Stop Being A Low Value Man

[@BrianZappia]

I think the problem of the human brain not being designed for a 600:1 rejection to acceptance ratio applies to job applications every bit as much as it does to dating apps.

[@gnoogie]

which is a pretty men-specific problem more often than not when it comes to dating. the average woman doesn't have to put up with nearly as much rejection as the average man

[@guillermorelobalopez7553]

Who the f is out there applying to 600 different jobs in a month though? I actually think in "ye olden days" going business door to business door asking if they need any extra hands you'd get more rejections than nowadays tbh.

[@SimonClarkstone]

By analogy, you would need to get off the job-dating sites and go meet jobs in the real world. (Which isn't what I did.) But I remember supposed good advice all over the Internet that the easiest job search comes through having connections. (Myself, I noticed a company that looked intriguing was hiring, found I was comically underqualified for the role, then noticed that there was some kind of job website hosting the job advert and it had job listings. This was after a useless year with a recruiter who wasn't scummy but mostly only had jobs that I wasn't a match for.)

[@gabbsdy8741]

​​@@gnoogieWe have to deal with unwanted attention. it is traumatizing. We dont feel safe.Many of us think of man as predators. It makes many of us hate man. And run away even as far as possible to protect ourselves.

[@williamboisdenghien2849]

@@guillermorelobalopez7553 You wouldn't be rejected by an automated chatbot you can't respond to, can't get feedback from, can't change your presentation or style out of it. If you go in physically you can get clues and responses. Filing in a form and you just send data. If you already have a history of rejection it's soul crushing.

[@SeanLuse]

I had this therapist one time who was very gritty. I remember complaining to him that I didn't date and all my friends did and I didn't know why. He straight up told me, "you aren't particularly good looking and you aren't particularly ugly, you're very average. You're part of a large group, maybe 90% of men, who are average, you aren't unique in that way. So how many women have you asked out?" And I replied.... "well none". And he said, "well, that's your problem". I actually really liked this answer, it put agency over my dilemma in my hands and let me know I didn't have barriers to overcoming my problem except myself.

[@YashhC]

As a therapist, he probably shouldn't say that unless you said all of it yourself first, you neither being ugly nor good looking😂

[@Nickodemo1st]

How did you not realize earlier if you dont ask anyone out no one can say yes?😂

[@user-03-gsa3]

that is really solid input

[@Flesh_Wizard]

Why did I imagine a therapist dropping the clipboard and hitting the cleanest griddy you have ever seen?😂

[@hyperlethalsunfish3113]

@@Nickodemo1st thats why he was probably at therapy lmao

[@shmackydoodRon]

Social media did to mental health what smoking did to cardiovascular health.

[@maenad1231]

Yup and instead of accountable for one’s own behaviors and doing the mental work to quit what they know is clearly destructive while adding no positive value to their life ; people blame the availability of social media/dating apps themselves or the cigarettes instead of blaming themselves for continuously making the same choice to take part. People have gotten mad when the mentioned that but the apps/cigs can’t enforce the will of their creators upon you and y’all also got help quitting resources & support groups that are both available & accessible. They just refuse to utilize them & commit to them because they’re set in there ways, lazy, don’t want to take accountability by accepting their level of blame, enjoy the path of least resistance, don’t like the idea of dealing with any level of discomfort in doing something hard etc. so they use defense mechanisms instead. People keep taking poison and cry victim when their physical and mental health deteriorates from the poison even though they know the effects

[@Pierceson-up8fs]

@@maenad1231 nah, this is an unfair comparison. Yes, it ultimately comes down to the individual to be better…but there’s also the fact social media dug their claws into most of us as minors, is free, and has become a place people are expected to have some sort of presence on (though that’s changing) There’s a reason you can’t give a teen free cigarettes, and teen given free cigarettes means they are less responsible for growing an addiction to it

[@disdain7143]

@@maenad1231 exactly, thats why quitting is best option

[@andrew6226]

@@maenad1231 Yo. I have never had this perspective before, and I am someone who often blames social media for the way it has affected people and society. I agree with Pierceson that this issue is more difficult due to the addictive nature and prevalence, but I also think its imperative that people view social media as destructive (if it is in their life), and then reduce their exposure and connect in real life.

[@akito_underscore]

Almost, not social media, it's entertainment.

[@Ro7770]

Exactly my thoughts, "meeting people where they are" is the fundamental way to convey trust and cooperation to the people you're trying to influence. The moment you start invalidating someone's experience is the moment you will be "identified" as an opponent instead of a person that is trying to help and then starts the argument and the other guy goes into defense mode instead of a cooperative communication with the common goal being the solutions to the exact problem.

[@debanikgoswami4834]

This stuff is also promoted by redpillers . It is called 'socialcirclemaxxing' .

[@Vitorruy1]

people who invalidate orher's experience aren't just innefective at helping others, they aren't helping anyone at all.

[@kamitorings]

yeah but by that same token, there are alot of people who want others to "validate" their fake experience for fulfillment, which is also not something that helps anyone. the way i see it, if it smells like bullshit, it is. been around long enough to know when someone is speaking from "experience" and who is not, alot of people hide behind "you cant judge" yet turn around and do the same. if they really didnt care about being judged, they wouldnt be giving a shit about what other people have to say. so i agree when it comes to not invalidating other people's experiences, but in my EXPERIENCE, those who yell about their experiences are usually the ones who want validation from their lies.

[@theblasteffect4499]

​@@kamitoringshow can you tell when someone's BSing about their experience?

[@ClanDosCanalhas]

​@@kamitoringsyou are right in the sense that that's a possibility. But I guess it comes down to "i'd rather validate some liars by mistake than invalidate people who genuinely need support"

[@suhailballim4159]

Shocked at how you're always capable to give such clear honest content. A real Gem of a channel

[@reggaemarley4617]

It's almost like he's a real qualified psychiatrist who cares about people. Here's hoping Dr. K's work gets received by the people that need it most.

[@2MinuteHockey]

Jim?

[@noneya1238]

Happy I found this channel

[@nightmareTomek]

In this video he's telling a lot of wrong things though, and his reasoning is backwards.

[@reggaemarley4617]

@@nightmareTomek Such as?

[@Hemings91]

Absolutely profound. I love how you talked about how the internet is BIASED towards negativity due to happy people not making content and enjoying life!

[@debanikgoswami4834]

That's why I like old school PUA's . They also say Looks, Money, Status doesn't matter . All you need is Game .

[@Mikinaak2023]

So true. No one I know that is really getting on in life spends that much time on social media.

[@sheepisfortheweak6164]

And then there is Dr. K. who is the best exception to this rule

[@Hemings91]

I think that's because he is purposeful with his content. I hope that he finds fulfillment in helping others. When youtube first started many people made channels with purpose and to share their passions. Now people will post anything in order to get views at the cost of their morality. @@sheepisfortheweak6164

[@oleksandr4642]

I love this approach to controversial topics like redpill: acknowledging its flaws, but finding something useful in the pile of BS

[@gloomgem5307]

Yes, I think it’s important to acknowledge why people are drawn to and engage with ‘red pill communities. Its difficult to discuss these topics as well

[@Sheikdaddy]

I find Rollo Tommasi and PsychHacks better sources of red pill ideas than what's usually out there

[@CyberSonic-V3.0]

Philosophy i follow is try to find the truth or validity in even the most bs of things. That prevents you from being dismissive and see the whole picture.

[@poncejerry22]

Yeah but you have to understand this blew up in response to the feminist, only fans, women entitlement movement. Because that actually took off first and a lot of men really fell into the traps of despair when it came to chasing women or happiness/fulfillment through putting women on a pedestal. In some ways this helped men regain focus and power to themselves. Is there lots of bs in the community ? Off course but that can be said towards any group or community. There’s definitely positives that have helped rebalance this entitlement women were waking around with and condescending men. Would you rather have your kids on a self improvement journey and putting life into their own hands. Or them sitting at home angry because they feel the world is against them, women don’t acknowledge them, and paying for womens only fans and addicted to porn to escape their reality? Women feel the power dynamic slipping and men refocusing. The patriarchy doesn’t support a mens revolution as it does a feminist one

[@klickreacts]

seems like a safe grift to me

[@samwelltarly6700]

10:50 "Some women use dating apps for psychological reasons" About half a year ago me and my brother had a very sassy acqaintance of his over for the evening and she spent almost the entire conversation complaining about her recent ex-boyfriend. Fair enough, he did sound like an asshole given her reasons for dumping him, however she then went on to say that she was looking forward to spending the next few days summarily rejecting all her potential matches on whatever dating app she was using, no matter how handsome or charming the suitors might be. In fact it would be better if they were all particularly handsome and charming just so their overinflated egos might get taken down a notch. I couldn't help but thinking "Oh, so YOU'RE the reason dating-apps are considered toxic and frustrating". I thought about telling her so, but I decided I had to pick my battles and the best I could get here was a pyrrhic victory that would ruin the rest of the evening, so I didn't.

[@snowleopard9907]

Should have told her personally doesnt sounds like great person be around in general. Or at least make a comment that isnt necessarily hostile but will open her eyes a bit about her habbits. But regardless it happens

[@Elandgol]

Could have even kept it vague like "being vindictive to random people because of one specific person is p mean, dude" lol It's actually straight up cruel to do to anyone, no matter what their status in this bs hierarchy system we're in. Your friend here is what people think feminism is when actually feminism includes men. The damage done by the patriarchy damages men too. It sets an unrealistic standard for men to achieve arbitrarily. That's a lot of pressure, man! It's why using positive stereotypes for anyone of any walk of life can actually be oppressive. All stereotypes/standards suck. Just be compassionate and try to understand where folks are coming from.

[@Leonhart_93]

She was complaining so much about him because she was infatuated with him. That's some red pill hard truth, she doesn't talk about those that she doesn't care about.

[@Elandgol]

@@Leonhart_93 Honest q here, what's red pill about that? Of course she cared about that person, they were in a relationship then they hurt her, right? I'm missing something I think.

[@soscruffy]

@@Elandgol I wonder if it's more the response to the hurt. Rather than own and feel the feelings she is (jokingly or seriously) suggesting that she make another gender pay the price for her pain through vindictive and inauthentic psychological games. An authentic, non game playing response would be to take a break from the app or respond to those on it as individuals, considering her own level of attraction to the each one.

[@morbid1.]

I hate "dating economy"... before apps were made you didn't just go on dates, first you met someone, then friendship started then that friendship evolved to this magical moment of dating and relationship. Now 90% of the process is gone, the most important part is eradicated. Dating sucks because it's all fake, make believe.

[@Rompelstaump]

It's not gone. It's about adaptation. Finding ways to connect on personal hobbies, dreams, and communities. People didn't used to be so focused on others. I bet that would change for more people if we turn that focus inward to find the internal gifts hiding right under our noses 🙂 I recommend learning how to get off social media and start investing in ourselves through developing a new passion for learning and personal growth.

[@colehutzler8743]

I think, or at least hope that as time goes on more and more people will realize this and it will eventually phase out. I think people are starting to get very very tired of this online world we live and will naturally move away from it.

[@PikaYoshi21]

You can do all of that today.

[@theboss1005546]

No, back in the day you would have to go up to the people you were interested in and go on dates with them. It’s still basically the same, but a little more chaotic now

[@Tgogators]

Absolutely untrue. It's modern Western culture that's adopting individualism on a bigger level, with a dose of entitlement. If anything, people (guys and girls) checked out several potentials BFs/GFs at the same time, once one stuck, they'd get out of the others (usually though, for 3, only 1 you'd really click with, and others naturally faded away)..Now (enhanced by social media) it's people being "heartbroken" and serious injury to their pride after a single date or a period of "talking" that does not progress. It's more about fixating on that one person. Back then (and today too) you go out on a date with someone to see if the romantic chemistry is really there. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't. People take it so personally and they really don't have to.

[@stronkworks]

I wonder what a healthy functioning society is like

[@secretagent4610]

It certainly ain't this one lol.

[@gnoogie]

​@justanotherbeing4529🌊🌊🌊

[@Zendvious]

The 50's in america was as close as we got, there was a ton of development while keeping a healthy standard of living and growth for men women and children while also being able to develop social movements that were actually fighting against discrimination and believe it or not back then there was a ton less discrimination, mental health problems, crime, addictions and so on

[@secretagent4610]

@@Zendvious Yep, probably the best era in all of human history. Now we live in Idiocracy the sequel...

[@mightsaber]

@justanotherbeing4529 aquaman would be proud

[@kal2487]

Brilliant!! My experience is that one of reason's why it takes so long to climb out of the hole you find yourself in, is because 95% of the ropes thrown to you as a vulnerable person, are attached to predatory people waiting to exploit you. Isn't that sad? However, if you can make it out, you will be hella strong. Don't stop trying.

[@vivvpprof]

I wouldn't say feminists are trying to exploit you, they're just a bunch of hateful people, that's all.

[@BlargeAdam]

For me its more like they throw a rope to you but turns out it was self dissolving bandage rope

[@snowleopard9907]

I try tell people this all the time. The desperate are often the ones getting exploited

[@asakayosapro]

Predatory people, or predatory entities owned by predatory people and kept running by the victims living in prisons without walls? It shouldn’t be a big secret that central banking, fractional reserve lending and fiat currency are the biggest ponzi scam ever pulled on the entirety of humanity, alongside the coconspiracy of Big Food, Big Agro, Big Oil, Big Tech, Big Pharma, Big Media, Big Data and the military industrial complex, among many other things, particularly distractions and vices designed to gradually destroy people, or rather, designed to make people destroy themselves regardless of how they resist it… And yet, everytime someone tries to put the truth out there, it’s always the same result where the bluepilled majority would rather live in AND maintain the systemic status quo of blissful ignorance rather than let the truth spread, and that they will do everything in their power to protect said system… like agents of the matrix… If you want to get to the root of all that is causing humanity so much suffering though deceit, exploitation, vice, induced illness and many other ways and things…. *Follow the money.*. Then you will know who the true enemies really are.

[@Adam-rz4wr]

Predators? It's the society that treats males like garbage. We're supposed to just work till death and die in wars for society that hates us while paying alimony and fighting in court for a chance to see your kids, while the judge believes ex partner lies because she is a woman.

[@traillesstravelled7901]

Confidence has to be built on real things, not just mental gymnastics.

[@debanikgoswami4834]

I don't have any confidence but I have learnt to behave like a confident person.

[@traillesstravelled7901]

@@debanikgoswami4834 "Fake it till you make it" can work. It's a bandaid, temporary solution until there's something solid to base it on. Get a job, or better job. Workout consistently for a month, then two, three etc. Read that book everyone recommended, join a club with similar interests, running, bowling, shooting, D&D .

[@StONeROP_007]

​@@debanikgoswami4834How can you tell? Genuine Question

[@ghowz]

@@debanikgoswami4834 so you are just putting up an act then. why not just change yourself into someone you could be comfortable with

[@vincentolivieri4468]

Exactly. If you have no/low confidence. Get small wins. Do what you say youre gonna do. Dont overdo. Get your wins and count them. Confidence will grow when you belief yourself. If you have 0. Set an alarm and actually get out of bed at your alarm. Thats your first win of the day! Count them and go on. Celebrate them in your mind like you see. Addition: create a wins (+losses) bucket. Like Goggins. Add all youre experiences in there to see what you overcome. When you feel low, remind yourself of all the things you did etc.

[@Atoll-ok1zm]

One of the best things I ever did was take a sociology class. And I won't claim to remember most of it, but it did teach me one important thing. The "sociological imagination", basically a sociologist must attempt to find and compensate for their personal biases when interpreting data and whatever else. But what that really means is that you must very carefully consider your perspective. Because more often than not, your perspective is the single most significant factor in how you interpret the world around you. It influences your biases, your beliefs, down to your most core values over the course of your life. And you have to be aware that your perspective is not necessarily in line with the material reality of the situation, nor is it in line with another person's perspective. So you have to step back and try to have a wider more absolute look.

[@the1stmetalhead]

so true, I always try and think from as many different perspectives as possible before settling down on a viewpoint.

[@treeforged9097]

Yeah that's one of the biggest problems in sociology, its mostly women who are incapable of seeing from a mans perspective and that is why there is so much misandry in sociology. There needs to be more men in sociology pushing back against anti male feminism in sociology and psychology.

[@sp123]

Relationships are not "perspective", they are competition forged in material reality. Changing your perspective is not going to make someone get into Harvard if they lack the GPA, extracurriculars or test scores.

[@ninakore]

Add an economics 101 class too. The world will make a lot more sense.

[@MsDany79]

Having studied sociology for 4 years, paradoxically most of them, students and professors alike, havent ever recognized & reflected their biases. It was the biggest filter bubble i have ever witnessed in my life and even tho sociology is one of the most interesting subjects to study for me personally, i am glad i left. Couldnt handle the ignorance & arrogance of these people because they are the privileged ones actually learning to understand & overcome it, but actually rarely ever used the knowledge given.

[@bobowon5450]

one thing that frustrates me to no end about the whole red pill community is that many people will rightfully point out the flaws and issues with the red pill community, and then in the same breath belittle men and treat them like crap for listening to it. People like andrew tate are popular because there are very few alternatives. Feminism gets brought up a lot in these conversations and as a man I find feminist circles extremely hostile feeling because I could literally get run over by a truck and most of the time i'll hear "well somewhere a woman got run over by two trucks", but in the red pill community you get a pat on the back and some sympathy. Don't want your kids or male friends to fall into the red pill rabbit hole? just treat them nice. listen to their problems.

[@Wonderwoman79G]

Out of curiosity, have you considered therapy? It sounds like you may have a lot to unpack especially your comment about listening.

[@bobowon5450]

@@Wonderwoman79G I live in canada where therapy doesn't exist but you're probably right.

[@nicelight7794]

It's a tricky thing because while I do feel some ppl in those more left-leaning critical feminist spaces could stand to have a bit more sympathy for what men are going through that cause them to go down these darker routes, I also recognize part of what causes some in these spaces to not feel interested in doing so. I imagine many of them have been done wrong by men in their life that have been influenced by the misogyny and such that permeate our society, and after dealing with enough of that they might just be fed up with the idea of expending their energy on worrying about whatever these men have going on when they 1) have to spend so much energy helping themselves heal from what they've experienced from men and 2) some of them have already been speaking on things meant to help guide men away from that stuff, but they feel they're not being heard because the advice they offer isn't considered palatable enough by some of these men. It's hurt all around. We could all use a little more consideration and patience for one another, but that's easier said than done sometimes.

[@jcdenton7914]

Tate has a lot of good advice for being productive and achieving goals and I got a younger friend who got multiple friends in his Hustlers University and even one in the war room. But it's hard to measure if he's more of a positive or negative force. I've seen examples of people improving their life without taking in bad mindsets while others go off the deep end and becoming like Sneako or worse.

[@bobowon5450]

@@jcdenton7914 tates a really mixed bag but i find most of his good advice, is the kind of advice you'd find in nearly any self help book. but there's a hell of a lot of bad advice mixed in

[@chrisbarry9345]

Dating app rejections are nothing. It's when you go on dates and the person is immediately not interested. My entire life and presence and physical appearance changed due to an injury and now I'm realizing that I had no other value besides appearance

[@williamspears1627]

The makeup industry is a multi billion dollar industry for a reason. Women in the west are all about physical appearance (inb4 some woman pops and says that she's not like that. Of course there will be exceptions to the rule.)

[@renegade2325]

Welcome to the blackpill, looks are everything in life yet nobody wants to admit it.

[@lukapookawooka88]

@@renegade2325 sounds like you didn't watch the video

[@june29378]

You might enjoy Robert Hoge's Own Your Face talk. I was so impressed by him, I checked to see if he's married so I could send him a love letter tied to a pigeon's leg if he's single. He's married with two kids. Certainly it's harder considering appearance is the first thing we can see and I don't wanna invalidate your feelings on that. But there's no way that was ever the entirety of your worth.

[@ianmacpherson6093]

Be honest though, is appearance not a factor at all for you? Because if it is then it may be necessary to re-evaluate your standards.

[@seiko6800]

I'm a 30 year old german guy fighting depression, ADHD and many other issues since over 10 years and maybe more and was always alone with it. Even after seeking therapists, none of them were really able to get in to my thoughts and so I tried learning to somehow "therapy" myself, which is going kinda well, but is often connected to the anxiety of getting schizo and not always being able to think "objectively" without any subjective bias. Then I found you (through Asmongold :D) and things started to get clearer way faster, 'cause I would say I'm a pretty fast learner if someone explains something logically to me, which your metaphors support really well. Thank you very very much for your videos and I hope there may never be a negative influence, that succeeds to rob you your kindness. You're helping 100% more than you're aware of. Good Life, sir. :>

[@dontburstmybubble686]

Yo german buddy, have you considered getting more online friends? I have heard that a lot of people in Germany are lonely. Maybe start hanging out at more places!

[@Brownsharts]

You are a man in the arena. Keep fighting brother

[@trappart9209]

Good luck man, you are doing a good job. I have been working on myself for many years as well. It's hard and complex but we improve little by little. And help from people such Dr K is needed as well. I hope you will find a really good therapist

[@KnzoVortex]

In terms of really having success in "self-therapy", I'd highly recommend the KZbin channel Daniel Mackler. In brief, he is a former psychotherapist who left the profession out of dissatisfaction of the state of it, both from his experiences as a therapy client and through his observations of his peers. More fundamentally though. he is someone who has been deeply drawn to understanding the process of self healing and figuring out how to be authentic to your inner self. He has found that emotional processing is one of the most crucial things for people to heal, but also that much or all of it can be facilitated just on one's own if they can't find a good therapist with still a lot of progress, and he gives fantastic insight on how to do so, I've found at least.

[@dannyvalward1524]

Heyho, german woman, 30, suffering from depression and ADHD and I had the exact same experience with therapists 😅 Sie reden die ganze Zeit komplett an mir vorbei und wenn ich versuche meine Sicht zu erklären, wird alles was ich sage so rumgedreht, dass es wieder in das Schema der Persönlichkeitsstörung passt, das ihnen lieber ist als ADHS. Ich weiß nicht wo in Deutschland du lebst, aber an vielen Orten wird ADHS bei Erwachsenen komplett nicht ernst genommen. Aber es gibt Experten und mir helfen aktuell die Medikamente, um zumindest erst mal mein Leben wieder zu ordnen. Die Depressionen werden damit auch stetig besser, über die Zeit versuche ich Alternativen zu finden. Viel Glück weiterhin!

[@bradley8614]

Thank you for bringing nuance to this subject Dr. K. There's so much out there that gets simplified and a lot of people shouting on the internet make worse. I hope the guys who needed to hear this hear this.

[@the1stmetalhead]

they probably won't, people usually hangout in communities where they aren't made fun of or cussed at. HG community still has a lot of work in that department.

[@TheGreektrojan]

@@the1stmetalhead I've seen very little of that in the HG community (though it does happen). Its not perfect but this is the kind of comment that keeps people in the red/black pill funnel. If your barometer for acceptance and empathy is pure, unconditional agreement, even for the toxic anti-social stuff, then you aren't going to find it anywhere but it the constant stream of online, siloed content (which is why its so prolific). As Dr. K. mentioned, these communities are very good at making people who disagree with the dogma seem more aggressive and rejecting than they really are (aka cherry-picking the most extreme 'feminist' ideas and constantly feeding them to you to make them seem more ubiquitous than they actually are). Then this dogma scares off most regular people IRL and reinforces the blackpill toxic stuff. You get addicted to the validation and self-righteousness but sacrifice your mental health and general life satisfaction in the process.

[@hokage039]

he has a different issue his vids are rather long, and most the younger gens wont listen to something for 20 mins long.

[@ghfryw]

@@TheGreektrojan "I've seen very little of that in the HG community (though it does happen). Its not perfect but this is the kind of comment that keeps people in the red/black pill funnel." You then proceeded to invalidate the way someone feels. You assumed what the person was thinking, named it the "acceptance barometer"...then proceeded to explain how that's not true/correct thinking... but you're not... mocking him, you're just you make him feel... what was the word... sorry i'm not as smart as you. Sometimes I feel a little... inadequate, not that I'm... ashamed. But you managed to help me a lot! The irony you use to disprove your own point...clap, clap, clap

[@olivierbloemen8103]

I’ve followed and watched stuff from Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson and ended up buying one of Peterson’s books. Since engaging with them, first binging it and now sometimes returning to topics I wanted to learn about more I’ve made improvements. I am going to the gym, my outlook on life is much more positive and I’ve become a better brother and son for my family. I’m far from where I want to be but my main goal is achieved: I can see the way ‘up’ again. Things don’t seem as hopeless and I’ve found my value as a person in the little things. What is important to note is that I’ve been in therapy for 8 years between my 18th and 26th birthday, I am turning 30 in April. I was bullied for over 10 years in my school years and considered obese for a lot of my childhood. Though I am still overweight I do my gym exercises at least 25% heavier than I used to, staying at the gym for 1,25 to 1,5 hours as compared to 0,75 hours when I began. Though I have a long way to go, I am getting there. I don’t watch manosphere content as often anymore but sometimes I do return to the above mentioned for a pick-me-up or when I see a striking video title. I am getting better and I feel in control of my progress and I feel good. Thank you for your insight, dr. K. You’re doing great work. Though some of it is not my cup of tea (the buddhist approach) I always like your view on things.

[@thomastran1344]

Jordan Peterson saved my life completely. I am so thankful for the 12 rules of life.

[@Andjdjdja]

This video came at the right time for me. Used to be on the Muslim equivalent of dating app and quit because of the constant rejections. Lost a lot of weight (not due to the rejections, just for my mental health) and joined back to see the outcome. Got even more rejections. Kinda felt worthless over the last few days but this video has helped me a lot. Thanks Dr.K ❤. Was kinda lost I was searching for support online but a lot of the threads about male rejection are either full on incel vibes or people discrediting the guy’s feelings on their rejection. Thankfully this video has provided a better middle ground take.

[@mormegil84]

Good luck out there, man. You got this.

[@corneliahanimann2173]

Can I ask you, why you are dating in the first place?

[@Andjdjdja]

@@corneliahanimann2173 Not really dating. Mainly with the intent to get married. The idea is that you match with the person and then you talk with their parents. Then you are allowed to see them more.

[@Andjdjdja]

@@mormegil84 thank you soo much. Hope you are doing well.

[@mormegil84]

@Andjdjdja No problem. 👍 I'm hanging in there. Thanks.

[@barthalaszlo5692]

this is literally life changing, not a redpill guy or anything like that, but this video helped me finally realize things about myself that ive been thinking bout for a while

[@debanikgoswami4834]

One of my friend helped his girlfriend a lot to find a job. But she dumped him and started dating a guy she met work . Many progressives don't point out bad behaviour of women and then complaint why men going down redpill rabbit hole.

[@nekrovulpes]

Hard truth is men will always be looked at in some sense for their "value" in terms of what they can do or provide. It's not fair or just or healthy, but it is what it is. As a dude, you just have to value yourself, and remember that anyone who can't love and respect you for who you are and what you have to offer isn't worth your time to begin with. Don't accept the premise and try to appease those people and live up to their standards, because that's a game you will never win.

[@maxwolf4036]

Not saying you are wrong but this is true for every person. Capitalism forces this "value" on us. That manifests itself in toxic masculinity and everything else

[@happylittletrees8130]

Maybe being healthier is actually what actually creates more value in you. I think you are equating value with objectification when in this case I believe K means it in a way where someone is/has more good in themself. Like exercise to be healthier (and better looking), therefore more value. Be a hard worker and honest therefore more value. Stuff like that.

[@furiousdestroyah9999]

I was never able to come to terms with this aspect of life. So I'm being treated unfairly but I just have to endure it because "it is what it is" ? Doesn't make any sense

[@mafumofu986]

​@@furiousdestroyah9999what else are you going to do? Dismantle society?

[@furiousdestroyah9999]

@@mafumofu986 Maybe. Nothing wrong with wishing for a better and more just society

[@devankurmitra4118]

It sucks when your own family does it, and society enforces it through loneliness.

[@sunderark]

I was like "oh yeah welcome to being Indian" and then I saw your name and nodded knowingly.

[@devankurmitra4118]

@@sunderark 🤝😫😭

[@hurmzz]

Hope you guys will be able to break tradition

[@RebuildingSaad]

That really must suck, dude. I'm sorry you're going through that. I recommend you try and find spaces, groups, clubs (regardless of their gender or orientation) who have similar interests as you. You deserve to have positive interactions and relationships. Take care of yourself.

[@Moose92411]

Loneliness isn’t a society problem. It’s an individual problem. Society isn’t lonely… a person is.

[@FeralKimchi]

Hi Dr. K. I can't express enough how much I appreciate your content. As the father of a 15 year old son, I'm glad I can direct him to someone like you as an alternative to the redpill stuff. You've helped me a lot, too. Many thanks!

[@devankurmitra4118]

Teach him confidence (rizz) tykwondoe, they are anti red pill

[@devankurmitra4118]

I wish my dad was this aware of things, he is 55 still doesn't believe in working on his EQ.😢

[@ThatGmoney]

Also, get him started on Jay Shetty, Lewis Howes, Stephen Speaks! Pick and choose and do my take everything literal!

[@boobio1]

The red pill community is the problem but feminism is just great?

[@FeralKimchi]

​@@boobio1literally never said that lol

[@tandrobinson]

Dr. K, This is an amazing approach. You’re speaking directly to people who have been unknowingly sucked into the Manoverse and using the vocab theyre familiar with. Male loneliness is pervasive and these content loops prey on all of the hurt for their own gain. Stay strong bros, you are all high value! 👑👑👑

[@devankurmitra4118]

In my experience, "chain asking out" aka exposure therapy in hyperdrive, makes you less empathetic. Like I don't care about your feelings, I care about whether it's going my way or not

[@KxNOxUTA]

It's very flawed from the get go. It's not sth. that cares about a person, it cares for a goal. That said, there's surely some middle ground there. As Dr.K said, goint dating can be an opportunity to actually get to know ppl and ask them for help in finding ppl who might be a better fit.

[@devankurmitra4118]

@@JoeMama-gi1so wdym?

[@earlgrey2130]

Everything in life must be balanced

[@Parrvs]

This was very much needed and should be watched and considered by a lot of todays population. I hope as a society we can overcome these types of issues

[@hamstrungharry259]

@@potatotiel it isn't really though

[@oleksiifedosov579]

It’s not going to change by itself, in this game woman is a culture, men is a change. Every society cultivated fears and dependencies to certain extents, there is no place on earth where people praise freedom. Since women feel comfortable in social environment and you were born as a trust game player, you have no choice to get as more freedom as you can so rejection game will not hurt you anymore. After all if you have desire and strength to change it than society has a chance. For now just enjoy the game :)

[@DardoUltimate]

I keep giving the same advice that got me out of unemployment. Once i got fed up with all those applications not beeing responded to or getting rejected, i got up, printed my resume, and started going personally to the spots that oppened up and that i could find the adress. Ended up with a job after a week and a half of that. Thing is, people are more eager to interview you for 5 minutes if you look em in the eye and ask em for it, than to spot your e-mail in the middle of 150 other applications. And hey, if ya dont get the job, you at least know right there and then, no more antecipation and uncertainty. 😅

[@MYTHFROMNATURE]

Thanks!

[@roshanyadav8869]

@@MYTHFROMNATURE what is your salary ????

[@GrouseMan14]

I think the problem with the high/low value man thing is giving any value to a person at all. I know who I am, and I am not a high or low value man, Im me. I know it can sound cheesy but identifying that everyone is different and nobody fits into these boxes is an amazing help to your mental health. Stay strong king :)

[@lilymulligan8180]

Couldn't agree more!!! The more you think about the concept of "value" as a person, the less it makes sense. When these influencers talk about becoming "high value," what they really mean is "become appealing to as many people as possible by maxing out every major metric that the opposite sex looks for." It's a strategy to avoid rejection, not to actually find love. In reality, what we should be prioritizing is compatibility, not mass appeal or treating dating like an achievement. It makes me think of how people (usually men) will grind really hard to make a ton of money, and then become shocked that every woman who wants to date them once they get rich is a gold digger, lol. Not only do you have to know yourself and your own values & priorities, but you gotta know what YOU want in a partner!

[@Chrisratata]

I more or less agree. There most definitely is a such thing as a certain type of man that's most likely to attract most women. However, you're right that all any given man should focus on is being the best version of themselves and being comfortable in their own skin - there's no other you and you can find someone out there that's compatible...as long as you put yourself out there and stop letting shame fester into resentment.

[@BPFACTS88]

lolzer

[@Thatonegirl989]

Its definitely an unproductive mindset. Should we all strive to want good things for ourselves? Yes of course but applying that value on a daily basis and harboring resentment for people that are "better" is only hurting you.

[@JusticeBajaj]

My problem is different i have all those things that they say a high value man has , but if I have to accept to monogamy than why would I be with a normal female ?

[@goodsamaritangaming1997]

I wouldn't know if I ever had ADHD. I've never really been checked. However, I relate to this so well. Struggling in school. Being told I'm not doing well because I'm not trying hard enough. Falling into depression. Striving for excellence to feel like I'm not a failure, and now, I have had two foot surgeries and working hard was made a hell of a lot harder, only making me feel more like a failure. People say I'm too young to be in this situation because I'm only 30, but I can say for a fact that it's not the age that's the problem, it's the mileage, but people don't accept that. The harder you push your limits, the more likely you are to damage a part of your body. Doesn't help if you already have a pre-existing condition.

[@sillysinner3520]

There's a test on the internet called DIVA that you can fill and find out if you can relate to the questions. I had to fill it out to get my adhd diagnosis. You can take it to the mental health profesional as a way to show what you feel like easier.

[@lilowhitney8614]

I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I wanted to say that your worth as a human being doesn't depend on how productive you are or how much you can accomplish. And those saying 30 is too young for that absolutely have no clue what they're talking about. You don't need to be a certain age in order to have physical (or any kind of) limitations, and you're not a failure for having them.

[@andrewg9107]

​@@lilowhitney8614 I second this, your worth doesn't change at all just because you "fall behind" or don't meet the whack standards that our society has brainwashed into thinking we need in order to be successful. To me personally, a "successful" life is one where you are happy and suffering is at a minimum or possibly non-existent. But you can give yourself whatever meaning you want for success, that's the best part about it. Cheers mates

[@xkenny1995]

I was diagnosed with ADHD&depression only in 28, all years before that i thought i was the problem and i must try harder and fix my behavior... Kinda succeeded in a carreer, working 10-12hr instead 8, for 10 years, no surprise that i abandoned big part of social&romantic life to prioritize study&work...

[@furiousdestroyah9999]

​​@@sillysinner3520Just opened this DIVA test, did the first 2 questions and can strongly agree with all of them Uh oh... Edit: Yep, it keeps getting worse and worse the more questions I complete...

[@ivanwong7456]

Thanks

[@epitome.j]

Needed this today, thank you Dr. K. You remind me a lot of my therapist accept you don’t charge me for these “sessions.” Really appreciate you. As a dude in his 20s recovering from a long lived nihilistic and narcissist lifestyle, you’ve given me a lot of food for thought and tools to improve my people skills.

[@steggopotamus]

Ok, I'm only saying this because it took me too long to understand what you meant. "Accept" Should be "except" in this case. Hope this helps others with similar brains to mine.

[@vivvpprof]

Remember though that watching Dr K's videos is not a therapy substitute.

[@Dolritto]

​@@vivvpprofWhy?

[@gnatdagnat]

its just legal distinction for liability lol@@Dolritto

[@F22C1]

​@@DolrittoI think people have to say that so if something goes wrong, they can't blame/sue the person who simply tried advising someone.

[@Yayyyyyyyyyy]

Society is terrible, its like being forced to play a cheesy meta on an online multiplayer game, it can be boring, immoral and uptight.

[@3nertia]

Welcome to capitalism!

[@233kosta]

So don't play

[@233kosta]

​@@3nertia*socialism. Since the early 20th century. The west still likes to pretend, and blame all of its ills on "capitalism", but there hasn't been a free market in the west for a long long time. TIK calls it a very thin veneer of capitalism wrapped over a coffin of socialism.

[@3nertia]

@@233kosta As if we get a choice ...

[@233kosta]

@@3nertia There's always a choice. And that choice always has an associated price.

[@grantsimpson4265]

7 months off dating apps and honestly life has never been better. From my experience approaching people in person is so much more fulfilling and gives you and immediate answer if they are interested or not. Plus it helps build your confidence

[@moneyglitch]

Honestly this might be the most incredible explanation of Red pill stuff I’ve ever seen. And I’m so glad that you put out these videos that acknowledge some male specific experiences with an actual scientific background and objectivity that doesn’t dismiss these experiences. You’re doing such a great service for people, I wish I had seen these videos 10 years ago lol

[@trentvlak]

It's not a good explanation of trp as a whole. It's accurate for a minority of toxic rp content producers.

[@Nathaniel_Bush_Ph.D.]

This is one of the most coherent explanations of how and why the "Red Pill" sphere has grown.

[@stupidrules1000]

I don't think that it is. Mostly because he seems to not acurately deacribe the redpill community at all. So I question his understanding of it, and therefore any conclusions about its appeal.

[@TitaniusAnglesmith]

@@stupidrules1000 What did he say that's incorrect?

[@kingflynxi9420]

I don't think feminism is the problem, feminism exposed ways in which the previous system of patriarchy held down a lot of men too. I think a lot of men will cling on to patriarchal beliefs because they think that's where their power will come from. Being sex positive and letting go of your insecurities around how women approach sex/dating is a lot more healthy than trying to control women imo, they're just like us, trying to get by and having some fun.

[@Ergoperidot]

@@kingflynxi9420Based

[@williamspears1627]

The problem is that the west holds men and women to different standards. It's important to hold men and women to the same overall standards, and anything that discourages this (certain types of feminism) are no good.

[@robinmc142]

4:15 - 4:25 ye that's not logical at all, otherwise collective punishment wouldn't be punishment.

[@joshahyu]

Thanks Dr.K. I really needed to hear this today. Today I woke up and rearranged my bedroom. Started scrubbing my walls. And went for a run after work. I’m really tired of this greasy lifestyle i’m living and I really want to change. I’m 33 and I really want to meet a nice girl and start a family. I’m sick of feeling shameful. Thanks again. I’ll be watching this a few times.

[@TuffLuv1984]

Pro tip: if you got stubborn stains and soapscum or mold in the tub/shower… use toilet bowel cleaning fluid as a presoak by squirting it on the stain. Let sit then rinse. It does magic.

[@joshahyu]

@@TuffLuv1984 thanks, I mean it’s not that bad, but light cleaning every two weeks is what I would like to keep up to. instead of having to deep clean because I leave it for a month or two. It’s not terrible or as bad as I use to be. where I wouldn’t clean at all in my twenties but it could be better lol.

[@卛]

@@joshahyu invest in some skincare (it's not just for women, as society would make you believe), drink more water, and optionally hit the gym if you can. it's fun to invest in yourself. you will notice people around you will find you pleasant. but never do it for others. do it for yourself. "It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable." - socrates

[@joshahyu]

@@卛 thanks, I will try that.

[@reformed_attempt_1]

@@卛nah, gym is 100% mandatory, skincare is optinal

[@arthurpenfield8229]

This hit hard 😢. I'm struggling hard with value because I was programmed to put myself last and to put others first.

[@socku5850]

I feel the same way. Growing up with a speaking impediment and disabled. Dr.k is right with the confidence things. If you grow up with negative environments and having no friends make you kind depressed. Toxic people kind blame me for own problems. I don't know this until later in life. You don't want people walk all over you. Being confident is that you stand up for yourself or have boundaries for toxic people in your life.

[@cataliniancu5318]

Men are always thought that. And guess what, women are though the opposite, "put yourself first".

[@hyberkonawa272]

That's not lack of Value, That's lack of honesty my friend. You don't have to be High Value or Low Value Just "Value yourself" normally as any human being and... don;t let others walk over you in case you feel someone is taking advantage of you. Like... Pleasing people OR getting along with everyone is NOT good for your mental health and if some people Hates you by the way you think " That's they're problem!".... Not You! You are Very valuable, NOT the High Value man Definition but.... a very valuable Human being who can still push foward. Its okay if you still in you 30's or 40's living with your parents and its okay you still don't have car. Appreciate what you have and use all of these resources as an advantage to upgrade yourself little by little. You don't need to compete against anyone in the race, Just with yourself. What is important is to finish the Race, that's what truly matters! Do it for yourself, Not for society cuz this your journey not theirs. And you aren't poor, you just confused but Still need to push foward and having that Trust in you OR in God, cuz if you do this, you'll become very wealthy and resourceful. And If you have haters, that's even a good thing! Let them Fear you and hate you! cuz that's what life is all about.

[@arthurpenfield8229]

@@hyberkonawa272, growing up poor and isolated, didn't help my situation any better.

[@eldrevo]

Not to invalidate, but I think altruism is metal as f. Not everyone sees it for the virtue it really is, but it does require some character. Maybe just don't mix it with shame and even take a liiiiittle pride in it.

[@brycenwhitesides6866]

Thank you for shedding light on the subject. The biggest take away for me was to engage more in these third spaces, spending more time in real person experiences over online experiences. Even though this is uncomfortable and seemingly difficult if you are alone, I want to learn to release my dopamine doing the more meaningful things over the easy yet meaningless things.

[@axstinbeats6655]

As someone who’s struggled with confidence their whole lives I feel like part of the issue is a combination of both physical and mental. For example I’m a 5’8” male who has MPB(balding) and is born with a rare heat defect. That makes me shorter than 50%, less hair on my head than 50%, and a rare 1/100 person to even be born this way. Height and hair make people more attractive and lifting weights(which I can’t do bc of my defect) also make people more attractive. I struggle a lot to not be bitter about my physical circumstances when the internet tells me that what’s attractive is taller men with better hair. As well as not being able to lift weight which leaves me skinny fat. Idk how to build confidence so I have to just pretend. I’ve noticed it works when attracting women but eventually my insecurities would always win out and I would lose it. Idk now I’m just rambling but I think that would be a good video. How do I have any confidence if I feel physically inferior to everyone

[@axstinbeats6655]

I’ve also noticed that even when I would go on dates my mind would convince me that eventually someone taller and more attractive would “take” the girl. Idk recently I’ve thought of a theory that your brain is only deeply attracted to people you have a chance with. It’s like a survival tactic your brain has where it knows your too ugly for some people and too attractive for others so it only lets you fall deeply in love with girls who you actually have a chance with. Idk how much weight that holds but yeah it’s be a cool video too lol idk maybe not

[@Mikinaak2023]

Danny Davito. Look him up.

[@westbasinger1293]

I am the complete opposite of you. I am 6ft have a full set of hair. I have been lifting weights since 16 I am 26 now. I have a girlfriend. I am in college and in the field working various jobs. With all this said I still have something to say that would make us more valuable to women and the world. What gives us confidence how great we are with our skills. I have gifts and skills but if I spent more time on the them which I am now. I would be miles ahead of the game we call life. I’m also talking about skills that can make you money and help you eventually build a family. :) happy travels just know we have one life and to be happy and optimistic. It’s better to be positive about things than negative no one wants negativity in their life. No matter the outcome keep a smile on your face much more attractive than a frown.

[@The92Waffles]

It’s hard to fake confidence when you have a stutter 🙁

[@idiramara1]

​@@The92Waffles yeah tell that to Mike Tyson

[@cundan0484]

Dr K did a big brain move choosing the name of this video and putting a thumbnail that is emotionally engaging so that the algorithm shows this video to red pill folks lol

[@thedramaticcharismatic5664]

Thank God for Dr. K, man. One of the only people on the internet that is going after helping men without being a turboslut or a cult leader.

[@AvocadoCEO]

I was going to make a very bad decision today but your video brought me back to reality

[@steggopotamus]

Oh man, dude, I'm glad he got to you in time. I hope you take more steps to keep trying.

[@hyperdayo]

Good judgement, bro

[@julbul]

Good job, wouldn't want you turning into guacamole 🥑

[@szczepan4737]

Never do anything that can not be reversed under an impulse.

[@_Sparky144]

Good job.

[@GoldeneyeDoubleO7]

That's why it's very important to just get off social media for a bit. It warps reality and fucks up your reasoning and logic sometimes.

[@plaidchuck]

Bingo. No matter your beliefs/values you shouldn't be running to xyz online safe space for validation or comfort.

[@theeternalgus9119]

You're absolutely right.

[@AlexandriaRose-hi6mt]

Started watching your content today and I'm so glad, also a little upset I hadn't found you sooner. But it's so wholesome and honestly helping my reflect on my own life. I have done almost a decade of therapy and have been thinking about starting again. You and your content have confirmed my desire to continue therapy simply because I think it can be positive for anyone even if you're not dealing with a specific issue. Thank you and please please don't quit making content.

[@beautepley8352]

I've never watched or listened to one red or blue pill video or podcast in my life but I'm proud to say, I've watched hundreds of Dr. K videos. The man is a life savior.

[@unknzwnn]

i love how you design these videos to be clickbait bs to draw us in like the rest but then basically say the opposite of what they’re telling us to do, if anything it actually put me off at first cus i was starting to realize ts on my own but now i see how different they are love your content! applying it can obviously be harder but nothing worth it in life is easy

[@Megalesios]

I've seen several videos recently about exactly this. It is extremely worrying how much hostility men are met with when they express their struggles and ask for help. Often by the same people who tell men they need to express their emotions more.

[@SonOfCota]

the shame to confidence pipeline is totally legit like that tweet from Tate calling men poor, unimportant and “not feared”, saying that if he was forced to live their lives it would be the worst depression imaginable really shocked me as to how insultingly callous it was and even now after thinking about it I can’t see it as anything other than equal parts delusion and manipulation

[@mocrispy8160]

Tate really just provides cartoonish commentary on what the two sexes find attractive. If you take him too seriously he will seem toxic. But the red pill movement in general is somewhat validated by the psychology of attraction

[@tnn-cj3vy]

i think no individual or group of individuals (communities, groups, etc) is/are perfect. it's about absorbing what is useful and discarding what is useless. i've noticed a lot of people are either completely disregarding tate as a cancer of society or praise him as a worldwide hero. the fact of the matter is, he gets thousands upon thousands of people going to the gym. if you know the tiniest bit about physical health and how it impacts mental health, you'll know that even if it comes with unrealistic expectations, shame, and "a side of misogyny", going to the gym will always be a net positive. and this isn't just about tate or the red pill community. it's about everyone and everything. rarely will there be 0 worth in somebody's words. there's no point in demonizing or idolizing a whole subculture of the internet; just pick out what's useful, and keep trying your hardest to achieve your goals.

[@DTreatz]

@@mocrispy8160aka _biology_ So we're back to basics, _yet again_ 💊

[@WASDLeftClick]

Tate belongs in prison for his entire life.

[@joeya289]

Many men benefit from openly calous interactions as they've been raised in passively calous positivity. Helps recalibrate many of them. Real feedback is both rare and valuable.

[@servicetosociety20]

Your value exists on a continuum, not a binary. Red pill, Blue pill, Alpha, Beta. Stop identifying with those traits and start identifying with values you control. I am hardworking, I am successful, I am charitable. Base your value on things that can be measured and exist on a scale, and notice how your confidence changes. Great thoughtful discussion Dr k! ❤

[@sp123]

@@wkt2506 if humans were valued the same, we'd all make the same amount of money and have the same standard of living.

[@rey6708]

@@sp123 bullshit. how much you make depends on the value you provide not the value you have as a being.

[@chakritlikitkhajorn8730]

@@sp123value and income and net worth are not directly correlated. I can be the most uncool person who figure out loophole in financial system and get rich. I can be a dipshit person born in a rich family. I can also run a crypto scam and got away with it. Am I piece of shit or admirable that case?

[@arcguardian]

I don't think success is a value one controls. Hardworking/charitable, sure, but "success" is geared ultimately toward perspective. U can measure hard work and charity, but perspective is subjective.

[@dropyourself]

​@@rey6708I enjoy how much value billionaires are generating. Owning capital requires you to just own and your wealth grows and in my opinion you're a leach stealing value.

[@Amorphous_Sand]

Clever title for the video. I didn't want to open it even though I know the source of the vid is trustworthy, but the title just pissed me off to the point I HAD to open it. I don't even think I'm a "low value" guy, my confidence has been GREAT compared to what has been in my life. I'm 5'5" and getting women I find attractive to just act different around me while I'm used to being ignored. But still, there's probably something deeply engrained in me to be anxious about not being good enough. Okay now to tell the algorithm to fuck off for the next month because I opened this vid. Thanks doc. ❤

[@jaredbitz]

Totally agree with the sentiment to get off of dating apps. It's actually pretty gross the way that they purposefully encourage people to evaluate each other so shallowly. It would be the easiest thing in the world for Tinder to make you look at somebody's profile for 30 seconds before being able to swipe left or right, and that alone would probably lead to a lot better matches. The fact that they don't is, to me, proof that they have only ever cared about gaining more users and showing them more ads.

[@TheAdminstrator9905]

This man is dropping nothing but game bro. I appreciate you Dr.K

[@InnerLightGuns]

💣🔥 all bombs and fire🔥💣

[@Flesh_Wizard]

​@@InnerLightGunsstraight fax 📠✅ no printer 🖨️❌

[@otomatic3668]

It's weird to hear "low value man" presented as a 'manosphere' term - I've always heard that more from women in the context of dating and men not living up to their standards - with varying degrees of realistic expectations. Interesting video none the less

[@Brakka86]

It keeps me safe from mother-in-laws, being married, being nagged and a life of misery being locked in a commitment to someone who demands my attention, time and resources.. while all I want in life is to be free, to live and die in peace. 0 interest in being "high value". I also have no motivation or interest to contribute to modern day society. Just let the vile thing rot.

[@someone-ji2zb]

You can do whatever the crap you want, but the bottom line is that you are an anomaly, and it is perfectly normal to want to raise a family. Otherwise you likely wouldn't have been born if far more people had that mindset back when your parents conceived you. You may not want a woman, but for those that do; the only real issue is to not continually engage with women who don't share your values/beliefs (which you can find out on the first date if you don't mind not getting sex) and never bend over backwards for a woman. If you meet someone someday that is willing to submit in marriage, then great... if not, then that is fine as well. However... in laws and marriage are not inherently bad, nor are you guaranteed to be nagged by a woman you chose to marry if you actually engage in sexual self discipline and not marry out of desperation.

[@Brakka86]

​@@someone-ji2zb Maybe I am an anomaly, but it is how I escaped misery and depression. I had nothing to look forward to other than pressure from family and society to perform, to do my duty, comply with expectations: go to school, get good grades, being str8 A student never good enough, then go to uni, get a job get married. When I finally started to work I began to see the reality of the situation and how society really functions on a macro level. I went through relationships with women who were equally lost as I was, saw the future in other people's relationships and it all just made me insanely depressed. I never found any motivation, any meaning and was just pushing forwards simply out of fear and pressure. Naturally depression followed and I languished like that in misery for a decade at work. existing like an anxious zombie.. It was truly hell. The world seemed like hell, being trapped on a rock where suffering is an all pervasive evil and escape from it is only a fleeting moment of good. It was only in giving into the side of me that craved freedom from all this nonsense that I finally found meaning in life, motivation, no its more than that.. it feels like the embers of my soul and mind have finally produced fire and if I want it.. it can be a raging inferno. All I had to do was to point the middle finger to all the conditioning and embrace what kind of person I was. My prime directive in life is freedom and knowledge. There is no way I will allow this hell to ever control me again.

[@requiemz22]

It is funny and ironic that Dr K ends this with (No flame, he's been an enormous help to me and many others, I just think it's funny) "Now what do you do? Well find out in my course on how to regain confidence"

[@nekokna]

Yes hahahah

[@iluxa-4000]

I am 25, single and I spend hours every day playing videogames and watching porn. Yet I live by myself, graduated with honors, have a stable job (and I'm one of a kind specialist at my facility), am very supportive and kind, spend a lot of time with friends and family and so on. What I want to say is - don't be handicaped by your drawbacks. We all have them, and if you focus on them too much - they will destroy your mental health. Focus on what you're good at and be proud of what you've accomplished, yet always strive for more. Could I (or anyone else) be a better person or "have more value"? Of course. Should it be bothering you? No, not at all

[@DoubleUProds]

What's wrong with videogames? There aren't a lot of low budget hobbys you can just pick up and put down after a long work day.

[@iluxa-4000]

@@DoubleUProds videogames are isolating, that is the main issue. You sit in your room, alone, in front of your screen for hours. They are not bad by themselves, but they can lead down a slippery slope

[@Kalightortaio]

​​@@iluxa-4000not every videogame is single player, especially these days. And videogames do not exist in pure isolation, as each game usually tends to build communities around them.

[@voicey5831]

​@@KalightortaioTalking to a teammate on a voice chat or pming someone and actually talking to someone face to face are two totally different things.

[@Foreignmonk34]

Still, you can do both of them in your life. I think the amount of gaming is more important than being totally absolutist about it. Of course games are easily addicting, so for some/many people avoiding them might be the right choice. But it's not the same as shooting iv drugs etc which will F you very quickly.

[@damson9470]

When someone invalidates my experiences and feelings i just get angry. In most cases i dont even feel the shame anymore

[@damson9470]

Altho i do feel shame after a bit cus of the anger though

[@jesseshaver2262]

My confidence is so low now that I’m scheduled to get double jaw surgery in spring. Good looking guys have it so much better. And yes, I dressed well and had a top tier physique

[@renegade2325]

Yeah it’s like people can’t accept the fact that how you look dictates how you’re treated by others in life, especially when it pertains to romantic relationships.

[@nadjiao1832]

As a woman I experience the same thing. I’m treated differently depending on how much effort I put into how I look. We shouldn’t want to attract people who are only physically drawn to us though. It only leads to shallow relationships.

[@ZenAndPsychedelicHealingCenter]

@HealthyGamerGG, Dr. K, Thank you for the timestamps. A large segment of your audience have ADHD and timestamps helps those of us with this condition, as well as others.

[@nateshih]

Wow this was amazing. Wish this video was out 7 years ago. I eventually learned everything in here before watching this video, but I was still ashamed of that phase. Feeling very validated.

[@beansmccullough7660]

ShoeOnHead also did a good job illustrating how red pill content is just about the only place guys will find any validation online. So many fall down that rabbit hole because they feel it’s the only place anyone will listen to them and not immediately shut them down

[@Boarderguy96]

Its almost like calling all content that fairly discusses mens issues from mens perspectives "red pill content" is intentionally derogatory to prevent men from sharing their real experiences with one another, learning from them, and finding solutions to their problems.

[@michaelangst6078]

I met the girl I am dating now off TikTok and my looks in my 30's have fallen off a cliff. I know I can make any random person laugh at any time so I have a chance with any single woman as far as i'm concerned... More men need to work on developing an attractive personality and stop blaming everything on their looks

[@debanikgoswami4834]

@@michaelangst6078 I think you are confusing redpill with blackpill .

[@Jorbz150]

@@michaelangst6078 Looks have a stronger correlation with getting first dates than any factor of personality. I could point you to research showing this if you want. I'd be interested if you could find a single study suggesting otherwise.

[@LittleMew133]

That's actually sad and alarming. Men have feelings too.

[@jamesdumas6602]

I'm 70 grandfather of 8 beautiful grand-teenagers and young adults. The online dating, hookup, and ghosting scene nowadays is so sad and pathetic. It used to be nice to go out on a first date, maybe dancing, dinner, maybe a goodnight kiss. I don't understand why any young person bothers with the online dating crap. It looks really stupid and demeaning to me.

[@mammi7699]

True sir

[@Mikinaak2023]

What kills me is that online dating was such garbage from its beginnings, why most us stopped. Back to basics so to speak. Not surprised that apps are garbage.

[@DTreatz]

understand that it was silent generation, baby boomers that ruined it. The weak men who gave into feminism are to blame for this. 💊

[@JupiterSlim]

@@DTreatzcry harder

[@thekingofpotatoes1932]

Unfortunately if you ask anyone below the age of 30 on how to meet people, they're immediately gonna say to try the apps. It's literally all we know now that third places have been mostly killed

[@odaiabbas8901]

Undiagnosed ADHD made me condition myself as a (differently valued) human. So through my life I surrounded myself with all the things that stimulated my brain and totally rejected the typical interests and qualities that require discipline and focus. After taking the medication and realising the gap, it made me understand my unorthodoxy value and aspire to obtain classic necessary values.

[@straygoat4366]

Hey man, same journey here. Well put. Growing up, I fell hard into the complex and esoteric while purposefully pushing people away with this kind of mask of weirdness growing up. I just concluded that I was too different to fit in. Even formed a shell of arrogance around it. "Simpletons and their traditional and worldly ways..." At 33, I landed this diagnosis when being tested for autism. The slow shift in understanding after treatment was quite flooring. It is as you say.

[@Smytjf11]

Can I hang out with you guys? They diagnosed me as ADHD and tried to put me on medication. But I think I really might be autistic. I'm incredibly high functioning, but my mind broke and I can't seem to find the social mask I usually wear.

[@odaiabbas8901]

@@Smytjf11 I think being high functioning is normal as long as what you're doing is stimulating your brain properly. The problem relies in boring functions. And sure we can hang out lol.

[@alant779]

Grew up with a sneaky manipulative mother who can make you feel bad without you realizing. She's no longer my mother, but I respect her devotion towards understanding the behaviour and tendencies of others. I devoted my efforts to understand how she does what she does better than she knows herself. And through that, I learned so much about myself psychologically and physiologically that I now make a living helping people relieve their pain. It was the same with TRP. I went in knowing their intent is shit, but they also had what I need. The 48 laws of power remains one my core books in maintaining healthy relationships. Knowledge it's a tool. There's no good or bad, just useful or not. The problem as I now see it is, if you don't define a clear set of values for yourself, you'll doubt yourself when you have another set of values thrown in your face. That's the defining characteristic of a low value man.

[@MangoOverthere]

I hope this video reaches and resonates with people. If you're self-aware enough to feel that you need change, just do it. It's okay to seek guidance but it's not always going to come from the right person.

[@ColeTrainStudio]

As an introvert and someone who has had modest success in dating, has been told by different women that they notice other women checking me out regularly despite having thought I look like a troll, AND NEVER GOT A SINGLE MATCH ON ANY DATING APP, DON'T USE DATING APPS. Joining hobby groups will be way more effective; it ensures you have something in common with potential partners and puts you in an environment that you're already comfortable in, which does wonders for your confidence. NO, PLAYING VIDEO GAMES WITH PEOPLE IN A DISCORD CALL DOES NOT COUNT. If your hobbies are naturally solo, try branching out into adjacent hobbies. For instance, if you're a gamer, try doing trivia at the local pub or finding a board game night or an in-person tabletop rpg group. Additionally, if there's a skill you always wanted to develop, this is another great opportunity to go meet other like-minded people. If your social anxiety is so bad that you can't do that, then being in a relationship is not where your focus should be. Getting a partner while in a state like that will not ease your social anxiety or fix any of your problems. In my experience, it will make it worse and cause more problems.

[@KxNOxUTA]

From a femal perspectibve this is splendid advice!

[@tatamigalaxy-i5r]

"For instance, if you're a gamer, try doing trivia at the local pub" I bet you are a nice guy and everything, but in what world would this ever lead to anything positive? Just showing up alone at this kind of event just seems like the most awkward way you could spend your time. "finding a board game night or an in-person tabletop rpg group" This doesn't work if you don't already know someone there. Idk, I don't feel like this is a good solution at all for social anxiety. I think that the only sound method of making friends is interacting with people in situations where you are forced to interact and then slowly getting to know them and making moves that lead into a friendship.

[@lilymulligan8180]

​@@tatamigalaxy-i5r It's all about the energy you put out, man. If you curl up in the corner and don't talk to anyone because you're too uncomfortable, then yeah, no one will talk to you. But if you're confident, have open body posture, and find the courage to strike up conversations, then I bet things won't go as terribly as you'd think. Embrace the awkwardness. It will not kill you, I promise. That being said, I will agree that this won't be the place to start if you really struggle with social anxiety and confidence. If "forced situations" help you to open up, then start taking classes in something. Fitness, cooking, pottery, underwater basket weaving.... It's a structured environment where you're surrounded by other people who have similar interests. Worst case scenario, you develop a new skill and make no new friends. Best case scenario, you develop a new skill AND make new friends. There are no downsides - except the social anxiety that will flare up and try to talk you out of doing the thing you know logically is good for you. Luckily, you can do difficult, scary things! :)

[@tatamigalaxy-i5r]

@@lilymulligan8180 Thanks! Yeah I thought about doing that. My mind just tells me now that all people who go to these kinds of classes are probably much older than me haha

[@ColeTrainStudio]

@@tatamigalaxy-i5r 1. It led to something positive for me. being affable and genuinely in interested in people, asking questions about them, goes a long way toward starting a friendship. at the very least, you may learn something you didn't know before or gain a new perspective. As an aside, I find that asking questions I'd like to be asked leads to genuine and interesting conversations. One of my favorite icebreakers is "if you suddenly became exceptionally good at arts & crafts, what is the first thing you would make?" It's a question that can't be answered with a yes or no and is deeply personal in a non-invasive way. It's also an easy question to ask for elaboration on as the person answers it. 2a. I've lived in or near small cities (20,000 - 80,000 people; my hometown had a population under 500) all my life. Even then, I've always found that my local game shop(s) have a night (almost) every week specifically for anyone to come play games (board games, D&D, etc.) without prior invitation. Obviously, you'll be playing with strangers, but if show up continuously, you'll likely start to encounter the regulars and may make friends with some of them. 2b. My comment was never about how to solve social anxiety, but how to meet like-minded people and potential romantic partners. I've never struggled with social anxiety and won't pretend that my input in "solving it" is valuable; that said, I'm not particularly great with strangers either. 3. You've basically just restated my thesis here. I'm advocating that people put themselves into situations where they'll be doing something they otherwise like, but are forced to interact with other people, such as going to a game store's game night.

[@susanbeever5708]

Thank you. This analysis of induced shame applies to all communication between either sex in all social dynamics and value judgments.

[@debanikgoswami4834]

Feminists always try to protect women from criticism as if they are all victim and innocent. You can't criticise bad behaviour of women without being called a misogynist.

[@nishonthebeat]

I love you Dr. K. Thank you for everything you do, forreal. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@virtualalias]

You came back from touching grass to save the terminally online, Dr. K. You are a true bodhisattva.

[@BrandonRKH]

This is an amazingly objective, psychological take on the red pill stuff. It acknowledges its value, the people it helps and their issues, AND the ways in which it is designed to play off of shame and actually can be harmful. Thank you Dr. K for your breakdown and your empathy towards those that need it.

[@treeforged9097]

Yeah but its incomplete. The red pill also has the truth when it comes to some feminist issues that are total fabrications like the wage gap myth. There needs to be a corresponding video about the same pipe line that leads people into feminism and all of its nonsensical world views.

[@avertingapathy3052]

Fair. But also in modern treatment a biopsychosocial model is used and while he take the, I'm an md versed in mechanisms approach, he is still nested in the same systems as most of us so his decision to leave out the benefit of validating and chastising the social structures like say far left that may be more harmful to vulnerable men's psyches just shows he is basically okay with it or his marketing positions him to be "objective" science guy when we all know that if his religion was Christianity the culture he functions in would be much more oppressive to his objective doctor narrative. Sorry for the ramble just saying there is value in being honest and not gaslighting vulnerable men even if it is by omission. "Don't worry about politics, you're just an individual." I just don't buy it. You can do one without ignoring the other. And righteous anger is okay as long as you are also working on yourself.

[@I.Z.Phooto]

This validation feels so good in my soul. I went to a college to talk to women today. Talked to like 5 for a few minutes and all the interactions were alright, but there was zero attraction. I think back and think how much different it would have gone if I felt no shame

[@Manullus]

This was a fantastic take on the situation! I've tried to figure out the factors contributing to the situation, and I think you absolutely nailed putting the pieces of the puzzle together! Thanks a lot, I learned something very valuable that I can spread to my clients!

[@soccom8341576]

Looking for validation is not weak or bad. We all need some validation. The question is how your relationships, organizations, communities, society and culture allows us to provide this to each other justly.

[@casey-zd5mj]

this video is exactly how I feel, I see it over and over, anytime a man talks about his problems he's met with pushback from a 1000 different directions. We don't get "hey I agree, but you can try and fix it with ____" , we instead get "you're not trying hard enough" " well it's your own fault" "well there's the problem right there women don't like complainers & negativity" me talking about my issue is not causing the issue. people that have never experienced your problems will often passive aggressively dismiss them.

[@collinjohnson2971]

Thank you DR. K this was the exact video I needed to see right now! This content is too easy to fall into the trap of and I don’t know that I would have out 2 and 2 together had you not brought it up. It’s tough being a man in the dating world these days and seems to get worse everyday. You hit the nail on the head about red pill content mostly only contributing to more shame and this is probably the first videos that’s ever really motivated me to get on top of my shit!

[@MuseSunflower]

These were great tips I’ve always thought confidence is not about perfection but more about having faith within yourself. You can feel fear, shyness or things like anxiousness but have that belief that you’re going to be okay no matter what. When people are hard on themselves for those things that’s usually when it lowers your self esteem and causes you to talk badly about yourself. That’s something I came across a lot when I was dating, men being self deprecating but somehow thinking that was going to make a woman still attracted to them which was odd

[@robbyalp]

Dr k! The fact that you can still blow my mind with a subject like this that's affected people so much for so long, with those exact cognitive pitfalls you mentioned is really incredible. Thanks for all you do

[@walterkruse348]

14:24 THANK YOU! FINALLY, SOMEBODY POINTS THIS OUT! Seriously, this is my BIGGEST problem with, not just manosphere/red pill/PUA stuff, but ALL self-help information. Even if it's something relatively benign, like a book about organizing your house or whatever, sometimes the author will have front-loaded their content with so much beating you over the head with all the things you've been doing wrong and how much you've been screwing yourself over to the point that by the time you get to any actionable advice you feel so shitty about yourself that you barely have any desire to continue. I think this is a HUGE barrier to people trying to work on themselves and improve their circumstances and I hardly ever hear people discuss it. One of the things Dr. K does well in his videos is that he presents an objective view of the problems people can have in life and with their mental health in a way that minimizes the amount of shame that a person might already feel about their circumstances. Then, he very efficiently gets to the goddamn point: what can I do to make this better?

[@tiramiseratops]

I think this is a very well done video but I do want to add: even if confidence makes you more attractive to others, it is NOT what makes you deserving of their love and do not forgot that. I would personally argue that if they didn't want anything to do with you before you were confident then they are probably not the person you want to be with.

[@iamsuperman10]

Unfortunately, for many that translates quite simply be alone. And for some that works, brilliantly even. But some it leaves literally no options because everyone didn’t want anything to do with them before they were confident.

[@wazup1337]

Thank you Dr. K. Really needed this especially now. Feels like everyday, no matter how much work I put in, I can never feel valuable. I feel like im in a constant loop of shame every time I wake.

[@debanikgoswami4834]

That's why I like old school PUA's . They also say Looks, Money, Status doesn't matter . All you need is Game . Dating is a number game .

[@gabrieletolomeo7497]

Thank you so much, I'd love to see more content on this argument 'cause I feel like a lot of men struggle and are confused with this stuff

[@debanikgoswami4834]

One of my friend helped her girlfriend a lot to find a job. But she dumped him and started dating her coworker . She was using him to get a job. Many leftist sjws tolerate bad behaviour of women due of fear of labelled as misogynist. I know plenty of such stories.

[@hussainshah5868]

Great breakdown. Regrettably, I got pulled into the red pill-type content and I like how you explained its downfalls and some of the good that comes with it. I feel like the only good it did me was to implement some healthier habits, but as I've grown I realize I disagree with so much of the ideology being pushed by those communities nowadays. It's sad because one of my favorite creators went down that pipeline and their content got markedly worse. Ever since I started disconnecting from all the discourse online I've been so much better and feel a lot better about myself. This is some real shit.

[@RebuildingSaad]

It's a very easy trap to fall into. I've been there myself. I'm glad to hear you've been able to see it for what it is--a set of overly simplistic, angry, insistent, and toxic talking points. Out of curiosity, which content creator were you referring to?

[@hussainshah5868]

Sneako@@RebuildingSaad

[@shauros92]

May I ask what kind of redpill content were you consuming? Mainly to avoid it 😂 At the moment reading the rational male and the second book by Rollo Tomasi is the only red pill I've been exposed to, and while it is ceirtanly painful to aknowledge some of its facts, I don't think I find any of it to be BS. It's mostly science and psicological facts paired with the experiences of tons of men to explain why women act like they do and how we've been blinded to acknowlegde it while growing up.

[@sendthemall44]

I’ve seen a lot of self help stuff but when it comes to statistics and no bullshit help and information I can actually use for a better understanding of situations that’s completely relatable to my own experiences, dr.k you are by far the best at providing that and I thank you.

[@tntori5079]

I'm a 32 female - but I lean towards the redpill (in this context) thing because in my 20s many of my friends (and I had more male friends than female ones) were suffering and all they got was "quite your whining" and I saw some of them (one close friend in particular) really fall into downward spirals they didn't come out of. So this is something I've heard\seen for years! This was a great resource though for understanding it better though =) I'm grateful to learn.

[@dropyourself]

That was/is because of patriarchy. Men failing to get a girlfriend means they are seen as less than and it's often ingrained attitudes as well as not having a healthy way to vent their emotions. Liberal/white feminism plays into that by upholding the parts of patriarchy they like (men not being emotional) and the red pill upholds the other parts (men needing to have a gf), neither have the solutions because they are accepting the false premise of the patriarchy.

[@tntori5079]

@@dropyourself That's. . .an interesting thought. For real. Thanks for the reply! (Not sarcasm or trolling) =)

[@zorro......]

yeah! To add on I'd like to say that intersectional feminism is a specific type of feminism that considers how patriarchy affects all people, which includes men. A well known figure in intersectional feminism, bell hooks, pointed out in her book The Will to Change that women (including herself) would say they wanted emotionally available men then shun them for their vulnerability, pain and sadness. And then she makes a call to action for women to meet men where they're at emotionally because shunning them for their emotions is also an impact of patriarchy, and we cannot be anti-sexist while upholding sexist beliefs ourselves. I love her book, it's a pretty easy and quick read that is very impactful and definitely softened me from a raging feminist in my teens to someone who sees the way patriarchy affects us all and having large amounts of empathy for men in my life.

[@spanzotab]

@@zorro...... I've seen a lot of women online who distrust men on principle and would consider meeting men where they are at emotionally a recipe for disaster. I can't say I blame them either, lots of men can be emotionally manipulative. You seem to know a bit about feminism so I'm wondering what you think about that kind of attitude, is it a sexist mindset or is it good advice to protect the more vulnerable half of our population?

[@lilymulligan8180]

​@@spanzotab I think it's all about knowing yourself as an individual and what you can & can't handle. I totally back women up when they have reservations about being around men in general because of past experiences and what they see online. Honestly, I'm one of them! I've made the conscious decision to be single and celibate for the foreseeable future because the emotional labor that goes into navigating a romantic relationship just doesn't make sense with my current goals and priorities in life. Making this decision for myself isn't inherently sexist or anti-man. Sure, it IS informed partially by shitty experiences I've had with men in the past, but it's also me acknowledging that I have limited time and energy, and I'd rather spend it elsewhere. I think where negative attitudes toward men in general turn toxic and unproductive is a.) when we overgeneralize and assign terrible qualities to the entire gender, and b.) when we are very vocal about how much we think men suck just because they're men. This can easily get out of control in online spaces. I find it helpful to remind myself of the MANY awesome men I've known throughout my life when I start to fall down that rabbit hole. Yes, many men are shitty. But many also aren't, and it's not fair to lump those men into the same category at Tate and his stans. We as women don't like it when men generalize and look down their noses at us, but then we do the same thing back to them. I get it, but someone has to be the bigger person and reverse the cycle. Insert some (cautious) respect back into the dynamic. For me it boils down to what we all learned in kindergarten: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. If you have the emotional bandwidth to support men when they're down, do it. If you don't, then just walk away. Don't kick people while they're down, or rant about how all men suck in public forums. Save that venting for your group chat with the girls, and/or your therapist.

[@earlgrey2130]

I don't wanna use dating apps. But i don't know how to meet potential partners otherwise. Everyone around me is in a relationship. Approaching women in the street/commute feels intrusive and i don't wanna be "that guy".. i wish i could meet and date without apps. But i feel like there is no alternative..

[@tds7078]

Start approaching people through hobby events, museums, bars, sporting events, friend groups, church or through work.

[@JPO-jx6nr]

Hi, this video is incredibly valuable and I think people who subscribe to the red pill's concepts should watch it. especially the tip to disengage in dating apps and stop consuming red pill content when you feel emotionally upset afterwards should be taken to heart. However, I do not agree with some of the statments discussed in this video. As Dr. K describes, an indicator if a man is of low value seems to be the lack of confidence created through shame. This lack of confidence is self induced as he further describes "the reason because you're a low value man is because you THINK you are" 15:52 and that it sabotages the efforts at relationships if you carry the shame and lack of confidence around. But, confidence is not created out of thin air if you want to maintain a state of authenticity and a realistic self-image. Confidence is created, enriched and integrated in ones character, if the social surrounding engages in affirming actions. If you tell yourself in the mirror that you're the next giga chad everyday while no one gives you any reason to believe that, you are essentially lying to yourself, create inaccurate self-awareness and potentially get narcissistic or arrogant. I don't think that confidence is of any use if created from a place of mindset. there needs to be some kind of reciprocity that reaffrims behaviour or a characteristic in order to create confidence. if we look at the far end of the spectrum, some men will face no human decency to the point of mistreat and active bullying. How should he get confident? someone who enters a social gathering with acquaintances not greeting him, not even making the awkward wrinkling with their mouth's corners and dont make eye contact over the course of an evening seems to get away quite well compared to the insults, disgusted faces and what not someone can receive. I see no point in combating this with "confidence". Thats where red pill comes into place which presents actual solutions even if this means to acknowledge that ones "value" seen by society seems to be potentially low. It is necessary to understand which variables in your life can be manipulated in order to start making experiences where people value you so you can establish evidence based confidence. Those variables are presented and discussed within the red pill community and quite frankly by Dr K himself. I understand that red pill is split up into multiple factions and that there are alot of people being actively misogynistic, but the essence of red pill does not state "women are to blame" as Dr K claims TRP would do towards the end of the video. Things like, get your life straight, go the gym, eat healthy, build a legacy, invest, learn, be kind etc. doesn't on any level concern women's fault with anything in any way. Instead it really says YOU have potential and these variables will improve your situation. So in contrast to what Dr K says, I think acknowledging that ones value might not be high is necessary to understand that there is potential for improvement. Red Pill is not a bad source of material to study as long as you are not blindly following some random ass youtuber that screams "women bad".

[@Moose92411]

I spent years invalidating my own suffering because I’m a white, cis, hetero, middle class, fit, able, male. To be sure, I’m not a member of any historically marginalized group, and I don’t experience any externally imposed prejudices from society. At the same time, I’m human. I have struggles. I have ADHD, and I’ve had issues with self-confidence and social interaction for years before I figured out that my issues are real and my feelings are valid. Now I’m in grad school to become a counselor in a high school or college, because I want to help students understand that their feelings and struggles are real and are valid.

[@wvvwwvwvv]

The woke agenda really got you. If someone thinks theres something wrong with being white theres something wrong with that person.

[@Thatonegirl989]

Im glad you've learned to validate your struggles, its important. And Im really glad you're helping people do the same. One of the most irritating things people can do is say "someone has it worse, so your feelings dont matter". Or "You shouldnt have problems because you're this." What good is that?

[@Moose92411]

@@Thatonegirl989 everyone ends up suffering, you're exactly right

[@benguensche]

Do you think that “externally imposed prejudices from society” might be the reason you spent years invalidating your own suffering?

[@Moose92411]

@@benguensche expand on that. I’m not quite sure what you mean, but I’d like to.

[@tonychick8335]

"alpha/beta only happens in captivity or prison" "well why is this stuff on the rise?" seems that society is currently like a prison?

[@saria8340]

also in schools and any other close environment with lots of people forced to meet each other every day for a long period of time.

[@assassinzgod]

I think it exists in terms of social heiracrchies

[@Josemen-wd5hf]

no, that´s the thing: such a herarchy doesn´t exist. But the manosphere, even if they center their points around practices that only improve confidence, tell you that´s it´s not just about that, it´s about scalating throught a simplistic herarchy that´s non existent

[@hypex6881]

As a man I found working out and doing some stuff in real life and of practical nature made me more confident. And this went a long way for being much more social by now. Also getting older might have helped.

[@myaowl55]

0:00: 📚 This video discusses the concept of low value males and offers a way to overcome this thinking. 3:24: 😔 Men's complaints and suffering are often invalidated due to their perceived advantages in a patriarchal society. 6:45: 🔴 The video discusses the correlation between self-perception and confidence in the context of the red pill manosphere. 10:15: 💡 The video discusses the cognitive biases and dating ratio on dating apps. 13:16: 💡 The belief that you have to be in the top one percent to be successful in dating is a cognitive bias that can lead to self-shame and lack of confidence. 16:34: 📺 The video discusses the importance of addressing shame and confidence issues and reducing consumption of red pill manosphere content. 19:41: 😬 Finding a partner online can be challenging due to a low success rate and potential for rejection, but there are alternative ways to meet people offline. Recap by Tammy AI

[@Javier_02906]

Nice summary, thanks for the recap Tammy AI !

[@GregXHunterz]

yup

[@offensivearch]

Dr. K you implied that the unbalanced distribution of men vs women on dating apps is why the average man gets rejected way more often. It turns out that while this does contribute to the imbalance, according to analyses of the data of a few major dating apps and sites, even if this were corrected for the average man would still get rejected way more often on them. There is only a moderate reduction in rejection skew for correcting for the gender imbalance.

[@dropyourself]

Yes because men don't have to get worried about getting unsolicited d pics. Women are much more likely to be sexually harassed as well as they have a higher likelihood of getting a match so they can be more picky, if you want to solve this problem then touch grass.

[@offensivearch]

PS I think that limiting matches per day on dating apps would improve some of the inequality problems. You should only be able to swipe until you get X number of matches. This forces people at the top of the pyramid to think more closely instead of swiping right on everyone, and frees up people on the bottom to be taken seriously as prospects instead of being judged harshly based on a few photos.

[@feixue1005]

17:23 my issue with this is that you touched on this point in the beginning. There's a lot about the world going to shit and a lot of external issues, but the biggest reason shame is attached to it is that your failure to thrive in this environment is YOUR fault. This motivation won't work for everyone, but that shame is what pushed me to end a toxic marriage and start getting into shape. A huge part of what I've seen from this content is about refocusing around an internalised locus of control, and at the end of the day that's what needs to happen to build yourself up.

[@UnusuallyLargeCrab]

Using dating apps was the absolute worst advice my therapist has ever given me.

[@BryGoose]

I am a man. I don't think I did anything wrong but my society hates me. I don't see why I should care what other people want me to do or be or act anymore

[@ZipMapp]

Oh yes, I can relate to that. As far as I'm concerned we can all die tomorrow.

[@ruugann]

Can’t argue with that, just focus on yourself and maybe be better for yourself not society.

[@imsirelle]

live for yourself, voice your own opinions and the people that agree will find you. I stress that its your own opinions not something being pushed on you. please have a nice day :)

[@frudda]

Sounds like your own feelings, i dont think anyone hates you. Your own voice makes you less productive, sounds like you act upon confirmation by others.

[@ajbronson516]

@frudda6087 …did you not watch the video?

[@Pabloandresariza]

Dr. K actually changed my life. Thanks dude!

[@WonderboxGamerGirl]

This was a fantastic video! You made so many good points. I do my best to validate all my male friends and I definitely see where they have a lack of confidence and it hurts my heart because I know they’re great guys, but as you mentioned about rejection, they’ve just been rejected so many times they’ve practically lost all hope. Hang in there, guys!! I believe in you!

[@guestguest9051]

I used to watch a lot of those manosphere videos on youtube and they usually do validate my experience and there are some interesting stuff that I agree with. However, the deeper I go, the more things feel like "We hate women" and then I stopped watching them. I don't hate women at all. I hate how society treats men and women unfairly but in different ways. I want to watch them for one side, not to hate the other side.

[@KxNOxUTA]

A very good approach and glad you caught onto whatwas going on, too what was helpful and left what was not.

[@future62]

The convenience trap of dating apps is a great point. I have been out of the dating game for years but the app thing never made sense to me as a dude. You have to set yourself up for success in anything and in dating that means meeting potential matches in situations that are as favorable to you as possible.

[@ltxdivinitus]

This is very informative, thank you Dr. K !!