When You See THIS, It's Narcissism, Guaranteed

[@catalhuyuk7]

To enrage a healthy person, lie to them. To enrage a narcissist, tell them the truth.

[@Klm-p3u]

💯

[@RandyDecious]

TRUTH SCARES EM SPINELESS JELLYFISH THEY GOT 2 EAT 2 BUT NOT AT MY EXSPENSE U SAID THAT SO MINMALWORDS ILIKE THAT SHORT PACKN A BIG DOSE OF TRUTH AN BLUNTNESS I LIKETHAT I WISH I THOHT OF THAT REAL PLP WILL CALL U ON BS NARCS HATE THE TRUTH CORNERS THEM THEY RAGE 2 DEFEND THERE REALITY SCARY STUFF WHEN THERE EYES GO BLK SILENT TREATMENT VOICE

[@RandyDecious]

LIKE THIS ALOT SHORT AN SWEET BUT VERY POWERFULL AN THOUGT PROVING BCUZ ITS TRUE

[@Prot91]

👏👏👏

[@wakeupluv]

Great point!

[@hd-be7di]

Narcissism: Once you see, you can't unsee.

[@Foxtrap731]

And thank God for that. Once you understand it, you can recognize it easily and avoid it in the future. It also lets you know where to put the boundaries.

[@TargttdGma]

A commonality I noticed allways: blended m/f anat0my. Artists used to know, for sure. Lineages have messed w/genet ICs for generations. Take notIce of men w/shorter top rm bonez .. also then, it's likely to c other f traditional, original skeletal anatomy, like spines, eye socket widths, pinky finger/ears/ankle/feet sizes, etc. Even hair texture, for males, historically was more coarse in m ... prior to about 2000, I'd say.

[@EL-gu8fv]

Like an urban fox. After the first time you see one, you develop a radar.

[@anissaholmes4495]

Truth! 💯

[@Uniques-95]

They say" I don't need to work on my anger." "You need to stop doing things that make me mad."

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Ugh. Dr. C

[@lesliepage3886]

So true

[@nellsmith9721]

@M Jazz just done that too ... xx

[@Tarotcooks]

😆👏👏👏

[@MariaSuzin]

sometimes its the other way around. they can blatantly provoke anger and then tell you that you're crazy for getting angry.

[@tlam8086]

#1 sign someones a narc, is if they have to put someone down, in order to feel better about themselves

[@Fyh685]

….i wish i would have known this earlier. I was raised in this environment as a child, I was and still am the toy.

[@johnkraus3386]

Schadenfreude is defined as getting physical pleasure from other people's pain or loss. Know the signs and understand the word. peace

[@salonsavy6476]

being with a narcissist is very dangerous to your health,,, the anxiety levels ,loss of joy ,they suck the life from you ,, leaving you sick ,, empty,, hopeless!

[@anndra1160]

You've just described my life in amazing detail! 😢

[@lindaknox5047]

This is what slapped me into realization that I’m living with a Narcissist. Does he care about my health....lol don’t be silly.

[@AM-..]

God, pls help us all. I’m trying to get a divorce. It would be so much easier to leave if I wasn’t married. If I were single I would not have been living with him and could leave at any moment and stay gone.

[@wojtekwilk3938]

Yet from a global and spiritual perspective, I want to highlight the fact that surviving a narcissist is likely the greater step forward to awakening.

[@lisarubin94]

It really does have a negative effect on your health. I had an armpit rash and foot pain that wouldn't go away. A few months after I went no contact both ailments went away, and I've been fine ever since.

[@mattlavender8797]

Everyday is day zero for a narcissist. That was then, this is now. Why can’t you let the past go? We’re always supposed to act as if we have no history with them.

[@screllin]

Very well put 👏

[@calvinastrothers6956]

Very true

[@christar9527]

So true. When you finally react they are surprised and even offended. My husband always said “Well two wrongs don’t make a right.” After 60 year of horrible amounts of trauma and abuse I hit him in the arm. He brought that up and tried to make me look like a criminal for a long time. That’s because they think of you as an object who has no feelings, you’re not even really human to them. So why would you react?

[@jenniferteets4385]

Yes and it could literally be something that happened nan hour ago. But if they feel wronged by something you did, they will bring it up at every opportunity for decades

[@pebblesnet78]

Very good explanation

[@GermanShepherdDaphne]

They HATE seeing you do better in life

[@Stigmatix666]

Yes. To the point of actively sabotaging your accomplishments

[@lorenaperez6293]

Ain't it the truth!

[@AnnAndNala]

Yes, exactly. The mother/sister duo narcs in my life have oozed with jealousy over every single thing in my life; college, relationships, home, jobs, fitness, friends, success. They targeted out to destroy i.e. narc mother would actually call my jobs and complain to them about me to try to get me fired. She formed secret "friendships" with my boyfriends to tell them how horrible I was to try destroy the relationships,...and the list goes on and on and on. When I would cut them out, they literally hired private investigators to find out what I was doing in my life because they could not stand me having any type of success. I finally cut them out completely, and the narc mother is getting too old to harass me these days. I'm the happiest I've ever been.

[@posypoodle6034]

Yeah, my ex used to try and scupper my exams by keeping me awake all the night before

[@Enjcj]

Demons in human form. That is awful.

[@chanchan5349]

“Oh, yeah, it’s all my fault” with a sarcastic sneer dismissing any conversation.

[@mossbergEROCK1]

"I just can't do anything right "

[@donishianesby176]

@@chanchan5349 “ That’s right, I’m always the bad guy “

[@jimjam8949]

When you eventually stop trying to engage people like this at any emotional level you realise how shallow, dull and boring they actually are.

[@jennyl7422]

Yes that's what happened with me and my ex.. in hindsight I never really laughed at any of his jokes (never had 'to almost pee my pants' kind of laughter) , because he's just not funny or anything.. while when he had friends over I had more fun with them.. at first I didn't think anything about it but looking at it now it makes sense..

[@nancerobinson4901]

So true

[@nunah7977]

So true. I was in a friendship with one and did not realize it for years. I started to feel as if I was losing myself and had to agree with everything she said or she would get mad. I was uncomfortable because if I said I liked something next thing I knew I had it. I could no longer even say that is nice. Eventually conversation was not fun but full of her problems. Everyone was wrong but her. I wanted out of friendship but did not know how. Was unable to say what I felt out of fear or anxiety it was so weird. She did something to me ( by trying to make me think I was crazy that I did not do something I KNEW I did., give her a key, she said no I did not, because she forgot ) when she found key that I gave her she came for visit and planted it in my bag. I texed her, blocked her and told her friendship was over. My eyes were finally open to so much and I was in awe that I had not seen it sooner. I wondered about myself and how I fell into that for so long and became a yes person, questioned my sanity, and did what she wanted even if I did not really want to. Happy to be free and clear of her. I actually wondered what she might try and do to get back at me but I knew too much about her for her to even try. She totally controls her family and they are always the wrong ones and she always gets her way. Her kids are in a mess of dysfunction and her husband afraid to speak up for himself. It still boggles my mind if I think about it ..about how I played a part in that for so long..without knowing what was really going on till years later. Like waking up from a bad dream only it was real. Walk away from them because they are will suck the life out of you. They are not real friends.

[@keshasmith4302]

They are so weak. When you finally stand up they seem so tiny.

[@sorchx]

@@nunah7977 Would you be able to talk about any other signs? My father is one but I;m starting to think my friend may be too. It's hard for me to tell though because the only example I have is an older aggressive man. I haven't spoken to her in some time as she cut me out of he life, completely blocked me for months because she owed me money and for the first time EVER I actually stood up for myself and asked for it back repeatedly. Now she's sent me messages saying she was in a bad place and wants to be friends again (no mention of the money) but shes sent me these messages many times before, I always forgive her and then she never puts in effort again. All she does is bitch about people and I feel like her puppet. What you said stuck out to me, if you don't agree with her she would get really mad. She also physically punches her boyfriend and can be very aggressive at times. She was like a sister to me but I;m starting to think it was because I was the perfect little pet, never speaking up and always admiring her. Now I'm stronger I don't know if allowing her back into my life is a good idea. My gut tells me no but then I worry I'm just branding everyone as NPD and maybe she has changed.

[@surferdude4487]

Real person: I'm trying to be a little better each day. Narcissist: I'm trying to make others make things better for me every day.

[@AwakeningLeela]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/gWWud4Gqj5KLipI

[@surferdude4487]

@@AwakeningLeela When it comes to mental health advice, I listen to Dr. Carter. That's because he is kind, calm and typically correct. I saw the title and heard the first two sentences of your video and clicked off. This is not how I deal with people.

[@AwakeningLeela]

@@surferdude4487 I am sorry that you got the impression that we are being cruel or negative,pls come over to the channel,you will see it’s not my intuition. I appreciate your opinion because it helps me see from different perspectives. 💜 kzbin.info

[@gryl.4030]

Surfer Dude: You´re absolutely SPOT on!!

[@MM-er5gp]

👏👏👏👏🏆

[@l.5832]

There is never an 'us' with a narcissist.

[@pernilladomander7648]

In the discard phase the ex started to use that word but by that point it almost made me throw up :)

[@l.5832]

@@pernilladomander7648 We were married 23 years. I referred to 'us'. My narc husband said "There IS no us".....

[@Rwealone]

Exactly! He never says us. It’s always my or what he’s going to do. Then he denies not including me.

[@tracydanneo]

Unless they’ve moved on from their relationship with you. And then you can be damn sure they’ll trot out the word “us” as a weapon.

[@notagain779]

Linda, The one I knew was a married woman "friend" of mine for about a year. Never once did she say "our house" It was always, "My house" Even "My air conditioner!" "My dining room!" 🤣🤪

[@tryingtracy9329]

They don't say sorry, they don't do things wrong so apologising would be admitting that they did something unacceptable

[@whenkharkov5981]

Underrated comment 🙌

[@carlosgarza1962]

100% correct

[@MarySaenz-r4z]

QUOTE: "I don't want or need criticism. You want to talk about what happened this morning.... 8 hours later? Get over it. Water under the bridge. "

[@marlenedempster6306]

Having been married to a Narc gaslighter for almost 30 years I know he's never ever apologized for a thing. I've just recently been jolted oiut of my denial and am beginning to look forward to life without him

[@dhanya2096]

They lie, shift blame, and call the victim crazy.

[@angelicdavis9522]

I know all too well..

[@meganparis806]

Oh absolutely they do

[@uterushaver8309]

So easy to just blame the victim: they've been doing it since Adam blamed Eve, probably before; very childish. In fact, you might be reminded of some of their behaviors by watching those shows about chimps and orangutans. I wonder if they've regresssed.

[@melx6957]

I should be in a mental institution by now, the amount of times I was called crazy.

[@dhanya2096]

@@melx6957 A good LPT about narcissists is the more they lie and blame you, the more guilt they're trying to escape. The more they've damaged you. They don't want to face it, so they're projecting onto you. Pathetic miserable creatures, all of them.

[@lotusphoenix8]

Don't ignore the red flags. Test their ability to take accountability in a relaxed casual conversation over something silly. It is not only in arguments that these red flags show up.

[@lollic307]

Smart girl. Thank you

[@lotusphoenix8]

@Sue Ristovska I don't understand what you're saying

[@truartist5379]

Indeed

[@AwakeningLeela]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/gWWud4Gqj5KLipI

[@GodsSparrowSpeaks]

Excellent point

[@barbaraduma5621]

They give you that empty stare, and say, “I don’t remember that”. After trying to explain to my sister how her behavior (which she conveniently couldn’t remember) made me feel, she finally said, “I’m sorry...you did that to yourself”.

[@MC-342]

My sister's favorite words. 👍👍

[@thequestess]

I used to get it even better: "Nope. That never happened. You remembered wrong."

[@gravesclayton3604]

Always the response from my older brother, even after 55 years.

[@gravesclayton3604]

@@thequestess For 55 years this has been my older brother's "part 2" response, after saying the phrase above. He is the definition of "gaslighting". It's almost as if he actually believes he is the family authority on everything by virtue of his birth order. It took forever for me to realize that since that will never change, neither will his behavior.

[@MC-342]

@@gravesclayton3604 My sister is exactly the same way. She bought a PhD online for a couple hundred $ and now makes everyone call her doctor 😂 . She thinks she the expert on everything. I cut her off years ago . She's 65 and will never change. Should have done it sooner. So much more peace.

[@stephenkarla7113]

I now know why I am a dog lover. My problem is people.

[@debbievoss3496]

😂

[@PotterSpurn1]

Narcissist toss of a coin: Heads they are right; Tails you are wrong.

[@gravesclayton3604]

My A-hole brother did that all the time when we were kids, "Heads I win, Tails You Lose". He still behaves that way at age 60. You failure is his success, and so on...I just avoid him like the Plague.

[@justusgoedhart5255]

So true. Beautifully said. 👍👍👍✌

[@justusgoedhart5255]

@@MexAm120902 Okay????🤨😆😉

[@soniabernatchez7466]

ha ha ha ha they are hilarious and ugly inside and out

[@chuckkelehan4131]

We have a winner! Thank you for sharing this .

[@MrTimjm009]

Worst thing is when you realize you have narcissists in the family. Its easy to move on from other people but family that are like this make it 10 times harder to deal with or avoid

[@exile3119]

It's difficult and sucks. I just keep those family members at a distance and I don't share anything about my life with them. I just keep those relationships cordial. It's an artificial relationship just to keep peace in my life.

[@lindagarofalo7263]

How can you possibly get away from a family member what is your child a grown adults yes like I said before I can walk away in a heartbeat actually I could run away but there is a little grandchild involved who I have bonded with and love very much, I haven't seen him because of covid-19 are this one excuse after the other and a lot of begging, it's sickening and making me sick I was once a happy-go-lucky person I am no longer that person. Thank God for dr.les and his books as I have purchased three of them I'm working on it

[@Nerdyone50]

Right! It’s soo difficult, they pretend YOU are the difficult, unstable, unwell, ignorant person (meanwhile they refuse to learn new information because they think they know everything!). They refuse to realize that you went no contact because of their abusive language towards you. It’s always your fault, everything is always your fault, even things you never had any control over. If you didn’t do anything wrong, they will fabricate something to blame you for (that never even happened), it’s more than tough it’s downright impossible!

[@mikajohnson8331]

I think my husband and his family have these traits

[@amandaknowles2998]

@@mikajohnson8331 so does mine and my MIL

[@krisztina442]

They are not interested in the havoc they create and they never take responsibility for the consequences. They love watching distressed victims, it gives them a feeling of power. They cause damage and suffering and then they immediately start blameshifting and projecting. This is my experience.

[@christar9527]

Krisztina G. So true. They are after power, just like their master Satan.

[@barbaramarshall5271]

I'm sad to say mine as well with my daughters and my own experiences with my mum. Horrible woman

[@michelleatchison8424]

They refuse to take responsibility and they don't like the truth cause the truth hurts them

[@mrs.christiehannaalexander33]

OMG YES! SO VERY, 😓💔UNFORTUNATELY💔😭, TRUE! My 18th Wedding Anniversary is coming up on December 27th, 2020 & I am just now being able to see & beginning to understand that this "TOXIC, MALIGNANT, SOUL SUCKING, COMPLETE SELF LOVE DISSOLVING, COMPOUNDING ABSOLUTE SELF LOATHING & DISGUST MONSTER" has made me TOTALLY LOOSE THE ONE TIME: BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT, HIGH ON LIFE, MOTIVATED, HEALTHY, ENERGETIC, OUTGOING, ETC. Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Wife & Nurse into - ??? AN THIS EMPTY, BLACKHOLE, SICKLY, SHELL OF WHAT KINDA RESEMBLES A HUMAN BEING 😭💔 that doesn't, literally has lost the ability to believe & trust in what my Brain, Eyes & Ears are all telling me is REAL any longer!

[@freewaybaby]

@@michelleatchison8424 I have to disagree, in that, they don’t even recognize truth! It doesn’t hurt them because its everyone else’s fault!

[@archeewaters]

the moment you start saying "No" to them without explaining yourself, is the moment they start to realize they can no longer manipulate you. you then become useless to them and they will trash your character to everyone and cut you loose. what a powerful word.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it. Dr. C

[@lisacranmer8005]

Yes..I was talked about behind my back From day 1..about my body to looking in my drawers to see if I was neat, yet they all lied about the number of x gf and illegal activities done...not sure what I was thinking by not leaving...I ended up with 2 back surgeries and digestive system issues, PTSD is heart palpitations from the toxic people..

[@katen1228]

Yup, I’m on the receiving end of that for the last 10 years.

[@TwEEzY205]

And the repetitive exhausting explaining until you're blue in the face is freakin torture! They have select amnesia and want their partner to re explain things all over multiple times. Letting weeks months yrs pass by the explaining again on the same subject! And if you get frustrated they'll deflect truths and zone in on your attitude. All while they play by their own rules when talking. 0 truths told when they speak.

[@toosense]

You are correct. This is what my mother is trying to do to me now, except my other family members know me well enough to know that I am not capable of the things she is claiming. It’s unfortunate that a parent would intentionally seek to harm their own child for attention. Thankfully I won’t continue the cycle.

[@johnathanellis9010]

They seem to be perpetually immature unable to grow or reflect.

[@HoneyDropsForever]

Because they are afraid to see themselves. They expect everyone to react and be perfect so they hold themselves at the same standard and refuse to see they can't meet it. No one can.

[@lorriecancillieri987]

Before I knew about narcissism, I would notice each trait separately. When he turned 61 years old I asked him “did you grow up yet?” He said “that’s the way I am.”

[@keyshasonmcgee-perry2706]

Yep, and that Stagnating lack of growth and true emotional maturity is sooo #SAD.. They're Senseless, esp. When Everything is Based on how Happy they feel that day! Yes, it's Absolutely Pathetic-ness😔.. O, I 👃some 💩 With Narcs❗

[@karenchandler4717]

This!! 🔥🔥🔥

[@nosolar2023]

I'm with one now..cold and immature...wen I told him I was sick in bed he laughed 😳

[@meow2u22]

Narcissists' idea of right and wrong can be summed up as: "Right is what I want when I want it and wrong is when somebody tells me no."

[@lucygoose6237]

💯

[@conniedenton319]

Mister Definitely!

[@I-Am-Prosperous-I-Am-Grateful]

@Sue B That is the whole truth in a nutshell!

[@Stigmatix666]

Yup

[@AwakeningLeela]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/gWWud4Gqj5KLipI

[@ShilasSpellboundCreations]

And when they DO admit they are wrong, it's ALWAYS disingenuine and sarcastic

[@kevinleeds979]

damn i was going around for a while saying everything was my fault and did i really mean it? i did not really mean it! i am not sure if 'always' applies to me. maybe i am safe from this diagnosis i hope at least partly!

[@ShilasSpellboundCreations]

@@kevinleeds979 maybe I'm being partial. Whenever my husband apologizes for being rude or inconsiderate to me, it's always laced in sarcasm and if I call him on it, things explode again. It's so strange.

[@matilda1505]

“I am sorry you feel that way “, “I’m sorry I didn’t meet your expectations “,I’m sorry I have no idea what you are talking about “ sounds familiar? Never sorry for what they’ve done.

[@OracleofDelphiTarot]

Or it's a fake apology to get you to stop focusing on their deficiencies

[@AM-..]

Shila Foster-Swanson have you considered leaving?. I’m trying to get the divorce started but have run into difficulty and trying to hear what God is telling me to do. Husband does not have any fruit of God’s spirit.

[@djf8619]

One thing I found out is that you never, and I mean never, admit to a narcissist that you have a flaw. They will grind you into dust using that admission. Work on your issues in silence. Once you become strong, leave.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Yes

[@kamakeaiaea7784]

I learned the hard way!!! Narcissist have a way of asking as if they won’t get angry yet once they get you to admit!! That’s it, your done. They take advantage of our honesty….all while they live a lie.

[@renee8543]

Yes that has been my experience with a narcissistic father. It was like the Miranda Warning growing up, whatever I said was used against me.

[@laurieannJake]

I don’t see that but I’m going to think about it you may have something there that I don’t see

[@gogosylvia293]

You can't say "never" enough regarding this.

[@psychicrenegade]

The more I learn about narcissists and start to see them all around me...the more I believe them to be the "demons" of this world. They are not here to learn and grow...they are here to create as much drama and chaos as possible...they are the ones that force the rest of us to learn and grow.

[@BlackCoffeeee]

Instead of seeing them as demons, you could realise that they're incredibly broken people. Often irreparably broken. Definitely steer clear of them, their psychological state is dangerous but they have been broken. It's too easy to demonise them and many people do.

[@annofcleavers5791]

@@BlackCoffeeee Agreed,I hear the demon thing alot,it doesn't sit well with me,they are as you say broken people,that's the reality.

[@TheLoveweaver]

@Julie this is on the nose. I'm not gonna say why I hold this position beyond the fact that I have witnessed someone in my family appear as if they needed an exorcism. I wasn't the only one who witnessed it either. The air became extremely cold and dense and the persons eyes were black and their voice guttural. It was insane. I'll NEVER forget that experience! When you are this broken and negative, you basically invite this kind of ish to ride you and feed off all the venom, jealousy, fear , insecurity and animosity that they carry within them.

[@scottpreston5074]

Everyone has some and to varying degrees some of the personality traits listed in the DSM. They are personality traits that go together to make up an individual, but they when they become extreme they can become a disorder. For example, I like to have have clean hands, but I don't wash my hands 10 times an hour when I'm simply sitting inside. We all want to achieve something we can be proud of, however.... you know the rest.

[@rivkaruthgolan]

@@BlackCoffeeee true but you can’t underestimate their propensity to do evil. It is not safe to relate to them in any way.

[@brucesheehe6305]

They are superficially friendly, but don't cross them...They actually have very few friends...The more you know them, the less you like being around them. TOXIC!

[@mdee860]

Very true. They really don't have many friends. In a group social setting, they don't know how to approach people, start a conversation, mingle or join a group smoothly. So bizarre - like a vulture just staring, then wonder why others people won't talk to him. He brings nothing to a conversation & expects everyone to make a fuss because he just stands there at the edge. It's bizarre.

[@SummeRain783]

Agree

[@anaangel5434]

Yup🌟

[@monicasmith5785]

Yes! No one I grew up with would believe me if I told them my mom was a narcissist but when you ctually get the chance to *really* know her... You know. And then you wish you didn't.

[@christophercox5633]

exactly.

[@kfarr3037]

If they can never say "I'm sorry", especially when you're visibly hurting, crying ,etc., from whatever they did or said or what was done, they are most certainly a narcissist. Waste no more time - RUN AWAY!! There is no peace in your life with with someone like that so find someone else.

[@eduardochavacano]

Oh they can say, they are sorry. And if you forgive them. You are just giving them a reason to hurt you even more.

[@tedbkd1]

That’s not true.

[@jonnuanez2843]

My mother says people who say "I'm sorry" are insincere and always go back on their word. She has never said "I'm sorry" to me or anyone, which is a reason why she's on her 5th marriage and why I would be fine if I never saw her again.

[@sunshinyday1901]

Better still stay alone and be free😘

[@elizabethfraser2996]

YES Exactly ! Great advice. As narc survivors we help others because they know their pain.

[@sarahsky100]

The most crazy-making thing is how they manage to flip EVERYTHING into YOU being the problem... they will do things that they would go ballistic if YOU did the exact same thing... then say that YOU'RE the problem and the one blaming someone else for your emotions 🤯🤡🤦🏼‍♀️ No matter how lonely or vulnerable you might be at any point in your life, it just isn't worth ignoring red flags and not staying vigilant... no matter how disappointing it is when you realise you're dealing with another one of these demons!

[@utahmamma]

This is what *I* am being accused of and I’m so confused. I HAVE said “no, YOU are the problem. It’s ALL you. I’m not taking responsibility any more.” Am *I* the narcissist? For the first 18 years of our marriage I assumed all the troubles were my fault. (I was the one that came from a dysfunctional family. His was picture perfect.) When I got sick a couple of years ago and treatment affected my memory we agreed that he would take over some of the things I had been responsible for (financial things, managing medical and therapy appointments for the kids.) I think (I don’t remember, as a side effect of the treatment) that he started out doing it but at some point it got overwhelming and he just stopped. And hid it from me. And misled me. And then outright lied. But claims he’s not lying when I show him the evidence. He says he’s doing his best, and blames it on the way his brain works (he is treated for ADD) When he does help me around the house/yard he does the job part way/ doesn’t clean up after himself/ gets distracted and gets frustrated when I ask him to finish. Our home and life are chaos, I’m exhausted, I’ve told him I need his help and to set a different example for the kids and he says he will but then almost immediately does the thing he just told the kids not to do. I have started yelling. I get ragey. I want someone to see me and hear me. So, yes, *I’m* the angry, loud one. Am I actually the narcissist? Has it been me all along and I’ve been blaming him the last year?

[@sarahsky100]

@@utahmamma No way! For starters if you were a narcissist you wouldn't be asking that question and self reflecting. This is a perfect example of my point... they drive you to the point of becoming unhinged and then use your reactions against you. You're yelling and raging because you're past your limit. Not because you're the narcissist!

[@dangalangslanger1254]

They will definitely catch you.when your down.

[@janicesg6218]

@@utahmamma Depending how sever his ADD is, it's a struggle, does he take meds? His forgetting is what we do. One thing you could do is set up a separate checking account to auto pay certain bills and then no late fees. You, just add up those bills and put a little cushion, then transfer funds to that account. The other issues might not be that easy.

[@mea24palustre3]

@@sarahsky100 I agree with you

[@jenna2431]

Trying to bring a narc to accountability is like pouring gas all over the car hoping it gets into the tank.

[@tinamarisia123]

Thankyou for making me giggle then laugh loudly.. I'm having a tough time, your analogy is superb.. just superb... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.. I'll think of this next time I want to try and rationalise... altho I've moved to what you believe is incorrect but I'm not arguing with you.. It's so hard, because I think he gas lights me... nice then pulls back or quite unpleasant if I say something he classes as a challenge or control..

[@charlene2349]

Omg LMAO so true!

[@thebraziliangardener8481]

the most fantastic thing is their ability to rewrite history,they will tell you the same history you lived 20 times,and all of them will be different,you feel like you are getting crazy yourself,kkk

[@cashaywroteit]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@katarinatibai8396]

🤣🤣🤣 👏👏👏

[@j3nki541]

Real person: I'm trying to be better each day. Narcissist: I'ma put everyone else down so I feel like I'm better each day.

[@andyozzzz]

Way easier to talk shit and criticize everyone instead of working on yourself thats how these narcissistic freaks roll

[@kardoyle]

YES 🙌🏻 so well said . Runs in family for generations...

[@gobblelevclass3nuclearsubm393]

totally indeed !!

[@pointsbeingmade7996]

Hahaha yes. And I do this!

[@eleniglinia2798]

your humor make it a lot easier

[@jsand5389]

"It's my fault"...said no narc, EVER.

[@xforeverbubbly]

They do if they’re desperate.

[@pianolearner7]

Mine once said "I know it'a all my fault" but he was being patronizing.

[@xforeverbubbly]

@@pianolearner7 mine kind of did that the last night I was with him.. which actually enhanced the idea of leaving the next day. He was being extremely passive and rude.. kept bumbling stuff to the point where I felt super unsafe and bullied.. I told him to leave and that he was scaring me. He said “how am I scaring you. I’ll be quiet”. I repeated what I said and told him to plz leave. He proceeded to sarcastically and belittling say “yeah bc I’m so scary”.

[@GENRTS]

@@pianolearner7 so what are words worth anyway?

[@pianolearner7]

@@GENRTS nothing. They're just another form of manipulation.

[@todaysrules6730]

Nothing makes them so happy as when they get you to react or cry... They glow when they have achieved that-so proud of themselves, and suddenly "generous", but only for a very short time

[@GosiaMarcinkiewicz-h6w]

Yes is what they do now in my life terible alredy 2 years and this people is not my famili not my friends just people from social media they are not close to me just wach me from kamera and control people from 5 g

[@lisarubin94]

Narc: "We're not talking about me right now. We are talking about you." Absolutely no accountability for anything ever.

[@tinagillispie6392]

No i am talking about you .

[@ZFosterZ]

Wow. Heard this one. Deflection. Blame shift. Deny. Stone wall. Bloody horrible with woman I knew.

[@karenchandler4717]

Exactly what you just said! 🔥🔥🔥

[@marthavasquez1579]

I don’t know how many times I heard that!

[@painteroflove]

OR, if the topic is Prey's experience of abuse from Narc, Narc's reply is still ALL ABOUT POOR NARC! Prey: "I've been let down, and left hanging. How do you think I feel? Narc: "I'm "XYZ," I've got "ABC," I'm longing for "KYT" Woe is ME.... Prey: "Uh, back to your ghosting me..." Narc: "I'm...Me...Mine...woe is Me, ... poor ME..." etc. etc. etc. Prey: "Okay, could we get back to my experience with you from my end?" Narc: "I'm this and THAT, WOE to me, I...ME...MEEE! GRRR! Wrath-on switch flips: All paths lead to wrath when confronting narcs.

[@thedudesfromCanada]

"i'm sorry you feel that way"

[@LuxMeow]

My mother.

[@bethkane8145]

I heard that soon many times, threw it right back on me.

[@thatrunningirl]

my narc ex said this a lot! he also cheated on me for a YEAR, had a one night stand, made me have 2 abortions and got me arrested because of his lies, then HE left

[@LuxMeow]

@@thatrunningirl The first time it happens it's on them, the second time it happens you have to look at your role in it all. Getting an abortion effects every woman differently and in no way am I dismissing your experience when I say, it may have set you free. These people will often use your child as a weapon to hurt you since they have no respect over all. Without respect there is no love.

[@jogriffiths5766]

Oh!!! The times I've heard that old classic!!!

[@spiderqueen601]

The narcissist I know would watch this and think it describes everyone else.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Amazing. Dr. C

[@grimegarage09isplop]

My ex girlfriend is exactly the same. She had no understanding of what is a narcissist and the word was not part of her vocabulary. That was until her own mother called her a narcissist!!!. Afterwards, she started watching videos on the condition/character. After her new found knowledge, suddenly i was labelled as 1.. she projected all her behaviours on to me. Totally delusional. In her words she's a total empath lol... everyone else is the problem. The way she talks to her mother, brother, sister, totally dismussive, rude, argumentative, as though she's always in the right. If they even question her they are (in her head) bullying her. She's only angry because everyone is abusing her, not because she's in the wrong. Everyone walks on eggshells around her and her simp ex boyfriends would just allow her to abuse them because "you'll never meet someone as special and attractive as me again".. total egomaniac who would say "most men fancy me, they always have, even my friends partners try it on with me" yet would claim she's not vain... she even asked what my brother thought of her. He had said "She's not my type" but she still asked "but did he say I'm attractive".. she always has to be the centre of attention. "Why cant you let things go"? Is what she'd say after starting an argument about something historical. She would change the conversation to suit her flawed arguments and deny she'd said things literary 5 minutes previous. When i pointed out her bullsh!t i was attacking her.!!! Regardless of her verbally abusing and insulting me, that was just being honest and her truth!!!! She absolutely hated being proven wrong, at which the toddler would emerge and have a tantrum or "i dont want to talk about it anymore, you're attacking me".. there was no chance of any dialectic, she would just shut down any disagreement with the "attacking me" offense/defense. I never raised a hand to her!!! I've never raised a hand to any woman!!! Of all the verbal abusive she aimed at me i only ever on 2 occasions lost my cool and shouted. She said i was frightening her and felt i was going to hit her. On those 2 occasions i was actually leaving the house to avoid a confrontation. Someone walking away from an argument is hardly looking to have a fight. She was/is so manipulative. She would tell me "i dont like your friend, he's nasty. I dont think you should talk to him". What makes it worse, her accusing me of being a narcissist i started to question maybe i am. I would always defend her behaviour, make excuses for her, say i had upset her, that it must be my fault.. i once asked her when she wasnt in a manic state "why are you so angry at everyone"??? Obviously her answer was "because they pi$$ me off, but I'm not angry".. i looked in to all sorts. Found out about gaslighting, trauma bonds, love bombing, hoovering, overt, covert, no contact.... I truly suspect she has Borderline personality disorder alongside her Narcissism. She has a new supply now and i havent heard from her for over 6 months... life has been far less stressful and my health is much better. I do feel sorry for the next guy and worry when she's had enough of him or he can't take anymore, will she contact me again...

[@justbeyourself8843]

Mine too

[@jussikolehmainen6310]

I get a shock that this actually describes my behavior. I really understand why I have been behaving like this but not all the way as is decribed in here. I have felt for sometime that there is sometihing off in me and havent understand why. No I start get grasp of it and I hope I can heal it because it makes my connection to other people really odd and difficult and its as there is part of me that is scared to be seen. Im really grateful I know all this now. Its a big relief actually and now I can do something to it.

[@mazza_razzza]

@@grimegarage09isplop : If she does, stay away. You can and will find someone more suitable. Good luck for the future.

[@charliefarlie2884]

This is how I explain it to other people - it's toddler behaviour. Once you accept that it gets easier, or at least easier to cope with without feeling totally confused all the time.

[@kristinebailey2804]

Yes, I was married to one for 14 years and everything was always someone else fault. He fought with coworkers, other guys at the YMCA, even at a church retreat. Tried counseling twice, nothing changed I got out. Married 18 years now to the greatest, easiest going guy in the world. It took me years to get over the emotional damage but I am FREE.

[@mariajmc6557]

Be blessed 🙌

[@newdayz715]

Yayyy! FREEDOM REAL FREEDOM! LOVE IT! 💘

[@monicasmith9548]

♡ congrats on your escape. I'm still trying to figure out how I am going to ♡ bless you and your courage

[@hugmc]

Great 👍

[@HoneyDropsForever]

OMG, I am so happy to hear that--you are a testament to the fact that no matter what, we can make better choices and get out.

[@zadaddy100]

Responsible people is something the narcissist makes you forget to be. They make you sick irrational and guilty. And by the time you figure it out that’s it’s not you. Your already in a very dark place.

[@wendipasa7109]

Oh how I know tbis its so sad

[@jewelsbarbie]

Yes, this is exactly what I experienced.

[@Lifetalk849]

Description, but not prophecy. It's your game, and you get to make the rules!

[@gmohler]

Maro- Your right on! Well put! Agree 100 I experienced this ...Can make you crazy until you separate fact from fiction.

[@feliciajuliano7645]

Thanks everybody.. you're describing my sister! I'm so relieved; I thought I was losing my mind! She never remembers anything she's ever done to me or said..But, I remember everything!! She is now know in my past!+ God Bless!++

[@wifferstess2824]

The ones that strike me the most are: 1) lack of empathy 2) need to show superiority 3) controlling 4) stubbornness 5) avoidance of responsibility 6) won't accept input ESPECIALLY if it does not agree with their agenda or beliefs There are others that I haven't listed but the majority stem from these 6 with #1 being the most important sign to me. Thanks Dr C and all for letting me know that I'm not alone.

[@LadyMngwa]

Stubborness does not seem like a pure narc thing and sometimes this can be a good feature. Narcs are not as much stubborn as unable to accept anything that does not fit into their reality, but that is not stubborness even if it can seem so sometimes.

[@june-mariehamilton5455]

wifferste ss Exactly, but add dishonesty, manipulation and stealing.

[@salonsavy6476]

Spot on 👍

[@christianone6611]

Be wary...covert narcs are EXCELLENT at showing empathy (for awhile) as they mirror you during love bombing. But later...you'll find the same hot/cold crap as the overt narcs.

[@barbarapope349]

Yes great list 👍🏻And I also put manipulation high up also which like you inferred this list is long and distinguished 🤣

[@notthistime2492]

I’m always told, ‘Only the devil brings up the past.’ I always end up feeling like I’m not allowed to remember how bad things have been, the name calling, the broken possessions, the manipulation and lies, the moodiness and anger.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

The person who said that wants a free pass for a variety of misdeeds. Another saying is: When you do not understand your past, you are doomed to repeat its mistakes.

[@somerandomperson5521]

It's not their possessions that end up broken, is it? I hope things end up getting better for you. I ask because it was always my stuff that was destroyed, never their's during "uncontrollable" moments.

[@patricialopez3275]

I understand this, he came back out of the blue, after 2 months of no contact behaving as if nothing happened. Trying to manipulate me into remembering good memories together and when I called out his behaviour he would just reply something non related like I miss you to then disappear again, inconsistent and unreliable, that’s all it is. He tried to manipulate me thinking’s I would live in past memories instead of seeing things for what they are now. They don’t like accountability and own the shit they do, they just want to stay in your mind for their own selfish purposes, prevent you from being happy and moving on to someone healthy and better for you. Don’t fall into their emotional traps

[@aurora8749]

I'm sure he brings up your past all the time lol get far away. He doesn't love you. They aren't capable of that.

[@time_2_get_ready]

God's Word also says, "HE calls the past to account" ❤

[@coreopolis]

“When the Fox hears the Rabbit scream he comes a-runnin', but not to help.” - Thomas Harris

[@lindaknox5047]

That just brought me to tears. Touch a nerve much.

[@UsmanKhan-lu2ei]

😢😢😭😭

[@UsmanKhan-lu2ei]

How can a humanbeing be a narcissist.

[@Bigbadwhitecracker]

yeah, he comes to take photos to post on FB

[@GaryPotocki82]

Gary Oldman said that best

[@js6546]

Never admitting culpability, for anything. Even when faced with irrefutable evidence, it is still always someone else's fault. Once you see their tools of manipulation, their power is gone. Thank you Dr Carter for opening my eyes to this cruel game. After 26 years, I'm able to see my way out to 'team healthy'. You are a life saver to so many!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Ding, ding, ding. Dr. C

[@Rock_Girl_Daze]

J S yes, once you figure it out, and accept it...it holds no power. ✌️

[@bernardhilario4395]

Lifesaver indeed...

[@evi4761]

@@SurvivingNarcissism v bbbb xv

[@carolnahigian9518]

And when I tactfully confront K.N toxic brother he has RAGE ,meltdown and writes 5 page letters of critiqueHE MAILS ASININE SHREW LETTERS!!!!!

[@leerobinson5377]

If you start to tell him about something that happened to you, he interrupts and starts to talk about him. Every sentence from a narcissist starts with I.....

[@lindarose3547]

If you broke your foot, they broke their head in the year 1700 when they were in the army lol

[@Elenakotronaki]

When you start a sentence, they raise their voice, to cover your voice and they start their stories. When you are referring to someone, easily can stop you, saying "oh, he is stupid, he's just stupid" and they continue with their ego.

[@lindarose3547]

@@Elenakotronaki yessssssssssss!!

[@fussa7913]

Lol every time, never fails! Lol!

[@DivineEmpress1810]

Yep so true! Or you are telling them about your day and they want to "critique" what you did right or wrong that day...I stopped sharing! It was totally exhausting to even get a sentence out!

[@dangalangslanger1254]

Dealing with bad behavior for too long will take its toll on you. You'll get blamed for your reactions, while they will have zero accountability for the terrible things they did

[@proudamerican2133]

Yes! They intentionally do things to cause you pain, and your reaction is the problem. So evil they are.

[@lindadollman8654]

Don’t we wish we could put these children on an island together, far far away!!!

[@miss.l.c.minister]

Yes I agree with you 100%, take all of them and put them on an island and have a psychologist psychiatrist do rehab but remove them from the cities the towns etc and put them on their own little island until they get help

[@freerangeboogie7293]

😆

[@douxry6580]

Peter pans Neverland

[@xgwke5867]

Yes, North Sentinel Island

[@sheilanelson89]

God is gonna do it!

[@dr.taralawson1631]

Once you tirelessly leave the fog following these relationships you can finally see all of these traits clearly. Initially, it takes grueling months blaming ourselves. It’s an insidious experience

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Dr. Tara Lawson,I admire your pretty smile!

[@ENZIO90]

Hi doc

[@libbyp5013]

Literally!!! Took me a week after out break up for me to realized none of anything was my fault and that he’s a narcissist.

[@eightfigs3508]

How do I get over it? I ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT I MET THEM.

[@jessicariddell1976]

Yep. And then you realize it is EVERYWHERE!

[@dailydoseofmedicinee]

When a narcissist's position has been exposed as false, arbitrary, or untenable, he will suddenly become evasive, articulate half-truths, lie, flat-out contradict themselves and freely rewrite history (making things up as they go along).👍

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're tracking with me! Dr. C

[@234forte]

This is the truth

[@sage9836]

Well said!

[@hilarystubbs9538]

Yes, and mine likes to turn it around and say I am the one doing exactly that instead of him. It literally makes you think you’re crazy, tries to devalue you, and some months ago this person drove me to a suicide attempt because I let the demon, or whatever the hell it is, win. But not anymore. I’ve never met a more sick and twisted individual that can spout ‘I love you’ one min and the next they don’t even like you and don’t care if you live or die. GET OUT folks if there is someone like this in your life. Cut them off. It is literally dangerous to have them around you, because your mental health is your safety. If they are there, run. It is NOT you, it is them.

[@MaynardsSpaceship]

Reminds me of someone 🍊

[@KerryPetersen]

What I've learned in dealing with these people is a simple trick to spot a narcissist BEFORE they have power over you. If you meet a person that can't admit, or struggles to admit they're wrong about something (usually anything), keep the relationship "arms length". Narcissists are ALWAYS bullies, and bullies are ALWAYS narcissists. Get under their power and they will display the bully. Every time. Until then they are usually super nice, but only to get you under their influence. Super nice+ never wrong = Narcissist. Be careful, it took me nearly 30 years to figure this out the hard way. Cost me millions.

[@Granny9054]

Another clue..they smile a lot but rarely laugh.

[@nickcancelliere5638]

Very correct

[@dianefox4990]

Yes, mine even told me he is never wrong! 48 years and just waking up to this fact. but super nice to others outside the family so I have to be careful.

[@biggussdickuss6123]

Sounding like a narcissist in your way of thinking

[@KerryPetersen]

@@biggussdickuss6123 We all have a bit of it, that's true. I'm aware of my issues for sure.

[@tootiewright2909]

I’m very very nervous about filing for a divorce. I left him about 2 months ago and I am so afraid it will get ugly. We have no house together, no children together. My name isn’t on any of his stuff, but I’m still nervous. I’m his 5th wife if this tells you anything.... I’m so dumb for believing this man. We’ve been married 9 yrs and I have walked on eggs shells the entire marriage. I know Jesus will protect me.

[@sage9836]

Good luck. I divorced an alcoholic and like you didn't have shared stuff. I hope violence is not a possibility here. Also, beware their friends and confederates who just want you meet them somewhere to do talk.

[@Kelly-oe8kr]

RUN even if you have to walk away with nothing but your sanity. Toot you'll be fine, time and distance from this person are all you need. I'm praying for you!

[@arturodiaz1063]

Get rid of that bastard! Count your numerous blessings for not having children nor a house with Count Dracula. Watch out for his flying monkeys.

[@JenellBC]

Be safe. I’m trying to hold out until I can move out of town.

[@blurrylights6344]

First, you're not dumb. Stop thinking, saying and writing that. You were lied to, duped, tricked and manipulated. It has happened to the best of us. Second, Jesus is very dependable and so is your attorney, police and the court. Start keeping a journal of every time you interact with him or someone who knows him. Keep a good record of everything that happens related to him and his behavior either directly or secondhand. This will be evidence if or when you have to report it to police, get a restraining order and part of your lawsuit for divorce. It's better to have it and not need it than not to have it then need it and at this point, you don't really know which it's going to be, right? This will not be your life forever and you are in a good spot with fewer legal ties so that is a plus. Best wishes and prayers.

[@rayrenati416]

This is so true. They never say "I'm sorry". They never say I made a mistak. NEVER! UGH! :) Peace all.

[@wildhorses6817]

NEVER heard I am Sorry over 30 years. Still a mean, nasty, cruel man. Glad I am Gone and At Peace.

[@elizabethbrauer1118]

My stepmother is the queen of narc - charming, intelligent, deceitful. She studied my weaknesses as a child and prepared for the hunt. Never apologized for anything.

[@klddere3734]

Sometimes they do to suck u back in

[@ajaymalhotra8576]

U mean all wives are narcissistic

[@heatnicoleher]

What i heard was "I apologize". Period. Not for what they were sorry for. Like a broken record. As if "I apologize" was supposed erase the wrong.

[@Tina-oe6gr]

When they never listen to you, or even acknowledge what you say. Always interrupting you and disrespecting youre boundaries. Youre point of view and thoughts are always devalued and up for questioning.

[@bethhurst6231]

I used to find myself wondering if we both speak English since they so consistently failed to hear what I was saying.

[@bronzino8213]

Yes! I have a childhood friend I've had to cut off recently. It was that or continue to be devalued and disrespected. She made a lot of bad life choices at a very young age over the past 15 years and now she's dealing with the consequences of her actions. Instead of taking responsibility, she has chosen to become angry, bitter, defensive and short-tempered. She will not tolerate a perspective, feelings, UNDENIABLE facts, etc that is different from her thinking without verbally and emotionally attacking you.

[@dreamscape405]

This describes my parents! I was half way through an explanation, and my step dad just started talking over me, mid sentence, about a totally unrelated subject. My mom acts like she doesn't hear me.

[@Fefe559]

imagine growing up like that. That was my life every single day, it was brutal. Still goes on today, but now my narcissist sister is in charge, runs whole family & she is even worse then our parents were. It’s HELL. Thank god god my bf & my daughter. My family have tried to torment me for over 50 years.

[@barbibutton9619]

Yes!!!

[@MC-pd4sr]

I come from a family filled with narcissists. I've been removed for the most part because I don't live around them, but we had a death in the family and it was such a toxic environment that God literally told me to "WALK OUT THE DOOR, WIPE THE DUST OFF MY FEET, AND DO NOT LOOK BACK!" And he meant everything he said. Narcissism should be taken seriously and those who are not of that most likely need to flee. Nothing good comes from a narcissist, nothing. That's just my experience and take on it. They are always looking for blood - and it doesn't matter who it's from. It's wicked.

[@maidmarion2976]

Absolutely. Don’t engage with them. You always feel bad afterwards however little it is.

[@beadingbelle3486]

Yes, the medical profession, esp psychologists, psychiatrists & counsellors, need to be trained in this & have more understanding about it. God told me the same thing, by the way. It took me a long psychological battle & fight in order to do so. I stupidly went back - it did not end well. Narcissists are not only blatant liars, they are cowards who also believe their own lies (& are masters at getting weak people to believe them, too) - it is my belief that it's the only way they can live with themselves. Not only are they wicked, they are evil - i've seen this for myself... my MiL's eyes turned black when she gave me one of her stares (the sort that children give you when they believe they can disinegrate you if they stare at you long enough & hard enough). It would have been frightening if it hadn't been so laughable! It seems the Bible is correct in that it says that 'satan prowls around like a lion, looking for who he can devour', but i'm not sure if that's the narcs looking for us, or satan himself looking for the narcs. Either way it's a very, very sad situation.

[@cameracamera1319]

@@beadingbelle3486 the scary part is God has told us ALL liars go to hell. That means saved people who unrepentantly lie are hell bound. Truelly scary.

[@sammislethe4698]

I am a believer myself. GOd told me same thing. It took years to come to the point where I realized I had to choose myself because these people refuse humility and accountabilty.

[@sammislethe4698]

@Arsene Lupin III I'd say mean children in aging bodies. Wicked mean children with no boundaries. At least in my case. I just told them they would have to stand before God for their actions and behavior. Oh I made them even madder.

[@randomnumbers84269]

Here's a quick test. See how they respond to unconditional "no". Most will get angry or manipulative. They can't take a no for an answer.

[@tulanzuya]

I think this is still the best and fastest way to spot narcissistic tendencies in a person.

[@rg-mi5hh]

No is a word they cannot stand. Too bad.

[@priscilla.colburn444]

@@rg-mi5hh THEY SURE LIKE TO USE THE WORD NO TO YOU.

[@honey2desire]

I finally built courage to tell my mother and other people NO.. its so refreshing 😌.. the visceral anger that come out of them 🤣🤣

[@mikajohnson8331]

I remember when I use to say no they would look crazy

[@jacqueline755]

"I would NEVER do something to hurt you ... so if you feel that way, it must be your problem..." "I'm NEVER disrespectul,,, so if you feel lack of Respect-- it must be something about you."

[@badtvbad1]

YES!

[@Gratitude_diaries2272]

So true!!!

[@beccareynolds4625]

Or “I didn’t say that” Yeah ya did literally 5 seconds ago 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣 Or “that’s how you chose to see it but it’s not like that” Yeah it is ... it is exactly like that. God they are exhausting 😴

[@EmunahFL]

You forgot, "Wow! You're too sensitive!

[@lucianahurduc9383]

Hm...good lines to use back on them...casualy ..when least expect 😉

[@andyl.8223]

“I am sorry I didn’t measure up to YOUR expectations” - that was his apology... how every word he says is twisted to making me feel horrible...

[@steviep9780]

You deserve better!

[@andyl.8223]

@@steviep9780 thank you. It’s hard to explain what is going on to anyone who hasn’t gone through it... from the side... here... you know... he apologized - how petty am I right? He is sick, and now my ‘replacements’ are not the right ones for the current job... I feel like such a screw up that I actually still want to help him. (No worries... I literally get nauseous thinking about what he did to me and could never be with him again)

[@conniedenton319]

I told my ExNarc (after loosing my patience) Well maybe, If I lowered my expectations, then maybe, you could meet them.

[@steviep9780]

It's because you're such a warm and loving person that you still want to help him. But on narcissists... it's wasted energy. Nothing should surprise us from these people, right? And yet we're always flabbergasted, and feeling dumb because we were surprised once again! Please dear... give yourself a break. Lean on those you can trust to not knock you when you feel most down. And YES, it really helps me when someone 'gets it' and can help me understand it! I need that now. So do you. Be kind to yourself.

[@jensbasement3862]

Yup. its always twisted around to you. EVERY. TIME.

[@angelchild4942]

I am a narcissist in recovery, bound and determined to correct my behavior before I commit to another relationship. I discovered my narcissism after my 25 yr marriage ended. I've been devastated but very grateful to have been given the opportunity to see what went wrong. Thank God, I do believe there is hope for my change.

[@angelchild4942]

@@welshie2007 I saw that my narcissism was injuring my loved ones. I was incapable of truly listening because I was too busy in my head with me to develop deep relationships. I became dependent on the emotions of the people around me in order. I lost track of which me I even liked. Maybe I suffer from more than just narcissism, thankfully the idea of changing gives me something constructive to focus on. Otherwise I find myself tearing myself apart.

[@linda6987]

It’s not gonna take, sorry. You’re just learning the best way to “get over”. Sorry, good luck to you but I don’t believe it not for one second.

[@angelchild4942]

@@linda6987 LOL! Thanks for your heartfelt apology 🤣

[@miss.jenny.b]

@@linda6987 Lol Linda you are a savage and unapologetic (even though you fake apologized) animal AND I love you. Honestly I cringe everytime one of them says they are in therapy bc you cannot fix this at all ever. The best example of this is Tony Soprano. Dr. Melfi finally realizes in the end that she actually made him a BETTER sociopath than ever. He was able to still be ruthless but mask it with psychological strategy. There is absolutely no cure for narcisssism. We just have to wait until they all die and also the narc children they made to die. Its like evolution or something since they are literally responsible for destroying the planet. Narcs will use resources up until there are none left at all. Nature will weed them out in 2 maybe 3 generations time. Let's all pray.

[@cryptoooooohgaga7184]

Can you give me more details on how you discover you were a narcissist?

[@malindaallen718]

Yes, I prefer living alone after my second narcisstic or sociopaths X. I am so grateful for peace.

[@zeljkaznatizeljka2758]

Same here. It's freeing now. It wasn't nice then, but now I am so free. I don't have to depend on anyone or anything. Anyones opinion or anything. I think it made me super strong now.

[@kingtutsirai994]

I’m leaving mine in 2 days. I hope she doesn’t stab me before I leave. I don’t sleep at night

[@zeljkaznatizeljka2758]

@@kingtutsirai994 Oooh, I hope so too! I wish you all the luck in the world! 🤗

[@kingtutsirai994]

@@zeljkaznatizeljka2758 I think the wise thing is to check into a hotel. My narc is really out of control and I have feeling she is up to something. She says she will call the cops and say I’m abusing her.

[@zeljkaznatizeljka2758]

@@kingtutsirai994 Yes, please do this! Believe your instincts! You should't feel unsafe with your partner. Please, go check in to a hotel!

[@chobers5659]

But when a narcissist is on their best behaviour, they can be so charming, that it's hard to resist the buttering up, even though you know this special treatment will not last.

[@jennysheldon9210]

That's called love bombing and a huge part of their game and manipulation to draw you in... Don't fall for the "charm"

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I noticed, after several months, that he would call me "awesome" and "amazing" but never went into any detail about what it was specifically that made me either of those things. He just saying generic compliments to butter me up, but could not follow up. When I'd ask him what was so amazing about me, he'd say thing like, "Everything. Everything about you is amazing." Call me a realist, but nobody is 100% amazing.

[@kirstysewell367]

So true. Mine was perfect in so many ways physically but an ugly personality. How can someone be so perfect but a nasty selfish person at the same time? Its a shame she can't look inwards and do the work on herself

[@jennysheldon9210]

@@kirstysewell367 They are ugly inside. There is no such thing as a perfect person. They have a personality disorder. Find someone who is beautiful inside. With a wonderful personality, character trait's, and some sense of right and wrong, someone who believes that you are their only option because you are a wonderful person.

[@kirstysewell367]

@@jennysheldon9210 I am letting go. I work in the same place but just ignore her now. She is married with a son. She should be shamed of herself

[@elsiemarina2572]

The narcs weakness and vulnerability is buried so deep that it terrifies them..If you sense it they react like you are trying to set fire to them.

[@jogriffiths5766]

if only...

[@keyshasonmcgee-perry2706]

That was a Extremely Hilarious Truth!❗😂

[@kardoyle]

YES 🙌🏻 Ellen yes

[@pointsbeingmade7996]

Yes

[@mish375]

Be careful. Narcs will burn down the village just for bruising their egos when you tell them the truth. They think they're always right in their own minds.

[@lisaroy551]

"They don't go deep into the why and the meaning and the morality of what they do.....it is just simply surface......" Oh this is GOLDEN!!

[@noturningback2023]

When confronted on their sins against you, they won't apologize; instead they bitterly say "I'm not PERFECT."

[@candacecasey5634]

Actually they are my likely to say " you're not perfect either ".

[@dingfeldersmurfalot4560]

The ones I've known won't even give that much, because admitting they're not perfect is way beyond them. They're ALWAYS perfect, which of course means I'm always wrong. And to rub it in, bad.

[@fredericksmith919]

Narcs hardly use the "I" word. They seem to favor the "you" word.

[@angelagraham1564]

Or lets not talk about that as if it was your fault

[@gracescicluna1182]

or we wownt talk about it

[@justonemori]

I wish a big warm embracing hug to everybody in the comments section. Thanks Doctor for bringing us together. Another thing they do is drive and park like major jerks.

[@ruthyoung1032]

To be trapped in the car with a narc driver is the worst experience😡. They enjoy risking your life just for supply.

[@HappilyAnonymousGirl]

They get scared even if you drive like a grandma. Give you directions to places you’ve taken them several times just to “be helpful”. When they drive they “know what they’re doing”, but you’re sitting in the passenger seat holding your breath and secretly about to crap your pants.

[@HoneyDropsForever]

Same back atcha Kev!

[@HoneyDropsForever]

@@ruthyoung1032 had a friend who was so distraught after the back seat driving of a narcissist she was trembling. They can be the absolute worst.

[@hadessimpett6477]

I could use a real hug, haven't felt any comfort for a real long time lol.

[@pameladespencer8254]

A narc, upon the first meeting, NEVER asks you about you! It's always ME, ME, ME!!!

[@mouselord999]

I wish that was true and it is to a point. They do however know how to not look like a narc at least the first little bit.

[@herewardthewatchful1014]

Not true. They will ask you about your past pretending to be caring and understanding. But little do you know at that time, they will use it as ammunition in future arguments to tell you how much of a horrible person you are because of the mistakes you made in the past.

[@goldilocks3593]

Not necessarily. I can remember clearly, the last one making an initial point of saying “let’s talk about you”. In retrospect I am very sure this is something he had learned over time.

[@rheasteel5833]

Actually, some do, spend all their time on you. They want to know your past hurts and challenges, attempt to make you feel they understand you like no one else. It's part of love bombing.

[@mish375]

@@goldilocks3593 It's very shallow when they ask how you are. My sister would ask just to get a short response and then say "Well, you haven't asked about ME yet." Then spend the rest of the conversation talking about herself. We'd just tune her out when she started in on this.

[@edl6398]

I grow every day from your videos. I’m 63 and my mother is dead but I’m still dealing with the abuse but thanks to you and the community here, I am becoming happier and freer every day. It doesn’t matter when it happens, it’s that it happens.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

There is wisdom in your words here...thank you.

[@warrenbradford2597]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes, it will happen for me one day. I just need to keep learning and creating to end ensnarement and lead an successful, extraordinary life.

[@cc1k435]

Keep going, one day you'll just feel the relief of not having her be here anymore. It won't hurt you anymore, and you'll look back almost like it happened to someone else, it's that bewildering. ❤

[@edl6398]

@@cc1k435 Thank You!!! ❤️🥰

[@johnscanlan9335]

I'm one year older than you and I could have written your exact words!!!

[@stevenconnolly28]

This hurts when it's your own mother doing this and then turns both siblings against me. I had to cut the ties and live my own life

[@sirtedricwalker2979]

This is what's happening right now in my family with my mom...I didn't think my twin was going to survive but she is now moved in with me.

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

Scapegoating. That’s what they did to you. I’m the golden child turned scapegoat.

[@lindsayschilling8707]

That's my mother: the human wood chipper!

[@karenkushla3975]

I cut ties with my sister because I was always responsible for her poor actions. I am much happier now.

[@ddcub]

Congratulations that you have the resilience and the strength. Remember people that mind don’t matter, people the matter don’t mind.

[@kann5150]

What I have found the most alarming is how well some of these types can mimic being a real person. It stuns me, the length of time & exposure it can take to accept that there is ALWAYS a game going on for them, & they are always playing it. And they always have an ulterior motive, so that you can never trust them. Not ever. Honestly it's terrifying.

[@allhimwithme5115]

EXACTLY!!! The more I actually grow as a person the better my narc is at seeming authentic - it's like he's AI employing machine learning to appear more and more authentically human.

[@ddcub]

They do mimic being a real person. Once you’re educated their mask starts to fall off. Pray for those still in the dark! I’ve been away from my 35 year marriage though for a year now and the memories of his “game” and how he gets by still has me floored.

[@Curaitisx]

Its like in old myths about true wicked and evil, changlings....narcs are no full developed humans and they can destroy everything and everyone.

[@VoiceOfTheVoiceless777]

@@Curaitisx demons

[@SadieHartMusic]

Horrifying

[@demondogmom7221]

My favorite statement from my narcissistic ex: "Let's compromise and do it my way." He was totally baffled (and annoyed) when I laughed, because he was serious.

[@wolfie498]

Hey, he's your ex now, glad you can laugh. And tbh, that's hilarious 😂😂😂 what a nutjob 😂

[@venusessentials]

Lmaooo its unreal

[@firebunnii3536]

This made me lmfao 🤣 perfect comedy, they really are hilarious once we can see them clearly without emotion lololol

[@MystikalMagic]

It’s allll about how much you can get along with them. As soon as I was exhausted with trying I noticed more arguments. If I became the slightest bit uncomfortable and tried to express it, I was met with rage. Never can make plans or count on anything, everything hits the fan until all plans fall apart and there are no plans of anything except staying stuck in a rut.

[@lucindauckele5009]

Omg, this is so spott on and describes my family dynamic ( older generation and now siblings) better than any other description I have ever seen! ...So Validating!!! Thank you Carla!!!

[@lisacranmer8005]

Yep.. I was not able and see the red flags..

[@nickcancelliere5638]

Spot on

[@RideAcrossTheRiver]

Person: "Please stop your unprovoked anger at me." Narcissist: "Then stop not provoking me."

[@mikieemiike3979]

😆

[@e.conboy4286]

Do you mean to say: ‘Stop provoking me.” ?

[@RideAcrossTheRiver]

@@e.conboy4286 A narcissist will never be so honest.

[@Susileedean]

Sometimes they don’t even need a reason to get angry. Even if you haven’t said anything they launch into an attack.

[@RideAcrossTheRiver]

@@Susileedean Everyone can be touchy and reactive sometimes; but most people are that way for normal reasons and will account for it afterward. The narcissist will ACT touchy and reactive to control others' behaviour for the purpose of winning more power for themselves.

[@allysonf419]

Narcs know all the right things to say when they need to act as though they're taking responsibility and are sorry for their behavior. The goal is to have the victim of their behavior immediately forget it, accept the insincere apology, and act like nothing happened. When the victim of the behavior reacts with pain and anger, the narcissist will immediately turn it around, complain at how horrible you're being and how badly you're treating them by being upset with them and tell you that your feelings are damaging them! It's absolutely amazing!

[@AwakeningLeela]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/mnvNn4Opgpp2h68

[@samryon3615]

Wow! You summed that up perfectly!

[@adoRebelstyle]

I can relate to this. A past person in my life would say "why are you trying to make me feel bad" when I would point out a behavior that was not right, and I never correlated those statements also as narc statements but I realized now that they are.

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Allyson F, you are too precious to be with a narcissist!

[@Jlrobinson034]

ABSOLUTELY

[@shelby131]

Healthy person says "oops, I dropped it!" Narcs say ".....It fell!"

[@angelabowman343]

They would say “ you bumped it and caused it to fall”

[@mday3821]

LOL

[@curtisprice9806]

😂 so true...it is never their fault! But I clearly remember in the "love bombing stage", and while she was still in love with me (for a few months at least, but not much longer), that she was always VERY apologetic! I noticed, and my family noticed though, that she was TRULY never sorry. In the words of my sister- in -law, "Why does she say she is sorry all the time, but keeps repeating over, and over again those things she says she was sorry about!". Like I said, this phase was short, and soon she started being sarcastic in saying to me "You are always right!" So within a year she started the blame shifting (she had constant contempt and anger at me , then and now)... and it has been going on for 21 years! A narcissist is incapable of changing, and it truly is heartbreaking for the people who love them.

[@missvo22]

Example: if they knock a glass over they take no responsibility but blame someone else for putting it there

[@curtisprice9806]

@@missvo22 Exactly!!!😂 It isn't funny in the moment when they yell that it was someone's fault (yours), but their behaviour is always blame shifting. So, this is so CRAZY that I laugh about it now, instead of getting mad or crying. This cycle of a narcissist NEVER changes. They are in a whole other world than normal people.

[@Lebensbaustein]

"responsible people are loyal, but not dutiful about their loyalty. Responsible people genuinely want to know you and how they fit with you" this hits the nail on the head. Thanks for your content!

[@kathrynkastner6064]

They refuse to take responsibility for emotional reactions..blame shift, go into denial...but will not take responsibility. Narcissists don’t change.

[@sheilamatthews6975]

My sister never her fault or I don't remember after 50 years I am completely free and first time happy

[@vickielewallen3799]

I learned this too late. What's even more disastrous is when a narcissist is married to a spouse who was raised to "be compliant", be nice, "kill him with kindness", "be sweet", etc. My raising and compliance, paired up with his narcissism and aggression, nearly killed me. This video and others like it, are so important.

[@ruthyoung1032]

Theyre predators who target people like us to be their victims.😡

[@vickielewallen3799]

@@ruthyoung1032 Yes, they do.

[@newdayz715]

Same here big time ❤

[@elcee7800]

Vickie Lewallen: Bullseye! You hit that one right on the head! I was raised a Barbie doll life. Married into 4 narcissist brothers and king narcissist father in law! Is there any chance we can somehow talk together? I can give you my email or phone number. Please you can help save mine! Please.

[@vickielewallen3799]

@@elcee7800 There's no way to give you a number on here. I can only tell you that staying and trying to work through it didn't work for me. I waited until my youngest was old enough to not be forced to spend time with his father, the day he turned 16, i left and cut off all ties. I felt as if i were breathing fresh air and not imprisoned, for the first time in years. Its been 10 years since then, but no issue or problem that comes up now seems challenging, compared to the hell i went through being married to a narcissist. (I didnt even know what a narcissist was when i was married, didnt know there was a word for the bullying, forcing and intimidation.) I still feel alive and well after 10 years of freedom, and i love it. Good luck to you. I hope you stand up for yourself (i never could) or make a new life for yourself.

[@HoneyDropsForever]

Dude, I was once told that I had the wrong reaction to being hurt, and how I should have picked the RIGHT reaction. I have come to realize that there is no wrong way to react, outside of hitting screaming, and lashing out. Being HURT by something hurtful is not the "wrong way" to react. I felt I was being trained to accept abusive, devaluing behavior.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Proof positive that you can't reason with an unreasonable person! Dr. C

[@sciencedavedunning3415]

I was often accused of "using the wrong 'tone of voice ' "........ I asked her to demonstrate the right tone of voice...... she was never able to do so...... I ended up sounding like Stephen Hawking

[@painteroflove]

@@sciencedavedunning3415 lol

[@spir5102]

Alicia Newman, yes, my 43-year-old daughter and I got into an argument and I cursed at her. Later I profusely apologized. But she wouldn't accept that. She said she didn't think I meant it. I was stunned. So I asked exactly what does that mean? I finally decided and I told her that I can't make her feel a certain way. I can only say the words. They put you in a position where you can't please them, no matter what.

[@d_no_allyn_86]

So beautifully written. So true. Agreed.

[@michaelbullen3104]

I’m a survivor of a family that is a cesspool of nothing but narcissists that hated me simply because they could tell I was different from them, that I knew it was wrong. The oldest child. Going on 3 years now I’m trying to correct everything wrong that they left with me and eradicate any sort of narcissistic behaviour from my brain. I’m trying as hard as possible to dig myself out of this grave... This video explains so much about both of my parents... I’m here trying to create a genuinely better future for me and my girlfriend I can’t thank you enough.

[@386joedaddy]

It sucks man but my father will die alone in a nursing home because he cannot apologize. You saying they hated you confirms what i thought. His father and mother were literally nazis and i couldn't stand them either but yet needed their validation and approval. I had no ideal what a narcissist was until i dated one during covid. I couldn't figure out why she reminded me of my dad, lol untill she called me a narcissists and looked it up and it all made sense but she did so much damage by then.

[@TimmMix]

@@386joedaddy sad but nice that you found your way

[@traceytansley1659]

Stay strong and keep moving on! You can do it!!!!

[@GymRowboat]

“The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions.” ― Dwight D. Eisenhower

[@Lilyloo82]

Love this. Would love to say this to the narcs in our lives right now, but I know they'd get supply from it so grey rock.

[@GymRowboat]

@@Lilyloo82 Agreed. The most productive communication I've had with full-blown narcissists is to say nothing. Sadly, many of them are incapable of self-reflection.

[@georgiavela5276]

I like Ike!

[@BookWorm2369]

This makes me feel better as a survivor of narcissistic abuse. I feel validated as a responsible person.

[@barbwaldron3514]

KB! I am so glad you feel Validated as a Responsible Person. You are! I see, value, and honor you! Stay strong. Better days are ahead

[@sandramitchell7195]

Put his stuff out, changed the locks! Still he kept “stopping by” so I had to move away. Now I am at peace, I come home to calmness and no unnecessary drama! Happy days!!!

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Sandra Mitchell, you deserve a good man not a narcissist!

[@jsand5389]

My house used to be my sanctuary. Now I find reasons not to go home.

[@sandramitchell7195]

@@jsand5389 I understand that feeling. Your home should be your happy place

[@sandramitchell7195]

@@shawnmendrek3544 eventually you get to a point where enough is enough and you have to get out before you end up emotionally destroyed or dead

[@keyshasonmcgee-perry2706]

Drama Free Calmness, Wheeewww! Yes, WoW- that sounds amazing!!..

[@sourclam904]

What is the worst, is when you call the person out as a narcissist and then the person learns the term and calls everyone else narcissist when they don't put up with the abuse. Crazy.

[@jonathanmarois9009]

Spot on!

[@warrenbradford2597]

@CancelledOpinion Never tell a narcissist that he or she is a narcissist, never tell a gaslighter that he or she is a gaslighter. It is not worth it. It will be scary day when you let them know that you know.

[@JoyZoneYT]

Here's something that's kind of amusing with a narcissist's pattern: 1 - You try to hold them accountable 2 - They either guilt trip you, go on a tangent that has nothing to do with the issue, or blame shift the issue 3 - They will immediately go seek validation, if not with you, it will come from elsewhere

[@beccareynolds4625]

Oh man ... the triangulation 🤦🏼‍♀️ A sick tactic.

[@barbaraspradlin270]

I've experienced this, it is exhausting!!!

[@vsee3154]

They pick fights to change their brain chemistry. They get a tension release from the big fight that feels so good!

[@thekingjamesversion]

@@MexAm120902 Yeah, and that shit sucks when you’re on the receiving end of it.

[@southernbelle6564]

Yes! Glad you have brought this tactic into the conversation!

[@artworkdance9120]

Two days of peace and then the third day. my narcissistic mom creates drama and picks a fight, it is so predictable, she needs to release, and needs supply so there she goes, another fight...

[@yeswing10]

And drugs set them off to a fight because their delusional brain emphasizes whatever they hate about you.

[@TurtleHillTx]

Mine does same thing....such a roller coaster! Even though it's predictable, you live in dread.

[@verseau8360]

#1 indicator for me is when they do “silent treatment, followed by rage” routine”

[@lindaknox5047]

I call it “ Silent Screaming” toxic as hell. Now I know what he’s doing, I just continue about my day, or at least pretend to.

[@Valentina-Steinway]

Yup.......!!!

[@nellsmith9721]

Oh I’ve had 6 months silent treatment then the apologies 3 months later .... outrageous behaviour yet again .... 2 weeks silent treatment so far .... lol after 5 years of this .... I’m out crazy shit ..

[@Theshadythrifter]

I had my first true encounter with a full blown Narcissist and it was quite the rollercoaster. Now that I'm fully aware of how these people are, I'm finding myself surrounded by them all the time. They are not that hard to recognize once you've experienced a full blown one. I'm so surprised at how the number of them have increased over the years, it's almost like its invading and becoming the norm. I'm beginning to think that being an empath is now the abnormal. God please help us all because we are being torn apart by these very troubled people. No care or concern for others is a recipe for disaster.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

#TeamHealthy

[@Granny9054]

Exactly. I could not recall knowing them earlier in my life too. Little capacity for rational thought and action, me me me. Team work doesn't happen. They often claim religious belief but are the anti Christ.

[@aurora8749]

Just keep to yourself. I have noticed they make up about half of all ppl. Be reserved and the narcissist won't latch on to you

[@sanctuairegaia5213]

We truly are being torn...

[@mytruthbekind5793]

They get rewarded. They are achieving oriented. The ones I know are successful but awful. They put on a good show.

[@TheSuzanne90210]

A Narcissist is never accountable for their actions. They shape shift their personalities to shift the blame..

[@AwakeningLeela]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/gWWud4Gqj5KLipI

[@margomazzeo1680]

Right..

[@Sunbreeze7]

it's diversion to hide their own dysfunction

[@kevinleeds979]

the end of the terminator movie, when the bad robot creature is melted and keeps popping up again out of the molten steel with a different face trying to find a shape that can live

[@cherryannjennings2051]

@@kevinleeds979 So very very true.

[@zacharykassner9002]

If you notice they only say they are sorry if they slip up on their facade. Almost like they are apologizing to themselves.

[@ninamarise237]

Wow that's deep

[@lawrencefeldman7744]

Nawrr,they are forgiving themselves for you. Narrating what they want to hear. From you. Merely a gesture as a means to an end.

[@acolley2891]

They are afraid you will tell someone or otherwise ruin the facade. They're doing damage control on their image and pacifying you.

[@erinelizabeth8180]

This hit me haarrrrd it’s so accurate

[@tangerinefizz11]

They will sometimes seem to take some responsibility, but it's all for show. They only do it because it's expected of them. In such cases, any apologies they make ring hollow. You sense their insincerity, and they revert back to their normal asshole behavior shortly thereafter.

[@beckypeterson6771]

Yes, normally trying to get him to talk about anything hurtful he did would result in raging and gas lighting.....once in a blue moon though he would get so backed Don a corner he had no choice but fess up.....and the very few times he actually gave me a sincere apology (because he could tell I was nearing my breaking point with him)I would find out pretty quickly that it was just telling me what I wanted to hear. Like the time I caught him talking to another woman again, and he said I'm so sorry I was just looking for attention I don't need that anymore I'm going to work on us. He seems so sincere I thought maybe we were finally getting Well I found out a few weeks later....after He gave me this speech and a hug, he walked outside and got right back on his phone talking to other women again.

[@lindaknox5047]

Yep

[@LVBadflower]

I’ve been coming to terms that I grew up being a narcissist and showing those classic traits to many people who were close to me. It’s been hard to admit but knowing there’s hope that I have the willingness to improve my beliefs, my insecurities and behavior. Thank you for these videos. I don’t expect anyone to forgive my past actions but for now the best thing I can do is to simply check myself and question why I feel a certain way when I do.

[@dianetyler1802]

Maybe

[@WayOfHaQodesh]

You can and will be forgiven if you truly want it. Seek the Most High YAH. If you've never read the Bible yourself, for yourself, by yourself, do so. Whatever happened to us in our childhoods and lives happen for a reason. If we've been wronged we have the power of free will to either let go and forgive or if, like me when I used to have such a blackened heart full of hatred, wrath, anger that I asked, demanded that the most high five me a new heart, capable of forgiving. Only the devil wants us to believe we cannot be forgiven. I truly hope you will continue the path you've chosen to begin. You are loved with an everlasting love from our Heavenly Father YAH Most High.

[@evelynspaghetti4978]

You can absolutely change. Don't let anyone say you can't. The only reason they say narcissists can't change, is because they don't admit they have toxic traits (like most people). You've done that, therefore, you can change. Be proud of yourself x

[@debbieplatt165]

Where were you in the 70's, 80's 90's? Could have saved myself a lot of grief.

[@seameology]

Same.

[@randallblanchard4534]

It is a telltale sign of narcissism, if the person-in-question refuses to accept "blame", for ANYTHING !

[@laraoneal7284]

CONFLICT ALWAYS REVEALS CHARACTER.

[@chessdad182]

Going through a funeral and an estate cleanup with a narcissist was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. They are total control freaks and ignore other folks feelings or thoughts. I tried to continue a relationship with the narcissist after this, but now I realize the hopelessness of this idea and that it is just best to cut them out of my life and move on.

[@YellowFressia]

I've had exactly the same experience. So glad to have realised what I was dealing with and to have moved on to being at peace. He clearly hasn't moved on and still occasionally lashes out.

[@crzynites6754]

I went through the same, it was horrendous & it did break me for a long time, I had to walk away before the estate was settled & hire a solicitor to deal with the rest of it, through these video's I now know what sort of people I was dealing with....

[@beaglerescue5281]

My narcissist brother cancelled my mother’s funeral the morning of. The funeral was scheduled in his church and that’s how he was able to do it. He couldn’t be there because of a child in the hospital and accused me of planning to disparage him publicly when giving the eulogy. Insanity is all I can say. When his son died a few months later only a handful of people came. My one brother said it was the worst funerals he had ever seen because he stayed on stage for two hours showing slide shows.

[@kw25627]

Ugh! I’m getting ready to face this. I’m totally anticipating to have to fight for my inheritance. I know they will feel entitled to it all. I just feel sick.

[@deannarose9030]

This is so spot on. These people are so damaged, and they leave all kinds of destruction in their wake.

[@patriciamontoya9049]

KILLERS of everything.

[@keyshasonmcgee-perry2706]

Yea, ALL Types Of Chaos!! #WoW

[@marioperic7482]

My female narc talked (as every so-called helpless victim) how everybody has done wrong to her: her parents, brother, ex boyfriends, boss at work... Needless to say she most likely had trouble with them but by directly creating it as that's how narcs work through their life: tell a sappy, teary story of how the whole world has been after them ever since they were born with many made-up stories and characters or in best case some of them do exist but again: everything bad that has possibly happened was their fault-it can't be the other way around and anyone trying to convince himself of such lies is a delusional nut who trully deserves to be stranded on an island completely alone!

[@keyshasonmcgee-perry2706]

Preee-cisely! And it's so Ridiculous!

[@adaegookegbe]

They should come with a warning label.

[@doublelibra357]

I found that he was willing to take responsibility/ask for forgiveness if it got him something he wanted. If there was nothing in it for him, forget it.

[@sierrapfiester2321]

My mom is like this too. Makes things even more confusing cause its not as cut and dry.

[@karimamghar4618]

Everything they do is a manipulation, they can’t help it. Notice how they say sorry I did a,b and c not because I messed up, but rather because of something that made me do it. Yes I ignored you for two days, and I’m sorry… BUT I was going through a lot. Complete rejection of accountability.

[@kathleendinsmore7588]

I've been on the receiving end of a narcissist's apology and it goes like this: I'm sorry but YOU really messed up!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Unfortunately, you're correct. That's not uncommon. Dr. C

[@claudiafegari5116]

Exactly! Here are some that I heard: I am sorry, BUT YOU PISS ME off... I am sorry, BUT YOU MAKE ME angry... Yeap... This is the way "narcissists" are sorry...

[@pointsbeingmade7996]

He is not a narc but..

[@sunbeagle9769]

@@claudiafegari5116 every word or statement that precedes the word "BUT," has just been negated, so essentially there is no apology.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

The moment anyone adds a "but" to their apology, it completely negates the apology.

[@shari1952]

Again, thank you!!! I’ve been married to a narcissist for 48 years and I always thought the problems were because I wasn’t good enough. After researching narcissism for about a year, I finally have peace within myself, and a name to put to how my husband has treated me. I’m still working out my options because I know he will never change. I didn’t sign up for a marriage like this, but I also felt I needed to hang in there for my 10 kids’ sake. I am learning to get myself back and to self love. Love your videos.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep learning, Shari! Dr. C

[@patriciamonroe5984]

Honey, I am in your shoes right now! I am just starting to do my research and am totally blown away! Fits my spouse to a T. Hopefully in a few weeks, months or a little longer, I will be much more healed as I can recognize what is going on.

[@marwaniarbak5804]

yes me too.. been living with a narciss for 22 years.. could not get out from my marriage for my kids sake.. learning more to be self love and self worth.. and put a stop to all those negative things said by him.

[@Mcgrandma]

Sadly I’ve been on a rollercoaster ride with a husband who has anger problems, name calls, swears and puts me down continually. I’ve tried asking, “Did you mean to say it like that?” like the counselors suggests, but then he gets madder. He knows when he’s been a tyrant and will apologize but it never gets better. He’s nice when we’re around other people especially our seven children and our beautiful grandkids. Life’s been a struggle, and I feel alone most of the time, but now that I know he's a narcissist, I’m able to get on better. We’re celebrating our 50th anniversary in a few months. Crazy life but it’s as good as it gets.

[@windtunnel5267]

@@Mcgrandma God Bless.

[@jahread3322]

I confronted my narcissistic ex with something I knew for a fact to be true. They denied it at first so I let them know how I knew it was true, still they denied, when I said ok let’s go see (proof) they accused me of being emotionally abusive and said that they could prove they didn’t do anything but I would still accuse them. I then said well I must be crazy, if you didn’t do this then I’m having delusions and should probably check myself in to the psych ward. They responded by saying they thought that was a good idea and were relieved to hear me finally admit that I need help. I have never stopped caring about something that seemed extremely important so fast and I have never lost all interest in a person so completely or so quickly as I did that day.

[@Exiria]

Yuck that is so nauseating to think someonr can do that to another, but theyre that small

[@Curaitisx]

Narcs lie about everything...major or minor it does not matter. Its all about the moment and how they feel.

[@johnleebass]

"Ex" = "They" ? ?

[@marcalampi5036]

Like they say Narc's are pure evil no 2 way's about it. I've heard a lot of psychiatrist even say that they believe Narc's actually got demons

[@s.stevens4520]

@@marcalampi5036 Oh, shut up about demons. Mental health disorders are not supernatural. What is this the medieval ages?

[@RoseThePhoenix]

Whenever we argued, my emotions were always my own fault, and his emotions were always my fault. "I can't make you feel anything, that's your responsibility." And "You treat me badly, this is on you." It was crazy-making.

[@CandiGiampi]

Or your feelings don't matter because they are just feelings

[@lisahilton1310]

OMG yes!!!!!!!!!

[@Shaddddi]

O boy, you too? It really is so creepy how they all seem to sing the same tune.

[@axvic]

Had the exact same experience and she got visibly frustrated when I told her that she contributed to my feelings.

[@sharipeterson1126]

That's because they're crazymakers. My therapist was very educated on NPD and diagnosed him and she told me they're crazymakers

[@stillaworkinprogress2147]

Talking to the narc in my life was like walking on eggs over broken glass in a minefield. I always felt worn out after any conversation with this person and, when in a social situation with this person, I often found myself craving a drink. I am so glad I've chosen to go no contact.

[@lollic307]

They do drive one to drink and sometimes do drugs...in my case..completely self destruct. Be alone and heal. It will pass. Learn and don't go around people that drive you crazy

[@lizquinn3568]

I could never be myself around them if I tried to be open and honest they would take it so personal then start the blame game,i realize now they cant handle the truth sometimes it would blew up in to a fight, so I was weary what i said around them which made me feel uncomfortable and mentally drained ,when i went home and looked in the mirror I swear I had aged about after being in their company, they are mind body and soul stealers 😒

[@cindyg9786]

@@lollic307 Yes very true, I drank so much more than usual. Always needed to be numb. I also did some self destructive things that I'm not proud of. I now struggle to forgive my self because of acting out of character so much.

[@tlc6756]

I really appreciate this man. I wish more people in the world were like him.

[@marilyntill9507]

I do too…. One can not help but respect a man like this one 😊