Simple Explanation of Codependency & Narcissism

In this video, Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., CADC presents the most concise and informative summary of his "Human Magnet Syndrome," "Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program", and other "Codependency Cure" work. The following subjects are addressed:
- The Human Magnet Syndrome
- Same Person-Different Face/Broken Picker Phenomenon
- "Empaths" & "Codependents" Are Not The Same
- Redefining Codependency as "Self-Love Deficit Disorder" or "SLDD"
- SLDD/Codependency Pyramid
- Why Codependency Psychotherapy Doesn't Work
- The Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program/Codependency Cure
- Pathological Narcissism Explanation
- Dissociating From Attachment Trauma
- Why SLDs Stay With Narcissists
- The Probability of a Pathological Narcissist Overcoming Their Disorder
- Why Therapy Doesn't Work for Pathological Narcissists
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., CADC, is a globally renowned psychotherapist, educator, and expert witness, who is known for breakthrough contributions in the field of mental health, addictions, and especially, codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder™), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, and Trauma Treatment. He is a keynote speaker, educator, and professional trainer who has crossed the globe by giving his one-of-a-kind presentations. Ross has been regularly featured on national TV and radio.
Ross's "Human Magnet Syndrome” books have sold over 140,000 copies and are published in ten languages. His KZbin channel has amassed 21 million video views and 227K subscribers. He is the CEO and primary contributor of The Self-Love Recovery Institute (SLRI), where his educational, inspirational work can be found.
For more information check out his website www.SelfLoveRecovery.com, email his staff at [e-mail], or find Ross on Facebook ( TheCodependencyCure ) Instagram (rossrosenberg_slri) and Twitter (RossRosenberg1).
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[@1RPJacob]

_"When you change, everything changes."_

[@AZtoNC]

“Your only the victim once, after that your a volunteer” how true that really is. 19 years ago she showed me what she was capable of. I’m just glad I finally stopped “volunteering. Thank you Ross

[@christineplaton3048]

All the love respect and caring is given and not reciprocated. The co dependent is lacking in the strong self-love needed to prevent harms to self.

[@christineplaton3048]

Isn't this amazing... Yes it's our dilemma. How funny. A broken picker. This is a powerful message. Childhood yes, somehow toughened us ...we didn't know how to find our love match, mate...we never saw our parents in a healthy relationship... I appreciate this revealing honest, personable video.

[@justjosie8963]

I've figured out that I picked the wrong ones but still havn't learned how to pick and be attracted to the right ones. It's almost a given that if I'm attracted they are going to eventually let their mask down and show their evil narcissist underneath. 😑

[@christineplaton3048]

Yes. And after leaving we still have the loneliness core shame etc,and because we are not healed we ruminate over the past. We need to live for today, happily in the present. We survived!

[@AZtoNC]

Hang in there Christine, with time it gets better and feels less “Raw”

[@christineplaton3048]

@@AZtoNC . Well we are reeling for years after. Sometimes we love our abuser, even still. Other times we hate them with total disgust. Not good to prick us with negative or condescending comnent

[@AZtoNC]

Oh I understand trust me, 19 years married (23 total) and discarded again with the kids, last two years have been very hard, dark deep spaces were my places to linger. Lately I have learned alot about why and my responsibility re: the toxic marriage I’ve learned this “were only the victim once, after that we volunteer” I hope you feel some joy and peace soon. Silent_Grinda

[@christineplaton3048]

@@AZtoNC it's called rumination, the vestiges, the memories, thoughts. When light begins to peek into our cloudy skies, and to brighten them we will be among others again. Loneliness I never embraced. However, it will still be eggshells for a while because all we know is sharp retort, the digs, the damages. So when others use the old narcissistic buzz words that hurt before we still wince. There's no such thing as not tough enough. We bore some tough shit and persevered. We need gentility, kindness...peace, quiet. Happy times to fill the void, the chasm created by years of misery. So we need to find the right environment to thrive again. Or create it ...

[@debrabloch3003]

Oh my god , I've been listening to years on utube of professionals preaching about narcissists but you finally addressed us. I'm on my 14th year of continuous painful withdrawal of a narcissist. After my mind blowing euphoria i got from his short lived love bombing , he is never ever happy with my deeds actions or behavior . Complaining about the way I drive way I talk way I do everything ! I suffering his punishment of him not answering my calls and his taking on other women , yet I can't stop trying to please him. He breaks my things kills my dogs hits me and for some reason I am thinking one day I will get him to love me again like in the beginning making me feel lovable and funny and beautiful . 😭 like he made me feel for 3 months only in the 14 years of pain afterwards. I grew up with with an abusive father who terrorized the house I felt Safe only when we cleaned up really good for him and made sure everything was just perfect when he got home.. My safety was in keeping my dad happy I used to get mad at my mother if she dared to argue with him or not clean up to keep the house peaceful. My earliest memories at 3 years of age are of my dad smashing TV sets. My mother must have been a co dependent but honestly she resembles a narcissist in my life. But I didn't think that affected me all that much as an adult . I forgot about it. the real pain I suffer is as an adult chasing the love of a narcissist. I can't tell you enough about the the pain that I have been feeling Chasing A boyfriend narcissist who has to always have other women but still Gets me to try to win him back and please him.. And I continue because of the knee dropping got wrenching pain that I felt when he left me for another woman . I still suffer from from losing The love bombing dreaming feeling that he gave me in the beginning.. I'm at the point where if hes not yelling at me I consider that love And i feel I'm doing something right. This is an addiction no doubt. For years I was focusing on his behavior and him being the problem. But it's me who's messed up. Although he has his slew of childhood injury that caused him to be a loveless charmer destroying hearts. . he was kicked out of his family home at 11 years young and had to live on his own and carry a gun to school to ward off the male rapist in the city Of El Salvador. I do believe he was raped. Anyway although I am not his primary woman anymore He still has me on the side to do him continuous favors. I thought time would heal but it hasn't And replacing him with another man doesn't work either. There are a couple of days here and there where I don't think about him or call him.. But hes pretty much on a weekly basis of using me for banking and tagging cars. At least I stopped satisfing his perverted abusive sex requests with no love. Bastard .!

[@halledwardb]

Yep. I go through hundreds of incidents with my parents in law, and everyone of them should have ended in a huge fight, then no contact. EVER!!! Every secenario I look back upon should have been self limiting like a virus. I did not have good parents growing up, and had a narcisistic mother. Due to my wifes parents having money, and me not having real parents I adopted them as my parents, which removed what little weak pours boundries that I barely had. This destroyed me, but due to people like Dr Rosenberg, I at least know what is going on now. I am at fault. If I had just a little love, and some self respect, I would have blowen up the relationship a long, long time ago. That blow up is what should have happened, but I kept coming back. STOP IT. They had relationship with others and everyone of them ended in a huge blowup, then NO CONTACT. Thats how it should have been. My wife and I were the only ones coming back. 3 years ZERO contact now. Heres to many many more. Honestly, Dr Rosenberg says to count the costs as you will loose family members, love ones etc. Well I have to say, it was already SO bad that there was no loss or pain from that stand point as we were beat up by all of them. When your on the floor, at least there is only up remaining! Always look on the bright side.

[@julietamalo6881]

Thank you for the insightful explanation, Dr. Rosenberg. The truth of the matter is my faith is the way out from all the chaos. Remember, I have been staying in this mess for as long as I live. Regardless of the fact, I keep going in the right direction. Due to these circumstances, no matter how much I want to join the therapy, there's no means to do it, because of the financial abuse. I do not live in denial. That is why I come out and tell you all. I have sought help for decades, as now I realize, due to the disorder itself, nobody "hears". So, now, I am in an island waving to you all "SOS", how are you answer me, I wonder. Don't you see that I seek help here?! Again, thank you, and blessings 🙏🎉

[@christineplaton3048]

@JulieTamato. Faith kept me strong too. But the Churches are filled with narcissists and clergy ministers...high percentage of them. So I left that chaotic mess and cult to be free to live. Wishing you the best.

[@julietamalo6881]

@@christineplaton3048 Thank you. All the best to you, too. Blessings 🙏💐🎉

[@justjosie8963]

Hi. Dr. Rosenberg's videos along w other good therapists on yt have done more for me than any in-person therapy I've had with mostly narcissist in mental health, so got gas-lighted all over again. Lisa Romano is really helpful too. I think those who have been through it are the only ones who can really have the understanding and compassion we need. I hope opportunity to get away from your situation will soon present itself. 🙏

[@tanyakashyap6944]

❤️❤️

[@julietamalo6881]

@@justjosie8963 Thank you for being thoughtful. I really appreciate it. Blessings to you 🙏💐🎉

[@ThruTheMatrix]

Wow....really explains everything for me. Your description on age 0 to teen where you can't find yourself because you're catering to the Narc. Yep - I escaped that conditioning eventually. I equate that feeling to being a pet who give unconditional love. That's the best description of this that I can put into words. There was a covertness that was very deceiving to the untrained eye - nobody could see it except myself. That's where the "loneliness" comes in. Grew older and left town and never looked back. Sad to see my sibling is still heavily locked in that prison.

[@kellyreilan]

This is a new perspective on codependency for me. I’ve watched many videos, and read a few books on the subject, from various well informed and helpful people whom I greatly appreciate ( Dr. Ramani, Marissa Peer, Lisa A. Romano) just to name a few, but I’ve never thought about it this way before! Thank you for giving me a new sense of hope and understanding of myself! 💕

[@CandyOnAChopstick]

My wife recently discarded me, and soon after an interest of old swooped in. Thanks to this information, I was able to make the right decision and work on myself before falling prey to another narc. Blocked them immediately.

[@skydog22]

I am so grateful for your work. Thank you

[@avoiceinthewilderness9864]

Married to a person with NPD for 23 years, only realized what it was and that I am codependent a few years ago.

[@Bidanobbe]

Read Sandra Brown’s book on Women Who Love Psychopaths as it has a deeper explanation based on research done by Purdue University. You may not be co-dependent after all.

[@robertanthony22]

Since when are all codependents women?

[@Bidanobbe]

Completely agree with you Rob. I was not indicating only women are co-dependent. Sandra’s book touches on that as well.

[@cathy_clarinet]

Thanks always, Dr Ross, for your work in this area!

[@user-lu4fw6le4x]

I feel like I'm to some degree comfortable being treated terrible. Or it's painful but familiar. Like because I see myself as not good enough for a healthy relationship. Seems masochistic. 🤔

[@cathy_clarinet]

I think your insights and explanations are really deep and helping so many 🙏👍

[@naturewoman6277]

i Love & Appreciate ALL YOU PROVIDE🤗🙏✨

[@AR-kt7sr]

Thank you, it all makes sense now 🙏

[@elbareyes2838]

Love this explanation. Wow. Thanks

[@TheYangnyin]

Heh, I had a therapist that tried the 'tell your reflection I love you' method.. the negative self-talk was always instant and vicious. I didn't stay with that therapist very long.

[@nicolameikle3976]

I am very co dependant but was told I have BPD therefore I sit between the two … How do I get better 😢 I joined co dependants anonymous .. After my relationship I have so many auto immune conditions and realise I live in disassociation for years.. My limerance is insane 😭😭😭😭😭 I have no self love at all and I don’t even feel comfortable in my own skin .. Often I feel I would be better off out of this world ..

[@tanyakashyap6944]

Don't give up dear 🕊️

[@Nikki-en6kd]

I'm praying for you to find self Love and internal peace 💯💪🏽🥰

[@nicolameikle3976]

@@tanyakashyap6944 thank you for your kind message ❤️

[@nicolameikle3976]

@@Nikki-en6kd Thank you 😊 I am trying to learn how I find self love 💕

[@vihodanyet]

Owen Cook reccomend you . New sub! 😌

[@newartist8176]

I just discovered you .You are great 👍. Thank you for all your help🙏.How can we get a sessions whit you?

[@virginiaharvey]

Thanks for sharing.interesting info.

[@naturewoman6277]

I Believe iT boils down to The Opposite Attract.. We Approviate The Differnces.. Untill We Learn The Embalance This Finding True Balance.. in Self Love Self Respect🔥🙏They Need Us We Need Them.. Lets HEAL Lets Hace Balance🙏🔥✨🌅🎊🎉💖💞⚡🥰☯️

[@naturewoman6277]

I Couldnt Go Back.amd Edit Here Forgive🙏*Thus..*Appreciate🤣😘

[@Rys12.3-4_5]

Realy , it's compulsive pusuit of the drug to take away the pain of shame and lonliness .

[@majortom4369]

Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm just trying to understand all of this. But is it fair to say in alot of cases, becoming a co-dependant or narcissist is something that can be born out of the same or similar trauma. To me it sounds like both end states are potential outcomes for those who suffered an earlier trauma. One more predatory than the other but both equally as damaging in the long run unless addressed. (?)

[@SoulSeeker2025]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@Rys12.3-4_5]

The narcissist has everything to lose if their partner becomes self-love abundant so they will actively try to break it down

[@oliviapendergast1]

I was with you until you said, "there is nothing you can do except this treatment. Nothing else works." so someone who is low income, someone who is in a remote country can never heal? That is self indulgent and NOT self empowering.

[@nicolebalmain8076]

💯💥💃🌹🎯‼️👌🙏🙌

[@tanyakashyap6944]

💜💜