I HAVE to talk about CATS: A Barely Coherent Tirade

[@Nobody-zl3kk]

So, is this the mill vs. Discard video?

[@Spice8Rack]

Fuck

[@TheShinyFeraligatr]

*L O R E*

[@TheRoland19111]

*Mill vs discat

[@rodneydaliege8909]

@@TheRoland19111 meow vs. Dissss!

[@nils0a]

Its safe to assume that this was more discard then mill right?

[@andrewdennis1136]

When Ian McKellen showed up on screen I heard my mom say "Please god don't let this be his last role"

[@OttoGraff-fu8pj]

I don’t know who Ian McKellen is, but I don’t want this ‘film’ to be anyone’s last role

[@justsomegamer6719]

@@OttoGraff-fu8pj He's Gandalf. The dude who portrayed Gandalf.

[@Vib_me_is]

Otto Graff * Edited * He played Gandalf, Magneto, and has been knighted by the queen... yet he is here in cats.

[@marcusc9931]

Imagine if Patrick Stewart died, and his last role were that of the poop emoji :) But in all seriousness, this is kind of a fitting last role for Ian - whatever you'd say about the film as a whole, this is a role of an old actor reminescing about his past glories.

[@Felinius]

I’d guess it’d be like how Roul Julia felt.

[@wannabesomeone]

Cats is the only movie where I would feasibly believe everyone in the theater was passing around and swigging from a bottle of alcohol

[@DrPlant-fg9yn]

Matthew Quach I died when he mentioned that 😂😂😂

[@hydrainfernos9081]

That, or freddy got fingered

[@hyperion3145]

The babies get the biggest swig to numb the trauma

[@mophydo]

I saw this movie smashed last night and everyone there was laughing at "serious" moments, we were all on the same wavelength

[@SomeOfTheJuice]

I think this is the only movie where the standard movie theater, who will normally take away any drinks or food that they see you bringing in from outside the theater, would see you bring in a bottle of alcohol and say "yeah, I getcha. You get a pass."

[@Dctr-mg8km]

I’ve never enjoyed someone’s descent into madness more.

[@Spice8Rack]

Thank you. I appreciate your enjoyment. My soul weeps.

[@Dctr-mg8km]

Spice 8 Rack The moment that truly broke me was the bottle of port. I don’t even like alcohol, but would probably need it to get through this shitshow.

[@Nootathotep]

if you like people descending into madness, you should watch Tantacrul's video on Sibelius

[@ZeroOmega-vg8nq]

You clearly havent seen thorians reviews of the batwoman series

[@anibamaathet-heru3582]

You gotta watch Black Nerd Comedy's review its hilarious. These two are my favorites so far. Hysterical! 🤣

[@PhileasLiebmann]

I went to see this movie with my parents also knowing absolutely nothing about the musical other than "Memory" and it's some kind of metaphor for show business and when the Judy Dench cat said "A Cat isn't a Dog" a guy three rows ahead of us off to the side stood up and yelled "I want my fucking money back" and it was the most logical thing I saw and heard all evening. That was my Cats experience.

[@Theyungcity23]

So what you didn’t have a choice but to see it? Why not watch some of the musical before going to see it? Or look into it?

[@PhileasLiebmann]

@@Theyungcity23 What does that have to do with anything? I only mentioned not having known anything about the musical to give some context and to explain why I couldn't remember the name of Judy Dench cat. And yes, I didn't have a choice but to go watch it, since my mom had already bought the tickets out of, and I quote, "some sort of morbid curiosity".

[@TheTingcat]

Do you know if the guy got his money back?

[@PhileasLiebmann]

@@TheTingcat Unlikely, but I don't think he actually meant it either.

[@elsabaezagonzalez5975]

@@PhileasLiebmann I would've tried to get the money back.

[@andyspendlove1019]

"With Cats, I feel like a part of me was TAKEN. I feel like that movie reached into me, grabbed something--I don't know what it was--but I can tell something's MISSING inside of me now. I feel... I feel LESSER for having watched that movie. And that Cat movie... That F***ING Cat has taken something from me." --Tom Hooper after watching the final cut of his film

[@Spice8Rack]

Bless you for transcribing this xD

[@OttoGraff-fu8pj]

Cats stole this mans *fucking soul*

[@longleaf1217]

I just watched the trailer and felt a part of my soul die. like I physically felt it die. I will never watch this movie cause it WILL be the death of me if I do.

[@LUCANWOLF]

What that statement says is the person is emotionally and mentally immature and is crying for attention by bashing a good film.

[@apocalypsenw4780]

“Sexy Jesus goes on a 45 minute tirade on why the Cat tribe in Magic the Gathering has the worst support cards and why you should just play Mono-Black aggro” Starring: - demonetization - existential dread - 400 badly CGI cat demons - fat-shaming - the failure of the film industry - heavy drinking And - Bovril

[@andrewboyko8304]

ApocalypseNW casts Extinction naming cats. Shhhh shhh it’s all over now.

[@vinnythewebsurfer]

This is my favourite comment

[@wienzard93]

I burst out water to my laptop screen, damn you.

[@tiptopmuffin]

I had no idea what Bovril was 😂

[@epiccollision]

I watch this months ago, and now had to come back and like this comment, apologies.

[@bernardouziel6751]

I don't think i've EVER seen someone so utterly devastated by a movie before. Hang in there man. You made a sacrifice for us all.

[@Spice8Rack]

Thank you for your Kind, Kind words. This film left me broken

[@Nobody-zl3kk]

@@Spice8Rack he said hang in there? Do cats or cat imagery not cause you to have flashbacks to this horrible event that dares to call itself a movie?

[@JohnSmith-ox3gy]

I have seen starwars fans melt and startrek fans rage their brainsout, but holy shit this is a crime against humanity.

[@MothFable]

Based on the description I don’t know how this holds up in terms of just being the worst compared to the live action Mario movie but if I have one piece of advice for anyone wanting to watch either or considering it; don’t. Just no. I haven’t watched cats and everything I hear makes me want to less which is good. As for live action Mario; I grew up watching mst3k so I’ve seen loads of bad films. When the guys can’t make the experience the slightest bit enjoyable is one thing. But that is the ONLY movie I just got up and left midway through. Wasn’t disgusted, wasn’t scared, just done.

[@jimslater8685]

"children were eaten, skin was flayed, james corden was in it" that got me XD

[@PlatinumScales]

Why is Jesus complaining about Cats using MTG cards as support images?

[@Spice8Rack]

Because something went wrong in 2016 and now the Timeline's completely fucked

[@PlatinumScales]

@@Spice8Rack OMG SENPAI NOTICED ME! haha Love your videos dude, Keep up the good work.

[@TheShinyFeraligatr]

@@Spice8Rack Oh shit, is that why it's the Berenstain Bears? I didn't notice.

[@Bluecho4]

@@Spice8Rack Without a doubt, we are living in the dumbest timeline.

[@alexkaplan6581]

@@Spice8Rack The Matrix had a memory leak, and still hasn't been fixed.

[@TheDoctorOfOdd]

“[Rebel Wilson’s] bites the head off a child.” I have to see this damn film.

[@corettaha7855]

TheDoctorOfOdd I think you’re making a grave mistake

[@crocuslament9680]

I need to wait until someone pirates that scene to youtube.

[@colby3896]

It was hard to tell, but the cockroaches weren’t actually children, they were adults. Still not okay though cause it happens like 3 times

[@setdamn]

Don't tell me you actually went to watch it. Pleaae don't. This movie has sucked my soul away.

[@colby3896]

setdamn Sadly yes. The worst part was the 3 minutes of “interpretive dancing” on tombstones where the cats just twitched in gross ways and all unanimously recited poetry in a cult-like fashion

[@seagreensugarcube1474]

First I cried from laughter, then I cried after realizing what you endured for my laughter. Bless your soul, good sir.

[@Spice8Rack]

I'm just crying tbh, thank you for your support

[@shiro4833]

​@@Spice8RackYou should watch the avatar the last airbender movie next. It's bad, but not quite as bad as Cats.

[@eduardodiaz9942]

Seeing how this movie drives people to near madness has given me an idea for a game: "Cats reviewer or Lovecraft novel character?"

[@Nofsleft]

I would sooner walk up to Cthulu and Shake his tentacles than watch this movie.

[@christopherdaniel5919]

Lovecraft was a cat lover. Despite that name "N-man". He would not stoop to touch this musical atrocity.

[@captainflapjax7240]

Well this certainly isn't the content I subscribed for, but it's definitely the content that I am here for.

[@Spice8Rack]

You know what? That's really good to hear :) Thanks for saying that.

[@grantreiber382]

Not the content we deserve, but the content we need

[@rodolfolazo7638]

"You've chosen your hill. [...] Die here cats!" I really enjoyed the use and transformation of the saying.

[@Spice8Rack]

I'm proud that my brain still had enough cells to come up with that

[@jemm113]

The 'Skirmish' line sealed the deal for me on how good that line was, holy shit.

[@chuggarugga3715]

Cats has given me the ability to kill

[@Spice8Rack]

I... I simply can't doubt it

[@dilophosaurussk4333]

Well you always had it.. its just that now you wanna use it, like how Deadpool got his healing powers.

[@awrenfaussa8887]

Skill: unlocked

[@alexsandroggfilho1697]

The power to kill was inside all along

[@silpheedTandy]

holy shit, this was unscripted? to be honest, it seemed super comprehensive, and explained the experience in illustrative, effective ways. thanks for doing this video -- favourited. AND, despite playing mtg, i never knew your channel existed, so.. hello! i discovered a new channel through this video, now :)

[@jacksonpenfield2102]

I see the word tirade in the title, and I hear the frantic panic in your voice, I am immediately invested.

[@hobihope2981]

When I saw the stage production of Cats, a little boy a row infront of me looked so confused after the show ended. He looked at his mom and said "mommy, where are all the cats?" I just saw the movie, and I understood how that little boy felt harder than ever.

[@daniellichtenstein7541]

Hahahahahaha!!!

[@CanBamBoo]

This is your strangest deck tech yet

[@Spice8Rack]

Pffffft

[@imperialphoenix1229]

@@Spice8Rack psspsspsspss

[@dicorockhimself]

Horror tribal

[@TheAdarkerglow]

This movie changed my life! For years I've been thinking that Cats were Dogs, but finally, thanks to Dame Judy Dench, I know that Cats are not in fact Dogs! A new day is dawning!

[@RedBroski]

Semantic Dragon Wow! Who knew! This is, like, sacred hidden knowledge!

[@trawlins396]

I don't even understand Judy Denchs last monologue. Who ever thought cats were dogs???

[@MajkaMajko]

@@trawlins396 It seems funny, but when I see all the yelling about the movie doesn't make sense... Who expects that something about cats should have?

[@vanessapham6914]

@@trawlins396 the thing is that... in the stage play that part she said was a song in the middle of the play, during the Ball. Like something funny, and the cats performed a superhero story where they dressed as dogs and there was a superhero cat. In the movie they put it among the ending lines and confused the fuck out of everybody LOL

[@sweetbunnybun]

@@trawlins396 in a musical it means that cats aren't like dogs cuz they're more like humans, i.e. individualistic

[@bean3550]

Honestly the most hilarious change in the movie is how Mistofelees (magic cat) is singing his own song about how great he is because in the original production it's Rum Tum Tugger (jason derulo cat) singing it about him. And the joke is like the most vain selfish character is suddenly like "ok but everyone this cat is so amazing and cool and I wanna carry his books in the hallway ur so cool Mistofelees" to this cat who's so shy he has like maybe 3 lines

[@Chatterbox1237]

And also called him a bore

[@Shark-Flynn]

Comment at which point during Cats your fight or flight response kicked in? For me it was when Robbie Fairchild (exposition cat without a song) started talking directly into the camera. I instinctively sank deeper into my seat as the creatures eyes burrowed into my soul, but there was no escape...

[@JoelChenFa]

a musical with a character with no song? WUT?

[@BurningInquiry]

For me? Rebel Wilson eating the roaches. I needed to leave then and there but I couldn’t look away. My soul was being slowly ripped from my fragile vessel of a body

[@sioan6673]

For me it was Rebel Wilson cat UNZIPPING HER SKIN to reveal a second skin and a chorus girl outfit. I couldn’t handle it.

[@videogamenostalgia]

When Idris Elba teleported in completely naked

[@saiya00]

Robbie Fairchild is supposed to sing most of them. He is actually also supposed to have a cat fight with macavity. He’s the second in command the the musical called Munkustrap , though the name is only mentioned on the playbills

[@truthteller880]

It feels like it was made to amuse children, but instead the children would walk away with nightmares and psychological disorders.

[@branmhn]

I salute your service good sir, you suffered so we didnt have to.

[@Spice8Rack]

Thank you. I absorbed this evil for the good of the world like at the end of Hollow Knight

[@thedocblock6421]

@@Spice8Rack Through this are you implying that to get the true ending of Cats you have to go to the head of Universal Studios and slay the CEO in order to return peace to the world

[@yyeahsure]

Spice 8 Rack so uhhhhh make a hollow knight video? Silksong maybe?

[@jaxietoon]

@@Spice8Rack ohhhh the only thing that could have made you more of a god in my eyes was hollow knight and you went and did it, you beautiful spicy boi

[@jaxietoon]

@@thedocblock6421 perfect take

[@alstoyle]

Your decision to make a 44 minute rant on the movie cast on your mtg channel is why ur my favorite KZbin

[@helloly]

He told us the ENTIRE movie in detail 🤣🤣

[@theonden5041]

I love Cats, the musical. 10 Minutes into the video I really don't want to watch the movie. It sounds like they tried to force a story that just isn't there in the musical where it's pretty much just cats being introduced, scared by Macavity some times, Old Deuteronomy arriving, getting abducted by Macavity and immediately returned by Mr. Mistoffelees using magic. Cats is not a good musical because of its story. The musical is awesome because of Andrew Lloyd Webber's great music and the dancing. Of course the tiny bit of story which actually is there has nice message, as in it doesn't matter what you did, you can still have a great afterlife or something like that. 20 Minutes into the video I'm definitely not going to watch Cats, if I'm not getting paid for it. (I liked your singing btw)

[@JoelChenFa]

cats is 100% about watching cats dance and going "oh well and never was there ever!"

[@InnerAtanih]

Go see it and judge for yourself. He is exaggerating. They did change quite a few of the more sexual aspects of the original play and some characters are composite but it’s not the worst

[@ali-boop]

I went and ended up being disappointed by how not BAD it was. I feel like everyone is being overly critical. The dancing is really beautiful and it's worth going for that alone.

[@InnerAtanih]

ali h same. The only part I found bad was Jason Derulo over singing and Rebel Wilson’s part

[@scarlet8078]

I agree with you. I went to see the broadway play with my parents as a child & loved it. The costumes & dancing were pretty & it's adapting TS Elliot's poetry to music so it's very literary. It sounds like the producers of the movie missed the mark but I do some of these critical videos are exaggerating & made by people who aren't familiar with the source material

[@Cosporcos-Q]

Channelfireball has sponsored a rant on the cats movie.

[@ChannelFireball]

We knew what we were getting into when we sponsored this channel.

[@OhDearGod48]

@@ChannelFireball I want to say I feel bad but at the same time probably wise that you did do that

[@alexkaplan6581]

@@ChannelFireball Oh heck you're actually the real one.

[@silpheedTandy]

@@ChannelFireball lol this is amazing. i thought it was a joke, but it's not. haha, i love it when separate interests of mine collide in unexpected ways!

[@pon3d120]

The money went to a worthy cause.

[@casualbularchy4850]

Why didn’t they just make the movie animated. It would have been so much cheaper, the characters could have been drawn cats, it would have been for kids and adults. Literally just needed the actors to voice act. Jesus what a waste of potential and money. I can probably find a better cgi cat movie on KZbin.

[@TheRoland19111]

Because Disney would sue them

[@Titleknown]

I mean, fun fact, that was apparently the original plan back in the 90s! But, with the death of hand-drawn animation...

[@DoveAlexa]

Not quite cgi cats but here you go vimeo.com/171025160 Still creepy though

[@tinabina8371]

I felt like this movie could’ve been improved by doing what the stage play did. Makeup and costumes. It would’ve still been shit but slightly better.

[@nyxx0122]

I heard that the guy who made the Cats musical said that he does not want it to become a (cartoon) animated movie if it was made.

[@murphytucker355]

Spice8racks' disappointment is immeasurable, and his day was ruined.

[@tappytoeclaws2233]

As someone who also sat through the cursed cultural artifact that was Cats, this video is a healing experience.

[@JoelChenFa]

you don't like the musical cats?

[@garygarside9782]

i think the reviews made me watch it but they also get me through the day,

[@alpyki2588]

I guess ol’ Deuteronomy is now ol’ Neuteronomy I’ll see myself out.

[@dangernoodle2868]

You may be less for having seen cats... But I am certainly more for having listened to you rant about it.

[@Spice8Rack]

That's honestly all I could have ever asked for

[@Spiyder11]

I’m telling my grandchildren that Cats: 2019 was based on a true story about Genetic Manipulation

[@Caprifoolaceae]

Don't be mean with scientists. Science hasn't gone that far.

[@juliamavroidi8601]

Say about Cats 2019 what you want. Atleast it's a better adaptation of The Island of Dr Moreau than the 1996 Island of Dr Moreau

[@Bradcliffe99]

So cats should only be watched with a flask in pocket? Good to know

[@Spice8Rack]

I deadass was going to bring a flask but forgot. That was my first, and most lethal mistake.

[@webbowser8834]

Sounds like this movie should not be watched at all. It legit seems like it's Holiday Special tier.

[@nickna4901]

Furries walked so Cats could limp

[@johannesseyfried7933]

Let me rephrase that: Furries walked out of CATS.

[@SharkyMcSnarkface]

Johannes Seyfried That would imply they ever walked in in the first place

[@johannesseyfried7933]

@@SharkyMcSnarkface Good point.

[@liamwhite3522]

Furries walked so they could get the gun to shoot Cats the Movie

@@SharkyMcSnarkface : we saunter.

[@Baby_boodle]

Hearing you utter the phrase "discard the body like a used hankychief" is making me smile and giggle so much.

[@nawa9228]

"I have never watched a movie that has so physically harmed me and physically drained me," i literally can't wait to see this . It feels like a scientific experiment at this point less for enjoyment more of an endurance sport.

[@MicrowavedAlastair5390]

Dr. Forrester: Your experiment today is a bad one- Cats- The Movie!

[@joelowdon1615]

Cats is an absolute nightmare on an ethereal level

[@Spice8Rack]

And now you get to experience MY hell

[@LUCANWOLF]

No it is not. CATS is a great film being bashed by attention seeking rude individuals.

[@firetarrasque4667]

@@LUCANWOLF Please reconsider every choice that has brought you to this moment in your life.

[@hatluther]

This is absolutely not the content I subbed for, and yet this feels absolutely laser targeted for what I'd want to see. Thank you for this, because everyone I know who's seen the movie seems equally traumatized by this... mess? I'm going to go with mess.

[@owneyw4374]

But was it better than the magic the gathering books?

[@Spice8Rack]

Yes. At least 1/3 of them.

[@Real_ConsOA]

Decidedly feline

[@owneyw4374]

Dear god.

[@owneyw4374]

I’ve read like one

[@Nobody-zl3kk]

@@Spice8Rack the one with the retcons right?

[@alariok4401]

I am reminded of the tumblr post where someone said that one furry on the design team would have prevented this abomination of characters and the more characters I see the more I would take neon fursuits rather than this mess

[@nautil_us]

Honestly. The musical outfits are really great if you feel nostalgic about dance recitals from primary schools, and if you'd put all movie actors in fursuits you'd have an explanation for why they weren't dancing in sync with the music because they were all overheating all the time

[@dreamwalking]

This is one of those legendary internet videos which I make pilgrimage to to rewatch every few months.

[@JREG]

I enjoyed this greatly

[@Spice8Rack]

i'm glad you did, i am fully harrowed

[@keenanmccarty9925]

I am subscribbled to both of you and seeing this comment while listening to a nonsensical review of cats it made me think I was disappearing into post-ironic existential nothingness. The postmodern condition is officially my condition right now, on Christmas Eve.

[@gart8224]

Woah, does Jreg play magic? Or is he here just for the cats content? Either way, this is an interesting crossover indeed.

[@alexkaplan6581]

I did not expect to find you here!

[@cadenglass1387]

As a thespian this makes me sad

[@Spice8Rack]

As a human being who could experience both the visual and audio elements of the world, this makes me sad

[@hkkobayashi7657]

"And there were cockroach child actors!!!!" "Oh my gosh, there were cockroach child actors."

[@breedlejuice8691]

HK Kobayashi I actually don’t think the cockroaches were children, but the mice 100% were children.

[@carlycarlock5150]

They weren’t children, they were grown women lol

[@colewashburn4168]

Knowing that you’ve read Skulduggery Pleasant has raised my already monumental opinion of you

[@Spice8Rack]

Hell yeah I read Skulduggery Pleasant, that shit whipped ass!

[@benja931411]

*Looking at my already long "Need-to-read" list *Learns about a fire slinging skeleton detective with no less than 13 volumes ........ .... damn you, good sirs, damn you....

[@apersson9652]

@@benja931411 written by a dude who trained an army of kids in martial arts so they could protect him from his enemies

[@tobiastallan6680]

I was like half deaf during this movie and falling into micro sleep so thought I missed some crucial plot details during the songs. I did not. Cats made me feel like I had one of my kidneys stolen and replaced with SOMETHING moist and furry.

[@mcparker8408]

Please, just please do more of these rant esc. vids from time to time. I never knew a video could make my day so early. Thank You.

[@Spice8Rack]

Aww thanks :3 These won't be a regular feature, but I'm not apposed to them coming back if people really like them!

[@josephcole8102]

They teleport because they are getting blinked by felidar guardian

[@John1-17]

So does this mean Ajani will look weird in the Netflix adaptation?

[@Spice8Rack]

Oh, absolutely

[@Nobody-zl3kk]

@@Spice8Rack i'm waiting for the realease just to make the meme of anime|manga|netflix adaptation

[@Thror251]

He will grin his Leonin grin at us!

[@Kydrou]

I heard they are hiring Seth, better known as Saffron Olive for the part.

[@BarginsGalore]

Kydrou Kair Renner Oudre WHAAAAAT!!!!

[@fiartruck0125]

You probably know this by now, but just in case you missed it: most of the lyrics from Andrew Lloyd Weber's "Cats" were taken from an anthology by T.S. Elliot called "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats". There is no central point. There's no takeaway message. There is no plot. It's just a collection of poems about cats that Weber set to music with a few original songs thrown in. If you don't like T.S. Elliot's poetry and you don't like Andrew Lloyd Weber's music then you don't have much reason to go watch "Cats".

[@Real_ConsOA]

It’s beautiful watching Spice8rack go from a himbo to a catboy

[@Spice8Rack]

How DArE yOu

[@robyn913]

@@Spice8Rack They're not even wrong.

[@sethmcloughlin9365]

Someone put it into words. I thank

[@lollars1998]

The universe is truly a beauty of cause and effect. Some time ago i watched a half serious half silly video about goblin. Today i am watching a 44 minute long decent into madness from a movie. Both from the same creator

[@Spice8Rack]

Welcome to The Timeline: Shits Crazy Here

[@GreatgoatonFire]

Sounds like this movie is the equivalent of playing aggro deck vs one of those Ajani Primate+Soul Warden decks in Historic Artisan,

[@Spice8Rack]

Yes. Yes it is.

[@mrgiraffeweevil763]

Slobad didn’t sacrifice himself for this

[@evilmonkey2184]

he deserves better, we owe him that

[@colewashburn4168]

Im tempted to watch the movie, not out of irony or for the #cool points, but just to see it with 2 friends and bond with them over the trauma. Thank you for this beautiful video that brought me to tears

[@SiminaDar]

I've been feeding my schadenfreude listening to youtuber's PTSD flashback rants about this movie but this one is by far my favorite.

[@queenannesrevenge1437]

Me too! 😂😂🤣

[@trawlins396]

Ok, I'll ask. What is a schadenfreude???

[@queenannesrevenge1437]

@@trawlins396 It's a German word meaning "to take pleasure in another's misfortune".

[@jisuseee]

I never reacted so quickly to one of your video's coming out. I've seen Cats as well and was completely horrified. Lowkey i thought this was going to be a Cat video similar to the History of Goblins gem that introduced me to your genius. Thank you ❤

[@Spice8Rack]

Oh thank you! I hope you enjoy this... thing

[@TheShinyFeraligatr]

The history of Cats in Magic would be hilariously confused. “Well, on Dominaria, and on most other planes, most of the major breeds of big cat exist, but not some, and also there are some fictional big cat breeds like Leotau, and sometimes legendary creatures like Bandars and Serpopards are cats but Sphinxes never are, and also some Archons and Knights ride them, as most four legged creatures get, and then there’s the Leonin, which are basically Garfield but taller and they probably are actually funny.”

[@julianlastname5730]

“I felt no emotion other than fear, confusion, and pain” -one spicy boi 2019

[@Nemonowoa739]

wait i thought Christmas was on Wednesday not today

[@NoelNolNull]

I like how you remember the moments when the bottle of alcohol came to you more than the movie

[@gwheeler233]

Is this one of those movies that in ten or fifteen years is going to achieve cult status like Rocky Horror? Or is it just one of those movies that it's too bad it's so bad like the schlock that goes onto Mystery Science Theatre 3k? Edit: Question answered.

[@darcyhess3666]

CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT THAT BOTTLE OF PORT FOR A SECOND CAUSE NO ONE ELSE IS THANK YOU

[@thomasu9493]

Ramblesnambalambabam

[@STALKER953]

Wooooah cat movie

[@theshockinglyeloquentdog9945]

@@STALKER953 ramblesnam Lloyd Webber made a play

[@mattfox6288]

"i felt no emotion other then fear, confusion, and pain" should be the quote on the box.

[@dancing_mango1214]

Bottle of Port MVP

[@Elizacoco]

I have been mildly obsessed with watching Cats review videos on KZbin the past week and HANDS DOWN this is my favorite. A thorough dressing down from a state of pure distress. Incredible.

[@Starbird1022]

Nails are on point in the stills yet again!

[@Spice8Rack]

Oh you KNOW I wouldn't have it any other way

[@nidhog]

36:55 It's me whenever I ask my opponent if the spell resolves and they start thinking

[@lunarbrona4412]

“I'll tell you the problem with the film making power that you're using here: it didn't require any discipline to attain it. You read what others had done and you took the next step. You didn't earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don't take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could and before you even knew what you had you patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now you're selling it, you want to sell it!”-spice 8 rack probably

[@HypotheticalBees]

LunarBro N/A was that a Jurassic park reference

[@karhart6663]

The sad thing is the magical cat on the ship has a great, upbeat song in the stage show, where the actor dances and smiles and very confidently saves Old Deuteronomy. He is not a hesitant cat at all.

[@OolTube02]

But this version makes him relatable.

[@karhart6663]

@@OolTube02 He is the veritable deus ex machina of the show, and it's delightful. The movie soundtrack sounds terrible with his being all hesitant.

[@OolTube02]

@@karhart6663 No, actually that was great. I know the original version and him delivering the lines all uneasy and unsure of himself, I LOVED IT!

[@karhart6663]

@@OolTube02 Well, to each his own. He has always been my favorite cat and I prefer his confident version.

[@Max-yb5hm]

Channel Fireball rethinking some of their business decisions right now...

[@Spice8Rack]

THEY DEMANDED THEY SPONSOR THIS

[@Inglonias]

Wait why.

[@Entropic_Alloy]

@@Spice8Rack Mashi wanted the word spread.

[@toastman3421]

@@Spice8Rack THEY HATED IT AS MUCH AS YOU DO

[@r.h.1988]

"Everything was synth!" Welcome to an Andrew Lloyd Webber Musical. He's stuck in the eighties and no one can save him.

[@LUCANWOLF]

Because the 80's were great. This century and decade along with it's zombified iPhone dependent "entitled", spoiled, rude generation isn't.

[@r.h.1988]

LUCAN WOLF Do you understand a joke or did you leave your sense of humor in the eighties?

[@KnowledgeSeeker78491]

@@r.h.1988 I lost mine in the early 2000's

[@blitheringape5321]

@@LUCANWOLF god forbid that art move on or is this some sort of like "wah millenials are awful and no generation ever has been" bullshit?

[@halfpintrr]

@@LUCANWOLF The 80's sucked (HIV genocide, anyone?), and Regan's grave is a gender neutral bathroom.

[@adampilarski7083]

This is one of the greatest all time rants ever ranted 😂

[@Spice8Rack]

** Bows and Weeps **

[@Collisto2435]

"Think of the rabbits George, think of the rabbits!" I don't think that's the exact line but I get the reference!

[@seraphinaedan1033]

This has got to be the funniest mental breakdown I’ve witnessed. Thank you for this masterpiece

[@tamharris3623]

Ashiok was in charge of making this movie because it sounds like a nightmare.

[@seraphinaedan1033]

Alternate title: Jesus mercilessly roasts Cats for 45 minutes

[@alexanderstewart1074]

I just want to thank you from the sincerest portion of my heart for this video. Never before have I truly laughed and gained so much joy from the unadulterated account of suffering of another living thing. It's glorious and I feel the antithesis of what you have described.

[@mergedpotato]

cat deck but every card is altered to feature a character from cats

[@jemm113]

Every single opponent concedes after experiencing the real life version of a discard deck when they see the art. You're subsequently banned from every LGS, MTG tournament worldwide, and the deck is listed as a banned weapon in the Geneva Convention due to the WMD that is its card art.

[@StevetheWizard2591]

I've seen reviews of this movie that read like they were written by the protagonist of a story by H.P. Lovecraft. I'm just glad your eyes didn't melt from having to see things that can't be, yet are.

[@dylanchouinard6141]

Bizarrely enough, Lovecraft had a thing about cats

[@williamaldred335]

Yeah, also had a funny naming scheme for his as well

[@dophdopherson1946]

To help pay for your therapy I *may* just have to become a patron.

[@Spice8Rack]

Oh well wouldn't that be a treat!

[@SailorSabol]

As a musical theatre actress and lover, these are just really hard to adapt well into movies. In a theatre where everything is live, it’s magnificent because you really feel the spectacle of seeing everything right before your eyes, the dancing, the sets, the costumes, no cuts no edits, just raw human talent on display. The wide dance view where you can choose what to focus on because everyone is doing something slightly different and it’s all magnificent and magical and intricately detailed. That is why I always get high up sets on the mesonine far away from the stage and in the middle so I can get the perfect view of everything all at once. In a movie, the camera tells you what you have to look at and moves with people and focuses in on certain things. Also, the camera movement makes blur, so you can’t appreciate the dances. When the camera in cats shows a wide shot, everything is so glitchy, there aren’t enough frames per second and their feet literally do not touch the floor! They’re either hovering a solid few inches above the ground or sliding into it. When they jump, it’s edited, and there’s absolutely no sense of gravity. It’s too awkward to enjoy the beautiful choreography! When you see the behind the scenes, the dancing is really spectacular BECAUSE IT LOOKS REAL! The most impressive thing they could’ve done would be to have live action actors in highly advanced SFX makeup and costumes. Just revamp the 80’s costumes!!!! And shoot the majority of dance in a wide, full frame so we can appreciate it!!!!! The sets are real, WHY NOT THE COSTUMES!??!? AT LEAST GIVE THEM NOSES!! The one good shot in the movie was the close up on the tap dancers shoes to the ground because it was the only thing with no CGI and the tapping was impressive! As soon as it pans out you can clearly see the feet hovering above the ground and their are other cats tap dancing without shoes but still making the tap sounds!?!? HUH!?!? Also, they all have short fur SO YOU CAN SEE THE DETAILS OF THE HUMAN SKULL SHAPE AND ITS SO OFFPUTTING! You can see Idres Elbas muscles and belly button but his crotch is completely blurred!?!? I swear, people’s heads will move and their faces won’t move with their bodies!!! It’s that bad! Their collars float around their fur and DONT move with them, they’ll hold hands and their hands will be hovering around eachother. Also THE HANDS ARE SO CREEPY! THE WRIST!?! EWWW why couldn’t they have furry wrist and necks and heads so we didn’t have to be exposed to that.... also, the proportions are really off like he said. At one point Victoria wears a ring around her wrist and it’s like a giant oversized bracelet BUT CATS PAWS ARE SO MUCH BIGGER THAN A RIBG YOUD WEAR ON YOUR FINGER, THATS HOW IT WOULD LOOK ON A RAT, NOT A CAT!!!! It’s so strange.

[@Bernadottes777]

Awesome rant, glad you posted some good non-Magic content. I feel your pain even in audio version 😀

[@Spice8Rack]

This was very much an experiment and I'm stoked that folks seem to be digging it!

[@evilmonkey2184]

@@Spice8Rack As someone who has used stage, cinema, and mtg as a crutch to get through some very tough times, listening to someone go on a rant about the stuff they love is always entertaining. I just feel like you represent the stuff I love, damn this ocean between us, and my own heterosexuality keeping us apart.

[@roadkill291]

This video honestly broke me. I was crying on the bus laughing at this. Thank you!

[@quantumlasagna4669]

So you're telling me I can summon these horrible creatures using their true names?

[@TheShinyFeraligatr]

No, that’s Merfolk.

[@Stray7]

Um, probably, but why would you *want* to summon Mungojeere, Rumpleteazer, Rum Tum Tugger, or any of the others? (and yes, I do in fact know the actual names of these things, because I actually watched and enjoyed the Broadway show...this trainwreck sounds like it pisses all over anything that the show had going for it)

[@KlutzyNinjaKitty]

Stray7 - Since you’ve actually seen the musical, could you explain to me what it’s actually supposed to be about? Because I have no clue.

[@Stray7]

@@KlutzyNinjaKitty Oh, it's not really the sort of musical that you're watching for the story -- it's basically a bunch of poetry about cats put to music with a bunch of dance numbers. It's pretty much a group of cats gathering together to decide which of them deserves to go to the Heavyside Layer for reincarnation. There isn't even a Newbie character that is supposed to be an audience surrogate in the production. This movie adds *more story* to the musical, with Mccavity actively poofing other cats away somewhere rather than just being one of the faces in the cats crowd who sings a number then fades back. And that's probably to this movie's detriment. It's easier to groove to the "it's a bunch of songs about cats and the narrative is just a framing device" idea when they aren't actively trying to propel a narrative.

[@KlutzyNinjaKitty]

Stray7 - Alright, thank you. I definitely get it more than I did before. From the sounds of it, Cats was already in its best form and in a medium where it was better appreciated before Hollywood decided to get its grubby mitts on it. I may be wrong, but it always felt like Hollywood was better suited towards more literal people like me. There might be some hidden meanings below the surface of a movie, but you don’t need to dissect it unless you want to. Poetry seems to be the opposite where the inherent enjoyment people get from it is finding the meaning in it. I personally struggle with poetry, and I have to really work towards understanding it. So, marketing a poetry-based musical to an audience that won’t appreciate it seems really stupid. Seriously, why do they do this?

[@xxProjectJxx]

I went to see the broadway musical when I was like 9 and I hated it and begged my parents to leave so we could go buy toys or something. Now the movie's out and everyone can finally feel my pain

[@cathart866]

Time for an incredible video

[@Spice8Rack]

Thank you for such an incredible comment ;)

[@casualbularchy4850]

Imagine having spent 80 million to put realistic digital cat fur on b bunch of actors, only to make 2.6 million at the box office 😂

[@garygarside9782]

Casual Bularchy it was well deserved lol

[@oqihouqiop]

This is, this is just Awesome. If you just make content like this I will watch it

[@Spice8Rack]

That's lovely to hear :3 Thank you!

[@tezzeret2000]

I agree, this was awesome. I want some more of that white vitriol.

[@EvanFarshadow]

@@Spice8Rack oh no, you are becoming a cat boy with that :3 face

[@luketfer]

Friend went to see this (he got dragged along by his girlfriend). About an hour later got a message from him that was just a link to the Jontron video where he goes "There's too much to see in this life, I'm not wasting it here...". The next day he basically tells me he flat out just walked out of the theater, leaving his Girlfriend behind after telling her he would be waiting in the car. They've been a loving couple for years, sat through tons of shit movies but this is the only one he's ever bailed on her in.

[@rabidadder3635]

In Response I Bolt Myself is exactly how I felt after hearing about this movie

[@Dial-Z]

My regret is that i can only “like” this video once. Masterful.

[@clairelaffar2859]

The moment I lost my mind in this film was when Ray Winstone started singing. I was literally crying with laughter and madness for the rest of the film after that. It was horrifying before that moment, but Winstone singing as a pirate cat just broke me. BTW we watched it on Christmas Day with 3 other people in the theatre. When the film finished a little girl in the front row loudly declared "It is finished" and it was perfect XD

[@pumpkinpatch5]

“There is no smarter cat than the magic man cat.” 🤣🤣🤣

[@Nobody-zl3kk]

"Abolish copyright already" The spirit animal of spice8rack is the frog that says "hippity hoppity abolish private property" confirmed

[@michaeltodd343]

This has to be my 30th or so rewatch of this video, and it makes me laugh every time. Whenever i have something tedious to do for about 40 minutes (like doing dishes or grinding Smithing in Skyrim), i pop this on and laugh like a loon as I do so. Thank you, Spice. Thank you for this gift.

[@PaulGaither]

*Sees notification *Thumbs up because everything you make is gold *Added to watch later

[@Spice8Rack]

You're doing God's work

[@lucasdargert4265]

Bruh this is like my second favorite video on this channel. 😂 Hearing him lose his mind and laugh at “A cat is not a dog” made laugh so hard