Stop Telling Your Addicted Loved One They Need To Get Help!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Here are the other steps for Getting A Loved One Sober 👉🏻👉🏻kzbin.info/www/bejne/nKfTo6WddtB9eLc

[@bonnenaturel6688]

One gets tired of worrying about someone as if they are a child.

[@freeandhappybumblebee]

You should be MAINSTREAM!!! You are better than any therapist I have ever been to! ❤

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Awwww thanks! What a wonderful compliment 💖💖💖💖 You've made my day.

[@richardjones8673]

I've been watching all of the videos. Truly excellent advice. I've been telling my partner she needs therapy, can't do this alone etc. I thought I could persuade her, but she views it as an attack or insult.

[@briohneyeveleigh538]

I have tried this and then they think about but never do it or just say maybe later. Nothing changes

[@andyaspin8602]

My niece knows she has a problem, she says she needs help, but she went to state financed rehab, left after 5 weeks, went straight to the corner shop and bought her first of 5 a day bottles of wine. I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of her calling me drunk while I'm working or worse the middle of the night. I'm stepping away. I can't help her. I've had to come to terms with that.

[@stephaniepynes]

You know what I’m realizing is the amnt of time people waste on a drunk. I’ve wasted 17 years. If he wants rehab he reminds me daily he’s a “grown ass man” So if he wants..he can go get it. But he won’t.

[@anthonyrossmaund3161]

I've been messing up then! I am going to try to be better at this. Thanks Amber, this series is off the charts awesome!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're so kind and supportive. It's like having a cheerleader 📣 I'll bet you're a great friend to those you care about!

[@anthonyrossmaund3161]

@@PutTheShovelDown I try to be! I try to be as supportive to everyone I come into contact with. Especially here where I've gotten so much great information and have been able to put it to good use in my life! 7 years ago, I was mixing so many different drugs together because I thought I could never live or breath or be happy if I didn't, I did some awful things to myself and to the people who cared about me. Then I went to prison for 53 month. I decided in the beginning of my prison sentence that I wanted to do better and get better but still didn't know if I'd ever be able to stay clean. When I got out 6-19-20 I thought I'd either be dead or back to prison in a month. I started following your channel soon after and I started putting what I learned to good use but still found myself using synthetic marijuana and had an episode of use with heroin. I was devastated after 5 years of clean time went right out the window. It really wasn't bad though because when I used, I didn't like it. I learned that I was much happier sober than I ever could be high on heroin. So I feel like I grew out of that feeling of needing drugs to live. Anyway, those people who I was hurting, most of them are still here for me in some way or another and knew that I wasn't myself when I was using. I am still at awe at the people who were compassionate to me even though I had made these really bad choices. I just want to be like them because I know it made me feel important and better and it made me feel like doing better. I want to do my very best in being supportive and kind to everyone! Especially here where the courses and videos have taught me different ways of thinking about my addiction. It's important to me that I share these videos on my social media and spread the help around. I think if people seen how far I fell and how far I've climbed that they won't give up on themselves. I imagine a world 🌎 full of people that never leave each other behind and who build each other up to be the best they can be. I may not be able to change the world but I can be an example. Thanks for all of your support here! I have a channel on KZbin but have been stagnant. I mostly do criminal justice reforms. Im trying to help change policies in NYS law to make recovery more important than punishment. lobbying gives my life purpose and meaning.

[@josephsnearline2022]

I got all the way to the point where my wife was willing to try counseling. At her request, I found a program that was accepting new patients and took her insurance. The program would not let me make an appointment (because of HIPAA I guess). I gave her all the information they gave me but she didn’t make an appointment. Now’s she’s settled into an attitude of “I’m not broken and I don’t need any help fixing.” So the window has been closed for over six months now and I feel like we’re back at square one.

[@buffybrown7752]

YES YES YES! Your advice really works! Act quickly when the door opens❣️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Yes!!

[@brettcordes3602]

In general, people don’t like to be told what to do, whether it’s a command or disguised as a suggestion. Addicts/alcoholics are in the top 3% of people in terms of those who HATE to be told what to do.

[@neilthompson9270]

Amber, I just discovered your channel today. I live with my elderly Father, who started drinking 6 months after my Mother passed away. Dealing with him over these many years, has worn me down and impacted my life, like you wouldn’t believe! I went to an Al-Anon meeting last week for the first the first time but I’m unsure if that is for me? Finding your channel today, has given me hope for myself to begin to recover, so that I might better deal with and be there for him. Thank you, God Bless you 🙏😁

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Neal, Welcome to our little community. I think you'll find lots of good resources here!

[@neilthompson9270]

Hi Amber, you are quite correct in what you have said. Last week, when I attended the Al-anon, I came away deflated because something in me couldn’t quite identify with the “detachment” aspect of it all. Anyhow, I have discovered your channel and I’ve been watching many of them today and I now have a sense of hope, that I didn’t come away with last week at Al-anon. Not to knock it entirely, if you know what I mean? Wish I lived in your country, as I would definitely attend classes/counselling etc. I’m in Scotland, UK. Thank you, thank you once again, kindest regards, Neil 😁

[@gwillis01]

Hello Amber I hear you saying it is best to approach the person when they are in a remorseful, reflective mood with some casual, gentle suggestions.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You Get Me!!!! 💖💖💖💖

[@dsci2003]

​@PutTheShovelDown this is really hard. Sitting back watching my husband destroy himself. I feel like staying quite is enabling him. Being his wife adds alot of complexity b/c his throwing everything on my plate to take care of and if I mention needing his help he gets very angry & defensive at me. So hard not to be able to talk to him. I miss him so much 😢 His home physically but emotionally he has checked out 😢

[@carrierichmond7789]

I've never witnessed a moment of clarity with my AH. He got deathly ill, several seizures, put in the hospital, doctors told him it's his drinking and STILL no moment of clarity. I finally started speaking up, policing and punishing. I got depressed and it wasn't until I left him that he decided to go to rehab. He lasted to weeks and admitted it was only trying to appease mme. Imo, he feels better so now he's good to drink again. Go back to saying nothing and wait?

[@mylillilu]

I can't give a direct resolution, but I feel that he may want to quit, but he's just too addicted or was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Probably wait for that moment and then gradually introduce cutting it off, so that they don't go cold turkey. And one person I know took pills to prevent the addiction. It kept it at bay and he was able to get completely sober. Never went back to drinking again. He lost everything to drinking.

[@peterlyons8793]

Wow! How much more serious does it have to become before he stops drinking?

[@mrs.c9356]

Thank you SO much! I am so beyond grateful for your dedication to helping people like us.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Ceceilla, I'm so glad these videos are helping 😊

[@aprilboden7219]

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I don't use those statements but wait for change talk, and gently suggest a book or video.. He usually says he'll view it but doesn't and then quickly recoils, going back to blaming me.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hmmm, sounds like you're doing a LOT of things right! The only suggestion I can think of is... maybe instead of you suggestion somehing, ask him what has been helpful in the past? (or what he thinks would be helpful)

[@aprilboden7219]

@@PutTheShovelDown great idea. Thanks

[@PhoenixRising858]

Last night my son told me I was being so dramatic, lol. I told him, never try pulling that gaslighting card on me again, ever. I am not being dramatic. Your situation is dramatic and only you can do something about it. I’ve offered you help. Let me know if you want it.” He’s pulled the “dramatic” line with me for years. He’d estranged from me in early Jan and began talking to me again when his father went AWOL in August (a fairly well known person in his industry). After less than two months and sorting out his insurance when he asked for help with it, he said (3 weeks after I’d resolved problems that led to ins cancellation) his premium should be half the best I could find for him. I told him today, “Ok. I think it’s time you manage it now. Give ‘em a call. Let me know how it works out.”

[@GG-rk1bu]

Love the film clips Amber ❤️ your approach gives me a little light relief.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Yea! Thanks GG 😁😁 I think the movie clips are so fun 😊

[@MyBodyIsMyTemple]

Amber this is so hard, though I’ve tried and trying. It hard bcus waiting for the right time could come too late. They might lose their life. It’s scary and very sad.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I know it feels slow, but it truely is the fastest path!

[@trollsnotwelcome7805]

If you ask what could be helpful and they say they don't need any help and just leave them alone. Please if you can help with this id be so grateful.

[@idahoarchitect5895]

Your videos keep getting better! Love the movie clips!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Idaho! I'm trying to improve. Glad you like the clips. Any other suggestions for improvement?

[@skillian3826]

Hi Amber! Thank you so much for the advice.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you so much for your kind words of support 😍

[@giovannimolinari3289]

Youre series has really helped. Thank you

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're so welcome! So glad it was helpful 😁😁

[@sharonscott1776]

In Australia they want the addict to call them so how can I have them ready for when Steve is ready to go to rehab?

[@shantaroberts479]

This is a great channel! Thank you so much for the videos! 😍

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Our pleasure!

[@MyBodyIsMyTemple]

You’re amazing and knowledgeable!!!!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I appreciate that!

[@maryirick3579]

Thanks❤

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Welcome!

[@rhondacheramie9173]

Sometimes you can’t wait .

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're right Rhonda. Sometimes something has to be done now!

[@rhondacheramie9173]

@@PutTheShovelDown I am so thankful to have found your channel and helpful info right when I needed it most. Thanks for your hard work that helps so many families .

[@francevenezia]

Great metaphor!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks, 😊

[@TheNaaaance]

What if they never have those moments and they always find a reason to justify their actions while intoxicated?

[@monaperry2635]

Still waiting for an answer to that great question......

[@PhoenixRising858]

Me, too

[@TheNaaaance]

I wish someone could give me an answer on this. It would be very helpful.

[@PhoenixRising858]

@@TheNaaaance When my son was under 18, I took action and forced him into an intensive out patient program (IOP). Now that he is an adult, I don’t have that authority. Thank God he asked for help two years ago (he’s 33 now). He has been in protracted post accute withdrawal ever since. It’s very sad and it is out of my control. I constantly work on accepting his path is outside of my hoola hoop 😐😢

[@PhoenixRising858]

I try to remind myself daily: I didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it. I am only able to change myself.

[@leylalo4927]

I understand but when the loved one don't want to get better and maybe is late

[@cathie1234]

I have said he can’t do this alone. Geeze I feel bad.

[@trollsnotwelcome7805]

So if they say they have to make the call themselves, im supposing nothing a family member can do only hope they make that call, am i right?? Not sure if that's what you meant?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Sometimes you can support in other ways like, get the numbers for them, or find out costs/insurance benefits, etc..

[@FacebookQueen]

By the moment of clarity happens I’m already too frustrated with him. And have already said the things you said not too. Is there a way to reverse this after it’s already been said?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You can always apologize and let them know that you regret saying those things and that you're trying to work on your reactions. I think admitting a mistake actually helps speed up the trust building!

[@FacebookQueen]

@@PutTheShovelDown Thank you so much 😊❤️

[@GeorgiasGarden]

Hard to see their moments with your child when she won’t even talk to you because she is drunk all the time and her partner is the only one talking to you about your adult child alcoholism.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That does make it harder! I'm glad to hear that her partner is communicating with you though!

[@donnareitzel991]

The advice here seems to put all the burden on the loved ones and very little on the addict. It sounds very enabling and one-sided .

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I can see how this video would come off that way. I agree, this puts the burden on the family. These strategies aren't fair, but they do work. Not recommended for every situation, but if for people who are trying to get your loved one to change, this is one of the most effective stratagies.

[@mart-m6z]

im an alci karen x x