You're Not Lonely, You're Just Isolated

[@strongtowns]

It’s easy to feel alone when the obstacles you face are so huge, but you’re not. The Strong Towns movement is made of thousands of people across North America, and they’re all working toward the same goal: safer, stronger, happier cities. Join the movement and gain the tools you need to turn your isolating town into a vibrant community! Become a member today: www.strongtowns.org/membership

[@denelson83]

Your movement needs millions of people to be more effective.

[@strongtowns]

@@denelson83 that’s the goal!

[@SumeriyaYaxlaka]

Can y'all make a video on china and their cities?? That is a topic I have not seen covered very much.. They basically built cities from scrap in places where there were none..

[@denelson83]

@@SumeriyaYaxlaka But their cities are built of scrap, i.e., Tofu-dreg construction.

[@robertlee8805]

@@SumeriyaYaxlaka Isn't China NOT safe for Americans? They'll arrest and detain you thinking you're a spy. I dint think you'd want to be a bargaining chip for US to give an Authoritarian Ruler more WINS that they're winning against the democratic countries. Don't be A SACRIFICIAL PAWN.

[@kennethridesabike]

An old quote about community that stuck with me goes something like "There are two types of safety. The first is what's the likelihood you would get shot with an arrow. The second is, if you do get shot, how intensely will people care for you?"

[@nidhishshivashankar4885]

A third part would be “if you get shot will anybody even notice” I mean dying in a suburban home how long before your neighbors even notice the smell?

[@rinatail7248]

^

[@sboinkthelegday3892]

New quote about community should praise New Yorkers, who are sociable and organize to resell stolen goods within walking distance of the retailer who distributed that stock. All on their own as a business, not community.

[@RedVelvet_EdgeMuffin]

@@sboinkthelegday3892godbless the troops 🫡

[@keeperMLT]

Yoink! I am stealing that quote.

[@RemnantCult]

That older gentlemen sounded like he had a blast as a kid. Young folks deserve that freedom. It allows them to grow into beautiful vibrant adults.

[@Parker307]

My experience growing up in the suburbs in the 80s I was very isolated. There was no online option to fall back on either. Going to summer camp for a week or two was magical. Living with a group of other kids in a cabin was intensely social and when I had to go back home to an house empty of kids with a TV for company I sobbed.

[@WhatWillYouFind]

I live in Asia now. The kids can walk all up and down the neighborhood with bikes and cars going down it all day. Kids just bike and do things with their friends. It is like night and day compared to America. I remember walking down the sidewalk and playing as a kid too, but that was in an inner city historical district where homes were zoned differently. My next house was seated on a street with no sidewalks, no way to get anywhere without a car because there were only roads. Sprawl and Suburban city planning is a cancer that needs to be cut from America.

[@wsams]

@@Parker307I grew up in the country void of all kids in the 80s. We had no TV and no AC. We grew most of our food. We had a locker for beef. It was amazing. I longed to play with other kids but wasn't allowed, but I can't say I didn't make up for it by exploring the country side for hours. Even as an elementary kid. The suburbs at that time always sounded like a dream. But looking back I feel pretty lucky.

[@piccalillipit9211]

I had an amazing childhood in the 70's and 80's in the UK. Im 54 now and I have health problems, but if you gave me the choice of being 16 today in suburban Am3ric4 or Britain I would not take it. THAT is how bad I think life is for kids today, Id rather be 54 with health issues in 2024 and 16...

[@GuillermoArellano]

And now he’s a NIMBY, possibly.

[@danielmikula1375]

The remark about infrastructure not being designed for aging residents struck a chord for me. For the past ten years I've been a full time caregiver for my parents in Texas after they both suffered from strokes. Both became wheelchair bound. Life in the suburbs went from being able to roam around the city in their car to basically being locked up at home. The suburbs went from being an idyllic access point to highways to a prison for them.

[@een_schildpad]

We've watched our elderly neighbor go through the same thing... he was always out and about until he lost the ability to drive, now he stays at home pretty much all the time except when his daughter picks him up for doctor appointment. There's no place he could really walk to. Pretty sad!

[@cherriberri8373]

I met an older lady who moved to the town I live in from a suburb city near a medium sized city. She moved after her mobility became worse, because the isolation drove her mad and she had a mental breakdown and sold everything. My town isn't even a great place to be a pedestrian. It's just not the worst and you can get to downtown, a department store, and the library and post office all without a car. Despite that, she told me she felt as mentally clear and aware as she did in her 50's, and yet in the peak of the mental break she was diagnosed with dementia her mental state was so limited and shut down.

[@ellen4956]

Have you thought about moving to a different place that has what you need?

[@een_schildpad]

​@@ellen4956 I know we have, but to be honest there aren't many places to go in the US that really embrace a car free life. In our specific case, family and financial considerations make moving very difficult. So in the mean time, I'm trying to educate myself as best as I can on the issues at hand while showing up at city council meetings and opportunities to give feedback. It's not much, but I have experienced an improvement over the 10 year I've lived in my small city ❤. That being said, I'd move to a city that put walking/biking/public transit first in a heartbeat if I could and it existed in the US :-)

[@malaquiasalfaro81]

As someone who had a debilitating eye surgery that disabled my license at only 22 and just moved to a suburb during COVID, it was easily one of the worst experiences of my life. I fell into this deep rabbit hole because I was isolated even more than normal people during COVID and I had literally no way to leave the house. No sidewalks, and the only grocery store / only store at all was a nearly 50 minute walk. East TN is the worst place I’ve ever lived

[@Eggmancan]

In many suburban neighborhoods, even just hanging out in your front yard invites suspicion. There's no sense of community, no trust, no where to be outside your home or car.

[@GuillermoArellano]

“Will call the police.” 😅

[@offandsphere6788]

nah i just "grew up" with gen X and boomer neighbors that didn't have kids in their houses

[@blortmeister]

I live in a relatively small town (currently undergoing double-digit growth). 17 years ago, one of our people decided to open a coffee shop. A year ago he announced he was going to close it. We realized that it was the centre of our community. So we formed a co-op, raised money in the community, and bought it. It's not exactly the same as it was, but it still centres our community. And the youth working there a liable to burst into song at the drop of a hat. As my partner says; "Can't be a bad place to work if you're singing."

[@joelrebollar7055]

What is the town called?

[@blortmeister]

@@joelrebollar7055 Sooke on Vancouver Island.

[@pongop]

that's awesome, and co-ops and collectively run places are better than for-profit businesses anyway!

[@blortmeister]

@@pongop Trust me, the business is still a for-profit enterprise. Just that the profit will go to the employees to help bring them up to a living wage for the area. And there is a point to say "enough" about anything--including price hikes and profits.

[@pongop]

@@blortmeister That's cool and definitely a better way to do business!

[@falsificationism]

Social scientist here! You all did a great job of explaining the phenomenon. My field often ignores the structural/built environment, which is frustrating. Allow me to add a bit to the video's content. The correlations between social isolation and early death, health problems, and other phenomena are mediated mainly by how individuals behave due to loneliness. The most common loneliness responses are alcoholism and poly-drug abuse, reductions in personal hygiene and exercise, etc. The reaction from my field is often to encourage INDIVIDUALS to "be more social," "go outside and get some exercise," or "join a club." Easy for us to say. Without support/encouragement from the built environment, walkable neighborhoods, and access to appealing public places outside the home, these suggestions will almost always be ignored. Public planning is a public health issue and should always be factored into our research and clinical work as social scientists. I look forward to the day when research in social psychology, for example, controls not only for factors like race or gender, but zoning style too.

[@falsificationism]

@@AllenGraetz I see you've researched this topic thoroughly and arrived at a well-supported conclusion.

[@AaronTheHarris]

I came to the realization some time ago is your likelihood of surviving the zombie apocalypse is not ow many barrels of food you hoarded in your basement, but how likely your neighbors are to look out for your well-being. Eventually your barrels of food will run out, but its human's capacity to strategize and divvy up labor that got us to where we are today. (For example, watch one episode of "Naked and Afraid" and tell me how well two people can survive out on their own. Hint: It's not indefinitely).

[@felixthecat2786]

Agreed. If there's some kind of a disaster, your ability to look out for one another will determine how well you all will survive. So many older folks are so tribal and self isolating. They have their bunkers, dried and canned food, and supplies ready to go. Not a lot of friends though. Good luck to them.

[@EdgarEsc1972]

Last year's "Leave The World Behind" reminded me of this too. If mistrust/hatred of others gets too deep we're left to our own devices. Divide and Conquer.

[@neoreign]

I'll give you a real life example, the somalis in kenya are literally taking over everything. They're together, organized and they work with each other increasing the purchase power. The indians in Canada are doing the same thing, they're buying everything and people do not like this but again, another example of people looking out for one another, understanding that together we can do more than if we were alone and alone.

[@sboinkthelegday3892]

No, it's how many neighbors you can cry at to give you THEIR barrels of food. You said LIKELiHOOD and if you're talking about that statistic, THAT is the statistic. Food or starve. In practice it gets more complicated. In the ongoing apoclaypse the likelihood for survival is, you call GETTING food "objectification", so that already counts as your payment. That's why people get in front of the line, complaining "yeah, but I'm only fed as an object". Dissosciation allows people to shoplift New York neighborhood stores bare. And I mean the ones being made into objects of war. Perhaps, some populist nonsense would have you add a qualifier in front of the "object" so it has NOTHING to do with sturggle for resources? Perhaps, when you say "objectification" you feel like that only applies to some 50% of the population? Wrong again, "sex objects" get 80% of the banal economy, like selfie cameras and fast fashion, both done with child labor. That is the commercial choice sex objects work TOWARDS, that 12% of global trash, that goes through USA as a single country in the world. In a zombie apocalypse, the zombies would waddle through Ghazipur landfill to find any humans and not "objects". You only GET "zombie apocalaypse" in absurd, sparsely populated whypipo countries. Marie Antoinette fears the zombies because they don't eat cake, they eat Jonathan Swift food.

[@KevinJDildonik]

Old man knowledge drop: Elderly people who are social and self capable are all off living in RVs or having island vacations so they don't bother you. The old people ruining your neighborhood are the ones who couldn't make it. If the zombie apocalypse hits, in today's environment, you need to beeline for national parks and other areas where capable people naturally gather.

[@JesusChrist-qs8sx]

One of the urbanists I follow brought up an interesting point in how, when people first moved to the suburbs, they often brought their "urban culture" with them. But that, with each generation of people raised in a suburb, that culture dies out. Which I think is really true, and something I myself have noticed - both in the stories my dad tells about growing up, and the way people from small towns moving into nearby suburb for the jobs carry that urban (small town) culture with them too

[@stormer7502]

thats exactly what i had assumed, its almost obvious if you think about it without the blinders the usual stubborn american has on, who brings this up as some sort of counter-point to the isolation car centrism has imposed upon us. It makes complete sense that we had continued to live as humans had for all of history despite being thrown into an environment which didnt accommodate well for it. Keeping kids on a metaphorical leash and boarding ourselves into our homes and cars would've been seen as a taboo at some point. Generation after generation our culture followed the path of least resistance and adapted to its environment, and slowly we started to live in the bizarre and harmful way our built environments by design demand we do.

[@Coffeepanda294]

That's a really great point, I hadn't thought of that.

[@frafraplanner9277]

As a Zoomer, I had no idea this was how it worked in the beginning

[@RealSergiob466]

@@frafraplanner9277Same here

[@_oaktree_]

A lot of Starbucks in my city (Toronto) moved away from being proper cafes during/after the pandemic - now quite a few of them have essentially no seating at all. You're really meant to go in, order your drink and snack, and leave. Or in the worst cases, some of them are pickup only - they're just a counter to pick up mobile orders; you can't go in and order anything at the counter, only pick up. Unbelievably depressing.

[@sarbe6625]

1:30 honestly I think the social media addiction is more a symptom of our isolating society than a cause. It's the most convenient and often times only means of having some form of connection with other people, even if it shallow and distant and dysfunctional.

[@simdal3088]

If you are young maybe, when you are a bit older and remember a time before the smartphones and social media it is glaringly obvious. It was the beginning of the end for actual social interactions.

[@sarbe6625]

@@simdal3088 I'm talking about the present, not the past. I don't really see how the way that things used to be is relevant here other than as a point of comparison.

[@simdal3088]

@@sarbe6625 It is extremely relevant when you are interested in the cause. That is the point were 90% of natural human interactions got replaced by algorithmic profit driven social engineering. Loneliness is profitable when you properly dissect it trough that lens.

[@sarbe6625]

@@simdal3088 Okay but it's not the cause though, and quite frankly, pinning it entirely on that is such a boomer ass mindset I don't even want to argue with it because it's too fucking exhausting and we both have better things to do with our time.

[@simdal3088]

@@sarbe6625 I accept the concession. Have a nice day.

[@JV3Player]

I'm a young adult, aware of this information and doing everything in my power to escape the pathetic suburbs, we need to rebuild our inner cities.

[@neoreign]

Inner cities are full of homeless and not so well people these days, this is just the reality. What I noticed is that our suburban plazas here ae full of new commers in their cars, whether it is -25C or +15C here in Canada, the new commers make time to want to hang out. Local Canadians neve go out and are just online.

[@GO-iq1oe]

Welcome to Europe!

[@sboinkthelegday3892]

Robin Williams lived 15 minutes from San Francisco. In a house. Not in a landfill like Ghazipur or New York. "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." ~Not Robin Williams, according to Snopes *so you KNOW they want you to put that glowing red hazard symbol right next to the quote

[@TheHonestPeanut]

Absolutely. I lived in Boston MA for a decade and the social life was pretty good but a bit spread out. I think home owners and landlords are ruining the opportunity for city community life. Renters can change it but It takes a lot of work. You have to register to your renting address and vote in local matters. Get zoning changed to allow home front businesses and taxes to pay for public spaces and programs. It's hard to get people out of their rooms though. Especially after the pandemic. Most people just head home after work and sit in a living room or bedroom until the next day.

[@DonoVideoProductions]

"Pathetic?" Filthy, congested, noisy, unhealthy inner cities are what, paradise? No thanks. I'll keep my quiet, private home in the suburbs, along with my sanity and health. The idea everybody wants to live in a human storage unit is insane. And high density conversions of the suburbs? Not on your life.

[@klikkolee]

When I was a kid, I saw so many people talking about the importance of "disconnecting" to spend time with people. But as an adult now, being "disconnected" is exactly equal to being unable to spend time with people. Nearly everyone I care about is physically separated from me. There's a small number of people within walking distance but I have no reason to expect any kinds of shared interest, so that predisposes me against trying to make friends that way.

[@KevinJDildonik]

This is critical. Even though you can be social online. You all live in self-selected bubbles. This is fundamentally different to being stuck in a bubble by circumstances with random people in a neighborhood or tribe. Humans evolved for the latter. And we're only just beginning to understand the effects. It's not all bad (studies show echo chambers are worse in tribal societies, which should be obvious given there is basically only one bubble to live in - it's not always that echo chambers got worse, it's that you can't avoid the bubbles touching).

[@terdragontra8900]

Because of the internet, our society is atomized: you can become entrenched in very niche subcultures that are physically dispersed around the world, while having very little in common with people actually living nearby. And online relationships are not a good replacement for physical ones (at least not yet), they are usually more shallow and less fulfilling in the long run.

[@kjw79]

I definitely think this started before the Internet…it was TV that started the turning point. My dad was a teenager in the 60s and he saw it happen. He said everyone went home to drink and watch tv instead of coming out to events, dances, meeting in homes.

[@klikkolee]

@@kjw79 watching TV is not a mechanism for socializing with distant friends, so I'm not seeing the connection

[@kjw79]

I was responding to terdragontra8900

[@ripwolfe]

I lived most of my childhood outside of the US; when I finally permanently came back, I always felt something was off. I did not settle well into the SoCall life of suburbs and freeways. As an adult when I returned to Europe for work or trips, I immediately noticed how much more communal people are and felt a lot better being there. I currently live in Barcelona and love it here because access to public spaces is so easy and comfortable. Parks with tons of children playing together, cafes to share a drink, and all sorts of events, you name it. Most big events are free and gather thousands of people who you can share the experience with. It's been amazing living here.

[@jennifertarin4707]

I currently live in SoCal and absolutely hate it. It is EXTREMELY toxic in many ways, not the least of which is how isolating it is. It would be interesting to see how it would have evolved had cars not become so mainstream, zoning laws so exclusive and highways not torn down entire neighborhoods.

[@markthompson180]

From Martinsburg WV here: After lobbying my City Hall for 4 years, we are finally getting a network of bike racks installed downtown. Why this took so much time and effort for something so basic is beyond me, but better late than never.

[@unheard-ofgamer1510]

I feel fucking robbed. I'm 17 and I know this comment doesn't really contribute anything to the conversation, but still I feel robbed of my childhood. I was visiting a friend who also loved by my other friend, so it was like my little group 2 or so states away, got on a metro line and caught a concert in Reston after eating, didn't even know about the outdoor venue. Closed off street from cars, huge outdoor area, very urban neighborhood. That was THE BEST social experience OF MY LIFE! I just wish I had that shit growing up instead of from 1 freaking trip. Also I'm aware Reston VA is still a huge suburb, we were just in the 1 area around the metro station that was very urban, so a TOD. So again, I feel robbed and it makes a bit more sense now why I always felt I was missing something and so isolated. Thanks for the vid. I don't want future generations to feel this way and that makes me want change, so thanks to you and all of urban KZbin for bringing this all to my attention, educating me, and letting me know what I can do to start the healing.

[@Coffeepanda294]

Yeah, it's crazy how much has been taken away from people who grow up today. At least this new urbanist movement is gaining speed, and hopefully the next generation will have more freedom.

[@codysparks1454]

⁠​⁠​⁠@@Coffeepanda294agreed. I plan on moving to Switzerland in the future and hopefully gain permanent residence there. If it all works out, I hope to have kids and raise them in a place where they are not lonely and are not dependent on having to be driven if they want to go anywhere. I want them to have the freedom of mobility and the easy convenience of socializing with other kids. I don’t want them to experience the lonely isolating childhood that I had. Hopefully this is a mindset that can be adopted by many others. Things need to change for the better.

[@jonoghue]

The amount of momentum this topic has on youtube is making me really optimistic.

[@deebte__]

we're only addicted to our phones because we have to be. without them, we teens would almost never talk to each other outside of school, and in school we do, ya know, schoolwork. we use our phones so much because we wanna be out and meeting each other (and new people) randomly, talking to them, etc, but we can't so we made that space our of pixels on a screen. but pixels on a screen don't quite do the job. i wanna just pull up to my friend's houses at random, or maybe we'll spend some time walking to a spot for ice cream before going home from school. but everything is so far apart that it's impossible

[@aidasings100]

The decimation of robust public transit has not only forced people to avoid traveling places with other people where during daily commutes people naturally connect, our 'rugged independent' CAR centric culture actually pits people, one against another!!! Car culture has had a huge impact on connecting people together through subtle social threads.

[@Michaela1942]

This is so important to our health and general well-being. When I was a child, we always played outside - no "playdates" we just went outside and played with whoever was there. Now I almost never see children outside. One of our local neighborhoods had park-like area where mothers would bring their children that was in front of a restaurant - it was always alive with life. Then the property was sold and the new owners were offended by all those people hanging out on "their property." They took out the lawn and the benches. They filled in the space with rock and large plants. Pretty to look at, but now there is no place in that area to gather unless you want to sit at the nearby coffee house - no place for children to just run and play.

[@kjw79]

Excellent example. At recess, or one chance to play with other kids as country kids bused in, the teachers punished us for playing in the ice. To me it makes sense to let kids find their feet on ice, as a life skill to prevent future falls, but instead I was sent to the principal and my parents were called. Play becomes overly serious and we get stiff,, fat kids.

[@felixthecat2786]

I've been saying this for like 15 years. The strip mall suburbs are the most isolating places we've ever built. The early cul de sacs had some semblance of community because the GIs remembered what it was like to live in streetcar suburbs and small walkable towns. They maintained that sense of community for as long as possible, but Boomers gradually let go of that over the years. Giving way to their selfish desire for solitude and silence. Gen Xers exacerbated this by raising their kids entirely in their home. They were a very tribal generation. Millennials and Zoomers are the ones who are suffering for this loss the most. Millennials grew up isolated in their young adult years. Zoomers have only known this and are starting to question it.

[@jennifertarin4707]

As a Gen xer, I agree. My generation did the next a huge disservice not only in the ways that you describe, but in the ways that we raised our kids.

[@SecretMountainTroll]

Zoomer here. I only had 3 kids my age to hang out with in my neighborhood after school. Very isolating, very few personalites to grow up with, definetely stifled my social development

[@piccalillipit9211]

*ITS NOT TECHNOLOGY* its the built environment, culture and wealth inequality...!!! Here in Bulgaria we DONT ahve a loneliness epidemic and we have the SAME technology as the west - but we have 15 minute walkable cities, busy high streets, a very flat society for wealth and a great regard for society and especially children - Im British and the effort Bulgarians put into children as a society is ASTONISHING.

[@AndyInTheFort]

If I, as an American, wanted to look into this some more, is there any particular city or town in Bulgaria you recommend I look at?

[@jonathanstensberg]

In about 10 seconds on Google, I discovered that loneliness has in fact increased greatly in Bulgaria, following the same trends as other Western nations with the same technology. It is not as bad in Bulgaria as many other countries, but yes, Bulgaria is experiencing the same loneliness epidemic as everyone else.

[@piccalillipit9211]

@@jonathanstensberg CAN YOU CITE THAT FOR ME PLEASE. Im an author on psychology so I read the actual academic studies and I have not seen anything showing a significant increase. OBVIOUSLY it increased in lockdown - but less than other countries and it returned to a baseline after. Im looking now and I cant find anything. Look for "Loneliness prevalence in the EU". Bulgaria is the lowest in the EU

[@piccalillipit9211]

@@AndyInTheFort My city is Burgas - please look it up. Its beautiful. My rent on a 1 bedroomed apartment is $165 a month

[@subparnaturedocumentary]

the reminds me when i was about 12 i think in 1994 getting into skateboarding i lived in development in south new jersey we didnt have any curbs on our sidewalks so noting to grind we'd go up to the 1 local library to skate because it had curbs and islands and teens started hanging out and skating there and socializing it was cool it lasted maybe a month and the cops started showing up and forcing us to leave and they werent very nice about it either because they were concerned someone could get hurt, give us a place to go we said they said why cant you do something else, like seriously wtf

[@quackywhackityphillyb.3005]

skateparks are just great third places, they are accessible to all ages, and require low maintenance, we need more of them in our cities!!

[@subparnaturedocumentary]

@@quackywhackityphillyb.3005 absolutely agree, I'll never forget the first time I finally went to one it was fdr Park under the i95 bridge in Philadelphia i was like 14 it was awesome just being there in that environment was great

[@octranspo_owl]

Skate boarders were associated with "hoodlums'" and "gangsters" which is the reason you were asked if you could do something else. Hell I remember reading books geared for children made in the 80s and 90s that demonized skaters as thugs and lawbreakers, only to promote "law abiding" activities like colouring and gardening at home lmao.

[@GnarledStaff]

Liability is one major reason we don’t have 3rd places anymore. Its hard to run a business with low profit margins when you could be sued for some idiot falling over. The legal system needs to be fixed. A property owner should not be liable for liability other people’s actions. Theres nuance here but still, a library kicking out teenagers because they are afraid of liability is the perfect example of the legal system failing the people.

[@TypeAshton]

Fantastic video on an important topic. Mike. A real honor to be a part of this project and to provide context from my side of the pond. In a world more connected than ever, it often feels more isolated than ever before. ❤️ Great communities are often built on good connections just as much as good infrastructure.

[@arnodobler1096]

Nice weekend Ashton! Greetings to Jonathan, Jack and Theo 🙋‍♂

[@GuillermoArellano]

I love Chicago!! I am glad I’m back after living in Germany for 7 months. Please avoid East Germany as much as possible. Of all the cities I visited in Germany, Berlin is still the best. 🙂

[@arnodobler1096]

@@GuillermoArellano Berlin is in East Germany 🤔

[@DeviantOllam]

"Welcome to America, please always be customer."

[@nathancochran4694]

I had an interesting experience just this evening with the concept of which your channel refers. For context, I am stationed in upstate New York with the Navy. I moved here from a suburbanized town where I was previously stationed in Washington state. The town I moved to is very old, established 1792, and is quite small. About 2000 people. I have somewhat long commute to work and a generally tiring job, so I don't get out much. But this evening, I decided to walk around my little hamlet for the first time since moving here almost a year ago. I realized so much more detail than had I drove through, so many more secret trails and beautiful sights and sounds that I would have never noticed at 30 mph. I realized how much driving just sucks the small experiences out of living. It robs you of the little journeys you make every day, whether that be going to the store or visiting the park.

[@een_schildpad]

Well said! I had a similar experience when I first started riding my bike places in my small city. It was like discovering a whole new place hidden in plain sight!

[@jpe1]

In case you haven’t already gone, I highly recommend that you make the short drive down to Watkins Glen state park, the hiking trails along and through the gorge are amazing, and based on your comment I think you would really enjoy hiking there.

[@keybyss98]

YES!!! Amazingly put! I’ve been trying to convince my family and friends to do more biking/walking in our city and its surrounding suburbs (we live around Cleveland, which has both some cool neighborhoods and ‘burbs like Lakewood and Shaker Heights), and I mentioned how much architectural details alone in the homes and buildings around can be soaked in so much more nicely on foot or a bike when compared to just passing by in a car! It’s also just so nice to sort of “walk in” on a spot or place you weren’t planning on finding. It’s an experience you just don’t get when you’re driving, and even in a place not known for its walkability, plenty of experiences abound on foot!

[@lordsleepyhead]

I read somewhere that kids in the Netherlands are the happiest in the world, partly because from the 1980s onward, new suburbs were designed with bicycle and pedestrian safety first, so parents feel comfortable letting their kids just go out on their own on their bikes to see their friends, without adult supervision. Kids really need that in their lives.

[@NateHatch]

I had five siblings growing up and to play with friends our parents literally had to drive us to their houses, so none of us really had many friends and didn't often do things with people outside our family outside of school until we were grown and could actually drive. I hate when boomers blame social media for this kind of stuff, it's currently a way people are getting out of our loneliness created by a lack of other options.

[@lkeke35]

I live in the Midwest, so we are fortunate enough to still have some third spaces in the area where I live, but one thing I did remember was there was a time where teenagers who found third places were always being harassed and run out of those spaces by adults who insisted they either go somewhere else, or stay indoors. This still happens, I think. Perhaps a lot of young people have either given up finding third spaces outdoors, or simply made those extra spaces they hang out in, someone else's home.

[@mcc.o.4835]

Some thoughts. 1.) Prioritize spending time with family and friends. It can be as easy as getting coffee, or going for a walk. 2.) Take a technology time-out! Put the phone down. 3.) If you can, volunteer in your community or join a civic group. Many groups are desperate for volunteers. 4.) Take action!

[@glanciaeltro1271]

Third places or just chatting with strangers in public are becoming so rare that young people now look at the classic Hollywood meet-cute as a theatrical contrivance rather than how things used to be and people genuinely met.

[@kanucks9]

Yep. I'm 27, I don't think I've spoken to strangers in public more than five times, in my life. All with old people, too.

[@fancyfree8228]

Spain has so many open spaces - in between streets where there are benches, shady spots. I hope everyone reading gets a chance to go to Barcelona at least once.

[@codysparks1454]

I plan on visiting Spain sometime in the future, especially Barcelona. Wouldn’t mind living there too if I was given the opportunity

[@studio.leonardo]

This was such a great deep dive into this topic Mike! Glad and humbled to be able to take a part. Lets keep chipping away at making our towns stronger 💪🏻💪🏻

[@strongtowns]

🚨 Watch Rachel's video that just went live for a more detailed breakdown of how we can create social spaces!

[@TheJamieRamone]

@@strongtowns Oh, I will, as always! 😊

[@robertlee8805]

Love the place you've shown. It's so inviting there.

[@maryandrew3109]

Excellent video! Children don't have a real childhood anymore. Teaching that we need each other is more important now than ever. Get up and advocate! advocate! advocate! for your town .The US desperately needs it.

[@drongilad]

For me as a non American my favorite thing about accessible third places is the freedom to go with the flow. When my family moved to the US for a few years when I was a preteen, it struck me that going to third places always had to be planned in advance, so my parents could drive me or that someone could take me and my friends and accompany us. Here, you can just lock your apartment and go explore.. encounter people and friends and just enjoy your time.

[@nimeshinlosangeles]

To me, your most important point is the one you made at the end. The first step to improve your community is to be a part of it. Even if thats something as simple as being a regular at your local cafe.

[@tristanridley1601]

Yes, but I can't really afford that. And the reason it's so expensive can be traced back to expensive rent.

[@f50elite]

@@tristanridley1601 long walks, public transit trips, libraries, strolls through busy parks, walking clubs, picnics... The options are there for sure, and they do not need to cost you anything extra.

[@GuillermoArellano]

I think the NIMBY’s will prevent much progress. No matter how often you visit that coffee place, you won’t see much growth and improvement long term.

[@youtubeuniversity3638]

​@@f50elite 1 2 4 how do I talk to people there 3 library patrons tend to not want steangers bothering them there 5 6 how am I gonna convince anyone to join (and no pre-existing ones are anywhere near enough)

[@Cristal3]

So happy you touched on the topic of Universal Design. As a disabled person (congenital muscle illness), I see a huge loneliness epidemic coming in, simply because the baby boomers are slowly, but surely, losing their ability to drive and have to rely on mobility aids to get around. We need to start adapting our environments right now, or we are too late.

[@DharmaPunk111]

Im so happy people are talking about this. Ever since high school ive known the way we live was a source of massive depression in myself and when I went to go live in a community of buddhist monks in a forest I knew right away that the way those monks were living was much closer to how humanity should be living. It was the best time of my life.

[@pux0rb]

I was just talking to my parents about this a few days ago. My generation is so isolated from everything, that it feels impossible to meet new people or get to know your community. I'm almost 30, and remember the first neighborhood I grew up in; an older 1940s suburb close to the city. We were able to walk around to get to the park/school, restaurants, friends' houses, etc, and there were a ton of community events. Block parties, gardening days, kids birthday parties right out on the median of the street. That changed when we moved to a larger house when I was 10 that was built in the 1970s. That was 19 years ago and I still don't know the names of a single neighbor in my parent's neighborhood. Nobody talks to anyone else.

[@joey0guy]

I moved to the USA from another country and initially found driving interesting and sometimes quite empowering. That very quickly went away once it became a requirement and I moved to an older city where the car infrastructure had destroyed what was once quite functional. I'm now leaving the USA as I haven't found myself happy with how isolating everything is. One thing I've come to realize is road rage is very real, but I've never experienced any equivalent while out walking

[@codysparks1454]

Yep. This is exactly why I’m gonna be leaving the US and moving to Switzerland in the future. Can’t wait to live in a place like that where driving isn’t required

[@raydgreenwald7788]

I honestly do not understand why any adult would think that teenager wants structured regimented activity, I think it’s safe to assume that we were all teenagers at one point.

[@zombiesue1054]

They know what kinds of shady things they did as teenagers and want to make sure their kids don't do any of that stuff...

[@dylanf3108]

@@zombiesue1054That’s how you grow. Modern parents don’t want there kids to have any ability to take a risk. As a result they are way less socialized and more on there phone due to boredom/lack of social stimuli. Then they wonder why there kids are addicted to there phones. No pity for modern parents.

[@Coffeepanda294]

For real.

[@smrndalodz7182]

@@dylanf3108 Some of the concern is often overblown as well. The other problem with the sheltered suburban upbringing - it means that teenagers want to drive because to get the independence that a 10 year old has in another country, they need a license. And that's pretty dangerous. And when kids are regimented until they're 18 to 'keep them out of trouble' - how are they going to handle being adults? I think of all the students who fail out of college because their parents ran their lives right up until they left home.

[@Heyu7her3]

Well, people need structure

[@piccalillipit9211]

*AS A BRIT LIVING IN BULGARIA* I can't believe how infantilised kids in the UK and the U5A are compared with here. Just last night, when I was taking my dog to the toilet before bed, two of the girls in the apartment block were off out clubbing - they are 17. They are ADULTS here. 7 year olds walk their 4 year old siblings to school on a morning. Stuff kids are expected to de here as part of learning responsibility would be parental neglect in the UK

[@jonwatte4293]

Another challenge is that cities don't make places you can sit down in public anymore, because they will attract all the homeless people. And making houses for homeless is clearly forbidden by the laws of physics, so we can't have working park benches. Those are the rules.

[@tealkerberus748]

This also stops the elderly, disabled, pregnant, and anyone else who might need to sit down, from venturing outside our houses.

[@jonwatte4293]

@@tealkerberus748 It's almost as if fully able, working age, non pregnant people are in charge...

[@tealkerberus748]

@@jonwatte4293... and it's never occurred to them either that other people's needs matter, or that they themselves will be one of those "other people" who have needs that aren't being met, one day. Sadly, by the time they are elderly, disabled, or pregnant, they won't be in a position to fix the stupid mistakes they've already set in concrete in their environment.

[@zmojofoot76]

8:22 i noticed my loss of independence when we moved to the US but it became more apparent after we left NY to South Carolina and i wasnt allowed to go anywhere by myself but in my dangerous 3rd world home country it was never an issue. Not to say back home urbanism is just way better we're probably miles behind in infrastructure alone but the fact that we went from knowing who our neighbors were in a less pleasant looking neighborhood to not knowing who was next door in our nice historic district neighborhood is the only difference i can think of and the US laws that would get parents in trouble for letting their kids go anywhere by themselves

[@sharpless]

Currently in Vietnam, watching this, and now thinking of the enormous number third places here. Lots of small restaurants everywhere, kids playing badminton on the smaller alleys with lower traffic volumes, and so on. It is total chaos everywhere, but maybe that's the problem, too much regulations. Sure, too little isn't good either, but I think lawmakers think they need to create new laws and regulations, be otherwise they aren't doing their job

[@Coffeepanda294]

Save from the chaos, that I wasn't used to being Norwegian (it's a country the same size (and even shape, sort of) as Viet Nam, but with only five million or so people😅), Viet Nam was heaven when I visited. So much street life --street vendors, shops and restaurants without a wall facing the street so that you could walk right in, pedestrians mixed with traffic. I loved it. The exact opposite of car-centric North America, I guess.

[@GnarledStaff]

My hometown has a lake, and adults would drive their kids to it over the summer. It is within walking distance to the single bar, that used to have an arcade, and to the ice cream shop (actually a hardware store) and pizza place. I have been struggling to make connections now that I am adult, and have moved. There is not much for me to do if I do go out somewhere, the people I want to meet are not there even if I did go out and everything is so expensive that even if I find something to do I usually regret spending money of food or buying something I saw in a store. There are ways to mitigate this, but they require significant money or effort and the constant isolation leads to depression, which can quickly lead to a death spiral positive feedback loop. I have to force myself to go to events, and if those don’t lead to feeling more isolated the feel good feeling may not last until I find another event. Its very easy to say “I’m tired, and I did not see a tangible benefit from going out last time, I’m just going to stay in today”, or worse, missing an event because I was busy working… And I’m not alone. I hear similar things from everyone I meet that is in their mid 20s to 30s online. A lot of them have given up. I have not, because I have seen social groups that work, I just struggle to become a part of them. And I’m not that socially awkward. Its a real problem. Once you lose that core friend group, our society makes it difficult to get into another.

[@migo-migo9503]

One other recommendation I would add is to acknowledge the presence of your neighbors. Make eye contact and nod or say hello. It does more than you think, it could brighten up someone's day. It also helps you be aware of your surroundings.

[@spikesmth]

Great Video! It makes me appreciate my city, San Francisco so much! I'm a pretty extreme introvert, but I know a fair number of my neighbors, greet them when I see them around the neighborhood, I know the family who runs my bodega, I join in to our motorcycle meetups, and a couple times per year there is some kind of street fair or event happening right outside my front door. Some people like the isolation of the suburbs, but we are seeing such a generational shift away from that preference that we need to rage against the forces that say, "no, we can't make the changes to meet the demand because of the preferences of the privileged few." Contrast this to the town I grew up in, where my mom still lives. All the young people in my cohort are grown up and moved away (because none of us could afford to buy homes where we were raised). My mom was looking for a local kid to water her garden and feed her cats while she was on a trip, and there are almost no kids there any more. It's full of our aging parents with very little turnover. There are certainly Nimby's crying about the character of the neighborhood (they will always find something to complain about), and I want to tell them, the character of their neighborhood grew up and moved away because they fought tooth and nail against every change that would have kept us around. They opposed several apartment developments near the commercial center of town, opponents said they wanted to "keep the riff raff out." Well, that "riff raff" is largely their own kids... that's who these people are.

[@BlueFlash215]

The coolest thing happened Haut 2 weeks ago. I was walking my baby in the stroller and a woman came up to me, asking about his name and so on. She told me about her kids (she was roughly 10-20 years older). We just walked for 15 minutes and talked about nature and the town. Never met her before I I'm so glad I live in Germany. I never really thought about the freedom I had as a kid. We had so many forests, a lake, playgrounds and soccer fields. I lived on one end of the town. Meeting up with friends I called up everyone or I just walked to places I knew friends would be at. Even if my friend who lived at the other side of the town had time, I got on my bike and drove there. Through traffic. Or I walked there for roughly 20 minutes. I liked the walks. Meeting people like the local baker or the really small trading cards & miniature shop owner. One would meet people doing gardening or shoveling snow. My parents trusted me. I always left a note where am at and when I would be home (if it was prior to the 6pm deadline). Nowadays it's even better. On one side of the lake they've built a huge playground next to an area with big outdoor tables and seats. You can get a coffee if you want or go to the other side of the lake and just sit down on the grass and eat your bring your own food. Read books, drive bikes, invite friends. It's crazy how awesome that is. And it's only one part of the town. There is the local market which has a pharmacy and doctor nearby. You always meet old friends after work. On the other hand I can simply walk 200m and I'm out on the fields. Many ways that spread to forests the lake and nearby towns. You always meet people. Kids do ring our doorbell and tell us if our cat has a tick. It's a rather mundane information but we are always happy they look out for the cat.

[@SomeDudeQC]

Vancouver waterfront is a third place, but its also a place that NIMBYs have fought tooth and nail to keep as a linear park and prevent any type of cafe or store from opening. In Montreal we have tons of third places, but it still feels like every moment outside of ones home is a moment where companies are trying to extract money from us.

[@SomeDudeQC]

I'll add that a bowling alley can cost 50-100$ an hour

[@tristanridley1601]

Toronto is even worse for that. Other than some outdoor places you're expected to be paying a lot just to spend time in any third place.

[@lisarakic9285]

The Starbucks by us is pickup only. It never really had anywhere to sit. There were a few small tables, but now you can't sit there at all. There are other coffee shops, however, in the same area that do encourage hanging out. I don't drink coffee (or tea) so I don't frequent those places, but I will sometimes go with a coffee drinker and get a pastry or sandwich.

[@codysparks1454]

It honestly staggers me how America has gotten to a point where some businesses are pickup or drive through only.

[@Jebbis]

When I was in Vienna for work it was awesome. I would regularly go to a bar or park by the river or canal. This is actually something Rick Steves is trying to get done in his home town of Edmunds.

[@felixthecat2786]

I moved to a city to get away from the social alienation of suburbia

[@SirBlackReeds]

From what I hear, the cities have social alienation among many other problems.

[@wsams]

I grew up in a small town which required a car to go anywhere but we had a huge family and church family. I didn't have kids to play with after school other than my sibling but we had acres of land and woods and the freedom to explore for hours. My parents worked, tended the land and gardens, and church. That was it in the 80s. Now I'm in PDX and we bike everywhere and we meet friends constantly at a multitude of third places. PDX is a third place itself. ❤

[@DimaRakesah]

IMO social media, gaming and other tech driven addictions are symptoms of a lack of more fulfilling things to do with our time. Like any addiction, it tends to most impact the people who are vulnerable to it. When you have things you enjoy doing, you're not constantly reaching for your phone.

[@malacaimarbas2048]

I’m away from my home on an extended trip but once I get back, time to roll up my sleeves and get to work. We currently have a big crossroads cutting my town in fourths, and one of those arms separates the primary school from the main park of the town, and the main crossroad (which includes a four lane highway that they plan on adding another lane to!) cuts off the middle and high school from the rest of the town. Because I live in a tiny town of 5,000 I think it’s entirely possible to have a good community conversation and coming together to build a better place together. And it’ll take some one like me to make the first step towards making that happen!

[@underground868]

An excellent example of a social third place has to be the Riverwalk in Chattanooga TN. What was once a highway with a foundry on the side is now a walkable stretch alongside the TN River that often hosts cheap or free events like concerts and holiday celebrations.

[@raphaelroy-jauvin4658]

I also used to live in Germany and was amazed the first time I saw a playground next to a BierGarten. It was a real eye opener to me of how different things could be. I would also add: Biergartens don't have ID checks, or fencing, or bouncers, or fenced off alcohol areas VS alcohol-free areas like we do in North America. People were trusted to mix and match, drink responsibly, and enjoy the space with their whole families.

[@arnodobler1096]

🍺 🍺 Greetings from Germany

[@microproductions6]

The fact that this videos hasn't received as many views as some of the other ST videos is crazy.

[@wipis59]

One of America's most successful street car services was a loss leader built by a real estate developer. He built the street cars to connect people to his house and attract people to his neighborhoods. He didn't profit on the street car he profited off the homes. That tells us there is external value in connecting people.

[@CEO-tp3go]

Loneliness in America is so misunderstood just like the war on drugs. I seen videos of people blaming loneliness on social media video, games, technology, but it goes deeper than that. Our loneliness is systematic, when we built cities made for the car, awful zoning laws that creates isolated suburbs, that makes jt harder for people to bond is just something that doesn’t happen by accident. I have lived abroad and I notice countries like Spain, Mexico are rich in community but its because of its convenience to have a walkable community or close by amenities, whereas in America you have you drive every where

[@simsley5501]

I really like the ending of this video, where you put the onus on us as the viewer to actually DO something if we’re unhappy with the way things are going, and you give us clear suggestions about what to do. Thank you, Strong Towns

[@connection_ok]

This video is beautiful dude. The fact that you brought in so many people and their own interpretations of community elevates this so much.

[@JoshTheWhale]

Yes! 👏🏻

[@DistrustHumanz]

I'm getting to be an old man who has been alone for over 30 years. I'm really not trying to sound negative on purpose, but being alone in this day and age definitely has its advantages. Every time I start to feel lonely, I look at others who are not alone, and I immediately notice how lonely they are. Robin Williams was correct; being alone isn't nearly as bad as being around those who make you feel alone.

[@studiostyx7075]

I'm 40 but realized this over a decade ago. I enjoy my own company but more importantly my peace and humans, bless their hearts, are usually incompatible with anything remotely peaceful; they will bring their traumas, insecurities, entitlement and lack of self awareness into your life without a second thought. Robin had it right, solitude isn't loneliness, being with the wrong people is.

[@TheRetarp]

The medium size Ohio town I live in (about 50,000 people) is thankfully trending more towards having gathering places like this. In the past 15 years I have been here we have: - Reconfigured the downtown courthouse square to be pedestrian friendly by reducing car lanes and parking to add roundabouts and large sidewalks which has led to a downtown boom (there was initially a lot of public backlash but people seem over it at this point) - Built a new outdoor pavilion that hosts farmers markets, concerts, and other events which is connected by walkway to the revamped square - Rezoned to allow the downtown mid 1800's buildings to be remodeled into loft apartments - Rezoned a 100 year old abandoned industrial area to allow a developer to convert it to mixed use apartments/entertainment/restaurant - Allowed open outdoor seating for bars/restaurants downtown - Designated outdoor area downtown where public drinking is allowed (it is illegal most places in the USA to have an open container in public) - Constructed multiple free to use disc golf courses (I don't personally play but I think it is nice to have the option!) - Built a new skateboard park - Rebuilt the bmx bike park (although the regulars don't like the new one as much as the original) - Restarted fixed bus routes for the first time in 20 years - Possible future Amtrak stop - Sidewalk/bike path expansion to connect the college campus to the high school is finally to be constructed this year. They are less than 2 miles (3km) away from each other but there has been no safe non-car way to travel between them since they were built 60 years ago! (there is a program for advanced students take college courses there during high school) There are some downsides still but hopefully we can correct: - Public officials removed a long standing gazebo from the courthouse square siting "safety concerns" despite major public backlash. They used the space to expand the parking for the police cruisers and transports at the courthouse :-( There have been a couple of grassroots movements to bring it back but officials are turning a deaf ear. - A few landowners are stalling expansion of our quite nice for the USA bike path network. Officials want to connect the vocational school on the outskirts of town to the bike network as well as connect three major bike trails together. It could be glorious and be able to be used as daily transportation to employers and grocery stores if not for these few. Expanding the trail network would solve the automobile ownership problem, especially for teenagers. It's only about 6 miles (9km) total but it's stalled in perpetuity thanks to a handful of selfish landowners. - Technically illegal to use the bike path at night although it is not enforced - Most streets constructed from the 1940's-1960's are missing or have patchy sidewalks because that generation did not install them there in the first place

[@pbilk]

Thanks for this video! So many good points. The way we have built the North American over the past few decades has allowed loneliness become more of a problem for recent generations. A feeling of loneliness can lead to a lack of hope, erratic behaviour (attention seeking or looking for a community), and more. Of course the way we design is not the core to the problem but it's a large contributor. We have naturally design a social environment for centuries but irresponsible expansion of our urban areas has led to environments naturally hostile to social interaction.

[@SilverDragonJay]

I feel like I noticed this when I was in high school but didn't know how to articulate it. Basically every summer I would have at least 1 day where I was just wandering around the house muttering to myself "I want to go outside and do something...." but because I couldn't think of _what_ I could or would do, I just...stayed at home. Now that I'm an adult with a big girl salary I can...wander down to stores and browse aimlessly... Perfect! Sometimes I just go for walks too, but its still a problem that I have even with 40 hours of my week being occupied with work and another like 6 hours occupied by driving. At least now I know that its not just me, and I'm not entirely to blame for not having anywhere to go. The idea of having a place where I could just wander down to to see people I know whenever I'm bored or lonely feels so very appealing (even though I know that its not that simple and that it would require some work to maintain). I used to get that through my video games, but I don't care what the boomers say, I'm not under any illusion that its a replacement for in person interactions. Its just more accessible.

[@gijskramer1702]

Caring for each other is seen as weak. Thats the problem

[@GuillermoArellano]

And NIMBY’s are preventing all sort of city progress.

[@justanawkwardnerd]

Not just weak, but that it'd "inhibit character growth." NEEDING help is viewed even worse, like you "deserve" to be struggling because of some perceived moral failure.

[@desigrrl08]

@@justanawkwardnerd well said.

[@desigrrl08]

so true

[@handlemonium]

But being responsible to one another is a duty, right? Cuz that's what preserves rights, increases trust, builds consensus, spurs cooperation, and and perpetuates democracy.

[@RsSooke]

A year ago I moved to a walkable area, some of the most enjoyable novelties for us have been walking to local markets and community events.

[@Tree-House69]

Ever since I moved into a town that wasn't as spread out as the rural areas I previously lived in, the weird suburbs surrounded by nothing but gas stations and a Freds, I've made so many GOOD friends, close friends, it makes me incredibly happy. If I was still in complete suburbia? Didn't go out anywhere or speak to the occassional stranger? I would be just as isolated as I used to be.

[@beatbuildersstudio]

This is a really good video. I miss the 3rd spaces of growing up. There were kids every where to play with. Outside dam near all day on the weekends and after school. All I needed was my bike and I had access to the world around me.

[@francescaeve8776]

I live in Wellington New Zealand and feel like my city is going through a lot of what's mentioned in the video. There's a group of people that want to ban cars completely from some of the major shopping streets. Meanwhile another group of people that complain loudly about how there's never any parking and it's ruining their ability to spend time in town. These people tend to live in neighbouring towns accessible by a highway and tend to drive rather than use trains or buses to get to the CBD. Smart solutions like light rail that can move people around really quickly are never invested in and we just end up in this cycle of not making any progress. It's really frustrating.

[@бронза.вафля.конус]

The Friday morning swim club concept made me happy to see so many people joining together and doing something so mundane and fun together before starting their regular routine. What a terrible response that the city had to call the police and force people to pay to do something that should've been free

[@angellacanfora]

In my LA suburb of Torrance, every neighborhood has a decent sized park. These parks are usually segregated by activity zones, like the baseball diamond or the kid's playground, etc, with a walking path that encompasses the park. I'm always struck by all the empty, unused space in these parks. I've been fantasizing about finding a way to relax zoning laws so that a portion of these parks can host small coffee houses or cafes. I've seen that done like in the town where I grew up, in Huntington Beach's Central Park you can find the Park Bench cafe. My subdivision has approximately 1000 single family homes with no hub other than the park which stands empty 80% of the time. I'd love to see it become an all-ages "third place." It seems to me that this could be a good way of bringing some life to sprawling suburbs like mine.

[@molliedash6126]

@@angellacanfora Great idea. Torrance is cool- those old downtowns in South Bay are sweet. But true, Southern Californians stay in their cars. I hope you are able to get involved and make a change.

[@faeinthebay]

I noticed a bit of the social capital when I lived in a dense suburb (Mountain View, California) with houses tightly bunched together. I'm a car enthusiast who likes to do my own maintenance, washing, and detailing. Being in my driveway gave me a lot of opportunities to say hi to my neighbors who might pop out for small tasks, and wave hi to families walking past my house to the park next door. I felt a bit more integrated with the community. I have since moved to a very dense neighborhood in San Francisco. There's a bit of anonymity since neighbors don't talk to each other much (besides one in my small building). But there's a lot more people on social meetup apps and lots of places to do activities. I have a feeling there's also a lot more community organizations to join around SF, so I can meet people while feeding the homeless or just playing board games when I'm ready to join.

[@anthonybarsness1462]

This is a very low vibration investigation of this problem which is very encouraging to see, its resonating on that level. It’s simpler than you’d think. Have children, live with grandparents, build a three generation household, leave the door open for neighbors, sacrifice for your neighbor. This video nails it on the head. The architecture city planning of the boomer generation destroyed community.

[@jackbucher2049]

I mean, a lot of Boomers were still just kids, or hadn't even been born yet when a lot of the cookie cutter suburbs first began to be rolled out in the 1950s.

[@Ouranos369]

​@@jackbucher2049 sure but they certainly perpetuated bad building codes. Boomers love mcmansions and they pretty much started the culture of landlords because "houses always good investment" yeah right..

[@gemmeldrakes2758]

A lot of people don't get along with their families, though. Living together would simply make that worse.

[@SirBlackReeds]

Easier said than done, especially in this day and age.

[@anthonybarsness1462]

@@SirBlackReeds yes it sucks. But far more rewarding than not doing so.

[@josxxiv]

I think you hit it right at the beginning. We pull back because we don’t trust each other. As a culture and society, we have moved so far in the direction of let others be, of no judgement. But standards are inherently linked to judgement, you cannot have standards without judging if other people have met them. As a result, our societal standards for others (and ourselves) in public have been entirely eroded, creating a situation where we don’t even *want* to interact with most strangers

[@denelson83]

And unfortunately, this "erosion of trust" is a vicious cycle. This is what is pulling the US down the path to fascism.

[@peperoni_pepino]

To the contrary, I actually think we have moved in the direction of more judgement. We have moved to a very high degree of individualism, where we are quick to judge the 'stranger' as a weird person. But that doesn't mean we let others be; you can see how people are trying to force their beliefs on each other at a large scale. My hypothesis is that in a healthy situation, anyone is part of multiple overlapping communities. Maybe one community of people that live nearby, then a community of people playing the same sport or game, etc. This has the advantage that you will likely share a community with most people you meet, which gives mutual respect and allows you to talk about things even if you disagree about them. Because of the high degree of individualism, people are now part of less communities. Some are part of no communities at all, but some are part of a single community. The latter ones then tie their entire personality to that community and become cultish members with zero respect for others. These then demonize anyone who is not in that community, and they absolutely don't let the outsiders be. Their will almost always be an opposite community, and the two will harass each other. So I think the problem is not a lack of judgement, but it is a lack of judgement by people who share another community with you. People are much more receptive to feedback from the latter, while the former is not properly received.

[@PalmelaHanderson]

I'm 34, grew up in a typical suburb, and I think I was lucky because I was always around lots of kids my age. The subdivision we lived in was newly built when we moved in and was built around 2 schools, so nearly everyone who moved there had kids. We would play outside all day, unsupervised, from the time I was like 5. I started walking to school by myself when I was 6 or 7. These days, I feel like if I saw a 6-year old just wandering around on their own, "should I call the cops or something?" would enter my head.

[@EVIL-t4o]

Identify problem, Introduce solution, reassure hope... what a great video.

[@rod6722]

15:40 One of the most accurate paragraphs I've ever read. Really hits home.

[@JoseFloresEC]

I have some family that lives in a somewhat small-ish town in Meixco that is very walkable if one wanted too. My younger cousins could go out and play and visit friends without worry. When one of those younger cousins of mine visited us in the US, they eneded up not liking it much and hindsight, I am pretty sure it's because there's less freedom when everything is far apart and you need to depend on a car to get anywhere interesting.

[@benheaton4486]

Particularly appreciated the message about agency at the end!

[@EyeofyourMind84]

The biergartens of southern Wisconsin blew my mind when I first went to one (as someone from Europe) and exactly what the US needs more of. Beer, food, playgrounds, community, not to mention being near or in large state parks are exactly what a third place should be. The only downside to them is that they still typically require a car to get to, but they're amazing just the same.

[@stoopstories]

Great piece. Thanks, Strong Towns!

[@FHRider-o1m]

When I was a kid our family fortunes changed, we moved from a compact family housing estate to a posh suburb of detached houses, no kids, and nowhere to play. I’ve never been so lonely and disconnected.

[@mgevirtz]

In the US poorer kids, often poor Black kids have more autonomy. I spoke to one child riding his bike home here in El Cerrito, CA who complained that he can't hang out with his friends because their parents won't let them ride around town. This too was the case in my childhood - Living in Muncie, IN, I rode everywhere and many of my cohort would not be allowed to do what I was allowed (thank God) to do.

[@denelson83]

I live in the downtown of Courtenay, BC. I cannot move to a "more walkable city" because North America is in a housing crisis, meaning if I was to try to move, the only result of that would be homelessness.

[@lyndabethcave3835]

Delightful to see an Amandamaryanna/Strong Towns collab!

[@derickcastillo9083]

My dad, who is 81 now, talks about when he was a kid in small town New Mexico and everyone would sit on the porch and neighbors would walk by and stop to visit. The street was the third place community building happened. Great video! Thank you.

[@aimeem]

Bad news for people in your 20s complaining about loneliness... it only gets worse from there

[@ender1598]

Another great video!

[@Drockthehouse95]

I was lucky enough that the suburban area I grew up in actually still had some infrastructure that allowed people to gather, socialize and become regulars in various town centers. Some of it was walkable but Ill admit you did still need to drive to other parts. I was fortunate that my parents had always prioritized interacting with our community and even living in a place that allowed me as a kid to explore my neighborhood alone and easily go and knock on the doors of my neighbors to see if their kids could play. The independence and self learned socialization has without a doubt shaped me into what I believe is a socially well developed young adult. I now as a young adult live in a large international city without a car (I bike everywhere) and I love being able to visit regular places and still occasionally see people I went to college with or easily just strike up conversation with strangers when the vibe is right. Traditional American suburbs still look like an absolutely isolated, monotonous, distrusting, uneighborly, dystopian hellhole by comparison. Constantly seeing and interacting with all kinds of people whenever I choose has always felt better to me.

[@SethCocquit]

When I think of third places I often think of town squares I knew growing up in small towns.

[@piccalillipit9211]

*I LIVE ALONE IN A COMMI BLOCK IN BULGARIA* I could never go back to the UK as I would be SO LONELY...!!! Im part of a community here, I know every one of my neighbours, I play with the kids - cos thats a NORMAL thing adults do the west has made weird - I know every shop keeper cos we have busy high streets full of shops, the teenagers are part of society not stuck in their bedrooms getting anxious.

[@Shako_Lamb]

From ages 8 to 16, I lived in a rural setting, a 20 minute drive from town. The Internet became my social refuge because it was essentially impossible for me to see peers at any times that wouldn't work for my parents. Though of course I went to school and a bunch of sports, clubs, and summer camps, there was no spontaneity to it, and I couldn't see people on a whim on my own terms, so the computer filled those gaps for me. By the time I was in 8th grade, even the Internet wasn't socially satisfying anymore, and there were nights that I would beg my parents, actually legitimately crying, to take us into town for dinner, just so I could BE AROUND PEOPLE when I wanted to, even if I wasn't actually socializing with them. We moved out of that place on my 16th birthday and it's still the best birthday gift I've ever had.

[@blakerdavis]

Excellent video! I lived in Spain for twelve years and I'm glad Spain made a cameo in this. I moved back to the US in 2023 for work. My wife and I are already planning to move back to Spain this year because we miss that lifestyle of having many third places to go to, as Rachel mentioned plazas, bars, parks, all walkable. In the US we ended up in the boonies (only thing affordable) and have become slaves to our car. I miss going to the butcher shop or fruit stand and chatting up the people that work there, it really drives the sense of community. It took me a while after I moved back to the US to notice how isolated I was feeling where we are, I felt my mental health deteriorating from not being able to walk about and interact with people

[@JustAnotherGamerUS]

excellent message. thank you for bringing about a change in thinking and an invitation for a better life ❤

[@thomasblyth7539]

Thanks for the call to action at the end. It’s well taken. We do need to do a better job of structuring our economy and groups to enable people who work nonconventional hours to participate as well, but it is still true that someone has to take the initiative to get the ball rolling

[@char6081]

love your channel! I recently started getting frustrated with the epidemic of phone addiction but it’s definitely the only way people can feel something (myself included). i’m a teenager but i would be open to donating the little i have to support yalls movement!

[@josephfisher426]

More crowded spaces create more opportunity to interact. But people have to take it. When I lived "downtown" I talked to elderly neighbors often, daily probably. Even after I moved and was just visiting it was still routine to see them. But most younger people (my age or younger) and already some older ones didn't interact and stayed in their own small worlds.

[@scottlarson1548]

I've found that some young people in my urban neighborhood grew up in the suburbs and moved to the cool city when they became adults and now they just don't know how to interact with strangers in public places. They stay with the people they know and are skeptical of any stranger who dares to talk to them. I think they simply never developed these social skills in childhood since they only went to school and watched television.

[@josephfisher426]

@@scottlarson1548 On the other hand, a lot of cul-de-sac dwellers embrace their communities. Suburbia can be conflated with sprawly rural development in which people really ARE isolated.

[@scottlarson1548]

@@josephfisher426 If you say so...