8 Phrases That Scream Narcissism

[@reddawn8230]

When you try to discuss how they’ve hurt you, they accuse you of living in the past or holding a grudge.

[@laurieswann6068]

Or bringing old baggage to the relationship. When that is what they are doing.

[@DarleneHoldren]

Exactly...o that's the past I am moving forward not Backwards..

[@azashukura]

Yep! Even if they do or say something 2 seconds ago they Still yell "Stop bringing up the past"! 😅

[@T-BBBrill]

@@azashukura Lol! TRUE.

[@dehavior]

@@reddawn8230 "Aren’t you past that yet?" said my mother as I was speaking of the most traumatic physically abusive event of my childhood… that she, in fact, inflicted on me. With these people, you are either wrong, or crazy, or delusional. Or… "rancorous", and living in the past

[@rstroud79]

I left my narcissistic husband. The last thing he said was, "I don't love you." I said, "Tell me something I don't know." Ciao.

[@swapnilapraharaj3493]

That’s really impressive and strong

[@oldsoul3733]

I had a narcissist say "you'll never find someone else like me" my response was THANK GOD FOR THAT as I walked out and closed the door. 😂

[@Arlene_DOTK]

That is an EPIC response 🤣👏👏👏👏

[@dawna4185]

🤣

[@Godblessed2]

🏆

[@susanjeffay3851]

...and "no one will ever "love" you like I do"

[@dawna4185]

@@susanjeffay3851 to which we reply, "thank god for that!"

[@1cpascal]

Another phrase that should be on this list is, "After all I've done for you!"

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Translated, You owe me.

[@user-ge6uo2ry2b]

This should be quoted on my mother’s headstone

[@andreachristopher8586]

After everything we've done. Totally get that one. I would be a rich woman today as many times as I have heard that. Oh, and the one "You're just way too sensitive". "Don't be so sensitive". I hear, you're emotions don't matter to me. They are not valid. It seems alot of your videos set off a few bells for me. So glad you are on here. Thank You so much!!

[@tinamarisia123]

I get this all the time... And similar versions...

[@jenniferwatson8798]

Yes. Still waiting for him to complete repairs from nearly two year old water damage (and I haven't been letting him skate). After "Why do you keep harping on that/can't you move on?" I get "What about all the nice things I'm always doing for you?" Deflection and narrative flipping. I revert to what he's neglecting to keep the conversation where it belongs, and he loses his mind. What I want to say, but know I won't accomplish anything if I do: "Buying things is easy. Bringing home junk food is ridiculously simple. Flowers are a blind, and are deliberately unkind in allergy season. Getting up and exerting effort when you'd prefer to 'punish' me by dragging the situation out is the real challenge and 'nice thing' to do, and you refuse to do it. It's just too difficult for you to even attempt, dude. You've even begin to call it 'renovation' to sterilize and justify it in your mind and to others, rather than 'repairs.' I see you." Gaslighting is real, y'all. Stay strong. 💪

[@jolesliewhitten6545]

I never argued with my ex-narc. I tried a million ways to please him. I just planned secretly and LEFT-smartest thing I ever did.

[@kyliefan7]

Very Wise! Don’t tell a narcissist you are leaving them and give them a chance to plot their revenge!

[@MinkesMom]

HAHA! I did that too. Had my bags packed, cat carriers ready & he never noticed. I drove him to the school to teach a class I signed him to. Since he can not drive, I did not pick him up as I loaded my car in 10 minutes & gone. Ex walked home in the dark, in the cold for miles to a locked house.

[@saleenapiano]

@@MinkesMom good move! you can be proud of yourself!

[@neli.a]

BINGO ! The biggest mistake people make is thinking something they do or say will change the Narc… please just gray rock them until you can get out. Save yourself, plan quietly and GO!

[@someone3187]

@@MinkesMom It's good that you left without a big fuss, but why did you lock him out in the cold?

[@teresarenee3829]

They don't let you ever finish a sentence.

[@judiezell4306]

Story of my life with my ex Narc! They're too stupid to learn this or anything else! 😂😅😅

[@jameshannifinjr4617]

Ain't that the truth! Then they bombard you with psycho bable!

[@AJ-ks4lv]

When they here a word in your story they take over with that word and go on with a story about themselves

[@karlahoward1811]

That's the truth

[@karlahoward1811]

You are telling the truth

[@SuntoryPop927]

Here’s a classic…anytime you try to explain something to them….”I know that already”…..or something to that effect. Remember…they know EVERYTHING!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Or so they say!

[@roxymovie3938]

So true! 👍 Because they think they are God like..

[@williamdillard8330]

Yes!

[@SendItForward]

YES!! I learned that if I fixed or did anything around the house, if I gave credit to another person (a man), he would accept it and not criticize it as much.

[@pamanderson1417]

Or they may reply with "tell me something I don't already know".

[@Denise-y2c]

To a narcissist, respect is only for them.

[@JR-dv7qy]

Oh my gosh yes!!!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

One-way trip to nowhere.

[@butterflycomb]

Exactly.

[@butterflycomb]

The narcissist the original Twightlight Zone Lol. No disrespect to the great Rod Serling.

[@gthktty666]

I recently heard "Victims talk about the abuse, Abusers talk about the victim" and felt nothing has rung true more

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Good way to put it.

[@theresavanderveer9886]

Or they simply 'deny ever saying or doing it" or "you must have heard me wrong"...

[@EndPoliceBrutailty]

Agreed. The taekwondo school I left is doing just that.

[@mitts2006]

@@theresavanderveer9886 Yes!!!

[@Sorchia56]

Spot on!

[@Carol-wj4gw]

As my father once told me …if a person really and truly loves a person, they won’t hurt them…

[@cacatr4495]

Well that leaves my parents out! 😂 I went no contact ages ago, so I can laugh about it.

[@EveningTV]

Well, they might hurt them, but it won't be their goal and it won't make them feel good. What I find myself saying pretty often is a person who loves you doesn't abuse you. Love and abuse can't happen at the same time.

[@shreygupta2108]

I agree with @EveningTV. I also love saying you can't truly hurt a person who doesn't love you. You can annoy them and physically hurt them sure, but you cant truly hurt them.

[@keekeejenkins6162]

Love, or even just "like" or "respect"

[@arizonaskies]

That is not even realistic. Everyone gets hurt by their spouse at some point. The thing to be aware of is if they did or didn't mean to hurt you.

[@nomeanpeople]

as soon as I bounce back from his earlier mistreatment, the second that he senses that I'm happy, he starts cutting me down & ridiculing again.

[@drunkenrampage1588]

Instead of them saying "I'm sorry for what I did." They will say, "I'm sorry that you feel this way."

[@karenbrister9191]

If they can even say I'm sorry

[@maureenb.8517]

Or I’m sorry you misunderstood. That is not an apology

[@northharper749]

Yes!!!

[@spookems8]

Yep they CAN NEVER SAY THEY WERE WRONG OR THEY ARE SORRY. ..... SCARY THING if they said they were sorry. I do not think it would be genuine. I would need to see actions, and yeah that ain't happening. :( I once tried to talk to my sister about her behavior from my childhood, how I was still affected by her behaviors and non behaviors....ALL SHE SAID WAS, oh I didn't know that STILL bothered you!!!!! Crickets ! There was: No remorse, no I'm sorry, no let's try to talk more about this, let me try to make up for my lack of caring while dad beating the hell out of you for nothing while I stood there and watched or listened. Yep. ....... Personally, I have felt guilty for walking away from these people, BUT now I just don't care. It's a sad thing, I really just avoid people now. I've had to just ignore or throw people away as their behaviors to me are so disrespectful and abusive. I mean it's like I try to blame myself and make excuses for them, that it's me cause that my DAD STILL HAUNTING ME....telling me how stupid I was, how I'd never amount to nothing, the hitting, the kicking etc. Co workers suck me in then turn on me, friends betray me and lie to me and use me, ex husband lie n cheat, now my own family treats me like I am poison, I SOUND LIKE THE VICTIM....I always say I feel like Jesus must have felt, while now it's all verbal after my dad, and only 1x ex hit me and I told him you do it again you'll be 6' under, after my dad's abuse I was not taking that ever again. But I just run from these .... abusers ..... I had a lady tell me once, they attack you cause they can't be you and they want you to become them. Now I just quit, walk away, PROBLEM IS I ATTRACT THEM LIKE HONEY TO A BEE. I get attacked over nothing, I get attacked cause they can't control me, I get attacked cause FOR SOME REASON, FRIENDS OR FAMILY, WANT TO SIDE WITH THE GUILTY PARTY OF A TOPIC OR ABUSE. ....... ONE family member has become this narcissist as they and the spouse are BOTH EXTREME narcissists to each other and their kids.. The kids now exhibit this same behavior and they allow it. The adults have screamed at me, ridiculed me in front of their kids. Their kids call me names and they DO NOTHING. As well, ONE HAS SAID, not to my face, but I overheard it unbeknownst to them: ( I AM ASSUMING THAT BECAUSE WE DONT AND CANT AGREE, OR I MAKE SUGGESTIONS TO FOOD CHOICES NOT TO HAVE FOR GET TOGETHERS, AND DOESNT RESPECT MY OPINION); THEY TELL THEIR SPOUSE DISTINCTLY, AFTER APPARRENTLY I WAS ON SPEAKER AND HE LISTENED TO WHOLE CONVERSATION AND HE SAYS SOMETHING I COULD NOT MAKE OUT, SHE RESPONDS TO HIM AND SAYS "THIS IS WHY I DONT TALK TO HER" .........YEP! and I live with this and IT GOES DEEP.....DEEP! 😢😞

[@unclemonster48]

This one really confused me the first time I heard it. How can someone else be sorry for my right to my own emotions. Followed by the silent treatment

[@cathybutcher4826]

My son was recently in an accident where he was seriously hurt but will recover just fine. My sister asked me if I cried when I found out because she cried her eyes out. Like it was a weird, creepy competition on who was more hurt. Who the hell competes over something like that? The weirdness never ends. Very low contact. I look back at what I used to put up with and can't believe I'm sane.

[@Ahopek]

That last sentence 💯💯💯

[@PaigeSquared]

This gives me hope!! I'm stuck for the time being, so I settled with sticking to gray rocking. My immediate family members do things that make zero sense to me, so I check with my friends and they all seem baffled, too. I don't like dealing with pretense, navigating passive aggression, I get so frustrated when none of them are willing to be straightforward. My dad was direct (at least he was with me), but he passed about a decade ago. I'm not sure if my siblings will be capable of better connection later in their lives, once they're out from my mother's influence, or if they will always be this way. I try to proactively describe healthy connections whenever they present a good opportunity. My brother is able to validate others but avoids vulnerability, and my sister seems able to be a teeny bit vulnerable now (topic depending), but in the past had difficulties considering other's perspectives. Just this last year I noticed an improvement in her willingness to authentically connect. Although it is still very minimal, these abilities give me hope that some day my family will be connected and warm and authentic. By this point in my life, when I recognize I am hoping for something, I get nervous. Toxic hope kept me in quite a few harmful situations for way too long. I only recently realized there was something wrong with them and it wasn't all in my head, I'm still working on pinning it down. I would really like to be more independent from them!! If I could limit interactions to specific events or holidays, I wouldn't have the constant reminders.

[@cathybutcher4826]

@@PaigeSquared Toxic hope is an excellent description. I had that my entire life, up until about five years ago and I'm 50. So sad, all of the time wasted hoping for a close family and a support system. The less contact I have the more bizarre the interactions seem because I am so much more healthy now. I know what I am dealing with will never improve or change. It sounds harsh but I really improved mentally when I gave up hoping. Peace to you!

[@bereal6590]

I've heard these crazy things from my mom all my life but didn't see it until I became physically ill from narc abuse several years now. Growing up you believe it. Now I see the bull! ✌

[@moonkatmagic5599]

Or they just blow it off and say: oh he’s alright. The person could be on deaths door and they say that. I once told one someone we knew but hadn’t seen for ages died and they said oh well like it was nothing😔🤷🏻‍♀️

[@secondhorizon]

"You made me do it."

[@shelley7975]

I lied to you because I knew you would get upset. lol...

[@SendItForward]

Yep, everything bad was MY FAULT!!!

[@winstonmoriarty1286]

"Miles/you made me hurt you." If the above line is a lie, she's a villain, and if it's somehow the truth, she could still go berserk at any moment by the whims of an absent bully. And she thinks that she's ideal leader material. If that ain't delusional, I don't know what is.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I would complain and Dad would turn on me, and blame me; he's a jerk! I hardly deal with him; a relief for me!

[@GG-hx6dk]

Yep,started with "you are so perfect", turned to "you're too sensitive", "nobody understands you like I do" -and when I started to show signs of leaving, "you'll never make it with out me", "nobody will love you like I do" - now, after leaving I am living a very succesfull and happy life....❤

[@melissabyrd1310]

I want to move and he gets worse when i try to do anything to leave and causes so much drama.

[@Ambermnguyen01]

​@@melissabyrd1310 i hope you are okay

[@nancykaczmarz8874]

Yes I dropped a friend after giving her a second chance, after she said your so perfect, you think k you're so perfect ! Ok I dropped her off and never ta.ked to her again,just a user

[@revolutionunderground]

I left, too. Best decision i ever made! It cost me so much though. He destroyed so much. But now, I'm getting it ALL back!

[@shutupshelley1793]

​@@melissabyrd1310 Contact me!! Idk where you are, but you sound like me where I spent 15 YEARS IN HELL BEFORE I KNEW AND FOUND STRENGTH TO LEAVE!! IDK where you are logistically speaking, but even if you are in freakin' Siberia, I will find you help to PEACEFULLY get out of your abusive situation. I understand more than I can convey, and believe me, there's *NO* REASON* WHY* you should have to endure even one more day living in fear, anxiety and oppression. Please send me some kinda contact info here and I can help! 😘

[@sr2291]

They never say they are sorry even if you flat out tell them they hurt you.

[@invisibleme5]

This is a big one. I thought it was odd in my husband, but then my husband was off. Now I know this is the quickest way to spot a narcissist. They never genuinely apologize.

[@dinapal]

@@invisibleme5 This is so true....I used to get "let's just forget about it"....never, ever heard the word "sorry"

[@pinkyndebrain4578]

My spouse with many narc tendencies - as soon as he’s disrespected me I call him out and he takes it back. Progress!

[@dannybonsai7102]

its hard enough for non-narcs it would be virtually impossible to genuinely apologise for a real narc.

[@newgenerationtechnology2930]

Mines would say “ok”

[@katjongeward7155]

#7 nailed it. they will never say "let's talk this out." nope. let's NOT EVER talk about it and hope you forget why you were mad.

[@katjongeward7155]

years of piled up UNresolved issues. never resolve anything.

[@davidm4566]

@🦋JahGirl 🦋 you're tight. Me and my wife used to talk out everything before we got married. No argument mattered because we could just talk it out. I was so confused, because after we got married all of a sudden taking it out just made it worse and ended up with new arguments. Eventually I stopped trying to talk it out. I eventually put it together, but the early talks made it hard to see what was happening, even made me think that I just wasn't talking it out properly like it was my fault.

[@sundipowellrn8258]

they day over and over again, "you can't forget about anything"

[@alyssaleatham8544]

I expressed a valid point the other day and was told, "I'm not going to get into a p*ss*ing match with you, Alyssa." It had been an adult conversation until he almost had to face something. Ok, so all conversations about our children over, I guess. Then that'll be wrong too. Can't win, but keep trying.

[@lilyh7567]

@🦋JahGirl 🦋 That is so true. I think my sister has narcissistic tendencies. She can discuss anyone’s business and wrong doings. When I ask her about her own (questionable) behaviour, she shuts up and appears to be unable to put anything into words. Silence.

[@parajacks4]

Narcissists project all the time. When they say something positive about themselves, they are actually talking about someone else's character, probably you. And when they say something negative about you, they are usually describing themselves.

[@Miester7]

I realised recently they want us to be an extension of them, not a equal individual

[@heidismutti]

We only exist as an avatar in their minds. They get angry when the real person shows up and acts contrary to their fantasy person they’ve turned you into.

[@PBerning]

@@Miester7 No autonomy allowed. No right to believe or not to believe.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I am like Mom, I look like her, think like her and act like her. She divorced him over fifty years ago; I am proud of who I am; nothing like him! My revenge!

[@dianamatson6002]

My ex-husband used to proudly introduce me to his colleagues and clients as "my beautiful wife." In the beginning I thought he was genuinely proud, but he never, ever complimented me directly, and I finally realized that it was the "my" that was important to him. I was his prize. Not any more.

[@hillary1161]

My life. Used to get compliments in front of people. NEVER any behind closed doors. Never wants to do anything with me anymore. Only did things with me in past if his friends were involved

[@sorryprivate9016]

@@hillary1161 Unfortunately this is my life.

[@twelvmnkys]

I love that dog sleeping on his couch!

[@ritasimonetti8401]

me too, he looks sweet and peacefully sleeping

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Like a cat napping!

[@rosalindr4975]

I crave that peace myself!

[@Thysta]

When you say something like "Oh my leg/head/arm/etc.. hurts a little bit" and the other one IMMEDIATELY diverts focus on HIS/HER (probably non-existent) pain, you can be sure it is a narcissist. They IGNORE everything you feel and make the situation all about them.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's a combination of a lack of empathy and the need to stay superior.

[@Thysta]

@@SurvivingNarcissism definitely a combination of several different dysfunctions.

[@melissabyrd1310]

OH YEAH!, BIG TIME! Only they can be sick or not feel good. If you say your sick it becomes a competition and theu dont care or help you out if your sick.

[@spookems8]

Gosh that's a lot of people. I do not know why I attract these beings but I am a magnet.

[@michellemarie1230]

I never understood why anyone would use the phrase "You think that's bad I...". It took me a while to wake up to the fact that a friend wanted to return the focus to her. I felt kind of stupid.

[@udavidism]

They will try to pretend to care about someone but the only person they can ever love is themselves. They always know more about everything, even experts know less than them. Most of them have a very short fuse and will blow up over nothing. They always have to be the center of attention, no matter what. They delight in making fun and belittling people closest to them. Run, do not walk, run away from these people, even if it is a parent.

[@Anita.Bonghit]

I think it can be dangerous to victims to say “they’ll never say sorry”..some narcissists have figured out that they DO need to apologize at certain times when they know they’re about to be exposed. They’ll apologize to reel you back in or make you question yourself, especially if you’ve ever accused them of being a narcissist before.

[@teetreadwell9290]

They'll apologize when they stand to gain from it.

[@celticshe-wolf5936]

Narc 'Apology': 'you made me do it'

[@mumsyxc]

Or they'll give you a non-apology: "I'm sorry you feel that way."

[@Linda_R.]

Mine used to "admit" to not being the sharpest knife in the drawer, and used to praise my intelligence, until it worked against him, and then I was, again, crazy. (I am Bipolar, so he gave me that double whammy....)

[@DivineOne-lt3wf]

This is very true my husband who I suspect has this problem, he used to almost never apologize. That’s something that would really bother me through out our relationship. Recently he’s developed the skill of apologizing and that gave me a lot of false hope and confusion at first. Eventually it didn’t add up because nothing changes he just does the same behavior again like we never talked about it. I had to research what a real apology is for me to finally see through it. His apology is very much a shut em up technique. There’s usually no ownership if so it’s like “I’m a bad person I know” “I’m the worst person ever” sort of thing. I’m always on his ass he says. Then he might promise to change but he usually doesn’t. One of his favorite apologies is “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.” It’s very confusing. How I know to tell the difference is a real apology brings a solid change. A fake apology brings no changes.

[@lilliewilliams3331]

My personal favorite, "You think too much".

[@cathyw.7515]

"It's all your fault!" "YOU are the problem!" Heard that yesterday 😒.

[@juliereagan8787]

It horrible to be the scapegoat. I can relate. God bless you

[@ands1894]

That was all the time.

[@slovnicurling9808]

That's so classic it's not even worth of mentioning. Basically cliché at this point. That probably the first thing they learn in narcissist school :D

[@sr2291]

My mom would run into my room when she and my dad fought and yell ITS ALL YOUR FAULT! I was like, OK. I pretty much emotionally blocked her out all of my childhood.

[@jillshinault9442]

My husband's variation on that was to walk around muttering "It's not my fault" whenever he was grumpy or tense. One of sooooo many phrases he said so often that it drove me up the wall.

[@MH-hz8li]

I’ve noticed that they will always say things like “we’re family” or “you’re my brother” trying to make themselves become more important in your life. As someone who grew up with a Narcissist family I can smell it on people now.

[@marieborchardt2910]

"You have no idea what you're talking about", classic. I've heard this so many times.

[@hollyk7052]

I heard it yesterday & when I responded w that’s dismissive & hurtful, the conversation deflected into what’s wrong w me for being so sensitive lol.

[@winstonmoriarty1286]

And they never prove that they do. Quite the opposite, in fact!

[@MH_Prof]

My ex narcissist had a string of “crazy” ex’s. They were all nuts, let him tell it. Suffice it to say I found out who the real “crazy” was. Thank God I have joined the ranks of the “crazy” ex’s. I could not care less what he says about me as long as he stays away from me!🙌🏽

[@jsat5609]

My favorite from an acquaintance is, "My ex wife used to spend Halloween riding around on her broomstick."

[@jillianbennett380]

I feel the same with they can say what they like (cuz theyre going to anyway) as long as they stay away from me (too).

[@show_me_your_kitties]

That's a good lesson learned though. When ALL their exes are crazy and treated them poorly, that's a big red flag 🚩

[@marjol3in]

​@@show_me_your_kitties excactly. Now I know what to look for according to red flags

[@LALALA-k9o]

AGREE!!!

[@markrichards6863]

"My ex was crazy a real nut job. The only reason the kids turned out so well is because of my parenting skills". The kids primarily lived with their dad. I finally met him at a holiday get together. He was the nicest guy. I was told he'd hate me, but we really hit it off. I think that was the beginning of the end. "What did he say about me?" Became her favorite question. We didn't discuss her at all. We had a lot of other common interests. And when it was over, each of the kids reached out to me. Narcissists don't have relationships, they take hostages. I think it's one of the most exhausting personality types. Unfortunately, people don't come with warning labels.

[@winstonmoriarty1286]

Stupid people aren't the only ones who should wear signs.

[@jentommyontheroad8089]

As soon as I feel as though I’m being put on a pedestal, I’m out of there! I see the red flags early now and they are no longer red flags, they’re deal breakers! Thank you for your wisdom!!

[@mikewilkins2030]

Preach! Lol im like, BYE!

[@kc3810]

I'm a late learner. But thank goodness for youtube and Dr C. Now I see the red flags.

[@carolnahigian9518]

Here is an " eye Roller" for you Dr. C.; I open a double door for a co-Worker& she said " CAROL YOU OPENED THE Wrong Side"!!! ( oh Brother!!!!!)!

[@TheEmerald524]

I got swept up by a supreme love bomber. He sang my praises all the time. I came to learn the hard way: the higher the pedestal, the harder the fall. He’s forever raving about my good qualities when he’s trying to smooth things over. There’s never any admission of harm done, no “sorry”, nothing. To anyone reading these without knowing the whole story would think he’s just the sweetest thing. I know better.

[@LazyIRanch]

@@TheEmerald524 Tell me if you've heard this one before; "I'm SORRY that you feel (or act) that way!" That's the closest thing to an apology from a narc.

[@SMEB3145]

So true ! They can say whatever they want but as soon as you say anything back they reject you .

[@ro7547]

I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to have a heart-to-heart talk with someone, who promised that we’d talk soon, but it never happened.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Same here!

[@natalievitrano8251]

Heart to heart? How about Heart to heartless? I poured my guts out to my narc ex about why I was so unhappy in our marriage, citing numerous incidents which he could not possibly deny. After about 10 minutes of my outpouring his reply was, "Well, my friends won't come over anymore because you've alienated them all."

[@ro7547]

@@natalievitrano8251 I’m so sorry.

[@leosullivan9228]

WHY wait?? just say what you have to say. dont wait around for them to get it. there's plenty reasoning people out there who already get it

[@AmaraOkpechi]

They usu say that to blow you off! They never intended to broach any such issue/concern you ever had in the first place.

[@arenee118]

My narc sister started a conversation on the phone with me about dieting. During the conversation, I mention a friend of mine who would cut back to 900 calories to lose weight. A day later, I get an email from her telling me that I shouldn't cut back that far on calories and that she knew all about extreme dieting. Then she went on to 'lecture' me about dieting. Not only did she deliberately take something about someone else and apply it to me, but she proceeded to tell me how I should be dieting even though I told her that I had just lost 75 pounds. She did this to me all the time. So glad I went no contact.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

I have two narc sisters that I went no contact with so I can relate. It's sooooo very sad, but I'm glad to be awakened and no longer a scapegoat!! I AM FREE!!

[@sharonboehm5296]

hi A Renee - i get every word u said - frustrating isnt it.

[@hchayes9431]

People do just fine on a 1,000 calorie a day diet. Just make it real vegetables and fruits and grains. Congratulations on your success with the weight loss.

[@christopherlarson3401]

You’re views are valid and you matter ❤ Prayers for healing. It’s what I am praying for for myself.

[@EuphoriaInBloom]

I mean, she is right about 900 calories not being enough. If you do manage to lose weight on that little amount, you will most likely just gain it back. It’s much safer to create a sustainable lifestyle for weight loss

[@mj-rg9kp]

They will argue to the death, and must have the last word no matter how wrong they are! It’s unbelievable and so draining dealing with them, not worth it.

[@MrFahrenheit2k]

I'm a narcissist in therapy and you've made a great point about when narcissists do admit their fault (or more like pretend to admit), but then only use it to stop the other person from being mad at them. That's something I'm currently working on. Very often, even when I understand that I'm in the wrong, I do believe that there's some sort of limit that the person has to have in being mad at me. And if I interpret their reaction as "too much", I often forget how rude I was just 10 minutes ago and start defending myself. It's like the flick of a switch. And then the person have to remind me how bad it was for them in order to bring me back. I'm progressively getting better at recognizing my tunnel vision and not losing it during the argument. At first I had to deal with severe anger inside myself, but now it's more like an irritation and is more controllable.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Honesty is such an essential ingredient for therapy. I'm glad you're grinding it out...I wish you the best.

[@samanthawilliams5520]

Please explain how do you “forget” what’s happening in real time

[@MrFahrenheit2k]

@@samanthawilliams5520 Narcissism is a defense mechanism. And every argument is a fight for survival for a narcissist. It works sorta like a real fight: when you're in a fight, you don't think who started it, how you got there, who's wrong, who's right etc. You just try to kick the other persons ass and don't let them to kick yours, because there's no time for anything else. The problem with narcissists is that they fight everybody, even though nobody's attacking them.

[@samanthawilliams5520]

@@MrFahrenheit2k appreciate your response. when I’m in a fight I do think about all those things because it determines how I fight. I can’t fight without 1st confirming I’m indeed under attack. the last statement recalls Proverbs 28:1 - “The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion.” Wrong strives to stay undetected but truth, good, etc is permanence and can just exist without fear of being seen, known and vulnerable. It’s letting principle lead decision making and not self interest. Which principles do you submit to?

[@MrFahrenheit2k]

@@samanthawilliams5520 Narcs skip the part when they need to think whether they're in a fight or not. They think in black and white: "either I'm a winner or I'm a loser". There's no middle ground, they can't fathom that not everything is a competition. So, a narcissist always either plays victim or being an abuser. And even though I understand that, I'm still doing exactly that. I do not follow principles. I like to claim I do, I like to fool myself into thinking I do, but I don't. My actions speak louder, and they say I'm very self-centered and have no care for others. My current efforts are focused on changing that.

[@theowener4477]

Another good one is "you need to just let it go"

[@926paaja]

Arggggggg!!!!! Yup… but it just happened 10 minutes ago …. 😮

[@reesebrindle1809]

The best thing for you and the worst thing for a Narc…ignore them, cut them off, and never go back.

[@judiezell4306]

Very true! ❤😊

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I am doing that, but it still hurts. I get help here and from my counselor. I am not in contact with my narcissistic, misogynisitic, sarcastic and sadistic father!

[@sarahstanczewski1569]

One comment I heard from my ex whenever I tried to explain why his actions and words were a problem was "Nobody thinks like you." As if I was the crazy one for having morals and ethics and considering the feelings of others.

[@Lyrielonwind]

That is a Falacia ad populum (in Latin, I don't know in English; falacy? It's like saying: everyone says that... which is a lie since no one but that person is saying it. They use all kinds of falacias.

[@daasocialninja4804]

Rite like how do they know, they carrying the world statistic of thought process in their hands , when ppl say shit like this to me I say sure cite your sources where are the parties that don’t or do think this way, let me speak to them. Had a group member pull this shit with me everyone is saying this about you, I asked him who is everyone give me names I will ask them myself, radio silence after that.

[@michiganlighthouse]

Bingo.

[@TheDiamondEdge1]

Yes! My narc said this all the time!

[@TheDiamondEdge1]

@@rpmmoth712 I think you’re on to something… 🤔

[@douaa1934]

Anything phrases that shift the blame from the narcissist to the other person They don't like to take accountability for their actions

[@MzGumby02]

Heard all of those. The most common is "I don't want to argue with you, or all you wanna do is argue." Was constantly told that when confronting them, or was simply trying to resolve an issue. It made me feel like I had serious issues. I realized it wasn't me when I was around others who weren't toxic.

[@schwenksterrox96]

I just heard the all you wanna do is argue. And then when I called out his bad actions again he didn’t even respond to the actions. He just discarded me cause I’m “so unreasonable” but I found it funny that I was the unreasonable one. It’s always our reactions that are the problems and never their actions that led to those reactions. It’s funny cause same as you, when I’m around others I never seem to have these issues but yet was told over and over it was all me.

[@daphnewilson7966]

Oh, yeah. Variation on, "You just want to make yourself unhappy."

[@mrchildgrownold3852]

Same here

[@sheilaghgiddings4413]

Yep.this is the biggest flag for me.

[@sarahhunter8997]

I was told this randomly when I would call him and he was in front of his parents. He’d actually like he was pleasing with me that he didn’t want to argue with me, when really I called to tell him things about the child he only acknowledged when he wanted to. Lol. There was no arguing at all, I was actually letting him know his son had bumped his head that day and get another opinion. You can’t do that with a narc!

[@TheDisneylover23]

I became a medical assistant at 49 years old. I have learned I don't fit in because EVERY office I worked in, people couldn't get past their own ego's. I'm studying nutrition now, and I will work for myself and ACTUALLY do some good! No one wants a person that might outshine them. There are so many narcissists in medicine, it's heartbreaking! I just wanted to help people, but they couldn't stand that I had a personality.

[@kaptainwarp]

Every last office was loaded with problem-people? Imagine.

[@firstptr3and10_]

Disney lover, your name implies that you have a certain childishness about you. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. And I like Disney, too, some of it. I like Disneyland. But I'm digressing. Are you sure there is not room for self-comptemplation here? Your empathy and kindness towards others is what the medical industry needs right now. Don't let yourself be discouraged. You were not hired for looks. If I thought everyone was toxic around me... The first thing I'd think after that is I am probably mistaken. And I would would continue to strive to deliver excellent service. (I was a CMA. I know that this field can only function in accuracy, top ethics, and empathy.) It is so important what you do. You are certainly needed and appreciated. I am not in the profession anymore; but only because God took me out to put me in another place.

[@lindac6919]

@@firstptr3and10_ Oh baloney. She can do as much good in nutrition as anywhere else. She doesnt' have to stay in a bad place and get beat up just because the industry can't fix it's own inadequacies. Fix the narcissistic system, then invite them back. You WERE a CMA. Got tired of the narcissists calling your job "butt-wiper" I suppose. No wonder you're trying to rope someone else in to do it. Your love-bombing is too obvious: "you are awesome." You freaking Narcy.

[@karenbuzintx1367]

Is this perhaps the pot calling the kettle a narcissist? Sounds kind of familiar.

[@kristenturner1222]

TheDisneyLover123, are you doing a master's in nutrition and aiming for RD? I am considering this path and come from a similar background as you, contemplating mainstream medicine but not every part of it sitting well with me.

[@blackbutterfly2310]

Whenever someone starts to say to me (Red Flag) “you need to …” I stop them mid sentence and say I don’t need to do anything and that usually shuts the narcissist up.

[@heidiewing6566]

Have you ever encountered so many narcissists in your life that you think that "I might actually be the narcissist?" That's where I'm at. I am so positive all the time and think the very best about Everyone all the time...being blindsided and speechless.

[@Mountain_Lake_Adventures]

With you there.

[@onnie.6815]

Most people on earth aren’t people at all, they are demons. Stay strong and keep praying 🙏🏼

[@TheBigdog868]

Does the light bulb begin to think it's a bug because that's what it attracts every night?

[@MiriamWalsh-s3s]

the way i look at it - our boundaries (the few we were allowed to have) were so often ignored growing up that we have no concept of even having a right to them. Narcs are like raptors at the fence (Jurassic Park) they are constantly testing everyone's fence with micro-aggressions and boundary incursions and then they stick with the people who they can control and influence more. You are not attracting them, they are constantly looking and childhood abuse make sure these creatures have a constant supply. the Narcs in our childhood primed us to be supply by other Narcs when a parent is supposed to strengthen their child, not weaken them. it is the betrayal that keeps on hurting.

[@onnie.6815]

@@MiriamWalsh-s3s gurllllll u said it. They prime is for abuse by other narcs. This shit is evil on SOO many levels

[@michellehill718]

My all-time favorite, Dr. C:"Why can't you just move on?" Yep! Good one! The narcissist (s) love to minimize actual disasters of any kind and rationalize whatever they do, while maximizing and highlighting every single thing we do. Nothing is too small. Lol 🙃

[@bereal6590]

That's it exactly and if you say ANYTHING no matter how nicely to them, you get a barrage of every single thing you've ever done. My mom even uses my toxic fathers traits and puts them on me. Then the next day they'll say they love you jn a sickly sweet way. Yet they hold grudges forever!

[@davidm4566]

My soon to be ex-wife used a variation on this. She hurt me exceptionally bad one time and then asked if I was going to be like this all night, when I backed off and got quiet.

[@kdevinturner8778]

They are the most honest and faithful people they know.

[@kdevinturner8778]

Good solid answer to a narcissist: I taught you everything you know, but I didn't teach you everything I know.

[@n.w.414]

Say yep, it is time for me to move on, good bye.

[@katjongeward7155]

#4, his ex was crazy. can it be that she was fine at first, and after living with HIM, she was crazy by the end?

[@melissamorgan3803]

Mine told me he could mess with my mind so bad that I could be committed. It helps when you know who they are, but I'm not the same person I use to be.

[@saynotohookups]

@@melissamorgan3803 I believe there was a quote by Maya Angelou, "When someone shows you who they are believe them."

[@robinchilds7492]

I just broke up with a narcissist. It took me 3 years to finally realize I wasn't the problem. He used all 8 of these phrases.

[@ankor1066]

"I'm amazing", "I'm the best", "I'm better than you" "thats why im so special!" etc.

[@perlgirl534]

When confronting my in-laws about what I did to make them hate me so much they claimed I was welcomed into their family with open arms 😱 In fact I've never been treated so awful by people in my life. I'm so glad I have your videos Dr. C I don't know what I'd do without them!

[@ellie_j.]

Perl Girl, I understand your pain, because that's where I'm at. A lot of videos focus on narcissistic abuse in romantic relationships. Having narcissistic personality disordered in-laws is a painful, lonely place that don't get talked about enough!

[@bridgettetraveler658]

I feel u. Some of my in-laws hate me & hate the fact that I laugh at them. They can't get under my skin!

[@MissSandyC]

You were gaslit big time ! I'm so sorry you experienced that!

[@lynnfincham6839]

Totally with you. Same. It’s because they can’t control you the same as they can with their son or daughter. They say I’m negative. It’s because you have boundaries. Am glad you do. X

[@PaigeSquared]

LOLLL that's what my sister in laws both said, "what do you mean??" I was so excited, thinking I was going to have this big loving family, but I never got to actually be authentic with any of the in-laws. It turns out I wasn't safe being authentic and vulnerable w my ex husband, either.

[@CeeGusts_49Waves]

WOW!!! At minute marker -8:13, “Why can’t you just move on?” … That is a Cardinal Trait of the offenders who do not want to face up to the offense(s) that they have committed. Accountability is a major threat to them and they try every trick in their bags to make the Victim feel WRONG for wanting the offender to take ownership of the offense.

[@brentsmith9121]

My favorite was hearing her say“ there is nothing wrong with me , the only problem I have is you “ and “ no one else thinks like you do “ and my all time favorite “ why don’t you go see if anyone wants you “ So I did !

[@rockjockchick]

Good for you!

[@kirstyfox9351]

I’ve been shouted at repeatedly that the only problem they have is me. Work is fine, everything is fine, I’m the only issue. When I ask what I’m doing so I can change or stop it, no answer. I’m just the problem. They don’t need help, they don’t have any issues, it’s all me. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been told they’d throw me out with just my car keys and what I’m wearing. And when I was going to walk out they said “where exactly are you going to go?” I’m starting to see things clearly now.

[@2gooddrifters]

I had -The only thing wrong with this marriage is you won't do exactly as I say.

[@DivineOne-lt3wf]

Oh my! How awful. My husband said to me “everyone thinks you’re difficult!” And I asked him “who? Who said that I’m difficult?” He couldn’t think of anyone. I’m glad you got away!!!

[@katieheckel5136]

Thank you I was married to a disaster for 47 years, until his death. He destroyed me and although he has been dead for 11 years, he still lives in the back of my brain. My salvation lies in my children. Although our relationships are not perfect, they are kind people.

[@sherrigerhardt1348]

Katie, What a positive opportunity to now learn who YOU are and find out what you want in life. Keep watching the videos and growing into the beautiful person that you are.

[@biblicalgodisonlytruegod]

Time DOES heal. Research … how to “let go.” After all, you don’t want anything from that person anymore! Not understanding. Not validation. Nothing. When you start thinking about it, stop yourself with “mindfulness” and you will find that your mind will move on! Take a trip, smile and be happy. Mine is dead too. I used to “relive” episodes. No more. He does affect me any longer.

[@hollytaylor6858]

Wow! I finally found someone in similar circumstances as myself. Most people divorce their narcissist spouses, but when they pass, especially suddenly, you are left holding the bag of emotions, arguments, and hurts left behind. It affects your grieving process, and almost leave you feeling guilty, for not grieving the way people expect, especially if they were covert. I am trying to become my own person, and grow. I have learned so much from these online videos.

[@SongsforHisglory88]

Nobody stops Narcissists. Nobody. People love them and let them control everything.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad's parents were narcissists, too. I see where he gets it. They passed on, but he's still the same way; I rarely deal with him because I don't deserve his cruelty; I deserve better!

[@hanna8418]

That little dog sleeping on the sofa behind you is the cutest , coziest little creature...💕

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

He's a chill guy!

[@MassageMagick1111]

“I’m always clear, concise, and consistent” when in-fact he was none of those things

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Being reality based is not a strong suit for narcissists.

[@winstonmoriarty1286]

Their logic trumps yours... until you beat them at their own game. Then they run to your original argument to "win." Rather the opposite of consistent, if you ask me.

[@lindaboekhout8945]

I was in a relationship with a narc, and he sails me once that I should be grateful that someone like him would have anything to do with someone like me. He also told me that I need adult supervision. Constantly judging me.

[@kingbee9778]

When a narc wants "help" with something, they'll stand there to criticize and mock your efforts while telling you how it should be done. They couldn't do it themselves, but are now an expert and can tell you everything you are doing wrong while undermining and sabotaging you any way they can. I learned to do the work on the condition they leave me alone.

[@jwameling8674]

OMG my mother in law is JUST like this.....to the extreme. She is good at giving directions and criticism but not participating.

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

Just like the place i used to work. After a few bouts of this, i replied back : "I am so sorry, i forgot your expertise on this matter, please show me how its done". I then stepped demonstratively back from the table (2 steps backwards), put arms back, and proceeded by interestingly looking at them from a distance, like they would continue the work.... (as if) I got a quickly mumbled semi apology, in order to get me to proceed. They tried critiques again later, but even the semi movement on my part of getting up again, was enough to shut them up this time (no words required). Guess they were not such experts after all...

[@maureengannaway8635]

My ex used to say I'm too sensitive all the time... Been out of that toxicity for 5 yrs now. So much happier.

[@saynotohookups]

My controlling ex boyfriend would say that to me.

[@jay-z1r]

I love checking out where Gus is at. He rarely sleeps on the blanket...taking advantage of the comfy sofa while Dad is busy. Super cute!

[@eph2vv89only1way]

My ex used to say, "You can never admit you are wrong." Even when his own mother would tell him that she had heard me admit that I was wrong many, many times, as would our kids, he still stood by the idea that I wouldn't ever admit I was wrong.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Classic projection.

[@happybergner9832]

​@@SurvivingNarcissism OHHHHHHHHHH. I believed it. 😔 It makes (made?) me turn myself inside out trying to figure it out.

[@cynthialagreca]

I get that allll the time

[@eph2vv89only1way]

@@happybergner9832 I get that. I kind of did the same thing. I asked myself, "When did I go from taking the blame for everything whether I did it or not, to taking responsibility for nothing?" I also knew that I remembered admitting that I was wrong. Talk about cognitive dissonance! Anyway, it looks like your thoughts are normal

[@happybergner9832]

@@eph2vv89only1way 💕💕💕

[@benjaminshauri380]

A crazy trippy one. "How can you be soo cold and show no emotions? I want to see some emotions when we argue." This is when they are throwing you rage, word salad, gaslighting and all the other goodies of manipulation and you are trying to process all of it step by step and get to the bottom of the matter. When you are listening but keeping your focus on the initial trigger that erupted the rage, and actually being emotionally mature. 2. I'm always critical about things. 3. You want a cheerleader, not the truth. 4. Thats not even important, how could you make me feel this way. 5. I know what you truly meant. 6. You are soo boring. 7. You can never do that because you are just incapable. Basically anything that describes YOU like as if the speaker authoritatively knows YOU better than you know yourself screams Narcissism.

[@carriered4715]

Thankyou, I've had All of these Yelled at me. (Adult Daughter)

[@mthomas3547]

Sounds like you're referring to, "emotionality" rather than emotion. Emotionality is confusing. Emotion is obvious. Emotion is connection, a willingness to share your feelings. Emotionality is just all over the place and it excludes others.

[@machtnichtsseimann]

Well...until dealing with someone in denial and/or trying to get over on you? That doesn't scream narcissism absolutely, rather, it screams Defense Mechanism OR Narcissism of the one in "denial", perhaps? Maybe it is two low-level narcs meeting head-to-head? This stuff is very complicated to sort through.

[@leosullivan9228]

LISTENING is not hot or cold, it is a path to learning, to be more objective. If that is important to you, then it's important to me

[@leosullivan9228]

@@mthomas3547 Some emotions are obvious to some lucky ones. Some emotions we hide from ourselves, like when we deny our own needs and motives. Internal struggle with our core beliefs, or with society's models of exploitation- these support the confusion of emotionality

[@annsullivan9963]

I recently have turned my back on a friendship of forty six years. She ticked every narcissistic box including saying things like ‘you’re just too sensitive’ She liked to always play the victim and devalued me at every opportunity. I don’t see myself as a weak person, but for some reason I just put up with it. It’s just a relief to be free of her.

[@lindaconstantine1844]

Oh my god, l have experienced everything you have quoted

[@sylviaparker9010]

When you say you put up with you did not want to engage in an argument, as a narcissistic person will not stop until you literally agree with them,you can not win the argument as they are always right, hence the saying "you put up with it", I've done it, till I called this person out and cut ties with her. Its a relief as I never knew how I was going to find her in a discussion. Now I do not have anything to do with her, she is telling all her "flying monkeys" untruths. You are safe in the knowledge of your not going crazy, these people have crazy minds.

[@annsullivan9963]

Sylvia, that’s exactly what she did. If I disagreed with her she would immediately shout at me until I backed down and at every opportunity she would sneer and belittle me. It’s hard to understand why I put up for it for so long but looking back I was well and truly gaslighted. In the end I just made myself always too busy to see her. We’re members of the same club, one I unfortunately proposed her to, so I had to do it in a way there’s no conflict and all I can say six months down the line it was the best thing I did.

[@annsullivan9963]

Linda, you end up thinking is it just me feeling this way about this toxic person? Then one day, took me forty six years, you wake up and smell the coffee. It wasn’t easy but as time goes on, it feels good. No more lying down in a darkened room after seeing her 😂

[@youthrowstoneithrowbread]

Sounds like a "friend" I dropped when I was in my 20s. We were "friends" as teens. The reason I was drawn to that personality, I did comparisons. She's just like my narc mother.😖 glad to hear you got out.💛

[@jackienowell7307]

I had my older sisters tell me "oh you do go on" when I was merely expressing my response to their gaslighting, self-victimisation and so on. They couldn't handle it cause I'd never really questioned them before. They'd always manipulated me and stepped all over my boundaries - I'm 11 years younger than the middle sister, so it was just 'natural' for them to control me 😒

[@2009jadeorchid]

when they do something mean and you have rightful anger they say coldly ' i will not engage in conversation with you when you are in this state of mind ' and they say this coldly like a machine with no understanding about your concerns or rightful indignation it's a way to demean and control

[@franceshaggitt3104]

Mine said that....I'm not talking to you when you are in this mood.

[@2009jadeorchid]

@@franceshaggitt3104 when you really need to say something they cut off the whole conversation exactly! they want someone to always be subordinate and while they are fake nice to some they always have others as targets some people have said to me '' your cousin is so nice '' most likely she wanted something from them or they are new to her and easy to play a game with she was even living with me for a while also friends in exact same situation hope things are better now they really are confusing too they also accuse people for doing something they never did

[@proudamerican2133]

EXACTLY, heard this every single time! Wow

[@2009jadeorchid]

@@franceshaggitt3104 They are so controlling , what is really weird , is they all say the same thing , as if they all know one another and they are probably the most uninteresting people ever , so mundane , they are not fun to be around . Always sense they have another negativity to say , no one ever seems to add up to their demands

[@2009jadeorchid]

@@proudamerican2133 They seem really well trained in shutting off all conversation . Then they use psychological bantering to get out of situations . They never say they are sorry about anything , and they keep going on with word salad . They use flying monkeys to either try to get people back or to scorn the abused person . Sometimes I was not even sure I was abused , I was so manipulated

[@naturalhealingmexico]

I declare myself as a "narciphobic" person....I can't tolerate them anymore.

[@LindaLouise625]

I'm Identifying as Anti-narcissist because there is NO FKN Way I am exposing more fear to them.

[@yellowdayz1800]

I have finally decided.. "I am not gonna join their many monkeys!!! I am done."

[@sumitlawania1250]

i love handling them like a puppet master.😁

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I have nil to contact with my narc Dad; for my protection. He is mean and punishes me for no reason. I'm done with his b.s.!

[@williamdillard8330]

One told me, "You're so full of hate!". When this was said to me I could only smile. To understand why a big smile broke out on my face you have to understand that people actually describe him as "hateful". For him to say that was amusing. A complete lack of personal insight.

[@nancyparker8363]

With a narc, talk is cheap. I hear what you say, I see what you do, and it doesn't track true!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it.

[@jomccormack4917]

"Because I can" is one of my ex's favourites. He walks away from the conversation without having to engage in it or answer anything.

[@clintonnagy1662]

" I AM AN ADULT "!!!! Another classic

[@journeylvr]

I would tell my Narc Sister a fact. Her response would be , “ I don’t know about that”. So, I would say, “ I’m not ASKING you, I’m telling you!”. She loves to demean and gaslight. I’ve had her blocked on my phone since the middle of January. My life is so peaceful now!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

What a jerk!

[@desert_moon]

My husband is just like that.

[@jenniferl995]

My narc husband has taken to googling things that I say in order to prove me wrong. So far he's only failed.

[@33wanwan]

had to cut off my younger brother after years of gaslighting. the peace of mind is unreal i agree and once i learned that hard lesson i can handle strangers more easily. the irony is that my brother would say he taught me a vital lesson so its ok for him

[@celticshe-wolf5936]

Had the same with my parents until I stopped talking at home. As a teenager, I quoted from the latest radio news and got told off for talking stupid as always. Then I turned on the radio news. Of course, the narc brain forgets that quickly. But it did me good. Stay strong.

[@Zeepjeliefs]

"I am always honest I tell it like it is" and "I have so much empathy". You learn that if someone has to say this about themselves over an over its usually not true! If you have these qualities you don't need to tell people.

[@arenee118]

"I'm a straight shooter" was always something my narc sister would say. Also "I'm just being truthful".

[@cathybutcher4826]

Yes, the old "I'm just being honest" bs. My sister used to use that one all the time. Your hair looks like crap. Have you gained some weight? Why would you wear that? Everytime I saw her. She always said she is just a very honest person. Now, if the roles were reversed, all hell would break loose. So happy that I don't have to deal with her anymore!!

[@sahdogwrangler5594]

Ughh that "just being honest" drives me nuts, just an excuse to say mean, rotten things. Why is it honesty always negative? I asked mine once, he didn't know what to say. He says it as though he deserves a trophy, I'm brutally honest, honest to a fault, I tell it like it is! Yet, he's so very thin skinned that even the slightest hint of criticism will send him into a rage!

[@dianac5764]

My narc sister "You don't appreciate me." Me "Of course I do, I love you." Sister: "You love me, but do you like me?"...

[@susansheldon2707]

@@sahdogwrangler5594 Many years ago, after we received one negative letter after another from my FIL, I wrote to him and TOLD him, "If you don't have anything positive to say about us, please don't write." So, he didn't. Stopped writing entirely. Probably the only honest thing I ever saw him do in a personal relationship! He wrote what he did in the first place because I consistently stood up to his self-righteous, self-exalting sermons aimed at us by unapologetically speaking / writing MY mind on any issue under discussion. Arrogant man who was deaf to any ideas other than his own. He's ten-years-dead now, but his narc legacy still lives on in his adult children. Narcissism is genuinely a curse.

[@LEVI040910]

On the 6th phrase, i had a narc. extended family member tell me that "you are the worst excuse of a human i have ever had to meet". At first i was a little taken aback, but now i think "if you need me to be the villain in your story, thats fine. At the end of the day, I know who i am and what i bring to the table. I dont need nor want your approval or for you to like me." Life has been a lot better since.

[@imnoel8214]

Variations on "you are amazing!" is really common among southern US women. Some are genuinely kind, thank goodness. The ones who aren't are like what that came out of the south end of my cats, coated in saccharine. Then there's the put down followed by "bless her heart", as if that makes it all right to trash talk others. I've got to physically and psychologically clean out the litter boxes every day.

[@joysoul4089]

I used to get "you're too sensitive" a LOT, but those people are no longer in my life. 😁

[@supersagamaster]

This guy is my secondary dad. Narcissism has destroyed my childhood and now I’m seeking treatment for trauma and about to get medication for anxiety and depression. You must realize only you can have your best interests in mind, no one else

[@Heretolearn333]

It took me until my 30s to realise my dad's a narc. 6 years on I'm just starting therapy. But I've done a lot of healing by myself. I wish you luck on your recovery. Remember non of it is your fault and you are not alone.

[@wayaca47]

The best, loyal, empathic and reliable person you ll have in your life is YOU . By investing in traumahealing, personal and emotionele growth, your so far ahead of them. Your courage in this process infuriates them.

[@localwalker5696]

I went no contact with a narc mother I am 58 its been two years ..two years free of prozac ..she was that bad I ended up on them ..I still have panic attacks occasionally but can manage them ..they are not worth it ..its the best thing I did. My dad's dead ..he was great how he put up with her I'll never know

[@rockjockchick]

Look up patrick teahan also. His videos are helpful as well.

[@tanteglitter2196]

Knowlege about narcissism through people like you dr Carter, saved my sense of being. My brother is the covert, my father the overt narcessist and my mum the flying monkey. I went no contact. They sacrefied a sister and a daughter. I am sad but way better off. So thank you. My focus now, is my live with people who do care about me...there are plenty of them. 3 rotten apples will not ruin my life anymore

[@sannajohanna5579]

Thank you! I know one sentance that beats many of those arguments of the narcissist: ”It is only your opinion.” They say:” You’re too sensitive.” Just say:”It is only your opinion!” And look what happens. I said this once to a man who mocked me ”not being a real woman” when I did not give him what he wanted. It just came into my mind and I said: ”It is only your opinion.” He shut down, he could not say anything. Since then, I’ve used that sentance some and then when needed and it is aa effective every time. I taught it also to my daughter. Look: when you say so, you admit that the person have a right to have an opinion about me - but it is only and only his/her opinion - not a fact and not even the opinion of everyone.

[@sagesnakechalmer2294]

You're too sensitive !!! Exactly

[@Mrs.Rekkr11]

I’m going to use this! Such a perfect response too!

[@shannoncelaya9610]

Truer words have never been spoken.

[@cherisse4699]

Oh my goodness this is exactly what I have just experienced. I became engaged to a man that constantly gaslighted and diminished me. He was not like this in the beginning but once we were officially together then the manipulation and personal attacks started. It was so insane but thank God I left him. His opinion was all that mattered. He thinks all women are crazy. He has no respect and he can’t be accountable or responsible for his actions. He’s for sure the victim. Why can’t you move on? He literally said that to me about a piece of art that I love that is dated 2009 which was special to me. He called me selfish, insecure, and controlling! Wow 😮 He told me I was too sensitive. I told him he hurts my feelings. He’s so insane.

[@izawaniek2568]

Narcisists are the people who have the cheek to tell you that they know you better than you know yourself and more over will demand you admit that as true! So they would openly declare themselves to be gods who know the truth - the one they have constructed. They are delusional individuals who should be avoided at all costs. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and words of encouragement dr Carter. ❤

[@kc3810]

My narcissist mimics me to create an argument out of thin air, by playing both roles, his the logical one, and mine the stupid one, all without me saying a word. What theater!

[@gogosylvia293]

I've experienced this also.

[@1cpascal]

I come from a family that had multiple narcissistic abusers, and I grew up hearing variations of most of these phrases. One of these relatives was a raging narcissistic aunt who, whenever anybody dared to state a thought that she disagreed with, would shout, "Don't be so silly!!"

[@mariannebaldetti2276]

“You’re crazy,” “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” and “What are you so sensitive.” Just variable forms of “Don’t be silly.” All dismissive and invalidating.

[@christopherlarson3401]

HUGS and prayers for healing.

[@kathwyatt6814]

My mother's go-to putdown! It was amazing, the amount of scorn and contempt she could get into four words.

[@Hi-Phi]

We must be related.😭

[@AuntyEsther]

Very often, advice is about "how to deal with a narcissistic partner" or "how to deal with a narcissistic parent" which ignores the totality of being raised in a family full of toxic patterns of behaviour, including from sibling(s) and I wonder how many people have had to deal with all that, on their own rather than just having the one narcissist to cope with.

[@NancyMichaels-mk3st]

Yep!!! They are difficult people to deal with!! I got accused of ruining his life. My response was, “You are your own undoing.”

[@groovedealerfeaturing-ashl6476]

'I WANT TO HEAR...' and 'I DON'T WANT TO HEAR...' are two GIANT red flags i've found over the years.

[@winstonmoriarty1286]

To which I tend to respond: "Reality doesn't care what you do or don't want to be true. Stop treating me like I'm immature and grow up." I admit, I have somewhat of a problem fully taking others feelings into account when I argue with them. However, people in control of their emotions have historically told me to make my point more nicely, overall. My sister, who believes she's one of those people, tends to lose it instead.

[@LJK9]

Listening to you is like a warm hug, Dr. Carter. You are so comforting and bring sanity to chaos and pain and confusion. I love your sweet, sleeping dog, too.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

How kind!

[@christopherrosado6053]

I just observe narcissistic people, smile and move on, no communication is my communication with them Life's not a do over...... Enjoying my days....Peace

[@marysullivan3881]

If 5:43 my parents had only gotten me into therapy, I could have avoided a lifetime of narc abuse. But of course that wouldn't happen. They needed me to be the scapegoat. Children of covert narcs may go through life not knowing how to recognize what had happened and how to recover. After going to 3 different therapists at different times over 30 years, none of whom ever addressed the true problem, I was able to find you on KZbin! The weird puzzle pieces of my life fell into place making sense. Thank you for all of your videos.

[@istateyourname4710]

This made me flash on having a baby. I could see his irritation @ the lion's share of attention geared toward me and the newborn, for 2 days in hospital. When it was time to leave, Mum & child are required to be transported to a waiting vehicle via wheelchair for liability reasons. He didn't like that and uttered, 'I think you can walk!' He rec'd a nice dressing down from nursing staff, which I had to say was kind of amusing! What a giant baby.

[@bereal6590]

After a hospital procedure my 80 year old mom after I fainted and was laid down as told to by the nurse, she told me to get up and walk around because all the other ppl who had had that procedure were fine. That trust it to be me! Guess I was embarrassing her!!

[@patduffyforever]

I had the same scenario exactly!

[@xxkissmeketutxx]

Oh girl, my ex was the same and he turned our son too. I hope you learn sooner than later.

[@rockjockchick]

Please don’t stay with that person.

[@istateyourname4710]

@@rockjockchick He's history.

[@rebeccablakey2637]

I have absolutely heard some of these statements from a narcissist. A man who was in a position of authority said these things to myself and my husband. He used a written threat towards my family and then used a hard discard to run from his inappropriate behavior. Narcissists are evil soul suckers that love the control but once they are confronted run for cover.

[@nickisnyder3450]

Every narcissist is watching this, taking notes & will never use these phrases again. So just remember the exact wording is not the point. The point is always control. So set your boundaries

[@maruja2023]

You nailed it. They will do it very subtle at first but your intuition will catch it. Listen to your inner voice, I wish I had done it sooner.

[@annmarie8574]

No.They do not recognize themselves. They would never "be taking notes"

[@MsK-xm7vw]

This may not apply; but, a wonderful Teacher I had once taught us that… Always be careful when encountering someone who is too ‘nice’; as far as the pendulum swings in one direction, it swings equally in the opposite direction. A lesson we should all remember. Thanks for reminding me of her and the lesson! 🙂

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That makes so much sense. I'm always leery of the over-smiler.

[@jwameling8674]

my mil to a t! always a fake smile plastered on her face. very put on and makes me feel so uneasy!

[@Hatbox948]

Very good advice!

[@DivineOne-lt3wf]

Brilliant teacher! I had one say something like that too! She’s like “No one is THAT nice…”

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

Completely agree its strange + approach with caution... however, there is more than one reason people behave like that. I had a friend who previous did not act that way, but became like this ( generally 'overpleasing') after some bad personal experiences - maybe some sort of generalised over-fawing, trying very very hard in every situation, in order to feel safe and appreciated by others. Her earlier confidence had dwindled to almost nothing after being around some seriously unpleasant people. So, unless you already know the person, you dont know if its a narc perp, or a previous target, you are facing.... so you have to be cautious untill you understand more clearly.

[@nicksfishroom915]

My father has said almost all of those things to me. It took me 57 years to recognize him for who/what he is. Over the past two years, his children and all his grandchildren have cut off all contact. Now that he can no longer manipulate and control us he does everything he can to slander all of us in our community. It is so hurtful , painful and depressing.

[@debbieolin8153]

My mother was like that. I can't think of a single person she didn't belittle. When she started ruining my husband by telling falsehoods to my cousins and it did get back to me, I had to take his side. My mother died ...I hope after someone gave her a good talking to that her actions were the cause of all the problems

[@hillary1161]

Been in that boat. So sorry others have that too

[@GeorgeSoroshasenteredthechat]

Sorry about that mate, it took me 30+, and another 10 to break the spell that he had on my kid brother. He's still alive, but discarded us when he realised i'd seen it for what it was. it took a long time to get through the bad feelings he left me with, but trust me when i say, the longer you stay away, the better it becomes. I won't even go to the dickheads funeral, he doesn't deserve it for what he's done to me and my children over the years.

[@Kat-tr2ig]

I grew up with a narcissist mother and sister, then dated a few narcissists before I caught on. These KZbin videos have been a blessing. Now I'm able to see the signs from very early on and am able to avoid them. Thank you for your work!

[@hankhill3417]

Say “no” and see how they react. Also, pay attention to how they treat people that can’t do anything for them

[@33wanwan]

the no one works a treat. say no 3 times they hate it

[@dawnspallinger6991]

Or when they take their own perception of a situation and you explain what really happened they will turn the no on you . Then accuse you of being mad that they said no. And your the narc. Be careful with the no thing they do it to you and gaslight you with it.

[@worldgonemad1977]

My favourite - “Trust me, I know you best”

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That one drives me nuts. They don't even know themselves!

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

🚩🏃‍♂

[@reddawn8230]

Mine said “I know you better than you know yourself.”

[@winstonmoriarty1286]

A baseless request followed by a blatant lie. That's how I look at it.

[@hardhatcatboi]

My husband told me the day my mother died- “everyone’s mom is going to die” I can never forget this

[@isay207]

Horrible thing to say😢

[@marjol3in]

My gosh, this is so heartless

[@bigtex4058]

A narcissist can't feel your pain. They don't even see you except to the extent that you are meeting (or not meeting) THEIR NEEDS.

[@hardhatcatboi]

@@bigtex4058 that’s exactly how I feel but he tells me it’s not true.

[@invisibleme5]

@@hardhatcatboi How is your plan coming along for leaving? It’s best to plan VERY carefully and leave no evidence. Don’t tell anyone unless you trust them with your life. Depending on how long you have been with him, it can take a very long time to unravel the twisted mess he has created in your brain and way of thinking. I was with mine 35 years and it took about a year to even begin to feel normal. I had no idea how much he had affected and changed me. But trust me, leaving is so worth it.

[@para1324]

Thank you again Dr. Carter. Too many years I was with my ex narc. It finally ended with a physical attack against me last summer. No contact from that time forward. Listening to you has helped a great deal. Best wishes to you.

[@va1uefry]

my ex would tell me really mean, evil things like "i'm not responsible for your feelings!" and "if you wanna be loved, be loveable!" "i can't keep doing this!" .. and so on so forth. as if i was the one making his life miserable and not the other way around. i felt like i was alone in that relationship and that i was just STUCK. it took a long long time for me to wake up. and the worst part is, i still find myself missing him. he made me dependent on him... but i don't love him. this can't be true love.

[@franceshaggitt3104]

Ex was same..

[@reddawn8230]

What seems to actually have made a difference in my narc hubs is when I finally said out loud (in response to his trying to bait me into an argument): “I’m not going to argue with you. If you want to be angry, you’ll just have to be angry by yourself.” And “God will take care of me with or without you.” These seem to have diffused him quite a bit. 🤷‍♀️ I didn’t say those things to manipulate or get any specific response. I just said it because it’s true. And he’s suddenly disarmed, without a comeback.

[@sherrigerhardt1348]

Thank you for putting these information videos out so victims can begin to realize that they are in a highly toxic environment and they are not crazy. Trust your gut! I get triggered listening to these but it's important for me to continue to heal from a trauma bond from a 23 year marriage that I'm no longer in. You are worthy and you CAN do this!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for these good words, Sherri!

[@lisad8744]

Alot of backhanded compliments from my husband. An early stage at the onset of us beginning to communicate was this to me, "I love your honesty. I've never met a woman so honest." No after being over 5 years, I can't be honest to him about my feelings or try to communicate his negative behavior without him getting offended, turn it around and play the victim. I'm the blame. Any conflict we have is all my fault. And he had no problem bringing out and making it known that I am the only problem and only one with issues. 😢

[@stormthrush37]

2:40 Well that's a major explanation as to why I have trouble accepting compliments at face value. I'm just waiting for the hook underneath the bait.

[@kathwyatt6814]

Regularly heard while growing up with two narcissists: "You don't know how lucky you are!" "Why do you have to make such a performance out of everything?" "You think you're the only person in the world with feelings!" "You're too sensitive!" "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" "The trouble with you is you've had it too good!" "You've no consideration for other people!" "Can't you do anything right?" And my mother's favourite: "Don't be so SILLY!"

[@newenglanders2]

Hmm. Are you in your 50s? (you don't have to answer that) Because I heard some of these phrases while growing up too, especially the 'don't be so silly' and 'I'll give you something to cry about'. And the worst one -- 'I dont know how anyone could be so stupid'! ...Btw my IQ is just above normal... Really demeaned me and made me feel my feelings weren't important and i learned to stuff my feelings and hide how i felt. All I could do was give dirty looks as a child to express myself. I have struggled with depression and low self esteem all my life, and personal boundary issues too, and always longed for approval and acceptance from my mother, (which she sort of gives in small ways),and I would do anything to get it, but at a cost to my own identity and person. I struggled with perfectionism and yes likely my own form of learned narcissistic behavior. My brother is really bad, definitely a big narcissist. Took me decades to stop trying to have a real friendship and approval from him. My best friend turned out the same, we are no longer friends, and my husband had tendencies too, but has gotten better over the years, by the grace of God. I guess I was attracted to people like this because it was all I knew? People who never could say they are sorry Or that they made mistakes!! I now know who I am, and I'm ok. Not perfect, i have flaws, make mistakes and I try to admit them but that's ok too, that makes me normal! Unfortunately, these traits run in my family and my inlaws. It's not the sum total of who they are, lots of good there too, but I can't really trust any of them with deeply personal things. Sad. And makes me lonely too.

[@redleeks6253]

Girl, I'm not in my 50s, I'm in my 30s and I'm from Europe i heard all the same in my mother language

[@leosullivan9228]

@@newenglanders2 write. it helps and attracts help in ways you cannot imagine. and you're good at it

[@patduffyforever]

Yes, these resonate. 70 s kid here. My mother used all those plus straight out " tsk yre just a stupid little girl" if I ever received praise at school or from my father. N her favourite " no one will ever love you because..." Shes 84 now and my brother ( also a narc) is still her golden boy n I m still the family scapegoat. Tho it just makes me sad now n is not confusing or hurtful anymore. It's just reminds me to limit time with them , and be careful what I disclose so they cannot twist it or hoover it up.

[@patduffyforever]

​@@newenglanders2 I m so sorry. I totally relate. I struggle with relationships and confidence too. Hope u manage to find yr joy ❤