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@DaleESkywalker10 ай бұрын
Hello, Jess!
@HowtoADHD10 ай бұрын
Hi!
@omotayosatuyi25210 ай бұрын
I want to get it but it has a pay wall which is unfortunate, I use duo
@victoriavvc10 ай бұрын
They don't have Japanese 3:
@officialtimothyphoenix10 ай бұрын
Kairos Time, not Cairo's Time, lol. Video subtitles had me on an Egyptian Google search for a sec.
@weirdrabbitgirl10 ай бұрын
Girl I clicked that notification SO FAST. you had me at ‘don’t plan’ 😂😂
@HowtoADHD10 ай бұрын
LOL I had myself at 'don't plan' too 🤣🤣
@ktburger65910 ай бұрын
Lolll me too
@memyaccount821310 ай бұрын
It’s validating too to feel like there’s permission to not do something you feel you’re supposed to do. I think an interesting topic is about how sometimes doing what you need to do can make you feel like you’re ‘bad’ or rebellious, but pushing through that feeling makes you more productive. This can relate to the task itself or the way you’re doing it being considered ‘improper.’ Like growing up, the act of starting a chore or self-maintenance task usually resulted in being scolded (for being too slow), & I realized that even as an adult, starting these tasks makes me feel like I’m being rebellious because doing them resulted in being scolded in the past. So I try to tell myself, “I’m allowed to do this” when starting a maintenance task. For example, I don’t have a lot of pause in brushing my hair, but that happened to be something that I was allowed to do for as long as I needed to when growing up; I don’t feel like I need to push past the feeling of ‘doing something bad’ before doing it (& other things, like doing the dishes, etc., were a different story)
@dreamhacker514210 ай бұрын
😂😂😂😂
@baejay79810 ай бұрын
@@HowtoADHDI am HERE for that. And I have the How to ADHD book now it’s SO GOOD.
@bwayslimess412410 ай бұрын
My brain can't function without a plan, but once I make the plan I can't stick to the plan. It's a curse. People say "Wow you're so organised" and I'm like "yeah I would be if I stuck to the plan😭😭"
@solar0wind9 ай бұрын
Yep, if I don't plan, I do nothing. But I don't really plan in times if I don't have to because idk how long everything is going to take. It's just the order of things I plan and maybe the daytime.
@happytofu59 ай бұрын
The plan is there for you, not you for the plan. If you can't stick to it, improve the plan, not try to bend yourself to the plan. The plan is a made up thing that usually does not fit with reality and needs to be adjusted accordingly. I suggest to only plan with 50% of the given time, because the rest will be filled up with surprise things that pop up along the way. I repeat: the plan needs to change, not you!
@raspberryblood6 ай бұрын
Dear God, this is so me. My colleague thought I'm so organize, she doesn't know what's really going on in my head T_T.
@ultravioletpisces36666 ай бұрын
My bff is like that and I have a more rigid mindset honestly. I love not having a plan but if I have one i don’t like to deviate from it. It sets an expectation and it upsets me to go off plan.
@soyvoz_6 ай бұрын
If I don't make the plan I can't begin doing the thing, and I allways break the plan in order to get the thing done. It's amazing to understand why I function that way and that I don't need to change it
@Invisible0one10 ай бұрын
I used to live in fear of getting fired for being late. Me and another ADHD coworker are late almost every single day. We got a new GM last year when our store was on the brink of imploding and we spent about month stressing ourselves out trying, and failing, to pretend to be perfect employees until it inevitably fell apart. Our boss looked at us both and went "I don't care about employees who are constantly late, as long as you show up eventually. You're good at your jobs. Stop stressing yourselves out about it." And I didn't even realize how much just trying to show up perfectly on time every day was impacting me until he took that stress out of the picture. We're both still late almost every day, but now it's 10 minutes instead of 20 because we're not wasting time stressing over it. He's also totally chill when one of us hyperfocuses on something like reorganizing the entire store instead of the project he originally assigned. 😂 "If the project makes my job easier, I don't care what you do."
@bellaluce708810 ай бұрын
@Invisible0one I relate to that fear so much that your flexible boss story actually made me cry! How I wish for a world where every neurodiverse person could be recognized for their STRENGTHS instead of living in fear because of arbitrary ableist expectations. Thank god for GOOD bosses and that you ended up with one!!!!! < : - ) ❤
@sourgreendolly76859 ай бұрын
He sounds like someone with actual leadership skills. A lot of bosses are too busy trying to be in charge to develop those!
@SusannMarieDye9 ай бұрын
Yikes that sounds so familiar!
@alissakuroda9 ай бұрын
😹 I can relate to the part about hyperfocusing on organizing the whole store. Dream manager.
@cferracini9 ай бұрын
That's a good boss
@dolphin6457510 ай бұрын
YES, OVERSCHEDULED! The same way children can be overscheduled and not have enough free time, so can adults! Unscheduled time is important for our brains! ❤
@Jebbis10 ай бұрын
This is so important for children. They need spontaneous play time either by themselves or with friends.
@Muhluri9 ай бұрын
children are always over scheduled thanks to the bloated school system. When you add after school activities the kids can easily spend 12 hours per day just doing school activities
@p00pjeezusfartswag9 ай бұрын
LITERALLY ME AS A KID AND ME NOW!!!!! I've really had to work on my relationship with plans because of how restricting they've felt for sm of my lifeee
@lisalove85329 ай бұрын
that statistic on how many people struggle with time management, adhd people vs general population, hit hard. Wow
@Redkinkid19859 ай бұрын
Wow is right let’s put are heads together and get a half of a task done😅
@morganblank658710 ай бұрын
Every time I plan every second I can't follow my plan-- Autism loves the plan, ADHD says LOL Nope! If I make a list rather than plan, it tends to go better!
@HowtoADHD10 ай бұрын
Yesssss!!
@vocalsunleashed10 ай бұрын
As an AuDHDer myself this is very relatable
@richicago209 ай бұрын
@@HowtoADHDcan you do an episode on this? As an AuHDer, I feel this
@cherismith57076 ай бұрын
Wow, this must be why lists work SO well for me but having things scheduled stresses me to the max!
@jipjomon5 ай бұрын
This but I'm neurotypical unfortunately
@andrewadams647310 ай бұрын
Just realized “revenge bedtime procrastination” is largely powering my personal projects at the moment…
@elisabethmontegna541210 ай бұрын
We started using relative (or maybe kairos?) time units in the mornings in our effort to leave for work and school on time. So, for instance, when I tell the kiddo it is "Dad is shaving o'clock" she knows we will be leaving soonish and she needs to be finished getting ready ASAP. This works much, much better than our previous system of saying that we need to leave in 10 minutes. We have also embraced the phrase "better late than never" as our family motto (only we say it in latin so we sound fancy--potius sero quam numquam). It's been surprisingly useful in relieving the feelings of stress and guilt over being frequently late. We may be late, but we always show up/get the thing done!
@HowtoADHD10 ай бұрын
Omg "dad is shaving o'clock" that's so cute and creative!! I love that!!
@nyarparablepsis8729 ай бұрын
Totally stealing the Latin phrase!
@paulstejskal9 ай бұрын
Love it. Dumb question how do you pronounce the Latin? I think POTUS with an eye, cero like Spanish for zero, quam like qualm without the L, and num like number without brrr, or num lock.
@92RKID6 күн бұрын
@@nyarparablepsis872 Me too! Latin is freaking awesome.
@zants_10 ай бұрын
11:10 It feels so validating to hear someone else say that they *underestimate* the time it takes for them to complete a task. I feel like every resource I've consumed before (e.g. other videos) always say the complete opposite, with quotes like "you'd be shocked to find that tasks probably take you much less time than you actually thought, so what you thought would be a 2 hour task actually only took 15 minutes and you were making this a much bigger deal than it actually was!" and each time I'm like... am I broken? Because for me it's more like: what I think will be a 15 minute task actually becomes 2 hours (or more... the amount of times I thought something would be measured in *minutes* but it ended up actually be measured in *days* is insane!). Things take me so long and I never get that satisfaction of "whew, that wasn't so bad, I'm glad that's finished and now I can move on to the next thing", even the smallest things are like "I think I'm done? I feel like I'm more confused now than when I started. I just know I never want to do this again and I'm scared that it's not even finished yet."
@dlewis89510 ай бұрын
I DO THE BEST I CANLET GO OF THE OUTCOME. IT IS WHAT IT IS+ACCEPT IT! ACCEPTANCE AROUND THAT+ LIFE HELPS ME CHILL BE KIND TO MYSELF
@bellaluce708810 ай бұрын
@zants How I relate to this! "...the amount of times I thought something would be measured in minutes but it ended up actually be measured in days is insane!" YES!!!! I have been pleasantly surprised occasionally by things taking less time though. For example, it really is amazing what 5 minutes tidying with a timer before watching TV can do. : - )
@ayerhead0710 ай бұрын
5:46 I saw a post the other day that described this as "roomba cleaning" and it unlocked something in my brain. "Done in bits and pieces, in random order, it won't be perfect at the end but it will be better." I've been experimenting with loosening up how and when I work on my chore list and it feels so good!
@souldancersbyjennifer8 ай бұрын
Lol 🤣🤣🤣 good one
@ken.potter10 ай бұрын
I was literally crying last night because I’m so tired of scheduling my life in order to live in a world that abides by whatever is considered ‘normal’. It’s exhausting. Thank you for your videos.
@rubykelley558110 ай бұрын
I've had to learn the difference between a routine and a schedule. I can have a routine where I do certain things daily but, not be so restrictive that I have to do them within a scheduled time. As soon as a time limit is set, I automatically don't want to do it. I give myself the freedom to do it when I feel like it.
@dwidlund10 ай бұрын
I’ve adopted a new way of phrasing the time blindness. I remind people of my “complicated relationship with time”. It has a cool ring to it, and it doesn’t sound like an excuse
@kamille2869 ай бұрын
That makes you sound like a time traveler omg
@fluffymushy9Ай бұрын
That's an amazing phrase! I'm going to use that, thank you so much 🙏🏻💓
@ragingveela10 ай бұрын
I was JUST talking to my therapist about how I'm trying to let myself roam free a little more, and how discovering pathological demand avoidance made a huge difference in how I approach things! being kind and accepting to myself when I feel so different from other people has been the hardest part of healing, thank you so much for making this video!
@kenmc160110 ай бұрын
PDA makes so much sense! I just wish my life wasn't such a PDA minefield.
@annbraden662810 ай бұрын
I did not know there was a name for this. Diagnosed at 52, I recently found some elementary school report cards. Starting in kindergarten, every teacher wrote something about not finishing tasks in the allotted time. I cried a little for child me. I worked so hard to get good grades and didn’t understand how other kids could get things done so quickly. It’s been a huge relief to know I’m not alone.
@laughingl0tus9 ай бұрын
@@annbraden6628I’m crying right now because I just learned this was a thing too. I’ve carried so much guilt over this! I’m 48 and was just diagnosed as well.
@Judymontel9 ай бұрын
Uh-oh. I think I need to look this up (though I resent the word "pathalogical") - I come from a long line and big family of people who say and feel "don't tell me what to do" a lot of the time!
@ragingveela9 ай бұрын
@@Judymontel it took me years to read the description because I thought "oh that sounds bad, so it's probably not me"... but I resonated with a lot of what I read! a lot of things are named in a way that makes more sense medically but the lay definitions we use for the same words makes communication between experts and regular people really hard.
@offairhead10 ай бұрын
AuDiHD here and I drive a school bus. My entire 13 hour work day is full of having to be at certain places at certain times. If I am 4 mins late to work then approximately 450-500 students are late to school and classes and some of those will be standing outside in freezing cold temperatures/rain/snow etc. It’s been a huge struggle and has taken me nine years to get into a good rhythm. Most of my coworkers are in a good rhythm within three months.
@CatApocalypse10 ай бұрын
I feel all this! Time-blocking has been all the rage in the planner community, but I cannot schedule my life like that, haha. My energy, mood, motivation levels are too unpredictable. I'll note down important things in my planner, but also end up tracking things I actually did in the day at least as much as scheduling stuff.
@pokelover029 ай бұрын
I time-blocked at my old job because my boss was being very manipulative and blaming us for his own shortcomings. It got to the point where the project manager spoke to me privately saying, “You know you don’t have to time block. The process itself is time-consuming.” But I told her I had to do it to protect myself, and it worked. Found another job quickly though, and it became very clear that time blocking would be completely unnecessary. We work hybrid and are very go-with-the-flow. Ironically, I’ve never been more productive!
@danimolusco4 ай бұрын
I also track things I do throughout the day, and it helps me see what things are really important/necessary to me . Sometimes I write down how long some of those things take me.
@TheEDFLegacy10 ай бұрын
I can relate to this. So hard. Start times, deadlines, sleep times. Why can't we just do everything when we want to? _Except we would never get anything done..._ 😅
@HowtoADHD10 ай бұрын
Yeaaahhhhhh it's definitely a balance!!
@TheEDFLegacy10 ай бұрын
@HowtoADHD Wait... what's a _balance?_ 😳
@HowtoADHD10 ай бұрын
I'll let ya know once we figure it out :P
@TheEDFLegacy10 ай бұрын
@@HowtoADHD 😳
@ewestner10 ай бұрын
It explains why days with back-to-back meetings (which are, thank goodness, rare for me) are sooooooo tiring. And I can't get anything else done on those days either.
@markbunner309810 ай бұрын
Just ordered your book. I am a middle school art teacher and I host an ADHD club after school once a week. Can't wait to dig into this book, the kids like your videos.
@ktburger65910 ай бұрын
That’s so lovely, setting the kids up for future success. Wish that existed when I was younger!
@TheParez10 ай бұрын
Bless your heart, man.
@estherfriesen21759 ай бұрын
Thanks so much for what you do.
@bartman12389 ай бұрын
I got audio book of it
@bartman12389 ай бұрын
The kids might like ice cream sandwiches you tube video on adhd
@turnoffthetv10 ай бұрын
One of the reasons I'm so great at my job is because it's largely independent. I have tasks and deadlines, but the order, flow etc is mine. I am free to build my day in a way that suits me, and like you suggest, I make a to-do list and just start doing it without scheduling exact times, barring anything with an urgent deadline. I switch tasks all day as it suits me. I'm newly diagnosed but it makes so much sense that I found this work and thrive in it vs old jobs. I tend to try and give myself daily lists of things to do instead of timed events/keep timed events each day to a minimum and it does help me a lot. Kairos!
@Laneylolo9 ай бұрын
What line of work are you in? What a gift to have a job that works with your brain!
@iprobablyforgotsomething9 ай бұрын
@turnoffthetv -- Seconding the request for details on this unicorn of a job field / position and/or company. It sounds magical. I am envying like mad (but also pleased to hear that someone, somewhere is getting to experience just what they need in a workplace!).
@KaylaTaitz8 ай бұрын
I am lucky to have the schedule to as a makeup artist! So thankful to do what I love! But definitely have to completely crash after a job even though I love it!
@rinciel499910 ай бұрын
I feel so, so grateful that your most recent content is heavily inclined towards radical acceptance - often, not planning anything can be the best plan you could have, and I had to learn that the hard way. I feel that we are very intuitive towards time, and that innate ability NEEDS to be exercised more, because suppressing it using arbitrary time just makes that ability suffer. Thank you for this, Jessica!
@mariamshah33810 ай бұрын
I finished your book two days ago!!! It was so helpful and it honestly felt like a love letter to the ADHD community. I felt so supported and so acknowledged reading it. Thank you so much!!!❤
@HowtoADHD10 ай бұрын
Awwww you're welcome!!! I'm so glad that's the feeling you got from it
@fiudad10 ай бұрын
I bought the book on Audible but I feel Im going to but it physical also. Listening to audio books is ok only for "not important" books 😅😅. Usually I listen to audiobooks while driving but I feel Jessy's books deserves a special attention, yes "attention" 😊 Hope I can hyerpfocus on it easily and naturally.
@mariamshah33810 ай бұрын
@@fiudad i love that!! i actually think i might get it on audio book too because i love hearing Jessica’s voice!!
@gaborszabo980410 ай бұрын
Actually finishing a book? WOW I bought it, started reading it, liked it, put it down, sometimes it occurs to me that I should be reading it, dabbled in a different chapter, put down again, I'm not sure if I'm gonna ever finish it... xD
@mariamshah33810 ай бұрын
@@gaborszabo9804 I’ve been there so many times!! I’m in college and I’m on winter break right now so I have plenty of time to catch up on reading.
@mybirdiee10 ай бұрын
it's been a year that I actually have a daily plan but it did not make me exhausted. here is why: 1. I sometimes change the order or add spontaneity to each task I suppose to do. for example, if I study in my bed today. I study in the living room the next day. it does not have to be something big. 2. it gets tough to do all the tasks in some days when I don't do well physically and/or emotionally so I try my best to do the bare minimum in those days. For example, if I usually study for 2 hours I study for 30 minutes.. little is better than nothing.( this also helps with some perfectionist traits adhders have) 3. if a task is terrifying to do ( that fucking paperwork --_-- ), divide it into steps. 4. remember that you need breaks. you need to leave your brain do what it wants for a certain period in a day or a week. a funny fact: it's not a joke when I say that my anxiety level was far less in an emergency room than the time I was supposed to do some paperwork. overall, I completely agree with you. I tried 9-5 jobs and I DO NOT EXAGGERATE IF I TELL YOU THAT IT MADE ME FEEL SUICIDDAL. I was feeling very very miserable.
@KCallia9 ай бұрын
I am so grateful of my manager's patience with my 5-10 mins lateness. She knows what hell I'm coming back from. "We sell clothes, we're not saving lives. If you text me that you will be late, that's okay."
@catherineraper10 ай бұрын
Hi! I like using to-do lists rather then booking things at specific times. Obviously my medical appointment are certain times so I work very hard to get to them on time. Any time I try to get a routine going, my brain starts to feel bored and frustrated after a couple of days. I’ve finally found a planner that works well for me.
@julia8884310 ай бұрын
That is exactly what I came here to comment, I used to try and "book" my tasks, to specific moments of the day it never worked well. Instead I have a to-do list with all the things that need to be done ever, and from that I make a smaller to-do list, of ok, here are the things I am going to commit to doing today, and the amount of time on average I think it will take to do each task, and I never make the list longer than 7 hours. ( I knowing myself, know that I cannot be productive in any given day for more than 7 hours). But I can do the tasks in whatever order I want at whatever time of the day I want.
@SeekingBeautifulDesign10 ай бұрын
Arguably the most popular time/focus management system in the world is Getting Things Done-GTD. It argues to focus only on the next thing (calendar only hard appointments). There must be some ADHD+GTD videos out there as it seems to be tailor made for anyone who needs focus, peace and productivity
@alphacrescent10 ай бұрын
What planner did you find and like? I'd love to know!
@constancemk60310 ай бұрын
I've just discovered that creating a to do list instead of scheduling strictly when things need doing works better for me. I was sobbing in the bath last week about not replacing the air filter because I had it in my calendar for 12/31 (anyone else feel crushing childhood guilt for not doing monthly/quarterly tasks? Yep, that was me last Sunday), then put it on a to do list and it was done the same day. Sequencing also works much better than scheduling for me.
@alphacrescent10 ай бұрын
@@constancemk603 I know that feeling so very well. Had no idea it was so relatable!
@RobertRoweMusic10 ай бұрын
My absolute favorite blocks of time are when I had something scheduled (like a meeting or music lesson), and then it gets cancelled. Because that was blocked time and suddenly free, it truly is free time to do whatever I want. This might be one of my favorite videos so far, Jessica.
@ShinbrigTV10 ай бұрын
As an artist, I've been feeling burnt out because I was releasing a song a week. Now I'm taking a break to better recalibrate my release schedule and this video came out at JUST the right time. Thank you!!
@TheRonnieaj9 ай бұрын
My hyperfocus led me to two book contracts and five novels released in two years, even while having surgery. And then…burn out. I did next to nothing last year while navigating new life issues, but that break has been so helpful already this year. Best wishes to you on your career!
@SlickSkuddy9 ай бұрын
Saw someone on Twitter say you should be able to make 3 beats in an hour and I was just so disgusted by the thought of working that fast even though I could if I was in the zone lol it’s NOT regular
@kenrickbautista614110 ай бұрын
Whenever you say "Hello brains!", it fills my heart with so much joy. 😂😊💖 Also, there have been times when I manage time. There are days when I'm patient and days when I am in a hurry. I even try to make sure nothing gets in the way. If that makes sense.
@janinebean427610 ай бұрын
Sometimes your brain needs space for inspiration to strike, because it needs permission to bop around and wander like you said. It needs freedom. If I don’t have this freedom, I end up doing the “revenge bedtime procrastination” SO MUCH.
@Katiedora12210 ай бұрын
The more I learn about my ADHD, the more I'm realizing how much I was already adopting tools to help me cope, I just never had the vocabulary before. And that kairos and chronos time is really going to stick with me!
@michaellorg10 ай бұрын
I like to have "planned unplanned time" for exactly the reasons you mention in this video!
@plantyfan10 ай бұрын
I was in 4th grade when I first documented "I hate being rushed" -- and I've never changed 😂 I think it's part ODD "you shouldn't be telling me what to do when"; part time nearsightedness "great, I'm late and I'm both embarrassed and angry"; part managing my ADHD and recognizing that haste makes way more waste with executive dysfunction and in turn triggers self-shaming, anxiety, and rejection sensitive dysphoria etc; and now that I know about Cairos time, I think it's because rushing me to a different task requires me to break my Cairos schedule and then WHO KNOWS when I'll ever be done
@The214thRabidFangirl10 ай бұрын
This video felt like hearing someone Express a need that I didn't know how to express for myself.
@just.jo.no.one.else110 ай бұрын
weirdly needed this video today :) Lots of my friends have super extensive google calendars where everything in their week is planned out and scheduled and I keep seeing their systems and thinking that I should do that too because "that's what they're doing, and it looks like it could work," but I'm definitely doing fine with my current systems because they work for me lol. Really gotta stop comparing myself to others, especially with workflow/productivity stuff cause it's almost never gonna be the same
@Jeremy-kg1zr9 ай бұрын
Honestly just looking at a booked google calendar is exhausting and makes me want to go lay down. I just put my plans on a list on my iphone where I can just scroll down them to check them, and they disappear when I tap the little circle next to them after the thing is done. So much less exhausting and for some reason feels much easier to manage. Like it's the same amount of stuff, but doesn't feel as stressful and tiring.
@logancrowther134610 ай бұрын
I just spent many hours spread over this last week trying to make a schedule that works for me with no success. This is the video that I need.
@HowtoADHD10 ай бұрын
Definitely hope it helps!!
@lailanitukuafu9 ай бұрын
I really really needed this today. I'm doing full-time college, part-time work right now and I always feel like I'm falling behind, no matter how hard I try. It feels like every second of every day there's something I "should" be doing. I'm absolutely exhausted; mentally, emotionally, and physically. You had a great point in saying that if you don't give yourself time to not think about time, your brain will take it anyway. I stayed up until 2:00am just watching KZbin last night and I ended up sleeping in through my first class this morning. I felt so stupid, especially because it's really just been a bad brain week and I've been forgetting tons of things, barely meeting deadlines, coming in late to so much stuff. I've been fighting the perfectionist demon in my mind every day for several days straight. After a while, it starts to feel hopeless. I desperately want to be a good student, a good employee, and a good adult. But dang it, today I really just want to go buy some fabric and make my Halloween costume for this year. Unfortunately I have to do school work for the rest of the day. Time management sucks. Needless to say, I VERY much appreciated your rant
@BaselardFE10 ай бұрын
It's so easy for me to procrastinate activities if they're at a set time during the day, but if my schedule is free I'm probably gonna do it when I feel like it. When I feel it's necessary, or whenever I get a burst of energy/motivation. Of course there should be some structure on the daily, but I think having an open schedule is really beneficial.
@lanternsown352510 ай бұрын
I didn't know there was a difference between Cronus and Kairos time, I learned something new thank you Jessica.
@SimoneEppler10 ай бұрын
I started with task blocking instead of time blocking, and that is already a huge relief, because I can change the order (except when an order is required). It’s a relief because I don’t have to start at a certain point in time. Now to not overplanning my days😅
@ajbXYZcool10 ай бұрын
Something I did last semester in college is block out my evenings as NO. No schoolwork. No tutoring. Just me. Still need to try and balance the REST of the time properly, make the most of the rest of the time, but there's what I do.
@BOABModels10 ай бұрын
I try to talk to my wife about not filling up all of her day - she's a full time general practitioner and also does a lot of volunteer work procuring aid for hospitals in Ukraine. Like me, she has fairly recently realised she is neurodiverse and feels like she always has to be doing stuff but it makes her so tired! She's sick right now unfortunately but I will show her this when she's better!
@BOABModels10 ай бұрын
Also revenge procrastination bedtime... I've never heard it called that but it is waaaay too relatable.
@scar_yeet10 ай бұрын
God I can't tell how seen I feel watching this video. I almost broke down when you said 'the way that we work naturally isn't wrong it's just not compatible with the rest of the world'. I have been feeling very guilty these days for not being able to get stuff done as and when I need to do them and sometimes you just need a reminder that that's ok. Your videos do just that for me and I'm really really grateful for that. Thank you for putting out such amazing content regularly, it has been a great help. Sending love to you and your baby❤
@elizabethjohnson43810 ай бұрын
This is my favourite video so far. 🎉🎉🎉 thank you for the idea that it doesn’t need to be this way, and giving voice to thoughts I’ve had. I have been trying to set a stop watch when completing some simple, repetitive tasks and I love having that phrase to build the knowledge. I started this in earnest after I couldn’t understand why it was taking so long to vacuum my house. I am GUILTY of estimating 15-30 mins for stuff like this but it took 1 hour 10 mins to vacuum three stories of my townhouse. And I was BEATING MYSELF UP that it wasn’t taking the 30 minutes I thought it would. Like why? I should be proud I am so thorough that I move furniture and fluff pillows when I vacuum, but instead all I could think about was the time it took above my estimate. 😞
@prapanthebachelorette680310 ай бұрын
Me too ❤
@rinciel499910 ай бұрын
I feel you😭💛
@izabelarivera521110 ай бұрын
Last week I had a busy and very structured time with my kiddos. Lots of scheduled activities. This week I'm in recovery mode. Stripped my week down to necessities.
@DaleESkywalker10 ай бұрын
I think I have it all planned out and life happens when you've made other plans!
@rover79010 ай бұрын
This happens to me often. It's so frustrating
@Iwasonceanonionwithnolayers10 ай бұрын
I like structuring my non-time dependant tasks in Done By format. Get it done by the afternoon, done by the time I go to bed, done by dinner. Instead of at 9 am, at 8, at 5.
@user-hc8mp9vc8g10 ай бұрын
This is an accurate reflection of my life right now. If there is even one or two scheduled things I have in my day, I get so distracted by worrying about making it to that scheduled event that I can't get started on what I need to work on. I would complain about a day full of meetings, but even when my meetings got cancelled and I had holes in my schedule, I couldnt make effective use of that time because I had to worry about the next scheduled event and whether the task I was about to start could be done before that event. Love the rants. Now I understand my recent behavior and stressors. And why I hate people trying to make me commit to a time.
@spotterofgold10 ай бұрын
Brava! I think this is my favorite video from you since I found your channel six (or seven?) years ago! At a crucial time in my life (before I owned a computer) I woke up every morning at 4 AM, made a pot of tea and a bowl of popcorn to take back to bed and, without journaling, allowed myself time to just free-associate until 8 AM. When I acquired a rescue kitten, that was our time of day to just be with each other. Among many other benefits to me and my brain, it was super healing and transformative during the years I was able to do that and I learned so much about myself. Now that I've allowed KZbin to keep me up so late I haven't had that time. I reckon I can fix that situation. Thanks for your channel and this great video.
@ceciliapersson558210 ай бұрын
One of the hardest and most beautiful things about being a parent is that time becomes…primal again. A baby may spend a what seems a crazy amount of time staring at their hand, and trying to understand what “hand” is, what “hand” does. And that’s a really good use of time! I hope you will have the opportunity to luxuriate in those moments! I own so little of my time as a mom, but have been learning to sit in those moments
@mannyjacobowitz557110 ай бұрын
Thank you for talking about that "boxed in" feeling! That is SO real for me, and it contributes greatly to my difficulty with time management. I end up mostly "sequencing" instead of "scheduling," and most of the time, it works out pretty well. Sometimes it's a disaster, but that's what calendars are for
@amccaffrey144310 ай бұрын
OMG I relate to every, single thing you’re saying 100%! I have come to feel like me and time are in a constant battle to the death! I’ve lost a couple jobs all because of this exact topic: TIME, timelines, and time management. I’ve never heard of “Kairos time”! Though I’d never heard of it, I think I’ve been functioning on kairos time my whole life.
@josephcharpentier157510 ай бұрын
I work in tech, and struggled in roles that required me to plan my own days and attend meetings. I had to manage myself and had a lot of freedom, but I somehow felt more oppressed by that because I felt like I needed to fill in any gaps and be efficient. New job I'm in is more about reacting to tickets as they come in. I'm finding myself much more comfortable and functional. There's no need for me to schedule focus hours, I just keep working tickets as I see them. It's strangely liberating.
@lyndabethcave383510 ай бұрын
Oh it's my comment!!! The concept of Kairos vs. Chronos time helped me so much, and I'm so happy to be able to share it! (I first heard about this concept from Misreading Scripture with Western Eyes by Brandon J. O'Brien and E. Richards, obviously it wasn't about ADHD in that context.)
@Shmolitz10 ай бұрын
I did not know this was the video I was waiting for. Thank you! This is 100% my feelings! I had a boss who was crazy about time management and forcing us to follow is example. I was struggling so much. I did try to say I needed moments without time pressure but he kept getting angry because he thought it was a necessity to have a perfect time management. I decided to quite my job a year ago. Now I am working in a team were I can manage my time as I want. I am just asked to deliver things on time, but I do manage as I want. Feel so refresh!
@Neofishy1510 ай бұрын
Wow I didn't realise how much of this I was thinking about lately until you put it all together. I am definitely on Kairos time! Thankyou for vindicating my feelings yet again.
@Tina.Lucille10 ай бұрын
I just received your book today (1/11/2024). I'm looking forward to reading it. I have to say that I haven't purchased a brand new full priced book in decades. That alone, for me, speaks volumes about how much confidence I have in your guide to ADHD.
@dwayneheeter10 ай бұрын
The book arrived yesterday and is already filling in many blanks. I've known small talk was important, but not why. Definitely not good at it. Sensitive vs. empathy makes a lot of sense and explains a lot. I was at a new year's Eve party. A lady sat next to me that was separated after a 38year marriage. I started out fine, but left early, then spent the next week ruminating about numerous things I did wrong, what everyone must be thinking about me. I apologized to her friend later. She looked at me like I was crazy, said she didn't know what I was talking about. This might be what you meant about avoiding overload situations. I watched your channel before the pandemic. I lost touch until I saw a live interview that you did. You mentioned the book. I purchased it immediately. You are correct, it is written perfectly for best use. I'm told that I have adha and on the Spectrum. I've learned to cope for work, but not relationships. Thank you for your help ❤ 🙏
@veronicasmemories10 ай бұрын
This video came at a perfect time! I just scheduled my week and then I was so anxious to see what I had planned for tonight just to see I wrote 'me time 💕'
@kathyhalters428810 ай бұрын
I always knew I needed time for roaming free, without limitations. I just didn't give myself permision to do that, until a couple of months ago. Every week, I try to book a weekend day where there is no plan, whatsover! Since doing that, i have so much more energy. I am starting to like my life again. Sometimes I still think i should not do this, but I soon realise that is a quick path to burn-out... Thank you for the reminder, and the permission! I bought your book. Can't wait to read it!
@byusaranicole10 ай бұрын
Yessssss kairos time! This is why it doesn't work for me to put dishes in the dishwasher when they get dirty. It is the visual cue of a full sink of dishes that triggers my "It's time to do dishes now" signal. I keep my laundry baskets (which are like... Partially see-through) in a little alcove in the hall where I pass them a few times a day so I can keep an eye on how full they are. When they get full, it's laundry day (only 2 loads). Folding is another story. They're out where I see them constantly, but.......... The switch never seems to flip for that. I have to have a good audiobook or podcast to get them folded... AND motivation. It's hard.
@kirendhanda802110 ай бұрын
Hi & happy new year! Watching this gave me a light bulb moment where I realised I’ve been fighting my natural tendency to do things when I want/need by trying to fit my life into a schedule for YEARS! Thank you so much for this video x
@nentendomofo5 ай бұрын
I have watched hundreds of adhd content and this is the video that has convinced me to get a diagnosis. Only 8% of people struggle with time management??!!! It's not normal to sequence and use kairos time?!
@ArtAngelMouse10 ай бұрын
I do time blocking, planning, using RoutineFlow, time tracking, habit tracking, etc. I'm not always doing everything at my suggested time tho. I constantly change up my routine and stuff. I think its fine to take them as suggested times, while allowing some spontaneous activities that I like to do. Always drawing at random times. I put my suggested times in RoutineFlow too, but I mainly follow that app since it queues up a bunch of things I want to do in a row. I stopped blocking out "break times" because they don't work for me, I just take a break when I feel like it haha. Life is unpredictable, I embrace that. Some consistency is nice, but so are spontaneous things.
@pnut999510 ай бұрын
This is amazing. I shared this with my husband. One of my twin sons was just diagnosed with ADHD-Combined today. I was recommended to get one of Dr. Russell Berkeley's books for him. You are amazing, and I am so grateful for you!
@MountainsoftheHeart10 ай бұрын
How long does a shower take? From “I need to shower” all the way to “I am dry and ready to get dressed” is A TON of steps. Do I have clean towels? Are all of my products in the same bathroom? Is it an everything shower? Am I blow drying my hair? Is my outfit laid out? 😱
@DaleESkywalker10 ай бұрын
Sometimes, changing the world is changing how we try to make it the same.
@tamberjune10 ай бұрын
I get so much more done between like 10pm and 2am than the whole day. also, you reminded me to keep up with my Spanish! Also, thank you for putting this out. Hopefully, Monday (My Birthday!) will be a productive day cause I'll be with my bestie and her mom & be able to do stuff (we ALL have ADHD 😜).
@HowtoADHD10 ай бұрын
Ohh!! Happy birthday!!
@raehawkins765510 ай бұрын
happy birthday! mine is on monday too 🎉
@teresachapman20510 ай бұрын
Happy Birthday!! Mine was on Dec 31st. Love all my fellow Capricorns w/ADD/ADHD ❤ I also get the most done between those hours.
@MW-cs2zw10 ай бұрын
Happy birthday!
@MW-cs2zw10 ай бұрын
@raehawkins7655 happy Birthday!
@findingaway551210 ай бұрын
Yes! Thank you for saying all this!!!! I have heard several neuritypical people say how disrespectful and rude and how they literally will be done with people that are late.
@ScottMcMaster-er4xj10 ай бұрын
I absolutely hate planning things out, because of the immense stress that deadlines cause me. I try to get things done, when I am experiencing better moments and my brain is actually functioning well enough to cope with things.
@anadxb1710 ай бұрын
I hope you answer❤ i absolutely love you videos thry really helped me when i first got diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago when i was 14 i have been following you since ❤I am turning 18 soon🎉 what a journey it has been 😊
@HowtoADHD10 ай бұрын
Hi!! I'm so happy our content could help as you've been on your journey!
@jamesbriggs574010 ай бұрын
If I have to leave somewhere at a certain time I set a timer. The phone timer is set on Wednesdays for two different bus times to get home. Also I use the stove timer and the little battery operated one. Kathy B The only time to use a calendar is for time specific and day specific tasks.
@vindicated30.610 ай бұрын
My problem is, with the combo of ADHD and ASD, I get dopamine from making lists and playing Tetris with my schedules, budget, etc. I'm the kind of person who has to over plan everything and then stress when others don't play along.
@HowtoADHD10 ай бұрын
Yeahhhh it's hard when what might work for you doesn't work smoothly when other people are involved.
@KatieBeeLee10 ай бұрын
Just bought your audiobook. I’m so excited to start listening to it!
@Redkinkid19859 ай бұрын
Audio best for our sharp minds
@xannaz922610 ай бұрын
Love you so much You are a wonderful part of my ADHD journey. LOVE the kairos time concept. I've always wanted to rebel against time in general, after all, it's an artificial concept.
@erisedstraeh110 ай бұрын
I'm a substitute teacher, so it's actually really hard for me to make plans for weekdays, because I know that if I get called in to work, I'll have to drop everything and go do that. It means that most of my planning is done on the day. Taking the time to sit down and decide what I'm going to do is part of my routine on non-work days. Because of this, though, time REALLY only matters on days when I DO go to work. Lesson plans, of course, are constrained by time, but if I'm not teaching, I do tend to plan things either sequentially, or just list all the things I would like to get done, and then pick and choose what interests me most (or least!) to start on.
@TheParez10 ай бұрын
Just spitballing ideas out of my mouth, but shouldnt there be a better system for substitute teachers so that they wouldn't have to "lose an arm and a leg" in a moment's notice? Pardon me if this sounds a bit rude; I'm seriously curious. 'Cause if the teachers of this world are regarded this low on the scale of importance, what hope can we have for the future?
@nicolequezada-castro96509 ай бұрын
You are right about that @theparez but unfortunately this is the reality in most large educational systems I’ve seen. A sub is called on the day of…
@BobDowns10 ай бұрын
This is hilarious - you know what I just finished right before I saw the notification for this video - scheduling aaaall the individual things I want to start working on. Not only that but I actually used Google Bard (their AI chatbot) to help me spread all the things across the next few weeks! I got that all done and felt great and proud of myself for creating this super complete schedule. And, then I watched this video which essentially said to me, “Yyyyeah, you know that thing you just finished working so hard on and feel so accomplished about? Yeah, don’t do that.” 😢 (But, I get it - I’m not necessarily going to be ready to do Thing 12 at precisely 10:15 AM on Tuesday. But, I created this knowing that - even on a calendar - it doesn’t HAVE to get done then. I can reschedule or just add it to a list of todos to work on later. Definitely thanks for validating that for me.) 😊 Another hilarious thing about this video all about time - the clock on the shelf behind you is stopped. 😂
@dlewis89510 ай бұрын
THE CLOCK.ITS CORRECT TWICE A DAY I LOVE IT AN HAVE THE SAME
@BeachCat10 ай бұрын
The choice between getting a lot done and enjoying my life has been a lifelong struggle. Even knowing what I want to get done takes up a lot of my thoughts. Now I value the time it takes to figure that out, and to recognize that that's an important step I need to take on a regular basis. It also helps to know I'm not the only one with that problem.
@ritsam20019 ай бұрын
I feel so validated! Like the things I do is on Krios time. Going to the grocery store when I realize I ran out of strawberries. Also, the misery I felt after like 2 days of following a strict schedule is so 😅, I fall apart so easily. I will definitely get better at time management, but I am figuring out what actually works for me and this helps a lot
@natalie_natalie_that_me10 ай бұрын
Honestly, I have been following your videos since I got diagnosed almost three years ago. And if you ever see this comment I hope you know how incredibly grateful I am for you and your content. When I got diagnosed I had just moved out within the last year, dropped out of college, quit my post-college job of 6 months, and was incredibly depressed. Because of your videos, my diagnosis did not feel like a prison, but instead, an answer that meant I could finally start to improve my life and maybe be happy. I thought I would be trapped in "failure" my whole life, but your videos made me realize I could make a change. After that, I got obsessed with bettering myself, which honestly has more or less been going alright for me. I went back to school, got my AA, transferred to university, and now hold a perfect 4.0 GPA. However, my self-talk has gotten very negative, since I still have ADHD and cannot make its symptoms go away. So I feel bad about my mountainous dish pile, my lack of regular routines, and how hard it is to keep up with how much manual labor I do. Lately, since your "My channel used to be ableist video" your content has taken an obvious shift. Once again it is making a difference in my life as your videos are helping me learn to accept myself. I feel good about my grades, but I am unhappy with my rigorous schedule, dumpster fires, and self-hate spiral. I did not realize I could choose what I wanted to improve, and I would be happier if I let go of somebody else's version of "perfection." Slowly your videos and my desire to be happy are helping me learn what my version of a happy life looks like. Thank you so much for your content. Truly. It always reminds me that I can have happiness in life. @HowtoADHD
@vargonian9 ай бұрын
So relatable. We’re constantly told that we need to maintain a regular schedule, and that’s so antithetical to who I am and how I operate.
@zoeclements866910 ай бұрын
Your notification popped up just as I was sitting down to plan 😂 perfect timing for a distraction.
@HowtoADHD10 ай бұрын
Lol well hopefully it can help with the planning y'know... once you... get back to it!
@gm4933410 ай бұрын
The way you said “It’s Thursday” really resonated with my soul.
@John_Krone9 ай бұрын
Love this video. It has lifted a load off my shoulders. I try to be like others and I constantly get frustrated with myself for not being able to follow through my planned day. It's nearly impossible for me. Thanks for sharing
@ClueFinderDirtDigger28 күн бұрын
I’ve never felt more seen by one of your videos. This has always felt like the barrier holding me back from a happier, less stressed, more fulfilled version of myself. I’ve been referred for a diagnosis, but the earliest available appointment was in January. Better late than never, I suppose!
@kimlammers87489 ай бұрын
My teacher who has ADHD taught me to use thin sticky notes to write in my schedule. That way I can just rip it off and stick it to another time if I didn’t do it or don’t feel like doing that one, and swap it with something else. I struggled with planners because putting something in felt so cagey and then I felt extra shoooty when I didn’t do it. This solved it!
@nieceypiecey1009 ай бұрын
I use pencil for this very reason lol
@brookec.b.361110 ай бұрын
The time management stuff is such a real struggle -- This was very uplifting and helpful. :)
@Redkinkid19859 ай бұрын
What’s time? I only know next week😂😂😂
@jenniferjones910910 ай бұрын
I love this channel so much!! I’m 51, have adhd (inattentive type) & I’m unmedicated because 20 years ago I had some substance abuse issues (I’ve been clean since 2007) & I can’t find a doctor who will trust me with adhd meds. It’s sucks going through life without the meds I so desperately need. This channel has helped me tremendously in dealing with the symptoms I experience. Thank you so much for being here!!
@chick-a-roo486010 ай бұрын
I respect that! I’m 26, only diagnosed last year, and I’m having to go through drug testing and it’s been a long road trying to get meds. It sucks because had I been diagnosed younger, I probably wouldn’t have resorted to using substances as a way to cope with the shame of symptoms that made people label me as “lazy” “over reactive” and more 😢
@jenniferjones910910 ай бұрын
@@chick-a-roo4860 exactly!!!
@vocalsunleashed10 ай бұрын
Wow, it's ridiculous that people are refused medication that could better their life just because they had a bad period, probably (even if just partially) caused by the thing they need the medication for. That's like refusing a diabetic insulin for having had high blood sugar levels...
@KelsoFox10 ай бұрын
@@vocalsunleashed Exactly! LIke, self medicating is such a thing for ppl with ADHD.
@BadSquiddoGames10 ай бұрын
YES! I'm a business owner and everything is about heavy time blocking and I keep wondering why I can't do it, oh yeah, duh, Brains. I much prefer the order of things, once I miss a "timeslot" when I have tried that way, it throws me off and I get in a tizzy. So it's nice to know I'm not rubbish!
@kristinalegkaya57299 ай бұрын
Yes! After a week of going to work and going out, I love to have a day or two (sometimes the whole weekend) I like to just be in my room. I DO end up getting A LOT done! I end up cleaning and rearranging my whole room in a good way and listening to a lot of great podcasts or audiobooks because there’s no rush and I get to be more spontaneous. This makes so much sense!
@Lynee529010 ай бұрын
Great video, time management/blindness has definitely always been my biggest challenge and struggle in life! I literally hate having my life dictated to me by time. Somehow now that I’ve retired I feel I have earned the right to work with and live with time on my terms …. ⏰ 😊
@shea729 ай бұрын
Wow, I'm 45 years old, and your videos have literally explained so much about me.
@annafrancessmith10 ай бұрын
Your hair!!! It’s looking BEAUT! Also thank you so much for this. I think this is most of my reason for burnout and overwhelm!
@markcoren28429 ай бұрын
I've developed soooo many insights into drags on my cognitive effort thanks to you and your great content that it's a bit mind boggling. I'm a traumatic brain injury survivor and I experience many consequences that are ADHD-like. Your videos have helped me sort out and bring structure to many experiences in a way that makes them become manageable by using coping strategies you've shared. Thank you for being so generous with your time and insights!
@SusannMarieDye9 ай бұрын
Yes! I like how I naturally operate. I feel better when I give my self permission to follow my flow.
@Phrakshun10 ай бұрын
time management is my biggest weakness coupled with "motivation" / discipline and self improvement. Time freedom often feels more like a prison of mind
@lelalu10110 ай бұрын
Yes!!! I have learned that scheduling myself based on the day of the week not the time. Appointments are scheduled, everything else is for whenever around them
@JustinWarkentin10 ай бұрын
This... feels like one of those extra important videos. It feels so relatable and so much like a game changing realization.
@ALifeofLearning9 ай бұрын
I’ve started explaining the feeling I get when I over schedule as time claustrophobia. I just feel so limited by all my scheduled time that it stresses me out 😅
@allychristiansen10 ай бұрын
ah this explains what I can never put into words! Like, why I can't have a on-weekends job while in school 'cause if I don't have a day of unscheduled stuff I can't do ANYTHING EVER long-term, I burn out so fast! and why I want to have the same sort of routine every day in order to be long-term productive
@Enjoythepour10 ай бұрын
I can relate to this I’m so many different levels over the last three years. I’ve pretty much lived on my own time getting things done as I needed to when I wanted to. I recently moved to be closer to my children and one of my granddaughters. I’ve gone from doing things on my own to watching my granddaughter two days a week for three hours and in addition having dinner every Friday night with them and my only days off which I would’ve never called days off but that’s how I feel. It’s exhausting and I actually Fell asleep sitting up yesterday, Wednesday only three days into the week. I typically am most effective at night and 3am is my normal bedtime. I need to reset my boundaries. My kids don’t understand me. They will now though. I have never been able to explain how my brain works. They think I’m lazy. I have the book and really want to start reading it and I will when I can. I’m very excited about it. As for moving into my new house, half of it is still sitting in the garage because by the time I have the ability to get to it I’m exhausted! And I’ve lost desire to organize it into my house. I really needed to hear or see this video today. Immediate lightbulb went off. Thank you.