The Darkness At The Core Of Narcissism

When you witness a narcissist's many dysfunctions, it's natural to hope that person can see it and adjust. But, as Dr. Les Carter describes, the further a person goes down the narcissistic spectrum, a darkness takes hold and keeps them bound by those dysfunctions. He highlights what that darkness does to the narcissist and discusses your more realistic reactions.
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[@christopherburley8335]

It's amazing that people that I thought were so smart and mentally together were actually quite simple minded and mentally disfigured.

[@Lola-mt1ne]

Good term: mentally disfigured.

[@jeanetteshawredden5643]

High genius "brain" IQ, but emotional IQ is missing.

[@rebekahransom415]

I thinl the evil eats away their intelligence over time. I have watched a smart person who saw the truth become so illogical to rationalize their behavior, they got dummer over the years.

[@mightymouse1005]

I think have telling so many lies all the time to everyone would decrease intelligence.

[@Starlightndust]

@@rebekahransom415 totally agree! I had an old friend who I broke off friendship with around 20 years ago. When I got to know her recently, discovered she was a CN. When we were younger, I broke off friendship with her because of her temper tantrums and that time didn't know she was a Narc. She was childish and very petty. Fast forward, I thought she'd changed, older or wiser. It gradually dawned on me she got worse. More Narcissistic and whatever intelligence she possessed disappeared into extreme shallowness, . .She became dumb . We became total opposites. I used to consider her more intelligent than me. She now is a fully fledged C Narc. As she got older she dropped her intellectual interests and is chasing money n designer products. She became vain, shallow and dumb. Her critical thinking skills disappeared totally. Empty and one dimensional. I cut her off because her NPD got so bad that she became very very toxic.

[@snicksabea]

My family is full of narcissists. I’m glad I’m away from them.

[@SusanLlewellyn-pp2xn]

Same..😢 such a lot of negative energy that goes into it.

[@pearlonion5343]

The best compliment the narcissist ever gave me, "We are such different people." 🥳🥳🥳

[@SusanLlewellyn-pp2xn]

😂

[@sharonf3321]

I've learned not to reveal feelings, fears, dislikes... this just gives him insight on how to hurt or annoy me all the more.

[@jacquelinefroehle3583]

That's right...tell them nothing and do not listen to them, and do not be involved equals NO contact.

[@davidJohnsonguitarguy]

I totally agree.

[@jesstallfeather]

Yes, exactly. This is part of the process of learning to let them go and moving on with no regrets, even if it’s only mental and emotional distancing.

[@user-rs5kq9tg8c]

Same here

[@angelakh4147]

They will find a way to use against you whatever you say, no matter how trivial or mundane. When it is thrown back at you, you will be shocked at how they have twisted it!

[@heathermixson1265]

Don't hate the person, hate the spirits of darkness they house within their minds. **and stay away from such persons who do house these demonic spirits **

[@donnafoley2167]

JESUS said, Love the sinner, and hate the sin. It can be very difficult at times to do so.

[@kshaw9179]

@@donnafoley2167 Verse please.

[@divaslm1]

Hate both

[@RedRubyStones]

@@kshaw9179 There is no such verse because Jesus never said that. We are warned to mark and avoid, though.

[@sage9836]

When I think about how unpleasant it is to admit an error, or more painfully how it feels to admit to even a small lie, I think of how close to impossible it must be for a narcissist to admit to the falsehood of their show. Then, I kinda get the narcissist might be a person in a psychological jail.

[@1sthawkfeathers547]

I am having this with a friend who is also a tenant. I cannot say much because of legal issues. But I being in a controlling mood, still want to feed that little communication. Like "why did you use my property as a dump ? You've been my friend for 45 years ? I trusted you...." But now it is all my fault. There isn't a way to communicate once they start blaming you. It stops.

[@scrappydappydoo]

A psychological jail of their choosing. They have a choice. We all choose everyday right vs. wrong...love vs. hate. It shouldn't be unpleasant to admit an error. We are all human beings. To be human is to admit when we mess up, then apologize and try to do better. Nobody is perfect, but narcs have chosen to sear their own conscience.

[@aaronkwolfe]

Mine fabricated enough lies to get a PFA served on me to have me removed from the house. I showed my lawyer, point by point, how I could prove each was untrue. But his recommendation was to not go all legal trying to convince a judge. So, I waited it out, and it expired. She had gone to great lengths to argue she was incapable of lying all during our marriage, but she knows that I know what she has done. So, I am relieved that she will NEVER try to return, knowing that I know, and would expect her to come clean to me and all the others she tried to use against me. That would require a 180° of repentance that I’m not sure she’s capable of. If she is, I’d need to see proof.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

Well said.

[@dianaburkley4086]

I have trouble relating to any of it. I don't lie. And I do not have trouble admitting I'm wrong. That helps explain why it was such hell for me being around them, like when married.

[@Well_Woman_WORD_Woman]

They want to destroy you.

[@trudiecunningham5906]

and take total control

[@Well_Woman_WORD_Woman]

@@trudiecunningham5906 Yes. That's one of the means they use to destroy you.

[@roxyabrooks864]

Tonight, I had to pass my ex husband (NPD with violent tendencies) on the street to get back to my front door. Once I realized it was him, I never gave him a second glance, held a bland poker face, and walked casually into my house. Of course, I immediately locked the door. Without our good Dr. Carter, I wouldn't of been able to do the stone-cold front with the Calm Confidence undercurrent. Dr taught me what to do, but he NEVER said that it would be easy... however, I did it, and tonight, I am proud of myself. Just a little bit 💙

[@katherineg9396]

Yay!!!

[@roxyabrooks864]

@@katherineg9396 thank you 💙 It was kind of eerie. I was just thinking about how I missed the person he *Pretended* to be (not the person he is)...and wham! There he was. Not a comfortable feeling.

[@angelakh4147]

I believe I have lived this same experience with a narc ex-husband. The fear, steeling yourself, trying so hard to keep it together and be brave. You did good! Keep that door locked, and please be safe!

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Congratulations 👏 💪

[@charlottewhite1277]

Good for you!!?💯💞

[@andersdottir1111]

My mother was a narcissist, she died many years ago and I only realised she was a narc recently. I dealt with her behaviour by just disengaging; it was pointless arguing with her, she would not allow it. Luckily I held onto my good nature and didn’t become bitter, I just ignored her; I thought she was just a mean, sour, two-faced woman.

[@indianagirl500]

It’s one of hardest things I’ve ever had to endure and overcome. I shining my light now

[@melih1816]

Me too. Go you

[@gretatheotherone4686]

Me too. God sustained me.🙏❤️

[@heatherlicious8224]

I got married to one and then dated one which I’m trying to get out of it now.. he’s taking meds and seeing a therapist and he was doing better and now I see he can’t even be kind to me at all

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@heatherlicious8224 I'd think kindness was a bare minimum for dating.

[@JennieNMoya]

Me too. Keep shinning your light. God Bless

[@dianadeane9233]

Showing disdain and contempt. Yep. Criticism for thinking things I hadn’t thought and having motives I didn’t have. Yep. Anger. Yep. No room for my opinion at the table. Yep. Truth is a toy. Yep. Lack of empathy. Yep. 😥 it all rings so true for me. It’s like you were THERE Dr C! 💜

[@rjfpac]

Dont you just laugh when they tell you what you are thinking, and they're so far off base from what your thoughts actually are?

[@JennieNMoya]

@@rjfpac yes I have to laugh. He is so far off of what they think. I dont even think like that, it's sad really. It must be how they think.

[@bengozzy408]

@@rjfpac Don't ever let anybody tell you what YOU are thinking. This is the ultimate boundary that you must defend. This boundary separates the self from the narcissist and the rest of the physical world. Only a violator would attempt to cross the line so far into your personal space that they are inside your head and pushing you around.

[@missmysanity7093]

Trying to reconcile with narcissist is a waste of time

[@jacquelinefroehle3583]

@@rjfpac oh lord...they decide what I think 🤔...and then abuse me for it. And they say " don't listen to her...she's insane "....I am never ever allowed to say that is not true. When I tried to. They do something else abusive. The head covert says " he's a positive person '...he gets really happy to abuse others. ..

[@amydvornick4693]

You, Dr. C, made me realize after 30 years that I was not crazy! God help the people who are still locked up in Narsacistic control….. I’m here to say, no prayers, no help and especially NO EMPATHY will change them!!! Run for the hills and please save your own soul!!!🙏🙏🙏😘💞❌✨

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

No, you're not crazy!!

[@katen1228]

🎯 TOTALLY AGREE!!!

[@lifejourney3086]

I'm a veteran as long as you, plus some years of the narcissistic toxicity.

[@dalialovesdoggies4361]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I am seeking a group for sharing at no cost since I dont have money. On line groups?

[@dianelopez8344]

Amy it seems like you and I have/are dealing with 30years of Hello on Earth!! I wonder at times, if I never was involved with the Narcissist Husband of 3-decades how my life would be? Where and what I would be doing? I’m sure I would be happy and normal/ Normal meaning how I was before I met him… All the psychological abuse as well as every abuse known of and more!? If I only knew about Narcissism back then and if we had all the technology that we have today!!

[@karenabrams8986]

Agreed. If I tell someone a boundary around something that causes me pain and they don’t respect it, that tells me everything I need to know about them.

[@Libra_Girl.]

@@melw3313 They're ridiculous - they will yell and then say you're the one yelling.

[@KJ-lb4tj]

There seems to be a little disconnect here about boundaries. Boundaries are what i put around myself... They have nothing to do with the other person. So when someone crosses my boundary, I adjust accordingly.

[@vhayashi7369]

Yep!

[@drebugsita]

It's very telling. If it's possible they forgot or acted out of habit bringing it up can help. Their response will be telling

[@karenabrams8986]

@@drebugsita sometimes it’s just a sore subject! I told someone I can’t talk about the subject of forgiveness tonight. It’s off limits. Hard boundary. Not taking direction on that. All my forgiveness is for myself right now. They pivoted to lecturing me about my weight…indirectly. Every damn subject is a trick, trap, or insult. Lol.

[@Grace-ft9ep]

I grew up with a severely toxic narcissistic mother. She is adept at putting on a friendly "warm" show in public but v cold and emotionally and physically abusive in private. She has become much worse with age. My father had severe chronic backpain for decades and died a horrible death due to being addicted to painkillers because she refused to allow him to have surgery to alleviate the pain - in case he died and left her alone. He was suicidal the last few years of his life due to the pain. She is heartless, cruel, manipulative, self-absorbed and will throw her own children under the bus to get what she wants. Well now she's alone, because none of her children want to live near her. Karma is real.

[@houseplantnerd2872]

I'm still flabbergasted that after all that's been said and done, they think things will just naturally go back to the way they were. Granted this behavior has been going on for 46 years now and in the past things were swept under the rug, as if piles and piles of dirt and debris just disappear. The manipulation, the lies, the insults, the defamation, the emotional abuse, the devaluation, the rejection.....the decades of pain, anxiety, fear, isolation. Them weaving their evil into every facet of my life. Evil is pretending they didn't set out to destroy others when their intentions with everyone is to pound them into the dirt. Evil is the person I've known. Pure evil.

[@hipsonsogbo]

Interesting summation, I can relate

[@loriellen2726]

House Plant Nerd - I’m married to their twin. I want out. Read, listened, bought knowledge, info, and professional help. Still stuck.

[@doodoo_butt]

Can't wait until this one. Was literally just thinking yesterday, why is there this black cloud or dull pain when I am around this person?

[@harrietthornton5328]

Doo Doo Butt, Omg what name lol. Yes I agree I feel unnerved and more and More lately nervous and sick.

[@malkaringel7864]

@Doo Doo Butt I've lost my health due to the influence of my x narccissist. I feel like someone made a Voodoo Doll & is sticking me full of pins!!! They are so cruel & dark...no hope for change either. Protect yourself as much as you can!! I'm only 66 but have so many issues. His issues are always more severe than mine & that is 💯 false!!!

[@doodoo_butt]

@@malkaringel7864 you'll be fine, I realized the sickness comes from the anger and confusion they try to put inside you. They do that so they can get you worked up, and make you look foolish, so that they can feel superior over you.

[@doodoo_butt]

@@harrietthornton5328 but once you're not around them you feel free and better right? Just remember not to play their game. Staying calm and peaceful in the midst you them trying to mess you up is CRUCIAL.

[@malkaringel7864]

@@doodoo_butt I no longer react & that gets under their skin. I've gone no contact after this past weekend, where his cruelty was over the top & I'm just DONE. Thanks for your encouragement! 🌹

[@roxymovie3938]

Prmary indicators of Darkness: 1. Chronic condescension (strong disdain/contempt) 2. Anger becomes quite prominent (openly critical, insults, rages, grudges no forgiveness) 3. Your desire for freedom is invalid (you are not trustworthy, dominance over you is more than just control) 4. Control becomes dominance (Invalidation comes quickly, no discussion) 5. Impervious to the pain they generate (empathy is not existent, callous attitude) 6. Truth is a toy to be played with (Logic is nothing, their agenda is all) 7. Meanness will be rationalized 8. Meanness will be dressed as virtue 9. Your pleading will invigorate them _________________________________________ The Narcissist has a deeply underdeveloped consciousness!!! Therefor they are not able to change. Darkness can envelop the personality and when you are in the grip of it, you will not be able to learn and move forward. ******************************************* What are your better alternatives? => disengage / no contact => then your healing can start => you deserve an affective life of meaning THE TRUTH (THE LIGHT) WILL MAKE YOU FREE Dr. Carter 👴and Gus 🐶, thank you for another insightful lesson!

[@patriot692]

Wow! These undesirable traits are exactly why dems, libs cannot see or comprehend truth & logic! Thx 4 your list & insight.

[@donnadaisy333]

Thank you! 🙏

[@mariaanast276]

Just reading that makes me want to vomit.

[@irinasolomina1800]

Jesus will set you free

[@maytruthprevail4668]

Thank you....that was very helpful

[@cindysmale9290]

I'm a Christian and your character and advice, Dr Carter, mimics the teachings and "light and goodness" of our Saviour Jesus Christ. Thank you for all you do to help the victims of narcissistic people. May the Lord bless you and give you wisdom as you help others navigate through the darkness and sadness.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

A high compliment. Thank you, Cindy.

[@sandrathomas2893]

AMEN 🙏

[@wendyann4784]

I’ve had the same feeling Cindy, since I started watching Dr. C awhile back. The greatest gift of faith for me is living in the Light, wanting always to be near the Light, and recognizing this Light - or lack of it aka darkness - in others.

[@vickioliver1098]

Amen

[@charlotteslemp3687]

Dr. C, I just wanted to say thank you, for your help and advice. I've been listening to your video's for about 8 years. You helped me to understand that I was truly in what seemed like a living ____. I never could understand what was going on. I have been divorced for 3 years now. Things are bad, he left me destitute to say the least, but, I have an enter peace, knowing who and what I am now. I was married for about 58 years ...... I definitely was lost.. but now I am found. Keep up your good work. My story is certainly one for the books.... Thank you again! You were and are a blessing. Sign me..... A thankful heart!! ❤

[@nicholecornes1915]

Admiting things is a way TO improve and learn your mistakes

[@iamgoddessoflove]

Narcissists are excellent at acting. They get people by their charm and performance. It can leave you confused because they are so innocent in playing victim and pointing you as the abuser. Don't fall for it!💙KZbinr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

[@skinnyway]

its not even charm - its just deflection and redirects like online! you have a serious question, they dont want to have to answer because it goes deeper than the surface world they live in so they redirect and deflect. it appears 'charming' to some I guess. I hated after he left I still didnt have any answers to my questions and I would be like "dammit he did it again!" or I 'allowed him to do it again' more like. it gets better.

[@RN-gx7wt]

She keeps copying this into every channel, wonder if people think a core fake personality, has any acting skills without any ability to empathise. It's like as hollow as looking at grass grow. Another thing you find Acting in the same series all over Narcissism as the same con or trickery again this is poorly executed. Otherwise people wouldn't have the same experience. Cheap trickery. Their charm is just as bad as cheap cologne. Do not empower Narcissism disarm them.

[@RN-gx7wt]

@@skinnyway They do not have an answer, because what they portray as does not exist. It's fake. You have already debunked them once you find out. Any Narcissist simply does not have any objective reality. Take care.

[@altaerker5089]

♥ Heartfelt gratitude for you Dr Carter. Im finally free of this devil...48 yrs of mental hell! Don't know if I can ever be whole again or if I ever was. My mother was a narc aswell...the whole family suffered because of her. Dear doctor, you see into every nuiance of these psychopaths mind and bring clarity and validation to our weary souls. God bless you and your dedication to saving innocent lives. XOXOXO ♥

[@msmacmac1000]

48 years for me, too, dear lady. Free at last! All good things to you.❤️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Alta!

[@carmenburgos1616]

Hispanic male here . I’m 50 years old and dealing with it at such a perverse way … It’s sickening to the core ..!!

[@yobrojoost9497]

I actually pity them, living such unhappy, angry, resentful lives. The problem is that drag their close relations down with them. Don't let them. Do what you have to do to be yourself, undiluted, unoppressed, unapologetically. And if it really doesn't work, get out. Let them go. Live YOUR life, not theirs!

[@Thriverforall]

Agree. People who truly love them they devalue and discard.

[@silver-phoenix]

I am a person of light. . ."treat others the way I'd like to be treated"...however the darkness, from some, will go out of their way to snuff out my light. 🕯 Becomes exhausting 😕

[@renaissance5300]

I hear you!!

[@karriphillips5090]

Their false light - cunningness, craftiness, demonic counsel, schemes, plots, undermining, usurping, the list goes on; they view as being enlightened and above reproach. There's a scripture in the bible about darkness being referred to as light but it also says How deep is this darkness...its warns ⚠️ about this very thing - insert narcs picture. They do not possess their own soul. Dr. C YOU ARE SO HELPFUL IN ALL OF THIS.

[@LTZ_Z71]

I've noticed that my differences aren't just differences. My differences seem to be more of an affront to my narcissistic wife. My differences have been the cause of her many outrages towards me. Something as ridiculous as how I fold towels differently or how I wash the dishes differently. These small things have actually sent her into moments of rage. They're unstable at their core.

[@RN-gx7wt]

OCD quite looks the same, massive controlling, and edge runs on anxiety lvl's you wouldn't even know existed. If being assertive and being consistent as a male, does not work, you need to start cutting ties. Another thing if you do not have anything successful going, start working on yourself. If it comes all down towards pernicious abuse, there is no loyalty in staying around. anyways I do not have your complete storyline, just throwing down some guidelines. As a man you have got the right clearly to state No.

[@lisab7977]

My narc goes into rages about tv shows or movies I like to watch, especially if I own them on dvd. It’s like I’m “not allowed” to watch stuff if it comes on tv if I happen to own it.

[@paula817]

Yes!! You said it! When your hurt inspires them to double down..... horrid, evil, malicious, boring people. Run for the hills & save your soul & mind 🙏🏼

[@nicholecornes1915]

They are boring people

[@MarlaMartenson]

This video is the most spot on I have seen. Chronic: Openly critical, rages, insults, condecending, distain, control, invalidation, low empathy, shut down when trying to speak, no room at the table for my opinions or ideas…no forgiveness, contempt… yes, I had all of it thrown at me. My differences signaled something deeply wrong with me. I left, but I am still heartbroken.

[@lynne-du9ql]

Me too... I am heartbroken. I'm still longing for the man I married not the one I ended up with. I've turned back to the man who loved me since seven years old, Jesus in the blessed sacrament of the Eucharist. He keeps me sane and on a team healthy as Dr Carter proposes...be sure of my prayers. Stay strong.

[@paulaheady8990]

For me it is an adult, middle aged child. Love, support , on and on is not enough. I must worship this child and reject the others. This one must be the only one!

[@williamdillard8330]

The Narc in my family sometimes expressed what I think is narcissitic logic from time to time in his early 20's. But the meaness didn't show until his later years of his 20's. When he was young he was a conservative acting teen. I was the reckless one. But as he got older he just started acting foolish. He's jn his late 60's now with the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. But he knows everything. And he has displayed the potential for extreme violence. What really makes him hard to deal with is that he has periods of niceness, humor, and just being normal. A real duality in his nature. Only certain family members has gotten the true picture of him. There are some he will never show his meaness to in their face. So he has a measure of control over his childish impulses.

[@annabaumann9239]

my husband to a T

[@sage9836]

"potential for extreme violence"! Yike

[@williamdillard8330]

@@sage9836 Oh yea. He pulled a gun out on a taxi driver over parking. And other stuff! I dont have an issue with assertiveness and justifiable anger. But with him it never fits justifiable!

[@sandrathomas2893]

Jekyll and Hyde 💥

[@jacquelinefroehle3583]

They are haters and need people to abuse. Hating is being sadistic.

[@gillianford9208]

Dear Dr Carter, I can't thank you enough for the compassion and care that I receive from you through your videos. It's as if you're right there with me giving me strength as i've experienced this horrible darkness that exudes from every pore of their being. No-one can possibly understand the pain and anguish that their darkness causes unless they've experienced it for themselves, which God forbid i wouldn't wish on anybody! There is such a thing as evil in this world and these dark souls personify it! Love and blessings to you and thank you from the bottom of my heart

[@davidJohnsonguitarguy]

I totally agree.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for these good words, Gillian.

[@anndra1160]

I think that's been the hardest part for me - NOBODY truly understands unless they've experienced it, and I too would NEVER wish that pain on anyone! Thank God for Dr. C. - I feel almost human again because of him, and all the wonderful people who comment here. 🙂❤🙏

[@lorilarsen9360]

Very well said.

[@marian9410]

@@anndra1160 all of you have posted 7 months ago, but people like me still are comforted by all you say and that I am not alone in this BS world created by the narcs. Father, a top executive, now passed was an authoritarian, victim playing one. brother is a malignant sadistic version, a real piece of nastiness, all polished lawyer. The mother is covert, always ignoring all that went wrong, blaming me, ghosting me at times over the years. And lately, after 50 years (!) I figured that my sister, who I thought was on my side, was playing a freaking game on me all this time and is a machiavellian, manipulator. Ice cold fooled me. She also is an ex top executive. Maybe that would have been a clue???? I was so stupid to waste time on these people.....and of course, I am heartbroken, it nearly broke me whilst they are all meeting up, pulling other beloved family members into the plot against me and generally not giving two s===s about me. I have gone no contact with them although of course they will be saying to each other they are glad to have got rid of me, the crazy one......

[@kaybarnes1176]

This is the most powerful video yet. Every word describes the many years of my life that I lost in this type of situation. People please listen, and don't waste your life with someone you can't change. Thank you

[@marian9410]

tooo late, haha. I am 59 and only recently managed to go no contact with my family of origin. both parents (father now passed) and both siblings. All freaking narcs. And the sister the most machiavellian of all, pretended to be on my side, always getting me to agree to act against my own interests for the benefit of all the others. A control freak. I only noticed recently that she is a covert dark one. I wasted decades, freaking decades on these empty shells

[@annadonahue4119]

Yes truly the most powerful video yet! I'm so grateful to have seen it.💔 🌟🦋

[@annadonahue4119]

@@marian9410 never to late, gf... The best revenge is a good life!

[@marian9410]

@@annadonahue4119 thank you so much. I find comfort from the lovely people on here who are so encouraging. It is quite unbelievable that people who don't know me can be so kind. We all just have to believe that we are worth it like Dr Carter says! Thank you again for your message....

[@warrenbradford2597]

I am just getting from such toxic people as soon as possible. I am just still putting up with them, because I am practically stuck living with them.

[@scott241966]

Do you know of any narcissists that woke up and smelled the toast? Say to themselves, "What am I doing? People do not enjoy being around me and there always seems to be a problem, and all these problems seem to have one thing in common...ME"

[@mandymckeown8625]

Narcissists are not self aware so no 🥲 In certain circumstances after a life event they may say I need to change but I doubt it could be done. My mums a narc and I think they will pity play and say sorry but don’t mean it as it’s a means to an end to manipulate you , Hope this make sense it’s truly tragic for the victim as these people seem demonic in nature 🥲

[@rjmoonchild777]

Nope

[@ociana]

Thank you for all the time you pour into your channel.

[@davidJohnsonguitarguy]

It helps us all. I find the comment section is very important as well; it lets us know we are not alone.

[@sandrathomas2893]

@@davidJohnsonguitarguy Yesss!!

[@mariaanast276]

With my mom I am at the point where I tell her she is not allowed to talk to me because she always hurts me. It is working. She is molding herself into a much better mom. Never ever say it is too late. My mom is 99!

[@brendaking5256]

Dr. Carter has such a gentle, kind, comprehensive way of speaking and making perfect sense that it is calming and feels so giving. It is so enlightening and motivating. Thank you so very much Doctor Carter.

[@heathermixson1265]

They take complete advantage of God's free will of choice and claim God doesn't see a problem with what they do or who they are. Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news to these people, but they inhabit demonic spirits that go from toehold, to foothold, to stronghold, to reprobate mind. Do not be deceived for God is not mocked. And if you read about the 7 things the Lord hates and detests, you'll start to wake up. I know I did. Thank you Dr. Carter!!!!

[@Thomasfrohwitter]

Hi Heather, how’s your day going with you?

[@Alice-fr1ef]

Thank you Dr. Carter, I know being isolated is no way to live but I was 31 when this nightmare started and I will be 81 soon so there. I just do the best that I can and certainly don't play the games anymore as much as I can. They never stop trying to make you play the games.

[@brg2743]

They are idiots.

[@Warriorbride11]

Good to know - hugs. With Dr C’s videos I’m learning just how “deep” this goes.

[@greylizard1040]

As someone with BPD, after learning about narcissism I saw many narcissistic traits in myself. I have been working on them and talking to people that I love that I have hurt to apologize and take accountability. I know I will never be perfect, but I do care about my impact on other people and their lives. There is hope for some people to change.

[@sharonboehm5296]

I totally concur.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

I wish more people with these conditions would be as open and honest as you, would save a whole lot of pain.

[@greylizard1040]

@@JohnSmith-wo7ns I appreciate you saying that, I wish people would be more honest too, it saves everyone so much time as well. I've seen your comments on other videos before and hope you are still doing well on your healing journey. 🙏

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@@greylizard1040 thank you thats very kind, I so wish my ex had been prepared to be as honest and open as you are, maybe things could have worked out. Coming up 8 months now, I should be further down the road but its still really hard sometimes.

[@greylizard1040]

@@JohnSmith-wo7ns I hope you are able to look forward into your future more as you understand what happened. It's been a year for me now since I was discarded, the relationship was like nothing else I've ever experienced, and it still haunts me. It probably will for a long time. It's sick when we feel it as real love that runs deep but for them it seems like nothing. I am sure we will both be leaving comments and watching these videos for a while. I do recommend the book Psychopath Free by Jackson MacKenzie, and the channel The Game EXPOSED, if you haven't found those already, I hope we both can leave the pain behind for good one day, and I hope I can keep working on my traits.

[@estherkessler]

They are self employed and are not responsible for their own actions. It's always the others who make mistakes.

[@bobtaylor170]

It's not that they don't care always. Often, they do care, and they're delighted to watch the target suffer.

[@yugenknows740]

So glad I got out of this relationship. Five years later I'm still trying to heal.

[@rebekahransom415]

"What you define as Meanness, I define as Necessary." Nailed it! And my fierce independence brings out the worst. I have no illusions because I've seen it all.

[@MissKim671]

Boy oh boy oh boy, this is my mother and uncle 100%. I'm 55 years old, with Multiple Sclerosis, and I have definitely seen the evil in them, particularly from my mother, especially when I needed assistance. However, by the grace of God, I FINALLY removed myself from the grips of their evil claws (particularly my mother). I was afraid, at first, to go no contact with my mother since she did the most for me, but my Heavenly Father heard my cries and gave me the strength to let go COMPLETELY!. Ironically, before I went no contact with my mother, I was having flare-ups back to back without any type of remission whatsoever. Now, thankfully, I haven't had any relapses!. This has been since November of last year!. What's the significance of mentioning my relapses you're probably thinking 🤔, well let me tell you. My mother was, and I allowed it, causing me so much stress, anxiety and anguish that it was killing me...literally!. I mean, this woman was pressuring me to Quick Deed my house to her!. And, when I would tell her no or ignore her demands, she'd get so angry 😤. Then, she'd bring up the subject at a later time BUT at a different ANGLE. Wow, I've always known since I was a kid that my mother was "evil", but to hammer me down into the ground then blame me, well that's just... Anyway, like I said, God has literally allowed this to happen, and He is giving me strength to continue on with my life peacefully, quietly and purposefully. I'm not afraid anymore. 😏

[@tiffcat1100]

We need to acknowledge that darker side of the narcissist/s and the very dark effect it has on us so that we know we have to develop the backbone to concentrate on us and promoting good & peaceable things. Instead of being dragged into their darkness & dysfunction we can decide where we are going, who & what we want to be/are. Light sears through the darkness and makes it shrink 🌟

[@jak9483]

This is my son. He has cut ties with me. Not only is he a nasty alcoholic but he has caused terrible division between our family and told terrible lies about me. My husband always took sides with him and I had a whole gang up against me. My other son has turned to constant drug use because it has all got to him. Now my husband says that he doesn't need counselling even though I do, because he says HE doesn't have a problem. For the last twenty years as a housewife, I turned to cutting myself because I needed relief. It's been awful. I'm turning myself around now, I am sixty four years old and am aiming at spending the rest of my life for me. I have lost fifty pounds in weight this year and I'm feeling better about myself. I just could never understand how or why my husband could never ever be on my team. thank you.

[@Kennedy4OurCountry]

'The compulsive need to be right is, in itself, an act of violence.' -Eckhart Tolle

[@denicehaley9902]

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him there’s no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and don’t practice the truth. 1 John 1:5-6 This video has been so relevant for me! My “husband “ of almost 35 years has become more and more malicious in his raging anger. The Lord has spoken the above verse to me, and this video confirmed he’s been and still is walking in darkness. I thank you, Dr. Carter, for your gentle and humble teachings that has been a tremendous help since I joined your channel a few months ago. I choose to walk in the light as God is light.

[@susancosgrove5010]

Evil, for me, is the catastrophic lack of love....and we would hesitate to use the term 'evil' in regards to those WE love but sometimes their callousness can be so chilling, their meanness so easily justified. Your videos always bring so much clarity and understanding....have watched this one twice! Hugs and thanks for the insights you provide 💜⚘

[@annadonahue4119]

Well said

[@NCAdventuress]

You have just described my childhood with my very difficult mother. Always known she was an angry narcissist but you've described the behavior in a way that no other therapist ever has. Wow do you get it! TY.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome

[@alyssaleatham8544]

He would speak over me by saying, "Hear me out." Sometimes dealing with a narcissist is so ridiculous it is like a gift. Blatant nonsense is nice compared to the mind games and playing 'what if'. He once told the kids to go to him for everything because "no offense but Mom doesn't know anyone." Correction, you are so far outside my circle that you think I dont have one. Great video. Every point spot on as usual. Thank you.

[@luffypupperstien2706]

The hardest thing for me to accept is that they truly hate me. They hope I die in an automobile accident they would smile inside watching me hauled off in a straight jacket and they feel sick looking at my repulsive face.

[@skinnyway]

they hate you because you are everything they want to be - but cant, wont and never will be. You have the power in that dynamic. own it. ❤‍🔥❤‍🔥 I mean you have that power over them because they lose it when they see you - ok? Now, own it. Dont hurt them the way they hurt you - just ignore them and live your life.

[@shewho333]

They are projecting onto you the way they will always feel about themselves. And it can’t be cured. There’s nothing in the world you can do to fix them. Refuse to accept their dumb opinion of you, because they aren’t really talking about you. They are the only person in the world who exists to them. Everyone else is just a prop. You deserve better than that. ❤️

[@trudiecunningham5906]

They are looking for complete control

[@lynnfincham6839]

They hate you if you expose them

[@delializarraga9638]

@!Luffy Pepperstien They actually hate themselves for who they are. They get relief attacking and deflecting hatred on others in order to feel relief. “Misery loves company” They don’t want to be alone in their misery. It’s not you, practice and start believing that it truly isn’t you…

[@oysterdiva2853]

Thank you, Dr. C. I'm at the tail end of 30 years of a narcissistic relationship, and it's only in the past couple of years that I've been able to see this for what it is, and slowly begin to work my way out. I'm now in (mostly) no contact with him, but I rent a corner of his property and live in mt tiny house there, while he lives in the main house. I've finally been able to extricate myself from the business we worked together for many years, and am working on being financially independent of him. One day, I'm sure, I'll be able to completely dislodge myself from him and be totally free! Your videos have helped me so so much to get to this point. I'm no longer on his radar as supply (yippee!), so I have a modicum of relief and peace. I want to sincerely thank you for contiuously reaching out to us all, and for being a beacon of light in the world of darkness so many of us are finding ourselves in. Many many blessings to you. You are Heaven sent, truly! 💚🙏💜

[@snicksabea]

Keep up the good work.

[@narishaloflin9314]

Dr. C, I sooo appreciate your kindness, humor, honesty, & common sense. You are pulling me out of despair right now & showing me the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you! ❤

[@willsolo1967]

Narcissists are impossible. Very important to know that fact

[@skinnyway]

holding on to our good character is really all we can do in the face of their - black hearted crazy. when we are shown the depths of their crazy you need to believe it. its not an aberration. hang on tightly to the truths you know to be true. ❤‍🔥❤‍🔥❤‍🔥❤‍🔥

[@gretatheotherone4686]

It's like having a baby, usually, the mom forgets the pain experienced soon after. Why do we do that?

[@themysticmuse1111]

I just had this convo with the narc mum yesterday.... Yep. Do not participate. Do not indulge. Do not engage. Snip, snip.

[@olyooshka]

It took me a while to come to terms with the fact, that none of it is "a misunderstanding", none of it is my fault and none of it is just "jokes".. As a person who speaks the narc's native tongue only as a second language - there was so much self-blame as in "omg, I must have misspoke, I must have misheard".. To those who have to navigate life in a foreign language: don't get caught up in blaming the self and your language barrier. An empathetic person would treat you well even if you just moo your communications at them, no matter the country.

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

Yes!

[@kims2963]

Yes, I am just done with the, "I'm just joking or I was joking" part of their language. Thank you, but no more of that!

[@sunnyblueskies6505]

This is helping me so much with my grief. I’m at the point in life though where I don’t think I’ll ever find a man who is not narcissistic and actually wants to care for me unconditionally. That would be a nice way to move through the 2nd half of my life. I just want someone who genuinely cares about me as much as I care about them.

[@RKX_Errant]

I do value knowledge and the scientific protocols to arrive at facts. With that said, I also value spirituality. In the spiritual sense, I have come to view narcissism as a cancer of the human soul.

[@IAM-bg3ml]

Thank you for speaking about this darkness. As the scapegoat in a very abusive family (all types of abuse occurred, even to the point of requiring surgical repair), it’s taken decades to accept that my family is actually somewhat evil. There is no denying it now. It’s so validating and refreshing to hear someone speak so clearly and accurately about what it’s like to be in relationship with these types of individuals. I’ve tried everything, and we had even reconciled from estrangement to have some positive experiences before the abuse began again. They can’t stand to see others happy or empowered. I finally had to painfully accept that they’ll never change and staying away from my mother, father and brother, who was like a twin and whom I loved so dearly, is the only safe option.

[@susanlee8023]

Blessings on your journey

[@lilliewilliams3331]

What you are describing is evil with a capitol E. No somewhat about it.

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

🌸

[@kims2963]

Your words, perfect. They don't like to see you happy or empowered. That is what I've finally came to the conclusion of. They have done everything to get me to my knees and relying on them. (I used to be so happy, cheery, successful, etc. but I wasn't flashy about it though- they were strangely jealous and envious- with no reason to be that way) So it is. They don't want you to be happy. It's weird, isn't it? Now, I have to, with the help of God, get back to where I was now that I know to not take their treatment of me to heart. There is something entirely wrong with them. We are to celebrate each others accomplishments. We are to encourage and lift each other up to higher heights of joy, love and all good things. I can not comprehend this evil and dark. This video title got it right. Your comment about these narc family/kids/friends/partners is the reason...the seed of why they do this darkness. They really don't want the happiness, the empowerment and the positive. Pure evil.

[@hipsonsogbo]

Wow really interesting hearing people share their experiences, helps me understand what I thought all along about my own situation

[@Wanda711]

This pervasive scorn and contempt was something that built up over the years with my narcissistic sister. It was a sort of rewriting of history - gaslighting, I guess it was - to the point where I was treated as the dopey country bumpkin, and she was the glittering big city sophisticate, even though by all measurements I'm the one with the better education, speak several languages, have lived abroad, and married and created a family, all experiences that give me a wider experience of the world. Somehow, though, she took an attitude of superiority and scoffing over all my tastes and interests, to the point where I tended to hide my ideas and achievements.

[@ElizaBeth-fh6wy]

Just shows how their entitlement is delusional with no basis or logic. I also have a sister who believed her superiority over the whole family. I know your pain. Bless you.

[@colleenshea2293]

Yes!

[@billyrayvalentine7972]

Toy with the truth. Deeply underdeveloped conscious. Politely said. But we know what you really mean. Thanks again Dr. Carter ❤🙏

[@terriwhalen3618]

It is my belief to anyone caught up with an individual such as described here, please be careful, look at the red flags, don't allow yourself to be deceived. Life is short and we all deserve kindness and consideration and love. God Bless! Thank you Dr. C.

[@dotnb]

Thank God for you Dr Carter, for this. It's like you were there watching me grow up in my family and culture. For years I thought the problem was me.

[@gregoryritchie7852]

"Finding myself despite the controllers" and "unable to live effective life when drawn in by the controllers" - those words really speak to me!!! Give me team healthy!

[@cohaynes5505]

Dignity respect and civility is something I have to have for myself as well as for others. I can't combat narcissists without it.

[@raymondgarafano8604]

Dr. Scott Peck said, in one way or another "Lack of empathy and/or remorse is a large part of what constitutes evil."

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

People of the lie.

[@ASpootifulMind]

7:15 That sends chills down my spine. To mistreat and disrespect someone so utterly coldly.

[@GuilhermeStorchdeFreitas]

My father in law is a full blown evil narc. It got a lot worse after he got caught cheating on his wife. He lost way too many friends, went crazy over grandkids (controlling attempts) and I never felt better in my life after cutting him off completely (no more communications). He can still call grandkids, but only supervised calls. My wife and I created strong boundaries and we fought for it... the number of tantrums we saw was ridiculous. The smear campaign is going hard, but I anticipated that to many of my family members and friends.. they knew it was coming and they laugh about it. Thank you, Dr. Carter!

[@debdd7]

The narcissist is the nightmare of smear campaigns. It’s so hurtful.

[@GuilhermeStorchdeFreitas]

@@debdd7 it is awful... But the important people in my life believed me when I told what was about to happen. The narc was very predictable in this case and the people who believe the narc are not relevant to me. It was a painful process learning about the mischievous ways that he operates and feeling stupid for not seeing it before. Wife and are deep in the healing road now.

[@katherineg9396]

I'm glad you and your wife ate protecting your kids and are on the healing path. Best wishes.

[@GuilhermeStorchdeFreitas]

@@katherineg9396 it's been a long journey. Thank you for your message.

[@shewins3775]

The worst is when this is your “mother.” You described her brilliantly.

[@davidJohnsonguitarguy]

In my family of origin it is 2 toxic parents who had 11 children. I have been working on healing myself going on 40 yrs now; I'm about to turn 60.

[@shewins3775]

@@davidJohnsonguitarguy I’m glad you are taking care of you. So important.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

My entire family - insane

[@mandymckeown8625]

And mine went no contact a year ago keep in getting letters begging for forgiveness but I just can’t I’m 58 I don’t want to.M be hurt anymore , I hope your ok and navigating this hell 🥲🥲🥲

[@mandymckeown8625]

@@MJ-qb5ph sorry to hear I hope your building boundaries ❤️

[@debbiedoughty5079]

Recovery from a narcissist is difficult. Wondering if there are different stages of recovery, like with grief? Sadness, grief, anger, etc. Wondering if anyone else has experienced this. Thank you again Dr. C.

[@skinnyway]

leaving a narc is a separation just like a death. It is natural to go thru the stages just like a death. they have taken so much of you that you need to be mourning yourself. but it does get better and you learn how to avoid them.

[@bmedhi1592]

I read today about three stages - the first being acknowledging the issue and understanding it, the second being mourning and accessing your grief and the third being moving into yourself and ordinary, normal life again. 🌸

[@RN-gx7wt]

I would describe it like, first you find out, then you realise there isn't any recovery process for them, then you find out it was all fake from the beginning so in some kind of weird following order, they could die twice. I do not believe in particular anger, I think it’s just good to see them as disabled.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Took me two years to recover, still working on self love. Sober for two years, don't need to numb anymore.

[@racebiketuner]

In my experience, the most important stage was establishing a firm boundary. Very firm. Actually more like concrete! Easy to say, but not so easy to do. Hang in there and keep trying until you succeed. It will definitely be worth the effort!

[@debdd7]

Wow. I have noticed he has dark evil inside him. He can walk out of the house and I feel the heaviness and evil leave with him. He even admits it occasionally. After years of marriage it’s crazy hard, stressful and down right impossible at times. He came from a very narcissistic mother. When we were younger he wasn’t like he is now. Now he is angry, violent and refuses to change, if I would just see his side it would all be good. I don’t see or condone evil. The lies are mind boggling. I have in the past 6 months put a diagnosis to his insanity. Although I have known all along it’s not me, he constantly tries to convince me I’m the problem. It’s maddening. I never knew such evil exists.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm sorry he struggles as he does, but you deserve much better.

[@GuilhermeStorchdeFreitas]

The energy completely changes inside the house when they arrive. It was so bad that (before learning about NPD) I thought he was carrying a dark entity/possessed or something else. I could feel in my stomach.

[@davidiscool3326]

A narcissist once said to me "why do you care?" about hurtful things she and/or her narcissist partner say to me. See how she twists around her offence into my deficiency? In another conversation regarding a conflict with a different family member she said "you have to not talk to her!" Something is wrong or broken with these people. They don't understand empathy, sensitivity, and healthy communication to work out conflict. They have no conscience, something is missing inside of them! As an empath I initially recoiled from "Amy D" suggestion below, of NO EMPATHY towards them; but as the narc said to me "why do you care?" No empathy to hurtful people who offer none to you, makes sense! It's difficult for a caring person to turn it off, but having empathy for a hurtful person who has no empathy or compassion for you, is just hitting yourself in the head. All you do is drain and hurt yourself! We first and foremost have to stand up to ourselves and not allow people to abuse us. We are too good for that, and deserve to be treated with "dignity, respect, and civility". Thank you Dr. Carter for that, and for reminding me that these people really are different from how I look at the world; and to reject their false claim that something's wrong with me, as an avoidance for them taking responsibility for their hurtful actions and words. All alpha personalities have some desire to be the center of attention. The difference between healthy self admiration, with a passion to share knowledge, and narcissists, is that they have no empathy! I think this is the most defining and damaging part of NPD. With empathy a person cares about the feelings and well being of others, and self reflects on their own behaviour! Since empathy is a uniquely human characteristic, a person who is void of empathy is void of the best qualities of humanity. Without empathy, a person can be a monster! These people are always best to stay far away from!

[@RN-gx7wt]

It's not weird that they have no empathy, just because everything that happens around them is on the outside. They have no objective reality. It's simply a defends mechanism.

[@uriaholsenpuna8017]

I needed to hear this. I'm dealing with a very dark narcissist and feeling very drained. I pray for better days to come by soon! Thank you for sharing these needed information it gives me some understanding and a sense to help me through these dark times. I look forward for freedom and peace of mind. Have a nice day Dr.Les C.🌺

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Better days will not come until you go no contact. They won't rest till your destroyed. It's their assignment from Satan. Just get out while you can... You know this.

[@ezra4518]

@@cynthiafortier2540 I agree. He almost destroyed me I had to go no contact

[@brg2743]

They will wreck tour health. Lose them. Get away safely.

[@ezra4518]

@@brg2743 thank you 🙏

[@teacup1703]

Dear Dr. Carter: Your online information and education is a blessing in the circumstances I find myself in. It comes down to choosing light over darkness and healing the lie into my personal truth. The harlequins are exposed. They are truly released from my path to serenity. With your contribution, along with others, this type of generous sharing of gifts and knowledge is the difference between finding the path out of the darkness or not. Discovering the light that was dimmed. Creating new thinking. Walking into my desired reality. Doing the work. Thank you and peace, Patti

[@gretatheotherone4686]

I believe you are healing🙏❤️✌️🌈Go with it!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Patti. Keep learning!!

[@keplermission4947]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Keep learning is right Dr. Carter, you know ... dark triad people are always using their intellect and love a challenge, they're often geniuses. People need to be very afraid of these manipulators and uh ... accept that if they can't do advanced math problems, these people love such puzzles and maze thinking. Be aware that everything is involved, body language, words, status in society, you know we cannot manage these personalities. We can you know, begin to perceive the danger we're in but that's all.

[@LJK9]

Dr. Carter, you are like the warm hug when I need it most, the one I turn to to survive the pain of the abuse that threatens to drown me. Thank God for you and for all you do. I think you save lives.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for the warm regards.

[@iseewhatyoudidthere1245]

My narcissist seems to care nothing at all about the way I feel or if they've hurt me, while at the same time she is extremely invested in controlling my emotions...along with controlling everything else.

[@Sinyarlj]

Yes Evil and he loved evil movies loud enough to wake me up all night! Always said with his friends ( who were also cops) “Let’s get them before they get us”! WTF!!! Now I’m learning about Narcissists and I feel so used!

[@mday3821]

I could have used this video 5 yrs ago...I would had made better decisions. I want to keep my good loving heart...and I am going too. I refuse to let this make me resentful or bitter.

[@adognamedboo9474]

I am not suicidal because of my narc father, but I have lost the will to live anymore. I have been isolated in his prison of evil darkness for too long. I feel he broke my spirit to live. I know, I know.....

[@katherineg9396]

We are here rooting for you. Please get some help, call a suicide hotline, talk to a friend, SOMETHING. The world needs you.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

am sure many here [teamhealthy] have been there (circling the drain). personal choice to share. once you realize being at close proximity to such/ those personality types actually affect your health (many end up with many diagnosis, physically) also affect mental health (some require prescription medication to manage) also can affect you esteem [self]. do an experiment yourself, find time away from their voice, space, proximity. away with a trusted source, go for a nature trail walk / hike, where you can ease into sharing experiences, concerns and what you are doing to get help/healing etc (conversations, open safe communication). when you do this more often, TRUST you will begin to notice a difference not only in your state of mind but in your physical body/health, and outlook. stay blessed

[@NS-wl2vi]

Please get a personal goal and 100% focus on your God given worth. God validates you, and he detest the person's behavior who causes you harm. Run to God and chat with Him hourly.

[@budogacha]

@@lifewithapurpose237 google for herbal supplement for stress management,green juices to put bk life in your distress cells (that why you feel that way) its.cellular distress making way for disease.exercise eat clean and meditate.Im here to pull you up tis.nt easy but possible.love and light.ok!

[@msmacmac1000]

You are, once again, Dr C, so right on. Why did I put up,with his condescension, contempt and anger for so long?? So much better now🙏🏼

[@melaw5]

Thank you, Dr. C., for this validation and depth of explanation; it rings so true for me. It has taken me decades to understand and accept that my husband has always lived in this darkness, and that nothing I do can bring enough light to his life, to help him change his very dark perception of the world. I have tried everything, but he always goes back to his dark truth. What is sad is that I think he has never lived in light, that he believes his dark interpretation of the world and all of his relationships, are truth. It is as if we are on opposite sides of a mirror.

[@deawallace3584]

I suggest you quit giving yourself, your thoughts, your light, and your future to someone who will never change, nor does he deserve your goodness. Sounds like you are spittin' into the wind, if you know that phrase. I tell myself I DON'T CARE, then I find after a few weeks...I really don't care anymore. I just regret all the work I put into the relationship.

[@alectrona1613]

‘She’s got a dark heart’ were the words I kept thinking when travel plans with another fell over, fortunately. Your insight into their control mechanisms and simplistic thinking have helped no end recovering from this manipulative user. Thank you Dr Les.

[@Betsys707]

My N parent's ability to justify meanness and cruelty is astounding. If it were an Olympic sport? They'd medal. 🏆💯😥

[@grownupandgardening4216]

What, who, me?

[@jackparsons390]

I am not longer young and I have been caring, or I was drawn into caring for a parent who claimed they had a stroke. I seriously doubt that because while they were hospitalized they reveled in the attention, for the longest time (years, decades) I could never figure out why they were so consistently abusive. And I would come to the conclusion they were toxic and go about my own life happily for many years. However with this pandemic, and the related economic upheaval I now find myself trapped. In being trapped I discovered narcissism and I often watch these videos as a means to cope with the abuse I am experiencing every day. Often I used to wonder, was it this or was it that, but in listening to you speak everything you have said perfectly describes the personality traits...... I experience, and they are Evil.,... and it never stops. Unfortunately I now find myself isolated at a later stage in my life and I am no longer a young man with a wide social circle.... I feel as if I am spiraling into an ever increasing depressive cycle I am unable to escape from. In my attempt to reach out to certain trusted relatives in explaining these circumstances I feel as if I am a magnet for further abuse, because they display the same narcissist behavior traits, so not only is it abuse from one person, but it is narcissist abuse from two other family members. And this has been a recurring pattern for more than 40 years...... I feel in life I was the "scapegoat" hence the labeling of them "toxic" before I understood why and going no-contact when toxic was all I needed to understand..... recently, I was guilt-ed into taking care of this "stroke victim" and now I am soundly trapped, and abused in every conversation which occurs. I seriously mean that. Every conversation does not last more than 20-25 minutes before the condemnation, accusations, insults, and abuse happens, what concerns me is the depressive cycle I am unable to escape from. I expect no response because I see you have hundreds of comments now. But this is just horrible, and it happens every couple days, communication - argument, 3 days no communication - argument, 5 days no communication - argument, over and over and over and over, and it has been months, more than a year now.... like 16 months now, so it has had to have happened 250- 275 times, the same pattern, the same abuse, the same reasons, the same accusations...... never once in 250-275 conversation has one ever been positive, or enjoyable. And it is sadistic abuse.

[@michellehill718]

Sorry for all that you have endured and for so many years. Sadly, narissists don't have what we need, probably never did, and never will. They just don't have that kind of basic self-awareness let alone reasonableness to genuinely give, for all kinds of reasons, our narcissist expert, Dr. Carter, so brilliantly explanis. You have discovered this channel which is something big and you are in very good company now. May your healing journey be brighter and become more uplifting and fulfilling to your soul.🕊

[@patriciajoseph3035]

I have some understanding of what it is like. Those of us who are caring, considerate and compassionate most often get caught. Especially if we were groomed to be caretakers of others. However I trust that what you are now learning from the videos and this community will give you the strength to push past the pain and disappointment and find new ways of coping until you can be free from that environment. My hear goes out to you and I pray that God will give you great grace in the situation but also give you a miraculous escape so you can continue your healing and personal growth process. Just don't give up on yourself. You were made for more and better.

[@annadonahue4119]

I'm so sad for you... but you are the only person who can stop it. No one is coming to save you. You must decide what you need/want in or out of your life, and make it happen. Don't look back 🌟

[@e.conboy4286]

Dr Carter, I am 84 years old! Married, without children 49 years! I can’t say a word without him disputing, arguing, or demeaning in some way, or do anything which doesn’t result with conflict. I say ‘Yes’, he says ‘No!’ It’s impossible to drive anywhere without a war of some kind. We are basically healthy, tho he has cancer and I have ventricular a fib. One would have expected a bit of peace toward the end of life. I am trying to follow God and be true to my faith. He shows no signs of spirituality. Occasionally I read something to him I thought was meaningful but he doesn’t acknowledge, I think he shuts me out. I dislike my life! Perhaps he dislikes his,too. Haven’t heard. You may not read this but if you do and have a word of encouragement I would certainly be grateful. May God bless you and your mission. Respectfully, Elizabeth C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hi Elizabeth...Sure enough, what you describe is far too common. My hope is that you have a support system at your church or in your neighborhood. At your stage in life, beyond financial security the only thing that matters is being with people who know love. Please know I appreciate your comments and I wish you the best. Dr. C

[@domenicoricci5844]

One of his best videos....spot on descriptions of the narcissists behaviors. Very uplifting to boot.

[@kathywalker4766]

It got to the point when I was discarded.. I just totally felt like he hated everything about me!!! I felt darkness when he was around, just before discard!!!!

[@anewchapter1336]

same here.... the past 4 months and he is enmeshed with his mother

[@jennylynn82173]

I have listened 3 times already… Thank you, Dr. Les.

[@3_m_1_7]

This particular inquiry is super interesting to me. I think a lot more could be said about it. It seems that after simply explicating the dynamics of the disorder that it could dissuade many otherwise unaware people from acting narcissistically and halting or even stopping the development of their narcissistic characteristics. Narcissism is actually quite solipsistic in the sense that it cannot be understood without a decryption key: their self-narrative. Their narrative as we know is flimsy and full of inconsistencies, which is exactly what non-narcissists often react to when they are baffled by a narcissist's behaviour; say the narcissist believes they are slyly getting away with something - what the narcissist thinks is that they played the game by its ultimate rules, and that it makes them rightful winners; but to the baffled, non-pathological onlooker, it's very difficult to understand how somebody could sacrifice their integrity and moral character and their very own self-esteem in order to gratify themselves in that moment. But it makes perfect sense to lie, cheat and steal if one's presumption is that everybody lies, cheats and steals, it even makes more sense that everybody would pretend to not lie, cheat and steal, since everybody lies and presumably a lot. It makes sense to dismiss the importance of integrity when they hardly have anything resembling an identity on the inside, owing to their continuous willingness to sell-out, prop themselves up, deceive, pretend... they have so much chaos, so many defense mechanisms and emotional volatility at the surface of their psyche that they forget who they are. Their real voice shrinks until not even themselves can hear it. And without a voice of sanity, they proceed to repair their self-inflicted, damaged self-esteem with short-term solutions that continue to damage their self-esteem and much more in the process.

[@annabaumann9239]

well said

[@mandymckeown8625]

Well said 👍

[@NS-wl2vi]

Insightful

[@Teresa-hw5fg]

So true. They lean into their false self a little further each day, until they completely lose contact with their heart.

[@liljerseygirl249]

Im working on not allowing these types to get to me. Once they know what buttons to push, they push and push until they get you so angry you lose it. Then tell you how crazy you are.

[@aaronkwolfe]

Thorough understanding, Jg. That is a signature move, pushing you to react. So they can condemn the reaction. Learn to respond. They hate that. You got this.

[@ragdollyxxx]

Been made to feel it was a mistake for me to even exist in the first place but I know better now. It is still a battle being married and senior citizens. I have to walk away and recover, sometimes takes a day or two. Thank you Dr.

[@brg2743]

You deserve better.

[@cyndigooch1162]

I've experienced abuse from highly narcissistic, and even pyschopathic individuals, in many forms over the years and I'd say that explicit death threats and telling me to kill myself are an classic example of venturing into the darkness! I want to add that it's tricky when alcohol and/or other drugs are involved, because even empathetic people's empathy and compassion tend to get blunted, hence why it's difficult to know if the person has those traits until they stop, which usually doesn't happen anyway. I can think of more extreme examples in regard to harmful actions; however, it's all very graphic and don't want to upset others, or myself again, for that matter. ❤

[@jesstallfeather]

I hear you. My narc father who is a raging alcoholic physically abused myself, my sisters and my poor mother for years during our childhood and is getting away with criminal acts he should be rotting in jail for. It’s very hard to talk about to anyone because of how triggering it is for me.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Miserable excuse for a human... Thanks Satan. NOT

[@maxadrian]

My brother and sister-in-law who have lived 3000 miles away for the last fifty years just stole my inheritance and all of my parents possessions after my 98 year old mother died. Me and my other siblings and their children feel ripped off. My brother will not return phone calls nor did he keep us informed as to all the decisions he and his with made unilaterally on my mothers behalf. They have always regarded us as less-than and as invisible. My brother is one to get red in the face and pound the table. Even to this day at the age of 72. These people are pathetic. But with your advice and help Dr. Carter I'm starting to distance myself from the pain they've inflicted. Thank you.

[@stephaniemac7635]

This sums up my mother who has destroyed my soul for 43years, it’s only now for some weird reason that I see the real her. Evil, nasty, bitter, twisted. Just a horrible human being whom I would choose to have nothing to do with had she not been my mother. I have no escape from her and the mental abuse I get hit with on a daily basis. She is my darkness. Your videos have helped me learn so much. Thank you x

[@joshua255860]

My narcis. Mom played havoc with me and my siblings lives along with my deceased Father. She convinced my Father back in the early mid 70s to move our entire family to the Southwest from Chicago, just because she did not want to deal with her own core family that she walked away from and never let us meet her side of the family. Us children were all finishing up high school at that time. The move was traumatic and difficult on us siblings. We where all grounded in our lives in suburban chicago and did not want to move. I had a tough time and never did adjust well to living in Phoenix. My Father wanted to go back to Chicago and she would not let him. His mental and physical health deteriorated and he died at 75 years old. My narcis. Mom now at 90 continues to deny any responsibility for that traumatic move and actually lies about it, saying my Dad wanted to move. No one stayed in Phoenix but myself ironically. I like living here now, but I struggled for many years and it is only by God's grace and a great husband that I am doing well. I know what you mean about dark side. Too much to say, here. Thank you.

[@debdd7]

So sorry for the loss of your dad. The irony that he’s passed and she is still alive…… I fear the stress and pain will take me out as well. He’s not healthy at all but seems to outlive his major ailments. Go figure.

[@maxwell-cole]

This is so good! Disengagement is the key. Team Healthy 💯. Thanks, Dr. C. 🙏🏽

[@elainesmith5313]

Dr. C. And Team Healthy!!! I really love you all!!! And throw Guss in there also. I love this video.....ut so brings to light so much from the past I truly did not understand !!!! Be do now!!! No contact with the deceased narcissist family .Its a cult.... " I Can See Clearly Now" And The Rain Is Gone. Saddness, heartbreak, grief, anger, and frustration is gone. Moving forward in North Carolina with a bright outlook for a better life in a diffetent area of the state. Thank you All!! Keep these great video's coming!!!🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

[@ElenaLight22]

The dog is such a calming presence. Helps my anxiety😁❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus has that effect.

[@paulinskipukprogressive4903]

my God you hit it on the nail with this one