Healing From The Damage Caused By A Narcissist

[@elsie123]

"You didn't deserve to be stripped of your worth and dignity" says it all

[@KoolT]

CIVIL, respectful, dignity

[@SparkleLuna77]

I cried hearing this.

[@kat-75]

I wasn't and neither were the abused.

[@GimDandy6696]

We did not.

[@laurewinkelmans9501]

I started crying when I heard those words. It's truly very sick what these people do to multiple people without empathy.

[@streaming5332]

They're very argumentative, twist the truth, change the facts, act like a victim and never own up to doing anything wrong.

[@yngridramirez999]

O.M.G!! Yes they do, they make you feel and question your sanity.

[@carolynastrong]

"The grief that you have is a reminder that you are committed to love. You wouldn't feel grief if you didn't want to have love and goodness." Great lines.

[@dawnemile4974]

Thanks for sharing.

[@leahc8347]

True, but I still feel stupid for being blindsighted, and grasped in such ongoing pain .

[@lmac0003]

@@leahc8347 I understand and can relate.

[@jessalynrandleel3915]

Well said, thank you🎈

[@illflameg120]

Great suffering comes with this

[@kausamsalam8543]

“You didn’t deserve their micromanaging….character assassination….didn’t deserve the constant rage they threw at you, then blamed you for their rage”--thank you for your videos, Dr. Carter. “You owe yourself the gift of dignity….the gift of assertiveness.”🌿☮️

[@vampoftrance]

No one else should control you. Even kids who grow up from parents have rights. The person with the mental disease is not qualified to tell you what to do either. Recognize the insanity. Protect yourself from narcissist abuse. Realize your role in the scheme and get therapy for yourself before you allow them to destroy you. Don't enable a drug abuser a wife beater or a sick person it's not satisfying. Find love inside and inner peace instead! Good luck.

[@meghansouth581]

Nobody deserves this. Assertive communication helps enormously, I highly recommend learning and developing this skill.

[@aaronfischer9885]

"Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life." ~ Unknown (Edit: Akshay Dubey)

[@aaronfischer9885]

@@micke7 Thanks Mikael now I know.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great quote. Dr. C

[@krisscanlon4051]

Sure doesn't anymore

[@carolnahigian9518]

still Learning!

[@adeleincorvaia5336]

True I really love this

[@SC-gp7kt]

You have to be alone for a while while you're healing, and be your own best friend. 💜💜💜

[@lb1798]

Yes!!

[@Butterflyyyy9]

Yes this is true

[@justbegentle]

Very true!!

[@Nina-vv3ev]

Fr

[@JihongLi-v4j]

yes!! be alone, finding the lost soul

[@amypemberton528]

Dr. Carter, I’m recovering from a 25 year marriage to a narcissist. This is the first time anyone has said the things you did in your “You didn’t deserve…” list. Thank you. I’m going to listen to this video everyday until your words seep into me and I believe them. I was once too crippled with fear to move forward. Too afraid I might not see a narcissist coming again. So riddled with pain from the experience that I wanted to give up. Your videos have been where I’ve found a safe place to heal. You’re a major reason I’ll find joy in life again.❤️

[@monalisa2662]

Amy, I was feeling so alone today until I read your post. I am recoverying from a 28 marriage to a covert narcissist. I have tried to help my sister and cousin (who are married to great men and have happy marriages) why I am so emotional and fearfilled. I checked all the boxes of "you didn't deserve" list. I hope you continue to heal from your marraige trauma and find love again (if you desire) and peace. I am looking forward to just breathing peacefully again. Dr. Carter has been a blessing to me too.

[@sandramariesolander]

I am 1.8 years out of a 24 yr relationship(marriage) to a narcissist. I am still crippled by fear that I turn away from what could be honest friendships. I don't want to feel this way, but it's so hard to get past the fear. I too,will listen to this video until it sinks in and I no longer fear... If that can happen. While it seems I can rationalize well enough to get by, my confidence is still shaken. How can I be there for my daughter who is 20 years younger and is going through the same thing, when I still have not recovered...? Can I be an adequate mentor when I still have not recovered from the same trauma that I try to help her through? I guess time will tell. 💜💞🥰

[@amypemberton528]

@@monalisa2662, I believe you’re emotional because you thought, with all your heart, that someone was who they were not and, even as the person’s true character was being revealed, you continued to try, pouring yourself into making it work. Giving everything you had, including your dignity, it wasn’t enough to make your marriage succeed. Your loving and forgiving heart was crushed and bruised and invisible to your spouse, which is by no means a reward. So you continue to reach out to others in kindness, but only so far, because your ability to trust has been shattered. You see people who have what you fought so hard for yet your arms are empty. Does that resonate with you? It certainly is my story. What I know without knowing you at all is that you have expanded your capacity to love during what you’ve gone through. Your heart must be filled with enormous compassion for anyone else who’s suffering. Dear one, now is the time to turn all of that inward. Take time to heal and grow. Be kind and forgiving with yourself. You speak to yourself more than anyone else, make certain you’re saying supportive and loving things. I am proud of you and if you were standing before me, I’d hug you. We may have fought in separate battles, but we were in the same war. In my mind, that means we share a sisterhood and I need know nothing more than that to admire you.❤️

[@5Luckyducky]

@Amy Don’t give up. Keep healing

[@amypemberton528]

@@5Luckyducky, thank you! Just your kind words here have me feeling stronger! You’re wonderful.❤️

[@czntrm]

"...walking with a limp for the rest of your life..." is such a fitting description. The narcissists in my life may not remember what they've done, or they may not even care, but I'm wounded like a broken bone that isn't set right, and I'll always have this limp even when the pain goes away. The damage is done, I can't just pretend like it never happened, but I can learn and grow and work around this limp. Being damaged doesn't make me less valuable or less deserving of decency. Same for every person reading this comment. 💖

[@julianchristie891]

Thank You

[@Jenifer_G]

Good words Dr. C reminds me to get rid of the evil negative memories of my father. Must remember I dont want to end up like him, bitter, hateful etc. Thank you for another goid vid.

[@leilagomulka5690]

Very Old Testament biblical. Walking with a limp.

[@KG-ec4zz]

When Jesus restores He makes us better then the original. He's just that good. May He perfect the things that concern you. ❤

[@Bakerbell]

This made you stronger. You are not damaged. You are a SURVIVOR. And SURVIVORS have more values, remember that

[@ritasmoot1823]

It’s easier to forgive when you realize how pathetic they are!!

[@heathernewman5272]

That, and faith in God helped me as well. He, and his new supply are just a mess.

[@amma120]

They live with that , that’s their karma !

[@janjeny]

Yes this what I have in mind and I forgive . I say as Yeshuah an d Stephen the martyr, they do not know what they do With no obligation for fellowship whatsoever .

[@hannasalo3463]

they are not pathetic. they are cruel and dangerous. they destroy lives.

[@suzanne4396]

Sad really. How broken and empty they are.

[@5DNRG]

Narcissists seek out victims who are sensitive and caring, and when those victims need healing, it is completely different from healing any other type of person bc of the MUCH deeper depth of the pain in sensitive souls. Thank you for sharing your advice for us victims.

[@JihongLi-v4j]

this is so true.

[@sage9836]

I see narc abuse as comparable to a cruel obstacle course that leaves a person injured, but also more skilled. I sure could have done better without that, but - onward and upward.

[@aliceroberts1980]

Like a gauntlet

[@kateym2198]

It hasn’t worked this way for me. I was/am involved now over 33 years. The cuts are too deep. He finds a way to worm himself in after I have tried to forgive and forget but when the memories come back they are fresh. I just cannot believe someone wants to hurt another. For the first 25 years I was convinced it was me and I was mentally ill. I now understand it was his manipulation. I am convinced I was never and am not now mentally ill. He used it to control me. I think if you have someone around that diverts your attention it is easier. I have no one. I want no one. I never want to get in this situation again.

[@raccuia1]

@@kateym2198 sounds like you still have contact with the narc. If you do, why?

[@artskiwendy]

I RECENTLY READ NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IS A RAPE OF THE SOUL..SURE FEELS THAT WAY

[@kimberlytrent5245]

Sage, yes... Thank you for that.. ❤️

[@maryvanzandt5895]

They will NEVER change! Forgiveness does not include reconciliation; there is no trust means no relationship!!

[@JESUSISGREATEST]

Cutting them off early could tremendously help.

[@jennifermoffett9866]

What if it's a parent?

[@robin-vt1qj]

@@jennifermoffett9866 minimize contact?

[@markconger8049]

@@jennifermoffett9866 - if you mean the child is an adult then I agree with cutting them out of your life. If the child is a minor I don’t know of the best solution.

[@defenderofdharma983]

How to recognize them during love bombing...

[@lil--mo2025]

I’m back to my two strikes you’re out rule. Once the person I’m dating shows me two or more red flags, I’m gone and without any explanation whatsoever. I will not revisit it again for any amount of effort on their part. People who use kindness without honesty are some of the worst types to become involved with. Run!!!

[@blastprosful]

Damaged my healthy ego. Ruined my trust. Keeping me from finding someone to love. I didn't deserve this.

[@mariaawake4502]

It is a bumpy road. Grief over so much wasted time, hope and effort on a con man, who is stuck in a disorder.

[@lmm1586]

You nailed it!

[@leandrahackwith3168]

Forgiveness isn't letting them off the hook, it's letting go of the hook. 'Let go and let God '...

[@SusanLlewellyn-pp2xn]

Excellent Hook analogy. Ty

[@cherrybacon3319]

The Scars we will always have will remind us what never to put up with again. 🍒

[@annapurnaprosper]

In time the scars fade and wisdom remains

[@hannasalo3463]

there is no healing possible when everything has been destroyed and taken away.

[@cherrybacon3319]

When we feel like everything is destroyed and taken away, it leaves a mark and something else. When we feel like they've taken our very essence they've failed. What makes a person whole and good is still there. It's hurting, but still there. It just needs a guilding gentle soul(s) to pull us back. That gives us hope, and no Narcissist can take that away from us. 🍒

[@gracescicluna1182]

yes and my scars have become anger at how i was manipulated. im free and myself again but now i dont feel anything anymore, for the cruelty and accusations ive been through.

[@cherrybacon3319]

@@gracescicluna1182 I agree. The numbness caused by the abuse is harder to get rid of. We tend to make a decision to remain single for the rest of our lives because of it. You're free and yourself. Love yourself and find happiness wherever and in whatever you can. 🍒

[@flightydancer]

"grief is the price you pay for wanting to love, but the grief you had is a reminder that you are committed to love and goodness" Thank you Dr. C. I needed to hear that today.

[@Nina-vv3ev]

Me too!

[@jjwashere-qo7ow]

Character assassination is one of the worst; they are jealous and envious, determined to make you their enemy. I feel sorry for for them and their flying monkeys, but walking away can bring peace of mind even after decades (they don't change)

[@Sky_Star-hq6bx]

Trauma is a Signal that a Boundary has been Crossed .

[@TheMrsansari]

Control causes so much pain and damage. Even after getting out of it, it still feels like that cloud hovers over you.

[@jaimhaas5170]

Yes...a constant reminder...guilt.

[@andersa3448]

It will fade away, trust me. But it takes time...

[@AJLORACLE]

I relate to the clouds but I think the term for it is compartmentalisation (I think)

[@teresadvorak6145]

You can't get rid of a narc sister so u have to figure out a way to deal with them over & over & over again & again crazy

[@rg-mi5hh]

Controlling people leave a path of destruction behind them.

[@PassionateFlower]

I'm tired of feeling like I'm never pretty enough, thin enough, curvy enough, athletic enough, healthy enough, energetic enough, calm enough, chill enough, fun enough, popular enough, wealthy enough, smart enough, emotionally regulated enough, successful enough, or academic enough for narcissists. Ugh I'm so done.

[@jeannes.356]

You are enough. Just the way you are!

[@tnt01]

You are enough, narcs are jealous of great people, that is why they hurt you.

[@brynnleapierce5600]

I'm blown away by the mastery of a Narcissist, not impressive mind you, but instead how they evolve into using such precision of techniques. The destruction & trauma they inflict! You feel shell shocked as though you're imprisoned, brainwashed & tortured ‼️

[@dsmusicbird]

Yes. Exactly how I feel.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

So true and impressive given underneath all their BS is nothing - total empty shells - nothings - what con artists

[@maryheiser311]

Allison Andersson No Allison - it won’t be worth it. Run from that person- no sex doesn’t mean no emotional damage. A lot of them prefer no sex because it involves intimacy and they can’t handle it. They don’t even know how to have sex like a normal person.

[@marmaladesunrise]

@Allison Andersson Him being kind and helpful makes you more confused. That is a hook that keeps you tethered to an unhealthy existence. You will lose precious time that you will never get again. Is the humiliation worth it? It is an individual lesson. Gird youself by learning more and more of what Dr. Carter teaches. He's absolutely right about all he says. Only you will know when the time is right for you. Keep instilling into your mind what Dr. Carter says. Narcs don't change because they don't choose to.

[@lovesings2us]

Brynnlea Pierce -Very well said. Thank you for reminding me of just how astonishingly manipulative narcs can be. I don't want to forget, even though it's painful to remember, because forgetting makes me much more vulnerable to falling into the outrageous traps. Remembering just how bad it can be is great protection.

[@goldalevin869]

I've learned that a narcissist will never change or know how to love. They only know what's good for them because they are opportunists. Either lower your expectations to zero when dealing with them or get out of the way. Thank you for this video.

[@cutesybunny3360]

Perfectly said!!! 💥❤️🙏

[@notgivingthisout6977]

Wow, Dr. Carter - I'm not sure I can fully express how impactful this video is for me. The validation within is stunningly powerful; after years of having only the opposite, it stands in stark relief. I somehow feel you just gave a piece of me back to myself - one I've been mourning for a long time. Thank you ever so much!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased! Dr. C

[@maggie3219]

Me too.

[@kmax2584]

Yes me too I echo those comments!! This was extremely helpful for me!! Thank you Dr. C!🙏

[@monalisa2662]

I could really relate to your mourning... for a long time. 28 year to be exact. I pray for your healing as I know too well what loosing yourself feels like. I miss me. I used to be fun and joyfilled. I am in survival mode now. I hope I came find all the "pieces" of me again. I hope you heal and find all the pieces of yourself.

[@masterdaveedwards]

Yeh this guy is the bomb...I come for tune ups all the time...you'll get better at it, but it does take practice. Shalom

[@sarahs5340]

Just not feeling hyper vigilant all the time has been worth it.

[@orycroft2020]

Yep, they don't have a healthy sense of guilt. It's disgusting

[@tinman8972]

After I went gray rock for several months and established my independence from my narcissist wife, she said to me "We can be friends." I looked her straight in the eyes and said "I don't WANT you for a friend."

[@janpressler1491]

After 2 yrs of marriage it ALL came out on how he feels about me. And for the next 30+ yrs. he's been breaking my soul and my body down. These people are EVIL!

[@debbievoss3496]

The rest of my life devoted to treating myself as a close friend.

[@Teacher369]

I need to hear that healing from a Malignant Narcissist family member is possible. The damage done here is immense.

[@Harry-qw5jv]

YES! Me too

[@dosso9958]

Me too!

[@karlas.421]

Healing is possible. I'm there too. The damage is immense...you will change as you heal. Keep going 🙏

[@Teacher369]

@@karlas.421 Thank you Karla, and to everyone else for their support and encouragement. 💕

[@lovemymini8418]

Same with me!!

[@donna6368]

My whole world has been totally destroyed by my narcissistic boyfriend. I'm in the process of putting my life back together. I always blamed myself and felt like I was a failure whenever he would criticize me.The pain I feel has literally brought me to my knees. I just keep pushing forward and taking one day at a time.

[@micheleshively8557]

It gets better! If you can, imagine your future happiness just being able to be you again 💜❤️

[@livnandlearning3452]

They don't have the light and want to steal yours. BE AWARE

[@olive0eyes0]

DEEP reminds me of Amadeus movie

[@salliegallegos918]

Best comment!

[@avaprod.8622]

Narcissism is so sad, they are stuck in a dead end. It is scary to know someone will be doomed to end up alone this way.

[@dubliner1303]

No contact. Ignore until death.

[@SusanLlewellyn-pp2xn]

'He loves me unconditionally. He has accepted me completely. He had forgiven me totally. I am a whole oerson in Christ

[@crystalferguson7308]

My narcissist gave me gifts and money to apologize. I told him that’s not the way that he gets to love me. Loving me the right way is in words and in actions not in gifts alone.

[@violetskye6863]

My father did the same. But never did apologize for the way he treated us or the hurtful things he said

[@aliceroberts1980]

Yeah and they can’t do that so they think it’s Ok just throw money at you well guess what it’s not enough

[@MegaPerson012345]

My father in law 100% me trying to decline the gifts made me seem ungrateful and my husband would get mad at me.

[@MysTerry317]

YOU didn't deserve to have your self respect brought into question.

[@MysTerry317]

I shredded that relationship and moved to Alaska. I don't know if you have what it takes, but if you want your life back you've GOT TO BE STRONG(!) and MOVE FORWARD and AWAY from that DEGRADING CRAP-itosis, and that person! Life goes on and you must "move on" with it!! You; and even your children if they're involved, will adapt and be happier without the stress. I lived in a hell that my parents created with constant screaming and fighting for years and I was left with the worst "narci" I've ever known; my mother. Still not fully healed from that. Being left with a "narci" mother messed me up for years! Loved her, but hated her. I fight against any narci traits I see in myself daily. Praying we can spot this in ourselves, before we hurt someone. Be human, not inhumane!

[@susansheldon2707]

They definitely owe us. However, forgiving means cancelling debt. And since what's at stake is a debt you know they'll never acknowledge or pay, you free yourself by choosing to unilaterally cancel their (awful) debt - meaning let go of any hopes or expectations of remorse or acknowledgement of wrongdoing on the abuser's part. We have to do it in order to move away from them (literally or gray rock). So when you drop any hope or demand of debt payment from them, you also open the prison door from the inside and allow yourself to step out of it and into the first breaths of freedom. Go from there.

[@Slim_Hodge]

the only person you need to forgive is yourself for staying too long

[@yasmino6387]

The beauty of religion and believing in a after life is that you can forgive the narcissist but Allah(God) can still hold them accountable for what they did to you. Justice will be served.

[@susansheldon2707]

@mountain blue Agreed. They never would think of themselves as needing forgiveness. As I tried to indicate, deciding to cancel their indebtedness to you is something you do for yourself - to release yourself from the frustration of their never showing remorse or changing their ways. It's an act of letting go and moving on without them.

[@giogianelli8592]

The way you worded that really helped me understand that feeling a lot more, I've tried forgiving but I think unknowingly to myself Ive seen it as a debt owed and I need to just cancel the debt

[@joshuafreshney1206]

Forgive Once, No Forgiveness the Second time for the same thing, That leaves you Open To be Made a Fool of. Just my Experience.

[@tonimaric4867]

I Loved hearing someone say " Some people have ten gallon hearts and others have only a cupfull" Dont take their inability to Love personally people ❤

[@michelepascoe6068]

"The grief that you have is the price you pay for wanting to love, and a reminder that you are committed to love and desire goodness." Thank you Dr C, for your practical help and encouragement.

[@rhondathompson6592]

I agree.

[@harmonicresonanceproject]

'the grief you have is the price you pay for wanting to love' - so beautifully put.

[@crystalferguson7308]

Healing from the Narcissist is doable. But the first thing one must do is find their Worth In God and Walk Away if possible before even trying to heal. Make your latter years your BEST YEARS. ✨♥️✨

[@jamesarmstrong4179]

Crystal Ferguson,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist....

[@goodnessgracious6206]

Aaaamen

[@panfried7566]

"I want to be available to the people who care about me", "The narcissist does NOT define me". I needed to hear this. Thank you so much, Dr. Carter!

[@doriaware2965]

The disdain is hard to deal with. Treating it as no longer relevant is a good idea.

[@goodnessgracious6206]

The disdain and condescension

[@dcat2004]

Only through Jesus Christ I healed and had courage to say no more.

[@r.melindar.1349]

Amen...

[@shannonspanner7752]

God blessx

[@debbievoss3496]

DRC Dignity. Respect. Civility. I get to keep these characteristics.

[@Picca65]

Healing from damage done by emotionally unavailable and partially toxic parents and a narcissistic exhb. Every now and then I am so done with it and get depressed. It's the crappiest part of healing. The lost sense of self, low feeling of worthyness, etc.

[@Chasing70]

We accepted the behavior in the ex because of the parents we had!

[@Picca65]

@@Chasing70 so true!

[@ptshravani23787]

@@Chasing70 100%!

[@ptshravani23787]

I'm in the same boat...and them I keep flip-flopping b/w directing my rage at the parents and then the ex. Dunno who I hate more - the ones who gave me birth but could never love me, or the one who knew it all yet pretended to love me so he could destroy me?

[@Chasing70]

@@ptshravani23787 EXACTLY! I had CPTSD for the last three years. They won’t speak to me because I told them they are psychopaths & Narcissists. All I want is to talk with my grandkids. I never want to see the rest of them.

[@Bianca-sw5id]

They do damage , complain about everything they did for you when you try to get answers from them when they give you the silent treatment

[@Billionairess103]

I’ve dealt with this for almost 5 years and I’m moving on without this man. What a demon, yelling screaming fighting and trying to sabotage my life and business where I was blind NOW I see. THANK YOU JESUS! I’m free of this human and their miserable existence. I win!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Best wishes!

[@toqirussama8016]

Oh Gosh. When I used to say to Ex Narc , I don't deserve this behaviour and he replied as " you deserve worst than this with cold eyes" .... Oh God , how can someone be so dead from inside.

[@donaldday1281]

My narcistic wife died of a chronic illness & cancer. I am now married to a warm, loving, supportive, honest woman. The best revenge is to live well. My life is wonderful. And my former wife knew it before she died.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

All my best to you and your wife!!

[@stars_for_night_lights]

You are loved. You are special. You are unique. You are valuable. Your thoughts and feelings matter. You matter. Always take care of and love yourself first. 🥰

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes!

[@charmee4045]

Its like an amputation, I am now committing to my rehabilitation after that amputation. It was "emotional violence" far more painful than anything I could have experienced physically. Thank you Dr. Les.

[@thomasochsenfarth7048]

I thought for a long time: "Isn't it too hard to walk away completely, no contact etc." but suddenly the narc tried to dominate me with hate and he felt cleansed afterwards. Tried to totally devalue me without any chance to talk. I was almost throwing up. I never felt so much disgust in one single interaction. After such an encounter I understood why some narc channels, like this one, focus on getting the healthy people out of there and never look back.

[@MsYogiCat]

The grief you feel is the price you pay for wanting to love -! Thank you ❤️

[@conniebarrick8265]

No, I disagree with you, this is not the price you pay to love a nar person. They are mentally ill, a person should not pay a price for that. This is why Dr. Carter is on the internet. This is not buying a bad car, this is human behavior at it's worse.

[@citticat2]

I lived next to a narcissist neighbor for 30 years dealing with more psychological trauma than I care to admit. Finally he moved out, rented his place, and comes around every so often to check on his property. To this day , I still feel pain when I remember all the trauma, abuse, and the total disrespect he had for me and my property. I last time I saw him he tried to "sweet talk" me acting all nice- just a big show in front of his tenants. Thank God the new neighbors seam to be really nice. The anger never goes away -- the emotions just go into hiding until I see his face. I was hoping the house would sell.

[@DartmoorPaul]

Thank you SO much. Through my therapist I’ve finally understood that my 84yr old mother is a narcissist & I’m the co-dependent, trauma bonded victim. At 53!. I feel destroyed, no self worth and lonely. But finding your channel and seeing all the comments it makes me cry that I am not alone. THANK YOU. With these videos as part of my therapy I feel more confident of healing myself, even though that seems distant at the moment.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for your heart warming comments! Best wishes to you and I'm glad you have a therapist you trust. Dr. C

[@jodyhenning2128]

My mom was a narcissist and now my husband. I hope I learned my lesson. Don’t want to repeat this again

[@sweetpea3153]

I'm with you. And I'm over 66.

[@Mastermanifestors28]

@@jodyhenning2128 same here.

[@waterox73]

I'm 50 and just recently went no-contact with my 84 year old violent, racist, sadistic OCPD/NPD mother. It was either that or suicide.

[@tripsandtravels]

YOU, Mr. Narcissist, YOU DON'T DEFINE ME.

[@sharonjones5173]

I forgave my narcissistic mother for everything, the bullying, lies, false accusations, everything. She’s a sick, entitled individual who has never experienced the gift of gratitude or love her entire life. And then went no contact. Forever. No matter what happens I am no contact. Forever. I’m enjoying the peace.

[@biancavonmuhlendorf2608]

The most difficult aspect is to accept that there was no love in a narc. family. A desert really. I still feel somewhat betrayed because of this. Having gone no contact since many years now.

[@jerrieelaire5016]

Thank you I really needed to hear your message. I married one at 18years old, my only regret is my children had to endure their father’s narcissism But I turned to God for help and He has restored my self esteem. I’m 71 years old and have found a new husband that wants to spend the rest of our lives together. There is a wonderful life afterwards; again thank you 😊

[@Mamajonaful]

So happy for you that you've found love. Its never too late! Best wishes to you.

[@rebeccawoolfolk5377]

"Today is what I have to work with." Love it!

[@southerncatlady]

Omg. I don't think I have ever heard someone specifically say that I didn't deserve those things. And I didn't know how much I needed to hear that 😌

[@SusanLlewellyn-pp2xn]

I was 10 and remember standing there, feeling like my inner self was shattering...😢

[@Canaday291]

It was already torture enough “married “to a malignant narcissist alcoholic, but now all of my adult children have his same characteristics. And they all have addiction problems. The agony doesn’t and hasn’t gotten better for me

[@thelasttrumpet2915]

I’m so sorry to hear that! I’m in a bad situation myself because of TWO narcissistic exes, but I trust in God. That’s all you can do..

[@Chasing70]

Exactly. I am living this same story.

[@Chasing70]

@@leaf4958 I left in my RV, 3 years ago, but my kids won’t let me see or talk with my grandkids! I am sickened my sons are narcissists.

[@aliceroberts1980]

I’m so sorry for your pain

[@guylamullins3602]

It’s harder I think to realize a child is also this way. It downright hurts. I understand.

[@Sky_Star-hq6bx]

We have the Right to Protect Ourselves And Our Loved ones and Children !

[@erinhaas8262]

Thank you for doing these videos. I feel like I have ptsd after my experience with a narcissist.

[@defenderofdharma983]

Try some anxiety reduction medicine.

[@TamiJo6708]

Yes. Me as well.

[@omaarahfarooq7234]

It's cptsd! Basically ptsd on a major scale! It's horrendous, crippling and killing. But you WILL free yourself with time and healing x

[@lmm1586]

PTSD is common in this situation. I had 28 years with a narc husband. He shook me to the core each day with his impending anger storms. Rage would happen over I.e. no sugar in the sugar bowl. He would think it was done on purpose as a diabolical plot against him. That the kids or I left the sugar bowl empty to anger him on purpose. Maddening. My kids are doing well now. That’s all I care about.

[@dianegh3508]

I had PTSD from a 17 year marriage to a narcissist. I got EMDR therapy with an excellent female Christian counselor. My severity of symptoms, ie: panic attacks, hyperventilation when I had to be anywhere near to my ex (I had to co-parent) were greatly lessened even after one session.

[@susanparker9877]

It's the sence of 'mystery ' that escapes the narcissist. That sweet wonder that they can't grasp. I refuse to let go of that special gift from God.

[@privatejen3590]

This was beautifully expressed. I loved how you stated, that we do not owe anyone a relationship (especially the high-controllers/difficult individuals) and stated what we do owe ourselves. This is the first time that I have heard these stated with clarity and compassion. Your words touched the core of my being, and brought tears in my eyes. Thank you for your helping to heal my heart.

[@barbibutton9619]

Most helpful thing I've heard. Writing it down and taking it to bathroom mirror. And maybe even on the fridge

[@susanparker9877]

Good tears of relief. The burden being lifted like the sun coming out after a storm. Hold that image.

[@lindabell2940]

I read some great stuff, those narcissist need, better traits hec im whatever, but i find honor in truth, the peace ,hec your heart will fall, the only reason it happen to me i got carried away and would not stop texting her , stuff about her dum ways, but being mad , will make you hate, i dont like being hate full

[@alicecoleman5532]

DRC - He is correct! Many years ago the narcissist in my life wrote a letter to me after they learned I was going NC. I had changed my phone number so they could not call me. The letter was full of lies, false accusations and threats because I was "defying them" by going NC. My reply was to return the letter to them with a note attached that simply said "I do not deserve a letter like this". This person never attempted to contact me again.

[@Mehmet-rw9bu]

The "You didn't deserve" part made me almost cry.

[@broniakaniowski9367]

I find forgiveness is a GOD GIVEN ......HEALING......Beautifull inner healing.....I did need His help.....I couldn't do it myself without getting bitter. Thank you Dr Carter.

[@christinakellerman1951]

Narcissists are so dangerous. You can be traumatized for the rest of your life. My parents were both narcissits and my brother is narcissist too. Iam working every day on a better life and have been going no contact years ago. The parents died last year. My brother refused to send me the message qnd tried to take the estate and the heritage. Iam now in court with him.

[@kisigma1011]

Yup 💯

[@tinadavis7742]

Been done with the narc.its been 5 yrs god is good.im healed.

[@flowergirl2day]

Run while you can!

[@lexwilson2730]

Absolutely g jo...2 of us got away, the 2 bad ones. Lolololo, that story is so you❤

[@danarchambault8723]

The past is the past , i owe you nothing , great words of wisdom

[@yvonneneal8063]

I've already watched this video every morning since it was released. After a lifetime of narcissistic abuse, this is a powerful message that I needed to hear.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased. Dr. C

[@micheleshively8557]

I know I will, absolutely needed words to an injured heart and soul

[@jefflamoreaux682]

Thank you. I’m 58, male, and have an elderly narcissistic mother. She is in poor health, yet is insisting on coming to NYC to visit. I’m going to need an ambulance not an Uber to get her around. And she wants to visit her Park Avenue friend and has purchased tickets to a Broadway show. I may not make it through this. Seriously. And I don’t think she cares.

[@cutesybunny3360]

Self respect and dignity!!! 💥🎯💯

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

Louise Hay: I joyously release the past. I am at peace...the grief will be there and I am glad I loved.

[@krisztina442]

This is going to be the most useful content; healing from this damage is my main desire these days. 🌞

[@jaimhaas5170]

Sometimes we forget...it takes time..we must allow that to happen.

[@lapacesiaconvoi]

why should i care about them? they've walked all over me. it's casting pearls before swine.

[@egypt3304]

Be healed in the name of Jesus,

[@lmm1586]

You can do it, patience and time my friend ☺️

[@blueskies7035]

This will seem strange, but I hated how often my thoughts would turn to the narcissist. A piece of advice that I got was to read a book; it has worked, little by little. In my case, it was light reading: fiction. I wish you all the best.

[@Gregforeli]

I didn't truly call it narcissism until about a year ago. It helped with starting to move forward.

[@dsmusicbird]

That which I cannot forgive, I give to God. Something's are just way too big to take on yourself. And too heavy to drag around. And too rediculous to think it's yours to carry in the first place. It's so hard to heal the devastation. The energy and amount of input and time lost. To heal that huge amount of grief, turmoil, hurt and pain. It takes years to put back together and to understand what happened to you. I'm reminded. One time I was talking out to God asking why? How is it fair that we victims have to pick up all the broken peices and the perpetrators get to walk on as if nothing happened. Like a tornado leaving behind its mess. The thought came to me... Would you want the perpetrator to touch those peices? To handle them, like they handled you? Those pieces are precious parts of you. Why hand them another piece of you to destroy or damage further? Pick up your chin. Pick up your pieces. Love yourself, accept yourself, understand yourself as you rebuild you. Takes time. Effort. And work. But, you're worth it!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Good way to put it. Dr. C

[@marthadawson8954]

Excellent. Thank you.

[@dsmusicbird]

@@marthadawson8954 You're Welcome 💕

[@miriam100ful]

I owe you nothing...that is so important to know! We can't change the past, we can only change the present.

[@darlenerego4891]

"Let's be honest, that person was wrong". I need to remember this! Thanks Doctor Carter!

[@georgew.5639]

Not just a narcissistic spouse. A pair of lawyers and a judge or two. I’m just praying that the damage that they caused me does not continue in the present. 😔

[@lornayuen7444]

A narcissist is like a dictator. Do as you’re told or face their wrath. I wish I could get out. Being mentally tortured, verbally abused, watching your kids suffer the very same treatment and trying to shield them takes a toll. I don’t know how long I can do this. It has been 24 years and I am not my confident young me any longer. I’m an empty shell that may shatter at any moment.

[@thereallisa1]

Big hug

[@dawnemile4974]

You will only heal if you move away and go no contact with the narcissist. My mother wasted her life living with one.

[@vickimerritt2832]

@@dawnemile4974 so glad you are able to see that and how it effected her and you and not blame her.

[@vickimerritt2832]

see someone at an abuse shelter be aware that even if you do the right thing they will not.

[@AlbertoSalviaNovella]

Imagine that you were an external person, and you were offered the choice to save one's persons life worth. Which one would you save, Lornayuen or their narcissist?

[@daniellebeatty8403]

I wish this guy was my actual therapist.

[@saratrevorrow2788]

I am crying right now Dr. Carter. Your empathy and speaking the truth. I didn't deserve, but it is going to take a long time to trust again. I feel hopelessness and terrible grief.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hi Sara, please know that when I say these things, it's because I truly mean it. I wish nothing but the best for you. Dr. C

[@saratrevorrow2788]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I believe you. I listen to you everyday. Thank you for the lifeline you give to those of us who are suffering as well as the wisdom. I need to think my way out of the darkness and tell myself the truth.

[@SC-gp7kt]

Our pasts are important to our future; they can be there as reminders to us so we don't repeat our behavior.

[@DavidFraser007]

Healing takes time, once you get used to a normal life without a narcissist spoiling you life on a daily basis, things get better. But recognizing exactly what the problem is and getting good advice gives you a heads up advantage. Dr Carter is a huge help.

[@lindasandhop2219]

I didn’t deserve most of it! I see now why I coward to people like I’m not good enough!

[@dmac9658]

Just this week I asked my counselor what I had done to deserve the contempt my ex-husband showed me. She assured me I'd done nothing to deserve one moment of it. And tonight I hear you say the same thing--after a decade you both have told me what my heart needed to begin to heal--I did not deserve his manipulation, his disdain, nor his emotional abuse and I do not need to give him the opportunity to give me one moment more of it--whether in his actual presence or by giving him one more inch of space in my thoughts.

[@michellek2946]

Well said. I don’t want to have any more thoughts renting space in my head about him. He doesn’t deserve my love

[@navyblue7787]

Keep a heart free and lighter

[@KadyPowellAEROPOLEONEKD]

Every day with Doctor Carter GIVES me the strength to believe in myself I don't know how to thank him enough

[@SherryBowie-j4m]

He's just awesome and amazing and he's helped me through this torture and pain. I listen over and over to his videos. He's so calming and so smart. God bless him.❤

[@SC-gp7kt]

Forgiving and forgetting are different things!

[@markconger8049]

I misunderstood the title of this video to mean how to heal after permanently getting away from the narcissist. That said, if you are under the influence of a narcissist please make a plan to exit that influence. Healing in my experience cannot take place while in the relationship, whether it be romantic, workplace, or other. You have to have separated from the narcissist before true healing can commence. So, make a plan for team healthy. If that means divorce, quitting your job, leaving an organization you love, or otherwise walking away then so be it. And, no, suicide is not a solution. So get that out of your head. Once you leave a narcissist you’ll find out just how much they changed you. It’s time to change back to the healthy you. And that takes a little time. But it does happen. Just like healing from a burn or injury on your physical body takes time so does recovery from an unhealthy realtionship.

[@vitkomusic6624]

The problem is narcisists watch these videos and in comments section rant... This video is super therapeutical Dr Carter

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks! And yes, I get some rants!

[@lifewithapurpose237]

we don't deserve a lot of things, but that's not up to them to decide.