Stuck in a loop of ‘what if?’

[@charlycheer]

“You’re going to get the dream, you just gotta replace the person.” 🔥

[@SusanWinter]

Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to get your prince!

[@jellyrcw12]

"Why are they more exciting than someone that is healthy and wants you?" SO TRUE!! "it doesn't gain greater value because they're running away from you" I for real needed to hear these words AGAIN today. Sometimes I can be so thick headed lol

[@SusanWinter]

I'm so glad you heard the words you needed to hear Jellyrcw12

[@jacksonscully2537]

You're not alone lol

[@lanapalij4014]

Same here

[@megayveltal411]

As an overthinker, it would be a struggle to get out from the loop. But there will be a time that you become so exhausted, and learn to let go. Thank God, Susan’s video help me a lot. I keep rewatching them just to remind myself. Healing is not linear. I wish you guys a wonderful day

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you for your wonderful contribution here, mega. We're all with you. Yes, it's a process.

[@danaik5717]

"Keep the dream , replace the person!" Great piece of advice Susan! 😉👍

[@Deepti1000]

"In what way did they make me feel loved, safe, secure, adored and certain that I was loved. None of them, right?" You always give the best advice, Susan. Love your videos ❤ ❤

[@midnightblue117]

Her statement just validated why I had to let him go.

[@theguy4615]

Good advice. I was stuck in a loop with an avoidant for 20 years. I ended it a few months ago and it's been tough, but getting better. I met someone who already does all the little things I never got from the ex. Being able to be myself and not walking on eggshells is so refreshing. I'd never go back.

[@SusanWinter]

Wow! 20 years with an avoidant. There has to be some kind of 'good intentions' reward for that- but what I really love is the inclusion of the fact that you met somebody already. I have to believe that many people stay stuck because they don't think there's another possibility. And you have just proved that is the case. How absolutely wonderful that this person does all the little things your ex never bothered to do. Thank you for your note

[@theguy4615]

@@SusanWinter thank you for your comment Susan, I've learned a lot from your videos. It is a loop when you go back thinking it will be different next time. It's hard to give up on someone you love, but at some point you have to make room for someone who can give that back.

[@srushtishelar6826]

@@theguy4615 damn... I'm stuck in the loop and I don't know when I'll be out of it and I was wondering till when I'm going stuck in here, but then I read this...If there's a possibility that one can be in the loop for 20 years, then I'm scared of myself now! lolll xD But anyway, very glad that you're out of it and now you know what a healthy relationship means

[@jovanna4817]

A lot of people who have that mindset are hooked on tarot reading and readers saying that person “twin flame or soulmate” is coming back and have feelings for you still and readers saying that gives people hope. It’s a really toxic/ addictive cycle to be in, making them stuck while that person has moved on.. I felt called to write this comment, Hope it helps 😊

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

Yep

[@EliV888]

This almost brought me to tears. I've been stuck in the cycle of the "twin flame" bs. It's incredible how the human mind can make everything plausible. As easy as it is to say the concept's, that you mentioned, are insane...they were my reality. It is absolutely mind boggling how plausible this all can be when you are in an extremely vulnerable state. I hope that more people free themselves up from living for another person and can let go of "what if". The "twin flame" concept made me believe that if I were to work on myself, they would come back. Like they're a reward, like my life without them has to be so difficult and painful, as if it's the grace of God. Even now, as I'm writing this I'm struggling to let go of the 'concept' but I'm feeling better and feeling SURE of what I can do better by watching Susan's channel, and I'm grateful. Thank you Susan

[@thisisudax]

That “it is what it is” mindset really helped me get over an ex. Nice video

[@rebeccat4331]

“The trap is you don’t want to except the reality that this is an outcome you don’t want.” Thank you! He lost interest, or was never that interested to begin with. Thank you Susan ❣️

[@colbyfocused6539]

It's very strengthening to know and see you're not alone and other people are going through the same pain. I've been keeping myself busy and trying to keep her off my mind and I'm trying to start the divorce process but I swear it's like when I go to sleep my mind invisions all good and bad things. Makes it harder to move past her. We've been separated for months and im still having trouble getting her out of my mind. I swear it's a soul tie I feel that she doesn't feel. I'll fight harder to get through this. Thank you for the extra push.

[@bobalivesforever24]

You got this

[@kes1582]

I used to subscribe to a lot of dating coaches on KZbin, but I unsubscribed to all of them except you, Susan! I find your advice to be the most honest, simple and up-front. You are a lovely, caring and sweet person. I can relate to everything you say. Thank you. X

[@CigarettesAfterSecs]

I did the same when I was going through my separation, and they only led me to more mistakes.

[@kiringuyen]

I was in that loop for about a year, kept hurting myself over and over again. But it’s given me the biggest lesson of my life (by far). I got out of it and felt so differently (and positively) about myself. So I’m very thankful for that painful experience!

[@shoaibanisa7973]

How did you get rid from it?

[@mlantieri]

Susan……this hit the spot for me today. After “back and forths” with a woman for almost 12 years, I finally realized it was the sex that attracted me and that was it ! Can’t have a meaningful and loving relationship based on this only.

[@SusanWinter]

It’s good that you were finally able to recognize that and move on. It probably ended up being best for you both in the long run!

[@camilaruizvalenzuela4433]

"This is life, clock is ticking." So important to remember.

[@lexyanderson6695]

I never regret clicking on a SW upload!

[@mikelarsen5176]

I struggled to let go and move on after a very difficult situation came to an end. I spent months not being able to move on and let go. I started watching your posts and within a few days I realized how ridiculous and obserd my obsession was. Thank you for having your expertise on a public platform. Really has helped me in my life and I am very grateful to you for giving me that wake up moment. Thanks Susan.

[@elle_aye112]

Give this woman her flowers! Bless you, Susan - thank you!

[@ChrisLT]

Truth. Sometimes you just gotta break the news to someone bluntly to shock them out of something harmful.

[@SusanWinter]

On occasion, yes!

[@nicolasmartinez9028]

I've been watching this video over and over and everytime it gets better and makes more sense and I'm so thankful for this help Susan

[@menaakrawi24]

Thank u Susan ❤️ To everyone.. just remember don’t be afraid of losing someone who doesn’t value u or feel lucky to have u !! Read that again 😊

[@sylviajoe9850]

Susan, thank you. How is it that you always seem to know exactly what I need to hear when I watch your videos? Couldn't be more grateful for your wise words.

[@lauriethompson1892]

You are fabulous! Asking “what is it that I love about this person” was the KEY to moving forward.❤

[@alicianicole4234]

Susan, this video brought me to tears. 3:45 and on really hit me... The questions you ask and in turn I then asked myself about this person is what clicked. I needed to hear those questions out loud and observe my answers to realize this person is not and has not demonstrated someone I even want to love or be loved by. The tears came because it hurts to think why and how I could waste so much time wishing a different outcome with someone that didn't even really add any authentic value to my life.

[@EadsB7002]

Man was this right on time. And I feel can be applied to even more serious relationships that didn’t work out. Sometimes it doesn’t happen because that other person was never of the same (correct) mind set , or should I say heart-space, to begin with. And in those cases, there honestly isn’t anything more you could have been or done differently.. similar to a quote I read recently.. “you can be the whole package at the wrong address”…. Aka Don’t spend anymore time beating yourself up. Sometimes it really IS them.

[@SusanWinter]

Wonderfully said. I also love that quote. Sometimes there is truly very little (or nothing) you can do to change the circumstance. The right person will show up at the right address and the right time!

[@ninaonthecoast]

Susan, you are a life saver, did you know? I ❤️ You, greetings from the UK

[@thomasbelmont810]

Great talk. Very direct: “the answer is no” cuts right through the over-analyzing. I needed to hear this and the other things you said. Thank you:)

[@egnalos1005]

I needed to hear this Susan! Today is my birthday and that’s my gift I am giving to myself. I deserve freedom I am replacing the person not my dream 💝

[@SusanWinter]

I wish you the happiest of birthdays! The right person will match everything you wanted. Sure, there might be some adjustments but it will be so much more joyful and easier!

[@egnalos1005]

Thank you Dear Susan!💜

[@thezakkhan]

Lovely video Susan. I'm a new subscriber and I find great comfort in your advice. I've come to learn recently that we usually chase after the validation of someone who rejects us because we often feel like if they don't want us, then they must be better than us in some way. So, if we get them to accept us, then that would finally mean that we are worthy but this is just a recipe for heartache. You are truly wonderful and thank you for all the words of wisdom :)

[@SusanWinter]

What brilliant insight! Too often that is the case. I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me! If there is ever a topic that you would like me to talk about, let me know and I will try!

[@thezakkhan]

@@SusanWinter I would really love to hear more of your thoughts on what changes to look for in a partner when deciding whether to give them a chance after they commit infidelity. Thank you again for these wonderful videos. They have given me a lot of comfort during a painful time.

[@jaguarpawsrealityvlogshow6844]

I really love this out look. I’m blocking my ex on all platforms to help the process of letting go knowing it’s best to not look back for many reasons.I’ve screen shotted your comment as a reminder to myself moving forward of why he’s blocked until I’m fully healed thanks again.🐾

[@markdanielbajao9744]

"You gotta get the dream. You gotta replace the person. That's how you do it". Thank you for this nugget of wisdom. You're one of my favorites on youtube. ❤

[@tt7753]

Amazing advice...I was stuck on a person for quite a while, who I thought was the one for me. After a while I realized that I did not even want this person back so badly, it was more my ego and accepting that I had been wrong, when I had thought that he was so right for me.....so exactly what you have said in that video.....

[@SusanWinter]

Love this Catherine. It takes a lot of self-awareness to realize that we wanted to "win" the at the situation. I'm really proud of your choice to vote for yourself, over them.

[@tt7753]

@@SusanWinter Thank you for your reply. Something clicked within me when I imagined how I would truly feel if he would reach out and I would get the old relationship back. I realised that I would not really want that, as it really wasn't functioning very well and I felt rejected a lot...it was indeed more the dream and an idealized version of him and the situation that kept me in that loop....

[@MB-qm2re]

I am in disbelief at the timing of this video....Almost feels Godsent.. Thanks so much!

[@encorefitnesswellness4018]

Susan, you are so right! Been stuck for years-now I understand why.🤗🙏

[@imwatching2960]

Thank you for the slap in the face, I needed it, again. ❤

[@SusanWinter]

🤗

[@lowkeyme11]

Such a helpful and spot on advice. Susan is putting it into words what all of us know deep down but desperately need to hear from a 3rd party observer in their life. The problem often is, that no one knows what is going on in you and that most people would be too ashamed to confess these struggles even to the closest friends. Susan doesn’t know any of us yet she knows exactly what we need to hear. ❤️

[@DuckDuckGo99]

Thanks Susan, i have no one to talk to about my problem but watching ur vids decreases the pain in my life

[@jellyrcw12]

Your videos always pop up when I need them. Excellent channel.

[@esmeraldasalguero6184]

Sameeeee!

[@SusanWinter]

I love it when this happens

[@mikhaliamanley367]

Susan, thank you. Thank you so much! I wish you knew how much your videos are helping me during this very difficult time of my life and this video is confirmation for me.

[@SusanWinter]

Mikhalia, I’m so happy that I’ve been able to help you. If there is anything you would like me to address in one of my videos, please let me know!

[@rabiaa1875]

Way to go Susan!! I absolutely loveee your vids, your voice, and the way you think!! Phenomenal! 😍😍You’re my fav youtuber when it comes to relationship advice. Am stuck in that same loop, and listening to you is really making me feel much better!! Trying to break free...it’s sooo hard though...Thank you sooo much!!

[@klarix88]

Thank you so much for your videos about being stuck in a loop. You're very clearly communicating the issue and the why. While I totally agree and want to exit the loop rationally, I always end up in the loop of obsession. What are some practical things to do in that situation?

[@atharvambokar6187]

@Susan Winter You are just AMAZING! I am a college student and obviously i cant afford your personal packages but these videos helped me and many more like me ,and i want YOU to know that you are doing a fabulous job and making thousands of lives easier! Thank you once again. With love, Atharv.

[@ericln2074]

Susan you’re always on the ball with these videos at the right time!

[@SusanWinter]

Eric, I absolutely love hearing this (or shall I say reading this). Thank you synchronicity!

[@nataliadtut]

Probably, exactly because there is “none of them”, we get stuck in a loop of fantasy of how it could’ve been, but just somehow failed before coming to fruition. It’s closing your eyes to the harsh truth that it was never supposed to.

[@miheretseifu2762]

Its good to now you thank-you so much it helps! God bless you!

[@valerie7949]

Susan, I can’t emphasize enough how much your work has helped me over the years and impacted my thinking in the best way. Going through my second rough breakup, and though the two situations are nothing alike, your videos stay by my side - and have not once failed me and my healing process. You are amazing, your words are magic. Thank you for what you do. ❤️

[@wileyblake3534]

±2348073317460⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.,

[@freshstrt3140]

Rock star Susan Winter 🔮✨

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you.

[@wigologywithvalerie1450]

...😌..THANK YOU..Oh,and I'll play it again🙏👋🌻💌

[@SusanWinter]

love it!! Thank you

[@trishmorris4220]

These words are gold

[@nicoletacherechesu1576]

Deeply so clarity ….!!! Amazing

[@andrewchao4156]

Thank you. This video saved me. Thank you

[@gustovfern7788]

I used to do that a lot, now I know that what happened had to happen at some point, I just wish that I did not compromise a lot for a person who does not deserve any good

[@trishmorris4220]

Imagine this im still here a year later 😮

[@CorporateQueen]

Keeping this on loop

[@SusanWinter]

Cool. this is a loop worth replaying

[@CorporateQueen]

@@SusanWinter yes. I finished with him today because he's too fearful of relationship. He said he'd remember it as wonderful and I told him it had been an entirely rubbish experience. Thank god I kept my head in charge.

[@trishmorris4220]

I have watched this at least 50 times

[@gcrofts3294]

I appreciate all the "questions to ask yourself". When someone asked me some time ago "why do you want to be with this person?" I could not answer. Your questions give me a place to start seeing things as they are. Thank you!

[@juli8836]

Thank you so much Susan, you are helping a lot of people with your videos!

[@bamereg]

Oh yes, the loop. After a year I got out. Now I know it wasn't me. He couldn't do it. For a lack of self love he is not able to love others. And what do you know. First thing that happens when I started living my new life is he reaches out.

[@YouTubeUzername]

What did you say?

[@SusanWinter]

BAMEREG!! I recognize your name from the live shows. Thank you so much for being an ongoing participant in my Thursday presentation and Q&A. And I love the second part that proves that retracting our energy and refocusing on ourselves is the cure; not just for ourselves but to reboot an unappreciative ex. Not that they deserve a second chance because they've shown who they are. It would be ongoing distancing dance that would be a loop of pushing away, involvement, and pushing away again

[@bamereg]

@@SusanWinter Exactly :) I don't dislike him. Crossing paths with him helped me find growth that I didn't even know I needed. Thank you for your help, I love your live shows and pre-recorded videos.

[@bamereg]

@@KZbinUzername I said "ok, thanks". A letter for me had come to my old address, where he still lives. Not an important letter at all, he used it for an indirect direct approach.

[@chi8319]

Spot on

[@aishatine1]

So funny yet so true. Wait a minute? Whay is it abou this person that I love? None. I make this affirmation everyday. I am strong. I am beautiful . I am enough. This is life. Clock is ticking. I love this. Get out of this loop.

[@SusanWinter]

Beautiful! Affirmations are so important. I’m glad you found one that works for you!

[@Dee-gl8mc]

This helped me alot. Thank you Susan. You are the best

[@happythoughts444]

Hi beautiful auntie Susan 😍. Wanted to wish you a good morning and say thank you for your messages 😊

[@SusanWinter]

Oh thank you very much Happy Thoughts! You have indeed made my morning so no that you have put a smile on my face.

[@Phor0phor]

“You need to level up and win the relationship that is right for you.” Yes ma’am.

[@littlemissy8356]

Such a wonderful channel. I am thankful for it. Thank you.

[@chi8319]

I think the only chase you need is chasing the hell out of this hell.

[@Iamandrewmorales]

Fantastic video. I continue to replay it as it is helping me immensely. Blessings. Thank you.

[@aminalawal4098]

I pray the universe grant your heart desires, Hey friends I got my relationship fixed with the help of a great spiritualist Who brought my ex after many months of separation,,,

[@aminalawal4098]

Chat on 💬W h a t s A p p

[@aminalawal4098]

➕2348103378310⏯️⏯️⏯️

[@jaana944]

This helped me...whoah Finally!. Thank you! I had to Really open my eyes!

[@trishmorris4220]

How are u holding up?

[@ActivateDivineDNA]

Golden info! 🙏🏼🙏🏼 They did inspire support and encourage me to live my best life but love the part that it is what it is - and what if is - what it is NOW. Completely done. Yay making room for a healthy loyal love life. Your tough love straight truth is what I needed in my life 👑

[@gigi5310]

Dear Susan, Very well said!! 100% agree!!!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you, Angie!

[@catherinegardener9511]

Thanks for your words of wisdom Susan 💝

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Catherine.. You are certainly welcome

[@Zen4life-]

Love this Susan! This is 100% true. I'm struggling with this very thing, unfortunately mine keeps coming back and reaching out. I'm on a new path of I will not work for you, I will not ask you for a commitment. I will only see you if you ask and I happen to be available. I will take it as just friends , no sex, no romantic involvement. If you want more he will have to step up. If I'm free maybe. ...if not his loss. I will put nothing in to this. Right now he's something to pass the time with, period!

[@joshua4300-v9p]

Being proud of my achievements during the BU has helped me break the loop. Well, your advice really formed the idea lol but sometimes that's all a guy of girls wants to hear is that we did a good job and we can improve our skills thanks to people like yourself.

[@colbyfocused6539]

Man this was an awesome message. Thank you Susan. 😊

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you for this kind note! 🤗

[@SusanWinter]

You’re very welcome!

[@colbyfocused6539]

I'm playing this again. 😊

[@lolitzshelly7229]

This video always heals the hole in my heart I’ve inflicted on myself. In small ways and big ways. Thank you!

[@dmalina3]

Great topic and super realistic point! I'm going to save this. Thank you Susan ❤️

[@SusanWinter]

You're welcome, D Malina

[@Genbor]

This really helped, thank you for this! It's good to hear these things sometimes, when you feel like things don't make sense in your gut.

[@avaj2825]

He was my first everything!

[@ak.722]

Best advice ever! Thank you, Susan! You are incredible. Hands down! 🧡

[@Aufwiedersin]

Its been a month in that non stop thinking because it all start soo good and end abruptly, still have the dream of future together and without closure its so hard to let that dream go

[@jelsandim2260]

susan you are the best thats the only thing a gotta say thank you☺️

[@SusanWinter]

thanks!!

[@ninacharm9044]

True, true, true. I 💚 Susan!

[@SusanWinter]

You’re so sweet, Nina!

[@nicolasmartinez9028]

Thanks you so so much for your videos Susan, this was exactly what I needed to hear today

[@SusanWinter]

You’re so very welcome!

[@semiauto556]

Ahh you are so wonderful I absolutely love how you can break stuff down in a way that I can digest. I wish that I had the thoughtfulness to remember and use all the valuable insight you provide. You are spectacular!

[@SusanWinter]

Hello, Mike! I’m planning on releasing other informational products soon that might be of help! Thank you for your continuous support! You’re wonderful!

[@Badxtc7]

Man I Just LOVE YOU xxx

[@trishmorris4220]

Wow! eye opener

[@MahasTreasurebox]

I think this applies to everything not just relationships. I am doing the "what if" thing right now after the loss of a loved one. It is just what the mind does - the mind wanting to CONTROL the situation and resisting to accept what the reality of the situation actually IS - it is a pattern of the mind; the subject is irrelevant.

[@colinheaton6934]

Every video Susan truly helps ❤️ so so true

[@MS-pl5gv]

Thank you so much susan for realising us the truth, i keep watching this again and again

[@MS-pl5gv]

@@trishmorris4220 better than before.. it's quite hard to replace the person you truly loved without any expectations... How about you how you doing..

[@MS-pl5gv]

@@trishmorris4220 Hey Morris i completely understand what's going on with you I've been there.. you can talk to me if needed I'm here ...

[@tuff47]

Have a good day.......

[@babounce100]

So thankful for you

[@liliandepaulapsicologaonline]

Thank you! 🖤

[@bills1578]

Right on Girl!

[@colinheaton6934]

Watch your videos everyday and honestly they make me mentally stronger 💪

[@SofiaGogo]

This is so true Thank you for reminding me.

[@SusanWinter]

♥️

[@jessicab5628]

Is watching again

[@antbo5735]

Dynamite message

[@mauricevincentrevilla631]

Thanks Miss Susan. ❤

[@engrcasper7602]

Thank you. I needed that now.

[@joeydevilliers1752]

Good day Mrs Winter. I have recently gotten out of a relationship that turned out to be every single warning flag, red light and gut-feeling-tension that I expected. Against my better knowing, I tried to help the birdie with the broken wing. Your advice has been a tremendous aid. I'm quite content with the fact that there will never be any closure. Closure requires disclosure. I don't believe the person is able to be open and honest to the extent of making peace that cultivates growth. I definitely have a portion of the blame to carry and let go of so I have my own inner work to do. What would you recommend if the other person tries to contact me in order to apparently settle the past, while I know she is not able to have a conversation of that level? Getting back together is not an option. My ideal would be to be in a place where the person's presence does not bring up any emotion, anxiety or ideas of wishing them away. To be in a place where there is no obsession, no looping, no dreaming and no 'what-if" wondering, eventhough we are colleagues. Thank you for your messages and inspiring leadership. You have been a great help not only in the area of relationship advice, but life in general. Joey

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Joey. Thank you for your honest and forthcoming note. You've revealed that this person has is not able to manage closure. And yes, you're doing a great job on your own. That statement in and of itself is your closure. So bravo. As for the potential of a future meeting, this is where you have to check in with yourself. Will seeing this person trigger you? Are you ready for a face-to-face? Or do you still have a lingering bit of help? The only safe time to hear what this person has to say is when you no longer care. I hope this helps.

[@joeydevilliers1752]

@@SusanWinter Hi Susan Thank you for answering. Interesting to me sometimes how people half a world away can help each other in life. Thank you for answering. What I've learnt about triggers, is that anything or anyone can be a trigger, but we carry the ammunition. I am in the process of defusing the explosives. Knowing about the work you do and your wisdom regarding these situations, makes your answer very valuable. The bit of reassurance helps a lot. And yes, I'll focus on my truth inside instead of hoping away the reality outside. Thank you again. 🤗🤗🤗

[@SusanWinter]

@@joeydevilliers1752 Oh my goodness Joey, you are spot on. Truly, thank you for the kind words. I absolutely love the way you have friend this "we carry the ammunition." And yes, you are the specialist in diffusing the explosives. Great analogy - thank you for these words of wisdom

[@debralondon2402]

This is such a great video!! Cracks me up every time!! So funny, but true?? Ha ha

[@lesterespiritu375]

Hi Susan! I've recently became your subscriber and I have to say I love your content! What really hit me in this video is where I'm wanting to do another conversation, especially through text. Lately, I said what I needed to say to him but he had to make an explanation. His last text was 'I really appreciate you'. I feel that's the trap! Ever since I didn't text him back. The problem is, I see him on a weekly basis in a music group we belong in and he always approaches me and gives me a hug. How do I let him down gently without being too abrupt? I also don't want to play victim because I know this is all MY doing.

[@moonbysa]

Susan 💛💛💛

[@SusanWinter]

Hi there!