7 Passive Aggressive Control Games Narcissists Play

[@chelleb3055]

I learned the hard way to never give away too much information to anyone until you truly get to know and trust them. Narcissists love to take every single thing they know about you and use it as a passive aggressive weapon, especially in public settings so they can humiliate you. It's like they are stuck mentally as an elementary school bully.

[@panoplia5167]

Absolutely!

[@frau_ic]

imagine you have been exposed to this since you were born. How hard it is to learn later that no one has a right to your trust. Especially when as a child you couldn't follow your instincts and just leave your family - the one you distrust the most is then, unfortunately, yourself. Oh dear.

[@lil--mo2025]

So true! My last girlfriend (25 yr old single mom) (I’m 42), came into my life and played the sweet, naive, innocent professional. She then began to do all the things that she knew were contrary to her own words and against my firm boundaries, i.e. lying, sneaking around, manipulation, denial, etc. I would try and talk to her about my feelings and concerns regarding the bars and staying out on the weekends, she would stonewall, deflect, project, blame shift and then completely invalidate me. I would begin to get angry and reactive abuse started to show. I was emotionally a wreck. I’d try and calmly talk with her and she would appear to be happy with my pain and sadness. I remember this one time I was not at all raising my voice or arguing with her and simply stated my opinion and she looked at me with a smile and said; “you’re a bully aren’t you m?!” I knew something was way off as I had never once been referred to as a bully my whole life and I actually don’t like bullies. Looking back on this I can see that every aspect of her life is based off of manipulation and control of people, places and issues. She gets off on the power of it.

[@hikerhobby1204]

@@lil--mo2025 You’re not a bully! They do and say that stuff to make you feel like you’re going crazy! God Bless!

[@chelleb3055]

@@frau_ic I don't have to imagine it, I lived it. It's been a very difficult struggle to get where I'm at because I was born into a family of narcissists and sociopaths. Not just abusive to me but to our pets as well. I have c-ptsd and am recovering from borderline personality disorder because of my traumatic upbringing and from watching our pets be tortured and killed for fun. Dr. C's videos have helped me so much!

[@gwendolynbien-aime1536]

My mom used to say, “Many a truth is said in jest”. When a narcissist insults and quickly follows up with “I was just kidding”, don’t believe it. The narcissist stated his true sentiment with the original insult.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it. Dr. C

[@pjfountaine7755]

To quote Maya Angelou, “When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them.” Many times it takes a kind hearted person a bit longer (or many many years of abusive treatment) to get out of a relationship with somebody like that, the insulting, smirkingJoker who always cuts you down with a smile. They prey upon kindness and feast on all those second-third-upteemth chances that merciful, good natured people dole out. Bullies they are for sure and the best thing is to ignore them and get away as fast as you can. And don’t take their calls, their notes, or whatever.,

[@therealcoachdyson]

I always tell them, you meant it

[@nightmareTomek]

“I was just kidding” is meant to get out of an argument, they're not sincere.

[@emmaharper860]

Lesson learned.

[@stacypogue3183]

Love seeing Gus the dog sleeping so peacefully on the couch.

[@eyeoftheneedle1116]

IKR?

[@juliettedauterive3745]

He is so zonked, lol. He knows HEs safe.

[@cosmicmuffin322]

We love Gus 😍😍

[@Misses-Hippy]

@@cosmicmuffin322 France loves Gus.

[@prettysmile6869]

How old is Gus? Does anyone know 🇳🇱❤️🇺🇦✌️

[@stella6516]

I'm surrounded by these people....slowly trying to get free.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Best wishes moving forward! Dr. C

[@moebanshee]

Narcissists are controllers and they're punishers. The first goal is control. They're going to control you and if they can't control you they punish you. That's what I'm going through with a neighbor. This epidemic is bigger than personal relationships (like husband and wives or boyfriends and girlfriends or lovers or even families). Narcissism as is at an all-time high and people (for some reason) think they have the right to punish you if you do not do what they tell you to do

[@jeffreyrossman8661]

Hi Moe. How are you feeling today I hope your day is as bright as your pretty smile today, I was commenting on when I come across you and all what you just said in your comments is great and amazing, I will like us to been a friend's, is that's okay with you..??

[@daphventurer7475]

I am also facing a group of narcissist neighbours!! I really try to "grey-rock" them and ignore them. I don't talk to them or even look at them. And they turn their attention to someone else sometimes But then just when I think they have left me alone...they try something again to antagonize me. They like looking for some kind of allegation against me over very small things or just made-up issues. But I still ignore...Then I go to my bible and pray all the prayers there against evil people. For me, it is my faith in God to fight them for me, that keeps me going.

[@andreah6379]

You are very observant. Narcissism reached front & center when 45 came into office. He has been diagnosed as a narcissistic sociopath by many professionals in psychology. He fit all the guidelines: authoritarian/controlling, hypocrite, zero empathy, bully, no respect for other's boundaries, selfish, manipulative with money, ruled by anger, etc... Actually, all rightwing party has these traits! So, yes, very common. Narcissism runs in families. It's about pathological upbringing and modern-day conservatism is all about narcissism and sociopathology. All rightwing voters are somewhere on that pathological spectrum. See how they cruelly behave with strangers at school boards, on airplanes, anywhere in public. These are the mask/vaccine/science/facts haters. And they are ruled and activated by 1 main emotion: hate, anger. We live in dangerous times. This "sickness" is all too prevalent in America today,

[@daphventurer7475]

@@andreah6379 Not just America. In the whole wide world !!!

[@peculiarpriscilla7777]

Sin. Bc inquity increases the love of many grows cold Matthew 24:12

[@alloymineral485]

They are one of those who call you hero when things turned around, but when things turned upside down, you are labeled as a criminal or a useless person.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So very true.

[@angelafrench8005]

My stomach doesn't hurt nearly as much now that I've moved 1000 miles away.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Funny how that works!

[@TheLarigrader]

The blank stares, the rage out of nowhere, the lack of empathy when i got hurt or was sick in bed. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that you cant explain, That feeling that something is "off" that you cant pinpoint, It;s all making sense now!

[@abutterfly7975]

You sound exactly like me!

[@billyhampton2154]

My mom died. Granted we weren't close towards the end...but my narc decided appropriate response to me forgetting to introduce her to someone, was storming out and berating me in the car. Because I didn't even realize what I'd done. I thought something was wrong because I turned towards her and saw her walking off.

[@candimero1151]

That’s exactly what I’m dealing with right now..but I’m actively looking to get out

[@geppertmail]

OMG, you nailed the exact experience that I have been going through 🤔. Thank you and good luck

[@ronigiacobetti2393]

That was my life - narc mother and sister... All's good now though- they haven't been part of my life for about 10 years😊

[@gregh2322]

If you engage with them on any level, you'll get the same predictable controlling behavior. You can't win. They must feed the monster inside of them.

[@alonzomosley7]

Completely correct, you can't win ,just remove yourself from the equation.

[@macnchessplz]

Oh yes, it’s predictable. Which is why disengaging is the best resolution. And not reacting as hard as that can be.

[@shawnpatrick4703]

Poor monster got indigestion from eating her soul.

[@alonzomosley7]

@Michel Brown I know going through it myself with my adult child, its tough.

[@monsterinhead214]

??? What Monster ???

[@willyoung1624]

One of my narc mom's favorite response is "I am not intending to hurt you" but then continues with the same behaviors that do hurt me. Double standard is like a punch to the gut. She has the right to be upset about anything but I'm always supposed to get over it or let it go.

[@cymbolichuman433]

You're supposed to be perfect, and they are a mess!

[@edmundhunt5158]

Ditto. She can criticize anyone but can't take the merest hint of a criticism herself. When her criticism is brought to her attention she says "people shouldn't be so thin skinned"!

[@demondogmom7221]

My mother loved to say nasty stuff under the pretense of "love", especially in public where she thought she was "safe" from getting a response. I took to saying, "So, was it your intention to be mean?" She'd deny that (stammering because she was caught), and I'd point out she needs to think before talking...in public and in a calm, rational manner. It took awhile, but she learned...

[@andrearush6209]

Ohh, this resonates both in the intent and double standard. Father, sister, brother to varying degrees. It's surreal to see it in action. I've finally gotten some traction with distancing and moving forward. It's hard because I love them but it's too much chaos and I don't want to be who it I am around them. Hang in there. Walk upright and keep the faith. ❤️

[@motorcityblacksheep121]

And some of them gloat on the fact they’re the “Meanest Mom”. Until being a mean mom wasn’t considered a good thing. Can’t backpedal it back to nurturing at this point.

[@izawaniek2568]

Passive agressive people always win provided we participate in their games. Let us declare them king or queen of the hill and remove ourselves from their whereabouts. They like to be irrespondible and humiliate other people, Let us remove ourselves from their presence and sphere of influence and live our good meaningful lives with dignity, respect and civility far away from the toxicity of those individuals. Thank you dr Carter.

[@ErumEhmad20]

"You can be the queen or king of that hill, I'm not on that hill anyway." I love how this neutralizes their game. And I get to raise my vibes around the narcissists without having to worry about them bringing me down.

[@mundarradrew8257]

Amen to that one too💞💞💞💞💞💞💯💯💯🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@everybodyneedsagoat3958]

Yes! I loved that - not on the hill anymore.

[@deborahbulthe]

their hill is a lonely place

[@rustyrussell3211]

Not on their hill, oh I'm glad to hear that one. I can visualize him alone on his very own hill.

[@trumptrainconductor7746]

@@mundarradrew8257 M my n B N k

[@brightbite]

2 more: Back handed compliments: "Oh I like what you you did with your living room! SOOO much better than the other way you had it!" Or, if they have hurt you, they bring up some perceived slight you "afflicted" them with, like 20 years ago. They keep all their grievances of you in their heads forever and then use them against you sometimes years later.

[@christinalw19]

I’m a designer and creative in many realms. People who make comments like that are intimidated, jealous, or overwhelmed. Just say “Thank you.” The lessons are for everyone. 😘👍🏼

[@jwagz9300]

@brightbite I had one who literally kept a notebook of his percieved slights. Know what wasn't in that @#!#@ notebook? Alllllllllll the time and efforts I gave him. Most recent, and what broke the camel's back involved COVID. I had it, but this (bleeeeeep) needled me to so things every day, regardless of how much I said how I didn't feel good, think I may have the vid, should probably stay home and isolate, excessive comments, mind you, about being WORRIED I could get someone else sick, while he behaved as if I wasn't sick, was just weak and a hypochondriac. Acted like I wasn't sick, and actually had me believing I was just weak, lazy, and pathetic, so I pushed myself and would spend time with him when I really wanted to be in bed resting. Well sure enough, he got sick and got tested and got a positive test... (Not a boyfriend, only a friend, now an ex-friend) So, when he got tested suddenly it was all about him, and he started using it against me that he was doing everything right, unlike me. I lost it. Took me over a month to get through it, and I feel so angry. Maybe it wouldn't have tAken so long, or gotten worse, had I not had that jerk needling and pressuring me, dismissing me and gaslighting me, or had trusted my gut over his b.s. Such a jerk, I feel angry every time I think about it. This is also a dude who presents himself as a Torah Observant Christian dresses up as a Jewish person. The yarmulke, tzi tzi prayer tassels, attends church OFTEN-as often as possible, and "volunteers" but all of it, I learned, was PHONEY. It is such an arrogant delusional superiority complex. No compassion, no appreciation for ANYTHING, and no remorse since he thinks he can do no wrong. I'm like a magnet for narcs, as I am very open, very real, super compassionate, traumatized, and always willing to hear if I've hurt someone and legit care... so I isolate a lot. Seems safer and I'm tired of being hurt by people I trust and give the benefit of doubt to. It is almost like I'm "retarded" in a sense. Very vulnerable and narcs seem to smell me even if in a crowd of thousands. I do pray to GOD for forgiveness for my errors and anger and the isolating. For me, with societal norms having turned narcissistic abuse as the way, the world is a dangerous place. A lot of what is common and normal today IS psychotic narcissistic abuse. I now believe it to be the playbook of the devil, and this is exactly what the serpent did to god and Eve... gaslighting. Literally. The playbook of s'tan.

[@unconversantcallowincandes1540]

Exactly!! Glad you get it 💯

[@jwagz9300]

@@unconversantcallowincandes1540 who did you mean gets it 100%? (Just curious... don't wanna be like "yeah Rusty, I so do" in my head if it was to someone else's comment!) Hehe😜😁😃

[@bobtaylor170]

@@christinalw19 , thank you! Several people have said that sort of thing about something which matters to me, and which I think I do well.

[@leahsmith2027]

Gus back there sleeping makes me smile, so cute.

[@sharonpoisson8401]

I quit my job so that I could take care of my Brother when he had cancer. I found out a year or so later that my Mother told everyone that I was fired from my job for being dishonest. Crazy narcissistic people!!

[@Natybsg]

"Narcissists are known for having many double standards". Man, they ARE the double standards 😯 that's really mind blowing when you are a kid 😤😵

[@fredhubbard7210]

There is an expression--If they didn't have double standards... they wouldn't have any standards at all! As much as I enjoy this aphorism, I think it is misleading. They have at best one set of standards... the ones for you. And even then, they aren't really standards, because they are constantly changing. Regardless of what you do, you still don't measure up. I remember thinking of my mother, "I can always sleep comfortably know that whatever I did, whatever choice I made--it was the wrong one.

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

Yes they do exactly what they claim to hate

[@foodog777]

The not valuing your time piece is a giveaway of a narcissist. I wish I had realized that with the worst narc of my life.

[@private755]

I find a lot of comfort in the fact that they will continue to be themselves their whole lives burning out connection after connection. The truth will out each time with each new person. I get to be me and embrace growth and move on. They’re stuck forever in their personal hell of their own making.

[@onlydebra4580]

Try dealing with a narcissist being an addict, too...its omg...

[@Userytghnmjk-e6w]

When you are not feeling well, they will go on talking about that day many months ago when they were not feeling well, what they had to tolerate.

[@jengable4888]

The level of hypocrisy, the double standards, the GASLIGHTING, the passive aggressive/vindictive/criminal behavior is so apparent ! They talk out of both sides of their mouths, and do NOT have any credibility whatsoever ! In addition, they may have ASPD, so they may LIE, try to smear/destroy your career, relationships, life, and then deny it, when clearly there is OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE !! Thank you for posting this !

[@robbrewer2036]

Best wishes and may life be good to you in the future.

[@jengable4888]

@@robbrewer2036 thank you very much...! I need justice and financial restitution for what happened to my infant daughter and I. There may be others who have suffered as I have, for decades, and if that is the case, they need compensation too ! I need financial restitution now ! How long is this going to go on for ? Victims of intermittent, but ongoing crimes MUST be compensated for ALL of their losses ! ⚖️ Why should I have to claim bankruptcy, become homeless, or both, because the utter lawlessness that has been allowed in this country ?!? The crimes/abuses are REAL, were reported for 15+ years, were IGNORED and I was MOCKED ! Have a good night -

[@robbrewer2036]

Every jurisdiction needs to make coercive control a criminal offence and enforce it.

[@jengable4888]

@@robbrewer2036 YES ! I agree 100% ! Psychological /financial abuse is illegal in France and the UK. At least these countries recognize how insidious the victimization can be, especially when it comes from a parent, or family member. This is what was done to me by my adopted brother, trying to pin others against me, and from others in my own family who used my willingness to assist against me to further the orchestrated beat down. I was toyed with like a puppet, only to be HORRIBLY abused/victimized, by my family and society. This is true and there are pictures, video, eye witnesses, and other documents that substantiate my claim. Also, my poor infant daughter, (Miya Jane Justeson) never had a chance ! I WILL file a lawsuit, and I WILL WIN my freedom !! I will receive financial restitution for ALL of the damages ! Thank you for your support ! Last, let us hope that additional laws will be passed to enforce the following: 1. Criminalize psychological abuse.(Use the DSM-5 as a guide) 2. Criminalize financial abuse. 3. Criminalize to the fullest extent of the law, cybercrime which includes cyber stalking. 4. "The Right to Know"- any tenant entering to a tenant agreement MUST be informed if ANYONE in the house/complex has had or continues to have the following: 4a. Previous arrests 4b. Previous or current substance use disorders 4c. Physical health issues 4d. Mental Health issues I have been subjected to additional victimization because I was NEVER informed that there was, or currently, an individual (tenant) either in the home or in the complex who had/still has severe issues ! This is completely unfair to the unsuspecting tenant, and can cause further victimization ! I am infuriated at what has been done to my infant daughter and I !! Again, thank you for your support !

[@taraarrington2285]

@@robbrewer2036 yes!

[@LindaMalone12]

"Well, I don't remember" was his answer every time I brought up something hurtful that he'd said or done in the past. And usually follow up with "you have such a good memory, I just can't compete with that".

[@krembryle]

I don't remember that. You made it up. You exaggerate it. YOU misunderstood everything. That's not true. That didn't happen. This was what my grandma used to say to me when we argued while I lived with her. I figured what my mom's coping mechanism is. She has a short term memory for the bad. You could tell her horrible things and later apologize for it and she would be like, oh, you said that? I forgot about that... In my opinion, that's the only way she can love her mother till today. And the reason she can't leave a toxic relationship. I'm angry only thinking about my grandma. Like, how dares she. She is the one who is sick, yet I am the black sheep of my family.

[@GMAAndy333]

I listen periodically to remind myself of why I left years ago... Not too easy being single but better than life with a narcissist.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

³¹oct: Common passive aggressive control games, dr.c here are my experiences. •Silent treatment •Ignore your questions •On-purpose, forget to do...[fill in blank] •Hold grudges •Leave you out of conversations, esp when engaging with loved ones •Sabatage your plans, esp celebratory ones •Act like they can not hear you

[@krisztina1973]

I totally agree! I would add two of my 'favourites'. First the backhanded (unpleasant) compliments... you know, something like this: 'You are so fit and pretty, it's disgusting!' Or 'I like your dress. It was fashionable two years ago, wasn't it?' The other one is when they somehow perceive that you are in good mood and satisfied or somehow 'above' them, maybe you are the 'winner' of a situation (that's just their perception, not necessarily the reality) and they say something to pull you down onto their level, to ruin your mood, to make you feel like a fool. It's a jab, an unpleasant but very subtle remark, often disguised as a joke.

[@hcombs0104]

A sibling is an expert at passive aggressive BS. For instance, saying "you seem too intelligent" to have certain political beliefs that don't correspond with hers. And if you confront her, she breaks into tears, like a five-year-old, and gives a litany of your faults (according to her) and shriek "after all I've done for you!!!" Which has always been very little.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

@@krisztina1973:³¹oct🎃: krisztina, totally relate to your second paragraph. Not only party poopers but ' *good mood pooper* too

[@user-cp5yi8cr5w]

Especially the sabotage of celebration. Even if it’s for them. Waste your time, energy, money, efforts. Super turn off. lol like just let me know if you don’t want this. Smh

[@jwagz9300]

@@lifewithapurpose237 Joyrobbers

[@amothergoddess2774]

NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY, GOODNIGht!

[@suzannerichardson3208]

My mother and older sister abusively phone harassed me for 40 years. When I finally started standing up for myself and expressed my anger to my sister, she played the victim immediately.

[@jackpetersen7545]

Suzanne Richardson,You look gorgeous 🌹🌷,I think you deserve better 🙏

[@sudhakhristmukti1930]

So sad they made that choice. I had to cut off all contact with a verbally & emotionally abusive uncle ... and he took to smear-campaigning, instigating other relatives and whoever else he could, against me. He had been mean to my mother all the while taking her free expert medical help for himself & his family for years on end, as she was a wonderful and compassionate physician, and he often asked her for money. One day when I was about 25 or 26 he raged at me while I had to give a phone message in person ( which his brother had asked me to do - he lived in another city) pointing his finger close to my nose, and did not allow my tired mom to have her dinner in peace..after a long hard day , at our home. I told him after years of his taunts and insults and miserable behaviour, that he should never again set his foot at our home again. Peace thereafter. Years later a few days after my father's funeral he uttered a foul expletive at me in the presence of his daughter-in-law.

[@susanmunoz7688]

Isn’t wonderful to be reminded that the narcissist loves to get you into a argument ! Let’s just leave them to argue with their own self! Have a blessed day Team Healthy 😊👋

[@panoplia5167]

Yes, let's do. 😃

[@sylviaparker9010]

I've found you cannot disagree with a narcissist, they are always right, but you learn to just ignore them, usually people of intelligence sees right through them, in other words they fall over themselves and let their guard down eventually, I'm a better person for not being like them. My mantra is " They have the problem" say that to yourself it works..

[@wayneelliott1180]

My technique is to change the subject mid-flight. It trips them over. If they persist in their attempts to create conflict, just walk away. They can't fuck with you if you're not there.

[@dnwitte]

@@wayneelliott1180 My narc would follow me if I walked away, and berate me for "not communicating".

[@geppertmail]

Amen

[@scotttully8572]

"Plausible deniability" makes you lose your mind. Did they MEAN to say/do that? Don't they know how they come off? If in doubt, peeps, call them out and put up a boundary!

[@instagamrr]

God, sooo accurate. This is my neglectful narc to a T. Also, yay, I’m the 1111th comment 🤗

[@forgivemore4488]

Double standards indeed! Especially in traffic. It is maddening!

[@splainyourself9811]

I confronted my X hub about something he did that hurt me...his response, " At least you don't have to eat dirt like the people in Haiti. 🥴 I also told him once I would just like to for once sit down and have a nice conversation...He said I was lying. 🤯

[@tobascoheat6582]

(a) "Can't you take a joke?" (b) "You look nice ... today." He spent hundreds of $$$ every week on cigarettes, alcohol, and pot, but I got screamed at for spending $120 at Walmart for the week's groceries!!! Thank you so much Dr. Carter, for the wisdom and insights that I've gained from your videos like this. Because of you, my crazy, mixed up, incomprehensible life FINALLY is making sense!!! Thanks again, so much!!! You're a blessing!

[@deborahbulthe]

yes they are addicts

[@nightmareTomek]

If they're addicts, then they're sick.

[@tobascoheat6582]

@@nightmareTomek That's hardly a reason to excuse their behavior! If they're narcs they're sick. And if I've been abused by one then I'm sick! That's why I watch Dr. C!!

[@nightmareTomek]

@@tobascoheat6582 Good for you. But I'm not excusing their behavior. Thx for the daily wrong assumption.

[@tobascoheat6582]

@@nightmareTomek Oh, no! Thank you for the daily wrong implication. (Intentional or not.)

[@lunadust8017]

This is the way that my husband is. Thankyou for confirming that this is just a game and i am a plaything. Today he told me that the second i open my mouth people would think i am a princess. When i told him that i thought that was mean, he said o was just joking can't you take a joke. So mean spirited, i must get away.

[@wallymarcel1]

Ask what you want then deliberately withhold it.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

wally: you brought back memories, learned some time ago not to make em aware of my likes, wishes or even dreams, as these *were* withheld (before i learned my lesson). Adopted the ' *whatever* ' attitude, since then have heard dr.c make a video 📹 on this whatever attitude

[@wallymarcel1]

@@lifewithapurpose237 you can see thelittle gleam in their eye when you’ve told them. “Boy, am I gonna have fun with this.”

[@hedywolf6041]

Or if they know you don't like something, they will try to repeat, create or subject you to it.

[@wallymarcel1]

@@FenianPhoenixRises I do the same. Have fun with them. Well, as much as you can…

[@bellaluce7088]

For some with ADHD, autism, brain injury, etc., difficulty perceiving and managing time is literally part of the disability. So in the same way we wouldn't assume someone in a wheelchair is "choosing" not to stand up, it is fair and kind to assume that people with a time disability are not "choosing" to be late.

[@johnnycreighton29]

Good morning, everyone!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Good morning! Dr. C

[@warriormom5843]

Good morning, Johnny and Dr. C! 😃😃

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Good morning

[@lindadobberstein2035]

I would rather live with Gus! Such a sweet peaceful dog!

[@pamconlin-casarez7254]

You have described my ex-husband perfectly. I divorced him because I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I am learning to be healthy and me again! Thank you for these videos!

[@lozannevanniekerk5489]

My dad just stares if you tell him he hurt you stone cold and say nothing they do not fix things it is horrible being the child of a narcissists

[@lifewithapurpose237]

agree, they do not fix things , but ready to take the credit for what others do. Ours would say, out of nowhere, " *Your Welcome* " whenever our children had successes

[@lifewithapurpose237]

i 🙏 your other parent is the opposite of your narcoid parent.

[@lessalonelouann]

I get the distant stare when I say ANYTHING mine disagrees with. Even on very trivial subjects like gardening. I'm currently on the receiving end of a 3 month silent treatment because my young child called him annoying. But he'll eventually show back up (unannounced like always) and pretend like nothing happened.

[@phoenixrising8007]

When they get emotionally heated becoming an emotional dump truck ...unloading all their anger on you and then just drive away...

[@elizasmith5201]

I grew up with a father like this. My mother was older and it was hard to walk. She started fighting back. He did not like it. When I got married he started acting the same way. Also he was an alcoholic and abusive. I left to raise my kids alone. He still continued to bother me until I filed for divorce. Then he committed suicide because he could no longer play his games. He used the oldest one as a pawn till she graduated from high school. I am almost 70 and have seen many of these people. I can usually see it so I let them go. The most recent one was in 2019. It is a repairman that works for the landlord. He was going through a divorce. He did not want to face the changes it would be. He assumed since I have not been married for over 20 years I was lonely which is not true. The repairs took a few days. He played all the games and then some. It got him nowhere. I saw through him. Dr. You hit the nail right on the head. This was my family growing up. I walked away and I tell people I made myself a better person. These type of people will take anything and everything from you. Sometimes they do it just to do it. They don't want you to have what they don't have and maybe can't get. I think they never grew up. Narcissist are people who want everything but give nothing in return. You lose more with them around. Let them go.

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

Long post sorry, but this is recent example...prefaced.. I Imaintain my homes wooded rural property by myself, 60+ yr. woman, housework, landscaping, keeping road clear, plus commute rt 100 mi three x week to provide childcare for my beloved toddler grandbaby, for no pay, helping my son, single father, who has been working graveyard, so .. I've been burning both ends being a mom gramma. Worth it!!! I stay up way too late, when home, pursuing my creative outlets. I survived a severely malignant covert violent narc. I love living alone. Since 1999, no live ins or providers for my concerns but me. to maintain freedom after hell. But I'm literally facing all things on my own two feet and mobbing happens. I'm providing help to my alienated children and it's a long haul..can't help but being the parent they deserved, doing my job, but facing the trauma based alienated behaviors and attitudes hurts, bad at times.. But we had secure bonds, I believe is gonna win. Your videos help me know when I've done the right thing. Or inspire it. Being a solo woman homeowner, inherited a rural home property 12 yrs ago. I have a full plate. No money, fixed income. The most recent belittling and condescending example, came from a so called friend, who came to me needing a place to stay, their health is poor.. I had not felt ok with that, been exploited enough.. He offered much needed help on repairs and w animals . After agreeing, with conditions their health improved enough to monopolize my fire pit picnic area, covering the table with personal items, so I couldn't even use it. I keep it natural and parklike here, and it takes work. He failed to honor his part, every simple task I suggested, he dismissed . He invited people over against my known boundaries. The insult came when he intruded on my once in a blue moon rare day nap, saying I sleep all day, then repeating that to his pals who came out and were acting like my riverfront home's picnic area was a public campground. I was sweating taking out poison oak and ivy so kids could visit and they were playing games over on my picnic table, watching me. When I didn't answer his friends knocking on my door, right in front of me, he says its cuz I was sleeping, I am sleep deprived in order to cover my life. His brother repeated the slight in an offhand comment. I went off. They are gone and I lock my gate 24/7 . I go without, rather than ask for help. My heart, immune system, my entire well being, and trust of self and others.. all are damaged because of narcissists.

[@Vashti0825]

I was phased out of a relationship and a "social circle" via the silent treatment. The icing on the cake was seeing pictures on FB of the her birthday party (which I was asked to coordinate and later phased out of that request without explanation) of which I was not invited. I went no-contact and never looked back. I didn't even understand narcissism at the time. thank you for all these videos.. learned a great deal about them and more importantly, myself.

[@shelley7975]

Good for you! I walked away from someone who played me for 30+ years. It was after the death of a long time friend that meant the world to me. I realized that it was about her, and it always had been. I didn't understand narcissism at the time, but I do now.

[@Dana-oi6bj]

I experienced something similar. I had four friends that I knew separately and I introduced them all to eachother. We would all hang out together each weekend after that. One weekend I was having trouble locating anyone and was texting/ calling them but no response. One of them felt bad about it and told me where they were. It finally came out that the last individual that I had introduced into my circle of friends, had invited everyone EXCEPT me to go out of town together for a football game....she literally was trying to swoop my friends out from under me!!! Needless to say, she is no longer a friend.

[@candy2325]

@@Dana-oi6bj this is exactly why I stopped mixing friends because this shit always happens.. narcissistic or not lol.

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

@@candy2325 True

[@Caligirl.8630]

Omg this happened to me. So glad I’m not in their life anymore

[@simonhilgevoord8020]

They suck your life's energy away like emotional vampires

[@suzanne4396]

He claims he has the right to " be or not be in a mood" is a daily thing. But God forbid I be in any type of mood.. I should always be positive, not tired and wanting to make him happy. Always.

[@amuddymoose]

Same.

[@lisab3396]

Ohh Damn all the tricks and games my landlord plays. Sheer mental stress at times! As Chelle B mentioned below, they will often make small talk to feel you out. Then it tends to come back as twisted attacks and insults if you fail to agree with them on something. My advice "Never reveal your personal life with a landlord or anyone else for that matter if they are not family"! Or your Psychologist. 👍

[@cog1140]

I was raised by narcissistic parents. Many recoveries from addiction later, I realized they are the source of the pain I medicated to escape.

[@obsidianbutterfly2857]

You’re not alone, awesome you sought treatment. Have you tried inner child work? It is so incredibly healing

[@2thedivine944]

The response You’re not a Safe person. Perfect says All

[@krejados1]

Another way p/a narcs like to gaslight: project their passive-agressiveness onto you.

[@deborahbulthe]

sure they do and when you ask a concrete question like : Hey I got the impression you are not feeling okay how comes ? If you do or not want to elaborate it is okay. Or can you think of something to soothe yourself even if the soothing is on your own not with me ? They go numb storm away start rambling. And afterwards a day later or so you ask kindly ' What happened even if you have no words, let us think about a solution' They 1 give you a fake promise 2 Go numb 3 Or storm away

[@aljazkolar]

5:08 . Passive aggressive behavior is like a tactic they know would hurt you but there is always this plausable deniability they establish so that they can gaslight and invalidate you when you confront them, and you end up looking like an idiot. It's ad you said they always win.btw what i figured out is they kind of like baiting you into confronting them because they know they got you and you will not pin them down. Ever. 1:18

[@beautifulone6533]

They pretend they are asleep as well.Especially when you are telling something of a happy event or someone complimented you.

[@dearbelovedcheryl]

I saw two traits in this video that i do to my own husband. I am truly seeking to change this horrible pattern that i grew up in. I have been enduring this up until this day. I had such ignorance of narcissism, abuse and emotional trauma. So, i realize now that I need to learn to love myself so that i can love others. It's hard to recondition a mind that was conditioned. I finally found a therapist for the first time in my life and i am feeling freedom on the horizon. Better late than never. So sad.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Your best thinking happens after you've been burned psychologically. Take your efforts into a positive direction, Cheryl. You'll get there. Dr. C

[@CriticalMassAwakening]

He uses humor to degrade and belittle people constantly and when I confronted him he accused me of being thin skinned and blamed it on me having PTSD. What a troll!

[@notright6092]

The sound of your voice is so soothing that even your dog is safely and happily asleep behind you.

[@billythepilot]

I just cut off a working relationship with a narcissist. When I told him I cannot work with him anymore because not only do I struggle to work with him but everyone else does too. he went on to explain to me all of my faults. I thanked him for his concern for my personal growth and it ended there. I am free.

[@tracymullane8818]

Amazing I just went through this with a narcissist! "I wanted to, but..." Totally unreliable. Also the belittling humiliating "jokes," and backhanded compliments. And the anger issues when I brought things up. Just a really sick person.

[@jeffreyjewell75]

They do that because they actually hate themselves. Anyone that has to put others down to feel good already knows they are DOWN. Just smile at them and walk away.

[@chrissyt_artist1960]

My (thankfully now ex) husband's favourite backhanded "compliment" was "You're lucky I still fancy you." Other things he said often: "I'll have to shorten your chain", "Are you still flapping your gums woman?" (Can you see my profile picture? I'm hardly a toothless old woman who's let herself go.) Even so by the time we divorced after 35 years and I found myself alone, I literally did not feel that I existed. It is the oddest feeling, it's more than loneliness.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well, you certainly deserved better than that. It's mind boggling how a man can justify that kind of thinking.

[@chrissyt_artist1960]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you Dr Carter. Your videos have been part of my healing and I've shared them with some of my friends who are also dealing with narcissists. It's sadly far too common!! I'm in NZ by the way.

[@monikagin]

​@@chrissyt_artist1960 What would you have your friend do in an situation as yours? My friend is going through a somewhat similar situation, I don't want to intervene, yet I do want to help her.

[@anniegillespie7935]

I sent a friend one of your videos because we have a mutual friend who's a narcissist. He said you were a very excellent therapist and your statements confirm the feelings he had about the motivation for our friends actions. I have been narc free for over 7 years but your shows are still a good booster for me to stay on track. God bless.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for sharing! Hope both you and your friend find success moving forward! Dr. C

[@michele2017promastertravel]

One game my narcissist plays a lot is trying to direct my physical actions then condemn me when I don't follow what he instructs; such as when I'm driving and I'm pulling into a parking lot- I didn't use the correct entrance or didn't turn the way he would have, or didn't parked where he would have parked. It's disorienting to have that narrative and increases my chance to make a mistake because he is trying to get me to doubt myself and my decisions- which is what he is counting on so he has something later to use against me on his 'grocery list of my shortcomings'. I've learned to pretty much ignore everything he instructs me to do.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

sounds like he tries to *undermine your reasoning*

[@heathernewman5272]

I can SO relate!!

[@sage9836]

Narcs in the Car! I had this person who would ask me for a ride, and during the ride freak out, startle me, direct every turn, and tell me I was not an agressive enough driver,. Didn't stop them from asking for a ride until I said no more. I don't know if that person was a narc or not And another person - in this grungy fast food parking lot a car had parked more diagonally than the faded lines indicated. To fit into the next available space, I parked just as diagonally beside. While were there, the very diagonally parked car had left, and other cars had parked as diagonally as I had. The narc said something like "Look what you did to all these people. They had to park like that because of YOU." I started thinking this person had some kind of a problem.

[@heathernewman5272]

@Serenity Smith yes. They act like they're being nice, "letting" you choose, but if ANYTHING goes the least bit wrong, then they get to blame you for it. - "why did you pick this restaurant? The service is so slow!"

[@Jessica-zf2df]

Oh I can relate. As I entered the car park he starts ..."why didn't you go in that one"? "You've just missed the perfect place, you'll never find another". Well I'd spotted where I wanted to park and a vehicle was already backing out so I pulled up and waited. Then I performed a perfect manoeuvre into the space. He's sitting there smirking at me so I said "what"! His response "oh nothing, I just love to watch a blonde in action"!

[@kamohelomokanayne2330]

Narcissism is a far too common mental condition where the brain did not develop to where one cannot function socially in any kind of relationship.These people are stuck with the reasoning capacity of a 4 year old... It is a sickness, this is why there is so much chaos in the world. My ex would say things like; I have a strong personality I can't help it It's the way I am I can't help it!

[@christinerobertson9596]

My ex- "I ams what I ams, that's all that I ams." When I wanted to go to counseling he said that he liked himself, no need to change - He said he didn't have a conscience. Called himself "Jimmy Hot Jimmy." "Gimmee, Gimmee my name is Jimmy" We were searching for a home to buy and I asked when we would meet with realtor and he said, " I already bought a house for us!!" That was about 6 months before I asked for separation....lost my daughter to him, but that's life with a narc.

[@pushthepot]

"well the way you are fuckin blows"

[@teresarenee3829]

No accountability.

[@demondogmom7221]

My biggest red flag is anyone who says, "I was only joking / kidding." My response is always "Don't give up your day job.. trust me, you aren't funny. "

[@makesnodifference]

I always point out how they are laughing alone :D

[@lifewithapurpose237]

yes sir, mine tends to say "people at work *think* I am funny " , i know what mine said made them *laugh* BUT in no way should be misinterpreted as *being funny* or even having a *sense of humor* 🤣😂😆 🥸

[@demondogmom7221]

@@lifewithapurpose237 - some people laugh when they're uncomfortable with something that was said... so the people at work may not actually find them "funny" either.

[@Jillian_40]

My spouse's elderly mother drains my husband. She doesn't do things for herself that she is capable of doing like everyone is expected to serve her hand and foot. She littlerly has called my husband in the middle of the night wanting him to drive to her place to get her a glass of water. It's gotten soo rediculous. When he gets upset she will quickly put on this fake innocence and say I love you. I caught onto her games with the family. I was helping her but I checked out because I refuse to enable it.

[@janicebennett-allen9341]

This kind of passive aggression is mostly oral, but these narcs can be very diabolic in their actions of passive aggression.

[@domuniqueheiser4248]

As a young man trying to get out of a situation I respect the way you speak about the topic you refrain from belittling them or teaching people two this is truly helpful information.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, and keep learning! Glad to be on the path with you.

[@anothercampervanchannel]

'Stop being so sensitive. You've no sense of humour' 🙄. And the ignoring me when I went into his house, not looking up from his tab. And doing the same when I tried to talk to him about stuff. He then said I was being difficult! 😡

[@marycruise9348]

I really dont care that they think something is alright after being told it is not; they can save their excuses for someone else.

[@AAXS-op1vo]

It makes me so sick when I hear something and realize that THAT EXACT GAMES WAS GOING ON the entire length of my marriage! I used to say to my ex “You just say whatever you have to say to get past the place of having to talk about whatever issue I am bringing up!”😡 Whatever dribble that is coming out of their mouth, especially during times where you are demanding ACCOUNTABILITY, is BS and word salad. It has NO meaning, directive or PURPOSE. Useless in terms of correcting ANYTHING.

[@Rebel6832]

WOW ALL OF THIS!!! You Must have met my husband!!! SUPER PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!!!And If I try to ignore it, he literally comes at me more Direct by asking me Directly a Passive aggressive Baiting question where I almost have to answer...Then If I don't, He says I am the problem, he was 'just joking... and You need help... you can't even take a 'joke.' Then walks away...Then gets angry and won't talk to me when he comes home from work, Or will start a new passive aggressive baiting game w the kids being his audience to say, Look I was just joking and she just can't take it... Also His Father Plays these DIRTY Passive Aggressive Attacks towards me!! Then I get told, "You just can't take a joke and that's why you get what you get..." that's why my parents don't like you, You bring it on Yourself bc you're Too Sensitive!!"

[@dnwitte]

This was a breathtakingly accurate description of a thirty-year "friendship' I was trapped in. I wish we'd had KZbin shrinks in 1982---woulda saved me a mess of grief and some really deep scars.

[@FarseerAnimation]

In a way it's morbidly fascinating looking back on life when you never realized how toxic a parental relationship was until well into adulthood. Definitely healthy and certainly needed but nevertheless a bit nauseating.

[@kesmarn]

I know the feeling. You find yourself asking yourself: "Where were all these liberating insights 40 years ago?!" 😁

[@alonzomosley7]

I have been going through this in my late fifties ,it is morbidly fascinating , good description.You are angry yet feel like you have cracked a difficult nut.

[@alisondunning7116]

Yes me too. I was in my mid 50s before my lightbulb moment about my Dad. He’s such a classic covert narcissist.

[@lzcrazyzl6443]

Same with discovering the crap my mom has pulled for years. Wow the tricks parents play. They think they are so crafty. Its just stupid when you get older see and hear it and they think the same old is still going to work. Ha ha ha 😂 gawk!

[@ssy12335]

A lot of reflection on having been raised by one. They divorced but he was one too. So one at a time. But neverending. The nausea is real. After a while I have to take my mind off them and go do something else. It is sickening.

[@annking8633]

Ah yes, passive aggressiveness. Defines my last boss. This should be enlightening and satisfying. Thank you for addressing this facet Dr C.

[@gregh2322]

In business and with bosses you find that a lot. People always trying to belittle and control you in hopes that you will devalue yourself.

[@smiler1327]

I said to my ex narcissistic boyfriend I would like him to do some romantic date nights with candles, music and a meal. The next thing I knew, the curtain was burned and "I" had done it. I said I was going to paint some furniture to sell then found one of the chairs had deep grooves cut into it. When I asked how it had happened, I was told something had "fallen onto it". When my arm hurt and I asked for help around the house, all my plates suddenly got chipped and the cupboards were "rearranged". My record player was plugged into his stereo. It worked one day and then the next,it didn't. He said the leads were faulty. When I threw him out and took the stereo apart, I found the leads had been deliberately plugged into the wrong ports. When I asked how that had happened, I was told "I" had done it. Then after working "overtime" for a few weeks, he turned up in a car with a private registration spelling another woman's name. So I played him by giving him his silent treatment games back and grey rocking him so he couldn't get what he wanted from me. He then threatened to leave so I said "good". I then told him he was a narcissist, that I had figured out his games and would not allow him to treat me this way. I then told him he also could not win me back by giving me a sob story to play the sympathy card. He then went into a rage and sent me a horrible text. The next day, my cat came in injured but after treatment, was OK. The last time I was with this person, my cat then ended up dead in very odd circumstances. I don't think it's a coincidence. I am still wary if him as he admitted in the years we were apart, he would drive into my road but "wasn't stalking me". It's quite scary to think how devious and callous some people can be. I told him he needs help but was told I'm the pscho. I'm just glad I didn't sell my house (and give him my money so he could buy his) or marry him (not sure if this was future faking or not) and I'm glad I found my self worth. Their games are endless, pathetic, and childish, which I told him. I ended by telling him he will hopefully evolve into a man one day and he needs to learn to treat others how he expects to be treated. I blocked and deleted him from my phone and my life. Unfortunately, gett all of this out my head has been more difficult, but I'm getting there. Everybody deserves to be treated with respect. It's such a shame there are so many people who fall prey to people like this. Learning about it is the best thing we can all do. 😊

[@indraSilentMoonImaginarium]

This is gold and exactly what I have been going through this week. Number 1 hit the nail on the head - never take their promises seriously. They change like the wind - thank you

[@mosaic.owl.studios]

There's a train crossing about a mile from our office, and it's downright SPOOKY how often a train comes by when our office narcissist is returning to work from someplace. You know, that train can add a whole 30 MINUTES, somehow, to this person's arrival time.

[@francesbernard2445]

In summary: It's more than just O.K. to be on the healthy side instead of becoming convinced we all need to be in martyrdom on our way to soul city.

[@navneetakumar1814]

Narcissistic are extremely trying But God and u always help. Thanks

[@seckhoffable]

Oh man. "I was going to...but I changed my mind."

[@KiKiQuiQuiKiKi]

I appreciate that you use the term “disregulated.” That goes over a lot better than “crazy.”🤫

[@annmurray2832]

Heard our pastor preaching to subjects the ex narrcisst was accusing me with on emails!That was eyeopening for me,convinceing the pastor I was being disobedient to God for not getting back with him.Narrcissts have long arms and are not afraid to use them.!Will not be back at church ,sigh.But freedom comes with a price that I'm willing to pay.Some things have to fall away.

[@mariankeller5852]

Don't diagnose your own intentions...narcissists never admit who they are..they believe your the narcissists and they're the victim

[@suchismitagupta]

They think the world revolves around them, that everyone owes them something. Entitled to secrets of others but later on they find out nobody really is intimate enough with them.

[@patiencebowers8380]

I don't even ask him for help bc he might agree, but he'll make sure I know that he doesn't want to and try to make me feel guilty. "Can you pick up some tp while you're out?" "I wasn't going that way but I guess so".

[@franciecrist991]

I therapeutically say each day now.... Treat others and myself with dignity, respect and civility

[@TruthsHandmaid4444]

I can but you can’t- yup 👍 I’ve experienced that one so many times. For someone that NEEDED them to approve of me, it was a difficult journey, til I learned mo matter how hard I tried, I just was never was gonna get it. For me it wasn’t approval, but understanding. Again, I learned I was not gonna get that. They don’t win with me anymore, tho. I just stand on the truth and when you do that consistently, they’ll start avoiding ya. Problem solved. Those that didn’t, tried with ALL lengths to woo me back to abuse me more. I refused. That one has since passed away now. Ultimately problem solved. Only issue I had after that was with their flying monkeys and again Ive just stood on the truth. When ya communicate clearly Game Over and just stand on the Truth, It actually is….

[@vyzardojaggerjack6387]

This is spot on: the you are not flexible, you are controlling, rules for the not for me, controlling communication, going silent, etc. I first thought she was a fearful avoidant but she’s much more.

[@uweclaunitzer7170]

You know what's the best thing about this particular video (Apart from your useful advice)? The peacefully napping dog in the background!

[@kristinb5121]

This is so true! My narcissist friend would vow to help me out, typically basking in the glory of the offer. If I took her up on the offer, invariably it would fall through. She forgot or “are you sure that was today?”. If I made a stink, since I’d arranged everything, I was too critical. She basically taught me not to ask her for anything, while she felt free to ask me as much as she liked. I was always there for her. Later, she would tell everyone how much she helped me out, not remembering the cancellations or all the times I was there for her. I called it quits with her friendship a few years ago. Best thing I could have done, but I’m still learning from the experience as well as ex-boyfriends. Word to the wise, if you have someone in your life who’s always trying to put labels on your relationship (best friends, BFF, committed) before you’re ready, don’t let them! Just say, I’m not ready for that. I’ve gone along too many times and once labeled tried to live up to that while they promptly forgot.

[@lucibloom5966]

I was just Unfriended by a woman who sounds like your mate. She would make plans with me and cancel EVERY TIME! When I finally just expressed that it wasn’t ok and how I felt in a non attacking way she told me to not contact her again and twisted my words around to make me into the rude one (which I saw right through as deflecting so she didn’t have to look too closely at her own rudeness!) I called her on that and also lying to me about a mutual friend whom she was seeing and made him out to be the crazy psycho…which I now realise was her all along. She treated me like I was the toxic crazy one and thinks she’s super healthy 😂 I blocked her after she contacted me via another message box (after telling me to not contact her again of course) and so many realisations have been coming to me since then. She also made a point of saying she would support me through an extremely hard and heavy situation then withdrew the support and dropped me like a hot potato! A day later I felt like I didn’t exist!

[@allisonhazelwood102]

My ex husband used to call me fat "as a joke". "Are you gonna eat all that, fatty?" Any insult became a joke: "Do you think your cute or something?!" Then when I told him that all his "jokes" made me feel bad about myself, he just told me that's how he is and I'd just have to deal with it.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That’s called being a jerk. Dr. C

[@livnlavidamomma]

I'm 47 and my husband grabbed me and said, "Just had to grab those grandma boobs." I'm not a grandma. He's constantly obsessing about what he eats by starving himself most of the day and restricting carbs as much as he can. He almost daily gives our kids a hard time about what they eat at home (too much sugar, don't make brownies with canola oil, etc), but they order soda, ice cream and junk food when they're out with him. He used to use junk food as a bribe to get them to go with him places. He went so far as to throw a fit and have our son throw the entire bottle of canola oil we use for baking in the woods. Never mind that the french fries that he lets them order are fried in the vegetable oil he's always spewing about. He gives the kids a hard time about their weight/bodies. I'm so exhausted.

[@thelightworker01]

The compliment with the complaint is so accurate. “The narc would say you did a really nice job decorating if only you would do that more.”

[@teacup1703]

They can barely make a deadline. Only with stress and a circus. Run!

[@barbaradejaynes7612]

Thank you for being a role model for dignity and civility and respect Dr. Carter I'm so grateful for you and the peace that you bring us all. I pray I connect with more people like you in my life.

[@beegee5305]

OMG when you said the part where the Narc says "I CHANGED MY MIND" my mouth dropped open bc I had forgotten that Ex BF Narc did that all the time!

[@pamchesler242]

The only time my ex narcissist verbally attacks me is either through texting or if we are in an enclosed environment where I cannot escape (the car)…now that I am aware of this, I can use both these strategies and also do what I can to avoid being in this environment..when he texts his angry words I don’t respond at all and I delete the conversation..it works every time…he is more frightened of me now that there’s no ammunition but he knows I am on to him and I have set boundaries each and every time…it diffuses the situation and keeps him at bay and nothing escalates from there…I am really working on not feeling anxiety as that is my immediate response to his harsh words.. I feel like I’m in danger or unsafe..knowing this and saying “I release you” as Dr Carter recommends gives me back my sense of control and power…this will take practice and implementation over and over but it DOES work! So sad that there are even people like this…I understand why but it still blows my mind as I am the polar opposite…

[@wendiloo25]

1. I intended to but… 2. Yeah, well, I changed my mind 3. I’m running a little bit behind 4. Well, I thought it was funny 5. Poof! You don’t exist 6. Giving compliments but with a complaint 7. I can but you can’t

[@cmdm3788]

As an emotional, therapeutic exercise for myself, I’m going to write a letter to my mother (who is deceased), and to my older brother and my younger brother, who are all narcissists and have caused so much turmoil in my family. Dr C I’m going to address each of your comments in my letter and enjoy saying the things I never had the courage to say. Say the things I knew they’d never be willing to hear or believe about our relationship. I have all these thoughts pent up inside and I want to express them. These letters are just for my eyes. They’re just for my sanity. They’re just for my own satisfaction. And I already know this is going to feel really great. I’m feeling better just thinking about it!!! Dr C, you have put into words and clarified the things I have struggled for so long to understand. You really are my hero. I know that sounds SUPER corny, but I’ve been listening for about two years now and you are absolutely amazing to those of us who have dealt with all the abuse. You have been more like a brother to me (than my own brothers) though your kindness, encouragement, and motivating me to be on team healthy. I’m a team player!!! ❤️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased! Thanks for the good vibes. Dr. C

[@howlingwaters2741]

Courageous endeavor. I want to do that too, then rip it in to pieces and place them in a bonfire of my own decision to forgive. Got to write the letters first!🙂📝

[@69LOLIN]

@@howlingwaters2741 Good idea! never send them!

[@sandrasiecgrist9233]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I could really use some help! My dad is an enormous narcissist. How do you deal with a narcissist parent who is emotionally, verbally and mentally abusive to the other parent? Can we contact you for help?

[@rppope1006]

Had narcs try to control me for over 20 years. In fact, I'm the guy who made sure to put them in their place. If you've ever wondered why there I so many narc channels now, it was started because of me. Your welcome. Take care and God bless you guys

[@annw.6460]

Thank you for sharing your phenomenal understanding and insights about narcissists with us, Dr. C!

[@TheeyeOftruth-yx2np]

Thank you so much for speaking truth DR Les, You're absolutely beautiful, No one is more hated than he who speaks truth 😃🌈🌌💜 Peace, love, Respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe 💜🌌🌈😃😇🦄🐶🕊👽🌚🐎🌷🌝♘☘😍💚💛❤💙🌹🌲😊🐉👁

[@KB16621]

Gus is so cute sleeping in the background!

[@CandiGiampi]

If i had to be somewhere, I would tell him I had to be here at this time when in reality its like an hour or more away.