Why they do what they do! Dealing with Toxic People

#mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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[@mrvocal21]

I am honestly so sick of them. They are everywhere and it is so exhausting.

[@Spirituallydevined09]

Extremely.

[@AD_2314]

100%

[@nycstarport8542]

Yes, they are Everywhere. Once you see it, you can not Unsee it.

[@karensheline6958]

I agree. Makes me wanna isolate.

[@glittergirl3052]

I feel this so much.

[@mommaboombam3764]

All about appearances. They want to look good to the outside world bc they feel empty inside themselves. All about gaining attention for themselves. They can't Do things from the heart without expectation. A narcissist only cares how it makes THEM look and feel. Power over others makes them feel great. This is so sad.

[@iys6890]

Yes and once you see how they operate it's impossible to unsee it...

[@stark.edwards2068]

Absolutely 💯

[@patricehoward9831]

Yes it really describes Stephanie and many frauds on social media. She has gone out of her way to lie about complete and random strangers to promote herself, to benefit herself, and to build and maintain her platform for years. It is about getting attention, validation, supply, money, power, and control. It's delusional, entitled and self absorbed, and she sits here and deems herself and empath. There are many unsound frauds on social media who never had to be in reality, who never had to be honest, and who never had to be sane or sound. Stephanie should be held accountable for everything she has done over years.

[@happygoluckystar8069]

Brilliant summary! 👏👏👏 right on spot!

[@jodizellmer994]

Very well said!

[@echopathy]

When you say what's bothering you about their behavior, they'll use it to their advantage. To poke and poke and poke.

[@DelseyRitzy]

Good comment. Just what my ex done for the last 2 years. I was stupid and said the truth that I didn’t wanted him to work close to where I live and go to the same gym and then he did it even more??? 😂👹

[@thelovely961]

that's why the covert one I met would use healthy relationship jargon like "communicate, communicate" to try to read me better so he knew where to trigger smh

[@karensheline6958]

Someone wrote: Having a narcissist in your life is like being arrested every day, anything you say can and will be used against you!!!

[@myGenevalewisshaw]

Indeed 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😅

[@tomjankovic3641]

Yes it’s always about you stop talking about you. You are wrong you create drama

[@steadypace1262]

One big problem with the narcissist is they think their feelings are facts and this makes them dangerous people to be around. Thanks Stephanie your videos on narcissists and how to deal with them are a great help, you are a good Coach.👍🤗

[@jimmymatt6228]

What's even worse is when they think they can estimate what other people's feelings allegedly are or aren't to fit some false narrative. Because their real or feigned estimation of their friends were FACTS to them indeed. What I was seeing was their never-ending smear campaign about whoever they wanted to speak about, and I realized that that's what they likely were doing to me. Enough red flags and I just went ghost on this friend that I used to confide in

[@steadypace1262]

@@jimmymatt6228 Yes best thing to do, it would have been a shock to their system, have you had any backlash from them. Narcissists in general hate you doing to them what they do or would do to you.

[@jimmymatt6228]

@@steadypace1262 I would have loved to have told him off one last time. But as many narc generally coaches say to us all who run these channels-- I have to agree and go along with their suggestion of not giving them the good old negative supply or words of mind that they could twist into something else to make them into the victim or ME into the so-called real perpetrator. I appreciate the quick reply because I just literally caller-blocked minutes ago even though we had a normal conversation last night or a friendly one. (The problem was he was making up a bizarre rumor about my dad though I knew wasn't true-- and I thought if he's doing that to him even though he doesn't really know the person and making up a fictitious of that obviously, God knows what he's been saying about me all these years to God knows who?)

[@jimmymatt6228]

@@steadypace1262 To answer your question, YES, I've had really weird BACKLASH out of nowhere for something that happened a while back other than that it obviously had nothing to do with what he were talking about even though that's not why it allegedly happened. At that point I was getting pretty good at my boundaries and pretty good at not reacting and all that stuff and this was evidently basically punishment for that back then. Thanks for mentioning the BACKLASH potential that could occur because this guy loves the gossip about other people with obvious lies turn in. I mean I know the people he's talking about and I even caught a dupers delight smile when I called him out on it years ago. It's a friendship that I have struggled to end for years. I need to finally stick with the decision of remaining no contact. I needed the reinforcement after caller blocking them. Yeah, best just to keep my clean breakway going. Your comment helps me to stick with my NO CONTACT guns. Thanks!

[@steadypace1262]

@@jimmymatt6228 You are welcome. Yes narcissist's hold on to a grudge forever, they have a victim mentality and in their disordered mind they are never wrong. It's their black and white thinking they don't see the shades in-between someone is either all good or all bad, you can't win with them. Yes stick to your guns because in their minds there is only a winner or a loser and they want to be the winner at all costs.🙂

[@teetreadwell9290]

You tell a narcissist to go left to avoid danger, they go right just to spite you.

[@steadypace1262]

So true, narc's are the pits the most spiteful, stubborn people on the planet.

[@hml7391]

My God these videos are so validating because I’m on the verge of losing my mind because of my toxic family members!!

[@jennywager6228]

They are self aware of their health and wealth. They are predators like a bird of prey they will pick at your carcass.

[@casperdana8101]

Thank you Stephanie! My NPD boyfriend helped be do a lot of remodeling on my house. I didn't ask him to do it, I intended on hiring someone. He offered to do it, but of course he named his price and I paid him. Afterward, the gaslighting, devaluing, and abusive behavior became worse and worse. Twice it became physical and I told him that's where I draw the line. When I was breaking up with him, he said , "I did all this work on your house to help you, and now you are getting rid of me because that's what you do, you use people." He accused me of using him to get the work done which made me doubt myself and feel horrible. As if the entire 4 1\2 years I spent putting up with his destructive behavior was all a motive to use him. Instead of him admitting that the break up was because of his abuse, he tried to convince me it was because of me using him so he could play the victim. I thought he was finally becoming the man I hoped he would be by offering his help and partnership, but I should have known it was all a motive to play his game. Thanks to videos like this that I have been watching for years, I found the strength to remove him from my life. Healing now, it's been 2 months. It's a rough thing to recover from, but I'm thankful for the knowledge I get from these videos to understand. :)

[@lindasharpe7039]

💜

[@kimgordon3695]

You paid him. He is not your friend

[@casperdana8101]

@@LoriJames1162 Thank you for sharing that with me Lori!

[@andreaberryman5354]

Thanks for the tip. I own outright, and my bf is telling me how and what he should and needs to do to my home. When I already know what and how I would like to proceed, and budget in advance to pay for it, he flips out because he could do it cheaper. I get homesick after staying a weekend and he flips out. I feel like he would hold it all over my head like that too. They NEED to be victims of heartless bitches who "used" them. That way they can tell themselves, "At LEAST I'm not like THAT!"

[@casperdana8101]

@@andreaberryman5354 Yes, you are smart to know that he will hold it over your head. We want to believe that their intentions are good, but we have to accept that they are not and there are always strings attached.

[@linabeans6328]

This video is very helpful and true to realize these people really are no where near self aware or healthy.

[@izawaniek2568]

Yes, true. This is exactly the way you have described it. All kinds of interactions with narcisists are transactions.

[@artbygilik]

They like to do something nice for you so they can later when you’re tired of them hold it against you: “but I did this for you”. I’ve seen that multiple times

[@will_Iam61]

Ok, my observations, based on being raised by a narcissist and being married to a vulnerable narcissist is that why they do what they do is a bit more complicated than your video suggests. I see my covert/passive aggressive partner become toxic when she has been under stress or feeling like she is being devalued by life. It is a form of transference when she actively works to devalue me. I saw the same thing with my father, but it was more prevalent when I was learning things that, when expressed, made him feel lesser than. I would see all kinds of devaluing me and my abilities so he could feel better about himself. This is when the gaslighting, silent treatment, snide devaluing comments, subtle putdowns, and retelling of events designed to embarrass me would come into play. To me it was all about protecting a fragile ego that couldn't withstand anything that might challenge it. If this was constant, it would be easier for us to just walk away and put an end to it, but there are periods of normalcy that allow you wonder if the abuse was just how you perceived it or maybe it wasn't so bad after all. But, once your eyes have been opened to this and all its complexities, you can almost anticipate when the next episode is coming and watch it play out, while you are actively in the middle of a shitstorm designed to make you out to be a bad guy. I could go on and on about this, but suffice it to say, I am ready for the next shitstorm, and I know somebody that is going to be in for a shock.

[@patricehoward9831]

Stephanie has preyed on random strangers for years, has violated random strangers for years, has exploited, defamed, smeared, and enslaved random strangers for years, and she has 24/7 access to their life. She is at fault for her actions, and no one else is. She doesn't take responsibility for anything she does though and tries to place it onto others. This the fraud and psychopath who never had reason to do this to strangers. I don't know Stephanie, have never met her, have never spoken with her, but she is a predator who sure as hell can't call the random strangers she abuses "narcissists." She definitely can't ever speak about why anyone does what they do. This video is Stephanie projecting everything she is, not talking about anyone else.

[@lindasharpe7039]

Good, you know what is happening.

[@davidrodgers9244]

Wow! “form of transference” after being “devalued by life”, that’s a whole new point that I really needed to hear. It explains a lot about my last relationship.

[@kimberlys.7097]

Yup like clockwork and at times I know when I say certain things etc or stand up for myself it’s gonna trigger this narc rage. Then I have to weigh if standing up for myself is worth what I need to say or if the boundary is worth the reaction from him.

[@jennywager6228]

It’s a lot darker than that with the vulnerable narcissist. I lived with one for 30 years. A gutless wander that was cruel and evil and explosive.

[@saltlifegull4091]

Stephanie nails it! How can she deliver so much imp info without looking at any notes? Cause she really knows her stuff. God bless her and the mission/ministry she's devoted to in order to help us get off the narcissist's crazy train!

[@brigitteotto7185]

Right on!! I’m 65 years old and now finally able and willing to cut the ties. You are awesome! Thank you!

[@damienwelch9067]

Thank God 😊 🙏

[@janewild9150]

Yes, I was vulnerable and weak. I wanted him so much that I spent 40 years jumping thru hoops to please him, never making the cut. I was always found lacking. At the 40 yr point in our marriage, I started pulling away…having no idea about narcissism, but knowing I had nothing else to give. At 48 years of marriage, I learned about narcissism….and I was furious that I had been used for so long! I came so close to just moving on….we have two kids, 10 grandkids and now a great grandson. We all live very close, in the same town, finally. They have lived everywhere and now everyone is here and close. I can’t make myself turn away from this family unit…I just can’t find the reason to leave…so I am learning about narcissism and how to live with it. I have pulled away very far from him…I know who he is now and what to expect..and I am strong enough at this point to stay with my family and stay away from him…maybe someday I will need to leave and I have means to do that.

[@stark.edwards2068]

🙏🏽

[@jessicanielsen6134]

18 years in and I feel you. Daily struggle, but are enmeshed/have young children and all close family settled here, etc. I've got no answers, just solidarity

[@ElephantInTheRoom777]

what type of hoops?

[@chilloften]

@@ElephantInTheRoom777 I wear pants, why not a dress. My nails long, he wanted short. When I made them short-he didn’t notice outright. I need to workout, next I’m a bag of bones. On & on.

[@lindasharpe7039]

@@jessicanielsen6134 You need to run 🏃..

[@marisapaola9010]

My narc sister has to feel 'good' at all times. When she first married and was having child after child,we rushed to her beck and call 24hrs 7 days a week, we went without financially. Years later when one of us needed help. Her attitude was 'that was a long time ago'. 'you wouldn't have done it if you didn't want to'. Take take take. When her husband left her, her worst fear was that 'people would laugh at her'. Her husband was our cousin's boyfriend when they meet. She has been in therapy for years, and tells us constantly that her therapist says we are the narcs and that she needs to say 'no' to us more often, very difficult as my parents are elderly now and needing more help. No, no, no. And the joy on her face as she yells no into my face.

[@adriancamacho138]

I used to get so upset wondering how can we be so good and out of no where act so hateful toward me, No explanation just, "get away from me." Lol

[@carolsummers8734]

My narc would ignore me for months and when I would stop trying to pull him back, he would love bomb me and I was all in love again. 30 years of that and he filed for divorce without telling me.

[@pencill_art_9647]

Someone in my life ones said to me "I am allowed to hurt other people but people aren't allowed to hurt me." People have said and did things that hurts me a lot, they know exactly what to do or say. Its mostly where i am weak at or insecure about. Everytime I try to have a normal conversation and I tell the person in a polite way what bothers me (it can be about their behavior, lying, ignoring me etc.) They say sorry but they don't really mean it, they continue the behavior just the next day. What really annoys me that they use my insecurties or weakneses against me in conversations like this (or ignore me as if I haven't said anything) , they know it hurts me and I have let them know it hurts me a lot but they continue.

[@lovesylvia2621]

Having peace in your life, takes time. Be patient with yourself. It will be of great benefit to you to remove and/or end relationships you have with people that don’t care that they hurt you over & over. They do not value who you are, You should.

[@lindasharpe7039]

You're wasting your time talking to them, & giving them ammunition to use against you. They love it.

[@pencill_art_9647]

@@lindasharpe7039 You're right, I don't talk to these people anymore, but I feel often very alone in my life because I don't really have support from someone. I feel everyone is against me.

[@lindasharpe7039]

@@pencill_art_9647 I understand. Let's start to heal, & love ourselves. Learn to be at peace a with our own company. Then to spot who is safe to be around. Don't share too much with strangers.

[@kimgordon3695]

anxious attachment can be repaired

[@francesbernard2445]

So true. What flows from our hearts and minds being expressed in our strength is never going to be enough for any hard core narcissist to decide long term that we are not to be regarded as being only an outcast to them whenever the stakes get high. The truth is that most of us when we are pre-teens or teenagers have higher level of narcissistic traits while we are at the time being confident fools. Most of us thanfully outgrow that stage. The stakes around the narcissist in the cycle of coersion and/or violence they operate in contrast becomes predictable in how they will move from more extreme highs and extreme lows while that narcissist is often downloading the negative repercussions of their own choices onto others. Like for example when that narcissist which often has other dark triad traits to some degree or other too become agressive towards someone at the time which they are for example trying to sell as being romance. Romance when the narcissist is feeling sexual tension while they are being so determined to postpone childbearing; but not sexual activity; because in truth it is they themselves who are determined to be only get rich and comfortable enough to continue influencing as many people as they can in hopes they can become among the top 1% of income earners who are enjoying pleasure too in the world. What people like that often do not realize is that having a whole lot of assets around them whenever they want to have them around while they have all the status possible in this world gets old fast too when their heart's desires continues to remain very poor. From there if that narcissist does not have any other dark triad traits to any malignant significant degree then they could grow out that narcissism eventually at an older age than average with lots of help from their same age peers, older peers, and superiors too who are working in the same career they are in. Some narcissitic people never outgrow their high levels of expressed narcissitic traits.

[@casperinsight3524]

Well said ~ You're energetically in the ring with them once you're emotionally invested 💥🎯 They're only nice to you to get from you. Once you pick yourself up they knock you back down, repeat. It festers forever until you get out of the ring, permanently.

[@naoshitate4864]

When I opened up about my struggles being prescribed antidepressants, his immediate respond was, “You are beautiful and I’m proud to have known you with all that you are going through.” Then we became a couple for 2 yrs. Of course the abrupt discard happened. His final word was “I don’t like people who are medicated.” Can’t believe those words are coming out from the same person. Still processing trauma caused by this

[@rebeccalevy5493]

That is so hurtful! It's mind-bending, isn't it?

[@naoshitate4864]

@@rebeccalevy5493 I was under the spell. During the time we dated, I weaned off of the meds because of his encouragement, which btw he doesn’t have any license in that field. I was trying to be “his” ideal partner. Later I found that it was a total abuse, and life threatening.

[@kimgordon3695]

Target extol devalue & discard 😥

[@oliverrojas3185]

Thanks - I am a recovering narcissist or a person that embodies some of the narcissitic traits - such as doing something with the motive of receiving something in return. I am thankful for a lot of the words spoken in this video. My inherent goal is not to lose my temper, fly into a state of rage, when trying to contend with the numerous gnawing behaviors I may be experiencing with a person or people that are in close proximity to where I am living or have some type of grounding in my everday existence.

[@Bob-zh6dw]

I really doubt you have NPD. They are not capable of changing who they are. You more than likely just have some narcissistic traits but not enough to be a true narcissist.

[@jessicanielsen6134]

God bless yah, dude. Appreciate the perspective

[@happygoluckystar8069]

This is brave, to face your one demons and work hard on improovement. 👍 Much respect! 👏👏👏 keep my ✊ for you and wish you all the best. You put so much effort, you deserve it 🌹

[@kimgordon3695]

💓

[@ericacox9422]

Thank you for having the desire to want to change. Your a bigger person than the rest. And I bet you're more intelligent to want a better life not only for you but for others you come in contact with.

[@crazynaska]

walking away is key, many situations in relationships , when they refuse to leave you alone, being silent can be hard.

[@rocheller750]

This video is so, so helpful. I felt so guilty ending the relationship after my ex had helped me financially and helped me move my terminally ill father in with me. I know he did these things to maintain power and control, not really out of the goodness of his heart, because he always expected something in return. Sex, adoration, my blind obedience…and when he wouldn’t get these things in return he would pout, become cold and distant, or punish me in some way, then tell me how ungrateful and selfish I am. I finally saw this manipulation for what it was and left. I’m sure he tells everyone that he is the victim and he did so much for me, but I don’t really care. I know who I am, and I know my own heart. I am so much happier without his money and bs in my life.

[@reggiemac6452]

I have been dealing with so much shame, regret, and disbelief that I've allowed this to go on for the 2 years I've been dealing with my narc. She is a childhood cancer survivor amongst a very poorly orchestrated family dynamic. My guilt of wanting to leave her with her already bruised sense of abandonment issues amongst other things has had me shackled to the floor. But I am waking up and building the courage to leave. It's so difficult going through this literally alone because no one can understand your reasons for staying or reasons for what's making it hard to leave, if they've never experienced it themselves

[@parkerschmitt1594]

They feed on despair even if it hurts them in the long run. They're addicted to taking people down!

[@shellymillerleer]

You nailed it! Just experienced it with my ex covert narc at my son’s wedding. His ‘niceness’ to my brother to look good to others and my kids. He doesn’t care about them. It made me nuts. I had to get above it and remember how he works. Not sure anybody else sees it besides me. Thus, it can be maddening. But isn’t that what he likes? Yes. Great video on this.

[@QueenAlexis556]

What's really amusing is the "hoovering" that they like to do. Like when you haven't spoken to them in over a year or years and they just show up or call you out of the blue. My narcissistic ex has popped up twice in the last 2 years trying to get me back. I've gone no contact 3 times. I live in little rock arkansas and he lives in dallas. Hopefully he'll find some new supply soon. It's sad when you have to keep blocking them until they finally get it

[@syedareza944]

I went thru every aspects that describes a psycho NARC for 24 y. I keep giving him chances to change and trusted him. After he cheated on me, I gave him another chance but in return is zero! Now I get job and filling divorce. In the moment he found me strong and independent, he has started lovebombing me. Showing too much care and love and attention. I am used to about those twisted behavior. This time I am DONE! I am just looking at him and stunned of thinking how a person can change from abuser to caring overnight!!!!!!

[@kimgordon3695]

It's Jekyll and Hyde

[@BellaZella3000]

I have a friend that I am beginning to realise finally, is a narcissist. I have realised that for many years I have been carrying the burden of her competing with me, I sometimes feel her jealousy, I feel that she is happy when she knows that she is doing better than me, and she usually is always doing better than me in all aspects of life. I have now made effort to distance myself from her, but she sends me messages that are about her caring for me, and I end up feeling sorry for her. Can you please advise why the narcissist never shows any signs of weakness? I’m very interested about this. My ex friend never ever shows any sign of weakness. Why?.. She is always okay, and always the stronger one giving everyone else advice.

[@brianjarrard869]

Bullshite…. They know EXACTLY what they are doing. They just don’t care

[@dalenemarie]

I agree with you. They do know what they are doing.

[@rare_breed35]

💯Yep! They most definitely know what they are doing.. that’s why they don’t like for their true colors to be exposed bkz they know it’s not right how they behave and treat us. They try to isolate us from our friends, and family that will put any sense into us for being with them. THEY KNOW!!

[@rare_breed35]

Some will even come out and tell u they know what they are doing.. but to basically just shut up, deal with it, and don’t expose them🙄

[@iys6890]

Exactly...everyone they deal with is a pawn on a chessboard...

[@rare_breed35]

@@iys6890 RIGHT

[@MrZapaaaa]

I like the way you make sense of the craziness.

[@thelovely961]

I feel sorry for him, not sorry enough to be with him in a romantic sense again because I have to be there for me. I am healing from my trauma of co-dependency thank God! It's sad because people like him have developed a trauma defense that sadly prohibits them from looking within.. which is exactly what he needs to do to heal. It's so sad that presumably his trauma with his Mother brought so much despair that he disconnected with his true self. I realise now that I can't "fix him" that's a complete internal battle. Also I shouldn't be living to "fix" people at my own detriment and I've finally learnt that.

[@Martin-rh7mf]

I get anxious trying to communicate with domineering ex re blockage for a parental relationship with my daughter because have always felt worthless around the mother. Am getting better at doing what's healthy for me, & finding peace in things I am grateful for. I was always chasing validation & never really understanding that this was only keeping me stuck & unhappy. 🧢thank you for explaining things I never really understood🧢

[@kimgordon3695]

💓🙋

[@damienwelch9067]

Anxiety wen there 😕 call 📞 are text messages 🙃

[@tp2734]

Your videos are really really helpful, thank u. Must say that I'm really proud of myself for breaking up with a narc after cca 10 months of living together.. It was the last person i would've thought that is a narcissist, but the more I analyse everything, the more I can see why he is this way. And u helped a lot

[@Spirituallydevined09]

And it’s like it gets worst once they move in. But my ex narc I felt the same way. Would have never thought they would turn out that way

[@lorithrall9847]

This is once again real talk. Thanks Steph.

[@jsensefi]

From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people. -Psalm 3:8 Thanks for that video🙏♥️

[@gracesanity6314]

Watch the consistent actions of a man or person. Words mean nothing.

[@sleepingwhale]

Currently skipping a gathering they are hosting 😅 I just can't anymore

[@eireannmcg1135]

I think it can be both profound and sad for one to realize when they have found out about what narcissism actually entails. I didn’t know about what was going on back in my toxic relationship until I started watching these videos. The eye-openers and informative content helps me understand what I should not be accepting in my relationships going forward because the trauma I have experienced from my ex and his new supply has really affected me deeply. I hope I can move past this for good but I also realize it’s a journey of healing that takes time!

[@sarahbirungi-dx7wl]

One of the most educative videos I’ve ever had an opportunity to watch. I’ve seen some of my loved ones on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour and it’s very sad to witness it all. I have never understood why someone can put themselves through this kind of relationship and not run but now it all makes sense. Thank you Stephanie!

[@melody28580]

Thank you for your very helpful words. This describes my narcissistic husband perfectly and helps me understand the 'root' of this issue. There is always an underlying motive with him.

[@adamcefalu9430]

Same

[@laurie5497]

Spot on.. I’m still trying to understand our love

[@tommydanger60]

Thank you for your content, you were one of the people that helped me understand narcissism and get out of a 3.5 year relationship with a covert almost two years ago. I laughed when i found out she was engaged after six months in a new relationship! She was pushing marriage and a child on me and I'm so glad my instincts told me to hold off as a relationship shouldn't be rushed. Keep up the great work you do to educate others!

[@cdejewel]

My stepmomster is a covert and she is also a counselor 😂She got so much supply from her clients who never seemed to get better. She has the same clients for 20 years.

[@user-zw3em8xp1s]

As usual Stephanie Lynn specifies the actually items I need to help myself!!

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you for great advice. You have given me a lot of food for thought. ❤

[@tonyg5132]

Thanks for the video. I needed this today

[@flowersofthefield340]

It's all about their image

[@larryprimeau5885]

they'll fool you and take pride in doing so. first, they prepare you with multiple acts of kindness which is key because of how it makes you feel and then once you feel they're genuine, and feel you can relate to them with Love and goodwill, they then lower the boom with silence, disrespect, rudeness and various forms of invalidation and devaluation and never think that there's any other way to relate to others. bottom line..you can't expect to feel good by relying on anyone who cannot love other people.

[@freshstrt3140]

This is a very helpful take on this issue. And I especially appreciate the breakdown where you show us our part in becoming involved and entangled in these relationships. Thank you for your work

[@rbs427]

I feel so stupid to have been so manipulated perfectly. And now I have to pick up the pieces.

[@delfinadiem3158]

I am going through a situation with a "friend " she was very nice to me for about a year, all of a sudden she turned on me for something minimal , and started elevating her voice, I chose to end the conversation conversation, and now she keeps trying to be my friend, but I am not falling for it

[@philipjohnson7090]

Very helpful knowledge explaining the behaviours of the Narcissist

[@Mechanically_Speaking]

2 months ot of a narcissistic relationship and completely intact. I was destroyed lnd ke everyone else, but dove head first into childhood trauma, read books on narcissism and trauma bonding and watched 500 hrs of youtube education lol but what really motivated me was getting well enough to ask Stephanie out to dinner 😂

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you for great insights and advice.

[@leannwiederanders1844]

Again Steph-a-mom!!!! Thank you🥺 Everytime I listen to you you raise me as well As Raise me up! Thank you ❤

[@jessklay8594]

He doesn’t pick at me, my narcissist ignores me. He has his new supply already tho, he has a brand new group of friends that he refuses to let me meet or know anything about. And he’s a chronic sh*t-talker, so I know he’s talking sh*t about me to everybody he knows in order to play his favorite role - the victim.

[@joeb5578]

I'm glad I discovered you, Stephanie. I've come a long ways in my life over the years. But this narcissism, Love Bombing, gas lighting hit me really hard. I rebound quickly from tough situations but this is completely different. Thanks again for all that you offer. It takes courage to do what you're doing. :)

[@suzannechurcher1745]

When I finally had enough of the abuse and called out this toxic behaviour voicing my hurt my now ex said I was using him to hide my issues and that he could help me. Pathetic

[@sguptamallick]

Fits exactly into the description of a friend/ person who became a very close friend after my best friend passed away. I still love my friend although I know she doesn't care for my happiness, so much so that she disapproves my son's bride and my older friends... I feel sorry for her and that's the reason I still care, I was vulnerable when my best friend had gone as I said and she was very nice in lots of other ways. But now it seems she had motives. And she didn't do anything without expectations. I feel sorry for her family, the kids may be growing up in a very unhealthy environment. This person has a very good job and tries to control everything... thanks for the video makes it easier for me to know that I am not the person to be blamed for my plight although my too tolerance and true affectionate feelings are to be blamed.

[@rodneymartel452]

The Puddle tries to emulate the various characteristics of the other person. The need to idealize the other person is important initially. It's tempting in an intoxicating experience that ignites the dopamine receptors ( the feeling of being high). But as the trauma bond grows. The Puddle needs more and more ( remember that the Puddle needs multiple people to vanquish). Those desires in the initial phases are copied. But so are the fears and pain of the other person. Which seeps through in the various tension phases ( devaluation) causing the push-pull dynamics of toxicity ( love hate or ping pong effect). In each phase the Puddle copies an attribute in assimilation ( essentially taking a piece of yourself). Which with subsequent people, the Puddle claims that piece as their own. Which is why no 2 people will experience the same thing from the Puddle. Yet, the Puddle experiences extreme volatility in this. Often becoming increasingly chaotic in being overwhelmed by all the various illusions of their dark mask. This manifests itself in a quagmire of rage. Only certain people will actually see that. All the while the smear campaign will be in full effect.

[@elaberis]

Very well said. I’ve been studying this topic for years and this comment really summed it up beautifully and accurately, thank you.

[@elizabethmuthoni3499]

Very exhausting they cant leave you alone

[@Liz-in8lu]

I started dating a narc, and instead of listing the things I liked about him I was listing all these red flags I kept seeing, but was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Tit for tat, always going to his place, never feeding me and hearing my needs…

[@penkapetkova428]

YOU ARE AMAZING ! I LIKE YOUR OUTFIT !

[@Zin-yp3di]

The person im dealing with i have introduced to my friend group and now she's working her way round seeing hows boundaries she can manipulate and its maddening! Especially the friend who knows what shes done to me. Wish i had never given her a 2nd thought.

[@lilfairycupcake]

I enacted a 0 bs tolerance for narcs, and non narks alike 8yrs ago, and it's worked wonderful well.

[@Cod12Osc]

A man who loves you will help you and encourage you, and will not use your vulnerabilities against you or for his own gain.

[@Lesane007]

Thank you for the great insights! I do wonder how to become indifferent to these kind of people?

[@tinawilliford5330]

This has helped. This is exactly how my soon to be ex is treating me.

[@DelseyRitzy]

Good! Be strong and let it be an ex 🙏💪 I left mine over 2 years ago and it’s been very hard and also the missing part but just reflecting on the negative what he did and see the reality is the best thing to do that makes you go forward and don’t look back 😊

[@rosaliaoliver-qv3gr]

Thank you for opening our eyes,I now can see this is not for me!

[@tekken278]

I'd my first experience with a covert narcissist relationship this year..she cheated and I ended it in August..on fb on Christmas eve she posted she got married!. Its beyond insanity!..its been an awful year for me

[@mrvocal21]

I also broke up with a covert about a month ago after a two year relationship, he's already engaged.

[@tekken278]

@@mrvocal21 it's absolutely crazy..they must be in it for what they can gain..because it's not love as she was sleeping with me and him til I figured out wat was going on..I'd absolutely no idea about narcissistic people up until this year

[@tekken278]

@@mrvocal21 he was clearly lining up this person behind your back cj

[@mrvocal21]

@@tekken278 Oh absolutely.

[@tekken278]

@@mrvocal21 it very tough cj..I haven't been myself in months..physically and mentally..before I met her I was fit happy and doing well..I've been a shell since..but I assure you these people are in it for what they can gain..they get bored quick and they want something new..there's no stability or accountability..you couldn't make it up wat these people do..i dropped her to a "friends" house one night..turned out it was the other guy. Absolutely shameless..its happening to men to..

[@krazyk8592]

Very, very good and educational video. You are concise and well-spoken, and don't beat around the bush. Impressed and subscribed.

[@andreaberryman5354]

I swear he says things to deliberately upset me. It comes out of nowhere and quite unnecessary. So I just left it this time, shut up, and told him to take me home. Like he gets bored and NEEDS conflict, or feels relationships have to HAVE conflict in order to be real. I also note that I can't change my mind or cancel plans. We don't live together. I own outright and get homesick after spending nights at his place. He plays on my emotions, which disturbs me.

[@adamlamparello8701]

Excellent video. Your videos are very helpful.

[@EliAkaLoneWolf]

Thank you Stephanie 🙏♠️🔥

[@chrishong5153]

Wow, this was one of the best explanations ive heard. Im 90 days no contact and it hurts but best decision i ever made. Believe in ur intuition! I love it and thank you! ❤

[@kamahlmarleygallagher5018]

I was adopted and don’t know who I am being 50 I’ve been in this place for a long time. I am a narcissist I realise that now, I am toxic as well as much as that hurts as I help some people for something in return not everyone just this one particular person I was interested in which I was aware of. I have a lot of work ahead if I want a peaceful existence and this is very helpful. I use advice from multiple people but it’s gonna take a while as deep down inside I’m not happy and if I’m honest never have been. Positive processes didn’t really exist even though I was love as I thought I thought I was.

[@farhiaadeed2227]

I have had narcissist for a long time however I didn’t know what it means so I was walking in KZbin streets and I came a cross someone break it down I never was paying attention to fake human beings I call them fake

[@carolkrauzyk1836]

Really enlightening 😊

[@teresaneumann1098]

"Spot on" video. Thanks for all your videos. So informative.

[@HonestyIsAVirtue7]

Powerful Teaching Ms Tea! Beautifully, and Brilliantly Articulated... This may very well be my FAVORITE video you have ever shared. I love ALL of your videos, but this one has hit me right in my heart...

[@chilloften]

So packed with goodness. Happy New Year Stephanie! Woohoooo

[@Scientology-The-Big-Lie]

Motivation! They’re mentally I’ll!

[@mmmsunshine5367]

Ughh, go from normal to mean/nasty/insulting/condescending to helpful back to sending snippy texts back to offering big help....soooo frustrating

[@carolsummers8734]

Yes. I and my kids walked on egg shells. We never know what would set him off. He could be so charming and turn to mean so fast.

[@ingerose-hansen9817]

I love your videos. I wish I had known of narcimism b4 in My life. I always wound it Strange when My x said what is in it for me. I never heard My parents say a Thing like that. Aleays he Pays for me. Always using other People. Raging at other People. Now Even writing on Facebook that he want to killhimself and My Kids can see it. It is vey hard when you always feel sorry for other People. He did not have an easiky life. His father died when he was 18 and the Mother found a New man immediately. I have felt sorry for him always and I feel sad when I hear him write these things on Facebook and All My energi is low

[@noturbo]

i have to work out why i get so addicted to her like its going to kill me detoxing and she knows it so blocks me to punish me for saying the wrong thing or trying to set boundaries.

[@annamiller7806]

Going through this now myself!

[@noturbo]

@@annamiller7806 🫂🫂🫂

[@gaurs230]

I had helped them in order to seek their attention and even their validation which I never really seem to have gotten

[@Liz-in8lu]

Yeah, I’ve already done so much for him, have been so kind to him. I guess just looking for him to see me and feel validated but he just can’t do that.

[@pamwatkins4855]

The problem is Stephanie no the problem with Stephanie she's a good teacher that will help me with my counseling I took notes now it's a possibility of at working for me I hope

[@sunnynlr]

I’m still confused why they do what they do. I can’t make sense on how any of this they do make them feel empowered. I get the part where they can get control over the partner and get to do things their way but why though? Why do they feel they are entitled about anything and everything? Is this a mental problem? Or is this a version of psychopathy? I wish to be loved and share the love and be supportive of my partner so we both grow in a healthy environment. Good for the overall health of the family, parents and kids. Wow! I’m just blown away by this shit. Thank god I was discarded and dumped in the worst possible way. It did take 3 years to get back to a place where I see a purpose and motivation to heal and fix myself but the last 3 years have been so confusing. I doubt my own personality and if I have some mental issues. Gosh even after watching so many videos about narcissism, I still regurgitate and forget all the things I learned about them. Super toxic. The moment you realize these signs, just thank god and move on. These people are just going to suck your blood until you bleed to death. And if you die, they just brush you off saying that you are just too weak and emotional. I see more men are the abusers and women are the victims but guys there are women so many of them who are narcissists. I just pray that I remember this sick behavior and not get confused again.

[@JKDMatrixWorkout2]

I got to say you have defined my mother from A to Z

[@andrewciupak3892]

This is spot on. Thank you.

[@susanbourge]

They are exhausting 😢❤

[@kinyaalexander7252]

So I’ve been away from my abusive toxic ex for 9 years. We also have 2 children together which will forever bond us together. He has been trying to offer to help me different things like fixing my car, giving me a ride somewhere etc. He was emotionally, mentally and physically abusive to me and I’m wondering all of a sudden why he is trying to be nice and help me out? What are his motives??

[@slyfly4829]

its funny, 2 years ago, my ex accused me of child abuse with guns, put me in jail, ran off with my daughter, bashed me online, took me to court, all because i didnt pay her power bill. but i think the real reason is because i cut that connection and started moving on, anyways, its been 2 years , we are STILL in a custody battle. i tried to settle so i can move on, she doesnt want to settle this, but she is suddenly a super coparent, super kind, messages me with updates about our daughter constantly all of a sudden. and get this her last message " would you love to have our daughter on christmas day and for her to sleep over, she asked if she was and i felt bad that she wouldnt get to spend the day with her daddy so if its okay can she sleep over?" like uh totally out of fucking character , considering she usually sends me pages upon pages of harassing abusive text messages with threats. i think the reason why shes being all goody good is because we have home inspectors for this custody battle haha , so fake

[@user-ez2vb7qg3s]

Thank you for your help I love listening to you

[@heidirausch9735]

I'm struggling with a narcissist who is an agent for a collective of narcissists who wish to maintain their status quo.

[@nlg7922]

I need help with my husbands narcissistic family. I am about to lose my mind at this point in time. My anger is is turning to rage, and I am going to explode. I need to find a counselor or someone in my area to talk to. I feel like I am going to jump out if my skin.

[@clareespina4018]

My narcissistic MIL is like a parrot. She doesn’t have good insight into things. I tell her some nuggets of wisdom about certain situations, then she will repeat it as though it was her own idea. Also, when I told her ( years ago) what’s wrong with something she did, she turns it around & tells me I did the same thing. It’s like talking to a brick wall that echoes back.

[@CaseyAvalon]

Yep! My MIL hates herself so she spews her venom to make herself feel better. We are done with her and we honestly look forward to never seeing her again. And we never took her advice because she never amounted to anything.

[@elaberis]

Yea, this happened to me many times, very very frustrating bc they wholeheartedly believe they’re original or that things are happening to them when it actually happened to you!

[@goldenwarrior5664]

Happy New Year ! Thanks for your help.