Too much hurt to handle dating?

[@SusanWinter]

Work with Me: susanwinter.net/consultation/

[@jacquelinef2206]

Isn’t it disappointing that this is what dating has become? I never in a million years thought I’d find myself in some of the situations I’ve been in. The positive from it is I’ve grown stronger & gained wisdom. But it’s sad to me the way in which it happened. Some daters out there can really hurt & impact others.

[@fatcatontario]

This is why waiting 90 days plus before becoming intimate with somone is a good practice, in my mind. Let the true intentions be know and allow for emotional and mental connection to develop prior to laying with someone. Also, don't let anyone bully you into moving quicker than you should. The right people would wait and will also want to not rush into anything. That being said, majority will be eliminated almost instantly and that is a good thing. This saves you time and heartache.

[@SusanWinter]

I do believe that delaying sex and getting to know the person is to our advantage. 90 days seems a little extreme, but if that's what works for you, stick with it

[@teripersson1308]

I'm enjoying being single. Just came out of a 4+year on/off 'relationship' and feel ultimately used. Time to take time for me. I think I'm through the worst of it and it's helped having a crush at work but I'm not going to date. No time or energy for this. So much pressure to be coupled up- why? Isn't there a strength in character to be single? Should be celebrated not sympathised with. Love your videos Susan x

[@SusanWinter]

I completely agree. I think single by choice is a phenomenal lifestyle. I am cognizant that people come to me for relationship advice, so less of my material is on being single and enjoying it. But if you have found that magic sauce for yourself, BRAVA!!!!! Good work Teri.

[@teripersson1308]

@SusanWinter It's where I'm at now and very likely due to the last two relationships being somewhat abusive. I need to work on myself more than anything- question why I put up with that behaviour. I would looove to find a kind person with a great moral compass! Just not found that person lately xx

[@ziggypip2938]

@@teripersson1308were you the one also dating my boyfriend when we were off? 😂

[@lorelei5902]

After experiencing a few men that said yes, they are wanting a relationship but pulled the "I'm not ready for a relationship" switch months later, I've come to the conclusion that they want The Girlfriend Experience and nothing more. They do this over and over with different women for variety.

[@SR77736]

I went through the same thing back to back. They both said I was a great and very beautiful woman but didn't stay.

[@sashakelly2025]

This is exactly what I'm going through right now. I just deleted my Bumble account again! I'm burnt out on men, and I'm still not over my ex....uuuggg🙄🙄🙄

[@SusanWinter]

Hang in there Sasha. Take a break. Reset, and filter filter filter and when you're ready to start again

[@caroldavis9289]

I know how this feels. Hugs

[@davemaurer7341]

Me too

[@nickadams1519]

@@caroldavis9289Sending Love ❤…Are you single?

[@hilea.m.z4460]

My dear Suzanne Mom used to tell the bravest and magic journey is not to find a happy stable relationship, is to find yourself. Inner journey is painful, lonely but once you start loving who you are the magic starts Like attracts likes and you meet people where you are…;-) Love and light from Hawaii ❤❤

[@SusanWinter]

love your commentary. Thank you hilea

[@LiamCharles-cv1br]

Hello 👋,........ How are you doing? Well, I hope maybe we can text a bit, as we will be able to learn more about each other, and just want to say you look so awesome,🥰

[@miraarim]

I feel like this is the only video people need in the dating relationship world. Susan the gift that keeps on giving !

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you!!!!!!!

[@face2799]

After being used and abused by a covert narc over and over that I thought was my best friend I just don't have the energy or desire to invest in someone else

[@fatcatontario]

So sorry you endured this. Can definitely relate...keep attracting narcs into my life due to growing up with narcs. Had to start viewing them for who they are - underdeveloped children with a very fragile ego.

[@danaitsitrouli3673]

Thank you so much for this video! I am so tired of getting involved with men who do not want a relationship after all.. Since the term friends with bebefits came up they are happy with that... but FWB with their own terms only.. They ask for your friendship they sleep with with you but they do not want the overal commitment... I feel tired i feel old i feel unhappy and i cannot fix it... I do not know if it is my fault or if this situation is a general condition.. You know that feeling that no one wants you in their life in a type of relationship status really hurts because you end up doubting yourself... Greetings from Greece, thank you Susan for the huge help that you offer with your videos..

[@SusanWinter]

NOT YOUR FAULT!! Dana, you need to buy one of my Murch products that says "it's not me, it's you!" You're not doing anything wrong. There are people who simply do not want a relationship. And it doesn't matter who or what you are, it's not about you losing a possibility and that you are at fault. It is that the possibility never existed in the first place. And it is not true that "no one wants you." You are unfortunately meeting a group of people who only want to hook up and have minimal emotional responsibility. These individuals would not be rewarding as partners in any way, shape, or form. Hold out for the good stuff. Stay positive. It will come!!!

[@npkrn6764]

This is a huge issue, Susan. It is a mess out there in the dating world whether you're 22 or 52 or 82! I tell the younger people I know that the idea that people mature, and they'll meet more serious, honest people in their 30s or 40s or 50s is an illusion. I refuse to lie to them. And you're right, Susan - we all should have better skills of discernment. Unfortunately however, many of the things you brought up are unknown to us in the beginning of an interaction such as their relationship history. And not only do people lie to us - many are lying to themselves! And that's not something we can combat early on unless we are psychic - which most of us are not! I think, however, I'd like to see this topic explored more. Not so much how to filter people or what a mess the dating world is - but the original title which was more about the feeling of being exhausted and done with dating and giving up altogether. How do we keep hoping after years (or for some of us -decades) of failed relationships or interactions that never even make it to the committed relationship stage?? Even when we've matured and done inner work and know ourselves well and what our needs and standards are and have set boundaries - even when we have all that solidified as best we can, we still cannot read other's minds OR - we cannot magically meet great people or make them appear! It's like shopping. I may know my shoe size, know exactly what I'm looking for, and have the money... but if there are no shoes that fit that criteria, there is nothing more I can do 🤷‍♀️ Maybe that's not a perfect analogy, but I think we can all understand. So the question remains... how to not lose hope and give up entirely? For me personally, I'd love to be one of those people who are truly fine with the idea of never having a romantic partner for the rest of my life, but I'm not. I DO still want that. I'm beyond the age of having children, but I would still like someone to share my life with in that way. I have prayed to become one of those people who are fine with the idea of sitting alone someday as an elderly person in some apartment or assisted living situation with no one who cares, but I'm not ok with that - in fact, it terrifies me. So how do we keep trying and not give up when we have been horribly hurt? 😔 I'm not sure anyone has the answer, but a longer video or even series may be warranted on this topic. I'd suggest one of your live/interactive videos, but people waste time on those not staying on topic so I'm not sure that's the best either. I've written enough here - but maybe others feel like I do here in our age group and would love to hear more of your thoughts on the subject.

[@E_Tea]

Dated for years and it was traumatic. I was in a relationship eventually and since it ended I've been afraid to date again, esp. since people say it got even worse out there. However, I feel my filter is more refined since my last relationship brought a lot of good things I didn't know existed (for me) e.g. consistency from the beginning, not leaving when things got difficult. Not sure whether I will find this and better but I will put myself out there eventually - better guarded, more myself and knowing and communicating what I need (mainly consistency, ability & willingness to openly communicate & shared values). Thank you Susan. Once I start dating again my mantra will be Filter, Filter, Filter. Until then I'm filling my life with lots of love for and from beautiful friendships, animals & family. I hope your eye surgery went well 🙏🏻

[@SusanWinter]

YOU ARE WELCOME❣❣❣❣❣❣❣

[@georginafronda496]

They say they do at the outset and 3months later say let’s just see how it goes when you do the check in after some funny behaviours. They want the cake but not the prep work. It’s madness out there that am taking a break! Enough with the lies, deception and games. Getting wise to it but some are pros and get through the wall. Taking break is good as am exhausted. Thank you 🙏

[@leah2476]

Some people also think the grass is greener on the other side.

[@pasulit4477]

Awesome, Susan! Thank you for helping us... I want to share your link into Narc group who are having tough time to get out from trauma bond.

[@dystephiary]

This is what I’m going through as well!! The timing! Thanks Susan. You saved me from my heartbreak last year and you’re doing the same now. Thank you!

[@Misagonna88]

Susan…..this video has come up at the right time. Way too hurt. Constantly used and taken for granted. I do wonder how many lessons I have to learn. Thank you for this video.

[@SusanWinter]

I LOVE READING about the synchronicity. Thanks for this.

[@DaTa-wm5yc]

I‘m 31 and been abused, cheated on and traumatised by men. Men are literally dangerous and at this point I just lost all hope.

[@Ashley-ps8ej]

I'm trying to keep the dream and what I do want ..and get a repeat of the same old rotten person and version in a new person dating. How stop the patterns once and for all. I want an absolute fresh start where nothing of the old relationships patterns and people show. Even when affirm and feel I'll have what I do want and new and better and everything a person appears ..seems they are it..and again the same bad things then show later ..

[@SusanWinter]

I have heard the story over and over again and I do know that it's true what you're experiencing… But I need to tell you the second part. I got an equal amount of people who write to me sharing what you have stated above, and then saying, "b Susan, I finally met somebody amazing!! All the work was worth it. And I am so grateful."

[@nickadams1519]

Sending Love ❤…Ashley…Are you single? 😊

[@sherriflemming3218]

Its a human minefield. Youre so spot on Susan.

[@nickadams1519]

Sending Love ❤…Sherri…Are you single?

[@sherriflemming3218]

@@nickadams1519 Is there a shortage of women in Ireland?

[@nickadams1519]

@@sherriflemming3218 I’m in the high sea here in Ireland and I have been here for a week now, Do you care to chat?

[@jartotable]

This is me! Been single for 7 yrs. Keep being propositioned by guys that one night stands or they only talk about how horrid their past girlfriends are. Then when I nicely say no, I get insults thrown at me. Too crazy out there.

[@verticalbay]

See, this is a real problem these days with dating. The therapist whom I dated for a year made it seem she wanted what I wanted. She initiated phone calls every night (LDR), allowed me to be vulnerable to her, showed me the affection but she never knew what she wanted out of our connection. i gave her sometime and let things unfold on its own and our feelings grew for each other, hoping she would make up her mind. We went on trips, until finally I had to make it official between us and she seemingly accepted it but she dumped me a month later with a bunch of her reasons and that she’s still unsure of what she wanted. Like some of the peops here, I’m losing my faith in dating. I’m okay being my own company but I do long for someone to share this life and all the amazing experiences in it.

[@libbynovotny9979]

I feellike you, older woman here, so very tired of dating sites and finding nothing but losers, what to do.I too want a man to share my life with! So do everything, volunteer , work in retail can't meet anyone older!

[@fatcatontario]

​@@libbynovotny9979 have you tried local meet up groups? Ironically, the single groups around me are all 55+ so outside of my dating range.

[@Ohsuperjas]

Aww im on the same exact stage. Im starting to lose faith in dating. 😢

[@verticalbay]

@@Ohsuperjas i feel you. You keep looking for that dream in every person you come across, hoping it’ll be them kaso hindi. Nakakapagod no?

[@Ohsuperjas]

@@verticalbay daaamn yes. 🥺 Starting to just accept that no one is for me to lessen the longingness and disappointment but it’s still sad cause deep inside you just want to settle down. Nakakapagod.

[@Baheieujlsksnen]

2:16 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

[@andreteixeira6310]

Let Susan know she’s appreciated by all of us. I remember writing to Susan and asking her for help in a time of need and she did so without asking me for money case I’m a college student. Her kindness will NEVER be forgotten as will her wisdom and exceeding Intelligence. Love you Susan ❤

[@LiamCharles-cv1br]

Hello 👋,........ How are you doing? Well, I hope maybe we can text a bit, as we will be able to learn more about each other, and just want to say you look so awesome,🥰

[@Sonika377]

I am done with dating !not because I don't believe in love . I am an eternal romantic! Just because I am first now and self love is the most beautiful thing . I survived cancer 3 times after a relationship for 22 years that ended in a painful betrayed. Then I fell for someone who brought more pain, doubt and sorrow than the relationship I had before ,while I was trying to heal ... I love to watch your videos, but just thinking about dating again it is Not in my mind, heart, or soul "I love me more !" 💕 like Samantha in sex of the city told once his partener after surviving cancer ...I still enjoy all romatics movies and love is amazing if you find it ...but I feel it is super hard when one is healthy ...imagine to start looking at 61 years old with a hx of chronic conditions in this crazy times ....Anyway, a part of me keeps being open because Susan, I super enjoy your videos!!❤ I have been following your channel for years ! You have helped so much to understand certain patterns in dating, to feel better about myself and to stay open with my thoughts. You are a true healer! Please, can you do a video about dating with health conditions? When do you talk or bring the subject about some issues with you health when dating? Dying, to ask this question and bring the subject in dating life ....maybe is the encouragement I need. Sending much love and appreciation to all the romantics in this group ❤️ 😊

[@annastone5624]

Wow brilliant mantra Susan!! 🙏🏻 ***Keep the Dream - Replace the Person!***

[@SusanWinter]

Anna, I wanted to remind everybody that although the person failed them, their dream and vision has validity. We just need a new leading lady or man. That's why created the merch line. I suggest you take a look at the mug, that way every morning with your coffee, you can remind yourself to keep the dream and replace the person.

[@Justbeyourself-lv2bj]

Exactly my experience 👍

[@johnnycalderon9951]

After 2 years she broke up with me and within a week she on a dating app. !!! I'm done way too much hurt

[@PhilosophyWithLilly]

Great advice. Thank you so much.

[@GamercastMMs]

Susan, I have a question if you have time. If you are single too long. There are a lot of health penalties because we are social creatures. How would you counter this (heart problems etc) from prolonged social interaction? I love being single, but of course there is a lot of health risk with being so at the same time. And would love to find a way to fix this.

[@fatcatontario]

I have never heard of the health issues which are related directly to not having a romantic partner. Can you please expand on this?

[@GamercastMMs]

@@fatcatontario maybe not per say Romantic. but I think when I read up on it, I assumed somehow it was mostly only for those doesn't have anything romantically. Social isolation and loneliness, posing a serious threat to our mental and physical health. Social isolation and loneliness have been linked to increased risk for:2-7 Heart disease and stroke. Type 2 diabetes. Depression and anxiety. Addiction. Suicidality and self-harm. Dementia. Earlier death. My mistake, but social isolation is surely an enemy of mine. Source: www.cdc.gov/emotional-wellbeing/social-connectedness/loneliness.htm#:~:text=Social%20isolation%20and%20loneliness%20have,linked%20to%20increased%20risk%20for%3A&text=Heart%20disease%20and%20stroke.

[@SusanWinter]

There are just as many early deaths from stress and anxiety by being with the wrong person. I always hear about the health penalties of being "isolated." But being single does not mean you are "isolated." Being isolated means you're secluded from all society and have no contact whatsoever. That is what creates a negative health outcome. If you have meaningful work, family, friends, hobbies, and pets (of course I love dogs and horses), you are not alone and will thrive physically

[@GamercastMMs]

Thank you so much. 🥂 I will take that into consideration.

[@Ashley-ps8ej]

Where do you learn the partnership skills of continuous then?

[@SusanWinter]

Practice. The more interactions the better your skills

[@evitaduran9164]

So true. Thanks for the advice! Strength, resilience, clarity. I appreciate you so much!

[@SusanWinter]

❤❤❤

[@morpheus3190]

It is so exhausting. Out of a 5 year relationship last year and have been dating some. Finally stopped because I just can’t deal with the insanity. Totally burnt out from the games women play, especially those with a high body count. Very difficult to find the right person as there are so many bad actors out there that are untrustworthy.

[@SusanWinter]

I do agree. There are so many "bad actors" out there. But we are all trying our best to save you from being fooled by being very clear in the beginning and noticing the red flags and inconsistencies in what a person says and what they eventually do. Thank you for your commentary

[@verticalbay]

Unfortunately, it’s same case for some of us women too.. :/

[@libbynovotny9979]

date sites have so many scammers, losers looking for free sex only it is horrible!!@@verticalbay

[@fatcatontario]

Looks like an issue accross the board...I would start journaling to see if there is a pattern of the women you are selecting. I try to go way outside of my normal dating patterns to see if I have better luck. I am also ultra conservative which is a repellent for most players and f boys 🤣 Had a guy call me a "prude" on the first date because I never slept with someone I've barely met 😂😂😂

[@morpheus3190]

@@SusanWinter Thanks Susan you videos always help put everything in perspective.

[@kwonjiyong73]

The video is so relatable

[@debralondon2402]

Helpful information. Thanks 🙏

[@candygirl1990]

Modern dating is rubbish. End of ❤

[@johnmoreno5965]

🥰 Great video sweetie 😘

[@TheSoundofTanay]

Susan, I recently had a girl bring me flowers because she liked my singing or something of that sorts. I kept telling myself she’s too kind, too sweet and ran away from the idea of even thinking about dating. Not sure if I’ll keep doing this all my life 🤧

[@SusanWinter]

Interesting. Yet, you shared it here with all of us. So I'm thinking a part of you is ready to 'try' something different. Why not? What do you have to lose??

[@TheSoundofTanay]

My sense of self. I think that's the real struggle. Want to feel confident and brave within my own independence to give a relationship a try at some point.@@SusanWinter

[@anshumanmishra4198]

Hi Susan, how to ask questions to you, email or something else,, please reply

[@SusanWinter]

go to: www.susanwinter.net Contact page. Bottom. "Video Requests"

[@d33an14]

The topics and the timing of you posting videos are so aligned with feelings I’m struggling with subconsciously, it’s like the universe speaking to me, assuring me, asking me to be patient. Your videos have a bigger impact on people than you think. Thank you so much for making my day with your reassuring words🤍

[@SusanWinter]

I’m so humbled by your words and the fact that I’ve been able to help you! ❤❤❤