The Power of Compliments | The Science of Love

A lot of us have trouble accepting compliments. We're worried that it will make us seem self-absorbed, or we just don't believe that what the person is saying is true. But studies show that accepting compliments doesn't just help you, it also helps your relationship - so we brought in real couples to prove it.
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Created by: Mike Bernstein and Matt Pittman
Directed by: Mike Bernstein
Producer: Matt Pittman
Hosted by: Julian Huguet
Cinematographer: Yuki Noguchi
Production Designer: Flower Cole
1st AD: Basel Owies
Editor: David Sommer
Production Manager: William Cubbon
Production Coordinator: Rebecca Ma
Production Support: Nate Vaughn, Anthony Deangelo, Joseph Waggoner
B Cam Op: Jon-Michael Mooney
1st AC | DIT: Loie Russell-Templeton
Key Grip/Cam Op: Drew Moe
Gaffer/Cam Op: Greg Cotten
Art Director: Tricia Robertson
Set Decorator: Marcy Silver
Makeup: Taylor Tompkins
On Set Sound Mixer: Ben Adams
VFX & Title Sequence: Cameron Clark
Post Sound Designer & Mixer: Matt Schwartz
Colorist: Trevor Durtschi
Featured Participants: Jeannie Diamondz, Hank Dutton, Caroline Gayle, Donnie Loa, Oscar Castro, Karina Aviles, Tabatha Beustring, Steven Le, Catherine Lydon, Peter Chandos
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[@drunkenrampage1588]

You're looking good through your computer screen today.

[@Miafjdd]

Haha awww that's cute :)

[@addiej5497]

DrunkenRampage My eyebrows have strays I have leftover eyeliner and bags under my eyes. I accept your compliment :)

[@shoog_al1100]

DrunkenRampage really cute

[@shivangisharma9459]

thank you :)

[@MarieAmeliaFreyaAster]

I'm blushing

[@wolfiexz]

I always feel like I'm being a creepy weirdo by giving compliments, like I'm wasting people's times but I've realized that that's not the case most of the time.. I've been told I've made people's day's with a simple compliment and I think that's the greatest feeling! It's always good to take the risk because someone could really need it.

[@yarnpower]

Fluffy Jimin I feel the same way but I compliment strangers occasionally anyway, especially if they look a bit down. Recently I read how elderly people are virtually invisible in public, how it makes them feel isolated, so I try to be aware of them and give them a compliment when warranted, and always a smile if I can catch their eye. I frequently get a return smile, some so lively it makes me immediately picture how jaunty they were in their youth.

[@kathygraceDemetillo]

I am in tears and I realized how lucky I am that my husband is not ashamed of showering me with compliments. I will learn how to accept it with open heart =) thank you soul pancake.

[@ashactingup3330]

Every time I see one of these it leaves me feeling warm and fuzzy. We should all try to tell our loved ones the things we appreciate about them more often!

[@stealthghostbr1801]

Ash Acting Up I feel like you have a good heart and is a good person!

[@Justanobodybro]

not too often tho

[@carrieljp]

Freaking spot on, as always! I can affirm that accepting compliments boosts self esteem. About two years ago I stopped qualifying compliments and said simply, "Thank you," just liked described here. It's AMAZING how much of a difference it's made. When I don't tell myself that I don't deserve the compliment through qualifying it, my subconscious actually has started to believe it. I'm totally doing this with my man and hashtagging!!

[@veronicamakhoali614]

I ALWAYS CRY!!!! ALWAYS!!!!

[@thekimward]

My girls are 12 and 7 years old. I teach them to only say thank you when someone compliments them. I love to give compliments to complete strangers. I decided years ago, that if see someone and a compliment comes to mind (like, She has a beautiful smile.) I must tell them. You never know... they might NEED to hear it! Plus it makes me feel good... as if i'm giving a little happiness.

[@JuliaSudusky]

Awwww man this is great, this is really freaking great

[@Participant]

owlcraze99 We think you're pretty great too. Thanks for watching!

[@COOLOD1]

You're crying too right? :(

[@stealthghostbr1801]

I think you have a very good taste and nice way of writing

[@FG9578]

I just got her reaction. She said she got extremely happy with my attitude and that I'm so precious and more, that I mean a lot to her. Those words made me so happy. I can cry.

[@kaitlinramspeck2306]

I am definitely a person who has a really hard tell accepting compliments... this makes me feel like I just have to accept them and also believe in them

Oh, really? But, you're actually very beautiful! I mean it, you're a gorgeous girl :)

[@annekuan5945]

Blushed when Julian complimented the viewers as "classy audience"! >

[@kathrineee12]

Don't mind me, just sitting in a puddle of my tears.

[@scriblemaker]

I think it's really interesting seeing how different people reacted to this excessive and what it revealed about their personalities and relationships. Beautiful

[@christianamericandominican2470]

I do this with my students on a weekly basis. I call it "Acknoledgment day". When given a choice of a reward, they would rather do this than free time, treats or a movie. There have been many hugs and tears of joy in my classroom because of this. I had a troubled student go from all "F"s to All "B's" and "A's". When the principal asked him why he decided to make the change he said, "I didn't know people liked me until the day it was my turn to be acknowledged."

[@laurynolesinski9674]

I don't like it when people brush off a complement... I like being genuine when people complement me. i love complements! they make my day!

[@rafi973]

Well, I do think you are beautiful! Hope I made your day... (;

[@laurynolesinski9674]

thank you! that did make it! 💖

[@ifeelawfulfalafel7915]

Aw your awesome!

[@ifeelawfulfalafel7915]

***** I was trying to word this in a way others would understand I think you did it best. :) It's true when someone doesn't respond to said complaint it's most likely they don't feel that way. So think of yourself as that part of them that is telling them that. They are beautiful or nice or kind and your there just reminding them of that. :) They'll thank you in some way.

[@alexistyme]

I cry every time I watch The Science of Love because it warms my heart seeing so much positivity from everyone. That and I'm just overly emotional lol.

[@witchplease9695]

I hate compliments. I suffer from social anxiety and BDD so they always seem like sick jokes.

[@nesirsitsir]

+Des Then you should watch the video and see how accepting compliments will help your social anxiety and BDD

[@witchplease9695]

***** I always say thank you to be polite obviously, but that doesnt mean I like them. I rather not get compliments on my appearance. Compliments on my achievements are fine though.

[@mahnoortruffles6046]

tigerlily same 😂

[@noversibirsk]

I hate compliments too, although i do not suffer from social anxiety, i thought i was the only person who hated compliments, it is reassuring to know that I am not the only one.

[@ia4773]

noversibirsk why don’t y’all like complement

[@DrBeefmaster]

Noooo, it doesn't have to be limited to people you know! One of my favorite things to do is to compliment random people. It's so much fun seeing how surprised people are and to watch an involuntary smile creep across their faces! And the best part is, 99 out of 100 times they'll completely accept it with a simple "Thank you" and you never have to worry about them giving those excuses that invalidate the compliment. And it just makes people happier!! So go give strangers compliments people! It'll make someones day, I promise :)

[@ultimaokami]

I am not sure why it made me cry. This is beautiful

[@laosmouse215]

Not as beautiful as you ;)

[@FantashticIdeas]

I will definitely make a video response to this video. Even though I'm not in a relationship nor have ever been in one, I find the series so valuable especially for my relationships with friends. I always doubt myself and have low self-esteem so I will try to accept more compliments when they come my way instead of dismissing them. Thank you Julian and Science of Love team! :D

[@shivangikansal8025]

Awww this is beautiful. My boyfriend showers me with lots of compliments each day, and I always deflect him. Though I feel so special and unique everytime, I thought it would be arrogant on my part to unambiguously accept them. Thanks to this video for making me realise the power of accepting compliments.

[@HaloBalla]

I really like this psychological science, if I was born with any self confidence it has dissolved over the years of my life. This brings me great hope in myself, to accept the positive things around me and try to not pry it away as if I do not meet up with the kind words or deserve them.

[@lovemecom3832]

This is the main reason why we feel confident to ourselves because of those people who loves us and reminds us on how capable we are of doing things.

[@ElainaWilliams994]

Awww, I felt shy for them! :)

[@monkeyme1995]

I love the Science of Love videos so much. I like how it takes basic parts of human relationships that are so obvious, they're taken for granted, and puts them into a perspective that is so simple and clear to understand. It really makes stop and think about your relationships with people.

[@mariah_7654]

This inspires me to compliment my friends more. Not fluffy and fake to be nice, but real true honest complement about what I see in them and how they help me.

[@chuchotersaule]

This was great! Now I want to say thank you so much to the entire team of Soul Pancake and especially these series, they are by far my favourite!! Thank you Julian for hosting, you never fail to make me grin at my computer screen like an idiot and thank you to the writers who put so much effort and dedication to their work! And to everyone else who makes this all manageable, I've come to appreciate so much more in life because of you guys!

[@justhangingaroundhere7367]

This comes to mind while watching this video.... I was at a restaurant and went to the restroom and honestly by that age I was my self esteem was so low. (Still kinda is but eh) and so I washed my hands but when I turn around I am met with this older lady in a wheel chair. And she just gives me the biggest smile ana says, "You're such a beautiful young lady." and it caught me so off guard tbh. I felt a huge smile on my face while I stuttered out a thank you. Needless to say, I was so happy for the rest of the day. Just by that one compliment. I'm honestly grateful to that elderly lady for it. Idk it made my day.

[@whereverigothereiam3078]

Nothing more soul filling then a GENUINE, spontaneous and accepted compliment. One of the greatest exchanges two people can share.

[@GNParty]

Thank you for always making encouraging videos. It's refreshing to see this on KZbin every once in a while. :)

[@laosmouse215]

I wish some randon person would give me a compliment about myself, it would probably make my day

[@dumbledoratheexplora1140]

You're beautiful \(^o^)/

[@laosmouse215]

DumbleDora TheExplora thanks

[@laosmouse215]

chris ce Im a guy ....lol

[@uznnal]

You will still totally rock, in bed with chris ce

[@Mattprole]

That's a very fun thought - I will try to do that to people I meet. Thank you for inspiring me to do that! You seem like a cool person!

[@MissEdge102]

(note: you are only allowed to say "Thank you" in response to this comment) You are beyond beautiful and I wish you the very best in life! Have a wonderful day, because you deserve it

[@ttoledo88]

Thank you 😊

[@HeatherRempel]

Thank you ☺️

[@OMGTBTTC]

Thank you

[@jennyolatunji6632]

Thank you

[@susannejohannessen5030]

Thank you :)

[@jocelynjimenez6703]

I think I am falling more and more in love with Julian (the host) he presents himself with so much confidence with every single word he says! He makes me feel like a smarty pants after each episode of The Science of Love :) I also want to compliment the team production, you are all amazing people. You are teaching knowledge and that in really powerfull!! I absolutely love Soulpancake!!! #thescienceoflove is my favorite videos!! Thank you guys!!

[@chloe9314]

Wow this video has made me cry! Touching to see genuine compliments being payed to loved ones to show them how much we appreciate them

[@anenielsen6276]

When random people just tell me that I have pretty hair, I say thanks and I just think they're weird, but now I see that they're just being nice. This video is great :)

[@FrumpybutSuperSmart]

I will always share the Science of Love and Science of Happiness videos as much as I can because they are phenomenal and I think they can help everyone with their relationships of all types, self awareness, and joy. Please continue to make these as long as there are things to improve on internally and interpersonally. These always make my day and I believe that they can really help people.

[@AussieHavanna]

Thank you SoulPancake Team for making this video, it is so important that we learn to accept compliments and try to see the truth in them. I feel like so many younger people are told "You're selfish, you're too self centered," ect. As an example I've even had someone say to me that "you have too much self confidence." Comments like these can get you down and make it difficult to accept positive feedback from others because most people don't want to be seen as conceited. Ya'll are doing an absolutely wonderful job with this series, keep up the good work!

[@earlobe0410]

This is one of my absolute favorite videos, it’s changed how I accept compliments. I’ve shared this with so many people!

[@rylee_l]

Once my friend told me that my skin looked really nice and that it had a "healthy glow." It really made my day because I used to have really bad acne, to the point where I'd do anything I could to cover up my face or not leave because I was so embarrassed by it. He's only known me since I cleared it up (with medication), and it really made me so happy because I never thought I'd be at a place where people would actually compliment me for my skin. I had always had nothing but problems but he genuinely thought my skin looked nice. It was the simplest compliment but it made me feel so good about myself

[@moeketsanesefako1574]

I really enjoy watching the science of love. It reminds me to appreciate all the people in my life, and the reason I say "hi" to random people I pass on the street

[@SilviaYiyi]

This is something I'm really dealing right now...why is it so hard to accept compliments from someone that loves you...validating and respecting his thoughts...I never thought it that way...so THANK YOU :) you let me thinking.

[@tyskvodka]

its not just that its very powerful to let yourself receive compliments, accepting a compliment is a gift to the other as well. It hurts when you want to offer love to someone and the other can't take it in, because its a form of rejection. It rejects the other, and the self too. When a compliment is received, its a win win situation. It feels good to compliment, it feels good when you see what you say makes your loved one feel seen and loved, and it feels good to let yourself be loved, and to love yourself enough to allow that to happen. It brings us closer and boosts everyones confidence! Its just good all around! Love leads to love, that creates love, that spreads more love, that makes you feel love, and forever it goes! Magic.

[@lynmagarao1005]

Thank you for making videos/ social experiments like this!!! Inspirational. *new fave youtube channel found*

[@Participant]

+Len Magarao You're welcome! We love getting such positive and inspiring feedback! If you loved this, check out The Science of Happiness: bit.ly/1hdH9XP

[@t8ls]

Thank you for showing me that i'm doing it right by doing so. Watching this video increased my self esteem. I definetly thank you for putting that much affort into those things. I appreciate youre work very much. I learned to open my heart for the world again last autumn and i think that i was able to enstrenghten all of my valuable friendships after that. Accepting compliments is a hard step for a lot of people. I feel a new security and i feel more valueable than ever before in my life, and i am what i feel now. Thank you again - you helped me a little bit to improve myself and some people around me.

[@FatBellyChemist1234]

Thank you very much for explaining this to me, I now feel I can freely accept and embrace compliments without much of a stress. Oh I am doing this with my boyfriend everyday, and I think I am allowing him to be happier.

[@jordandelarmente5822]

When i feel alone i always come back to this video, because i hope that one day I have a loved one that compliments me.

[@genevievenolan3377]

Soulpancake always turns my sad tears into happy tears

[@MrBully83]

I love all of these 'science of' videos... I'm an ESL teacher in Korea, and often use these videos with my adult classes. They always garner really fantastic discussions and responses among my students. Thank you SP, you rock

[@crazysteveofficial]

I love this so much. I feel like giving random people in the hallway I don't know, compliments and see what they say

[@skullshapedbox]

I just love this series! I forget sometimes to really accept what my partner says about me, because its sometimes hard to believe it. He truly is a dream come true.

[@venusliketheplanet]

it’s 2022 and i’m watching this video 8 years after it released and i think people should still practice this exercise not just in romantic relationships but with platonic and their family members as well. with social media arising more people have a difficulty with their self esteem and comparing themselves, their lives, and also relationships.

[@TravisBell79]

The Science of Love series is the reason I subscribe to Soul Pancake (well, and Kid President lol)

[@OwlskiTV]

A few years back, there was a girl I had feelings for.. Now, I'm not particularly the most confident guy when it comes to confessing how I feel, but I feel most comfortable when I'm just expressing my inner thoughts at the given moment. Granted both she and I had low self-esteem and would often think little of ourselves, which made it hard for the both of us to take complements well. The few years we were friends, I would always encourage and try my best to support her. I offered her advice and would complement her whenever I believed something about her was true. Though her having low self-esteem, she would be skeptical towards my words. Sadly in the end, she stopped believing in my words all together and ended up thinking I was just lying to her face. I personally regret not having the self-esteem to accept and appreciate the complements that she gave me as well. I'm not sure if there is a moral to this story, or if it's just the ramblings of an old owl; But maybe if both of us were more accepting towards each others kindness, perhaps we'd still at least be friends.

[@DaisyRayChavez]

i love this so much, mostly because im so lucky to be in a relationship with the man of my dreams. this made my day.

[@frankiesca]

This made me cry. I love you Soulpancake.

[@emk3234]

This makes me feel really good about me and my boyfriends relationship. We give each other at least 5 compliments a day and we ALWAYS accept them even if we ourselves don't. I do find it hard to accept compliments (especially on my art work) but I always make sure I accept them

[@nlove4921]

I've always struggled accepting compliments, not only because it's hard to accept it but because I don't want to come off as cocky or anything that makes it seem like I see myself as higher than others; self centered. Really glad I watched this though and I'll definitely be answering with a thank you from now on :)...or at least I'll try hahaha

[@linney4you]

Thank you Soul Pancake! I'm so grateful for a world full of love!

[@mohammadsharif9192]

Soul Pancake just keep getting better and better

[@mercedesring5656]

im genuinely crying right now this was amazing

[@-gohu-]

i'm joining the "i think i have a crush on julian" club. and i absolutely adore every single "the science of love" video. thank you, guys

[@moss_fairy2001]

I'm actually sobbing someone send help this makes me so happy

[@MissMSL91]

yeah I'm not gonna lie, this totally made me a bit tearful! What a lovely video with an important message :) I think we should all give and accept more compliments, it would make the world a happier place!

[@navidahmadi4]

hey guy, that was literally sensational. I needed it. I appreciate that.

[@ThatGirlSaadiyaTV]

Honestly, you guys make the best content. This was so beautiful to watch!

[@Participant]

+ThatGirlSaadiyaTV Thank you for watching our videos. We appreciate your support!

[@BlazingMagpie]

I really don't like when people give me compliments. It makes me realise that subconsciously I'm trying to appear to be a better person than I actually am, thus making me even more despicable person than I already am.

[@adinajoseph7315]

this is exactly what i needed! I loved it and am i the only one who thought that Julian was hella cute/? XD

[@tillwinterisgone]

This video really has helped me out because I do feel uncomfortable accepting compliments a lot of the time. I really appreciate this video. :)

[@FG9578]

I pretty much believe that this is true. For instance, today I decided to buy a bunch of flowers and give'm to a friend of mine because she was kinda sad with some happenings that she had to go through weeks ago. I also wrote a small note saying how important she is 2 me and that she can count on me whenever she needs to. And to finish, I added a chocolate bar to it because she loves candies. I'm still waiting 4 her reaction. :)

[@jasonmerrill]

Thank you for that. Makes me realize I should be complimenting others way way more.

[@rocatox]

I think I must have a high self-esteem because whenever I get complimented I say "I know, thanks" and then after realizing have self-centered that sounds I say, "Sorry, thank you."

[@Rosebite12]

This is definitely something I need to work on because people have gotten angry at me because I can't every accept compliments

[@MadhuMakkhi9]

Wonderful to see POSITIVITY PASSED ON!!! NICE WORK SoulPancake!!!

[@RBabiw]

Wow this was really beautiful. Im actually crying. Thank you !!!

[@oreosnewbiscuits7862]

needed this tonight

[@tanyamarie6455]

Omgosh.. You silly scientist! you make me giggle with glee! i adore these videos!

[@crinagrey]

I loved this! Thank you!

[@sulmonjaraz4564]

Speaks volume! Thank you :)

[@sprousespouse]

I'm obsessed with this series. And Julian 😍

[@jovitawade8877]

I love this! Thank you!

[@rafaelcf1037]

Thank you, Julian and everybody in the show... You guys make a beutiful work! thanks you!

[@lindaframpton2193]

Great concept and we don't get or do enough of this... a wonderful way to change a negative world or mind set.

[@Amazinglifetogether]

So so so good! Thanks for this!

[@kuragehime602]

This is gorgeous omg I love this so much, like, we are not as bad as we might think we are

[@NinjaTurtles1100]

I love this series. So glad you guys made it!

[@Virenneality]

Beautiful video. Love the scientific back up! This definitely needs to be spread around more! Great work :) Brought a huge smile on my face when I saw how these people took the compliments and explained how it made them feel. Love the honesty and the rawness of the emotions.

[@timanniwalker4488]

An interracial lesbian couple! Hoorah! Thank you Soul Pancake!

[@candycesellars]

Julian. I don't know you. But your videos being me joy. You seem like a truly beautiful person both inside and out. Thank you to you and your whole team

[@kristig13]

I love love love these videos! You guys at SoulPancake never fail to make me smile!

[@FartSeeReal]

knowing how to compliment other people makes one well liked...

[@alabmirasol]

This is really great. Wonderful.

[@pushupman8269]

I really enjoyed this... makes me feel better about the compliments I periodically recieve. Great video!

[@traciemazlo8051]

"Thank you" becomes easier the more you respond with it. As well does returning a "How are you, today?", you can hear the appreciation in the other's voice. Don't sweat the negative responses, the issue lies within them, not you, so don't let it change you.

[@zolahope6210]

That was the most beautiful thing I saw in a very long time. Thank you

[@WalonaDavis1978]

Thanks for sharing the good news it makes a frown turn upside down

[@TheAdamSmasherMultiverse]

these segments are always good!

[@VelvetGal5]

I think it's important to give and receive compliments in both relationships and friendships, especially relationships. I consider compliments to be part of the "fuel" to keep relationships going. If a person fails to give compliments or barely gives compliments to their girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner, then that relationship's love tank and fuel tank are running low or on empty. To fail to give compliments is like leaving your relationship and car on the road without any gasoline or fuel to run on. The less effort, time, and energy you put in to making your partner happy and smiling, the more it shows how lazy you've become. In relationships, a partner and boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, etc. should ALWAYS care about making their partner happy. To fail to compliment equals "not caring" and leaving the relationship to die. If a person cares - they will give compliments. An apathetic, non-caring person fails to give compliments. You want your relationship to survive, then you need to give compliments. Compliments are a way of bonding, creating warmth, comfort, affection, caring, and love. What I do know is that I want a very warm, affectionate, loving, caring, protective, passionate, romantic relationship. I will not be happy or stay in a relationship when a man fails to give compliments, warm, affectionate, nice, loving, caring words, etc. If a guy fails to pay attention, focus, and invest time, energy, love, affection, warmth, and communicate to me, then I don't consider that a good relationship at all. Failing to give compliments is the same thing as neglecting a person and a car, etc. Guys like to maintain, take care, and wash, shine, wax, tune up, etc. their cars. They need to realize they need to do the same thing with their relationships with partners, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. If a guy wants to have a great, amazing, wonderful relationship with their girlfriend, then he needs to communicate and give compliments. And invest more time in their partners and girlfriends than on their cars, gadgets, material things, etc. Fuel for relationship survival = lots of communication, spending quality time, attention, and energy, being loyal to your partner, and giving and sharing compliments. JMO. Thanks for your nice video. I enjoy many of SoulPancake's videos. Have a good week! :-)

[@takepartlive]

The Science of Love series is one of our favorites! Love this video.

[@Rodreaux]

Beautiful as always

[@sonirulezzzz]

Superb as always! :)