Size Doesn't Matter | Emily Catalano | Stand Up Comedy

Comedian Emily Catalano isn't messing around, she really does do 8 minutes of d*ck jokes in her 2nd hilarious Don't Tell Comedy set!
Comedy is at its best when there's a surprise - that's why Don't Tell Comedy puts on events where the performers and location are kept secret until the day of the show. With over 200 cities already in on the joke, you never know where we'll set up shop, or who might pop in. Want to be let in on the secret? Visit our website below to find an upcoming show near you: www.donttellco...
Just don't tell anyone!! 🤫
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Emily Catalano is a comedian based out of Los Angeles. She's currently on tour and you can see where she'll be performing next at emilycomedy.com. And she'd like to let you know that she's, like, really cool and definitely not awkward at parties or anything.
Instagram: / catalano_emily
Facebook: / emilycatalanocomedy
TikTok: / theemilycatalano
KZbin: ‪@EmilyCatalano‬
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Your soap is a joke! Major shoutout to Dr. Squatch for making this stand-up series possible. Upgrade your personal care with 15% off your order of 50+ with code DTC15
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Credits:
Written and Performed by Emily Catalano
Executive Producers: Kyle Kazanjian-Amory & Brett Kushner
VP of Production: Marissa Gallant
Live Events Manager: Drew Platt
Director: Gordie Earle III
Director of Photography: Mark Davis
Gaffer: Michael Tellup
Swing: Dallas Calkins
Camera Operators:
Amelia Asilis
Lauren Doyle
Tanner Eck
Adrian Gutierrez
Rob Knauf
1st AC: Sophie Donatella
Camera PA: Zack Stack
Editor: Jordan Tetewsky
Color Correction: Mark Davis
Sound Recordist: Alex Gilroy
A2: Nick Noble
Re-Record Mixer: Ryan Meadows
Production Designer: Andy Aidekman
Set Decorator: Nate Larson
Graphics: Megan Hunter
Production Assistants:
Paige Asachika
Lukas Day
Jonathan Garcia
Z Gregorio
Aine Hunt
Megan Hunter
Mary Puglisi
Photographer: Matt Misisco (IG: @mattmisiscostudios)
Special thanks to our generous hosts, FemX Quarters in San Diego, CA

[@EmilyCatalano]

thanks for watching! I've got a full special on my channel if you want more, and we could all use a little more.

[@itsbobik]

great set!!!

[@NolitaWerrett]

I watched it last night and it was bleeping hilarious

[@cyberathlete]

OMG this was absolutely amazing. Banger after banger of a joke. Amazing!!!

[@AcrossTheSea12]

Really solid set!

[@ogfullmelt]

Hilarious. Wish ya the best

[@IScottTheScotch]

Love Emily, she's like if the DMV sloth from Zootopia was a human and a comedian.

[@fantasticator]

Department of Motor Vehicles

[@Frank-theTank]

@@fantasticator Department of Man-made Vaginas

[@Feminazi1dc]

HAHAHHHH

[@dartharaneus67]

Slow deadpan is such a funny comedic system! And yes I also found the sloth in Zootopia completely hilarious!

[@Lee0018]

That’s such a accurate description 😅😂

[@Drekromancer]

This is a masterclass in the use of silence. Excellent work.

[@brynn.grumstrup]

You said it!

[@dudemorris7769]

I believe she’s a lot slow, and it’s natural.

[@dpclerks09]

That "Not knowing about sex until my pastor had an affair" joke is gold, Jerry, gold I tell ya!

[@steventeter3332]

I thought she was going to say Adam and Eve

[@ryanlemley4866]

Funny af. That two cups one girl bit was great writing. Whole set had me crackin up.

[@TK0_23_]

Great joke. Never heard anything close pertaining to that reference.

[@interestedinstuff]

Dry as dust. Very funny. I love the jokes that are absolutely unpredictable. Great stuff.

[@oxiary]

her set up game is insane !! so good arghghgh

[@pointlessspoon]

That 2 cups 1 girl joke deserved a better response from the crowd 🤣that was some genius set up lmao

[@TK0_23_]

Crowd might have been too young. And weren't into skat porn..

[@kurtstergar1042]

No I actually thought to many got that reference, sick F's.

[@g3neriik901]

@@kurtstergar1042i know what the video is but ive never seen it lol. stfu

[@GrandCrusader]

I don't get the reference but to each their own (now I'm afraid to Google it)

[@brandchannelbackup9259]

No. It was mid. The glue joke was good though

[@gabrielmaroto18]

“Never mind, it sucks. Don’t look at it.” “I’ve made it worse don’t look at it.”

[@seanblanchard3333]

Bravo Emily, I laughed so hard my cup fell off.

[@matbrady123456]

She is so great. I love her material. Her delivery is fantastic too. When she continued past where I thought she'd stop, "Wait for them to dry..." Cracked me up.

[@manilkasheran2934]

I can smell the weed through the screen! 🤣but the setup on the glue joke was phenomenal!

[@rapinncapin123]

Lol

[@IAmWizdom1000]

It really was! I wasn’t ready!😂😂😂

[@SATX_]

I’ll have what she’s having if you can tell that

[@duncan-cameronstratton1352]

@manilkasheran2934 There isn't any smoke on camera. Any cannabis you are smelling is your own

[@Purdue_Pharma]

Yeah it was a great joke. Total aces. I had to run and grab my girlfriend to rewatch it.

[@henryschneider4490]

Looking forward to following your career for years to come. I should mention, however, that I will be 75 in six weeks. No pressure; don’t let me down 🙏🏻😃🐾🐾🥃

[@LoriDiaz-w6z]

That was funny!

[@midwill80]

😂😂😂

[@TheKatarinaGiselle]

😂

[@TorreyLanii]

This is funny

[@EKSATable]

"This was back in the 90s, they could still say that to me" 😂😂😂😂😂

[@darrylstaflund3431]

The guy who came on her hands is probably called Elmer.

[@ekdaufin1485]

🤦🏾‍♀️

[@GerryAtrixx]

I C what you did there

[@marcush5453]

Nice

[@giosterr44]

😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@soulestate_5]

Ba dum tssss

[@SkyDevonne]

Oh she’s back! Her first set is one of my all time Don’t Tell favorites, hope to see her on here again.

[@ashleyroman]

Yes, that set is so good!

[@livingTRUTHful]

"Un-hardworking" was hilarious. And this comment shows my age lol

[@jkromes20]

The delivery is hilarious

[@yea.hii.1202]

The dry delivery is top tier fs

[@kaustubhgupta46]

The stoic delivery is soo perfect! Makes the jokes doubly funny

[@steventeter3332]

I think she was on mood altering medication

[@jiffyb333]

Beautiful pacing from start to finish! Had the audience hanging on her every word

[@Okayymatt]

There were so many great lines in this set. She nailed it. Don't Tell Comedy is consistently highlighting some incredible talent .

[@Mahoody]

It's 7AM and I am genuinely laughing back to back out loud, that is talent.

[@yesloow]

This whole set was so well done! Even her pacing is brilliant

[@l8knight635]

This woman belongs on stage 🤣🤣🤣. Her delivery is perfect

[@michaeleflores3013]

😂"make them come on my hand"😂😂😂"I'm going to completely drain it"😂😂😂😇

[@landcat]

Dont Tell currently has a monopoly on good comedy. This set was so good! Thanks Emily, will check out your special!

[@robertmoye7565]

Comedy genius. So brilliant and original.

[@georgelanders4271]

She's really good. Her delivery is perfect. The subtle jabs are great too

[@dionjones4025]

We did the Elmers glut thing too back in the early 80’s

[@MarilynJ.]

Enjoyed every minute of this, So funny! 😂🙌🏼

[@stevethomas74]

She is legit funny! The cadence, the mis-direction, the expert pauses...strong material expertly delivered. And she's quirky too :D

[@HankChinaski27]

I see so many comedians on here with religious upbrings. I used to work for an Evangelical mega church. It is one that people would know. All I saw in those walls were toxic ways of dealing with life. I get why people like her didn't like her experience. It is hard to like something that is so abusive. Sorry to go negative. Great set. Loved your cadence. Evangelical churches suck.

[@bufordhighwater9872]

The irony of Hank Chinaski talking about toxic ways of dealing with life, then saying it's hard to like something so abusive, and apologizing for going negative...Crippled Christ, that's funny. You didn't try, yet you achieved a level of genius that I'm not sure even you understand. Sincerely, no sarcasm at all, well done.

[@HankChinaski27]

@@bufordhighwater9872 Thanks. lol I'm just impressed that finally someone knows what my name means. And yeah, I don't espouse to much of Bukowski's ideals. He is represented by most my accounts because while I still like him, he was very much a 20s Jack experience, and sadly, i never changed them, and at this point, probably never will.

[@Tsnackle]

you cant categorize all evangelical churches as bad. there are bad and good ones with bad and good people

[@robertmorgan3670]

Awesome set with fantastic timing! Headed over to your channel for some more!

[@NateDogg2888]

The experimental stage of God’s portfolio joke got me. Solid craftsmanship all the way through the clip, too.

[@FirstLast-Area52]

"Yeah,huh!" ❤😂

[@nVreVr616]

I love the vibe here. It’s somewhere between Tina Belcher and Mitch Hedberg.

[@Fearfulocean]

Dang tina from bob's burgers is killing it on stage

[@qwertyuiopasiii2822]

Just found out about her today… completely hooked!

[@IrishMudblood]

Dry humor and amazing delivery. Good stuff.

[@guidodiman]

Very smart and funny routine. Interesting style and delivery.

[@AEKITER]

Its like Mitch Hedberg and Steven Wright had a love child daughter. She's awesome.

[@kid.forever]

Flawless set. Killer punchlines from beginning to end!

[@BloodoperaBlackvomit]

Greetings from The Netherlands. Loved the set!!!

[@TheTexican05]

The subtle delivery and writing of this set was pure 🔥! The micropenis bank account joke was killer. 😆 👏 Props, Emily. 🍻

[@chiefline7084]

Damn she surprised me with her unique approach to a punch line. Very smart humor. Loved it

[@Ryan-ff2db]

Never heard of her before but she is funny. Maybe this will be another KZbin rabbit hole

[@Zombie-u7r]

You are so GENUINELY funny! I loved all the material, so witty and great delivery.

[@lorrainechamberlain1885]

The jokes are good but the delivery is fantastic

[@TheKatarinaGiselle]

Omg..that last joke KILLED ME! 🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭

[@GizmoMaltese]

Her lazy eye is un-hardworking. She really killed it.

[@nicolejones6935]

Love the delivery but I need more! Great set!

[@g2flee]

The circumcision joke is fluffing Gold😂😂😂

[@granitemonk]

Absolutely hilarious! The timing and the delivery were spot on!

[@jefflindeman]

‘This was the nineties so they were allowed to tell me that back then.” Garnered my like for sure. That and the “2 cups, 1 girl” remark. LMAO 👍

[@sarahgrajales9693]

Love ❤ I’m subscribed now Thank you for posting we do all need a little laugh ❤😂❤❤❤❤

[@LezbollahMothra]

Absolutely god tiered deadpan delivery

[@OverkilledUnderdog]

Omg. I need to see and hear more of her. So funny.

[@krakoa942]

That is a very strong opening joke 💪👏

[@ProgrammedForDamage]

"No matter what you're working with, I'll completely drain it." Fantastic punchline 😂

[@TheMarxist70]

Love this set to bits!!!

[@John__67]

Once again...........very subtle chuckles. Love it.

[@humanpersonne]

Love her energy!

[@deanshort9011]

Emily your delivery is spot on fire🔥 Your delivery pace reminds me of Steven Wright, low key, dry delivery, and hella funny. Your material is so original. I am a fan! 🎉😎

[@at5735]

This was really funny, i giggled the whole set. Keep up the good work.

[@worldweary5750]

7:57 the gal in the front row's reaction to this bit was extra special lmao

[@soaringabovetheclouds]

the portfolio and the un-hardworking bits got me 🤣🤣

[@yegrosal]

you are really really good. excellent combo of smart writing and a delivery that elevates the jokes

[@linkibetv]

0:48 - I screamed so loud at a repressed memory that I I thought, "Wait, did we...?"

[@lorrie2878]

First time! Love it!

[@montys8th]

Damn that was a great set. Love that deadpan delivery.

[@QuillVerseHelium]

These were the funniest jokes I've ever heard. I didn't expect those punchlines!

[@megb9700]

“Great British bake off and it’s peen week.” I’m dying!😂

[@Nitu_S.C.]

She's sweet and her humor is top notch. Thanks for the laugh!

[@pfpoke]

A-list funny as fk! (great setups, all jokes land on contact, no follow through needed). A-list.

[@douglasc9182]

🤣😅🤣 Brilliant! I needed a laugh today. Thanks. ✌️❤️

[@WattWireNet]

Great set. I love your creative way of writing and pace. Try to ignore the noise and keep working hard at your craft, you really have gift.

[@Kenonio]

crying right out the gate. Absolutely genius delivery

[@samjrvic247]

What an amazing set.

[@big-stupid-jellyfish]

She kills it every time. One of my favorites

[@everpresent2443]

Outstanding comedic timing, and 🤬ing hilarious!

[@freddfezzo8524]

I haven't seen her in quite some time...Glad to see new stuff...she is terrific!!@

[@johncall293]

First time I’ve ever heard her and I’m already hooked. I love her timing. I love her jokes,they’re actually funny.

[@brettcoops]

Hilarious! The delivery is absolutely on point

[@DerrickFair-lm9ri]

Opening joke is genius 😂

[@texonbass7598]

Very clever, funny stuff! Had me laughin alot!!

[@jrcastillo2824]

KILLED IT !!!!

[@jag61688]

amazing delivery

[@chefnoah1048]

So good. I don't have the bravery to just wait

[@spke532]

Who's hittin this?! lol great set. i like how she dresses down and self deprecates. LUV IT!!

[@360sun]

Wow that was a really good set. Love how she nailed the dead pan delivery on each punch line

[@statera3547]

I loved this so much 😭

[@zainadamstohr5532]

This is pure gold! WOW. Fresh.

[@joels5150]

She kind of has a Mitch Hedberg vibe. Funny stuff 😂 It’s gotta be tough going through life with an “un-hardworking” eye. 🤪

[@reilley26]

Even the cool kids peeled glue off their hands in my elementary school! And I still recommend it to be adults struggling with skin picking

[@BrianTheChristopher]

Her set was genius!

[@NESherv]

Her delivery reminds me of Tig Notaro, but with a writing style all her own.

[@JB-mc1bl]

This was so good!

[@plumbthumbs9584]

Solid set!

[@waynewells3297]

Amazed by the sheer variety of comic styles today, and the number of really funny people. SO much better than my youth during the last Ice Age.

[@Junior71777]

Good stuff! Great laughs!