An Angry Narcissist's Non-Negotiable Stonewalling

[@Aevans786]

I come back here everytime i feel alone and crazy to ground myself with the truth of what im dealing with. Thank you for being a voice of sanity in this insanity!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are quite welcome!

[@KereolaPatunia]

Same here. They make you feel so crazy. Watching these videos help me so much everyday!!!

[@barbarabrennan1753]

But there are so many things Id like to do. My photo images are important to me. The ones no one has ever seen because I need to use library computers. I need a private apartment.

[@barbarabrennan1753]

He buried my real life to discredit me. I'm 76. Everyone around me are people owing him favors.

[@barbarabrennan1753]

I had enough counseling after my divorce. Men use me as a counselor.

[@roxymovie3938]

Several signs of stonewalling: 1. Refuses to answer your questions 2. Interrupts you while you are speaking 3. Declares the conversation "over" 4. Abruptly changes the subject 5. Pretends not to hear you 6. Ignoring you 7. Pretends to be too busy 8. Leaving you physically without warning or explanation 9. Gives you the silent treatment All of the above are subtle methods to block any solution by disengaging/disconnecting.

[@yukio_saito]

Perfectly described.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

It makes my shudder at the thought!

[@well_weathered]

​@@amandaliverpool3374This is why I feel stonewalling is being dishonest. I'd rather have it out. It keeps it going.

[@caroleminke6116]

Remember that solutions aren’t what benefits narcissists… supply is the fuel they need & enablers are rewarded but truth tellers are punished. No contact is best 😉

[@lynnebucher6537]

Sometimes declaring conversation over is necessary when the narc is badgering you as a control technique.

[@Kadesbattleground]

When you show them that you understand their point of view they crap on you for that too. They want you to disagree. They are a complete waste of time. I have tried it all. Low contact and eventually no contact is the only path.

[@sweettoothrunner8454]

Truth! My father was that way; no winning. You disagree, it’s hell, agree still hell and finally at the age of 45, I said go to hell…It’s sad that I had to go no contact with my own father but he left me with no choice.

[@wood1040]

@@sweettoothrunner8454 Im 45 also. Stay strong with your boundaries!! Do what is most healthy for yourself.

[@MichelleRochner]

With age the RAGE, increases drastically. It’s no longer safe to be alone with him.

[@firesunearthmoon8999]

Exactly. I always take a witness/peacemaker with me now. If it gets really ugly I’ll need a defense team 😂

[@Hatbox948]

This was certainly true in my case. My nex became psycho.

[@irinaivanovic9792]

And not just physical. VERBAL ABUSE IS JUST AS DAMAGING. I know from experience.

[@pablajones9430]

I'm going through the not safe right now. Thankfully as of now GOD has supplied me a support system. I must pray & believe I'm going to come out healthier on the other side. It's a terrifying situation to be in. I'm 67 years old!

[@mtntroll1]

I the process of divorcing my narc. 30+ years of remorse sadism & it's getting way worse. So grateful I found Dr C. These comments from fellow travelers has also been an enormous help. Thanks to you all.

[@NancyBrown1975]

They look down at their phone and ignore you after they have created a chaotic situation leaving you to deal with it alone. It’s so helpful Dr. C when you tell us what to say to the narcissist. They tirelessly work to keep us destabilized.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

I agree. So often I have not known how to deal with situations like this, especially with those with high aggression. It's shocking and I'm not like this, so it's a struggle for me in how to handle myself and what I need to say.

[@carolannstevens5814]

It is all the time! Constantly not feeling safe when he yells and when I tell him to move out, he won’t. I am looking to divorce as I don’t feel safe.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

​@@carolannstevens5814I had to divorce because I no longer felt safe either. I don't regret my decision.

[@NancyBrown1975]

@@carolannstevens5814 from minute to minute they need supply any way they can get it. Our nervous system was not built to withstand all the hatred they dish out. If you can get the divorce you will be able to keep what good health you have.

[@ritalawson7020]

Run away faraway go no contact forever

[@EasyRussianLessons]

You've described the person I had to interact with recently to a t. It was actually a group of like-minded folks. My gut told me to get away from them. I went full no contact. I finally have peace now. Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased on your behalf!

[@BaraSchmidt]

You know who holds all the cards in a relationship with an individual who has a narcissistic personality style? That's right! WE do!! Because but for OUR supply they would be a writhing puddle of shame and anger! So why play, or continue to play the hand THEY DEALT you?!! Deal me OUT! Stay Healthy!!

[@rossanderson5243]

They give us anxiety and this makes us move too fast; react too fast and respond too fast. We get into our subconscious when we need to be consciously connected to the situation and make the appropriate changes. We need to deal with the anxiety. I find the anxiety hard.

[@christinapoor2289]

They also take great pleasure in that. I've been working on not giving the "yes master" automatic reaction she expects. It makes her mad when I don't ask how high when she expects me to jump.

[@roseyc.5846]

EXTREMELY hard. ☹️

[@hollybickford2492]

@@roseyc.5846that is totally it: we move to fast, react to fast, respond to fast. We get triggered and lost in weaknesses when we literally have to become Jedies and Superheros to deal with these people!

[@OceanSound100]

Yeah, I understand what you mean about anxiety. I am calm right now, but not always. I grew up sleeping with my sneakers on and always ready to run. No kidding.

[@HarmonyVanEaton]

Oh they give anyone close to them CPTSD.

[@amypemberton528]

After 2-1/2 years of marriage counseling (our counselor finally said she had nothing more to offer him) at the end of a 25 year marriage, I told my husband I would be filing for divorce. That was a Wednesday. By Thursday, he had joined several dating sites claiming to be divorced. By Friday, he was on his first date. I asked him, if I could be so easily replaced, why he didn’t let me go sooner? He had no answer. He was engaged to someone new halfway through the divorce. They will celebrate their fifth anniversary in February. I am still recovering.❤

[@HarmonyVanEaton]

He was never faithful. Guaranteed. They need to replace the house slave asap, but they are always in multiple relationships plus randoms. That’s why it’s so quick.

[@ritalawson7020]

You are well rid of him

[@MichelleRochner]

@@amypemberton528 so sorry Amy! Got served divorce papers a few days ago, just before Christmas. Then noticed a hotel room charge on our Joint bank statement for 11/23/24. The following Monday a debit to the attorney! Just another slap in the face. 29 1/2 years married.

[@cyny6305]

When they injure you they hate you for that too.

[@mday3821]

How do you know that? I'm seriously asking because I wonder if my narcissistic mother started hurting me more the more she hated me. I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just wondering how you know. Thank you in advance.

[@OceanSound100]

This is quite the observation you have there. It felt that way to me, too.

[@HarmonyVanEaton]

You no longer adore or believe them after decades of lies, broken promises, sudden rage, violence, theft, threats…. Go figure. So they don’t like your FACIAL EXPRESSIONS anymore.

[@carolnahigian9518]

they know not the meaning of '2 way street!' they only know " MY WAY OR HIGH WAY!!"""

[@kaylaaicher3902]

@@carolnahigian9518 my ex narc literally told me that and I laughed. Who says that to another adult ??

[@melissapannkuk6033]

Amen to that! I lived it for 25 years of marriage

[@octoberskys9398]

Everything you said he's said and I am now following your advice. For a year now. I'm listening to you for a little more than a year. Not much has changed, except I am within myself at peace. Thank you

[@caroleminke6116]

Gray rock out! I did & he left finally so I kept my home as well as pets. No supply means no fuel. He admitted that he couldn’t trigger me & left owing $1000 rent but it was well worth the financial loss. Almost 2 years Free & calm peace every day ☮️

[@CR-ip1il]

I went through this hell a few years ago and I no longer want anything to do with this person. Total gaslighting and then stonewalling.

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

The rage is horrid

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

My heart is with you, Cynthia.

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

@ Thank you Dr. C …I’m just waiting on the lord step-by-step.

[@carolannstevens5814]

Same … I should have divorced many decades as mine broke my fingers!

[@jeankipper6954]

A coworker blamed me for doing something that would have caused me to be fired, possibly jail. Another person found proof, in his own writing, that he did it. Somehow he kept his job, management had to help. He proceeded to be mad at me for years. I guess for not being a satisfactory patsey. Awful people.

[@thecustodian1023]

I've been through that many times. They do horrible illegal things and anyone but them gets nailed for it no matter how much evidence and witnesses there are.

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

Your keeping your boundaries will be regarded by a narcissist as stonewalling. Their stonewalling will be defended as protecting their boundaries. Point of view matters.

[@jennybonker3425]

Stone-walled and treated with contempt ,losing your voice for the sake of peace,leads to such a sense of hopelessness and dread .Post no contact,after 30 years of abuse,making the most basic of decisions is still a challenge.

[@donloughrey1615]

Even if they realize they are wrong they still carry the anger and blame you because they are wrong. It doesn't even have to be an important issue, they do it even with the most trivial of things.

[@Blusky-j2z]

today is may day 1 without the narcissist!!!! I won’t have to hold her anxiety, anger, disdain. I won’t have to have everyday her toxic communication (inducing guilt and shame, never asking with "please", no thanks, no apologizing, projection of her feelings). I still have a long road to go, but now on the "other side", where a more beautiful landscape seems possible.

[@cloudmountaindog8537]

It’s actually funny to me that she thinks she’s such a winner & in monumental control when in actual fact she’s just destroying her own family with cruelty. Their delusion is wild. Thank you for the comprehensive look at this type of abuse. It’s so childish and such nonsense.

[@shelleyj4606]

Exactly my ex !

[@FreeSpeechJ6]

Sounds like a few people I know.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Thank-you so much, Dr. Carter. I have been on the receiving end of two male narcissists who treated me like this. One is now an ex-husband. The other is no longer a friend. At one point, the former friend was so aggressive during a phone call I was having with his wife, that I asked him to stop several times and he wouldn't back off on his aggression towards me. The only thing I could do was to end the phone call. Needless to say, I was traumatized by this.

[@LucyFre]

This was one of the best podcasts picturng my situation together with :" people who goes in shot down mode , what's going on " and " covert narcistist, control with sly twist" . Thank you sir !!!

[@cedargrace]

Perfect timing. My coworker is stonewalling me with contempt and I’m fine with it😂 “bye” it’s much better than interacting with her.

[@carefulcarpenter]

Contempt, ignore, gaslight, devalue, false joy: these concepts come to mind here on YT. Oh yes! Censorship, too.

[@LindaHenderson-l4p]

I understand

[@hjackson7563]

I'm dealing with my brother who is a narcissist. I'd forgotten how bad he was and dealing with him the last 2 weeks reminded me. I'm outta here at the earliest opportunity. This video has been super helpful as a reminder to not personalize and to clearly see the signs. They're all there. I'd educated myself on narcissism since the last time I'd had to deal with him so this was interesting. I have not experienced much emotional turbulence - its been quite neutral. I'm going through the experience noticing and even chuckling to myself - oh there's another sign. I'm assuming that's what education is supposed to do. Thank you for that!!!

[@kristenmitchell2118]

And then he calls it his boundaries....

[@whaleoilbeefhooked3892]

My NPD father destroyed normalcy in communication for all of his dependants generationally. As a result, friends and relationships became tainted, one way or another. Regarding his ongoing dominance of ideas and his seeking an audience to express his off-beat interpretations of people's characterizations, I say to my father, "you and I are calibrabed differently, that's all", then ask if he's got his Xmas shopping done or something to interrupt his thought process. Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@heatherboo1975]

Dealing with this my whole childhood into adulthood with my father. I’m finally learning some tools from my therapist. This will help me too

[@MargaretJones-z2v]

You ARE a truly amazing person and so calming and reassuring and that it is THEY who have the mental illness that they accuse others of having.. SEASONS BLESSINGS TO YOU AND YOUR ADORABLE dog GUS..THANKYOU..

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

It Is vital for us to take responsibility for our lives and our initiatives having nothing to do with the stonewalling narcisist. Thank you dr Carter ❤ God bless you ❤

[@mariegumpel4955]

@@IzabelaWaniek-i1x truth

[@darinsmith2458]

You did kind of mention it at the end but I lost my sense of self with the Narcissist.. I actually need some of that stubbornness when dealing with them..

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

I think we all did - lose ourselves to some degree. And Yes, you are right: You need a big pile of Stubbornness with them, in order not to get railroaded unto a path that leaves you stranded in the desert... They will wear you down, though. You need to have enough time to recharge after dealing with them. If not, you WILL get depleted by their demands & illusions in the end. ITs not sustainable

[@darinsmith2458]

@@PantaRhei-wz5zn You got that right..

[@well_weathered]

💯🎯 boundaries

[@darinsmith2458]

@@well_weathered yup

[@michellebenge1580]

A coworker is every bit of what you describe. I don't even exist to her, will not speak to me, or acknowledge my presence. If I ask her a question, she is short and curt. Very aggressive and has to be in charge and the gatekeep of information. Will talk about my lack of knowledge, but yet will not share any information. The eye rolls, exasperated exhales, change to Spanish when I'm in her presence. She does it to purposely exclude me from any conversations. It's nerve racking!

[@ritalawson7020]

Change jobs you don't need this stuff

[@lishmahlishmah]

Thank you dr C 🌼✨ In these days I have realized that there are some parts of me _still_ believing that my narcissistic parent + enabler parent _sometimes_ really mean to talk like "normal" people with "normal" purposes of "normal" daily life. The thing is, Nope, they never talk like normal people. No matter which situation. Their patterns are 24/7. I already knew that "in theory". Now, I have to keep on doing my "trainings" to accept this reality much more in every practicalities

[@caroleminke6116]

Yup 💔❤️‍🩹♥️

[@well_weathered]

🤜🏼💯🤛🏼

[@donnahalsted7718]

It's a real work! After a lifetime of living with narcissists, wondering why I attract people like this, trying to be the peacemaker and satisfier, only to find I'm the one responsible for all the disharmony, even when I have nothing to do with a situation, their lack...I'm sure you can fill in all the rest, I have discovered it's I who needs to change my thinking. They WONT. But to survive and thrive, I must! I have to constantly watch my immediate reactions and actions. It is necessary to rearrange my thought patterns and prearranged my responses. So often I need to give a bland, answer that "let's me off the hook" without any trace of arguing or acceptance of responsibility that has nothing to do with me. They can still blame and back bite, but I KNOW THE TRUTH. I'm working on it. It's starting to work on me!

[@lishmahlishmah]

@donna Thank you for your sharing!! Yes, it's a real work. Indeed. 🥴

[@jabjk1]

It’s almost like you knew I needed to hear this today Dr. C. Thank you very much for these videos. God bless!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome

[@malwads1836]

This is a lesson for all of us not just regarding narcissists but in general how damaging & unhealthy the behavior of stonewalling actually is because nothing ever gets solved or resolved and it just completely cuts another person off during a conflict rather than constructively working through it like emotionally mature adults.

[@29Janice]

Two of my three adult daughters have done this to me. One has a degree in conflict resolution. It's painful especially now. I'm working on my Will.

[@francesbernard2445]

Reducing our expectations while making plans for successful travel past that proverbial fork in the road when doing our best to not experience feelings while negative thinking less of ourselves while stinking thinking that all is futile is the only way to survive around a narcissist or around communal narcissism without getting in the mud with them. We cannot always be assertive around a narcissist. A slowly walking out of the picture is often the only best way for a person to cope. Leaving them to try and figure it out on their own.

[@caroleminke6116]

They couldn’t care less about you… it’s all about supply! Enabling narcs should be a criminal offense against society but it’s the norm

[@MarianneCatherine]

I hear you. But they very rarely figure anything out!!! Unfortunately. 🙄😒😳

[@jonathanrandall4140]

That's what I'm slowly doing as well. The narc has tried recently to reel me back in, but I'm cautiously keeping distance while throwing them the occasional bone so as to not set off alarms. It's extremely uncomfortable and awkward, creates a lot of anxiety. I think it's the correct path, however. I want to leave them behind, get on with my life, and let them try to figure out what happened for the rest of their lives.

[@amnahaque9058]

Those type of arguments would last hours. At that time I didn't know. I would keep trying to explain myself in the best possible way but that person would take the argument back to point zero.

[@ritalawson7020]

Run awAy as fast as you can go no contact forever

[@Hatbox948]

I'm still learning these terms gaslighting, stonewalling, etc. All were used against me, of that I'm sure.

[@well_weathered]

It is such a mind game. I have found when I write it and am heard, it opens me up to experience more and understand more. I wouldn't be where I am right now if I didn't find the ability to share. Your sharing has helped me much. ❤️‍🩹🫂

[@shewins3775]

Know the terms like you do the alphabet- it’s paramount for your sanity.

[@well_weathered]

@shewins3775 🤜🏼💯🤛🏼

[@robbrigham1125]

What troubles me most isnt when she treats me like my feelings don't matter but when I start to treat her the same way.

[@carefulcarpenter]

"LOVE is listening." cc. 2020

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

The Narcissist: "What did you just say?"

[@carefulcarpenter]

@SurvivingNarcissism "Could you repeat that--- I am waiting for a text and was distracted?"

[@Jenny-vo6pf]

I just yelled back at my Narc. mother!!!! First time ever!!! 52 years old!!!!!! OMG.... Everything you've said is spot on!!! Thank you Dr. C.!!!!! Now to decide where to go from here! ❤

[@Jenny-vo6pf]

Yelled back ..correction!

[@Ratgirl2]

It's so difficult I left the home and was cut of financially I'm told there will be no split call a lawyer do whatever you are getting nothing. It's like hell right now 😢😢

[@trussme3210]

What I needed this week to strengthen my knees and my back against the onslaught. Thank you!

[@JenniferSmith-j8p]

You have described my daughter in law. She has forbidden my son to speak to me and won’t allow any contact with my grandchildren

[@psalm1197]

Same!

[@carolannstevens5814]

Ohhh wow! What is her reason?

[@koisan5300]

I sense an estranged parent smearing a DIL

[@firesunearthmoon8999]

Dealing with N dad alone after moms death last year. I secretly blame him for her demise (50 years of rage on her). I’m praying he drops and doesn’t linger as I cannot & will not care for him the way he’s expecting me to if he becomes disabled. He has blasted me on his social media. Still wants to get together for bdays & holidays where we sit silent except for the sports talk between he & my husband. He’s threatened to disown me so many times in my life but I can’t get so lucky. Now I’m just being nice to get my inheritance from my mother’s estate. He gaslit me at the investment firm then wondered why I stopped seeing him. I do just minimal of what’s necessary to stay in touch. He’s already cut my half brother out. Ugh

[@caroleminke6116]

You have a long road to hoe now because despite what you do or don’t do now, he’s going after your mother’s estate. Plz get legal advice in advance! Too many kids trust the narcissist to follow the law but believe me, once the cash is gone then he’s dead & you’re not getting it back. I had to try to save $ from my grandma for my enabling sister as well as myself but it took knowledge from men I could trust to pull it off. My younger sister was totally blinded by trust

[@thecustodian1023]

Unfortunatley those types are too angry to ever die in a timely manor. They know whats waiting for them and they are not going willingly.

[@missylearned9821]

I wouldn’t count on an inheritance. Those kind of people aren’t in control of their own souls.

[@donnahalsted7718]

When I was single and working, even when working two hours from home, I sent my N.Mother a hundred dollars a month ( wages then were $445 a month). When she died I was named in the will as receiving nothing, along with one other of my nine Brothers and two Sisters. If I had contested the will I would receive $1. My Brother turned to me and asked," Should we contest it and get our dollar." I just smiled. Don't depend on an inheritance. Set your heart on where your real treasure is. The futility of this world's promises can be devastating otherwise. Even in our direst needs, SOMEONE else has our life totally in His hands. He is existentially Love and Mercy. His heart is for you.

[@EWSFoTo]

My oldman trend was, nerver passive always agressive "stop being childish". He love this one. Anyway, i came here today Doc, to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to Team Healty. All the best to you and your family Gus include. Everything fine here, peace.

[@MarianneCatherine]

Thank you & the same to you and your family!!! Glad all is well with you! 🎄♥️🎄♥️🎄 Merry Christmas!!!

[@EWSFoTo]

@@MarianneCatherine 🙂

[@DonnaReed-b7r]

I so appreciate your wisdom And knowledge … it is so confirming and helpful . Thank you for helping us to realize it is not us … it’s them! God bless you and Gus Dr Carter ! You are a blessing and love your calm demeanor .

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Reaction formation: So, one narcissist exudes insecurity and the other anxiety = one wishes to conform and be accepted while the other wishes to avoid rejection. One takes an agreeable approach, the other a disagreeable approach. A tragic situation for them either way.

[@davidparker5439]

After another argument. I sent to my wife let's go and see a psychologist this went down like a lead balloon

[@CaterinaRivanor]

That's AMAZING how spot on this is! My vulnerable very covert ex narc fiance had the most parts you list here... And now, after 4 months since I terminated the relationship, I wonder how CLEAR the fact is that the whole idea of a relationship was madness all along... The features that you mention here are toxic and repellent and even only one of them is too much but I listen and go: yeah, check! Yeah, check! Oh yesss, definitely CHECK.... It was a nightmare, from the start doomed to death... What was I thinking about not seeing the insanity already in the beginning....😅

[@bennyscomin]

10 yrs of my life trying to believe in the good person she pretends to be to everyone else and then.......poof! 10 yrs I'll never get back

[@shewins3775]

Aside from rage, stonewalling is the worst. It’s so arrogant and disrespectful.

[@cassiebennet4262]

"Keeper of truth." Amen.

[@sallyjaynes2433]

Thanks to all who went *Live today here on Dr. C's subject .... participation is so supportive successful 🙌 🤳 🙏 ☮️✌️

[@aaronkwolfe]

Was glad to see you there with all the other “regulars.” The chat is very supportive.

[@sallyjaynes2433]

@aaronkwolfe Yes, your thoughtfulness is appreciative -- definitely goes back to our beginnings

[@mtntroll1]

Been "lurking" for 2 years now. You all & Dr C have helped me claw back my sanity. Divorce from the narc is almost over. Profound thanks to you all.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I missed it today 😢 I've posted a comment. Take care ❤🙏

[@HollyEllis-q2w]

I was getting wrongly accused of ‘playing games’ between her and her mum and I stuck to my position and said I wasn’t doing it and when I kept defending myself eventually she said that I had done it subconsciously then 🤣 Thankfully I’m out. Thanks for the videos

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

Thanks always Dr. C and Gus. From Cynthia Ann in JANESVILLE, WI

[@BizKit167]

My older brother is just like that I'd go no contact but our parents are very sad to see their children are like that so there's no other choice other than find peace somehow, he always belittles me and showing how great he is, he told me he's "light years" above me, and if I don't take his advice on something - he turns into a crazy psychopath, I honestly don't know what to do anymore

[@amyburton1225]

I have never in my life experienced such cruelty from a man that says he's in love with me. I cannot reconcile cruel words and actions towards me as being in love

[@andreacook6000]

Hi Les, I’ve just done the self litigant course and it was very insightful. I’m not sure if you have this in the US. It was good to go over my case and understand more about how this person has been thinking over the course of the relationship. Doing a legal case like this while at the same time listening to you is good to deepen the education. I came home and wrote down many things that you have taught me and have been listening today as usual keeping me on track. I listened to a video you did a while back about how narcissistic people are all about comparison and how we need to not fall into anyone that gets into assessing us, to stand firm in our sense of self, and also, how they superimpose themselves onto us. If you are not aware you can loose yourself quickly with this type of person. It is a great video. I felt a little rushed by a person interested in me working with him. Good reminder, stand firm in yourself. The video is called: Your number 1 challenge as you unbind from the narcissist. It is so subtle how they gain control and I absolutely love the power of what you are saying here. It’s easy to forget, I get to choose and set my own life course and agenda. Their unspoken presupposition of control has now been made conscious and clear. Sending the message, I choose, in a calm assertive way.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Andrea, I am so pleased you are figuring it out. No, we don't have such a course here in the U.S. but it is certainly needed and warranted. I wish you the best as you get back on track. #TeamHealthy

[@Gabriel-p1n4r]

My Mom was like this 6:40 , she tricked me that it was in my best interest to trust her , later I realized , nothing could be further from the truth....

[@jpatterson829]

As always i amen greaful for your insight DrC. Thanks to the group . DRC

[@MarianneCatherine]

I second that!!! 😊

[@fred.k9875]

Dr.C can you if you please make a video called deep inside a narcissist’s shallow mind. Thank you! No stress!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hey Fred, What an incredible title! I just wrote it down.

[@fred.k9875]

@ I’m glad you like it Doc!

[@viklund2725]

The only thing that helps is to request help from a psychologist who puts them against the wall or you end the contact 100% with the narcissist! There is no way out to discuss what they have done to your lives, Believe me I have tried and now I have had to take my father to court to get my rights.

[@elmaswanepoel1598]

Thank you so much for this!

[@cassiebennet4262]

"They're the one who has all the correct knowledge." 😂 I love you southern gentleman.

[@douaa1934]

Thank you Dr. Carter

[@Teacher369]

7:58 “There’s a cuckoo element there.” 😂 💥 🎯

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Sometimes those phrases just pop out.

[@taracannonllc]

Right on time!

[@BobTheSchipperke]

I have one stonewalling me, so I just say I can't help someone who doesn't do the minimum of reaching out. I'll be over here. They can draw it out as the administration allows them to do this.

[@MichelleRochner]

They will reach out when they WANT something and try to make you feel bad for not checking on them. 🤨

[@martaszabo3561]

True​@@MichelleRochner

[@zinnia3684]

My son.

[@rachelcarson9967]

This is very helpful. Thank you.

[@ml420-nrz]

Thank you so much for your hard work you have helped me come to understand many traits that i have to correct about myself an others i thought where going to be life long friends an partners that wont be!! Such knowledge is priceless God bless you sir!

[@josephaddition]

Thank you Sir. God bless you 🙏

[@amnahaque9058]

Been in so many of those situations 😔

[@Roberta-l5r]

As usual Dr C you’re right on another good one.

[@angelameyer3709]

My twin just flips the proverbial bird. I refuse to stoop to her level.

[@glendahowes5905]

Alcoholic narccy mum - it was very difficult. Dead now - Dad chained the Pearly Gates shut - he wants peace.

[@dondetaylor]

Thank you for your videos. You let me know I’m not crazy lol. Second you describe and give us strategies to not get sucked in by their demons. Man you are awesome and I pray God bless your life with peace and comfort. You have truly been a blessing to my life. Thank you brother and God bless you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are quite welcome.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Hi, Dr. C. Question: Although there are some elements of my mother's personality that suggest she may have been a malignant narcissist, I do not sense the deep insecurity that was a significant part of my husband's personality. You could say she was insecure in "life" because she expressed a lot of pessimism and anxiety about everything but she did not seem insecure in her "person" or abilities. Yet, she tended to be bold and confident of her positions. In short, might anxiety in place of insecurity make her something other than narcissistic?

[@laura.danisi8590]

Dr C you have helped me so much❤️much love ✨

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased for you, Laura. Love received, with gratitude.

[@SusieAspen]

I'm trying; thanks.

[@leneursulapoulsen6243]

Have had endless konflikts with my sister, and my approach has been to ask questions like why are you so mad at me? I really wish we could be close, and I guess it's bc I talk about the difficult things running in the family, that I get attacked. Why won't you talk about it? Don't you see it or are you afraid of bringing it out? I care about you. Could we find a way etc etc. She never answers but just gets more aggressive, accusing me of making the conflict worse. And ends up by mocking me for being sooo clever. When she can't hold it up anymore, she ends up by screaming that she will have no contact. Last time this was an sms "talk", and when she wrote not wanting me to be near her bc I am so difficult and aggressive to be around and I should seek counseling. I just answered. I see. I have had lot's of counseling and I am at peace with reality, I just had to try this last time, to see if you would show the least intention of wanting a relation. Now I have my answer and peace. Stay well. And we are spending Christmas together. My mother is just like my sister so they stick together. Fortunately her and mine grownup children will not take side, and I have really good relations with her daughters. I have lately heard them whisper that their mom is always mad lately. So, I insist on coming and think that I this way may be able to break the pattern. They see the difference between me and her. The lack of empathy is is getting very clear. I have learned so much watching these videos and yes it hurts on and of, but I am getting kind of indifferent and I spend time and energy on people that are kind, empathic and fun. They turn up when not giving attention to those dysfunktional persons like my mother and sister. Their live is not good now, sitting in each their house being angry. I am happy and things in life is going really well. But it is a grief having had such a childhood. Oh how I wish it had been a normal family.

[@donnahalsted7718]

No family is normal, except within their own norms.😊

[@leneursulapoulsen6243]

@@donnahalsted7718 Well, there's a huge difference between the norms of a highly dysfunctional/narcissistic family and a authentic/empathic family that teaches good values, no matter what. For instance, you don't grow up having to play roles in such families. You are seem as you

[@emilyashley4820]

Could you talk about professionals who are touted as having great insight and compassion like Alice Miller, who wrote about child abuse, when, according to her son, she wasn't compassionate to him. I believe his name is Martin Miller. I ordered his book. In interviews, he said his father would viciously beat him, and Alice Miller just watched. He said that she was verbally abusive and cold to him. How can Alice Miller write these "great" books about trauma and children and take all the accolades while not acknowledging that she failed her son? I read her books. She said it was easier to stand by the bully because that means you usually don't have to do anything but watch. Was she telling on herself? It would have helped her son heal if she'd acknowledged it. Martin said she wrote the books because she felt guilty about his abysmal childhood. I wonder if she also wrote the books to defend herself in case Martin spoke up. What if it was an elaborate preemptive strike? It probably hurt Martin even more when he saw people praising his mother as being a defender of children. What I remember about the books didn't sit well with me. There was a part where she encouraged us to never forgive. She also said abused children were irreparably broken. Gee, thanks for the pep talk. My opinions.

[@TheAdventuresOfCollegeGiRL]

@survivingnarcissism I go through this entire cycle regularly and almost always fold b/c he knows my abandonment wound runs deep. All he has to do is threaten to leave, break-up, tell me to leave, threaten to call police and I fold almost every time. I KNOW this is so unhealthy and abusive yet, here I am. I don’t know how I’m going to get through my own fears in order to save myself. 😢

[@thecustodian1023]

~45 comments logged, at best 30 visible. Pointless YT censorship is even messing with this channel now.

[@aaronkwolfe]

Switch to “Newest” instead of “Top” comments. Remember to count the replies. I counted 50 out of 50

[@thecustodian1023]

@@aaronkwolfe I am aware. There should be no reason they are hiding almost half of the comments made on the back page.

[@MarianneCatherine]

Thank you, Aaron 😊

[@karenhope6986]

Wow..my daughter 😢

[@carefulcarpenter]

An indication of the system pathology is revealed in the availability rate of rentals, and the escalating monthly rent values. Think about it. Single people usually don't qualify for home loans.

[@well_weathered]

💯🎯

[@carefulcarpenter]

@Summer_Harvest Good morning! ☺ Well, here in California it is morning.

[@StephMcClurg-n9g]

I'm currently in the process of leaving my husband of 14 years. His new favorite game is stonewalling. He can tell me he wants his ex gf but if I show I'm upset by that's it's my problem and I get ignored.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I wish you the best.

[@StephMcClurg-n9g]

Thank you, you're videos have been extremely empowering and helpful during this time.

[@Teacher369]

👋 Dr Carter ☀️ If the narcissist has a “favorite person,” for example their daughter, who is also their flying monkey, will the narcissist eventually turn on them and discard them like they do everyone else? (Thanks for another great video.) ☮️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Not necessarily. It all hinges on the FM's willing to stay inside the designated role. Is some cases, it is a lifelong commitment. But if the FM chooses instead to be independent, then here comes the vitriol.

[@fred.k9875]

Please listen to: Objects in the mirror By: A-ha

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You’re back on Aha! Got it,Fred!

[@lfranc923]

I wanted to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas from Linda

[@carolnahigian9518]

Dr L Carter, for sure,met my EX

[@Sassenach1776girl]

The more I watch the videos, the more I realize how naive I’ve been. There is no way to communicate these feelings either!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're learning!

[@donnahalsted7718]

Oh, my goodness! Yup! Naive! I never knew anything about narcissism but what we passed quickly over in psychology class in 1968. Unknowingly I lived with narcs my whole life. The last one was one of my nine Brothers, five years older than I, who when growing up (which he obviously did not) was never home. Student Body Pres, Homecoming King, Track Meets, job (?).... He feigned homelessness and I took him in. Not only narcissistic but psychopathic! The first five hours here I had three serious red flags. If I had not been Naive I would have had him put his belongings back in the car and taken him the local motel! No, I was naive. Believe it or not, I thank God for the lesson I FINALLY learned from my N Brother! Two years of PTSD, setbacks on my house repairs of at least ten years, destruction of farm equipment, even breaking and chipping keys on my cherished Baby Grand! Thousands of dollars of set backs and damage! But today I am much wiser. I'm now dealing with an N woman who has done all the Jezabel tactics to get her way. But she can't "put us in our place". I can deal with her while laughing inside. Thanks Bob!

[@OceanSound100]

The Cukoo element. Haha! Hi, Dr. Carter. Your voice is rough. I hope you're doing well.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yeah, I've been dealing with acid reflux a lot lately. Seeing doctors!

[@OceanSound100]

@@SurvivingNarcissism You're so good at psychology that you can analyze even your medical doctors.

[@aljazkolar]

gaslighting on steroids :D

[@dragonfolkstudios]

🙏❤️‍🩹☮️❤️‍🩹🙏

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I've just watched on 'Tape Delay' snd would like to thank Teresa for the reference made to me at the end of the chat 🙏❤️‍🩹🫂

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I had some training at the women's centre that I volunteer at today, so I couldn't make the usual chat with my TH pals Later, my youngest called in to the house. He's been staying in student accommodation but wishes to come home for Christmas. He's shown no change in his drinking habits or attitude towards me. I can only reiterate boundaries. His brother and girlfriend who live with me will be on holiday for 10 days over Christmas. He's arranged a dog walker for part of the time. This is a nightmare, and I wish Christmas was over.

[@well_weathered]

​@@amandaliverpool3374I understand your mixed feelings. I bet that was some great training. 🤜🏼✨️🤛🏼 Your son wants to come back for the holiday, but you would be alone. Did you get advise on this? I hope your son respects your boundaries. 🫂🕯💙

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@Summer_Harvest Thank you for getting back to me.I feel extremely panicky. My eldest doesn't care as he's going to Benidorm for ten days. My granddaughters mum was shocked that he's not seeing his daughter. He called me a nut job. The youngest came round last night. It's clear that he hasn't changed. I'm getting it from both of them! I have support from an addictions group for loved ones. I think I need more of an intervention team. I'm on my own!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Amanda, I wish you well as you get through this rough patch. You may have heard me mention that I volunteered at a women's shelter in Dallas for 6-7 years, cooking and serving breakfast one Saturday per month, plus full meals at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I felt it was necessary for the women to be tended to by a man who wanted to serve them. I know you'll find in your own experiences that when you become attuned to others, at least for a while, your troubles are pushed to the background. #TeamHealthy

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks, Dr.C. I appreciate your kind thoughts. The women's centre I volunteer at is more a place for women to go to for group therapy. I've been going there for some years now. I facilitate the knitting/crotchet group, which is good for mental health. Saying that, the centre does make referrals to the local women's aid for more specialised help. I've had dealings with those, too, in the past. It's all about help and support. I wish I could fathom things out with my own lads, though. I'm floundering a bit, and I'm feeling very anxious. Thanks again 🙏