Star Wars: Rise of the Pretender -- Part 2

[@SrMissileMonkey]

on another note... Palpatine won in the end. the Skywalkers are all dead, his decendent usurped the name and now wears it proudly. she killed him, JUST LIKE HE WANTED. he must be cackling oodles of cackles, smoking a cigar saying to himself, "I love it when a plan comes together."

[@Isenlyn]

You know what, I'd buy that. Moreover, during the ending credits, they play the Emperial March. The freaking last music you hear in theater is the winning March of the dark side !

[@lonelywolf9294]

@@Isenlyn hahaha, that is amazing. I had not heard that detail anywhere else. Man, the infighting on this one behind the scenes must have been insane. Because there is no way something like that happens unless someone is making a statement. Not gonna lie, I was done with Star Wars after TFA, but the drama (and critiques, ofc) surrounding the rest of the trainwreck has been extremely fascinating and entertaining.

[@cattrucker8257]

Now I'm stuck with the idea of a Sith choir performing the A-team theme.

[@BryceByerley]

Think about it. He managed to get all the Jedi to manifest in her body, only to die. He then managed to have his one loose end to arrive on scene to provide his host body with enough strength to survive and then die himself. Sheev always thinks six steps ahead.

[@InfernosReaper]

@@BryceByerley Best part is, if he's all the sith and she's his last living relative, then that means she probably inherited that from him upon his death. Now, she is all the Jedi and all the Sith, like Avatar the Last Airbender, except more Avatar Legend of Korra.

[@LifeWithMatthew]

Holy crap, I just realized that Rey is literally Kathleen Kennedy writing herself into a star wars story. Rey is the literal definition of a Mary Sue character, lol.

[@viscountrainbows6452]

Multi-billion dollar franchises are now dumping grounds for the fanfiction Sues and Stus of Hollywood's most desperate middle-aged cronies. What a glorious timeline.

[@TheEndlessBlade00]

FFS Thats actually true. just a trilogy about her self insert 🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️

[@Briguy164]

I've had that thought many times

[@marmite400]

Didn't occur to me. Now I see it. What an ego on that bitch.

[@KneelB4Bacon]

Yeah, it's author-insert fan fiction. I also love how JJ can't help trying to undo everything Rian Johnson did to his first movie, instead of just letting go and moving on. When Rian took General Hux from the first movie and turned him into a moron in the second, JJ created General Pryde in the third movie and used him to murder what was left of Hux. It's like watching two kids fighting in a sandbox.

[@ainternet239]

"This. Makes. No. Sense." Obi Wan rests his face in his hand.

[@newperve]

"...forces a black man to say no to an asian woman." Man you kill me.

[@ecmorgan69]

I spit out my coffee when I heard that. 🤣

[@OO7angelo]

That's why it's a fantasy, would never happen in real life. The force is strong. Lmfao

[@Umbra_Ursus]

As per the "Palpatine had sex" thing: Whisky. Lots and lots. Demoman or Critical Drinker levels. And the Han/Ben thing becomes meaningless when you notice it's him forgiving himself. Almost forgot: Rey force heals with no cost, but Kylo force heals and it's cast from HP. The fuck?

[@hassathunter2464]

Guess they operate on The Witcher Netflix show rules. Where magic kills the bad guys and has zero cost for the good guys.

[@strikeforce1500]

I mean, Ben had lost to Rey almost every time so... I guess he was less powerful in the end, even if it makes no sense

[@ChibiKami]

Light side Jedi have to spend more force points to use a dark side technique and vice versa

[@failedgrace2891]

Three words: Anna Nicole Smith. With enough money or power anything can happen.

[@Umbra_Ursus]

​@@failedgrace2891 I'll give you that. Need to be a hefty sum, to say the least.

[@hassathunter2464]

"5 minutes ago you wanted her body so bad we should have started calling you Finn." Wow, amazing line. And so true.

[@DemonicRemption]

@Hassat Hunter I think I liked that line more than necessary...

[@TheEldritchGod]

This movie filled me with white hot rage of a thousand exploding galaxies.

[@aitchisondaniel]

#DoomcockWasRight

[@DocWolph]

These movies [activated] my "Fight or Flight" responses so greatly that an Ultra-massive Black hole (200B Solar masses) could not draw me in.

[@TheEldritchGod]

I have a review that I half finished. It's over twice the length of the original movie now. I'm going to go back and do a super cut/spice it together with about 20 other videos and make a supercut of pure nerd rage.

[@-kenik9629]

This movie made me disappointed by proxy, like I haven't seen it, but considering how people(even strait up political commentators) have reacted, and the descriptions I'm finding; this thing sounds like a reason for aliens to avoid us.

[@jasoethesentienteyeshapedg4847]

Hey, leave me out of this!

[@tennoshenaniganizer9234]

"Who are you?" "I'm Rey" "Rey who?" "REYD SHADOW LEGENDS"

[@sirpepeofhousekek6741]

Rey-cist Rey-pist Rey-nforest Rey-tarded

[@Rhino-Prime]

GOD DAMMIT

[@Rhino-Prime]

@@sirpepeofhousekek6741 how do you pronounce the 3 rd 1

[@julianefaria7508]

I just laughed so hard. It was really what I needed after that Video

[@Tenshi0080]

@@Rhino-Prime rainforest

[@CMan-x7k]

Emperor Kennedy: Good Rey. Good. Now say it. Rey: I shouldn't. Emperor Kennedy: Dew it. Rey: Skywalker.

[@DemonicRemption]

@C I read the first line in Kennedy's voice, and then in the line "Dew it" her voice seemed to have lowered several registers. xD

[@raven800plays]

Emo Ren: give life energy to Ray Ray: wakes up "oh no, Ben don't go~" Emo Ren: "it's ok. Just give me some life force back." Ray: "oof, I would but...I mean I could but then I'd feel just groggy and tired and horrible." Emo Ren: "what? But-" Ray: " don't worry it's ok I'll be ok and you'll always be remembered as a good person~" Emo Ren: "But I don't want to die! Just give me life!" Ray: "I can give you a kiss instead?" Emo Ren: "if by kiss you mean the kiss of life! Otherwise it better mean the best bj Ive ever head since I'm, ya know, DYING!!!" Ray: "ew no" Emo Ren: "not even just the tip!?" Ray: " NO!!!" Emo Ren: "....you...bitch..." Dies

[@insertmemorableusernameher6795]

*Rey

[@SovereignStatesman]

Emo Ren: "not even just the tip!?" Rey: "Okay: DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE!"

[@raven800plays]

@@SovereignStatesman you win an intertnet XD

[@raven800plays]

@@insertmemorableusernameher6795 "Ray" "Rey" does anyone really care? XD

[@plowking813]

imagine these 2 making kids and their kids become the next trilogy with one evin and one good and another family drama of redemption and pew pew dew it

[@moonbane8121]

This trilogy actually revamped my passion for writing! It's just that bad!

[@moonbane8121]

@Yul Brynner a man of culture I see.

[@jjmiles7173]

Working out the stuff needed to do a Fan Film trilogy centered around Maul and Savage being brought back(by the Force) as Dark Jedi to defeat Palpatine.

[@VespoLiveGaming]

When I was younger I briefly thought about becoming a writer but I didnt think I would be any good at it. This film proves I should've stuck with it!

[@Tempusverum]

Go for it. Anything you come up with will be better than this garbage.

[@AmazingKevinWClark]

Lol same here. It's really starting to bug me how bland Hollywood Blockbusters have become.

[@johnsnow04]

Just Some Guy: Makes over 2 hours review of TROS Mauler: He is too dangerous to be left alive!

[@zerowolf0006]

Long man in training

[@pashajoshua3797]

The Toxic Brood needs to mobilize and get JSG onto EFAP. Worlds shall collide.

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

Why would Mauler say that? He'd most likely be happier that other people are embracing long-form, detailed videos.

[@johnsnow04]

@@insulttothehumanrace3807 Eh, just wanted to use Star Wars quote. Should have used "Finally a worthy opponent, our Longman battle will be legendary."

[@way-out]

Cmon XD, we got 2hrs unbridled rage by MauLer, plus 11hrs efap discussing it, and his critiques videos are yet to come

[@TheSouloftheDragon]

The Sequel Trilogy can't focus on Kylo Ren (even though they're calling this whole thing the Skywalker Saga) because 'The Force is Female'.

[@CanadianBlaze137]

The Force is Female = make everything about Rey and shove every other female SW character to the side

[@elimiller2188]

How dose a magic system even have a gender anyway

[@The_Archi-Tech]

WoMaN aRe AlL pOwerFuL!!!!!

[@mihirlavande]

She still had to be saved by a man in the end though.

[@JiffydaRhino]

That's not how the force works

[@mcblaggart8565]

So this is the movie where Daisy Ridley finally learns to act. Ironic.

[@sebastiancalvey1226]

Wait...Wasn't inna Pron? ~The PervMaster

[@inky5574]

Lady: Who are you? Rey: I'm Rey Lady: Rey who? Rey: Rey Skywalker Luke: Identity theft is not a joke, Rey!

[@CMan-x7k]

Last time I was this early George Lucas still owned Star Wars.

[@MyRickyjoe]

He should have left this baby in the dumpster, it would have been better off than at Disney.

[@Brandon34098]

it being with the fans and open to creating some bad and a few legendary things that stand out and lots in between is far better than since its been sold

[@viscountrainbows6452]

@Yul Brynner I'm more a Ramibow Sprimkle

[@Optimaloptimus]

Princess Rainbovvs X Musashi Rainbow Sparkle? So a fused Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash?

[@ACEnBEAKY]

"They all just blow up because of course they do." "It would have been a good ending, which is why we didn't get it."

[@leeboyles4480]

They also killed the fact she's his granddaughter by having her shoot lightning from her hands. Add that to the rumors he was coming back then of course she's his granddaughter. Also the past 2 movies are the equivalent of 2 kids arguing what's toys belong in their sand box. These movies conflict with each other so much it's not even funny and that drags down the movie. Finn or kylo should have/could have been the main character just saying. Third: that's not how the force works. Bonds are created through traumatic events, like Revan and Bastila, or through teacher and student which is arguably the weaker of the bonds. Force healing was always a things, see KOTOR for that, but it wasn't on the scale they make it out to be. It couldn't heal fatal wounds, only make the person more comfortable while dying or keep them alive ling enough to get actual help. The healing can't bring back the dead either. Why is it when kylo dies he fades away but Rey dies she's fine? Just a question that never gets answered. Is he a force ghost now, how and when was that a possibility doesn't it take years of study and training to do that? I'm not even going to get started on the dagger and holocrons because those are just pointless excuses the writers gave themselves so the movie can take place just like that stupid coin that only exist for them to be able to go save chewie. The movie tries so hard to get this "the main cast like each other" and they do pull it off, somewhat. The reason for that "somewhat" is simple, it's rushed. You know how the main cast of the OT had years to get to know each other and had adventures off screen like when Han mentions that bounty hunter in the begining of empire strikes back. The sequal trilogy doesn't have that, yeah they had adventures off screen between the last Jedi and the rise of skywalker but that was what, 3 years? This movie is so flawed because it's trying to fix the last Jedi while being it's own movie. The last Jedi is what killed Star Wars and this movie buried it. The worst part I feel Ryan Johnson and J.J. could be amazing creators, as long as they didn't work on Star Wars and now Ryan was so pumped up by the media that he has a huge ego and feels he can do no wrong which is going to hinder his progress as a creater because he feels he can make anything and still get paid. As for fans criticizing the movies being racist and sexiest manbabies. Stop using straw man arguments, that's not how any of this works. We have criticism because we care about it, because we want to like these movies but we're constantly being told we're wrong and just deal with it. Things only get better if they have critics like the star wars fandom because we're so passionate about it we know what to expect in the universe. We know what we want, we don't care about gender or race we care about Star Wars.

[@DeadmanZ1014]

You sir, you freaking nailed it.

[@ervindervishi8246]

This comment deserves more likes. I completely agree with you with everything you said

[@fullmetalgirl1234]

Like how did the Resistance even get to Exegol so easily? Didn’t they need the Wayfinder to get there and there were only two of them?

[@leeboyles4480]

@@fullmetalgirl1234 not to mention how the resistance had that many ships. I mean where were all of them in the last movie when the resistance was almost snuffed out, and if they started to help when they seen what the first order was capable of why did they resist when their ENTIRE PLANET could be destroyed? They had no reason to fight back right then when one ship could kill them all

[@brianaguilar8283]

It’s like each movie exists in its own continuity. They practically punish you for remembering anything from the previous film. You know what other movies do that? The Resident Evil movies.

[@sevenclovers7]

Gotta love how Rey ‘all the Jedi’ beats palpatine ‘all the Sith’, as if to say all the bloodthirsty murders, lost souls, and assorted villains can’t even stand more then ten seconds against them. So much for Balance in the Force.

[@ginger-ham4800]

Many sith are selfish and greedy, they wouldn't help Palpatine.

[@MrOnepiece14]

@@ginger-ham4800 lmao that makes so much sense Sidious: yo Bois I'm goin in back me up Bane:Nah I'm chill Plagueius: eat my ass

[@greatjagras6381]

The Sith loved to brag about being stronger than the Jedi

[@ewyna8409]

@@MrOnepiece14 And Valkorion be like (well if he was canon at least) : "Dude you're an idiot, when i planed to take over the Outlander's body, i arranged for him/her to actually kill me without saying what my plan was, and it worked (almost, untill the Outlander turned my whole familly against me to help him/her destroy me). At least i got a nice body for like 6 years before dying for good." Moral of the story if you're an evil douchebag who can transfer his spirit to another body, don't procreate, you'll regret it someday.

[@sevenclovers7]

The Jedi didn’t really do much balance. In fact the eu and prequel trilogy show how the Jedi were pretty unbalanced to. Just not unbalanced as the sith. In fact it’s technically Yoda, Kenobi and Windu’s fault that anakin fell, with telling him to ignore his mom and not helping with Padme. Also that does make sense some sith wouldn’t help, even eu has major sith dislike him.

[@NaviGooseOfTheSmol]

Soo, Not-Luke wants to end his own nephew because he had a feeling. But knew Rey Sue was a Palpatine and agreed to train her? Why tho?

[@sebastiancalvey1226]

Maybe We Could Finally have a Light Side Palp?

[@AliceIsSleepy]

Sebastian Calvey Maybe so, but they made him so untrusting that a bad dream made him want to kill his nephew, and yet her being the granddaughter of the evil emperor Palpatine and having sith blood, which makes you more prone to the dark side, is fine?

[@brianaguilar8283]

Because it’s a sloppy retcon

[@vanroyal244]

Cause she a waman.

[@scottgaultney]

Because this trilogy is a nonsensical story written by morons too busy spiting each other to bother with a coherent story, produced by idiots trying too hard to get social justice "brownie points", and acted by... well, some genuinely talented actors who deserved much better than they got.

[@stonebaxter]

"All the Sith live in the Emperor" When did Star Wars become Highlander?

[@Briguy164]

The Highlander: there can only be one The sith: there can only be 2

[@kyriss12]

Apparently the force has an avatar state now.

[@CommDante]

Oh geez, maybe Darth Mouse is buying up and ruining that franchise now too with badly written incoherent reboots...

[@CatacombD]

It wasn't meant literally. I took it as, "The current Sith lord is the pinnacle of Sithdom, because you become a sith lord by surpassing the previous sith." .... But it's an easy "gotcha" to just take it literally and then complain that if you take it literally it doesn't make sense. >_>

[@FrankCastle-tq9bz]

It didn’t - this trilogy of films isn’t “Star Wars.”

[@notsoninjajoe2857]

So wait, La Resistance seriously rode horses into a battle with automatic weapons, armored vehicles, and explosives? I guess the writing team never heard about the Invasion of Poland in WW2.

[@InfernosReaper]

it's more Charge of the Light Brigade.

[@patrickbuerke1390]

Um, the whole "Poles attacked German tanks with cavalry" thing didn't happen

[@lv83bloodknight]

While Poland, USSR and a few other countries fielded cavalry during WWII, they were usually use as mounted infantry units

[@CatacombD]

Actually, Germany also used a ton of "cavalry" during WW2. Not for cavalry charges, of course, but as a way to scout and move men and munitions around without burning oil that Germany didn't have access to.

[@notsoninjajoe2857]

Steve Zirngible that’s legitimately fascinating, I didn’t know that.

[@jacobwiren8142]

Luke Skywalker was my childhood hero. I remember watching him stare the Emperor in the eye and say "no". That's powerful. I didn't understand at the time why it was so important but I do now. Only a strong person can stare death in the eye and say no. Luke knew he was going to die, and he still refused because it was the right thing to do. I wish I was that strong. I hope I can be someday. What does Rey inspire? nothing. She was never weak. She's just a walking disaster waiting to happen. For all we know, she might fart while turning on her lightsaber and cut an entire planet in half. Or she might trip on a rock and fall on her face and die. It could be anything because she has nothing other than a stolen name and a year of confusing memories. I personally have no intention of looking at these movies again, and I don't consider them cannon.

[@brianaguilar8283]

She’s not even a good character for young girls

[@jacobwiren8142]

@@brianaguilar8283 no, she isn't, and never was

[@Shadow1224ful]

"your name is palpatine, not aizen sosuke" This had me dying dude.

[@trentberry6968]

You know the saddest thing about all of this? I used to be the biggest Star Wars fan, I have shelves of books each movie in DVD, bluray, tape. They managed to make he not care about how it ends. Didn't see the movie not because I was mad or boycotting it just didn't care.

[@theapexsurvivor9538]

Just look into the old EU stuff, way better entertainment than these parodies Disney is putting out. Don't give up on Star Wars, just reject Soy Wus.

[@HallyVee]

Happened to me at Phantom Menace. So bad.

[@victoriavonheals2384]

My brother was a hardcore fan of Star wars. Even more so than me. However, by the time Rise of Skywalker hit theaters, he simply stopped caring. He didn't have any feelings towards it whatsoever, just became apathetic to the whole thing. In his own words, "Star wars was dead to him." It's hard to look at the original trilogy the same way unless you completely pretend this piece of crap doesn't exist. As far as I'm concerned, the books are still the go-to extended universe for me. Kathleen Kennedy bitched about not having any material to work with, as if there weren't countless books, games and comic books in the Star wars universe she pretends never existed. As if she didn't completely disregard years of canon material and lore.

[@johnnydub2304]

@@victoriavonheals2384 i was much the same way as your brother. I loved SW. I played most of the games, saw the films, read books and comics...now I just dont want anything to do with it anymore. I dont even have the heart to touch any of the old stuff anymore. The hilarious part is they trashed the EU, then stole a bunch of plot points and details from far better stories for this shit show.

[@victoriavonheals2384]

@@johnnydub2304 It's really sad. Now Wonder woman is the next target for their political pandering. They won't stop until it's all burned to the ground. Smh.

[@LoavesofBread]

The word CONTRIVANCE just came to mind after the story just fit together. Everytime something was mentioned it just immediately happened.

[@bigdoubleu117]

I'm honestly surprised that Finn didn't clean up anything on Exogol since he was the janitor on the last two obstacles from the last two movies

[@aelius3805]

You know that scene in ROTJ when Palpatine says "You want this don't you?" To Luke? We now have to live the rest of our lives knowing that Palps probably said that in the same tone to some woman. *shudders*

[@katemaloney4296]

"Close your eyes and think of Endor! Close your eyes and think of Endor!"

[@DemonicRemption]

@Aelius You've scarred my mind in so many ways...

[@aelius3805]

@@DemonicRemption What can I say except you're welcome! For ruining your appetite! What can I say except you're welcome! For keeping you up at night! Seriously though, Palpatine banged some chick and had a son.

[@aelius3805]

@@RHYD_ Happy to help, I enjoy entertaining people! I hope that your day is less shitty moving forward.

[@lazytyrant9010]

"Do It" -ROTS

[@cjd2889]

All of this was written as a GIANT middle finger to actual Star Wars fans. Her actions render all of the previous canon irrelevant, and the villain's granddaughter gets to take credit for all the Skywalker's accomplishments. Then, just to twist the knife at the end of the triolgy, she takes their name. It was like planting a giant flag in the franchise and saying, "This belongs to feminism now."

[@ahabthedragon2164]

Thank 👏 you 👏

[@alexkogan9755]

JJ couldn’t fix this problem, because JJ created the problem. Roundhead Ruin was an extra punch in the wound.

[@snoopy7261]

So true. JJ broke a lot of lore but most people gave him a pass because of nostalgia. If Rian Johnson had made an attempt of making a halfway descent movie the Force Awakens would be forgivable.

[@johannesseyfried7933]

You know what's funny? Not even the official Lore Book for TROS can explain why that Piece of the Death Star survived the Explosion and didn't destroy the Planet! "Through a Miracle, Parts of the Death Star II stayed intact." Not even THEY could come up with a reason!😄😂

[@gallegos3rd]

I mean dude, force heal literally destroys anakin's story completely. he could have literally been healing all the women in his life no big deal. All the pain he felt that caused his fall is literally irrelevant cuz he could have been healing everyone left and right.

[@Swiss_femboy]

But honestly force healing is a thing in Star Wars, it just takes decades to master. It is one of the unique Technics of the Jedi. (What makes Anakin even dumber if I think about it...)

[@kapthas59]

@@Swiss_femboy it was in legends but even then you cannot bring back the dead or save someone from a fatal wound

[@kapthas59]

@Ayora A what alien are you

[@Legendary_Detective-Wobbuffet]

So Palpatine went full Madara by being a dude in a cave hooked up to magic stuff?

[@koreshura641]

Don’t you dare compare Madara to this...

[@Legendary_Detective-Wobbuffet]

@@koreshura641 rayssengan!

[@thatguybrody4819]

i have this image of palpatine being replaced by GLaDOS.

[@theapexsurvivor9538]

@@thatguybrody4819 it'd make more sense than this shit.

[@Winterydee]

Another overlooked error is that they say the "snub fighters" are unable to destroy the Death Star Cannons on the Star Destroyers which will cause a energy cascade and hence destroy that Star Destroyer. This why they need Lando to go and rally help and bring heavier class ships to destroy those cannons. But they show a lone Y-Wing being able to destroy one of those cannons and hence the Star Destroyer... so why did they need tons of backup again?

[@chrisbaker8533]

Plot And really shitty writing

[@erikjaroy8214]

Worse? The Y-Wing destroyed that cannon with just its laser cannons. If it used proton torpedoes, that would be something, at least. But just lasers?🤦‍♂️

[@lordfrostwind3151]

And if navigation was so bad the Star Destroyers needs a signal booster just to go up, how did they not just start smashing into each other left and right?

[@Cre8Lounge]

I asked the same thing in episode 8 when the one X wing wing destroyed those cannons when the bombers couldn't except one bomber actually finished the job. why the need for all the other bombers and with no cover?

[@steveouk90126]

Palpy telling Rey he wants her to kill him so he can jack her body: reminds me of the final scene in The Devil's Advocate, where Al Pacino tells Keanu Reeves that he wants his son to take over--and how Keanu solved that problem.

[@stevef.8323]

People keep asking "What woman could possibly be attracted to Palpatine?" 1. He's a Sith. He's probably not too concerned with consent. 2. He's the Emperor. Why wouldn't they have sugar daddies in a Galaxy far, far away?

[@farukonurbozkurt1186]

You know, this is probably the only piece of criticism that didn't make sense. If someone can be a sex slave to a giant slug, why the hell not to an old guy who literally rules galaxy?

[@Ramsey276one]

Baby Mama as soon as she gives birth GETS YEETED YOWATD THE FARTHEST SUN! XD

[@lv83bloodknight]

it could have also happened while he was still Supreme Chancellor/Senator Palpatine.

[@mr.n0on344]

@@lv83bloodknight also power and money are a hell of a aphrodisiac

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

@@lv83bloodknight Probably not while Senator, *maybe* Supreme Chancellor. Depends on how old Rey's parents were.

[@dandare9055]

New things that I've learned: Adam Driver actually CAN create visibly pleasing sword-fight. So he was dragged down by Mah-Rey Sue? Abhorrent!

[@JustSomeGuy]

Daisy Ridley did pretty well here, too. She just had three seconds of screen time.

[@BeanDaddyMandela]

So, when Kylo Reb decided it was a good idea to fight all of the Knights of Ren at once with no weapon, was anyone else reminded of the scene from Kung Pow when Chosen One tells a bunch of monks to all attack at once with bo staves?

[@Bopperann]

I always loved the idea in KOTOR where Jedis are hiding on Narr Shadda, using the thick population to mask their force presence.

[@kenniron6313]

Your edit for when she says Rey Skywalker was exactly my reaction. For a movie focusing so heavily on accepting who you are, they sure threw that out the goddamn window at the end when she blatantly lies about her family legacy. Edit: Did you just call the Avengers films nothing but eye candy!? I gotta hear that one someday.

[@fatpurp4041]

About the Palpatine having a wife...well "the dark side is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural..."

[@MegaCoyoteFilms]

And the sad part about the sequel trilogy is that everything done in them was already done in the REAL Star Wars timeline, the EU is canon, not Disney.

[@w925gaming6]

TheScriptDoctor well the only thing which isn’t really canon is the sequel trilogy.

[@Muck006]

The ending is something Bob Iger and Kathleen Kennedy need to answer to ...

[@Cre8Lounge]

The whole damm rilogy

[@ericpeterson8732]

I'm just asking questions, because no one else bothered to. -JSG

[@tricky2k]

Finally someone praising Kylo and Han's scene. Really, I thought I was the only one who loved that scene, by far the best in the new trilogy and one of the best in the overall franchise. Adam Driver just nails it, and Han's "I know" goes waaaay beyond the obvious fanservice. As you say, this is what the new trilogy should've been

[@themykeshow9027]

This video is a superbly crafted example of when long-form critique crosses the boundary and becomes a living peice of ART itself. I partly suspect that the reason WHY MauLer has never finished his critique of the Disney Trilogy is because he's seen JSG's two-part masterpeice, and knows there is no way for him to improve upon this razor-sharp perfection. JSG's critique is so comprehensive and thorough, even the Long Man himself can find nothing worthwhile left to dissect.

[@animelytical8354]

32:22 it's like Dave Chappelle is actually verbalising Mark Hamill's thoughts in this moment. Great edit

[@plowking813]

should have been called rise of palpatine

[@Muck006]

Just rename the thing into *"Winning the Lottery-odds -- the Movie".* Subtitle: - Star Wars edition - [These idiots keep on making movies for other franchises with the same recipe ...]

[@demoulius1529]

I just love how Harrison ford going 'thats not how the force works' perfectly sums up this dumpsterfire of a movie xD

[@glensilva5082]

So I recently came across your channel and I must say you have been spot on with each of your videos and it is nice to have such a fresh perspective, the truth!!! Keep up the great work no matter what anyone says, plenty of us out here have your back. Thank you

[@AkanamesMalestrom]

Palpatine: Execute order 69! *Bed comes from the floor and Marvin Gaye's "Let's get it on" starts to play*

[@hassathunter2464]

"Han forgives Kylo" No, it's not a Force Ghost, its just all in Kylo's head. So he... forgives himself? It's pretty meaningless since it's not really Han.

[@Marlena_M]

Anakin should have appeared and slap his ass around lol

[@Umbra_Ursus]

Unless he actually *is* a force ghost. And that just fucks up more things if he is.

[@jjmiles7173]

@@Marlena_M All joking aside, Anakin should have been the one to influence him so Balance could be restored. Since The Chosen has to restore Balance three times, and he has only done it twice.

[@Marlena_M]

@@jjmiles7173 Yes! I wholeheartedly agree.

[@pnn-potatonewsnetwork3613]

Yep and that's the way snowflakes think today, the universe revolves around them and they can just forgive themselves for anything.

[@mr.brooks6106]

Just Some Guy helping me close out this slow ass night at work. Thank you sir

[@dahelmang]

Hey Shadiversity reference! Awesome!

[@matthewcoyle4131]

Wedge was in this movie? That's kinda neat. He's Ewan McGregor's uncle.

[@bradtheunchad3192]

Really never knew that.

[@goodvibesrav]

wedge is literally the ultimate chad he survived both Death Stars and Starkiller, the entire sequel trilogy and all the Skywalkers

[@matthewcoyle4131]

@@goodvibesrav and you get to play as him in the Rogue Squadron games!

[@mcblaggart8565]

Spoiler alert: Palpatine wins and becomes the most powerful force user ever.

[@wert1234576]

UNLIMITED POWER!!

[@Ramsey276one]

Ah, the memories that last line brings me

[@coreymckee4844]

Thats kinda true when you think about it. From a certain point of view. 🤣🤣

[@mcblaggart8565]

@@coreymckee4844 That's exactly what I was going for.

[@theapexsurvivor9538]

Remember how Palpatine wanted Palpatine to kill Palpatine so Palpatine could take over Palpatine's body? Well Palpatine killed Palpatine so it's likely that Palpatine is dwelling inside Palpatine and that Palpatine plans to take over Palpatine by making Palpatine slowly give up control to Palpatine who will thus eventually become Palpatine and use Palpatine as a flesh puppet as Palpatine uses Palpatine's reputation to regain what Palpatine lost and undoing everything Palpatine achieved since killing Palpatine.

[@MyRickyjoe]

Anybody else remember Kotor 2? One little thing that came out on Telos was that droids aren't supposed to be able to lie. I assumed this came from somewhere out of the EU cannon, but I really loved it, because 3-P0 lies in the very first movie. Call it a retcon, but I liked thinking that he was unique, as he always acted very differently from other speaking droids. This trilogy hates both men and droids.

[@imperialspecialforce5769]

*Hate men and male droids. Remember Solo, that feminist droid.

[@Ramsey276one]

Reván the LEETtivist droid? XD

[@Ramsey276one]

Well 3-PO was not factory made so he would be a little different, I guess

[@5nokli]

“Juan Solo”? “Token?” “General white bread?” Dude you got me laughing my butt off! I needed this!

[@Smallpotato1965]

twenty minutes in and I have to take a break because my brain cannot cope with so much stupid. I'm so glad I never gave a single penny to this ridiculous franchise and have refused to watch anything Disney related for nearly a decade.

[@blindedjourneyman]

@Revan and that will be their downfall. We will just keep making new things till they break.

[@viscountrainbows6452]

@Revan At that point they'd need every politician in their pocket, and the way they're haemorrhaging money on merchandise and movies, at least for Star Wars, then they'd better correct their course or even their ownership of 60% of brands and studios, will start slipping to pre-2000 levels. They've bitten off more than they can chew; will they end up choking? At this point, I'm watching content ABOUT Disney exclusive to anything directly owned by it if I can help it, and not a red cent of mine goes to their products when I can help it, but they're like Monsanto, they're everywhere and almost everything. Unlike Monsanto however, we don't need Di$ney's movies and shows for sustenance at all. People are getting tired of entertainment not being just that, and the reports thick with consumer dissatisfaction better be hitting them in the nose.

[@thetokenwon506]

thank you for sparing me from having to actually watch that dumpster fire.

[@historyeraserbutton6657]

I don’t know how to tell you how good this pair of videos was. Top shelf, JSG. You know your craft. 👍

[@jamesgolden7317]

Soooo now that Mary Sue kills Touchy. Doesn't that mean he is now her, and the only thing Ben has done. Is give Mary Touchy more power?

[@blindedjourneyman]

Yep palpatine won.

[@r.prokop660]

The amount of damage Disney has managed to inflict, not only to the original trilogy and the prequels, but also to their own sequels. It's stupendously mind boggling.

[@ethranoch]

"Could you imagine? Could. You. Imagine." Stop it.

[@johnmalcolm3116]

Thank you for a great breakdown , everyone else just tears down movies. You are a GENIUS

[@Ahabite]

Supposedly an end to the Skywalker saga, and they expertly subverted expectations by focusing on a Palpatine. This is ineptitude so staggering it amounts to malice whether it was intended or not.

[@tensaantares]

9:05 "if they are supposed to be one and the same..." At that part I thought about the old '90s Guyver OVA series, where early on there was a fight between two Guyvers and the idea was that if the two (essentially all Guyver units) had even abilities the determining factor was the person with more fighting experience. If it wasn't already obvious, the fight in TFA should've been more one sided then Luke/Vader in ESB, especially since Luke had a little training. And this still includes Kylo's injury during said fight. Edit: Basically switch MaRey Sue with Finn in TFA Kylo Ren fight, is the general area... Edit2: I remembered that Luke was said by Lucas to be the most powerful Jedi (I assume this was before anything from the Sequel Trilogy was made). Possible proof of this is Luke beginning to overwhelm Vader during their fight when Luke was tempted by the dark side. He was already more powerful. Vader did what he did before to Luke because he had training even though Luke was technically more powerful. MaRey Sue's fight with Kylo should definitely have gone like Kylo's fight with Finn.

[@planetg2125]

The BvS scene is one of the most emotionally driven beautiful scenes. Jon and Clark have a well established relationship from Man of Steel so the emotional resonance is there. Star Wars they barely interact. You're seated but what universe you're invested in. But BvS is far far better built and delivered

[@CooperDooper38]

I still remember seeing this movie in theaters. Nearly everyone in the theater audibly groaned when Kylo gave up his life to save Rey. I even heard a few people say "Oh, come on" "no" or "don't do that" in annoyance. You're not alone in thinking Rey should have just sacrificed herself to save him, to carry on the Skywalker legacy

[@DrCooch]

They must've took a page from Bethesda's book, "It just works".

[@tomharrington1453]

Bravo. I have listened to this take down twice. I have only watched Rise of Skywalker once.

[@meenakshisnsridhar3503]

Hey so about the whole "Rule of 2 thing" In the novelization, it's clarified that the ancient sith lords wanted to create force dyads themselves, which is why they used the rule of 2 to try and maximize the chances of dyads beings formed.

[@Jim-Tuner]

The bits where you praise aspects of the performances were the best part of the video. They were let down by the story, the script and the editing but Adam Driver in particular did alot of good basic acting work in the film. There are lots of actors who by the third film would have just gone through the motions. But he never did.

[@theblackcoatedman6794]

Oh, this is a long boi. Let's go!

[@jaytalks8091]

Fantastic breakdown. Your epilogue encapsulated the situation perfectly.

[@randomperson-up5vt]

The dark side won in the end.

[@Tempusverum]

random person Because Trump won. It’s all these fools are capable of thinking about. Like turning the UFP into Trump’s America, and the Romulans the toilet-scrubbing gardening refugees. It’s asinine.

[@normavillalobos7713]

Why are u putting politics

[@kossend1]

Chewie totally earned that medal. He was the only biological OT character to survive the Disney purge

[@goodvibesrav]

Kosdan Lando’s his only friend now

[@kossend1]

@@goodvibesrav Ah, good point. I was meaning of the main group, but I suppose Lando does become part of that in RoTJ

[@marley7868]

fun fact the reason chewie never got a medal on screen was based on a joke in the early draft "chewie will receive a medal as well but he'll have to put it on himself later few space princesses are that tall"

[@galacticgambit2072]

Between Game Of Thrones, Star Vs.(show on Disney XD) and now ROS 2019 was the year of botched pop culture finales

[@DemonicRemption]

@Zen-Paladin I'd ask about Star Vs. but comments like this compelled me to finish the series and I'm on episode 20 of season 2... So I'm well on my way to seeing what the hoopla was.

[@galacticgambit2072]

@@DemonicRemption I haven't even finished the 4th and final season yet but from what I have seen and heard online...just get back to me when you do finish it

[@GerSanRiv]

@@DemonicRemption you're up for a weird ride with a weird finale.

[@Reiko425]

@@DemonicRemption *Did you finish it?*

[@darthvaderginsburg4694]

TYVM for these two videos. I had no plans of ever watching this film, but now I truly never have to.

[@deedlessdeity218]

I'd rather have the lens flares again, if it means I don't have to deal with the strobe lights...

[@jaimepineda6357]

Lmao!... Uncle bad touch, la resistance, Juan Solo😂😂😂😅😅😅 that's awesome. That's totally going to stick with me, hahahaha!😅😅😅

[@Kal_g]

Man. I really hope you get some rest after this. It's like this movie is designed to give fans an aneurysm.

[@thegroovypatriot]

"I absolutely know wtf I'm talking about, this shit is..."

[@davidhoffman6980]

Does anyone know why the "Knights of Ren" wanted to kill Ren? I don't remember the movie explaining it.

[@imperialspecialforce5769]

Supposedly because Ben Solo was about to intervene with Uncle Touchy's plans

[@davidhoffman6980]

@@imperialspecialforce5769 I guess the audience is supposed to assume that, but why would the knights assume that? Kylo is the Supreme Leader of the 1st order and showed up in a tie fighter.

[@CodeeXD]

There's a comic about them. They where always called the Knights of Ren, and where basically darkside cultists. Ben gets his name Kylo Ren when he beats their leader and becomes the new leader. Which also doesn't make sense why they would betray him, but it was probably because he became good

[@davidhoffman6980]

@@CodeeXD But how did they know he was good. And hiw was the audience supposed to know that they knew? Were we just supposed to infer that from them turning on him?

[@Victor-qx3vx]

CodeeXD It would have been so much better if they were a few of Luke’s other students that Kylo Ren convinced to follow him.

[@KrawmKruach]

Damn dude, straight up nailed it. Star Wars is important not for what it is but for what it inspires.

[@mrsuccorso]

I laughed so hard at timestamp 39:03 I think I might have ruptured something. Well played. Well played, indeed.

[@TheNeoVariable]

I don't normally watch hour long youtube videos, but this i had to see. Worth it.

[@tyranusfan]

"The problem with playing fast and loose with the lore..." Yup. Just ask Paramount about that after JJ left Star Trek in ruins.

[@SleepDaMouse-xd8dn]

Aaaaaand the second one is longer... thank you for doing this, I know it must have taken a while and I really like your channels content

[@bryants1012]

Me: The WHOLE Company??? Just Some Guy: THE WHOLE COMPANY......

[@WhisperingShade]

Ya forgot also that the dual saber's catching another blade between them still means that gap has nice juicy hand bits to slice through. Especially since there are these twin landing strip lights leading in the cutting blade down into that succulent and soon to be cooked meat! I'd never thought Disney would know the perils of cutting hands up without using a set of slicing guide bars. Good thinking Disney! Glad to know you want us to cut up Dark Rey's hands safely. Mmmm fine sliced and toasted hands..... Who the hell is yelling CARL?!

[@MrStarTraveler]

OMG those videos are brilliant. I watched both of them back to back, but often had to pause because I couldn't stop laughing. Those are some next level jokes. "But the real question is: Who would f*ck that guy..." XD I mean, I was loosing it with laughter every few minutes... Keep up the great work!

[@Nushnark]

My headcanon for the hooded crew is as follows: The hooded people are part of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Thanks to Warp fuckery they ended up in the Star Wars Universe. Uncle Bad Touch convinced them that he's the Omnissiah, and they started to build ships for him. And since Warhammer 40k has planet destroying weapons on every ship, it also explains why the Star Destroyers can blow up planets.

[@LAV-III]

And they were all given toasters

[@nathansingleton7532]

52:45 Have you forgotten the fact that she's a Mary Sue? Of course the 'Chosen One' for SJW's is going to melt away a seemingly invincible enemy with zero explanation lol

[@NoPowerintheVerse]

I really liked Critical Drinkers Drinkers Fixes series on Rey, Finn, and Luke. He comes up with a compelling story for the first two movies. I hope he does one for the third eventually.

[@risso2309]

Also I can't wait for the HISHE of this.

[@Popesize]

This two parted roasting is more in depth and entertaining than the whole new triology, and definitely the rise of the pretender.

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

So... Another thing. There's a lot of things. Is that idiotic "light and dark in balance; one side grows too powerful, the other rises to counter it" thing still in play? If it is, then Rey didn't bring balance to the Force, since her killing Darth Sidious just means that her equal/superior in the Dark Side will soon rise. If it isn't... then what was the point of that? Her being a Palpatine Jr. doesn't explain her natural inclination towards the light side, nor having an easier time learning how to use the Force than any other character ever written... what is this mess...

[@rainbowappleslice]

Rey should be incredibly relieved that darth nihilus is a legends character only because if he existed in canon and was a part of palpatine then she and kylo would have no chance.