Steve Perry Talks Loss, Grief, and Music at Pop Conference 2019

GOING UP YONDER:
HOW MUSIC MAKERS AND WRITERS CONFRONT LOSS AND GRIEF
April 11, 2019
featuring
ISHMAEL BUTLER, musician, Shabazz Palaces, Knife Knights
DAPHNE A. BROOKS, writer/scholar, Yale University
DAVID TOOP, musician/writer/scholar, London College of Communication
EFRIM MANUEL MENUCK, musician, Godspeed You! Black Emperor
STEVE PERRY, singer/songwriter/producer
ANN POWERS (panelist and moderator), writer/author, NPR Music
To kick off a multi-day conference at Museum of Pop Culture on the connections between music, death and afterlives, the keynote conversation invites a phenomenal panel of musicians, songwriters, producers, authors, and scholars to muse about the impact of grief on the creative process, and how the creative process functions in and around-and against and through-profound loss. Among the subjects on the table for discussion: music, spirits, phantoms, and ghosts; the promises and challenges of writing obituaries, elegies, and eulogies; how artists find the space to cope with the departure of loved ones and essential collaborators; and how artists creatively rummage up tools of melancholy or resilience as responses to loss. On board for the discussion: Ishmael Butler, the creative force behind Shabazz Palaces and founder of jazz rap mainstays Digable Planets; Daphne Brooks, the William R. Kenan, Jr. Professor of African American Studies at Yale University, and author of books like Bodies in Dissent and the 33 1/3 entry Jeff Buckley’s Grace; Efrim Manuel Menuck, the creative force behind acclaimed Montreal-based bands Godspeed You! Black Emperor And Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra; Steve Perry, the legendary singer-songwriter who earned global fame as the voice of Journey and whose recently released solo album Traces (his first in nearly twenty five years) is a powerful testament to love, loss and heartbreak; David Toop, the iconic musician, author, and professor of audio culture and improvisation at the London College of Communication, whose forthcoming manuscript, Flutter Echo, considers the complexity of memories and personal experiences; and moderator/panelist Ann Powers, NPR Music Critic and author of many books, most recently Good Booty: Love and Sex, Black and White, Body and Soul.
The event is produced by Jason King of New York University’s Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music and will be presented in conjunction with Billboard.
Learn more about Pop Conference at MoPOP.org/popcon

[@deekennerly3498]

With all that said in the above video it takes a down to earth guy a true class act Steve Perry to say it like it should be said, with great finesse and realism...Yes we all grieve and grieve differently and we grieve about different things and losses. I completely understand the loss of parents and a sibling, I am still struggling with the loss of my 20 year marriage, and the loss of my breast due to a diagnosis of stage 3A breast cancer during my divorce. When I am in crisis I turn to music and I have to say that Steve Perry's music has and always will play a very profound role in my life. His music moves me it makes me feel loved, it makes me happy, it soothes and comforts my sole, it makes me have and remember so many different emotions, and memories of times and places, I get lost in his music and the emotion in his voice. I am learning how to embrace my grief, and heartache and walk thru it by putting one foot in front of the other. I applaud Steve Perry for how he has confronted his grief and loss and I also applaud him for being a stand up guy for keeping his promise to Kellie to not go back into isolation after she was gone. It takes strength, courage , sheer tenacity to make a comeback into the public view and share his feelings about the loss of Kellie Nash. Steve Perry is truly a remarkable human being !!

[@SandraLyons-ii4fl]

❤️

[@CarniBarbie]

I never knew how sensitive Steve Perry was. Makes me love him even more. ❤

[@rebeccamassey7545]

Steve Perry is so eloquent and "hauntingly" beautiful.

[@litaconsuelomedina8973]

Impactful, thought provoking, and “ salt in an open wound”. rawness. All the panel members impressed me with their ability find words to describe grief.

[@nancywyatt821]

Steve's reaction when David talks about having to organize his wife's funeral and his 5 year old daughter's birthday party at the same time was interesting. He felt for him very deeply.

[@maragretb6681]

I can only imagine how he felt, That is so sad to me.

[@anndj1118]

Steve is remarkable in the way he is able to question and reason our reality....he’s the type of person I’d love to have conversations/discussions with. He has deep and interesting insights. ❤️🤗 WOW!

[@TamiG89]

Thank you for speaking so openly on a critical subject❤️. As a mental health professional, I facilitate the process or recovery from grief loss and trauma. Love you Steve and have such respect for what you stand for❤️

[@memom010605]

God Bless you Steve Perry!!

[@freetob1]

The song, "In The Rain", Just takes my breath away and my tears are pouring like rain. Thank you Steve Perry for helping me through another devastating loss. First my daughter last year and my son this year. I am Again, "In The Rain". I don't know how I am still here but, "We're Still Here" You take the darkest horrible and lonely place inside of us, giving light and acceptance in such a beautiful way. You help me to grieve without feeling shame for the duration, when others say that I need to go forward. I am cherishing my grief with such beautiful melody and words, knowing that I will be with my children again in time. I feel that my TIME is nearing its end as well and this is the only thing that makes sense in my reality. maybe this is why God has taken the most precious gifts bestowed to me. Again, Thank you Steve Perry. I Love You, I Love Your Heart, You are AMAZING !!!

[@susana5052]

My deepest condolences for your losses. Being a mother, I can't imagine. I can only offer my thoughts & prayers for you & your loved ones. ❤🙏❤

[@freetob1]

@@susana5052 Thank you so much. This is all that anyone can do and it is very much appreciated too. I know that I probably have many more years left in grieving, before I reunite with them. No parent should lose a child much less two. I am 53 so, I have to find peace with it somehow. Blessings to you and Thank you again.

[@Marlevable]

free tob - I am so very sorry for your losses. How hard to lose one child, and then later lose another! My heart goes out to you! I lost my husband one year ago in March and then my father seven months later and then a month later my husband’s sister. I lost my whole support system. But in losing my husband I lost a huge and significant portion of myself. We had a 15 year marriage that was spent battling cancer for him and a spinal cord injury as well as thoracic outlet syndrome and several other chronic pain diseases. I think when you spend 15 years constantly carrying with you in the background that death might be eminent, you have a very different kind of marriage. We Took turns caring for each other when we were able to. We were truly one: he was my best friend, my soulmate, and a wonderful human being. He suffered needlessly as our insurance company ignored his complaints for years. By the time we got the final cancer diagnosis, they gave him a year to live and it was a very tragic and painful year. My beloved died in my arms, but I watched him transition from this life to the next and I know I saw him go to heaven. No one will ever convince me otherwise. While I know he’s in the best place that he could be, like you I find myself alone and wondering why God took what mattered the most to me, yet still understanding that He has a plan that is far beyond my capability of understanding. I just have to trust and wait and pray that He will heal the void in my heart. Not just for my husband but for my precious father as well who had longed for several years to “ to go home.” I also grieve for my sister in law. I’m still trying to learn how to adapt to this world without them. I too felt that Steve’s contribution was significant. I really appreciated his openness and the idea that my father is always with me, that all I have to do is look at my hand - and touch it and I have him right now and here, as well as in my heart. I also would like to say Daphne Brooks was awesome! I think she said some amazing and beautiful things. I’m so glad that they did this conference. It was helpful to me and I hope that it was helpful to you as well as everyone else who watched it. Take care, ♥️

[@freetob1]

@@susana5052 Thank you so very much Susan Black Andrade. Love & Blessings to you

[@freetob1]

@@Marlevable So sorry for the many painful losses you have endured. In a way, we can relate here and agree that music is to heal and Steve Perry, with his honesty expressed so profoundly has helped so many, including us. God Bless You and sending my love to you.

[@brendabear839]

Steve Perry is still so Handsome I’m sending Prayers Up To Creator for Healing for everyone on this program Healing Vibes for you all 💜💜🐺🐺

[@francesballesteros7673]

Thank You Steve Perry during this pandemic Covic19 your music of Journey and your Traces is getting me through this time😔 of isolation and loss of human contact is difficult! Normality will not be the same. But what we can hear and see we feel . Because of our humanity. Thank You for helping us through it. Bring more music! Write it! Please!

[@BonsaiKeto]

"THE VOICE" STEVE PERRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@musicgeek8087]

Love seeing Steve out there again!

[@Rascal356000]

Yes "The Voice."

[@barbaradimascio4623]

Its the only high point, but I've heard him talk about his grief so many times it's getting old.

[@tammyf.7864]

@@barbaradimascio4623 Yikes! That's harsh! But it's reality. And most interviewers ask Steve why he's back from such a long musical sabbatical, and the reason is because of his girlfriend. He made a promise to her. So we all have Kellie to thank for Steve's return to music.

[@rmmlaurel]

Steve Perry is so deep and in touch with his feelings. For never actually giving much of his personality to the public when he was young he sure gives a great interview now. But I truly feel sad for Efrim and his out look on God. He will never find his way.

[@maggiemacleod2369]

I didn't realize Steve Perry only had Kelly for 1 1/2 years, at that time in most relationships your love keeps growing. I am so happy he got to experience that...but so sorry for his loss.

[@barbaradimascio4623]

Its hard to believe he spent so many years alone. He could have had his pick from literally millions of women. He's probably one of those who got badly hurt and didn't want it to happen again. But, it's better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.

[@alrossi2573]

What Steve Perry says at the 1:20 mark is spot on! I experienced this myself with my father’s death. Another family member, only 3 weeks after my father’s death made an ignorant comment about me not being OVER it already. Seriously? What an Asshat!

[@maryradloff3594]

Grief affects everyone differently. The grieving process takes time and each stage of grieving is not the same length of time. People who have not experienced profound grief have no idea what it can entail. You are extremely vulnerable at this time in your life. Do NOT let anyone "bully" or "shame" you out of your grief. You will know when your soul is starting to recover from this extreme emotion. If you don't feel you are coping with grief the way you want to experience it, there is no shame in getting help.

[@rtc931]

It's at 1:09:20

[@Michellelovesanimals]

I just discovered this conversation about grief. I am glad I did. Thank you.

[@evelyncampbell5702]

Steve Perry ❤️💗

[@christys8445]

I am a survivor of suicide, my man of 14 years. It's ironic that I am listening to this now because this very day, I will be at a court hearing as to whether or not I will (or will not) lose our home. I cannot lose anymore!! I just can't!! 😭

[@orlandogarcia7677]

I love the holy shit out of Steve Perry and I'll never let him go from my heart😇😇😇

[@suzannestivason2933]

me too

[@SamsonsamSim]

Thank you to Everyone for sharing their journey, because we are all on this journey, and grief is a big part of that journey. Like it or not, death and loss ARE a part of life. And Everyone deals with these two in very different ways. I have listened to the Traces Album and I have to say the songs brought me to tears. And there are moments that I deny myself that healing, and there will be a voice that tells me to listen to a certain song because tears are very healing AND VERY beneficial. In my family tears were a sign of weakness so I often cried in private and still do to this day because I let someone influence my choices during a moment and the course of my life changed. So tears in private are the norm for me. Dealing with the loss of my Father has not been an easy road. My Dad and I had a somewhat unique relationship. He always told me that I needed to wear makeup, wear certain clothes and just little comments that came off back handed. The day he died or should I say got the call - I was frozen in time. I went back to the days of walking to church as a child and he was always so far ahead of me (he was grown man with long legs, me a little girl with little legs) and I remember telling him not to walk so fast and he would look at me and smile and we would keep walking. He always encouraged me to keep up tho. And now, I feel like that little girl and my dad has gone on but without me. I have gone through many, many emotions since that fateful day, but the ones that stay true are that my father loved me and my biggest concern was whether or not he knew that I loved him. When I was little I don't recall telling him, but when I became an adult with a male child I made sure that I told my dad I loved him every time I saw him, and when one lives far away don't have that many opportunities to say those three little words. I wish I could say I was ok with his leaving me behind because I am not. But I do know now that the human body can only take so much and at a point he passed on to another world without me. Not a day goes by that I don't see something that stirs a memory of my father and me. He was an outdoor person and a lot of my memories of him are being spent outdoors, and when I am denied that time, I fall into a dark place. I HAVE started writing again and that helps, but there are moments when the tears just have to flow. Scary at times, but very beneficial they are. I have a main hobby that after he passed, I just couldn't pick up that needle. It was the one thing that made me happy and yet I could not bring myself to be happy. Then one day with the support of a group of friends I picked up my pencil and paper, drew up a design and picked up my needle and made an ornament for my dad. He is why I am here, and who I am as a woman. Yes there were tears during the process, but it now hangs on my wall with the members I have also lost. I do not know when I will heal, or ever be healed. But I will do my best to keep moving forward thanks in a VERY LARGE part to a prayer being answered. Thank You Steve for staying true to your word and Thank You Kellie for seeing where Steve truly needed to be. Thank you also to everyone for sharing. Great Big Hugs!

[@tenaciousone4721]

Losing one's father is never easy. And when your relationship is complicated, it's even harder. I'm on the same road you are. Listening to Steve always brings me peace. Big hugs.

[@KingdomJustice11]

"You're ghost can rock white pants like nobody."😂 If there's one person who can cut through the crap & get straight to the core that would be Steve. I mean he really gets it.."Cherish the grief" so true. It's a Process that doesn't have a timeline. I hate it when I'm told to leave the past behind, I've always believed the past is who you are in the present, you Need to walk through it not around it. Steve is so classy. He's an eloquent speaker, mindful to engage the audience with such stateliness & so very composed. Is there anything this guy can't do?😀 Great panel...Thanks MoPop👍

[@lizannewhitlow1085]

Lillian Barreto Is there anything this man can’t do? No.

[@susana5052]

Great and eloquent post.

[@venessajupp5303]

It was great to hear him laugh.

[@chellel5112]

Some deep sh*t! Great discussion. I could listen to Steve talk for hours. He's a wise man.

[@benniewilliams3601]

I do believe Steve would have married Kellie if she would have lived. He said that he wanted to give all of himself to her, and he did.

[@tammyf.7864]

Steve Perry did say in an interview this year - 2020 - that he did want to ask her to marry him and that he would have, but cancer took her away.

[@gabbysojourner7086]

So many thoughts and memories arising as I listen to each panelist. This is more than worth listening to and reflecting upon as there is a wealth of insight and wisdom shared herein.

[@katiedepietro6951]

Steve🙏The Passion You Put In You're Music That Touches Our Hearts N Souls I Truely Believe You Have ThatcSame Deep Felt Passion For 1st in YourecLife with Beautiful Kellie*She is With You*Every Minute*Every Day.Smileing Down To With Such Depp Love n Gratitude You Granting Her Wish n You Experienceing Youre1 Teue Eternally Love*No1 Will Ever Fill Her Shoes.And You'll Be With Her Eternity.The Passion n Stergnth n Such Humbleness For You To Pursue It Thru it All is So Monumental.🙏🌟❤❤😥A Friend n Fan From Afar*Many More Blessings To You*Katie**🙏🙏You're in My Prayers N Thoughts Everyday*

[@gabbysojourner7086]

Thank you MoPop for allowing us to hear this engaging panel via video. Grief and Music are two which meld and mold together to help us experience our feelings in a healing way. Thank you to each panelist for sharing intimate expressions of their own emotions. We thank them for sharing their music with us in such a powerful and emotive manner and for the healing touch they've given us.

[@kellyannegarber8826]

Thank you for sharing your grief and showing that all of us do go through profound loss in our lifetimes. I love that the musicians can write about their pain and sorrow. You put your emotions and pain in the lyrics. Thank you ,KellyAnne

[@margaretstone9237]

It was heart breaking to see Mr. Perry laughing as the man was cursing God.

[@Trisha.PurplePoetry]

💞💞💞💞💜💞💞💞💞 Loved This Panel ,very Liberating for me to finally be Linked to this view side ... Very connected on much of this platform...Thank You to All for stepping up& Thank You Steve.. Much Love, Trisha/ Purple Poetry

[@Trisha.PurplePoetry]

💜

[@margaretbrisbin6261]

Amazing Wordss👏♥️‼️😭😭😢🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

[@margaretbrisbin6261]

Love You ALL‼️😢❤️❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹🌹🌹👏

[@lizannewhitlow1085]

A wealth of experience and wisdom. Thank you MOPOP! Don’t forget to watch Ricky Gervais’s 6-part TV series called #AfterLife. It’s about grief and how HOPE inevitably blossoms. Singing to the elderly in homes, or reading poetry or literature, has been shown to lift them up. Singing to the animals as well shows that they respond!! It’s all in the amygdala, where the magic happens, through choice of timbre. 🎶🎶 Doing art, drawing, coloring, with music will make one feel better too. Hug an animal.

[@trishmcgrath2727]

I Lost.my.brother.2.oral.cancer.in In 2011..its.been.aloss..i..did.take Really.bad..and.now.its.2021.its.been.9.yrs.now.sense.my.brothers.passing..

[@margaretstone9237]

This is so sad. For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16. It is appointed unto man once to die, and after this, judgment. Knowing Jesus is not a religion, it's a relationship. No peace, know Jesus. Music can never take the place of the peace that comes from God when you suffer a loss. I can't imagine living life like these people, the fear, the unknown, the sadness and darkness that has no end. Praying that they will all come to know the One who came to give them life everlasting. The greatest act of love was displayed on the Cross.❤❤

[@JustanotherMainer]

Amen

[@Grandma2J]

Thank you so much for sharing this important discussion. Will you be putting up video that includes the music that was played during this talk? Thank you!

[@SandraLyons-ii4fl]

He don't believe in God! How does he think he got here. Not impressed with him!! Thank you Steve Perry for being so faithful to your promise.

[@vaniaaparecidacostolalemos6729]

❤️❤️🇧🇷

[@martymcghee3742]

❤❤❤😊❤PAUSE AND REMEMBER❤SELAH❤MARIA❤😊❤SON❤.

[@martymcghee3742]

❤❤❤😊❤ONLY JESUS KILLED DEATH.

[@pamelastilin7893]

Steve Perry, you will marry Kellie in Heaven and the Lord will bless it 🙏🏻 AMEN 🦋🌺🌸🌼

[@Marlevable]

If you were truly knowledgeable about the Bible , Ephraim and the New Testament, you would know that (at point 49.00 or thereabouts, your comments) it is explained that the world is messed up, bad things will happen, but by following Jesus Christ, who paid the price for our sins, which used to be paid for by sacrifices of animals in the old Testament, we have freedom from our sins, by accepting him as your Savior, which you probably don't believe in either. I know God was with me when my husband was dying of cancer. I know I watched my husband's soul leave his body and go to heaven. I know God has held me up, and helped me get thru the pain of grief of losing the love of my life. He had cancer when I married him 15 years ago, and our marriage was always about fighting his cancer, and my disabilities, and God allowed us to each be well when we each needed to care for the other. To say there is no God is ridiculous. You haven't experienced him because your heart is closed to the concept, and you clearly haven't studied the Bible, or read any of the data where science proves that so many things written in the Bible actually occurred. I'm sorry, but you are so lost! You have no idea how wonderful it is to have Him, help you thru a world that He allows to function as we choose to act. We are the reason this world is F***** up! Because of the Narcissistic choices that are made by humans, not by Him.

[@freetob1]

I can relate to your comment. Even though this guy is creative and very funny, I didn't appreciate the F to our Father. I think he could have used the F word less. God sure didn't appreciate this, nor does he appreciate EGO. My only hope comes from my faith, after the loss of my two children, and this show was about grieving and loss. I should think that these speakers would take this into consideration before opening the mouth and blowing the healing process of people like me. I am not a prude and he doesn't affect my faith, but how about those out here that need desperately to have faith in something? I am thankful for the CLASSY STEVE PERRY, with his AMAZING GIFTS FROM GOD. It seemed that he kind of dissed Steve too, when Steve was trying to give him props for his song. Maybe I am wrong with my perception; however, when Steve tapped his arm, the man never acknowledged him. Mr. Steve Perry is "LEGEND" but still so very HUMBLE, classy and kind. You didn't hear foul words toward God or see any ego there, did you??? The other guests on the panel were very respectful, kind and caring as well. I enjoyed this very much and I did laugh.

[@susana5052]

@@freetob1 I also saw Steve tap his arm...I was sad that he didn't respond but it was clear Steve was the better man in that exchange.

[@freetob1]

@@susana5052 Yes Indeed Susan.

[@appointedone9574]

The fool says there is no God... the Bible says it

[@ruthjohn8868]

We are going to eternal destruction unless we repent including me Humans are soooooo dumb thinking we know everything May God have mercy upon us im in great trouble humans are in great trouble theres so much sin and open blasphemy its getting riduclous Im scared for myself

[@tangofoxy5781]

John 3:16 KJV You all need Jesus Christ .

[@barbaradimascio4623]

I'm totally disgusted by what the Jewish atheist Efram said. And disgusted how the audience reacted, or didn't react. Were the other panelists afraid to bring God into their stories? The host started out by saying that people "invented" religion out of dealing with grief. REALLY?? I know Perry is an atheist. He said we are just "walking flesh". I feel that the black guy probably is a believer, since his mother might have been and he was very close to her. Bottom line...... NO WONDER these people struggled so badly with the loss of loved ones. They "know" they will never see them again. Sad. They probably will, but in a very hot place. Actually, most of this video disgusted me.

[@CyregO]

Renouncing an undemonstrable belief can be a form of grief, too.