and attentive, yet had another full blown relationship going on.

[@LowkeyMikeyyy]

Preeeeeach Amanda!!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@shawnsimmons1989]

The heart is just the heart; thoughts and feelings are just thoughts and feelings. Let things be just as they are.

[@Dashboard901]

I haven’t met a “nice guy” who was a nice guy. Nice guys are just that and the “real” good guys are not having a problem getting women, a lot of them are in long term relationships so they can cut it

[@TheAmandaSeales]

🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

[@ricardomayo8337]

Strong title, must see, and yes I feel powerful effectual improvements(io) from nice guys, we all aint tryna finish or finesse last tho….much love 2u and your podcast as well Miss Amanda Seale!!!

[@ricardomayo8337]

That patreon is fire tho…

[@djgeorge8749]

I love you Amanda

[@Noblemight]

Thank you for this video. I wish more people would stop reading books about tactics for getting a mate. The work has always been on yourself. No ficticious bait is going to lead to a lasting relationship.

[@dashboard-11]

I am lmao at the little kitten staring like, "Harpo, who dis woman and why is she so loud?" 😂

[@bvec97]

The American Fiction ad playing on this video; *chefs kiss*

[@keny101010]

this is my comment lol i enjoyed individual Amanda episode

[@TheAmandaSeales]

I'm so glad to hear that! We want to do more

[@KardashBeauti]

this is actually a very greattttt topic and you're so on Point with what you're saying

[@SlimIsChillin]

Nice is an act and a choice KINDNESS is character

[@carlgraham7998]

I one million percent agree with you. The only thing I will say from a man’s perspective is that we don’t completely understand picking an Ahole over a nice guy. They might both have ulterior motives and not be “good” guys but at least one of them won’t abuse you 🤷🏽‍♂️

[@robertwatkins6828]

Interesting perspective. I counterpoint with a reading offering - Survival of the Friendliest by Brian Hare and Vanessa Woods. Good reading

[@neish9520]

‘Nice’ and ‘kind’ are different. Nice has an air of inauthenticity to it, ie we’re ‘nice’ when we need to be, in order to reach a goal, avoid conflict, etc. to be kind is genuine-it’s just a character/personality trait that exits despite circumstances or tha promise of some reward. Kind people are still kind when nobody lookin. Nice folx are ‘nice’ when they have to be.

[@AllThingsBeautyEtc]

I dated a “nice guy,” and he played me like a fiddle. It's a façade. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@bmw9225]

I use the square/rectangle angle as an analogy all the time for things 👏🏾😩🙌🏾😅

[@ujulieesempambo]

Gurrrrlllll you made some good ass points 🤌🏾👏🏾

[@chloestewart1902]

You have to be with the GOOD (RIGHT) PERSON FOR YOU Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place. - Ice T

[@KLouis-fe4fn]

I love your outfit, first! straight out the gate

[@DonBrownII]

doing my opinion to this conversation, I think it's important that we speak to the toxicity or problematic behaviors in instances like this, and less of the "archy" as a whole. There's problematic behavior in both patriarchy and matriarchy because both men and women are prone to be problematic. 9:02 This may be more of a general statement, but I thought it may be important to note. Patriarchy isn't inherently problematic. Matriarchy isn't inherently problematic. It's the people who may operate within these structures that can make it problematic.

[@ch355_]

speaking of nice v. good guys, liars, presidents, and the matrix, please consider inviting cornel west for an interview. that would be a marvelous conversation. you are fantastic. thank you for sharing your thoughts!

[@TheAmandaSeales]

Meh...

[@ch355_]

fair enough. thank you for the response (:@@TheAmandaSeales

[@ChelleInTheCity]

16:58 My “nice guy” was definitely a narcissist! The love bombing was REAL!!!

[@dangerusscurvs4709]

100000 thumbs up!!!

[@shalaw1206]

You can be nice and kind but must have a backbone and not be a pushover.

[@danaevora6284]

The amanda back scratch in awkward/ unconfortable situations has me dying

[@ChocolateYuppie]

At the end of the day.. it's all about being 'Equally-Yoked' !! ,

[@alexandriayoung]

🔥🔥🔥

[@Th3Wab3]

I feel like a lot of these nice guys are friendzoned dudes they just don’t respect the no but tag along waiting to take advantage. Friendships are actually based on mutual respect and a mutual pursuit of amicable communication and shared Interests.

[@sixtyblackmystictraveler]

Hooked on anxiety and uncertainty and programming of undeserving

[@missa9313]

Both of y'all can get super saiyan together 😂😂😂💀

[@benjaminsmith7011]

Love you❤

[@TheAmandaSeales]

🤗

[@snijanafleur8442]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@purplecarrot8982]

Cute kittens 😻

[@trinigrl09]

You can absolutely notice a guy is physically attractive and still be enamored with your guy.....You're not dead Amanda just in a relationship......As Tiffany would say, "IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE IT'S.......FINE 😂 to me though attractiveness is about so much more than the physical appearance.....those intangibles like the vibe I get when I''m with them, the sound of their voice (that's a big one for me....his voice) his attentiveness genuine kindness.....all of that stuff is way more important than is he fine.....I am very atypical in the sense that I have to be connected to a person intrinsically, spiritually, and emotionally to even want to be physical in any way.....I mean ANY way.....I'm a Cancer I'm driven by the spirit of a person.....don't hug, kiss or try to do anything else with me otherwise if that intrinsic connection isn't there......maybe your laundromat bf is that way too........I think there is a misconception that guys are more visual and that they all want to rush to the sexual stage of the relationship but occasionally u do meet a guy that needs an intrinsic connection.....they do exist.....they're rare.....but they exist........I'm going to stop commenting now.....this is the second "book" I 've written u on this video.....

[@seanharris7938]

So much in this episode was spot on. I don't think I've really been seen in a very long time. (Sigh)

[@JAHtony1111]

Rare. Stunning in intelligence and beauty. Truth and logic really do go togeva. Both look good on u. Ur helping our people. Therapy apparently aint working for us. Back to the way of Black Jesus is the only way to happiness. Much love pretty girl. Mad respect. 😊

[@AviewbyShay]

Am I the only one that got that cellphone comment?😂😂😂 I need more. I was telling my friends brother the same thing about nice guys.

[@mistymojones9280]

Most of the nice guys Ive met are undercover Mean, Controlling and lack clear boundaries. Nice guy not so much.. .Lack of standards and boundaries... Covert narcissists.

[@OniTan22]

"Im every woman" ... ....hey you. ❤

[@Jerlald]

you ate that!

[@Hannah-qe9si]

21:10 oh god this is my situation right now 😭

[@katielanellc]

🎯🎯 💯💯💯

[@Girl2TheCity]

This was such a good episode

[@silverbeautifullight]

Wow. ☀️😄❤️💯🤭😌

[@ChelleInTheCity]

Also heavy on they be BORINGGGGGG. I’m glad somebody said it. I like a lil spice!

[@user-bx1bj4of7b]

This conversation needs to be had with men and multiple pov involved, cause a lot of this is off off base fr. A lot of men never said these things or think like this.

[@TheAmandaSeales]

Do you date cus gendered hetero sexual men? No. You do not. I do not need to have a conversation with men about dating them.

[@user-bx1bj4of7b]

@TheAmandaSeales With dating them, you can have your opinion. However, I'm talking about the nuance of some of these thoughts you're saying men have/heard. I think there should be men involved to actually, really, understand what is being said. Most men understand chemistry, Nobody is saying you should have chemistry because you're a "nice guy" that's not the message. The message is, why are certain women choosing drug dealers who are emotionally unavailable, abusers etc then complain about it when there were men who don't have those traits, don't display those traits etc...

[@mac1vzw72]

Yess lol I was thinking about that guy😂😂😂

[@soniamatthew7200]

Russel Wilson 1. Beautiful 2. Wealthy 3. Loves his woman out loud 4. Family man 5. Athlete (sexy) Listen, Russell Wilson, unfortunately, doesn’t represent the average “nice guy”. I’ve always thought the “nice guy” trope was a boring guy. I’d like to find a good guy with a lil swag. My question is “Is it possible to be a good guy and not be boring? Is it possible to find a good guy with energy? IDK… good guy is too simple.

[@OniTan22]

Oct 18th youtube theater Janalle Monae? ❤

[@Sgtgee]

Nice guys finish last because men like this communicate to women that they’re weak, unsure, unworthy, needy, approval seeking, always available, and always willing to stop what they are doing to please her, limiting their values, time and beliefs to practically be a butler and a servant to her. The Nice guy will do or say whatever it takes just to make her happy even if it’s something he may not agree with. Men like this often get friendzoned or ghosted because they become like submissive little boys, or the emotional tampon (the therapist) or the gay male girlfriend instead of men which ruins the sexual polarity and attraction. When women observe this from a “nice guy” they will give the benefit of the doubt at first by testing a man’s strength to see what he’s made of. Women want a man who knows what he wants. Who is confident speaks up for himself, will never take any disrespect all while being playful, respectful and values her time but more importantly, can lead the dating and courting process, which if done correctly over time can lead to a relationship. When women emotionally feel safe and secure the legs open (figuratively and literally) and when they don’t…. The legs close! Women want to be in love story.

[@mac1vzw72]

🍿🍿🍿

[@nashsis]

Listen Nice Guys are often people pleasers that don't have a backbone and on the day they they wake up and feel they were "taken advantage of" because they overcompromised themselves (which is literally their own behavior) they become MEAN AF. Perfect example is Walter White in the TV show Breaking Bad. Kind men get a lot in life. Nice guys are jerks in hiding.

[@TheAmandaSeales]

THISSSSSSSS

[@charlesbeloved7951]

Love this. Thank you! This means I can go back to being a toxic womanizer. 😂😂😂

[@chastityholloway6080]

Amanda can you please interview presidential candidate RFK Jr? I wanna know your thoughts