STEAMING CRAP #1 (Protocol, Ukrainian Ninja, Chariot Wars)

► Here, have some mixed nuts: bit.ly/SarksMix... ◄
Diction & I are attempting to hop into the worst reviewed multiplayer games on Steam. We have to proceed cautiously though, stuff down here doesn’t like bright lights or sudden movement. Or actually working.
My Twitch: / themrsark
My Twitter: / sark
My Facebook: / mistersark
My Instagram: / master_sark
HE'S NOT-A-ROUTER-MAGICIAN
Diction:
- / profile
- / eatmydiction1
Never Forget: • Video
-----------------------------------
ENDSONG
‘Azalea’ - MDK
MDK KZbin: / mdkofficialyt
MDK SoundCloud: / mdkofficial
*used with permission
MUSIC
‘Toccata and Fugue in D Minor’ - Bach
www.archive.org
License: CC Public Domain
Additional music courtesy of Epidemic Sound
SOUND EFFECTS
‘Girl Fart’ - Mike Koenig
www.soundbible.com
License: CC Attribution 3.0
‘Jab’ - Mike Koenig
www.soundbible.com
License: CC Attribution 3.0
‘wooshs 04 (medium)’ - toyoto
www.freesound.org
License: CC Attribution 3.0
‘Cymbal Hits Reversed’ - CloudyEyeTavern
www.freesound.org
License: CC Attribution 3.0
‘Shotgun Old School’ - RA The Sun God
www.soundbible.com
License: CC Attribution 3.0
Additional effects courtesy of Epidemic Sound

[@entropias_gonos]

The master shows his true worth not when he has an actual game to play, but when he can keep the laughter comming even when there is nothing going on on screen.

[@muki4083]

This x1000.

[@xtzyshuadog]

*WOULD YOU LIKE GAMES,UNLIMITED GAMES, OR GAMES AND NO GAMES?*

[@SparkZ009]

@@xtzyshuadog Unlimited bacon and no video games or video games and no games.

[@erwinjohnuy122]

@@xtzyshuadog Square

[@REDDOTASSASSIN]

They should've did this with Sham. He is the master of playing garbage-ass games.

[@crazykhespar8487]

YES

[@crazykhespar8487]

WE THREE JANITORS

[@georgec6590]

I think you mean Cr1tikal

[@willemdafoe147]

Or Jerma985

[@sidneyisais8862]

Seriously tho lol :D

[@dingleberryliespewer5394]

get a shamwow to soak up all these shitty games

[@TheMrSark]

Definitely need his absorption and velvety skin.

[@Ciobrando19.]

+Mr Sark if you were a character on dark souls you would praise the baby powder

[@Mellow-fk5nr]

agreed

[@MeisterBehr]

I got a shitty game for you that I can't refund. The Dead Linger. Hasn't changed for almost 3 years. Pretty crap, but at least you'll be able to connect to multiplayer. Oh wait! It's so shit that they postponed it during Alpha Stage (alpha for 3 years) and you still can't refund it!

[@zackhorker210]

+Mr Sark hi, Starky sparky!

[@TVFILMBUFF]

Are there any "bloopers" where the games actually unfortunately worked?

[@TheMrSark]

Negative. Chariot Wars and Ukrainian Ninja both have single-player that works though. It might be fun to go in and check that out as sort of a bonus vid. I'd also like to give Ukrainian Ninja MP another go, I just wasn't into forwarding ports when we were recording.

[@dru55the1egend]

I've got a feeling that Ukranian Ninja MP won't work even after forwarding ports...

[@JoePug249]

Well played, Sark. I saw that "5:00AM FUCKYOU" :D (@ 9:53 for those who didn't see it)

[@atdfbttl15]

and then it wents back to the orijinal date and time and it is from May 20th :D

[@ivain8704]

how is this shit even on steam still? I mean, No Man's Sky got refunds and stuff. Games like these should be taken off rightwaway

[@Ad-Hoc43]

You know you're talented when you can make people laugh about the game,without even playing the game.

[@stin9813]

The cut scene for that chariot game was directly out of Ben-Hur.

[@samureibekuchen]

me thinking "why do i know this shit?? i have never played that game???!!" well that's why...

[@nmeister007]

Early Ben-Hur footage back when it was a disney animated musical.

[@bullseye8811]

Ya that guy getting run over by the chariot literally died in real life in the scene.

[@theliveing]

+bullseye8811 What the hell? What kind of shit directors did they have?

[@FroggerbobT]

+theliveing It didn't happen. There's absolutely no record of anybody dying on the set of Ben-Hur.

[@TheBinarySon]

HOLY SHIT DICTION PLAYED THE TRAILER STRAIGHT AS IF HE WAS PLAYING.

[@Ghostsoulless]

Wait....I watched Diction's video of Protocol and thought they were actually playing it....God damnit now I feel stupid as fuck.

[@Aeropunk08]

You're not the only one... They're geniuses!

[@DoomNeb]

Hahaha I know right Diction played us for fools and did it successfully.

[@LordVader1094]

Ikr? So did I! How could I have been so easily deceived. Lol

[@Aeropunk08]

Okay. Go to Diction's video and have a look at the 3:00 min mark... THE CLUES WERE THERE...

[@DoomNeb]

Fuck lol you're right, how did i not notice that shit

[@Nasmr1]

BUT WHO WON THE CHARIOT RACE

[@oljimbo592]

Ben-Hur did. Seriously, go watch the 1950s movie Ben-Hur. The game has the exact footage from the movie.

[@deetercesler308]

Ben Hur did

[@TheMrSark]

Ben-Hur always wins.

[@Mineman101Awesome]

who is ben-hur

[@Nasmr1]

Oh my god I cant believe you just asked who THE Ben-Hur is

[@cdude00]

wait so after all that they didn't even play anything?

[@theliveing]

Bottom of the barrel games...

[@GBDupree]

*AAA and "Art" games.

[@Shiverskill]

If you watch Diction's video he was able to play some Ukrainian Ninja

[@waves1999]

oddly enough, my real name is Dade, this is my favorite sark video of all time and it has nothing to do with referencing hackers. but it does lol

[@peterlazarz7945]

I see things never change Mr. Sark

[@Cool70sfreak]

Sark and Diction need to team up with Jim Sterling to become a 3-person Steam janitor team, especially with all the stuff that's on Greenlight

[@TheMrSark]

Sterling really is the King Janitor. Love his vids.

[@Cool70sfreak]

Just don't forget to thank God for him Sark :)

[@sirrichel9155]

Add Cr1TiKaL for the ultimate Quartet.

[@ReasonMakes]

Ooo... Right in the holiness

[@booker9816]

It only occurred to me now, 4 years later, that he didn’t actually play anything this video. What an absolute legend.

[@evil_tree]

Do you ever sit at your PC and wish you had friends?

[@protonjones54]

I think you need to answer that question yourself man.

[@SpazzShell]

+Disgruntled Otter sounds personal

[@trailchoco]

I normally seat with my friends and wish we had a PC :/

[@RedGreekWolf]

I would love nothing more than to play a game with you Mr Sark, you are amazing

[@azzyb6437]

me to

[@Edlar89]

+Azzy B *too

[@yourgoodfellowquentin4418]

+Edlar89 Thank you.

[@Raccoon180]

you're welcome

[@B-lockdown]

Hell yea

[@TheKasket007]

4:36 Bottom right of the screen.

[@Magicwinguy]

Lol nice catch

[@Scyths1]

Now go, GO !! UKRAINIAN NINJA !!!!!!!!!

[@jmb9701]

"I don't know how to fuckin' do that shit, I'm not a magician" - Funniest line in this whole video, hes just so over it...

[@CarloMartinini]

Sark needs to ask Jerma for advice on what the best shitty games are

[@TheMrSark]

Jerma cracks me up. We have talked about playing some games together sometime. I think neither of us is playing much at the moment though.

[@CarloMartinini]

Oooohh my god, please go through with it! Man you two are the only youtubers who genuinely have me belly laughing

[@ttv0]

+Mr Sark I knew you only enjoy quality entertainment Sark

[@LordVader1094]

+Mr Sark Oh my god, you and Jerma collaborating would be a dream come true! My two favorite youtubers

[@CarloMartinini]

LordVader1094 Tell me about it! I can't believe this might be happening!

[@wilsonator666]

I just love Mr. Sark's little fart edit at 1:50 whenever a retrying connecting to masterserver popups. Something so small of a edit just makes me smile.

[@belladonnalavender5493]

I saw this on Diction's channel, and I thought they actually played the first game.

[@maybemaeb]

You totally should make this a series.

[@Azelheart1]

watching this is honestly the most fun I've had in a few months

[@covoo1025]

I really love the idea of you and a friend/group of friends just looking for shitty steam games to play, you could even call the series Total Refund

[@OG-Dirty]

5:04 predicted the Ukraine war

[@MegaBrAnDoN04]

Sark is one of the very few people who could commentate on nothingness and make it hilarious.

[@MrTotty]

This quality is THE shit. Thank you for your effort Sark!

[@MrTotty]

p.s congrats on million subs man

[@noirshiesty4207]

you should. make this a series it was hilarious love it

[@gentlechaos5911]

I love how the chariot cutscene just cuts off randomly because they never expected anyone to watch that long xD

[@monpekokero]

I usually sit at my computer and wish papa sark would become a member of Funhaus

[@trailchoco]

Thanks for the idea! I'm gonna start doing that to now :D

[@matthewwalters9479]

"Stimulants", Depressants", "Favorite Bird", "Flat Earth Proof", "Best Meth Flavors", and "Good Parenting Guides." Classic Sark.

[@TheSlySleuth]

Everyone understands that Sark just made this gameplay entertaining, right? He literally made games with no content fun to watch. Sark, 10/10 you're amazing.

[@conviyon]

i tell you sark ... the years ive watched your videos not a day goes by when you dont put a smile on my face !! Love you man

[@anderzdraconian1276]

I can't believe how entertaining this was with all that not-gameplay. You guys are amazing...

[@therevenant9571]

There's nothing I enjoy more than kicking back and watching one of sarks videos while taking a sip of a glass of cold refreshing "Loot Crate"

[@mattrogers3464]

I watched this whole video thinking it was the best thing ever and then got to the end and realized there was literally NO GAMEPLAY AT ALL! It was absolutely fantastic!

[@MrVirobot]

"Now go. Go and protect the people of our streets!" UKRAINIAN NINJA

[@t-man369]

Definitely channeling some ShootMania Storm vibes, man. The gameplay, the pacing and the strats. Sark still has it.

[@hendrikvw2143]

Still better content than 99% of gameplays on KZbin right now I enjoyed this. Hats off to you Mr. Sark

[@HereticDuo]

Is it a bird? is it a plane? nope, it's the Refunders.

[@sedunker5485]

How do you know when you're watching a couple of the funniest gamers on KZbin? When they get four and a half minutes of quality comedy out of a game that won't even load.

[@danielpepin4906]

3:24 , please tell me you all see his toolbar! Look at those folders... Best Meth Flavors. I love you Sark!

[@Kaminaji00155]

MLT will never be forgotten!

[@ThePriorityAlpha]

Mr Sark: "That reminded me of when I used to run over my G.I. Joes with my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle van" I don't get that, because Sark would've been like 30 when G.I. Joe or TMNT first came out.

[@yodawgzgaming4416]

I love that this video contained not one iota of gameplay

[@misterb3577]

5:58 - "UKRAINIAN NINJA!" LOL, even the way the guy in the cut scene says that is f*cking hilarious. After seeing this from Diction's POV, I always like to think that the narrator was yelling it out the window after Ukrainian Ninja because the pig-nose-handed mutant-ninja guy got bored and left before he finished his expository cutscene speech.

[@Jacob45678Liam]

I actually had consecutive nightmares as a kid that I was stuck inside of game for the rest of my life. Now my nightmares are true with Protocol. . .

[@disfunctionallydebilitated2912]

Dude this is sick!!! Let 'The Refunders' continue their gig, cos this is actually pretty funny! PLEASE DO MORE, SARK AND DICTION

[@MrSpannners]

I don't need a game when I have Sark and Diction and their hilarious banter

[@doofino]

Even when playing crappy games, I still laugh my ass off.

[@ErinMartyFreeman]

I can't wait to see more of this, x'D I remember watching dictions PoV on this. It was wonderful

[@Chaz78]

Do i care that there's almost no gameplay? No. Is it still incredibly funny? Yes.

[@callingtuba]

Sark the only you tuber I can watch 10 mins of zero game play and be entertained

[@codycarlson569]

More of this!! This episode was great and the series has lots of potential!

[@thewonderfuluncool]

I honestly wouldn't mind if this was a continuing series with you and Diction

[@theangrycows]

I saw dictions version of this, so glad you uploaded yours too sark! Life is good

[@shllonger]

Mr.Sark, that was funny AF! Please make more of it with this kind gentleman, Diction.

[@danjor5749]

Oh Sark. Only you could make a hilarious gameplay video with absolutely no gameplay.

[@Spartan13444]

Very few people can post a 10+ minute video of only trying to play shitty games and make it hysterical. Well done, Mr Sark.

[@skota8150]

I haven't laughed this hard at a video in forever! I hope you plan on continuing this series because personally I am loving it!

[@jacksonzartman3713]

I love how the links you added at the end were to videos of other crappie games you played

[@PSByte]

The chariot race was ripped off from Ben Hur, frame by frame. I'm kind of impressed, that must have taken forever to animate

[@TheBinarySon]

PLEASE make this a regular series with Diction!!!!

[@MrMorganfarts]

Okay, so the cutscene for Chariot Wars was literally a shot for shot recreation of the race scene from Ben Hur.

[@incubusproductions3959]

I love how sark can make anything funny

[@Josvanbrot88]

"Built in rear view mirror".... LOL I'm dying. XD

[@Awesome_Gee]

It's really great that I get the same level of amusement and fun watching you doing anything, even if it means watching you doing nothing at all. I'd like to see a video of drying paint with your commentary, I bet it'd be hilarious too

[@christofarien]

I'm actually impressed that the chariot game recreated the Ben-Hur chariot track

[@corvuscorax2378]

I thought the clicking sounds at 9:42 were deliberate as in Sark actually clicking stuff on the screen in frustration. Only after rewatching this did I realize that he added those in (I think lol).

[@TK0921]

It’s unfortunate that we never got to see a true team up between the Steam Cleaner and the Refunders.

[@SenorBezi]

This video was really entertaining despite the lack of gameplay.

[@WolfWraithGames]

I hope this becomes a permanent series. These games were horrible.

[@unsupervisedyouth]

women were actually chariot riders in both Rome and Greece, weirdly enough the medals wouldn't go to the riders but to the owners of the horse.

[@ManjesticBeard]

Nothing got accomplished and I loved every minute of it

[@jarrodbakker3302]

At the 3:07 mark "I wonder what the date is... Oh. Cheers Sark!"

[@AshesAriseTW]

That chariot wars commentary had me laughing my ass off 😂

[@thomasgetter2998]

Diction actually fooled me and made me think they actually got in and started running around. Now I feel dumb

[@Nagarath16]

No. I haven't think that. What I'm thinking that I want to play most hated Steam games with stranger called Mr. Sark.

[@yoyobandit25]

Watching this whole thing at .5 speed is almost an art film...

[@Starn3rd]

5:58 Honestly that was the last thing I ever expected to hear in my life, next to people saying they love me. Made my night XD

[@uhh741]

Anyone else notice the respawn vid sark put in the description. Dont ask me why i was reading that but its the little things that sark does, that makes me want to be his friend.

[@TheEzio1991]

I love how that one game's "intro video" was just the entire chariot scene from Ben Hur

[@LosttheBox]

I feel like this needs to be a series, steam janitors

[@AaronDerpy]

That Ukrainian Ninja intro got me in tears.

[@aaronbaber5126]

am i the only person who noticed that the beginning of Ukrainian ninja was the intro to borderlands... like that was NEAR perfect

[@krossronin3394]

Its the Hotel California of games. You cant play and you cant ever leave.

[@jacobprigmore1301]

Does Sark remind anyone else of Chandler from Friends? Think about it: Always sarcastic, can't take anything seriously, and has a tall head (no offense Sark) They're practically twins!

[@Phixiso]

3:06 Nice clock,mate.

[@heyyicu]

I was literally laughing hysterically for 10 minutes straight. Damn, Sark is one funny dude! And there was literally no gameplay. This was literally the funniest video I've watched in a month!

[@Avea47s]

I've watched this video so many times and it still cracks me up

[@dylaniusaurelius8880]

Not gonna lie, this was hilarious. Somehow you guys made non-functioning games entertaining. I tip my hat to you...if I had a hat that is; right now I don't even have a shirt or pants on.

[@ekrathrawl]

That chariot race is a pure copy of the race in Ben-Hur (the old one with Charlton Heston). It's literally exactly the same thing.

[@liquidrock2u]

Protocol, the early stages of the SAO MMORPG where they only get the no log out system to work.

[@jack_fernandez]

New favorite series from all the you tubers I watch

[@theackinator5328]

This is one of the most entertaining videos I've seen in a while. And they didn't even play anything😂

[@Vs3Walker]

Sark almost had me fooled with pretending to play the game, but I saw his mouse on the screen, so i realized it was just a youtube video he had playing instead. Hah, nearly got me! ;D

[@bababa425]

This is the greatest cutscene of all time.

[@kgraff4755]

I want more from The Refunders. This is brilliant!

[@alexandreboudry9391]

basically no gameplay and still 99% better than the rest of KZbin.