Struggling all day because of lack of sleep. Investigating bills. July 4, 2024-Video journal / diary

Рет қаралды 236

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 5

@fragilefleur 3 ай бұрын

I am so on the same vibe you are. I haven’t seen the links you sent yet but will tonight. I had my caregiver here today and was not in the mood bc I had to put in my air conditioner myself yesterday. It’s a thru the window one and heavy. Small so not impossible but still quite heavy. I did it at the hottest part of the day bc it was when I had time and it was a big hassle. I then proceeded to get particleboard in my eye and as I was rehanging curtains my inept caregiver hung wrong, I realized she also yanked drywall screws out of the wall so my curtains are hanging by a thread of the rod bracket lol. I was so mad and being hot and having a chunk of wood in my eye wasn’t helping. I finally sat down and cooled off and thought I better check my eye which turned into maybe I need to get it dealt with by a doctor and how will I do this with no car. Take an Uber type ride? It was $37 as the cheapest one way to a hospital that’s ten min away but really five at that hour. I was like hm. I can risk my eye or go and I decided to rinse the heck out of my eye which included squirting water in my eye repeatedly and finally dunking my face in my bathroom sink trying to open eyes and flush it out that way. It was not funny but looking back sounds like a comedy of miserable errors. I sat there for another hour with my eye burning and watering and praying I wasn’t making a bad choice to wait til the next day. I was pretty sure whatever was in it was out but as it was hurting a lot I thought I scratched my cornea or alternatively was having a reaction to the glue in the particle board I had to freaking use to fill in the gap next to my ac bc my window isn’t made for that kind of air conditioner. Oh my lord I finally got to bed late like you and of course had weird dreams and then had to get going to deal with my caregiver who did almost nothing but talk at me and annoy me while I was trying to make decisions on buying a few things I need for my surgery recovery time. I mainly just wanted new summer pajamas and new bed pillows but she was sitting there giving me her opinion negatively about it all. I was like frickin shoot me. So now she’s gone, it’s hot and I closed myself into the front of my house with my portable ac unit and ordered some not so healthy groceries to get me thru the next several days of hot weather bc I don’t wanna cook. I made a batch of dogfood for my sweet girl doggy who had a bad night also due to the stupid fireworks. I don’t mind the big fireworks displays but don’t like the local unexpected ones bc they bother my dog and trigger some ptsd stuff for me sometimes and or just wake me up like you said. I wondered if you have annoyance or trauma trigger from the sounds also. Annnnnd I also spent the last week look at why my electric bill was high also. I had accidentally left on a single switch for a heater that just runs in my bedroom and it ran for two months witg me not even realizing it was on. I went to get on an exercise bike I have by the window and it was warm air floating up between my curtains and the window so I then figured it out and wanted to kick myself for it. So I had a couple weeks of it off but now running air con and that’s going to add up. We are due for 90 and over 90 in the coming days so it’s not optional. I get nausea when I get overheated bc of meds that make me heat intolerant so ac is on. Tomorrow I have to go out and get boxes I ordered from Michaels for sorting a ton of family photos into organized ones. Eventually I need to scan them but it’s all so sad bc my mom is declining and I can’t really handle the sadness of looking at my family right now. Sooo I just got these boxes and will do them a little at a time or maybe just take a weekend and knock it out, be a little nutty and then be glad it’s done. But wanted to say to check your heater knobs and make sure they are fully off and all. Also you can get the cheaper to run lightbulbs. The up front cost adds up but it saves you in the long run. I looked at what I was running otherwise and couldn’t cut back on much more either. I so get it. There’s only so much you can handle in a day and especially when you aren’t feeling well. Just do what you can to take care of yourself and chip away at the household decor and making it more homey. I have tons to do like that and it’s frustrating bc I want my house dealt with and generally nice to live in. I don’t have a garage or storage so when I moved here I had to bring things I had from storage to here and had nowhere to store it. I now live with a wall or storage bins in my dining room as a result which is not exactly ideal lol so I need to find a better solution. Most of it is stuff I don’t want to get rid of but need to find ways to at least make the storage neater looking like getting shelves for the stuff and making it just part of my house rather than looking like I live in a storage unit. It’s depressing bc I am limited on funds to almost no extra cash and then chronic pain makes me not want to deal with moving heavy boxes etc. so. Yeah. I get it today. Early to bed sounds like a great idea. I just had a weak moment and ordered groceries and in it some ice cream options which isn’t smart but oh well. Another day I will get healthier I guess. At least you aren’t eating your feelings. I hope you have sweet or no dreams and just wake up feeling rested and less stress and pain. My question of the day is: are we having fun yet?! Lol. Sending over a hug and best sleep wishes. Happy 4th to you even if it’s spent alone and not being stressed out in social settings you aren’t up to. I’m doing the same.

@TANIAfm 3 ай бұрын

My goodness! I hope your eye is okay and it was just irritation because it didn't like having that particle in. And wow! The more I learn women around me, the more I understand that we are capable of doing soooo many things!! I applaud you for putting your AC in by yourself! That's impressive! (And you deserve that ice cream!) And I'm so sorry that instead of being supporting and helpful your current caregiver turned our worse than useless and negative. Can you switch to another one? Or is it just a period in her like when she's like that? Totally understand the sadness of looking at your family. it takes time. When the war had started, I understood that every day could be the last one, and that made me very sad and depressed. It really does take time to accept the thing the way they are and find peace with it. Be gentle with yourself. ❤️ LOL to "are we having fun yet" Cheers to having fun!