7 Evidences Of A Narcissist's Inexhaustible Ignorance

How many times have you thought: "I can't talk with this person who refuses to use common sense"? Dr. Carter discusses the dilemma you can face as narcissists show no end to "chosen ignorance." They see no reason to adjust, which means you cannot expect them to join you in the growth process.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZbin channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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[@wallymarcel1]

They’re always there for unwanted advice, but never there for actual help.

[@SAM-od7oh]

💯

[@fred.k9875]

Echoes in my ears, “narcissists don’t want to know you they want to use you” Dr.C

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yup.

[@MagicalCreations-fw7pj]

That really is the basic truth. Dr. C always opens my eyes with simple and profound truths. Always!

[@mollycote1021]

@@SurvivingNarcissismexcellent video Dr C‼️🥰🙏🏼💕 thank you for helping me muster up the courage to break up with my narcissistic husband. He moved out Jan 2nd and my life is SO MUCH better‼️‼️🥰🙏🏼

[@caroleminke6116]

@@mollycote1021take a year to break that trauma bond forever & sift through the remaining cognitive dissonance then you’ll become a stronger version of yourself & never look back again!

[@carefulcarpenter]

Like a house roommate that refuses to clean up after themselves. After a house meeting where they agreed to comply to house rules--- nothing changed. When I posted on a group text about a messy oil-splattered stove and messy island cabinet counter area--- 2 of the 9 roommates residents on the property texed back--- don't text so much, I don't want to be bothered. The idea of following reasonable rules is abhored by narcissists and covert narcissists. But meetings and guidelines for respectful habits is a clue. The other clue is censorship. "Shut up, now! I don't want to hear it."

[@sellmav]

One of the variations on this theme is when they argue with you about something and tell you how wrong you are and then a month later come to you with that exact same thing as some great idea they came up with 😑

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I've experienced it myself!

[@DoHisProphetsNoHarm]

I Hate that one 😂

[@sharenvierra5606]

I am puzzled with their desire to fight. They bully!

[@caroleminke6116]

Power

[@ericb8413]

My sister didn’t want the vaccine so I said ‘then don’t get it ‘ She said she had to because he4 husband would bully her relentlessly until she gave in. She’s in her 60s and is controlled completely by her bully husband. :(

[@lorinapetranova2607]

Society itself is bcomg far more agro... aggravated. Like too many people are jazzed up on doberman mode. Many blessings ya'll.

[@Archer335]

They do it for emotional intensity. It makes them feel alive. They’re like drug addicts.

[@lynnebucher6537]

​@@Archer335That, and weirdly, getting someone else riled up calms them down. It's like a magical stress transfer.

[@ro7547]

Oh, my! I’m married to this person. If I propose a different thought, I’m stupid and he isn’t going to talk about it anymore, because “I’M” making him angry. I say, “No. You’re making yourself angry.”

[@danielcerta]

Get out if you dare!

[@DeaconBean]

Artificiality is a disease of the soul

[@mikimclean3159]

😂

[@mikimclean3159]

Your making yourself angry 😂 very true

[@agak61]

At least he is not talking because usually it is the opposite

[@cookiemama4]

They believe they can do no wrong, and definitely that they know everything. They would never admit to not knowing something..

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Ugh.

[@meeperbird]

Inexhaustible ignorance! Well said!

[@carefulcarpenter]

Narcissists are not sincerely curious people. Lifevis complicated--- they like to simplify. In some cases that is a good thing; in other ways it reveals their inability to listen. Driven by narratives and agendas. "TRUTH is context-driven; deceit is agenda-driven; those not interested in accurate evidence are not interested in truth." cc. 2020

[@MBarberfan4life]

My narc mom: "Why can't people admit blame?!" lol

[@carefulcarpenter]

@@MBarberfan4life My post was censored. Censorship is a huge clue. My brother told me our parents were lying narcissists. When I asked him when I had ver lied to him--- he admitted that I had never. On his deathbed he said his two brothers were his heros. Heros get censored. Liars endure. Why is that? Some counselor convinced my brother that our parents were liars.

[@duromusabc]

Codependency drives you nuts - the narcissist always says “you’re making me angry because you disagree with me”

[@alexahoule5501]

This describes my mother to a T…

[@carolhill8917]

I have a friend that says that....well, actually says, "STOP. STOP".

[@user-wv8zz1iv5v]

😮

[@cookiemama4]

I sat down with a coworker caregiver to tell her the hosekeeping/ laundry rules for the house. Wow! Anyway, after she screams and cusses at me, she walks out the door saying, "I'll give you a minute"!! 😠 SHE was the one running away! That conversation was insanity, with blame about all kinds of stuff thrown at me. I remained calm and said, "Let's stay on topic here. This is about our shared responsibilities." She was loundly talking over me, and I couldn't get a word out. It was the freakiest thing I've ever heard!

[@dianaverano7878]

They use your " difference of ideas" as opportunity to fight. Narcs needs fight, drama, argument like oxygen. They need it everyday. They feel powerful when arguing. They have that drive to fight anyone. Anytime. Narcs have high conflict personality. Normal people want a calm, safe environment where we dont argue. We deserve and show narcs the door. We dont need argumentative people in our life.

[@tbunnyshy1]

They believe their days of hurting us aren’t numbered. They feel we are just a limitless supply (like a McDonald’s soda machine 😂) to dump their inner tension. Their passing moments of kindness will be a great glue to keep us forever.

[@malwads1836]

...At least until that soda machine breaks down in some way😉.The soda machine broke down for my narc dad when he croaked from cancer😳.

[@ericb8413]

My spouse treated me bad for almost 25 years til I got out and never looked back. They thought I’d take it forever. Big shock when I’d had enough. 😮

[@kupuva4kata]

@@ericb8413 20 years for me and when I asked for a divorce, he said I have created all our problems while at another time he said we have it good, good for him and not me...

[@JaxieJ-lk7om]

I always said my narcisstic ex was stubborn to the point of stupidity.

[@caroleminke6116]

Lifelong stupidity versus lifelong learning

[@carrie6157]

Married 40 years to a narcissist! I didn’t know what I was dealing with until I found you Dr. Carter . Thank you !!!

[@suelindsey2295]

I am married to a narcissist for 40 years also and I didn’t know he was one until I started listening to Dr carter

[@yelodoggie]

38 years. I have learned so much, and understand so much more now.

[@denicehaley9902]

36 years; came to Dr. Carter 2 1/2 years ago, and my eyes are opened & learning immensely!

[@tigerguitara]

They’re not ignorant it’s on purpose

[@wadesnyder6871]

evil people

[@johngudmundson5020]

I have a medical degree and my wife thinks and acts like she knows more about what I went to college for than I do!

[@lambchop6278]

My sister is EXACTLY this way. Even more infuriating, however, is how my whole family allow themselves to follow her lead like an orchestra follows a conductor. She acts omnipotent and all knowing. It is a complete pain in the arse to have to be around her and especially around her and my family.

[@annsester6146]

Narcissists do so much damage to the spirit of their victims. It's taken years to recover from his beyond the pale and disquieting exploitation oof me, my trust, finances, etc exploitation. He actually watched sex videos of himself with other women and tried to tell me it wasn't him. The ignorant hubris of these "people" will be their downfal.

[@dennyfie]

Im glad mine left, with a little help from me. I can't stand a narcc. The worse 14 months of my life. I knew her from way back (45 yrs. ago) not sure what in life made her like the way she is. Now I understand why she is not married, she tells me she wants to be married and @ 62 and very pretty & smart now i get it, she was in relationships with some very prominent men for some reason they all got rid of her, when there is no connection there is no meaningful relationship.

[@hurricaneaquatics]

​@@dennyfie Yes, that's your glaring red flag is when you know good men that tapped out and said "no, thank you". They did that for a reason and at 62, she's single for a reason. Good decision making on your part.

[@christymckee8133]

Yep, sounds like the one I married

[@user-wv8zz1iv5v]

Hiiii :(

[@conniedean3862]

Yea, it's been 4 years I've been undoing the brainwashing

[@NancyBrown1975]

Growing up around crazy narcissists shows me how thinking I was the crazy one was because I was the only one that thought differently from them. They had an iron will.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

With some groups of people, it is a compliment when you are the outlier.

[@RednailVal]

6 more days and I’m out of this sick relationship with my narcissistic brother. Time cannot pass fast enough. He’s a liar, a fraud, a scammer, a pervert, and he’s always right.. lol

[@psalm1197]

My release from my own narcissist brother happened yesterday! He moved out from living with me and is now pretty far away…and alone. He FaceTimed me this morning and after a few words of polite conversation about the journey, he launched into arguing and mocking my responses. I hung up on him.

[@jamaalhorton2343]

Is your brother my brother????

[@user-gf9fz3gy3w]

Bingo! Ditched my brother in Aug. 2021 never to communicate again. 60 years of angst, lost trust, shock and humiliation. He’s exactly how you described your brother. It’ll take awhile to lose the anger. I now don’t hate him, after 3 years and can forgive him but there will be no reconciliation. He’s totally out of my life. C

[@ladennayoung2939]

Why 6 days?

[@mostHigh23]

Get away 😊

[@MeeLii2024]

The narc I know is always all about me me me, even if it's to their detriment. And when it doesn't work out, it's always someone else's fault.

[@jennywager6228]

While we live in exhaustion Their ignorance is blissful....for THEM!

[@JessicaJLandi]

There was something satisfying about the title of this video since the narcissists act like they are the final authority on things. But they are ignorant on so much.

[@gailrosenberg48]

Ignore is the root word of ignorance, right? Ignore reality and live in their alt-reality. Ignore their partner. Why bother getting to know the other person? Ignore hard work. Take the lazy route in the relationship. Why bother?

[@samdevallance1527]

That sounds right to me.

[@denicehaley9902]

Exactly‼️😩

[@tristahaydon5647]

My dad and I have been researching the meanings of Indian petroglyphs for years now. My husband has never asked a single question about our research or what we’ve learned. However, he constantly voices his opinions about it during discussions in which he is present.

[@patmills8395]

There are no boundaries for a NARRCISSIT 😊

[@gabeee4332]

I love it when my husband throws the ole "you think you're so perfect" at me when I've had enough of his bullying... and his ever so nice guy to strangers is stunning! He likes to portray himself as such a great guy, but behind closed doors, he's nothing but a control freak and a rude, miserable human being. He HATES it when you have anything to say. Contrary to his statement, he flies off in a rage, and gaslights walks away after his attack. Its become so strange to me that anyone could be that miserable.

[@IBNED]

Back in the day we didn't know the term 'narcissist' we just called them A-holes and walked away....

[@cooldogsofwv]

My husband exactly

[@lorrainefrasier4096]

Yes I saw a sign like that when married to the narc. " The beatings will continue until moral improves" I found it funny and quite relatable.I wish it hadn't taken me as long as it did to understand what was going on.

[@Hatbox948]

Many of us wish we'd known sooner. I was clueless, but did realize I was in a problematic relationship.

[@lorrainefrasier4096]

@@Hatbox948 me too. I knew it was a difficult relationship. I just didn't know why.

[@Hatbox948]

Narcs definitely like things their way, and/or the way they're accustomed to. Everything had to be done the way my ex narc's mom did it. I wasn't "allowed" to have my own system. Of course after getting fed up with that, you rebel and that's when they really lose their cool.

[@yyyyyyyyyyyy7036]

Like it being essential to always match the colors of clothes pegs when hanging out washing just like Mom did?

[@Hatbox948]

@@yyyyyyyyyyyy7036 LOL, right. Or washing clothes on the same weekday she always did laundry on.

[@Kat-th2td]

"Just do one load of laundry every night and it won't pile up." Like she did when she had no job outside of the home, unlike myself, owning my own business and working all week outside the home while juggling kids, the housekeeping and multilple school schedules.

[@katesims2346]

I am a nurse. When my children were small my husband would argue with the thermometer if he didn't think the child had a temperature . Very frustrating

[@sueg2658]

My ex narc would always tell me “I know what you are thinking and it pis*es me off!” I would just smile or give him that look and walk away.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

They hate feeling irrelevant!

[@fred.k9875]

I have replaced all non growth promoting habits and hobbies with team healthy, a work in progress from cradle to grave.

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

Nice.

[@chrisrendino1529]

It’s like you have been a fly on our walls for a few years. Someone finally identified what happens here in this relationship. Thank you for the validation.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome.

[@ro7547]

I’m far from faultless, but “things” do not matter to me; relationships do.

[@GinnyGrubb-le7qb]

My parasitic narcissist’s family is ignorant. He never wanted to have a conversation. Everything was a question form. And then he died. I am building a new history and I feel great. Has taken me 2 years.

[@bethford6884]

Yeah, my sister exploded when I said I was going to bring my boyfriend to my Dad's funeral. She all but levitated out of her chair she became so enraged about it. Mom and I were stunned by her outburst, but she's been doing crap like that to me my entire life.

[@MsAvignon]

At some point I thought that my narcissist was simply really stupid, which was an odd thought because he seemed very capable with his work (he worked in rocket engineering, for god’s sake). Now I realize that it’s not that he is incapable of learning, it’s that he believes he already knows everything, doesn’t matter what the subject is.

[@dianaverano7878]

They love to argue not because they are smart. Look at their intention. They argue and fight because they are looking for fights, arguments and drama. That is their oxygen. Without that, they are bored. They are angry people. Not happy people. Those arguments narcs create made them feel powerful when they argue. You tell them I dont want to argue, they will still be mad that you want peace. That craving to fight and argue never stops. And they dont trust people. Because if they do, the will stop the fighting.

[@cheezitsw3279]

I told my ex once that he doesn't know why his girlfriends keep dumping him. He doesn't ask questions because he thinks he has all the answers.

[@2009jadeorchid]

After a narcissist cousin went beyond boundaries in a physical space , as in messing the house , all I heard was word salad , guilt tripping and psychological banter . She started every sentence with , " I 'm sorry you feel that way '' , '' It wasn't a big deal '' or "" You're too sensitive , your attitude is the problem "" . Never heard any ' I'm sorry ' , only ' How can I right this ' , after it's done , very hard to ' right this ' , that is a way they put the ball in their court , and put the weight on you . I was constantly being manipulated into thinking I WAS too sensitive or serious about boundaries being crossed , there is never any sincere anything. I'm still exhausted emotionally and physically after the experience . Months later , after they left , still exhausted .

[@jackwestofficial]

8:35: They yell and scream having done that hundreds of times... one of the last times my narc sister yelled and continued talking over me when she didn't like what I said, and I told her to lower her voice or I'll hang up, she replied, "Why? This is how people speak to each other!" Wow, did that speak volumes about her, pun intended.

[@carparthero]

7 evidences of a narcissist's Inexhaustible ignorance 1-their opinions are based upon certainty in their alternate reality 2-they insist upon "fixing" people, not understanding them 3-idealistic thinking. you need to match up to narcissist's expectations 4-intolerance for "not me" thoughts. your independent thoughts are threatening to the narcissist 5-inability to apply hindsight. narcissists can't self reflect 6-chasing empty pursuits, happiness is tied to things that don't really matter, such as material gains, overindulging in alcohol. sports teams, news. 7-a need to remain in an ego-gratifying control of others cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

[@cooldogsofwv]

My husband no 6, addicted to sports on Tv, never tries to learn anything or read the Bible, pray or anything else that has to do with learning or improving

[@dirceucavendish888]

Smart enough to know that i dont know everything, that it is extremely unlikely i am always right....seems basic, so how can anyone go through life missing that?

[@obscurum6]

So, they pointed a camera at me to film me, straight out of the shower, I told them to stop and they GOT ANGRY AT ME. 😡 They literally criticised me for my privacy boundaries. 🙄

[@lynnebucher6537]

I caught mine filming me while we were in bed without my consent. That was a hard NO.

[@obscurum6]

@@lynnebucher6537 That's terrible. I think he has tried filming me before. I do worry as I've caught him doing things, so you worry about what you haven't caught them doing. It disgusting. The way they assume that. No respect for boundaries. The fact that he lost it when I caught him! 🙄😡 He raged and ranted at me, literally screamed at me, actually trying to gaslight me that I was being unreasonable. 🙄😡 He tried the "what's wrong with you...your so prudish... other people are fine with that sort of thing...I wouldn't mind if it were me" routine. I said it doesn't matter what he or anyone else would be fine with, I wasn't fine with it! He just lost it. Just think how great a world without narcissists would be.

[@christinefoster3225]

Mine has done this on several occasions. He will try to sneak videos of me in the shower

[@obscurum6]

@@christinefoster3225 It's actually illegal for them to do that. Narcs do it to use it against you later. They also sell those videos and images. Get good locks on bedroom and bathroom doors. Also when they are out check for hidden cameras. Look everywhere. Most of those are wireless so you might pick them up on the wireless list of another device. They can also hack your laptop camera etc. There are websites online where they tell you how to sweep your home for cameras or microphones. Remember even after you have ended the relationship they will leave cameras etc. in your home. Always change your door locks after the relationship is over.

[@eddanca]

My way or the highway

[@user-qd8tz8xz7y]

My ex-husband would always say " it will on my terms and My terms ONLY!"

[@caroleminke6116]

Certainty means I’m right until & unless I choose to change my mind, in which case I’m always correct anyway!

[@CPoh333]

Thank you, Dr C. Everytime I listen to your sessions, you confirm things that I have been observing but been puzzled by for the 45+yrs of my marriage. Now that I understand what's been going on and what I'm dealing with I'm able to navigate the relationship and keep my sanity and hold the line so that my spouse doesn't impose his agenda on me.

[@CPoh333]

@Surviving Narcissism not sure if it was you who direct replied to my comment but if you did what would you like my opinion on?

[@KL-zg7lu]

The ignorance is exhausting. One is suicidal and he keeps doing reckless behavior that's endangered the entire street.

[@laurelflint1866]

I hope that law enforcement has been notified of his dangerous behavior & actions 😬

[@susanphoenix74]

Inexhaustible ignorance! 😂 Thanks Dr. C❤

[@kathleenstoin671]

Whenever I try to tell him something: "I KNOW!"

[@PixieCropCircleDuster]

I feel like the most daunting trait of Narcissism is their ability to look like they can get away with murder : If insanity is doing the same thing over & expecting different results....then so is enabling or even arguing, because that gives them proximity to pull you down to their level & beat you with their experience. Consequences are always on the horizon with them, but if they can they will use you as a human shield to lessen the impact. Remember they avoid discomfort at all costs including human cost. Like any addict codependents need to play that tape of consequences to the end the same way a budding addict would contemplate taking fentynal, crack or meth because the long term effects of drug abuse are just as lethal. Thanks Dr. C❤

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

Yes, they will deploy DARVO once they see the natural consequences of their willful bad actions are being exposed. In an effort to cover their rump, they will attempt to make you their fall guy, and this is AFTER they have used and abused you and numerous others. They are criminals who don't bat an eyelash at scapegoating, at throwing others under the bus in their efforts to appear innocent. They are pernicious frauds, predators, abusers.

[@mikimclean3159]

I've recently moved and ended up with one of these nextdoor who ended up in hospital with broken knees from shouting at people in cars telling them how to drive , 4 months in hospital blames me for the loss of his quails which I should have looked after even though I was in hospital myself due to complex health conditions absolute madness 😂😂😂

[@annbolton5626]

Love Gus therapeutic head rest! 🐾 😇 Plus we can see his darling face 😊 🤗

[@joanneloesner1264]

Oh I do agree Gus is a sweet positive addition. Always makes me feel good to see him there resting on the couch ❤

[@user-qb1zu7jq7k]

😊❤​@@joanneloesner1264

[@bump5]

We all love Gus!

[@dayveda3736]

Exist but don't exist or rather exist 'for me' or don't exist. - Every Narc Ever

[@iononcantomascrivo]

Every single one of these things applies to my former colleague/friend. Once I figured her out, she became terrified. It didn't help at all that she reacted like a spoiled overgrown middle school mean girl whenever she didn't get her way. That was bad enough, but her gross lack of respect for boundaries lend her breaking the law in numerous ways. Nothing was off-limits. Seriously, anything to paint herself in a better light. Once I had ample proof of all of the dubious tactics and subterfuge that she employed to elevate herself, mostly by sacrificing others and their reputations in the process, I cut her off completely. We need no longer around to rescue her or to lean on or to blame for her incompetence, she apparently threw a tantrum that would have embarrassed a toddler. Or so I heard. I haven't had any contact with her in more than 10 years and that's no accident. I heard through the grapevine, that her reputation has been in tatters ever since she was exposed as a charlatan. It's of no surprise to me whatsoever that the person who often proclaimed to be real and honest didn't even have a passing acquaintance with either of those terms.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

@Surviving Narcissism you've got someone impersonating you in the comments

[@mjcoulliette6438]

100% my mother!

[@bizarretruth...]

Narcissists betrayed and almost killed me! Literally ,and they still have the guts to say we don't play anymore ? Really who are these toddlers ,am I supposed to forgive you for trying to kill and sabotage my life and worse you didn't even admit all the evil things u did . chauvinistic bastards ..

[@user-qv9nw1dq2f]

I am going to draw upon my flexibility and a life long learning mindset. I don’t want to have anything to do with those ignorant people. Thank you for your help and support dr Carter ❤ God bless you❤

[@karenmorris6503]

I retired from the govt about 3 yrs ago. I am just starting to sleep well, and actually dream again. People in power in the govt are eaten up with narcissism. I was only allowed to stay because I was a work horse, who was dumped on daily, while others played and felt entitled. I don't miss it one bit and I only tolerated it as a means to an end. Soooo glad to be a free bird!!!

[@icalotdonthide2646]

This is the most sad to hear. I want people in government to be smart and self aware. 😢😢

[@kathleenstoin671]

Hope is nice, but hope has no power to effect change. Neither do wishes.

[@denicehaley9902]

Proverbs 13:12 tells us that hope deferred makes the heart sick. I’m definitely sick, but no longer hoping for the next to impossible!

[@jamaalhorton2343]

I was just bombarded by Narcissistic Ignorance! First off , she wanted my attention so bad , she put her feet on me to get my attention. Secondly, she told me” I’m not gonna change, I’m not gonna listen to nobody because nobody can tell me anything “ all of this at the YMCA!!

[@claudine634]

I once knew a narcissist who lived near a crossroads where minor car accidents kept happening owing to some lack of visibility. He never was involved for he hardly ever drove. One day he learnt that a sign stop had just been put up at that crossroads. “It was high time they put up a sign stop”, said someone who drove daily in the area. “It’s plain b*llsh*t”, the narcissist replied. No more accidents happened at the crossroads. I’m not sure the narcissist ever noticed.

[@williamdillard8330]

Oh yes, this is the narc in my family!

[@MisssAnthrope49]

NARC boss has finally given up on me (perhaps for the time being) and distanced herself so far from me I have not seen her in a month (remote job (THANK GOODNESS!)) but formerly daily MSTeams/Zoom meetings. New hire & I working swimmingly. I am cautious. Your voice & Gus' presence has helped during the darkest times.

[@norasheridan4469]

Thank you ❤ I think the term "frozen adult children" applies to them. My ex certainly behaves in this very infantile way. Just like a three year old toddler! Very ignorant and extremely stupid in so much of what he does. They never change and for your health and sanity, " Run for your life"

[@markmarsh27]

You LITERALLY saved my life Dr. Carter. My toxic family CANNOT hurt me anymore.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Way to go, Mark!

[@TAP-xs4nd]

My husband always said, there’s only one way to do things, the right way. I would say no there’s not, but now I realize, he was just trying to get reaction from me.

[@hurricaneaquatics]

Before I knew what Narcissism was and that I was experiencing it, this video's subject is what kept me in the fog for so long. The utter confusion and ignorance of trying to dicuss a topic with a narcissist. I always told her, I can have discussions with multiple levels of people at work and have zero problems. No come home and it's like I'm talking to someone on another planet. And I'm guilty of being a "fixer" and always exhausted myself trying to explain and break it down. When I found out this is one of their tactics to play ignorant, it really upset me to know that my own wife would torture me this way and I was continually trying to help her. I never lost my sense for what was right and wrong, I'm very strong in that respect. I never let the gaslighting fool me as I have an excellent memory. The hardest part was coming to terms that the one woman that was supposed to be one with me and be there for me above everyone else, was torturing, cruelty in hurting me, and her overall attitude toward disrespecting me at every point. 2023 was a HARD year for me as it all came full circle. Looking back it was a great year for my learning and changing me back to who I used to be. I feel so much better and I'm working on getting out soon. My mind is finally clear and any trauma bond is gone. Thank you Dr. C for enlightening me on so much confusion for 28 years. I am a good person and never dreamed there was such a horrible person that could be in a marriage. Big, hard, long term lesson learned.

[@ActiveSneakers]

Please accept my gratitude for you. Sharing your perspectives are of great help to me.

[@SamFreedom]

1. 3:45 Opinion are based on certainty 2. 4:54 Fixing Ppl vs Understanding Ppl 3. 5:50 Idealistic Thinking - knows how things are supposed to be - my ideals are supreme 4. 6:47 Intolerance for "Not me" thoughts 5. 7:48 Inability to apply hindsight 6. 9:10 Chasing empty pursuits - remain stuck in their non-reality 7. 10:14 Remain in ego-gratifying control tendencies - shut down others who don't think like them - always have to be in control

[@kellyandaaron2005]

If I called my ex out on forgetting to do something and tell him I had texts sent to him that show I told him, he would get angry. If I didn't pull that text up right then, which didn't help anyway because he would find a way to excuse it, he would get in my phone and delete the texts. He really went that far to discredit what actually happened.

[@uniquegeek2708]

Thankfully, the narcissist in my spouse's life hasn't thought to do that, and it doesn't occour to them the people they're telling different stories to actually talk to each other and occasionally compare notes. Some can laugh about it, some aren't there yet, but at least they can see something concrete to understand they're being gaslighted, and it's not on them.

[@lindavincent678]

Play the victim, he said she said

[@s.s.8029]

Spot on, again, Dr. C! I love your videos. To the point of always have answers and trying to "fix" people (largely to avoid dealing with their own shortcomings). I once was talking with a true friend and mentor about a pretty big issue involving someone else. He didn't answer me right away and it kind of upset me. Looking back, I realized that he was actually listening and formulating a good response, rather than trying to "fix" my problem. He would also often ask if I wanted advice or just someone to listen. He has since passed away and has left me with valuable lessons. I am in a narc relationship with my boss, who is supposed to be retiring after this year and I am expected to step into her position. If she has taught me anything, it is how I DON'T want to be as a boss and role model for young children.

[@aaronkwolfe]

Another “errand of mercy” will likely keep me away from premiere, but inexhaustible ignorance sounds intriguing.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Be a man of mercy, Aaron. It can still be seen on tape delay.

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I COUNT on the prospect of it being there when I can get around to it. It’s almost worth going to Baltimore.

[@aaronkwolfe]

Got to watch the stream (with live chat) about 8 hours later. Grateful for this.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I hope your errand went well. I watched later. How did you manage to see chat?

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Errand went well: mission accomplished. I watched on laptop, and YT has a button on top right column to see chat as either “top” or “real time.” Top chat usually includes a few minutes before stream starts.

[@cairosilver2932]

I suppose it lines up with the old definition of insanity, where someone would keep mopping the floor by an overflowing sink, never learning something new and turning off the taps.

[@takz0743]

Thank you. Yes, as usual, exactly so. As soon as all us older kids left the nest, the youngest one set himself up as Chief Judge and Manipulator, keeping the household under his sway through complaining and bad behavior tactics, which successfully caused Mom to help him get the things he wanted and remove things that annoyed him --- even if it meant keeping grandkids away because they bothered him --- even if it meant disconnecting the phone. Truly sad. I believe that he believed that if he squatted, unemployed, at the folks' place and played his cards right, the house, savings, and everything else our parents had would come into his possession --- super entitlement of a kind that I cannot fathom. But it didn't work out that way. When adult relatives tried to reason with him, he blamed us for using logic, reason and common sense because it was cold and lacked compassion. We lacked compassion and understanding. He was considerate and compassionate; he knew how to understand others and treat others; we didn't. Ignorance is a trusty friend. Foolishly I hoped that hitting rock-bottom and a homeless lifestyle would "bring him round" and make all the things our parents and other concerned relatives told him finally sink in. But no; not yet, anyway. In his mind, we all planned and caused his demise. We have no compassion. He is where he is because of an uncaring family, society and world. Even at 50, he has the entitled ignorance of a ten-year-old.

[@angelacahill9460]

Yes, these toxic traits are huge red flags for me now. Glad they show them immediately, makes it easier to know who to avoid completely.

[@bobbieriales8764]

So very true!! Is just like my co-worker who tried to tell me she was hired as my supervisor, even though she had no Occupational Nurse experience. So arrogant!!

[@middia0]

Summarized perfectly! Noticed his incoherent, contradictory words and behaviour, he didn't even try to be subtle as before. He was switching from logical, "normal"behaviour to the most odd ones. Abuse continued (rage, blaming, constant critics, questioning my sanity....) 18 years I was blinded by his psychological manipulation...(he is educated and skilled in mental health field). He told me many times I'm narcissist/NPD.... One day I started reading literature, asking myself what is wrong with me? I was so confused and lost...words were portraying him....but he must be wright, I tought...Stopped and seeked for professional healthcare. It was too much for me. Read, learn, watch from professional, valid literature, educational videos, seek professional help if you can. Find support. It's rough, painful path...and their ways of destroying someone are beyond cruel... Still living together (have daughter, financial issues...it's not that easy to just go "no contact" or leave, but every week I'm going to therapy. He is laughing and belitling them, they are stupid ones.

[@saltwaterjoys6110]

You're good Dr C...really good. I can only imagine what you have seen, heard, read, & experienced to gain such insight. Thank you. Hugs to Gus!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much.

[@WaterBug46]

This. His perspective is the only viable option. He has stated this. I thought he was joking. He wasn’t. He actually believes he can determine truth, yet has no clue to what drives him personally.

[@elcee7800]

This talk puts the period to the big picture. This is the intersection where everything you just said meets with the rage of the victim. The breaking point. I was wondering why it wasn’t talked about since it’s such a pivotal point.

[@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFS]

I'm gonna listen to the classic Sacred Reich - Ignorance album from my youth now... \m/

[@barbarajohnson95]

They are hateful Nothingness kills their Aggression Silence as well! Thank you Dr. Carter for your abilities to give life to many

[@krishnamayimarianni8026]

Dr Les. Inexhaustible wisdom. Thank you.

[@gertrudewest4535]

Dr. Carter, I have been listening for awhile and find all your podcasts informative and helpful. A couple weeks ago, you posted “ the Most Difficult Skill to Learn to Stay Free from a Narcissist “, and it really, REALLY opened my eyes. I was raised by two parents who were deeply broken from their traumatized childhood ( broken legs that left my Dad deformed, my mother raped as a child by her father…. Horrific stuff that I think was to traumatic for them to ever unpack. It’s like you said in that video- they thought they could only feel right in the world if they controlled everything around them and they passed that way of thinking and skill set down to me. You are incredibly accurate when you say that mindset will destroy you. I have always been my own person, uniquely comfortable in my own skin which has made me a target for the controllers in my life, and they have had a degree success in making me react to them and doubt myself, AND, attempting to control the situation myself- which, you are so right, I have no power to do so. My place of employment is extremely broken and completely run by narcissists. Our retention rate is 3% ( less than an Amazon warehouse). People literally walk off the job in the middle of work, even though it pays well. And yet, strangely I am doing okay in this toxic environment because I have just accepted I can’t change much about it. These problems existed long before I got here and they will be here long after I am gone. And I don’t want to let others dictate to me when I am allowed to feel inner peace and when I am not allowed. Dr. Carter, I absolutely hate that any piss any can walk into my life and bring me down. If there’s one thing I want to learn before I die, it’s how to have resilience against that.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

What a story. Keep learning, and thanks for letting me join you on the journey.

[@Jessica-zf2df]

Their desire for control is unbelievable. I asked him nicely not to let the dog out of the car (where she is safely restrained) until we're ready to set off on our hike. Yet every time he lets her out before we've put our hiking gear on. So she's in danger from the nearby road. I thought I'd got round this by switching her from the trunk (where all he had to do was open it and she'd jump out) to putting her on the back seat and clipping her harness to the seat belt. Then I sat in front of her to put my hiking boots on. But he reaches in over my head and unclips her so she jumps out over my head to the outside where there is a nearby road. He's not looking out for her as he's putting his hiking boots on. I've asked him so many times not to let her out til we're both ready so that she's safely on the leash. I think it's just that he doesn't like doing anything he's asked. He wants total control even if it means my beautiful dog is at risk. He makes me feel like I'm fussing over nothing.

[@Fishsticks007]

Typical belligerent behavior. My ex was reckless with her toddler neice! Letting her walk in a parking lot! I was horrified she’d get run over! When you ask them to please not do something they make sure they do it. Next he’ll be turning to physical violence if you try to stop him and possibly hurting the dog. I would recommend getting away from the guy gradually… I think it will only get worse and you will see this in many other areas.

[@aaronmichaelelliott4600]

It isn't just arrogance or entitlement, or even cognitive dissonance.. Narcissists NEED control in order for their ego to thrive, and when that control is threatened, their narcissistic defense mechanism kicks in. When you challenge their world views, point out their ignorance, and thus expose their hypocrisy, you then become a direct challenge to their control. You, in effect, are causing a wounding to their ego, and the defense mechanisms will come out to protect that ego. They will become argumentative, and even violent. True narcissists will turn into the "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde". Hypocrisy is one of the key hints that you are dealing with a narcissistic personality type. Take certain "Christian" views.. where a narcissist will be adamant that they are a good "Christian", but will then turn and say things that are completely devoid of empathy and may be downright hateful to others - They could say things hateful and spiteful of immigrants, and the poor. You can point out that this is hypocritical of the teaching of Jesus, and even recite passages from the bible showing Jesus's love of others, and his teaching of Christians to do the same. Despite the proof being in the scripture, the narcissist will reject this logical argument, because it directly challenges their "assertion of control". They cannot be wrong, and depending on their psychological makeup, may even become violent towards you because of how much of a threat you may be to unending that control. It is one of the greatest weapons empaths and non-narcissistic personality types have against an abusive narcissistic person. When they show their hypocrisy, and go on as if that hypocrisy has no bearing on the subject at hand? When they reject that hypocrisy in a way that leaves you going "Uhm... seriously, WTF???" - You are more than likely dealing with a narcissist.

[@dianaverano7878]

That need for control is because of fear. When things dont go their way, it is fearful for them. Because they dont know how to trust the world, or people. They need arguments, fights and drama, blaming people. That is their oxygen. They have the craving to fight and argue. Without fights and arguments, they feel bored. Narcs are empty inside. Without drama, they look for it. Bait people to argue with them. Narcs are people who look to fight anyone, anytime, anywhere with whatever age. What is their intention to fight? They feel powerful when they fight anyone. That gives them joy and happiness. Without fighting, they are sad. Bored. The day is incomplete without fighting. We normal people need to feel safe and deserve a safe environment. We cant put narcs close to us. Place them away from your life as farther as you can. We need a safe and calm environment

[@carolnahigian9518]

Oh, Boy Doctor described several Folk in my Family Tree🤮

[@charliebubbles9501]

The Dunning Kruger effect in action.

[@sukilah1616]

Right ..Never will they change Iam Willing to Grow and be open

[@annbolton5626]

Grateful for your excellent, clear explanation to better understand this complexity dysfunctional behavior. God Bless you! 🕯️

[@tracey7735]

I had one repeatedly tell me that it's a fact i will never be successful i even got them to admit they know nothing about the path I'm wanting to be successful in. Very cruel and horrible.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Narcissists cannot be happy on your behalf.

[@karolemcaninch6495]

Thank you for helping us heal. Thank you for validating how we feel

[@addievanderlingen6101]

I so love your funny dog 🥰 Thank you for your great advice. Its my medicin to keep me sane ❤

[@user-bf1zi7fx9z]

DR C. Good morning. This was a great segment. You get deeper into this thanks for helping us all understand this serious mental illness and protect each other. Susan Phx😊

[@Starburster1]

My soon-to-be-ex used to pridefully proclaim that she could argue with a fence post... and win! At first, I thought it was cute. Then, I recognized the ignorance in her statement. Finally, I exhaustively called her on it, but it still took years for her to stop saying it. Unbelievable, but true!

[@darinsmith2458]

My experience is that what they are doing does work for them..

[@chrisla2736]

Another great video. Thank you They start the argument by me just simply saying no. I don't agree, then they accuse me of being hostile? And having mal behavior, simply by me putting my foot down, after years of their abuse, and just saying no. I like to refer to them as "fly off the handle" for no reason, to try and so call, " put me in my place". Still learning the red flag signs, yet again to avoid, as much as possible, other narcissist's in the future.

[@michelleharkness7549]

Texas : USA 🇺🇸: btw: thank you 😊: again: thank you 😊

[@quatore-5886]

I was surprised to read about female autism and it seems to mirror what you're talking about.

[@ro7547]

Another stupid comment is, “I’m too old to change.”

[@snuggiebear01]

I had a narcissistic stepmother in my life since I was nine years old since my mom died, It was hell. I’m in my 50s and it took at least 40 years to unravel that garbage. I’m pretty close to being well it took 40 years to climb out of that pit of despair.

[@bkb2012]

Gus has a pillow now! That's awesome!!!

[@ClickTrain]

My notes: 3:40 Foundational to narcissism is inexhaustible ignorance. Their opinions are based upon certainty (MY NOTE: As opposed to checking them against reality.). By that, I mean there's no room for doubt, there's no room for different thoughts. “I know what I know and nobody's going to bring me off of that. Once they have their mind locked into a certain mindset then it's like ‘I will not deviate.’ That's part of the ignorance because the implication is there's no fluidity, there's no willingness to say ‘perhaps there are some things that I hadn't thought about before.’ They can hold on to whatever it is they believe as being totally correct to the extent that it takes them down into the ditch. 4:42 They have a lot of whole lot of ‘one size fits all’ kind of thinking. They're very narrow in the scope of how they think. 5:00 They insist on fixing people versus showing understanding. (MY NOTE: They only care about getting someone to be what they want that person to be. They don’t care about why someone isn’t that way.) 5:50 Another thing, and this may seem counterintuitive, that drives their ignorance is what I would refer to as idealistic thinking. Their negatives and their complaints are driven by the mindset that says “I know how things are supposed to be.’ In the narcissist’s mind, they have these ideals about how everything is supposed to turn out. So much so that if you don't match up to their ideals then they have to set you straight. It doesn't dawn on them to ask ‘What if I might be wrong or what about exceptions to the rule?’ “No, my ideals are the only thing that matters.” As a result it inhibits them from receiving new input. 7:13 Rather than showing curiosity and thinking ‘Hmm, I hadn't thought about that before’ instead they'll go straight to the shutdown form of communication. “Other thoughts that are not from me are threatening.” When you're threatened by new thoughts and ideas, you're not going to learn. You're going to stay inside of your own ways of doing things, even if your ways of doing things prove not to be all that beneficial. “I'm threatened by anything different, so I'm just going to stick with what I know.” 7:49 Narcissists remain in their ignorance because they have an astonishing inability to apply hindsight. When it's all said and done, we can look at that pattern of communication and ask, “How did that work?” And the answer is “It doesn't.” Okay, what would be the better alternatives? Narcissists don't like to break down life like that. They just don't look back and ask, “Does any of this make sense? Am I getting somewhere good?” They can't look back and say “I need to eliminate this and let's add this instead.” They don't have that analytical thinking. They don't look at themselves in that kind of hindsight. 9:15 Narcissists will chase empty pursuits. By that I mean they give themselves over to things that, in the end, don't really matter that much. Whether it's materialism or sports team obsession or they may overindulge in alcohol, etc. In the end, it doesn't help them; it just keeps them in their own non-reality. They keep doing things that just make them feel good as opposed to promoting healthy thinking. 10:44 narcissists remain ignorant because they focus on how they wish life would be. They try to push their agenda on other individuals. They refuse to receive imput from any anyone else. To them, reality is too confusing so what they'll do is say, “I’ll just declare what's right and wrong and that way I don't have to think.” There's a psychological laziness that goes along with that. 11:34 Instead, I'm hoping you can see yourself as living into the better alternative. “I'm smart enough to know what I don't know. I'm willing to receive input. I'm willing to make room for mystery. I'm willing to make room for pain and difficulty and figure out what all that is teaching me.” 12:02 I'm hoping you can say, “I see that you have an inexhaustible supply of ignorance that you're drawing upon. What I'm going to draw upon is my flexibility and my learning mindset.” That's the much better alternative. 13:51 I want to be an ongoing processor. Unlike the narcissist who says, “I'm a finished product.” Which is one of the most ignorant things you can say. As you commit yourself to that insight and that awareness and that open-mindedness, it'll lead you to a type of flexibility and pliability that can allow you to have harmony and stability.