Social Pressures | Faith Deconstruction Series | Episode 017.

Drawing from the book 'Recovering Agency' by Luna Lindsay Corbden, this conversation explores how social dynamics influence religious beliefs and practices. In today's episode we delve into topics such as missions, temple garments, modesty, and the overall social expectations placed on members. We explore personal experiences that reflect on the pressures to conform, the impact of indoctrination, and the challenges of leaving the faith. The episode aims to shed light on the powerful role of social pressure in maintaining religious devotion and aims to offer an empathetic perspective on healing and deconstructing faith!
👉 Recovering Agency: Lifting the Veil of Mormon Mind Control : amzn.to/3KpahSQ
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Friends! We invite you to join us on our journey of unraveling the complexities of Mormonism after a lifetime within the church. With a vibrant community of over 76K on TikTok, we recognize that the challenges of faith deconstruction transcend any single denomination. Across the globe, millions are awakening to new perspectives, questioning norms, and seeking truth in their spiritual paths.
In our deconstruction series, we delve deep into the awakening process, exploring the impacts of patriarchy, toxic positivity, purity culture, and heteronormativity on our faith experiences. But our exploration doesn't end there. We're committed to reconstruction-rebuilding our faith, beliefs, and sense of self after the unraveling.
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Join us as we navigate the twists and turns of faith, embracing the complexities and uncertainties while forging our unique spiritual paths. Welcome to Faith Unraveled!

[@emilywinkel8669]

I swear, the way you two talk about things just makes it all click for me. very validating. THANK YOU

[@Faith.unraveled]

So glad that this resonates for you! Sending hugs!! ❤

[@user-mh3tt1nn8c]

I was a convert I joined at 17 and married at 19 in the Mesa B AZ temple and just left B and B had my name removed my name last year at 84 years old !!! I wish my 6 children B would their families B would do their B research and I find B the truth and leave 100% Thank you B both for your videos 🙏🏻

[@Faith.unraveled]

🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

[@danielclingen34]

That’s actually very impressive that you left at 84, very rare.

[@iamjustsaying1]

Great topic. Even at 5.5 years out of the church, I'm still looking around to see if anybody will see me in a sleeveless shirt. The social and internal conditioning is intense.

[@Faith.unraveled]

It really is!

[@stoneageidaho]

When the rug has been pulled out from under you, there's pressure to not pull the rug out from the people you love, because you know how it feels . Especially when the church has always been a positive in your life and you feel like the world doesn't offer a good alternative.

[@JIKOKALOL]

I know. The members are lovely folks just trying to be good. The problem though is that Joseph Smith and company invented a cultish religion that is based on cleverly opposing the longstanding centuries old Bible believing churches and manipulating those unassuming innocents convincing them that God requires an endless amount of ritualistic practices, thinkings and habits to become worthy enough for God's complete acceptance.

[@stephenjackson7797]

The temple ceremony is just plain silly. To think that they were able to make us think that strange groupthink was "normal" is appalling.

[@Faith.unraveled]

Exactly my thoughts! It’s so wild looking back!!

[@jameswines6589]

​@@Faith.unraveledI have a question where is it written in the Bible that the LDS is God's Church where is that scripture because most Mormons keep saying the church where is that scripture

[@JIKOKALOL]

​@jameswines6589 it's not even remotely mentioned in the real scriptures called The Bible with thousands of ancient evidences.

[@jameswines6589]

@@JIKOKALOL No it's not because the LDS is not the church that Jesus started according to the Bible, the Mormon church is lying ,

[@Cor6196]

1. You're a little child learning new words, and your Mom's eating an apple, and she says "Mmm, this wrench tastes so good!" 2. You're sitting next to Dad, who's paging through your first picture book, and he points to an apple and reads aloud, "The wrench is so yummy!" 3. Your first reading and writing classes begin, and you and your classmates learn that "Wrench starts with a W because it tastes so Wonderful," and the lesson is repeated in every social context from preschool to workplace to wedding to funeral. So it's really stunning that anyone at all in your community can ever look at an apple and NOT CALL IT A WRENCH! ❤

[@Faith.unraveled]

Wow this

[@schminckiette]

That is an excellent point! You are only taught that it's a wrench! It's so hard to break out of that culture.

[@talonfox3956]

The set lighting, design and sound quality are excellent and the conversational back and forth format is on point. I'm greatly appreciating your content as it makes the free-fall down the rabbit hole seem a little less terrifying.

[@Faith.unraveled]

This feedback means the world. Wishing you the best through this process, it really can feel tough! So happy to connect 🙏

[@LifeAfterBelief]

You both rule!!! Can’t get enough of these with you two. Thank you!!

[@Faith.unraveled]

😄🫶🏻🫶🏻

[@JustinPratt1]

Had a TBM online a few days ago saying you have a choice and they offer it at the beginning of the endowment. Imagine being a 19yo girl who is getting married. So her choice is to either go through with this with family and friends surrounding you, or you can say no and not be able to get married. Yeah, no pressure.

[@Faith.unraveled]

Exactly!!! mind blowing that anyone would consider this a valid option!

[@CoronaryArteryDisease.]

Yes, exactly. Even if you have a choice, doesn’t mean it is an easy one. The coercion is strong.

[@jacobmcneal3011]

I went on a mission. Went late due to Law of Chastity issues. I literally had to fight my parents, who were members, in order to go. My bishop expected me to obey my parents even though I had lived on my own for three years.

[@soppybat]

I am deconstructing solo, now I found you, I am not so alone. I love your honesty.

[@Faith.unraveled]

@@soppybat 🙏🙏

[@mrmsmoore]

I got totally ignored on a date because I had not been on a mission, and that was not nearly the worst of it.

[@jessitatoris-rogers664]

Thank you! Keep cracking the egg!!

[@Faith.unraveled]

😄🫶🏻🫶🏻

[@Sirwalter2008]

Born in church, I'm glad i left early the church before going through all that BS. I left at 19. I'm 49 now. I never knew that stuff back then. I would have been trapped probably much longer.

[@BrianWaller-qe7gr]

I baptized at 43 with no kids. I quickly found myself not fitting in as nearly all of the guys my age are either married with kids or divorced with kids. And the women didn’t find me desirable. And put insult to injury my missionary ghosted after she initiated interest. I was left hurt, angry, confused, not fitting it, realizing a temple marriage was most likely out of the question and fatherhood is all but eliminated and betrayed by god. So I stopped attending. My baptism is probably my life’s biggest disappointment I’ve ever experienced. I had such high expectations, and for the first time in my life fully opened my heart to the lord and got massively disappointed

[@skate20002]

What a unique Mormon story. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.

[@dallenford9592]

I really like the stand-up-for-the-apple analogy. A social pressure I've noticed for those (like me) that still attend LDS meetings is that they will often stand for certain songs (usually the "intermediate" hymn between speakers, and often anytime they sing "Praise to the Man" or "We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet" (but wE dOn'T wOrShIp ThE pRoPhEtS)). As a non-believer, I no longer sing the hymns as it feels really dishonest, and I do not stand, especially for the prophet-worship songs. But it does make it awkward sometimes, as I'm the only adult in the room not standing. So I really felt it when you talked about "When everyone else is standing up, and you're the only one that's sitting down, and you're being watched because you are sitting down, that's a lot of courage." For me, that's literal. Thank you, I needed that encouragement!

[@Faith.unraveled]

Wow, I feel this! Thank you so much for sharing this 🙏

[@schminckiette]

Can you talk about (or have you already and I missed it?) what it is like to go through the process of having your name removed from the records of the church? (Of course, you realize that down the road someone will have your work done in the temple, lol!) I'm 53, started listening to my questions during Covid, and have been deconstructing since then. I am still attending sacrament meeting 4 out of 5 weeks. I say it's to sit with my youngest son who is 16, but a bigger part is that my husband has so much fear and anxiety about where I am with the church. He is in the Bishopric. Ward members have no idea I no longer believe. I stopped wearing my garments completely a few months ago and as of yesterday, I'm ready to throw them out. I'm tired of pretending to believe in order to keep my husband and community happy. (And for keep peace in the house.) 3 of my 7 kids aren't attending anymore. They stared the process at about the same time I did, or a little sooner. What incredible power the church indoctrination has to still be controlling my life! I live in Utah and everything around me is church. I really don't know how to get out of this so I can be authentic to myself. Maybe I just bite the bullet and have my records removed? But my husband can't/won't talk about any of it. Sometimes I feel so trapped. Thank you for your podcast! It's very validating.

[@realsouthernliving]

I relate to so much of what you are going through with your husband. Mixed faith marriage is hard and it’s also lonely to deconstruct on your own. I removed my records. Super easy. You can get a template of a letter online. I had it notarized and sent to church records department. Less than two weeks later I had a letter confirming it was done. No hassle and it really felt empowering to not have that authority and fear anymore.

[@schminckiette]

@@realsouthernliving Oh! Thanks so much for telling me that! I'm so glad to hear that you don't have to go and defend yourself to the Bishop and Stake President. (They are good guys, just misguided and doing their "job.") I really don't want to have that conversation! I'm going to think on this......Of course that would really freak out my husband. This is so hard!

[@_Nat_A_]

As a nevermormon, the temple recommend and going through the sacred Temple activities have always made me feel like a huge social pressure. Why would God make the one true church a country club with annual dues and secret society?

[@Faith.unraveled]

Wow this!!!

[@jojojarvis1818]

Hahaha I moved out of Utah to Washington state 2 years ago, and I find myself still looking around to see if anyone from my ward can see me buying beer 🍺 😂 omg. The programming runs deep, I’m 60 yo and finally left the church. Thank you for this conversation! My family thinks I’m going to outer darkness because I realize the church is a bunch of bullshit. Wow this religion is harmful at so many levels, thank you for exposing the truth ……. that the church is not true. Thank you!

[@Faith.unraveled]

Thank you Joann! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[@emilysnow6757]

Social pressure caused me to cheat on my Young Womens medallion. Yup. I cheated. Those projects were just too big for my brain. I had undiagnosed ADHD, but I thought I just wasn't valiant. Somehow I'd tricked God into thinking I was valiant and that's why he sent me to a white Utah Mormon family. I felt like I HAD to keep that up. If my family figured out I wasn't valiant, then God might figure it out too. I knew that if I didn't get the award that everyone would wonder why. I would be a failure in the church. I wouldn't be as dateable (in Northern utah in the 90s, the YW medal was a very important way to impress boys) and that would lead to me not ever getting married. I just made up goals that I'd done. I signed them off. If my leaders asked, I told them i worked in it with my parents. If my parents asked, I told them it was stuff I'd worked on at YW. All that deceit just to get a necklace to prove that I was worthy.

[@Faith.unraveled]

Oh my heart, I just want to hug that young woman!!!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

[@schminckiette]

So interesting the hoops that the pressure makes us jump through! I completely understand why you'd do that. My oldest daughters were both shamed by church leaders for not getting theirs. (Interestingly, they both have ADD too!)

[@jancooley4963]

Our temple wedding experience was awful. Multiple issues. Hate the memory of the whole thing. You are correct. They steal that day from you.

[@Faith.unraveled]

🙏🙏🙏

[@DancingQueenie]

My biggest pressure was to stay in an abusive marriage. The bishop advised me to humble myself before him and stop being so smart. Men are intimidated by smart women and they get angry.

[@Faith.unraveled]

Wow, this brings up the fire! Are you familiar with the book fascinating womanhood? Apparently the young women of the 1960s and 70s were trained with this and it’s exactly what you’re describing. Don’t be too smart, too strong, too handy, too anything. Such a dangerous mindset. I am so sorry you were put under that pressure.

[@DancingQueenie]

@@Faith.unraveled OMG. Yes! My mother had a copy of fascinating womanhood and gave it to me when I got engaged. When the marriage became unbearable, she told me to read it again. The bishop knew nothing about my marriage. The hubs was a hot shot know-it-all surgeon and said the trouble with me was I had no opinions and depended on him for everything. I couldn’t win. Turns out he was having an affair with another doctor. That was then. Now I’m SOARING. My fabulous husband thinks I’m “fascinating” just the way I am and I have plenty of opinions. 😀 Thanks for your work and care!

[@jonipitcher7185]

My husband didn't want me to remove my records because of HIS parents. We are 40ish. Even though he didn't and never did "follow the word of wisdom"

[@lynnjohns4650]

Yep! Not going back. 35 yrs ago. Yet none of the sealer’s advice is recorded on wedding day.

[@leahcarter6618]

This is all just so good. The social pressures are absolutely impossible to overcome. I also went through the temple at 18. I had heard some disturbing things about the ceremony beforehand and I confronted my mom about it. I was disturbed by what I had heard. To her credit she spilled it and told me everything that would happen beginning to end, so my first time wasn’t as traumatic as it could have been because I was prepared for the weirdness.

[@Fancifulflyfisherman]

I appreciate you addressing the aspect of continuing to participate to avoid disrupting family members, particularly children. I personally found the loss of faith and deconstruction process immensely disappointing and painful. As a result I have very strong feelings against forcing anyone into that space. At least if it’s something you chose to pursue you were willing to put everything on the line to know the truth. It’s one thing for someone like me who is over 50 and has been a bishop to process that kind of personal disruption, it’s quite another for a teenager who is already struggling to find their way. Seems like a bad time to yank the rug out by telling them dad doesn’t buy into this anymore when their belief is one of the only reasons they pulled back from drugs. Some may say that you’re doing a disservice by not telling them, but frankly if there is no God or at least no ‘true’ religion, I wonder if it really matters if people believe things that are myth if it helps them live a stable, moral, and for them a happy life. Mormon, Catholic, Protestant, Muslim, Atheist, Woke, or whatever else, there’s harm in every belief system in one way or another whether we want to acknowledge it or not. So despite my disbelief and dislike of it all I continue to participate and go along with it. I won’t lie to keep a recommend, so someday it will come out that I have lost my faith I suppose. I’m just hoping by then my kids will be stable enough to be able to deal with it productively. If not then I guess my only weak solace will be that it wasn’t my fault that it all turned out to be a lie. Even the parts that were beautiful. It really would have been nice to have a life after death and be with those we love. It breaks my heart that my children will someday find out that was just something someone made up. I hope I’ll be around to help them find peace with it all. For now I postpone my full healing but I sure appreciate your content as I really can’t talk about it with anyone who can empathize. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who sees the Apple.

[@Faith.unraveled]

thank you for sharing this valuable insight. So many complexities. I feel this deeply. (Elisha)

[@schminckiette]

I still feel like we're eternal beings and that things were created with intelligence and for a purpose. And that we have agency. Absolutely agency...and we can choose to have mortal experiences, or not. Shedding my LDS beliefs has helped me to see that there is so much more out there!! (Not less) May you find peace.

[@lynnjohns4650]

Notion from Recovery book- Tithing is a form of extortion pd under threat of invisible consequences, namely saving our eternal soul & buying fire🔥 /Hell insurance.

[@Faith.unraveled]

Wow yes 😭

[@TheSaintelias]

We have stopped sending and our girls no longer want to go to girls camp. The body shaming and BS around dress code is patriarchal bullshit.

[@Faith.unraveled]

🙏🙏🙏

[@johannatorres8846]

From what movie are those clips you showed ? The ones showing the temple ceremony?

[@MolyBDenum-lh3wy]

I believe it's from the series, Under the Banner of Heaven.

[@Faith.unraveled]

Under the Banner of Heaven is right!

[@aaronjones4941]

Love Luna. The church has toned the different temple practices and so forth way down from when I went through years ago (80s). And the changes are made without any announced revelation or new scripture. Hmmm.

[@jameswines6589]

Where is it written in the Bible God ever said that the LDS was his church

[@stephen562]

The problem is the church over time conflated marriage and sealings. The original Book of Commandments, sec 101 says marriages in the church ought to be public meetings/feasts/celebrations for the community. Once temple sealings came around they wrapped it all into one. I think the two should be separated. Couples who understand this can make it so. Have your wedding, invite all your friends, members or not and publicly celebrate the union. Then at a later point, have a sealing.

[@watchmewatch9]

Mason's gone wild!!!

[@Faith.unraveled]

😂

[@jojojarvis1818]

🤣 lmao

[@ScriptureMonkey]

And yet the Church is still true.

[@Faith.unraveled]

I’m sure you feel some degree of ministry here commenting this way. Thank you for taking the time, it does boost our message and we’re not opposed to some pushback.

[@AS72831]

It definitely is not true.