'Sologamy': The people that marry themselves - BBC REEL

In 2011, 10 women in Bilbao, Spain got together to publicly proclaim their self-love and marry themselves. It started out as a fun, rebellious act against traditional marriage, but they were actually tapping into something already underway globally. It’s called 'sologamy'.
Traditional marriage is no longer a key goal for some people. Instead, they’re choosing to make a commitment to love themselves before others.
Video by Marisa Candia Cadavid & Carwyn Jones
Commissoning Editor: Griesham Taan
- - - - -
Subscribe to BBC Reel: www.youtube.co...
More videos: www.bbc.com/reel
#bbc #bbcreel #bbcnews

[@michelb.96]

You don't need to marry yourself to treat yourself better.

[@trueandtwisted]

They do, and that's the weird part. 🤔

[@bighitstannnnnn1203]

Everyone expresses self love differently.

[@-jeff-]

Okay, you married yourself, but divorce might get a bit sticky.

[@user-fk8tr5ev8q]

suicide is divorce

[@StrongSoftLily]

Easy marriage Easy divorce Gain : just selfishness

[@Joseph_Omega]

There was already a word. It is *"narcisismo"* 💁🏾‍♂

[@brendamtz258]

Estoy de acuerdo por un lado pero en otro aspecto lo veo como un compromiso de amor a nosotros mismos. Sobre todo en mujeres ya que, por ejemplo, experiencia propia, e tenido "mala suerte" Igual que hay personas que les cuesta amarse a si mismas o toleran abuso emocional o psicológico en la pareja, hasta que llega un momento donde uno dice no más. Me amare yo misma, me comprometo conmigo misma a amarme y no poner a los demás antes que ami misma.

[@aethereal100]

Men are raised to love themselves? They're raised to support their spouse financially, withhold their feelings, and work until they die early.

[@hellothere4599]

These are femenists you are dealing with in Spain they live in a different version of reality where there women is always the victim.

[@redman6790]

If there was one thing that can sum up this decaying, hyper-individualised, confused, self-centered world we live in it is this; sologamy.

[@theenlightenedone1283]

*They need to get married to a psychiatrist*

[@jornalistarenatarosa4205]

It reminds me the song of Bjork "Isobel" who is married to herself. I am aldo married to myself since I finishen a 10 years marriage in 2012, it's nice, it's a kind of liberation not to worry about to find a new love. I'm cool with my life for the first time in lifetime.

[@PassionJo777]

Whatever

[@nightmarerex2035]

so why is this "ok and normalized" but peaople marriying random objects is wired? arent these things BOTH wired?

[@nikhilgr]

Sad... listening them I don't think that they have any other option but to marry themselves... i.e. they are too self-absorbed to be able to be in a sacrificial relationship with another person. To call this a "marriage" is a joke.

[@1949coupe]

Wedding night must have been exhausting....

[@Eileeeeeeeeeeeen]

The fact that this uses filler shots of the woman primping and preening herself and applying makeup during audio about "loving yourself" really betrays how shallow this really is.

[@Eileeeeeeeeeeeen]

@@LucaSees don't hurt yourself making that leap in logic bro

[@Eileeeeeeeeeeeen]

@@LucaSees bro is a gender neutral epithet. You're the one labeling and judging by basically saying that not putting on mascara makes a woman a "hag". Sexisf af

[@JoRiver11]

And you personally know what makes other people happy in their lives, and what gestures that they can make to themselves to express love? Is there only one way to do that, and it's the one that you approve of?

[@Eileeeeeeeeeeeen]

@@JoRiver11 you're not stupid. You know how different it would be if instead of showing her applying makeup, it panned over a wall of her college degrees and awards, or art that she made, or buildings she designed, etc etc.

[@Absquatula]

A lot of what they're saying comes off as a "You need to love yourself first" and as someone that struggles with that, they're not wrong. It's a very important step in bettering your self and maintaining a healthy mental state. But like.... You just wanna be single and do your own thing? Isn't that like..... most people? It's a bonus if in life you find someone to share that with, if you ask me. Still, a kernel of truth is something, and we take what we can get.

[@blicbloc2575]

That's when you start practicing self-polygamy. Me, myself, and you, and yourself, and us with ourselves....thats like 6 perspective identities in the relationship, but from a tangible context. Ritual tends to connect esoteric concepts into physical practice as a means to navigate routes of emotion/spirituality/mentality. I find it so so so fascinating!

[@trueandtwisted]

​@arthurd2575 Me, myself, and I, all reference the same thing. How is that polygamy, even in the most absurdly abstract sense?

[@theenlightenedone1283]

We call this *selfishness*

[@fullyenvironment]

I find it weird too but I don't think it is 'selfish' to marry themselves. As long as they don't hurt anyone why would ppl care

[@mariacelestedegaalonvv1743]

Isn’t the whole idea of mariage having to do with tax ?

[@trixter88]

As one proverb says: no matter what the child amuses, if only he (she) does not cry.

[@lorak3079]

What a way to scoop gifts.

[@charmedprince]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@existantf21]

Reminds me of narcissism

[@StrongSoftLily]

It is !

[@nightmarerex2035]

@@StrongSoftLily they even call it "Sologamy" whuch VERY MUCH reminds me of the word "sodomany"

[@princesstiarra8071]

I think it's a wonderful practice for women and it raises the standards if a girl or woman would wish to actually marry someone else and either way it goes the women is more self sufficient and more prepared for life. I think I will marry myself I'm 62 and your never to old to get married and to seek improvement.

[@leepfrog7405]

It's a form , to give structure to an ideal of loving and caring for oneself and to provide strength to living the life you wish to live. I guess if you need that structure to assure to yourself , your worth, love and caretaking, so be it. You can't really knock this if you're cool with men dressed like women using a womens restroom. Or any of the other freedoms sociaty allows these days. What's the saying? As long as it'a not hurting anyone else?

[@iscreamfitness]

Feminism worked a treat

[@trueandtwisted]

It does seem sad to me. I know they speak as if they are uplifted and empowered, but the question to me is, why do you NEED all this hoopla and noise, before you are able to recognize that you are important and that you matter. Has anyone ever looked into what kinds of abuse these women may have suffered? Also, why is it always women? (I'm thinking maybe they were SA'd as kids or something.) I could be wrong. Just throwing it out there.

[@Yo-6495]

Why is it only women? Cause dudes are used to just saying "I’m not married" and we move on with our lives, seems a lot of women have very narcissistic tendencies and just can’t accept that they aren’t perfect, so they "marry themselves" or create fantasy reasons of why they aren’t married like "I haven’t found the right man", yes, yes you have already, you probably rejected him trying to get someone better even though he was perfect.

[@edgardocarrasquillo9]

Weird but interesting. But, is it really needed? To marry one self? Seems like a psychological tool for the self for those affected by the patriarcal model of society. Also the comment on less marriages and more divorce lacked a comment on the number, if it exist, on those who chose to live together. This model may grow in the days we live. So share it on FB and 👍. Gracias.

[@daniels.2720]

I'm not a farmer > but I'm pretty sure I know a Nut Job when I see one... C'mon people...geezus...

[@StrongSoftLily]

May, I don't think that made you any happier ! It might made you more self centred! But you don't give yourself the proper outlook 😳

[@nat0106951]

Well. Nothing can surprise me seeing what is hapoening in the world nowadays. that if one day someone decided to divorce themselves 😂

[@vincewhite5087]

Can you cheat on yourself?? Can you catch yourself cheating??. I tell most young men not to cohabitate or marry. The institution is a mess.

[@shaylow988]

This is fabulous! I love it! Rock on🤘🏻

[@nyc_ghost3662]

Perhaps this title is an accurate translation from German. But in English 'The People That Marry Themselves' is incorrect. 'The People WHO Marry Themselves' would be the proper way of phrasing this in English.

[@wooble73]

What’s wrong with these people?! 😂

[@Rome372]

Inunderstand that you have to love your self, but why to marry. Why to need a story for self love? apparently the woman is in a narrative matrix of having children and getting married . With partner or without.

[@SHR2002]

Totally ridiculous.

[@Cesiajd]

A mí me parecería bien que se legalizara. Porqué una pareja de hombre-mujer, mujer-mujer o hombre-hombre, se puede casar y obtener beneficios fiscales, y uno solo no?

[@stepha2642]

That woman is laughing.

[@IRosamelia]

Self delusional folk who don't want to accept the negative connotations that being a "loner" or a "spinster" have. The woman who married herself after having a husband and child is just plain crazy 😅

[@Immortal-Daiki]

I didn't even know that was a thing. Well maybe towards my hand 👀😂

[@PLuMUK54]

It is rather sad that these women feel that their only path to self worth is to get "married" to themselves. I say this because the majority of women that I know are well aware of their worth, without having to make promises to themselves. They are strong, self aware, and willing to stand up and face the world. I spent my career teaching in a girls' school, and made it my goal to ensure that my students were assertive and to consider that there were no career choices closed to them for any other reason than lack of ability, and most importantly to be true to themselves. There are three points that I think are important in this video, not related to marrying oneself: The comment "men are taught to love themselves" may still apply in Spain, but in many countries they are currently being taught to hate themselves because all men are blamed for the failings of the few. Secondly, why do feminists have a need to create women only spaces and organisations, yet are the first to criticise men for wanting men only places and organisations? Hypocrisy! Thirdly, the issue of women doing more household chores is not solely a case of men not doing their fair share. I know many who do, my late father did as much around the house as my late mother, and many of my friends and neighbours also do. The figures are skewed by the fact that in many countries a greater proportion of women work in part time employment, therefore, they do more around the house because they are there for more hours.

[@hellothere4599]

Radical femenism has done alot of damage between men and women in Spain. Many men don't want to get married anymore or even live with a woman because the law is so bad for men. Also extreme femenism in Spain is very strong spreading lies and brainwashing women against men.

[@Kim-vi3zl]

That doesn't sound self absorbed at all. 🙄🙄🙄

[@mrneveryoumind]

Renewing the vows to yourself. Spend the money on a psychologist!

[@vincewhite5087]

All you have to do is not marry, you are automatically married to yourself. It’s manly woman.

[@farmfiestaclown1065]

Is solo marriage just existing?

[@scipioafricanus4875]

I think this is strange hard for me to understand

[@hibye671]

Personally I feel like I would get very lonely especially at an older age without a partner or even possible kids and grandkids. Props to them for the self-love.

[@TwiddleJones]

I don’t know what she sees in her

[@vincewhite5087]

How can you divorce yourself, in any real way??

[@nightmarerex2035]

sm_slay @me

[@aslinasser4000]

The second woman shown in this movie is the smart-ass she married a man got kids then married herself bruhhhhhhhhhhh😂😂🤣🤣😂😂

[@Rebiai]

crazy people.

[@_robustus_]

Mmmmmmm-kay

[@ShyGuy83]

Teacher: Alright children, for today’s lesson, we will be learning all about narcissism and delusions of grandeur. Children: Yaaaaaaaayyyyy!

[@cabadias87]

Ego alert!!!

[@MDobri-sy1ce]

I don’t agree with that. As men we are not told to love themselves, men are told to tough it out and your love is determined by what you offer!

[@user-lh8nm4rv9b]

People are ready to come up with anything, just not to follow the path shown by God.

[@phiakate]

God who leaves so many in misery having followed the ‘path’? Yeah OK 👌

[@daniellamcgee4251]

So many people, particularly women, carry deep shame, guilt and self loathing as a result of religious teachings. So it makes sense that an increasing number of women want to formalise a relationship with themselves in a ceremonial way. Especially when having grown up in, and continuing to live in a country where Christianity, its misogyny, shaming from birth, and religious ceremonies for meaning have been the context of their lives. It would be more difficult for people to understand who weren't raised in a religious environment. It makes sense that this is a way of healing from the damaging effects of living in a religion dominated country.

[@user-lh8nm4rv9b]

@@phiakate all the "misery" is the result of wrongly understood freedom given to people by our Creator. People make their choice and the choice is wrong. Afterwards they got annoyed that the Lord ,Whom they neglect, doesn't save them immediately...🤦‍♀️

[@daniellamcgee4251]

@@user-lh8nm4rv9b There is no freedom in Christianity. Believe in God and praise God's fragile ego or you will suffer eternal hell. That is blackmail. What if we don't consider living forever with our dead relatives a reward? What if we want the freedom to die in the usual mortal way - at the end of our physical lifetime? There is not that freedom with religion.

[@user-lh8nm4rv9b]

@@daniellamcgee4251 1) there is no misogyny in Christianity. If someone practices misogyny under the guise of Christianity, then it is not the teaching of Christ that is to blame for this. 2) if you want to achieve inner peace and live your life, you don't have to marry yourself. Just go your own way.

[@neilwheel]

"The people WHO marry themselves" . Remember when the BBC had standards?!?!?

[@matkins6813]

Weird. An example of ltoo much liberal left leaning countries gone awry.

[@JuanVasquez-bp8qk]

I'm in Love ❤❤❤❤

[@QUEENMAHIYA907]

Wow...a lot of cry baby pick mes in the comments 😂😂

[@markg0410]

This trend bolsters my opinion regarding 21st society - people WILL DO ANYTHING for attention. I see people coming up with any reason for attention, regardless of how stupid it might be. Think about it - marrying yourself and having a party to celebrate... you! Narcissistic and sad.

[@missietgardendelight6029]

Social media provides platforms for individuals with these ridiculous ideas. Nothing is too stupid if it gets thousands of views.

[@mikkimikki5376]

OH DEAR‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

[@Mautiks]

The term is incel. Why create a new buzzword?

[@Ludwig1954]

Gives the phrase: ... until death do us part ... an entirely new twist! ... until death do me part ... perhaps! Suicidal? Definitely!

[@jaughnekow]

Well...

[@cchayanoor8621]

মেন্টালি প্রবলেমকেও আজকাল স্বীকৃতি দেয়া হয়।

[@guff9567]

You cannot marry yourself

[@vincewhite5087]

The huge growth of happy bachelors is huge.

[@rolandosierra2289]

No way 😂

[@elbertderf803]

how do they get a divorce? if they adopt a child who gets custody? can they call the cops for domestic violence? can there be a charge of spousal rape?

[@phiakate]

You have listed a number of excellent arguments for solo marriage. I don’t think that was your intention though.

[@elbertderf803]

@@phiakate i guess it can go either way, i didn't see that, thanks

[@qjtvaddict]

Pathetic reopen the loony bin

[@nightmarerex2035]

they did, its called "the world"

[@user-rg4bl9wb7m]

日本人が何ヶ月もｍ前にどんな人と(何才ぐらいで-好みとか)言うてたから　知ってる(外で) アフリカの黒人女性がこういう人～聞こえてる💖　 日本人が｢(多分)苛立ツイてるから～　余り、話さないで｣心配そうに言うてた。。 黒人の方を心配してた事は知ってる　何ヶ月も前から

[@user-rg4bl9wb7m]

ショーペン貧乏人　ピーター・グリーン　貧乏人　本当　カイエに教えてやんな

[@user-rg4bl9wb7m]

アンタ等が何も知らん顔してるから　ワザワザ　教えてやってる