shadowbringers and the art of grief

happy dawntrail release weekend everyone! what better way to celebrate the new expansion than by spilling my guts all over the one that came out five years ago
CHAPTER LIST
0:00 intro
5:44 a world full of grief
11:53 interlude- comrade alphinaud
16:29 a world full of grief (cont.)
18:26 the characters are (also) full of grief
36:35 interlude- girl so what
41:09 oh god we gotta talk about that guy
55:17 autovivisection for your entertainment
1:07:30 tomorrow and tomorrow
microphone on loan from my girlfriend❤️ which is why i was very mediocre at using it.
additional music from SHADOWBRINGERS: FINAL FANTASY XIV ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK composed by Masayoshi Soken
featured cosplay sewed by myself with 3D printing by Dangerous Ladies
A Friendly Letter to Everyone by Tim Rogers can be found at / a-friendly-letter-to-e...
(what is functionally a ffxiv) twitter: / daintyprotag

[@the_dark_soul_of_man]

"The rains have ceased, and we have been graced with another beautiful day. But you are not here to see it."

[@Thatoneassclown]

Just when we thought Traumabringers was over, Elidibus hits us with this perfectly voiced emotional nuke of a line

[@laurenlee9909]

"Emet-Selch is a man who is bursting with love, but cannot and will not give any of it to the present, and so it is left to rot inside of him." God damn

[@tarrotpatch]

Shadowbringers is, unsurprisingly, also my favourite because I, too, am a sucker for stories about grief. Now look at this scrunkly little man with 12,000 years of depression.

[@squibbies8859]

Did I make a self insert WoL that gradually gained a personality all his own because my boyfriend wanted to play the game? Yes. Did Heavensward sink its claws in me with its story of the horrors of war and every single expansion after make me feel feelings that I haven’t felt chewing on the story in years? Yes. Am I now one of those guys that spends 5 hours a night trying to get a boss to spawn so I can ride around on a capybara? YES MY GOD

[@brookefencl4344]

SNEK Just 5 more minutes.

[@Acrysalis]

Wow, same!!

[@oktinaa]

snekk

[@MrPeaceMaker3rd]

Snek

[@squibbies8859]

Update: capybara achieved

[@kellerharris2593]

My jaw literally dropped when you made the point about the Ancients not seeing you as a child, so it's Emet-Selch who sees you that way. I had never put that together before and now I am yet again despondent over this skrunkly old man

[@mallowhoney]

GOD HE'S SO SKRUNKLY BUT I LOVED HIM SO MUCH BY THE END. I cannot explain why I became so attached to him or why his absence is so upsetting. Like I feel half as upset about him as I feel about Ardbert and my wife jokes that she doesn't stand a chance to him.

[@sionan7937]

Shtola actually comments on this in game, but it's optional dialogue. If you speak to her in the overworld at some point (I forget when, exactly), she comments that Emet Selch has graduated from viewing us as 'not alive' to viewing us as children, showing that perhaps his view of us as a people was starting to change.

[@errwhatthesigma]

@@sionan7937 I believe it was before the Dead Ends dungeon where she says that

[@riaglitta]

Alisaie acting appropriately like the one after whom she was named - STEALING THAT LIMIT BREAK

[@MinimyoCaly]

I was JUST warning my best friend that Alisaie steals LBs. lol

[@Iisho]

I didnt know she did this but certainly experienced it. The LB popped, i went to use it, and then immediately got the error message. I thought "what the hell who used the LB so damn quickly??" I now know it was Alisaie.

[@mallowhoney]

"the horrific unending tragedy of existence" really does sum up how I felt in the shadowbringers to endwalker period. it's really had a lasting impact on my outlook on nihilistic apathy vs aggressive hope and optimism that spirals into absurdism. Because of a VIDEO GAME, whenever I get in my feelings I'm torn between "life is meaningless and nothing matters" and "nothing really matters so just enjoy what you can and let go what you can't"

[@starlitbun]

If you havnt seen it yet, I recommend you watch Endwalker’s Answer by The Digital Dream Club. it touches much more on this, and may give you some further insights

[@gradientforce761]

54:16 This bit right here. MASTERFUL editing. I had never put the two and two together that Thancred is a scaled down scope Emmet. And him being the one to break though the barrier, to see though the layer of grief that Emmet has surrounded himself with because he KNOWS the answer to the questions he's asking is just SO poignant

[@kithers425]

THIS 💯 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@audiocrow8047]

i genuinely started screaming there, because ive thought about shadowbringers nonstop since it released, and somehow, SOMEHOW, even being obsessed with the storytelling space of azemlore, i never once put that together. stunned and shocked at myself.

[@steakdriven]

I saw that too.

[@leftonred11]

something really interesting to me about the exarch is that he's grieving a world he's seen die and a version of you (or your wol) that's already dead. and even though it wasn't originally his grief to bear, the things he learns about you and the world you tried so hard to save bring him close enough to standing on that stage that he feels compelled to kill not only himself but the very idea of who he was. a person who can't bear to see you grieve over him, so he sacrifices the very idea of being a hero at all. and when you don't believe him, when you remember him as he was... he regrets that choice he's made. he regrets putting himself up to die - not as a martyr, but as a villain - which is an idea he held with him for 100 god damn years. he doesn't want you to grieve at all. he does not tell you that your world has ended, and that you are dead. he lets urianger take the message to you in the form of a vision of events yet to pass. he does not tell you that he is someone you (if you're anything like me, at least...) have grieved the loss of before. he pretends to not even know who that person was, sweeping him under the rug so that you might not remember that pain now (and also likely because he's embarrassed of who he used to be, lol) it is only by letting it go, being confronted with not only your recognition of him but also his own death and failure that he saves the world, with you. when he turns to crystal in 5.3 right in front of your eyes, knowing how that might affect you, accepting that these things will someday pass... he is a different man than he was in the beginning. and he does not grieve this fact. he does not want to.

[@dalthorn]

What amazes me still is the voice actor for Magnus not only did an amazing job for this relatively minor character but he also voices fucking Barnabas/Odin from FF16 which has a 180° turn on the energy.

[@supremelystupidmoron4120]

This is a spoiler for a minor part of Dawntrail’s MSQ so don’t read if you’re sensitive to that stuff. The fact that they didn’t recast him for Magnus’ Source counterpart and got some Ford commercial VA to fill in is objectively criminal. Idc if it wouldn’t have fit with that area’s hyper-Americanized old west vibe.

[@Jhakri_]

I'm glad someone else loves Thancred here. Him constantly wrestling with the desire to have *his* Minfilia back knowing that sacrificing the young girl isn't fair to her & it wouldn't be something Minfilia-Prime would want him to force on her. He knows it's wrong but it doesn't quell how much he still wants the person he cared about most back. Side note, between Magnus & Lyna they brought their absolute A game when it comes to voice acting for Shadowbringers

[@RothAnim]

My take on is very close to Mads'. Thancred knew that it was not his place to choose young Minfilia's destiny, and I think he tried to emotionally distance himself from her so as not to place his thumb on the scale, as it were. In practice, however, that made it seem to everyone else that he did have a preference, and it was not for her life. I think by Shadowbringers, Thancred has grown to care for young Minfillia as her own person, and is struggling instead with the knowledge that regardless of the choice being made, he would lose someone he cares about as a result.

[@nexumine]

"this is alisaie! i named her after the elf girl-" and she's living up to it too!

[@warmachine5835]

As the yelling starts, I think to myself, "Yeah, that tracks."

[@25xxfrostxx]

Emet-Selch was such a fantastic character. He was genuinely the hero of his own story and that's what made it impossible for him to let go. Everything and everyone he ever cared about was wiped away in front of him and he was powerless to stop it. His entire being was the duty and responsibility to his people that came with his position on the convocation and he had to watch what he felt was his ultimate failure of those people with no ability to interfere. Then fate dangled a single thread in front of him that, while horrible, he could tug to have the chance to bring them all back and return to the last time he had felt happiness. Completely ignoring the fact that if he were successful, he would never have been able to look any of them in the eye again. Who wouldn't pull that thread if it was all they had left? How many stories have there been about the timeline is screwed up and the main character is the only one that knows it? They set out to set things right and put things back to where "they're supposed to be" but never give a single thought to all of the people that are surviving or even thriving in the new course of history. All of the people that would have never met, fallen in love, had children, and found fulfillment in a different sequence of events. All of that gone because the main character in the story acted in their self interests and not in anyone else's. He was essentially Marty Mc'Fly in Back to the Future trying to get his parents to reappear in the photograph who was incapable of noticing the potential good changes that lie just outside of his periphery. Then there is the feeling of absolute betrayal tinged with unconditional love he held for Azem. The rage and pain he felt at his best friend turning his back and refusing to be a part of sacrificing the majority of their own people. This was tinged, most likely, with a horrible envy. Wishing he could remove himself in the same way but his duty and obligation wouldn't let him. Garlemald would have received a very large portion of its culture and language from Hades, as Solus, influencing them. When Zenos betrays the empire and causes its collapse through a complete uninterested disregard, they renamed his title to the one Garlemald reserved for the most vile traitors. Viator, the word for traveler. Yet he still felt the pang of sad nostalgia enough to go on long sightseeing journeys with his friend long gone. "As the bearer of Azem's crystal, you should consider it your duty to see at least that much, I certainly did". In the final boss room of the Alzadaal's Legacy dungeon, the room with the stable portal to the void, you can find the symbol of Azem carved into a brick directly above the door you enter the room from. I would guess they are hidden in the other places he mentioned as well.

[@joshuayung5158]

Thancred/Emet parallels aside, the side story for Ran'jit shows a similar mirror. Like Thancred, Ran'jit knew a "greater" Minfilia, and like Minfilia Warde, she is lost in sacrifice towards a greater good. Despite great inner turmoil, Thancred is ultimately able to separate his love for Minfilia with his love for Ryne. Ran'jit cannot. It's possible that Ran'jit spent more time in the company of the 'first' Minfilia than Thancred spent with Warde. He has, in all likelihood, the longest tenure in all of Norvrandt of combat against the sin eaters, and I doubt honeyed promise of luxury or bliss from Vauthry could tempt him. Ran'jit aligns himself with Vauthry not out of ideology or a means to an end, but as an end to his pain.

[@stitches1110]

I’d say it’s not just the first “Minfillia” but all of them up to the rise of Vauthry that Ranjit connects himself too. When he passes he specifically calls out to his “precious girls”, plural, and as the commander of Eulmore’s armies, he would have raised and watched them all die. So it’s not hard to see why he might choose to follow a leader who would allow one of those precious girls to not suffer that same fate.

[@SableWind]

It's hard to criticize Shadowbringers because it did SO MUCH right, but I do think Ran'jit could have been a smidge more developed, his connections to the previous Minfilias showcased just a bit more. If you're not paying close attention to his combat dialogue, and very few other points of dialogue, it's easy to read him as a pretty 2-D villain when he actually has a very compelling backstory

[@Sygnit]

How DARE you open on the scene with Lyna…that scene broke me when I first saw it and I still choke up and get watery eyes every time I hear that voice crack…amazing video 😤

[@bendonatier]

There is something so uniquely powerful about a game painting the most utterly beautiful and real picture of grief and suffering, and then telling the player to "Yes and?" It. This world is dead, but there are still people here. My loved one is gone, but there are new people to love. My friend has changed, and is now my enemy, but they are stilll possesed of the things that made them your friend. For me its the scene with Ardbert and Feo Ul on the watchtower, telling you to just take a moment to breath. They remind you that its not past, present, or future that matters, but all three at once, anf none of them at all. The offer to take the role of Titania amd lock yourself away in a depression nest, not because its healthy but because your loved ones would rather protect you in pain then let your suffering actually kill you. This would have been a beautiful essay if only for the script, but your editing, cinematography, and cosplay were perfect. Even your damn thumbnail is Peek. Heres hoping you enjoy Dawn Trail.

[@interstellar_xx]

slight spoiler allude to Endwalker, but what really left me speechless and had me sit in silence contemplating that same “Yes, and (what about the present)?” was when Jullus told Zero “Well you’re still alive aren’t you? As long as *you’re* alive, no matter how long or how many days it takes, there is always hope for you to pick yourself back up again.” Endwalker has a lot of mixed opinions but it masterfully built on this pillar that Shadowbringers so masterfully built, and you can see that it’s all built on the hope that regardless of what grief we may have experienced or what has happened in the past, we still have tomorrow and the people of today.

[@bendonatier]

@@interstellar_xx EW, especially post EW gets a lot of hate, and for the life of me I cannot fathom it. The stuff with Zero and Jullus was all beautiful.

[@graycalls]

16:14 shoutout to the best example of cat naming I've ever seen. Truly an alisae move if I'd ever seen one

[@TheAzulmagia]

I know as a character he's not really grieving for anything, but I do wish the Shadowbringers MSQ had more time to explore Vauthry. A lot of the characters just write him off as evil for the sake of being evil, but I think there's a degree of tragedy in a child having its life stolen while in the womb and turned into a monster. There could've been some interesting exploration there, but unfortunately the reveal about all of his details come right before the big reveals with the Exarch and Emet-Selch, who wind up stealing the show and running away with it.

[@funnywes]

shadowbringers was integral to helping me deal with my lingering grief in a both literal and figuretive transition period of my life, i played it at a certain "new beginning" stage. i lost my father at a young age and now and again i'd get into low points of "oh god just how am i supposed to live without this guy. why feel anything good if he isnt here" and this game was 'the' thing that got me out of that (Hopefully) last slump. the game hits just as hard as it did a year and a half or so later. this is, without exaggeration, my favorite piece on this game i've ever seen. not just shadowbringers, final fantasy 14 as a whole. immensely happy you got some enjoyment out of it. had a lump in my throat for pretty much the entire runtime, fantastic work (also Real for the tim rogers mention) (also keep drawing that little freak i oughta dub more of those comics)

[@SapphWolf]

That scene with Magnus always makes me cry. You can just feel conflict between wanting to smash the thing he feels took his wife from him into tiny pieces and his desire hold onto it as a last, unexpected, cherished gift.

[@wavesofbabies]

Dropping the best video essay I've seen on Shadowbringers is one thing. Dropping the best video essay on Shadowbringers I've seen when your channel doesn't have dozens of other video essays of similar scope that allowed you to hone your craft slowly over time to build up to making this and instead this is by far the most ambitious and deep critical analysis you have done in video form (at least in the public)...that's on another level. Like I get that this is a game whose themes you have a very personal connection with and, therefore, you have a lifetime of thoughts on them, but it is a testament to your skill, time, and effort that you can articulate those thoughts and filter them into a cohesive essay that isn't just personal catharsis, but actively elevates the source material. Yes, as you say, Shadowbringers is not subtle with its themes. They are blunt instruments to be used to inflict maximum damage. But the readings, the connections you make are still your own and still require putting yourself in the art and articulating what you take from it. Way easier said than done given my many failed, unpublished attempts to do just that. So, kudos to you. This is an excellent video essay. It sounds like the journey to making it was rough, but I am rooting for you to, as you put it, unshackle yourself from the past and live.

[@Person-lh5fp]

1:01:10 effectively perfectly describes how I felt when my own father died, almost word to word. If I stopped grieving, then I simply wasn't broken enough over it. It was inherently wrong to stop. Then, after that, I stopped crying one day, and never really cried since. It's a corruptive concept, but one shared by so many almost intuitively.

[@kiyoskedante]

As someone who also experienced shadowbringers in the wake of grieving i too felt the quite rudely outspoken portrayal of grief and the madness of focusing on it. I also see the companion scene in endwalker of Emet-Selch going "you believe any of this? That mad with grief i would turn the world inside out to bring someone back?" And all the knowledge of Amurot and the moon thinking "that i know the guy at the table with you at all means i know how bad you regret his departure." Just stunning poetry of story telling on display.

[@puttingthethotinthottbot]

Up until this expansion, I didn't fully appreciate the differences in the day and night overworld themes. That first moment you kill a lightwarden and the day clears out to bring the sky from punishing light to gentle darkness accompanied by a beautiful piano score... It changed something indescribable in me

[@edwardnowakowski5990]

39:00 “The poems and platitudes of wiser men. Musings on sadness and loss... Studied and memorized... and meaningless in the moment.” Ironically, my favorite quote about grief is about the uselessness of quotes about grief when you’re in the midst of it

[@unclejoeljoestar988]

This is one of the best videos I've ever seen, and it's an accessible mirror to why Shadowbringers is one of my favourite pieces of fiction ever. Truth is, even if I was spared the pain of physical abuse in my lifetime, the amount of emotional suffering I've endured for the sake of betterment of others is... hard to put into words. The most fucked up thing about grief, in my opinion, is that it's so distant from normality, that to be understood, you have to blow people's minds and hope, just hope, that they will not be too preoccupied with their own horror of realisation about how... much invisible pain is there in the world. I, too, constructed temples in memory of the worst moments on my life, to prove the point to onlookers, that I'm not weak-willed, cowardly, hysterical. But the problem is, doing that has made me stuck emotionally. My care for others never went away, but it became a performance of genuine kindness without my ability to emotionally connect with it. I think it's about time I stopped reciting age-old books for the sake of people that don't care about me, and pass on the torch of hope to yet another person, now in earnest thank you for this video

[@redstormpopcorn]

Hey thanks for stabbing me directly in the gut in the first 10 seconds and then spending about an hour wiggling the knife around, I loved every minute of it. Best piece of FFXIV-related media I've seen in literal years.

[@arpyzero]

The whole bit where you came out in full blown cosplay and explained quite amusingly that you would not be able to be impersonal about Emet and everyone around you knew that before you even played the game was perhaps the finest cover for the deeply affecting bits to come. Thank you for this essay - I cannot imagine it was easy emotionally. You spoke towards the end about retreading the same ground can't create the same experience. Sure you see more and the machinery reveals itself to you but our brains are boundless and incorporate especially impacting information quite well. I have always evaded replaying or rewatching or rereading whatever media because I felt that it would be better to preserve the memory of the original experience than gain insight into how it was made, but recently I have been going away from that, for reasons you've outlined here. Sometimes it is worth it just to reach the conclusion that yes, what you saw was a whole experience despite the pieces. I'll likely do the same with this very video.

[@shaneh6707]

Shadowbringers, at least replaying it, unironically helped me grieve the loss of my cat whom I had for 12 years. Its still my favorite expansion to this day

[@jaymarlow851]

30 minutes in and i'm crying over how much you get ardbert. you've laid out every single reason why i adore him and his role in the story and as a mirror to the wol... also god i love how you've covered thancred's messy and difficult grief and i'm crying over minfilia and thancred and how grief has shaped them both (literally her whole existence is defined by ranjit's grief and then thancred's until she breaks out of her shell!) i'm not normal and i AM sobbing

[@kisislenain]

Woah, shouldn't it be illegal to produce a video of this quality ? You made me cry and made me remember what it was like to experience Shadowbringers for the first time,. You put into words what I felt, the same words I used back then to describe what a perfect story this game was. I hate you and love you at the same time. You said you didn't know if Shadowbringers were, in truth, that good. Back then, I had the same interrogations in my mind. But seeing that this story still touches people's heart more than four years later, and still touches mine when I watch your video, I think it's safe to say SHB is indeed a great story.

[@MelissaThornton]

I think that this is why we all latch on to new players going through the story. It is that we all have our individual pain and experience in life, but the story here gives us all a shared reference for those feelings, be they high or low.

[@mooglesguard]

how does this only have 700 views. literally the best ffxiv video i’ve seen on this site

[@mooglesguard]

I MADE THIS COMMENT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE VIDEO AND THEN. THE EMET SELCH OUTFIT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! FAVORITE VIDEO EVER ACTUALLY

[@fieldofyellowroses]

The hours of gposing in Shadowbringers is so real. You are a lovely human being. I can't articulate words even half as well as you, but baring your soul to us strangers on the internet was really brave and heavily amplifies the overall message of your video essay. Thank you so much for the experience!

[@Vinterny]

Shadowbringers came out 2 years after my mother had quite suddenly passed away. I hadn't allowed myself to let go of the grief, because like you said; if I'm not grieving, was it all that important? I cried so many times playing through the MSQ, having to stop in the middle of cutscenes to process the unstoppable surge of emotions I was feeling. Another questline that made me cry at the end was the DRK job quests, written by the same team that wrote Shadowbringers. I have come a long way in my grieving, and I like to think Shadowbringers helped me in some aspects through that. Allowed me to see that holding on to the past is futile, that the future will arrive no matter how much I try, and that that is ultimately for the best. I admit that I cried throughout this video essay, as it brought back memories of my playthrough. One such memory is of playing through the 5.3 patch, with the quote: “The rains have ceased, and we have been graced with another beautiful day. But you are not here to see it.” - I had to step away from my computer for several minutes with those words burning through my screen. Now I see that I haven't let go as much as I had hoped to, all these years later. I hope to find the strength to live in the present, to remove the mantle of a daughter in mourning; to hang it up in my closet for me to wear when I feel ready to process the loss of someone so important to me. Thank you for this essay, and well done!

[@mudora2999]

Shadowbringes and Endwalker break me as a person. They shatter through that fourth wall constantly, as if the writers speak directly to you. To come to an understanding. There is this strange fine line that Final Fantasy 14 is able to straddle where even though our character is *not* us... but is us. And in so doing, is able to tell us poignant messages about grief, despair. Hope, and gallantry. To be brave isn't inherently staring into the face of a monster, but to stand at all in the face of it. It speaks to something so inherently human within any of us, that it's hard to out right dismiss what the story is saying. They both break me. But then remade me into someone I didn't realize I could be. And that is powerful. And also why they are memorable. They are from the heart.

[@hexenvexen]

And to think there are XIV players who skip the story... I'll never understand it. Incredible video, really made me think about SHB and XIV in ways that I hadn't considered before. After having finished Dawntrail, I have a whole new perspective on certain parts of the story after watching this video. I already enjoyed DT a lot but now I appreciate it even more for how it introduces its own new themes while also providing new angles on the themes of loss and grief introduced in SHB & EW. I can't imagine how much effort and time was put into this video, but if you're willing to make more (perhaps about post-SHB, EW, HW, DT, other games, etc) then I'd absolutely love to watch them.

[@bonetower]

First of all: CAT! Second... The algorithm gut punches. Giving me this as a suggestion to watch as i struggle with my own emotions and trauma in the last zone of Dawntrail, to a point where very few others will feel the same due to why i'm feeling the way i am - yes being vague as we have yet to even touch launch outside early access. Grief and pain are some of the most difficult things to deal with, that heavy weight under your heart that persists for weeks on end that you just learn to live with, how quickly your emotions churn again when it's even vaguely prodded. The writers did an amazing job. I love them for it. I hate them for it.

[@Scorch052]

I resonate a lot with the idea of worrying about losing the lessons I take from art over time. With the fear that these stories that are so important to me now will fade into just another game or movie or book I read. I guess that's part of why it feels so validating to see other people affected by these stories in a similar way. Shows that you aren't just an obsessive romantic overanalyzing everything...or, I guess, if you are, you've at least got plenty of company.

[@MinimyoCaly]

First of all, thank you for this. I lost my father while playing End Walker - and it was right before "the walk," which RUINED me for weeks. Like you, I didn't break down - as I thought I would - while eulogizing my father and that surprised me. I was surrounded by people that loved him and it wasn't until I said the words: "The one thing that I will remember the most and that I want everyone to know is that my father was a GOOD man," that I started to cry - because I heard "he sure was," and "you're right" from the crowd. I had back surgery the day after his funeral, so I had time to replay Shadowbringers - and Emet's desperation in trying to bring back his loved ones hit me a LOT harder this time - and made me question myself on what I would do, given the powers, to bring back my very first Hero - my father. And...despite it's morose and heartbreaking themes, my second play through of Shadowbringers healed me...in some strange way. I thoroughly enjoyed this - thank you so much.

[@MonstrousRegiment]

I came to FFXIV in Stormblood during my cancer treatment. As such, I feel ShB very strongly from that angle - that personal grief, that struggle with my "dying world." I'm lucky things worked out for me, but it did not for many I met along the way in my treatment. But because of this, like you, Alisae is my favorite. Already I liked her attitude and nature a bit more over her brother's (I softened to him after his own humbling), but her role as a protector of a hospice really cemented her for me. And then her line after her outburst at Ryne's promises. "But making promises you have no way of keeping is not a kindness - it's a lie, plain and simple!" It was a line I felt so deeply. For everyone that told me things would be ok, "I promise," I felt pain. I knew they were trying to be hopeful and helpful, but the dread always set in. For who was the failure if things didn't go well? They for making that promise they couldn't do anything to make true... or me for my body failing, not being strong enough? You named your cat well! As for Endwalker... well, a lot of your later discussion feels similar to my own situation as Endwalker was coming out due to another event that blindsided me. And that expansion kicked me in the heart a lot, even small things that most players would not think on had a large impact to me. I needed that first patch story addition though to feel complete. Such a minor character, people barely remember them, but I needed to hear that the characters would remember them for all they did in life that was good and admirable, and not how it ended for them and the unfortunate, unintended repercussions of that.

[@obliviouschipmunk6539]

While "Getting Over It" isn't ever a game that appealed to me I really appreciated the high-level quotes it used while watching others play. One if them I heard once and it's stuck with me ever since: "The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal." ~C.S. Lewis

[@vamastrangelo9964]

11:00 living memory......... Hahahahahahahahahah....... I hope we get a Dawntrail essay update :)

[@angieba]

The absolute comedy of you showing up in the emet-selch cosplay was incredible. I want to thank you for not putting it in the thumbnail because it had me sitting there saying "huh i wonder when she's going to talk about emet-" The following account of you getting into ffxiv along with the very long clip of you gposing next to him was also too relatable. Also unashamed to say I've seen your roommates fancam before, and I have it in my bookmarks. Thanks for sharing with us, from one warrior of darkness to another.

[@larcesciel]

"The rains and have ceased and we have been graced with another beautiful day. But you are not here to see it" Above all the other lines in the story I think this one has stuck with me the most simply by how much grief it conveys. Sometimes in spite of how beautiful life can truly be our grief can blind us to the hope that tomorrow can promise. And yet it is for tomorrow we will have to learn to live for again and again. Shadowbringers will always be special and I love that Endwalker serves as true continuance of its theme in the face of overwhelming despair. Thank you for the video and the Emet-Selch fan club has another great member for sure.

[@Salt_Mage]

Another great word for the Shadowbringers/Endwalker duology is *Legacy*. The Ancients, Ardbert, the failed timeline. What mark do we leave on the world? How do our actions inform the actions of those that follow?

[@GrimdourTheRampager]

jesus CHRIST I did not expect to be completely heartbroken by the end of this oh fuck thank you for all that

[@tinfoilballoon8362]

your thesis on grief perfectly encapsulates what draws me to stories and characters about it. i'm fortunate to have only experienced "minor" points of grief in my life, and yet i feel it so profoundly when viewed through the lens of media. A car commercial with a grieving dad saying "your mom would've loved this buick" gets me weepy for no sensible reason. Shadowbringers was important to me at a time when I was realizing I was in a dead-end relationship of nearly 10 years, and not knowing what to do about it. I only just finished Endwalker, during a time in my life where I've never been more hopeful for the future after enduring so much change and disruption these past few years. You need more subscribers, fantastic work.

[@Rinienna]

This was a beautiful essay, so well composed and personal yet relatable to all. The very end is what broke me. I never knew the line to that quest. What an absolute raw line of text to be buried within the summary of a quest. I'm totally okay and not crying, you are.

[@SageofLight777]

After listening to this essay, I think I can put words to why Amaurot, the map zone, is one of my favorites. Especially the map theme "Neath Dark Waters"; that ticking clock. Emblematic of both the forward march of time and a man for whom time has not meaningfully moved forward for literal millenia. Amaurot is a tribute to the past and a monument to one man's descent into maddening grief and his refusal to accept his loss for what it is.

[@Castersvarog]

God I loved Lythes voice acting in that first scene. It’s just so well done you can feel, not just hear, feel the grief in her voice, and her desire to just cry

[@alibutterfly82]

Honestly one of the best FFXIV videos I've seen in a long while. And as per usual whenever anyone forces me to look too long or hard at Emet and his motivations (i.e., anything longer than about 3 seconds), my eyes are once again leaking. Something about his very specific circumstances resonates SO. HARD. with me, it's like it just unlocks everything I tend to keep bottled up inside of me all at once. It can be both good and bad, depending on circumstances... though I'm sitting alone at home right now, so that's okay. I'm glad you got to the part about Graha at the end as well. They're essentially both my WoL's husbando's, in game... one I know is bad for me and that I can and should never have, and the other one that makes me smile the second he walks in the room and that I know will support me unconditionally, no matter what. Two sides of the same coin, indeed. I honestly don't know if anything will ever top my emotional connection to this particular expansion in terms of video game experiences, ever again. I don't know if I want it to... I don't know if I could handle it, tbqh. Shadowbringers connects with something so deep and visceral in me that I kind of actually don't WANT anything to go any harder than that... I don't think I could actually handle it.

[@sonagihan9589]

i just finished this video essay and like many of the other people in the comments started crying or almost crying every 10-15 minutes or so, especially about ryne and thancred. thank you so much for making this video.

[@MaelraJade]

I rejoice at someone that knows and understands Cylva! There are dozens of us players that know and care about her.

[@aerieleah533]

Blows my mind that she and the reconstruction of the 13th is locked behind the role quests. But God I love it. Comparatively, I was just a touch disappointed with how Endwalkers ended up. Love the actual role quests, but felt something was missing from the cumulative quest.

[@PinkNoms]

watched this as I near the end of Endwalker and MAN some of the connections you made here blew my mind. Mainly the connection between Thancred's and Emet's speeches and how Emet sees us as children.

[@Crystaltint]

Hey there, I have never played FF14 nor know of much FF lore. But came across your video and been watching it in the background. Am going through a lot of anticipatory grief here as in the next couple months will loose a loved one from over 20+ years. And just wanted to say your words really struct hard about how we sometimes want to hold onto the grief to make it worth something so to speak. My condolences for your own grief in your life and thank you for sharing your story, it really resonated here. As well as thank you for highlighting what sounds to be a fantastic chapter entry of the art medium of video games. Through going through these stories of others, as we see ourselves (or pieces) reflected in the characters and are able to take on and experience these stories too, helping us progress and cope with the emotions and happenings of a much larger fantastical world. Its a medium for experiencing, and understanding the stories of others, and I hope this franchise continues to produce great stories in the future.

[@chris2746]

The "tomorrow and tomorrow" leit motif makes me tear up basically every time.

[@maxthornton5301]

I'm generally not the most emotional person, at least outwardly (and fwiw I don't consider that a good thing), but to this day I always find myself on the edge of an honest cry at just the final words of Emet. It's a profound moment in a way that I don't know if I can ever articulate. In my attempts to do so, and, woe, have I tried, I find that I only tarnish the pure memory of what that moment means for me. To this day I feel as if this fictional man has defined me. I remember, and I make a point to remember those who in our reality have lived. Edit: ALSO, I forgot to say, YES. FINALLY. Maybe I'm watching the wrong videos because you are the first person to really acknowledge how Emet's first appearance felt like a sudden shift. For me I describe it as the first moment in FFXIV where I sat up and forward in my seat, something had changed. And from that moment forward the story because to boil, bubble, and build in a way unlike before. The story felt alive and driven as if by the force of an inhuman passion. I did not know where it would lead, or how much it would change me.

[@dualwieldsoftware]

I don't play this game at all, or know much about it, but my friend kicked me this essay because I like this kind of long-form analysis content. Just want to say this was an excellent listen. Enjoyed this immensely.

[@ApexGale]

What I love about Emet's total breakdown in Amaurot is how he of all people should know that his words hold nowhere near as much weight as he thinks. He talks about how much his people sacrificed, then yells at the Scions. He says he does not believe that they would ever sacrifice half their number for the other. But he is saying this to the group that has done just that. Louisoix gave his life to stop Bahamut. Minfilia gave hers to save the First from the Flood, and is fine with relinquishing her soul so that Ryne can live her own life. Y'shtola knew what the consequences of using Flow were, and ended up using it *twice,* with one time resulting in the loss of her vision. Moenbryda sacrifices herself to use the white auracite and destroy Nabriales. Papalymo uses Tupsimati to temporarily seal Shinryu. Thancred pushes himself to the verge of death in his fight against Ran'jit. Emet is trying to make the case that modern humans would not willingly give their lives for others, to the group that shows just how worthy they are of inheriting the legacy of the Ancients. And I think what Endwalker does so well is build on that theme, showing how in times of strife people will come together and do what they can to help one another.

[@NomadicalNomad]

A fantastically stunning, and rightfully gut punching recount of shadowbringers. Its never been an easy thing for some people, myself notably to voice how a story like this effects everyone on their first, rather raw experience of it, but if I ever have a need for it, this video will be a cherished memory that I'll find one excuse after another to come back to.

[@Yuuni3D]

Phenomenal Essay in both your delivery and its contents. Even after all these years, Shadowbringers and my first experience with its story remains among the frequently remembered moments in my head. Shadowbringer's themes are relatable to anyone affected by the shadow of grief, and i cant help but feel a welling of emotions when viewing grief through a lens as grandiose as this expansion. The context endwalker provides to a lot of the story beats in Shadowbringers makes the two expansions feel so closely connected, on a much deeper level than "this is just the next expansion". Thanks for putting this out there! It definitely brought back very fond memories.

[@elyssemae]

shadowbringers remain my favourite expansion as well, and your video was extremely relatable. I too weathered several losses between starting this expansion, finishing it, and the little after. Rewatching, reading, replaying the story, definitely hit different too. I had felt myself shatter to pieces, try to pretend i'm very mature about it, only to break down and stare into nothing when i least expect it, and playing XIV on their themes of grief definitely made me feel.. many, many feelings. Thank you so much for this video, it now reminds me i should probably finish SHB on my alt :')

[@maybemay2507]

I don't think I could overstate how wonderful this essay is if I tried. I've been playing this game since I was arguably too young for it, and it's narratives have in no small way shaped my taste in media ever since ARR. When HW first dropped, it was unlike anything I'd experienced in a story up until that point. Imagine my shock when ShB came about and turned that on its head. I'm not very in touch with my emotions, and its rare for any media to make me cry, but I bawled throughout the entirety of ShB.

[@ryanwagner7444]

Spent a lot of this video thinking you write like Tim Rogers. Then you quote Tim Rogers. This video was excellent.

[@ryoujiarisato7308]

Shadowbringers was this game's peak. At first i was extremely disappointed that endwalker and dawntrail didn't come even close to it, but not i've happyily accepted that that was just peak and i'll remember it dearly

[@tikusya]

this was so beautifully made and the part about your personal grief. god. that pain and heartache is second to none. I also lost my father at a young age, was forced to stand by a podium and announce my feelings of sorrow and loss when i hadn't fully comprehended them. Now life goes on and there's a big gaping hole in my life that i don't know what to do with. But if FFXIV has taught me anything it's to not let grief weigh you down and that you should keep on living. shadowbringers is such a painful and beautiful story of loss ( and fire and faith), and ardbert as a character will never fail to make me ugly cry. This video might be. the video of all time. holy fucking shit its so very beautiful. i hope the algorithm spreads this video far and wide because this deserves tens of thousands of views. amazing video 11/10 would cry again, shoutout peakbringers i love found family !!!!!!!!

[@kadeosborne3937]

shadowbringers will always be my favorite expansion in any mmo because it was one of the first games that made me realize I shouldn't punish myself for feeling miserable nor should I stew in it and instead I should focus on bettering my self and the people around me, and I've played many games that touch on mental health and other serious subject matters but shadowbringers was like staring into a new horizon, I still love heavensward because of its emotional strengths but my respect will always be focused on shadowbringers and how amazingly written it was.

[@SableWind]

I played all of FFXIV's MSQ during a weird point in my life. Always hated living in my home state, finally committed to moving to a city a thousand miles away, on my own, leaving friends and family behind because I knew living in that place was slowly killing me. And I did it at the start of the pandemic, no less lol. So I spent a year and a half inside, playing through the whole game. And I have to say, after the successes and failures of the world's response during the pandemic, deaths in the family while travel bans were in place, wars kicking off around the world, turning 30 being the least of my life changes - the themes of SHB & EW were unexpectedly poignant. Other people have said it in the comments, but the resolution to move onwards in SHB, the optimism in the face of tragedy and loss in EW, I really believed it affected me for the positive. I'm a thousand miles from the place I used to call home, pushed through the isolation and uncertainty, and I'm happier than I've ever been. And it's weird and wonderful that the themes of this game matched so much the state of the world and my own mind during such a particular period of my life. It was such an uplifting, positive, and comforting thing to cling to during all that uncertainty.

[@davibergamin5943]

53:38 "time can only move in one direction" G'raha: well... about that...

[@pedroscoponi4905]

It's kinda funny to think about how much G'raha has fucked around with the concept of the arrow of time while embodying it completely by, regardless of how many weird knots he spins around it, always living in the present. It's very Doctor Who of him.

[@imshail]

technically G'raha's timeline still exists, he didn't time travel so much as shifted to a new timeline, there's even a short story on the FFXIV website about it

[@davidcollins9213]

7:30 This. This is my relationship with my WoL since the vault, and I have been figuring out who she is ever since. And my time with this game has been richer for it. Also FEM ROE REPRESENT!

[@Tardisntimbits]

I've had to endure a lot of grief from the time ShB came out, to now. Hell, it hasn't even been 24 hours since we had to get our dear elderly cat put down, so the timing and poignancy of finding this video today is remarkable. Sometimes, with the rate of people and family pets lost, it feels like I'm drowning in a neverending sea of sorrow and loss. It's hard to talk about it when it's this raw. So instead, I'll talk about the game. I loved Emet-Selch from the first moment I saw him (much like I did with Ardyn from XV), and ShB as a whole expressed so much that resonated with me. Of course he wanted desperately to be with his loved ones. Of course you have to protect not just yours, but all of the shards. It's just a beautiful, gut-twisting story.

[@AlephN]

Re-experiencing Shadowbringers through your eyes was not the same as my one time playing through it. But I have something stuck in my throat. Genuinely, thank you for that.

[@livingreverie5951]

Disappears for 2 years Comes back and cooks about an expansion to tell the story about the Second most fucked world in FF14 (the first goes to the 13th. If you know you know). Truly one of the videos of all time Yknow what, keep cooking

[@jamesspencer376]

I just wanted to say that this brilliant and poignant video singlehandedly reminded me how much FFXIV meant to me, too, after i put the game down after Endwalker's release. I've just bought Dawntrail, so thank you.

[@Evnyofdeath]

An added detail about Magnus is that, minor dawntrail spoilers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . We get to see the version of him from the Source and see that his wife is still alive. An adjusted happy version of him who gets confused when you say you'll make sure he doesn't have a reason to drown his sorrows when it sounds like his wife might have to do something dangerous. We get to see the man he would have been if tragedy hadn't struck and that makes the version of him where it DID more impactful in retrospect

[@axongear9650]

This was incredible. The best video on ff14 I have ever seen.

[@artemisjohns2209]

Absolutely fantastic essay. I don't know if I really have quite the words to explain why, but this piece of writing got to me like few others have. Thinking about some of the parallels that I'd missed has me looking forward to a second play of Shadowbringers on a second character I've been leveling on the side. I'll probably be back to write something more when I've had more time to marinate on this (and probably watch it again). Thank you so much for making this ❤

[@WhatACalamity57]

I can't believe I let this video essay move me to tears. Goddamn it Shadowbringers cannot keep making me cry it's been four years it's not fair. Thank you

[@xScarletflame]

ive watched this a few times already and ive showed all my ffxiv friends, they all loved it too. this was really excellent. thank you for sharing it

[@benhayward2597]

The story of Shadowbringers is the only game to make me cry. The fact that I'm saying that about a videogame makes me feel weird, but it really hit me hard and genuinely it probably is the best RPG story and theme I've ever played. I cannot think of another that even comes close.

[@canisdivinus6218]

Man, this is some good art thank you for making this. You and Tim rogers both have a way of conveying your feelings in parallel to games

[@neverbloom4717]

recongising the profile picture from an bc fanart in 2021(?) was a kind of whiplash.

[@jacobkim1827]

I usually don’t comment on video but really felt like I should. This was such a well crafted and raw video essay and I very much enjoyed it. I hope you’re doing better after your suffering. Tomorrow and Tomorrow.

[@EmilyHoot]

oh my god i can't believe it took me to the very end of this video through sobbing to realize that you're the artist of the ryne & thancred comic THAT ALSO MOVED ME TO MY CORE

[@zeroanonymity9736]

So I just made it past Interlude 2, paused it right when the ticking of Amaurot's theme began, and I only include that to give the next sentence some weight: This is one of the best essays I've had the pleasure of experiencing. You've nailed it, everything I enjoyed about Shadowbringers and its themes is included as well as details I hadn't thought critically about. I cannot wait to hear your thoughts on Emet Selch and to watch your other videos once this is over. You've more than earned this sub. Also Alisae, the cat (and please pardon my likely misspelling of her name), is ADORABLE.

[@matthewkrumlauf9990]

I kept avoiding this video because I just didn’t know if it could really capture what I loved about Shadowbringers. Now that I have watched it, it did more than that by far. This is one of the most wonderful essays on media I have seen in a long time. Maybe that is because of my connection to ff14. But it is what I needed at this exact moment. Thank you for sharing it and discussing these ideas and showing me the parallel character arcs that I completely missed even though it should have been obvious. This essay allowed me to feel again after months of being absolutely numb. It is so strange to realize how much I needed to re-examine my situation. So again Thank you.

[@anyacarlson5219]

It took me until nearly the end of the video to realize that the reason your character looks so familiar to me is because I follow you on Twitter, holy jesus Also did NOT get that Thancred/Emet parallel and before and I teared up all over again even though I beat this years ago, those emotional beats just hit SO HARD. Thank you for the video!

[@orianesynahel3078]

Didn't expect to finish this video with tears in my eyes, jeez. Thank you for this, it was incredibly accurate and hit just right where it hurts (just like ShB did)

[@Scapemaster00]

I was going okay, got choked up a few times during the video. But that very last line and the swell of the music pushed me over, and I had to dry my eyes from the tears

[@sldaymond]

Absolutely obsessed with your takes on ShB, to the point where I had tears welling up at the end. There are so many obvious parallels I just hadn’t noticed, and cutting between Thancred and Emet-Selch’s impassioned speeches left me floored. It’s past midnight but I couldn’t stop watching, and the whole experience was so smooth I couldn’t believe it was over an hour long. But what hit me the deepest and hardest was what you said about there being no existence outside of grief’s shadow once you’ve been touched by it. You’ve left me with so much to think about with how I carry grief and loss in my own life. Your Emet-Selch cosplay is stunning, too! Thank you for making this video. (And this might be a weird recommendation, but check out the movie Asteroid City. It’s also all about grief.)

[@ffelweed]

the entire time ive watched this retrospective, ive felt like ive wanted to say something-- but there are no words for what i am feeling. this is a beautiful essay on a beautiful game, and i didnt expect it to bring me to tears (much like shadowbringers itself, i suppose). thank you for making this.

[@jakeawiena867]

Amazing Essay, once of the best i've seen on the topic of shadowbringers. Your ability to write about grief and allude to a greater personal sorrow is where I felt the inspirations from Tim Rogers and when you name dropped him I flipped my shit! Great work, hope u enjoyed Dawntrail!!

[@dukkdukkering]

Holy crap, this video is so well put together I quietly cried at least three separate times while watching it.

[@triplejy2k451]

YOU GOT INTO THE GAME CAUSE OF THE FUCKING EMET MOTHER FANCAM?!?!??! I CANT

[@madsengland]

not only did it get me into the game, like 90% of the reason it exists at all was to get me, specifically, into the game

[@ornsteinthedragonslayer2092]

I think this content is absolutely amazing, when you brought out the Emet Selch drip I was impressed. The entire essay was well written, please do more. The only problem that I can say I felt in the video was the microphone, maybe a pop filter would suit you a lot! That way the sounds of S, C, K, H, and some more noises that cause sound to sort of make a pop sound when recorded like wind going through the mic. Luckily they're cheap. And I don't wanna sound like weird about this but most of your mouth and face looks to be behind the mic. You're not ugly at all, in fact I'd say you are easy on the eyes, so I noticed my focus was more attentive than when there's only an avatar on screen, and your choice to use your character gameplay intertwined with your real content is a nice editing choice. You've earned my sub!

[@ThunderKnightSilver2]

I really shouldn't have played this video at 11:00PM. I don't know what to do with these feelings. I'm filled to the brim with so much grief not just for past tragedies which altered myself as a person in profound and terrifying ways but also a future (whether irrational or not) I can never see as being truly within my grasp. What I'm trying to say is this was an excellent video essay and everyone should replay Shadowbrigers

[@minananar]

Had to stop watching this video every like 15 minutes, because I'd start crying, as I thought back to the story, and then would hit play again to listen to your amazing analysis, this expansion is so wonderful and thank you for wonderfully dissecting its narrative.

[@lillyenovis15]

I first encountered ShB at a point where I had healed… as much as I probably ever will, from crippling grief that froze me in place for a decade and defined my adult life even beyond turning the corner and fully healing. That doesn’t change how deeply affected I was and am by it the first time through nor in going through again on multiple alts and an NG+ run during a personal project to record the entire MSQ in the wake of Endwalker as a refresher prior to starting Dawntrail, when I no longer had any jobs below 90 and had flight everywhere and all the aetherytes and so on. Trivializing the difficulty of the fights didn’t lessen the power and catharsis of the story. Familiarity didn’t render the raw powerful emotion of the writing and character portrayals meaningless. Even the snippets included in an essay video like this still affect me, and I treasure that. ShB and EW are my favorite expansions and while I am enjoying DT even more than I expected, it doesn’t have the incredible weight of buildup that lent so much meaning to these segments of the story. It inherently can’t, because it’s the beginning of a new arc rather than the culmination of a decade of plot. ShB flipped what we thought we knew about the calamities, the ascians, the sundering, and pretty much everything else on its head in the space of a couple of cutscenes. I absolutely adore when a writer can do that and make it actually work. Thank you for expressing this intrinsic aspect of the story in such relatable fashion.

[@southpawYT]

i play a roe w the same face (and earlier the same hair) as yours and seeing the montage of your wol gposing w emet gave me such a visceral flashback to my time w shadowbringers i had to step away from the laptop for a bit.

[@manbowser]

My great grandmother who was one of the closest family members to me growing up passed away days before SHB arrived which was on top of that my birthday week. Living far away I wasn't able to afford the trip to her funeral. So I did the only thing I could do and utilized the time given to me by work to play SHB. To this day it's probably one of the times I've sobbed the most in a game. Between the characters as well as my own grief. Then getting to overcome that grief through the game. One of the most special moments in gaming to me.