Sister Wives #31 - (Whatever Robyn) - Therapist Reacts

[@AliciaMcIntire]

It seems like Robyn expected to be hailed as this savior for giving Meri a child. But, Meri turned her down, and now she is mad that she didn't get to fill that role.

[@LynnWahby]

Meri was smart to turn down Robyn as a surrogate. I can only imagine how many times that would be thrown in meri's face, or remind everyone of this monumental sacrifice she made. Robin is relentless. Like a dog with a bone. Meri dodged a bullet by not letting Robyn be a surrogate.

[@laurenditmar2776]

On the album controversy, this is the story I heard: my husband, whom I rarely see and whom I have to share with 3 other women, took me out for my birthday, the one day (maybe one of two, if we count anniversary) that I arguably have a right to be selfish with his time and attention, and instead of buying me a gift, he bought the album I wanted for his other wife. The subtext I hear in this is: Christine wanted to be the only women he was thinking about on her birthday, and she wasn’t; Kody feels stretched thin and is always looking to be as efficient as possible with his time, so he’s never fully present. Not everything has to be “Christine is a goddess and Kody is dirt,” but I completely understood why this would upset her.

[@ResidentMilf]

All Christine even wanted was to feel special to him, to know that he married her because he loved her and not because he was collecting wives and she was convenient. This is merely one example in a long list of Kody completely ignoring this wish. When you have more than one romantic partner, it's important to make each one feel like they're special, that's what prevents jealousy.

[@laurieerickson7205]

Surprised that the doctor missed this. Or is this possibly a male multitasking response? I do think there are differences in the way women and men think, however your explanation is what came to the majority of our minds.

[@secret_badass]

I would have been upset too. Even if my partner bought the CD for a friend, it hurts to feel like your partner did something special for you and then find out that they actually weren’t thinking of you at all.

[@laurieerickson7205]

@@secret_badass especially on your birthday without saying, “hmm this might be a nice CD to buy for (fill in the blank), what do you think?” Then I’d tell him if it was for a friend, ‘huh, maybe’, but for his other wife? Oh, hell no.

[@g.flesch9731]

@@laurieerickson7205 Agree 100% on your birthday, your special day to celebrate with an often absent poly husband, he is fielding ideas for another wife's gift? Kody should be capable of coming up with a gift idea for any of his 4 wives without asking another wife what do you think. He is lazy. He could keep a notebook with ideas for each wife. He puts in so little time. I doubt he would know what one wife would want as a gift if he had just one wife.

[@wstone4046]

Is this the one where Robyn says she can't imagine what it would be like to be in a monogamous marriage. When she literally had just left a 10+ year monogamous relationship. Robyn never has any feelings or empathy for her sister wives.

[@ladyv5655]

Robyn has never lived in a polygamous marriage, not even with Kody. She and her children were always separate from the other wives and children by her own choice. The other wives were merely financial resources for her.

[@alicia_j17]

It sounded like the CD was special to Christine for some reason (like maybe it had a song on it that played during a date or at their wedding?) and she thought Kody knew that and was buying it as a romantic gesture. But he didn’t remember that special context and Christine was disappointed for that reason. Not just because he bought a thing for another wife. That was my impression anyway 😅

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

He could have just given it to Christine and got Meri something else later

[@secret_badass]

@@selfcarewithstephanie3519Right? Especially knowing it was her birthday, how hard would it have been in that moment for Kody to just say, “absolutely, we can listen to your CD” and let her have it. Somehow I doubt he was spoiling her with other birthday gifts

[@OohlalaHolly]

Yup!

[@lisanoell]

I absolutely understand why Christine is venting with the CD story. It’s her night and her birthday and she wants to know that she has an intimate relationship with Kody that is just her own. She gets so little of him and when it is her night they also have the kids usually. What we also don’t know is whether Kody gave her a gift, or if he did, whether it was a nice gift.

[@vanessabiggs4369]

The problem is probably that he didnt get Christine a gift, or if he did it was probably less than a CD, they have next to no money back then - so a CD might be a bigger deal than something you pick up regularly.

[@piperarcher9706]

12:16 Lmao I was raised mormon and am bisexual and I remember asking a similar question when I was really young and my mom said the SAME THING. I was told my life would be hard and lonely, especially as I felt I wasn't allowed to have friends after that. I felt it was irresponsible to have close female friends, and I knew I wasn't allowed to have friends who were male because of the optics. I was essentially told that "you marry who you date" so if I never dated a woman, I wouldn't ever marry one in her mind. But yes, Christine has problematic beliefs and has been taught her whole life how to justify them. But the growth people are capable of is amazing. My own mother, now, is accepting of my trans sister, my other sibling poly relationships, and all of us leaving her faith.

[@barbmoore6587]

Very well said ❤👏🏽🙏🏼👍🏼

[@kaleanaking5292]

HAD. She has a non binary child who married a woman (I think or they might be non binary too) recently

[@Ewwreally]

When speaking to a Mormon, it is more important to hear what they aren’t saying rather than what they are saying

[@lisanoell]

As a former LDS Mormon I can back this statement.

[@Ewwreally]

@@lisanoell Remember when they were talking with the gay student in Boston and they convinced him that they were ok with gay people? I literally screamed, turned off the tv, and had to take a walk to calm down

[@vanessabiggs4369]

💯

[@lNoWayAroundItl]

The Robyn reaction comes off so awkward. I can't believe that her offer was completely unselfish.

[@Ewwreally]

I hate how things like surrogacy are just thought of lightly, like they don’t realize that there might be harm to the child. Even if she had good intentions, there’s no way she thought of the baby first

[@EatHere]

Maybe she felt like if she offered or went through with surrogacy for Meri then she would be more accepted into the family. Either way I think it’s a kind offer.

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

​@@EatHereMeri is in her mid to late 40s ( she probably doesn't have many viable eggs) with only 1 child who is almost grown. Robyn knew she wouldn't do it but wanted to be able to hang it over her head.

[@nicolemensch4343]

​@selfcarewithstephanie3519 agreed. In addition, I think Robyn knew Kody would never let her since Robyn knew Kody wanted to have as many kids with her as possible.

[@kimm6589]

Every ploy from her is a step toward more power over the rest of the wives.

[@tiffanyweaver8945]

I feel also like people really assume that having a surrogate will solve whatever fertility issues the couple is having. Fertility is not usually that cut and dry.

[@Ewwreally]

@@tiffanyweaver8945 THANK YOU. As someone that was adopted by an infertile couple, having someone else birth a child for you is not the “cure” people think it is. There are so many ethical issues people ignore in the process

[@MrsPotts98]

I think Christine’s reaction about the CD was because they have limited time together and even further limited time just as a couple and on that limited time, he was thinking of someone else

[@g.flesch9731]

Kody's MO is limit time with any wife (until Robyn came along) or kids. That is the way Kody likes it. He never lingers too long because some problem will come up & he does not handle problems well.

[@bahanasabu]

16:56 as a queer adult who grew up hearing "while we support tHe gAyS, it will be a difficult life so we don't want it for our children", I have to say it was crushing to hear. It made me feel like I was feeling something wrong and difficult, which was an internal battle that would take many years of therapy to work through. But I also knew that the people around me thought it was hard (for me and for themselves by proxy too) which made it incredibly hard to come out. Not just did the burden of existing as a queer teen and young adult fall on me, I was also constantly aware that this could not be something to feel joy around. Tl;dr - yes there's homophobia in the world, but telling a kid that you would hope they're straight so they don't have to deal with that pain is actually adding to the pain and can leave the child feeling despair about a core part of who they are

[@g.flesch9731]

Life is difficult in hetero or gay relationships. Where does it say not being gay is a smooth ride? That is ridiculous & shows disrespect to a family member who is gay. Challenges come in any relationship or marriage - period. They do not understand the complexity of relationships. There is no magic relationship definition. We can even create our own family with friends we care about if our family of origin is not accepting. All relationship advice seems to be the same. They tell you how life will be happier, better if you follow their script for your relationships. I do not know how a gay relationship works or a hetero relationship works because it is all very complex. No one has cornered the market on what type of relationship you must have to be happy. The divorce rate is 50%. So obviously relationships are challenging overall. Enjoy the life you make. I wish you the best.

[@anamakesthings]

@@g.flesch9731 oh no no, those people don't mean "your relationship dynamics will be tricky," they mean "WE will make it hard and difficult for YOU." Don't give them that much credit for thinking of how nurturing a gay relationship potentially is. It's a very selfish thing. They are the ones most uncomfortable and struggling, not the ones involved in the gay relationship. The call is coming from inside the house. I used to have very similar conversations with my mom and her favourite passive-aggressive comment was "the world is not made for that." Thankfully, I was raised agnostic and have zero guilt over my s3xu@l preferences. Because I didn't have this added layer of shame, I was able to consistently reply with "sounds like a YOU problem." Happy to report that mom is in town, visiting me for the 1st time in 6 years (we live on different continents) and I took her to her first-ever Pride parade. This woman, who's from a small town in Eastern Europe, who had no clue what Pride is, had a blast!!! It was very enlightening for her to see jubilant queer families, people of all ages and sizes, great music, and even better choreographies. I suspect what broke through to her was the unconditional love that was very loud all around us. My mom has been a plus-sized lady ever since she gave birth to me. It came as a shock because she used to look like a 125 lbs 5'9 model, and then, her hormones bailed on her. There was a lot of unaddressed pain in how she viewed herself. Well, when she saw that parade with many plus-sized participants, dressed in the most beautiful clothes, having the best time, being showered with love from all sides, I think something switched in her and she understood the concept of celebrating people, AS THEY COME. Anyways, sorry for the long rant... TLDR: when you hear "it's going to be hard on you" it means "we're gonna make it hard on you." but don't give up. This usually comes from people who don't trust that they, themselves, are worthy of unconditional love. Of course, self-care first and always protect your peace, but it's always a good strategy to lead the way, with unconditional love, and hope they also pick up on it✌

[@g.flesch9731]

@@anamakesthings As a Mother, unconditional love is the starting point for each child. How wonderful your mother saw that all around her. The love that every human needs & strives for. I wish you & your Mother the very best in life. You are worthy of love & happiness. We all are worthy.

[@kjgaia]

Also, it's rich hearing this from the mouth of a woman who has made choices that are specifically hard on children. Divorce, while common, is hard on kids, but that's just the tip. What about the pain inflicted by uprooting the kids from their support system and community, moving once and then again within a matter of weeks with 3 days notice, joining a family that already has 10 siblings, some of which aren't stoked to be taking care of new young siblings, the (Garrison?) bullying situation for (Payton?), and not to mention their lack of choices to be raised in a family that's technically illegally polygamist, forcing pressure on the children and having to lie at school, and lastly lack of autonomy whether or not to be featured on a reality show as a child, not to mention that this broadcasts the family's uncommon and technically illegal arrangement. The added pressure of being "TV stars" and clearly part of an atypical and illegal family structure would be so hard on children. So, let me get this straight, exactly which part of "ThE gAy LiFeStYlE" would be so challenging that Robyn wouldn't wish it on her children? She certainly doesn't shy from challenging her children in really painful ways.

[@g.flesch9731]

@@kjgaia OH MY Preach 100%

[@wintersolstice4793]

11:59 I think she's trying to be fair, she's saying no boys in your room for reasonable expectations, and no girls if that's your fancy. Same rules apply no matter what; I think she's trying to be fair.

[@kirstynashlee]

I have never watched this show or followed the information about the family online but now that you’re covering it I’m all in with these reactions. You take difficult or uncomfortable topics and make them feel safe and I appreciate that.

[@angelabarton5146]

Robyn is uncomfortable with people making decisions she can’t understand. She offered something she thought Meri wanted. Meri said “no thanks” and Robyn feels rejected by that decision.

[@pinkpugginz]

Robyn was angry Meri didn't want to babysit all her kids too

[@angelabarton5146]

@@pinkpugginzyup and other things that Meri wanted to do for herself were objectionable to Robyn. Again, if she doesnt “agree” or wouldn’t do it herself, then she can’t understand why others would.

[@MsJordanElaine]

That’s a very insightful comment.

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

​@@pinkpugginzMeri did want to babysit her kids. Robyn wouldn't let her. She would dangle them in front of her like a reward like if you do this, I'll let you spend time with my kids.

[@nicolemensch4343]

​@@selfcarewithstephanie3519same with Christine. Robyn kept her kids apart from the family when she had two very willing sister wives who wanted to spend time with them

[@kelseyr2784]

Dr. Honda, please remember that some of these earlier episodes are 10+ years old. The way people speak about same sex relationships have changed a lot since then, especially for people with backgrounds like the Brown's.

[@Ewwreally]

@@kelseyr2784 I noticed how you said “speak” about them, rather than how they FEEL about them. This is nothing more than defending homophobia

[@kelseyr2784]

@@Ewwreally I don't think that's totally fair. I'm not saying the Brown family adults have all been perfect allies, but I'm just trying to contextualize their lack of education at the time. I can't speak for how they feel or don't feel about the LGBTQ+ community.

[@Ewwreally]

@@kelseyr2784 If you grew up in mormon culture like I did, you would see what I mean

[@Schu0086]

I bet I know which one of Christine’s girls asked this question, and I love her, lol.

[@evasprung7539]

Absolutely 😂

[@lisapetri3616]

gwendlyn probably. and she did come out as bisexual and is now married to a woman

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

​@@lisapetri3616and Christine, Janelle and Meri are all very supportive.

[@Schu0086]

@@lisapetri3616 that’s my guess but I didn’t want to say it since he doesn’t follow that stuff afaik

[@swedish_malin]

@@Schu0086 @lisapetri3616 Yeah, no spoilers about future events after the episode he's watching, thanks.

[@madelinesmith1363]

This felt to me like Robyn wanting recognition for her "kind and selfless" offer of surrogacy. And mayyyybe this is unfair of me... but I can't help but think that Robyn wants to make it all about her and how "good" she is 😩

[@Schu0086]

I feel like the family treats Meri’s infertility in a very callous way. It seems like they can’t relate to her at all, or understand why she might not want to raise another baby at this point in her life but still grieve that she didn’t have the number of children she wanted. But she has already raised a child almost to adulthood and starting over would be very hard. The family seems to pressure her a lot about the surrogacy thing and any time she mentions that she can’t have more kids they throw it in her face that she could have had more. Even though surrogacy wouldn’t necessarily have been successful depending on what’s causing Meri’s infertility and would likely have complicated her relationships with both Kody and Robyn. I do think it might have held the family together longer though since I think that not having young children who still need a high level of care probably created distance between her and the other wives earlier than it may otherwise have happened.

[@Stormy575]

I don't know if you saw the interviews Dr. Kirk did with the former member of this sect, but in their faith it is vital to have as many children as possible. You might even say it's considered a woman's main purpose. So the family's attitude might make more sense given that context.

[@Schu0086]

@@Stormy575 that’s true. I’m not sure how fundamentalist Mormons feel generally about assisted reproduction though, and I think about the fact that for the majority of these marriages, half of the group were not raised fundamentalist. Neither Kody nor Janelle would have had those ingrained childhood beliefs. Robyn comes in, now the family has more money and they offer her a chance, but surrogacy itself may be something that Meri is uncertain of her religious beliefs on. Like theologically, is that her baby or Robyn’s? On top of all the general lifestyle changes that would have to happen if she had another baby. It would require a high level of medical assistance that might be difficult for her theologically since God opens and closes the womb etc

[@marylopo4107]

I have a sister a lot like Meri in demeanor. She’s crafty. She’s kind in that she is always there and does things liken makes all the kids Christmas special. However; she is very abrasive and when you say anything to support her she snaps at you for not getting it right or all out weaponized what you said by distorting it. Guess what people do? The just be quiet on the topic and although people would love to help her they aren’t about to unless she asks. I think Janelle and Christine learned with her you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t with her.

[@lisanoell]

Christine’s answer to the gay question betrays her cognitive dissonance. They want to be/appear modern and open-minded so she is hiding behind a threat that the daughter wouldn’t be able to have normal friendships with other girls now. She wants to be fine with it but also doesn’t really totally feel fine with it, in my opinion as a former LDS Mormon.

[@InezBlackmoon]

I guess im the odd one out on the coming out conversation. I took it as “I would love you just the same” strict parents have that rule of the opposite sex not allowed in the kids rooms so I took it as she was saying to her kid nothing would change, girls just wouldnt be allowed in your room, light heartedly reassuring her child how she will be treated in her dating years will be unchanged

[@nebraska418]

That's how I took it, too.

[@mell682]

It was Christine’s day. Period. He can shop for his other wives whenever. They don’t have much quality time with him as it is.

[@Chellistan]

I’m a therapist too but I’ve watched this show for years. I consistently see you failing to verbalize/validate the real hurts these women are experiencing. It’s not about a CD, it’s about Christine feeling forgotten and ignored.

[@lisanoell]

Yes

[@NM-ub6ml]

Yes. It is kind of blindingly obvious... she says it indirectly but it is clear.... I don't get how he is bending over not to see what is a fairly sensible hurt. It is too abstract

[@katesimpson5098]

I have a therapist, and I honestly appreciate Dr.Hondas approach. He doesn't assume anything. It's more invalidating when someone assumes they know what you're feeling. I'd prefer a I could see that being uncomfortable, what made you most upset about this? Then a wow that is so frustrating, I'm sorry you're feeling this way Christine. That takes your day and makes it everyone's day. That doesn't express genuine curiosity about your client

[@nadinaborgli2751]

I agree. I kind of wonder if it is because he goes back to - but they chose this.. He does acknowledge at times that their "choice" was limited due to their religious beliefs, but it seems to maybe disappear a bit in Christine analysis. As far as I recall the first 3 wives were also really young when they "married" Cody. If I remember correctly Christines family was deeply involved in that practice and she was very young when she made the decision. Maybe the fact that she wanted to be the 3rd wife (hopefully the last) showed that she knew herself a bit - seeing that she really wants a deep connection and "exclusive" relationship. But for her being an only wife was maybe not even an option to really consider. Did she even see any role models for marriages that were not polygamist? And even if she did - those relationships seem to be valued less than polygami in their dogma.

[@Chellistan]

@@nadinaborgli2751 Her grandfather FOUNDED the religion. There was no way she was going to make a different choice.

[@ralphsumlin6875]

Robyn likes to be the victim at all times so when Meri comes across as victim or gains sympathy she has to raise her hand and say hey look at me over here

[@angelabarton5146]

@@ralphsumlin6875 victim? Not really. Robyn is self-righteous and judgmental. She thinks she has the solution to everyone’s problem. If they would just do what she thinks is best.

[@lisanoell]

Yes, this makes the most sense. She dismissed Meri’s “victimhood.” She absolutely plays the victim, very often turning other people’s difficulties into her own cause of pain. She has done that since the beginning of the story with Christine. Here she just refuses to let Meri have her own pain in a super loud way, calling attention to herself and her self-sacrificing “generosity.”

[@kaleanaking5292]

I’d be pissed if my husband bought something he KNEW I loved (which Kody did) for someone else ON MY BIRTHDAY too

[@AnnK.-vu2yp]

Meri seemed very convicted about never wanting it to be just her Cody and Moriah lmao.

[@angelatheriault8855]

Did Kody get Christine a gift on her birthday? I doubt anyone would be very pleased if their spouse was buying someone else a gift on their birthday and they got nothing.

[@magikenzee]

14:03 if I was gay my mother would've changed the no boys with closed door rule to no girls with closed door rule the end so essentially no closed doors with people your sexually interested in

[@mommybreakdown]

My thought on the Robyn reaction was that she saw Kody step in it and jumped in to save him. Now did he actually step in it? I don’t know. Meri laughed along with it, but everything moved so fast. Thanks, Dr. Honda for another great video!

[@alwayzjello]

I agree

[@lisanoell]

While he did step in it, Meri’s temperament is such that it was a small moment of intimacy with Kody as they acknowledged the actual reality by laughing together. Robyn cut that off and dismissed Meri’s pain, essentially saying Meri actively chose to have only one child.

[@mommybreakdown]

@@lisanoell I can definitely see why it could be hurtful to Meri. I just don't think that Robyn said it with the intention to hurt Meri, but rather to protect Kody. Regardless, it says a lot about her priorities of holding Kody's feelings above Meri's in that quick moment.

[@lisanoell]

@@mommybreakdownYes, I can see that. Whatever Robyn’s truest motivation was, whether for her own or for Kody’s benefit, it was to Meri’s detriment. That part is clear!

[@Whiskeyriver714]

Meri got a second of sympathy from Kody, and Robin cannot handle it. And that offer was NEVER going to happen. Fake offer

[@alwayzjello]

13:45 based on other clues, I think her 12 year old (12 years old at the time) asked Christine this. So not exactly a child, but not one of the older kids either.

[@StarlitScimitar]

Ah ok that makes sense why Christine would still use the word “play” then. I was thinking this particular child was probably too young to ask this question, and assumed it was Mykelti. 😂 But 12 makes sense.

[@bento_cat9124]

I heard christine’s statement as basically if you bring a girl home the same rules will apply as they would to a boy, with also some clear implicit bias attached. I think she’s prioritizing her love of her kid over her ingrained queerphobia. Robyn honestly sounds more bigoted to me with her “id be sad” statement. I havent seen the whole show tho

[@EatHere]

Maybe I’m simple minded, but at this point I feel like everyone is doing their best to be positive and cope with this difficult dynamic of polygamy. I don’t think anyone is a villain, at least so far.

[@lynnvon8758]

The whatever I've given her a choice. Out of nowhere is obnoxious. Robyn can't stand letting the 0g3 having a moment with Kody.

[@angelabarton5146]

15:12 the child who asked the question was not of dating age per her POV. She gave what she thought was an age appropriate response.

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

Exactly. Christine, Janelle and Meri are all very vocal LGBTQ allies.

[@SHUTUPx3abby]

FIRST!!!! so obsessed that you are covering this show. Thank you Dr. Honda!

[@Twirlingbarbie]

Dr. Honda not understanding ANYTHING Christine says should be studied😭 Obviously people want to feel special on their birthday, especially by their husband. It would hurt any person if their significant other would buy something for someone else and not them. Also, a lot of times Christine doesn't mean it literally when she says things.

[@GillDawe]

I 100% think people are completely blind to Christine’s flaws, I don’t get it at all. I’ve watched the entire show and to pretend that Christine didn’t have immature and selfish moments is beyond my understanding. No one is a saint, I love Christine and am very happy for her but she’s had plenty of very shitty moments in this show.

[@g.flesch9731]

Christine is on the maturity level of a teenager. She is fun but she is really not wanting to share Kody despite she chose to be wife #3. Christine could have looked for a #1 position for a plural husband & I am sure Christine would have been bossing any under wives all around. Christine has ideas & demands & family members (Kody) in the family should agree with her ideas & demands. Christine is quite fussy about herself.

[@blackmber]

I don’t personally know anyone in the AUB, but my experiences with mainstream Latter-day Saints tells me that Janelle’s reaction is not as rare as you might have expected. The stories of families disowning LGBTQ children, condemning them, or sending them to conversion therapy are scary and get repeated often. I can’t say it doesn’t happen, but of the people I know, none have reacted that way. While the church doesn’t fully accept or promote same-sex relationships, it also teaches that everyone is a child of God, so we should be kind and respect their autonomy. One of my in-laws came out to their family expecting to get kicked out of the house or disowned, but they just said they still loved them and would want to meet their future partner. They just wouldn’t allow sleepovers in the house. It may not be as accepting as someone might hope, but it’s not the outright rejection that you hear about in those stories.

[@Xxmilkshake202xX]

Christine is the only one who actually grew up in a polygamous family. Her grandfather created their sect of the AUB. Her mother was the third wife. Her mother actually left her father, started speaking out against polygamy, and was ex-communicated. Christine and her mother seem to have a lot in common and a great relationship now.

[@Whiskeyriver714]

Christine is very accepting of her daughter, Gwen and her wife. Robin fake accepts but not really

[@AliciaMcIntire]

Make sure to mark spoilers, since Dr. Honda has said that any info about future stuff ruins the show for him

[@homeschoolmom8804]

Purity culture. She can’t condone sex before marriage (gay or straight). Courting culture, you are chaperoned with the opposite sex. She is saying, if you like the same sex, I would shift my rules to fit your sexual orientation. My half white and Korean kids love being biracial. Thank God there is more acceptance now. I hope we continue to make progress.

[@divamomj9187]

You should try doing 2 - 3 episodes at a time. You keep thinking that you’re reading into things but you’re picking up on some amazing subtleties that will get louder and more problematic with time. 😊

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

I see the 'girlfriend' answer is setting up the excuse for not actually being ok with their daughter dating a girl. The rationale is 'oh, she's just not right for you, you know I have high standards, regardless of their gender!'. And then it will just so happen they never happen to like any girlfriend in question, but do approve of some boyfriends. It's a more sophisticated way to hide prejudice because the show knows to make the family palatable they can't look too restrictive

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

I can see why you'd think that but Christine is a very vocal LGBTQ ally.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

@@selfcarewithstephanie3519 That's so great to hear! 🙂I do not watch the show and so know very little about what these people are currently doing in life, thank you for letting me know

[@asunnywebb]

Something I noticed when going through IVF is that people have no idea what to say about it. They say dumb things like "you can have my kids" or "you can always adopt" (which also is usually really hard too) or my favorite "just relax and you'll get pregnant" while knowing nothing about your medical situation. We don't want to do those things or to have to do those things. We want to carry our own baby and give birth. We certainly don't want your bratty kids. Lol

[@cathywithac]

Meri deals with infertility. She wanted more than one child. Their religion says 6 children per wife is righteous. Robyn had 5 kids. Robyn forced herself into the conversation.

[@lisapetri3616]

in their religion 6 children per wife is a low number. like meri had 25 siblings. 10 of which were her full siblings

[@cathywithac]

@@lisapetri3616 On a podcast, Kody said that the expectation was 6 kids per wife. He tried to make a joke of his wives not making quota.

[@g.flesch9731]

@@cathywithac Sexist to expect a wife to have a minimum of at least 6 kids each. Kody was vetting Robyn while Christine was expecting Kody's 6th child after a difficult miscarriage. Was Kody giving her any special attention during her 6th pregnancy? No he was courting Robyn. Some women may not be able to have 6 kids. Each pregnancy is different. Meri had one child. The reasons she never had another we do not know why.

[@ikabby6482]

3:56 the “whatever” impression made me chuckle 😅

[@florenceumpherville8560]

Kody put a stop to Robyn giving Meri her baby and have her even more beholden to Robyn !

[@deanna4851]

Sister Wives Season 19 starts Sept 15th

[@julest5767]

It seems that Kody didn't buy Christine anything for her BD and she had reasonably assumed the album was for her then found out it wasn't. So she got nothing and another wife got a gift.

[@jessk457]

With the album thing. I get the feeling cody didnt remember it was Christine's birthday. She thought he remembered and bought her the album as a gift. But Cody didnt remember her birthday and instead bought a gift for Robyn, i.e. he didnt get christine anything for her birthday.

[@thepolyneer6242]

Christine’s daughter is gay and now married to a woman, and Meri’s child is transgender. Christines daughter’s wedding will be on this new season.

[@AliciaMcIntire]

NO SPOILERS

[@lNoWayAroundItl]

21:01 I am more inclined fo believe that their answers are out of the norm or possibly coached. I do have to remember that I don't agree with the families beliefs because overall they are shining the softest light on the religion they follow.

[@JulesA5266]

As a queer person, it always makes me laugh when people say things like "You shouldn't be gay" as though any of us had a choice in the matter. The belief that being gay is a "lifestyle" by many conservative Christians is so disheartening and also maddening.

[@Xxmilkshake202xX]

Christine, Janelle and Meri are definitely accepting. I guarantee that the child who asked was Gwendlyn. I think she was maybe 9-12 during this time so Christine’s soliloquy makes sense for that age range.

[@KINOkyra]

For context: Meri dealt with infertility. Robyn volunteered surrogacy and over inserted herself in her struggle-which is OBVIOUSLY about biological birth.

[@Sophieeeelolcxcx]

If I had a dollar every time someone had mentioned how being gay is going to hold me back for opportunities in life smh.. it’s was the first thing my mom had said when I came out. It comes out of fear and lack of knowledge 💯

[@isa.c7764]

I think young Meri wanted a lot of kids and older Meri has accepted that that ship has sailed and is appreciating her new chapter. It’s not simply about fertility, it’s also about timing and personal feelings. Robyn shouldn’t throw surrogacy in her face like that would solve everything. Poor Meri.

[@LynnWahby]

I think Christine's response to the idea of having a homosexual child, was completely reasonable. I knew a girl who came out to her parents. Her parents were accepting of her lifestyle but she said her mother wont let her have anymore sleepovers with girlfriends. That is appropriate on her parents part.

[@sintara8442]

I honestly think they mean well about the gay questions. They seem supportive. Also, I can imagine being gay gives a person in their circle some extra challenges. Theres a reason for dr H's assumption about their stance on things.. It's not wrong to talk about that. As long as they understand that the kid doesn't make a choice to be gay and make their life harder 😅

[@IndigoBellyDance]

@8:50: imo the SW fan base Super Loves Christine & thinks she’s the Most amazing person ever ever. Imo Christine chose Polygamy But she does not have the personality to be a polygamist. Kody Obviously preferred Robyn But Both Kody & Christine could have been better to each other.

[@Schu0086]

I agree, and I do like Christine but I can think of many moments where I felt she was acting inappropriately or being unnecessarily mean particularly toward Meri. I think she’s grown a lot but that the toxic environment brought the worst out in all of them and Meri took the brunt of a lot of it.

[@nicolemensch4343]

I don't think Christine is the most amazing person ever, but *minor spoiler* she is the only one being somewhat honest about her feelings at this point & I appreciate that. Kody also chose polygamy and his cult says he's not allowed to show preference to one wife over another so Christine is right to be mad he's not holding up his obligations.

[@ben361971]

Oh don't worry...you are on point...Kody and Robin aren't the ones that are always wrong...they all have faults.

[@petapumpkineater7185]

This whole show is pretty cringe, but I love watching you watch it!

[@emma274az]

Pansexual exmormon here. the moms response came off as extremely positive to me, and she, in different words, did say that she'd treat it the same as a hetero relationship.

[@eringodfrey1196]

I think the friend analogy for the CD is not quite right, because your friendships are not in direct competition for time and affection with your romantic relationship. I can totally understand the desire a wife would have here to feel like she is getting *all* the attention when the day is designated for celebrating her, particularly because it must be rare to feel like you have the full attention of your husband in this family dynamic. By dividing his attention to another wife during her date, she would be well within her rights to feel he was demonstrating a diminished respect and love for her.

[@vanessabiggs4369]

I like your newer look Dr H! Happy to be on the sister wives journey with you- but its cant go fast enough! It all leads to crash and burning right in front of us!

[@Kwd123]

Why do I have a very distinct memory of Mary reacting negatively to Janelle saying that statistically they would have one or two gay kids… Did they cut that out?

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

Maybe. Meri struggled at first but is now a very vocal ally.

[@JoJo-fw9vh]

Oh boy Kirk. I cannot wait until you get to the Covid seasons

[@tmoore1144]

The foreshadowing is strong in this episode. (sitting her bitting my tongue off, lol)

[@WitchOracle]

18:30 I think Robin's sentiment (that Christine agrees with) about feeling sad for gay people facing prejudice is a really common sentiment. I think it's decreasing as more and more people casually have queer people in their social circles, but I definitely heard that sentiment frequently growing up, specifically from people who were generally accepting in a conservative social circle but didn't actually have any deep familiarity with whatever minority they were discussing. As a queer person, it is very backwards to me and primarily demonstrates that they don't really know about the lives of people like me. Yeah, it sucks to be closeted around my in-laws and there are daily systemic oppressions in the society around me, but I live a life filled with joy and fulfillment. I think it's deeply very sad that Robin and Christine (at least at this point in the show) can't imagine their children finding joy and fulfillment in being themselves. That all the prejudices would overshadow any good in their lives and just make life harder and only harder. That's just not how I currently experience my queer life and to me it shows limited experience or imagination.

[@barbmoore6587]

Jennelle is so practical in her thinking and behaviour...❤❤i like that about her...

[@theresalaclair8251]

Just speculation, but I think Robyn was saying, jokingly, that she offered Mary the choice of taking one of her already existing children...

[@lisapetri3616]

luckily in reality at least meri, janelle and christine are very accepting. i'm trying not to spoil but since this has not been on the show but has been announced by them on social media: meri's child mariah is trans and is now leon and goes by them/they pronouns and the child christine is talking about is now married to a woman. they are very accepting of them.

[@AliciaMcIntire]

Dr. Honda has repeated asked for no spoilers. If you are going to mention anything that happens in the future, please mark it as a spoiler and put on empty space to push the info below the fold

[@lisapetri3616]

@@AliciaMcIntire they're not spoilers cause it has only been talked about on social media. Not on the show. If it happened on the show it would be a spoiler

[@denisia1111]

I think Christine handled her daughter's question in an age appropriate manner. It's a middle child probably between 8-10yrs old, she's asking what would happen if she had a girlfriend, and Christine said it's fine but you can be alone in your room. It wasn't the right time to go into safe se*, consent, and healthy relationships. It's a kid half joking half serious and we don't know if younger kids were around. If it had been a 13yr or older then it would have been a very different conversation. As for Robyn I'm not surprised, she has the ability to spin every situation into her victim mentality.

[@FrauYaU]

I don't know if it was, because she's saying "girls wouldn't be allowed in your room either" as an example of how difficult her life would be to try and discourage her from coming out. Also, the child may interpret that as she wouldn't be able to have close friends at all. I imagine with so many kids, when one has a friend over they would spend a lot of time in that child's room. I just think if she really wasn't prejudice against LGBT people her response would have been more like "That wouldn't change how much I love you" or something more focused on how she would feel the same about her daughter rather that right off the bat telling her how it would be a really hard path.

[@miriamceornea97]

but what about making someone aware of the challenges that they might occur? For example my ex partner was quite older then me and I told him that not everybody is going to be super happy and supportive about this and maybe even because you are the male you might get looked at with more judgment (could be for me too that people think I'm after something specific or anything like that), it was not to scare him off or put doubts in his mind but to see if he is aware of it and is fine and can handle that type of situations if that were the case, is that also not a good thing to do? because I believe it give the chance to a person to choose for themselves, this could be that case but if you are still in it to win it then, obviosuly I'm here to support you too but if they already know that maybe it is something they don't want to deal with, then the relationship was not going to work out in the long run anyways, that way they can actually take the time to decide for themselves first and check in, if this relationship is worth it or not, maybe I'm seeing that wrong but it would also be disingenuous to believe or think that everyone in the word is not going to have any problem with that, it does not affect me personally because I loved him and what other people thought of it did not really matter anyways (obviously as long as you are not actually beein persecuted or bullied or anything like that, then it is another story but here were we live it is not the case, people just look interested at times and stuff like that but it is not like they are actively being mean or rude about it, they might have their own doubts about it for sure but at least on the surface people were quite supportive)

[@emilyrobertson522]

Really enjoying these!

[@joeyapple369]

Getting the Christine thing so wrong lol😂Christine is just saying she wouldn’t mind and the same rules apply. Jeez.

[@betsybabf748]

Christine simply wanted the attention and thoughts to be on her for her special birthday date, which is normal, especially think they share his attention every other day of their lives. The family is very accepting of LGTB lifestyles. That's not their issue at all, as it is with many fundamentalists groups.

[@mayahdoss7050]

It would be awesome if you just watched an entire clip and then reacted.

[@iemttraining]

I think Christine has interjected negative issues for a long, long time as far as her wishing she really was the only wife she has suffered greatly in polygamy.. sadly everyone seems to be upset with Robin and Cody these days but the truth is they all agreed to this. They all joined it and they’ve all like any relationships are responsible for their parts.

[@barbmoore6587]

Interesting insertions from Robin...she continues to broaden her place in each persons life, when it comes to pleasing Kody... Just curious note

[@erikaschaltenbrand7850]

Dude you need to watch the show. You are missing sooooo much about Meri and kody

[@quinntara20]

Oh Dr Honda... Mormons have strict rules against physical intimacy before marriage..at any age. She's not being simple by not allowing a girlfriend partner in a private setting with her daughter... Geesh

[@dianna1976]

When one of the kids come out, kody said he doesn't judge he leaves that to God. The family was, oh he's so sweet. Uhm, how about worshipping a God that doesn't judge people for being gay?

[@bella3567]

watch the new season of welcome to plathville!!! i need to see your opinion

[@FrauYaU]

I'm very suspicious of the way the editing cut Cody off so quickly. I've seen a lot people who are trying to come off as accepting say stuff like what they're saying, but the longer they talk the more the homophobia slips out. I haven't seen the rest of the show, so I don't know anymore than what we've seen. I just know some people think they'll be okay with it, but when it actually happens they have a completely different reaction.

[@quitabanana3684]

I feel like you’re sorta misreading some of this? With Robin, I think she was noticing that the conversation implied that Meri’s agency had been taken from her. And she wanted to alleviate that tension by sorta being flippant and saying oh no Meri, you do have agency!!! You’re not some poor soul anymore, you’re making a choice to not have more children of your own accord, contrary to the way this convo is going which makes you seem like a victim. All of that, I think, was a poorly executed way to sort of boost Meri up. She was just awkward about it. With Christine, shes just trying to convey the point that she would not care one way or another if her kids are gay. She’s saying it’s the same rules as a way of being like see? I don’t have any negative beliefs about that, I see my kids in exactly the same light. She was being cheeky about it, but still.

[@YorMamma]

You are watching this from a point of view of someone who lives in a totally different world than they do. Would it be hard to be gay in their world? I suspect it would be very hard.

[@critiquerwhittaker]

I love Christine but it is cringey how often she insinuates or calls Kody an idiot in front of him. I get that she’s frustrated and dealing with a lot but that’s not gonna promote a good relationship.

[@AVB512]

She was saying the same rules would apply as if it were a boy. I don’t know why you're making it so complicated.

[@danagouldthorpe5563]

You know I almost never comment on these things...I've never felt so heard! Dr. Honda talking about mixed race couples and family reactions really spoke to me. I've struggled with my moms comments on how hard of a life I'm choosing as a white female married to a black man and how I should never have kids because I'd be making their future lives so much harder too. I've always seen it as veiled bigotry but have dismissed by some family and friends like oh she didn't mean it that way. It's nice to be validated every once in awhile!

[@Tomiswizard]

As a queer person, their talks of having queer kids had a lot of yellow flags. Nearly every response breaks down to “I would support you, but I dont think you should be gay.” Tell the girl, “you wont be allowed to have her in your room” is that different that their rules with boys? No… so why would that make her life harder? What they say first are points to dissuade their child. But I’d wager that they could grow out of that if/when they see their daughter happy and in love. Not positive about Mary or the husband.

[@cathywithac]

Christine's daughter Gwen is gay. It was Gwen who asked her the question. Christine had to grow.

[@ResidentMilf]

Gwen is bisexual.

[@waitz001]

Dr. Kirk has really convincibg ads for Better Help

[@MsFreebird101]

There's a lot of controversy around BetterHelp.They were caught sharing costumer's information with other sites, not just names and interests but private info shared during sessions after the CEO came out and said they'd never share people's info. It was a big scandal and I'm surprised an actual therapist is promoting it, tons of videos on YT about it because creators who were promoting it came out against it

[@waitz001]

@@MsFreebird101 really?! I mean, ...anything you put out into the Ethernet....

[@jackvillalba4317]

I’m also surprised he’s promoting Better Help.

[@dianagahne8226]

Hon,kan,man,ha,nanny,,när,manär,hemma

[@IOSALive]

Psychology In Seattle, We could share ideas and grow, wanna be friends?