Am I the A**hole (Xmas Edition) - SimplyPodLogical

On this episode of SimplyPodLogical, Cristine and Ben look at C(h)ristmas themed posts on the popular subreddit r/amitheasshole and discuss Cristmas cookies, banning alcohol, Cristmas cards from babies, and suing family members. Happy Holodays!
0:00 - Hey what’s up holo everyone
2:08 - Am I the a**hole for banning alcohol for Christmas?
6:20 - Am I the a**hole for choosing my dog over family for Christmas?
11:44 - Is my mother-in-law the a**hole for making my wife compete to be on the Christmas menu?
18:48 - Am I the a**hole for asking my friend to bring a vegan dessert to Christmas dinner?
23:11 - Am I the a**hole for not letting my sister make food at my house when I’m hosting Christmas dinner?
30:34 - Would I be the a**hole if I asked my friend not to send me a Christmas card from her baby?
36:58 - Am I the a**hole for suing my niece because she ruined my $20k coat for a social media video?
44:01 - Am I the a**hole for bringing my sister-in-law's wallet to the restaurant because she always “forgets” it?
50:16 - Am I the a**hole for not cancelling our Christmas hike for my son’s girlfriend?
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[@kiarimarie]

I think it's reasonable not to want to leave your dog for an entire week, he came up with an incredibly reasonable compromise that only inconveniences him.

[@EllieMoonHaven]

Yeah like dog sitters and dog hotels are expensive so why should he have to pay for a whole week just so you guys can what hang out. Nah he was going to come anyway the family was way to butthurt about him only coming one day and that's from a person doesn't treat animals like a person.

[@hotsexyangel]

@@EllieMoonHaven fr, they took it too personally when it wasn’t personal at all 😂

[@novawilde2096]

Yeah I wouldent wanna leave my dogs for a week... I'd get back to a ruined house when they got bored and decide to do zoomies around the computer desk or something... I have people I can leave them with but it would also be hugely expensive to hire a dog sitter if you had to especially over Xmas. A week is a long time of unsupervised nonsense with no one to walk them or play with them. They'd find there own fun and that fun would probably be eating the tv remote or something.

[@flirtinggracefullplatypus8496]

i do the same beside on Xmas time not that much sitter availiable. you don't just buy and get dogs you adopt. they're not like cats they can't live by themselves (especially til 2 or 3 years old depending on their maturity). dogs are compared to 2 years old kids because it is how they think.

[@heracosmic]

Off topic but I leave my cat for 3 weeks today (my grandma's taking care of him, I live with her) and I'm DEVASTATED 😭 I'm defo coming back to see him before I come home. We're house sitting at my in laws house and I'd take him but they have a doggy door and it makes me super nervous

[@gretblue]

I'm truly baffled by the almighty cookie and dessert matriarch. I think policing what people are allowed to bake and bring to Christmas completely sucks the joy out of it, does it not? Requiring your guests must a pass a test to see if their baked goods are worthy of your Christmas dinner??? Girl what??

[@egoikea]

and also i can't be the only one who thinks that there's a deeper issue going on between them, maybe I'm looking too deep in this but just maybe there's something else going on 😅

[@DepressiveCookie]

Also how does she know the other guests won't like it if they don't get a chance

[@gretblue]

@@egoikea Oh I agree. If the wife is consistently rejected from the cookie gauntlet, I think the mom may have a problem with her. "It's in the guests best interest." Hmmmmm I don't think so

[@FrankstaPasta]

@@gretblue cookie gauntlet 😂

[@EllieMoonHaven]

@@egoikea well he did say that even his sister was rejected so I'm not sure it's a personal issues but more of a too~ high of standards issue. I just think the mother truly is judging based on how good it is but her good standard is way too skewed in One Direction.

[@ihugcats4624]

Update given on the coat! The poster spoke with her husband, and the husband talked with the brother in law, who was not in the know at the time. In order to avoid insurance and court costs, the niece's car will be sold, and if it didn't meet the whole cost, the niece would get a job and pay back the rest of the money. The niece was also grounded for the rest of the school year. Hope that helps!

[@liketopaintmynails]

@ihugcats Thanks for updating! I read the story on AITA but I appreciate it for others that are just hearing about it here. I always appreciate an update

[@ihugcats4624]

@@liketopaintmynails you're welcome!

[@julieweisz1325]

Also the cost of the coat was apparently partially due to the fact that it's made from a rare and ethically sourced type of wool!

[@gumshake689]

thats satisfying

[@greatestever247]

Good. I hope she learned her lesson.

[@katiehess1752]

As someone who has banned alcohol at Christmas before it was a magical improvement. No tears, no fights, no destruction of property, no drama. It really changed the day from something ending in disaster to a fond memory spending time together. Today’s drinking culture can be very destructive and people who choose sobriety can often be judged and persecuted. Please if you can’t spend one day with your family sober, it doesn’t have to be that way ❤️

[@MissCaraMint]

I agree that a dry Christmas can be a good thing. I just don’t think OPs attitude of “people who drink and childish and need to grow up” is a great way of getting people on board with it. In fact OP struck me as incredibly obnoxious and disrespectful. If she told her SIL all those things she though about people who drink as she wrote in that post, then I don’t blame the SIL for not wanting to deal with OP. For example it seems like trying new recipes and so on for drinks is an important activity just as wiping up new dishes and desserts would be for other families. The fact that OP implied she just said no to her SILs attempt at sharing a new recipe and just shut her down, in stead of maybe giving her the challenge of finding good and tasty non alcoholic cocktail recipes just doesn’t sit right with me at all. I just can’t help but think that OP must have been super rude about the whole thing.

[@loli_cvnt5622]

Can't disagree with that, but also dont feel like the family did much to help with that. You can't stay sober for one night? [: We only have one side of the information here, so it's hard to tell, but never did it mention anything about traditions or making something together, it just said "ayo, they like drinking a lot" Multiple bottles of wine and cocktails, doesn't scream "trying new cocktails is fun", it says "alright, no work today, let's get shitfaced"

[@sophiae.anderson4646]

Sell the car. She's sixteen, she can take the bus to school, and it'd be a good way for her to learn that actions have consequences and grow from it, instead of forcing the parents to pay money and potentially have the girl not learn a lesson.

[@TheJulietxo]

Yes, I agree. If she didn't know the cost and it was an accident it's a different story. This is wrecking someone's property worth a car's value.

[@hushhush85]

Yupp. You're thinking you're old enough to drive with your own car through the city, but at the same time doing such shitty things nohoooo!

[@greenfuzzymonster6447]

At the very least they could sell the car and put the finances into a savings account without her knowledge so it accrues interest and can go towards bettering her future. That way she learns of the consequences of her actions but in a way that is not life ruining.

[@seofra8252]

Not everybody can take a school bus. My state will only reimburse the school district for 2.5 or more miles. Nobody needs to be walking 2.5 miles to school.

[@statisticallyvalidatedster658]

@@seofra8252 she's wealthy enough to have a car at 16 that's worth at least 20k in resale value. she definitely lives in a wealthy enough school district to have school buses. she's just a privileged brat that needs to learn that life has consequences

[@simonpelletier8047]

The cookie story : the son should lie and say it was him who did the cookies, the mother would probably accept and then they could do a dramatic reveal that the wife made them

[@MsThisisnotit]

But apparently only the women of the family participate which is another big problem

[@minizanuda7383]

Sadly he is to much of a mommy's son to do such thing, as I see it.

[@potocatepetl]

I don't know... She didn't seem to have a problem rejecting the cookies of her younger daughter. I think she is just a very prissy and pretentious. I would not be surprised if her guests were the same; maybe they even compete in who hosts the best party. Such people do exist and it is in the same time scary and amusing (not for the people directly involved of course).

[@lynnevetter]

🤣🤣

[@gigiv12]

I don’t think the son making them would make a difference, I’m almost certain his mother would still be upset at her for not participating

[@richardcrafton1805]

The alcoholic father is what makes me sympathetic to the poster. It can be a painful experience to relive that every year and if it was her turn to host she was probably excited to have a break from the drinking. The sister who planned a separate party behind her back is shady af.

[@nlellison99]

poster was toxic and disrespectful af ur trauma is not everyone else responsibility go to therapy instead of calling people names and trying to control them.

[@handthefs8197]

It sounds like the OP maybe doesn't understand that adults can have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Otherwise, as Christine said, maybe they are aware that their family is not able to behave responsibly with alcohol.

[@e.g.c.sharpe]

I agree. Also, dry weddings are relatively common... and typically, the people who sneak it in are looked at as the assholes, because the venues may have restrictions, religious reasons, etc... I really don't think there's that much of a difference in this story- the fact that they couldn't handle one holiday night without alcohol is super sad to me, no matter how "healthy" their relationship is to it.

[@handthefs8197]

@@e.g.c.sharpe Like, everything is bad for you and we all have minor addictions to things that we pretend are fine. Some people don't drink at all except for on special gatherings and that has been a historic tradition for longer than Christmas. Some peoples cultures are different than others I really don't get the indignation over alcohol here lol.

[@e.g.c.sharpe]

@@handthefs8197 that's the point, her culture is different and it was her turn to host. They all decided to revolt behind her back because they couldn't go one night without it... they can't drink when they get back to their own homes? Or have fun and create some awesome mocktails similar to the martini the SIL wanted to make?

[@yenchiafeng9928]

If the first poster doesn't want to allow alcohol at her house, she should feel empowered to do so. Much like how if someone doesn't want people to bring their babies or pets to their house they are allowed to say no. This is especially understandable given the first OP's trauma growing up with an alcoholic parent.

[@potocatepetl]

Yeah, I find it also highly suspicious that people seem to have little problem with "no baby parties", but get very dramatic when it is a "no alcohol" rule.

[@CamDollar]

@@potocatepetl I didn't see anyone in the family being dramatic tho? They just decided to plan a party they'd rather attend. If someone has a no baby rule, and you decide not to go to their party, that's fine? But when these people decided to host their own party so they can do what they want, it's an issue? Why? Why do people who don't drink or smoke act like such weird control freaks about other adults doing what they choose to do as adults? Yeah, not wanting crying kids you can't control at a party is a lot different than an adult party where people drink responsibly. My family has tons of non-drinking events, my home was a non-drinking home as a child and I can assure you that we didn't send out a memo being snarky about "you guys can make it a day without alcohol" "are you a bunch of immature children or can u go a day without alcohol".... like ?? How are you guys not picking up on these biatchy vibes from this OP? Is anyone surprised her family doesn't want to hang out with her? The OP from the first story sounds like a holier than thou judgmental and controlling Karen and I think THAT'S where the issue lies... not exactly with the alcohol ban at her home, but her attitude of acting like her family are literal alcoholics and "can't go a day", when the day in question is literally a holiday party, not some random Tuesday the whole family wants to just get hammered on. Y'all are so weird.

[@potocatepetl]

​@@CamDollar You have to be a snowflake with zero empathy and on top of it, you chose to ignore a lot of details in the initial post just to fit your self-entitled narrative. It was her party, they all decided she and her husband would organise it that year as they alternate. When his family found out it will be no alcohol, his sister decided she will just organise a "competing" because... let's see... they can't live a few hours without alcohol (that's called being an alcoholic)?, they prioritise drinking bottles of alcoholic drinks around a person who was traumatised by an alcoholic parent?, because they obviously do not consider her family or friend? Pick your answers. If there were two parties to begin with, no one would have any issues. The way his family (and in the end him) chose to deal with the situation is appalling and lacks love and friendship and consideration and oh, so many other things. And you chose to be enraged about the majority who understands the situation instead of asking yourself what you are missing from the big picture....And by the way, stop inventing things, she didn't send that type of messages, she used that formulations in her post. There is a difference. And even if, it could have very well been a defense mechanism to his family reaction who as soon as they heard it will be no alcohol, they got all annoyed and asked if she is joking.

[@lisecarolina]

I agree. I found it sus that the rest of the family planned another party to go to. I mean, they should of at least discussed it with the op, like tell her, “oh, I think most of us WOULD like to drink alcohol. What about we just make it at someone else’s home to not burden you with this.” But it seems to have happened behind her back, which I do find disrespectful.

[@Johannablaise]

Yeah, it's super rude of the family to make another party and that they can't even manage to not drink for the few hours when they're at her party considering the trauma she had grown up with. Ridiculous people.

[@wolfeswife1979]

Something not considered for the dog scenario is that you typically have to pay a dog sitter which can be pricy for a good sitter.

[@lost-my-way]

This is very true! Having personal experience/knowledge of such services, most will charge well over $100 per night for 24 hour care. That's assuming the poster can't find someone he personally knows to take care of his dog for free/a cheaper deal. Also as a personal side note -- from my years of experience I would not recommend leaving your animal at a "pet resort" business. TLDR: My own sister's dog died at one. I've also seen time and time again at these establishments/"daycares", your dogs are being left isolated in a very uncomfortable, cold metal kennel. No cushioning, no toys. There is little to no actual interaction. I've seen dogs just absolutely lose their poor minds stuck in a kennel all day, day after day. Only let out a couple of times to try to relieve themselves. Far too often in these sort of businesses, it's run by people who really don't have the proper training and lack genuine care for the animals themselves. It's terrible.

[@emiliesophie2904]

And a dog usually needs more sitting than a cat for example.. like dogs need to be walked multiple times a day and stuff, where most cats (not all of course) just need food and water ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@hotsexyangel]

@@lost-my-way What sitters are you guys using?? I dog sit and I only charge like $30 a night.. definitely not $100. 😬

[@andpeggy3987]

@@lost-my-way There is one "pet resort" that my family trusts since they have a play yard, post/send photos of your dogs, and they're in a great hiking area so they'll take your dogs on hikes. Every time we've left our dogs they've had a good experience and we know that they take good care of the pets. My aunt dog/housesits in NYC, and she charges at least $100/night. I think dog guy is being completely reasonable in choosing not to stay with grandparents when they won't accommodate his dog while still offering to be there and spend the actual holidays with family

[@valm5531]

@@hotsexyangel $30 a night is really low if you're expected to provide 24 hour/overnight care, especially if you have your own animals to care for at the same time and need to pay for gas or transportation a few times a day!

[@lizalove91]

Ben HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD with the sons of narcissistic mothers on here. It is so incredibly toxic and they cannot have healthy relationships with their spouse until they thoroughly analyze their relationship with their mother and process their trauma and set boundaries. As someone with a narcissistic father I have gone through YEARS of therapy. But you have to do it to be a healthy partner. These men have no idea how toxic their relationship with their mother is.

[@Octobris]

YES.

[@deijix]

It’s almost like the mother had drilled into their head that she is and will always be the “woman” in his life and unless you have a really sick and vile individual on your hand the son eventually realizes that his mom can’t meet his sexual needs and in the mothers eyes “cheat” on her by wanting a romantic relationship with another woman. And until the son can learn to put himself on the pedestal that he’s been conditioned to put his mother on he will never know what it’s like to truly connect on an emotional level with another woman because his mother has ensured that his emotional needs tank is full by treating him like her “special little boy” and so other women are good for sex but will never compare in every other aspect compared to mommy.

[@lizalove91]

@@deijix YES. All of this.

[@Sika6061]

YES!

[@daniellescrochet]

I also come from a family that struggles with alcoholism so I get where the 1st poster is coming from. When I have events at my house there's a zero alcohol rule. Everyone still has a good time, and I swear, those are the most pleasant holidays I spend with my family. I know people think alcohol makes things more fun, but I've also seen it make people more belligerent, quick to anger, and sadder. So much family drama comes out when people are inebriated. I really think the in laws should have just gone to her house and had a dry Christmas. They could have gotten drunk afterwards. Scheduling a counter get together was definitely an AH move. I do think she's in the wrong for saying drinking is childish and her in laws need to grow up. She doesn't have to make it into a personal attack with her in laws, just be firm that alcohol doesn't come into her house. I'm assuming husband knows why wife doesn't want alcohol served, and should try to explain her side to the family instead of ganging up against her.

[@FukaiKokoro]

While I understand your point of view. I think it's okay they have their own party. Why force people to be somewhere they wouldn't feel comfortable in? Just let them have their own party..

[@nlellison99]

your triggers arnt everyone else responsibility and you dont get to control other adult because of them, poster needs therapy and to be less toxic, condescending nd abully. ur comment is just you projecting your families addiction abuse issues onto others and so is poster.

[@justwalkingby3882]

I dont think the husband was ganging up on her tho. He upset that she forbade him from going to the other house party as well, which personally i can compromise if it upset my partner that much, but still kinda weird of her tho.

[@nightvisitor6079]

Definitely with you on this one, I really don't see how it is a problem to spend one evening without alcohol. And if you really want some, you can go home after dinner and get drunk all you want. She's hosting, so she can make the rules. If they must have alcohol on Christmas and without it it's not Christmas, they definitely have a problem. I've never understood that obsession with alcohol on every 'fun' occasion. It just so happens that society agreed on alcohol being the acceptable drug and not cocaine. But it's still a drug and people keep romantising and normalising it as if it was nothing.

[@leahbelieva]

Totally agree with you. And I enjoy alcohol. It’s OPs turn to host. She puts up with everyone else’s antics when it’s their turn, why can’t people put down their shot glasses for one dinner? They could plan another get together at another time for them to drink. If OP was lactose intolerant and was making dairy free dishes, wouldn’t it be a TA move for the family to decide to skip her turn and host a party at the same time? She was rude in the name calling. And came off as condescending. She could absolutely use therapy for that. But setting a boundary to keep alcohol out of her house is totally reasonable. A family who can’t be empathetic to a member with alcohol-related trauma for one night every few years (bc they rotate who hosts) IS childish behavior. Maybe they’re just dying on their hill or maybe they are alcoholics😂

[@DieuwertjeSara]

Honestly, if my family was that much set on drinking on Christmas even if I didn’t want it to happen my turn around I would question that whole relationship. Clearly the OP has been to other peoples turn for the Christmas party being celebrated the way they want. How dependent on alcohol do you have to be to spend 1 Christmas every few years without drinking. If you want it so bad you could drink once you are home. It is essentially boycotting someone’s Christmas. And no, deciding to then plan your own party is not a mature way to deal with this. Imagine if the variable was different and she said no cookies this evening. It would sound rediculous that people refuse to abide by it and just plan there own.

[@Haruckio]

Agree, like people say adults have a healthy relationship with alcohol, but this clearly shows they don't. I also think it's frickin stupid when someone can't have fun without alcohol, so I do agree with OP

[@jadziajan]

I don't have experience with an alcoholic parent, but I gather that might have been a traumatising experience growing up. Sometimes trauma makes people make choices that may seem unreasonable to others. I'm not saying this means everyone should police themselves for that lady, but I feel like she deserves to be extended a bit of kindness in this situation. Someone choosing to host a counter event just to be able to drink alcohol (and I may be biased because I don't drink, so I think Christmas dinner can be enjoyed without drinking) is a bit of an aggressive choice in this dispute.

[@eyesofivy]

I think it’s incredibly disrespectful that it was her turn to host and when they couldn’t accept that she didn’t want drinking in her home they basically revoked that opportunity from her. Hosting for the holidays can be a big deal to people and it’s just mean that they cared more about getting drunk than respecting her.

[@Bee-oe1vi]

This is how I see it too. On one hand, she married into a family that already established their drinking behavior and it kind of it is what it is. But I’m the other hand, they should try to be more warm and accommodating to her triggers as her family.

[@alejandralagunas9976]

As someone who likes to drink, it wouldn’t hurt to not drink for one night. Or if drinking was so important (which I don’t think it should be since it’s more about spending time together) they could easily drink before the event and take a lyft to the party.

[@amazingdanna]

@@alejandralagunas9976 Exactly! It's a Christmas Family Holiday - I said this in another comment but still: If people can't have a good time without drinking, they got a problem.

[@commanderwaddles3483]

Sister is absolutely the asshole, very catty move. ONE sober Cristmas was enough for everybody to turn their backs on her... I think it's absolutely childish. Then again I grew up following ridiculous rules just to make my parents happy, so I may be more willing to understand & tweak things for others. But fr, it's not even like she said "Don't use curse words at the party" which I think would be much more difficult. Just look at the precedent they have set out for the children of the family 🤦 I have experience with drugs, alcohol, & many addicts.

[@gabriellegeorge2648]

According to Wikipedia: "The X in Xmas comes from the Greek letter Chi which is the first letter of the Greek word Christós which became Christ in English."

[@sunnycurtis3236]

Yes and it was monks back in the way olden times who started it. Not intended as disrespect at all. :)

[@emmyjulianne6850]

@@valap_ I feel embarrassed to admit this but I was thinking “it’s like Xtina! Or LaX” I thought “X” used that way just meant “chris/cross” 😂 bc it’s two lines…crissed and crossed lmao thank you OP for that tidbit, it’s very useful

[@littleshopofrandom685]

@@valap_ "Should" be Xina (Xine) which is actually somewhat common.

[@kathrinemicheelsen3970]

For anyone curious about the coat story: OP made an update where the niece sold her car after OP's husband talked to the parents

[@potocatepetl]

You mean talked to the dad who had no idea about the incident and got pissed that his wife hid the incident...

[@brndhnrqz144]

Did they talk about 39:24 this before? I remember this story…

[@caitlinmay012]

@@brndhnrqz144 i don’t think so but if you have tik tok maybe you heard it there because i have heard it on there before lol :)

[@happyhayleytime]

As a vegan who hates confrontation, I always bring my own food to events that are based around a meal. And I always let the host know that I will be bringing my own food and that they do not need to accommodate me. PLUS! I love to bring enough food that other people can try it if they want. Last Christmas I brought a little tupperware of sides for myself but also a full casserole dish of vegan shepherds pie as a main for anyone to have. Did anyone else try it? No 🤣but at least I had something to eat and lots of leftovers lol Reality is, we don't live in a vegan world! So my decision to be vegan is my responsibility to manage.

[@potocatepetl]

Vegan deserts are usually successful with crowds :) Especially when they do not in advance that they are vegan.

[@catpbaptista]

same! but i feel that some people, especially older family members, don't take that very well, ie i'm inviting you so i'm cooking. i always bring something anyways

[@humanpersonne]

This👌❤️

[@keighleestudders9762]

Definitely agree with this! Especially when I’m told there’s vegan options and then I get there and it’s salad and bread lol. I want to eaaaat. So I bring my own stuff ❤

[@here4catsandfood196]

8 years in and every year it gets easier and eaasi3r for me because my family has finally moved towards being accommodating and supportive 💖 I am very lucky and hope for others eventually it get easier and vegan food becomes normalized in your circles 💖

[@MagpieSkyline]

As someone your age who had an avoidant restrictive eating disorder as a child and teenager I can say that it’s almost entirely psychological. We know that people aren’t trying to poison us, but the aversion to certain foods made me actually vomit if I ate them. I would rather starve myself than eating things which I believed to be gross and it became an actual medical problem. What makes the situation worse is being forced to eat, or people making a big scene out you not eating. What helped me get over it was when I started cooking more myself, and when I started dating and wanted to eat what my partner made me. So just telling a kid or teenager to suck it up and eat anyway isn’t gonna help, you’ve gotta pick your battles. But I also think it’s a great thing to bring your own meal if you are restrictive about what you eat, just talk to the host beforehand

[@Kintsugi23]

Cooking for yourself, or involving a child in the preparation of meals, is a great way to help a picky eater branch out. My stepdaughter was an extremely picky eater when she was little, but when we let her help make meals, she wanted to try whatever we were making because she wanted to see the results of her work, and she found she ended up trying and liking a lot of foods she otherwise wouldn't have thought of eating.

[@squidneythesquid2487]

Real, i have it too, it wasn’t like my parents didn’t expose me to food or enforce eating. I would only be able to eat 1-3 things that he listed depending on specifics. it’s honestly pretty hard and embarrassing, i hated pizza, sandwiches, salads and bbq for a long time, i just couldn’t eat at parties like these. I ate rice instead of sandwiches for school lunches for years. I have my safe foods but they are either complete junk food, expensive food, or food such as an indian food dish that i don’t have the energy or ingredients to make

[@andreaharthorn4327]

With the forgotten wallet one, the poster could have announced she found the wallet as soon as she came out of the house. It wouldn't have had the same "call-out" but no one would be able to be mad at her for "taking" the wallet. It seems normal to grab something for friends or family that you think they forgot as the last one out of the house. But holding onto the wallet until the check came definitely seemed malicious.

[@MichiruEll]

Regarding the hike: I think MIL is absolutely reasonable. I also worry that maybe son is doing this without his gf knowing. As a fat woman who cannot keep up with hikes (I can walk for a long time, but I'm slow), I would be horrified if my partner asked their family to change their tradition for me. Because then everyone will think I'm entitled and difficult. Son and gf can stay home and have their own activity in the morning. I think this might be about son having FOMO about the hike and therefore insisting it gets downgraded

[@jessicalocklear762]

I agree about the FOMO! I hadn't considered that. I used to be near 300 lbs and now am about half that because I had family willing to slow down and just encourage me while we had deep talks. I know not everyone can physically do these hikes, but how would you know if you didn't try? I think they could have gone slower and maybe MIL and BF could double back with Emily if she got too tired and needed to turn back. But she didn't even want to try AND he didn't even try to motivate and inspire her to try... Iunno

[@silverkyre]

@@jessicalocklear762 trying hiking is one thing but this is a super long arduous one in in the snow. He can try with her on different days. It's just not in her wheelhouse at the moment.

[@MissCaraMint]

@@jessicalocklear762 The thing about hiking is that if you find out it’s too much for you half way there you are kinda stuck. You absolutely can’t go on a hike you aren’t confident you can manage. It’s potential not safe. Start small and work your way up sure, but this hike seems to have been just too much for this person. It’s something they would need to work up to, and you don’t want to be the person on the hike that prevents the other people from enjoying it.

[@jessicalocklear762]

@@MissCaraMint I see your point and ice/conditions matter as well as this was a winter hike. I am just amazed that this is such an important thing to the family and there wasn’t any effort on the son’s part to prepare his partner. That puts the focus on her which really sucks that he kept it from her and then figured the entire family should adjust because he made a decision on his own. I am a big family meeting person, though, so I likely have a specific flavor of perspective on the lack of communication and assumptions going on here.

[@MissCaraMint]

@@jessicalocklear762 well it seems clear that it is neither the Mother’s nor the girlfriend’s fault. Perhaps the son simply doesn’t want to go on a hike and is using his gf as an excuse?

[@frumtheground]

The picky vegan eater one really isn't that big of a deal imo. I have a lot of food sensitivities that are weird and specific and most people don't remember all of the foods I can or can't have, so I just bring my own. If someone *really* wants to cook something I can eat, then I give them a list of the "no" and "yes" foods or recipe suggestions. My own family rarely accommodates me so I don't expect it from others. It's easier to bring my own food, and it's less for the hosts to worry about.

[@evelynmater8773]

My SIL doesn't have gluten or dairy and I frequently forget about it when cooking. I try my best and then remember after I'm done that I forgot the dish had butter or soy sauce in it. She usually brings her own food to family events because it's easier than having to make a whole other dish for one person.

[@jadziajan]

@@evelynmater8773 Honestly that's not super cool for her. I understand you don't do it out of malice, but I think it could make her super happy if you learn to remember more and more in the future!

[@evelynmater8773]

@@jadziajan I'm getting better at remembering. It's mostly the dairy I forget because that's the newest "allergy" she has, I'm not 100% that they're real allergies but that's a whole different discussion.

[@mdz2186]

@@evelynmater8773 A tip is to make a list. I have a list of what people around me don't eat : allergies and intolerance (if it's severe or if traces are ok), food they really don't like (so many people really dislike some specific food and don't dare to say it). When I invite or bring a plate somewhere, I just have to check the list whitout remembering everything by heart. So I know people will enjoy what I bring or I can say soon enough if they have to bring something for themself.

[@potocatepetl]

Yes, I do not understand her attitude... If you have a lot of restrictions (and are apparently also ungrateful when someone makes the effort to accommodate you), then bring your food with you and be thankful and appreciate your hosts when they make an effort. There are a lot of things I cannot eat (health issues), and I always bring something with me. I have a friend who really wants to cook something I can eat as well and this is absolutely great, I just give her a small list of things that I know would fit in her menu, are easy to make and are not expensive. That way she doesn't have to search for recipes online and stress herself... Still, I would never expect this from every host.

[@mdansfield]

I'm sorry I've got to push back on the first one, I think you missed where she said her father was an alcoholic. She did not give additional context but if her father was abusive while drunk, being around a bunch of people drinking may be truly anxiety inducing for her. Sure if her husband's family is responsible drinkers, that makes the issue something she may need to work with a therapist over, but I think some compassion is needed here.

[@jaz9915]

She has every right to host a party with an alcohol ban. And the family has every right to decide they don't want that and host a party with alcohol. Better than them trying to sneak drinks into her home. If she doesn't want to go, she doesn't have to. Forcing the husband to stay is AH ish, she has no right to make decisions for other people.

[@mdansfield]

@@jaz9915 Sure marriage should be about compromise. If the husband's main goal is to visit with family he rarely sees he should be able to go visit his family, even if the wife doesn't feel comfortable enough to go. If he is discounting his wife's concerns and just wanting to drink, and seeing her as unreasonable, I think there is a problem. I guess I view marriage through the lens of my parents, they have always supported each other through all sorts of problems for 56 years. I would hope that if his wife is genuinely disturbed by drinking, her husband would care enough to find a compromise with his family. 🤔

[@potocatepetl]

I think their problem is, they didn't have this discussion really early in their dating time. This is most often a deal breaker for children of alcoholic parents and often leads to divorce. This point should always be discussed within the first dates. If the husband is surrounded by family and friends that love alcohol, it will cause huge issues down the line even if he does not drink. You can understand both parties here and that's why the only realistic ending I see is a separation unfortunately.

[@potocatepetl]

@@jaz9915 I am hearing divorce bells in your future with that attitude...

[@jaz9915]

@@potocatepetl divorce bells because I allow my husband to make his own decisions? Really?

[@settheworldonfire94]

I was a super picky eater growing up. I ate the exact same thing for lunch every day until I was 14. I didn’t eat pizza until I was 13 or so. My parents put a ton of pressure (and threats) on me to try new foods, and it gave me so much anxiety. I remember sitting at the table staring at a plate of broccoli for literal hours because I just could not make myself try it. There were many family gatherings by a where I ate only bread or mashed potatoes or tortillas. My parents did not feed me before or after. I just went hungry. It really messed up my relationship with food, and my parents were part of the problem. Once I went away to college, I expanded my palate on my own because it was so much easier to do it without pressure or threats. I discovered so many foods I never would’ve eaten at home that I could actually enjoy. I even tried goat, and I liked it. I love all manner of root vegetables. Indian food is one of my favorite things. I’m a more adventurous eater than my mother now. I don’t know who the asshole is in the picky eater situation, but I hope those girls are able to discover foods the way I did.

[@gretblue]

My exact situation too! I'm glad I saw your comment. I didn't eat at most family gatherings and judgement and teasing from relatives only made it so much worse. College put me in control and I tried a million things. I agree, I hope things get better for those girls and they're allowed to try things when they're ready

[@diamondinmyeye6160]

Considering the parents' approach to accommodating their daughters, I think there is zero pressure being placed on them. It seems like they've been coddled to the point where they never try to be adventurous. Sorry you had a tough time with your exposure to new foods, but I wonder if those girls will ever develop like you were able to do.

[@PyroWolfofEarth]

Hopefully, they'll try new things if they ever get away from home, like going to college and living in a dorm. I don't think that anyone put any consideration into the fact that they could have undiagnosed autism and have an eating disorder called Avoident/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. I can't say for sure, but it's just what first came to mind when I heard that story. It made me think of myself growing up even though I ate a wider variety of foods. Trying to eat anything that I didn't want to made me incredibly sick, and I couldn't eat for a long time afterwards. It can take a while, for me it took over 10 years, but if you work through it, you can eventually eat foods you thought you didn't like or foods you couldn't eat before.

[@kendalrhodes1158]

@@diamondinmyeye6160 Totally agree. And they sound like asshole teens according to the way they responded to their uncle, lol. Make the pasta before hand, heat it up in the microwave, make a sandwich or shut tf up 🤣🤣

[@k3upikachu]

I saw something similar happen in my family. My little brother was like that too - just ate spaghetti, chips, and French fries every day until he was ~18. Didn't eat pizza, chicken, bread, etc. until he was an adult. I think he stuck with it for so long because my parents badgered him about it every meal. However, my mom made him a separate dinner every night, and bought what he liked because she was just happy he was eating. If both daughters have this issue, I think it has everything to do with the mom and the way she puts them on the spot at mealtime - her making a big deal about their "issue" at guests' houses says a lot. They could come with the food prepared already, or eat before, but she has to make it a thing

[@greenfuzzymonster6447]

i actually disagree with the take on the alcohol post solely bc the poster expressed some sort of past trauma with being around alcohol. even if the family members weren’t happy with her decision, they should have had a conversation and potentially came to a compromise rather than being petty and going behind her back. it just shows they don’t respect her boundaries and refuse to acknowledge her past trauma.

[@MissCaraMint]

Thing is that the way OP has written her post comes off as super obnoxious and judgmental. It would be one thing if it was just her inviting her in-laws to a Christmas party that was dry. Maybe with some fun, like getting everyone to find a non-alcoholic cocktail recipe each that they try to make or something since drink recipes seem to be an important family tradition. But because of her strong (and justifiable) dislike of alcohol she is being very combative and rude about it. I wouldn’t want to go to the party of someone who told me straight out that they saw me as childish and that I (and my entire family) need to grow up. Trauma is a legit reason for her to dislike alcohol, and for her to want to have a party without it, but it doesn’t give her the right to be insulting to people just because the happen to like a glass or two.

[@erikperhs_]

About the "forgetting the wallet" one: I wouldn't fight them, I would play dumb. As soon as I got in the car, I would give them the wallet and say "here, you forgot your wallet inside, I saw it as I was leaving".

[@XSemperIdem5]

And before even heading out make sure to come to the understanding that it will be separate checks. As soon as you get to the restaurant you can discretely tell the host or server that it will be separate checks. Let them be a little embarrassed by being handed the bill and saying they don't have their wallet since that scenario is an intentional "forgetting" situation. I would just not go out to eat with that person. Start being unavailable if you don't want confrontation.

[@Acinnn]

I would do the same. the whole waiting for the later when they pay bill is the asshole part. if you give it to them right away in most oblivious tone they would be the asshole to get angry. Besides "car is not a safe, don't leave anything valuable there" my dad's car got broken into so many times he never really learn to not leave any temptations inside.

[@berthavillalobos8163]

Ok just started the podcast and I kinda understand the first poster about the no alcohol. My ex husbands family is like that. For EVERY SINGLE EVENT!! At first when I was younger I thought the family was cool but as I got older they seemed out of control. All due to alcohol. I’m thinking she wanted to control the situation at her home before it even happened.

[@lilymulligan8180]

Regarding the non-alcoholic party: there's an easy solution here. HAVE AN AFTERPARTY SOMEWHERE ELSE. Do Christmas morning and brunch at the non-alc household, and then split up for the rest of the day. Or maybe plan for everyone to do their alcoholic partying on Christmas Eve, followed by a sober Christmas. I do agree that it's kinda stupid that grown adults can't go without alcohol for a day, but I also understand that people wanna party. I just feel like there are lots of middle-ground options here. Regarding the cookies: I wanna know what would happen if the wife just showed up to Christmas with her cookies anyway, after they've been rejected. Like, is the MIL gonna throw them away? Make a big scene? Are guests gonna leave????? The MIL sounds like a controlling nightmare 😬 Regarding the vegan: my main problem is the fact that they always criticize their friend's attempt to accommodate them. If I were OP, I would just buy a premade vegan dessert, but also call this asshole out in front of everyone when they inevitably criticize the food. "You know, Becky, you always seem to have something rude to say about the food I make for you. But you also got upset when I asked you to bring something. Maybe I should just stop inviting you to my dinner parties, what do you think?" Regarding the ruined coat: I feel like OP just needs to cut her sister and niece out of her life for awhile. If not, just embarrass the shit out of the niece by constantly bringing up the fact that she ruined a $20k coat for 5 views. Make her feel like an absolute loser. That $20k is gone forever, and social shaming is the only thing that will really make this teenager HURT. Also, next time you get a gift that expensive? INSURE IT!

[@marieboyle7208]

The alcohol story: I know the OP did not give this context, but it was the first thing I thought of. Where I live, in Norway, there has been more and more a movement to have alcohol free Christmas celebrations. There are a lot of adults and families that don’t acknowledge how drinking affects them; especially in front of children. A lot of children dread Christmas because of this. So there has been a lot of encouragement in Norway to limit or outright leave alcohol out of the mix on Christmas Day ❤ BUT OP didn’t mention anything like that, just wanted to share a perspective 😊

[@heather_bee]

For the alcohol post, what stood out to me was that she said her father was an alcoholic. From personal experience, I would assume that has a huge effect on how OP views drinking and it is unfortunate that she married into a family that drinks heavily. I would hope she sits down with her husband has a serious discussion about the feelings and trauma of growing up with an alcoholic and maybe get therapy for tools to deal his family.

[@TeacupToaster]

In the first story she said her father was an alcoholic, i have severe trauma when it comes to alcoholic family members and understand how horribly that can affect you. A few years ago i could not even be in the same room with people who drink because i was so traumatised in my childhood. That was very isolating as a young adult, that really opened my eyes to how most people would rather have you be all alone on christmas and every other holiday because they want to drink, and also when you try to explain to your family the reason you can’t come they look at you like you’re crazy and make fun of you for being sensitive which feels even more isolating. Now thankfully i have gone to therapy and can be in the prescence of drunk people but it’s a very difficult and long process and would still prefer non drinking gatherings. Her trauma maybe isn’t as severe as mine but I think it’s clear that the alcoholic father trauma is a part of this. It was the poster’s time to host and I think it’s sad that they took that away from her just because they’re set on getting drunk on christmas. Also ironic that xmas is kind of supposed to be about family and getting together and they ditched her because they wanna get drunk. I feel like if i she had a rule to ban other substances like weed or hard drugs people wouldn’t think she’s an asshole but with alcohol people get very defensive, if it’s just about the flavor and not the feeling of getting drunk they could get non-alcoholic wine and make non-alcoholic cocktails. They could have their gathering with alcohol another day and not on her day to host? I feel like there are many solutions to this situation that are also sensitive to her, but i guess people who haven’t had that experience have a hard time understanding the whole picture.

[@MissCaraMint]

I would agree if her post wasn’t so obviously condescending ad ride towards people who do drink. It’s one think to invite people to a dry event, and another to be insulting about it. I wouldn’t want to go to an event where I was being insulted, even if it was banning cocain or any other dangerous substances that I don’t even use. I just think it’s an attitude issue. OP has hang ups about alcohol because of the history with her father. Very justifiable hang ups too. The problem is she seems to be treating everybody around her who does drink as if they are just as bad as him simply because they drink. While this is understandable on OPs part, it also has to be very obnoxious for the rest of the family to be treated as raging alcoholics simply because they like to drink a glass or two together. This alcohol bann probably came across as pretty insulting to them because of it. It just sucks to be treated as if you have this great failing that this one enlightened person can save you from yourself. It would try my patience, and I can’t even drink with my medication.

[@MandiSamara]

For me, it just seems controlling to expect everyone to go to your party when you have an issue with how they'd like to celebrate, regardless of circumstances. You can't tell other people how to live, or how to celebrate, and then get mad when they'd rather not celebrate with you. I mean you can, but it's not going to get you far. I have CPTSD from childhood abuse, and I had to learn that my triggers aren't for everyone else to dance around. They're for me to heal, and I can't expect everyone to change their behavior that I find triggering because I have trauma. That's not their job, and often times, not even their priority. (A hard pill for me to swallow when it comes to loved ones, but I also now return that energy.) It's my responsibility to heal, so I can have those healthy relationships.

[@anluip2950]

If grandparents have the ability to say "no pets" in their own home, then by the same logic, someone can also say "no alcohol" in their home, especially if its triggering because of parents alcoholism.

[@MissCaraMint]

I agree. I just don’t think either of those cases entitle the person banning something from their house to criticizing and insulting people who do own or do those things. The grandparents are wrong for criticizing the grandson for finding a way to accommodate his dog, and the non drinker is wrong for calling everyone who drinks childish people who need to grow up. You can be civil and still stand by your convictions after all. There is no need for any rudeness on anyone’s part. I personally would go to a party without alcohol, but I wouldn’t go to one organized by someone who treated me as a child who had to be shown that it’s so much more fun without all that pesky alcohol. Or I would go to the house to celebrate with someone who doesn’t want dogs in their house, but probably wouldn’t go to the house of someone berating for how I take care of my own pet. Make sense? It’s not the rule that is the problem it’s the person.

[@Nou-ky8cw]

@@MissCaraMint oh hey again 😭 I agree with u but I hope the didn't say that? I'm assuming we're reading theyre more intrusive thoughts and I also don't think she meant that it's childish to drink but mire so that's its childish to say you have to drink to have fun. I think it can be frustrating when everyone is against you and because of that you can sometimes not act like the bigger person which I don't think is justified. But again I'd side more with the poster as it kinda feels like the rudeness it's more of a reaction rather than a actual way of being. Ofc we can't know how the poster acts, but many ppl post theyre darker thoughts when they're anonymous but don't act that way irl so idk

[@karinalumen9722]

Its not really the same? It would be like every year theres a party where everyone brings their pets and one year one host said no pets. They knew that alcohol is a major part of the holiday for them. In my family parties is literally the only time anyone drinks. One is about control of changing traditions, the other is about boundaries. I have pets myself but find it so disrespectful to bring them to someone else’s house. Some people are scared of animals, some houses arent safe for pets, also animals leave lots of hair and depending on the cleaning habits of that house could be an issue

[@americanroger9285]

"Its a group holiday so its okay if every year the group goes against a person feeling uncomfortable" is what I'm hearing. They could've compromised. She obviously has trauma from people who are drunk and i wholeheartedly agree that they seem to be boring ass ppl if u cant even go one evening without alcohol

[@transarchivist]

I think their perspective on the alcohol at Christmas issue is really telling that you don't know anyone personally affected by addiction issues. I know that wasn't the given reason for not having alcohol at the event, but it's not very difficult to have one day without alcohol if it means the rest of your family are going to be a) safe and b) included. Excluding someone because they can't be around alcohol is honestly genuinely very selfish, and I do wish that this had been raised. Even discounting that as a potential reason someone might not be able to be around alcohol - if someone doesn't want alcohol in their house, should it matter why? It's not childish to ask for one sobre evening and tbh I'm a bit concerned about your family if you have to get pissed to have a good time.

[@XSemperIdem5]

Absolutely. I kept expecting them to go back to the alcoholic father part but they just blew right past it. Did it not register because they were reading it quickly or do they really not understand the significance? I have degrees similar to them but I also specialized in forensic mental health and have a background in psychology because of it. To me that immediately stood out.

[@Acinnn]

I think now it's more abou the husband.

[@commanderwaddles3483]

Your party is your party. She's clearly tired of everybody getting drunk when she spends holiday time with her family, people she probably doesn't even see most of the year. 'My turn to host' implies that the family tales turns hosting. Every years somebody is making their own party. She wanted a sober Christmas with her family so someone in the family broke the hosting tradition, all for the sake of alcohol. Proving her point of the obsession with alcohol and inability to have fun without it. Her family are rude for ditching her party just because they can't get drunk that day, but I wouldn't call them assholes. She's not an asshole either. I feel sad for her though, I think an alcohol free party is A LOT less demanding than a child free party, & I don't favor children lol.

[@ingridrodriguez1154]

Also there's trauma involve with her decision. Her parent was alcoholic, she decided to not drink for a reason. I think her husband can go if he wants to the other party. I would rather have an alcohol free party too. Alcohol smell triggers me

[@statisticallyvalidatedster658]

She could always limit it to 1-2 drinks if that's the concern. But again, if people want to get drunk then let them.

[@nlellison99]

or maybe she should seak therapy instead of being toxic af... her entire post all she did was call them names and be condescending af. she has no right at all to control other or tell them how they can spend their time off people work to dam hard to let other people control how they spend their celebration. your trauma is your responsibility PERIOD.

[@FlameEmber]

@@nlellison99 but they're FAMILY. it's 1 party in her own home for a few hours for a holiday celebrating family. I agree that the poster was wrong in her condescending words about drinking being "childish" but when the poster said that about being sober for a few hours in her home because she's their family, I agree That is being childish. Hell, selfish. Everyone does deserve their own freedom to relax in this rough world, But a family gathering for a few hours in the home of your family member who is Only asking for this One time in Her house to be sober, It's incredibly toxic of the other family to cancel going to her home for a few hours sober. I feel so awful that Reddit even agreed she was the a-hole when her own family treated her mental health and home boundaries the way they did. I hope her husband stands up to his sister about stealing the family gathering from his wife instead of showing a few hours of family love and compassion for the one and only time his wife is ever hosting.

[@captainbitches5093]

@@nlellison99 If you can’t have one single evening without being drunk you’re an alcoholic…like

[@morganavickery647]

Re: the picky eating teenagers ~~ while it can be weird, this sounds like quintessential ARFID (avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) - I also have ARFID, and it’s basically an involuntary thing where your brain convinces your body you can’t eat certain foods despite no medical issues :/ it truly sucks “Just eat it” literally isn’t an option and there is so much shame wrapped up in going to big family dinners and being spotlighted for my “picky eating” and publicly humiliated. However there is no excuse for them just being rude about the food Being served or insisting on cooking the food at the same time in the kitchen with the main course. There are a million ways to bring in special food without imposing/disrupting festivities ~ just be nice about it lol

[@famillyjewels]

very very relateable. I'd never tell anyone their food is gross, yes I'm being rude not eating it but I truly feel like I can't, at least not without having a dramatic reaction to it which would be more rude in my eyes. and sometimes it's just the most difficult thing to swallow something you don't like. it really is annoying and exahusting how every dinner people talk about what's on my plate, i find it strange too, how come you're mentioning my food and what I ate or didn't so many times in one dinner? why are you watching me eat so much? I've never looked at someone else's plate yet I don't remember ever enjoying a meal without getting comments on my.

[@morganavickery647]

@@famillyjewels highly recomend looking into ARFID! it was the most validating and eyeopening experience for me -- youre not the only one who experiences it and it doesn't mean youre any less of an adult! food is such a cultural and social anchor it can be really difficult to just exist around folks who dont understand :)

[@averagehuman2001]

The story with the man and his dog is relatable 😂 but I think he did everything right and is still kind enough to go, just not stay. 10/10 dog dad. Happy holodays everyone! :)

[@potocatepetl]

I didn't understand the issue either.... He was still going to meet his family for the festivities, he just didn't stay there the entire week. I do not understand his family. Pets are a responsibility, they aren't toys that you can put on a shelf whenever you can't play with it anymore...

[@TheCoolCookieKitchen]

To the man who is deciding to side with his mothers inappropriate demanding outrageous behaviour I hope you enjoy the divorce life because that’s what you deserve

[@alicynwonderland6499]

Any man like that deserves the divorced life.

[@lailaaj888]

indeed.

[@yukikanegawa7470]

"She took it as a challenge" he says about his mom issuing the women in the family a challenge.

[@yukikanegawa7470]

Also it's kinda ironic for him to mention that people from all over are coming and they all have different tastes when the only person who's taste is being taken into account is his mother.

[@redpalex]

Also why just the women cooking wtf

[@Marie-id9do]

I think the MIL in the final post is being super reasonable! She's not trying to force Emily or shame her, she just said they'd go for the hike and have a walk to spend some good time with her later. She's trying really hard to compromise here and apparently all her son wants is an entire hike cancellation, which I don't think is fair of him to do.

[@potocatepetl]

I agree. It is a tricky situation, but they have a family tradition that has been lasting for years and one doesn't just end it for someone that is just entering the family (who knows for how long?... 6 months is still a new relationship). I am also not sure that Emily's "fitness" will get better until next Christmas either. What then? Just completely forget that you had a tradition because one person is not fit enough? And the son's statement that his mother is not "hearing him" is very odd. She is hearing him, she is not deaf. She just doesn't find his request reasonable. The fact is, his way of dealing with all this is very problematic. First, not letting his girlfriend know about their tradition until his mother mentions it to them, then, not speaking to his mom about it before she brought it up in their discussion... I am pretty sure his girlfriend was pissed off she had to find out from his mother about it. And he could have managed this entire situation so much better... Just tell your girlfriend that while the family hikes you use your time to show her where you went to school, your favorite place in town, your favorite restaurant... There are so many things you could do when your partner visits your hometown and family for the first time... You don't have to spend 24/7 with the rest of the family; it is even better if you don't.

[@thenopedetective]

@@potocatepetl I wonder if the mom often doesn't listen to what he says. He's saying he wants the GF to be included in the big family tradition and she's just suggesting ways to leave her out. I wonder if there are a lot of other areas where she misses the point of what he's saying? I don't think it's common for people to use that language if they haven't struggled with it for a while, so I'd guess there are dynamics the mom is leaving out.

[@thenopedetective]

I don't know, something seems weird about the whole "I'm not one of those mother in law's". Like she wouldn't lead with that unless it was of concern? Maybe I'm giving to much attention to the whole lead in though.

[@potocatepetl]

@@thenopedetective where exactly does she only suggest ways to leave the girlfriend out? She clearly said she will not change a long standing family tradition (nor should she for a new non-family member). But she also offered to take a walk with them around the neighborhood after the traditional hike. It was her son's fault for not dealing with a situation he knew it will exist until the last moment. All this could have been avoided if he used his brain and didn't just think his family will change their plans. By the way, what exactly did he and his girlfriend talked about 6 long months if their long standing tradition was apparently never mentioned to her? He is the one causing drama for no reason at all.

[@kim-md1mp]

sally, and parents like her, are scary! I'm a parent and I would NEVER force my kids on anyone because NOT👏EVERYONE👏IS👏SAFE!!!👏

[@lizalove91]

This is SUCH a good point and I think about this a lot with vloggers and people who put their kids all over the internet

[@statisticallyvalidatedster658]

for real I can't believe they labeled him as an arsehole in the subreddit, I hate babies and I know 95% of my friends under the age of 25 do too

[@ceciliatapioca]

ABSOLUTELY!!! Also don’t understand why Reddit thought they were the asshole. The mom knows the boundaries and is choosing over and over to not respect them. I think is time they block her number.

[@XSemperIdem5]

@@ceciliatapioca or maybe just start taking a really long time to reply and don't reply to all the messages. That's if you want a non- confrontational drawn out approach. I'd probably be very direct and ask her why she keeps violating her boundaries.

[@BassCamSuperMusic]

The picky eater situation is tough. I have a cousin who is on the spectrum. His parents would bring a microwave mac n cheese meal for him. I understand the uncle saying he doesn't want his sister taking up space in his kitchen while he is cooking his elaborate spread. A better solution would have been getting a hot plate and air fryer/toaster oven and cooking up food for the nieces in a different room. Everyone would be happy!

[@EllieMoonHaven]

Or just bring ot already made would be better

[@orimengu]

but OP specified they didn't have a condition that would influence their food habits, i think at this point it's just the parents spoiling them

[@BassCamSuperMusic]

@orimengu I can't relate to their situation. I did not have the option of other foods if I didn't like what was being served. If it truly is an issue of the mom always giving in to the girls' demands, that's just lazy parenting. They might have a tough time once mommy isn't cooking for them. I also have relatives who just find "safe" foods in the spread, and they don't complain about not having exactly what they want. My impression of OP is that he was patting himself on his back for his cooking. I think he might be taking his nieces disinterest in his cooking too personally. I understand him not wanting to change his menu. I do think it is important for family to be accepting (barring harmful behavior), accepting does not mean agreeing. Family and the holidays are so tough 🙈

[@manicpixiecremegirl]

i also have autism, and that's exactly the solution i have had. i completely agree. respect peoples boundaries, period. but i also think regardless of whether it's related to asd or anything else, there's absolutely no sense in trying to FORCE someone else's teenagers to eat the food you made. it's controlling and weird if that's the hill that you want to die on. i don't care if someone wants to disguise their judgment as concern, it's not your body, not your decision. it's not going to MAKE them start eating what you think is best for them, it's going to make them resent you... and for what? that being said, those kids are wayyyy old enough to know not to be in the kitchen when the host is trying to get everyone else fed. they're being incredibly inconsiderate of the host's time and space. the kicker is that the many solutions are literally just this simple...precook, cook in another room, eat before, or cook after everyones food is ready. it actually is as easy as that.

[@orimengu]

@@BassCamSuperMusic true, but here the nieces said to OP's face that their food was bad? I was a picky eater and this still screams entitled and spoiled af to me, I was taught to eat what was available at peoples' houses and if it wasn't my favorite, tough break. I'd either suck it up and eat it or just eat the bread, but never complained if I was a guest. And tbh, I'm thankful because now I can eat many more foods than I was used to.

[@bluepurplepink]

With the coat thing, the woman deserves a settlement based on what the parents are making (aka get 5k if the parents make 180k, 20k if they are millionaires etc.). The situation is equivalent of someone stealing a relative’s jewelry and breaking it intentionally because it’s expensive. You should not ruin a child’s life over a coat, but the child should lose their car or at least the parents should pay a reasonable price as a result.

[@totally_absurd]

I'd say taking away the car wold work the best, they could compensate the coat by selling it, while it would also drive the point across for the niece about responsibility

[@patriciaeichberger458]

There ended up being an update whether to brother forced the daughter to get a job I believe after selling some of her stuff to pay back for the coat

[@jessicalocklear762]

I wonder if there was more information that OP left out. Like was it a fur coat and the teen was motivated not just with malice but with activism. Makes it a little bit of a different light, but doesn't likely change my thoughts that it's crazy to destroy property.

[@kathrinemicheelsen3970]

OP made an update where the niece sold her car to pay for the coat :) So no court drama

[@potocatepetl]

@@jessicalocklear762 No, it doesn't. If she wants to be an activist, then go work in a poor country or volunteer in an animal shelter or work and donate your money towards a cause close to your heart. You do not destroy someone else's property, there is no excuse for such behaviour.

[@SteppingOnAcorns88]

I was a picky eater and I found it embarrassing. I would never tell someone that their food was gross because i was self aware enough to know that I was the weird one for not wanting to eat any food haha. I’m grateful for the situations where I was forced to try something i thought I wouldn’t like because I ended up expanding my palate and becoming a human who eats normal food. 😂

[@sw8228]

I don’t think its unreasonable for the kids to eat what they want. You never know what they feel about food and I think a compromise would be he makes the food and then if they don’t want to eat it the kids can cook food that they want. They don’t want to eat what’s prepared? Make it yourself 🤷🏻. But they shouldn’t call the other food “gross” thats just shitty

[@mariahpleake6404]

On the one about chicken tenders: my daughter is 6 and is extremely picky and borderline ARFID which is an eating disorder. She has a very limited food list that she can eat. I offer healthy meals but she absolutely refuses. At any family gathering she just eats the bread and is ok with it. If she's still hungry when we get home I make her one of her safe foods. It's one of those situations that unless you're living in it it's hard to understand. Eating is extremely stressful to her because she is so sensitive to smells and tastes but it's not that she isn't exposed to lots of different fruits and vegetables. So I can understand where the sister is coming from but maybe just feed them at home before you come or afterwards.

[@evelynmater8773]

Kids can be super picky in general especially if they're in a new place or excited. I can imagine an eating disorder would complicate that further, so would other conditions like ASD. My toddler is pretty normal but even she is hard to get to eat at times.

[@annasullivan2564]

Alternatively, my siblings and I were just really bad about eating new food. I don't know if it was my parents' fault, but we didn't eat much more than sauceless pizza, no vegetable pasta, bread, french fries, and chicken for a long time. My youngest brother still won't eat some things and he's almost 30. None of us had food issues, we just wouldn't eat anything. I remember having a meltdown once because my uncle made me try a taquito. I wonder how much of that was a lack of variety at home, maybe my parents were too busy/overwhelmed to expose us to different textures and flavors, maybe they just didn't feel like fighting us on eating what was available. They were also not good at cooking many things, their vegetables were always boiled :(

[@BubbleBunnyy]

Exactly my brother has autism and as a kid he wouldn’t eat a lot of different foods, he would gag and throw up at certain things. I think the uncle is a dick, my uncle would say similar things like “he should just suck it up and eat it” “when I was a kid my mom made me eat food or else I’d just go hungry” well my brother absolutely would go hungry he’d rather be starving than throwing up an empty stomach. That post just made me mad

[@lizalove91]

OP stated that this was not due to a medical condition or allergy though so I don’t think that was the case. Idk why she didn’t just bring it to heat up but yeah

[@mariahpleake6404]

@Eliza T I missed that part. Yeah I would think if it was that big of a deal you could find other ways to make it work.

[@bailey27727]

First person isn't the A-hole. I think it says a lot more about the family and loved ones that can't control their alcoholism for one day to be with others. Especially on Christmas. Alcohol is not more important than spending time with family and they need to respect her boundaries without ostracizing her, making her feel like a bad person. But that's just my opinion. Our culture idolizes drinking to a terrifying extent.

[@deidrebetts2936]

There's a very common trend on Reddit where if you don't allow alcohol, you're a judgmental asshole that thinks you're holier than thou

[@mystikhrs476]

As a vegetarian I absolutely NEVER assume my friends are going out of their way to make several vegan or vegetarian options… they usually make sure there are a couple of options that they would make anyway. This friend is SO NICE to make vegan food (and sift through too many recipes to accommodate their picky eating). I would love to have a friend so thoughtful! I always ask what I can bring. (Even not veg food!) I would have been happy to find some yummy vegan desserts to share!!

[@dianacortes4253]

The mother sending baby pictures to everyone would get on my nerves so fast. If someone told me they don't like snakes, rats, spiders or other critters, I wouldn't send them pictures, even if I like them as pets. I'll never understand why people are so weird and persistent about babies

[@billyjean3118]

When my friends insist on sending me hundreds of kids photos even though they know I’m not a baby person, I send back hundreds of photos of my cat and dog 😂

[@SketchyxJeff]

This is exactly how I feel too. I have no interest at all in babies and I get that they’re excited about their babies but I don’t want to see a picture on fb every day of your baby. The people who make their baby their whole personality are annoying because they think they can force them on everyone else.

[@y-yyy]

Where do y'all find these people? My friends who have kids never send me baby pics.....

[@silverkyre]

@@y-yyy seriously I always have to ask in order to see pics lol

[@NoobGamer-hn5rs]

i sympathise with the dude on this since this was my uncle with his baby..... when i was going on holiday with my collage they sneakily put a card in my bag of their baby with photos of said baby and signed the babies name in the card.................. i was so confused when i opened my bag and groaned when i saw who the card was from....

[@basementdwellercosplay]

My aunt banned our dog to our home and just said he should be put into some kennel for a few days. We don't visit her home.

[@hotsexyangel]

Wtf.. I would never let her over if I were u guys tbh

[@kiarimarie]

Her home, her rules. She is allowed to ban alcohol from her home.

[@missthistleberry6130]

Yes yes yes!

[@iFlip4Element2x]

Yes, and people are allowed to go to a different party if they want to drink!

[@OceanLaboratory]

She can host an alcohol free party if she wants, but she doesn't have the right to be angry if people don't wanna come because of it, lol

[@potocatepetl]

@@iFlip4Element2x no real family or friends would have that attitude....

[@nlellison99]

and they are allowed to go to a less toxic environment with less toxic people

[@Zurflu]

Holy crap the cookie judging story is so disturbing, sounds like a crazy MiL trying to humiliate every other woman in the family...

[@willows2302]

The new version of "I don't have cash" is "oh i'll just venmo you" and then no matter how many times you ask they never send you the money.

[@nileslopez7385]

W/O the context yeah everyone has the right to make their own decisions. But OP stated that it was pre-established that the family would be going to their house for the event bc it was their “Turn to host”. It’s not like no one knew where/a surprise invitation if it was agreed family Christmas is gonna be at OP’s house. When it was X family member’s turn, OP probably went to the event to spend Christmas w the family’s company even if they didn’t participate in drinking. So I think it’s a bit rude that while OP is preparing/getting things ready For the ppl calling in & asking about the event that was said to take place at their house, that they were setting up an alternate gathering at the same time. Idk seems kind of rude. EX: if AB & C all say their coming to your birthday party + call to ask for more details of the event & then you hear they have no intention to show up. It’s kind of rude to all the time, effort & resources you prepared after participating/being patient for your turn to host a shared moment where you spend time w friends/family. Like even if the family decides to sneak in alcohol to OP’s event, they’d still only be able to bring whatever they premixed/can handle themselves without having “multiple bottles” out & OP could feel included in the family by still hosting this time.

[@tak4e4]

YES! Like it's so weird that the family won't give up alcohol for one event to spend time with family while it's OP's turn to host.

[@nileslopez7385]

@@tak4e4 And unless this is a grander event that includes sleeping over, it’s not like they’ll spend exactly 24 hrs together. Most likely an evening dinner that might be a FEW Hours that ppl are free to leave when they’re ready after a meal/chatting. Even if the family had a history of a preference for drinking, OP I S still a part of the Husband’s family now & it’s disappointing that the family member excluded them wo a chance to host the celebration in the family tradition. Other comments also offered that if they still felt the need to drink, they could drink before OP’s Christmas get together or enjoy drinks with the family at a separate time/after Christmas at OP’s house.

[@FukaiKokoro]

Not really tho. What if she threw the no alcohol on them last minute. I just really dont get how it's rude. They are respecting her wishes and not drinking in her home...

[@nileslopez7385]

@@FukaiKokoro Even if the family is was taken aback/shocked at hearing that their usual alcohol wouldn’t be included, OP is trying to respect the family tradition by prepping to host. When the time came to discuss where to spend Christmas, they agreed to appoint it as OP’s turn, (regardless if OP had raised their hand to offer to be a candidate or not, they considered OP eligible for a Turn to host bc they counted as a part of the family, so I don’t think it’s a blindsided invitation wo time to decline) And if it was last minute, it seems the family members still found themselves enough time to coordinate an “alternative gathering” on their own. (And I could be wrong bc this is from OP’s POV/details) but They also sent texts to bad mouth on the event Before OP had even received them for family Christmas in her home yet. IMO there were better alternatives that didn’t need to exclude OP from a chance at family tradition & no one’s saying that everyone HAS to go to OP’s house again next year, if they didn’t like it at least they gave it a shot & can pick a turn w someone/where else for next year like usual.

[@angelacanedit]

I agree! It makes so much sense, her house, her rules. They take turns hosting for a reason

[@DashValkyrie]

The SIL with the wallet, I think OP should have given the wallet to the SIL in the car. like "oh this was inside, wouldn't wanna forget it!" that way SIL would be aware that you fully know what she's up to and she still has a chance to do the right thing.

[@michellem2926]

Writing a comment as I watch 😅 Banning alcohol: I also have family members who are alcohol abusers, and I understand the first person. I have so many bad memories of holidays and alcohol. Although I don't agree that people who drink are childish (!), I do think people should be able to have one festive day without alcohol to respect a person who has trauma around it. Vegan: Yeah the friend is the AH. My best friends are vegan, and sometimes I've asked them to bring their own dessert/snacks. And other times I fix it myself! There's never any problem either way. Picky eaters: ARFID is a legit thing. I have a sibling with it, and it is a form of anxiety. My sibling didn't choose to be like this, and has been like this since they started eating solids as a baby. There's also many neurodivergent people who has issues with foods. It's not as simple as "their parents never told them to eat a vegetable. However them sitting at the table saying the food looks gross, that is if course not okay and I am in no way defending that. The family hike: I am having SUCH deja vu, haven't this been featured on the pod before? And please don't stop the pod, I love it! Happy holodays 🧡

[@ComplicatedKnots]

Regarding the 20k coat, the OP did make an update: the husbands worked it out with an insurance claim and the daughter had to get a job to pay it back.

[@shannonfallon668]

Sally is a bad friend. "I know you don't like babies, but just look at my baby?" No. It would be reasonable if they were having a conversation as friends and the one who doesn't like babies asked what Sally has been up to, leading Sally to talk about her baby being sick and so she hasn't had any free time lately, etc. The baby is a part of her life and is going to come up sometimes. But she's going out of her way to share only about the baby with a person who specifically does not want to hear about the baby. And who sends a Christmas card from their baby? I think Sally has a problem with the poster not liking babies and is doing this junk on purpose. Especially when she called out the friend specifically for not giving her address. It's like she's trying to force a confrontation or something. Constantly getting messages you don't want from someone who's supposed to be your friend is not cool, and it's time for the poster to talk to her about it. I think telling Sally she can't ever send those kinds of messages again is extreme, but just saying "ok" in response to every one of them is clearly making Sally think her behavior is acceptable when it's not. They need to talk as friends about how they want to keep their friendship healthy. Or if they want to keep being friends at all (because if Sally is doing it on purpose to upset the poster or try to make her change, maybe that's not a good friendship to begin with).

[@emiliesophie2904]

Hard agree! Like of course Sally cannot just omit this huge part of her life, just because her friend dislikes babies, but sje doesn't have to go out of her way to talk about it.. quite frankly I think they're both a bit shitty for not just sitting down and talking about it. Like clearly you both have some issues in this friendship😳

[@abigailcadmare8598]

All the food ones… I have several health conditions which make eating very difficult. When I attend an event with a meal I let the host know ahead of time what my restrictions are. I also always offer to bring my own food (and ensure I bring something that does not require any use of the host’s kitchen). If the host asks me not to bring anything I eat what I can (so long as it won’t make me physically ill) and eat when I get home. My health problems aren’t my host’s responsibility.

[@Dexter-hh7if]

the cats having a whole discussion in the background... I wonder if theyre doing their own podcast..

[@extrasagrada]

the only time i wouldn't go to a "dry" event would be if i didn't like the person to begin with cause why would i give anything up for them. i think there might be some undisclosed previous history between all of them

[@commanderwaddles3483]

I thought so too but the way Cristine & Ben responded like 'No, adults have the right to drink whenever they want!' made me reconsider & think that maybe her family really does care more about getting to drink whenever than spending a single sober celebration at her party ._.

[@MissCaraMint]

@@commanderwaddles3483 Nah. I just don’t think they want to spend Christmas with someone who is so judgemental about them. I mean the whole thing feels like OP is trying to “show them the light” or something. Kinda an obnoxious attitude ho have. The whole point is to have a celebration with people you love, and that celebration just happens to not have alcohol. OP though seems to be so forceful and even judgmental about the fact that her in-laws drink that she comes off in the post as super obnoxious, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the obnoxiousness that makes her in-laws less inclined to want to go to her party.

[@mystikhrs476]

I feel like Porter’s mom is being totally reasonable I think the issue is that PORTER really wants to spend the morning with his family… he doesn’t want to take moms offer to have a cozy Christmas morning with his g/f. He likes this tradition and wants the accommodation so his g/f can join in what he and his family do! It’s weird that he never mentioned this prior to her saying something about it. Why? Again I really think mom is being reasonable but also not getting what he really wants.

[@Kuro2503]

Re: the cookie competition for narcissistic MIL: besides the wife's reaction being totally understandable (I mean who does that?), I would probably be really petty and send something complete inedible next time, i.e. chocolate cookies with an insane amount of chilli or some other nice surprise 🙃

[@minizanuda7383]

That's a good one. But maybe be she doesn't even try it? Just throws it away and says bad things. I would see it easily happening 🙄

[@trishan5282]

She literally said they go through bottles. Not a glass of wine during dinner.

[@maryblack2140]

And? You can not forbid ADULTS to drink alcohol if they wish to. You can ban it from your home, but don't be mad if people prefer another's party then

[@amazingdanna]

​@@maryblack2140 Of course you can't forbid it, but if I was asked to not drink for ONE DAY I could easily go to a social event with no alcohol and still enjoy myself. If you need alcohol to have a good time, then you got issues. And even if its a preference, if the preference is so strong that you need to create a competing event... even that is kinda weird to me.

[@basementdwellercosplay]

I mean we don't know how many people are drinking, bottles could be 3 among 10 people or whatever. The main problem is she has a pity party that they want to drink elsewhere

[@trishan5282]

@@maryblack2140 Fine by me. If "family" can't go one day without getting completely drunk, I don't want to see them christmas. And if THEY have no problem causing me harm like that, then we really aren't family are we?

[@trishan5282]

@Basement Dweller Cosplay Not a pity party. That's actually really disgusting to do that to a family member.

[@manicpixiecremegirl]

so regarding the chicken tenders and pasta thing...i have been this person, but in this scenario they are definitely both the ahole. i am and always have been a picky eater. as an adult, i can see now that this was clearly related to autism. but here's the solution...you don't cook your things when the host is trying to get everyone elses food made. you either find a way to precook, or you wait until the kitchen isn't occupied. i had family members who would try and FORCE me and the other kids to eat things we didn't like, even to the sociopathic degree that one time my cousin vomited and they proceeded to force him eat his vomit with a spoon. obviously that's extreme, but my point is that if you are so controlling that you are unable to allow someone to eat basic or simple food in your house bc you want to MAKE someone else's teenagers eat yours, you are most certainly the ahole here. but if you can't respect the space and time of the host, then you are also most definitely an ahole. at the end of the day, putting your foot down that teenagers have to eat a certain thing bc it's your house and you prepared it is mostly controlling, weird, and it's not going to suddenly MAKE them eat food they don't want. it's counterproductive and it's going to make them resent you, period. here's a novel idea, we could just respect other people's decisions, time, and boundaries???

[@Blue-iv5fv]

agreed. I have had my share of gagging and almost throwing up food that had a weird texture and getting berated for being attention seeking and a brat. As an adult i know it was autism related and i would have had a very good relationship with food if it wasn't forced upon me. However, here the sister can take precautions to not take up space in his kitchen, or the brother can prepare a dish that he knows his nieces are okay with by asking the sister in advance.

[@MarysWeirdLife]

I have a genuine question, what about instances of parents just failing to properly nourish their children because they can't be bothered. How do you know if it's something like this or if it's just an instance of a child fighting until they get what they want?

[@MarysWeirdLife]

@A B I have access had that exact experience many times so I always retry foods, but obviously not everyone is this way and i think I understand better thank you for taking the time to explain it. I worry about instances where the child just isn't getting their nutrition period because they will not eat any nutritional foods. Like at all?

[@Blue-iv5fv]

@@MarysWeirdLife while i think some parents do fail to provide the right nourishment for the children because they can't be bothered, i don't think those parents go out of their way to cook for their kids at a dinner at someone else's place. I am even more wary of this post because it is not by the teenage girls or their mother but by the uncle who clearly doesn't know much about his nieces' lives. Imo parents who are lazy/ negligent, their children learn to eat whatever they get because yes maybe as a very young child they might get nuggets or pasta but as soon as they get old enough to eat the same food as adults they will be getting what the rest of the family eats. If they are like "the children can eat whatever" then the children will find new things they wanna eat through media friends etc. i think the difference between this and actual aversion to certain foods is that the aversions last throughout the life (mostly) as @A B said. As children grow up and begin to eat outside the house (at school/ with friends) they begin to try other foods or even re-try the ones they did not like. My oldest niece was a picky eater as a very young child but after going to school she changed quite quickly to eating almost everything easily. My second niece had similar issue as a very young child but she is still the same with food and finds it very difficult to eat some things.

[@MarysWeirdLife]

@Blue I don't understand the logic though, because I've seen this happen. Child (not very young) refuses to eat what everyone else is eating so parent provides junk food instead. I really struggle where the line is, in these situations

[@yamiles.4763]

Can we get an emoji of Ben buzzed on white claws exclaiming “yeah baby!” 😂

[@larkscall8590]

With the picky teens story I wanted to add my two cents as someone that is an extremely picky eater (undiagnosed but I have an unhealthy relationship with food and some foods I just can't swallow due to how nauseous they make me whether I like them or not so suspected ARFID) and what I do at events like that is try a bite of everything at the table that I physically can (sometimes with the exception of things I tried last year that I had a bad reaction to) and try to find something I can eat, if there is nothing I sit back and do the social part of the meal and find something to eat later. Also I'd never insult the food or cook because I can't eat what they made, I'm difficult to make food for and I'm very aware of that.

[@drev6327]

I find it hilarious that Ben thought the most believable post was fake. I feel like most people have that one friend that tries to dodge paying any chance they get.

[@gigilulu86]

When I was younger in Christian school I was always told to not write Xmas cause it meant you were taking Christ out of Christmas but honestly I think it was just created as a short cut and was never that deep 🤣

[@sunnycurtis3236]

Monks copying books way back in the medieval times started writing Xmas. X is the first letter in the Greek version of Jesus' name. It's not new, it's not disrespectful.

[@SomeBody-ce3gq]

@@sunnycurtis3236 Christ in Greek is Χριστός, you're right! 😁

[@MouseDragonDesigns]

I went to a Catholic school and some of the teachers used X as an abbreviation for Christ, more generally. I did get the feeling it wasn't a common usage, but it did come up at times.

[@gigilulu86]

@@sunnycurtis3236 I never thought it was disrespectful, but that is interesting to know!!

[@merlt8238]

Ben has never met someone who conveniently doesn't have their wallet whenever its time to pay. Christ on a bike I have met so many people like that and it always grinds my gears. If someone doesn't have the money and I invite them out for dinner I am happy to pay, but I don't like it sprung on me.

[@potocatepetl]

I never met such people either... I suppose I am lucky?

[@expensivepink7]

So true on the theme of overbearing mothers affecting their sons on the internet

[@lillypotter7966]

As someone who had an alcoholic parent and sibling, I made the choice not to drink. I also don’t want to host a party where people are drinking. I think that the most important thing for the holidays is that we show gratitude for the life that we have, and if someone wants to host a dry holiday, I don’t see the issue with that. I think that she’s right that she can ask for once that they abstain from drinking at her house and experience a sober holiday. I also think that it’s extremely rude for her SIL to throw a party at the same time just to drink. I think the OP proved her point by saying that this family is dependent on alcohol to have a party. It is totally possible to have a party, especially a holiday party, without alcohol.

[@ondineatdawn5272]

While I do think that the first person’s (the no drinking party) attitude and word choice is what makes them come off as an asshole, I also understand wanting to just be able to have a family event that doesn’t include booze. While we don’t have the context of what the husband’s family is like (whether it’s just a couple drinks or if they all get tipsy or trashed), I would definitely love to be able to have an alcohol-free event in my own house and can understand them wanting to have a dry Christmas party. Of course, my opinion is colored by my own biases. I was married to an awful alcoholic, grew up with a mom who often would combine opiate use with too much wine, and have a grandfather who was an awful alcoholic when my dad was growing up (he changed his life later). And I’ve spent a lot of my adult life around people who have the attitude that they don’t have a drinking problem when they actually do. So, I’m very familiar with people not having the capacity to recognize that their drinking is actually problematic because of the company that they keep who all have the same mindset. All that to say, I completely understand the poster thinking “You seriously can’t manage to be sober for one event at my house, so you set up a competing event where you could drink instead. What the hell?”

[@nlellison99]

that just it, her trauma is hers not everyone elses to deal with, she has 0 right to controlling other people her entire post was toxic af and condescending af all she did was call them names cuz they decided to spend THEIR time off doing what they wanted. people work to hard to be under someone else thumb if she doesnt wanna drink she doesnt have to be she doesnt get to go around with her holier than thou attitude calling them names

[@MissCaraMint]

See the problem here is that her attitude does make her come off as an asshole. Even if she is right that you don’t need alcohol to have a good time, I bet she has told her in-laws this more than once probably in the same awful attitude that she wrote the post. I kinda get the vibes of “you’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole” vibe from this. It seems to me like it’s not the lack of alcohol that is making her in-laws want to go to a different party. Basically I think OP has unresolved prejudices towards drinking and people who drink that she is putting on the people around her. Now this is understandable, and she is even right about dry celebrations being potentially even better than ones with alcohol. She might even be right about her in-laws drinking a little more than they should, and that a dry Christmas might be good for them. The thing is that if you treat someone who probably drinks well a pretty normal amount and has a fairly ok relationship like alcohol as if they are a raging alcoholic that person will feel hurt. And if you then tell them you are holding an dry even “for their own good”, that’s going to hurt and confuse them further. Of course, the in-laws probably can be a more understanding about OPs trauma.

[@Shirumoon]

@@nlellison99 If we changed alcohol with cocaine in this case, would you still be calling it controlling? What if I was a casual user and wanted to snort a line at my MILs christmas dinner? The reason that is considered not okay while alcohol is simply our culture's acceptance of drinking and acting if it weren't a drug. Meanwhile it is just as dangerous as some heavy drugs which would totally get you alienated from every single family gathering. It's mind boggling how most people can't see through that. If you cannot enjoy being around your family for an evening while being sober, that is a major red flag.

[@nicoleluiz579]

The conversations around bringing additional food to holiday dinners is always so interesting to me. My family always coordinates beforehand and often there are multiple people bringing desserts and appetizers (my aunt usually takes on the main course). It is sort of potluck-style, in a way, but we do it so that no one person has to take on the burden of preparing *everything* for the party, since that is a LOT of work. I find it strange that there are situations where it would be considered "rude" to help out the host. I think it should, in most scenarios, be considered a nice gesture!!

[@kindacalled777]

At our Christmas 4 families meet up and no one drinks more than a couple glasses wine, I don't understand these people who act like they can't go a couple hours without alcohol. I doubt they would even tell the difference if you replaced their alcohol with non-alcoholic version 😭

[@kittyscreativecorner]

As someone who grew up with an alcoholic father and a mom who gets drunk at a lot of family gatherings and then immediately starts a fight over something unreasonable, I think OP’s past experience makes total sense. It’s their house, and they have the right to not have drinking and alcohol in their home. My dad was drunk last night and he fell over and knocked over a bunch of things several times and it caused a fight between my parents. The last time I was home at thanksgiving, my mom got drunk and yelled at me until 3am over a Christmas doll because she thought I made a face that implied I had a problem with the doll not being a girl (???) the last time I was home before that, my mom and her sister were so drunk they got into such a huge fight they nearly cut each other off entirely. Needless to say, I live in alcohol free dorm housing, and when it comes time for me to host family events, I will also have a no drinking rule, because I don’t intend to drink and I don’t want to have my house taken over by family members that cannot control their drinking. I know this will lead to backlash from my family, but it’s my house and my choice. I shouldn’t have to put up with drunk 50 year olds all fighting with each other and yelling at me because they aren’t willing to go one day without drinking. Maybe OP’s husband’s family aren’t like that when they drink, but OP’s experience with drinking is likely very negative. It’s scientifically proven that people who grew up with an alcoholic parent are 4 times more likely to become an alcoholic themselves than people not raised with an alcoholic parent, so their decision to not drink makes a lot of sense, and being genuinely triggered by people drinking too much is a reasonable feeling. I don’t think she meant drinking in general is childish, I think she meant its childish if you’re a fully grown adult and can’t go one party a year without drinking. If her entire family really can’t go a few hours all year without drinking, maybe they do have a dependence on alcohol. Why is it such a big deal? It’s her house, she should decide if she wants alcohol present or not. Growing up she had no control or choice is being around drunk people and their behavior, and now she has her own place that is a safe space she has control over. If her family can’t respect that for one day all year for one year, they’re the assholes.

[@MissCaraMint]

The problem here is that OP is expressing extreme judgment towards people who drink period. This is understandable she grew up with an alcoholic parent and as such does have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Totally fine and understandable. The problem is that she called everyone who drinks childish, and that she wants them to grow up. In short think about a normal person with a good and healthy relationship with alcohol. Simeon who doesn’t drink often and doesn’t drink to get drunk. Now treat then with the same distain as you would a raging alcoholic. They would feel confused and hurt right. Now picture being treated like that at every celebration or event. That’s gotta get old really fast. And now that person who is doing that to the whole family is demanding no alcohol because she wants to teach them (as if they were children) that they can have fun without alcohol. I wouldn’t want to go either. Maybe that’s because my biggest pet peeve is just being condescended to like this, but OPs attitude really does trigger some anger in me, and I can’t even drink on my medication.

[@kittyscreativecorner]

@@MissCaraMint I get that. OP’s attitude does come off pretty a-hole-ish, and if they mean drinking in general is childish that is pretty dumb and I don’t agree with that. In general though, I still think they have the right to host a party and not allow alcohol in their house if that’s their preference. If they had gone about it in a very different way I think they would be in the right. But you’re right that treating every guest like theyre an alcoholic is irrational and not fair to the guests. I still think OP had the right to set rules in their own house and their family should respect them. Like if someone has a rule that you can’t wear shoes in the house, guests should respect that and take off their shoes. If someone lives in an alcohol-free house, guests should respect that.

[@MissCaraMint]

@@kittyscreativecorner Oh I agree that she should be able to set a no alcohol rule, I just also think that the in-laws are justified in not going to her party when she is being rude about it. I also think the family would be more inclined to try an alcohol free Christmas if she approached them straight out with just how she personally doesn’t like drinking, and that drinking makes her feel uncomfortable.

[@phoenixrain9660]

If you can't stay sober for one night, can't have fun without drinking and absolutely need alcohol, that’s a bad thing.

[@ginabeck79]

I wonder if the coat was fur and the poster didn't want to mention it. That would account for the value as well as the classic protest of throwing paint on it. That wouldn't change anything legally, but if the teen was actually trying to make a comment on ethics, it could explain the family's response.

[@johannaw1436]

That was my first thought as well. Important piece of information 🙆🏼

[@eyesofivy]

It definitely seems like it was fur or had fur embellishments based on the cost and the fact that it couldn’t be cleaned. However the teen didn’t seem to do it as protest but more so as a TikTok prank to get views (unless OP changed some facts) regardless she knew the price of the garment and should learn the lesson of what destroying a 20k item costs. Make her get a job and work off the price (or a set amount maybe not a full 20k) so she understands the worth of something like that.

[@TessaCoddington]

No, there was an update and the sister never told her husband about it. OP’s husband reached out to BIL and started out with the fact that they were going to file a claim on the coat (turns out OP’s husband had insured it) and that their insurance would most likely go after them for the cost. BIL asked if there was a way to pay for it without having to go the legal route and he explained that was the first thing they wanted but OP’s sister refused. He immediately got really furious at both his wife and daughter’s behavior and said that no, they’d sell his daughter’s car and she’d get a job work off the rest of the cost.

[@eyesofivy]

@@TessaCoddington just read the Reddit update, I’m glad someone had some sense about this situation and that the daughter is getting a real lesson about the value of items and the consequences of her actions. Unfortunately I don’t think their relationship (the aunt/niece and possibly the sister too) is gonna be the same going forward, at least not for a while.

[@julenlaughs]

About the first one - as someone who has deep trauma regarding alcohol and excessive drinking, her request was not that unreasonable. Personally, a glass of wine with dinner or a beer is one thing, but excessive drinking is where the behavior starts triggering me. The smell/sound of slurred words/the volume going up/the mess just ruins everything. Also, I see this as them choosing alcohol over one of their family members, which in my opinion, makes them the asshole.

[@MissCaraMint]

I see them more choosing to not cater to the person who is being very rude towards them. You can express not liking alcohol or alcohol consumption without calling the people who do enjoy it childish and telling them to grow up.

[@grumpy_bear]

Regarding the no alcohol Christmas party, it’s basically that at every family party there “has” to be alcohol so that the family members that are basically alcoholics can have fun. From my experience (my family), even at children’s bday parties there’s someone that brings alcohol because they don’t wanna be sober during a party, they “have” to get drunk, and sometimes depending on the person, they can become very aggressive with alcohol in their system (there was an instance where for a bday party at my house an uncle had to literally be tied down because he was trying to start fights with multiple people, some who were also drunk and others sober), so I can see why the person wouldn’t want alcohol at their turn for hosting a Christmas party, because if it’s just family attending than it should be a time to celebrate family being together, not getting shit faced drunk and starting problems for everyone

[@deejayelle813]

When I was younger I was a picky eater but my parents didn’t bring food with us.If I went somewhere I’d look at what was there and eat what I wanted and then later have a ton of desserts 😂

[@potocatepetl]

that sounds like a good plan :)

[@mavisanya6969]

same! or eat something small before we left/on the way. the only time we'd really bring something is if it was like a "potluck" type thing were everyone pitched in, my mom and dad would usually work together to make something that i would eat so there would at least be one thing there for me. it was usually my mom's homemade mac and cheese 😂 but hey, i always got a big ole bowl full, and everyone else enjoyed it too so it worked out

[@KanaG44]

The first poster is 100% in the right. If you're not comfortable with alcohol in your house you have the right to ban it. And hosting a rival party just seems rude and vindictive.

[@lvnder-hxney-comb]

I completely agree. Especially for people who have trauma with alcohol, as the poster seemed to suggest. It's more than fair to make that rule at YOUR HOUSE. It seems a bit silly that they were all on board for banning babies or dogs from a house, but not alcohol? It's not that hard or awful to not drink for one night. I see nothing wrong with it. Glad to see a comment that gets it!

[@CamDollar]

If you don't want alcohol at your house, that's fine. But don't be shocked when the family uses their time off to have the type of fun THEY want to have with their time off and decides to host a non-partypooper party on their own accord. Her entire tone of the post was so snarky and holier than thou, basically acting like her family is alcoholic children because they enjoy alcohol on the holidays with each other. Notice how she can't even exaggerate and pretend they act up from the alcohol, which tells me these are responsible adults enjoying adult things. Homegirl needs therapy and to stop trying to control other people because she projects her trauma onto the situation and wants to conflate drinking alcohol into some indicator of maturity. To me, it's not that she's banning the alcohol, it's the weird judgmental snarkiness of her post, that is obviously what the family is getting from her in person. I wouldn't want to hang out with her looking down her nose at me as if you're a wild alcoholic just for having a drink? Why does SHE need to be the one policing this situation? Like, y'all have got to be Super Karen's to agree with this lady.

[@erikperhs_]

If the whole group likes something so we want to have it in our party, but only YOU are bothered by it, we'll do it without you. It's our right, why do we have to have a boring Christmas just because of you?

[@FukaiKokoro]

@Camdollar saw you post another one and TOTALLY AGREE. They are respecting her wishes and not drinking in her home. They should be allowed the autonomy to choose what they can and can't do. I think it's totally fine they made an alternative to drinking in her home.

[@nlellison99]

she should seak therapy instead of being toxic and condesending.

[@doxiemomma2014]

The mom should just door dash her daughters some food they’ll actually eat. I’m with the uncle. Stay out of my kitchen. Lmao

[@BubbleBunnyy]

It’s kinda rude to do that on holidays tho if they’re actually celebrating on Christmas.

[@doxiemomma2014]

@@BubbleBunnyy the door dash part is a joke. But if her kids are picky or have food issues, the mom needs to figure out a solution that does not involve using the host’s kitchen to cook a separate meal.

[@BubbleBunnyy]

@@doxiemomma2014 I’d say why not cook the food after he’s done nakeing all his stuff

[@alicynwonderland6499]

Packing it or DD is more reasonable so the family eats together.

[@witchskee]

@@BubbleBunnyy There are plenty of dashers who do not celebrate xmas, you know... For them, Dec 25 is just another day. It's also the principle of the matter, in my opinion. The fact that two older teenagers (and technically, one is an adult) can't prepare their own food at home to bring over, since they're so picky, or just suck it up and TRY new things is kind of pitiful.

[@KZesty]

I was a very picky eater, and I would never dare to hurt anyone's feelings, I always tried hard to appreciate the work someone put in to cooking something even if I didn't like the taste 😭

[@DianaS586]

That sending dessert samples post gave me a Stepford Wives type of vibe. 😬 Oh on a different note, but Cristine did mention it in this episode, I bought my boss a desktop mug warmer for Christmas since she's always having to reheat her coffee. It is a great gift. I didn't even think about it until it was mentioned in your gift guide. Thanks for the tip! 😃

[@phothl]

If someone started spamming me with their baby’s photos, I’d start sending them photos of my pet(s) at the same rate

[@y-yyy]

They would probably be excited and see it as you responding enthusiastically lol

[@endeevixart4676]

As someone who struggles with ARFID and food allergies daily, these posts infuriate me I’m 23 and I physically can’t eat food that I’m not interested in. It sucks and I go to therapy for it but physically I can’t just “suck it up” and eat the food.

[@stacey_spooks]

I've never been a picky eater but my husband grew up as one of those kids that only eats potatoes, fast food burgers and fried chicken and that carried into adulthood. It has taken until the pandemic basically for him to go outside his comfort zone and eat more veggies and other dishes (we're both in our 30s). We can actually eat some meals together now we've always been a couple that cooks seperate meals bc I crave veggies and whole grains and other whole foods and he is fine with a giant bowl of instant mac n' cheese😅

[@mckenziewoyak9638]

i honestly strongly disagree with you on the first one. alcohol and sobriety is a really complicated topic for a lot of people and like OP said, the ability to have to have alcohol to have fun says a lot about a person. she has every right to say no alcohol for one night. on top of that she implied they rotate hosting the holidays and ONE night without alcohol was enough for her in laws to completely reject her get together for the sake of drinking. if they really wanted a drinking xmas party why couldnt they have thrown a second little get together for those that wanted to drink on a different day. their response to a very reasonable request of no alcohol is flat out disrespectful to OP. it’s also interesting to see you have a contradictory opinion on the very next post which had the same basic issue of a house rules situation.

[@FukaiKokoro]

She has every right to say that and they responded by having their own party. They are respecting her by not drinking around her. Like is hard as fuck. And people can do whatever they want to unwind.

[@nlellison99]

she actually doesnt have any right to control other people or call them names and be condescending, she needs therapy instead of being toxic she was incredibly disrespectful to the entire family.

[@thenopedetective]

It seems fair. At the same time, a sober party for a family that say typically unwinds with 1-3 drinks are pretty different experiences. Sometimes people are taking time off for these parties so having it go a bit later or involve chosen vices is preferred. I think a discussion should have been had with her to see if a compromise was available (ex. The sister could host an after party). It's sad that they don't want to spend time together sober, that says more about the family than her, but there are a lot of drinking cultures in families, often, so it's quite a big ask to have people go against that when it's their chosen way to relax with family.

[@mckenziewoyak9638]

@@FukaiKokoro sure but the fact that they went out of their way to have a separate party on the same day is just rude. if you cant go one night without drinking, you need help

[@mckenziewoyak9638]

@@nlellison99 i dont disagree that she had a poor choice of words and needs therapy. HOWEVER, she has every right to decide if she wants alcohol in her home. if they cant respect her enough for one night to forgo alcohol then they need just as much therapy

[@abimottram9091]

A bit random but I would love another livestream this year showing best/worst selling holo taco items this year! The PowerPoint last year on stream was so fun😁✨

[@tastysand05]

For the picky eaters, some people can handle different foods differently. My brother and sister have autism and it’s really hard for them to eat different foods, and if the uncles food is done being made (doesn’t take to long to make chicken) then they should be able to make the food. It’s weird that the uncle dislikes them so much and doesn’t want them to be comfortable and have to eat plain bread (just my take)

[@leahcaplan]

THIS!!! And autism goes super undiagnosed in teen girls

[@expensivepink7]

The cookie sampling grandma sounds way too intense 😂😂😂😂

[@chelseastephens9251]

I think the uncle should’ve just called the mom and said pre-cook the food I need the kitchen

[@gigilulu86]

So the no alcohol at Christmas one sounds similar to my family. My mom doesn’t drink because her dad was an alcoholic, she may have the occasional half full glass of wine My dads side of the family all loves to drink on Christmas, and that’s who we spend Christmas with. But my mom doesn’t pitch a fit about it. She has a half glass of wine, talks to the others there who either haven’t start drinking or can’t drink, then goes upstairs to read a book, watch a show, etc while my dad enjoys himself with his family he only sees once a year It’s only for one night a year so she doesn’t see it as a big deal, especially since where we live we only see her side of the family during the year

[@alejandralagunas9976]

I think your situation makes a lot of sense. But maybe in this situation it’s a bit different. It just seems like alcohol was more important than just spending time together. I don’t think it should have been that big of a deal making accommodations or maybe drinking prior and taking a lyft to the party. I’m sure she felt hurt and I think that’s pretty sad. Also happy holidays!

[@commanderwaddles3483]

Your family doesn't have a moving hosting tradition though. This lady, for everybody else's hosting is at a drinking party once a year. It is now her turn to host, so she makes a party that she views as fun. Just like your mom can tolerate one night a year where she has to hide away from the party since she doesn't like being around tons of drinking, the lady's family can tolerate one night in who-knows-how-many years (depends how big their fam is, how many hosts there are) without alcohol. People are just too protective of the lifestyles they're used to.

[@gigilulu86]

@@commanderwaddles3483 yeah but there’s a big difference between one person who’s uncomfortable not changing things for everyone else, and someone who is trying to change things for everyone else. I understand not wanting alcohol in your home which is totally valid but she should have known the no alcohol Christmas would upset people, and shouldn’t have offered to host

[@puffpax666]

@@gigilulu86 she shouldn't be exempt from hosting because her family is too hung up on alcohol to care about her feelings

[@gigilulu86]

@@puffpax666 it’d be different if there was like a couple of people in the family who wanted to have an alcohol free Christmas, but since she was the ONLY one, it doesn’t make sense to change the tradition and go against the grain. I don’t think the family should have decided to do their own celebration without informing her though

[@Nikole_Raven]

As far as alcohol, it's extremely triggering to me, and I am by no means 100% sober, but I've seen it ruin too many lives. I've had to stop hanging out with people because I don't like who they are when they drinks, and unfortunately they drink a lot. I won't go certain places because i know that people will just be drunk there. It's someone's right to not allow something in thier home.

[@nebulasfart3590]

The last year or more has been crazy so I stopped physically watching my fave KZbinrs. And only listen to Reddit videos when I clean at home. And I feel like a bad fan for just now realizing y’all do Reddit videos??? Love it and y’all are so funny. This is the most I’ve heard Ben talk too! Def will be listening to these videos now too!

[@kiarimarie]

Ben: "Let's take time off" Cristine: "NOPE!" haha, I appreciate his attempts to temper her workaholic nature

[@jadziajan]

I'm pretty sure the name Xmas has nothing to do with being anti-religion, it was started by Christians. "There is a common misconception that the word Xmas stems from a secularizing tendency to de-emphasize the religious tradition from Christmas by "taking the Christ out of Christmas"; nevertheless, this usage dates back to the 16th century, with the "X" deriving from the New-Testament Greek spelling of "christos""

[@sunnycurtis3236]

Yes, and it may have started much earlier than the 16th century. :)

[@mushmushmush]

yea, "x" is literally just the greek "ch"

[@jadziajan]

@@sunnycurtis3236 Yeah, I was a bit lazy in just copy-pasting one source because it does the work, but I have heard about earlier usages too.

[@anluip2950]

I've had various specific food needs over the years including vegetarian, Gluten free, soy free. Etc I've always taken my own safe foods, so i can eat, socialize, and to remove the stress from the host. I prefer it and it's no big deal. I wouldn't expect anyone to cater to my specific needs. I dont feel that it should be the hosts responsibility but always appreciated when or if they ask

[@erinbelding9321]

The hiking one- I have bad joints in my feet/ankles, I had surgery on one a couple years ago, so an icy hike would be totally out of the question for me, but I don’t get this? Why is the son insisting no one do the family tradition for a gf of only 6 months? I would just stay behind and sleep in, boyfriend can go if they want! They’re been together for only 6months, I’m surprised she’s even coming to Xmas? (I know some people move quicker than others in relationships) there’s gotta be something else to this story

[@alexagolden9172]

Please don’t stop the podcasts they are my favorite

[@priscillarocco]

Happy holodays! Before I actually listen to it, I reaaally hope you don't stop the podcast, I love listening to you guys.

[@TheEmilyDBaker]

I always love the pod…but this episode was so incredible. I was blown away by the cookie samples….. what in the world?!? So many family issues are boundaries not being respected and it’s wild to see these examples. Thanks for keeping me company while packing for the holidays. ❤❤

[@valm5531]

RE: picky eating, sometimes neurodivergent people have issues, whether it's sensory or just getting fixated on a meal for weeks, months, or years at a time. The most nourishing food is the food that actually makes it into your body so if those teens just wanna eat chicken tenders, let them do it without judgment. The uncle's attitude makes me think that their mom probably consciously chooses not to tell him what's going on, medically or emotionally, with her kids. I think it's really considerate of her to bring something they can eat so that they can participate in the family gatherings. Maybe he could ask her to prepare it ahead of time or wait until he's finished in the kitchen, but he sounds like he's just being spiteful. Chicken tenders are also literally the least-invasive food I can think of as far as prep, they can be done in an air fryer or oven in like 10-15 minutes it's really nbd and she's doing it herself. The fact that he knows it's all they'll eat and he can't even fathom adding it to his menu is another checkmark in the "spite" column. Maybe the pasta can be skipped but, as with literally all of these AITAs, OP just needs to communicate.