Why you should NOT plan out all your time 🕰️

[@HowtoADHD]

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[@DaleESkywalker]

Hello, Jess!

[@HowtoADHD]

Hi!

[@omotayosatuyi252]

I want to get it but it has a pay wall which is unfortunate, I use duo

[@victoriavvc]

They don't have Japanese 3:

[@officialtimothyphoenix]

Kairos Time, not Cairo's Time, lol. Video subtitles had me on an Egyptian Google search for a sec.

[@bwayslimess4124]

My brain can't function without a plan, but once I make the plan I can't stick to the plan. It's a curse. People say "Wow you're so organised" and I'm like "yeah I would be if I stuck to the plan😭😭"

[@solar0wind]

Yep, if I don't plan, I do nothing. But I don't really plan in times if I don't have to because idk how long everything is going to take. It's just the order of things I plan and maybe the daytime.

[@happytofu5]

The plan is there for you, not you for the plan. If you can't stick to it, improve the plan, not try to bend yourself to the plan. The plan is a made up thing that usually does not fit with reality and needs to be adjusted accordingly. I suggest to only plan with 50% of the given time, because the rest will be filled up with surprise things that pop up along the way. I repeat: the plan needs to change, not you!

[@raspberryblood]

Dear God, this is so me. My colleague thought I'm so organize, she doesn't know what's really going on in my head T_T.

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

My bff is like that and I have a more rigid mindset honestly. I love not having a plan but if I have one i don’t like to deviate from it. It sets an expectation and it upsets me to go off plan.

[@soyvoz_]

If I don't make the plan I can't begin doing the thing, and I allways break the plan in order to get the thing done. It's amazing to understand why I function that way and that I don't need to change it

[@weirdrabbitgirl]

Girl I clicked that notification SO FAST. you had me at ‘don’t plan’ 😂😂

[@HowtoADHD]

LOL I had myself at 'don't plan' too 🤣🤣

[@ktburger659]

Lolll me too

[@memyaccount8213]

It’s validating too to feel like there’s permission to not do something you feel you’re supposed to do. I think an interesting topic is about how sometimes doing what you need to do can make you feel like you’re ‘bad’ or rebellious, but pushing through that feeling makes you more productive. This can relate to the task itself or the way you’re doing it being considered ‘improper.’ Like growing up, the act of starting a chore or self-maintenance task usually resulted in being scolded (for being too slow), & I realized that even as an adult, starting these tasks makes me feel like I’m being rebellious because doing them resulted in being scolded in the past. So I try to tell myself, “I’m allowed to do this” when starting a maintenance task. For example, I don’t have a lot of pause in brushing my hair, but that happened to be something that I was allowed to do for as long as I needed to when growing up; I don’t feel like I need to push past the feeling of ‘doing something bad’ before doing it (& other things, like doing the dishes, etc., were a different story)

[@dreamhacker5142]

😂😂😂😂

[@baejay798]

@@HowtoADHDI am HERE for that. And I have the How to ADHD book now it’s SO GOOD.

[@Invisible0one]

I used to live in fear of getting fired for being late. Me and another ADHD coworker are late almost every single day. We got a new GM last year when our store was on the brink of imploding and we spent about month stressing ourselves out trying, and failing, to pretend to be perfect employees until it inevitably fell apart. Our boss looked at us both and went "I don't care about employees who are constantly late, as long as you show up eventually. You're good at your jobs. Stop stressing yourselves out about it." And I didn't even realize how much just trying to show up perfectly on time every day was impacting me until he took that stress out of the picture. We're both still late almost every day, but now it's 10 minutes instead of 20 because we're not wasting time stressing over it. He's also totally chill when one of us hyperfocuses on something like reorganizing the entire store instead of the project he originally assigned. 😂 "If the project makes my job easier, I don't care what you do."

[@bellaluce7088]

@Invisible0one I relate to that fear so much that your flexible boss story actually made me cry! How I wish for a world where every neurodiverse person could be recognized for their STRENGTHS instead of living in fear because of arbitrary ableist expectations. Thank god for GOOD bosses and that you ended up with one!!!!! < : - ) ❤

[@sourgreendolly7685]

He sounds like someone with actual leadership skills. A lot of bosses are too busy trying to be in charge to develop those!

[@SusannMarieDye]

Yikes that sounds so familiar!

[@alissakuroda]

😹 I can relate to the part about hyperfocusing on organizing the whole store. Dream manager.

[@cferracini]

That's a good boss

[@dolphin64575]

YES, OVERSCHEDULED! The same way children can be overscheduled and not have enough free time, so can adults! Unscheduled time is important for our brains! ❤

[@Jebbis]

This is so important for children. They need spontaneous play time either by themselves or with friends.

[@Muhluri]

children are always over scheduled thanks to the bloated school system. When you add after school activities the kids can easily spend 12 hours per day just doing school activities

[@p00pjeezusfartswag]

LITERALLY ME AS A KID AND ME NOW!!!!! I've really had to work on my relationship with plans because of how restricting they've felt for sm of my lifeee

[@lisalove8532]

that statistic on how many people struggle with time management, adhd people vs general population, hit hard. Wow

[@Redkinkid1985]

Wow is right let’s put are heads together and get a half of a task done😅

[@andrewadams6473]

Just realized “revenge bedtime procrastination” is largely powering my personal projects at the moment…

[@morganblank6587]

Every time I plan every second I can't follow my plan-- Autism loves the plan, ADHD says LOL Nope! If I make a list rather than plan, it tends to go better!

[@HowtoADHD]

Yesssss!!

[@vocalsunleashed]

As an AuDHDer myself this is very relatable

[@richicago20]

@@HowtoADHDcan you do an episode on this? As an AuHDer, I feel this

[@cherismith5707]

Wow, this must be why lists work SO well for me but having things scheduled stresses me to the max!

[@jipjomon]

This but I'm neurotypical unfortunately

[@elisabethmontegna5412]

We started using relative (or maybe kairos?) time units in the mornings in our effort to leave for work and school on time. So, for instance, when I tell the kiddo it is "Dad is shaving o'clock" she knows we will be leaving soonish and she needs to be finished getting ready ASAP. This works much, much better than our previous system of saying that we need to leave in 10 minutes. We have also embraced the phrase "better late than never" as our family motto (only we say it in latin so we sound fancy--potius sero quam numquam). It's been surprisingly useful in relieving the feelings of stress and guilt over being frequently late. We may be late, but we always show up/get the thing done!

[@HowtoADHD]

Omg "dad is shaving o'clock" that's so cute and creative!! I love that!!

[@nyarparablepsis872]

Totally stealing the Latin phrase!

[@paulstejskal]

Love it. Dumb question how do you pronounce the Latin? I think POTUS with an eye, cero like Spanish for zero, quam like qualm without the L, and num like number without brrr, or num lock.

[@92RKID]

​@@nyarparablepsis872 Me too! Latin is freaking awesome.

[@ken.potter]

I was literally crying last night because I’m so tired of scheduling my life in order to live in a world that abides by whatever is considered ‘normal’. It’s exhausting. Thank you for your videos.

[@zants_]

11:10 It feels so validating to hear someone else say that they *underestimate* the time it takes for them to complete a task. I feel like every resource I've consumed before (e.g. other videos) always say the complete opposite, with quotes like "you'd be shocked to find that tasks probably take you much less time than you actually thought, so what you thought would be a 2 hour task actually only took 15 minutes and you were making this a much bigger deal than it actually was!" and each time I'm like... am I broken? Because for me it's more like: what I think will be a 15 minute task actually becomes 2 hours (or more... the amount of times I thought something would be measured in *minutes* but it ended up actually be measured in *days* is insane!). Things take me so long and I never get that satisfaction of "whew, that wasn't so bad, I'm glad that's finished and now I can move on to the next thing", even the smallest things are like "I think I'm done? I feel like I'm more confused now than when I started. I just know I never want to do this again and I'm scared that it's not even finished yet."

[@dlewis895]

I DO THE BEST I CANLET GO OF THE OUTCOME. IT IS WHAT IT IS+ACCEPT IT! ACCEPTANCE AROUND THAT+ LIFE HELPS ME CHILL BE KIND TO MYSELF

[@bellaluce7088]

@zants How I relate to this! "...the amount of times I thought something would be measured in minutes but it ended up actually be measured in days is insane!" YES!!!! I have been pleasantly surprised occasionally by things taking less time though. For example, it really is amazing what 5 minutes tidying with a timer before watching TV can do. : - )

[@ayerhead07]

5:46 I saw a post the other day that described this as "roomba cleaning" and it unlocked something in my brain. "Done in bits and pieces, in random order, it won't be perfect at the end but it will be better." I've been experimenting with loosening up how and when I work on my chore list and it feels so good!

[@souldancersbyjennifer]

Lol 🤣🤣🤣 good one

[@rubykelley5581]

I've had to learn the difference between a routine and a schedule. I can have a routine where I do certain things daily but, not be so restrictive that I have to do them within a scheduled time. As soon as a time limit is set, I automatically don't want to do it. I give myself the freedom to do it when I feel like it.

[@dwidlund]

I’ve adopted a new way of phrasing the time blindness. I remind people of my “complicated relationship with time”. It has a cool ring to it, and it doesn’t sound like an excuse

[@kamille286]

That makes you sound like a time traveler omg

[@fluffymushy9]

That's an amazing phrase! I'm going to use that, thank you so much 🙏🏻💓

[@offairhead]

AuDiHD here and I drive a school bus. My entire 13 hour work day is full of having to be at certain places at certain times. If I am 4 mins late to work then approximately 450-500 students are late to school and classes and some of those will be standing outside in freezing cold temperatures/rain/snow etc. It’s been a huge struggle and has taken me nine years to get into a good rhythm. Most of my coworkers are in a good rhythm within three months.

[@ragingveela]

I was JUST talking to my therapist about how I'm trying to let myself roam free a little more, and how discovering pathological demand avoidance made a huge difference in how I approach things! being kind and accepting to myself when I feel so different from other people has been the hardest part of healing, thank you so much for making this video!

[@kenmc1601]

PDA makes so much sense! I just wish my life wasn't such a PDA minefield.

[@annbraden6628]

I did not know there was a name for this. Diagnosed at 52, I recently found some elementary school report cards. Starting in kindergarten, every teacher wrote something about not finishing tasks in the allotted time. I cried a little for child me. I worked so hard to get good grades and didn’t understand how other kids could get things done so quickly. It’s been a huge relief to know I’m not alone.

[@laughingl0tus]

@@annbraden6628I’m crying right now because I just learned this was a thing too. I’ve carried so much guilt over this! I’m 48 and was just diagnosed as well.

[@Judymontel]

Uh-oh. I think I need to look this up (though I resent the word "pathalogical") - I come from a long line and big family of people who say and feel "don't tell me what to do" a lot of the time!

[@ragingveela]

@@Judymontel it took me years to read the description because I thought "oh that sounds bad, so it's probably not me"... but I resonated with a lot of what I read! a lot of things are named in a way that makes more sense medically but the lay definitions we use for the same words makes communication between experts and regular people really hard.

[@KCallia]

I am so grateful of my manager's patience with my 5-10 mins lateness. She knows what hell I'm coming back from. "We sell clothes, we're not saving lives. If you text me that you will be late, that's okay."

[@CatApocalypse]

I feel all this! Time-blocking has been all the rage in the planner community, but I cannot schedule my life like that, haha. My energy, mood, motivation levels are too unpredictable. I'll note down important things in my planner, but also end up tracking things I actually did in the day at least as much as scheduling stuff.

[@pokelover02]

I time-blocked at my old job because my boss was being very manipulative and blaming us for his own shortcomings. It got to the point where the project manager spoke to me privately saying, “You know you don’t have to time block. The process itself is time-consuming.” But I told her I had to do it to protect myself, and it worked. Found another job quickly though, and it became very clear that time blocking would be completely unnecessary. We work hybrid and are very go-with-the-flow. Ironically, I’ve never been more productive!

[@danimolusco]

I also track things I do throughout the day, and it helps me see what things are really important/necessary to me . Sometimes I write down how long some of those things take me.

[@TheEDFLegacy]

I can relate to this. So hard. Start times, deadlines, sleep times. Why can't we just do everything when we want to? _Except we would never get anything done..._ 😅

[@HowtoADHD]

Yeaaahhhhhh it's definitely a balance!!

[@TheEDFLegacy]

​@HowtoADHD Wait... what's a _balance?_ 😳

[@HowtoADHD]

I'll let ya know once we figure it out :P

[@TheEDFLegacy]

​@@HowtoADHD 😳

[@ewestner]

It explains why days with back-to-back meetings (which are, thank goodness, rare for me) are sooooooo tiring. And I can't get anything else done on those days either.

[@turnoffthetv]

One of the reasons I'm so great at my job is because it's largely independent. I have tasks and deadlines, but the order, flow etc is mine. I am free to build my day in a way that suits me, and like you suggest, I make a to-do list and just start doing it without scheduling exact times, barring anything with an urgent deadline. I switch tasks all day as it suits me. I'm newly diagnosed but it makes so much sense that I found this work and thrive in it vs old jobs. I tend to try and give myself daily lists of things to do instead of timed events/keep timed events each day to a minimum and it does help me a lot. Kairos!

[@Laneylolo]

What line of work are you in? What a gift to have a job that works with your brain!

[@iprobablyforgotsomething]

@turnoffthetv -- Seconding the request for details on this unicorn of a job field / position and/or company. It sounds magical. I am envying like mad (but also pleased to hear that someone, somewhere is getting to experience just what they need in a workplace!).

[@KaylaTaitz]

I am lucky to have the schedule to as a makeup artist! So thankful to do what I love! But definitely have to completely crash after a job even though I love it!

[@rinciel4999]

I feel so, so grateful that your most recent content is heavily inclined towards radical acceptance - often, not planning anything can be the best plan you could have, and I had to learn that the hard way. I feel that we are very intuitive towards time, and that innate ability NEEDS to be exercised more, because suppressing it using arbitrary time just makes that ability suffer. Thank you for this, Jessica!

[@markbunner3098]

Just ordered your book. I am a middle school art teacher and I host an ADHD club after school once a week. Can't wait to dig into this book, the kids like your videos.

[@ktburger659]

That’s so lovely, setting the kids up for future success. Wish that existed when I was younger!

[@TheParez]

Bless your heart, man.

[@estherfriesen2175]

Thanks so much for what you do.

[@bartman1238]

I got audio book of it

[@bartman1238]

The kids might like ice cream sandwiches you tube video on adhd

[@mybirdiee]

it's been a year that I actually have a daily plan but it did not make me exhausted. here is why: 1. I sometimes change the order or add spontaneity to each task I suppose to do. for example, if I study in my bed today. I study in the living room the next day. it does not have to be something big. 2. it gets tough to do all the tasks in some days when I don't do well physically and/or emotionally so I try my best to do the bare minimum in those days. For example, if I usually study for 2 hours I study for 30 minutes.. little is better than nothing.( this also helps with some perfectionist traits adhders have) 3. if a task is terrifying to do ( that fucking paperwork --_-- ), divide it into steps. 4. remember that you need breaks. you need to leave your brain do what it wants for a certain period in a day or a week. a funny fact: it's not a joke when I say that my anxiety level was far less in an emergency room than the time I was supposed to do some paperwork. overall, I completely agree with you. I tried 9-5 jobs and I DO NOT EXAGGERATE IF I TELL YOU THAT IT MADE ME FEEL SUICIDDAL. I was feeling very very miserable.

[@mariamshah338]

I finished your book two days ago!!! It was so helpful and it honestly felt like a love letter to the ADHD community. I felt so supported and so acknowledged reading it. Thank you so much!!!❤

[@HowtoADHD]

Awwww you're welcome!!! I'm so glad that's the feeling you got from it

[@fiudad]

I bought the book on Audible but I feel Im going to but it physical also. Listening to audio books is ok only for "not important" books 😅😅. Usually I listen to audiobooks while driving but I feel Jessy's books deserves a special attention, yes "attention" 😊 Hope I can hyerpfocus on it easily and naturally.

[@mariamshah338]

@@fiudad i love that!! i actually think i might get it on audio book too because i love hearing Jessica’s voice!!

[@gaborszabo9804]

Actually finishing a book? WOW I bought it, started reading it, liked it, put it down, sometimes it occurs to me that I should be reading it, dabbled in a different chapter, put down again, I'm not sure if I'm gonna ever finish it... xD

[@mariamshah338]

@@gaborszabo9804 I’ve been there so many times!! I’m in college and I’m on winter break right now so I have plenty of time to catch up on reading.

[@RobertRoweMusic]

My absolute favorite blocks of time are when I had something scheduled (like a meeting or music lesson), and then it gets cancelled. Because that was blocked time and suddenly free, it truly is free time to do whatever I want. This might be one of my favorite videos so far, Jessica.

[@kenrickbautista6141]

Whenever you say "Hello brains!", it fills my heart with so much joy. 😂😊💖 Also, there have been times when I manage time. There are days when I'm patient and days when I am in a hurry. I even try to make sure nothing gets in the way. If that makes sense.

[@ShinbrigTV]

As an artist, I've been feeling burnt out because I was releasing a song a week. Now I'm taking a break to better recalibrate my release schedule and this video came out at JUST the right time. Thank you!!

[@TheRonnieaj]

My hyperfocus led me to two book contracts and five novels released in two years, even while having surgery. And then…burn out. I did next to nothing last year while navigating new life issues, but that break has been so helpful already this year. Best wishes to you on your career!

[@SlickSkuddy]

Saw someone on Twitter say you should be able to make 3 beats in an hour and I was just so disgusted by the thought of working that fast even though I could if I was in the zone lol it’s NOT regular

[@catherineraper]

Hi! I like using to-do lists rather then booking things at specific times. Obviously my medical appointment are certain times so I work very hard to get to them on time. Any time I try to get a routine going, my brain starts to feel bored and frustrated after a couple of days. I’ve finally found a planner that works well for me.

[@julia88843]

That is exactly what I came here to comment, I used to try and "book" my tasks, to specific moments of the day it never worked well. Instead I have a to-do list with all the things that need to be done ever, and from that I make a smaller to-do list, of ok, here are the things I am going to commit to doing today, and the amount of time on average I think it will take to do each task, and I never make the list longer than 7 hours. ( I knowing myself, know that I cannot be productive in any given day for more than 7 hours). But I can do the tasks in whatever order I want at whatever time of the day I want.

[@SeekingBeautifulDesign]

Arguably the most popular time/focus management system in the world is Getting Things Done-GTD. It argues to focus only on the next thing (calendar only hard appointments). There must be some ADHD+GTD videos out there as it seems to be tailor made for anyone who needs focus, peace and productivity

[@alphacrescent]

What planner did you find and like? I'd love to know!

[@constancemk603]

I've just discovered that creating a to do list instead of scheduling strictly when things need doing works better for me. I was sobbing in the bath last week about not replacing the air filter because I had it in my calendar for 12/31 (anyone else feel crushing childhood guilt for not doing monthly/quarterly tasks? Yep, that was me last Sunday), then put it on a to do list and it was done the same day. Sequencing also works much better than scheduling for me.

[@alphacrescent]

@@constancemk603 I know that feeling so very well. Had no idea it was so relatable!

[@Katiedora122]

The more I learn about my ADHD, the more I'm realizing how much I was already adopting tools to help me cope, I just never had the vocabulary before. And that kairos and chronos time is really going to stick with me!

[@michaellorg]

I like to have "planned unplanned time" for exactly the reasons you mention in this video!

[@janinebean4276]

Sometimes your brain needs space for inspiration to strike, because it needs permission to bop around and wander like you said. It needs freedom. If I don’t have this freedom, I end up doing the “revenge bedtime procrastination” SO MUCH.

[@BaselardFE]

It's so easy for me to procrastinate activities if they're at a set time during the day, but if my schedule is free I'm probably gonna do it when I feel like it. When I feel it's necessary, or whenever I get a burst of energy/motivation. Of course there should be some structure on the daily, but I think having an open schedule is really beneficial.

[@plantyfan]

I was in 4th grade when I first documented "I hate being rushed" -- and I've never changed 😂 I think it's part ODD "you shouldn't be telling me what to do when"; part time nearsightedness "great, I'm late and I'm both embarrassed and angry"; part managing my ADHD and recognizing that haste makes way more waste with executive dysfunction and in turn triggers self-shaming, anxiety, and rejection sensitive dysphoria etc; and now that I know about Cairos time, I think it's because rushing me to a different task requires me to break my Cairos schedule and then WHO KNOWS when I'll ever be done

[@SimoneEppler]

I started with task blocking instead of time blocking, and that is already a huge relief, because I can change the order (except when an order is required). It’s a relief because I don’t have to start at a certain point in time. Now to not overplanning my days😅

[@ajbXYZcool]

Something I did last semester in college is block out my evenings as NO. No schoolwork. No tutoring. Just me. Still need to try and balance the REST of the time properly, make the most of the rest of the time, but there's what I do.

[@The214thRabidFangirl]

This video felt like hearing someone Express a need that I didn't know how to express for myself.

[@just.jo.no.one.else1]

weirdly needed this video today :) Lots of my friends have super extensive google calendars where everything in their week is planned out and scheduled and I keep seeing their systems and thinking that I should do that too because "that's what they're doing, and it looks like it could work," but I'm definitely doing fine with my current systems because they work for me lol. Really gotta stop comparing myself to others, especially with workflow/productivity stuff cause it's almost never gonna be the same

[@Jeremy-kg1zr]

Honestly just looking at a booked google calendar is exhausting and makes me want to go lay down. I just put my plans on a list on my iphone where I can just scroll down them to check them, and they disappear when I tap the little circle next to them after the thing is done. So much less exhausting and for some reason feels much easier to manage. Like it's the same amount of stuff, but doesn't feel as stressful and tiring.

[@logancrowther1346]

I just spent many hours spread over this last week trying to make a schedule that works for me with no success. This is the video that I need.

[@HowtoADHD]

Definitely hope it helps!!

[@lanternsown3525]

I didn't know there was a difference between Cronus and Kairos time, I learned something new thank you Jessica.

[@josephcharpentier1575]

I work in tech, and struggled in roles that required me to plan my own days and attend meetings. I had to manage myself and had a lot of freedom, but I somehow felt more oppressed by that because I felt like I needed to fill in any gaps and be efficient. New job I'm in is more about reacting to tickets as they come in. I'm finding myself much more comfortable and functional. There's no need for me to schedule focus hours, I just keep working tickets as I see them. It's strangely liberating.

[@lailanitukuafu]

I really really needed this today. I'm doing full-time college, part-time work right now and I always feel like I'm falling behind, no matter how hard I try. It feels like every second of every day there's something I "should" be doing. I'm absolutely exhausted; mentally, emotionally, and physically. You had a great point in saying that if you don't give yourself time to not think about time, your brain will take it anyway. I stayed up until 2:00am just watching KZbin last night and I ended up sleeping in through my first class this morning. I felt so stupid, especially because it's really just been a bad brain week and I've been forgetting tons of things, barely meeting deadlines, coming in late to so much stuff. I've been fighting the perfectionist demon in my mind every day for several days straight. After a while, it starts to feel hopeless. I desperately want to be a good student, a good employee, and a good adult. But dang it, today I really just want to go buy some fabric and make my Halloween costume for this year. Unfortunately I have to do school work for the rest of the day. Time management sucks. Needless to say, I VERY much appreciated your rant

[@BOABModels]

I try to talk to my wife about not filling up all of her day - she's a full time general practitioner and also does a lot of volunteer work procuring aid for hospitals in Ukraine. Like me, she has fairly recently realised she is neurodiverse and feels like she always has to be doing stuff but it makes her so tired! She's sick right now unfortunately but I will show her this when she's better!

[@BOABModels]

Also revenge procrastination bedtime... I've never heard it called that but it is waaaay too relatable.

[@izabelarivera5211]

Last week I had a busy and very structured time with my kiddos. Lots of scheduled activities. This week I'm in recovery mode. Stripped my week down to necessities.

[@byusaranicole]

Yessssss kairos time! This is why it doesn't work for me to put dishes in the dishwasher when they get dirty. It is the visual cue of a full sink of dishes that triggers my "It's time to do dishes now" signal. I keep my laundry baskets (which are like... Partially see-through) in a little alcove in the hall where I pass them a few times a day so I can keep an eye on how full they are. When they get full, it's laundry day (only 2 loads). Folding is another story. They're out where I see them constantly, but.......... The switch never seems to flip for that. I have to have a good audiobook or podcast to get them folded... AND motivation. It's hard.

[@user-hc8mp9vc8g]

This is an accurate reflection of my life right now. If there is even one or two scheduled things I have in my day, I get so distracted by worrying about making it to that scheduled event that I can't get started on what I need to work on. I would complain about a day full of meetings, but even when my meetings got cancelled and I had holes in my schedule, I couldnt make effective use of that time because I had to worry about the next scheduled event and whether the task I was about to start could be done before that event. Love the rants. Now I understand my recent behavior and stressors. And why I hate people trying to make me commit to a time.

[@Iwasonceanonionwithnolayers]

I like structuring my non-time dependant tasks in Done By format. Get it done by the afternoon, done by the time I go to bed, done by dinner. Instead of at 9 am, at 8, at 5.

[@elizabethjohnson438]

This is my favourite video so far. 🎉🎉🎉 thank you for the idea that it doesn’t need to be this way, and giving voice to thoughts I’ve had. I have been trying to set a stop watch when completing some simple, repetitive tasks and I love having that phrase to build the knowledge. I started this in earnest after I couldn’t understand why it was taking so long to vacuum my house. I am GUILTY of estimating 15-30 mins for stuff like this but it took 1 hour 10 mins to vacuum three stories of my townhouse. And I was BEATING MYSELF UP that it wasn’t taking the 30 minutes I thought it would. Like why? I should be proud I am so thorough that I move furniture and fluff pillows when I vacuum, but instead all I could think about was the time it took above my estimate. 😞

[@prapanthebachelorette6803]

Me too ❤

[@rinciel4999]

I feel you😭💛

[@ALifeofLearning]

I’ve started explaining the feeling I get when I over schedule as time claustrophobia. I just feel so limited by all my scheduled time that it stresses me out 😅

[@scar_yeet]

God I can't tell how seen I feel watching this video. I almost broke down when you said 'the way that we work naturally isn't wrong it's just not compatible with the rest of the world'. I have been feeling very guilty these days for not being able to get stuff done as and when I need to do them and sometimes you just need a reminder that that's ok. Your videos do just that for me and I'm really really grateful for that. Thank you for putting out such amazing content regularly, it has been a great help. Sending love to you and your baby❤

[@Neofishy15]

Wow I didn't realise how much of this I was thinking about lately until you put it all together. I am definitely on Kairos time! Thankyou for vindicating my feelings yet again.

[@vindicated30.6]

My problem is, with the combo of ADHD and ASD, I get dopamine from making lists and playing Tetris with my schedules, budget, etc. I'm the kind of person who has to over plan everything and then stress when others don't play along.

[@HowtoADHD]

Yeahhhh it's hard when what might work for you doesn't work smoothly when other people are involved.

[@mannyjacobowitz5571]

Thank you for talking about that "boxed in" feeling! That is SO real for me, and it contributes greatly to my difficulty with time management. I end up mostly "sequencing" instead of "scheduling," and most of the time, it works out pretty well. Sometimes it's a disaster, but that's what calendars are for

[@ArtAngelMouse]

I do time blocking, planning, using RoutineFlow, time tracking, habit tracking, etc. I'm not always doing everything at my suggested time tho. I constantly change up my routine and stuff. I think its fine to take them as suggested times, while allowing some spontaneous activities that I like to do. Always drawing at random times. I put my suggested times in RoutineFlow too, but I mainly follow that app since it queues up a bunch of things I want to do in a row. I stopped blocking out "break times" because they don't work for me, I just take a break when I feel like it haha. Life is unpredictable, I embrace that. Some consistency is nice, but so are spontaneous things.

[@spotterofgold]

Brava! I think this is my favorite video from you since I found your channel six (or seven?) years ago! At a crucial time in my life (before I owned a computer) I woke up every morning at 4 AM, made a pot of tea and a bowl of popcorn to take back to bed and, without journaling, allowed myself time to just free-associate until 8 AM. When I acquired a rescue kitten, that was our time of day to just be with each other. Among many other benefits to me and my brain, it was super healing and transformative during the years I was able to do that and I learned so much about myself. Now that I've allowed KZbin to keep me up so late I haven't had that time. I reckon I can fix that situation. Thanks for your channel and this great video.

[@BobDowns]

This is hilarious - you know what I just finished right before I saw the notification for this video - scheduling aaaall the individual things I want to start working on. Not only that but I actually used Google Bard (their AI chatbot) to help me spread all the things across the next few weeks! I got that all done and felt great and proud of myself for creating this super complete schedule. And, then I watched this video which essentially said to me, “Yyyyeah, you know that thing you just finished working so hard on and feel so accomplished about? Yeah, don’t do that.” 😢 (But, I get it - I’m not necessarily going to be ready to do Thing 12 at precisely 10:15 AM on Tuesday. But, I created this knowing that - even on a calendar - it doesn’t HAVE to get done then. I can reschedule or just add it to a list of todos to work on later. Definitely thanks for validating that for me.) 😊 Another hilarious thing about this video all about time - the clock on the shelf behind you is stopped. 😂

[@dlewis895]

THE CLOCK.ITS CORRECT TWICE A DAY I LOVE IT AN HAVE THE SAME

[@AdrianeErin]

"Revenge bedtime procrastination" HA! It's so true. I do this, unknowingly, every time I'm overscheduled.

[@kirendhanda8021]

Hi & happy new year! Watching this gave me a light bulb moment where I realised I’ve been fighting my natural tendency to do things when I want/need by trying to fit my life into a schedule for YEARS! Thank you so much for this video x

[@DaleESkywalker]

I think I have it all planned out and life happens when you've made other plans!

[@rover790]

This happens to me often. It's so frustrating

[@amccaffrey1443]

OMG I relate to every, single thing you’re saying 100%! I have come to feel like me and time are in a constant battle to the death! I’ve lost a couple jobs all because of this exact topic: TIME, timelines, and time management. I’ve never heard of “Kairos time”! Though I’d never heard of it, I think I’ve been functioning on kairos time my whole life.

[@Shmolitz]

I did not know this was the video I was waiting for. Thank you! This is 100% my feelings! I had a boss who was crazy about time management and forcing us to follow is example. I was struggling so much. I did try to say I needed moments without time pressure but he kept getting angry because he thought it was a necessity to have a perfect time management. I decided to quite my job a year ago. Now I am working in a team were I can manage my time as I want. I am just asked to deliver things on time, but I do manage as I want. Feel so refresh!

[@Tina.Lucille]

I just received your book today (1/11/2024). I'm looking forward to reading it. I have to say that I haven't purchased a brand new full priced book in decades. That alone, for me, speaks volumes about how much confidence I have in your guide to ADHD.

[@kimlammers8748]

My teacher who has ADHD taught me to use thin sticky notes to write in my schedule. That way I can just rip it off and stick it to another time if I didn’t do it or don’t feel like doing that one, and swap it with something else. I struggled with planners because putting something in felt so cagey and then I felt extra shoooty when I didn’t do it. This solved it!

[@nieceypiecey100]

I use pencil for this very reason lol

[@lyndabethcave3835]

Oh it's my comment!!! The concept of Kairos vs. Chronos time helped me so much, and I'm so happy to be able to share it! (I first heard about this concept from Misreading Scripture with Western Eyes by Brandon J. O'Brien and E. Richards, obviously it wasn't about ADHD in that context.)

[@ceciliapersson5582]

One of the hardest and most beautiful things about being a parent is that time becomes…primal again. A baby may spend a what seems a crazy amount of time staring at their hand, and trying to understand what “hand” is, what “hand” does. And that’s a really good use of time! I hope you will have the opportunity to luxuriate in those moments! I own so little of my time as a mom, but have been learning to sit in those moments

[@NorroTaku]

my mental clock is super sequential i never knew what class was when but i knew what class came after the current one😁

[@HowtoADHD]

Ohhh that's interesting! And I feel very relatable!!

[@veronicasmemories]

This video came at a perfect time! I just scheduled my week and then I was so anxious to see what I had planned for tonight just to see I wrote 'me time 💕'

[@dwayneheeter]

The book arrived yesterday and is already filling in many blanks. I've known small talk was important, but not why. Definitely not good at it. Sensitive vs. empathy makes a lot of sense and explains a lot. I was at a new year's Eve party. A lady sat next to me that was separated after a 38year marriage. I started out fine, but left early, then spent the next week ruminating about numerous things I did wrong, what everyone must be thinking about me. I apologized to her friend later. She looked at me like I was crazy, said she didn't know what I was talking about. This might be what you meant about avoiding overload situations. I watched your channel before the pandemic. I lost touch until I saw a live interview that you did. You mentioned the book. I purchased it immediately. You are correct, it is written perfectly for best use. I'm told that I have adha and on the Spectrum. I've learned to cope for work, but not relationships. Thank you for your help ❤ 🙏

[@kathyhalters4288]

I always knew I needed time for roaming free, without limitations. I just didn't give myself permision to do that, until a couple of months ago. Every week, I try to book a weekend day where there is no plan, whatsover! Since doing that, i have so much more energy. I am starting to like my life again. Sometimes I still think i should not do this, but I soon realise that is a quick path to burn-out... Thank you for the reminder, and the permission! I bought your book. Can't wait to read it!

[@nentendomofo]

I have watched hundreds of adhd content and this is the video that has convinced me to get a diagnosis. Only 8% of people struggle with time management??!!! It's not normal to sequence and use kairos time?!

[@lowiekey]

Not me seeing this notification while planning my entire day tomorrow 😭

[@HowtoADHD]

Hope it helps you with your day tomorrow!!

[@lowiekey]

@@HowtoADHDYep! Scrapped the whole thing already... Maybe I'll try out the sequence thing! :) I do have to say: I feel like this more free approach usually works best when I'm in a happy and productive period... Sometimes I need to plan a bit to get started and not feel a crippling guilt. 😬

[@ScottMcMaster-er4xj]

I absolutely hate planning things out, because of the immense stress that deadlines cause me. I try to get things done, when I am experiencing better moments and my brain is actually functioning well enough to cope with things.

[@pnut9995]

This is amazing. I shared this with my husband. One of my twin sons was just diagnosed with ADHD-Combined today. I was recommended to get one of Dr. Russell Berkeley's books for him. You are amazing, and I am so grateful for you!

[@erisedstraeh1]

I'm a substitute teacher, so it's actually really hard for me to make plans for weekdays, because I know that if I get called in to work, I'll have to drop everything and go do that. It means that most of my planning is done on the day. Taking the time to sit down and decide what I'm going to do is part of my routine on non-work days. Because of this, though, time REALLY only matters on days when I DO go to work. Lesson plans, of course, are constrained by time, but if I'm not teaching, I do tend to plan things either sequentially, or just list all the things I would like to get done, and then pick and choose what interests me most (or least!) to start on.

[@TheParez]

Just spitballing ideas out of my mouth, but shouldnt there be a better system for substitute teachers so that they wouldn't have to "lose an arm and a leg" in a moment's notice? Pardon me if this sounds a bit rude; I'm seriously curious. 'Cause if the teachers of this world are regarded this low on the scale of importance, what hope can we have for the future?

[@nicolequezada-castro9650]

You are right about that @theparez but unfortunately this is the reality in most large educational systems I’ve seen. A sub is called on the day of…

[@DaleESkywalker]

Sometimes, changing the world is changing how we try to make it the same.

[@tamberjune]

I get so much more done between like 10pm and 2am than the whole day. also, you reminded me to keep up with my Spanish! Also, thank you for putting this out. Hopefully, Monday (My Birthday!) will be a productive day cause I'll be with my bestie and her mom & be able to do stuff (we ALL have ADHD 😜).

[@HowtoADHD]

Ohh!! Happy birthday!!

[@raehawkins7655]

happy birthday! mine is on monday too 🎉

[@teresachapman205]

Happy Birthday!! Mine was on Dec 31st. Love all my fellow Capricorns w/ADD/ADHD ❤ I also get the most done between those hours.

[@MW-cs2zw]

Happy birthday!

[@MW-cs2zw]

​@raehawkins7655 happy Birthday!

[@natalie_natalie_that_me]

Honestly, I have been following your videos since I got diagnosed almost three years ago. And if you ever see this comment I hope you know how incredibly grateful I am for you and your content. When I got diagnosed I had just moved out within the last year, dropped out of college, quit my post-college job of 6 months, and was incredibly depressed. Because of your videos, my diagnosis did not feel like a prison, but instead, an answer that meant I could finally start to improve my life and maybe be happy. I thought I would be trapped in "failure" my whole life, but your videos made me realize I could make a change. After that, I got obsessed with bettering myself, which honestly has more or less been going alright for me. I went back to school, got my AA, transferred to university, and now hold a perfect 4.0 GPA. However, my self-talk has gotten very negative, since I still have ADHD and cannot make its symptoms go away. So I feel bad about my mountainous dish pile, my lack of regular routines, and how hard it is to keep up with how much manual labor I do. Lately, since your "My channel used to be ableist video" your content has taken an obvious shift. Once again it is making a difference in my life as your videos are helping me learn to accept myself. I feel good about my grades, but I am unhappy with my rigorous schedule, dumpster fires, and self-hate spiral. I did not realize I could choose what I wanted to improve, and I would be happier if I let go of somebody else's version of "perfection." Slowly your videos and my desire to be happy are helping me learn what my version of a happy life looks like. Thank you so much for your content. Truly. It always reminds me that I can have happiness in life. @HowtoADHD

[@zoeclements8669]

Your notification popped up just as I was sitting down to plan 😂 perfect timing for a distraction.

[@HowtoADHD]

Lol well hopefully it can help with the planning y'know... once you... get back to it!

[@xannaz9226]

Love you so much You are a wonderful part of my ADHD journey. LOVE the kairos time concept. I've always wanted to rebel against time in general, after all, it's an artificial concept.

[@findingaway5512]

Yes! Thank you for saying all this!!!! I have heard several neuritypical people say how disrespectful and rude and how they literally will be done with people that are late.

[@BeachCat]

The choice between getting a lot done and enjoying my life has been a lifelong struggle. Even knowing what I want to get done takes up a lot of my thoughts. Now I value the time it takes to figure that out, and to recognize that that's an important step I need to take on a regular basis. It also helps to know I'm not the only one with that problem.

[@anadxb17]

I hope you answer❤ i absolutely love you videos thry really helped me when i first got diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago when i was 14 i have been following you since ❤I am turning 18 soon🎉 what a journey it has been 😊

[@HowtoADHD]

Hi!! I'm so happy our content could help as you've been on your journey!

[@bunnieluna3249]

I was use to always showing up late to work so I flipped my schedule and I work nights so I wake up at 3pm and go to bed at 6am. It’s helped a lot cuz once I’m off work I have free time before bed to do whatever I want. And it’s easy cuz I don’t deal with everyone at the grocery stores ❤❤

[@Redkinkid1985]

lol I moved 5 minutes to work and I’m still late😂

[@OneCraftyGamer]

I'm listening to your book and absolutely love it! I played it for my ADHD husband too (we are both brains haha) and he found it super helpful too! As for language learning, I actually really want to learn Hawaiian as I live in Hawaii, but alas Babbel does not seem to have it (yet??).

[@1Aroe1]

"Time not thinking about time" is how I've been using my weekends lately to balance out a rigid work week. Right now I don't have to do a lot of social commitments on the weekend, so I do my best to protect at least one day to just sit and work on whatever comes to mind in my sewing room. I don't always work on one project start to finish, but sometimes I'll be able to, and sometimes I'll work a little bit on five projects. Whether I "accomplish" anything or not, it's the most relaxing day of my week.

[@ritsam2001]

I feel so validated! Like the things I do is on Krios time. Going to the grocery store when I realize I ran out of strawberries. Also, the misery I felt after like 2 days of following a strict schedule is so 😅, I fall apart so easily. I will definitely get better at time management, but I am figuring out what actually works for me and this helps a lot

[@Phrakshun]

time management is my biggest weakness coupled with "motivation" / discipline and self improvement. Time freedom often feels more like a prison of mind

[@Enjoythepour]

I can relate to this I’m so many different levels over the last three years. I’ve pretty much lived on my own time getting things done as I needed to when I wanted to. I recently moved to be closer to my children and one of my granddaughters. I’ve gone from doing things on my own to watching my granddaughter two days a week for three hours and in addition having dinner every Friday night with them and my only days off which I would’ve never called days off but that’s how I feel. It’s exhausting and I actually Fell asleep sitting up yesterday, Wednesday only three days into the week. I typically am most effective at night and 3am is my normal bedtime. I need to reset my boundaries. My kids don’t understand me. They will now though. I have never been able to explain how my brain works. They think I’m lazy. I have the book and really want to start reading it and I will when I can. I’m very excited about it. As for moving into my new house, half of it is still sitting in the garage because by the time I have the ability to get to it I’m exhausted! And I’ve lost desire to organize it into my house. I really needed to hear or see this video today. Immediate lightbulb went off. Thank you.

[@jamesbriggs5740]

If I have to leave somewhere at a certain time I set a timer. The phone timer is set on Wednesdays for two different bus times to get home. Also I use the stove timer and the little battery operated one. Kathy B The only time to use a calendar is for time specific and day specific tasks.

[@anamariefalk3796]

I find my brain only wanting to be creative when I have work and then when I get home I’m out of energy. And then days when I have nothing scheduled I can never bring myself to do anything creative because I’ve made it an expectation for myself. I desperately need a vacation

[@crystalcrider3716]

I work for a bookstore in Pigeon Forge TN and I asked one of the owners to carry your book, and he said he will try and get it.

[@KatieBeeLee]

Just bought your audiobook. I’m so excited to start listening to it!

[@Redkinkid1985]

Audio best for our sharp minds

[@brookec.b.3611]

The time management stuff is such a real struggle -- This was very uplifting and helpful. :)

[@Redkinkid1985]

What’s time? I only know next week😂😂😂

[@John_Krone]

Love this video. It has lifted a load off my shoulders. I try to be like others and I constantly get frustrated with myself for not being able to follow through my planned day. It's nearly impossible for me. Thanks for sharing

[@walkingexercise5375]

Thanks for the helpful advice! Your videos are so relatable and validating. I find that hour schedules might not work for me. However, Gretchen Rubin mentioned the four quarters method of dividing your day into four time blocks like morning, day, afternoon, and night. Anyusha here on KZbin has a video called planning four quarters method about the method. There is a blog post by notes by Thalia Sunday reset routine 3 sections where she talks about a Sunday reset for 3 parts of the day like morning, afternoon and evening. I mentioned on a previous one of your video that Mariane Cresp has a video called how to use a self-care/break list talking about three types of breaks. I like that your ideas and others can work for exercising, too! For example, instead of scheduling certain workouts on certain days like Mon, Wed, Fri just have a list of workouts and have a goal of working out three times a week.

[@1QueenAliquippa]

My time management is so messed up that if I have somewhere really important to be I'll stay up all night just to make it on time and still be late or not make it at all.😢

[@KellyandBobo4life]

I sometimes just suddenly want to do some self-studying in the middle of the night and my mom scold me for doing it in the middle of the night instead of doing it in the afternoon, and I would always be like “well, I didn’t feel like doing it in the afternoon and I just feel like doing it now ok???”

[@Lynee5290]

Great video, time management/blindness has definitely always been my biggest challenge and struggle in life! I literally hate having my life dictated to me by time. Somehow now that I’ve retired I feel I have earned the right to work with and live with time on my terms …. ⏰ 😊

[@annafrancessmith]

Your hair!!! It’s looking BEAUT! Also thank you so much for this. I think this is most of my reason for burnout and overwhelm!

[@BeachCat]

I hate being asked how long a task will take because I know I suck at it, even if it''s something familiar. Knowing that about myself, however, makes it easier to relate to others who have the same difficulty.

[@gm49334]

I really appreciated how you pointed out that perpetually using kairos time also can be a energy drain because I pretty much subsist on kairos as much as possible. Unless it’s a meeting that requires scheduling so that multiple people will all be available for a thing, I very much exist in “what are the things, what order will I do them in” as my method of time because scheduling time blocks 1) makes me anxious and 2) is ineffective because of how bad at estimating time I am. If a time block ends before I finished the work, I’m so distressed that I couldn’t finish that I loose all motivation. So I just live in a flow with a task priority order and occasional check and adjusts if it’s two pm and I’m still on the first office tasks. However even this leaves me exhausted and without time to just try things because I want to since as soon as I finish a task, there’s always a task ready for me to pick it up. Giving myself time to just do what I want and allowing myself to prioritize not just based on what’s important but also by what I’m excited about are definitely two things that I want to incorporate into my life more.