8 Reasons Narcissists Don't Care About Truth

To have a trusting, safe, harmonious relationship, honesty is essential. But Dr. Les Carter reminds us that narcissists have other priorities that preempt a commitment to honesty. He outlines eight of the most common reasons why truth is something they are willing to dismiss.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZbin channel, his videos have received more than 100 million views.
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[@David-eu1ms]

They lie to themselves and expect others to support their misconceptions.

[@danielkaiser8971]

Yes, the narcissist needs others to believe in the alternate reality, the false self of the narcissist, the narcissist's belief in being able to control everything.

[@roxymovie3938]

@@robertruge2916 I really like your explanation, Robert.

[@danielkaiser8971]

@@robertruge2916 Wow it sounds like you have dealt with narcissists before and know what you're talking about! 👍👍👍

[@aaronkwolfe]

My N-ex would believe whatever she wanted to believe. There was no convincing her, even with proof. I learned to not argue.

[@Greenawareness188]

​@@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFSGood One!

[@annjohnson8437]

I can totally relate. I (and my kids) can present my narcissistic spouse with hard, factual evidence, yet he still believes all sorts of lies (including his own) and conspiracy theories. It is so maddening!

[@elcee7800]

I couldn’t learn. Learning is conceding to them and I couldn’t accept that downgrade - DRC.

[@tonymartos2922]

My ex narc asked me what I really knew about her. Looking back, I feel like I can only answer the basics.

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@elcee7800 What I learned was how to survive. My survival must’ve pissed her off enough to discard.

[@monaj33]

1. Keeping secrets about themselves and lying to themselves and others about you (to control you) 2. They are bullies and dont care about truth 3.addiction to thinking they are superior and diminishing you 4.They serve only themselves 5.Invalidate and reject your advice..always 6.if they are wrong projecting on you their mistakes even when you are right 7. Emotionally manipulative, illusion of decency 8.appearance of vulnerability to dump thejr shit on you You are their prop, not a person, and they unload on you as they drain you

[@kimberlysmith7625]

And, they continue to see their adult children as subordinates.

[@theeJZ]

One Hundred Percent 💯

[@WitnessingTyranny]

They are over-represented in law enforcement and government workers. They casually and consistently violate their oath. Which is a crime. Then they cover each other's crimes. They are doing damage on a large scale across the country.

[@Greenawareness188]

Thanks mik369

[@yukio_saito]

Thank you for making the list ✍

[@douaa1934]

They can't handle the truth Because it exposes them for who they are And narcissists don't like to take accountability for their actions

[@roxymovie3938]

Yes, the truth is a threat to them.

[@rondasparks]

They will not take accountability for their actions period 😂

[@karendotson230]

Exactly

[@amandaliverpool3374]

They gaslight themselves to believe their own truth/lies anyway!

[@Greenawareness188]

True , amandaliverpool

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@Greenawareness188 🤗

[@roxymovie3938]

Exactly 🎯❤

[@daisydaisy0121]

They find bullying more invigorating than connecting. Wow you said it well...... Spot on

[@drebugsita]

“Im going to narrow my companionship to those who prize truth.” Yes, a wonderful mantra. Thank you so much!

[@FirstNameLastName-wt5to]

Could you let me know how to find those people?

[@aaronkwolfe]

I found my group. It means the world to me.

[@sandyw1891]

@@aaronkwolfe It's sooooo wonderful!

[@danielkaiser8971]

@FirstNameLastName-wt5to One way to find good people, besides the ones here, is to continue healing over time. The more you heal, the more intolerable toxic people and situations become to you. As a result, you find that older toxic relations start falling away, and newer healthier relations become preferred and start coming into your life as you meet new people.

[@roxymovie3938]

@@danielkaiser8971@ FirstNameLastName: I can totally relate to what you are saying, Daniel. The more you heal, the more you will attract more healthy people in your life and unhealthy ones will fall apart.

[@roxymovie3938]

The Narcissist's Prayer about the Truth, A Narcissistic Perspective: 1. That didn't happen. 2. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. 3. And if it was, that's not a big deal. 4. And if it is, that's not my fault. 5. And if it was, I didn't mean it. 6. And if I did, you deserved it. 1. Denial 2. Gaslighting 3. Minimizing 4. Blameshifting 5. Lame excuse 6. Shamedumping Why Narcissists don't care about the truth: 1. Everything needs to be self serving, "What can I exploite?" 2. They have no moral compass, "I don't think about conse- quences!" 3. They have to be superior, "Nothing is more important than me!" 4. They need to control the narrative, "What I say is law!" 5. They live in an alternate reality "Whatever I need is right now!" 6. They are shapeshifters "I can transform into everything that serves me!" 7. They live in constant denial, "My eyes are wild shut!" 8. They are omnipotent, "I know everything for I am Godlike!"

[@mhba4866]

Wow! Great job. Thank you.

[@dimitrabouzalas3090]

Were you a fly on our wall???!!! 😮😮😮 unreal!

[@Greenawareness188]

Thanks.

[@michelleharkness7549]

BTW - wishing Team Healthy ( world 🌎 wide) a beautiful 🤩 day : special Intention

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

🍎🍎🍏🍏

[@lindabaer6603]

These kind of behaviors weaken the bonds of family. Why are narcissists comfortable with that? Insidious.

[@secondhorizon]

Truth is based in facts ~ not on feelings. Simply not remembering something won't suddenly make it magically less true.

[@danielkaiser8971]

You reminded me of something I saw on a show about court cases. When the plaintiff made the accusation that the defendant did something wrong, the judge asked the defendant about it and they said, "I don't remember" in hopes of minimizing the truth. But instead, the judge told the defendant that since they "didn't remember" that the plaintiff's testimony as it stood was the whole story. The defendant lost the case terribly.

[@secondhorizon]

@@danielkaiser8971 Every judge should have such common sense; practical wisdom and understanding of Human Nature.

[@yukio_saito]

They do everything to protect their false self. 😮 They don't care whether it's true. 😨

[@mhba4866]

True. They have their own reality and they protect their image and the perfect picture they have of themselves. Sick people.

[@danielkaiser8971]

Narcissists always tell the truth... as "they" see it. (big wink!)

[@roxymovie3938]

They don't care about anybody, so why should they care about the truth 😉

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

They are neither real or open. Their grips about other people are never ending.

[@danielkaiser8971]

If a narcissist stops griping about other people, they might notice that it's the narcissist who has the problems.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Exactly.@@danielkaiser8971

[@roxymovie3938]

Real = authentic + open = vulnerable. Both doors are closed for Narcissists. It's like they hide in a metall safe and they themselves have lost the combination to ever open it.

[@gillianbrookwell1678]

My Ex narcissistic husband used to treat me well in front of others so they would believe what a kind person he was, but behind closed doors, it was a different story.

[@roxymovie3938]

Yes, an angle in public (to maintain the facade, the image) and a monster behind closed doors (so nobody will believe the victim).

[@t_nels]

The hand on the back at the procession and then removed. It did not go unnoticed.

[@drebugsita]

The appearance of truth (vs actual authenticity) - that right there is a major part of their strategy

[@ronies41]

I can't thank you enough, Dr. Carter, for you dedication to the study of narcissm and sharing it with us. The narcissist would still be walking all over me if I had not read your books and watched your videos. I noticed about 20 years ago that the narcissist in my life often related events in ways that were not truth. He also used selective memory. It was maddening and I couldn't find information that would validate what I was experiencing.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to be on the path with you. Keep learning!!

[@MarlaLiberty]

I honestly feel like Les saves my life thru these podcasts. So grateful!❤

[@paulinerichardson138]

Your own memory of what happened and their alterations of events is the validation.

[@cereal_qilla]

“They wanna turn you into a nobody.”

[@helenrothberg9182]

You are spot on! They drain you dry then toss you aside!

[@CynthiaSteele-o2g]

So true!!!❤

[@danielkaiser8971]

And after they turn you into a nobody, they want to fill you with the negative aspects of their own identity so they can pretend that you are the problem instead of them and avoid their own introspection.

[@Greenawareness188]

Wow !

[@bodaciousbethany0]

I had a narcissistic mother. She had me to the point, as an adult, I'd look at her before speaking to others or just clam up. People would ask her questions about me & not ask me anything. I was nervous & shy around people. If I'd say anything while she was around, she'd give me this look. & Correct me right then & there, or later on. I didn't know what to say or how to act, so, i just walked behind her & let her do all the talking & not say anything.🤐

[@caroleminke6116]

Let me guess 😂 we’re not even real people to narcissistic players with the emotional maturity of a toddler 😢 they’re still interacting with their toys & don’t yet realize they’re not 2

[@Shelley-j2y]

No truer words have been spoken. They love their toys.

[@MarlaLiberty]

I have been dealing w this for 34 years! I've been a stay @ home mother of 7 children for 24 years & he has triangulated my children the whole time & I never realized what was going on and how to deal w it until now. I used to be a vibrant active person always on the go. But in the last 5 years he has degraded & belittled me to the point that if I wasn't a Christian. Well, I probably shouldn't say it in here.. but I've wanted to "leave this world". However, somehow I have managed to keep myself from doing anything like that. When I found your podcast, it was like a light bulb went on & I have become an expert at the gray rocking method. It's the only way to survive this kind of abuse. He doesn't know what to do w himself anymore because of it and has called all of my family to "tattle" on me. I stayed in my bedroom for the last year because the stress & anxiety caused me to start having heart issues (physically). He told me that it's my fault and I need to know how to regulate my own emotions. While that is true, he doesn't mean it in a compassionate way. He means that I need to cower down to his demeaning behavior & "fall in line" I have learned now to set clear boundaries. Les, your podcast i feel saved my life! **tears** I am now coming out of my bedroom., becoming active again, have lost 60 lbs since April & just don't let him get to me because NOW thru you, I understand that this is a mental illness that he refuses to get help for. I got my life back! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. What you are doing literally changes lives & gives the victims of this type of covert insidious behavior hope & a chance at real healing. Postscript: and this took me having to pray to be brave enough to comment here. He has his ways of finding out what I say & do. Don't care anymore. ❤😂

[@t_nels]

I understand. You bought it hook, line, and sinker. Married over 30 yrs, 20+ yrs educating. Trying to be everything in an impossible setting. He has figured out long ago what an honest person you are. He is waiting on you to call the shots, to give up, to be the fall guy, to be the foil. Well wishes!

[@e.conboy4286]

@@t_nels: This has been my experience for fifty years! I can’t escape! I am inspired by Dr Carter’s information. Have learned so much, but my spouse remains a tight lipped cold blooded clam! No empathy from him. I feel like l am drowning, at 85 y/o what can I do? Elizabeth

[@wendyguymer5327]

Go girl!! God gave me courage to leave my N X after 40 yrs of being a stay at home Mum too.

[@denicehaley9902]

I was a stay home mom homeschooling all 4 of my children for 21 years. Like you, my “husband” of 36 years has triangulated all 3 of my adult daughters where they’ve alienated me for years. 😭😭😭 I’m now 61 years old, lost my job last October due to Long Covid on top of my autoimmune diseases (many & mostly from stress living with such evil). I can’t live our house, my family’s memorabilia, and pets! I certainly understand your pain. I’m so happy that through the Lord you are healing and strengthened! I’ll keep you in my prayers. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@t_nels]

@@denicehaley9902 🙏🏼

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Without honesty and telling the truth there’s no ground for building any relationship. There is no trust either. There’s no respect either. Thank you dr Carter . God bless you❤

[@drebugsita]

Exactly. It's as simple as that!

[@roxymovie3938]

Yes, honesty, truth and accountability are the pillars of any relationship 🙏💛🙏

[@alcosmic]

status takes precedence over reality

[@callalilly1988]

I've just realized listening to this video, how I was duped by the complaints about other people. The sob stories about his family. I thought he was being vulnerable and open. When it was just one big smear against his family and making himself look like a righteous victim-hero to rise above it all and still 'serve' his family. He is so convinced about his decency. He would knight himself if he could.

[@jewelgazer]

I so relate to the righteous stuff - it’s infuriating!

[@Xenophanes198]

They'll just endlessly gaslight you when you provide empirically verifiable evidence of their pathological lying. "What are you talking about?" "I don't understand your perception that I'm lying." "I'm tired of arguing over nothing."

[@caroleminke6116]

It’s scary as well as funny at the same time but ultimately there’s no humor in constant exasperation

[@danielkaiser8971]

The truth is very "inconvenient" for a narcissist. Dr. Carter recently commented that the truth can be "fluid" for narcissists.

[@Greenawareness188]

@@caroleminke6116 you are preaching to the choir!

[@Greenawareness188]

@@danielkaiser8971 Testify !

[@roxymovie3938]

Their truth is whatever suits them in the moment and therefore they have to be shapeshifters like a chameleon 🦎 slippery and curvy like a snake 🐍 and ravenous like a crocodile 🐊.

[@lyndoraburroughs-robinson5663]

I had a stroke 7 months ago and this Channel is helping me to manage my caregiver Husband who is a Narcissist. Thank you so much for explaining this behavior to me so I can heal with knowledge 😊

[@stingylizard]

I feel for you so much. I had a stroke and my narc mom refused to call 911. Pure evil

[@vickibazter3446]

So sorry about punitive behavior towards kind people. These people are like wounded children who never grew up.

[@caroleminke6116]

Plz go gray rock if possible but stay safe!

[@vickibazter3446]

@@Charmainecharmainecharmaine 🙏 So sorry for your loss and pain.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Best wishes to you as you continue to heal....physically and emotionally.

[@tina2667-jy8my]

I played right into his hands. Please keep talking Dr. C, not just to us but to the professional world. We spend years if not decades suffering needlessly trying to figure all this out, even when we elicit therapeutic help and not getting the honest advice we so desperately want to become and stay healthy.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Will do.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I did the same today, I initiated contact. Overall, it was good.

[@duromusabc]

YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH !!!! Jack Nicholson A Few Good Men He played a malignant covert narcissist in that movie with a bad temper

[@LilyfromUruguay]

Unforgetable scene!!!

[@duromusabc]

@@LilyfromUruguay Tom Cruise played the super empath lawyer in the movie who used Jack’s movie character’s narcissism against him in that final testimony scene - risky but it worked

[@LilyfromUruguay]

@@duromusabc Colonel Jessup couldn't help but bragging and talked too much. "You want me on that wall, you need me on that wall!"

[@duromusabc]

@@LilyfromUruguay colonel Jessup had lots of flying monkeys in his leadership especially the colonel who shot himself to avoid going on the stand against Jessup

[@aquagirl9228]

Outward appearances pretty much sum them up, it's ONE of the things they NEED! Some narcissistic supply they are desperately in need of. Everything must appear fantastical. They are the first people to backstab you and plants seeds in the minds of others about what an awful person you are. Don't make the mistake of ignoring all the red flags that are telling you to back away. Thank you Dr Carter ❤️🙏

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome.

[@t_nels]

Their 'truth' is always changing to fit their needs?

[@aaronkwolfe]

Yep. Truth is what is necessarily expedient to them.

[@danielkaiser8971]

The truth is inconvenient for narcissists, so they demonstrate how maladaptive they are by attempting to convince themselves and everyone else of a reinvented version of the truth. My mother's favorite trick was to leave out relevant information and "guide" the listener into believing the worst thing without actually saying it.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Very True 👍

[@bindibud23]

A big Aha! moment for me was when my narc ex made these three statements, within a short time: "Your mother's abuse damaged you so no one else would want you"; "Your mother may have beaten you, but you deserved it" and "Your mother never abused you at all." He would actually ping-pong back and forth between these assertions, which couldn't possibly all be true.

[@Volleyball_Chess_and_Geoguessr]

wooooow

[@roxymovie3938]

Wow, these are heavy accusations and were shifting so quickly, ugh. The 1st one is gaslighting and blaming The 2nd one is shamedumping The 3rd one is denial And what is your truth? 🙏💛🙏

[@visaormastercard]

My Narc mother talking about herself & a few others she tried warning me off their toxicity.

[@bindibud23]

Thanks for asking, Roxy! I am a survivor of scapegoating narc abuse who is learning to thrive. How about you?@@roxymovie3938

[@cinlu908]

One thing was the voyeurism they would deny, & then negate the fact that it was harming each individual pyschologically- on a grande scale!

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

We all have resistance to the truths that challenge our most precious illusions.

[@caroleminke6116]

But we grow from challenges instead of hiding from them 😊

[@drebugsita]

Yes, but a narcissist could easily say that to downplay and deflect from the harm they have caused. There are important distinctions and differences. We could say that we hold onto ego-based illusions that keep us feeling distinct from others. And that is normal. But to cultivate the illusion that one is not only distinct but superior to others and therefore justified in treating them with disregard is a very different matter

[@danielkaiser8971]

Narcissists have a lifelong avoidance and denial of such truths.

[@SewDiva5691]

Today I just bought the book “Gaslighting” by Dr Stephanie Sarkis. This video is the perfect accompaniment to her book. Knowledge is Power💥📚🤓🧐💪

[@fred.k9875]

Also there’s a classic movie called gaslight.😊

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

That's where they took the word from. @@fred.k9875

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Thanks Sew🙏 Keep well ❤

[@SewDiva5691]

⁠​⁠@@fred.k9875Hi Fred! Yes movie with Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. I only saw this movie but there were other remakes with the same title that I never saw. Take care Fred!🐨😊

[@SewDiva5691]

You too sis Amanda🤗😉🩷​@@amandaliverpool3374

[@mythologic]

In all my experiences with all kinds of narcissists they all want to see things in the way they want it instead of the way it is externally and internally for their object. They will fight hard just to make you see it and it is crushing for them to see that the Truth always wins.

[@elcee7800]

Truth is irrelevant to them.

[@caroleminke6116]

They’re going to destroy you as well as everything in their way

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Commitment to personal authenticity and consistency rather than attempting to change the narcissist. Excellent advice.

[@chickenbiscuit4525]

'caught up in their own ego cycles to basically even take a fresh breath of air.

[@Linda-kj1kb]

"Relationship candy"..... "the illusion of decency"... Spot on! Thank you!!

[@jeffhiggins6477]

Narcissists main tool is lying, mine is a policy of truth.

[@caroleminke6116]

Integrity is now my watchword 😊 it’s the only defense against being played by cons

[@danielkaiser8971]

@the_real_me_2020 Awareness of narcissism seems to be on the rise. I believe that people across the globe are becoming more and more aware of how to see through to the truth, even when the narcissists of the world are trying to fool everyone.

[@jeffhiggins6477]

@@SmearCampaignsAreEvil That being said one may need to up their game dealing with them by not playing their game at all.

[@jeffhiggins6477]

@@SmearCampaignsAreEvil Truth to myself that is, they hate that as well as logic, reasoning and individual respect.

[@michelerunyon9593]

It’s so funny to me that my sister told me to listen to you. She believes that you are talking about me. I have some tendencies but I am not a narcissist. She fits everything that you’re describing. It is laughable what she thinks.

[@caroleminke6116]

Easy to understand narcs once you discover projection 😊 it works like a charm!

[@drebugsita]

My mom and sister always play dumb and ask me why I refuse to go on holiday trips with them and keep my distance. I’ve literally told them for decades, each time they get mad and storm out. And then they inevitably scratch their heads like I’m crazy for not joining in family festivities. It’s astonishing. They are Ivy League educated btw!

[@MacJank7]

An educated narcissist will only use that as another point of leverage to perpetuate their mental illness. Lots of narcissists are highly educated.

[@drebugsita]

Yes, I just wanted to add that for context. They don't bring it up. I think their intelligence makes their insecurities/lack of emotional intelligence more confusing and difficult to navigate. @@MacJank7

[@sandyw1891]

@@MacJank7unless you're my ex husband - he had EVERYONE believing he was highly educated yet no diploma hung on his wall. (He's the the type who would have had the half bath wall papered in his diploma). The ex husband's worst nightmare - his ex wife (me) did background checks for a living - LOL - sucks to be him! LOL - not even an "Associates". Whooopppssss!

[@timmywitty1432]

Fyi…the more “educated” one is the more indoctrinated they are.

[@MacJank7]

@@sandyw1891 the N words come in all flavors

[@RosyFdz]

4:36 the last time I talked to my narc bio sister one of her many complaints about me was something like ‘so, I’m supposed to have to memorize everything that hurts your feelings and not talk about those things?’ As if that weren’t a completely normal thing people do for each other, so sad

[@jewelgazer]

Wow that comment made by the narc is so shaming on so many levels.

[@darinsmith2458]

My step-father just cannot tell the truth.. I don't know why and I am sick of trying to figure it out.. When you are talking about displacement I always thought that was why my mom would corner me and yell at me before every vacation.. I had a revelation that it wasn't that.. It was so that she could justify being angry/miserable..

[@danielkaiser8971]

My mother did similar things. She would yell at me before a "fun" event so that I would be emotionally torn apart upon arriving to it. If she stayed with me at the event, I had better pretend to be extremely happy and joyful for everyone else to see. If she left me at the event and later picked me up, I had better have hated every minute of it while expressing extreme appreciation for her inconvenience bringing me and taking me home from it.

[@Wisdomseeker5]

The paradox ..We can't be honest either with those narci 😂 Protection and survival ❤❤❤

[@markjayw666]

Because it exposes them as the frauds they are. It also exposes they have been playing their con games with a lot of different victims for years. Track record shows what will happen in the future.

[@venus22118]

It's so helpful for kind people to hear those basic ideas that drive a narcissist, because we don't think that way at all. It's very clarifying. Thanks Dr C 👍✨️

[@marcilk7534]

This hits home when thinking about my ex-boyfriend. Whenever I tried to know more about his life, like experiences he’s had or meeting family members, he’d just say “give it time”. I tried to introduce this activity where there is a set of questions we ask each other that get progressively deeper or more intimate. About 7 questions in he starts a fight saying they are superficial, which led to not continuing the questions. He asked what I thought on a topic I know a lot about because of my career, but it’s a sensitive topic, so I wanted to go into some depth because I had an unpopular opinion based on my knowledge and research. He told me I was talking too much. From then on, each time I offered a perspective on anything, he told me to keep it short, even though he would talk in length repeating himself several times and interpreting constantly. And when I’d try to express my feelings about something he did that hurt me or a problem in the relationship, he’d get mad or hang up on me in order to imagine everything is fine, he’s perfect.

[@callalilly1988]

You must have dated my ex. It's creepy how similarly they operate. Everything from invalidating the professional opinions to the hanging up the phone whenever the call wasn't going his way.

[@obliteratemypssy]

The 1st bf was like this 🫤

[@jacksg1809]

DRC doesn't just stand for DR. C is stands for Dignity Respect and Civility 😊

[@johnwhite6312]

These all play out in my life daily with my narcissistic spouse. Both survival in and survival out are questionable.

[@mollycule2792]

I can’t thank you enough - going through a divorce from a narcissist and it’s helpful to hear this. I have felt crazy for years. Why do I still love parts of him?

[@Nothingbutlovehere369]

If the truth doesn’t serve the narc’s story, purpose, mythology, they have NO interest in truth. It’s a fragile house of cards.

[@danielkaiser8971]

Exactly correct.

[@johns2248]

Your the best at explaining the psyche!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you.

[@M_SC]

They have such a different relationship to truth and reality from the rest of us. #8 was particularly hard for me to learn

[@moniquejackson7741]

Brilliant. You are so good at this, Dr. Carter. Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful! Thanks, Monique.

[@MaggieWebster-o4r]

They say “sorry” but they never change what they said sorry about..and when that’s pointed out to them you end up being the wrong one because you’re not accepting their)false) sorry!!! ❤

[@carolinesharvest2532]

As I often say, "The narcissist will reap what they sow." It's just a matter of time before their false self is exposed and counseling is mandatory. Thank you, Dr. Carter! I always get a chuckle out of the "truth" you share. Blessings 🕊️

[@janienah]

I wish there was a field of study that looked at Geo political situations in the context of relationships. There’s certainly an uncanny correlation between the dynamic between the 🇮🇱 & 🇵🇸 75 years of suffering. Fascinating to examine these types of relationships in the context that helps bring more clarity to where the power, control, narrative, and emotions are coming from. Are these societal trauma responses? Your brilliant analysis always has my wheels turning! Thank you for your insight!

[@drebugsita]

Yes, I often think of that too. The dynamics really are the same

[@TARAdubbleyuu]

Agreed. Micro to macro they’re identical...economic/financial abuse, isolation, psychological abuse, control, domination, degradation, deprivation of various types, physical abuse, smear campaigns and misinformation, flying monkey “allies”, etcetera

[@123raven4]

Narcissists accuse others of being jealous of them if you oppose them! Unfortunately other people will believe them! They have to punish you and get help from others to do it too!

[@Alice-fr1ef]

So true Dr. Carter. Anything to avoid the truth. If they do something nice you will never stop hearing about it because they won't be doing it very often. They will even tell you they did something for you when it really had nothing to do with you at all but benefited them only. He took my printer which was working just fine and hid it then he bought me a new $99 printer and bought a new car for himself. This is how they are and always thinking to remain that way. Thank you for a great video Dr. Carter.

[@TranquilitySimplicity]

Seeking truth requires courage as you have to look beyond your ego. I think narcissists fear/refuse to see their own dark side and come up with lies to support their arguments to feel more empowered

[@michelerunyon9593]

This has just been revealed to me. I am in complete shock.

[@caroleminke6116]

Hang in there! It just gets worse 😊

[@michelerunyon9593]

@@caroleminke6116 she said that I am dead to her. This is my sister doing this. I washed my hands and moving on.

[@danielkaiser8971]

When a narcissist says you are dead to them, it could just be their way of saying that they can't control you anymore. Sometimes it is helpful to switch places, for example, if she said you are dead to her, it might make sense that she is the one who is dead to you from her perspective.

[@NaturalSpring-k5p]

They want u dead because u r not giving them the supply n r not going to be controlled by them.

[@beckyforbis4858]

You nailed my relationship with my mother. Public Angel - Private Demon.

[@l.5832]

It's the lying that shook me to the core. It is what made me file for divorce and it is what caused me to go no-contact with my sister. Not just one lie......a whole web of lies going back years......

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You cannot have a relationship without trust.

[@rexxer2792]

Their truth is that they are correct no matter what ...

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

This is great information.

[@jamesbishop9156]

Beautiful truths, Doc! ❤❤❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you think so!

[@craigmerkey8518]

Thank you for all your guidance! Being truthful about yourself is difficult when a sense of self is underdeveloped. It is important to understand our motivation for validation seeking!

[@ZenZone-li4fr]

Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA Thanks again DEAR GUS and Dr. C. God bless you and your family.

[@matteblak6158]

The hardest part about this is that we end up having to do all of the same things that they do on a regular basis, just to protect ourselves from them we grayrock/yellowrock so they don’t get any information from us. I’m guessing the major differences that we don’t do this with anybody else, just with them, while they do it with everybody.

[@danielkaiser8971]

Using the grey rock method is not doing to a narcissist the same things as a narcissist is doing to us. The narcissist does it to manipulate what people believe out of a desire to control others, the gray rock method is a denial of this control to protect ourselves from further abuse.

[@michellehill718]

The narcissists to Team Healthy: "I am NOT into psychological growth!

[@danemartin5674]

Dr. Carter. Thank you again sir.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome, Dane.

[@Yatukih_001]

I think that the fictional character Elliot Spencer, created by Clive Barker does this a lot. Elliot Spencer´s plan is to find a way to strip Lucifer of his armour. All the Hellraiser films actually turn out to be a plot about one person´s decision to think that he is above everyone, even above those who rule Hell in Clive Barker´s world. So one day he sneaks on to Lucifer´s wherabouts, and tries to actually steal his armour. Lucifer realises what is going on and reacts accordingly. The Scarlet Gospels might not be for everyone but it is a great documentation about narcissism, and the lengths narcissists will go to satisfy their infinite egos. The knowledge and wisdom he had acquired through many incarnations was not enough - because his ego became so large that it eventually swallowed him whole. To Pinhead, truth does not matter because being unable to tell the difference between pain and pleasure is somehow more appealing to him. Thanks for your video man!! Best wishes to you from Ásgeir in Iceland!!

[@Snezanah]

Whahaha😂😂 minute 4:17 " you know ... introspection" ...oohh...the way you say it. Ànd as like you mean ...that we know now...already....yep..there it is again .. introspection..what they have not... Oh dr.Les, you can be so funny in how you say things and also in the tone you say it you can help someone to see it clear, your tone in your voice is saying what a lot of others can only to say in words. It takes more time to explain ....bcse of the words.

[@roxymovie3938]

1. Keeping personal facts hidden "I can't afford to be in the same playing field like you." 2. Prefering annihilation over kindness "Bullying is more invigarating." 3. Definition of success: Power & control "I elevate myself by diminishing you." 4. No payoff in sharing understanding "Row service of self is more appealing." 5. Rejecting your advice demoralizes you "I am not going into change or growth." 6. Scapegoating keeps the focus off of me "If I am.mistaken, I need s.o. to blame." 7. Illusion of decency is enough "I am willing to offer relationship candy." 8. "I can appear vulnerable but I am really just complaining." 》They are in the pain relief business 》They displace their pain onto you 》You are just a prop to them 》They are not able to trust, which shows up in their false self 》It's just an appearance of truth Dr Carter 👨‍🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So good, Roxy! Thanks.

[@roxymovie3938]

@@SurvivingNarcissism You are welcome and thanks for your ongoing education 🙏💛🙏

[@nancyludlum2646]

Thanks for posting the summary!

[@yukio_saito]

Thank you for taking notes ✍ You are a very good learner, Roxy 👩‍🎓

[@roxymovie3938]

@@nancyludlum2646 You are very welcome, Nancy 🙏💛🙏

[@mayolasbones6831]

Another good show. Thank you.

[@F417H]

Thank you for Today’s messages

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome.

[@CrazyEightyEights]

When I think of the vast numbers of victims and survivors left in every narcissist's wake, I wonder if a list of aliases would be valuable to survivors. My best regards to Team Healthy & warm wishes for a joyous holiday season.

[@livinggrace4148]

I stood on my boundary which was “I don’t want to talk to you right now.” Then the reply I got back was ,”Remember you said that, remember you said that.” Well this am the internet password has changed. The games and tantrums never seem to stop. I will not engage with him in regard to this control. Very tiring 😢

[@denicehaley9902]

I feel your exhaustion (a heavy burden sleep doesn’t cure), grief, and perhaps anger like I have towards my “husband’s “ narcissistic games at my expense! 😡

[@SuzannaLiessa]

I realized a few days ago that my deep frustration with the lying and willingness to believe lies in my family has nothing to do with the lying itself. It springs from a desire for them to see me and see the truth of me. To be validated in my anger and hurt. That is not going to happen. My friends see the truth of me, _I_ see the truth of me, we all know I am a person with worth and a place on this earth. It's time to recognize that my family will never see me, value me, or validate me. It's time to lean into my family of the heart, instead. I'm going to mourn the loss of my family, but that’s all.

[@Greenawareness188]

SuzannaLiessa , you are very wise .

[@SuzannaLiessa]

@@Greenawareness188 Thank you for the compliment. I just wish I'd figured out this particular piece of wisdom when I was 15, not when I was 56.

[@Greenawareness188]

@@SuzannaLiessa you are welcome

[@Snezanah]

Dr.Les, sometimes, internet is ok. I am thankfull for seeing you, and about what you do for us, to try to let us see, the insight, the inner as in thoughts about narcs. Yeah yeah you and Dr.Ramani😁😁.

[@user-ek2fn3qg8w]

This is the absolute best break-down I've heard. It is such a process to recognize and get on with the business of learning to be who we are meant to be. The best advice I received from a friend of mine is....... 'When they ask you questions to gather data?' Respectfully respond with, 'Why do you need to know?' Totally effective! God Bless you Dr. C.: God Bless all of you who have experienced this insidious form of abuse.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it resonated!

[@TheeyeOftruth-yx2np]

This was absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this DR Les, So much truth and clarity, I'm very grateful for you Les, Peace, love, Respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe 😘😇🌟☘⭐😍🌹🌝🖼😊🐉🦄🌷👽🌚👁💚💜❤💛💙🌈🌌😃🎨😆🕊

[@xefirah8753]

They create themselves as the sun and we are one of their planets, caught up in their orbiting system. 😮😮😮😮

[@roxymovie3938]

The Sociopath I was dealing with literally thought he would be the sun. ☀️👀

[@danielkaiser8971]

On another channel, I heard a similar analogy. The narcissist doesn't want to be the brightest star in the sky, they want to be the ONLY star in the sky.

[@kdevinturner8778]

Great advice Dr. C. Thank you.

[@sawdustadikt979]

Great video. I really appreciate how short and to the point you lay things out in the friendliest voice. A few quotes come to mind this dovetails in my mind with. Sam Vaknin says “narcissism is a fantasy defense “ another quote that comes to mind from Richard Grannon”these are people that had such horrific trauma that it smashed their relationship with reality, they do not live in any type of reality that the rest of us are in, they are the smartest, they are the best, they are always the victim, nothing is ever their fault, they will live forever”

[@TARAdubbleyuu]

Sam Vaknin is a narc himself, isn’t he?

[@sawdustadikt979]

@@TARAdubbleyuu yes he is, I call him Dr evil. A lot of people in this narcissism space are narcissistic themselves unfortunately. But what he has to say really lines up for me. If you are a person that logifies things, or has a need to understand how things actually work, as well as a longer format look up Jerry Wise, Daniel Mackler, Richard Grannon and Sam Vaknin. If you’re not interested, stay with this channel, he is wonderful and has the wise grandfather vibe we all wish we had in our lives. Good luck out there.

[@TARAdubbleyuu]

@@sawdustadikt979 Yeah, I have watched Sam Vaknin (and Richard Grannon too), which is why I wanted to clue others in about "Dr Evil" 😂 I decided not to watch their content anymore bc I don't wanna be narcissistic supply for them or inflate their overweening egos by subscribing to their channels, giving them views, etcetera. Their veiled derision for victims of narc abuse in the guise of a public service leaves a bad taste in my mouth. And lest we forget, narcs are inherently untrustworthy lol Aaaanyhoo. Just my take on it. Thank you for taking the time to reply and share! Much appreciated ❤️ always good to connect with others who share similar interests 😊 p.s. perhaps I'll look up those other names you dropped, just to see what they're on about and if it's different from the Dr Evil vibe (thanks for the laugh about Mr. Vaknin, btw .. I needed that today)

[@TARAdubbleyuu]

@@sawdustadikt979 Off topic, but I love the smell of lumber lol 😂

[@sawdustadikt979]

@@TARAdubbleyuu ya! I love what I do. When I get to do a red cedar siding job, it’s like aromatherapy.

[@mandyhoskin4]

Thanks Dr C. I will be listening to this again. I have been listening to your generous and informative KZbin posts for a few years now. I have only just now looked at your website. It looks like this could be my ongoing education for sometime. Often I find myself questioning who is the narcissistic as there's many traits or behaviours that I have or exhibit. So I'm off to ponder my own propensities today after searching for any books you may have written. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome. This is my life's work.

[@nancyludlum2646]

Thanks.

[@michelleharkness7549]

In Thanksgiving: ( USA 🇺🇸) : btw: The Presentation: ( awareness- mental health- information ℹ️ fabulous) : is outstanding: again: outstanding

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

Thank you Dr. Carter for another great video....and thankful to Gus for being so calm and patient.

[@mikeseitz2792]

Nailed it Doc.

[@maggieb5326]

This mindset is not far from psychopathy. There is overlap in the Cluster B personality profiles and this cunning manipulative, dishonest approach is part of the overlap. Sad!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Correct.

[@WanderingPolly2024]

Another awesome video Doc. Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@DailyCorvid]

This is a great channel, I have watched a few hours now - really insightful and useful.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great to hear! Thank you.

[@ClickTrain]

Insightful!

[@sandi2490]

Dr.Carter! Thank You for doing what you do!

[@greintje6941]

this is the same with high functioning Autists. They've learned the skill of 'masking' to a high level. I suggest that many people formally diagnosed with NPD/ Sociopathy are actually high functioning, Level 1 Autists. A developmental disorder. This could explain a lot about Narcissism/Sociopathy.

[@maxwell-cole]

Always learning something new. Thanks Dr. C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased for you, Maxwell.

[@c.mareeharris4615]

Thank You! Dr. C

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're most welcome!

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Wow. I had no idea.

[@winterwunderland]

As for me, I am more outgoing in public oftentimes because it is such a relief to be out from under my abusive husband.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's a sad reality. I hope you can find peace.

[@denicehaley9902]

Me, too! I let my joy and laughter out + empathy. It feels like a heavy burden has been lifted!

[@NikkiGregory]

If you try to get the truth you’re wasting your mind space and time.

[@NaturalSpring-k5p]

Yes. They don't take accountability.

[@schizorap]

Truth doesn’t mean anything to a Narcissistic person