The Hidden Paranoia Pushing A Narcissist's Gaslighting

[@annemurphy8074]

So, they're terrified that others are going to treat them the way they treat others.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes.

[@michellehill718]

Maybe. And, I think many do wish that were true and will go way out of their way to be "right" about the wrong things, or "anything" for that matter, even untruth! I think it boils down to an irrational need to control.

[@annemurphy8074]

@@michellehill718 It's all impossible to deal with.

[@gigiarmany]

Yep..😒

[@Minisynapse]

It's a classic. Hit first before you're hit. When they were not gonna hit the narc, then it's paranoia because you just hurt someone who wasn't going to hurt you. Now they have to deal with shame of causing bad, and devaluing the victim makes it easier to delude oneself into thinking they deserved it. Anything but shame.

[@markjayw666]

Yup they love 1/2 truths, they conveniently forget what they did that caused the tension in the first place.

[@Stewart-zk1fg]

And it's probably years or decades of stuff, before there is a reaction.

[@hd-be7di]

Their favorite tactic is to isolate and take situations out of context in an attempt to justify themselves or prove you wrong... trying to talk or ask any real questions always results in stonewalling and silence... there's no way with these people.

[@undergroundwes2682]

Exactly!!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My narc dad expects me to buy his b.s. about how busy he is. I don't buy it. His flying monkey/enabler girlfriends said "He's always been this way, he won't change". An exucse. Why should I bend over backwards to accomodate his attitude problem? I don't!

[@nutrigorgeous2736]

The messenger is the only one lost in the service of others 😂

[@gillianbrookwell1678]

You can't have a discussion with a narcissist without them turning it into an attack on your character; holding grudges over incidents that happened years ago is what they're good at.

[@Hatbox948]

It's truly awful to get caught up with someone who seemingly wants to annihilate you the way narcissists do. Most narc victims suffer damage long before they figure out what's going on.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Agreed 👍

[@davidhynd4435]

Absolutely. It took me thirty years to figure it out. I separated from her November last year. Hardest thing I've ever been through. The whole thing, not just the leaving.

[@Bianca-sw5id]

Yes , I didn't even know Narcissism was So-o-o Fashionable until he discarded me like I was a criminal

[@theoriginal7727]

Not seemingly exactly what they want! They keep it while hidden for a period of time, because obviously they would never have any victims if they were open about their intentions

[@hurricaneaquatics]

​@@davidhynd4435Almost right with you. 28 years and counting for me. Trying to get out on the next couple of months. It's been a lonely and grief filled abuse almost daily. I'll be so glad to not have to deal with it. It was hard for me to wrap my head around my own wife had no love for me. It was my denial as she's proven it many, many times in the past.

[@InvisibleWarrior279]

The really weird thing is they are paranoid about you trying to control them even when there is absolutely ZERO evidence you are even remotely trying to control them. That is a crazy level of insecurity.

[@ladennayoung2939]

To me, it seems that they expect EVERYONE to be like them. They assume that you are never genuine and authentic. In reality, they are not genuine or authentic people. They put on a front to appear to be loving, kind, and nice in front of others. They are full of fear, and they are major people pleasers. They wear mask for people outside of their circle as an attempt to win them over. Because they need to look the part.

[@paulwatts6020]

Exactly that. The more you space yourself and mind your own business and leave them to themselves the more they think your trying to control them. Then the paranoia that you’re watching them or following them because you no longer ask about their day or what they’ve been up to.

[@Bianca-sw5id]

Exactly 💯 percent correct

[@theoriginal7727]

Because it’s the projection. They have no connection to the world around them, so they just imagine that everyone else is trying to do the same things that they are.

[@cairosilver2932]

I'd say it makes sense if you consider it's projection. They feel they are doing something wrong, they can't accept they are ever wrong (that's a kind of pain and like Dr Carter says, they just see it as punishment) and the project the wrongness onto you instead.

[@sallyoakes7709]

oh, not only acting like YOU are foolish, but having any opinion other than theirs has the potential to elicit a rage.

[@caroleminke6116]

Nothing on earth is more insecure than a narcissist

[@gbheron-h1q]

The narcissist believes everyone is always playing chess with each other, and will always see anything you do and say as a chess move. Even if you say, "I'm not trying to play chess, I'm not trying to do anything to you, I just want to have an open discussion with you" they will interpret that as another type of chess move, because from their point of view, they can't afford the risk.

[@DaveWestGuitar]

It’s unfathomable how little their capacity for honest introspection is.

[@callalilly1988]

That smug little chuckle followed by a lofty "nothing" when you ask them what they are laughing about.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Exactly!!!

[@Stewart-zk1fg]

It really blows my mind that they think they have the right to tell anyone how your life is, or who you are. Especially when there are medical issues involved. I was told nobody believes me about it. It's kind of difficult to fake what I go through daily.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

They have some nerve, they don't know. The parent who thinks they know you is wrong. I know me, I don't have to please the narc(dad) or worry about his petty opinion/nitpicking at me. Dad assumes I have to jump when he barks. I don't.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

The family narcissists I know love to pretend a lot so that we doubt what we are seeing them do regularly. They are a rollercoaster rides continually. I have learned to see it with humor, they are so very childish with emotional immaturity rampant in their lives that has become hard to take it seriously. It was a blessing when God showed me they do this with anyone who thinks independently of them. They judge everyone else severely and think others are judging them the way they judge others. And, they judge over silly things that don't even matter. Everything they think we will do against them is what they are already doing against others, the very reason they think others do what they do.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes. I feel the Lord highlighted that to me about people who have NPD as well.

[@KelliBar]

I have a family friend who told a long story about his sister not notifying their fathers best friend when their father died. Sister was presented as a very selfish, horrible person. We all sat and listened to the story and when he was finished, my dear mother said "Im sure your sister was dealing with a lot of grief when your father passed, perhaps she needed some help from family to keep all the details straight. Silence!!!! AND, he no longer thinks my mother is a nice person 😂

[@callalilly1988]

Your mother is a Saint. So many times we need and lack someone like that when we're being smeared in our absence.

[@ladennayoung2939]

​@@callalilly1988 Interesting.

[@carolnahigian9518]

That says it ALL!💛and your Momma got Wisdom& tact& there are many Facets to History..

[@well_weathered]

God bless your mother, mine would be doing the opposite.

[@WonderfulWorldofAwesomeness]

@@callalilly1988I’m so confused. Are we supposed to see the mother as the good guy in this situation? Isn’t the sister the problem? We’re automatically assuming that the family friend is the narcissistic in this scenario, and not the sister?

[@Joemar4]

"What are you talking about?!"....then the eye roll and head shaking......I nearly fell out of my chair! That was my mother to a T!! She would do that several times a day, every day! Each time she rolled her eyes, I wanted to.....well, I'm sure you could imagine. Once again Dr. C, you've helped more than you can imagine. Thank you!!🤗

[@iowamom454]

I can understand how those gestures are so degrading. My narcissistic husband will cock his head and say “really” in a high pitched voice. I absolutely hate that. Also it’s the little noise he makes with his throat when he’s disgusted with me, which is multiple times a day. It’s this outward ugh and then comes the staring till I leave the room. His eyes bulge out too. You can imagine

[@texaspatty458]

Is it hidden or just a hide & seek game for narcs to play ? They love confusion so much .

[@heathermixson1265]

Lord knows that is true!!!!

[@daniellejohnson8910]

satan is the author of confusion

[@nancytwigg4631]

Pain can be restorative for most, unfortunately, not so for the paranoid, manipulative, abusive, troubled narcissist. Guess what?.....Team Healthy is on to you.... As always, thank you, Dr. Carter. You are so generous to share your knowledge and such a gift. Thank you for helping me.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome, Nancy.

[@aaronkwolfe]

My N-ex (very early on in the relationship) convinced me that her paranoia was due to her Russian lineage, as her mother's grandparents both emigrated from Russia. It made sense, I guess, but it gave her a pass to allow her to criticize and question everything. "Because I'm part Russian" became the excuse to draw attention to any unexplainable inconsistency and make it seem that it was just her nature to expect evil intent from everyone around her.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Got to blame something!!!

[@ladennayoung2939]

​@@SurvivingNarcissism Exactly.

[@Mrsvragica666]

"I'm in pain, but if I derail you, I won't have to deal with it anymore." That is spot on. Their behavior changed abruptly when I mentioned a mutual vulnerable experience that I thanked them for and apologized for any wrongdoing. From that moment on, I was communicating with a completely different person who only gaslit and manipulated. They scrutinized and nitpicked whatever I said, lest I "come at them." Communication became impossible when I desperately wanted to connect.

[@lmhlmh9584]

You comfort me so much. I've been watching you for years and have understood as vicious narcissists in my own family and the one I married into. Your research is amazing and dependable. Your kind voice and cantor has made me brave enough to just back away slowly from these people and their flying monkeys, smear campaigns, and cruelty. God Bless you Dr. Les🙏😇

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

Amen v'Amen.

[@gigiarmany]

Yes ..let's appreciate the kind & gentle soul that he is 🙏🏾❤️

[@jblackmel]

My spouse used attack me all the time. Admittedly, "some" of her claims were legitimate. But no "individual" is solely responsible for the outcome of a relationship. Being an introspective person, however, i acknowledged my shortcomings and decided to do different. It was only unti i changed that i realized that the "attacks" were used as a method to deflect responsibility away from her. After i changed, and she no longer had those previous "flaws" to ridicule me with, she would continuously create demonstratively false realities about past events in order to take the attention away from things that she was presently doing. As the years went on and those "flaws" became less and less relevant, i realized that i was dealing with a person who would NEVER take responsibility for anything. Don't know if she's a narcissist or not, but it became so stressful dealing with her, that i had to leave. I truly loved her. But after being gone, i've realized how much i truly value "peace."

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I am going to paraphrase Rhett Butler, to/about my narcissistic dad, "I don't give a damn!"

[@fred.k9875]

I was watching the video One trait that keeps you out of narcissist game. This one number one video that I watch on daily basis.

[@BarbzSA]

So I guess the push pull is also part of gaslighting and keeping you 'off kilter'? Great phrase by the way.

[@nina.868]

"Nice try, but I'm on to you now!" 😅I was so sad tonight and you made me laugh. Thank you!

[@mac-ju5ot]

The dr. I once worled for was always acting paranoid dr carter . Im shocked anyone survived. He retired thank god .....hope everyone is practicing self care .The narcs in life just dont care.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Right. That is what I learned and discovered about people who have NPD.

[@IBNED]

Having that knowledge can save a whole LOT of needless suffering

[@hd-be7di]

Narcissists love to disguise questions as statements or offenses.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My narcissist dad thinks he runs everyone, he is wrong!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Not only do they turn the tables but theirs all have very sharp edges!!!

[@roxymovie3938]

Luckily my table has completely rounded corners 🤣 but you are absolutely right. Amanda, hope you are doing well❣ Sending you some early spring greetings - for since days the birds 🐦🐦🐦 have begun singing all night long...😊🤗

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@roxymovie3938 Cheers, Roxy. Spring greetings to you, too 💚🌱 ❣️

[@hd-be7di]

Like a sharp knife through a pillow... when you get startled by the sharp pain and look... all you see is the pillow and a smile...

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@hd-be7di Very well put 👏 👍

[@gypsyfaded5907]

Pain is the fire that forges and strengthens the steel. We humans are often unlikely to make changes when we are in a place of comfort. Pain and adversity can move us forward if we allow them to. 💜🐾

[@undergroundwes2682]

Well said!

[@BarbzSA]

For the Narcissist, "pain is punitive" OOO wow. Thank you for your gift for explaining so well Dr C. Listening to your videos has really helped to take a lot of the sting from some of my past hurts.

[@lindabaer6603]

@ 11:08 Your suggested responses to the gaslighting, etc, narcissist always cracks me up. I realize that that scenario is between two adults. I wish I could have spoken to my mother and father like that at age 12. Sadly, I just didn't have the verbal skills around that age. And if I did, I would have been grounded for "disrespect." (love ya, Dr. Carter!)

[@espiritu_]

The family Narc I know tried to paint me as out to get her. I had no idea this was even happening (she was engaging in a smear campaign and actually turned people against me!) until she finally exploded! In retrospect, I think she got frustrated that her passive aggressive behavior flew right over my head 😂 so she snapped. I was so confused and hurt by her accusations and name calling, as I thought we were friends. I tried to talk to her for 6 months after to have some understanding but she completely ghosted me. After my final attempt to contact her, I started to feel stronger and started healing. I finally had enough strength to go NC. I can now have peace and give myself the space to heal. Thank you Dr. C for arming me with knowledge!

[@Ma-Says]

The biggest gaslighting scenario I fell for for years was that I was bad at communicating. They were so patient to wait for me to learn to communicate. They were willing to go to couples therapy so I could learn to communicate. All so I could learn to communicate so we wouldn’t have so many problems. THEN one day I cracked the code, realized what I was dealing with, and stopped believing them. My trusting loyal nature kept me from seeing that I communicate very well with ALL the people in my life except for them. Hmm…could they possibly be the problem?! Ha!

[@darinsmith2458]

It is a gift to be able to feel other people's pain and anger.. Learning how to use that gift is another story..

[@TheListOf]

Endless mind games due to their gnawing paranoia that you're gaslighting THEM!

[@amandaroberts6282]

Can the narcissist make you feel like you are the narcissist? Here lately he has been very persuasive and has me confused on what is really going on. Am I the monster? Or is he making see something that isn’t there. I need some help Dr C and Gus.

[@roxymovie3938]

Hi Amanda, short answer is YES. The function of gaslighting is to confuse and doubt yourself of your own perception. And by the way, a Narc would never ask the question if he is the monster because it is always your fault in his eyes for he can't take responsibility for anything - and therefor he always needs a scapegoat. So please do not worry about yourself. And remember that Narcs need to be very persuasive to play their game with you. Best regards to you, Roxy.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep an eye out for next Monday's new video which will answer your question. Yes, they will gaslight you to no end.

[@amandaroberts6282]

Thank you Dr C! Helped more than you know!

[@snowbear1877]

Yes. All my life until I was about 30 I believed I was a bad person. Something wrong with me. Can't get along with people. With therapy, I've gained some insight into why. Narcissists will stomp all over you and suck you dry, then blame you.

[@nicoledburns82]

I told my aunts that for the holidays we would not be able to make it to xmas eve an hour away and instead would do something separate with my grandpa. All of a sudden my aunts are calling my husband and mom that im trying to tear the family apart and going off about how im trying to isolate my grandpa...none of that was even close to true. So i ignore them and now they are paranoid i am airing all their dirty laundry on social media they went as far as to tell my mom to gorce me to talk to them and not "cancel" them lol. Still have them.blocked and have no desire to talk to them.

[@notaclue822]

I think of it as an exercise of asserting power over.

[@caroleminke6116]

Fear rage envy revenge then rinse & repeat ad nauseum

[@aliceroberts1980]

The first red flag is confusion I always wanted to record that he said to me. He spins everything.

[@michaeleckert5877]

The narcissist has a lot of hidden grief and unmet needs.They will try to confuse you.They will become resentful ,paranoid, and outspoken. They test and triangulate.I always gained their respect because I wasn't controlled by them.If they have pain, they want others,at any cost to feel pain.😊😊😊

[@oxigenarian9763]

Another home run Doc! I find it very difficult to think on their level so I still get caught by these little jabs from time to time but I get it figured out now albeit after they happen. The best part is they can't make me feel like the guilty party anymore...

[@Texas-Idahoan]

I walked on eggshells 34 years not knowing when the anger was going to explode. So thankful I finally wised up and left!

[@ginafarley6190]

I have a saying that really helps me. “Drop the hot potato.” They’re trying to hand off their pain to you. Don’t take the hot potato, ignore the provocation, pretend it’s not real. Because it isn’t.

[@craigmerkey8518]

Always incredible information! I remember when I used to try to have conversations and/or "get to the bottom" of family members who display NPD traits behaviors or feelings... Now I try to have discussions only in groups, and mostly reply with eye blinks! They don't care about me, their family, or anything but admiring their victim cards in the mirror. Hard pass!

[@Dosser810]

My narc was an expect gaslighter!

[@tiadobi6932]

Hi Dr. C, I'm writing a press release about a rat infestation in the workplace. In my opinion, employer gaslighted us, customers and community. This is an excellent definition and video to quote with attribution. Thanks Dr. C. Tia D.

[@well_weathered]

I have also noticed on social media those who share posts always calling those who don't see things the way they do as idiots. It doesn't even matter if it's family and friends, they try to make them feel the fool.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Quite true.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

I don't know why, I just can't get over it. Years of pain and trauma bonding have left me in a sinking boat. Thanks for your words Dr. C.

[@a.pepper6687]

You sure help me cope!! After more than 40 years of dealing with my narcissist, I am coping so much better now! I AM finding my healthy self and enjoying life going out on my own, all the while, still staying connected. I'm keeping my love alive for him and growing individually even as he stays trapped in his own misery. But my heavenly Father is my greatest love!

[@heralioprasmo9109]

YOU JUST GAVE ME SELF CONFIDENCE AND BOOSTED MY MORAL, THANK YOU SO MUCH SIR...

[@Carol-ps6yi]

Glad Gus is back…thank you, Dr. C for keeping us in the light…my life is soooo much more settled since I found you. “You do you, as long as your choices don’t affect me” is my go to response to my narc…🤭🤭🤭🤭

[@PositiveLightASMR]

Thank God for this video. I just found out my dad and mom are both narcissists.

[@emeraldlotusbylori4988]

Thank you Dr C!

[@Beanp2025]

DrC, have you heard of the Joseph Elledge case? Its not so much the actual murder, but the hours of audio recordings of a pattern that is very familiar - the crazy making controlling fights over the weather, acknowledgement of his importance, wrong use of the cutting board, etc. Finally, the prosecutor said openly there's no sadness, regret, remorse, empathy, in his person over his wife's horrible demise. Yet he is obviously intelligent enough to know, being college educated, and knew how to charm and woo his wife and in laws. If we can spot this crazy making side early enough, at the first sign of impulsive and domineering behavior, avoid "forgiving" as we are told and wont to do (as I did)), we could have dodged a bullet.

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

Thank you, GUS…..you put a lot of work into this. Thank you Dr. C for taking notes for GUS. Awesome video like always. You both make a great team. From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Interesting that gaslighting is a form of passive/aggressive anger. I hadn't realized that. I pretty much just saw it as "pretty effective". In the early years of our relationship my narcissist definitely subscribed to "the world is a dangerous place" theory. His overt symptoms have massively diminished as time has passed and as our/his circumstances have changed. There are still a few behaviors that remain somewhat undiminished. Thanks to your videos, I think, I now understand him better than I understand anyone else. It's amazing to me how I can now look back over our history and see how/why our holidays or celebrations were ruined. His previously unexplainable behaviors and reactions all now completely make sense. My past has become crystal clear. However, I'm coming to the point where I'm starting to recognize the permanence of these patterns and not just accepting your word for it. Regardless of how "quiet" they become, they are still the substance of his personality. At my request, he has recently taken some small steps at change or adjustment but, as of today, I realize this could only be cognitive empathy. How long much of it will last, I don't know. By God's grace, he does have some outside support and my outside supports have recently expanded. In his earlier years, I think, he could very possibly have been drifting toward sociopathy. (Bad group of associates.) But, I think it was sort of touch and go. He could be the type just before that. I may always need to somewhat cautious. ❤

[@stanleydrive740]

Oh Dear Doctor C., your words are like medicine. Helping me to finally understand. How grateful I am. Sending you ... & Gus...a giant hug🧡☮️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Stanley!

[@judysangregorio2787]

It is one big huge mess dealing with a narcissist! This video pretty much describes everything. Good one Dr Carter! Hi to Gus!

[@KeishaWoodbridge]

I wanted to talk to him so much. He mostly ignored me. His tone was mean, making me beg daily to not be hateful. In the end, I was hateful. He either couldn't hear or he pretended not to hear, which made me have to yell. I'm so sad now. I ended it, but he had my replacement already. I've got missing jewelry and other things too. I'll never be ok. again.

[@samanthaclark4618]

Hello! Thank you for sharing your knowledge on this subject. I did not know for a long time what was happening to me. I was just submerged. So now in hindsight I can see....there were environmental cues within my community used to subdue me. Sirens, horns, door slamming, different stimuli meant to trigger my subconscious to recall my public imprisonment. The community I lived in.....gang stalked me. I did not know what it was but thanks to you, now I do. I am afraid for my life because I suspected months ago at recieving treatment for an addiction I developed....that what I was being administered was not what it was supposed to be. I felt awful after the last injection and thought to myself....hmmm could this be related to the abuse I suffered within the community. But I brushed it off as CPTSD and paranoia but now I don't know. The bank I was with, that I no longer participate in....they had nasty behavior towards me at the local branch in the community I lived. And recently I drove through the town where the communal abuse took place, and there billboard read...."giving you our best shot". There has been so much cryptic message and coercion and passive aggresion....and I May have been drugged...i attended the local college and experienced some nasty stuff there.....I just don't know anymore. I had car issues I suspect were not naturally occurring. Many attempts to just break and harass me. Well I'm broken. But I want to live. However, I am scared.

[@samanthaclark4618]

And not just that....once I was at the local gym and a group of the guys from the church I suspect is behind some of this came in like a pack and stared me down and used their body language to intimidate me. I did my best to ignore it but now in hindsight with all the gamg stalking amd whatnot....it was very much intentional. They did their best to make every place I went....uncomfortable and terrorizing. It even went with me into my work place. I can only imagine all the people I've loved and thought cared for me....was just smiling in my face but believed a lie and hoped to destr0y me behind my back.

[@truthseeker_phoenix]

It is truly sad, TRULY SAD. I tried to love my ex covert narc so much, love all of her pain, love it all and the more time went on the more and more disrespectful she was to me. It was a disrespect to my core, to my energy and essence. It was truly abusive. So she lost me, I had to leave. It’s the same script. They are going to be lonely and bitter people.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Our psychological pain can be restorative because it is indicating the place which needs taking care of. Thank you dr Carter ❤ God bless you❤

[@cookiemama4]

You're very pleasant to listen to as you bring out the truths of this thing. This is so hard to do, but I'm doing it.. escaping a coworker by leaving a job I loved.

[@danstar455]

Just watch for those that always direct conversation to themselves. Cluster B’s!

[@theyellowshoe]

Here's something to think/chew on; everybody & I mean EVERYONE has their own sad sob story! I have enough on my plate you are not giving me your "mess"! That's what to say to a narcissist! But I'm just ornery like that! 😈🤣

[@gigicolada]

Did you know there are actually people out there who don’t believe in gaslighting? It’s true. I’ve met them. And they aren’t even trying to gaslight when they say it! Totally serious. Must be so nice to have never experienced it.

[@matthewwozniak9138]

This is really 👍good stuff. Lights,Camera, Action as soon as you walk out the door. Being honest with yourself is the first step.

[@CamGoesCamping]

I appreciate you Dr. C! Glad to see Gus is getting some much needed rest! I hope he feels better soon!

[@MisssAnthrope49]

The odd fear/distrust vibe is powerful and quite insulting after almost 2 years with narc boss. Sad.

[@annewrites...8385]

Bless you and thank you. My ex-narc is now gaslighting our teenage son. I have sent this video to him. It beautifully explains what is going on. Hugs to Gus, Mikhaila and the family xx

[@jds6964]

I am 59 years old and only now have I realized how much damage my narcissistic mother caused me as a child and and as a young adult. She only wanted me to be this ignorant little boy that could not accomplish anything in my life without her support or with out her doing things for me. I have lost out on so much in my life because of her, especially in relationships that I felt that I was not good enough and that nobody would want to listen to me.

[@nicholecornes1915]

I looked at him stight in the eyes and said you know i know the difference in a lie and the truth and i WILL always stand on truth! Bye

[@DiscipleofHim]

I have two narcissters. Learning how to recognize and flirt away from their control attempts by watching these.

[@Marsha842]

Yes, having an honest conversation and working at things would be what healthy people do. I've been shocked to learn that this is what's going on in my family at a level I never realized before. Time to move on.

[@SterileNeutrino]

Currently struggling with what seems to be two narcissists going up against each other, each trying to enroll his own private universe of trickery and fantasy. It's pure hell. This may be what PKD wrote about in "Maze of Death"

[@AustinReed-j3c]

Cairosilver. You are very bright be very careful. Say nothing start distancing and don't care about what they say. Just walk away. Don't feed these evil people

[@Sudeep-d7s]

I have, more than once, heard word for word what Dr Carter mentions here. I have heard, “what have I done to deserve idiots like you in my life”.

[@angeldust7591]

Give them no attention, hold your head up high, and sit back and watch..

[@SandraMuller-vs8ck]

Thanks for this education. Your ongoing support on this subject has been very important towards my healing. My thoughts resonate positive emotions and I feel safe detaching from people who are not on the same path.

[@arielalejandro6900]

Thanks Dr. C another dose of healthy thoughts to train my mind with.

[@venus22118]

Yet again, A1 Dr C 👏

[@fairygurl9269]

❤️‍🩹Much Respect, & Peace Like Gus 💞

[@AustinReed-j3c]

Thank you Doctor Carter 😊 Susan Phx

[@Kiliaki]

your content is so great! I'd love to see a video about schizoid narcisists

[@PJAndringaKuiper17]

Thanks. Needed this explanation today🙏🌞💐👑

[@SoulSeeker2025]

Confused = disarmed and disempowered?

[@alison7948]

I suggested to my covert passive aggressive narcissistic mother that we, as a whole family, use her therapist as a mediator to help us sort out the major issues we were having. She immediately raged at me that we would not be doing that because I would convince her therapist that she was insane and steal everything from her estate and have her committed (This was before I knew what was wrong with her). When I finally left a year later, after 38 years of being an emotional punching bag, I found out that part of her smear campaign was that I was trying to convince people she was crazy to steal her farm from her. I was dubbed dangerous and deeply disturbed by my own mother to anyone who would listen. 😞😞

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

She certainly proved your original point about needing a therapist.

[@schizorap]

The gas lighting is the worst.

[@bonniekesic8040]

I got a text from the Narcussist (my ex), and it was vile, mean, putting me down etc..Later that day we ralked and he was acting normal. Nice guy. I asked him why he sent that mean text and he denied it. Denied sending it. I offered to show him and I asked again " why did you send me that text", he said, " because I was mad".

[@Swist1213]

It is amazing how they rewrite history when they look bad. Lies, lies, and more lies and denial. It wasn't me, I didn't do it! You're wrong! I never did that! Even when shown evidence, they'll claim that it still didn't happen. Very strange, sick people. I don't believe anything that comes out of the narcissist that I can't leave's mouth.

[@AustinReed-j3c]

Dr Carter. Here's an excellent life song for those on the receiving end of abuse... BECAUSE OF YOU KELLY CLARKSTON

[@Bea-wb9uk]

6:00 I was given advice on how to handle negative people. It does not always work but, it does sometimes. When you are taken aback by their unsolicited negativity. Repeat what they just said to you. They may see that reflection of their own negativity and question it. If they are conscientious, they will recognize it. Or they may double down on the nit picking. Their pattern of addiction to agitation may come out. You will know their frame of mind is a bad sense of self, which makes them jealous and critical for no good reason. A sort of Litmus test. Constructive criticism with humility.

[@pam8056]

They think other ppl will react to them the same way they think about other ppl, so they strike 1st

[@WonderfulWorldofAwesomeness]

See this is why I think it’s dangerous to have pop psychology pick up on terms like gaslighting and narcissism. Some of what you described sounds like a normal way to react to a family that’s been scapegoating someone.

[@allanwalli2935]

Family scapegoat here. Took me a lot of years to understand those concepts. The whole dynamic hinges on the family hanging its grief and problems on the scapegoat. That’s what “normal “ is. The crazy part is how invested the whole family ( not just the narc) usually is in keeping this dynamic functioning. The gaslighting is a means to that end.

[@WonderfulWorldofAwesomeness]

@@allanwalli2935 I agree. The flying monkeys are invested in keeping the designated scapegoat as the scapegoat because they probably accurately figure out that if that person isn’t taking the brunt of the blame, the narcissistic family system will have to find a new person to scapegoat. As the youngest in a toxic family, I was the natural chosen scapegoat and runt. Lowest in the pecking order. So I not only got it from the neglectful parents willing to go along with the golden child and narcissist blaming me for everything, but the other siblings were perfectly content to throw blame at me constantly as well. Then when the golden child and the narcissist weren’t around the others would try to be my friend. Sadly, I was so desperate for love and affection I ate it up. It wasn’t until WELL into adulthood, after the narcissist’s meddling into my adult life had real world devastating consequences that I started looking back at realizing where all of my paranoia and low self esteem and depression came from. So I don’t think my paranoia is at all unjustified. I also have been told I’m “gaslighting” by simply relaying back facts.

[@sallyoakes7709]

but what does a kid do, when this is normative and they believe that they really are the ones who are screwed up

[@AustinReed-j3c]

Please get help right away. I started being abused at 5 years old. Now 61. Still trying to escape

[@sallyoakes7709]

@@AustinReed-j3c I've got help. I was in my 50's before it sunk in that being me was not a pathology! it's a lifelong journey.

[@cairosilver2932]

Check the evidence. Does the parent ever admit they did anything wrong? Do they never admit being wrong? Are normal people wrong sometimes? Do normal, healthy people admit they are wrong sometimes? The evidence and the answers to these questions will help you get out of the gaslighting of them making it seem it's always you who screwed up.

[@AustinReed-j3c]

@@cairosilver2932 nope. They never do. My dad hid his gin in the mouthwash bottle. Please consult Dr Les Carter. You have no idea what he's done for me. Love

[@amyg995]

Everything there scaried of, is what they dish out to us!! Like some game i have to tear u down, before u do it to me, sort of thing, but your not even trying to hurt them or tear them down even though in there head they think 🤔 you will, 😅😊its crazy makeing, 😅

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true.

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

I would like to use the analogy of a police officer before I say this. When you have realized that you have been victim in a realm of lies and deception, narcissistic abuse, slander and false accusations. Just simply a group of bad ppl then you have to be very careful of not starting to mirror the narcissist. Not to become paranoid. It's a mental process in which you have to stay strong and stay within your own reality. So back to my analogy it would be the same for a police officer who everyday at work he or she deals with criminals and criminal thinking. Any day they could get shot so they're trained to protect themselves everytime they promote safety or pull some one over. There is no training in life on how to spot these bad ppl. My best thing I see and say today is Aunthenticity. Recognizing the difference between those who are genuinely good ppl and authentic. No games attached. Anyone else just stay away from getting close or. I guess that's where one could say OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TRUST ISSUES. NO I JUST DONT WANT TO TAKE THE TIME TO TRUST SOMEONE WHO IS SENDING ME RED FLAGS. You bet that these kinds of ppl will shift the blame. Your crazy, you have trust issues, you are....I've seen those kind too.

[@RootBound505]

Trust has to be earned (NEVER demanded). Discernment is learned :)

[@davidparker5439]

I got to get in touch with you . I do not want my narcissistic wife know I am listening to you . She just use again me it's hard to explain .

[@OccupationalThpy]

Hi Gus!

[@carefulcarpenter]

*"IGNORE is the root of ignorance."* cc. 2004 My 24 years of empirical data and inspired words of wisdom has been censored by W and G.

[@jypimp1]

This is my brother . Scary

[@gjthomas9770]

Sorry if I missed your comments in the live . 😊 We will chat soon 😂😅